Dr Paul, the more I listen to yr videos, the more I wished I had found u earlier on.Anyway, I'm sharing yr wisdom with other parents with young kids now.You sure put into words some of the instinctive parental strategies I had used in the past😅
Layal I'm honored that you are here - thank you! You might also enjoy the other playlists we have here on the channel for Positive Relationships and Positive Personal Development. Thanks for watching! DrPaul
Dr. Paul, thank you for sharing your great wisdom in these videos. They are so much help! I was wondering if you could make 2 videos: one geared towards children aged 11+, the other geared towards younger children under age 8. If you could please explain to the children (in simplified terms) what you are explaining to us parents, that would be extremely helpful. For years, my husband & I have tried to make our kids understand that their responsibility/maturity level will lead to more freedom. I am SO BAD with words (math is my strength), that we haven't gotten through to them, so we are experiencing LOTS of oppositional behavior, whining, laziness, etc. They need to understand the connection between good behavior/responsibility & personal freedom. Thanks for considering my suggestion. 🙂
Hi Tecumseh - glad you're tracking this. I'm also tracking you! Here's a few suggestions for videos where I'm teaching this very subject to kids directly: For under 8 - ua-cam.com/video/v-o7L_Mwbgw/v-deo.html For 11+ - ua-cam.com/video/Zpuqf9N6KhQ/v-deo.html I think you would also love the Parenting Power-up - check it out here: parentingpowerup.com DrPaul
At stage 2, the child may suggest what their consequence should be. They cooperate with the consequence. It could look very much like stage 1 but they are cooperating. They may say, I should not be allowed to go out for the next two weekends, or I should miss the movie night with my friends. Hope that helps, Maria Keenan.
I really need some help on evening curfew time for UK based 14 and 16 Yr old. Both relatively responsible and mostly in stage 3, sometimes stage 2. I worry about them being out late with friends; they do not take part in extra curricular activities. 14yr old comes in at 8pm, 16 at 9pm. Both feel its too early and they look silly in front of their friends ....
Glad you liked it Rui - thanks for watching! I think you might also appreciate the Parenting Power-up Audio Course I did with my wife, Vicki. You can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com DrPaul
help iv just started to watch your channel. I like it so far. I have a stepson that's 11 years old iv been in his life since he was 11 months old. but over the past 3 years, thing seem to have gotten off track. we can't seem to get him to do anything. he refuses to talk to anyone in the house take showers brush teeth some times he refuses to eat or drink anything. he won't do chores. we've tried time outs grounding loss of everything. we've tried positives like family time extra treats a day with just mom or dad new toys just saying good job nothing seems to work. and know he's acting up at school.
Thank you for watching, Angel Hust. It sounds like you are already doing a lot. It's hard to find the right motivation sometimes. We do have a video called "How To Motivate A Lazy Teenager" - ua-cam.com/video/pCK1FYW3z4o/v-deo.html. I know your stepson is 11, but hopefully you can find something useful here. We also have a Positive Parenting playlist with more tools - ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html Additionally, you might want to check out the "Just for kids and teens" playlist and have him watch some - ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html. Specifically, you might want to have him watch one of these: "What To Do When Your Parents Are Over Protective" - ua-cam.com/video/a4EAyWRYEeM/v-deo.html "How To Convince Your Parents To Get You A Phone" - ua-cam.com/video/Zpuqf9N6KhQ/v-deo.html "How To Convince Your Parents To Get A Dog" - ua-cam.com/video/v-o7L_Mwbgw/v-deo.html All of the videos explain the same principles, so you can pick which one best fits your scenario. Another good one is "How To Do Hard Things For Older Kids And Teens" - ua-cam.com/video/5ltYHx46SxU/v-deo.html Lastly, I want to ask you to consider having him go to a counselor. They may be things he is dealing with that he's not comfortable talking about with his parents. We have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches available. If you are interested in that, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
When my son was five he had a phase when he would spill everything he could put his hands on. Anything that would spill he would do it. It went for a while like that until everyone just got tired of cleaning after him. His dad grounded him by taking away his favourite game. He (my son) went about it very calmly, not spilling anything for a week. Then his dad called him and told him he could have his game back, which he collectedly brought back into his room and straight away went downstairs to his grandma. It hardly took two minutes when my husband and i heard the granny yelling at him. I went to see what was going on when i saw her bed soaking in milk that my son found in her kitchen and spilled on her bed. To this day i can not phathom why he was doing that. That discouraged us from grounding him at all since he seemed not to be bothered with consequences. He waited when his punishment was over only to deliberately repeat his thing that got him into trouble. Why would he be doing that?
