4 Issues That Keep Narcissists Stuck In Childishness
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2024
- Ideally, the process of maturation does not cease once a person reaches adulthood, but it continues deep into a person's life cycle. Dr. Les Carter describes, however, that narcissists are so devoted to selfish, entitled attitudes that they remain fixated in childish patterns. He highlights 4 issues they are unwilling to come to terms with.
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Childhood is when they discovered the art of blaming others.
And they spend the rest of their lives honing that skill.
We are all guilty of that - it’s our natural propensity
A narcissist I worked with before I even knew what a narcissist was created financial damage, drove off business, and acted like a dramatic Disney villainess. I was thinking - this is unbelievable, like this is what happens when the playground bully grows up. The education about these people his the spot. With narc's its all about name-calling, shoving, stealing - and then smiling at whoever is in charge. I have seen them get caught, however. Sadly, it's not fun. It's just sad.
Oh yeah. But that's only one of their abusive problems. They have way more bullsh-t to give.
@@sage9836 Agreed 👍
I waited 42 years for my parents to start to grow emotionally. At least now I know why it’s never going to happen.
Too often they get worse with age. The only exceptions seem to be those that got beaten down too hard for them to ignore for the narcissistic games they played.
Hello, I have a similar story as you. You are not alone, these professional doctors were a life saving line for me and for many other peoples. Now I feel sorry for what they endure as narcissist. This gave me a edge in perception so I have a peace of mind toward life and other living things. In a way we are entangle spirit. I whish you well, live long and prosper.
@@thecustodian1023 they seem to, that's my experience, I'm the adult child of 80 yr old parents and as bad as they were before the last few years have been much mor challenging. I need them more right now and that's how I finally saw it and as time has gone on they've gotten worse and worse ✌
@@bereal6590 The ageing process can contribute to this. We can slowly lose cognitive ability, memory, stamina, and mood stability.
@@islandlife756 Being alone too, not interacting with another person ... cognitive decline city.
4 issues, all fear-based:
Fear of not being #1
Fear of others securing an advantage
Fear of being found to be inadequate
Fear of death
Narcissists were born inadequate
Yep. And fear of the mask slipping !!!
Fear of them realizing they really are just normal like everyone else & Not special - just difficult & childish.
Yeah I live in a resort area with lots of spoiled baby boomers Golf,Ski and daily drinking is the Norm here. I notice when one them dies? And I’m talking normal in your sleep deaths,they get this stunned look on faces and don’t do what most of usually do. They do t celebrate the persons life. Instead they gather around and are very withdrawn and in a state of stunned. They are so Ego based life that they can’t believe and definitely can’t handle Fact we all Pass on.
@@kencarson7310 We want you to move beyond something that YOU don't understand and not project onto us that we don't understand you know, your crummy level of know how.
Maturation ideally is a lifelong process:
1. Beyond simplicity into complexity
2. Beyond facts/beliefs into essence
3. Beyond hard agendas into nuance
4. Beyond wishful ideals into complicated reality
Childish behaviours:
-> non productive anger reactions
-> absurd, illogical defensiveness
-> becoming secretive, telling lies
-> lack of curiosity/interest in you
-> not a teamplayer (it's all about me)
-> must have conformity, not diversity
-> force, dogma, coersion
-> lack of patience, self-restraint
-> attempts to pressure you
-> they become the victim
-> holding grudges, no compromise
-> they become subversive
-> they must always win
Children can not think like an adult.
Their childishness is part of your
complexity.
Whenever you engage with them,
expect disconnect and loneliness.
Hold your ground calmly and firmly.
Goodness can still come from you.
Dr Carter 👨🦳 and Gus 🐶 thanks for another insightful lesson
Yeah but you know he has more problems than Carter has pills and his favorite Coke is Dr Pepper. DRC is a disappointing textbook guy that's had had a wonderful life with no need of inner working, he's a prescription drugs expert working in prisons and you know, dishing out sweeties to convicted felons. We have to know who people are and you know take their advice with some reservations.
Another conspiracy theorist!!
💗
@@keplermission huh?!
@@danieladimatteo260 You know DRC reminds me of a cult leader by the name of Marshall Applewhite of the Heaven's Gate, look him up on Google, why DRC looks just the same! Applewhite used to broadcast to his hippie camp on a number of television sets and DRC most resembles him in the chat log midweek shows, where he shows his covert psychopath side, as when distracted by other things, his false self character is dimmed and we might see the real monster glowing green in the dark.
They have no capacity to introspect whatsoever, no insight to the effect they have on others... that's why they are always the victim. How could they ever take responsibility for anything, they have no capacity to do so!
1. NO RESPONSIBILITY
2. NO ACCOUNTABILITY
3. NO SELF AWARENESS
4. NO WORRIES
How childish...And the think this its a goid thing.
They don't care.
4. NO WORRIES - I'd say outsourced worries. They pass their worries to everyone else to deal with. It's like a toddler, making messes and wandering off blissfully unaware to create the next bit of havoc.
Damn straight! Pardon my language. I'm so done this morning her coolant system is screwed and I told her to change her radiator fluid a year ago. Fixed so many things on her car, drove clear out to change her tire the other day (why can't a 30 year old change their own). I'm not even going to dabble with this radiator situation at least not right now it's like 8 degrees outside.
Before, I knew about the many different forms of narcissism whenever I had a disagreement with my ex husband, it was like arguing with an 8 year old. He never developed emotionally. He couldn't. It's good to be aware. To me it's sad that a person denies themselves the opportunity to grow.
My ex girlfriend was exactly the same, it was mind blowing to me as I began to understand exactly what was happening and who she was🤯
I'd say it's better off not to feel sad for them. From what I've observed, narcissists actually *enjoy* being cruel to others. "People" who are that cruel don't deserve pity or sympathy.
I unplugged my Christmas lawn decor and they instantly deflated. Mylar balloons last for months and latex balloons last for a week. All of us deflate eventually but narcissists need that motor running all the time or they deflate.
Good analogy.
Excellent! You are so right. They take no time to look deep into themselves and no time to stop and even remotely consider the other person. They constantly have to be inflated. TFS
Brilliant! Thank you!
Narcissist acronym: COST
Constant
Overwhelming
Suffering
Trouble
Yep!
My covert narc mom's childishness came in the form of her crying every time she was confronted about her bad behavior. She knew this would remove her from all accountability. And it did.
Add “We can’t behave like this…Jesus is watching’” to the crocodile tears and I think I’ve met her !
I believe that's called enabling, fyi.
she is a piece of shit like both my "parents"
I find my own sex crying soooo pathetic and embarrassing. Females need to be shamed for this idiotic childish behavior like you would do to a male.
