Thank you everyone. For the support but also the understanding - I didn't expect so many people to relate so heavily to certain things in this, I've been so frightened to open up on stuff. Especially 13:00 onwards.
"In the midst of winter, I finally learned there lay within me an invincible summer" Find your summer Beckie, I know you will and I know you can and you are unbelievably talented, push through the fear, push through the winter, feel the cold, feel the FAILURE and feel the LOVE ❤️
I am so sooo sorry that somebody said that to you. That is so deeply hurtful that someone would say that to you. Please hear me- please I beg you to listen to me- I have only just discovered your channel this very day, and I have been so deeply moved by your creativity and your willingness to share your life. You have moved me to tears with almost every video. Your life is so touching and the way you bare your soul so totally is unimaginably brave and it is such a privilege to be let into your inner life. You are an inspiration, and the current of art that runs through your whole life is just such a beautiful, so deeply beautiful part of who you are as a human being. And don’t be too hard on the 17 year old you. She was wonderfully creative too, and I’d give her a huge hug if I could. And she is still a part of you today. I am writing this literally through sobbing tears because I have been so deeply moved by discovering you today. For you it has been a lifetime of creativity and for me I was able to peruse it all in a few hours. So the profundity of your experience is of course greater but the profundity shines through in your work. And I say this as an artist of sorts myself- a classical and jazz pianist- periods of inspiration come in waves. Sometimes they utterly stop (u recently went through a period where I stopped playing for nearl THREE MONTHS (that is an absurd length of time). But I found, when I felt the piano calling to me finally again, that I was more inspired and creative than I had been in years. And I have discovered new things about my music and about music in general. You listen to me good now, my kindred spirit- you listen good- your inspiration WILL RETURN TO YOU. It’ll happen at the most unexpected time and when you’re totally unprepared to take advantage of it, and you’ll have to excuse yourself from some table randomly to go DO IT and it will be beautiful and wonderful just like you are as a person. You are NOT a failure. That person who wrote that is simply factually incorrect. They simply don’t know enough about the world to accurately comprehend what she is looking at. And it just kills me and hurts my heart so deeply to know that those words were able to throw you off course so drastically. YOU LISTEN TO ME DAMNIT- I BELIEVE YOU ARE JUST A GORGEOUS WONDERFUL PERSON AND YOUR LIFE MAKES THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE. You may take that as absolute incontrovertible fact, because I know what I’m talking about and those idiots who seem to enjoy tearing down such a sweet, gentle wonderful girl aren’t worth their own weight in petrified gnome shit. Now you listen here young lady- I have been moved so unbelievably deeply discovering your content today. I started weeping on your age progression video and haven’t stopped crying throughout all of your posted content. I am writing this through a torrential downpour of tears. The world needs MORE OF YOU, not less of you. You are just so infinitely wonderful and it is such a deeply joyful experience to see your work and watch you throw little bits of your essence into the world. Please- I need more of that joy and I would love to see more of your work. As much of it as you can put out and it still wouldn’t be enough. You hace my deepest appreciation, respect, admiration and love. Please, please don’t let any outsiders get you down. It’s all very simple you see- I’m right and they’re wrong. Sending you a huge bear hug from New York. I love you in a way that I don’t understand. I just find you so very beautiful. Matt
Gonna keep this short and useful: you should implement focused attacks. Learn to choose your battles. Take/attend some online courses or in person bootcamps for one of those goals that you mentioned, like book cover design, illustrator proficiency, etc. Then create a better focused portfolio. Sometimes we have proficiency for jobs, but can't show it well because we don't know the sector's practices or standards. If you think your old UA-cam content is tying you down, consider a clear and clean break, and deletion of all content. I know this is very hard to do or consider, but your future is more important than all of that. Lastly, be confident. You are a beautiful soul. You have a good heart. You can do a lot. Cut yourself some slack. Don't be too harsh on yourself. But, be confident, act confident. Nobody is inherently better than anyone. Don't let anyone make you feel less. I am sure you will pull yourself up ready to take on the whole world again tomorrow. Because that's our Rebecca.
You make some great points Alex! As far as her YT videos go she could put them on "Private" so only she can see them without deleting them/losing them. Then that gives her the option later. Also, Instead of thinking of ALL one must do to get to point B, sometimes it is best to just do ONE thing at a time. Focus on ONE class not the entire degree.... and before you know it, all could be achieved by taking 1 step at a time. The big picture can overwhelm many of us
I’m so sorry, Rebecca. I remember the forum & I remember people sending it to me when I mentioned you on twitter. And I remember how petty and ridiculous it was. I was, and still am, so shocked that people circled around you so maliciously. I’ve been following you for a very long time - even when I stepped away because religion is a trigger for me - I kept coming back. You are truly so honest & so clearly kind hearted & good intentioned. I don’t know what to write to send comfort, but I hope you know that I very desperately want to. I understand these emotions so personally. And as difficult as the position is, I hope you can internalize - even a bit - that you’re not alone. xxxx
I relate to so much of your thinking. I'm unemployed, never had any kind of career, hate the way society is, have no idea where to go next or what to do. I live with my mam and we rent, I'm in debt, I have crippling anxiety and depression and very intense emotions that make daily life really hard. Honestly I promise you are not alone. Thank you for being so honest. P.S. I hate hindsight too
I find it really frustrating to read through the comments and see so many people giving unsolicited advice. I understand they mean well but when I was in the depths of applying to jobs, feeling totally unmotivated and stupid and insecure, any unsolicited advice about what I should be trying when I was working my absolute hardest was soul destroying. I understand sometimes people can offer perspectives or advice you maybe hadn’t through about but I think people forget how many comments you’re getting on the internet. Sometimes it helped me when someone said “you’re right, this really really sucks and it’s really unfair. Things will get better, but that’s no help right now. I’m here to support you and if I can’t then I can listen.” Beckie I don’t think there’s much I can do in the way of support but there are many people who are listening, and your words are stay with me and I think of them often when I feel totally alone.
I relate to this so much. Feeling stuck, unmotivated or not good enough when it comes to my own creative pursuits and passions. I have an interview tomorrow for a job in a field that is related to my degree, but its a field that I never wanted to go into because of how stressful and anxious it makes me feel. At this point though, the need for financial stability has replaced my dreams of being a published author. Sending all the love your way
I'm flabberghasted. The fact that people in Interviews will not only go through your social media, but then proceed to use it against you as a reason to turn you down for jobs? I'm just, speechless. How do places get away with behaviour such as that? The UK government needs to sort that shit out.
I don't see anything wrong with looking at someone's social media, but to confront you with it in an interview is completely wrong, not to mention unprofessional! If you don't like what you see, don't even call the person in.
Props for saying all this out loud and sharing it. I feel the same in many ways and sometimes it’s enough to know you’re not alone (not that i would wish this on anyone) Sending hugs and hope you find your way through to the next level of happiness.
She wasn't stupid.....she was 17. Things change as we grow and gain experience. The honesty in this video was eye opening. Keep taking care of yourself. Your supporters are still listening.
Every time a video of yours pops up i feel this warm, nostalgic feeling. You are one of the best people to watch, even if you ramble for hours we’d still listen. We love you no matter what. You are not a failure, your path is just different and those who love you can tell you how far you’ve come, that even someone hundreds of miles away knows, loves and supports you. Wish you nothing but the best💙
Beckie, The number of times I've wished I could reach through the computer and give you a hug. I wish you well, wish there was some way I could help. Sending hugs.
Being denied from jobs can really take a hit on confidence. It makes us with anxiety and low confidence ask ourselves "why am I not good enough?" The job market is so competitive and employers can be so picky. Anytime I've been rejected, I tried my best not to take it to heart, it can be difficult though if you're being denied daily. Whenever I question myself, I remind that I know myself, and know the things I am capable of. Employers can't see our life experience and how far we've come and how much we've achieved from a 10 minute interview and a CV. They don't know the true us
This video puts my own feelings into words where I lack the eloquence to explain to my family or therapist or job agencies why I'm stuck and I can't get out. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing! And if it can make you feel any better, I truly dont think youre a failure. You actually inspire me. You are so so talented in many things and you explore those talents no matter what age you are. You are very intelligent and hardworking and I truly believe you will find your motivation and get back on track, whatever it is you choose to do. Good luck with every aspect of your life. I truly hope you feel better. :)
It breaks my heart to hear that you had to hear such words of hatred towards you. I have been watching your content since 2008. I am 25 now and when I was 15 I got through many days because I felt connected to you, somebody I saw as being kind and strong, and I still see that. Thank you for sharing your feelings, I can relate to so much of this.
Hi Beckie, I'm in a very similar position at the moment. I am struggling with what I want to do with my life, mental health issues and have been thinking a lot about children recently, and whether I will end up dying alone (Cheerful). Just to let you know that you are still making a difference, no matter if the platform is smaller, everything has a butterfly effect. I really got some catharsis from knowing how similar your situation is, its tough when you feel you should be excited about your future but you cant help but be scared.
Oh Becki. I am pretty sure you don’t remember me. We met at summer in the city in the bathroom. I watched your videos for years at this point and you tought me so much. So now I want to give back. If you want to, you can come to Berlin and stay here for a few days at our apartment just to get some different air and maybe some space to think and evaluate. You are so much more than you can see at the moment. ❤️
Beckie, my friend I can only say you are right. We with mental health issues are discriminated against. I am glad you made this video. I was recently hospitalized for three days. I collapsed, and lost 9 hours of my life before waking up. I am 62 years old. Your comment on children for what it is worth to you, I would find employment before having children. Having raised two daughters I can speak by experience. You can have a career. And children. And it is important you and James are on the same page on this. Much hugs, and love to you.
I relate to you so much, I’ve been struggling in the job application process and feeling really deflated. Writing cover letters feels like I’m lying and being insincere, because I too greatly doubt myself and my abilities as well as have low self-esteem. Thank you for being so vulnerable, and being open about things. I still think you are a mental health advocate even though it may not be your official job title. I am now in therapy for the first time and it has been helping with my depression and anxiety. Watching your journey makes me realize how I am less alone and that other people experience these things in their 20s and it’s ok if I’m not having the time of my life in this period and I need to stop comparing myself to not only movie/tv depictions of people at this age but also to others' lives on social media where I only see their highlight reel and not their problems/pains that they keep hidden. What you do, I think is radical. Cause you are brutally honest, you don’t gloss over things, and it makes people feel like they are in the same boat with you. Your anxieties and worries are things we all feel and are sometimes hesitant to talk about. You break down facades, educate & illuminate on important topics/issues, and you bring people together in shared understanding. You chronicle the highs and lows of the human condition. And for me, and the majority of your viewers, we all are following you on this journey and we all want you to succeed and can’t wait to watch you when you do ♥
Thank you so much. I am stuck in the limbo of trying to find a job and trying to do something that i actually like.. The overwhelming anxiety of interviews to the point of preferring to starve over applying really resonated with me. I love you and it hurts me to see you struggle like this. Hug. I have no solution either, but you are not alone in this.