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you so much. It seems sometimes so foolish to know exactly what the consequeces will be and still choosing to go against the rules. He's a teen now and why i felt the need to search for advice. These videos are a true discovery for me. Thanks so much for what you are doing :)
Dr. Paul, thank you for your advices! I think my child is at the first stage of maturity. She often disagrees with the consequences she gets after bad behavior. But she’s learned to use this method in reverse ... for exaple, she can say ‘I won’t listen to you as long as I’ve got these consequenses’. 🤭 What am I doing wrong?
You're raising brilliant children! I think what this comes down to Sav Anna, is to always have a default consequence that doesn't require cooperation. Look at our video "How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling" for a quick review. I think you might also appreciate the Parenting Power-up Audio Course I did with my wife, Vicki. You can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com DrPaul
@Natalie W , I would recommend having your son watch "What To Do When Your Parents Are Over Protective?" at ua-cam.com/video/a4EAyWRYEeM/v-deo.html, then discuss it afterward. Keep the conversation calm, and with love explain to him that you are trying to come up with a compromise. During the discussion, make a T chart with your name at the top of one side and his on the other. Then list what you control (screen time, phone, transportation, bedroom, preferred food, etc.), and what he controls (behavior, language, grades, if he does chores, etc.). With a smile on your face, let him know that you are happy to provide the things from your list to his satisfaction, if he is willing to provide the things from his list to your satisfaction. Remind him that he controls his behavior, and you control the consequences, no one person is "in control" of everything. We have additional videos on the "Just for kids and teens" playlist at ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html, if he is willing to watch them. Best wishes in your efforts.
Awesome video!! My 3 year old grand baby will NOT stay in time out....she keeps getting out of the chair crying.....I keep putting her back sitting in front of her while she fights me.....ugh!!
I hope you're finding the videos on our channel to be helpful Patricia. There are a number of other titles in our Positive Parenting playlist that might resonate with you. I think you might also appreciate the Parenting Power-up Audio Course I did with my wife, Vicki. You can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com DrPaul
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you Dr. Paul....I find your videos very helpful!! I appreciate you answering me...you are very kind! As I have said before, you are my favorite youtuber. I always look forward to your videos...thanks again and have a great weekend!!
I stopped doing timeouts I found with my child they were not working and it was frustrating to me. Dr Laura Markham has some great ideas! Read this.. www.ahaparenting.com/Default.aspx?PageID=7652647&A=SearchResult&SearchID=11175077&ObjectID=7652647&ObjectType=1
Please could you clarify how they stop being stage 1 and move into stage 2? I see that if they refuse to cooperate they're in stage 1. if they do something to violate the family rules isn't that the same as being in stage 1 (not cooperating) as they've done something they shouldn't?
Yes, Maria Keenan, at Stage 1, they are self-centered, what's in it for me and will I get in trouble if do (fill in the blank). With this behavior, the only thing they will respond to will be consequences that don't require cooperation. In stage 1 they aren't cooperating. There could be a little blurring with teenagers if they realize they have really messed up. They may be able to help out with consequences.
Melissa Jakimik, I have a book in the progress, but nothing published at this time that deal specifically with the topic. My book Pathological Positivity has principles that lead to a happier life. You can get information at www.drpauljenkins.com.
Help my son is 6 and fights us on almost everything. It's so frustrating because my daughter who is 8 is the complete opposite. My son acts very ungrateful and doesn't listen to me when I tell him to stop doing something. He just closes his eyes and laughs. I struggle with anger and its hard for me to endure this disrespect on a daily basis. I don't understand boys
Some children are more challenging than others, lacey love 14. Talk to your pediatrician and try some consequences for his behavior in a calm manner. Consider taking a parenting class or the Parenting Powerup course at parentingpowerup.com. Thank you for watching and commenting.
