Not knowing you have CPTSD and just living your life thinking you're severely defective is one of the worst parts. Emotional flash backs are traumatic and scary.
For many years I thought that everyone was like me so it was normal to be like that. But recently I realized that I am the only person who feels like this and my friends/family cannot understand what I mean when I talk about my feelings most of the time. They are a big support and I am so grateful for it but they really don't feel what I feel. It made me realize that this shit was not okay and I had to live feeling like this for over 15 years!! It feels so hard. I feel so sad :((
it's even worse when you're still going through abuse and you're still stuck with the person in the house and you know you're just going to get worst 🙂🔫
I spent a couple of years trying to digest all of the stuff that had happened to me. I never had really thought about it until a couple of years ago when I spent a lot of time around someone who had a loving family. I started falling down this traumatic loophole and started remembering every bad thing that happened to me because of my family. Then I started having panic attacks and nightmares. I am moving out next month, hoping I can heal. My diagnosis helped me feel like I wasn’t crazy like everyone said I was.
Tbh it kinda feels like completely separate events. Like you know those little side stories/arcs that some series have, where you don't really know where it fits with the rest of the series? That's kinda what it feels like to me. Except I almost feel like I made it up. I know it's real but, I can't talk about it without something bad happening so maybe that's what makes me think I made it all up?? Idk trauma is very messy
or someone else not thinking what you went through was traumatic. What happened to me still has an effect on me almost a decade later, but if I tried to tell someone about it, it wouldn't sound like a big deal, even though I turned to self-harm because of that.
Flashbacks can also be emotional btw. a flashback isn't just an entire memory-replay in your mind of what happened, it can also be intense thoughts and feelings you had in that moment.
I always thought it was physically feeling like you were in that moment. Not just thoughts of memories about it and emotions associated. Bc I have these a lot...thinking about the memories makes me really sad, scared emotional and angry sometimes.
Thanks for the information :) I’ve always said that I had flashforwards, because instead of imagining what happened back then, I would be minding my own business and suddenly get this visceral vision of what would happen if I saw that guy in the present or future day, cortisol running through my body as I was set aflame with blind fury. Even though it’s not how it’s usually described, the intrusiveness made it really clear to me it was indicative of trauma.
The hardest part is when those closest to you brush off your trauma as “just life” or even “you should’ve known better”. Then when you try to talk about it they just make you feel like your crazy, which in my opinion is how you feel already, let alone without trying to explain it!
Yep. When you already feel rejected/unfit/fragile, the last thing you need is to be told off when you try to open up. 'It's the past, get over it already, why don't you' - super helpful, thanks for all the empathy. When I try to be vulnerable with my family, they just shut down. Which is still preferable to the explicit non-understanding, but... yeah. At least they don't seem to question anymore why have I drifted away from them.
I swear they should recommend ways to cope with abusive households, because a lot of children out there really can't do anything and the best thing they got is access to the internet
Literally. I've been struggling to seek out help and currently the only thing keeping me afloat is talking about and researching my disorders and mental illnesses on the internet to validate my feelings and perception of living with my abusive mother.
ahh finally someone said it, as someone who still lives in a very abusive household i really need this.. i cant really get help since cps where i live doesnt exist lol
@@gremlinmads This was me growing up. Im so sorry you have to deal with this, but what I did that helped immensely (if you dont have the resources to get out now) is to focus on my future plans, like doing well in school, so that you can become independent from her as soon as possible. You got this!
As a young adult I struggle with loud noises and yelling and I flinch so easily, causing me sudden fear which always hurts. Coming from child abuse and living in a household with fighting parents and an alcoholic father. I feel for all of you here. Everyone deserves a safe and loving childhood ❤
I deal with a lot of the same things like that except it’s only when authority figure get that yelly tone of voice and without the trauma. My heart goes out to you my dude keep fighting the good fight!
My husband freaks out when I cry, he grew up in a high stress abusive environment where tears meant danger. It triggers him to see me happy cry. He's in therapy right now and he's trying to work through his fears.
@@destroyadoll2898 He is doing better, he has been seeing a PTSD specialist therapist for a few months, and has gone from 2 sessions a week, to 2 a month! I'm so proud of him and how far he's come. It does get better. I try my best to support him however I can. Edit: He's graduated therapy and is on medication, he's doing so much better! I'm so proud and happy for him.
To all the people who think things like this are "quirky" or "cute". It's not. People struggle with these every day, they're not quirky traits anyone can have.
I hate recognizing my own mental issues because I don’t want to be grouped with these people for it. It sucks and people should really stop doing it because it makes the people with actual issues afraid that people won’t take them seriously.
@@ruey8742 yes, I am currently not diagnosed with any mental illnesses, but it infuriates me to see some people see mental illness as a personality trait or quirk
I'm not diagnosed with any mental illnesses, but I don't say I have symptoms of any of them because I don't wanna be compared to them, considering I think having mental illnesses is a bit to much for my age. I know it isn't, but I also know it is. It's because I see those types of people doing that.
While at a friend’s house recently, I was rummaging in his fridge and dropped a container of food, spilling it all over the floor. I froze, especially when I heard him call from the living room asking what had happened. It took a solid minute to realize he sounded more amused than angry. If I had spilled food in my mother’s house I would’ve been yelled at for an hour and guilt tripped for a week.
Damn I recognize myself in this! Expecting an attack from anyone you live with our spend time with for the slightest of things. That anxiety is just so defeating isn't it
Once my friend told me he told his mom he was really anxious and shit, at that point I was waiting for him to explain how his mother yelled at him and guilt tripped, he never did, his mother hugged him and paid for therapy. What kind of healthy parent-child bullshit is this???
I was diagnosed with C-PTSD last year. My psychologist explained to me that it’s similar to Seligman’s experiment, where dogs were placed on an electric floor and shocked repeatedly. When they moved to a section of the floor that was not electrified, they still received an electric shock. Instead of fighting harder, they gave up and just laid down and accepted the shocks. It’s called learned helplessness, and that’s pretty much what this disease is for a lot of people.
omg I read this and not being able to get any treatment for my physical pain because of this opiate crisis is exactly what I have gone through. I just accepted the suffering because I know no one will ever help me and I am better off dead. There is no pain in death. So I did an DNR so they will just let me die. I can't live in constant pain. *note there is no record of me having ever been addicted, no fraud, waste or abuse in my entire life.
Pretty much what I do now just sit and stare off quietly while they yell or scream or hit or beat me pretty much disassociate the only time I've snapped out of it was when my mom threatened to kill my ESA dog
@@motshidisimdala1443 Exposure therapy mainly, just to help eliminate the smaller, more irritating triggers I have so we can eventually start dealing with the bigger, deeper ones
One thing I noticed for my C-PTSD (from childhood abuse) is I like being in control of every aspect of my life and if I don’t have the control of my life I go into a spiral of anxiety.
Same for me. It's an absolute bummer. I get so irrational when I am anxious; the opposite of being in control and realising that causes the anxiety to increase until I can't even think AT ALL.
Causes. C-PTSD is believed to be caused by severe, repetitive abuse over a long period of time. The abuse often occurs at vulnerable times in a person's life-such as early childhood or adolescence-and can create lifelong challenges.
(trigger warning for abuse topics and venting and stuff!!) I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an edgy teenager, but this disorder just makes me feel broken? Like, a defective human that will never be able to live normally because I’m just so far away from everyone else mentally. everyone worries about little things like school and what they’re going to wear, and I feel like I’m on a whole separate plane of existence. (TW!!) i was sexually and physically abused by my step dad for a long time, ever since I can remember (3-5 years old?), and I can’t tell anyone because he’s all nice now and no one would believe me. Stay strong, fellow people, if you are surviving through traumatizing stuff. It’s HARD, and you’re still doing it! You are valid. You are strong. You are incredible. Edit: Sorry for the late replies, thank you all so much though for the responses- it means a lot!
I can’t even escape it at all, it will always be a part of my life. Traumatized by needles doctors and medications.....it still hasn’t ended and I doubt it ever will. Why do I have to go through this? I’m too young man......
Part of recovery from CPTSD is learning to properly attribute that nonstop “broken” feeling to the people who traumatized you, not yourself. That’s where the true responsibility, blame, and shame belong. It takes a very messed up person to molest an innocent helpless child. Deep down inside, you still have the seed of the healthy, whole person that you were supposed to become. That seed can still grow strong as you go through recovery and therapy, learn more about CPTSD, and reparent yourself. We survivors are not irreparably broken. While we can’t erase the abuse, we can still lead happy lives and find inner peace if we’re given the time and support we need to grieve, heal, and learn all the things we were supposed to have learned as kids instead of trauma, fear, pain, and shame.
My dad abused my mom for most of my childhood. Loud voices and other rustling sounds, are my triggers. It's been five years since my dad left, but I still fear sounds. My mother said I need to get over it. Surely, I can't just get over ptsd. Right. Thank you so much for the video
Of course not. I am so sorry for you. As a person who also knows what that is like, it can definitely be traumatic. If you are still in school, maybe you could talk to one of your school counselors. Normally, they keep everything mentioned between the two of you a secret. I hope this helps.
@@kyla2395 firstly I'd like to thank you for taking the time to respond. I'm in highschool and well my school is known for spreading miss information around. So I'd rather not talk to my school, I've told my mom and yeah yk what she said. I just need to overcome this on my own. I think that's the best solution
I am so sorry, sweetie. As a mom of two kids who were in that situation, I will tell you not only do you have C-PTSD, but your Momma does too. And if she hasn't gotten therapy for what your Dad did, she isn't the right person to help you, she's in denial. I can't tell you how deep that kind of hurt goes. If she had a partner like that, she may have been raised in a dysfunctional home herself. Its usually generational. So here's what you can do for now. Make a promise you won't do drugs or drink. Especially in high school. I made my kids do that. You have the internet. There are so many resources here. Find good, reliable resources about domestic abuse and its affect on families and kids. Understand what you are dealing with. Consider if your family has any alcohol issues, attending ala-anon meetings. Abuse and alcohol addiction often go hand-in-hand. If not, find other resources online support groups where you can maintain your anonymity. Hotlines, etc. Even if you can make one friend to share this with, it will lift a huge burden. Make a promise that when you are able, get counseling. Do not be embarrassed. You owe it to yourself. Children who witness domestic violence are at great risk for all kinds of health problems as adults. Sending much, much love to you.
@@umusty619 I'm so sorry for what happened. Have any abusive parent is difficult and there is always a fear that they might come back and do something crazy. Know you are safe, you are loved even if not understood by your mother and that you have every right to seek help through other trusted family or friends and get them to talk to your mother and get both of you the help you need, sometimes just a therapist to talk to is all. Stay safe and know you're already strong enough to make it through
actually this is relatable for me, hearing people yelling or crying triggers memories of my parents fighting and yelling. it would terrify me back when i was little.
I was emotionally abused from the age of 7 or 8 to the age of 16. I was abused by teachers, classmates and my parents. Whenever I went home with an unsavoury grade, my parents would yell at me for hours at a time, saying nasty, rude things. After that, they wouldn't talk to me for a week. Not even one word. I developed a horrible anxiety when I was in 6th grade. I stuttered to a point when I couldn't talk and felt like I couldn't breath when I was in a crowd. I told my parents multiple times to get me help with my anxiety, but they brushed it off, saying that's life and nobody can help. My parents were/are emotionally distant, and not empathetic. Nowadays, I get triggered more and more often, but I have no idea where to get help. When I get triggered, I get anxious and I feel like I'm about to cry. Sometimes, I get angry too. My teachers (not the abusing ones) feel more like parents to me, rather than my own parents.
I had one teacher who singled me out a ton in her class when I was in the 3rd grade and had it happen once pretty badly in the 6th but I brushed it off. I had undiagnosed ADHD so that was probably why. And of course experienced some bullying, as most people do. But is it possible to be bullied by everyone? Peers, teachers and parents?? Like all at once, that much? Or are we sensitive people, who feel easily victimized because of our mental states/issuses...something to think about. Bullying at home and at school may go hand in hand. But by every single significant peer group? Thats...a lot..
Hi! Ex-mormon here, I was just recently diagnosed with this after leaving the Mormon church. A lot of ex Mormons are finding that they share this diagnosis due to the repeated abuses in the Mormon church. I'm so glad you are covering this! If you feel that you're suffering from this, please reach out to a professional, its done wonders for me just even knowing why I feel the things I do :)
They're working on getting a new diagnosis recognized called "Religious Trauma Syndrome" definitely look into it and you'll probably relate to it in some way. As someone who was raised in a cult too I related to it a lot and so do my siblings
As someone who grew up with undiagnosed ADHD, I agree -- getting a diagnosis can mean so much to someone. I felt so relieved instantly, like the blame on "why aren't you xyz like everyone else?" has lifted from me.
A part of me wants to ask which church abuses exactly, but having escaped the LDS church myself and suffering from my own struggles, I'm just glad to have stumbled across a degree of fellowship here.
Both PTSD and CPTSD require professional treatments. Due to its complex nature, CPTSD therapy might be more intense, frequent, and extensive than PTSD treatment.👍
@@GhostOnHiatus I relate. Mental health issues are rarely cover which is moronic at best. Its expensive. But so worth it. Keep researching. There are options. I put aside several hobbies and others things like dating and going out to eat. Just so I could afford it. Even if you only can afford to go once a month. Its worth it. My biggest mistake was saying I'll do it later. Do it now. Tomorrow morning. Don't hesitate. Don't second guess. Any progress is progress.
@@GhostOnHiatus try researching non profits in your area. Since working in the field i have learned that there are many affordable and sometimes even free services offered by mental health organizations
@@GhostOnHiatus look into EMDR, TMS, and neurofeedback treatments. Also, look to see if you can sign up for the ACA, I’m assuming your in the USA, my state health pays for the first 2 treatments. Charity that will help. Good luck.
You are strong!!!! Pray to Lord Jesus Christ to help you go to Anglican churches and or open up KJV Bible to pray for help. Do it for Lord Jesus Christ He can help your soul!!!!
Me too , I had mental illness fights before , they can be hard , but there is also some very rare times I feel a bit stronger , better , more like myself , and I remember how it's worth it , to go back to light! :)
Me too. I have had PTSD for about 4 years now from a series of medical and hospital related traumas. It really sucks. Nobody can see that you have it, and when you try to explain it to them they don't understand. :(
Seek for help from a mental health professional, buddy. Keeping your mental health is as important as it is to keep your physical one.. 🙏🙏🙏 You deserve better, buddy.
@@aspwillow Hey same.....High PTSD , anxiety, depression and ADHD symptoms but still saying thanks for suggesting but no thanks...I know nobody can help !
The most difficult thing about PTSD and CPTSD is that people will think you're doing it on purpose. They don't understand that you have no control over it whatsoever. The reaction is automatic and you cant turn it off. Trying to rationalize it away dosent work, your brain forces you into that state of mind anyway. It's like a reflex you don't want to have
Totally. Someone told me to do mindfulness exercises when I had a big trigger right in front of him just from the conversation. I basically start uncontrollably crying and can't stop without medication. (I already do/teach somewhat mindfulness mostly for my own benefit but triggers are uncontrollable) And I can literally feel the exact moment it happens.
@@kokomiteruhashi3179 Well I wish they would deport mine. He’s walking around new York city right now. They kept him in as long as they could. Good luck to you. Love and light.
@@freethinkernj7956 luck and light to you also. I planned on travelling to his country when I'm older but I guess I can't know. he is too rich and influential over there.
Wish that was also my case. He got away with a slap on the wrist and was put on the offenders list. His family blames me for everything when he ruined me for years.
@The Genderqueer Cringy Emo Combat-related PTSD sounds terrifying to me... Even though I myself have been going through quite a debilitating type of PTSD too for over a decade already, I can't imagine what it would be like having to deal with the kind of pressure from this type...
I experienced trauma for many years but not sure if I have any form of PTSD, maybe I should look into that. I'm very sensitive to sound, tense and feel unsafe especiallay around ppl but when I'm alone I feel good for the most part.
Reminder that your trauma IS valid no matter what, people’s minds digest things in all different kinds of ways, you aren’t “dramatic”, you’re traumatized.