They can't communicate.
it took me 47 years to recognise and leave my narc family as they are toxic. after being punished and then having to grieve a loss, i'm in a better place now. therapists with educational videos like this are invaluable for helping us understand. much love to all. xx
I had to leave my narcissistic family system. I finally realized that I was their emotional punching. The abuse was never gonna end. Narcissists don't change!
@@realhealing7802 attack,tacks,games
Congrats and good for you.
@@marshalmcdonald7476 Healthier on my own ~ fully agree.
Don't feel bad , I just realized that my sister and one of my cousins are narcissist and I just turned 54 this month. I wish I would've known that decades ago about them so I could have gotten away from them then and not having to deal with the emotional abuse for the past couple of decades and perhaps lived a normal life with our stress and anxiety.
The constant fault-finding, aggression, anger that escalates into terrible rages at the drop of a hat - and at the most ridiculous pretexts- , the boasting, the dramatizing and grandiosity, the exaggerations and the lies, the self-promoting, the manipulation, nagging, controlling, the suspiciousness, the hyper-sensitivity, the paranoia, the wild accusations, the twisting of situations to serve his purpose or to make a point, the put-downs, the contemptuous dismissals - am I missing something?
That was my brother before I cut him off - no contact for what is now a year and a half. Tho he continues to email every now and then as tho nothing has happened - love bombing? - usually sending me info about things he knows I am interested in. But he used to make me feel physically sick - in addition to depressed and anxious. It certainly helps that we live in different countries. He happens to be a brilliant pianist and composer, clearly managing to have his circle of admirers - I don’t know how - but no lasting relationships. He was wonderful as a teenager - then something happened and he went off. I think operating in a highly competitive field - classical music at high-school and conservatory levels - had something to do with it.
He bullied our parents till they died. (Father was actually very much the same - only at a lower level of talent and intelligence.) My brother regards himself as a devout Christian and parades the fact, praying and conducting rituals. It really beggars belief. I often think he needs either a psychiatrist or an exorcist - or both. Of course he would be mortally offended should the suggestion be made.
Has anyone here noticed that the worse a narcissist gets the more immature they get?
If they get their way with childish behavior they stick with what works ~ they double down & never give ground. Cheers.
It's still difficult for me to accept that an 80 year old man can be so infantile....and does it with a macho arrogant stance.....my psychologist told me that most never mature emotionally past a 9 year old....(and I would like to add they have temper tantrums like a 2 year old....)
@@marieldavison5121 most of the time mine winds up just hanging up on me.....
The older they get wow. Big massive baby in an adult body. Incredible.
@@louiseboyd8896 I have to laugh, that is what my 82 year old mother does when someone doesn't agree with her.
Yes, coping with the adult/child is wearisome. Thanks for your encouragement.
Wow yeah ... the adult child, but it's so easy to be absent minded of what we've watched on YT again and again. Just reading these comments helps us remember better the various things we so easily forget. I often find my knowledge is like parts of radio or you know a machine that don't work together because some parts are still missing in the puzzle. We need to know all the parts are present and correct.
When you are more mature at five years old, than the narc(dad) is at 21. It's exhausting but gratifying!
My husband and I have had to “let go “ of our son . He is a narcissist and he married a narcissist. Both are so uninvolved in our lives, every conversation we have with our son is all about him! I could go on and on, but thank you so much for all of your videos. They have helped me immensely on this journey that I never expected or would wish on anyone. But I am saying that it has become an epidemic in our society. So very very sad😢
What would you say is the root of Narcissism? 🥲🙏❤️. So sorry!!
It is very sad. I stand with you and your husband.
Beyond an epidemic today for sure! And, wIthin every industry and at every level of our so-called modern society!
I have to let go of my eldest Son as he is so toxic and a Narcissist! I feel for you both, but you will be better off emotionally and spiritually!!!
@@aeternus2WOW! Good thing you’re NOT a therapist! You have no clue about my situation and good thing your opinion means 0 to me .
IMO - What I find strange is when a narcissist creates an argument in his/her mind, that has been shared with others, but you have never had a discussion with the narcissist about the issue(s) Then, you find out about it through a third party. In other words, the narcissist created a fictitious scenario that is not based on reality, bur rather an imaginary dialogue. How weird is that?
not weird at all it is normal mode of operation in this instance. Sorry about that. No fixing it. I got it from all sides untill I dumped them on their butts even if I could not cut them out of my life. Boundaries work. sucks but the truth of it.
Happens to me at work all the time!
It is fairly common for a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to do what you described. It is sad, but creating "alternate realities" within their own minds is typical behavior for them.
It's very frustrating
I learned this years ago but I wish I'd known about it sooner. My mother used to do this to me all the time growing up. I'm 52 now but when I was in my 20s she told someone about something I said that absolutely wasn't true. As they told me the details, I remembered this was something my dad's mother had said! My mother had even repeated the story through the years telling other people what my dad's mother had said. But somehow THIS time around, she said I had said it. Thankfully the person she spoke to about this fake story knew her very well and knew she was full of it. And yes, narc mothers will talk trash about their own daughters. The immaturity made her see me as more of a peer than a daughter.
I've learned over the years that not only can narcissists create arguments that never happened, but they can take a story or conversation that did happen and change the main character. I guess then it becomes kind of a whole new story. And we know how much narcs love telling stories.
To say that narcs are childish is an understatement
Interesting, their childhood is the discovery of the art of blaming others. Professor Sam Vaknin - a diagnosed narcissist and a psychologist, suggested when narcissists are in the first stage of a romantic relationship, the love bombing stage, that they are giving the unconditional love a mother is supposed to give their child/ children. They give this to their romantic target , they seem to home in on those that might have little or no unconditional love in their infancy,/ childhood...mind blowing!
An adult conversation is very hard to have with my husband. He goes into a tantrum everytime I say anything. Than is mad because I am not talking to him. I can't share anything that happens to me or he will use it against me in a negative way. To combat the loneliness I have a business and work 7 days a week. So I can have my happy place and great people to talk to with confidence and freedom.
It is so sad that people get this kind of living when the other is basically an ageing child -same here.
I understand you, I've stopped attempting to have conversations with the nut because all I get in return is criticism, interruption, anger . What a waste of time she has been.
I have tried everything...I never tell him how I feel because he just says "if your going to complain about me there is no way we can talk". Even small talk like the weather if I have a opinion I get "it always has to be your way.. it's no use talking to you"
@@lyndamaewilson3453 we know they will defend their bad behavior and never admit fault, lesson learned. We're fortunate to have Dr Carter to guide us as we go forward with our lives.