So I have watched a few of your videos and was wondering what is too harsh for consequences? Also length? I take away all electronics for a week but it seems like after a day he is back to his talk back. Should I do a longer period, should I take more away at one time? Just not sure where to go from here? It's almost as he is his worst enemy and doesn't learn even with me being consistent. He waits the period of time and just doesn't care and goes back. Very frustrating because i want the best for him. :(
At stage one would you say that bribing and rewarding look different? I find a pacifier can motivate behavior I am looking for and be a consequence of not listening. Am I understanding correctly that both was are consequences that can be used?
Yes Suzanne - bribing and rewarding are both words that indicate a positive reinforcer (which is a type of consequence). Offering the pacifier to encourage a behavior is a reinforcer (consequence). Taking the pacifier away for not listening is a punishment (also a type of consequence). You're right on track! DrPaul
Anya, we go over a lot of those specifics our Parenting Power-up course - get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com - I'll also include your request in our next filming set. Thanks for watching! DrPaul
Thanks Deidra - honored to be on your team. Have you connected yet with our new course? It's about to be released and you can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com DrPaul
Hi Dr Paul, my daughter is 6 and in stage 1 mostly, I often use not getting sweets, not having our usual play time together (but doing reading and colouring in instead so we still get the quality time) or I have once or twice taken a favourite toy away for a while as a consequence but I always feel unsure about these choice of consequence as I know natural consequences are better but sometimes there are no natural consequences to teach them. Do you think these consequences I use are good choices and do you have any alternatives I could use? Thank you, your videos have been incredibly helpful to me!
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you sometimes it's good just to have reassurance. Your videos have really helped me deal with challenging behaviours, thank you!
Thank you Dr Poul for the wonderful information on how to do good parenting. Now Dr my daughter is 13 ,her behaviors show that she' in stage 3 and sometimes she does things that show she is in stage 1! How should i handle her? Charles
Hi Charles - honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV! This is very typical behavior for children. They can be in Stage 1, 2, and 3 throughout the same day. When this happens, you give consequences appropriate for the stage they are on. Stage 3 doesn't really require consequences, so that's great! Stage 2 is when she accepts the consequences and will do them (like an extra chore or an essay on how she can make a better choice next time). Consequences for Stage 1 behavior means that she does not need to cooperate - you remove access to things like preferred food (treats), screens, or other things that she enjoys. Here are 2 videos to give you more ideas: "Consequences For Misbehavior | 6 Specific Examples" - ua-cam.com/video/Fbcwp9na04Y/v-deo.html "How To Come Up With GOOD CONSEQUENCES" - ua-cam.com/video/C6E_1fv9BIs/v-deo.html
Soyeta's World, talk to someone who knows your child well and brainstorm together. It is difficult to cover every child and every family. You are all so unique.
Thanks Dr Paul your videos are very helpful. I have an 11year old girl is our only daughter and sometimes we don’t know how to control her, she is distant from us, almost like a roommate in our house sometimes, she spends a lot of time in her room, she swears frequently and is ungrateful, she was depressed and harming herself now with medical help and treatment she is better, but still.... She is very smart she speaks 3 languages and has good grades. Watching your video I don’t think she had a lot of consequences and she thinks she is in control, what can I do at this point to draw that line on your chalk board? Thanks Dr Paul in advance for any advice or recommendation. Cristina.
Hi Cristina S. First, thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV - it's an honor to have you here. Second, I want to offer you several resources we have available. Most of them are free, others do have a cost involved: Browse through the Positive Parenting playlist for topics relevant to your family life - ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html. Here are a few specific recommendations: "How To Deal With Teenagers Swearing" - ua-cam.com/video/bnOGdLihLJ8/v-deo.html "Teaching Children Respect In 10 Minutes Or Less" - ua-cam.com/video/d8c4I7_vlqw/v-deo.html "How To Teach Your Child To Say Thank You" - ua-cam.com/video/U3ctYw1pSwg/v-deo.html "7 Ways To Discipline Your Child" - ua-cam.com/video/G3nu1QfOUqE/v-deo.html "Consequences For Misbehavior | 6 Specific Examples" - ua-cam.com/video/Fbcwp9na04Y/v-deo.html To answer your question in regards to the 3 Stages of Moral Development, you can sit down with your daughter and make a T chart, with "Mom" on the top left and your daughter's name on the top right. Then under your name, write your house rules; keep them general so they cover as much ground as possible (you can use the ones I recommend in the teaching kids respect video above). On the right side of the chart, write what access your daughter gets if she obeys the rules (screen time, treats, friend time, etc.). You might even want her to watch a video I made to explain the 3 Stages to kids: "What To Do When Your Parents Are Over Protective?" - ua-cam.com/video/a4EAyWRYEeM/v-deo.html. (You can invite her to watch other videos from our "Just for kids and teens" playlist as well - ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html) Another resource is a free 25 minute parenting breakthrough call with a Live On Purpose coach. If you'd like to take advantage of that, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall Lastly, I invite you to consider purchasing the "Parenting Power-Up" audio program Vicki and I put together - www.parentingpowerup.com/optin-33156182 I hope some of these can help you and your daughter.