This is a sign that things WILL get better. Although I've never met you, I'm sending you strength, resilience, and power to get through these rough times. This too shall pass. Although it may pass like a kidney stone, it shall pass. Take a deep breath, stretch the corners of your mouth upwards. May all your worries wash away and you find pockets of peace throughout your day 💗 Dr. Liz
To anyone who has experienced trauma of any kind, my heart goes out to all of you. Your trauma and your feelings our valid. Remember it’s okay to get help! Therapy has helped with my complex trauma and other mental illnesses; it really saved my life. I hope everyone knows that they’re not alone and we can get through this together ❤️
I’ve been living with PTSD for 14 years. If one more person tells me to just get over it or that I’m using it as a crutch I’m going to just say nothing and walk away because it’s too much energy to get upset about other people’s ignorance
I'm a veteran, was actually addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with cptsd. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Australia. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them.
Ive done shrooms last month in my house. It taught me how severely traumatized I was from alcohol. I healed from many mental traumas from my past and was able to forgive, let go. Shrooms to me is a remedy not a vice. I even felt more refreshed the morning after. So no hangovers. No depression mood for days. No anxiety.I now have a more calm mind
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
I have had PTSD and been treated with EMDR. This led to it being discovered that I also have Complex PTSD. I think it's important to recognize that someone with either kind of PTSD needs to access trauma focused therapy specifically. 'Regular' therapy, (e.g. non trauma focused CBT, counselling etc.) can actually make things worse because they can repeatedly re-expose you to the traumas you experienced. Love to you all. P.S. EMDR can be AMAZINGLY positive.
I am currently really struggling with EMDR...I keep being told that it gets worse before it gets better, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult for me...I’m trying my best though.
I’m a C-PTSD survivor. I understand how helpless you can feel with this diagnosis, but it can be so freeing as well. My treatment has been regular sessions of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy along with medications. I spent my childhood and adult life feeling completely broken. I’ve only started treatment in the past year and life has never been so good. The hardest step was reaching out to a therapist for the first time, but I encourage everyone to try.
I’m over here disassociating and reliving traumatic events when I hear: “Did you find this video insightful?” … I FORGOT I was watching a video in the first place!!! But yes very educational.
Can you please help me , I have a writing tomorrow about describing a friend so i write something but I need someone to give me his opinion , please 😢 Okay so here's the writing : My friend is a very special person to me, her name is *someone* , she is 17 years old, and she also attending the same high school as me , we are so close to each other from a very long time , she is the same height as me ,with a short black hair with a bangs and brown eyes , she's very shy and not so mush talkative but she is a good listener and lovable by everyone around her . What do u think ... good 😟
I live with C-ptsd due to prolong childhood abuse and rape. I have seen so many therapists and psychologists ontop of being on many drugs. Hell most assumed I wouldn’t even live to see the age of 20,25 or 30 due to the damage to me physically, mentally and emotionally. I have now turned 30 and celebrated with very close friends for passing through what doctors thought wouldn’t be possible. I do struggle still but I have a family of friends who are my support pillars.
I think I might have c-ptsd since I have been thinking about everything that happened to me since 3rd grade. (Abuse about grades, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, almost raped)
go to a professional i have been suicidal since i was 7 and have high functioning depression and anxiety and trust me its not easy but i am telling you go to a professional
Yep. I feel like long term being bullied in school and also had a dysfunctional home life for many years have changed me as a person in many ways and manifested as longterm traumas. I never knew it was called C-PTSD tho. I thought it was just called being damaged. For the most part I have worked thru my traumas one by one slowly over a decade but I still have trust issues and always expect that anyone can betray me at any moment. I don't trust my BF 100% or my friends... I know people that said they were my best friends abused me in the past so since then I can't view the world the same. My BF has multiple times said I need to trust him and it makes me sad to hear him say that because I know I just can't. There will always be 5% of me still suspicious of him even if we are still together 50 years in the future. There's always the 5% chance that someone can cheat, abuse, steal or hurt you no matter how well you think you know the person. Because some people are in love with you for the moment but then if they would ever get bored of you and fall out of love some people have no qualms about backstabbing their spouse of 10+ years. How often do one hear about a divorce that isn't messy as hell and filled with drama? A respectfull breakup is rare and that shows that both people truly loved eachother with no selfish strings attached. A selfish person will only treat you with respect as long as they don't get bored of you. True friendship the respect will always be there ´til the end.
-One day I was searching for what PTSD was(I already knew but I wanted to have clarifications about it)and then I found out about C-PTSD but I didnt understood very much so thank you so much for the video 💕🌸
I have been brutally bullied through all of my school life, and got diagnosed with c-ptsd last year as a 26 year old woman. I feels good to be validated because the bad memories from school has affected my life in a very negative way. I hope to turn my life around now that I receive professional help
Could you do a video on age regression? It’s not as commonly talked about and I feel like it would help diminish some stigma against it. My partner regresses and so does several of my close friends so I think it would really help a lot of people 🙂
Omg I regress too! I definitely want it to be talked about a bit more bc of the negative stigma. I don't even do it that often but omg it sucks when somebody assumes it's smth they don't like when they're wrong abt it.
@@mclr9941 on what age regression is? It’s when a person with trauma reverts back to a child like mindset to feel safe and secure. This can include watching children shows and playing with toys meant for kids. People who regress enjoy these things not as an adult but mentally a child. It’s the need and want to explore things and experience things like a child that perhaps the person never got to do as a child or it was one of the only times they felt safe. I hope this explains it a little bit
From 1-6 i witnessed hundreds of verbal fights between my father and mother, I witnessed my father shooting herion at least 20 times, watched my father throw my mom on the ground and threaten to beat her, watched him destroy the house, steal my mom's car, and break several house phones to prevent us calling the cops. This has been a struggle with me for many years and still continues to be. I have panic attacks when people are arguing in public loudly, jump when a loud car drives by, and no longer tryst my father. I suffer from hyper sexuality and am ashamed of it. I'm ashamed of having any sorts of trauma.
My situation doesn’t sound anywhere near as scary as yours, but I too witnessed very loud arguing and yelling matches between my parents, things being thrown and even waking up to yelling and my mom saying she’ll call the police on my dad in the middle of the night. Even though my parents are actually fine right now and they have overcome that era, I still find myself reliving it every time there’s a minor argument between them or even between people I don’t know. My blood pressure goes all the way up and I feel in danger. I was so young that I think my parents don’t even know that I remember all that but I truly have never gotten over that. I hate to be somebody to make excuses and I am working on myself, but I think I have trust issues and problems with forming relationships to this day because of it. I feel as though when that happened, my mental age kind of froze in time and I still feel like that scared little kid when those situations come around. I pray one day I will shed that afraid inner child. You as well
I suffered sexual abuse as a child and too have hyper sexuality tendacies..At first I had a lack of sex drive and a lack of ability to fall in love but with my boyfriend I've grown out of that and kinda flipped so now I'm kinda clingy and extremely sexual with him and I'm embarrassed by it.. My boyfriend was like you..He has parents who fought a lot, a father who cheated and was controlling, when his mom eventually got a better husband my boyfriend suffered from hyper sexuality and had been in many relationships ending up cheating on and being "the other guy". We at times do to each other similar things that were done to us, but we're trying to move past all the trauma together and heal each other.
@@testerwulf3357 it's tought. I've never really gotten treated for any of it because I don't want it on my record and I can't afford it due to not having enough money. So I'm not sure as to how to treat it myself other than to suppress it as much I can.
Thank you! I have C-PTSD and it triggered a spontaneous psychosis in July 2020 where I hallucinated vividly for 52 days. A lot of doctors do not understand CPTSD and I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar despite showing no symptoms besides the sudden psychosis which came out of nowhere. Almost two years later and no doctor has been able to explain to me why my brain decided to leak DMT one day beside just lots and lots of trauma. This is a pretty common mental illness so I'm happy to see it finally getting recognition. Wishing healing and protection to everyone tuning in! 🧿🌌☮️
told my mom that i have c-ptsd she just said that i was okay, its just emotion, you have nothing to be sad about, your just ungrateful, and thar its just a phases. This helped me realize that I need to get help and everything that my mom said is not true
I’ve always wondered what the differences between PTSD and C-PTSD were. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, but after watching this, I’m going to consult with my psychiatrist to see if C-PTSD isn’t a more accurate diagnosis for me. I suffered pretty much every type of abuse you could name from infancy into my early 30’s. I’m not a doctor, but it seems to me that C-PTSD absolutely fits, but, again, I’ll ask my psychiatrist. Thanks for making this video! It’s immensely informative!
DBT-PE helped so much after being diagnosed with CPTSD. It’s tough, draining, but once you start seeing results and realize you are breaking generational trauma you find it’s all worth it
What’s DBT-PE ? I’m trying to find answers how to help my fiancé with CPTSD. Every time he gets stressed out he takes it on me. Then when I stand up for myself he gets even more angrier. He thinks I’m going to either hit him or fight him which it’s not true at all but he had an ex who mentally and physically abused him terribly:( I am willing to work with him and help him but I don’t know how to...
@@jessm9958 hi, I know it's been a long time since you posted this comment and I hope that things are going well. My guess is that the DBT the original comment mentioned is a form of therapy closely related to CBT. I used to have an amazing therapist who combined CBT and DBT in my treatment and it helped me come a long way. Unfortunately they deemed my case too severe for them to handle and referred me to a more specialist unit. But I still count the ground work that therapist helped me make as the main reason I'm still alive today. So DBT is definitely worth looking into
@@jessm9958 It's a form of therapy where you safety subject the person to what they're scared of till they eventually can control their reaction and it desensitizes them mostly removing their negative reaction to the PTSD they suffer..Like how someone scared of dogs would slowly be introduced to dogs till they no longer emit a fear response to them.
To those of you who took the time to share in the comments your experiences… thank you so much. I’ve been diagnosed for a while but I’m still learning a lot. Some of you have pointed out things I experience frequently but never noticed about myself. Thank you for putting my experiences into words when I couldn’t❤️
I am aware its the trauma talking but sending the staff of my old catholic school this video along with a list of every student that ended up in therapy after attending there sounds like a great idea.
@@NohAotori Read the body keeps score by bessel van der kolk: EMDR / IFS / Tai chi or Yoga / TRE / DBT / somatic work etc can help for cptsd. Especially a combination of cognitive work and bodily work is recommended (trauma stores in the body and needs to be released as such). I can only suggest: get a good trauma informed therapist (mostly CBT doesnt "cure" CPTSD) who offers trauma informed therapy and educate yourself on the different modalities which can be helpful. It is unfortunately a long healing process and can need different forms of therapy depending on where you are at in your healing proces.
My stepdad likes to yell. He used to be worse, and he would scream in our faces even when we didn't know what we did wrong, but by the time I moved out it was still bad enough that when he was in a bad mood everyone in the house walked on eggshells. I now can't listen to door slams, people yelling at each other, or people yelling in general (even in movies or plays when I know it's not real) without freezing and feeling anxious. If I hear voices in the hall of my dorm that sound muffled my natural instinct is to pause whatever video I'm watching, take off my headphones, and listen for anything that could indicate an escalation. I was always terrified my stepdad would one day snap and hit my mom or throw something at her, since he has a habit of breaking things (door frames and cupboards from slamming them, our toys when my brother and I were younger, etc.) One time he shoved my brother into the counter because my brother accidentally spilled milk on him during an argument. He was blocking the path to the fridge and my brother bumped into him. I think I have CPTSD but I don't know how to bring it up to my counselor because there have been many times in my life (from my own parents) where anytime I bring up something in regards to my health it gets brushed aside subtly as nbd.
Hi i hope you are okay... Your story kinda touched me. Damn it must be so hurt to experience all that🥺🥺 My case is not that worse but growing up with constant fighting in my environment really affect. These days I cant stand to a really loud noises. Triggered me somehow. The urge of tears, feeling of escaping, and anger. If I was you, i will fell insane instantly. You are strong buddy🤍🤍
I have c-ptsd from multiple traumatic events happening at once but spanning over 7 years of my life. Even though I have it, I feel like it shouldn’t be traumatic
Can relate, the last 7-8 years were hell for me and because where i was staying at the time, and abuse was normalized, because it was also down by medically trained 'professionals'
Until I went to therapy at the start of this year, I had never considered PTSD or CPTSD as a possible condition for what I’d been going through. Sadly I have both, but EMDR therapy will hopefully help me through it and start to live a happier, healthier life. Thank you for making this video and drawing attention to CPTSD! A lot of people are unaware of it, and it’s always great to know more about things like this.
This was the video that made me realize what i was i was dealing with. Now I’m diagnosed and on the path to healing. If you’re reading this, you can do it.
Looking back on it as an adult makes me feel stupid for not realising what was wrong and how frustrating it is to know that adults were there while it was happening and they did nothing about it.
me too. i’ve tried bringing attention to my narcissist parents and no one seems to want to do anything about it. just gotta cut them off and move on if they don’t want to help. i’m sorry you’re going through this but you’re not alone
@@brynyates Thank you very much. Sorry to hear you're going through this too. It's hard to reason with people who refuse to reflect on their own actions. And yes, that is what I've ultimately decided to do. Unfortunately it's not easy because one of these people just won't let go of trying to control me.
@@Zanarkand_0 it really is hard to reason with these people!! it’s like talking to a wall lol. screw that one person who won’t stop trying to control you. remember that this is your life and you’ve got the wheel to it, not them. they’re probably so out of control themselves that they try to control you. you’re your own person and don’t ever forget that. you’ve got this ❤️
As one wise man once said: To live means to suffer, to find meaning in this suffering is what we call survival. For me life is like living on an island, isolated and detached from others. It is a place where I fight every day and for a long time not even with a purpose, but just for the sake of it. Huge amounts of anger are inside of my chest, and I am most of the time not even aware of it. In order to heal one must get off this island, and see that surviving alone is not what life is about, it means you have to find or create a purpose for your own life. And remember, everyone has demons in their minds, to not act because of them, and to ignore them, that is what matters in the end, I have found peace in that.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Life is really painful and unfair and none of us deserve to suffer. I’ve been through a lot of stuff, painful traumatic stuff to where I dont know a life without being helpless to some chaotic and harmful force. Literally ever since I can remember since I was 3. What you wrote is the closest description to how I feel and have felt over my whole life. Yea I’m a strong and resilient survivor but that’s because that’s the only force that’s kept me here and alive on this earth. Like you said it’s living just to live and numbing out or suppressing all the pain I’ve been helpless to. People glorify my resilience while simultaneously refusing to help; I’m kept at arms length on my own island. Over time It’s become engrained in me not to rely or trust anyone for anything because of how I’ve been failed and taken advantage of when I was most vulnerable. Yea it makes me an unstoppable and “highly successful” survivor but no one acknowledges the loneliness and sense of feeling lost and purposelessness because the only way of living I’ve known has been motivated by fear and anxiety surrounding my survival. Thank you, truly thank you. I hope more than anything you are able to find peace. You never deserved anything and all that caused you to feel that way, and I hate to think you also have felt how I’ve felt. I wouldn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy and you seem like a lovely person.
@@mariebaio8707 Thank you for these kind words. What helped me to heal is to understand and accept myself. It means that once I was able to accept that I hate myself the most, and why, I was able to let this part finally heal of me. Acceptance isn't the last step, it is the first, once you accept it, you can now work on it and engage with the situation. To understand means to heal. I wish you the best for your journey.
As someone with cptsd, thanks for covering it. Often people dont know what it is so i just say i have ptsd, which isnt true, but it makes it easier for them to understand. Because of your channel more people are aware so thank you.
This condition, if left untreated, will continue to make your life a living hell. Please, if you think you have this disorder, please get help. Like the video says, EMDR, CBT, these things can help you 💜 Please, if you are reading this, you deserve help. Also thank you so much P2G for creating this video. This is the kind of video I wished I could have found some years ago when my symptoms were at their peak. 😞💜 And it will be a relief for viewers who resonate with this to know they are not alone
Oh...I don't deserve help...at least maybe I do...I just wanna jump off a building already...sometimes I look down and imagine what it'd be like to just jump...
I always felt different than others around me, even the more troubled damaged ones like me fit the mainstream definitions that I only kinda fit. This video was extremely insightful in explaining others I know and myself! A lifetime of many traumas has all but destroyed my nerves.
I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD back in October. So glad Psych2Go posted a video about this as it’s so overlooked and overshadowed by the generic PTSD. Hoping this video can spread more awareness of it and help others differentiate between the two
I’m an empath with c-ptsd. Which means I’m a hot mess. I started cognitive therapy and it’s going well. if there is anyone who needs encouragement. Keep going you got this. I’m proud of for working so hard! Be brave! 😊
I've has this my whole life and wasn't diagnosed until early this year. Initially it was a hard pill to swallow but it explains so much. I'm so glad there's a vid abt it on a bigger channel. There needs to be more awareness of this condition as more people might have it than we realize
As an adult. I've learned that some things I viewed as being part of every day life. Weren't. Like when your folks became differently after a drink. When I was little. I didn't understand what it meant. Just they became a lot different and their attitude was not the same. They were more angry. More prone to shouting. As a child I always thought I had did something wrong so I did my best to behave and not act out. But it wasn't me. It was just because of the drink. . Now I always remind myself that it's not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. Because of this. Seeing the effect of alcohol. I never allow myself to get to that point. Because I don't want to change into that.
