You're NOT a FRAUD: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
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- Опубліковано 9 сер 2023
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Imposter syndrome constellates the gut-wrenching fear of being exposed as a fraud no matter how much we have learned or the successes we have demonstrated. In 1978 two researchers identified and explored a painful phenomenon among some high-achieving women. Despite their high levels of success, they were convinced they were not as competent, intelligent, or skilled as others might think. Instead of identifying with their capabilities, they often attributed their success to luck, personal persuasion, or an unanticipated burst of energy. Further research revealed this struggle was equally distributed among men and women.
Some common elements were identified:
Perfectionism: they often set remarkably high expectations for themselves and over-emphasized any slight mistake, disturbing their sense of competence.
Overworking: to hide their perceived deficiencies, they often worked harder and put in excessively long hours. This was done to prevent others from discovering their alleged incompetence.
Rejecting praise: they frequently discounted their successes which interfered with their ability to internalize their accomplishments despite ample proof of their abilities. They would brush off compliments and attribute talents to external factors.
Undermining achievements: they thought they had managed to deceive others into seeing them as more intelligent and capable than they believed themselves to be. Their avoidance of acknowledgment deflected proper credit for work they had rightly generated.
Fear of failure: they would excessively monitor for any evidence of failure, fearing that acknowledgment would expose them as cons.
Imposter syndrome has subtle intrapsychic dynamics. Its underlying inferiority complex is obscure and often based on early life experiences. It is natural for children to feel vulnerable and less capable than the adults around them; this usually motivates them to grow and develop competencies. They may fail to identify with their own agency if their efforts are scorned, ignored, or grossly mischaracterized. When these negative experiences are internalized, the relationship between their actions and results is fragmented. Interference between the child's mobilized intentions and the visible outcomes they generate constellates a field of unknowing that leaves them anxious and unsure.
To compensate for feelings of anxiety and vulnerability, they can become overly ambitious, perfectionistic, and aggressive, striving for power and control. Unconsciously, they are simply trying to claim and internalize what they have legitimately created. The chronic interference with their natural capacity to place themselves accurately in the world can extend into many domains of life.
Healing from imposter syndrome begins with confessing their fears of exposure and accusation. They have desperately hidden the secret that they do not belong in the life they have created. Once they share the depth of their alienation, a new narrative can begin that includes being seen by another-through that, they can finally see themselves.
HERE'S THE DREAM WE ANALYZE:
“I'm sitting on the benches around the top middle row at a high school football game. People were around, but it was not crowded, so I had a good view. I was standing near my Ex-friend, a female. She and I had sort of a relationship about 10 or 11 months ago. It didn't work out, and we don't talk anymore. She was standing near me, on my right, one row below--so I was a couple of inches above her. In a group chat, she was texting something about her friends, and I saw my other Ex-girlfriend on her phone. All I saw was her social media profile. I was feeling confused and shocked. Why was my ex-friend in a group chat with my other ex? They're two completely different people and go to different schools. I fell back asleep. I'm now on the ground floor beside the tall benches. In my peripheral vision, I see the football players come out. They were all running to the field like any normal football game, but I was running beside them on the left, going in the opposite direction. They're going to the field, and I'm heading toward the school, holding an energy drink. Then I had flashbacks of running on the benches themselves.”
Amazing concepts and revelations. I resonate profoundly. I also appreciate your encouragement to venture forward anyway in the face of self- doubt. I’m in awe of all of you and to hear your experiences of feeling inadequate is deeply validating and heartening. Thank you for your candor and affirmation.
Marvelous, Marvelous, Marvelous. I admire the honesty of the three of you in risking your own histories. Accurate and correct validation from the get-go in a child's life makes all the difference in their future prospects. Thank you for helping me through this video as I work on this very syndrome myself.
S 1:00:06 “The natural genius” this one is subtly different and I’ve never heard it broken down in so many words but it’s exactly what I’ve dealt with - so easily confused with being lazy. But it really is more about struggling with a sense of destiny and looking for signs of whether it’s the right path. Thank you for this! 🙏
I really benefit from your videos when I hear myself in what you're talking about. For whatever reason I can feel a softening from your attunement about the topic.
Thanks 😊
I was thrown into teaching English in South Korea. 8 years later when Immigration finally caught on that I had zero qualifications, I was really angry when they said, "But you are not a teacher." ... because yes, I am! And I could stand my ground against any of these recent graduates 😂 sometimes the meritocracy is too much! ... I remember a car crash in Toronto where onlookers were all asking eachother, "Are you a doctor? Can you help?" - and a teenager just ran up to the wreck and started helping.
😂 good one! Herro from Seoul
Don't give up.. and stand your ground
Thank you for this episode. And all others 💜
5 minutes of entire greatness, at least
Didn't know you guys did a video podcast, it's good to put faces to the voices!! Love the podcast :)
Thanx for giving a trendy topic such a substantive exploration. Most versions that you describe apply to me: my struggles with shame and or inflation re “destiny” in the face of the archetypal realm so prevalent in my dreams…to “survivor” guilt from my childhood carried over into adulthood in so many dimensions of my life. There has been crippling distress and dismay at any recognition and awards… which I do not (consciously) seek.
Having this imposter discussion years ago would have saved me much sorrow in my many years working as an LCSW doing counseling at a nonprofit.