Your a strong person good for you stay free
They're like a belligerent drunk but without the drinking. My brother would repeat himself like I'm stupid, types of things a drunk would do. But his mother has trained him to seek her validation regards any decision, ive had the scales lifted from my eyes though. She couldn't handle the fact I refuse to play her game, gone gravestone on both of them...even though he's a willing pawn. God gave us all a brain to make our own decisions in life, I think by age 50 I deserve to live my own life. Saw a comment about the definition of a narcissist which is so true. I narcicist is someone who prevents others from flourishing, sickening the betrayal/sabotage when it hits, at least I know the truth now.
And sometimes with the drinking/addiction! Cheers Shane sounds like you now have matters well in hand.
When you finally get on the outside looking in that is when you realize the madness. Team healthy all the way. I'm not no contact yet but my eyes are wide open
After you go no contact and remove yourself, wow, the things you can now see.
YOU AND MY FAITH IS HELPING TREMENDOUSLY!!!
l second that
Excellent. I hope there is plenty of overlap!
I'd say one of the main issues is a narcissist has too many enablers around their intended target of abuse if they didn't have enablers they would not be so successful at winning the manipulation game. In fact I insist one of the main issues is they have too much fuel for the fire. I don't want to argue with Dr Carter but perhaps he can add this to the list later wink*.
@@RN-gx7wt absolutely!
I agree. Narcissists have a lot more than four issues and admittingly so do I. :-)
We'll some of them are Winged Monkeys and there is no way you can ever get them to consider your side so just move on and find your people or just rely on yourself as well.
YesYesYes AGREED ChipChiperRoo!
@@RN-gx7wt 💯
In the middle of it I didn't realise at first it was childish, I was just being screamed and shouted at, I realised later this woman cannot control her emotions like a child having a tantrum. Especially when I dared to disagree.
It was perplexing to say the least. I didn't know what narcissism was. I described my relationship with wife, at times, as living with a 6 year old. It took several years for this to come to light. But that is what it felt like. She would go into a tantrum (rage) and then, if I engaged and proved her wrong, she would run off to the bedroom and hide. Yep, she would run off to the bedroom and lay on the floor next to the bed - a 45+ year old woman! It was spooky. I knew something was wrong, I just didn't know what it was.
@@brianlane9534 I've seen the tantrums too Brian, its only later i realised what I had to deal with. Tantrums in adults though immature can be aggressive and violent. They are incredibly childish. Was your wife ever wrong? My ex could never accept she was wrong and certainly never apologised for her behaviour over our 13 years. Its practically impossible to have a relationship with these people.
"Narcissists have to win"...so true. The first time my narc boyfriend sarcastically said, "OK, you win, I lose," I realized I wasn't dealing with a fully formed adult. The lone act of defending myself against a torrent of taunts and false accusations was, to him, arguing and trying to win. It reminded me of my son's teenaged years. Nobody "won" until he got over being 15 and realized it's not about winning.
So true. My husband wanted to go to marriage counseling. I was like ok. Yes communication and compromise to heal our past sounds good. He said no I want to see who is right. I started laughing and said that is the reason you want to go to. 😂 yeah. No.
@@heathermastriano5497 Right fighters would rather be right than happy. Idiots.
I believe that's all they care about "winning " its also when they believe they won,even if your not competing,never have,doesn't matter, they are always competing
I just met another narcissist and thank God I have the knowledge of their character traits now and am gradually heading towards no contact. Doing it in degrees. Looking forward to this.
you can’t leave . only escape.
degree work, it takes time to bore them to death with yourself, LOL.
Only safe way is to make them think it is their idea to leave you behind..... I have done it many times sadly. Narcs on both sides of family were the worst.
I feel like a machine here, headphones in keeping busy constantly on the go, if they coming my way, whoop turn around walk the other direction ignore that keep singing. Eventually yes I'm going to have to interact with them but for as long as I can avoid them through out the day that's working for me.
Yes they are very immature people. My Ex would pout and not talk to me for days if he didn’t get his way. And rage and swear everyday. So glad I divorced him and have gone NO CONTACT!! Peace and Joy forever after now!!! ❤✝️🙏
When you've had enough & start pulling back your emotions & they ask "Do we have a problem today?"
So true
Facts
Usually do "you" have a problem today? They would rarely include themselves with the 'we' word unless setting you up for their verbal abuse tirade to follow.
I have a friend that I'm pretty sure is a narcissist. After doing a deep dive into Dr. Ramani and Dr Carter's videos, I'm pretty sure that he is a covert narcissist. When I found out, yet again, after me giving him the benefit of the doubt that he had lied to me once again, he saw my entire temperament change. He had the nerve to ask me: “are you in a mood today?” “I point blank told him, no I'm just sick of the bullshit. I'm tired of being lied to.” He immediately went into defense mode. Naturally, after we talked, he spun a completely different story to the others in the group chat. I threw him under the bus to one of the people in the group who actually listens without interrupting. Surprise surprise, my friend had told him something completely different. He wasn't aware at all that I had been lied to.
Or, accuse you of failing the relationship.
I like that you teach us to have a sense of humour and to encourage us to become resilient if faced with awkward or difficult behaviours. Very helpful and thank you.
Pleased!
Thank you Dr. C 🙏♥️🔥
My NPD father almost destroy my life, thank to your teachings and insights I'm still here and reconnect with my life purpose. Wish you and all here a beautiful day!! 💪🙂🙏
Same here. Its been a wild ride the last year and then some now.
Another helpful video. Astute and insightful. My covert narc mother thrives on playing a 5 year old. She will readily admit to being a "sweet little girl", will ask her doctor if she has been a " good little girl"- and ask for a gold star. She uses this tactic to duck out of responsibility, It all sticks in my throat like a furball.
They have carefully mastered this craft. My narc mom told me about her boss calling her into his office to confront her. She said she cried and the meeting was soon over. She pulled that on my dad for 50 yrs.
My narc always had to 'win' the conversation. He would try to finish my sentences, and would even ask me a question and then answer it for me! Unfortunately he never will know that there was no winning for either of us.
Well Said
Exactly my experience also.
Actually my narc many times rudely just plain talks over me in a word salad rant.....I've gotten use to it....actually I've gotten use to a lot of things he does....
I have a daughter who always plays the victim and her verbal abuse is heartbreaking. I am trying to not communicate too much to her because she always sabotages our conversations and makes me look bad and calls me toxic. I have had enough. I have done so much for her and her children over the years. It’s so very sad. I’m so good to her. But enough is enough.
why do you suspect she is like this? don't you think you may have had something to do with it? It's never 100% someone's fault.
You raised her. Your comment was selfish. You took no responsibility in the situation. Kids don't treat parents like crap for no reason. Own it, then you can move it ❤️
@@TheINFJChannel Idisagree, she even tells me i was a fantastic mom, she runs hot and cold, when shes nice shes nice, just doesnt happen very often. So you can
think what you want but you don't know me
and you have no idea how i raised her, i was
there for her all the time and raised her well.