I am a foster parent to a child who has significant trauma. We were told that consequences are not appropriate for children who have trauma. Is this true?
Food consequence: you can be a good kid and I make something we both like for supper, or you can choose to be less than optimal and I make my favorite food.
Syeda Ayisha Tabassum, they at time have control and at other times, they need help. Usually their behavior will be worse when they are tired, hungry, needing love, etc.
Hi Dr Paul ..My lo is 3 years old....He hits other kids...When I say no he would say OK mom...Again repeats the same....But since a week , when I am disagreeing his hitting others....He is just becoming more aggressive and want to hit them more....n not even getting distracted...I'm sooooo much worried about his behaviour......I'm stressed totally....Need help pls pls pls.. About me I'm a young mother ,doesn't know anything About parenting...Did a lot of bad parenting(confession :( and guilt)..But learning a lot from great videos of yours.....Many of your videos helped me a lot....but in dis situation I'm helpless and totally going mad.....Please help
Hi sharanya! Thanks for being here - that shows you are a conscious parent. Here's another video I did about toddlers hitting (ua-cam.com/video/Uny7obNleVk/v-deo.html). Keep looking around in the positive parenting playlist here on the channel, and get signed up for the Parenting Power-up course I'm teaching with my wife, Vicki (parentingpowerup.com). That should keep you busy for a while. You've got this! Honored to be on your team. DrPaul
Check out some of the videos I have on gaming and parents. You want to be on stage 3 behavior so you parents know you are mature and can limit your time gaming.
Well said - yes. Consequences are whatever happens after or with "con" something else. They can be positive or negative, pleasant or painful. A paycheck is a consequence, but is certainly not a punishment. Thanks for watching! DrPaul
This is pure gold Dr Paul. Thank You! Sending all the love and positive vibes your way 🙌
You are so welcome
You really provide such valuable and usable information for parents. Life can be so much easier when you have the right tools!
Debra, thank you. So kind, please share with anyone you think could benefit.
Dr Paul, the more I listen to yr videos, the more I wished I had found u earlier on.Anyway, I'm sharing yr wisdom with other parents with young kids now.You sure put into words some of the instinctive parental strategies I had used in the past😅
Thank you, Grace. Glad you are sharing the videos with others. Spread the word.
This video is one of most helpful perspectives I’ve received on parenting. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
So true
I dont have kids but i love to listen to you... So interesting!!!!!
Layal I'm honored that you are here - thank you! You might also enjoy the other playlists we have here on the channel for Positive Relationships and Positive Personal Development. Thanks for watching! DrPaul
Thank you, Dr. Paul, great explanation, 100% applicable, as always!
Hey kassiopeia123 thanks again for watching. I'm so glad to have conscious parents like you here on the channel. DrPaul
Really unique guide to parents 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you, Soyeta.
Dr. Paul, thank you for sharing your great wisdom in these videos. They are so much help! I was wondering if you could make 2 videos: one geared towards children aged 11+, the other geared towards younger children under age 8. If you could please explain to the children (in simplified terms) what you are explaining to us parents, that would be extremely helpful. For years, my husband & I have tried to make our kids understand that their responsibility/maturity level will lead to more freedom. I am SO BAD with words (math is my strength), that we haven't gotten through to them, so we are experiencing LOTS of oppositional behavior, whining, laziness, etc. They need to understand the connection between good behavior/responsibility & personal freedom. Thanks for considering my suggestion. 🙂
Hi Tecumseh - glad you're tracking this. I'm also tracking you! Here's a few suggestions for videos where I'm teaching this very subject to kids directly:
For under 8 - ua-cam.com/video/v-o7L_Mwbgw/v-deo.html
For 11+ - ua-cam.com/video/Zpuqf9N6KhQ/v-deo.html
I think you would also love the Parenting Power-up - check it out here: parentingpowerup.com
DrPaul
Would love more examples of consequences for stage 2.
