Відео

I have both PDA and AVPD and adhd.

Thanks for the overview! I think for me the fear was often around performance anxiety. So I'd also fear that someone might not actually want to spend time with me and is just being polite, but the much greater fear was that I might stumble over my words while talking with them, think a split second too long before answering, don't know the answer to a question they might ask, that there'd be a silence and I can't come up with a new topic to fill it in time, etc. etc. Same with relationships: Rejection was mildly worrying and all, but my real fears were that I didn't have relationship experience yet (this was mostly in high school), that I didn't know what sorts of relationship problems might come up and how to solve them, that I didn't know whether I wanted children or how to not make any parenting mistakes, that I didn't know whether I'd have enough money and time to commute to my potential partner as often as required and still do my homework etc., that I didn't know how others would react to me being in this particular relationship, e.g., if they'd attack me, that I didn't know what sorts of sexual practices the person is into and whether I would be able to satisfy them, and much more. So my approach to flirt was to come up with a cipher, write my message on a piece of paper in that cipher, and hide it in a place where no one would ever find it.

Thank you for this video…

I have a fear of rejection, but... to be honest, I don't think I avoid social situations and relationships because of that fear. I am pretty confident that I'm autistic and schizophrenic though, and I self-isolate for other reasons. I actually like talking to people when I'm not feeling particularly anxious or paranoid, and actually welcome it.

Only if our minds weren't so complex... Knowing about something doesn't really help me fix it. The risk isn't really worth it for me. Somewhat enjoy my life and be alone... or take huge risks in ruining my life, which is very likely to happen... I'll just stick to alone.

❤

The scientific diagnosis turned me off at a young age. It still turns me off now, something I am working to move beyond whatever that is/was going to be.

Hello Karen, Happy Saturday!! I definitely relate to most of this. I can be avoidant at times, i've noticed. I'm learning to be less avoidant and overcoming it. Thank you for this video!!

I think I've always told myself "this is the way things are done, so you have to do them this way" even though I am unsuccessful in social situations. Dates, small talk, communicating with coworkers, etc. I think I've just forced myself through with these really rigid rules and scripts for navigating everyday life. But it's all fake. It's not me. I strongly dislike small talk, talking about the weather, getting to know someone on a first date, and I especially dislike interviews.

I knew I had ADHD when I had my daughter assessed years ago. But now I know I'm AUDHD. Thank you for the video!

I have all these problems. It's severely disabling, but, because we're MADE this way by NT's mistreating us and not by having an actual personal flaw, I can't call it a "personality disorder." I cried for hours when I was misdiagnosed with BPD. (I don't have that. The idiot didn't recognize my autism) We have NICE personalities. I was so hurt when I was told I had a "personality disorder." I didn't know what it meant at the time, but the sound of the title made it feel really hurtful. Just another unfair misjudgment that added to why I'm worried about being unfairly judged. I'm sure it's become a disorder though, because I have agoraphobia along with the severe social anxiety. The phycologist who said I had BPD permanently broke my heart. 😢💔

Avoidant Personality Disorder? Or just a manifestation of Pathological Demand Avoidance?

great video. I relate to most if not all of this

I'm glad you made this video because I was just thinking about this topic. 8:45 thats honestly one of my concerns, that I unintentionally appear like I don't want to get to know people. "Aloof" they say. I actually do want to, but the anxiety and awkwardness keep me quiet and distant

Proudly Artistic Beautiful in the Video Been a Long Time Since I Watched Proudly I Have a Kneecap Injury lol 💙💙💙

You are so on the money! You’re excellent and I’m glad I’ve found your channel. Thank you. I was diagnosed with AVPD a few years ago. I’m awaiting an Autism assessment (4 year waiting list in the UK!). I could relate to almost everything you said. I honestly find people to be hard work and so many of them are a-holes. It’s risky business for me to interact with them. I appreciate honesty and directness. That helps me feel comfortable and trusting of someone, but that is hard to come by.