I highly recommend the short courses at University of the Arts, London. I've done three of their one week illustration courses and a weekend Wacom course. Take a look!
This video is just what I needed right now. I’d love to hear you speak more about topics like this because so many people can relate! I have an interview for a job this week and I’m already putting myself down and convincing myself it’s not for me and they won’t want me. Self esteem and confidence can really make or break us. I wish you all the best in the future❤️
I know how you feel. I finished my masters and did not have a holyday in years. Now I'm looking for a job and get rejected A LOT. I'm working in two jobs and try to find work. After eleven applications I got one interview. Eleven is not a lot, but I'm looking for a job in the field of forensics, which is really hard and positions are rare! Selfdoubt, feeling miserable? Been there done that... still doing it. But other times will come. Stay positive! But please do me a favor! Do not isolate yourself! You need people around you, that show you something different.
I definitely understand, I feel stuck that I haven't gotten to my goals. We both can do this😊 and I'll be 28 but I have to keep trying till I get there. I know the discrimination in applying for new jobs with my own physical disability, but it won't stop me from trying
Job hunting is absolute crazy-making bull shit that is made to break you down and settle for less. its not you, its capitalism. I'm grateful that you keep coming back and sharing with us. Thanks for being here with us and for being you
This one hit me hard, incredibly relatable. Amid career struggles, anxiety and health issue you have to think about adult stuff like having kids. And it feels whatever you choose won’t be a right answer. I wish I could say some words of comfort that would help, but I don’t know any. Except this - you made a difference and your work inspired people all around the globe, and there is a spark - and always will be. Even now, the way you honestly talked about difficult matters helps a lot, may be it is not joyful Spark, but pure sincerity spark. Sending love and all the best wishes ❤️
Loved seeing an upload from you in my subscription box. I love how open and honest you are. This videos just feels like I'm chatting with an old friend and I just want to give you the biggest hug. I have watched you for years and you have grown so much, it makes me proud. And yes Rebecca you have that spark (always have always will). Never forget your light!
Thank you for addressing this Stuff it’s a nice update :) think ppl need to remember even if someone says or does something online doesn’t mean thel stay that way in the future and I find it so interesting seeing you’re views and opinions on pregnancy and stuff change and have that recording of that change 😊 Glad to see you’re videos again x
I love watching your videos and I hope you get to were you want to be and dont let the online bullies win. And been able to talk about mental health is good for getting it out there my brother suffers with mental health and ive mentioned your videos to him and he is watching you now and he is in a much better place now since watching you but he knows its not just going to get better like that it takes times but take each day as it comes wether its good or bad just hold on to that strength that you have with in you
I wish you so incredibly much that you are able to go to therapy because I feel like a GOOD therapy is the only thing helping and the only thing making your entire life better. I wish you the best ❤️
I am 41 and have trouble leaving my bed let alone my home. My depression/anxiety got so bad I atrophied a lot of muscles I had and am now trying to get the gumption to do small exercise. What I mean by stating this is, you are not alone. In 2020 most people in "civilized" societies have crippling anxiety (okay not like Denmark and the other Nordic countries but I think that's cuz they have it right) We all are working just to survive rather than living. You said it yourself you hold on to your home by the skin on your teeth. We are all fighting just to stay afloat rather than enjoying the swim. I don't know, other than society no longer commodifing all of life, of any other path. I prefer to look at our ancestors for guidance. Become one with our life and all life around us. And stop chasing the paycheck...though in today's society that paycheck barely covers being able to take a full breath. I am at a loss Rebecca. I hope you find your way. It is good to see and hear you again. The extra few pounds (kgs? Metric...)looks good on you. Despite your obvious stressed look, you look healthier with the few extra stone (? )
I have never commented on one of your videos I don't think... But I have been following/subscribed for a very very long time. I'm talking like 100 subscribers or less when your account name was beckie0. I mean it had to be well over 10 years ago surely. I have no idea how, but one day I randomly remembered "becky0" and decided to look your name up on UA-cam and found you again. I lost my old UA-cam account forever ago, but I'm really glad I found you again. It's one of those things that just brought back memories from a good time in my life by finding you again. From the very beginning, the trich videos, going off to university, all of it. I'm glad you're still around!
You've never let me down with your expressions and I'm somebody who has been keeping up with you, your writing, your photography and your various other artworks for several years. There simply won't come a time when I don't care about how you're doing. But I know how it is. Little things I do that nobody else thinks anything of at all drive me nuts and I'm always critiquing myself, always thinking up little ways of doing things better and fighting feelings of dread and disappointment if things don't progress as I'd like. I can also relate to looking back on past content and feeling like struggles inspired an odd sort of quality. Pain & inner turmoil brought out a lot of outrageous and surprisingly energetic sarcasm from me years ago here on UA-cam. I think you're doing great. The artwork you recently added to your Etsy is lovely. I liked this video too. I think you've got an energy, a speed, a brutal honesty...a sort of spark, that if you'll pardon me for saying so, seemed to have flickered and dimmed for a bit there. And I truly believe that one day you'll find your place and be happy with who you are and where you are.
I failed my game design studies because of my depression and dermatillomania. Now I want to be an animal carer and I'm doing all I can to achieve that. I'm so much happier now. Because now my needs are the most importat thing in my life for me.
Hi Rebecca. I know that this video is 4 years old and I have watched your more recent stuff. Recommendation is Ralph McTell Streets of London. Stay well and God Bless.
Thank you for opening yourself up. I know that you have helped me feel not alone for the past 5 or so years of my life. I wish I could magically be there for you.
Attitude is more important than anything and self love and not caring what others think, including interviewers. Other people’s opinion doesn’t matter. Focus on positive vibes and things will work out!!! Stand ur ground, the only relevant thing is this moment not the you from 10 years ago! ❤️❤️❤️
collapsible canes are really useful - just pop it into your handbag and if you need it, just flip it out! navigating disability stuff can be really hard, but there are lots of little things here to help you out. i take one with me in my wheelchair bag to make stuff/transferring easier, and you can get really nice patterned ones too. hopefully that’s at least slightly useful! 🌻✨
You've recorded this video on the 22nd February which was my daughter's first birthday and it was an amazing day. I am so sorry to see you sad and desperate and afraid :( You were the very first UA-camr I've subscribed to. You introduced me to the world of UA-cam and I'll be forever grateful for it. Thanks to you and you only I have a huge amount of memories of my life before becoming mom in a video form because few years ago I've started uploading to UA-cam aswell. I hope you'll soon feel better and all your problem will be fixed or at least looking like they can be fixed easily. Thank you for being you - Thank you for being here. Thank you! Sending all the love from Czech Republic.
Beckie- take an improv class/ I beg you. Learn that failure isn’t a death sentence it’s an opportunity to learn and grow. If you keep waiting to be in a good place before you share things you’ll live in a hole with the sun barely peeking through. I think it would help you a lot to do something physical that gets you out of your head, talking to folks, getting new ideas, and learning how to stop judging yourself and learn to be excited about failure! I have been in it 3 years and it’s changed my whole life and ability to art! I’m a full time artist and can’t wait on “inspiration” to create. You have to create daily. It can be bad. Awful even. But creating anything is a success, and any “failure” in process is learning. I have days and days of failure in line sometimes, but i am a far better artist than when I started 9 years ago, and I’m so excited to suck some more today so I can be better tomorrow! (And I say that knowing I like my art, but always want to improve) I wish you nothing but the best, and hope you’re able to find the fun in failure and get back to a happier zone. You can do it, you just gotta DO! I think we follow eachother on insta, but if you ever wanna y’all art or vent to a bud or ask questions I am here! @darkredheart on insta
So many of us are addicted to the story of our own suffering, but eventually, we have to choose; do we reinvent ourselves, or keep living within the same broken framework? Part of our healing is to let go of thar victim consciousness. It’s a long way to go, but as someone who lives well with bipolar disorder and has recovered from long term addiction - it’s possible, but only if we let go of our victim mentality. Very brave of you to share this! All the best 💓
Hey beckie do you know in the video you did like years ago the video called "6.5 years of my life". Well can you tell me how did you kept your face in the same position like for me that's a little difficult can you tell me how?
I am sorry. You are worthy. You are very creative. You are not a failure. I admire your strength, and your videos have given me the courage to face my own struggles. I am grateful of how open you have been about your mental health, and I am sorry people bring that at all in a job interview. You are amazingly talented, and you do have a lot of artistic, editing, digital media skills (and many more). Thank you for still making vids after all these years and struggles. 💜
I've too been thinking that i can't afford holidays and that i can't afford a therapist. You can. Treat it as a necessity. Like food, like those bills you have to pay. Ask for help. Talk to your parents, talk to James, ask for 2 weeks off at all the jobs. And then go somewhere. Just anywhere. Rent a cheap hut in the middle of nowhere. Don't take anything with you, most importantly leave all the expectations at home. Just go. Can't afford 2 weeks? Do 1 week. But do rest from thinking and judging yourself. Don't take your laptop. Don't take your camera. Leave your paints at home. Imagine an alternative scenario: you get sick and hospitalized for a month. Will your world collapse? (No) You'll have to pause your career, and your health be gone too. If you take a (much needed) holiday now, you'll be much, much better off! Be kind to yourself. Take a rest.
I don't get holidays at two of the jobs I have, I just don't work and therefore don't get paid - freelancing! Also, if I take breaks - I likely lose out on future work. I also have holidays off at one of my jobs but using them to work at another job as not earning enough. I get so few holidays at the job, it's not even a holiday really. I'm working ten days in a row shortly, across four different jobs and as I'm working my way back up, I have to work overtime just to break even. There is no time for a holiday. Also, as starting a new job on top of all of this, I can't exactly take six months off even if I had the funds in the bank. No, I need to work in some solid jobs years before I can break. It's like when the GP told me to sell my home last year and dedicate myself to therapy and getting better. Therapy and luxurious breaks are a rich persons world. I can barely pay my bills this month, can't exactly pay out another £400 a month on therapy or a £2000 trip to Spain for a few months. I understand what you mean and I agree, but realistically - not possible. It's work or die or die whilst working I suppose.
