I loved what she said at the end about the compassion, when we can embrace the fact that we are all are vulnerable human beings, we can start changing our society
I'm considering sending this "talk" off to my husband. Living in shame and silence and being a female, it's VERY difficult. I feel this video is EXCELLENT and my dispel the JUDGEMENT and actually create UNDERSTANDING. At the same time I have fear of him finding out.. knowing.
You are right Jamin. Bringing it into the light with a safe person is the first step. On cannot function in normal sexual behaviour when one is a porn addict. I call it a kind of mental adultery.
This is beautifully done Paula. Thank you for your contribution, sensitivity and knowledge. As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, I will be using this on my website as a great resource for those impacted by this issue.
i knew i had a problem when i started realizing i sexualized 100% woman i encountered in my day to day. determining based solely off of appearance weather they were or weren’t a possible avenue for a ‘fun night’
Paula / TED team - I recently discovered I have this condition and want to do more to help spread the word and contribute end stigma, I contacted TED to volunteer to add subtitles so it can reach a broader audience. Thank you, this is inspiring and beautifully done.
Maybe you can help me understand a sex addicted guy I use to go to school with. People in my year discovered an unusual sex behaviour with a guy who was in my year and the things we heard he did was shocking for a teen to even manage. But we all just wanted to understand how he became addicted to so much sex at a teen?
There may have been sexual or emotional abuse in his childhood...He may have discovered that being sexual gave him relief from his emotional pain; that being sexual gave him a high, almost in the same manner as someone using street drugs to escape pain. The high is usually followed with a return to the pain, followed by depression and despair. Then the cycle continues as the sex addicts returns to being sexual for relief from the pain [acting out, compulsive masturbation, porn use, anonymous sex, cruising, massage parlors]. The addict then becomes isolated and full of shame and trapped in the cycle. It is not fun and some addicts attempt suicide to get off the cycle.
I struggle so much, everyday..... its really hard. Feels like an uncontrollable urge to f***. Its an addiction like no other... you are addicted to the human body. Not like a drug where you take it out of your world.... people are everywhere. Very upsetting tbh. :/
I feel as if it's impossible for me to shut my addiction off. I can hide from it when i'm forcing myself to not endulge in it, but it is always fully awake. I always end up acting on it with zero regrets. The worst part is that i've been trying to find help, but we just do not have an active community here in Belgium that can help you. I never saw this as an addiction until i financially started having trouble and it's been fiancially hard since 3 years now...
you are such a great and inspiring woman, thanks God for women like you being existent in this tough and unfair world,you are a blend of integrity,compassion and morality,May God bless you and grant you happiness you deserve ❤
Initially total abstinence is part of a solution for compulsives BUT to maintain that for a lifetime is same as not dealing with the issue.... isn't it?
I feel like crying and and feel relieved at the same time because I didn't know how to differentiate a man that likes cheating and a sex addict. I used to feel like maybe I'm not good enough or there's something I don't know about how to treat a man. Now I'm glad to know that I am not dealing with a monster but I am dealing with someone who is crying for help. I also need help too for all the trauma I've experienced. I wish someone to help us but I don't know where to start or who to talk to.
After accepting my addiction my wife suggested getting the Annoiting of The Sick from our parish priest. It is not your fault but our egos, pride etc. Will keep you updated on my healing.
I think you just did a great job of finding a place to start and doing something. Reading your comment makes me sad, in a good way. It is a cry for help. You're not the problem, you are part of the solution. Thank you
Preach! Is all I will say, plus this . I like you have liked this video but if this comment is liked even 10xs or less then we will have helped someone feeling alone. No matter what struggle...even this we are beautiful!
Brilliant Paula - brings home the human impact of this growing problem. I'll be encouraging my clients and their partners at Esteem Therapy Yorkshire to watch this to help them understand they are not alone in this. I hope it also encourages more sex and porn addicted people in the North to come forward for help as I really do believe that the shame and taboos around this subject are even more entrenched in the more 'traditional ' northern regions. Thanks.
Thank you Paula for this❤ I can't get enough of your talks. They are extra help for me since I have many clients with sx-addiction. With yours and Karoliinas' translated book I have done amazing with these people and they are now strong and free of the shame and the addiction.
Since the age of 4-5 years old I knew I was a sex addict, my entire existance as a kid was searching anything that temporarly satisfies my hunger for few mins/hours then it resurges again and again, it never ended, in fact it just expanded, whenever I think i reached the piller of my sexual addiction, I prove myself wrong, I never reached my peak in regard to my addiction.. Currently I'm 27 years old, still as addict as ever(and more), literraly I have been a slave for my addiction for my entire life, and what hurts is that there is no sign of it regressing at all... I spend countless hours on worthless porn, and whenever I can I try to get my sex shots from prostitutes.. I used to travel by airplane only to get 3-4 hours of sex, and return after few hours back to my home... I never can keep save any money, and most of the time Im exhausted from sex hunting either digitally or by traveling..... Yeah i'm talking a lot, but somehow it helps sooth the pain I feel, specially this is all private and noone truley knows about my shamful way of living...
I feel your pain I lost my last girlfriend to her ex after she went thru my phone and found out I was addicted to paying sluts for sex since that day Ive been trying so hard to rid myself of this adiction
I was hoping she was going to talk about her own sex addiction. why does it seem to be only men who struggle with this. I feel like the only female who has a sex addiction. I got sober 5 years ago with the help of other alcoholics, and I've tried to find recovering sex addicts to learn from like an annonymous group but they are all men so that doesn't seem like that would work well for me. lol
I feel the same way and in my country sex is really a taboo, you can better have an alcohol addiction or a drug addiction than a sex addiction. That is such a shame in such a religious country. I have also seen that women are more labeled as nymphomaniacs and men as sex addicts. That is what I have see, not based on research
Look around additional websites on sexual addiction and you will find plenty of females there. I'm sure there are addiction specialists who can tell you that women carry this burden too. The statistics show that men have the predominant problem. But there are plenty of women fighting the same battle. You just have to look a little harder.
You aren't alone. I will be sober 6 years in August. I was treated by Kaiser in a dual diagnosis group, an while I went to SAA it was usually all men and very lonely. I hope this helps.
Compassion for sex addicts? They're in the same category as pedophiles and serial killers: narcissistic, sociopathic opportunists. As such, they enjoy inflicting pain on others. They feign remorse when they're caught, but their remorse isn't real. They can't feel normal human emotions such as remorse, regret, or love. They aren't really human at all--they're subhuman impostors who have sold their souls to evil. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid. And stay the hell away.
Belinda sTONER oh for goodness sake! You seem to be very closed minded. Life isn't black and white, the majority of people wouldn't choose to hurt their partner or get a kick from it. Unless you suffer from addiction or have compassion for an addict then you will never understand the bigger picture. Stop generalising.
A sex addict can carry on and want to change or they can see their error and try to get help to change. One can respect the second person who tries to get help. I don't get the pain bit. Maybe that is another subject.