I watched this earlier and started to comment but decided to wait. I have waited a couple of hours and now this I should post something. Someone might reasonably think I have AvPD. I don't think I do. Instead, I have learned the hard way that many/most people are happy to express their opinions but are not willing to listen to those who disagree with them. This is especially true in the areas of religion and politics. Instead of practicing the Golden Rule, they very often become quite rude, angry, and on occasion, threatening. I have learned that it is best to avoid discussing these topics, staying instead with trivial topics. It is a classic example of tribalism. Is there intelligent life on Earth? Sometimes I am not so sure.

Could you do one distinguishing Autism and Schizoid Personality Disorder?

This makes me so sad. I had a close friend that hits just about all of these marks (these aren't just outside observations, he's described a lot of this probably without realizing how related these behaviors all are for him). The only difference with him is that he will still talk to people and has times when he's very social, but only at a surface level, once anything gets any deeper he freezes and drops off the planet. We had a misunderstanding about something last year that continued into the summer and I think I may have accidentally hurt him with some of the things I said, not realizing they were his attempts to reconnect and now I have no idea if I'll hear from him again and I'm hesitent to reach out because if he's still upset, he'll withdraw even further. 🥺

Just a note, i got a avpd diagnosis, while i was insistant that the withdrawal was more related to asd. I never felt comfortable with that diagnosis and i really feel that my autism was recognized earlier my life would have been at least a bit more manageable since then.

The problem with having this is that you develop a “kicked dog attitude” so when you *do* interact with people, you keep giving off this “I’m sorry, don’t hurt me” energy. Normal people are put off by this, because it’s annoying to interact with someone who acts live you’ve already done something wrong to them. *But*, abusive people are actually drawn to this energy like a beacon and they are good at pretending to be nice at first. So this creates a self-defeating cycle where the people you interact with either are annoyed by you or use you. The only way out of it is noticing this toxic shame you live with and expectation that you won’t be liked, and try to see yourself in a more neutral way. That will create more neutral interactions with people to offset your percentage of negative ones. I can tell you from experience that it works.

You explained this so well. I definitely have all of these issues. It's that old battle of wanting to really connect vs. the feeling that I met my quota of being rejected a loooooong time ago, and I don't want to experience it anymore, ever. To the point that I have to work up courage just to leave a UA-cam comment. Not sure which is worse, not connecting or getting rejected. The closest I've come to experiencing neither is trying to connect with other autistic people, which has been mostly very nice. Keep up the good work, Karen!🙂

Why is everything these days a disorder? There's something odd about society these days that consistently needs to pathologize behaviors. There's so much nuance within human individuals and relations between humans... It just seems like, especially over the last few years, a lot of potentially normal human interactions are being pathologized as somehow "disordered". Even after you explained how it was more than just a little this or that...my reaction was exactly the same: Why is this a disorder? It just sounds like potential or possible trauma + the genetic template that we were given along with how we were raised. Again, being a human being. What's the benefit of labeling these things as "a disorder"?

Proud. all of what you said fits me 100%. However I believe autistics give the general public too much credit for being so called normal. If us autistics would listen to these people closer we would find they done have as much personality as they put on to have.

I have had many avpd characteristics, but since realizing i'm autistic, having the job i want, making enough money to where i feel more safe, i am noticing some of these aspects regress.

Personality disorders simply do not exist. People _don't_ have better things to do: they really *do* get a kick out of picking on those they see as different. I hate it too, but that's just how it is. If someone 'meets the criteria for AvPD' (or schizoid, just as fitting) they're just correctly predicting the world as it _actually is_ not how someone *thinks it should be* Sorry. You're quite possibly the best channel for autism right now, but this is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy off track. DSM-V needs to go on the bonfire.

"They must be lying" whenever someone seems to like you hit HOME fr :')

I don't have anything to do with people who have hurt me in the past, but I connect with people I know. I don't avoid people I don't know , but I am careful though . I study them when I am with them.

You can't force people to understand you. It's a waste of energy.

While I avoid society 99% of the time. It’s not because I’m afraid of judgement…it’s because I don’t feel like I click At All with any of them, so I walk away, disinterested. Basically, I just don’t like people. I guess that’s not Avoidant Disorder, huh.

‘Talk to your mental health provider’ 😂 sorry, sounds very funny, as if someone else can provide that to you

Why not all 3? Plus a few more? My therapist tries to impress upon me that a social network is important, but I'm not so sure. Is it better to be happy alone or unhappy being alone in a network?