I know that sometimes words fail. And that's about where I'm sitting. Your video made me feel so much that I don't know what to say. I could tell there were times you tried not to cry. I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd needed to turn the camera off to let some tears flow. I know the frustration. I was let of a job I loved because they outsourced my job to the Philippines. After that I had a hard time finding a job I could fit my experience into. There aren't many and I have yet to find another I love. So I am currently a stay at home mom and the caregiver for my husband's grandmother, and I worked a finance job before. I'm nearly 10 years older than you and I wish I was close enough to wrap you up and give you a long comforting hug. You sound like you could really use one right about now. It's just too bad I'm in NM, USA, and not the UK. I know it's just words, but all I can really say is try to keep your head up, you may just find something you really enjoy when you least expect it. It could be the job you applied for, but weren't really wanting. You never know where your next opportunity is. A huge blanket hug from the US.
I have never related to something so much. Thank you for sharing, I’ve been following your journey for years and as you said you're not alone and you can do it! We can do it! This pushed me to keep going. Thank you.
I hope all those people who have been mean to you realize their mistakes and learn how awful they’ve been. You are a WONDERFUL human being. Don’t let anyone bring you down.
I think you definetely need some meditation in your days. You need to keep calm and stop all that thoughts even though if it is just for 15 minutes a day... After that you will be able to think more calmly...
I was on medication last year and it did so much harm than good. Was going to start a new drug in January, but when a job offer came my way (job start been delayed three times now) and more research on the damage the medication could cause if I wanted to get pregnant or accidentally became pregnant - was a complete no. Now, I'm waiting to see the Doctor again. Unfortunately, I can't afford to spend another month entirely out of action due to medication. I was only able to adjust to Sertraline as I was working in a job where it didn't matter. Now, there's more pressure. It's not straight forward at all. Sure, I need something - but I also am aware that I need more than medication to solve my life.
Wow really agree on the confidence when it comes to jobs, I applied for so many and hearing nothing back from hundreds of applications started effecting my own self worth, I really empathise with you
One idea could be to move home, rent out your flat and use the money to get help with your mental health as this could help set you up for life. Just a suggestion and you gotta do what's best for you.
I understand what you mean, but this is my home though. I'm past the point of depending on my parents as a back up (even if paying rent) and their home is no longer a place I can hold my life in. When I was younger, I was able to rely on them and took support where I could, but things have changed. I have a mortgage with my own life now. This is possible for some though. E.g. my Brother and Sister have moved back in with plans of their own and did what I did. Brother was even going to move in with me for a while. I would love to move in with James and we work together, but he has his own life to look after too and has had to move away. Gotta just plough on here. x
Because working minimum wage in retail folding for hours on end, does not build skills in the sector I wish or support my future and it's making me miserable. I keep being told I lack experience and working in retail is strengthening potential employers view that I am not even worth considering. I'm never going to work in London or built up my life if I don't try to push forward. If I work partime retail and work in an internship or other opportunities, then okay.... but I don't want to work in retail for the remainder of my life, I can do so much more creative things in life
@@beckiejbrown sorry, I don't mean retail There are thousands of jobs that are creative but not in the typical art & design sense. Sometimes it's nice to try something new and make it creative in a different way, rather than always going for the more obvious choices. - Not that I know what you've applied for Design engineering companies are always looking for designers, whether it be CAD, Electrical, Marketing, or there's always an R&D department looking for new people who can learn products and adapt and change systems and components to make them easier. I used to work at a company who manufactures metal ceiling tiles, but learning the mechanisms and the art of how they tied in with the architecture of the room was amazing, taught me a lot. I know personally, the more I try and make my creativity how it used to be, the more upset I get that it just isn't that same type. Just sometimes it's evolving through the stages of creativity in life and appreciating what you've done in the past might not be what you're best at in the future I hope you find something that works for you x
I can’t believe the people interviewing you looked at your social media right in front of you. That would never happen in America. It would be a human resources disaster. You could so easily sue them for that here. I’m sorry they did that to you! ❤️
Oh and Beckie, you are not a failure. You are measuring yourself up against a standard that doesn’t matter. Jesus sees you where you are and delights in you. The joy of the Lord will be your strength. I know this may not help to say. But it’s the truth. You are loved exactly how you are.
All I can say is you are so so beautiful and so loved and brave, and it’s alright to just talk and ramble and get things out not even to anyone just to speak helps your brain to make sense of things you are having a hard time with much love form Portsmouth ✝️😊xx
I'm unemployed right now, have been for a few years. I never hear anything back from anyone. It feels like the world of work is like this: Candidate With Mental Health History: "Here are my acheivements, my degree certificate, my experience, millions of views on UA-cam." Employer: "Thanks, we'll get back to you." Other Candidate: "I have no experience or qualifications, but I don't have mental health issues and I'm very outgoing." Employer: "Great, you're hired." It just makes me wonder what the point of speaking out was, or is. You could win awards for it, have people agree with you, have the newspapers write about how great it is you're doing something to tackle the stigma, and then at the end of the day the world still turns you away and says, "No." And the longer you're unemployed, the worse it gets. I've not been working for about 6 years now. Despite volunteering in a charity shop, and doing some studying, some recruitment agencies have turned me away because I've not consistently been in paid work since graduating. Coming up for 33 and still living with the parents doesn't make me feel good.
A good friend once told me something that stuck with me. "When someone insults you, it's about them, not about you." In other terms, someone who makes it their daily mission to hurt strangers on the internet says a lot more about their own life choices in doing so, than they say about the lives of the people they're insulting. I haven't commented before, but I've been watching your channel off and on for three or four years, usually for a couple hours at a time during the wee hours of morning when I'm too stressed or wired and my brain won't shut up to let me sleep. This morning it was COVID that had my brain on fire. I thought of your channel and decided I needed some Beckie Jane Brown in my life, I wanted your take on it and you did not disappoint. Then I saw this video and it was just like, woah. Perspective. Bam. You make me feel like less of an alien. I don't know how to explain it exactly, something about seeing another regular person trying to overcome daily and also lifelong battles, discussing valid anxieties and problems openly... We're also in basically the same boat, financially, right now, while this crazy thing is happening around us. I don't know. It's gotta be a weird millennial thing, because it's like having a friend that I've never met or spoken to, because the internet exists. And so do you, and you are valid and wonderful and I am glad that you exist. This video made me want to give my sad, wonderful friend-I've-never-met a hug, so I figured I'd comment and try to say something kind, since you kept bringing up being kind in your COVID videos. I realize this comment is really long but I have to stress that WHAT YOU DO FOR MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS IS IMPORTANT. Keep fighting the good fight Beckie, you do more good than you know.
Beckie 😭❤ you are very creative being an illustrator is really good idea it suits you well ❤ try online freelancing 😞 and my dear I really appreciate sharing with us I hope things will work with you..
"I no longer relate to the person in my videos" YES! This is what social media is in so many ways. I totally get why this is painful. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you find what you need in your employment and personal life
Becca, have you ever thought about doing podcasts? You have a lovely voice, you have experience with many things most of your fans haven't. I'm sure your audience would listen, and you could potentially benefit from doing that :)
Becky you are absolutely NOT a failure! You are incredibly talented! Try not to think or worry about what others say about you - no one has it all together. Like you, EVERYONE is doing what they know how. As we learn more, we do better, if we're wise. You seem overstimulated with all that's going on in your life. Perhaps you can find a very mundane job that is stable - maybe office work. Find a mundane, boring but stable job and commit to doing it well. Sometimes we don't need what we want, we just need what we need. I pray you will feel better about yourself.
I have had anxiety all my life and i have learned that reaching your goals does not lift your anxiety it simply transfers it to a new place. working on accepting where and who you are in the moment while working towards your goal is everything (just because you aren't where you want to be does not mean where you are now is a bad place). if you are always needing to be in the next place to be happy you will find it very hard to be happy. its okay to be proud of where you are and still move forward to do the new things. i became very ill a few years ago and all my goals had to change overnight, it taught me that i needed to live in the moment and see where i am as an achievement even if all i could do in my life at that point was simply be alive. it was easy for me, and still is, to feel i had failed myself and everyone around me, i hadn't and i mostly know that now but my mind was so determine to break me down and i lived in panic/failure mode for such a long time. we expect far too much of ourselves sometimes. its okay to have a long road in front of you, everyone does. life is about experiencing the journey not reaching the targets. its always full of unexpected moments and sometimes when we think its all going wrong we are actually being taken in the direction we are suppose to be going in no the one we think we should. things will improve for you and you will look back at this one day and be happy to see the change in yourself once again. take one step at a time, work on the way you perceive life first and everything else will feel easier to face. you got this! i'm sorry if this is one long ramble full of spelling errors. its very late and making words from my thoughts is difficult right now.
I relate to this so much! Especially the last few years. It’s really hard to keep things going when the world feels like it’s crumbling around you. Especially when mental and physical health come into play. Stay strong Beckie! You’ve always been someone Ive enjoyed watching on UA-cam and keeping up with on Instagram so I’m always cheering for you! ☺️ Lots of love and good vibes to you from across the ocean! 💙
You’re so brave for posting this, and I just want to give you a hug, because I can totally relate to these emotions and the lack of self confidence and self worth. You’re vulnerability is inspiring, and I have been watching for a few years and you have come a long way. Love from Texas!❤️
I think it was terrible employers did that to you at interviews. I, too went to film school as you may recall. In a class full of film students I can tell you only one of us really works in the field. I ended up becoming a film critic. So instead of making movies, I write and talk about ones other people made. Oh, I don't make any money doing it. I hope you recapture your joy one day, Rebecca and you evict all those freeloaders from your brain.