@@3rdStoneObliterum Nope i raised her
right, i disagree, you do not know me and
how i raised her.
@@contribution741 BS. Abuse and neglect are not the only ingredients to create a narc. A narc is created through nature, predisposed, or nuture or both nature-nuture. There are studies of scans of diagnosed Narcs showing an abnormality of their brain compared to nonnarcs. And if you want to go the route that a Narc is only created, a child brought up in a loving home, nonabusive home but with NO boundaries can also create a Narc. Bringing a child up always telling them they are always a winner, that they are outstanding, that others are jealous of them, that they should have gotten the award, but never holding them accountable for their bad behavior can also create a narc. It's prevalant with the snowflakes today. How do you know every creature you've encountered was created in childhood by abuse and neglect? Was it what they told you about their upbringing? You are aware narcs lie, right? There's not enough info to determine if the original poster is the real narc or not. Perhaps it's you that is the narc who is projecting.
This explains the why as to narc's act out , you are in constant competition with them, it is an exhausting way to live.
They want everything their way. They will never admit they are wrong.
quandary, how do we handle being in relationship with them? they are mean, want to have their way *"all the time"* (it seems), they play dirty (unfair), and above all else it is as if *they just don't care.*
the phrase "lets be *'mature'* about this" or "lets behave and act like adults", "lets discuss this like grown-ups" is *lost on them.* it is easy, now, to understand that these type are in *arrested development.*
funny, in a way we may all be parental. in that, most of us here practically have to raise, teach, show a different way of being to the one/s whom we deal with. but in order to be a good 'parent' we ourselves have to "grow-up" and mature. have learned that a big part of that involves *boundaries.* a term that not long ago signified 🧱 walls or type of barriers, but is none of those.
mentally taking oneself back to the school-yard and understanding now (at our mature age) what it should look like when dealing with the "bullies," may be helpful.
life, turns out to be a big old experiment yet with only one try. reminds me of charlie chaplain:
*"Life is a theater production that does not permit rehearsals...*
*consequently you must sing, laugh, dance, cry and live intensely each moment of your life....*
*before the curtain falls and the performance ends without applause."*
Thanks for this! Reflections and great quote.
I could not have said it better my self. Totally agree. 🤕
It makes no sense that a physical adult thinks like a child who has not grown into maturity. Thank you for your ecxcellent observations, professional support and invaluable advice dr Carter. Thank you. God bless you❤ Merry Christmas.
It's more logical to imagine that an apparently immature individual will eventually mature. Yes, indeed
Doctor Carter, There is a contributor on You Tube that quite eloquently asserts they are a Narcissist themselves and comments on observations of public figures, themselves and others that exhibit those traits and does so quite convincingly. I'm not in a relationship with them so it is quite entertaining to see it all "from Space." It has been nearly 5 years since the X informed me on Valentine's Day that she has set up housekeeping with a former friend of mine. My reaction was to feel pity for him. I suspect Narcissism is a kind of "spectrum" with a few different "brands" and that the Personality Disorder of NPD is more intractable. Emotional Dis-regulation made her and her daughters walking arguments providing me with a 33 year Scream Fest in my home. She dialed 9-11 but I was never arrested. Chaos calmed them down! Out of a sense of duty I tried to save the Marriage but she wouldn't show up for the Appointments with a Counselor unless she could have at it with them FIRST. I'm burnt out.
FYI, I'm really leery of the narcissist who coaches about narcissism, especially if they have no formal training. But maybe that's just my hang-up. Dr. C
From personal experience with v the narcissists I have dealt with in the past close to home, they don't learn because their parents are the same way and raise them to be the same way and no one in their circle holds them accountable. This is why they don't do well in relationships. They can live like adults but they don't change. They're very persistent; they'll try different ways to get what they want and respond vindictively when they don't get it.
It is beyond hard to deal with them.she can't be anybody else but a 3 years old girl.and I'm sharing parenthood with another child actually.I really can't tell anyone how it is coparenting with her,cuz nobody understands me.ok,a lot of you from this group,but not from my inner circle.
You will have to grow up x10 i.e. not needing a pat on the back from anyone in your inner circle. Your inner circle is you and you and that's not too bad at all
Other people will never understand until they are the target. Remember don’t take things personally because she doesn’t see you as a person. The abuse gets worse as time passes. Please think of getting yourself and child away. It is not healthy for either of you 🎄
@@bizlme Thank you and Merry Christmas!
@@christygreenmoore8886 Thank you and have a wonderful Christmas!
@@christygreenmoore8886 it sure does feel personal Despite the point you make that it isn't.
For my narc facts take a back seat to what she WANTS the facts to be. Her preconceived notions are paramount. She does not want to be confused with facts.
Childhood is where they experienced the abuse that shaped them into who they are. U know maybe they never asked for it….I was abused as a kid and now im a bad person for my coping and surviving my upbringing. I’m not a narcissist but I am kind ofborderline.
I care about people but u have to heal 1st then care for others.
Not necessarily true for all narcissists or borderlines if you research it well enough. There are many reasons but if you were abused regularly then in your case probably...im sorry...Trying listening and follow Eckhart Tolle though to help you.
You are 100% correct. A disgusting dysfunctional damaging childhood of different degrees is the cause of these narcissists. End of story.
My 2 narc sisters hate me yet both claim my accomplishments. I've ridden horses my whole life to get away from them. I've had training for years but both will tell you it was them and they almost gotten killed trying to prove it. Anything i can do they can do better. My sister actually said ' show me how to jump your stupid horse, I've got friends coming to watch me '. And proceeded to fall and then came up with a huge lie, her big jumping accident.
My ex-narcissist used to throw 2 year old temper tantrums whenever I asked for help with anything or, if he just got frustrated with something. He'd start jumping up and down, screaming, flailing his arms and stomping the floor. He'd always move in close to me while he was having his tantrum. It was truly a 2 year old type temper tantrum. He did this regularly while in his late 40s - early 50s. He's history now, thank God!
I guess the pinnacle of a narcissist's immaturity is when they have done all sorts of horrible things to you and then come back with: "let's just have a fresh start and have lunch together like a normal family". Like you can just reset your brain and treat them like nothing happened.
One of my friend was put through hell by her narc boyfriend. He then dumped her. Then 3 months later he asks her why she isn't putting more effort into the relationship. Our minds were blown.
Agreed. It's weird how they change on a dime and act like nothing happened. Meanwhile you're left feeling like a pile of burnt ash. It's so bizarre!