Just being able to maintain and not swing into extreme happiness or sadness on a day to day basis is really tough. Meanwhile society and family telling you to "get over it" don't understand the situation.
I was diagnosed with PTSD, but the traumas occurred throughout my childhood consistently. I have been reading about CPTSD, and I think that fits my symptoms even better. I need to get an evaluation done. It's weird for me though-I have been in the habit of oversharing about these things for a long time. For some reason, despite the thoughts causing intense stress, sharing them out loud often helps for some reason. I feel an overwhelming desire to be heard. For this reason, I think many doubt my diagnosis.
I am 17 years old and I was diagnosed with c-PTSD, I suffered 10 years of child abuse and 8 years of bullying and they tried to end me 7 times, in January my psychologist changed my medication
The worst of all is undoubtedly the flashbacks, panic attacks, sensitivity to sounds that can cause me to have panic attacks or make me angry to exaggerated levels.
oh, and the nightmares, I write this at 6am, I couldn't sleep at all because of the nightmares and my medication didn't work today, I'm looking on UA-cam for a way to avoid nightmares
Going through it over several decades and thinking it was completely normal and other people were just better at coping with it than me…it haunts me to this day.
We have basically been brainwashed to totally be the one in your family to "digest" all the reality of "certain" abuse ... Usually the worst things that "happened". I truly hope you can overcome some of these!!!
this is one of those situations where something clicked in my head thinking “this is probably it” but in that same strand of thought you get the “nah it probably didnt even happen”
I was diagnosed with PSTD but in doing research on C-PTSD I’ve found the symptoms of C-PTSD are more accurate then just PSTD (along with being an undiagnosed OSDD system that’s still trying to seek a diagnosis) -Alex
I have CPTSD, and it took me so long to get help. It took having a loving, caring and patient bf to finally get me to get help. I had reached a point that I didn’t want help because I didn’t trust anyone, but I trust him, and I love and value him. He motivated and pushed me to get help. Im starting to get better, through therapy and medication, and will be starting trauma therapy soon. My bf is happy seeing me finally happier and I’m starting to get a healthier glow.
But what if I dont want it to end? People say.. that when you rid yourself... of all... the depression... you become who you used to be. For me, I cant even remember who i used to be, and yet I despise her despite having no memory of her. I dont want to become who I used to be.... I dont want to not be afraid of emotions, I dont want to be able to feel them... I dont want to be fricking human. And yet, I also long to not be afraid, to be able to actually express what im truly feeling, but in the meantime, seeing as my parents dont even know the difference between a therapist, a counselor, and a psychologist, I'll probably be undiagnosed for everything. So I dont think this will ever happen.
Hey Psych2Go! Thank you for helping me understand my disorders. I have complex PTSD and I was looking to find out more about it and this video helped a lot. Thank you again and everyone stay safe!
As someone working through a C-PTSD diagnosis with some dissociative issues and using EMDR this will help so much in giving my loved ones a bit of an insight into what's happening right now ❤️ thank you for always making really useful content
I was diagnosed with CPTSD and underneath that diagnosis is a myriad of traumatic events and other diagnoses. It's nice that there's a video explaining it. Thank you, Psych2Go. ❤
Thank you for informing me like always, me and my friend has Aspergers, and I have a lot of personal flashbacks in my life. We are both fans of your channel and these videos are all so accurate.
I think the hardest part is running relationships constantly because you’re so traumatized you’re terrified and can’t set boundaries or communicate well
I have PTSD, however it has gotten worse. I have been around narcissistic people all my life. I believe that I have C-PTSD. Thank you for sharing this I can now go to a therapist and ask for the help I need. I have had PTSD for 30+ years, it keeps me from having a happy life.
I felt this one. Tw: emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, PTSD, trauma. The first time I was traumatised was when I was 7. Well, that's as far back as I can remember anything happening. We were eating dinner at the table. My mother had manipulated my Nana through lying and gaslighting, using the fact that she only sees us once or twice a week to create a narrative and not letting me speak to defend myself. My Nana, the one I was appealing to desperately to get someone to believe me about what was happening, then turned on me. At the time, I didn't notice what my mother was doing. I just knew that I'd tried to get help from my Nana and she'd sided with mother and now there were two people in the room acting very hostile towards me and one of me. They ganged up on me, talking over me and interrupting on the chances that they did let me speak, not letting me get my full story out. I was getting worked up, but still they continued. My mother called me a liar and acted as condescending as a 7 year old couldn't process. It's getting to the point where the situation is so intense and neverending and I'm feeling so overwhelmed that I start crying. They're still going as I stare at the table, eating peas - quite unsuccessfully, I'm too choked up with tears and I keep choking on the peas too.They keep going. At some point, my mother realises her stupidity and my mental condition and tries to parent. Key word: tries. She sees me crying and pouts, going, "awwww, babyyy" in the same way you would do if you found out your child was injured. At that moment in time, I didn't want *that*. She had just done a complete 180 from ganging up on me and tormenting me and I didn't know how to process it. She then moves to get up. "Let me give my baby a hug." At this point, I've said several no's to what she's saying." But you're *my* baby," " no, no I don't want a hug" "oh come on let me give you just one-" "I don't want that. I don't *need* that. STOP." Imagine your abuser turning around to you after treating you like shit and then saying that they want to pile affection onto you? You'd ask them to get the fuck away. You've clearly stated that you don't want this, yet they're still doing it - for their own comfort. You're like their emotional support rag doll that they just squeeze whenever they need comforting. "No, mum, I don't want a hug, don't give me a hug." That was around the point that I realised: this hug wasn't for me - *it was for herself.* That's not what a hug is. That should never be what a hug is. She then starts advancing towards me. I start to panic. I'm scrambling back so fast that I fall out of my chair. Now I'm on the floor. Still, she moves towards me. I'm crying, eyes wet with tears. I see her walking towards me and I scramble back, praying that I can scramble back forever, maybe even out of the living roo- I hit the back of the sofa with a harsh thud. She's there, towering over me. Her figure has actually blotted out the rest of the room with how close she's standing. I can't go anywhere. I can't move. Nothing will work. During this time, my dad has arrived home and my Nana has realised that this is not ok, they're shouting at mum to stop, over and over again - I can't remember exactly what they said, I was frozen on the terror in front of me, but I remember it melding into the background like a cacophony of noise. Still, she comes forward. I'm trying to create any distance between us and I'm pressing up against the back of the sofa. All this time I'm screaming, "NO, NO GET AWAY GO AWAY, NO MUM STOP, STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT, GET AWAY FROM ME" but she just doesn't care. She has this... Strained smile on her face, and that's the first time I think I saw her looking not quite sane. Her face was too cheerful. It was horrible, especially since I was paralysed looking at her eyes - you could see the whites of them. I honestly didn't think a human could create that face. I didn't think that this was reality. God, I hoped it wasn't. But, the last thing I remember her saying as she spread her arms wide was, "LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG." A day later, she puts her arm on my shoulder, and I get brought back to that very moment. It slices through my head quicker than I can stop it. I had a flashback. My mother has given me PTSD, and touch is the trigger. At the root of my traumatic moment, was the fact that I did not want to be touched. I wanted them to get away. That is what happens when somebody makes contact with me. It's screwed my life up. 7 years on, I'm 14, and it still screws my life up now. I still live with her too. Her blatant disregard for my boundaries and safety makes her hug me for her own comfort whenever she wants. She triggers it without caring and makes an active effort to do it every day. Traumatic incident No.2 It's related to the hug. Of course it is. My mother has cornered me in a room, demanding that I give her her phone back. I had recently lost my pe shirt, and she was convinced that someone had stolen it (really, really not the case) and she was going to call up the school to give a paranoid rant about it. She believed that the school would simply give her this shirt if she demanded it from them, like they'd just know where it is or who, hypothetically, stole it. I tried convincing her that this wasn't right, but my efforts fell on deaf ears. This was a load of bollocks and I didn't want her saying all of this to my school and my only way of stopping that was to grab the phone. She corners me in the front room. Her figure looms over me and I want her to get away. She has recreated the circumstances that gave me PTSD. Fight or flight reflexes kick in. Panicked, my brain hurls the bread I've baked that day in food tech at her. Seems I have a better aim when I'm panicked. It hits her right in the eye. She looks like she's going to murder me. I choose that moment to take my chances and run behind her to the stairs. I can hear her behind me. Now I'm terrified. I run up the stairs as fast as I can, praying that my legs would run faster. She's not holding back. None of the motherly care was there, none of the consideration, and not even a mother was there. She *looked* like she was going to harm me. I'm begging myself not to trip, hands slipping on the stairs. Finally, I sprint through the bedroom and into the bathroom. The only room in the house with a lock. At this point, she's a couple of metres away from me. You won't believe how hard I slammed that door. She continued berating me behind the door. Full on shouting, banging her hands on the door, twisting the knob. She started insulting my father, lying about him and trying to convince me that *he* was the abuser, not her. It was at that point that I responded to her, telling her all the things he does for this family and how she treats him and me. The next thing she said has been said to me before, but usually as a dismissive thing. No real weight behind it. This time, she wanted it to hurt. She didn't care. "YOU'RE JUST A STUPID CHILD!" After half an hour of this, I broke down crying. I could still hear her shouting. I couldn't take it. I turned the air heater up to full, turned the taps on and sat by the sink in a ball. I still remember counting the drips, trying to tear myself away from everything. I could still hear the shouting. Locking myself in the bathroom because she was chasing me happened 3 times. Over the course of years, though one was between months. I guess that's why I couldn't watch the end scene of Jack Stauber's Opal. It rang too close to home. There's much more, but this is already pretty long. If you have any experiences you want to share in the comments, feel free to. Let's start a conversation. Thank you for reading.
my mother does the same thing where she does something awful and then immediately tries to hug me. the last time she did it I clenched my fists and my muscles all locked up. she accused me of hating her even though I didnt, it just made me really uncomfortable to be hugged by the person who literally verbally abused me 2 seconds ago. I'll do the same thing and name multiple tramautic instances but my memory is bad so it probably wont be in chronological order. 1) in middle school I was forced to go to my dads restaurant every week cause they didnt want to leave me alone in the house. I absolutely hated going there. my dad himself has also given me multiple traumatic experiences but I only have the energy to talk about one parent today. the restaurant itself was pretty small and was always either excruciatingly cold or warm. I hated even looking at my father, so having to be there for hours on end was torture. I would complain to my mom every single time that I didn't want to go but shed guilt trip me by saying "your dad will get angry if you dont go. you know what hes like. what, do you want him to yell at me and bully me? is that what you want?". I obviously did not but I was used to my mom telling me stuff like this at this point. I no longer reacted shocked, i just sit there with a blank stare and dissociate. my mom absolutely hates when I do this and constantly tells me I look scary, that i look like I hate her, that I need to go look in the mirror. I wasnt trying to glare, I was using a coping mechanism after being verbally abused for a majority of my life. this time however, she didnt stop. we were on the car ride home and the entire time she was yelling at me and I was responding. "you're not how you used to be when you were younger. you used to love me back then(she gave me this exact speech when I was even younger than that time, and she tells me that now)." I just shut up and let her talk but she wouldnt stop. she started calling me a disappointment and lazy. she tells me I'm exactly like my father, which is the worst thing you can tell me. she keeps going and going. back then I had a habit of holding in my tears but that day i couldnt control it. i had to turn mh head to the window so she couldnt see. she kept going and going all the way until we got home. all of the sudden she switches back to normal and is talking politely to me. she doesnt apologize, she just acts like nothing happend. 2) this was another incident in middle school but I was older (I think I was in 7the grade this time). I wake up with the worst period cramps of my life (at that point, I've had worse after this incident). I'm also sick and coughing with a terrible headache. I'm retching in the sink and the coughs are so violent that they hurt my diaphragm. these coughs also consequentially made my cramps even worse. so I was standing there in agony when my mom walks into the bathroom. she asks me "are you gonna stay home" I was busy dying so I couldn't answer. she kept asking and getting progressively more aggressive with it. "TELL ME. CAN YOU GO TO SCHOOL OR NOT. I HAVE WORK, I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS. JUST ANSWER ME GOD DAMMIT." I'm crying and sobbing at this point cause I couldn't handle the simultaneous strain of the pain and my mother at the same time. the sons contributed to the pain and coughs as well. she stands there yelling at me for minutes until i say "I'll go to school" cause I was scared I'd make her even more mad. "if you're gonna go to school you better hurry the hell up". I went to school that day and had a panic attack in social studies class in front of my entire class. and the cramps did not stop the entire day. 3) this was in 9th grade I think. I wanted a haircut because long hair makes me dysphoric(I'm trans masc). she absolutely loses her shit. when I first ask her, she ignores me and clenches her jaw. I ask why shes ignoring me and she explodes. "DO YOU WANT TO BE A BOY? ARE YOU A LESBIAN?" my mom has told me that she supports the lgbtq community so this reacting was kinda shocking for me. she tells me that I'll look ugly if I have short hair, that she didnt want a son, she raised a daughter. if I cut my hair then she would give up being my mother. she wouldnt even wanna look at me. I asked her why she based her love on me based on appearance and all she did was keep ranting about how girls are supposed to have short hair. eventually she goes "you can cut your hair, but you dont have to call me mother anymore" I start bawling and saying "I just want you to love me for myself and not what I look like. I dont understand why my hair matters more than me." I still cant forget the cold stare she gave me as she watched me sob at the table. she ignored me and watched tv while I was still having a breakdown. I was crying for an hour and she did nothing to comfort me. when I was little shed always tell me "a mother can always tell when their child is upset. no one will ever care for you than I will. after I die no one will every care for you as much as me. I'm the only one you have". yet here she sits doing absolutely nothing as she sees me in pain. as a disclaimer, during this point, I barely ever cried unless it was serious. I NEVER cried in front of others. she knew this and stilll just sat there and watched. 4) when I came out she started hyperventilating and said "oh god why does everything bad happen to me. just kill me now." once again she has previously told me multiple times that she feels bad for trans people for discrimination and supports them. I go up too her to try and comfort her. she pulls away and says "dont touch me! I dont want too see you! go upstairs!". I go and then I hear the front door open. I run down stairs and see her run outside. her eyes were wide open and she was hyperventilating. she was moving stiff like a zombie. it was terrifying. "I'm gonna run away. I'm gonna run away and leave and never see you again" I grab her arm to stop her. she goes towards our backyard and tries to run into the trees. she would most definitely break her legs if she ran there so I had to stop her. I was literally dragging her while she was muttering "no no no no no no no no get away away get away" with crazy look on her face. I didnt want to upset her more but if I didnt restrain her she most definitely wouldve hurt herself badly. eventually I manage to drag her back after the longest minutes of my life passing. she sits down on the couch and begs god to kill her and demanding why he made her life so miserable while I stood right in front of her. she starts hitting her head repeatedly really hard but I'm frozen in place at this point. eventually she stops and screams at me to go upstairs. I was behind on work so I was supposed to work on it that day. I spent the entire night crying. my grades have been fucked since that day. I'm weeks behind in almost every class. I'm failing every class. this happened back in November. I still havent been able to catch up on anything and my mental health is slowly getting worse. my mom has repeatedly called me selfish and lazy for not doing work and it's getting to me. she keeps telling me it's my fault that I cant concentrate in class. I'm finally gonna see a therapist but she keeps guilt tripping me by saying "I'm not a good enough mother so now I need to drive you every week just to talk to someone". I'm really scared to go to the therapist butI obviously cant go for comfort from her. I have no clue if you're still reading but I started shaking violently while writing this. you absolutely do not need to answer this but did you start shaking as well? these incidents didn't seem that real but writing about it seemed to make me relive them. i have more incidents but i cant type anymore. I hope you get to a place where you can properly heal and your trauma wont have such a massive effect. its difficult living with the person who does things like this to you. one day you'll be able to leave and you can heal at your own pace. one day you can walk into your own home and feel safe. I believe in you