I relate to so much of this. I'm a creative, anxious, 33 yr old who is currently unemployed and at home. Who wishes she could get back into education, but that seems, like you, very unlikely. I hated education at the time, my mental health was at an all time low, but as you say, hindsight. What I do know, is that you are strong. And smart. And brave. And so am I. And our brains, and society often tell us otherwise. But today at least, I know we are. I send much love 💪🏼💚
feeling sick with anxiety, your videos always make me feel less alone. Thinking deeply of you. Bullying causes lasting damage, but I promise it can be managed. Your voice matters x
This was very wholesome and also quite sad to watch honey. Have you read The Secret? I read it and it changed my life. You realise that you have the possibility and power to do whatever you want to do when you read this book, it’s become my bible and I live my life so differently than I did a year ago. It’s magical, there’s a movie coming out about it soon, albeit a love story but the theme is there ✨
I love your personality. I suggest you just slow down first. Try to collect all the negativities that surrounding you and put them into an imaginery box, draw a yellow question mark on it visually, and send it to me. Big hug to you :)
I sincerely hope and wish you the very best. You are lovely, smart and talented. I hope you'll be able to see all the good that's in you (hint: there is a lot!). For what it's worth - I (a little internet person from very far away) believe in you.
When I start to worry about failure I always remember this quote - “Some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all-in which case, you fail by default.” - J.K.Rowling This genuinely taught me to not fear failure but to embrace it, and the day a started doing that was the day I started living my life the way I want.
Wow. I can't even express how much I relate to everything you said. Have watched you since about 2016, and your honesty is seriously so refreshing. God bless you Rebecca, I wish the best for you 💕
Hi Beckie! I just wanted you to know that I've been subscribed to you for around 6 years now. When I was struggling with Trich, you helped me know that I wasn't alone. I wanted to let you know that I've found something that is working for me, and I'm wondering if you have tried it too? It's called NAC - N-Acetyl L Cysteine. I've been taking 2400mg for around 6 weeks now and I'm starting to stop, it also helps me with my anxiety. You might have already tried a lot of things, or be skeptical, but there is clinical research on this that is fairly new. If you haven't already, I think you should try it out!
Girl, you are so hyped up and stressed.. About jobs.. I think, you could work in tiny house industry. Sustainable and much more easygoing. All in for acceptance, relaxing and finding peace. About kids: I am 40 and I still think that I can have a kid yet. You are 27. Let this go for 5 more years, while you settle in your new job and get your self back. Also, you can still continue to advocate for mental health and make it your strength, not liability. Your filmmaking skills get used, you do a good thing and get your pride back. :) See? Easy now, just throw away worries for 1 evening, and let yourself consider this. What do you think?
I'm 26 and have been with my bf for 9 years. We struggled on the kids front for a while. Initially we wanted them. Then when I was 23, he got to the point where he *knew* he didn't but I was still uncertain. At 24-25, I got to the point where I can say with certainty that kids just aren't for me. I have a ton of Fur Babies, but I just would hate the added responsibility of a child. Not to mention what your body goes through, potential issues, and/or death in severe circumstances. And I do not want to deal with the financial aspect in the slightest. All in all, just not my cup of tea. I'd be a child's amazing Auntie, but not mother. On mental health, I'm so grateful my boss finally understands my need for mental health days and therapy appointments. He worked with me on it after I spoke to him about it, though it was quite the process. Most other employers I've had would never do something like that. I'm just lucky! I found the job by chance, though applied everywhere anyway even if I didn't qualify 100% and just happened to get it. This time 2 years ago, I was depressed, unemployed, and starting therapy and medications for the first time ever, and discovering who I was with those elements in my life. You will get to a point where you are happy again - or some version of happy (it's still kind of a roller coaster for me). Just keep on keepin' on! I love your honesty and take on life, the world is so much better with you in it. This goes for anyone reading this far. YOU got this! ♥
The fact that you face yourself with such bravery and look into your own darkness. Then be willing to taking every baby steps towards something better even though your in pain is so so so priceless and worth being admired. Ive watched your videos since 2013 and youve inspired me through everything. I relate to how you feel very much in my own way. Your older than me so you are experiencing things i havent yet, but every wisdom you drop i pick up because i think its so precious. Please keep it up. It will be worth it in the long run! There is beauty in the small moments. How the wind can refresh us. How beautiful the trees are and the colors they create. You are worth it!! I love you so much 🥺😣💗💖💝💕💜🤗. Im not good with words and idk if you will even read this, but I tried to explain how I feel. Its okay not to be strong. Its okay your sensitive. You are loved by the right people 🌸
I remember journaling 02.02.2020 (day.mo.yr.) and noting it was the first palindrome of my life. I'm hoping to see the next few more. @Beckie Jane Brown, somewhere up this list of comments @Mathew Newton wrote something that I, too, feel but couldn't say. But if I feet that way, Mathew feels that way, and others feel that way then, maybe, your recognition of this will help assuage the negative you carry with you. Yes, there are many of us who are or were in a very similar situation. What you describe is a fundamental, pervasive, normal part of who I am. I have found certain ways of minimizing those feelings and, sometimes, I can push through. The best and worst seems to be annually cyclical. And sometimes I find myself in the right place at the right time doing the right thing and "luck" happens...for a year or two.
Hang in there Beckie. I too have gone thru more Crap than one person should have gone thru. Nowadays here in the good old USA; College degrees do NOT guarantee you any kind of job what-so-ever & if you are a little older~ you stand next to NO chance of getting a career job. I got straight "A"'s in my college courses; & was a class mentor for many students but I had NO luck at any jobs & became homeless. So I understand your frustrations especially since I am older..
Only good, Becky you are such a one of a kind lady. If I personally could help you in any way I so would. I wish so badly for you and for all of us whom struggles with mental health issues to just get a BREAK! Continuing to watch your videos. Live all your content. Can't wait wo see your new bag. Much love, Sarah
Hello! I don’t usually comment on people’s videos but I suppose you are an exception :) I also struggle with mental health and I want to pursue theater but it seems like people who are very confident and have connections are the ones that succeed. Of course there are other factors but right now I don’t have much of either. I guess I just want to tell you, you are not alone and thank you for not making me feel alone. I’ve been watching you since I was...15 or 16? I’m 21 now ☺️ I did’t think I would get this far but I have! You processing your mental health helped me a lot ok i’m rambling now :(( just thank you and I wish the best for you
Love this post because so many people have felt stuck at one point or another. I've been there! The only thing I can say is thank you for posting and just keep plugging away, even if you're just going through the motions. It gets better :) I found focusing on 1% changes really helped (recommend reading Atomic Habits)!!!
Hey Rebecca. It's been a while. You probably won't read this - I tend to get to videos a while after they're posted, because of my backlog, and creators tend to look at comments from a couple of days after the video goes up - but I'll write it out anyway. I relate to a lot of what you've said here. Some for myself, some for my wife (I have a wife now, it's crazy), but there are a lot of points that are very familiar. The world's a bit shit, isn't it, sometimes? It sounds like you need a lot of rest, but don't have the freedom for that. So I hope that you're getting a lot of support, and that you're leaning on that support. I know too many people who are struggling (including myself) that don't lean on the people around them for that love, support, and just a listening ear, that can each be so crucial in just helping us get through the day. This one's probably going to sound crazy to your brain, but lower your expectations of yourself. It's okay not to be the best. It's okay to not be able to do things, or to get things wrong, or to say no. Often, those things can be very good, because they enable you to actually have more time to work on mental/physical health etc. Provided it doesn't cause you to go into an anxiety meltdown, which may be the issue in question here. This can be a really difficult thing to do, particularly if your default for your whole life has been around being the best at whatever you're doing - but especially when your mental and physical health isn't great, continuing to have high expectations can make things a lot worse, because of the stress and anxiety that's involved. I think you're an incredible person, that deserves better in life than what you're getting. But life has a tendency not to care much about that sort of thing. So I'll be sending you love and praying for you. Lean on your supports, and lean on God. We've got your back.
I believe I came across some of your videos a couple of years ago?? So I don’t know that much about anything. But this video popped up today, and I am resonating so so much with the fear of failure. I’m so much afraid to try anything, and it stops me from even going for a walk (which I need to do for my health). So I know I don’t now you. I can see you’ve got huge thoughts about a lot of things and about being stuck. I love that you have things you want to do and that, even though there’s the fear and low self esteem, there is passion in there. It just needs some healthy space. Wishing you all the best. These are big things. Take a breath. It’s going to be ok. Stupid sayings, I know. But you’ve got this. All the stuff you’ve mentioned, and as you say, it’s all completely valid. Biggest thing. Seeing this video.i just wanted to step in and say, take a breath. Take care. Best wishes from a stranger in Australia
I’m autistic and couldn’t relate more to most of what you’ve said. Anxiety, fear of failure, exhausted all the time. Psychological pain that results in physical pain. But we keep plodding on and pushing through hard times. Cats make things better and working on believing in ourselves.
I can honestly relate to the majority of the things you mentioned. Being 27 and being stuck and left behind by your peers is devastating. Being rejected every single day makes things even worse. I was in a job i hated (retail) and where I was bullied by my boss so I quit a few months ago. Decided to study for a Master's which turned out to be awful and I withdrew from it. I'm now 27, unemployed with 2 Bachelor' s degrees, living with my parents and I have no clue as to what to do with my life. I was even rejected from a waiting position as "there were applicants with more experience and better skills" than mine. This threw me off so bad. No one wants to hire me because I don't have experience but how on earth am i supposed to get experience if no one will hire me? It's a vicious cycle and I hate society so much!
Joy is also a catalyst for great creativity also!! What makes you joyous!? What makes you feel light and free?! What lights you up?! Focus on that!! Get into the flow and the creativity will COME!!
Thank you everyone.
For the support but also the understanding - I didn't expect so many people to relate so heavily to certain things in this, I've been so frightened to open up on stuff. Especially 13:00 onwards.
Maybe get something like this? It's a retractable compact walking stick ❤️ Sending love!!