Yes, every day is a brand new day, and trying to resolve a horrible thing that happened (and that he created) 12 hours ago is obsessing over the past.
@@callalilly1988 A narcissist is a person who pushes you and then asks you: Why are you falling?
@@antondejesus2307 perfect!
So many videos I've watched in the last month or two have been reminding me more and more of my Dad. I wish I'd had videos like this to watch & study 40 years ago!
I can relate to that. Realizing how powerless one was to curtail the behavior as a child. Mind numbing. No one can hold us back from learning and growing now. Cheers.
me too!!!!!
me three!!!
When you realize that you can't expect anything but narcissism from a narcissist you can take back your emotional power. You no longer take it personally and then you can hold your boundaries and that keeps them from being able to violate your space.
My husband is proud of being a zombie twelve year old. I asked him! It’s Aggravating beyond. He asks me whether he should eat, he doesn’t plan anything or help me out. I’m disabled and a burden. He chose stupid, it’s easier for him. Complicated anger drives me. God knows what I’m going through.
I'm married to a man, that swears hes not a narcissist...he got mad in 2020, he began leaving our family for 2 years for at least 3 weekends out of the month, so for a whole month we might see him one sat and sun...we moved, he's been here 2 months out of 1 year! And he begs to come home. I've let him back in 25 times and 25 times I had to ask him to leave!! Lets talk childish!! I'm ready to move on. Its his way or the highway...I said good idea, take the highway.
I grew up with having a narcissistic father, luckily a mother that was kind and nurturing. I ended up marrying a narcissist too...stayed for 19 years, everything was about him. He even blamed me gor his affairs. I left to move back near some family and friends that were supportive. I had sinlings up north and one on the other side of the country. The local siblings were wonderful as well as supportive. Things changed when the ones that lived up north moved locally again. My one sister that is a complete narcissist doesn't like my current husband because he's a good judge of character and doesn't like being around her becausevhe sees that she thinks she's better. She was with a narcissist/alcoholic for 30 years and grew more unhappy each year. She would send birthday cards like this one "happy birthday, enjoy your dinner out, thanks for inviting me. I'll be in the area for your 50th, but I didn't get an invite, so never mind" She is like a petulant child and extremely defensive. She and the one brother that lived up north tried to split my husband and I up. She called me one night before the pandemic and was angry at me because my adult daughters hadn't call her for her birthday. This was in February and her birthday qas in November of the previous year. I'd had enough and told her that if she calked me to rag on me about my adult daughters not calling her for her birthday that she could call them herself, she paused for a moment and then proceeded to cut up my husband, I hung up and didn't speak to her until last year. My husband said let's just move on with our lives, so I started talking to them again, biggest mistake I ever made. My brother's behavior had improved towards my husband but my sister's had not. She has become extremely defensive and speaks to me in a harsh tone, to only deflect and accuse me of speaking to her that way. Everything finally came to a head over a month ago. My one sister (who has perfectionist tendencies) has now become her enabler. The only sibling that I now speak to is my one brother, he us the 2nd youngest and I am the youngest.
I think so much of my narc sister's problem lie in the fact that I have a good, kind man and he's good yo my daughters too. My husband's mother passed away last year and he received an inheritance. We bought a bungalow in our area moved last sumner. I phoned family to let them know. I was speaking to my narc sister and her response was "why didn't you buy a house here (in the farm town she lives in with my narc brother). I said it's too far away and I work locally. I then said that I didn't know anyone where she lived, her response was "You know me". I said "That I do. Your one person, everyone we're close to lives here, our children, grandchildren, friends (whom are better for my mental health) and I didn't want to live where they were. She became extremely defensive and I didn't speak to her for a couple of months. I had a birthday get together at a local restaurant and my husband's band played. She sat next to me and did nothing but complain about the food, how hot it was outside (we were under a canopy tent) and on and on. She stayed for about 1 1/2 hours and left. I was so relieved when she left. She wanted me to feel bad about her not liking the food blah, blah, blah. I hvave spoken to her a couple of times since then and moving forward it will be no, very low contact. She's a miserable unhappy woman, that proceeds to worsen with age. She never had children (thank goodness) and treated my daughters like miniature housekeepers when they visited her. I see her as a pathetic human being and actually feel bad for her. I do not feel bad enough to allow her to ruin events and my mental health, I'm done. My new mantra is "You do you, I'll do me".
This is a very inspiring video. Thank you Dr. C.
It's sad how the Narcissist have no Etiquette. I'm Sorry isn't in their vocabulary. But you're right. It's a childish demeanor.
Truth it’s very annoying
I had one in a conversation where we had different opinions he kept saying to me " st*ck it up your f*nny" when I said don't say that to me , he said he can say anything he likes to me and kept saying it to me. His favorite comeback in an argument was " Nobody likes you " and " I have lost all my friends because of you". I stopped being in the same room with him since then and left about 6 months later.
Hey, Team Healthy. D.R.C is the key.
You're on it!
Ah Dr. C? Or Democratic Republic of Congo? ;)
Horrible to work with when you have a problem! I always had an extra problem to juggle on top of the problem and it was my ex.
🤦🏼♂️
It is so hard to deal with narcissists. And they seem to be everywhere. I stay calm and stand my ground with them but often can't shake off that "they're under my skin" feeling and find peace.
If it comes from Soul, it’s simple. If it comes from Ego, it’s complicated. Discernment is Key. Is it a mask of sanity, or is it For Real‽ Thank you Gus and companion, you trained him well! 💚😎
I suspect Gussy was loved well ~ cheers to you!🐶🥰❤
This is exactly right! 1 Corinthians 13:1 "If I speak with the tongues of mankind and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal."
Calmly holding on to our ground throughout this holiday season, and beyond, Dr. Carter. Especially right now! Team Healthy is absolutely more than up for the ongoing and relentless challenges, the narcissist(s) can't help but childishly create, just because. They can't not be who they are! Funny, not funny. It's sad (for them) and such a waste of their energy, resources, and precious time. They have to "win" no matter what is actually going on! Lol🙃 We are absolutely willing to be the adult in the room each and every time. We are absolutely up to the task!😊😉😇🥳
needed this
It's not sad for them as Dr Carter said: "They missed a class in childhood that taught DRC". It is sad for their victims. These child progeny adults possess the world because they lack a conscience and empathy that limits the success of better people. You know get rid of this 'we' thing in your thinking, it's like a football supporter and group narcissism. Us against them. Big mistake, you know Nazis and propaganda.
