Відео

They need to seek therapy with a physiotherapist

I’m glad I stopped to watched this video. I can relate to all of it with the guy I’m seeing. Thank you, I see the progress he is making much clearer now. I had noticed him being more present and making some changes to his schedule so he can see me, and putting more effort in, and I think he’s on the brink of trusting the connection we have which will hopefully help him start to grow and let go of his fears. I trust how I feel about him completely, I’ve just had to be very patient. He still doesn’t verbalise his feelings which is frustrating, but his actions are changing quite rapidly and he talks about a future together somewhat indirectly. Thanks for doing this video, I really value your insight.

Fuck em, move on anxious people. Y’all deserve better! You have the love within yourself. Love yourself enough to move on, take hold of your inner strength and embrace the change! Walk away and when they look back, you’ll be a million times better. Let them stay in their avoidant ways! Stonewalling is one of the four deadly horsemen of relationships, nearly every relationship they jump into will encounter the same thing. You’re dodging a bullet.

I think I was in a... Situationship with an avoidant, which one? I don't know. She once hurt me by showing me and even openly admitting that she doesn't care for my feelings. I've been in contact with her mother-in-law (she lost both her parents, both the same way and then her grandmother passed away which was the only one really taking care of her) and we had something resembling no contact for a week. She told me she loves me multiple times, she did made some actions to contact me, she made steps to come closer to me and then after agreeing with her mother I decided to speak to her again. Then it got better, we spent some great time together, relationship got better but then, after a month or two I got irritated by her decisions being coming back to ex's house for whatever reason. The back story is, she can live with her mother-in-law but they don't really get along that much, she instead lives in ex's house and that's totally weird. She said that multiple times to me and her mom, that they are not together and that they don't show any emotions, no kissing, no sex, not sleeping together. Is that true? It might be, we believed in it. Yet it's really weird considering the fact she has the much better alternative and her choice is really "sus". It is about 2 or 3 months of strict, solid no contact. I have contacted her mother and I know she changed after accident. She lied about how are things between us and she didn't really want to talk about me or us after that. Mom said she's different than she wss before so I assume (and maybe hope) that it had an impact on her. Our "break-up" went quite ok - I told her that I don't feel okay with the way it is and that I'm sorry it had to be like that, that I feel hurt by how she treats me and we should end this (or have a break? Don't recall exact words). She acted like she wants to be done with it ASAP and that she don't really care that much. I told her that she's free of me and of being kind to me... That she no longer has to write to me "good night" or anything along those lines as she did many times. I literally told her that she's free of that burden. She replied with "thank you and i'm sorry" and that is the end. After that I haven't blocked her, just stopped writing to her and even caring for a week. Now I care and check from time to time how things are going but she isn't able to know that. Now i'm thinking about contacting her mom and asking how she is. There were times when I wasn't satisfied, sure... But I think that I love her, still, no matter what. I want to help her be better as she has shown me her better side. I believe in her and in mutual future. When it comes to me I might be anxious type leaning secure due to my interest in psychology and all that stuff related to humans, feelings, decisions and etc.

Are they "avoidants" or do they have a mental illness, i.e. NPD, BPD or BD?

When we start fighting I saw how toxic & immature,manipulator he was It's draining he did me a favour walking away

I think I may have had a friend who had an avoidant attachment style traits you join the military he’s currently in Navy Boot Camp. He had told me a while back how he was bullied and beaten up by this girl so bad that you were able to tell from the bruises what kind of boots she was wearing, and his parents had also divorced when he was very young or I guess not very young. He was eight. I’ve been his only friend the last two years . He mostly spend time with family or by himself playing video games and he also got into 3-D printing while I was spending time with him if he wasn’t texting me or calling me back, he was either helping family with stuff or playing video games or failing with his 3-D printer. I’m definitely more anxiously attached. I’m determined to keep the friendship alive, but I don’t know if that’ll happen, I wrote him a letter last week, but it’ll take some time to get to where it has to go. I’m hoping to hear something back from him by Thanksgiving, but I’m not hopeful since he’s not good at writing letters he said.

i pray he gets help for his anxiety. its got to be exhausting to play mental gumnatics with ones self. this video exhausted me and reminded me why i do not find this type.of person attractive anymore. i used to think they were sensitive kind and mysterious. it was hurtful and selfish.

I don't think I was anxiously attached just because she was avoidant. I just felt my love being pushed away, and feeling like I'm walking on eggshells around her otherwise she would go cold on me or not talk at all. The worst part is that she almost made me believe that I was clingy and dependent, when I just asked the bare minimum of communication. Right now I don't even want to empathize with her rough life anymore, and I would encourage everyone that was ghosted to do the same. Just take the thought of them grieving way more afterwards of guilt, do nothing to change them nor post anything about them, that's the best revenge. And after you moved on then you empathize, because rn you can't do anything you aren't in their lifes no more, you have to empathize with urself when ur grieving.

