They often try to ask you the same questions over and over to break you down to change your boundaries. If you do it once they will keep it up . One said I was just clarifying, "RIGHT "
I've absolutely seen this!! Often, it accomplishes two things. 1) It can wear others down. They become exhausted and eventually give up; deeming it easier to concede than continue an ongoing discussion that the narcissist isn't making it easy to leave. 2) It can cause others to doubt themselves and their real desires, wishes, and wants. When we repeatedly get asked the same question, we can start to second-guess the validity of our thinking and answers. ("Maybe I don't really want or need this; maybe I'm being selfish?"). It's almost like repeatedly looking at the answer you circled on a test- the more you rethink it, the likelier you are to change it. Agree wholeheartedly that if you begin breaking boundaries (even once), you're in for future troubles.
He uses my financial hardship as a tool of manipulation. I am the cause of his problems. Calling me the worst thing that happened to him one day and the next day I am so beautiful and wonderful. He is the "I know it all, and I do everything wrong.
Definitely been there. Seems like it's common for narcissists to "love bomb" when you're doing things they way they'd like or when they're in a good mood and pleased with your performance: "you're so beautiful and wonderful", but then say the opposite when they want/need something from you. I've heard that's because love is often "transactional" for narcissists; it's based on individuals things you say and do; not more of an unconditional state. So, there's lots of ups and downs which all stem on whether or not they feel they're getting what THEY need. This roller-coaster can keep the recipient trapped and in a constant cycle of rushing around trying to please them, or do whatever it takes to get the compliments and love back again, which erodes self-confidence and prevents the recipient from leaving or walking away.
How do I deal with my brother's wife, she told my brother if I don't do what she wants (money). She will not let me see my brother. I have been no contact going on 5 months. My brother just folds every time. He is definitely afraid of her. I miss him
Gosh, that's tough. Disclaimer: I certainly don't have all the answers; these are just some personal thoughts. Do you know how HE feels about their relationship? It can be tough to watch another couple's relationship from afar, and feel it's toxic or unhealthy. But ultimately, the two people IN the relationship have to decide how THEY feel about it. My guess is you're unlikely to be successful in urging him to make different decisions if, ultimately, HE doesn't feel there's a problem or isn't aware of it. I wish I knew a way to help people change if they, themselves, don't see a need for change, but I don't. We can't want others to change more than THEY want it themselves. I don't know if there's a way to access/communicate with him (without her involvement) but I do feel that getting some alone time with him (so you can at least share your concerns), is really necessary. At least you can openly share that you feel he's afraid and see how HE feels about it. The words "will not LET" are fairly telling. Usually, grown adults don't need a partner's permission to see people they care about. I'm very sorry that you're going through this.
Thank you, my parents would give them money just to see the grandkids. It was awful to watch. Both my parents passed, the kids are now adults. The only person she has to use is my brother. I can go no contact, he has to live with her. That has to be hell.
NEW subscriber 😊 Thank you 🌻
Oh, I'm so happy you're here and found value in this! Just published another video on 6 things you CAN try or do. These have been very helpful for me.
Calling them out
Is the torture 😢😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
They often try to ask you the same questions over and over to break you down to change your boundaries. If you do it once they will keep it up . One said I was just clarifying, "RIGHT "
I've absolutely seen this!! Often, it accomplishes two things. 1) It can wear others down. They become exhausted and eventually give up; deeming it easier to concede than continue an ongoing discussion that the narcissist isn't making it easy to leave. 2) It can cause others to doubt themselves and their real desires, wishes, and wants. When we repeatedly get asked the same question, we can start to second-guess the validity of our thinking and answers. ("Maybe I don't really want or need this; maybe I'm being selfish?"). It's almost like repeatedly looking at the answer you circled on a test- the more you rethink it, the likelier you are to change it. Agree wholeheartedly that if you begin breaking boundaries (even once), you're in for future troubles.
Thank you. This is very helpful.
I’m so glad!
My take on dealing wirh a narcissist is know your truth and don't engage.
Wow, you said that very well! Extremely well-articulated.
@@coachamychambers2001 Thank you. Learned from costly experience. As they say, experience is the best teacher.
Thank you for your content
Of course! You're very welcome!
He uses my financial hardship as a tool of manipulation. I am the cause of his problems. Calling me the worst thing that happened to him one day and the next day I am so beautiful and wonderful. He is the "I know it all, and I do everything wrong.
Definitely been there. Seems like it's common for narcissists to "love bomb" when you're doing things they way they'd like or when they're in a good mood and pleased with your performance: "you're so beautiful and wonderful", but then say the opposite when they want/need something from you.
I've heard that's because love is often "transactional" for narcissists; it's based on individuals things you say and do; not more of an unconditional state.
So, there's lots of ups and downs which all stem on whether or not they feel they're getting what THEY need. This roller-coaster can keep the recipient trapped and in a constant cycle of rushing around trying to please them, or do whatever it takes to get the compliments and love back again, which erodes self-confidence and prevents the recipient from leaving or walking away.
How do I deal with my brother's wife, she told my brother if I don't do what she wants (money). She will not let me see my brother. I have been no contact going on 5 months. My brother just folds every time. He is definitely afraid of her. I miss him
Gosh, that's tough. Disclaimer: I certainly don't have all the answers; these are just some personal thoughts.
Do you know how HE feels about their relationship? It can be tough to watch another couple's relationship from afar, and feel it's toxic or unhealthy. But ultimately, the two people IN the relationship have to decide how THEY feel about it. My guess is you're unlikely to be successful in urging him to make different decisions if, ultimately, HE doesn't feel there's a problem or isn't aware of it. I wish I knew a way to help people change if they, themselves, don't see a need for change, but I don't. We can't want others to change more than THEY want it themselves.
I don't know if there's a way to access/communicate with him (without her involvement) but I do feel that getting some alone time with him (so you can at least share your concerns), is really necessary. At least you can openly share that you feel he's afraid and see how HE feels about it.
The words "will not LET" are fairly telling. Usually, grown adults don't need a partner's permission to see people they care about. I'm very sorry that you're going through this.
Thank you, my parents would give them money just to see the grandkids. It was awful to watch. Both my parents passed, the kids are now adults. The only person she has to use is my brother. I can go no contact, he has to live with her. That has to be hell.
They think they god
Lmao ❤give
Em the truth
Lmao 😂they hate the truth ❤
Absolutely. Many live in their own stories and narratives of "truth", which often don't align with reality.