Re: your dream interpretation, however, I do take some issue with your persistence in labeling the dreamers action as “going the wrong way” after his interaction with the feminine. If I recall correctly, he was headed back towards school, maybe a different destiny than the footballers. I know for me as a 17 year old intelligent, sensitive, creative (gay) teenager, my destiny was not running with whatever the football team might symbolize. I feel for the 17 year old that might be hearing your interpretation.
This is fantastic and just what I needed to hear today! Thank You! ❤
I just needed this, thank you, sending you lots of love!
Brilliant episode, thank you for the insights.
I think those idiosyncratic type of wounds are so primitive. This was a wonderful and helpful episode. Thank you!
jk loved this episode and please know you guys are the most underrated channel on youtube!
Imposter syndrome or phenomenon is an Imposter in and of itself . It’s not real. I felt that way when I become a massage therapist when I finished school when I become a data scientist and when I got into financial planning. Every time it’s just a jealous voice of the ego that can’t understand how I’m so amazing at getting over it.
7:41
When you have a dislike of inflated people, you have an anxiety of "never be like that". Is imposter syndrome partially the search for the right amount of humility? Growing up in an unhealthy family system where you were never seen, you are not even an imposter. You never really existed as someone who deserves to have rights to your own self, to your own accomplishments.
9:05
"Doing our very best" is depends on the person. Some do take on more than one would expect from a human being and someone else's best maybe harming others.
Self transformation is hard. To change is hard. To realize unhealthy patterns in our lives that we have been repeating needs commitment to reality. Reality that we didn't accept and have not dealt with. Until our unconscious, shadow self doesn't wrack havock, we tend to not deal with self destructing behavior.
"Doing our best" is different between people, it is also different in our own life. Sometimes we are more motivated than before. Changing for our loved one/s (meeting a new person we find important, having a child and we want the best for them by cleaning up our own behavior, losing so much that we can't hide behind excuses) can be powerful. "Our best" can change.
If I think of Jung, his commitment to deal with his unconscious during the period of his dark night of the soul was very strong. "His best" is hard to match. "Our best" doesn't depend on the level of our education, it depends on the commitment to handle uncomfortable truth, commitment to process complex reality and take responsibility for our own self. Awareness of psychology is a tool for sure though.
54:22
We are lucky to have born into a society where individuation is possible, where the political system is such that people have the right to self determination and bring forward the gifts they were born with. We are lucky if we don't have to go through war and we can live and grow in peace. We are lucky if we have "good enough family" instead of a traumatizing one. Once a person understand that luck in their lives, if they have compassion and empathy, they actively looking to give back to empower those who were born into less fortunate situation. Luck is not for guilt, luck is to spread it. Luck is not for inflated ego, but to return some to the ones less fortunate.
Bernie Madoff: Thank you so much for this episode it's what I needed to hear. I forwarded this to Liz Holmes, I think she'll love it!
It is not just the individual, it's also the society, see the works of Erich Fromm on allienation. Yeah, the first speaker nailed it. It's universal.
It will come as no surprise that I want to complain about the system ... I think it has to do a lot with the authority complex, and it's undesired compensation. I have a feeling that you don't want to say everything.
If I brought home a ‘D’ on a math test… i just wouldn’t go home! Let’s say the consequences of that were worse than shaming or a stern talking to 😅
Solo perfectionist
I'm a genuine fake.
LOL
Me too.....the result of the fake it till you make it philosophy.....
We can only dream of your status
I remember Alan Watts saying the same thing in regards to those who read and actually believe in that book called, “How to Make Friends and Influence People”
womens approach to life and mens approach are two separate realities
My's Magic (original poem)-
I gots strong magic
You could never grab it
Even if I gave it to you
You still wouldn't have it
Even if you made it a life long habit
My's magic is as strong as space
Fills more room than it takes
Doesn't know how to not make a mistake
Generates destiny & unravels fate
A master key to unlock any gate
It never gives what it cannot take
My magic casts spells with more letters than a book
With more pixels than every digital pic ever took
More ingredients than every meal ever cooked
Couldn't spit it if I told you just what to say
Cause words are as real as any given day
And magic works in the opposite way
My magic is like saying Eve is The Messiah
That Abraham is a rapist pariah
That The Republic is a utensil of evil
And that monkeys actually evolved from people
Which came first the womb or the woe
My magic makes unknown what we already know
It's here for a limited time only, y'all don't wanna miss this show
10: 19: 14
This to me doesn’t relate to whether I authentically earned my way thru life to some sort of material success, but rather the person characterized as kind, loving, loveable, 1:18:14 charitable , 1:18:46 responsible, accountable , to all sorts of people engaged with IS real or just how I learned to be loveable? So I question myself internally, am I really the person reflected back to me throughout my life(74now)or an imposter ? In a nutshell, am I good really, or that’s what was the expected norm I grew up in! Foundation for success, a life worth living
Unless you are a fake 🤔
Projection mystique! The audience expects a solo guitarist to channel his narcissist within. Was it Hendrix who lit his guitar on fire? Or was he channelling the mob? The fortunate can don his mask(persona) for the right reasons...WINK WINK. If it's not true it should be!. What a boon to eavesdrop on this daimonic triangle. My oxygen thief within THANKS YOU!
Jesus - I’m literally all of those things. Perfectionist, soloist, and it has to be easy. Trifecta of bullshit. 🤣