At stage 2, the child may suggest what their consequence should be. They cooperate with the consequence. It could look very much like stage 1 but they are cooperating. They may say, I should not be allowed to go out for the next two weekends, or I should miss the movie night with my friends. Hope that helps, Maria Keenan.
I really need some help on evening curfew time for UK based 14 and 16 Yr old. Both relatively responsible and mostly in stage 3, sometimes stage 2. I worry about them being out late with friends; they do not take part in extra curricular activities. 14yr old comes in at 8pm, 16 at 9pm. Both feel its too early and they look silly in front of their friends ....
Rebecca Thomson, are you willing to let them stay out a little later? Offer it as a trial, so if it isn't working you aren't locked in.
Really a enlightenment video! Thank you very much :)
Glad you liked it Rui - thanks for watching! I think you might also appreciate the Parenting Power-up Audio Course I did with my wife, Vicki. You can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com
DrPaul
help iv just started to watch your channel. I like it so far. I have a stepson that's 11 years old iv been in his life since he was 11 months old. but over the past 3 years, thing seem to have gotten off track. we can't seem to get him to do anything. he refuses to talk to anyone in the house take showers brush teeth some times he refuses to eat or drink anything. he won't do chores. we've tried time outs grounding loss of everything. we've tried positives like family time extra treats a day with just mom or dad new toys just saying good job nothing seems to work. and know he's acting up at school.
Thank you for watching, Angel Hust. It sounds like you are already doing a lot. It's hard to find the right motivation sometimes. We do have a video called "How To Motivate A Lazy Teenager" - ua-cam.com/video/pCK1FYW3z4o/v-deo.html. I know your stepson is 11, but hopefully you can find something useful here. We also have a Positive Parenting playlist with more tools - ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
Additionally, you might want to check out the "Just for kids and teens" playlist and have him watch some - ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html. Specifically, you might want to have him watch one of these:
"What To Do When Your Parents Are Over Protective" - ua-cam.com/video/a4EAyWRYEeM/v-deo.html
"How To Convince Your Parents To Get You A Phone" - ua-cam.com/video/Zpuqf9N6KhQ/v-deo.html
"How To Convince Your Parents To Get A Dog" - ua-cam.com/video/v-o7L_Mwbgw/v-deo.html
All of the videos explain the same principles, so you can pick which one best fits your scenario. Another good one is
"How To Do Hard Things For Older Kids And Teens" - ua-cam.com/video/5ltYHx46SxU/v-deo.html
Lastly, I want to ask you to consider having him go to a counselor. They may be things he is dealing with that he's not comfortable talking about with his parents. We have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches available. If you are interested in that, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
Is he being bullied? Just n thought.
When my son was five he had a phase when he would spill everything he could put his hands on. Anything that would spill he would do it. It went for a while like that until everyone just got tired of cleaning after him. His dad grounded him by taking away his favourite game. He (my son) went about it very calmly, not spilling anything for a week. Then his dad called him and told him he could have his game back, which he collectedly brought back into his room and straight away went downstairs to his grandma. It hardly took two minutes when my husband and i heard the granny yelling at him. I went to see what was going on when i saw her bed soaking in milk that my son found in her kitchen and spilled on her bed. To this day i can not phathom why he was doing that. That discouraged us from grounding him at all since he seemed not to be bothered with consequences. He waited when his punishment was over only to deliberately repeat his thing that got him into trouble. Why would he be doing that?