I guess it took my avoidant partner 2 weeks to get to the move on phase. Hurts a lot

What happens if they find someone else tho…will they still mourn our relationship and what we were just the same?? Cause that first stage they might end up finding someone that they fw

We’re no contact but we work together so I’m not sure how that’s really gonna work out with him missing me yk… cause I’m right there 😭

My guy never reached out to me. He never cared

My girlfriend wrote me a letter before her research trip saying how much she loved me and everything. And then three days later broke up with me.

How do you all know for sure what attachment style your partner is?

First time I dated with FA with ADHD and we broke up despite deep connection due to his mental illness I also suspected he had bipolar and borderline disorder on the top of that. We broke up due to his hot and cold behavior and he contacted me after 10 months when I moved on and told me he showed me desire of reconnection and asked me when we could meet. I was shocked and felt very ambivalent about all this so I said I was not sure if I wanted to see him again and would need a time to think about it. When I finally called him after contemplating for couple of days and he was already pushing me back out of fear of rejection. Moral of story FA is not worth dating. Run Run

Thank you for sharing. Very helpful information ❤

Anxious attachments are that way because of avoidant attachment styles.

I went no contact. Only four days into it my ex texted me.

Jesus. Thank god I don't give a fuck what he thinks anymore😅😅 the exhaustion

😂 I simply divorced him.

When I healed my traumas, I could clearly see my ex avoidant, who as they all do, broke up with me without any proper explanations or closure, as a lost little boy, who doesn’t know how to deal with his difficult emotions

What if I didn't see the break-up coming during a hard time? Planning for the future but ended it by saying he didn't see one. 8 weeks nc

f**** avoidants! dating one now. sucking all my energy already! he is bl*dy idi*t! don't do to them this, dont do to them that! go to h*ll!!!

my boyfriend and me are on a break and he’s being avoidant (he’s an avoidant personality type), I’m a very anxious person and keep spamming him and he told me he needs space but I’m scared that if I don’t text him he will feel unloved or think I don’t care, how do I stop texting him? It’s difficult for me.

What about, "Lets Take a Break"..... ?

Was with an avoidant 6 yrs one thing I will say is this man is dead on point it’s so true and traumatizing

Dear Charlie, I sincerely want to thank you for answering the question I have been asking ALL the others who give information regarding avoidance. YOU confirmed my notion that avoidants of all types exist on a spectrum AND can shift or evolve. I am slowly shifting from anxious avoidant to secure. My ethical/fearful/dismissive man has actually been the catalyst. I am also seeing him beginning to thaw. It's been almost 4 years and everything you've said about how they show love without words is TRUE. I have put in the time learning his triggers because I realize that our personalities are polarizing and we have amazing chemistry. We share core values. He told me early on that I have never given him a reason to NOT trust me. I trust him. It takes time, effort, trust. We've been hurt before. We are in our 70s. We are kinda like high school kids having lots of objective debriefing, laughter, teasing, and fun. I won't ask for commitment. I am experiencing it. I don't expect to hear "I love you " but I feel it.

I prescribed we take a break. We came back together after her hiatus from the last time. . First connection was 3 months. This time we did 5 months. No big issues. Except for the part where i prescribed we take a break. I had seen all the signs of things slowing down and what not but she was doing well. Just some communication elbow grease and fixing some misunderstandings. She made it to my birthday weekend (verbally) but didnt show up physically . Thats where I got upset. Didnt lash out. Did my best to address things calmly after she houdineed and resurfaced with complaints. So instead of trying to drag it out. I just said, lets take a break. Weve gotten to 5 months. . Lets contain any further damage. Take a breather. Im sure its been tough emotionally for her to stick to it with me. (Shes avoidant) (i am anxious but i have some avoidant tendencies too) i see it as. Lets rubber band back to our normal lives. (Live without each other) and let time (and God/Spirit) do what we currently arent able to. Communication and wanting things to work out, are key with me. Im a builder. Physically and mentally. With her, i see my shortcomings come right out. And I love that. With her, im sure she sees that too. (Upbeat , can do attitude, ready to take on life at any moment etc, thats me.. im very accomadating but with her, i can see that i do that to a fault. Its service i provide when im viewing someone serious.. just have to adjust) so... yeah. Its gonna be a while. Been having to rearrange where can regulate my emotions (avid gym goer already and checking in on loved ones helps keep my mental environment okay) I miss her. Love loving on the little girl in her. She deserves love. Hate that we have to pull back. Its all a work in progress. Im.heavy on the "if we want this to work, we CAN make this work Seeing it through is a huge component. This is real life shxt. No fantasy. Build it, or go home. Simple

I’m curious if anyone else has dealt with an av portraying themselves as highly emotionally available before shutting down.

You’re a saint for the 14 day journal

My boyfriend you didn't leave me he asked me the question were we done at the relationship he wanted to know where we not in a relationship anymore and I explained to him that things were still the same you know. He just came from out of town visiting me when he just got quiet after I text him with the response to what he asked he still have on his page I like it's always been that we're still in a relationships and I just told him I give him as much time as he need and I'll be here.