My husband is spent $40,000 this year on hookers. I didn't know for 25 years. My life is in shambles. My heart is broken, and sometimes I think I can never recover from this. He is left now and is living out his life of Lies. Everything he ever told me about anything was a lie. It is so horrifying to know that I have been sleeping with a man that is sleeping with hundreds of prostitutes all the time. I just had no idea. It is the most devastating thing that any woman could ever have to go through. I just cannot explain the pain, of how I am feeling. He has no feelings of remorse for me. He cares nothing about whether I live or die. He only cares about his p*** addiction.
Im sorry for you but forgiveness is in your heart and will lighten your burden. Your man is a victim of his own demons and who knows maybe as kids he was repressed and lied to like most kids… healthy transparent and honest relationships are hard to build in this society. I wish you healing and forgiveness even if you never allow this man in your life again. Still it will make your heart lighter to feel compassion for him.
Someone who might be referred to as a sex addict will feel the need to continue to act out sexually, whether that behavior is seeing prostitutes or spending inordinate hours on porn sites, despite huge life consequences: loss of employment, divorce, STDs, incarceration, etc., just as an alcoholic keeps feeling the need to drink despite suffering similar life consequences -- that's the difference between normal sexuality and compulsive sexuality.
Melinda McMahon Gallardo and the more discrimination and judgement we put on them the worse they’ll become. Compassionate and understanding is the key. Im guessing it’ll take another 20-30 years for society to fully come to terms and accept us.
As the mother of a teen female, I worry that she will not find a healthy partner due to the widespread problem of sex addiction and porn. Parents really need to become more aware of it and teach their sons.
Never in history stds have been so low since they were a thing... and they are developing vaccines even against hiv. So in the future this will not even exist
My addiction is getting bad I'm worried it will severely impair my life! I'm trying things to recover by myself and it's really challenging! I'm already seeing a therapist for my OCD and anxiety but I'm scared to bring up my hypersexuality since they'll have to tell my family and I'll be so ashamed if they know!
please tell brother. one day it will be a part of your past- a part of your healing. don't let yourself be 36 like me and part of your present. shame is what allows it to stay in the dark- where it still has power. bring it into the light by talking about it and you will be the one in control. All the best to you
@7thGenDinosaur Yes He is. He will destroy his enemies. He is also merciful to those who make peace with Him and become his friends. For this reason the Gospel of reconciliation through repentance and faith in Jesus is preached for the salvation of all who are willing to obey Him.
Joe, you are mistaken. While sexual behavior is completely normal, healthy even, it's the compulsivity that distinguishes normal, healthy human sexuality from compulsive sexuality, what we today refer to as sex addiction. The distinction, much like with other addictive behaviors, is the dependency and impulsivity which leads to life consequences: getting fired for spending hours (if not the entirety) of work time on porn sites, divorces, etc. It is a thing.
So I have a question about Mark: does he have a “great group of friends,” or does he have a wide circle of acquaintances? Addicts typically don’t have friends, so they bond with something else. Addiction is isolation, plain and simple.
I've seen several comments that refer to 12 step groups. Proceed with caution. AA and the other 12 step groups have one common theme. You have to "turn your life over to god." As an atheist and an addict, I have had great struggles.
The big book doesn't state that you have to believe in any particular God, simply a power greater than yourself. By coming to an understanding of a concept with step 2 & having a willingness to engage in that relationship with step 3, you can begin to receive direction from values that are in alignment with reality & living in the present. Therefore, addressing the core issue of addiction - selfishness & the delusion to numb emotional pain. It's possible to have a non-dualistic view of a higher power that doesn't involve the workings of a traditional creator. The 12 steps has a greater focus on being a spiritual program, not a religious one. It synergizes ideas from religious, psychological, & medical backgrounds. More than half of the original members who entered AA were agnostics, and they found the program to work for them. Same in my case, you simply need to have the willingness to work the program.
@@nathanwilkening2253 when referring to a generic deity, it would be grammatically correct to say "a god." When you capitalize God now you are referring to a specific deity. The 12 steps refer to "God" 7 times. So YES AA is a religion based group.
its a higher power-many people who struggle with the concept use nature- you believe there is something in the universe more powerful than you or you don't. Chances are if you are an addict your will, choices and your thoughts have contributed to your life being in a mess, all you are saying is you are out of ideas and there must be another way worth trying? The gift of desperation has served many-try something different.
My best friend has been a sex addict since he was 14. I swear being his best friend I never knew how he use to behave in school. He use to cheat on his girlfriends with women older and I warned him he needed to stop this obsession with having sex with older women because he'll regret it and he did. He got married to a ex teacher of ours who is horrible person by the way and she used him to get him addicted to her. I always told him leave her before you regret but we use to argue about it and he started a sexual relationship with her after he left school. I just wish he would eventually leave her but things got worse when he married her and got her pregnant and they recently had a kid like a week ago and I told him when he got her pregnant that you have gone too far and he finally admitted it that his sex addiction was too much. His lust for sex was out of control. Now he told me he wasn't happy with her and wanted to divorce her before she told him she was pregnant so now he is stuck with that woman who is older then him, who I'm sure he doesn't love if it's only for sex and she will keep pushing him, abusing his body with her until he can't be cured but I believe he can but to leave his wife now is wrong since they just had a kid and all I want his my best friend to get away from this life of sex with older women because the girl he loved in school was his true soul mate and he ruined it for that teacher because of his obsession with those body type of bodies that drive men wild.
I don't know but all I know he was 14 when he lost his virginty to an older woman. Apparently to his first girlfriend mum who seduced him and obviously he was 14 at that age he was probably thinking about sex. But he was the shy type before he met his first girlfriend. I'm the one who helped him ask her out because she was my friend. I didn't know he would start having sex with her mum and maybe that made him go after otther of his girlfriend's mums. But he told me he was addicted to older women with curves and that's why he can't stop having sex with his wife. I write that 8 months ago and now his wife is pregnant again but this time with twins. I was so pissed off when he told me. One time he wants to leave her and the other time he gets her pregnant. Now he so defensive over his wife. I told him the way she treated you so badly in the past and she did so many horrible things to him. Now he's like the past is the past and now he's making a family with her because that's what she wants. But I still stick with him but as a woman I'm so disgusted by his behaviour but I can't just ruin a 24 years friendship over that. We grew up together always stayed in the same school until he left because of what people were thinking about his behaviour over older women and the rumoured he was cheating on his girlfriend with his wife who was our teacher back in 2004.
He won't listen to me. His wife has him on a leash that she manipulates him into having sex i don't how many times they do it in a week. And the more he has sex with her the more deluded and unintelligent he gets. He use to be smart as well in school. I don't know what happened to him. I guess to much sex as a teenager with odler women fucked up his mind. i'm his best friend and I feel so useless.
I've been trying to do this for so many years. He won't listen to me but he bitches to me about her and now he's so deluded up her ass now he defends her saying she's changed when I know this woman. She's the most nastiest woman I've ever witness since she was our teacher. She picked on students for pleasure. Everyone from my old school hated her as our teacher and she knew it and didn't bothered. You couldn't cross her because she got so many people in trouble and suspended.