He is looking for consistency and to see what will happen. At this stage, consequences are the only thing that works.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you so much. It seems sometimes so foolish to know exactly what the consequeces will be and still choosing to go against the rules. He's a teen now and why i felt the need to search for advice. These videos are a true discovery for me. Thanks so much for what you are doing :)
Dr. Paul, thank you for your advices! I think my child is at the first stage of maturity. She often disagrees with the consequences she gets after bad behavior. But she’s learned to use this method in reverse ... for exaple, she can say ‘I won’t listen to you as long as I’ve got these consequenses’. 🤭
What am I doing wrong?
You're raising brilliant children! I think what this comes down to Sav Anna, is to always have a default consequence that doesn't require cooperation. Look at our video "How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling" for a quick review. I think you might also appreciate the Parenting Power-up Audio Course I did with my wife, Vicki. You can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com
DrPaul
@Natalie W , I would recommend having your son watch "What To Do When Your Parents Are Over Protective?" at ua-cam.com/video/a4EAyWRYEeM/v-deo.html, then discuss it afterward. Keep the conversation calm, and with love explain to him that you are trying to come up with a compromise. During the discussion, make a T chart with your name at the top of one side and his on the other. Then list what you control (screen time, phone, transportation, bedroom, preferred food, etc.), and what he controls (behavior, language, grades, if he does chores, etc.). With a smile on your face, let him know that you are happy to provide the things from your list to his satisfaction, if he is willing to provide the things from his list to your satisfaction. Remind him that he controls his behavior, and you control the consequences, no one person is "in control" of everything. We have additional videos on the "Just for kids and teens" playlist at ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html, if he is willing to watch them. Best wishes in your efforts.
@Natalie W So happy to hear that your are becoming a more positive family! Thanks again for watching. : )
Awesome video!! My 3 year old grand baby will NOT stay in time out....she keeps getting out of the chair crying.....I keep putting her back sitting in front of her while she fights me.....ugh!!
I hope you're finding the videos on our channel to be helpful Patricia. There are a number of other titles in our Positive Parenting playlist that might resonate with you. I think you might also appreciate the Parenting Power-up Audio Course I did with my wife, Vicki. You can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com
DrPaul
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you Dr. Paul....I find your videos very helpful!! I appreciate you answering me...you are very kind! As I have said before, you are my favorite youtuber. I always look forward to your videos...thanks again and have a great weekend!!
I stopped doing timeouts I found with my child they were not working and it was frustrating to me. Dr Laura Markham has some great ideas! Read this.. www.ahaparenting.com/Default.aspx?PageID=7652647&A=SearchResult&SearchID=11175077&ObjectID=7652647&ObjectType=1
Please could you clarify how they stop being stage 1 and move into stage 2? I see that if they refuse to cooperate they're in stage 1. if they do something to violate the family rules isn't that the same as being in stage 1 (not cooperating) as they've done something they shouldn't?
Yes, Maria Keenan, at Stage 1, they are self-centered, what's in it for me and will I get in trouble if do (fill in the blank). With this behavior, the only thing they will respond to will be consequences that don't require cooperation. In stage 1 they aren't cooperating. There could be a little blurring with teenagers if they realize they have really messed up. They may be able to help out with consequences.
This is great.
Thanks Max! Honored to be on your parenting team. DrPaul
K this is one of the most useful videos I've seen! If I want to read more about the 3 stages, do you have a book focusing on that?
Melissa Jakimik, I have a book in the progress, but nothing published at this time that deal specifically with the topic. My book Pathological Positivity has principles that lead to a happier life. You can get information at www.drpauljenkins.com.
Help my son is 6 and fights us on almost everything. It's so frustrating because my daughter who is 8 is the complete opposite. My son acts very ungrateful and doesn't listen to me when I tell him to stop doing something. He just closes his eyes and laughs. I struggle with anger and its hard for me to endure this disrespect on a daily basis. I don't understand boys
Some children are more challenging than others, lacey love 14. Talk to your pediatrician and try some consequences for his behavior in a calm manner. Consider taking a parenting class or the Parenting Powerup course at parentingpowerup.com. Thank you for watching and commenting.
So I have watched a few of your videos and was wondering what is too harsh for consequences? Also length? I take away all electronics for a week but it seems like after a day he is back to his talk back. Should I do a longer period, should I take more away at one time? Just not sure where to go from here? It's almost as he is his worst enemy and doesn't learn even with me being consistent. He waits the period of time and just doesn't care and goes back. Very frustrating because i want the best for him. :(
If your son's behavior does not change then he probably needs a longer time or a different consequence. You are on the right track, Jasmine Govier.
