I often teach that feeling angry or upset can be an opportunity to ask yourself “What do I want/need that I am not getting?“ and “ How can I fulfill that want/need for myself?” I also encourage people to identify ways they can physically release the anger in a healthy way.
in fact anger can even teach that the person needs to set a boundary or ask for a want/need in a relationship. Not just for themselves. Anger is protection in many cases. A sign a boundary is being crossed, a sign we may be giving too much, etc. After being a fawner as a survival strategy. I enjoy having my boundaries, and not getting into areas where i will feel resentful or need to supress any feelings. Here's to trauma informed definitions and recovery around healthy anger!
For me it stems from fear of abandonment. But God’s Word says I will never leave you or forsake you and this is my beginning point to heal from my trauma and the truth of how my trauma has bled over to others inflicting trauma on them. And hopefully my hurting will be healed in others as well. ❤️
Thank you, very helpful. Many admirable voices! I took kick boxing for a while and have found that many of my clients benefit from taking martial arts classes. I also work with paddles, having them notice their somatic response as they consider punching or kicking. When used, we go slo-mo and mindfully as they channel anger into movement
I do a lot of Child/Adult communication. It helps for the adult to help the child trace where the anger came from, and to let the adult self comfort the child and reassure that the adult will not judge, but will take good care of the child.
Seems pretty obvious that the REBT explanation of anger is rather strong. Revised in practice to validate the feelings/thoughts, combine content with function. Use ACT or DBT skills in enabling non-rigid and non-extreme attitudes. Recognise the flip side of anger are the values...longed for. But let's be honest - anger can also fuel very destructive actions. Always important to disentangle the thoughts/beliefs and emotional connection. And secondary feelings about anger, such as shame etc.?
People who are angry are grieving. Hearing that you’re grieving helps trauma victims feel understood, rather than judged. (Sharon Harris, trained by Bessel van der kolk)
Acknowleding there feelings, being courious and kind, mirrorign Them from the part of me that knows, they have a good reason to feel whatever they feel and that they - just like anybody else - want to feel save, accepted and capable as all Human beings do. I find it helpfull to let it Come across, that I am NOT shocked, surprised or likely to judge Them for any emotion they might fell, that I like Them and want to help sort out how to find ways to deal with whatever upset Them, since being angry seems very upsetting and exhausting for Them.
Despite being commonly recommended to say your opinion in the I -form I am compelled to stop saying my opinion to people trying to talk me into things, or not respecting my wishes or my Nos. The thing is there are always 2 parties both have to be aware and not projecting their anger or fear onto others. My experience 80% of the people outside are unaware and carry lots of baggage still no excuse to insult. They say reacting with resistance it's normal like a child being addressed to tidy up the room. However, when the other party gets verbally severely abusive towards me and I myself grew up with narcissistic parents, then I'm out . Speak to me respectfully or not at all. That's where I always disagreed with German psychologists forcing me to stay in a talk with such verbally abusive people. As a self responsible person a self loving person I can't get insulted you are stupid, aggressive, crazy etc. For expressing my opinion. If you do that as a psychologist you retraumatize your clients. I rather say no forget our of the situation by saying ok I see you are getting a bit too emotional right now, we can talk further when you calmed down first. But then I leave not discuss it over in that situation. I think anger can be the strongest force to change your life, I was a victim of abuse 40 years long, but it also is the topic where most of the prejudices judgements take place and where therapy can get destructive. Once it is centered and not lived out in projections or extremes, then it is the best. But once more, good non-aggressive communication implies 2 parties not just one, means you might not be able to change others or their behavior as long as they don't see it feel it themselves.
I often teach that feeling angry or upset can be an opportunity to ask yourself “What do I want/need that I am not getting?“ and “ How can I fulfill that want/need for myself?” I also encourage people to identify ways they can physically release the anger in a healthy way.
in fact anger can even teach that the person needs to set a boundary or ask for a want/need in a relationship. Not just for themselves. Anger is protection in many cases. A sign a boundary is being crossed, a sign we may be giving too much, etc. After being a fawner as a survival strategy. I enjoy having my boundaries, and not getting into areas where i will feel resentful or need to supress any feelings. Here's to trauma informed definitions and recovery around healthy anger!
Kindness and empathic listening. Non-judgment. Compassion
first I want to validate their anger - they often come to therapy ful of shame and with the plan to erase the part of themselves that is angry.
For me it stems from fear of abandonment. But God’s Word says I will never leave you or forsake you and this is my beginning point to heal from my trauma and the truth of how my trauma has bled over to others inflicting trauma on them. And hopefully my hurting will be healed in others as well. ❤️
Thank you, very helpful. Many admirable voices! I took kick boxing for a while and have found that many of my clients benefit from taking martial arts classes. I also work with paddles, having them notice their somatic response as they consider punching or kicking. When used, we go slo-mo and mindfully as they channel anger into movement
I do a lot of Child/Adult communication. It helps for the adult to help the child trace where the anger came from, and to let the adult self comfort the child and reassure that the adult will not judge, but will take good care of the child.
Seems pretty obvious that the REBT explanation of anger is rather strong. Revised in practice to validate the feelings/thoughts, combine content with function. Use ACT or DBT skills in enabling non-rigid and non-extreme attitudes. Recognise the flip side of anger are the values...longed for. But let's be honest - anger can also fuel very destructive actions. Always important to disentangle the thoughts/beliefs and emotional connection. And secondary feelings about anger, such as shame etc.?
Great edit, although I wish the full format of the clips where linked
People who are angry are grieving. Hearing that you’re grieving helps trauma victims feel understood, rather than judged. (Sharon Harris, trained by Bessel van der kolk)
Thank you so so much for this
Thank you thank you thank you💕❤💕❤💕❤💕
Acknowleding there feelings, being courious and kind, mirrorign Them from the part of me that knows, they have a good reason to feel whatever they feel and that they - just like anybody else - want to feel save, accepted and capable as all Human beings do. I find it helpfull to let it Come across, that I am NOT shocked, surprised or likely to judge Them for any emotion they might fell, that I like Them and want to help sort out how to find ways to deal with whatever upset Them, since being angry seems very upsetting and exhausting for Them.
Despite being commonly recommended to say your opinion in the I -form I am compelled to stop saying my opinion to people trying to talk me into things, or not respecting my wishes or my Nos. The thing is there are always 2 parties both have to be aware and not projecting their anger or fear onto others. My experience 80% of the people outside are unaware and carry lots of baggage still no excuse to insult. They say reacting with resistance it's normal like a child being addressed to tidy up the room. However, when the other party gets verbally severely abusive towards me and I myself grew up with narcissistic parents, then I'm out . Speak to me respectfully or not at all. That's where I always disagreed with German psychologists forcing me to stay in a talk with such verbally abusive people. As a self responsible person a self loving person I can't get insulted you are stupid, aggressive, crazy etc. For expressing my opinion. If you do that as a psychologist you retraumatize your clients. I rather say no forget our of the situation by saying ok I see you are getting a bit too emotional right now, we can talk further when you calmed down first. But then I leave not discuss it over in that situation.
I think anger can be the strongest force to change your life, I was a victim of abuse 40 years long, but it also is the topic where most of the prejudices judgements take place and where therapy can get destructive. Once it is centered and not lived out in projections or extremes, then it is the best. But once more, good non-aggressive communication implies 2 parties not just one, means you might not be able to change others or their behavior as long as they don't see it feel it themselves.