“We Can’t Be Patient Forever.” Trans Person Finds Joy & Community After Cutting Ties with Family.
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- Опубліковано 12 вер 2023
- SJ grew up in a family where emotions were suppressed and discussion of feelings was rare, leading them to experience anxiety and depression throughout their early life. When they realized in college that they were queer, they were worried about their mom’s response - but still hopeful for the best. What they got instead was rejection to the point of ignoring the topic altogether. This rejection pushed SJ further and further away from the family, to the point where a therapist broached the topic of a cessation of the relationship entirely. Realizing they had no choice, SJ ended contact with their parents and eventually found confidence in their identity and a real family - a chosen one - to love and support them without conditions.
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Same, SJ, about the feelings thing. Thank you for sharing.
This is YOUR life. You get to choose how and what your experiences will be. If others wish to hold you back or imply there’s something wrong with you, or your way of being bothers them, then they don’t belong on your journey. It says more about them than you anyway. Always be true to yourself and kind to yourself. Living by example, authentically is not only the best way for someone to live for themselves, but it helps others to be free to live their authentic truth. 🇨🇦
Thank you for sharing.
Yes place yourself first but at the same time you are not alone and above all you are and WILL ALWAY'S be loved.💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
Distancing yourself from your toxic family is necessary for your physical and mental health and happiness .
...Hell, it felt like I was talking for a moment. Selfish as people using you for their own self reason. They never really loved you anyway. This is the sad truth for a lot of us and they were bold to speak openly about this. You go boy! Do that! I am distancing away from those selfish personalities as well and it crazy to know that the main ones you need to do this with is the people that crested you. It is so many things wrong with these so called relative of ours that it cause us to do these things then they have the nerve to be have an attitude on why you did not do what they " told you to do." When your "parents are narcissist...it crazy. FUCK THEM! FUND NEW ONES! Keep sharing your story. You are touching so many of us that are listening. Your doing the right thing sad to say! 😅
SJ grew up in a family where emotions were suppressed and discussion of feelings was rare, that's just awful
It can be hard to cut toxic relatives from our lives, but it's so worth it! Good for you!
🙏❤🏳🌈🏳⚧
My heart breaks for you I’m a mother and would not treat my son like this
nothing but compassion and respect for our trans brothers and sisters - aside from not being hetrosexual and the baggage that carries, they have nothing in common with us gay and lesbian members of society and their lived experience must be far different - make your own way trans fam, as we will ours
All the best to him
??? EMAIL: 'Hi mom, I am trans, I want to become a man' ???
!!!You discuss important issues face-to-face!!!
You come out in whatever way works for you, Also, I don't think he told us his actual wording in his email to his mother. May I suggest a better way for us to think may be "I am a man", not "I want to become a man"? Trans men who don't medically transition are men too, after all.
@cukka99: The wording of my / his / your e-mail is not the point I am trying to highlight here.
E-mail is used most effectively in cases where you want to share Information. =+=
Feelings, Emotions, Relationships, Contact, Understanding benefit from face to face contact. When you see and hear and perhaps touch each other your conversation gains Intonation, additional Meaning, Intention. Communications by email lack all these '[non-verbal] signals Missing out of these matters can easily lead to Misunderstandings.
If your Personal Matter is important enough to share with someone important to you, do so face-to-face.
I know we can not always do this because of e.g. distance etc. But ' as a rule of thumb' this is solid advice.
I wish to elaborate on both points and hope this is OK. First, yes, there are definite pluses to in-person communication. Yet, coming out can be difficult for people for any number of reasons and someone might just not find themselves able to do it face to face. I wouldn't hold this against them.
As for the wording of being trans and transitioning: yes, I appreciate that this isn't the point here. But I do think it is something that merits thought for future conversations. I think the idea that a trans man "wants to become a man" is what underlies the bigots' pseudo-argument (and the meme that goes with it) about how a child who is too young to drive/vote/decide on their bed time can't be mature enough to "choose their gender". Whereas, if one were to think of being transgender as being of a certain gender and beginning to realize/understand what one's gender is, then it is fully expected that a child, sometimes even as young as four, might start to realize what their gender is. Furthermore, this is something that cis and trans kid both experience. Again, not suggesting that there was any such intent behind your post, but it's just that I think it's good to think about what kind of expression gives ammunition to bigots and their bad faith arguments. @@WPGinfo
@@cukka99 Thank you for your open response. When I came out 40+ years ago, it felt like the scariest, most important thing in my life. It was then, and in a very different way it still is. Coming out, in a way is a disclosure of a need for being your 'true self'.
When this 'true self' differs from 'the average' we tend to call it a coming out; This gives it an importance that may complicate relationships. My coming out was met with disbelief, doubt, anxiety, anger and many other emotions. Although all these negative emotions scared me, it served it's purpose;
It marked a 'new' starting point in our relationship[s]. A few in random order..:
*It forced, both me and significant others around me, to explore our values, relationships and emotions. *It made me realize that my expectation of how others respond to my coming out was very naive; My coming out took ME quite a while... how could I expect this to be quick and simple for others around me? They too needed to take some time to digest it all.*The coming out was just the first conversation of many; Directly and indirectly, values, relationships and emotions shifted while ' other bits' stayed ' unchanged'. *Then there is the other elephant in the room: 'coming out is not a singular thing'. Every time you meet new people, start new relationships, in whatever shape or form [work, leisure, intimate etc.] you need to decide in what way you want to introduce yourself / come out.
Looking back 40+ years, Not my gender, queerness, sexual orientation / preferences or any of these where a game changer;
Living my life, attempting to remain true to myself and those around me who I value, was and is the only important aspect that remains over all these years.
To achieve that communication is THE MOST IMPORTANT. Hence my comment.
Feelings, Emotions, Relationships, Contact, Understanding benefit from face to face contact.
Does that always ' end well'? Hell no; Sometimes relationships stop, change dramatically or fade. Whatever happens in your life: big events are like pearls on your necklace; Cherish them all, for together they make YOU.
Live your life, respecting yourself and others.
Be true and truthful always. Do no harm. Love and be loved in whatever form fits you.