Відео

Ahh, thanks for asking! They’re race medals! I’m an avid runner. 230+ half marathons and 12 full marathons in the last 9 years!

@@coachamychambers2001 omg you are a machine... i oughta pray for half that will and endurance... wow

@@jevans1805 awww, thanks! It’s definitely a huge passion for me!

Thanks so much!!

I’m so glad!

Definitely been there. Seems like it's common for narcissists to "love bomb" when you're doing things they way they'd like or when they're in a good mood and pleased with your performance: "you're so beautiful and wonderful", but then say the opposite when they want/need something from you. I've heard that's because love is often "transactional" for narcissists; it's based on individuals things you say and do; not more of an unconditional state. So, there's lots of ups and downs which all stem on whether or not they feel they're getting what THEY need. This roller-coaster can keep the recipient trapped and in a constant cycle of rushing around trying to please them, or do whatever it takes to get the compliments and love back again, which erodes self-confidence and prevents the recipient from leaving or walking away.

Absolutely. Many live in their own stories and narratives of "truth", which often don't align with reality.

Oh I’m so glad!!

I’m so sorry to hear things didn’t work out. Taking care of OURSELVES and our OWN mental and emotional health (over others) is THE most important thing we can do. I KNOW It’s hard in the moment, but I do believe there’s a strong chance you’ll look back later and be so glad you did. Wishing you the very best of luck as you navigate the process!

Wow, you said that very well! Extremely well-articulated.

@@coachamychambers2001 Thank you. Learned from costly experience. As they say, experience is the best teacher.

Gosh, that's tough. Disclaimer: I certainly don't have all the answers; these are just some personal thoughts. Do you know how HE feels about their relationship? It can be tough to watch another couple's relationship from afar, and feel it's toxic or unhealthy. But ultimately, the two people IN the relationship have to decide how THEY feel about it. My guess is you're unlikely to be successful in urging him to make different decisions if, ultimately, HE doesn't feel there's a problem or isn't aware of it. I wish I knew a way to help people change if they, themselves, don't see a need for change, but I don't. We can't want others to change more than THEY want it themselves. I don't know if there's a way to access/communicate with him (without her involvement) but I do feel that getting some alone time with him (so you can at least share your concerns), is really necessary. At least you can openly share that you feel he's afraid and see how HE feels about it. The words "will not LET" are fairly telling. Usually, grown adults don't need a partner's permission to see people they care about. I'm very sorry that you're going through this.

Thank you, my parents would give them money just to see the grandkids. It was awful to watch. Both my parents passed, the kids are now adults. The only person she has to use is my brother. I can go no contact, he has to live with her. That has to be hell.

Hah, hopefully they continue to grow!

Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Is there someone you can talk to you about this? I've found that having a mentor or therapist we can trust is so helpful as we figure out how to take care of ourselves, especially when we're in difficult relationships.

@@coachamychambers2001 I can try but I am really embarrassed to talk about it

@@alyssachausse6752 I understand. Thank you for sharing that so bravely and vulnerably. I definitely encourage you to start there (dealing with the feelings of embarrassment and trying to understand where that comes from). Based on what you've shared, I'd argue that this is a very important time for you to LOVE yourself, CONNECT with yourself, and stay with yourself. Feeling any embarrassment, guilt, or shame is so common. And yet, these feelings rarely serve us. They tend to keep us stuck. We sometimes forget that we have CHOICES in how we feel. You can choose to be proud of yourself for noticing this pattern with your husband, and wanting something to change. You can choose courage, and bravery (in seeking help or information). You can choose to believe that these situations are common, and you're not alone, so there's no reason to be embarrassed. You can choose to believe you're worthy of respect and love- starting with the respect and love you give YOURSELF. I do know this is all easier said than done, but we can do hard things! (I wrote about all this in my second book, 6 H.A.B.I.T.S. of Powerful People). I do believe you're strong enough to do the work! I am so glad you're here, finding some support on the web. This is a great first step!

Oh, I'm so happy you're here and found value in this! Just published another video on 6 things you CAN try or do. These have been very helpful for me.

I've absolutely seen this!! Often, it accomplishes two things. 1) It can wear others down. They become exhausted and eventually give up; deeming it easier to concede than continue an ongoing discussion that the narcissist isn't making it easy to leave. 2) It can cause others to doubt themselves and their real desires, wishes, and wants. When we repeatedly get asked the same question, we can start to second-guess the validity of our thinking and answers. ("Maybe I don't really want or need this; maybe I'm being selfish?"). It's almost like repeatedly looking at the answer you circled on a test- the more you rethink it, the likelier you are to change it. Agree wholeheartedly that if you begin breaking boundaries (even once), you're in for future troubles.

Of course! You're very welcome!

Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear this. I know how very tough it is to be in a relationship with someone who acts this way. It's interesting how many of them act exactly the same, "word for word", as you say. I can't tell you how many videos I've also watched by strangers and thought "WOW. SPOT ON. It's like they're talking about the same person in MY life." What I have found is that recognizing it can be a very helpful first step to managing it better. I wish you all the best with this.

Thank so much! That means the world to me! I just published Part 2 of this series. Hope that's helpful too!

So true! Exhausting INDEED! And most of them have zero idea they're so needy in that way (or that other people don't need that). Many of them are unable to self-validate.

How perceptive of you! Yes, her mother did this same thing to her. It was NEVER good enough. In one rare moment, my mom once recounted a story of a piano concert, where she played beautifully, and many strangers commented on her performance. When she got home, her mom (my grandmother) chewed her out, saying, "You were slouching the WHOLE TIME. I was so ashamed and embarrassed of you up there." WOW. No wonder she internalized these sorts of responses and then passed them onto me. I actually believe she grew up with more childhood trauma than I did. In short- you are SPOT ON. Great insight.