"In the midst of winter, I finally learned there lay within me an invincible summer" Find your summer Beckie, I know you will and I know you can and you are unbelievably talented, push through the fear, push through the winter, feel the cold, feel the FAILURE and feel the LOVE ❤️
Oh wow, I have a chronic "failure" self talk as well. 90%+ or I'm a failure also
I am so sooo sorry that somebody said that to you. That is so deeply hurtful that someone would say that to you. Please hear me- please I beg you to listen to me- I have only just discovered your channel this very day, and I have been so deeply moved by your creativity and your willingness to share your life. You have moved me to tears with almost every video. Your life is so touching and the way you bare your soul so totally is unimaginably brave and it is such a privilege to be let into your inner life. You are an inspiration, and the current of art that runs through your whole life is just such a beautiful, so deeply beautiful part of who you are as a human being. And don’t be too hard on the 17 year old you. She was wonderfully creative too, and I’d give her a huge hug if I could. And she is still a part of you today. I am writing this literally through sobbing tears because I have been so deeply moved by discovering you today. For you it has been a lifetime of creativity and for me I was able to peruse it all in a few hours. So the profundity of your experience is of course greater but the profundity shines through in your work. And I say this as an artist of sorts myself- a classical and jazz pianist- periods of inspiration come in waves. Sometimes they utterly stop (u recently went through a period where I stopped playing for nearl THREE MONTHS (that is an absurd length of time). But I found, when I felt the piano calling to me finally again, that I was more inspired and creative than I had been in years. And I have discovered new things about my music and about music in general. You listen to me good now, my kindred spirit- you listen good- your inspiration WILL RETURN TO YOU. It’ll happen at the most unexpected time and when you’re totally unprepared to take advantage of it, and you’ll have to excuse yourself from some table randomly to go DO IT and it will be beautiful and wonderful just like you are as a person. You are NOT a failure. That person who wrote that is simply factually incorrect. They simply don’t know enough about the world to accurately comprehend what she is looking at. And it just kills me and hurts my heart so deeply to know that those words were able to throw you off course so drastically. YOU LISTEN TO ME DAMNIT- I BELIEVE YOU ARE JUST A GORGEOUS WONDERFUL PERSON AND YOUR LIFE MAKES THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE. You may take that as absolute incontrovertible fact, because I know what I’m talking about and those idiots who seem to enjoy tearing down such a sweet, gentle wonderful girl aren’t worth their own weight in petrified gnome shit.
Now you listen here young lady- I have been moved so unbelievably deeply discovering your content today. I started weeping on your age progression video and haven’t stopped crying throughout all of your posted content. I am writing this through a torrential downpour of tears. The world needs MORE OF YOU, not less of you. You are just so infinitely wonderful and it is such a deeply joyful experience to see your work and watch you throw little bits of your essence into the world. Please- I need more of that joy and I would love to see more of your work. As much of it as you can put out and it still wouldn’t be enough.
You hace my deepest appreciation, respect, admiration and love. Please, please don’t let any outsiders get you down. It’s all very simple you see- I’m right and they’re wrong.
Sending you a huge bear hug from New York. I love you in a way that I don’t understand. I just find you so very beautiful.
Matt
@@matthewnewton8812 My sentiment, too. Beckie is such a soul that it's easy to feel toward her as the sister/daughter one didn't but would have.
Gonna keep this short and useful: you should implement focused attacks. Learn to choose your battles.
Take/attend some online courses or in person bootcamps for one of those goals that you mentioned, like book cover design, illustrator proficiency, etc. Then create a better focused portfolio. Sometimes we have proficiency for jobs, but can't show it well because we don't know the sector's practices or standards.
If you think your old UA-cam content is tying you down, consider a clear and clean break, and deletion of all content. I know this is very hard to do or consider, but your future is more important than all of that.
Lastly, be confident. You are a beautiful soul. You have a good heart. You can do a lot. Cut yourself some slack. Don't be too harsh on yourself. But, be confident, act confident. Nobody is inherently better than anyone. Don't let anyone make you feel less.
I am sure you will pull yourself up ready to take on the whole world again tomorrow. Because that's our Rebecca.
You make some great points Alex! As far as her YT videos go she could put them on "Private" so only she can see them without deleting them/losing them. Then that gives her the option later. Also, Instead of thinking of ALL one must do to get to point B, sometimes it is best to just do ONE thing at a time. Focus on ONE class not the entire degree.... and before you know it, all could be achieved by taking 1 step at a time. The big picture can overwhelm many of us
Lex, you‘re awesome.
Your honesty is really admirable
I’m so sorry, Rebecca.
I remember the forum & I remember people sending it to me when I mentioned you on twitter. And I remember how petty and ridiculous it was. I was, and still am, so shocked that people circled around you so maliciously.
I’ve been following you for a very long time - even when I stepped away because religion is a trigger for me - I kept coming back. You are truly so honest & so clearly kind hearted & good intentioned.
I don’t know what to write to send comfort, but I hope you know that I very desperately want to. I understand these emotions so personally. And as difficult as the position is, I hope you can internalize - even a bit - that you’re not alone.
xxxx
I relate to so much of your thinking. I'm unemployed, never had any kind of career, hate the way society is, have no idea where to go next or what to do. I live with my mam and we rent, I'm in debt, I have crippling anxiety and depression and very intense emotions that make daily life really hard. Honestly I promise you are not alone. Thank you for being so honest.
P.S. I hate hindsight too
Those people who interviewed you and subjected you to a review of your past videos should be reported to authorities! This is discrimination!
I find it really frustrating to read through the comments and see so many people giving unsolicited advice. I understand they mean well but when I was in the depths of applying to jobs, feeling totally unmotivated and stupid and insecure, any unsolicited advice about what I should be trying when I was working my absolute hardest was soul destroying. I understand sometimes people can offer perspectives or advice you maybe hadn’t through about but I think people forget how many comments you’re getting on the internet.
Sometimes it helped me when someone said “you’re right, this really really sucks and it’s really unfair. Things will get better, but that’s no help right now. I’m here to support you and if I can’t then I can listen.” Beckie I don’t think there’s much I can do in the way of support but there are many people who are listening, and your words are stay with me and I think of them often when I feel totally alone.
I don't know what to say, because I relate to this so much, my thoughts are racing. I just want to say; Thank you for existing. ♡
I know and relate to when words fail. Hug
I relate to this so much. Feeling stuck, unmotivated or not good enough when it comes to my own creative pursuits and passions. I have an interview tomorrow for a job in a field that is related to my degree, but its a field that I never wanted to go into because of how stressful and anxious it makes me feel. At this point though, the need for financial stability has replaced my dreams of being a published author. Sending all the love your way
I'm flabberghasted. The fact that people in Interviews will not only go through your social media, but then proceed to use it against you as a reason to turn you down for jobs?
I'm just, speechless. How do places get away with behaviour such as that? The UK government needs to sort that shit out.
I don't see anything wrong with looking at someone's social media, but to confront you with it in an interview is completely wrong, not to mention unprofessional! If you don't like what you see, don't even call the person in.
Props for saying all this out loud and sharing it. I feel the same in many ways and sometimes it’s enough to know you’re not alone (not that i would wish this on anyone)
Sending hugs and hope you find your way through to the next level of happiness.
She wasn't stupid.....she was 17. Things change as we grow and gain experience. The honesty in this video was eye opening. Keep taking care of yourself. Your supporters are still listening.
Every time a video of yours pops up i feel this warm, nostalgic feeling. You are one of the best people to watch, even if you ramble for hours we’d still listen. We love you no matter what. You are not a failure, your path is just different and those who love you can tell you how far you’ve come, that even someone hundreds of miles away knows, loves and supports you. Wish you nothing but the best💙
Beckie, The number of times I've wished I could reach through the computer and give you a hug. I wish you well, wish there was some way I could help. Sending hugs.
Being denied from jobs can really take a hit on confidence. It makes us with anxiety and low confidence ask ourselves "why am I not good enough?" The job market is so competitive and employers can be so picky. Anytime I've been rejected, I tried my best not to take it to heart, it can be difficult though if you're being denied daily. Whenever I question myself, I remind that I know myself, and know the things I am capable of. Employers can't see our life experience and how far we've come and how much we've achieved from a 10 minute interview and a CV. They don't know the true us
This video puts my own feelings into words where I lack the eloquence to explain to my family or therapist or job agencies why I'm stuck and I can't get out. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing! And if it can make you feel any better, I truly dont think youre a failure. You actually inspire me. You are so so talented in many things and you explore those talents no matter what age you are. You are very intelligent and hardworking and I truly believe you will find your motivation and get back on track, whatever it is you choose to do. Good luck with every aspect of your life. I truly hope you feel better. :)
It breaks my heart to hear that you had to hear such words of hatred towards you. I have been watching your content since 2008. I am 25 now and when I was 15 I got through many days because I felt connected to you, somebody I saw as being kind and strong, and I still see that. Thank you for sharing your feelings, I can relate to so much of this.
Hi Beckie, I'm in a very similar position at the moment. I am struggling with what I want to do with my life, mental health issues and have been thinking a lot about children recently, and whether I will end up dying alone (Cheerful). Just to let you know that you are still making a difference, no matter if the platform is smaller, everything has a butterfly effect. I really got some catharsis from knowing how similar your situation is, its tough when you feel you should be excited about your future but you cant help but be scared.
Oh Becki.
I am pretty sure you don’t remember me. We met at summer in the city in the bathroom.
I watched your videos for years at this point and you tought me so much. So now I want to give back. If you want to, you can come to Berlin and stay here for a few days at our apartment just to get some different air and maybe some space to think and evaluate.
You are so much more than you can see at the moment. ❤️
I can't help with much but a folding walking stick that fits in your bag. Life. Changer.
Beckie, my friend I can only say you are right. We with mental health issues are discriminated against. I am glad you made this video. I was recently hospitalized for three days. I collapsed, and lost 9 hours of my life before waking up. I am 62 years old. Your comment on children for what it is worth to you, I would find employment before having children. Having raised two daughters I can speak by experience. You can have a career. And children. And it is important you and James are on the same page on this. Much hugs, and love to you.
As a 27 year old as well, I can relate to this video b i g t i m e.
I relate to you so much, I’ve been struggling in the job application process and feeling really deflated. Writing cover letters feels like I’m lying and being insincere, because I too greatly doubt myself and my abilities as well as have low self-esteem. Thank you for being so vulnerable, and being open about things. I still think you are a mental health advocate even though it may not be your official job title. I am now in therapy for the first time and it has been helping with my depression and anxiety. Watching your journey makes me realize how I am less alone and that other people experience these things in their 20s and it’s ok if I’m not having the time of my life in this period and I need to stop comparing myself to not only movie/tv depictions of people at this age but also to others' lives on social media where I only see their highlight reel and not their problems/pains that they keep hidden. What you do, I think is radical. Cause you are brutally honest, you don’t gloss over things, and it makes people feel like they are in the same boat with you. Your anxieties and worries are things we all feel and are sometimes hesitant to talk about. You break down facades, educate & illuminate on important topics/issues, and you bring people together in shared understanding. You chronicle the highs and lows of the human condition. And for me, and the majority of your viewers, we all are following you on this journey and we all want you to succeed and can’t wait to watch you when you do ♥
Thank you so much. I am stuck in the limbo of trying to find a job and trying to do something that i actually like.. The overwhelming anxiety of interviews to the point of preferring to starve over applying really resonated with me. I love you and it hurts me to see you struggle like this. Hug. I have no solution either, but you are not alone in this.