People with bipolar are told that they choose inappropriate partners. If they believe this, committment becomes impossible because they start to believe that they are with the wrong person, no matter how much love there is between them. Maybe this is one reason for the problem that was discussed in this TED talk
A couple years ago i was so lost in my mind with this addiction i ended up giving my home address to a complete stranger, and now i just hope they never pull up to my house to meet me.
I find it interesting that like addictions in general many people feel as if it's a moral deficiency. The fact that peer reviewed data has shown brain chemistry changes with addiction is indisputable. The more science discovers about the brain the more society will come to terms with mental illness. Addiction is a chronic mental illness that can be put into remission thru therapy and continued support for all involved. Just like all other addictions, sex addiction takes a toll on all family and friends and only thru intensive complex counseling can real recovery start. Finding a therapist who is educated in addictions or a particular addiction is a major component towards healing. Compassion towards each other helps us connect. Humans require connections to survive.I find it disheartening when people comment with their minds made up and use certain research to back up their claims. Instead of looking globally at what research in many countries by many scientists which tells a different tale of how and why addiction occurs. This disease of addiction destroys lives, but with commitment and rigorous honesty lives can be rebuilt and restored.
Well the 'addiction' definitely started out through repeated action which had to have been made upon one's own will, so it does also have to do with morals.
Paula Hall is an evangelical Christian, so why doesn't she "come out" about it? From her website, "Sex and porn addiction can affect anyone - including those who love God and choose to follow Christ"
I had a roommate back in 1993 who took his life in 2009 after being video recorded by his roommate that year of acting out on his addiction while his roommate was away!
She did not say anything useful. Telling people that I masterbate too much and have a problem forming romantic relationships will not help anything. I guess if you have access to good therapy that could help but not all of us like being social and talkative anyway. You just have to stop doing what is hurting you. I've had to do it many times with many things. It is tough.
My mom didn't really take it that seriously. I think people think of it as separate thing and not an addiction. But I wasnt always like this. I swear people think it's a joke more than being a drug addict
My boyfriend that we've been together for 3 years have this problem. He seems sincere about changing but if I don't have the mental and emotional energy to do this again. We wanted to get married and I am terrified that when we have kids and all this is going to happen again.
I hope you ran, and fast, as far away as you could. He will ruin your life, and rob you of your youth and time. And this will screw up your kids. Get to some Codependency recovery yourself, and soon.
Peggy Dwyer agreed.. I’m 18 years in and had no idea this was still a problem until this past year. Tore our kids apart it was truly sad. He just can’t help it. I feel for him but I have wasted my heart and youth on a man that will truly never love me the way I want and deserve.
I spoke to my wife not too long ago. Every woman is different, but I believe women can be more supportive than you think. Rigorous honesty, especially about things that we try to hide, is needed, and relieving.
I think its an impulse control problem caused by similar reasons as other impulsive behaviors such as OCD or Compulsive Talking Disorder and there are others I cannot think of, but there is growing evidence to suggest these conditions are a side effect of food additives that cross the blood brain barrier and are neurotoxic, but also a consequence of modern life and technology which is full of constant distractions, and the materialism and consumerism pushed on everyone today, reinforcing the idea of immediate gratification,
Такими темпами мы ото всех зависимостей будем стремиться избавиться. Придём к тому, чтобы сидеть и медитировать без мыслей в голове и ничего не ощущая, чтобы достигнуть полного просветления.
+NGB94 We need to reformulate the word addiction nowadays with stepping edge for revolutionary psychiatry with neurology and illegal substances liberation such as Cannabis (which has proven not to cause addiction and never a lethal dose at all) legalized on the half of the USA and some of Europe where addicts are treated with the substance at the clinic by lowering down gradually instead of cutting altogether.
I'm not a sex addicted but I have had sex not that much. But me and my friends back in school really wanted to understand a guy's addiction from my year during our teen years. I mean the rumours about him having sexual relationship with women twice his age was kind of shocking and tge worst thing was he was cheating on his friends from our ages apparently with their mums or aunts or any older woman who were probably between ages 20 - 40. I mean I like the idea of being with an older woman but not the way he use to do it. Someone explain to me this behaviour. Most of people I still talk to from my old school still discuss about him since we haven't seen him since 2004. Some people have and they've seen him with women who were like cougar ages.
***** Well what I heard was that he lost his viriginity to one of his ex's mum and the one they talk about that mum had like a porno type body. Maybe having sex with a woman with that kind of body maybe made him think older women are more developed then the girls back when we were school. I must admit. Most girls in my year were skinny but were very pretty looking.
Today they say... Keep. BOundries... Then how will u know ur partner... Better healthy men marry more... And wife's have lesb relation among them... The system by catholic HARLOT lucifer apparation Mary led lying church should change... Ur church is ur silent killer of consciousness... Go away even be a Buddhist... But remember to defame them twise before u go for they demamed God... BE ONLY SPIRITUAL.... NO NEED RELIGION THESE DAYS... BE CONSIOUS...
You know what people are really addicted to? Having children and then losing a lifetime complaining about them. That is right! Not the woman talking on the TED. Though, she is making up all that she wants about the subject she decided to lecture about
While there are no doubt some people that feel they have a "sex addiction", a lot of the talk of sex addiction just seems like a way to shame and condemn people who behave in a way society doesn't approve of - people who are not monogamous. Like Tiger Woods, who had to go to "rehab". A lot of people just have high sex drives and want to have a bunch of partners. People look at porn because their perfectly natural and healthy sex drive is not being fulfilled. The problem isn't people wanting to have sex, it's our society leaving people disconnected and lonely, lacking sex and affection. There's a reason why there is no "sex addiction" criteria in the DSM - because it's not a medical disorder, it's a moral judgement.
I think it is moral personally. How can one find their way out of it without recognising that fact? When you don't face the facts you can live in cloud cuckoo land.
Some people may not want to find their way out of it - they may enjoy having lots of casual sex with many new partners outside of a committed relationship. Whether or not it is an ¨addiction¨ or a problem at all, depends on if you see that behavior... if you see it as being immoral, as many do, or whether you see nothing wrong with consenting adults having as much sex in whatever form they want.
I Agree. Some people will never marry or form any permanent relationship. Its not up to society to tell people how to behave, its their personal choice. The Tiger Woods example is a good one. Too many scolds and nannies in our society. Some of this womans talk is very judgemental and that doesnt help anyone.
The truth being that one can die in denial, like the Jews, or face the Truth in this world and believe. Otherwise one condemns his/her self by living in mortal sin. In the end those old grannies are like your conscience, when it's gone cooka land! And therefore you( generally speaking) want others to "believe" your view.
Did I miss something? What problem does this 'addiction' cause ? Other than possibilities of STDs and messing up your marriage, it seems to be fairly harmless. She just says it is devastating without tell us in what way - do you go blind or something?
@Dutta G what problems OK how about ruining relationships, throwing away friendships as you don't know how to be truly intimate and living a double life is all you know and you live in constant fear of them finding out, the shame which crushes you everyday, the jobs you throw away for your next fix, the money you throw away so you end up broke literally and figuratively.