Here's my problem with calling this a disorder. If I try to ineract with people socially, I will make them uncomfortable and make myself even more avoidant. It's not that I'm avoiding a 5% chance of success, and missing out on meaningful interactions. I'm avoiding a 99.99% chance of failure, and preserving my mental health and well being. This is an objectively reasonable evaluation of how strangers interact with me. To call it a disorder ignores my objective reality. I have the same problem with depression - if all of your immediate family dies and you're lying in bed with sores all over your body and an incurable disease, and you feel terrible all the time, you don't have a mental illness. You have mental acuity.

How does autism impact how you navigate social settings? Does fear of rejection and judgement get in the way of making connections?

Very informative video thank you. I needed this

Small talk is an American thing I hear people in other coutries making fun of Americans for small talk

this is too real

The worst place I got counseling was oaks intergrated druggies jail birds and intellectually handicapped individuals plus constant harassment by one of the counselors to shave my head which i found deplorable ,! If someone wants to do it themselves fine just do not impose it on me !! I never complied and felt dimming on him was out of question! 8:24

not sure if i'm autistic but i relate to this alot. I've long felt that most people just dont like me that much no matter how long ive know them where is everyone else just seems to hit it off immediately.

From my experience with Narcissistic individuals I feel like their actions are not deliberate or calculated but more of a defence mechanism. For example cheating on your wife and then blaming her for something she did or didn’t do, I think it’s just the inner-narcissist protecting the fragile ego from the realisation that the person is not perfect when their existence and identity is formed around the belief that they are flawless, superior and better than everyone else.

Holy crap, I get this… it’s really hard as an AuDHD with high masking personally. Only recently been coming out of my shell as an individual because I found justification to stop caring what some people think. The really hard part for me recently is an increasing disassociation with humanity, and being a chronic Extrovert makes that a problem. Also doesn’t help when a powerful imagination collides with it.

Autistic people want control over their environment, narcs want control over others

No such thing You are a pawn to the psychiatric industry Stop obsessing over labels

Im 40 this year and I was bullied from the age of 4 all the way through school then college and after that the workplace. I was bullied over the way I talk , walk , my tone and basically every autistic trait, I was told by teachers it was my fault for being to sensitive and then I fell victim to a narcissistic girl who latched on to me for 5 years of secondary school who was verbally, physically and sexually abusive to me. Along with that my sister is a narcissistic sociopath who resents me being born even now, she used to brandish knives and threatened to cut me daily as a child and teen and as an adult threatened my parents with never seeing their granddaughter unless they kicked me out on the streets, thankfully my mother is my biggest support and would never do that .I actually skipped school for 2 months in year 10 because I was so scared to go to school and I was so broken I would just cry for hours and when I wasn’t crying I was worrying constantly and this resulted in terrible OCD. After 15 years of emotional hell I finally had a complete breakdown and ended up being diagnosed with PTSD , anxiety disorder, OCD and my psychiatrist basically shut me down with tranquilliser’s for a year to give me a reset. A few years after that I was diagnosed autistic which actually was a blessing because it explains why I never fit in. I’m doing a lot better after 8 years of therapy and im actually happy and able to feel emotions again after years of feeling dead inside. Now unfortunately I have almost daily nightmares about having to go to school or things that happened there. Whilst autistic tendencies probably made the bullies target me I’m thankful for autism because being completely engrossed in my special interests living in my imagination through the hardest years along with truanting for 3 months to rest was really a lifesaver for me because I got to the point I was really close to ending it. In my 20’s I was classified as physically disabled and was and still am in chronic pain which to be honest as horrible as it is I would take over more emotional distress. I worked hard in therapy for myself and my parents because my mental state was hurting them as well and I am so much better than I used to be, I still struggle but I am so grateful for the help I’ve received because I the depths of depression I thought I would never be happy again. I honestly believe we can live happy fulfilled lives after these traumas but the man I am today has inevitably been shaped by them. Please be yourself, after 37 years I was able to stop masking after my autism diagnosis, till you drop the mask you will never realise the toll it’s taking on you., and pets god bless them cats , gerbils, hamsters , bunnies and a whole lot of other species having them to care for and show and receive there affection is the greatest medicine I have ever known.