I highly recommend the short courses at University of the Arts, London. I've done three of their one week illustration courses and a weekend Wacom course. Take a look!
This video is just what I needed right now. I’d love to hear you speak more about topics like this because so many people can relate! I have an interview for a job this week and I’m already putting myself down and convincing myself it’s not for me and they won’t want me. Self esteem and confidence can really make or break us. I wish you all the best in the future❤️
I know how you feel. I finished my masters and did not have a holyday in years. Now I'm looking for a job and get rejected A LOT. I'm working in two jobs and try to find work. After eleven applications I got one interview. Eleven is not a lot, but I'm looking for a job in the field of forensics, which is really hard and positions are rare! Selfdoubt, feeling miserable? Been there done that... still doing it. But other times will come. Stay positive!
But please do me a favor! Do not isolate yourself! You need people around you, that show you something different.
I definitely understand, I feel stuck that I haven't gotten to my goals. We both can do this😊 and I'll be 28 but I have to keep trying till I get there. I know the discrimination in applying for new jobs with my own physical disability, but it won't stop me from trying
Thank you for being so honest. Youre not alone in this x
Job hunting is absolute crazy-making bull shit that is made to break you down and settle for less. its not you, its capitalism. I'm grateful that you keep coming back and sharing with us. Thanks for being here with us and for being you
This one hit me hard, incredibly relatable. Amid career struggles, anxiety and health issue you have to think about adult stuff like having kids. And it feels whatever you choose won’t be a right answer. I wish I could say some words of comfort that would help, but I don’t know any. Except this - you made a difference and your work inspired people all around the globe, and there is a spark - and always will be. Even now, the way you honestly talked about difficult matters helps a lot, may be it is not joyful Spark, but pure sincerity spark. Sending love and all the best wishes ❤️
Loved seeing an upload from you in my subscription box. I love how open and honest you are. This videos just feels like I'm chatting with an old friend and I just want to give you the biggest hug. I have watched you for years and you have grown so much, it makes me proud. And yes Rebecca you have that spark (always have always will). Never forget your light!
Thank you for addressing this Stuff it’s a nice update :) think ppl need to remember even if someone says or does something online doesn’t mean thel stay that way in the future and I find it so interesting seeing you’re views and opinions on pregnancy and stuff change and have that recording of that change 😊
Glad to see you’re videos again x
I love watching your videos and I hope you get to were you want to be and dont let the online bullies win. And been able to talk about mental health is good for getting it out there my brother suffers with mental health and ive mentioned your videos to him and he is watching you now and he is in a much better place now since watching you but he knows its not just going to get better like that it takes times but take each day as it comes wether its good or bad just hold on to that strength that you have with in you
Thank you for sharing your life with us. You’re a beautiful soul. Take care of yourself. 🥰
I wish you so incredibly much that you are able to go to therapy because I feel like a GOOD therapy is the only thing helping and the only thing making your entire life better. I wish you the best ❤️
I am 41 and have trouble leaving my bed let alone my home.
My depression/anxiety got so bad I atrophied a lot of muscles I had and am now trying to get the gumption to do small exercise.
What I mean by stating this is, you are not alone.
In 2020 most people in "civilized" societies have crippling anxiety (okay not like Denmark and the other Nordic countries but I think that's cuz they have it right)
We all are working just to survive rather than living.
You said it yourself you hold on to your home by the skin on your teeth.
We are all fighting just to stay afloat rather than enjoying the swim.
I don't know, other than society no longer commodifing all of life, of any other path.
I prefer to look at our ancestors for guidance. Become one with our life and all life around us. And stop chasing the paycheck...though in today's society that paycheck barely covers being able to take a full breath.
I am at a loss Rebecca.
I hope you find your way.
It is good to see and hear you again.
The extra few pounds (kgs? Metric...)looks good on you. Despite your obvious stressed look, you look healthier with the few extra stone (? )
I have never commented on one of your videos I don't think... But I have been following/subscribed for a very very long time. I'm talking like 100 subscribers or less when your account name was beckie0. I mean it had to be well over 10 years ago surely. I have no idea how, but one day I randomly remembered "becky0" and decided to look your name up on UA-cam and found you again. I lost my old UA-cam account forever ago, but I'm really glad I found you again. It's one of those things that just brought back memories from a good time in my life by finding you again. From the very beginning, the trich videos, going off to university, all of it. I'm glad you're still around!
If someone asks me how my life is going, I can show them this. I love how you explain your feelings. You are not a failure❤️
You've never let me down with your expressions and I'm somebody who has been keeping up with you, your writing, your photography and your various other artworks for several years. There simply won't come a time when I don't care about how you're doing. But I know how it is. Little things I do that nobody else thinks anything of at all drive me nuts and I'm always critiquing myself, always thinking up little ways of doing things better and fighting feelings of dread and disappointment if things don't progress as I'd like.
I can also relate to looking back on past content and feeling like struggles inspired an odd sort of quality. Pain & inner turmoil brought out a lot of outrageous and surprisingly energetic sarcasm from me years ago here on UA-cam.
I think you're doing great. The artwork you recently added to your Etsy is lovely. I liked this video too. I think you've got an energy, a speed, a brutal honesty...a sort of spark, that if you'll pardon me for saying so, seemed to have flickered and dimmed for a bit there. And I truly believe that one day you'll find your place and be happy with who you are and where you are.
I failed my game design studies because of my depression and dermatillomania. Now I want to be an animal carer and I'm doing all I can to achieve that. I'm so much happier now. Because now my needs are the most importat thing in my life for me.
God bless x Animals are great :)
Hi Rebecca. I know that this video is 4 years old and I have watched your more recent stuff. Recommendation is Ralph McTell Streets of London. Stay well and God Bless.
This is the most honest thing I've heard someone say in a very long time
Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for opening yourself up. I know that you have helped me feel not alone for the past 5 or so years of my life. I wish I could magically be there for you.
Attitude is more important than anything and self love and not caring what others think, including interviewers. Other people’s opinion doesn’t matter. Focus on positive vibes and things will work out!!! Stand ur ground, the only relevant thing is this moment not the you from 10 years ago! ❤️❤️❤️
collapsible canes are really useful - just pop it into your handbag and if you need it, just flip it out! navigating disability stuff can be really hard, but there are lots of little things here to help you out. i take one with me in my wheelchair bag to make stuff/transferring easier, and you can get really nice patterned ones too. hopefully that’s at least slightly useful! 🌻✨
You've recorded this video on the 22nd February which was my daughter's first birthday and it was an amazing day.
I am so sorry to see you sad and desperate and afraid :(
You were the very first UA-camr I've subscribed to. You introduced me to the world of UA-cam and I'll be forever grateful for it. Thanks to you and you only I have a huge amount of memories of my life before becoming mom in a video form because few years ago I've started uploading to UA-cam aswell.
I hope you'll soon feel better and all your problem will be fixed or at least looking like they can be fixed easily.
Thank you for being you - Thank you for being here. Thank you!
Sending all the love from Czech Republic.
Beckie- take an improv class/ I beg you. Learn that failure isn’t a death sentence it’s an opportunity to learn and grow. If you keep waiting to be in a good place before you share things you’ll live in a hole with the sun barely peeking through. I think it would help you a lot to do something physical that gets you out of your head, talking to folks, getting new ideas, and learning how to stop judging yourself and learn to be excited about failure! I have been in it 3 years and it’s changed my whole life and ability to art!
I’m a full time artist and can’t wait on “inspiration” to create. You have to create daily. It can be bad. Awful even. But creating anything is a success, and any “failure” in process is learning. I have days and days of failure in line sometimes, but i am a far better artist than when I started 9 years ago, and I’m so excited to suck some more today so I can be better tomorrow! (And I say that knowing I like my art, but always want to improve)
I wish you nothing but the best, and hope you’re able to find the fun in failure and get back to a happier zone. You can do it, you just gotta DO! I think we follow eachother on insta, but if you ever wanna y’all art or vent to a bud or ask questions I am here! @darkredheart on insta
So many of us are addicted to the story of our own suffering, but eventually, we have to choose; do we reinvent ourselves, or keep living within the same broken framework? Part of our healing is to let go of thar victim consciousness. It’s a long way to go, but as someone who lives well with bipolar disorder and has recovered from long term addiction - it’s possible, but only if we let go of our victim mentality. Very brave of you to share this! All the best 💓
Hey beckie do you know in the video you did like years ago the video called "6.5 years of my life". Well can you tell me how did you kept your face in the same position like for me that's a little difficult can you tell me how?
I am sorry.
You are worthy. You are very creative. You are not a failure.
I admire your strength, and your videos have given me the courage to face my own struggles. I am grateful of how open you have been about your mental health, and I am sorry people bring that at all in a job interview.
You are amazingly talented, and you do have a lot of artistic, editing, digital media skills (and many more).
Thank you for still making vids after all these years and struggles.
💜
I've too been thinking that i can't afford holidays and that i can't afford a therapist. You can. Treat it as a necessity. Like food, like those bills you have to pay.
Ask for help. Talk to your parents, talk to James, ask for 2 weeks off at all the jobs. And then go somewhere. Just anywhere. Rent a cheap hut in the middle of nowhere. Don't take anything with you, most importantly leave all the expectations at home. Just go.
Can't afford 2 weeks? Do 1 week. But do rest from thinking and judging yourself.
Don't take your laptop. Don't take your camera. Leave your paints at home.
Imagine an alternative scenario: you get sick and hospitalized for a month. Will your world collapse? (No) You'll have to pause your career, and your health be gone too. If you take a (much needed) holiday now, you'll be much, much better off!
Be kind to yourself.
Take a rest.
I don't get holidays at two of the jobs I have, I just don't work and therefore don't get paid - freelancing! Also, if I take breaks - I likely lose out on future work. I also have holidays off at one of my jobs but using them to work at another job as not earning enough. I get so few holidays at the job, it's not even a holiday really. I'm working ten days in a row shortly, across four different jobs and as I'm working my way back up, I have to work overtime just to break even. There is no time for a holiday. Also, as starting a new job on top of all of this, I can't exactly take six months off even if I had the funds in the bank. No, I need to work in some solid jobs years before I can break.
