SELF-TALK: befriending our endless monologue
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- Опубліковано 7 сер 2019
- Although only some of us talk aloud to ourselves, all of us have inner voices, even if we are not aware of them. These autonomous parts of ourselves provide running commentary on how and what we are doing. Are our inner commentators friendly and supportive, or critical and attacking? We turn to fairy tales, stories that arise from the collective unconscious, for wisdom about our relationship with those parts of ourselves that tend to operate autonomously. The Ill-Fated Princess must climb a mountain to confront and befriend her “bad fate,” after which her destructive unconscious complex befriends her. In Vasalisa the Beautiful, a loving mother gives her daughter a doll that provides good advice in difficult situations. The bad Fate and Vasalisa’s doll illustrate the process of noticing how we relate to other parts of ourselves-and by changing a negative inner dynamic, we become more whole.
HERE'S THE DREAM WE ANALYZE:
"I am alone in Aunt Gloria’s house, and I know I’m there because I am house- and pet-sitting for her. There are several cats I’m taking care of, but suddenly, a bird flies in the window, and all the cats are chasing it. Then a stray cat gets in, and all are hissing and bristling. I run down the stairs, and there are two mice on an armrest, but one appears almost dead. When I look closer, it is dead, and there is a note on it that says something like, “Satan, I know you could’ve done this deal yourself.” I look up, and a bedraggled and skinny old man is standing at the top of the stairs; I know then his name is brandy-mouthed Bob. I’m frightened of him. He came down the stairs toward me aggressively and said, “Should we throw some punches?” I didn’t know what to do, so I grabbed his skinny wrists and tried to hold his arms back, afraid he would bite me."
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30:04 notice how you’re talking to yourself. Find your fate (illfate) and acknowledge it. Give it a gift. Something to nurture it
31:00 exercise: arguing with your boss or inner boss. Switch chairs
31:25 What we fail to make conscious, we’ll meet as fate
38:40 personify the part that is talking. Get the feeling tone. Act of imagination. Dreams might help you personify that
40:00 use Your name instead of I in self talk
44:39 talking to ourselves is a way to hear ourselves. Active imagination. Do it in the car. Think aloud
45:20 confession to maat
I remember very vividly, in early childhood, telling my mom that I had a voice in my head that was saying a lot of bad words and I did not wanted to hear it anymore. She told me to say no to it three times inside my mind every time it bothered me. And it worked.
Great podcast, so much information here!
Justy giving a quick amen here- this episode like many from you folks is a slam dunk for me. So appreciative of your work! That bit about early age sophisticated self attacking really hit home with me and provided a chance to look inwards and really rev up the self compassion for those times! Thanks again!
I so appreciate how these three model skillful dialogic skills that include ways to express different points of view without diminishing the alternative view/speaker.
First of all glad to hear & find about your podcasts! For sometime now I was trying to get my head around the workings of unconscious mind and all the terms like shadow, integrating the shadow & history of modern psychology itself particularly from psychoanalytic point of view.
Now while listening to this podcast the thing that intuitively popped up in my mind was, We as humans have been able to delve into human nature & are still trying to understand its subtle qualities but somehow isn't it obvious that Self is kinda deep ocean that we are trying to contain in a small pond. We may keep talking & exploring its behavior but we are always exploring it in reference to some self imposed constraints of the physical everyday world. So instead of giving the self its true place to express itself we are confining it within the boundaries of physicality. What if we create conditions or rather let it discover its own nature. By this I don't mean secluding it from mundane but rather letting it deal with mundane on its own terms.
I think that is function of religion. Frankly speaking, nowadays it seems to me a kinda taboo to talk about religion atleast in western academic circles & institutions. But coming from Islamic background & quite some idea about Judeo Christian tradition as well, I think Self expresses itself best when it is left to pursue its own nature & its relation with the Infinity. So it sees its place in world not as permanently fixed but as that of a moving wave that is hungry to experience its own nature. Religion can provide some tools to help it unfold itself. There may have been some errors made by us humans while employing religion but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have a careful study of history of religions in relation to unfolding of Self.
I remember during my childhood my mom would tell us story of a Woman who would come to scare the bad children and that we needed to behave, like finish our food otherwise that woman would show up to haunt us lol. I remember having dreams about that woman & funny part is she would show up and having same face as my mom but kinda making scary faces and it would really scare me in the dream & I would run around in the dream. It was freaking me out.