Dutta G If you don't have any consequences then perhaps you don't have an addiction. But don't invalidate people that have this real problem. It comes from deep trauma and family of origin issues. These people are incapable of having intimacy so they are stuck in a cycle of compulsive behavior and shame, anxiety and depression.
I'm not questioning her morals why you would make such a non-sequitur reply is beyond me. I'm saying she's not inspiring because her delivery of the material is not gripping. If I read for you the terms of service agreement like a robot you're likely to be lost in what i'm saying within the first minute. If I deliver it like a host of a comedy show while keeping pertinent information in tact the listener will likely hang on every word. I'm not saying she's immoral i'm saying her delivery is lacking on connecting with a wide audience.
I feel that some assholes just use this as an excuse. I understand there are some sick people but I dislike the ones that use this disease as an excuse. :\
+ARELY FLORES, yes there can be that opportunistic group, but I believe there is that group that fell to it, maybe to start with as an escape coping mechanism to other challenges they had in their past.. In the long run, they find no reason to quit when the compulsion comes into play too, and maybe feel there is nothing left to keep. Before they know it, they need help when they finally find out they can't go on living such kind of life. The talk is valid I would say
As something of an expert on the matter, I can’t begin to describe the wrongness density of these ‘arguments.’ And the irony were at one point you say: ‘we have to stop making moral judgements’ and in the same sentence use the ideologically loaded term ‘sex addiction’, as if it were a rock solid established fact. It isn’t. Even the definition of the concept is utterly subjective. What we do need is to make better quality pornography.
Thanks, Tony. Always happy to enlighten. Seriously, it doesn't take Sigmund Freud to realise any young male who DOESN'T think about sex virtually 24/7 is the one with something wrong! And that socially, man's biological inclinations have been used as a stick to beat him with since pre-history. Whether it's religious prohibition, re-definition as illness (remember when masturbation was in the DSM? Right up to 1968!) or as a sign of moral 'decay', same old lies, same old hypocrites. From their sanctimonious high horses, they preach the word... while doing those same things in private. Let's be honest, Tony. Plenty of well paying careers to be be made in the sex-shaming industry.
@@khtnsuwdih LOL. Love all your denial, and justifications, the minimalization, and rationalization: one cognitive distortion after the other. Thanks for demonstrating the lies that every addict uses to lie to themselves, and others. A classic case here. I hope you hit bottom soon, and no dude, not THAT bottom. So you can get help.
@@peggydwyer1932 Compliments of the season, Peggy. I'm afraid you're giving me the logical fallacy of argument by assertion. Simply proclaiming: 'denial, cognitive distortion' etc. isn't anything but a personal opinion. Evidence, please. (not propaganda) 'hit bottom'? Oh, my. Question: is every female who re-reads Fifty Shades a 'BDSM addict'?
This is a powerful talk inviting people to look at sex addiction with clarity and compassion. Wonderful!
It's in our culture to laugh it off but that's a defense. People don't know how to cope
Hi
This is a topic worth discussing
I loved what she said at the end about the compassion, when we can embrace the fact that we are all are vulnerable human beings, we can start changing our society
I'm considering sending this "talk" off to my husband. Living in shame and silence and being a female, it's VERY difficult. I feel this video is EXCELLENT and my dispel the JUDGEMENT and actually create UNDERSTANDING. At the same time I have fear of him finding out.. knowing.
skippyjomo32 blue Indian film
Are you a "sex adict"? Who made the diagnosis?
Yes! It's painful, but the only way to get better is to bring take it out of the dark.
You are right Jamin. Bringing it into the light with a safe person is the first step. On cannot function in normal sexual behaviour when one is a porn addict. I call it a kind of mental adultery.
skippyjomo32 my ex gf and I both had sex addiction is was very hard but it didn't stop us. we separated for other reasons
This is beautifully done Paula. Thank you for your contribution, sensitivity and knowledge. As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, I will be using this on my website as a great resource for those impacted by this issue.
But how is it a specialty if it wasn't recognized as a diagnosis ?
what is your website?
@@sholomantianexactly 💯
i knew i had a problem when i started realizing i sexualized 100% woman i encountered in my day to day. determining based solely off of appearance weather they were or weren’t a possible avenue for a ‘fun night’
Damn dude. I can really relate and Im starting to realize things.
+1, I've always been like this
Paula / TED team - I recently discovered I have this condition and want to do more to help spread the word and contribute end stigma, I contacted TED to volunteer to add subtitles so it can reach a broader audience. Thank you, this is inspiring and beautifully done.
Beautiful balanced message. As a Sex Addiction Therapist, I greatly appreciate this. Will use often in my practice. Well done Paula!
Maybe you can help me understand a sex addicted guy I use to go to school with. People in my year discovered an unusual sex behaviour with a guy who was in my year and the things we heard he did was shocking for a teen to even manage. But we all just wanted to understand how he became addicted to so much sex at a teen?
There may have been sexual or emotional abuse in his childhood...He may have discovered that being sexual gave him relief from his emotional pain; that being sexual gave him a high, almost in the same manner as someone using street drugs to escape pain. The high is usually followed with a return to the pain, followed by depression and despair. Then the cycle continues as the sex addicts returns to being sexual for relief from the pain [acting out, compulsive masturbation, porn use, anonymous sex, cruising, massage parlors]. The addict then becomes isolated and full of shame and trapped in the cycle. It is not fun and some addicts attempt suicide to get off the cycle.
Help me
Do you treat men and women?
I think that this speech is absolutely correct.
I agree. It is wonderful to have a person bringing this up in such a compassionate truthful way.
You certainly don't have to agree with everything on TED!
I think she's missing a lot of points.
+Melo Moser yes
I struggle so much, everyday..... its really hard. Feels like an uncontrollable urge to f***. Its an addiction like no other... you are addicted to the human body. Not like a drug where you take it out of your world.... people are everywhere. Very upsetting tbh. :/
Louis Parfitt I’m trying so hard
@@Rarz11855 @Louis Parfitt, is God an option for you?
I feel you I also want to eat p hours and hours at a time
I feel you, man.
ik how you feel i fell exactly like that ive been struggling with my addiction for a good 4 years now
I feel as if it's impossible for me to shut my addiction off. I can hide from it when i'm forcing myself to not endulge in it, but it is always fully awake. I always end up acting on it with zero regrets. The worst part is that i've been trying to find help, but we just do not have an active community here in Belgium that can help you. I never saw this as an addiction until i financially started having trouble and it's been fiancially hard since 3 years now...
Check out Nova Vida Recovery if you live in Belgium
Jesus loves you come onto him :)
Wow I actually feel sorry for people who suffer from this 💔 may God guide them 🙏
Amen
yeah it really is, maybe i wouldnt have problem if this didnt offend God
@@jaybjay4121weirdo
Very well done. Communication is the big problem with this. Getting your point across to a therapist is so important.
you are such a great and inspiring woman, thanks God for women like you being existent in this tough and unfair world,you are a blend of integrity,compassion and morality,May God bless you and grant you happiness you deserve ❤
I'm celibate and I like it better than when I was promiscuous.......much better.