@@hideakisorachi3953 I read it all. Yeah, I shook when I wrote it - but I've have no one in my life to tell this sort of thing to, and every time I've tried, they've just hurt me and who I am. My mother tends to gaslight me so I count out the moments and how many times they've happened because she likes to pretend that they don't count or didn't happen. So I guess I just had to get it out. That is absolutely horrible! You did not deserve that. You'll *never* deserve that. God, the more I hear about parents doing things like my mother did and disrespecting their children's rights to safety and boundaries and acceptance, the more blown away by it I feel. She acts like you can just turn off your reactions and emotions because they hurt her and doesn't take responsibility for causing them instead. She's thinking about herself, and that's horrible when you have a vulnerable child to look after. Especially at that age, regulating emotions is a big no no. You couldn't help it, but she could control herself and show some restraint. At NO point do you let loose on a person to the point where you are purposefully harming them for your own benefit and comfort - if she's that careless, then she is a dangerous parent who's abusing the power dynamic between a parent and child. Not that that wasn't obvious enough from hearing just some of the things she's done to you. Don't feel pressured to give a certain amount or tell any more if you feel that you can't, okay? I believe you and will never ask for more or less than what you comment. These are your memories to tell when you want to and you have the right to tell them when you wish, but also to take care of yourself and take a break from them if they're too much. Then she sends you to the same person who's flipping abused you ; big brain move, biggest brained move in the galaxy. I'm sorry, but between sending your child to a place where they obviously don't feel safe because there's a dangerous adult and letting them stay home where it's safe and also alone from said adult, I'd just let you stay home. At least that's an environment you can control. Just lock the flipping doors Karen and tell them to stay in their room and that there's some food in the fridge or something. They'd probably thank you, because, you know, YOU'RE PROTECTING YOUR CHILD FROM HARM? Instead of guilt-tripping you, because you're not the problem, she should be mad that your dad has done that just because you don't want to walk into the metaphorical lion's den and spend time with your abuser. She then started manipulating a, at the time, TINY CHILD SO THAT HER EX SPERM DONOR DIDN'T GIVE HER ANY HASSLE. I can understand fearing them, but cannot warrant anything she did after that. If she felt unsafe with him and knew he was abusing her, she should cut off any contact she has and focus on taking care of her hecking son. She seems to think that all of the world is against her, kinda like my mother. Mine, every time she argues with my dad after he comes home from work, will go, "here we go *again* , everyone is harming *me* - *as per usual* ." "People just *love* to get under your skin" . While muttering to thin air like somebody's listening. You KNOW yourself that you don't want anything to happen like that to her - you just want her to stop the behaviour or leave you alone for some peace. Don't ever feel bad for wanting some space - you have a right to it and you don't ever have to offer up time and energy that you don't need to to satisfy someone else's tantrum. Because that's what she's done. Had a big tantrum whilst you're just sitting there and being subjected to it. None of that is your fault. Think of all the things she could've done - instead of that, she *herself* chose to do *this* . You weren't even talking to her at that moment, and she made that choice entirely on her own. She could've asked you why you didn't want to go. Then she made you feel ashamed about your reaction, which makes you feel like you shouldn't be having it, like this should be normal. She harmed you so she could have control over you so your dad wouldn't be able to touch her in that situation. She threw you under the bus there and I am so hecking mad at her for that. She's so insecure about you hating her that she projected it onto your face, Jesus Christ. Nothing she said was true, and, no matter what she says on the matter, you've got to keep telling yourself that. She's using it to feel safe and comfortable. "You're not how you used to be when you were younger. You used to love me back then." Yeah he's not as easy to shut down when he has things to say and isn't the most vulnerable, incapable thing in his life; i.e, a flipping baby. You're just mad because he can speak back to you Karen and you can't get away with it anymore. These sort of comments show that you're stronger than you were then, because what you're doing is making her realise that she needs to up the anti - which she does when she's nervous. And honestly, she deserves to feel whatever she feels when you eventually move on with your life. Fuck her, dude. My mother did the same speech when we'd argue more frequently: "where has my baby gone? I don't see her anymore" to which I'd reply, "I'm right fucking here".She started this when I was getting into my tweens and I first just stood there, saying, " I'm right here mum, I'm right here! Mum! MUM!" She basically denounced me as her child, or said that she didn't recognise me as her one. That, when I was standing up to her, I was something else. That was not the case, unfortunately. I'd like to go to somebody else if I could go to the same school. I've got friends I don't wanna leave who are in similar situations. 2) oh god I feel that one. I was having a panic attack because my mother tried to forcibly take off the jumper I was wearing. It was one that was very soft, and very comfortable, and I was wearing it religiously because it made me feel safe and comfortable. I was gonna wear it in bed like I usually do, once she left my bedroom. I had it on beforehand, this time. My mother cornered me on the corner of my bed and demanded that I hand it over. I said no, but she kept going. She said, after threatening multiple times that she was going to grab it off me, whilst snatching at it "I'm gonna get it off you myself in a minute, *maybe it'll rip*" with a smile on her face. She actually got her hand under the hem and made contact with my skin, and I just started screaming. I couldn't stop. She kept going, and I then couldn't stop breathing. I was hyperventilating, and drew my head into my knees and the duvet covering them. I wrapped my arms around my sides tightly and just screamed into the darkness. I couldn't even do that properly, my breaths made them sound wrong. She sat there on my bed and she just watched. After a moment of this, she said, "enough with the crocodile tears, Dovee." She still thought I was lying to wind her up I- "Keep going, you'll get an Oscar for this performance" "What are you doing?! You *crazy* child!" I couldn't respond. I couldn't breathe. Well, I could, but, it was too much of it and too fast. It wasn't helping my lungs. Then she threatened to get my dad up: " I'll get dad up here," she said in warning, " you'll listen to him then. He'll start shouting at you then (not something he has ever done.) Do you WANT me to get Dad up here?!" I couldn't do anything but hyperventilate even harder, something I didn't know was possible. Dad's the butt of her abuse. He begs me to not get involved because he'd rather it be him than me. I don't want him to get hurt and I don't want to ruin his day. He comes up and tries to calm me down, but she keeps talking and she keeps going and she just keeps going. He gives up and goes back downstairs saying, "lovely holiday, everyone," sarcastically and now I feel bad. He hardly gets days off. But, in that moment, you're just paralysed. You can't speak, you can't move and your body and your parents are assaulting you all at once. You feel... Helpless. The fact that she treated your pain as an inconvenience to HER. My gosh, I'm fuming. There's something more important than her in that situation, and I'm sure the people at her work would understand if she said it was because of a family emergency. Don't pressure your kid to give you anything, especially when they need to think. Don't demand it, you're not entitled to it. Horrible parent, right there. Were your classmates ok about your panic attack? You don't have to answer, but I was just wondering if they were.
3) I relate. "You don't have to call me mother anymore" result! But, anyways, on a more serious note: you just told him that you'd disown him if he tried to do something to ease his dysphoria and then denied his gender identity whilst basically showing him that your love is conditional. What the heck. They don't look human when they do that stare. You don't really know them after that point. I just remembered and reordered the part where mine gave me PTSD. I sat at that table sobbing for longer than 10 minutes before she got up to do that god damn hug. Her and Nana just stared at me stonily and finished their meal whilst I sobbed And I felt like I was drowning. I never cry unless it's serious either, but now I'm starting to think that the stuff I'm considering to be serious is actually very serious and the stuff I'm not considering serious actually is. She gained control over you by saying that. "No one will ever care for you more than I will. After I die, no one will ever care for you as much as me. I'm the only one you have." She's trying to isolate you so she can gain more control by gaslighting. In reality, there's many people all over the world who would love you and care for you and want to be around you if you met them. She cannot determine that, she's just spouting bullshit. You are such a strong individual for taking her shit and still being alive, and that's the truth. Many people couldn't take it and were lost to depression and misery. You're kind of a badass; don't forget that. 4) She seriously needs mental help, but I don't think she'll get it. Seriously, if there is any way at all that you can get her in to see someone, somewhere, then do it. If you can't, then that's fine. She can rot with her rotten behaviour over time. You literally had to stop her from leaving you and harming herself, that's gotta be traumatic. And the fact that she partly blamed you? Jesus. That's not your fault. You're not the fault she has depression, and something else that makes her feel this way. It most likely didn't even start from you. As any person would after experiencing a traumatic event, you needed time to recover. But you weren't given that and now the stress of it and everything else isn't resolved and just hangs in the air because your "mum" doesn't want to acknowledge that she did something wrong. That's not your fault and it never will be. It's her fault you can't focus in class and she's too much of a self-interested coward to resolve it. Being depressed and stressed isn't selfish or lazy, it's called being traumatised and feeling unmotivated because life doesn't feel like life anymore. You are trying your absolute hardest to move out of the suffocating situation you are in, but it's not working. All of your energy is going into doing that. That doesn't sound like being lazy to me. And good on you for seeing a therapist! I'm so happy for you :) she doesn't deserve to keep harming you like this with absolutely no help on your end. I find khan academy to be good for revision - they have a lot of courses and videos on there (also on UA-cam) to help with every subject. Corbettmaths is good for maths as well. There's GCSEpod for general studying and Duolingo if you're struggling with any languages. There's some good history documentaries right here on UA-cam and I believe that you can download any books you're studying in English (most classical ones) online for free. "I'm not a good enough mother so now I need to drive you every week just to talk to someone" well... Yeah? What do you want him to say? You're the one who's wasting power in your car by abusing him in the first place Karen. And oh, no, this is tragic- yeah I really couldn't care Karen. I hope you can still see the therapist (we're in a bit of a weird time rn.) I can't even bring the idea of going to my parents because my mother would say that she didn't believe me and my father would be concerned, which would lead to another argument between him and mother when I told him why. Also, Britain is now in a national lockdown so there goes that opportunity. The therapist will do you some good. They won't judge you or your experiences, and they may even give you some methods and tactics to use when you mum does her shit. Just remember that they are here to help you protect yourself against your mother and keep safe in the long run. I hope it goes well. You deserve to have at least one nice thing. I can't wait to leave my mother. I keep distancing myself from her as much as possible now. Going out for walks, denying her offers to go to the shops with her (it's lockdown and nobody who doesn't HAVE to be accompanied by another person should go with them to the shop) and just staying in my room to do work and watch things. Something I'd suggest that I started doing: record it. Get your phone, tablet, laptop, heck even a recorder if you have one and keep the recordings somewhere safe. Or write them down. Gathering evidence of what's happening so she can't just lie to people is quite useful. Thank you for the kind words dude, I appreciate them. Stay strong - and as safe as you can.
I recently sought a test for BPD and I fulfil most of the criteria, enough to get a professional diagnosis but I was told that it could also be C-PTSD. Turns out, the 2 are pretty similar in symptoms
@@st4rke1ra.55 I'd suggest making a childline account! There are many resources on there for mental health and ways to cope with anything you're dealing with in a healthy way. You can also talk one-on-one with one of their counselors for free, if that might help. There's also bulletin boards where you can talk to other kids going through the same struggles. I hope that helps :)
Are you familiar with this topic? Comment below.
Hi :D
No
Just hearing now only...
Unfortunately, not.
:3
Not knowing you have CPTSD and just living your life thinking you're severely defective is one of the worst parts. Emotional flash backs are traumatic and scary.
Feeling defective is my biggest symptom
Yeah I just thought I was sad and couldn't have ptsd because it wasn't at home
For many years I thought that everyone was like me so it was normal to be like that. But recently I realized that I am the only person who feels like this and my friends/family cannot understand what I mean when I talk about my feelings most of the time. They are a big support and I am so grateful for it but they really don't feel what I feel. It made me realize that this shit was not okay and I had to live feeling like this for over 15 years!! It feels so hard. I feel so sad :((
it's even worse when you're still going through abuse and you're still stuck with the person in the house and you know you're just going to get worst 🙂🔫
I spent a couple of years trying to digest all of the stuff that had happened to me. I never had really thought about it until a couple of years ago when I spent a lot of time around someone who had a loving family. I started falling down this traumatic loophole and started remembering every bad thing that happened to me because of my family. Then I started having panic attacks and nightmares. I am moving out next month, hoping I can heal. My diagnosis helped me feel like I wasn’t crazy like everyone said I was.
The most pervasive and saddening symptom of trauma is not thinking what you went through was traumatic.
It doesn't feel like it was real...
Tbh it kinda feels like completely separate events. Like you know those little side stories/arcs that some series have, where you don't really know where it fits with the rest of the series? That's kinda what it feels like to me. Except I almost feel like I made it up. I know it's real but, I can't talk about it without something bad happening so maybe that's what makes me think I made it all up?? Idk trauma is very messy
or someone else not thinking what you went through was traumatic. What happened to me still has an effect on me almost a decade later, but if I tried to tell someone about it, it wouldn't sound like a big deal, even though I turned to self-harm because of that.
Yea
@@allmakotosarebestmakotos4261 i feel like that too to the point where iam starting to say thats it is all in my head😭😔
Flashbacks can also be emotional btw. a flashback isn't just an entire memory-replay in your mind of what happened, it can also be intense thoughts and feelings you had in that moment.
HOW DO I SNAP OUT OF THIS
MY BRAIN MAFE A CRACKING SOUND
WILL THIS TAKE LONGER TO HEAL? IS ALL MY PROGRESS THROUGH THE LAST YEAR RUINED ?
Well damn. That's how I missed that I was having flashbacks
I always thought it was physically feeling like you were in that moment. Not just thoughts of memories about it and emotions associated. Bc I have these a lot...thinking about the memories makes me really sad, scared emotional and angry sometimes.
Thanks for the information :) I’ve always said that I had flashforwards, because instead of imagining what happened back then, I would be minding my own business and suddenly get this visceral vision of what would happen if I saw that guy in the present or future day, cortisol running through my body as I was set aflame with blind fury. Even though it’s not how it’s usually described, the intrusiveness made it really clear to me it was indicative of trauma.
@@nina149141v I took cognitive behavioural therapy for 2 years! BEST thing I ever learned!
Ask your Dr for reference! 👍🏼🇨🇦
The hardest part is when those closest to you brush off your trauma as “just life” or even “you should’ve known better”. Then when you try to talk about it they just make you feel like your crazy, which in my opinion is how you feel already, let alone without trying to explain it!
Yep. When you already feel rejected/unfit/fragile, the last thing you need is to be told off when you try to open up. 'It's the past, get over it already, why don't you' - super helpful, thanks for all the empathy.
When I try to be vulnerable with my family, they just shut down. Which is still preferable to the explicit non-understanding, but... yeah. At least they don't seem to question anymore why have I drifted away from them.
I was told I chose my trauma. That I wanted it, asked for it, and/or deserved it.
My reoccurring thoughts are usually either “I should have known better” or “I should have left sooner”
or when they say “you’re too young to know what x feels like”
yeah like i cant seek help because my parents are the ones who cause it, and then brush it off
I swear they should recommend ways to cope with abusive households, because a lot of children out there really can't do anything and the best thing they got is access to the internet
yes!!
Literally. I've been struggling to seek out help and currently the only thing keeping me afloat is talking about and researching my disorders and mental illnesses on the internet to validate my feelings and perception of living with my abusive mother.
@@gremlinmads ahh I see, I hope you stay strong
ahh finally someone said it, as someone who still lives in a very abusive household i really need this.. i cant really get help since cps where i live doesnt exist lol
@@gremlinmads This was me growing up. Im so sorry you have to deal with this, but what I did that helped immensely (if you dont have the resources to get out now) is to focus on my future plans, like doing well in school, so that you can become independent from her as soon as possible. You got this!
As a young adult I struggle with loud noises and yelling and I flinch so easily, causing me sudden fear which always hurts. Coming from child abuse and living in a household with fighting parents and an alcoholic father. I feel for all of you here. Everyone deserves a safe and loving childhood ❤
I deal with a lot of the same things like that except it’s only when authority figure get that yelly tone of voice and without the trauma. My heart goes out to you my dude keep fighting the good fight!
My husband freaks out when I cry, he grew up in a high stress abusive environment where tears meant danger.
It triggers him to see me happy cry. He's in therapy right now and he's trying to work through his fears.
Me too
@@Ojo10 I'm glad your husband is getting help, and happy you are supporting him. That support can make a huge difference. 💜
@@destroyadoll2898 He is doing better, he has been seeing a PTSD specialist therapist for a few months, and has gone from 2 sessions a week, to 2 a month! I'm so proud of him and how far he's come. It does get better.
I try my best to support him however I can.
Edit: He's graduated therapy and is on medication, he's doing so much better! I'm so proud and happy for him.
To all the people who think things like this are "quirky" or "cute".
It's not. People struggle with these every day, they're not quirky traits anyone can have.
I hate recognizing my own mental issues because I don’t want to be grouped with these people for it. It sucks and people should really stop doing it because it makes the people with actual issues afraid that people won’t take them seriously.