But isnt it kinda true that even as grown ups we have build tremendous insecurities in our lives that keep us scared all life.
So what is the ultimate way to ward off those insecurites that inhibit self unfolding & development.
Here one verse of Quran comes to mind:
Yea, indeed: everyone who surrenders his whole being unto God, and is a doer of good withal, shall have his reward with his Sustainer; and all such need have no fear, and neither shall they grieve. - Chapter2: Verse 112
Anyways, I am really enjoying your work. You guys are awesome.
I am wonderfully struck and awed by how IFS (Internal Family System) Therapy very much echoes Jung's beautiful thinking and approach. IFS focuses on internal Parts that we much understand and befriend. Parts like the inner critic might be seen as "the protector" and is just to keep us safe in some way. Richard Schwartz wrote a wonderful book called "No Bad Parts". And Janina Fishers wonderful book "Healing The Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation". Both are about understanding and befriending all of our inner selves with compassion and dignity. Thank you so much for these wonderful podcasts. You have inspired me to seek out a Jungian therapist again.
Thank you for those book recommendations! And for your comment. All the best!
This Jungian Life Team - Just a Note from a fan - I love your podcasts, this one I listened to two times as there is a lot of greatness in here. I really love the talks you have together. How great is it that I can work, workout, do yardwork, drive and listen to such genius! It's amazing from my POV.
Just as a side note I just read Lisa's "Waiting" article and agree, my wife and I have been dealing with our biological daughter on this road, walking side by side with her, but we are skeptical/questioning we don't affirm this but we still love and provide a lot of support for her, basically if not for her Mom/Dad she's be homeless and worse. Lisa's article is spot on, our daughter just turned 25 and as one of you pointed out a few episodes ago ( I think) we are hoping for a great Saturn Return to her life! HS! I fear if she does not figure this issue out by, I'll say, 28 the road her life will follow, and ours sadly and others, will be not as great as it could be. This road is painful, and if you really think about your loved one during the day while going about your day who is questioning - you can be brought to your knees in tears and grief. My wife and I have been on this road for at least 5 years, maybe 7. What is terrible is the isolation as if we are swimming upstream, it is rare the people who stand with us and we need more people to stand with us and be skeptical/questioning of this entire line of reasoning. If you truly loved someone, you would not want them to get on this road. You would do everything you could to lead and show them this path it is not in their best interest.
Thanks Again - the 3 of you are really, really awesome!! I am a BIG FAN!
Richard
Richard, you're holding a lot. Jung found in the nadir of his life he cast himself upon the grace of The Self and was given a vision that reoriented his life. I hope you will read Memories Dreams Reflections by CG Jung, and take heart.
Of course, I have enjoyed this discussion. At the end I wondered why and was disappointed that you didn't explore the note to Satan (did you?)
Note the contradiction between the opening written text and Deb's comment. I recall B. Alan Wallace's observation: "You don't have to think all the time."
Only just found your podcast. Great insights. I was thinking about this today, so my be a bit of synchronicity in play.
Life is a colourful breath we can paint.
Self chatter is frequent; I'm going to notice what I'm saying, since I barely am aware - it's automatic. Self talk is not necessarily negative. I think my thoughts are childhood memories. I'll pay attention!
Thanks so many great ideas
Damn, Frank Reynolds writes some beautiful poetry @ 47:14 ! (Danny Devito's character in "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia".... he says a line involving wanting to be pure in an episode.) Pardon the crude reference's soiling of such a marvelously inspiring piece of writing. XD
Excellent discussion, once again! Loved the fairy tales and prayer. I'm surprised you all didn't mention Tulpas...as the topic has become fairly popular lately. Not complaining, I was just expecting to hear about them.
I would love to hear an episode on the topic of "memes". My teenage daughter was talking to me about them yesterday. She told me there are many memes that adults wouldn't be capable of understanding. I found that interesting and immediately thought you three!
I think MeMes are an amazing image-based communication with both the collective and individuals. It's a phenom that deserves a lot of consideration!
Lisa is on the money when dinstincting thoughts vs. feelings
I just remembered my aunt who was a lawyer and died of cancer at 35.
Yup