Team Healthy is not some sort of fun club to deal with the narcissist. You are enabling bad behavior because they "can't help themselves, that's just who they are" and you appear to be almost giddy about it with all your we talk and lol's. Something is very off with your lack of perspective on the seriousness of life with a narcissist. It's no game
Another great video . I laughed out loud when you said 'They look at you like you have 3 eyeballs!😂😂 So true. As for wearisome or tedious, I liken it to draggjng a bag of wet sand - resistance on every turn. Thanks for all your insights Dr C, I really appreciate you on my journey. ⚘ xx for Gus 🐶
You’re welcome, Sue!
After watching 100 hrs of a tv drama alone, my 62 yo asked me why our life wasn't like that show. They were serious.
Oh man, this totally happens to me with the one in my life. My mistake is definitely not being mindful of what they are once I learned that about 3 years ago. Planning a way out though I've got one of the hardest grinds of my life yo get there.
@nicm2610 is a grind either way, but one results in dust & the other in gems.
Good luck.
@@Deepintent wishing the path with gems is the one out of the bloody door
@@bizlme I found the butterfly talons always cause blood. But better those than the pro/boss/kiss.
All information and "advice" unsolicited has a huge massive spotlight shining on them! No thank you!
The only choice we have to deal with these types is to release them from our circle. Never let them back in...they only want to re-enter your life to punish you for leaving them. What is so comical is that they discarded me first! Their ego won't let them believe that you prefer to go it alone.
I'm dealing with 60+yr old hackers and stalkers. They really are stuck in Jr high mentality. Thank you Dr Carter. Sending you love and peace this Christmas ❣️
Thank you for letting me know I'm not crazy Dr C.
Unfortunately leaving this life is something I pray for.
I am praying for you! You are not crazy and can have a life away from abuse ❤ please reach out to someone for help. God loves you more than anything and wants you to have a happy life. I have struggled with abuse for years and creating a life away from it is hard but possible!
Remember, that sort of thing is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Even though it may not seem it. Take care ✌🕯🙏
We understand you, please don't go yet lobo.
I'd you leave this life, then evil wins. The narc wins. Don't let them win. Get out from them and live a good peaceful life. Then you will have won.
Hi Boo.....I had a really downhearted day....but I got moving around and started to pull myself back up.....eventually we all leave this earth, so just try to go one day at a time....just do the best you can.....commenting on this video is a start....
My narc said recently "I'm going to be young forever and have fun until the day I die" - this is 3 months after being caught cheating - she's 53.🙄 I said I wouldnt be so proud of being the world's oldest 6 year old. Sheesh
Ive found that A lot of the time when a naricistic parent is involved, things just don't get done. And you get confused about who is the child and who is the adult. When you are a child facing the fact that you will have to take on the role of the adult because the adult is incapable because of their Narcissism it can be tough.
Yes, you are right. This role reversal when a parent is narcissistic and you as a child become their parent is very confusing. I experienced this during my whole childhood and not only with one parent. You become responsible for your caregivers.
I don't like that I became reactive and mean in response to the abuse. It's like I was in a fog and couldn't make sense of anything and my anxiety was causing me to lash out. I have proof of her lies and triangulation of me, but I still can't believe someone is capable of using other people like this. I was with her for almost a decade, I had been in a devaluation stage for a long time, I don't understand why they just flip the switch.
So glad that narcissim is being made aware of in the world. Many people have been victims of this kind of insidious abuse most of their lives and until you get the message you are left in this strange distortion of reality that you can neither explain to yourself or anyone else. You know you are being abused but if you say anything you think people will doubt you. I lived thru it over 5 decades. And if you grew up in it and don't become one you become a narc magnet until you learn the truth and how to heal. Thanks and God bless.
It's not. Main stream media does not cover it - except in a narcissistic way, giving true narcissists more ammunition against the real victims
@@jeanetteshawredden5643 It is not being taught in schools and in most churches I am guessing either. It must be that God is waking up His children from the darkness [narcissism] so we can fight the good fight and not be taken down by them.
they are like children pulling pots and pans out of cupboards and say they did not do it but you saw them
The more I've watched your presentations the more grateful I am to have discovered what was going on with my life back then. This just drives home a little harder what was going on. Thankyou.
I am spontanously thinking about the stuck and ongoing cycle of Narcissists, which major issue is about the mother, the first connection in life, the fusion, the symbiosis. They could not disconnect in a healthy way from the mother, that would show them that they have a seperated self. Therefor they are emotionally stuck like a child, because their brain could not develop. Instead they developed an unhealthy surviving strategy|cycle:
1. Idealization (a form of symbiosis, "you and me need to become one")
2. Devaluatuon (a way to start to get seperated)
3. Discard (the seperation)
4. Hoover (getting back to 1.)
@@RN-gx7wt Thanks for your comment. For sure there is more to add. The brain is complex like an universe. I agree with you that "it takes a village to raise a child" but what I meant are more likely the very first years of childhood when the most synapsis have been built in the brain, which already started during pregnancy in the mother.
@@RN-gx7wt Thank you for your documentarian tip. I myself probably watched too many videos of Sam Vaknin, who himself is a Narcissistic psychologist. I like to view from different angles so that I will receive more understanding.
So what is your dimension in meters or centimeters for I am not familiar with foot or inches😉 If I understood you right, your childhood has been very messy and you got a chance to develop your brains, nevertheless.
I raised up in a very insecure environment and to not get insane, I had to isolate myself into a bubble as a child. Later on I chose for my "chosen family" (more or less healthy friends).
Have a good day/evening!
@@RN-gx7wt Thanks for another reply of yours. Yea, I already watched "I Psychopath" several months ago. Personally Sam Vaknin can be quite harsh but i do not see him as a pretender. He is an academic and he is diving very deeply, what I like. In contrary to Tudor, who thinks he is the one and only and smashing some superficial "junkfood" onto you, secretly hiding himself. Thats not for me either. Richard Grannon I also do not watch for he is quite a "showman", too commercial. Do you know Paula (I do not know her surname) from Irland? Her channel is called "Narc Con". She is a very decent and authentic person, a "surviver". Therefor I feel quite safe in her community.
I see you are some kind of a giant in person, thanks for the "transformation". Hope you do not struggle too much from waist issues as well as from striking against doors etc. I am 24 cm smaller than you. Quite tall for a female as well. This gives us another perspective in life in general😄
Yes, it can be very challenging to grow up without having had the childhood-basics.
(I am still struggling: 3 steps forward, 2 steps backward = like a dance.) But you are right, we have become at least consistently decent people.
Have a nice day and take care.
@@RN-gx7wt Thank you for another answer. You wrote quite a recension about this "unknown" professor, called Sam Vaknin. (I had to smile a bit for you took so much energy into it.) For sure he is some kind of a loner and he is indeed a weird person. I do not care that much about references for I like to build up my own opinion and I do find some (not all) of his theories interesting and clarifying (by the way, he is quite often refering to other scientists and reading this in front of the viewers). I do appreciate your concern. Well, I checked up a bit and he is right at the moment a visiting professor at the Southern Federal University Rostov-on-Don, which is placed in Russia. (Btw I studied the Russian language amongst others but quite a time ago.) He is also a professor at the CIAPS (Centre for International Advanced and Professional Studies) in Nigeria.