@@ruey8742 yes, I am currently not diagnosed with any mental illnesses, but it infuriates me to see some people see mental illness as a personality trait or quirk
Like Legit
I'm not diagnosed with any mental illnesses, but I don't say I have symptoms of any of them because I don't wanna be compared to them, considering I think having mental illnesses is a bit to much for my age. I know it isn't, but I also know it is. It's because I see those types of people doing that.
p.s. to my previous reply, I do have symptoms but I don't know if i have them or not
While at a friend’s house recently, I was rummaging in his fridge and dropped a container of food, spilling it all over the floor.
I froze, especially when I heard him call from the living room asking what had happened.
It took a solid minute to realize he sounded more amused than angry.
If I had spilled food in my mother’s house I would’ve been yelled at for an hour and guilt tripped for a week.
Omg, that is so abusive what your mother did to you. Feel hugged 💕
I get scared when I break stuff or make mistakes at my current house, and im always surprised when my dad or step mom doesn't yell at me or hit me
Damn I recognize myself in this! Expecting an attack from anyone you live with our spend time with for the slightest of things. That anxiety is just so defeating isn't it
My heart jumped just from reading
Once my friend told me he told his mom he was really anxious and shit, at that point I was waiting for him to explain how his mother yelled at him and guilt tripped, he never did, his mother hugged him and paid for therapy. What kind of healthy parent-child bullshit is this???
I was diagnosed with C-PTSD last year. My psychologist explained to me that it’s similar to Seligman’s experiment, where dogs were placed on an electric floor and shocked repeatedly. When they moved to a section of the floor that was not electrified, they still received an electric shock. Instead of fighting harder, they gave up and just laid down and accepted the shocks. It’s called learned helplessness, and that’s pretty much what this disease is for a lot of people.
That's really sad :(
@@blueflare3848 isn’t it?
omg I read this and not being able to get any treatment for my physical pain because of this opiate crisis is exactly what I have gone through. I just accepted the suffering because I know no one will ever help me and I am better off dead. There is no pain in death. So I did an DNR so they will just let me die. I can't live in constant pain. *note there is no record of me having ever been addicted, no fraud, waste or abuse in my entire life.
Pretty much what I do now just sit and stare off quietly while they yell or scream or hit or beat me pretty much disassociate the only time I've snapped out of it was when my mom threatened to kill my ESA dog
That’s terrible and heartbreaking
I was actually diagnosed with C-PTSD a few years ago, and I'm so glad that you made this video. It's such a rarely discussed disorder
Thanks for sharing. We are so happy to hear that this video has helped you in some way :)
@4N631 Extended amounts of childhood trauma, unfortunately 😔
Why do you know? Were you diagnosed by someone not interested in treatment?
@@casemcdonald2152 No, I've been receiving treatment for the past few years for it; it's just not a kind of issue that goes away quickly
@@motshidisimdala1443 Exposure therapy mainly, just to help eliminate the smaller, more irritating triggers I have so we can eventually start dealing with the bigger, deeper ones
“Thoughts of su!cide should be treated as an emergency” oh.
I- it's that serious?-
Hmm... Guess that means my life was an emergency from age 4 to my first year of college.
@@13vatra lol same
@@itsyaboyaveryy24 lol same
I have never even called the hotline, much less 911. Then again, I don't believe everything I think. So there's that.
One thing I noticed for my C-PTSD (from childhood abuse) is I like being in control of every aspect of my life and if I don’t have the control of my life I go into a spiral of anxiety.
This!! Yes! Same for me! And it’s so hard to control every aspect of life, especially in these times we‘re in.
Same...
I wish there was a group for c-ptsd so we could share our experiences and be more validated
i also suffered cptsd from childhood abuse and feel the same...
Same for me. It's an absolute bummer. I get so irrational when I am anxious; the opposite of being in control and realising that causes the anxiety to increase until I can't even think AT ALL.
Causes. C-PTSD is believed to be caused by severe, repetitive abuse over a long period of time. The abuse often occurs at vulnerable times in a person's life-such as early childhood or adolescence-and can create lifelong challenges.
Is seeing someone getting abused the same or....?
@@Onlyalittleunstable as someone who got abused(still havent gone to a therapist), seeing someone getting abused destrois my mood,
@@Xe_Non me too I got abused for the first 10 years of my life
@@lonelybunny2931 oh..... Thats bad ·_·
@@Xe_Non well I was wondering if seeing someone close to you getting abused can cause c-ptsd, or does it like not count?
For everyone who sees my comment:
You got this! Keep fighting!
Yes thank you!!! ❤️
You too!!!
Have a great life and stay safe😊
Thank you ..😊
@@Waffleey No problem and thanks 💜😊
@@AussieSusan1 Any time 😊
@@nevel-luna5070 No problem:)
(trigger warning for abuse topics and venting and stuff!!)
I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an edgy teenager, but this disorder just makes me feel broken? Like, a defective human that will never be able to live normally because I’m just so far away from everyone else mentally. everyone worries about little things like school and what they’re going to wear, and I feel like I’m on a whole separate plane of existence.
(TW!!)
i was sexually and physically abused by my step dad for a long time, ever since I can remember (3-5 years old?), and I can’t tell anyone because he’s all nice now and no one would believe me. Stay strong, fellow people, if you are surviving through traumatizing stuff. It’s HARD, and you’re still doing it! You are valid. You are strong. You are incredible.
Edit: Sorry for the late replies, thank you all so much though for the responses- it means a lot!
i’m sorry you had to go through that, man,,, i hope you separate yourself from your step father soon if u havent yet!!
@@tunasandwich6232 Thank you! I appreciate your comment so much!!! ♥️
I can’t even escape it at all, it will always be a part of my life. Traumatized by needles doctors and medications.....it still hasn’t ended and I doubt it ever will. Why do I have to go through this? I’m too young man......
Part of recovery from CPTSD is learning to properly attribute that nonstop “broken” feeling to the people who traumatized you, not yourself. That’s where the true responsibility, blame, and shame belong. It takes a very messed up person to molest an innocent helpless child.
Deep down inside, you still have the seed of the healthy, whole person that you were supposed to become. That seed can still grow strong as you go through recovery and therapy, learn more about CPTSD, and reparent yourself.
We survivors are not irreparably broken. While we can’t erase the abuse, we can still lead happy lives and find inner peace if we’re given the time and support we need to grieve, heal, and learn all the things we were supposed to have learned as kids instead of trauma, fear, pain, and shame.
❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏
My dad abused my mom for most of my childhood. Loud voices and other rustling sounds, are my triggers. It's been five years since my dad left, but I still fear sounds. My mother said I need to get over it. Surely, I can't just get over ptsd. Right.
Thank you so much for the video
Of course not. I am so sorry for you. As a person who also knows what that is like, it can definitely be traumatic. If you are still in school, maybe you could talk to one of your school counselors. Normally, they keep everything mentioned between the two of you a secret. I hope this helps.
@@kyla2395 firstly I'd like to thank you for taking the time to respond. I'm in highschool and well my school is known for spreading miss information around. So I'd rather not talk to my school, I've told my mom and yeah yk what she said. I just need to overcome this on my own. I think that's the best solution
I am so sorry, sweetie. As a mom of two kids who were in that situation, I will tell you not only do you have C-PTSD, but your Momma does too. And if she hasn't gotten therapy for what your Dad did, she isn't the right person to help you, she's in denial. I can't tell you how deep that kind of hurt goes. If she had a partner like that, she may have been raised in a dysfunctional home herself. Its usually generational. So here's what you can do for now. Make a promise you won't do drugs or drink. Especially in high school. I made my kids do that. You have the internet. There are so many resources here. Find good, reliable resources about domestic abuse and its affect on families and kids. Understand what you are dealing with. Consider if your family has any alcohol issues, attending ala-anon meetings. Abuse and alcohol addiction often go hand-in-hand. If not, find other resources online support groups where you can maintain your anonymity. Hotlines, etc. Even if you can make one friend to share this with, it will lift a huge burden. Make a promise that when you are able, get counseling. Do not be embarrassed. You owe it to yourself. Children who witness domestic violence are at great risk for all kinds of health problems as adults. Sending much, much love to you.
@@umusty619 I'm so sorry for what happened. Have any abusive parent is difficult and there is always a fear that they might come back and do something crazy. Know you are safe, you are loved even if not understood by your mother and that you have every right to seek help through other trusted family or friends and get them to talk to your mother and get both of you the help you need, sometimes just a therapist to talk to is all. Stay safe and know you're already strong enough to make it through
actually this is relatable for me, hearing people yelling or crying triggers memories of my parents fighting and yelling. it would terrify me back when i was little.
I was emotionally abused from the age of 7 or 8 to the age of 16. I was abused by teachers, classmates and my parents. Whenever I went home with an unsavoury grade, my parents would yell at me for hours at a time, saying nasty, rude things. After that, they wouldn't talk to me for a week. Not even one word. I developed a horrible anxiety when I was in 6th grade. I stuttered to a point when I couldn't talk and felt like I couldn't breath when I was in a crowd. I told my parents multiple times to get me help with my anxiety, but they brushed it off, saying that's life and nobody can help. My parents were/are emotionally distant, and not empathetic.
Nowadays, I get triggered more and more often, but I have no idea where to get help. When I get triggered, I get anxious and I feel like I'm about to cry. Sometimes, I get angry too.
My teachers (not the abusing ones) feel more like parents to me, rather than my own parents.
How are you doing now?
@@poojameena1322 Better, but still not well.
I had one teacher who singled me out a ton in her class when I was in the 3rd grade and had it happen once pretty badly in the 6th but I brushed it off. I had undiagnosed ADHD so that was probably why. And of course experienced some bullying, as most people do.
But is it possible to be bullied by everyone? Peers, teachers and parents?? Like all at once, that much? Or are we sensitive people, who feel easily victimized because of our mental states/issuses...something to think about.
Bullying at home and at school may go hand in hand. But by every single significant peer group? Thats...a lot..
@@stormstudioproductions9860 it's good to hear that you're doing at least a bit better now
@@iLoveTheBamx why does your comment seem like you’re invading her feelings
Hi! Ex-mormon here, I was just recently diagnosed with this after leaving the Mormon church. A lot of ex Mormons are finding that they share this diagnosis due to the repeated abuses in the Mormon church. I'm so glad you are covering this! If you feel that you're suffering from this, please reach out to a professional, its done wonders for me just even knowing why I feel the things I do :)
They're working on getting a new diagnosis recognized called "Religious Trauma Syndrome" definitely look into it and you'll probably relate to it in some way. As someone who was raised in a cult too I related to it a lot and so do my siblings
As someone who grew up with undiagnosed ADHD, I agree -- getting a diagnosis can mean so much to someone. I felt so relieved instantly, like the blame on "why aren't you xyz like everyone else?" has lifted from me.
Ppl didn't believe me when I said there was a pedo in my church... Then he got caught by the cops on top of a minor in bed 💩
Glad you got out. Enjoy your life :-)
A part of me wants to ask which church abuses exactly, but having escaped the LDS church myself and suffering from my own struggles, I'm just glad to have stumbled across a degree of fellowship here.
Both PTSD and CPTSD require professional treatments. Due to its complex nature, CPTSD therapy might be more intense, frequent, and extensive than PTSD treatment.👍
Damn I need this, but its hard to get help when you have no monies
Really any mental health issues are extremely complex. But yes especially C-PTSD
@@GhostOnHiatus I relate. Mental health issues are rarely cover which is moronic at best. Its expensive. But so worth it. Keep researching. There are options. I put aside several hobbies and others things like dating and going out to eat. Just so I could afford it. Even if you only can afford to go once a month. Its worth it. My biggest mistake was saying I'll do it later. Do it now. Tomorrow morning. Don't hesitate. Don't second guess. Any progress is progress.
@@GhostOnHiatus try researching non profits in your area. Since working in the field i have learned that there are many affordable and sometimes even free services offered by mental health organizations
@@GhostOnHiatus look into EMDR, TMS, and neurofeedback treatments. Also, look to see if you can sign up for the ACA, I’m assuming your in the USA, my state health pays for the first 2 treatments. Charity that will help. Good luck.
This is what I was diagnosed with, grateful for therapy, but that long, long, walk back to the light, is like war within oneself daily! Whew!
You are strong!!!! Pray to Lord Jesus Christ to help you go to Anglican churches and or open up KJV Bible to pray for help. Do it for Lord Jesus Christ He can help your soul!!!!
@@FatBellyChemist1234 I do not believe in fairytales! 🤷🏽♀️
I hope you are doing better!! You are a strong warrior!
Me too , I had mental illness fights before , they can be hard , but there is also some very rare times I feel a bit stronger , better , more like myself , and I remember how it's worth it , to go back to light! :)
I have CPTSD. I understand exactly what you are saying...🙁
I grew up thinking I didn’t have trauma. But discovering this channel made me realize how much I’ve been through and how strong I am
Proud of you! You got this ♥️♥️♥️
I wish I could be like you doueb
Your strong
me too
The worst part of PTSD is......nobody can see if if you have it... :(
Yes, I have PTSD. I'm struggling with it for like.... a year and a half now.
Im sorry. Stay strong ♡
Stay strong bro
Me too. I have had PTSD for about 4 years now from a series of medical and hospital related traumas. It really sucks.
Nobody can see that you have it, and when you try to explain it to them they don't understand. :(
Stay strong ❤️❤️❤️
@@_froskkk_58 It's not that they don't understand, they DON'T WANT to understand!
"Seek help"
Me with anxiety symptoms: No! But thanks for asking!
me, with ADHD, anxiety, PTSD and depression smptoms: No! But thanks for asking!
your comment cracked me up, thank you
ywwww
Seek for help from a mental health professional, buddy. Keeping your mental health is as important as it is to keep your physical one.. 🙏🙏🙏
You deserve better, buddy.
@@aspwillow Hey same.....High PTSD , anxiety, depression and ADHD symptoms but still saying thanks for suggesting but no thanks...I know nobody can help !
Exactly. The thought of seeking help only re-traumatizes me. I trust NO ONE.
The most difficult thing about PTSD and CPTSD is that people will think you're doing it on purpose. They don't understand that you have no control over it whatsoever. The reaction is automatic and you cant turn it off. Trying to rationalize it away dosent work, your brain forces you into that state of mind anyway. It's like a reflex you don't want to have
Totally. Someone told me to do mindfulness exercises when I had a big trigger right in front of him just from the conversation. I basically start uncontrollably crying and can't stop without medication.
(I already do/teach somewhat mindfulness mostly for my own benefit but triggers are uncontrollable)
And I can literally feel the exact moment it happens.
I have this. Put a man in prison for 26 years.
mine's in prison and when his sentence is up he's getting deported.
@@kokomiteruhashi3179 Well I wish they would deport mine. He’s walking around new York city right now. They kept him in as long as they could. Good luck to you. Love and light.
@@freethinkernj7956 luck and light to you also. I planned on travelling to his country when I'm older but I guess I can't know. he
is too rich and influential over there.
Wish my case worked like that. He's still hurting young girls.
Wish that was also my case. He got away with a slap on the wrist and was put on the offenders list. His family blames me for everything when he ruined me for years.
This was just an amazing coincidence for me! I just found out what CPTSD is today a few hours ago and here you are with a video about it!
@The Genderqueer Cringy Emo Combat-related PTSD sounds terrifying to me... Even though I myself have been going through quite a debilitating type of PTSD too for over a decade already, I can't imagine what it would be like having to deal with the kind of pressure from this type...
I experienced trauma for many years but not sure if I have any form of PTSD, maybe I should look into that. I'm very sensitive to sound, tense and feel unsafe especiallay around ppl but when I'm alone I feel good for the most part.
Sorry to hear you have CPTSD 😔
Synchronicity. Therapist diagnosed me same week.
Reminder that your trauma IS valid no matter what, people’s minds digest things in all different kinds of ways, you aren’t “dramatic”, you’re traumatized.
To anyone reading this, have a wonderful day!! ❤
You too
U too
And if reading in night so have a wonderful night.
You too babe!
You too😊
This is a sign that things WILL get better.
Although I've never met you, I'm sending you strength, resilience, and power to get through these rough times. This too shall pass. Although it may pass like a kidney stone, it shall pass. Take a deep breath, stretch the corners of your mouth upwards. May all your worries wash away and you find pockets of peace throughout your day 💗 Dr. Liz
Ok, Karen.