I was bullied during my whole youth (duck tape hair pulling, scapegoated, punched, etc.). Endured generational trauma from both parents and grandparents. Abused verbally and physically from my mother. I've seen death a lot, unfortunately; sometimes natural and a couple times, unatural. I've been cheated on, betrayed by 'friends,' and I've seen things that haunt me. I have PTSD, depression, anxiety, and some complicated attachment disorder(s). I was not diagnosed with Aspergers until I was in my mid-20s (I'm 28 now). However, the aspergers itself is not a terrible thing. I always knew I was different, and while perhaps sad for some, I grew up quickly and always had a good emotional maturity (what some might call a lack thereof, as I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve.) That being said, if you're anything like me or some of the people in these comments, you may feel alone, or that it's too much for one to bear, especially if you shoulder it all like I did. You want to spare the ones you care about and take it all yourself to ease that burden from those you think can't handle or don't deserve it. You figure, "I've endured a lot, so I know I can take it," but you can't, not forever. Maybe you constantly think "I deserve this" for some reason, but chances are you don't. Maybe you always wonder what happiness feels like and how to achieve it. Maybe you overthink everything, and the bad hits you in periodic waves, and you feel like you're in an undertow and can't swim back to the surface; you see the light glowing, but you can't reach it. Your memories plague you, and even the simplist of things can set you off or make the spiral worse. If you feel like this, you aren't alone, and you are loved and appreciated more than you know. I've been told, and I've read that autistic people often have a strong sense of justice, and given the traumatic history of many of us, it makes sense. We know what being hurt and broken feels like. It made us strong, we had to be, otherwise we felt we didn't have a choice. However, you dont have to do this all alone. You are worth more than you think. Your wisdom and your experiences matter. If you're in a position now where you do have the choice, and it suits you, don't be afraid of finding a therapist, or reaching out to friends who you know will be there for you. Don't be afraid to write in a journal/diary. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Talk to yourself if it brings you comfort. Talk to your pets. If you want help, seek it. The first push can be hard, and chances are your trauma/pain will never be fully cured, but it helps. It can give you the strength you didn't know you had or didn't know you were "allowed" to use. Seeking help and making others aware of your deep-rooted pain is not selfish. Everyone has their moments, and you deserve yours. In the end, be yourself... Be true to yourself and your convictions. Be proud of your skills. Be proud that you are strong and made it this far against adversity. If you are hurting and you know there is a problem, don't be afraid to have the humility to accept it so you can continue forward in your healing process. There are many things about yourself you will discover on your journey to happiness/belonging/coming to terms with your reality. Some good... some not so good... but equally important to creating the puzzle that is you. It is easier said than done, this I know all too well, but it can be done... little by little. There is much else I could say, but this is long enough. I know these words likely won't reach many, but if they have a chance at aiding others who are lost or need to hear them, then I will always say them. I'm still on my journey, too. "You must understand, young Hobbit, it takes a long time to say anything in Old Entish. And we never say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say." - Treebeard (Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers.")

So much of this was relevant to my conversational style that I watched it twice. I'm not exactly sure what to do about it, though. I am aware of my tendency to info-dump, and try to put on the brakes. I also come off as "topping other people" by way of participating in a conversation, though it is not because I am a slow thinker. It's more that I'm trying to stay on subject, and I don't know how else to do it. I may also be trying to build myself up, because I have a lifetime of being ignored and undervalued. It's like a very ineffective way of status-seeking.

It took me six years post diagnosis (I’m 66) to understand the unique problem of PTSD with Autism, with regard to any support or treatment. Even the ‘trauma aware’ people that I’ve found would trigger me deeply. Base line is to understand Autism. Getting understanding or support as an adult is very difficult, medical people are the most ignorant

thank you so much

For me I was always very good looking and that got me a lot of positive and negative attention. I was expected to be normal. But really i was just so dang overwhelmed all the time I couldn't even like talk or open up. Or ever do anything with friends .

8:00 wow, thats my exact story. Turns out im much more than a "little" autistic. If it wasnt a problem for everyone else, is just...wasnt a problem. But im learning to advocate for myself now