Refering to make money on his book, I think there are lots of other people who are promoting their books by these channels (for example Dr Carter himself does as well as Dr Ramani). And lots are offering their coachings and/of their healing-programs/memberships and most of them are far from free. May be we should better ask, what are the motives of each one? Does it help you in some way or does it spread just more confusion? Does it harm you or others?
You named O'Hare. Do you mean Robert Hare, who wrote the checklist of psychopathy? I am asking because I could not find any O'Hare except an airport named like this LOL.
Fine to hear that you "only" bump your head when you are too quick. I sometimes hit the door frame, but not with my head but with my leg (for I am a female that sometimes isn't aware of the 3dimensions, specially when I am quick and a bit tired LOL). You are very good in maths for you generated my true length, ha. What you said about people who think you are younger than you really are - this we both have in common. I also thought I was done with it but just a few weeks ago another woman thought that I was 15 years younger than I really am. And when I was young, ppl thought I was older. I guess this has to do with our "lost childhood" ;-)
Have a nice day overthere on the other side of the oceans!
@@RN-gx7wt Thanks for your x-mas wishes! Hope that you yourself had a peaceful time. I had to work on Christmas (24 h) but luckily it turned out to be quite harmonic. (As you probably can imagine I do not like holidays in general that much, besides from vacations I choose.)
I do not know where you exactly live, but in the country, where I am living, there are very strict rules for nearly all kinds of professions and education in general often takes a bit longer than in lots of other countries. So when you want to get a job, even though it is not that high qualified, you need qualifications. Why am I telling you this? For some reasons: Education is key for sure but a qualification does not say that much about the real qualification of a person. So when I need to check s.o. up, the "written papers" will not show me the "real proof" of that person. Or the other way around. Who tells you the proof of authenticity of this papers? It's all about trust, isn't it? What are the red flags? Why do we need them? The worldwideweb, connecting to one another in just a few seconds...spiderman is weaving, hah. Yea, the topic of this channel is getting more and more "trendy" and there are of course lots of quacksalvers. Ha, I really had to grin when you said, you and me can be a Coach. Well, I am a Coach, although I am not practizing right at the moment on that profession. But I have had an education, lots of training and I do have a certification ;-) I do not know if you are a certificated Coach, but I do see that you are doing lots of support for people on this channel which is great!
Well, another one for looking younger than we are could be our biological fingerprint. (We can't get rid of our roots...but we are able to transform... our DNA... and it's not about our higher perspective, is it?)
A tower can't hide, but it can become a lighthouse ;-)
Have a shining day!
I'm back. Second time to see the Doc's channel and I've already learned so much. Not to mention the first time I shared some of my current circumstances, I was immediately filled with personal stories, love, and support. I can't ever express how important that was and how isolated and lonely I had truly become. Thanks to all y'all.
May we have a new year of knowledge, growth, and increase in self worth. At least that's what I need. 💖✌🌻
Many here would echo your words. Isolated and lonely is how many felt.. It's v common.. Def gets better with knowledge ☀️☀️
@@sturobertson6791 i went from trying to figure out what gaslighting was and if I was married to someone doing that to me and my teen child. Quickly found that and the narsasist intel. That's when I FINALLY saw the light. I feel equal parts empowered and terrified. But I'm up for the challenge. You're absolutely right knowledge is power.
@@sunflowerbeth3830 I felt terrified and I'm a guy.. Not sure that would make any difference. I got punched and hot tea thrown in my face, the doors kicked in and a chunk out of the kitchen counter gouged out with a knife... And all the emotional abuse.. Too much to write.
DON'T BE TERRIFIED ANY MORE you have a basic human right to be AND feel safe. Learn more here, your loyalty and love for your partner will be matched by an increasing skill set and confidence to look at it objectively and cope more effectively.
We are Dr C's "Team Healthy" ( at least working towards it). We are a 'support family' who has been there. ❤️
Stay strong, Beth. You'll figure it out!
Hi!
Sometimes it is hard to have that balanced humbelness towards life or other people or towards the own person.. Myself.
Thankyou for the psyckological support. 😇
This will be my second live. And I'm here for it. I need so much knowledge, self empowerment, and support in the new year. Thanks Doc and thanks to y'all. What a great bunch of people here. ✌🌻
Thanks, Beth. I am unable to follow the chat while I'm actually live and answering the Q's, but I went back through it and noticed you jumped right in. #TeamHealthy
The chat is live and TH are there. The docs live stream is Wednesdays an hr later than the thurs, sat and mon which are pre recorded. We all turn up when we can. See you soon 😊
You’re in the right place! Glad to be a set of TH with you 💜
@@keplermission4947 I guess I'm lost. Not sure what your comment refers to or why. 🤔
@@sunflowerbeth3830 hi sunflower yes I saw that too.. Also not sure.. Just know that real TH people are v supportive. I think that person is out of place and out of order
"Spitting bars" Dr C!! 😁 the colours of daily life with a 'grown child'. Thanks for encouragement!
My spousal narc is almost 70, but stomps his feet and shakes his fists like a frustrated toddler in response to conflict, or when he does not get his way. His behavior would be fascinating if it was not so disturbing.
Dr. Carter, I am sooooo thankful that I found your UA-cam videos!!!
It saved my life of despare and depression because I have lived for so long with so MANY Narcissistic people and I did not KNow about this “type of personality “. Therefore, I always believed that I was the one that had the “issues” and I was always wrong!
When I started learnt about narcisistic personality, I could understand more about “them”, and gave peace to my “soul “ to know that I was NOT the one who had those issues. That knowledge gave JOY to my life again, and thanks to YOU I have learnt HOW TO HANDLE those “narcissistic “ people without having the “anxiety “ that I had when I HAD TO BE around them. Particularly, FAMILY and co-workers.
Thanks again, I am alway looking forward to listen to your great wisdom, and your beautiful SPIRIT of LIGHT AND LOVE!!! ❤
Narcissists want you to take responsibility for their pathology. Good for you that you can now see it!! Best wishes, Mayte.
It’s a been a while since I’ve listened to this show, so I am really excited to hear what this is about!
Glad you're back!
Gus is very well adjusted and mature, and I guess that's down to Dr. C - keep up the good work.!!
Thank you as always. Our family narcissist (youngest child) definitely needed adult help, but when I carefully, carefully tried, he would lash out, explain how he has his own "reality," and tell all our relatives how I was treating him in an awful, condescending way. Then he would remind us again how we need to show him more understanding and compassion, including references from the New Testament. An interesting study he would make.