@@APoliticalConfusionAndMess girl what’s your problem with positivity on a mental health video
I read that as "this is a sign that things WILL NOT get better" god I'm dumb 🤦♂️
I tried that ;(
First I take a deep breath then I start shaking then I stretch the corners of my mouth and I start crying uncontrollably ;(
@@angelacavon7305 crying is perfectly okay, it's a natural release. To feel is to heal. Sending compassion & ease to you
To anyone who has experienced trauma of any kind, my heart goes out to all of you. Your trauma and your feelings our valid. Remember it’s okay to get help! Therapy has helped with my complex trauma and other mental illnesses; it really saved my life. I hope everyone knows that they’re not alone and we can get through this together ❤️
Thank you your appreciated for your care and concern
Thank you 💜
I’ve been living with PTSD for 14 years. If one more person tells me to just get over it or that I’m using it as a crutch I’m going to just say nothing and walk away because it’s too much energy to get upset about other people’s ignorance
I'm a veteran, was actually addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with cptsd. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Australia. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them.
Ive done shrooms last month in my house. It taught me how severely traumatized I was from alcohol. I healed from many mental traumas from my past and was able to forgive, let go. Shrooms to me is a remedy not a vice. I even felt more refreshed the
morning after. So no hangovers. No
depression mood for days. No anxiety.I now
have a more calm mind
How do i reach out to him? Is he on insta
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
I have had PTSD and been treated with EMDR. This led to it being discovered that I also have Complex PTSD.
I think it's important to recognize that someone with either kind of PTSD needs to access trauma focused therapy specifically. 'Regular' therapy, (e.g. non trauma focused CBT, counselling etc.) can actually make things worse because they can repeatedly re-expose you to the traumas you experienced.
Love to you all.
P.S. EMDR can be AMAZINGLY positive.
I am currently really struggling with EMDR...I keep being told that it gets worse before it gets better, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult for me...I’m trying my best though.
I’m a C-PTSD survivor. I understand how helpless you can feel with this diagnosis, but it can be so freeing as well. My treatment has been regular sessions of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy along with medications. I spent my childhood and adult life feeling completely broken. I’ve only started treatment in the past year and life has never been so good. The hardest step was reaching out to a therapist for the first time, but I encourage everyone to try.
This comment makes me feel brave enough to get help. Good luck on your journey
Can I ask you how did you reach out to a therapist? I feel like I need to but I don't really know how
@@Cece_1227 I got scheduled for a psychiatrist for June 3rd and eventually going to get Therapy… Don’t wait y’all we need this 🤞🏾🤎
Another C-PTSD survivor here. Wishing you continued healing, peace & happiness!!!
I’m over here disassociating and reliving traumatic events when I hear:
“Did you find this video insightful?”
…
I FORGOT I was watching a video in the first place!!!
But yes very educational.
How are you today, friends? I hope you are all great.
Verena Satriani. We are happy nd pray for your happiness.
I'm ok today😁
I’m good! Hope you are as well. Stay safe 💖
I'm really not okay today
Thanks for asking !💕
Hope you're good ^^
Can you please help me , I have a writing tomorrow about describing a friend so i write something but I need someone to give me his opinion , please 😢
Okay so here's the writing : My friend is a very special person to me, her name is *someone* , she is 17 years old, and she also attending the same high school as me , we are so close to each other from a very long time , she is the same height as me ,with a short black hair with a bangs and brown eyes , she's very shy and not so mush talkative but she is a good listener and lovable by everyone around her .
What do u think ... good 😟
I live with C-ptsd due to prolong childhood abuse and rape.
I have seen so many therapists and psychologists ontop of being on many drugs. Hell most assumed I wouldn’t even live to see the age of 20,25 or 30 due to the damage to me physically, mentally and emotionally.
I have now turned 30 and celebrated with very close friends for passing through what doctors thought wouldn’t be possible. I do struggle still but I have a family of friends who are my support pillars.
I'm very happy for u. I just wish I had ppl that actually cared about me.😢😢
Emdr. Trauma is physically in the body. 💜
Having been diagnosed with ptsd I feel like I have much more C-ptsd due to everyday nightmares, flashbacks, negative words repeating. Thank you.
I think I might have c-ptsd since I have been thinking about everything that happened to me since 3rd grade. (Abuse about grades, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, almost raped)
I hope ur ok! Maybe you should check up with a doctor or therapist♥️♥️♥️
go to a professional i have been suicidal since i was 7 and have high functioning depression and anxiety and trust me its not easy but i am telling you go to a professional
Yep. I feel like long term being bullied in school and also had a dysfunctional home life for many years have changed me as a person in many ways and manifested as longterm traumas. I never knew it was called C-PTSD tho. I thought it was just called being damaged. For the most part I have worked thru my traumas one by one slowly over a decade but I still have trust issues and always expect that anyone can betray me at any moment. I don't trust my BF 100% or my friends... I know people that said they were my best friends abused me in the past so since then I can't view the world the same. My BF has multiple times said I need to trust him and it makes me sad to hear him say that because I know I just can't. There will always be 5% of me still suspicious of him even if we are still together 50 years in the future.
There's always the 5% chance that someone can cheat, abuse, steal or hurt you no matter how well you think you know the person. Because some people are in love with you for the moment but then if they would ever get bored of you and fall out of love some people have no qualms about backstabbing their spouse of 10+ years. How often do one hear about a divorce that isn't messy as hell and filled with drama? A respectfull breakup is rare and that shows that both people truly loved eachother with no selfish strings attached. A selfish person will only treat you with respect as long as they don't get bored of you. True friendship the respect will always be there ´til the end.
I recommend going to a professional
Pls put tw
-One day I was searching for what PTSD was(I already knew but I wanted to have clarifications about it)and then I found out about C-PTSD but I didnt understood very much so thank you so much for the video 💕🌸
just a genuine question
why isn't the chinese part of your username "死月" instead of just "月"?
@@ynntari2775 I'm confused
@@ynntari2775 really late reply: Its japanese and it mean tsuki, which is moon :)
I have been brutally bullied through all of my school life, and got diagnosed with c-ptsd last year as a 26 year old woman. I feels good to be validated because the bad memories from school has affected my life in a very negative way. I hope to turn my life around now that I receive professional help
Hope you're doing better! Much love :)
Could you do a video on age regression? It’s not as commonly talked about and I feel like it would help diminish some stigma against it. My partner regresses and so does several of my close friends so I think it would really help a lot of people 🙂
Omg I regress too! I definitely want it to be talked about a bit more bc of the negative stigma. I don't even do it that often but omg it sucks when somebody assumes it's smth they don't like when they're wrong abt it.
I do too!
Could someone explain further
So much this!
@@mclr9941 on what age regression is? It’s when a person with trauma reverts back to a child like mindset to feel safe and secure. This can include watching children shows and playing with toys meant for kids. People who regress enjoy these things not as an adult but mentally a child. It’s the need and want to explore things and experience things like a child that perhaps the person never got to do as a child or it was one of the only times they felt safe. I hope this explains it a little bit
Can’t stay in a relationship , don’t trust anyone, constantly fighting with myself
From 1-6 i witnessed hundreds of verbal fights between my father and mother, I witnessed my father shooting herion at least 20 times, watched my father throw my mom on the ground and threaten to beat her, watched him destroy the house, steal my mom's car, and break several house phones to prevent us calling the cops. This has been a struggle with me for many years and still continues to be. I have panic attacks when people are arguing in public loudly, jump when a loud car drives by, and no longer tryst my father. I suffer from hyper sexuality and am ashamed of it. I'm ashamed of having any sorts of trauma.
I hope you recover and have a happy life ❤️
My situation doesn’t sound anywhere near as scary as yours, but I too witnessed very loud arguing and yelling matches between my parents, things being thrown and even waking up to yelling and my mom saying she’ll call the police on my dad in the middle of the night. Even though my parents are actually fine right now and they have overcome that era, I still find myself reliving it every time there’s a minor argument between them or even between people I don’t know. My blood pressure goes all the way up and I feel in danger. I was so young that I think my parents don’t even know that I remember all that but I truly have never gotten over that. I hate to be somebody to make excuses and I am working on myself, but I think I have trust issues and problems with forming relationships to this day because of it. I feel as though when that happened, my mental age kind of froze in time and I still feel like that scared little kid when those situations come around. I pray one day I will shed that afraid inner child. You as well
I suffered sexual abuse as a child and too have hyper sexuality tendacies..At first I had a lack of sex drive and a lack of ability to fall in love but with my boyfriend I've grown out of that and kinda flipped so now I'm kinda clingy and extremely sexual with him and I'm embarrassed by it..
My boyfriend was like you..He has parents who fought a lot, a father who cheated and was controlling, when his mom eventually got a better husband my boyfriend suffered from hyper sexuality and had been in many relationships ending up cheating on and being "the other guy". We at times do to each other similar things that were done to us, but we're trying to move past all the trauma together and heal each other.
If you suffer from hyper sexuality I highly suggest getting help! It can make you feel a lot better.
@@testerwulf3357 it's tought. I've never really gotten treated for any of it because I don't want it on my record and I can't afford it due to not having enough money. So I'm not sure as to how to treat it myself other than to suppress it as much I can.
I have my first therapy session next Wednesday for my Astraphoba- wish me luckkkkk
Wishing u luck...don't worry❤️
God be with you 💗
may i ask what that is or sjould i look it up... i really dont want to cause last time i looked up a phobia i found out i had that phobia REALLL quick
@@animationtyme1090 it's a fear if storms, thunder specially.
Good luck! U got this 😊 ❤️❤️
Many people suffer in silence. Thank you for providing info on this. Awareness is so important.
Thank you! I have C-PTSD and it triggered a spontaneous psychosis in July 2020 where I hallucinated vividly for 52 days. A lot of doctors do not understand CPTSD and I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar despite showing no symptoms besides the sudden psychosis which came out of nowhere. Almost two years later and no doctor has been able to explain to me why my brain decided to leak DMT one day beside just lots and lots of trauma. This is a pretty common mental illness so I'm happy to see it finally getting recognition. Wishing healing and protection to everyone tuning in! 🧿🌌☮️
I had a psychotic breakdown due to my teauma too, and reading this is liberating. I have also c.ptsd and no one understood my traua
told my mom that i have c-ptsd she just said that i was okay, its just emotion, you have nothing to be sad about, your just ungrateful, and thar its just a phases. This helped me realize that I need to get help and everything that my mom said is not true
I love how the animations are so cute while they are talking about legitimate serious subject matters
Thank you for the feedback :)
I’ve always wondered what the differences between PTSD and C-PTSD were. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, but after watching this, I’m going to consult with my psychiatrist to see if C-PTSD isn’t a more accurate diagnosis for me. I suffered pretty much every type of abuse you could name from infancy into my early 30’s. I’m not a doctor, but it seems to me that C-PTSD absolutely fits, but, again, I’ll ask my psychiatrist. Thanks for making this video! It’s immensely informative!
Hey .. i wanna say that there's magic in ur voice 😘
the *s o o t h*
#soothingquotes101
DBT-PE helped so much after being diagnosed with CPTSD. It’s tough, draining, but once you start seeing results and realize you are breaking generational trauma you find it’s all worth it
What’s DBT-PE ? I’m trying to find answers how to help my fiancé with CPTSD. Every time he gets stressed out he takes it on me. Then when I stand up for myself he gets even more angrier. He thinks I’m going to either hit him or fight him which it’s not true at all but he had an ex who mentally and physically abused him terribly:(
I am willing to work with him and help him but I don’t know how to...
@@jessm9958 hi, I know it's been a long time since you posted this comment and I hope that things are going well. My guess is that the DBT the original comment mentioned is a form of therapy closely related to CBT. I used to have an amazing therapist who combined CBT and DBT in my treatment and it helped me come a long way. Unfortunately they deemed my case too severe for them to handle and referred me to a more specialist unit. But I still count the ground work that therapist helped me make as the main reason I'm still alive today. So DBT is definitely worth looking into
@@jessm9958 It's a form of therapy where you safety subject the person to what they're scared of till they eventually can control their reaction and it desensitizes them mostly removing their negative reaction to the PTSD they suffer..Like how someone scared of dogs would slowly be introduced to dogs till they no longer emit a fear response to them.
To those of you who took the time to share in the comments your experiences… thank you so much. I’ve been diagnosed for a while but I’m still learning a lot. Some of you have pointed out things I experience frequently but never noticed about myself. Thank you for putting my experiences into words when I couldn’t❤️
I am aware its the trauma talking but sending the staff of my old catholic school this video along with a list of every student that ended up in therapy after attending there sounds like a great idea.
Same experience…they should have been imprisoned.
Requests/suggestions :
- How to properly take care of oneself
- How to know if you're letting go of yourself
Good suggestions. I wanted to hear more on these for this topic than just drugs therapy
@@NohAotori Read the body keeps score by bessel van der kolk: EMDR / IFS / Tai chi or Yoga / TRE / DBT / somatic work etc can help for cptsd. Especially a combination of cognitive work and bodily work is recommended (trauma stores in the body and needs to be released as such). I can only suggest: get a good trauma informed therapist (mostly CBT doesnt "cure" CPTSD) who offers trauma informed therapy and educate yourself on the different modalities which can be helpful. It is unfortunately a long healing process and can need different forms of therapy depending on where you are at in your healing proces.
My stepdad likes to yell. He used to be worse, and he would scream in our faces even when we didn't know what we did wrong, but by the time I moved out it was still bad enough that when he was in a bad mood everyone in the house walked on eggshells. I now can't listen to door slams, people yelling at each other, or people yelling in general (even in movies or plays when I know it's not real) without freezing and feeling anxious. If I hear voices in the hall of my dorm that sound muffled my natural instinct is to pause whatever video I'm watching, take off my headphones, and listen for anything that could indicate an escalation. I was always terrified my stepdad would one day snap and hit my mom or throw something at her, since he has a habit of breaking things (door frames and cupboards from slamming them, our toys when my brother and I were younger, etc.) One time he shoved my brother into the counter because my brother accidentally spilled milk on him during an argument. He was blocking the path to the fridge and my brother bumped into him.
I think I have CPTSD but I don't know how to bring it up to my counselor because there have been many times in my life (from my own parents) where anytime I bring up something in regards to my health it gets brushed aside subtly as nbd.
Hi i hope you are okay... Your story kinda touched me. Damn it must be so hurt to experience all that🥺🥺 My case is not that worse but growing up with constant fighting in my environment really affect. These days I cant stand to a really loud noises. Triggered me somehow. The urge of tears, feeling of escaping, and anger. If I was you, i will fell insane instantly. You are strong buddy🤍🤍
I have c-ptsd from multiple traumatic events happening at once but spanning over 7 years of my life.
Even though I have it, I feel like it shouldn’t be traumatic
Can relate, the last 7-8 years were hell for me and because where i was staying at the time, and abuse was normalized, because it was also down by medically trained 'professionals'
Until I went to therapy at the start of this year, I had never considered PTSD or CPTSD as a possible condition for what I’d been going through. Sadly I have both, but EMDR therapy will hopefully help me through it and start to live a happier, healthier life.
Thank you for making this video and drawing attention to CPTSD! A lot of people are unaware of it, and it’s always great to know more about things like this.
How's your condition?
This was the video that made me realize what i was i was dealing with. Now I’m diagnosed and on the path to healing. If you’re reading this, you can do it.
Looking back on it as an adult makes me feel stupid for not realising what was wrong and how frustrating it is to know that adults were there while it was happening and they did nothing about it.
me too. i’ve tried bringing attention to my narcissist parents and no one seems to want to do anything about it. just gotta cut them off and move on if they don’t want to help. i’m sorry you’re going through this but you’re not alone
@@brynyates Thank you very much. Sorry to hear you're going through this too. It's hard to reason with people who refuse to reflect on their own actions. And yes, that is what I've ultimately decided to do. Unfortunately it's not easy because one of these people just won't let go of trying to control me.
@@Zanarkand_0 it really is hard to reason with these people!! it’s like talking to a wall lol. screw that one person who won’t stop trying to control you. remember that this is your life and you’ve got the wheel to it, not them. they’re probably so out of control themselves that they try to control you. you’re your own person and don’t ever forget that. you’ve got this ❤️
@@brynyates Lol yes, exactly!! It's so frustrating! And thank you so much!
This really helps! ❤
i actually have c-ptsd and i think this is very accurate. thanks for this video, not a lot of people know about it.