At stage one would you say that bribing and rewarding look different? I find a pacifier can motivate behavior I am looking for and be a consequence of not listening. Am I understanding correctly that both was are consequences that can be used?
Yes Suzanne - bribing and rewarding are both words that indicate a positive reinforcer (which is a type of consequence). Offering the pacifier to encourage a behavior is a reinforcer (consequence). Taking the pacifier away for not listening is a punishment (also a type of consequence). You're right on track! DrPaul
Can you make a video of consequences that are good and wrong ! Please !!
Anya, we go over a lot of those specifics our Parenting Power-up course - get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com - I'll also include your request in our next filming set. Thanks for watching! DrPaul
Focus on what you control(not include in the 5 freebies:love,air,food,water,shelter)
Yes, you got it.
Great video!
Thanks Deidra - honored to be on your team. Have you connected yet with our new course? It's about to be released and you can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com
DrPaul
Hi Dr Paul, my daughter is 6 and in stage 1 mostly, I often use not getting sweets, not having our usual play time together (but doing reading and colouring in instead so we still get the quality time) or I have once or twice taken a favourite toy away for a while as a consequence but I always feel unsure about these choice of consequence as I know natural consequences are better but sometimes there are no natural consequences to teach them. Do you think these consequences I use are good choices and do you have any alternatives I could use? Thank you, your videos have been incredibly helpful to me!
If there is not a clear natural consequence, the ones you implement will work.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you sometimes it's good just to have reassurance. Your videos have really helped me deal with challenging behaviours, thank you!
Your videos are wonderful Dr. Paul! I need help coming up with consequences. Do you have a video or resource that discusses that?
I will add it to the list, keep watching, Reem E.
The freebie list is incomplete. You also must provide:
6. Education
7. Healthcare
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Reason: The state said so.
Thank you.
Waaaawww!!! Superb sir!! Am must watch for me..
I am honored that you are watching so many of my videos, Music and passion. Thank you.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV they are truly insightful and beneficial sir!! Keep going... ☺️
@@CharukesiArunraj Thank you, I plan on it!
Thank you Dr Poul for the wonderful information on how to do good parenting. Now Dr my daughter is 13 ,her behaviors show that she' in stage 3 and sometimes she does things that show she is in stage 1! How should i handle her? Charles
Hi Charles - honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV! This is very typical behavior for children. They can be in Stage 1, 2, and 3 throughout the same day. When this happens, you give consequences appropriate for the stage they are on. Stage 3 doesn't really require consequences, so that's great! Stage 2 is when she accepts the consequences and will do them (like an extra chore or an essay on how she can make a better choice next time). Consequences for Stage 1 behavior means that she does not need to cooperate - you remove access to things like preferred food (treats), screens, or other things that she enjoys. Here are 2 videos to give you more ideas:
"Consequences For Misbehavior | 6 Specific Examples" - ua-cam.com/video/Fbcwp9na04Y/v-deo.html
"How To Come Up With GOOD CONSEQUENCES" - ua-cam.com/video/C6E_1fv9BIs/v-deo.html
Pls help giving few examples Of consequences 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Soyeta's World, talk to someone who knows your child well and brainstorm together. It is difficult to cover every child and every family. You are all so unique.
If i take something away from my son for not co operating, he takes something of mine and hides it. What do I do? He's 14 and bigger than me.
Rose G, you probably need to get some counseling at this stage for one on one help.
Thanks Dr Paul your videos are very helpful. I have an 11year old girl is our only daughter and sometimes we don’t know how to control her, she is distant from us, almost like a roommate in our house sometimes, she spends a lot of time in her room, she swears frequently and is ungrateful, she was depressed and harming herself now with medical help and treatment she is better, but still.... She is very smart she speaks 3 languages and has good grades. Watching your video I don’t think she had a lot of consequences and she thinks she is in control, what can I do at this point to draw that line on your chalk board? Thanks Dr Paul in advance for any advice or recommendation. Cristina.