Initially total abstinence is part of a solution for compulsives BUT to maintain that for a lifetime is same as not dealing with the issue.... isn't it?
I feel like crying and and feel relieved at the same time because I didn't know how to differentiate a man that likes cheating and a sex addict. I used to feel like maybe I'm not good enough or there's something I don't know about how to treat a man. Now I'm glad to know that I am not dealing with a monster but I am dealing with someone who is crying for help. I also need help too for all the trauma I've experienced. I wish someone to help us but I don't know where to start or who to talk to.
If he confesses that he needs help that is a good place to start. Faithfulness to one's wife is a fantastic thing.
After accepting my addiction my wife suggested getting the Annoiting of The Sick from our parish priest. It is not your fault but our egos, pride etc. Will keep you updated on my healing.
Trust me ... Man who cheats doesn't mean he doesn't love... it's just a scream from within that is so over powering that can't be resisted
I am looking for support people. Let me know if you want to exchange contact info.
I think you just did a great job of finding a place to start and doing something. Reading your comment makes me sad, in a good way. It is a cry for help. You're not the problem, you are part of the solution. Thank you
Excellent, informative and sensitively explained presentation. Helps get the message out about how devastating being addicted to porn and sex can be.
Preach! Is all I will say, plus this . I like you have liked this video but if this comment is liked even 10xs or less then we will have helped someone feeling alone. No matter what struggle...even this we are beautiful!
Brilliant Paula - brings home the human impact of this growing problem. I'll be encouraging my clients and their partners at Esteem Therapy Yorkshire to watch this to help them understand they are not alone in this. I hope it also encourages more sex and porn addicted people in the North to come forward for help as I really do believe that the shame and taboos around this subject are even more entrenched in the more 'traditional ' northern regions. Thanks.
Thank you Paula for this❤ I can't get enough of your talks. They are extra help for me since I have many clients with sx-addiction. With yours and Karoliinas' translated book I have done amazing with these people and they are now strong and free of the shame and the addiction.
Since the age of 4-5 years old I knew I was a sex addict, my entire existance as a kid was searching anything that temporarly satisfies my hunger for few mins/hours then it resurges again and again, it never ended, in fact it just expanded, whenever I think i reached the piller of my sexual addiction, I prove myself wrong, I never reached my peak in regard to my addiction.. Currently I'm 27 years old, still as addict as ever(and more), literraly I have been a slave for my addiction for my entire life, and what hurts is that there is no sign of it regressing at all... I spend countless hours on worthless porn, and whenever I can I try to get my sex shots from prostitutes.. I used to travel by airplane only to get 3-4 hours of sex, and return after few hours back to my home... I never can keep save any money, and most of the time Im exhausted from sex hunting either digitally or by traveling..... Yeah i'm talking a lot, but somehow it helps sooth the pain I feel, specially this is all private and noone truley knows about my shamful way of living...
If anyone wants to talk, just send me an Email, to msatony2@gmail.com. I've been through a lot. And trying to recover as well.
I feel your pain I lost my last girlfriend to her ex after she went thru my phone and found out I was addicted to paying sluts for sex since that day Ive been trying so hard to rid myself of this adiction
Kyle Troubador hi hello i saw your e-mail in the ted talk
that's deep af bro I feel you on that paragraph and couldn't have said it better
MythoVirus I understand very well..... I'm a continuation of your addiction fast Forwarded to the mid 40s with a wife and 2 kids
Thank you , Paula. It was a moving video, explained with facts and real life stories.
He has a power problem too. He minimizes her. It seems he had a negative relationship with a woman in his childhood
This video is really helpful and we need to talk more about it.
I was hoping she was going to talk about her own sex addiction. why does it seem to be only men who struggle with this. I feel like the only female who has a sex addiction. I got sober 5 years ago with the help of other alcoholics, and I've tried to find recovering sex addicts to learn from like an annonymous group but they are all men so that doesn't seem like that would work well for me. lol
I feel the same way and in my country sex is really a taboo, you can better have an alcohol addiction or a drug addiction than a sex addiction. That is such a shame in such a religious country.
I have also seen that women are more labeled as nymphomaniacs and men as sex addicts. That is what I have see, not based on research
movieladyLL i feel the same she meant good but this doesnt come in help at all... it takes a sex addict to understand i guess
Look around additional websites on sexual addiction and you will find plenty of females there. I'm sure there are addiction specialists who can tell you that women carry this burden too. The statistics show that men have the predominant problem. But there are plenty of women fighting the same battle. You just have to look a little harder.
Sex and love addicts anonymous has many women
You aren't alone. I will be sober 6 years in August. I was treated by Kaiser in a dual diagnosis group, an while I went to SAA it was usually all men and very lonely. I hope this helps.
Reward grows at the rate of our intelligence, which has the ability to determine the actions of our emotions.
Mark is me. I don’t know where to go but I can’t keep living like this because I’m going to die
SA is a good place to start
compassion for all.
Compassion for sex addicts? They're in the same category as pedophiles and serial killers: narcissistic, sociopathic opportunists. As such, they enjoy inflicting pain on others. They feign remorse when they're caught, but their remorse isn't real. They can't feel normal human emotions such as remorse, regret, or love. They aren't really human at all--they're subhuman impostors who have sold their souls to evil. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid. And stay the hell away.
Belinda sTONER oh for goodness sake! You seem to be very closed minded. Life isn't black and white, the majority of people wouldn't choose to hurt their partner or get a kick from it. Unless you suffer from addiction or have compassion for an addict then you will never understand the bigger picture. Stop generalising.
A sex addict can carry on and want to change or they can see their error and try to get help to change. One can respect the second person who tries to get help. I don't get the pain bit. Maybe that is another subject.
As far as I'm concerned the libido is the cruelest joke that Nature ever played on the human being.
how is it a joke
@Robbie Amadeus Stoly I have to laugh at those posts of mine too. Especially the second one.
Ask for medication
It is crazy insane how accurate i relate to mark. Im struggling with a lot of this on point. It ruined my life.
This is best video I watched on youtube, it's really helpful.
My husband is spent $40,000 this year on hookers. I didn't know for 25 years. My life is in shambles. My heart is broken, and sometimes I think I can never recover from this. He is left now and is living out his life of Lies. Everything he ever told me about anything was a lie. It is so horrifying to know that I have been sleeping with a man that is sleeping with hundreds of prostitutes all the time. I just had no idea. It is the most devastating thing that any woman could ever have to go through. I just cannot explain the pain, of how I am feeling. He has no feelings of remorse for me. He cares nothing about whether I live or die. He only cares about his p*** addiction.
I am so sorry. Bravehearts out of Georgia helped me and still helping. Betrayal trauma is real. There is hope for you.
Im sorry for you but forgiveness is in your heart and will lighten your burden. Your man is a victim of his own demons and who knows maybe as kids he was repressed and lied to like most kids… healthy transparent and honest relationships are hard to build in this society. I wish you healing and forgiveness even if you never allow this man in your life again. Still it will make your heart lighter to feel compassion for him.
This is crushing to hear 🥺 unfair and horrible 💔😔
Well done Thank you for your presentation. Done with great class and compassion.