As one wise man once said: To live means to suffer, to find meaning in this suffering is what we call survival. For me life is like living on an island, isolated and detached from others. It is a place where I fight every day and for a long time not even with a purpose, but just for the sake of it. Huge amounts of anger are inside of my chest, and I am most of the time not even aware of it. In order to heal one must get off this island, and see that surviving alone is not what life is about, it means you have to find or create a purpose for your own life. And remember, everyone has demons in their minds, to not act because of them, and to ignore them, that is what matters in the end, I have found peace in that.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Life is really painful and unfair and none of us deserve to suffer. I’ve been through a lot of stuff, painful traumatic stuff to where I dont know a life without being helpless to some chaotic and harmful force. Literally ever since I can remember since I was 3. What you wrote is the closest description to how I feel and have felt over my whole life. Yea I’m a strong and resilient survivor but that’s because that’s the only force that’s kept me here and alive on this earth. Like you said it’s living just to live and numbing out or suppressing all the pain I’ve been helpless to. People glorify my resilience while simultaneously refusing to help; I’m kept at arms length on my own island. Over time It’s become engrained in me not to rely or trust anyone for anything because of how I’ve been failed and taken advantage of when I was most vulnerable. Yea it makes me an unstoppable and “highly successful” survivor but no one acknowledges the loneliness and sense of feeling lost and purposelessness because the only way of living I’ve known has been motivated by fear and anxiety surrounding my survival. Thank you, truly thank you. I hope more than anything you are able to find peace. You never deserved anything and all that caused you to feel that way, and I hate to think you also have felt how I’ve felt. I wouldn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy and you seem like a lovely person.
@@mariebaio8707 Thank you for these kind words. What helped me to heal is to understand and accept myself. It means that once I was able to accept that I hate myself the most, and why, I was able to let this part finally heal of me. Acceptance isn't the last step, it is the first, once you accept it, you can now work on it and engage with the situation. To understand means to heal. I wish you the best for your journey.
Yep, i have the constant feeling that i don't belong to this world...like an alien from another dimension.
As someone with cptsd, thanks for covering it. Often people dont know what it is so i just say i have ptsd, which isnt true, but it makes it easier for them to understand. Because of your channel more people are aware so thank you.
This condition, if left untreated, will continue to make your life a living hell. Please, if you think you have this disorder, please get help. Like the video says, EMDR, CBT, these things can help you 💜 Please, if you are reading this, you deserve help.
Also thank you so much P2G for creating this video. This is the kind of video I wished I could have found some years ago when my symptoms were at their peak. 😞💜 And it will be a relief for viewers who resonate with this to know they are not alone
Oh...I don't deserve help...at least maybe I do...I just wanna jump off a building already...sometimes I look down and imagine what it'd be like to just jump...
I have c-ptsd, i am very happy that you made a video on it
TW:
I got diagnosed with c-ptsd. I've been sexuel abused for over 2 Years almost every day. But EMDR doesn't help.
I hope your doing good,these comments are safe ❤
Oh God.. I hope you will get the quality of life that you deserve and always deserved
Same. I hope you find something that does.
Cbd is my best friend!
Oh I'm so sorry for you😔 Stay strong! And remember that it was NOT your fault!
I always felt different than others around me, even the more troubled damaged ones like me fit the mainstream definitions that I only kinda fit. This video was extremely insightful in explaining others I know and myself! A lifetime of many traumas has all but destroyed my nerves.
I was just diagnosed with having this. When my counselor asked how it feels to hear, I cried with relief because I new something was wrong
I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD back in October. So glad Psych2Go posted a video about this as it’s so overlooked and overshadowed by the generic PTSD. Hoping this video can spread more awareness of it and help others differentiate between the two
I was recently diagnosed with this so it;s nice to see it being talked about.
I’m an empath with c-ptsd. Which means I’m a hot mess. I started cognitive therapy and it’s going well. if there is anyone who needs encouragement. Keep going you got this. I’m proud of for working so hard! Be brave! 😊
I've has this my whole life and wasn't diagnosed until early this year. Initially it was a hard pill to swallow but it explains so much. I'm so glad there's a vid abt it on a bigger channel. There needs to be more awareness of this condition as more people might have it than we realize
As an adult. I've learned that some things I viewed as being part of every day life. Weren't.
Like when your folks became differently after a drink. When I was little. I didn't understand what it meant. Just they became a lot different and their attitude was not the same. They were more angry. More prone to shouting.
As a child I always thought I had did something wrong so I did my best to behave and not act out. But it wasn't me. It was just because of the drink.
.
Now I always remind myself that it's not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong.
Because of this. Seeing the effect of alcohol. I never allow myself to get to that point. Because I don't want to change into that.
Just being able to maintain and not swing into extreme happiness or sadness on a day to day basis is really tough. Meanwhile society and family telling you to "get over it" don't understand the situation.
I was diagnosed with PTSD, but the traumas occurred throughout my childhood consistently. I have been reading about CPTSD, and I think that fits my symptoms even better. I need to get an evaluation done. It's weird for me though-I have been in the habit of oversharing about these things for a long time. For some reason, despite the thoughts causing intense stress, sharing them out loud often helps for some reason. I feel an overwhelming desire to be heard. For this reason, I think many doubt my diagnosis.
I am 17 years old and I was diagnosed with c-PTSD, I suffered 10 years of child abuse and 8 years of bullying and they tried to end me 7 times, in January my psychologist changed my medication
The worst of all is undoubtedly the flashbacks, panic attacks, sensitivity to sounds that can cause me to have panic attacks or make me angry to exaggerated levels.
oh, and the nightmares, I write this at 6am, I couldn't sleep at all because of the nightmares and my medication didn't work today, I'm looking on UA-cam for a way to avoid nightmares
Going through it over several decades and thinking it was completely normal and other people were just better at coping with it than me…it haunts me to this day.
c-ptsd is a lifelong battle & healing process 💔
We have basically been brainwashed to totally be the one in your family to "digest" all the reality
of "certain" abuse ... Usually the worst things that "happened". I truly hope you can overcome
some of these!!!
I didn’t even know I had C-PTSD until my therapist brought it up and diagnosed me with it. I can understand it now, and can see the symptoms.
this is one of those situations where something clicked in my head thinking “this is probably it” but in that same strand of thought you get the “nah it probably didnt even happen”
I was diagnosed with PSTD but in doing research on C-PTSD I’ve found the symptoms of C-PTSD are more accurate then just PSTD (along with being an undiagnosed OSDD system that’s still trying to seek a diagnosis)
-Alex
To whoever read this:
You're the prettiest person the way you are. Don't judge yourself. Love yourself
(I'm a small youtuber looking for help)
Not true
@@ausername1972 No no, Those are facts
What an ideological claim...
@@CoM_tE Both of you. Don’t act like you know me.
@@maeam they just said they wanted help I don't think they meant it like that- plus the channel is just wholesome bunnies 😊🐇
I have CPTSD, and it took me so long to get help. It took having a loving, caring and patient bf to finally get me to get help. I had reached a point that I didn’t want help because I didn’t trust anyone, but I trust him, and I love and value him. He motivated and pushed me to get help. Im starting to get better, through therapy and medication, and will be starting trauma therapy soon. My bf is happy seeing me finally happier and I’m starting to get a healthier glow.
Hey to all the deppresed ppl watching I understand I've been through it I won't last forever and *virtual hugs*
But what if I dont want it to end? People say.. that when you rid yourself... of all... the depression... you become who you used to be. For me, I cant even remember who i used to be, and yet I despise her despite having no memory of her. I dont want to become who I used to be.... I dont want to not be afraid of emotions, I dont want to be able to feel them... I dont want to be fricking human. And yet, I also long to not be afraid, to be able to actually express what im truly feeling, but in the meantime, seeing as my parents dont even know the difference between a therapist, a counselor, and a psychologist, I'll probably be undiagnosed for everything. So I dont think this will ever happen.
Do you promise it’ll end?
@@derpderplul i promise bud
@@lunarbutterfly3394 im sorry
I got "diagnosed" with cptsd 4 years ago and I'm so glad to see you made a video about it. Thank you!
I was just diagnosed with C-PTSD two days ago by my therapist. And u got to say, having ADHD too it explains alot about why I am how I am
Hey Psych2Go! Thank you for helping me understand my disorders. I have complex PTSD and I was looking to find out more about it and this video helped a lot. Thank you again and everyone stay safe!
As someone working through a C-PTSD diagnosis with some dissociative issues and using EMDR this will help so much in giving my loved ones a bit of an insight into what's happening right now ❤️ thank you for always making really useful content
A lot of people with C-PTSD are misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder BPD
I was diagnosed with CPTSD and underneath that diagnosis is a myriad of traumatic events and other diagnoses. It's nice that there's a video explaining it. Thank you, Psych2Go. ❤
Thank you for informing me like always, me and my friend has Aspergers, and I have a lot of personal flashbacks in my life. We are both fans of your channel and these videos are all so accurate.
Thanks for sharing!! :) We hope this video has helped you in some way
I think the hardest part is running relationships constantly because you’re so traumatized you’re terrified and can’t set boundaries or communicate well
I have PTSD, however it has gotten worse. I have been around narcissistic people all my life. I believe that I have C-PTSD. Thank you for sharing this I can now go to a therapist and ask for the help I need. I have had PTSD for 30+ years, it keeps me from having a happy life.
I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, and this video made me feel more valid for feeling how I feel. Thank you 💕
This video is so educational I’m learning a lot and thankful for this channel
I seem to have this but I'm not diagnosed. I'm gonna talk to my therapist.
I felt this one. Tw: emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, PTSD, trauma.
The first time I was traumatised was when I was 7. Well, that's as far back as I can remember anything happening. We were eating dinner at the table. My mother had manipulated my Nana through lying and gaslighting, using the fact that she only sees us once or twice a week to create a narrative and not letting me speak to defend myself. My Nana, the one I was appealing to desperately to get someone to believe me about what was happening, then turned on me. At the time, I didn't notice what my mother was doing. I just knew that I'd tried to get help from my Nana and she'd sided with mother and now there were two people in the room acting very hostile towards me and one of me. They ganged up on me, talking over me and interrupting on the chances that they did let me speak, not letting me get my full story out. I was getting worked up, but still they continued. My mother called me a liar and acted as condescending as a 7 year old couldn't process. It's getting to the point where the situation is so intense and neverending and I'm feeling so overwhelmed that I start crying. They're still going as I stare at the table, eating peas - quite unsuccessfully, I'm too choked up with tears and I keep choking on the peas too.They keep going.
At some point, my mother realises her stupidity and my mental condition and tries to parent. Key word: tries. She sees me crying and pouts, going, "awwww, babyyy" in the same way you would do if you found out your child was injured. At that moment in time, I didn't want *that*. She had just done a complete 180 from ganging up on me and tormenting me and I didn't know how to process it.
She then moves to get up.
"Let me give my baby a hug."
At this point, I've said several no's to what she's saying." But you're *my* baby," " no, no I don't want a hug" "oh come on let me give you just one-" "I don't want that. I don't *need* that. STOP."
Imagine your abuser turning around to you after treating you like shit and then saying that they want to pile affection onto you? You'd ask them to get the fuck away. You've clearly stated that you don't want this, yet they're still doing it - for their own comfort. You're like their emotional support rag doll that they just squeeze whenever they need comforting. "No, mum, I don't want a hug, don't give me a hug." That was around the point that I realised: this hug wasn't for me - *it was for herself.*
That's not what a hug is. That should never be what a hug is.
She then starts advancing towards me. I start to panic. I'm scrambling back so fast that I fall out of my chair. Now I'm on the floor. Still, she moves towards me. I'm crying, eyes wet with tears. I see her walking towards me and I scramble back, praying that I can scramble back forever, maybe even out of the living roo-
I hit the back of the sofa with a harsh thud. She's there, towering over me. Her figure has actually blotted out the rest of the room with how close she's standing. I can't go anywhere. I can't move. Nothing will work. During this time, my dad has arrived home and my Nana has realised that this is not ok, they're shouting at mum to stop, over and over again - I can't remember exactly what they said, I was frozen on the terror in front of me, but I remember it melding into the background like a cacophony of noise. Still, she comes forward. I'm trying to create any distance between us and I'm pressing up against the back of the sofa. All this time I'm screaming, "NO, NO GET AWAY GO AWAY, NO MUM STOP, STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT, GET AWAY FROM ME" but she just doesn't care. She has this... Strained smile on her face, and that's the first time I think I saw her looking not quite sane. Her face was too cheerful. It was horrible, especially since I was paralysed looking at her eyes - you could see the whites of them. I honestly didn't think a human could create that face. I didn't think that this was reality. God, I hoped it wasn't. But, the last thing I remember her saying as she spread her arms wide was,
"LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG."
A day later, she puts her arm on my shoulder, and I get brought back to that very moment. It slices through my head quicker than I can stop it. I had a flashback. My mother has given me PTSD, and touch is the trigger. At the root of my traumatic moment, was the fact that I did not want to be touched. I wanted them to get away. That is what happens when somebody makes contact with me. It's screwed my life up. 7 years on, I'm 14, and it still screws my life up now. I still live with her too. Her blatant disregard for my boundaries and safety makes her hug me for her own comfort whenever she wants. She triggers it without caring and makes an active effort to do it every day.
Traumatic incident No.2
It's related to the hug. Of course it is. My mother has cornered me in a room, demanding that I give her her phone back. I had recently lost my pe shirt, and she was convinced that someone had stolen it (really, really not the case) and she was going to call up the school to give a paranoid rant about it. She believed that the school would simply give her this shirt if she demanded it from them, like they'd just know where it is or who, hypothetically, stole it. I tried convincing her that this wasn't right, but my efforts fell on deaf ears. This was a load of bollocks and I didn't want her saying all of this to my school and my only way of stopping that was to grab the phone.
She corners me in the front room. Her figure looms over me and I want her to get away. She has recreated the circumstances that gave me PTSD. Fight or flight reflexes kick in. Panicked, my brain hurls the bread I've baked that day in food tech at her. Seems I have a better aim when I'm panicked. It hits her right in the eye.
She looks like she's going to murder me. I choose that moment to take my chances and run behind her to the stairs. I can hear her behind me. Now I'm terrified. I run up the stairs as fast as I can, praying that my legs would run faster. She's not holding back. None of the motherly care was there, none of the consideration, and not even a mother was there. She *looked* like she was going to harm me. I'm begging myself not to trip, hands slipping on the stairs. Finally, I sprint through the bedroom and into the bathroom. The only room in the house with a lock. At this point, she's a couple of metres away from me. You won't believe how hard I slammed that door. She continued berating me behind the door. Full on shouting, banging her hands on the door, twisting the knob. She started insulting my father, lying about him and trying to convince me that *he* was the abuser, not her. It was at that point that I responded to her, telling her all the things he does for this family and how she treats him and me. The next thing she said has been said to me before, but usually as a dismissive thing. No real weight behind it. This time, she wanted it to hurt. She didn't care.
"YOU'RE JUST A STUPID CHILD!"
After half an hour of this, I broke down crying. I could still hear her shouting. I couldn't take it. I turned the air heater up to full, turned the taps on and sat by the sink in a ball. I still remember counting the drips, trying to tear myself away from everything. I could still hear the shouting.
Locking myself in the bathroom because she was chasing me happened 3 times. Over the course of years, though one was between months. I guess that's why I couldn't watch the end scene of Jack Stauber's Opal. It rang too close to home.
There's much more, but this is already pretty long. If you have any experiences you want to share in the comments, feel free to. Let's start a conversation.
Thank you for reading.
my mother does the same thing where she does something awful and then immediately tries to hug me. the last time she did it I clenched my fists and my muscles all locked up. she accused me of hating her even though I didnt, it just made me really uncomfortable to be hugged by the person who literally verbally abused me 2 seconds ago. I'll do the same thing and name multiple tramautic instances but my memory is bad so it probably wont be in chronological order.
1) in middle school I was forced to go to my dads restaurant every week cause they didnt want to leave me alone in the house. I absolutely hated going there. my dad himself has also given me multiple traumatic experiences but I only have the energy to talk about one parent today. the restaurant itself was pretty small and was always either excruciatingly cold or warm. I hated even looking at my father, so having to be there for hours on end was torture. I would complain to my mom every single time that I didn't want to go but shed guilt trip me by saying "your dad will get angry if you dont go. you know what hes like. what, do you want him to yell at me and bully me? is that what you want?". I obviously did not but I was used to my mom telling me stuff like this at this point. I no longer reacted shocked, i just sit there with a blank stare and dissociate. my mom absolutely hates when I do this and constantly tells me I look scary, that i look like I hate her, that I need to go look in the mirror. I wasnt trying to glare, I was using a coping mechanism after being verbally abused for a majority of my life. this time however, she didnt stop. we were on the car ride home and the entire time she was yelling at me and I was responding. "you're not how you used to be when you were younger. you used to love me back then(she gave me this exact speech when I was even younger than that time, and she tells me that now)." I just shut up and let her talk but she wouldnt stop. she started calling me a disappointment and lazy. she tells me I'm exactly like my father, which is the worst thing you can tell me. she keeps going and going. back then I had a habit of holding in my tears but that day i couldnt control it. i had to turn mh head to the window so she couldnt see. she kept going and going all the way until we got home. all of the sudden she switches back to normal and is talking politely to me. she doesnt apologize, she just acts like nothing happend.