It's like when the GP told me to sell my home last year and dedicate myself to therapy and getting better. Therapy and luxurious breaks are a rich persons world. I can barely pay my bills this month, can't exactly pay out another £400 a month on therapy or a £2000 trip to Spain for a few months.
I understand what you mean and I agree, but realistically - not possible. It's work or die or die whilst working I suppose.
I know that sometimes words fail. And that's about where I'm sitting. Your video made me feel so much that I don't know what to say. I could tell there were times you tried not to cry. I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd needed to turn the camera off to let some tears flow. I know the frustration. I was let of a job I loved because they outsourced my job to the Philippines. After that I had a hard time finding a job I could fit my experience into. There aren't many and I have yet to find another I love. So I am currently a stay at home mom and the caregiver for my husband's grandmother, and I worked a finance job before. I'm nearly 10 years older than you and I wish I was close enough to wrap you up and give you a long comforting hug. You sound like you could really use one right about now. It's just too bad I'm in NM, USA, and not the UK. I know it's just words, but all I can really say is try to keep your head up, you may just find something you really enjoy when you least expect it. It could be the job you applied for, but weren't really wanting. You never know where your next opportunity is. A huge blanket hug from the US.
I have never related to something so much. Thank you for sharing, I’ve been following your journey for years and as you said you're not alone and you can do it! We can do it! This pushed me to keep going. Thank you.
I hope all those people who have been mean to you realize their mistakes and learn how awful they’ve been. You are a WONDERFUL human being. Don’t let anyone bring you down.
I think you definetely need some meditation in your days. You need to keep calm and stop all that thoughts even though if it is just for 15 minutes a day... After that you will be able to think more calmly...
I was on medication last year and it did so much harm than good. Was going to start a new drug in January, but when a job offer came my way (job start been delayed three times now) and more research on the damage the medication could cause if I wanted to get pregnant or accidentally became pregnant - was a complete no. Now, I'm waiting to see the Doctor again. Unfortunately, I can't afford to spend another month entirely out of action due to medication. I was only able to adjust to Sertraline as I was working in a job where it didn't matter. Now, there's more pressure. It's not straight forward at all. Sure, I need something - but I also am aware that I need more than medication to solve my life.
@@beckiejbrown meditation...
@@LauRA73N No. Doesn't work for me. Tried Yoga too. Thank you though.
Oh I see what you mean. Apologies. I read the first comment as medication! Sorry!
Thank you for sharing your vulnerable bits. Always nice to hear from you. BIG HUG!! ❤️
Wow really agree on the confidence when it comes to jobs, I applied for so many and hearing nothing back from hundreds of applications started effecting my own self worth, I really empathise with you
One idea could be to move home, rent out your flat and use the money to get help with your mental health as this could help set you up for life. Just a suggestion and you gotta do what's best for you.
I understand what you mean, but this is my home though. I'm past the point of depending on my parents as a back up (even if paying rent) and their home is no longer a place I can hold my life in. When I was younger, I was able to rely on them and took support where I could, but things have changed. I have a mortgage with my own life now. This is possible for some though. E.g. my Brother and Sister have moved back in with plans of their own and did what I did. Brother was even going to move in with me for a while. I would love to move in with James and we work together, but he has his own life to look after too and has had to move away. Gotta just plough on here. x
But if you don’t think you can be creative right now.. why are you applying for creative jobs? Is that not putting too much pressure on yourself?
Because working minimum wage in retail folding for hours on end, does not build skills in the sector I wish or support my future and it's making me miserable. I keep being told I lack experience and working in retail is strengthening potential employers view that I am not even worth considering. I'm never going to work in London or built up my life if I don't try to push forward. If I work partime retail and work in an internship or other opportunities, then okay.... but I don't want to work in retail for the remainder of my life, I can do so much more creative things in life
@@beckiejbrown sorry, I don't mean retail
There are thousands of jobs that are creative but not in the typical art & design sense.
Sometimes it's nice to try something new and make it creative in a different way, rather than always going for the more obvious choices. - Not that I know what you've applied for
Design engineering companies are always looking for designers, whether it be CAD, Electrical, Marketing, or there's always an R&D department looking for new people who can learn products and adapt and change systems and components to make them easier.
I used to work at a company who manufactures metal ceiling tiles, but learning the mechanisms and the art of how they tied in with the architecture of the room was amazing, taught me a lot.
I know personally, the more I try and make my creativity how it used to be, the more upset I get that it just isn't that same type. Just sometimes it's evolving through the stages of creativity in life and appreciating what you've done in the past might not be what you're best at in the future
I hope you find something that works for you x
I can’t believe the people interviewing you looked at your social media right in front of you. That would never happen in America. It would be a human resources disaster. You could so easily sue them for that here. I’m sorry they did that to you! ❤️
Oh and Beckie, you are not a failure. You are measuring yourself up against a standard that doesn’t matter. Jesus sees you where you are and delights in you. The joy of the Lord will be your strength. I know this may not help to say. But it’s the truth. You are loved exactly how you are.
All I can say is you are so so beautiful and so loved and brave, and it’s alright to just talk and ramble and get things out not even to anyone just to speak helps your brain to make sense of things you are having a hard time with much love form Portsmouth ✝️😊xx
I'm unemployed right now, have been for a few years. I never hear anything back from anyone. It feels like the world of work is like this:
Candidate With Mental Health History: "Here are my acheivements, my degree certificate, my experience, millions of views on UA-cam."
Employer: "Thanks, we'll get back to you."
Other Candidate: "I have no experience or qualifications, but I don't have mental health issues and I'm very outgoing."
Employer: "Great, you're hired."
It just makes me wonder what the point of speaking out was, or is. You could win awards for it, have people agree with you, have the newspapers write about how great it is you're doing something to tackle the stigma, and then at the end of the day the world still turns you away and says, "No."
And the longer you're unemployed, the worse it gets. I've not been working for about 6 years now. Despite volunteering in a charity shop, and doing some studying, some recruitment agencies have turned me away because I've not consistently been in paid work since graduating.
Coming up for 33 and still living with the parents doesn't make me feel good.
💓 thank you for the amazing Artwork you sent me few weeks back,I have it framed and I look at it when ever I feel down thank you - Marc 💓
There's room at the top. Recruit younger creative people and start your own thing.
A good friend once told me something that stuck with me.
"When someone insults you, it's about them, not about you." In other terms, someone who makes it their daily mission to hurt strangers on the internet says a lot more about their own life choices in doing so, than they say about the lives of the people they're insulting.
I haven't commented before, but I've been watching your channel off and on for three or four years, usually for a couple hours at a time during the wee hours of morning when I'm too stressed or wired and my brain won't shut up to let me sleep. This morning it was COVID that had my brain on fire. I thought of your channel and decided I needed some Beckie Jane Brown in my life, I wanted your take on it and you did not disappoint. Then I saw this video and it was just like, woah. Perspective. Bam. You make me feel like less of an alien. I don't know how to explain it exactly, something about seeing another regular person trying to overcome daily and also lifelong battles, discussing valid anxieties and problems openly... We're also in basically the same boat, financially, right now, while this crazy thing is happening around us. I don't know. It's gotta be a weird millennial thing, because it's like having a friend that I've never met or spoken to, because the internet exists. And so do you, and you are valid and wonderful and I am glad that you exist. This video made me want to give my sad, wonderful friend-I've-never-met a hug, so I figured I'd comment and try to say something kind, since you kept bringing up being kind in your COVID videos. I realize this comment is really long but I have to stress that WHAT YOU DO FOR MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS IS IMPORTANT. Keep fighting the good fight Beckie, you do more good than you know.
Beckie 😭❤ you are very creative being an illustrator is really good idea it suits you well ❤ try online freelancing 😞 and my dear I really appreciate sharing with us I hope things will work with you..
"I no longer relate to the person in my videos" YES! This is what social media is in so many ways. I totally get why this is painful. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you find what you need in your employment and personal life
Becca, have you ever thought about doing podcasts? You have a lovely voice, you have experience with many things most of your fans haven't. I'm sure your audience would listen, and you could potentially benefit from doing that :)
i love how real you are!! i’ve been following you for years at this point and i love seeing how much you’ve grown. ❤️
Becky you are absolutely NOT a failure! You are incredibly talented! Try not to think or worry about what others say about you - no one has it all together. Like you, EVERYONE is doing what they know how. As we learn more, we do better, if we're wise. You seem overstimulated with all that's going on in your life. Perhaps you can find a very mundane job that is stable - maybe office work. Find a mundane, boring but stable job and commit to doing it well. Sometimes we don't need what we want, we just need what we need. I pray you will feel better about yourself.
I have had anxiety all my life and i have learned that reaching your goals does not lift your anxiety it simply transfers it to a new place. working on accepting where and who you are in the moment while working towards your goal is everything (just because you aren't where you want to be does not mean where you are now is a bad place). if you are always needing to be in the next place to be happy you will find it very hard to be happy. its okay to be proud of where you are and still move forward to do the new things. i became very ill a few years ago and all my goals had to change overnight, it taught me that i needed to live in the moment and see where i am as an achievement even if all i could do in my life at that point was simply be alive. it was easy for me, and still is, to feel i had failed myself and everyone around me, i hadn't and i mostly know that now but my mind was so determine to break me down and i lived in panic/failure mode for such a long time. we expect far too much of ourselves sometimes. its okay to have a long road in front of you, everyone does. life is about experiencing the journey not reaching the targets. its always full of unexpected moments and sometimes when we think its all going wrong we are actually being taken in the direction we are suppose to be going in no the one we think we should. things will improve for you and you will look back at this one day and be happy to see the change in yourself once again. take one step at a time, work on the way you perceive life first and everything else will feel easier to face. you got this!
i'm sorry if this is one long ramble full of spelling errors. its very late and making words from my thoughts is difficult right now.
I relate to this so much! Especially the last few years. It’s really hard to keep things going when the world feels like it’s crumbling around you. Especially when mental and physical health come into play. Stay strong Beckie!
You’ve always been someone Ive enjoyed watching on UA-cam and keeping up with on Instagram so I’m always cheering for you! ☺️ Lots of love and good vibes to you from across the ocean! 💙
You’re so brave for posting this, and I just want to give you a hug, because I can totally relate to these emotions and the lack of self confidence and self worth. You’re vulnerability is inspiring, and I have been watching for a few years and you have come a long way. Love from Texas!❤️
Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway - Susan Jeffers
Please read this self help book, from me to you
I think it was terrible employers did that to you at interviews.