Hello! Do you still do one on one sessions? The booking link in your other video didn’t work

What if the avoidant partner won’t talk about any of this. If they don’t communicate.

It would be good if they break up normally. But no! They decide to ghost you and block you. They do not explain anything and leave you without any explanation

Great Video Charlie, my Ex was excaly how you described . I really struggled to understand why she was behaving this way. Thakn you for making me understand.

Spot on, however, my ex and I are only speaking on professional terms. She doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. Not sure what I should do next…

Thank you

This was a very, very, very good video, thank you for sharing

My advice is to feel the pain, be kind to yourself, and let them GO! From my past experiences, it always starts out wonderful but they ALWAYS go back to the same behavior

And what if my ex is an avoidant but is a lonely person, she likes to be alone, she does't have many friends? She is going to think more about it?

I grew up with "Tough Love." It destroyed every aspect of our relationship, and I haven't even talked to the parents or any extended family in a lot of decades, since I left them as a tween. None of them, even though I really liked some of them. I didn't even get a milk carton when I disappeared. It is not a good program. I just about tossed it when the video mentioned having to earn everything you get. Our pet dogs were treated way the hell better than I was. They told me on a chance and unfortunate meeting in more recent years, "If we knew then what we know now!" They ruined everything by treating me like a criminal at all times, drilling me over every statement I made to ensure I wasn't lying, in order to get anything. Even any regular family event. I had to get that run down before they'd say yes. That is Tough Love. Awful. It made me think they were nuts, and I was the worst person they could have in their household. That's why I left. Even before I knew "rent" and things existed yet. Tough Love is criminal. Period.

What is weird is that my DA wanted to be "friends " I didn't take the bait and went full NC, the relationship lasted 3 months barely, but we were friends for 8 months. What is weird is that she didn't block or delete me off her social media, but she deleted my number off her phone and blocked my phone lol.... Her last text on day 3 of NC, was ' you will always be special to me" I didnt take the bait and asked her "why I am blocked if I am special" just to have a laugh, she said "don't be selfish and be immature" I remember she said she will forget the bad moments and only remember the good ones as there are more good than bad moments. Cheers

Can avoidants become friends with Exs? Cheers

The part you said about “deactivation” had me screaming inside like ahhh yess!!! THIS exactly! I’m so glad it’s a real thing! In my recent breakup it seems all he focused on were the negatives (the few times we fought, me wanting to relocate for better life, etc.) and that’s what caused him to essentially end it with me. I was so desperate to make things work but it seemed all I was getting was negativity or not much reaction at all. No fighting for our relationship or anything. It definitely felt cold! I had to even delete social media because I could not stand seeing him post like he is better off. But still living the same old life. I try not to think about it anymore and I’ve become more accepting of our breakup, but a part of me definitely hopes it will all hit him like a bus soon. (It’s been about a couple weeks so far) Anyway, thanks for touching on that…

Hey guys. I recently broke up with my avoidant ex girlfriend after months of suffering. I'm anxious myself. Found out by researching why it felt like the weight of the world was crushing my soul. Please heed my advice. DO NOT bother anymore with avoidants. I know it feels dismissive and you want to be told they'll be back and deeply love you. They won't. You have to search for that inner strength within you to claw yourself out of this pit. There's no way around it. Nobody will save you but you. Lean on your faith if you have one. But you have to brave this storm on your own. You'll come out stronger. Honestly, the best thing that could happen to you is if they don't ever ever come back. Here's what I want you to do: 1. Remind yourself of all the shitty things they did to you, how they didn't provide you with what you needed. Don't hate them, but allow yourself to feel disgusted by them. 2. Move on. Key word MOVE, dont stay at home with your thoughts. Workout, go hiking, take up a new hobby, job, business, join the army, whatever it takes to keep you busy. 3. Focus on the present moment. They're gone but so is the uncertainty. Fuck them. Focus on the now. Are you driving to McDonald's? Focus on the road. Are you reading? Focus on the word you're reading. Focus on your breathing. Not on them. They're not you. 4. Be your own man/woman from now on. YOU deserve to be loved and praised however you are, or however you look. If someone doesn't fit that criteria, ditch them and don't look back. Have some self respect, people. Fu.k waiting for your ex to come back. Become the person that will reject them if they came back because they're not on your level.

Its like dating an iceberg that you have to burn yourself to melt it.. but its only the bare minimum and they make it as if they are giving a lot and you are the one who is crazy, anxious and overreacting they will manipulate you so you start questioning yourself if you are the toxic ,but you are not!! i will never forgive him for making me feel that way avoid the avoidant, they will give nothing but depression and insomnia

I'm disorganized and once I cut ties that's it

Don't expect anything from them ...

i defriended him on insta and fb so he cant really appear on my socials lol. he still has my phone number so there is that...