Someone who might be referred to as a sex addict will feel the need to continue to act out sexually, whether that behavior is seeing prostitutes or spending inordinate hours on porn sites, despite huge life consequences: loss of employment, divorce, STDs, incarceration, etc., just as an alcoholic keeps feeling the need to drink despite suffering similar life consequences -- that's the difference between normal sexuality and compulsive sexuality.
I agree. It is a downward spiral. We have lost a lot in this country.
Melinda McMahon Gallardo and the more discrimination and judgement we put on them the worse they’ll become. Compassionate and understanding is the key. Im guessing it’ll take another 20-30 years for society to fully come to terms and accept us.
Please include your spouse in your recovery.❤️ STOP the gaslighting, otherwise you may destroy the loving person that God gifted you you.
As the mother of a teen female, I worry that she will not find a healthy partner due to the widespread problem of sex addiction and porn. Parents really need to become more aware of it and teach their sons.
+VioletLotus It affects both males and females alike so its something that needs to be discussed with daughters and sons as well.
You need to worry about your own daughter.
Never in history stds have been so low since they were a thing... and they are developing vaccines even against hiv. So in the future this will not even exist
Well done, Paula!
My addiction is getting bad I'm worried it will severely impair my life! I'm trying things to recover by myself and it's really challenging! I'm already seeing a therapist for my OCD and anxiety but I'm scared to bring up my hypersexuality since they'll have to tell my family and I'll be so ashamed if they know!
@Leona Miteva please help
Me too man please help
please tell brother. one day it will be a part of your past- a part of your healing. don't let yourself be 36 like me and part of your present. shame is what allows it to stay in the dark- where it still has power. bring it into the light by talking about it and you will be the one in control. All the best to you
Bring it up. Medication could help dull your libido.
i was hoping she would advice how to stop it. eye-opening speech nonetheless.
Is God and option for you?
@7thGenDinosaur What's your point?
@7thGenDinosaur Yes He is. He will destroy his enemies. He is also merciful to those who make peace with Him and become his friends. For this reason the Gospel of reconciliation through repentance and faith in Jesus is preached for the salvation of all who are willing to obey Him.
SAA helps. It works for some people
@@Athena0401 whats that?...
Joe, you are mistaken. While sexual behavior is completely normal, healthy even, it's the compulsivity that distinguishes normal, healthy human sexuality from compulsive sexuality, what we today refer to as sex addiction. The distinction, much like with other addictive behaviors, is the dependency and impulsivity which leads to life consequences: getting fired for spending hours (if not the entirety) of work time on porn sites, divorces, etc. It is a thing.
Quite right. Sex within marriage is great but porn is a kind of mental adultery that can break a marriage. Faithfulness counts a lot.
A real eye opener. This is my husband. I am trying to understand what I can do to help him. He has so much shame.
This is so true
pĺ
So I have a question about Mark: does he have a “great group of friends,” or does he have a wide circle of acquaintances? Addicts typically don’t have friends, so they bond with something else. Addiction is isolation, plain and simple.
I've seen several comments that refer to 12 step groups. Proceed with caution. AA and the other 12 step groups have one common theme. You have to "turn your life over to god." As an atheist and an addict, I have had great struggles.
Me too
The big book doesn't state that you have to believe in any particular God, simply a power greater than yourself. By coming to an understanding of a concept with step 2 & having a willingness to engage in that relationship with step 3, you can begin to receive direction from values that are in alignment with reality & living in the present. Therefore, addressing the core issue of addiction - selfishness & the delusion to numb emotional pain. It's possible to have a non-dualistic view of a higher power that doesn't involve the workings of a traditional creator. The 12 steps has a greater focus on being a spiritual program, not a religious one. It synergizes ideas from religious, psychological, & medical backgrounds. More than half of the original members who entered AA were agnostics, and they found the program to work for them. Same in my case, you simply need to have the willingness to work the program.
@@nathanwilkening2253 when referring to a generic deity, it would be grammatically correct to say "a god." When you capitalize God now you are referring to a specific deity. The 12 steps refer to "God" 7 times. So YES AA is a religion based group.
its a higher power-many people who struggle with the concept use nature- you believe there is something in the universe more powerful than you or you don't. Chances are if you are an addict your will, choices and your thoughts have contributed to your life being in a mess, all you are saying is you are out of ideas and there must be another way worth trying? The gift of desperation has served many-try something different.
@@pacorpse666 perhaps God really is the answer 🤔
He doesn't believe that anyone could understand. So true.
My best friend has been a sex addict since he was 14. I swear being his best friend I never knew how he use to behave in school. He use to cheat on his girlfriends with women older and I warned him he needed to stop this obsession with having sex with older women because he'll regret it and he did. He got married to a ex teacher of ours who is horrible person by the way and she used him to get him addicted to her. I always told him leave her before you regret but we use to argue about it and he started a sexual relationship with her after he left school. I just wish he would eventually leave her but things got worse when he married her and got her pregnant and they recently had a kid like a week ago and I told him when he got her pregnant that you have gone too far and he finally admitted it that his sex addiction was too much. His lust for sex was out of control. Now he told me he wasn't happy with her and wanted to divorce her before she told him she was pregnant so now he is stuck with that woman who is older then him, who I'm sure he doesn't love if it's only for sex and she will keep pushing him, abusing his body with her until he can't be cured but I believe he can but to leave his wife now is wrong since they just had a kid and all I want his my best friend to get away from this life of sex with older women because the girl he loved in school was his true soul mate and he ruined it for that teacher because of his obsession with those body type of bodies that drive men wild.
I don't know but all I know he was 14 when he lost his virginty to an older woman. Apparently to his first girlfriend mum who seduced him and obviously he was 14 at that age he was probably thinking about sex. But he was the shy type before he met his first girlfriend. I'm the one who helped him ask her out because she was my friend. I didn't know he would start having sex with her mum and maybe that made him go after otther of his girlfriend's mums. But he told me he was addicted to older women with curves and that's why he can't stop having sex with his wife. I write that 8 months ago and now his wife is pregnant again but this time with twins. I was so pissed off when he told me. One time he wants to leave her and the other time he gets her pregnant. Now he so defensive over his wife. I told him the way she treated you so badly in the past and she did so many horrible things to him. Now he's like the past is the past and now he's making a family with her because that's what she wants. But I still stick with him but as a woman I'm so disgusted by his behaviour but I can't just ruin a 24 years friendship over that. We grew up together always stayed in the same school until he left because of what people were thinking about his behaviour over older women and the rumoured he was cheating on his girlfriend with his wife who was our teacher back in 2004.
he needs urgent help
He won't listen to me. His wife has him on a leash that she manipulates him into having sex i don't how many times they do it in a week. And the more he has sex with her the more deluded and unintelligent he gets. He use to be smart as well in school. I don't know what happened to him. I guess to much sex as a teenager with odler women fucked up his mind. i'm his best friend and I feel so useless.