I love the term, " complicated reality".
Radical acceptance, so hard to accept they will never change. You can only change your reaction to their bs
I pray for Gods and Jesus peace for all the victims off these evil Narcissists
Thankyou Dr C for supporting us victims God Bless you and your family
Thank you as well. Merry Christmas.
1. Somebody somewhere or something somehow gives them exactly what they want whether it’s good for them or not and regardless of who (and how they) might be effected by them getting what they want. So then they expect this kind of spoiled child treatment from everyone. And when they don’t get it from someone in particular, like a child they throw a fit until they get what they want.
2. Habits become a way of life and therefore are harder to break. How people choose to live their lives becomes their identity. What once was habit is now who the person is. Ask them to change their habit and you’ve asked them to be someone they’re not (or someone they just don’t want to be.) You (we, I) want them to break bad habits. They see that as us asking them to break their identity. No one wants to be someone other than who they already are happy to be (even if it’s what needs to happen to make life better.) Peter Pan didn’t want to grow up and take on his adult identity either. There were too many fun habits he’d have to break, thus changing his whole identity.
I am probably off base with with your list, DrC haha. But this is what I’ve seen within my own experience. Looking forward to the video, as always!
(Edited because i almost dropped my phone and hit the send button as i caught my phone haha)
Yes, you seem have great insight into the narcissist´s world. I am dealing with a completely and probably hopelessly isolated narcissist and I see the desperation due to the lack of supply. " I do not do self reflection," he told me and now is studying a book on modification of nasty behavior.
A good balance I’ve found here on Team Healthy is the experiential details in members’ lives that round out the professional instruction/insights that Dr. C brings. It brings an even more relatable perspective. And that is what keeps newcomers here.
@@mariaawake4502 How did he make that statement? Was it in a sense of “that’s something i need to work on?” or “that’s something i don’t and wont do?” The narcissist I’ve dealt with read ALL kinds of books… read Dr George Simon’s “A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing” THREE times (or at least that’s what he claims.) He found one book titled “8 Keys to Eliminating Passive Aggressiveness” by Andrea Brandt… (excellent book!) which i figured i would also read just to see if he followed through with what he might glean from it. There are part where the author suggests meditation on feelings after reading the chapters. I asked him how the meditation was going and his answer was… “I don’t do those parts.” The what?! Give me a break! So i asked him why he doesn’t do those parts and his answer was… “Because those parts don’t pertain to me.” (Head in hands… again.) It is hopeless. I finally accepted the hopelessness of it and decided to focus on things that are completely full of light love peace AND hope. Best wishes to ya, Maria! It’s such a joy to be on Team Healthy with you and know that we’ve been here together pretty much from the start of TH 💜 Merry Christmas!!!
@@aaronkwolfe same 💜
@@AlwaysStampinVideos , no he said it in tone which implied " I can not self reflect" in the sense of not being able to. He is highly intelligent, at times temporarily self aware .
Merry Christmas to you and yours Dr. C. Happy Holidays to everyone, and especially to those who are alone, or wish they were, Peace.
Oh, thank you Noel, same to you. Enjoy the good things of the season and stay in touch with your emotions.🫖🌆🎄⛄
THIS! Thank you for doing this one. As many of you videos really speaks to me. I was raised by two adult children. At 5 years old I had more maturity of thought with nuance and self relection (perhaps because I had to.... a little adult in a child's body), I was always interested in complex questions and knowing more. This was shouted hit and manipulated out of me. By 9 I thought this isn't working, I'm not happy but unlike an adult you can't leave! Years of brainwashing later I was totally different to that 5 year old. Rediscovering my true self is the nicest bit of the quagmire of have a toxic fam. They don't change they just ingrain deeper and deeper into black and white thinking. They're impossible to deal with because what they see as right and wrong today can change tommorrow BUT whatever it is they'll still be right and you'll be wrong. Happy holidays dr, c. And team healthy.... Personally I wish I could pop over to Trinidad and avoid the whole thing 😆
I can relate ~ how is our 5 year old self supposed to defend with logic & love what is being smacked out of us?? We can grow and thrive now, sorry if you are still in this stew with your parents mine have passed away. Cheers to you.
We are all unique and special.
It's not just narcissist though, I've met a lot of people out there that never seem to grow up, narcissists are an extreme case though.
Oh they're curious all right. They'll find out everything they want to - mostly though gossip and smearing.
They can be very aloof….and silent, therefore everything just gets swept under the rug…
It is encouraging to have some focus and strategy for dealing with these difficult relationships
I have a relative that would get so angry at me for getting straight A's every semester (as a continuing education adult student), that she would say to me and the family, "Well, you had to study to get those grades. But my dad NEVER had to study and he got straight A's all the time!"
When I called her out on the third put-down, she just froze. All I asked was why she kept making that same statement - for the third time? And instead of clarifying her intentions, she just ignored, dismissed and basically bullied me for the next 15 years or so (using relational aggression). What an emotionally mature person, right??
I just dealt with it by letting her passive-aggressive behavior seemingly roll off my back. I still cared about her, but I had no choice in keeping emotionally physically distant from her, unfortunately. I need to be able to trust my loved ones, obviously.
Edit: I can't text/type on the cell keyboard. I hate these phones.
Wow. Dr Les, thankyou. I actually feel like I'm undoing a lifetime of narc abuse with every one of your videos.
So pleased!
@@SurvivingNarcissism you dropped this, King 👑
I can relate and experience
So familiar. As they ager the fear seems to drive the response to anything I say that irritates. Response is typical: Non- productive anger; Illogical defensiveness, Walls way up! No interest in why I feel as I do, my independent experiences and opinion. Insists on conformity. ANY adult thinking as I slow to carefully defend my point of view instantly causes my N to revert to force, dogma, coercion, punishment. Never any compromise, zero self-restraint. Childish behavior - she reasons like a 5 year-old child. This video helped me when I was considering groveling (again) - just to regain some communication. I deserve the peace I have - being shunned is less painful than the dance of strained conformity.
Yikes you have your hands full! At least you are armed with knowledge now. Good luck to you.
Thank you SIR!
Your quality video's helped me make sense of all the NONsense
I will NEVER engage with a narc again because of your knowledge
And that's GOLDEN
You are very welcome
They start firing the gun before they know what the target is.
Ready, Fire, Aim!
Thanks Dr Carter. I had to look at myself somewhat here. Thank you.
Dr. C you're the best! Thank you for sharing your wisdom on the Narcissist.
Love what you said about letting them know you want to know them and for them to know you.
I want to know and be known.
Well said!