Too funny! But sadly, from what I know, our story is VERY common!

Thanks for sharing! Yes, the focus on perfection is such a tough (But common thing!). Sadly, the pursuit of perfection often leads to a lot of anxiety, worry, and unhappiness (The opposite of perfection). Focusing on progress, effort, growth, development is often far more enjoyable than the focus on perfection. Sending you much love!

Wow, that is worded SO WELL! "Prisons of insecurity"- it really IS a prison! Thanks for the powerful metaphor.

Thanks much!

Oh, I'm so glad you liked it! This made my day! Thank you!

Wow, thank you for sharing all this so vulnerably and specifically! I SO enjoyed reading this. I can vividly see her coming home from the ambulance job and saying these things. You write so well! I can relate to what you say about seeing danger in everything and everyone. Yep, same. Didn't play sports because I could injure myself. Was taught to jiggle the door handle about 10X when I left the house to "make sure it was locked"- then constantly fret about it afterwards. Couldn't quit or leave a bad job because I "might not get another one". My mom taught me to distrust anyone that tried to help me because "it might be too good to be true" or they might "be up to something". I am so happy that you have taken all these steps to HEAL yourself and RECOVER. It is heartbreaking to hear that she was "too busy" to come to your graduation and ridiculed you for your normal, natural feelings even at the tender age of 5. it sounds like she's created her own hell (for herself) and passed it onto you. She seems to be focused primarily on herself and driven by her emotions. I am so very sorry for all the lost/wasted years where the fear of danger affected you so deeply but so thrilled to hear that you've found better response systems, beliefs, paradigms for you to live your own life on your own terms. BRAVO!!!

Last night, while I was sleeping, I swallowed by phlemn and it almost got stuck in my throat and I almost choked. That never happened to me before. Yeah, I spent my entire High School years stressed and worried about having to earn an A on every single exam, which I often did, but it did not prepare me for a good career and did not teach me how to earn a decent living. I'm 52 years old now with health problems like high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease. I did not have to worry about those when I was in high school and my 20's.

@@Mr.NoName1972 I'm so sorry to hear about your health difficulties. You're absolutely right- great grades in school (by themselves) don' NECESSARILY set us up for a fulfilling life, complete with a career we're passionate about. Those conversations (about mindset, mental health, and emotional wellbeing) are not always taught in homes or schools. That's why I'm so committed to the info I share on this channel! I wish you all the best in all you're going through.

So glad you enjoyed this!

It really is a sad truth. I've struggled greatly with this. I've always had this belief that everyone can change anything about themselves at any time (outside of set characteristics like height). But this only can happen if the person WANTS to change. Most narcissists don't. Due to the nature of the condition, it's very hard for them to accept they could or should change anything about themselves. I've finally accepted that change is unlikely, and low contact is probably the best way to go. You're very right- "how could it be otherwise?". There's not a lot of other great options.

Yes. Get out. Stay out and don't look back!

That is great! Congratulations! And, same. I'm 41, and finally figuring it all out too! It's been a tough road getting here, but SO worth it!!!

Thanks so much! I'd LOVE to tackle the topic of how we can love ourselves (even if we think we're not deserving). Per your request, I'll make that video next week and share it on this channel! There are a hundred ways for us to do this, and I can share several ways!!! But, in the meantime, I touch on this a BIT in the following video that also came out this past week. ua-cam.com/video/nLi8ssndDJg/v-deo.html Starting around 2:15, I start talking about some of the practices I follow and questions I ask myself- which have ALL led to me loving myself more. This is a start.

@@coachamychambers2001 wow excellent. I will watch. It occurred to me, the 'deserving" piece is part of it, but also, how do you love yourself without feeling like a narcissist. I get a negative visceral reaction hearing someone say the words "i love myself" and/ Or saying the words about myself. I know I cant be alone in this. That was a side note. THANK YOU so kindly for reading the comment. Cant wait for the next video. So glad I found you.

@@stocksconfidential8862 I did make the video before I happened to see your clarifying comment (loving yourself without FEELING like a narcissist). So, this video is just about loving yourself if you don't feel you deserve love. Very sorry it didn't quite address your question. ua-cam.com/video/Wakgrej0FGk/v-deo.html

@@stocksconfidential8862 Now, that I've seen the updated question with more of what you were really asking, here's my thoughts on that specifically: You can't love anyone else more or better than you know how to (And choose to) love YOURSELF. You can't pour from an empty cup. So loving yourself isn't vain or selfish, it's what makes your ability to love and serve others POSSIBLE. You need to be whole and complete to then pass along love to others. It's why airplanes tell us to put our OWN masks on FIRST....THEN help others.

@@coachamychambers2001 Do you take insurance? How do you charge for sessions?

So sorry to hear that. The "family member" I described in the video is, in fact, my mother. Really tough to grow up with one (or two!) narcissistic parents, that much I know. Sending you all my best as you navigate your chosen responses (the only part you can control).

@coachamychambers2001 thank you for the well wishes. Choosing the correct response is half the fun!

Thanks so much! I've spent several years in research and observation mode, and these are just my findings! I'm so glad they resonated.

WOW, I can't tell you how much that means to me! You made my day! (I've also watched MANY videos and read MANY books- then matched them up with my interactions with others). And this is where I landed, haha.

I'm so glad this was helpful! Best of luck with any decisions you need to make! :)