Sara McKenzie From the way you speaking seems like you really care about him , sit with him and talk to him
I've been trying to do this for so many years. He won't listen to me but he bitches to me about her and now he's so deluded up her ass now he defends her saying she's changed when I know this woman. She's the most nastiest woman I've ever witness since she was our teacher. She picked on students for pleasure. Everyone from my old school hated her as our teacher and she knew it and didn't bothered. You couldn't cross her because she got so many people in trouble and suspended.
People with bipolar are told that they choose inappropriate partners. If they believe this, committment becomes impossible because they start to believe that they are with the wrong person, no matter how much love there is between them. Maybe this is one reason for the problem that was discussed in this TED talk
A couple years ago i was so lost in my mind with this addiction i ended up giving my home address to a complete stranger, and now i just hope they never pull up to my house to meet me.
I find it interesting that like addictions in general many people feel as if it's a moral deficiency. The fact that peer reviewed data has shown brain chemistry changes with addiction is indisputable. The more science discovers about the brain the more society will come to terms with mental illness. Addiction is a chronic mental illness that can be put into remission thru therapy and continued support for all involved. Just like all other addictions, sex addiction takes a toll on all family and friends and only thru intensive complex counseling can real recovery start. Finding a therapist who is educated in addictions or a particular addiction is a major component towards healing. Compassion towards each other helps us connect. Humans require connections to survive.I find it disheartening when people comment with their minds made up and use certain research to back up their claims. Instead of looking globally at what research in many countries by many scientists which tells a different tale of how and why addiction occurs. This disease of addiction destroys lives, but with commitment and rigorous honesty lives can be rebuilt and restored.
I disagree. It is a moral thing. One cannot escape that. If one is not honest enough to own it then I don't see how they are going to be helped.
If you disagree where is the science behind it your statement. If you don't have proof it's just opinion with no basis of fact.
Well the 'addiction' definitely started out through repeated action which had to have been made upon one's own will, so it does also have to do with morals.
Definitely!
Paula Hall is an evangelical Christian, so why doesn't she "come out" about it? From her website,
"Sex and porn addiction can affect anyone - including those who love God and choose to follow Christ"
From your comment, it sounds very much as though she has "come out" by confessing her faith on her website.
I call that inclusive, don't you?
I had a roommate back in 1993 who took his life in 2009 after being video recorded by his roommate that year of acting out on his addiction while his roommate was away!
Breaks my heart. Have been suffering from this for a year not its getting frustrating.
She did not say anything useful. Telling people that I masterbate too much and have a problem forming romantic relationships will not help anything. I guess if you have access to good therapy that could help but not all of us like being social and talkative anyway.
You just have to stop doing what is hurting you. I've had to do it many times with many things. It is tough.
My mom didn't really take it that seriously. I think people think of it as separate thing and not an addiction. But I wasnt always like this. I swear people think it's a joke more than being a drug addict
Yes the fact that not many people get it, including some therapista, makes it more difficult
Well done!!!!
This video really resonates with me
Talk more about those close to the addicts who it affects
My boyfriend that we've been together for 3 years have this problem. He seems sincere about changing but if I don't have the mental and emotional energy to do this again. We wanted to get married and I am terrified that when we have kids and all this is going to happen again.
Have you considered Psychosexual Couple Therapy?
I would think twice about marrying a sex addict. It is fatal in marriage. Demand a cure before you marry. That will be a tremendous incentive to him.
I hope you ran, and fast, as far away as you could. He will ruin your life, and rob you of your youth and time. And this will screw up your kids. Get to some Codependency recovery yourself, and soon.
Peggy Dwyer agreed.. I’m 18 years in and had no idea this was still a problem until this past year. Tore our kids apart it was truly sad. He just can’t help it. I feel for him but I have wasted my heart and youth on a man that will truly never love me the way I want and deserve.
Appreciate it. Thanks ma'am
Thank you
One of the speeches that needs subtitles in different languages. At least if there was automatic translation.
the impact on one's life is the insecure partner that ruins the life of another by control.
Thank you so much for this video
Real shame there are captions. I'm a therapist who works with Deaf clients. Please update this and provide access.
How do you start that conversation with someone you love
As a potential addict or a partner of one?
I spoke to my wife not too long ago. Every woman is different, but I believe women can be more supportive than you think. Rigorous honesty, especially about things that we try to hide, is needed, and relieving.
Just ask. Lightly hinting at it would probably make it worse
I think its an impulse control problem caused by similar reasons as other impulsive behaviors such as OCD or Compulsive Talking Disorder and there are others I cannot think of, but there is growing evidence to suggest these conditions are a side effect of food additives that cross the blood brain barrier and are neurotoxic, but also a consequence of modern life and technology which is full of constant distractions, and the materialism and consumerism pushed on everyone today, reinforcing the idea of immediate gratification,
The Most Important Point is at 13:30 Don't Miss it!!
It's very nice and Simple presentation
I love this
Такими темпами мы ото всех зависимостей будем стремиться избавиться. Придём к тому, чтобы сидеть и медитировать без мыслей в голове и ничего не ощущая, чтобы достигнуть полного просветления.
Тоже не легкое дело
Thanks ❤️🙏🏻
Not feeling her take.
When a speaker say"but"....they haven't listened😮
The last person you want to marry is a porn addict.
It's lonely
So sad that she doesn't mention the 12 step groups for recovery from this addiction
M
Your comments are not valid.
+NGB94 We need to reformulate the word addiction nowadays with stepping edge for revolutionary psychiatry with neurology and illegal substances liberation such as Cannabis (which has proven not to cause addiction and never a lethal dose at all) legalized on the half of the USA and some of Europe where addicts are treated with the substance at the clinic by lowering down gradually instead of cutting altogether.
It wasn't about the twelve steps. What she shared was good and would get people ready to share and get help.
not true.
no, no research finds that
I think that the six human needs from Tony Robbins could help shed some light on this subject, heck anything that man says could help.
I fully agree. Love your comment.
I gotta beat this...
How
@@sawar5 I don’t know 😔
@@tom4412 Sadly not :[
@@EliHank helo can we talk
@@neerajvyas974 Hey...yes we can talk
I need this 😭 me and my friends its too muchh
I'm not a sex addicted but I have had sex not that much. But me and my friends back in school really wanted to understand a guy's addiction from my year during our teen years. I mean the rumours about him having sexual relationship with women twice his age was kind of shocking and tge worst thing was he was cheating on his friends from our ages apparently with their mums or aunts or any older woman who were probably between ages 20 - 40. I mean I like the idea of being with an older woman but not the way he use to do it. Someone explain to me this behaviour. Most of people I still talk to from my old school still discuss about him since we haven't seen him since 2004. Some people have and they've seen him with women who were like cougar ages.
*****
Well what I heard was that he lost his viriginity to one of his ex's mum and the one they talk about that mum had like a porno type body. Maybe having sex with a woman with that kind of body maybe made him think older women are more developed then the girls back when we were school. I must admit. Most girls in my year were skinny but were very pretty looking.
You are funny
Transcription auto-bot alert! At 1:35 the bot mis-rendered the speaker as saying: "thanks addiction is controversial"
So basically People can be addicted to almost anything, except for broccoli
I m addicted to broccoli, chicken n broccoli 5 days a week
LOL
I like broccoli. Only spoiled little 1st world kids have a “Problem” with it.