Hi Cristina S. First, thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV - it's an honor to have you here. Second, I want to offer you several resources we have available. Most of them are free, others do have a cost involved:
Browse through the Positive Parenting playlist for topics relevant to your family life - ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html. Here are a few specific recommendations:
"How To Deal With Teenagers Swearing" - ua-cam.com/video/bnOGdLihLJ8/v-deo.html
"Teaching Children Respect In 10 Minutes Or Less" - ua-cam.com/video/d8c4I7_vlqw/v-deo.html
"How To Teach Your Child To Say Thank You" - ua-cam.com/video/U3ctYw1pSwg/v-deo.html
"7 Ways To Discipline Your Child" - ua-cam.com/video/G3nu1QfOUqE/v-deo.html
"Consequences For Misbehavior | 6 Specific Examples" - ua-cam.com/video/Fbcwp9na04Y/v-deo.html
To answer your question in regards to the 3 Stages of Moral Development, you can sit down with your daughter and make a T chart, with "Mom" on the top left and your daughter's name on the top right. Then under your name, write your house rules; keep them general so they cover as much ground as possible (you can use the ones I recommend in the teaching kids respect video above). On the right side of the chart, write what access your daughter gets if she obeys the rules (screen time, treats, friend time, etc.). You might even want her to watch a video I made to explain the 3 Stages to kids: "What To Do When Your Parents Are Over Protective?" - ua-cam.com/video/a4EAyWRYEeM/v-deo.html. (You can invite her to watch other videos from our "Just for kids and teens" playlist as well - ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html)
Another resource is a free 25 minute parenting breakthrough call with a Live On Purpose coach. If you'd like to take advantage of that, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
Lastly, I invite you to consider purchasing the "Parenting Power-Up" audio program Vicki and I put together - www.parentingpowerup.com/optin-33156182
I hope some of these can help you and your daughter.
I am a foster parent to a child who has significant trauma. We were told that consequences are not appropriate for children who have trauma. Is this true?
Bradford Hyde, maybe not until some work has been done on the trauma.
Food consequence: you can be a good kid and I make something we both like for supper, or you can choose to be less than optimal and I make my favorite food.
Thank you for watching and commenting.
Now i have a cousin who has full custody of his son that has autism! What can we do to get him to understand and listen to us!
Matt Harrison, hopefully he is getting some therapy and I would talk to the therapist to see what works best.
What stage is a 4 year old usually in ?
Syeda Ayisha Tabassum, they at time have control and at other times, they need help. Usually their behavior will be worse when they are tired, hungry, needing love, etc.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you very much. That helped
Hi Dr Paul ..My lo is 3 years old....He hits other kids...When I say no he would say OK mom...Again repeats the same....But since a week , when I am disagreeing his hitting others....He is just becoming more aggressive and want to hit them more....n not even getting distracted...I'm sooooo much worried about his behaviour......I'm stressed totally....Need help pls pls pls..
About me I'm a young mother ,doesn't know anything About parenting...Did a lot of bad parenting(confession :( and guilt)..But learning a lot from great videos of yours.....Many of your videos helped me a lot....but in dis situation I'm helpless and totally going mad.....Please help
Hi sharanya! Thanks for being here - that shows you are a conscious parent. Here's another video I did about toddlers hitting (ua-cam.com/video/Uny7obNleVk/v-deo.html). Keep looking around in the positive parenting playlist here on the channel, and get signed up for the Parenting Power-up course I'm teaching with my wife, Vicki (parentingpowerup.com). That should keep you busy for a while. You've got this! Honored to be on your team. DrPaul
My parents think I’m addicted to gaming and they never want me to be able to play any suggestions?
Check out some of the videos I have on gaming and parents. You want to be on stage 3 behavior so you parents know you are mature and can limit your time gaming.
maybe in some cases you can use incentives instead of consequences
W, yes. I promote rewards for behavior we want to see.
There is a difference between consequences and punishments.
Well said - yes. Consequences are whatever happens after or with "con" something else. They can be positive or negative, pleasant or painful. A paycheck is a consequence, but is certainly not a punishment. Thanks for watching! DrPaul
Hard to give her two choices which both in my favour
drama, it takes a lot of thinking, but it gets easier as we do so and talk with other parents.
I suck....period
Had to give this one a thumbs down Georgeanne, just not buying it. Besides, you're not done yet - just keep learning and loving. DrPaul