I, too went to film school as you may recall. In a class full of film students I can tell you only one of us really works in the field. I ended up becoming a film critic. So instead of making movies, I write and talk about ones other people made. Oh, I don't make any money doing it.
I hope you recapture your joy one day, Rebecca and you evict all those freeloaders from your brain.
I relate to so much of this. I'm a creative, anxious, 33 yr old who is currently unemployed and at home. Who wishes she could get back into education, but that seems, like you, very unlikely. I hated education at the time, my mental health was at an all time low, but as you say, hindsight.
What I do know, is that you are strong. And smart. And brave. And so am I. And our brains, and society often tell us otherwise. But today at least, I know we are.
I send much love 💪🏼💚
feeling sick with anxiety, your videos always make me feel less alone. Thinking deeply of you. Bullying causes lasting damage, but I promise it can be managed. Your voice matters x
This was very wholesome and also quite sad to watch honey. Have you read The Secret? I read it and it changed my life. You realise that you have the possibility and power to do whatever you want to do when you read this book, it’s become my bible and I live my life so differently than I did a year ago. It’s magical, there’s a movie coming out about it soon, albeit a love story but the theme is there ✨
I love your personality. I suggest you just slow down first. Try to collect all the negativities that surrounding you and put them into an imaginery box, draw a yellow question mark on it visually, and send it to me. Big hug to you :)
I sincerely hope and wish you the very best. You are lovely, smart and talented. I hope you'll be able to see all the good that's in you (hint: there is a lot!). For what it's worth - I (a little internet person from very far away) believe in you.
I think you suffer from too much introspection.
Probably. I overthink everything.
Could you start a book club?
When I start to worry about failure I always remember this quote - “Some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all-in which case, you fail by default.” - J.K.Rowling
This genuinely taught me to not fear failure but to embrace it, and the day a started doing that was the day I started living my life the way I want.
Wow. I can't even express how much I relate to everything you said. Have watched you since about 2016, and your honesty is seriously so refreshing. God bless you Rebecca, I wish the best for you 💕
Hi Beckie! I just wanted you to know that I've been subscribed to you for around 6 years now. When I was struggling with Trich, you helped me know that I wasn't alone. I wanted to let you know that I've found something that is working for me, and I'm wondering if you have tried it too? It's called NAC - N-Acetyl L Cysteine. I've been taking 2400mg for around 6 weeks now and I'm starting to stop, it also helps me with my anxiety. You might have already tried a lot of things, or be skeptical, but there is clinical research on this that is fairly new. If you haven't already, I think you should try it out!
Girl, you are so hyped up and stressed.. About jobs.. I think, you could work in tiny house industry. Sustainable and much more easygoing. All in for acceptance, relaxing and finding peace. About kids: I am 40 and I still think that I can have a kid yet. You are 27. Let this go for 5 more years, while you settle in your new job and get your self back. Also, you can still continue to advocate for mental health and make it your strength, not liability. Your filmmaking skills get used, you do a good thing and get your pride back. :) See? Easy now, just throw away worries for 1 evening, and let yourself consider this. What do you think?
I'm 26 and have been with my bf for 9 years. We struggled on the kids front for a while. Initially we wanted them. Then when I was 23, he got to the point where he *knew* he didn't but I was still uncertain. At 24-25, I got to the point where I can say with certainty that kids just aren't for me. I have a ton of Fur Babies, but I just would hate the added responsibility of a child. Not to mention what your body goes through, potential issues, and/or death in severe circumstances. And I do not want to deal with the financial aspect in the slightest. All in all, just not my cup of tea. I'd be a child's amazing Auntie, but not mother. On mental health, I'm so grateful my boss finally understands my need for mental health days and therapy appointments. He worked with me on it after I spoke to him about it, though it was quite the process. Most other employers I've had would never do something like that. I'm just lucky! I found the job by chance, though applied everywhere anyway even if I didn't qualify 100% and just happened to get it. This time 2 years ago, I was depressed, unemployed, and starting therapy and medications for the first time ever, and discovering who I was with those elements in my life. You will get to a point where you are happy again - or some version of happy (it's still kind of a roller coaster for me). Just keep on keepin' on! I love your honesty and take on life, the world is so much better with you in it. This goes for anyone reading this far. YOU got this! ♥
The fact that you face yourself with such bravery and look into your own darkness. Then be willing to taking every baby steps towards something better even though your in pain is so so so priceless and worth being admired. Ive watched your videos since 2013 and youve inspired me through everything. I relate to how you feel very much in my own way. Your older than me so you are experiencing things i havent yet, but every wisdom you drop i pick up because i think its so precious. Please keep it up. It will be worth it in the long run! There is beauty in the small moments. How the wind can refresh us. How beautiful the trees are and the colors they create. You are worth it!! I love you so much 🥺😣💗💖💝💕💜🤗. Im not good with words and idk if you will even read this, but I tried to explain how I feel. Its okay not to be strong. Its okay your sensitive. You are loved by the right people 🌸
I remember journaling 02.02.2020 (day.mo.yr.) and noting it was the first palindrome of my life. I'm hoping to see the next few more.
@Beckie Jane Brown, somewhere up this list of comments @Mathew Newton wrote something that I, too, feel but couldn't say. But if I feet that way, Mathew feels that way, and others feel that way then, maybe, your recognition of this will help assuage the negative you carry with you. Yes, there are many of us who are or were in a very similar situation. What you describe is a fundamental, pervasive, normal part of who I am. I have found certain ways of minimizing those feelings and, sometimes, I can push through. The best and worst seems to be annually cyclical. And sometimes I find myself in the right place at the right time doing the right thing and "luck" happens...for a year or two.
Hang in there Beckie. I too have gone thru more Crap than one person should have gone thru. Nowadays here in the good old USA; College degrees do NOT guarantee you any kind of job what-so-ever & if you are a little older~ you stand next to NO chance of getting a career job. I got straight "A"'s in my college courses; & was a class mentor for many students but I had NO luck at any jobs & became homeless. So I understand your frustrations especially since I am older..
Only good, Becky you are such a one of a kind lady. If I personally could help you in any way I so would. I wish so badly for you and for all of us whom struggles with mental health issues to just get a BREAK! Continuing to watch your videos. Live all your content. Can't wait wo see your new bag. Much love, Sarah
Hello! I don’t usually comment on people’s videos but I suppose you are an exception :) I also struggle with mental health and I want to pursue theater but it seems like people who are very confident and have connections are the ones that succeed. Of course there are other factors but right now I don’t have much of either. I guess I just want to tell you, you are not alone and thank you for not making me feel alone. I’ve been watching you since I was...15 or 16? I’m 21 now ☺️ I did’t think I would get this far but I have! You processing your mental health helped me a lot ok i’m rambling now :(( just thank you and I wish the best for you
Love this post because so many people have felt stuck at one point or another. I've been there! The only thing I can say is thank you for posting and just keep plugging away, even if you're just going through the motions. It gets better :) I found focusing on 1% changes really helped (recommend reading Atomic Habits)!!!
Hey Rebecca. It's been a while. You probably won't read this - I tend to get to videos a while after they're posted, because of my backlog, and creators tend to look at comments from a couple of days after the video goes up - but I'll write it out anyway.
I relate to a lot of what you've said here. Some for myself, some for my wife (I have a wife now, it's crazy), but there are a lot of points that are very familiar. The world's a bit shit, isn't it, sometimes?
It sounds like you need a lot of rest, but don't have the freedom for that. So I hope that you're getting a lot of support, and that you're leaning on that support. I know too many people who are struggling (including myself) that don't lean on the people around them for that love, support, and just a listening ear, that can each be so crucial in just helping us get through the day.
This one's probably going to sound crazy to your brain, but lower your expectations of yourself. It's okay not to be the best. It's okay to not be able to do things, or to get things wrong, or to say no. Often, those things can be very good, because they enable you to actually have more time to work on mental/physical health etc. Provided it doesn't cause you to go into an anxiety meltdown, which may be the issue in question here. This can be a really difficult thing to do, particularly if your default for your whole life has been around being the best at whatever you're doing - but especially when your mental and physical health isn't great, continuing to have high expectations can make things a lot worse, because of the stress and anxiety that's involved.
I think you're an incredible person, that deserves better in life than what you're getting. But life has a tendency not to care much about that sort of thing. So I'll be sending you love and praying for you. Lean on your supports, and lean on God. We've got your back.
I believe I came across some of your videos a couple of years ago?? So I don’t know that much about anything. But this video popped up today, and I am resonating so so much with the fear of failure. I’m so much afraid to try anything, and it stops me from even going for a walk (which I need to do for my health).
So I know I don’t now you. I can see you’ve got huge thoughts about a lot of things and about being stuck.
I love that you have things you want to do and that, even though there’s the fear and low self esteem, there is passion in there. It just needs some healthy space.
Wishing you all the best. These are big things. Take a breath. It’s going to be ok. Stupid sayings, I know. But you’ve got this. All the stuff you’ve mentioned, and as you say, it’s all completely valid.
Biggest thing. Seeing this video.i just wanted to step in and say, take a breath.
Take care. Best wishes from a stranger in Australia
I'm really sorry you're not doing so good, Beckie. I'm happy to see you though. And your hair looks very soft today 💖
I’m autistic and couldn’t relate more to most of what you’ve said. Anxiety, fear of failure, exhausted all the time. Psychological pain that results in physical pain. But we keep plodding on and pushing through hard times. Cats make things better and working on believing in ourselves.
I can honestly relate to the majority of the things you mentioned. Being 27 and being stuck and left behind by your peers is devastating. Being rejected every single day makes things even worse. I was in a job i hated (retail) and where I was bullied by my boss so I quit a few months ago. Decided to study for a Master's which turned out to be awful and I withdrew from it. I'm now 27, unemployed with 2 Bachelor' s degrees, living with my parents and I have no clue as to what to do with my life. I was even rejected from a waiting position as "there were applicants with more experience and better skills" than mine. This threw me off so bad. No one wants to hire me because I don't have experience but how on earth am i supposed to get experience if no one will hire me? It's a vicious cycle and I hate society so much!
Joy is also a catalyst for great creativity also!! What makes you joyous!? What makes you feel light and free?! What lights you up?! Focus on that!! Get into the flow and the creativity will COME!!