I'm also addicted to broccoli with melted butter and avocado oil for breakfast.
How can I get help? :( - yes secrecy, and shame... alone... outter success... masked weakness/addiction... shame... suicide... single for 29 years.
Man I am too in this please help
There are 12 step groups....SA groups. Google to find them in your area. Or, any addiction counselor.
@@shivamsharan251 there are 12 step SA groups, with thousands attending. Google for one in your area.
SA or SAA and therapy!
Is God and option for you?
I’ve got that same problem that 20 year old bad
try SLAA. its a good resource and place to start
Today they say... Keep. BOundries... Then how will u know ur partner... Better healthy men marry more... And wife's have lesb relation among them... The system by catholic HARLOT lucifer apparation Mary led lying church should change... Ur church is ur silent killer of consciousness... Go away even be a Buddhist... But remember to defame them twise before u go for they demamed God... BE ONLY SPIRITUAL.... NO NEED RELIGION THESE DAYS... BE CONSIOUS...
Soooo marks name is Jim?
Does past trauma childhood leads this addiction
You know what people are really addicted to? Having children and then losing a lifetime complaining about them. That is right! Not the woman talking on the TED. Though, she is making up all that she wants about the subject she decided to lecture about
👏👏
made me to fall asleep... good for a bedtime story.
awesome I just found out from this presentation that alcohol gets in the way of life more then sex.
While there are no doubt some people that feel they have a "sex addiction", a lot of the talk of sex addiction just seems like a way to shame and condemn people who behave in a way society doesn't approve of - people who are not monogamous. Like Tiger Woods, who had to go to "rehab". A lot of people just have high sex drives and want to have a bunch of partners. People look at porn because their perfectly natural and healthy sex drive is not being fulfilled. The problem isn't people wanting to have sex, it's our society leaving people disconnected and lonely, lacking sex and affection. There's a reason why there is no "sex addiction" criteria in the DSM - because it's not a medical disorder, it's a moral judgement.
I think it is moral personally. How can one find their way out of it without recognising that fact? When you don't face the facts you can live in cloud cuckoo land.
Some people may not want to find their way out of it - they may enjoy having lots of casual sex with many new partners outside of a committed relationship. Whether or not it is an ¨addiction¨ or a problem at all, depends on if you see that behavior... if you see it as being immoral, as many do, or whether you see nothing wrong with consenting adults having as much sex in whatever form they want.
Leona Miteva that’s hypersexuality. different from an addiction
I Agree. Some people will never marry or form any permanent relationship. Its not up to society to tell people how to behave, its their personal choice. The Tiger Woods example is a good one. Too many scolds and nannies in our society. Some of this womans talk is very judgemental and that doesnt help anyone.
The truth being that one can die in denial, like the Jews, or face the Truth in this world and believe. Otherwise one condemns his/her self by living in mortal sin. In the end those old grannies are like your conscience, when it's gone cooka land! And therefore you( generally speaking) want others to "believe" your view.
Did I miss something? What problem does this 'addiction' cause ? Other than possibilities of STDs and messing up your marriage, it seems to be fairly harmless. She just says it is devastating without tell us in what way - do you go blind or something?
Due to the loss of jobs, depression, suicide...do I need to go on?
@@engus13 thank you
Dutta G I bet you don’t get paid to think, do you?
@Dutta G what problems OK how about ruining relationships, throwing away friendships as you don't know how to be truly intimate and living a double life is all you know and you live in constant fear of them finding out, the shame which crushes you everyday, the jobs you throw away for your next fix, the money you throw away so you end up broke literally and figuratively.
Dutta G If you don't have any consequences then perhaps you don't have an addiction. But don't invalidate people that have this real problem. It comes from deep trauma and family of origin issues. These people are incapable of having intimacy so they are stuck in a cycle of compulsive behavior and shame, anxiety and depression.
Informative and 0% inspiring.
I thoroughly disagree. The girl obviously has morals unlike a lot who speak on this subject. Best I've heard actually. Well done Paula!
I'm not questioning her morals why you would make such a non-sequitur reply is beyond me. I'm saying she's not inspiring because her delivery of the material is not gripping. If I read for you the terms of service agreement like a robot you're likely to be lost in what i'm saying within the first minute. If I deliver it like a host of a comedy show while keeping pertinent information in tact the listener will likely hang on every word. I'm not saying she's immoral i'm saying her delivery is lacking on connecting with a wide audience.
You certainly don't have to agree with everything on TED!
TheAncientOne what are your views?
O damn
👋
Can Fetishes become this?
I feel that some assholes just use this as an excuse. I understand there are some sick people but I dislike the ones that use this disease as an excuse. :\
+ARELY FLORES, yes there can be that opportunistic group, but I believe there is that group that fell to it, maybe to start with as an escape coping mechanism to other challenges they had in their past.. In the long run, they find no reason to quit when the compulsion comes into play too, and maybe feel there is nothing left to keep. Before they know it, they need help when they finally find out they can't go on living such kind of life. The talk is valid I would say
As an excuse for what?
You are part of the problem. You have no answers, only judgments. I suggest you shut your mouth before using it to hurt people.
How about a little less talk and more action....
I didnt know this can be an addiction .i blame chocolate 😂😁
Of course it can, anything can be an addiction.
My stepfather is a sick puppy
As something of an expert on the matter, I can’t begin to describe the wrongness density of these ‘arguments.’
And the irony were at one point you say: ‘we have to stop making moral judgements’ and in the same sentence use the ideologically loaded term ‘sex addiction’, as if it were a rock solid established fact. It isn’t. Even the definition of the concept is utterly subjective. What we do need is to make better quality pornography.
Oh my goodness. Some expert.
Thanks, Tony. Always happy to enlighten. Seriously, it doesn't take Sigmund Freud to realise any young male who DOESN'T think about sex virtually 24/7 is the one with something wrong! And that socially, man's biological inclinations have been used as a stick to beat him with since pre-history. Whether it's religious prohibition, re-definition as illness (remember when masturbation was in the DSM? Right up to 1968!) or as a sign of moral 'decay', same old lies, same old hypocrites.
From their sanctimonious high horses, they preach the word... while doing those same things in private. Let's be honest, Tony. Plenty of well paying careers to be be made in the sex-shaming industry.
hahaha you had me going there 😂
@@khtnsuwdih LOL. Love all your denial, and justifications, the minimalization, and rationalization: one cognitive distortion after the other. Thanks for demonstrating the lies that every addict uses to lie to themselves, and others. A classic case here. I hope you hit bottom soon, and no dude, not THAT bottom. So you can get help.
@@peggydwyer1932 Compliments of the season, Peggy. I'm afraid you're giving me the logical fallacy of argument by assertion. Simply proclaiming: 'denial, cognitive distortion' etc. isn't anything but a personal opinion. Evidence, please. (not propaganda) 'hit bottom'? Oh, my.
Question: is every female who re-reads Fifty Shades a 'BDSM addict'?