2) this was another incident in middle school but I was older (I think I was in 7the grade this time). I wake up with the worst period cramps of my life (at that point, I've had worse after this incident). I'm also sick and coughing with a terrible headache. I'm retching in the sink and the coughs are so violent that they hurt my diaphragm. these coughs also consequentially made my cramps even worse. so I was standing there in agony when my mom walks into the bathroom. she asks me "are you gonna stay home" I was busy dying so I couldn't answer. she kept asking and getting progressively more aggressive with it. "TELL ME. CAN YOU GO TO SCHOOL OR NOT. I HAVE WORK, I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS. JUST ANSWER ME GOD DAMMIT." I'm crying and sobbing at this point cause I couldn't handle the simultaneous strain of the pain and my mother at the same time. the sons contributed to the pain and coughs as well. she stands there yelling at me for minutes until i say "I'll go to school" cause I was scared I'd make her even more mad. "if you're gonna go to school you better hurry the hell up". I went to school that day and had a panic attack in social studies class in front of my entire class. and the cramps did not stop the entire day.
3) this was in 9th grade I think. I wanted a haircut because long hair makes me dysphoric(I'm trans masc). she absolutely loses her shit. when I first ask her, she ignores me and clenches her jaw. I ask why shes ignoring me and she explodes. "DO YOU WANT TO BE A BOY? ARE YOU A LESBIAN?" my mom has told me that she supports the lgbtq community so this reacting was kinda shocking for me. she tells me that I'll look ugly if I have short hair, that she didnt want a son, she raised a daughter. if I cut my hair then she would give up being my mother. she wouldnt even wanna look at me. I asked her why she based her love on me based on appearance and all she did was keep ranting about how girls are supposed to have short hair. eventually she goes "you can cut your hair, but you dont have to call me mother anymore" I start bawling and saying "I just want you to love me for myself and not what I look like. I dont understand why my hair matters more than me." I still cant forget the cold stare she gave me as she watched me sob at the table. she ignored me and watched tv while I was still having a breakdown. I was crying for an hour and she did nothing to comfort me. when I was little shed always tell me "a mother can always tell when their child is upset. no one will ever care for you than I will. after I die no one will every care for you as much as me. I'm the only one you have". yet here she sits doing absolutely nothing as she sees me in pain. as a disclaimer, during this point, I barely ever cried unless it was serious. I NEVER cried in front of others. she knew this and stilll just sat there and watched.
4) when I came out she started hyperventilating and said "oh god why does everything bad happen to me. just kill me now." once again she has previously told me multiple times that she feels bad for trans people for discrimination and supports them. I go up too her to try and comfort her. she pulls away and says "dont touch me! I dont want too see you! go upstairs!". I go and then I hear the front door open. I run down stairs and see her run outside. her eyes were wide open and she was hyperventilating. she was moving stiff like a zombie. it was terrifying. "I'm gonna run away. I'm gonna run away and leave and never see you again" I grab her arm to stop her. she goes towards our backyard and tries to run into the trees. she would most definitely break her legs if she ran there so I had to stop her. I was literally dragging her while she was muttering "no no no no no no no no get away away get away" with crazy look on her face. I didnt want to upset her more but if I didnt restrain her she most definitely wouldve hurt herself badly. eventually I manage to drag her back after the longest minutes of my life passing. she sits down on the couch and begs god to kill her and demanding why he made her life so miserable while I stood right in front of her. she starts hitting her head repeatedly really hard but I'm frozen in place at this point. eventually she stops and screams at me to go upstairs. I was behind on work so I was supposed to work on it that day. I spent the entire night crying. my grades have been fucked since that day. I'm weeks behind in almost every class. I'm failing every class. this happened back in November. I still havent been able to catch up on anything and my mental health is slowly getting worse. my mom has repeatedly called me selfish and lazy for not doing work and it's getting to me. she keeps telling me it's my fault that I cant concentrate in class. I'm finally gonna see a therapist but she keeps guilt tripping me by saying "I'm not a good enough mother so now I need to drive you every week just to talk to someone". I'm really scared to go to the therapist butI obviously cant go for comfort from her.
I have no clue if you're still reading but I started shaking violently while writing this. you absolutely do not need to answer this but did you start shaking as well? these incidents didn't seem that real but writing about it seemed to make me relive them. i have more incidents but i cant type anymore. I hope you get to a place where you can properly heal and your trauma wont have such a massive effect. its difficult living with the person who does things like this to you. one day you'll be able to leave and you can heal at your own pace. one day you can walk into your own home and feel safe. I believe in you
@@hideakisorachi3953 I read it all. Yeah, I shook when I wrote it - but I've have no one in my life to tell this sort of thing to, and every time I've tried, they've just hurt me and who I am. My mother tends to gaslight me so I count out the moments and how many times they've happened because she likes to pretend that they don't count or didn't happen. So I guess I just had to get it out.
That is absolutely horrible! You did not deserve that. You'll *never* deserve that. God, the more I hear about parents doing things like my mother did and disrespecting their children's rights to safety and boundaries and acceptance, the more blown away by it I feel.
She acts like you can just turn off your reactions and emotions because they hurt her and doesn't take responsibility for causing them instead. She's thinking about herself, and that's horrible when you have a vulnerable child to look after. Especially at that age, regulating emotions is a big no no. You couldn't help it, but she could control herself and show some restraint. At NO point do you let loose on a person to the point where you are purposefully harming them for your own benefit and comfort - if she's that careless, then she is a dangerous parent who's abusing the power dynamic between a parent and child. Not that that wasn't obvious enough from hearing just some of the things she's done to you. Don't feel pressured to give a certain amount or tell any more if you feel that you can't, okay? I believe you and will never ask for more or less than what you comment. These are your memories to tell when you want to and you have the right to tell them when you wish, but also to take care of yourself and take a break from them if they're too much.
Then she sends you to the same person who's flipping abused you ; big brain move, biggest brained move in the galaxy. I'm sorry, but between sending your child to a place where they obviously don't feel safe because there's a dangerous adult and letting them stay home where it's safe and also alone from said adult, I'd just let you stay home. At least that's an environment you can control. Just lock the flipping doors Karen and tell them to stay in their room and that there's some food in the fridge or something. They'd probably thank you, because, you know, YOU'RE PROTECTING YOUR CHILD FROM HARM? Instead of guilt-tripping you, because you're not the problem, she should be mad that your dad has done that just because you don't want to walk into the metaphorical lion's den and spend time with your abuser. She then started manipulating a, at the time, TINY CHILD SO THAT HER EX SPERM DONOR DIDN'T GIVE HER ANY HASSLE. I can understand fearing them, but cannot warrant anything she did after that. If she felt unsafe with him and knew he was abusing her, she should cut off any contact she has and focus on taking care of her hecking son. She seems to think that all of the world is against her, kinda like my mother. Mine, every time she argues with my dad after he comes home from work, will go, "here we go *again* , everyone is harming *me* - *as per usual* ." "People just *love* to get under your skin" . While muttering to thin air like somebody's listening. You KNOW yourself that you don't want anything to happen like that to her - you just want her to stop the behaviour or leave you alone for some peace. Don't ever feel bad for wanting some space - you have a right to it and you don't ever have to offer up time and energy that you don't need to to satisfy someone else's tantrum. Because that's what she's done. Had a big tantrum whilst you're just sitting there and being subjected to it. None of that is your fault. Think of all the things she could've done - instead of that, she *herself* chose to do *this* . You weren't even talking to her at that moment, and she made that choice entirely on her own. She could've asked you why you didn't want to go. Then she made you feel ashamed about your reaction, which makes you feel like you shouldn't be having it, like this should be normal. She harmed you so she could have control over you so your dad wouldn't be able to touch her in that situation. She threw you under the bus there and I am so hecking mad at her for that. She's so insecure about you hating her that she projected it onto your face, Jesus Christ. Nothing she said was true, and, no matter what she says on the matter, you've got to keep telling yourself that. She's using it to feel safe and comfortable.
"You're not how you used to be when you were younger. You used to love me back then." Yeah he's not as easy to shut down when he has things to say and isn't the most vulnerable, incapable thing in his life; i.e, a flipping baby. You're just mad because he can speak back to you Karen and you can't get away with it anymore. These sort of comments show that you're stronger than you were then, because what you're doing is making her realise that she needs to up the anti - which she does when she's nervous. And honestly, she deserves to feel whatever she feels when you eventually move on with your life. Fuck her, dude. My mother did the same speech when we'd argue more frequently: "where has my baby gone? I don't see her anymore" to which I'd reply, "I'm right fucking here".She started this when I was getting into my tweens and I first just stood there, saying, " I'm right here mum, I'm right here! Mum! MUM!" She basically denounced me as her child, or said that she didn't recognise me as her one. That, when I was standing up to her, I was something else. That was not the case, unfortunately. I'd like to go to somebody else if I could go to the same school. I've got friends I don't wanna leave who are in similar situations.
2) oh god I feel that one. I was having a panic attack because my mother tried to forcibly take off the jumper I was wearing. It was one that was very soft, and very comfortable, and I was wearing it religiously because it made me feel safe and comfortable. I was gonna wear it in bed like I usually do, once she left my bedroom. I had it on beforehand, this time. My mother cornered me on the corner of my bed and demanded that I hand it over. I said no, but she kept going. She said, after threatening multiple times that she was going to grab it off me, whilst snatching at it "I'm gonna get it off you myself in a minute, *maybe it'll rip*" with a smile on her face. She actually got her hand under the hem and made contact with my skin, and I just started screaming. I couldn't stop. She kept going, and I then couldn't stop breathing. I was hyperventilating, and drew my head into my knees and the duvet covering them. I wrapped my arms around my sides tightly and just screamed into the darkness. I couldn't even do that properly, my breaths made them sound wrong. She sat there on my bed and she just watched. After a moment of this, she said, "enough with the crocodile tears, Dovee." She still thought I was lying to wind her up I-
"Keep going, you'll get an Oscar for this performance"
"What are you doing?! You *crazy* child!"
I couldn't respond. I couldn't breathe. Well, I could, but, it was too much of it and too fast. It wasn't helping my lungs. Then she threatened to get my dad up: " I'll get dad up here," she said in warning, " you'll listen to him then. He'll start shouting at you then (not something he has ever done.) Do you WANT me to get Dad up here?!" I couldn't do anything but hyperventilate even harder, something I didn't know was possible. Dad's the butt of her abuse. He begs me to not get involved because he'd rather it be him than me. I don't want him to get hurt and I don't want to ruin his day. He comes up and tries to calm me down, but she keeps talking and she keeps going and she just keeps going. He gives up and goes back downstairs saying, "lovely holiday, everyone," sarcastically and now I feel bad. He hardly gets days off.
But, in that moment, you're just paralysed. You can't speak, you can't move and your body and your parents are assaulting you all at once. You feel... Helpless. The fact that she treated your pain as an inconvenience to HER. My gosh, I'm fuming. There's something more important than her in that situation, and I'm sure the people at her work would understand if she said it was because of a family emergency. Don't pressure your kid to give you anything, especially when they need to think. Don't demand it, you're not entitled to it. Horrible parent, right there. Were your classmates ok about your panic attack? You don't have to answer, but I was just wondering if they were.
3) I relate. "You don't have to call me mother anymore" result! But, anyways, on a more serious note: you just told him that you'd disown him if he tried to do something to ease his dysphoria and then denied his gender identity whilst basically showing him that your love is conditional. What the heck.
They don't look human when they do that stare. You don't really know them after that point. I just remembered and reordered the part where mine gave me PTSD. I sat at that table sobbing for longer than 10 minutes before she got up to do that god damn hug. Her and Nana just stared at me stonily and finished their meal whilst I sobbed And I felt like I was drowning. I never cry unless it's serious either, but now I'm starting to think that the stuff I'm considering to be serious is actually very serious and the stuff I'm not considering serious actually is.
She gained control over you by saying that. "No one will ever care for you more than I will. After I die, no one will ever care for you as much as me. I'm the only one you have." She's trying to isolate you so she can gain more control by gaslighting. In reality, there's many people all over the world who would love you and care for you and want to be around you if you met them. She cannot determine that, she's just spouting bullshit. You are such a strong individual for taking her shit and still being alive, and that's the truth. Many people couldn't take it and were lost to depression and misery. You're kind of a badass; don't forget that.
4) She seriously needs mental help, but I don't think she'll get it. Seriously, if there is any way at all that you can get her in to see someone, somewhere, then do it. If you can't, then that's fine. She can rot with her rotten behaviour over time. You literally had to stop her from leaving you and harming herself, that's gotta be traumatic. And the fact that she partly blamed you? Jesus. That's not your fault. You're not the fault she has depression, and something else that makes her feel this way. It most likely didn't even start from you. As any person would after experiencing a traumatic event, you needed time to recover. But you weren't given that and now the stress of it and everything else isn't resolved and just hangs in the air because your "mum" doesn't want to acknowledge that she did something wrong. That's not your fault and it never will be. It's her fault you can't focus in class and she's too much of a self-interested coward to resolve it. Being depressed and stressed isn't selfish or lazy, it's called being traumatised and feeling unmotivated because life doesn't feel like life anymore. You are trying your absolute hardest to move out of the suffocating situation you are in, but it's not working. All of your energy is going into doing that. That doesn't sound like being lazy to me.
And good on you for seeing a therapist! I'm so happy for you :) she doesn't deserve to keep harming you like this with absolutely no help on your end. I find khan academy to be good for revision - they have a lot of courses and videos on there (also on UA-cam) to help with every subject. Corbettmaths is good for maths as well. There's GCSEpod for general studying and Duolingo if you're struggling with any languages. There's some good history documentaries right here on UA-cam and I believe that you can download any books you're studying in English (most classical ones) online for free.
"I'm not a good enough mother so now I need to drive you every week just to talk to someone" well... Yeah? What do you want him to say? You're the one who's wasting power in your car by abusing him in the first place Karen. And oh, no, this is tragic- yeah I really couldn't care Karen. I hope you can still see the therapist (we're in a bit of a weird time rn.) I can't even bring the idea of going to my parents because my mother would say that she didn't believe me and my father would be concerned, which would lead to another argument between him and mother when I told him why. Also, Britain is now in a national lockdown so there goes that opportunity. The therapist will do you some good. They won't judge you or your experiences, and they may even give you some methods and tactics to use when you mum does her shit. Just remember that they are here to help you protect yourself against your mother and keep safe in the long run. I hope it goes well. You deserve to have at least one nice thing.
I can't wait to leave my mother. I keep distancing myself from her as much as possible now. Going out for walks, denying her offers to go to the shops with her (it's lockdown and nobody who doesn't HAVE to be accompanied by another person should go with them to the shop) and just staying in my room to do work and watch things. Something I'd suggest that I started doing: record it. Get your phone, tablet, laptop, heck even a recorder if you have one and keep the recordings somewhere safe. Or write them down. Gathering evidence of what's happening so she can't just lie to people is quite useful. Thank you for the kind words dude, I appreciate them.
Stay strong - and as safe as you can.
I recently sought a test for BPD and I fulfil most of the criteria, enough to get a professional diagnosis but I was told that it could also be C-PTSD. Turns out, the 2 are pretty similar in symptoms
some doctors consider BPD to literally BE cptsd, in fact some doctors think all personality disorders are CPTSD
I had a friend tell me recently that she thinks I might have c-ptsd, but I didnt really know what it was. I'm glad I found this video. Thank you
I don’t know if I have it because I’m scared to tell my mum to be diagnosed I think she will just say “stop being so dramatic your fine” :(
If you don't feel fine, then you're not fine. If she says no, do you have anyone else you could talk to about this?
@@dovee1 no not really.. :( I’m just scared
@@st4rke1ra.55 I'd suggest making a childline account! There are many resources on there for mental health and ways to cope with anything you're dealing with in a healthy way. You can also talk one-on-one with one of their counselors for free, if that might help. There's also bulletin boards where you can talk to other kids going through the same struggles.
I hope that helps :)
@@dovee1 tysm I’ll look into that :)