How Your Birth Order Shapes Your Marriage - Dr. Kevin Leman
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- Опубліковано 31 тра 2024
- Your birth order reveals some important clues about your personality and your relationship with loved ones. Dr. Kevin Leman discusses how birth order can affect your marriage. He reveals which pairings are the most complementary, and which ones might induce more conflict. Everyone is made uniquely, and Dr. Leman wants all couples to lean into their birth order strengths to make the most out of their marriages. At the end of this engaging conversation, we open the floor to the audience so that they might ask Dr. Leman specific questions regarding the subject matter.
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My husband and I are both first born and have been married 51yrs. I chose him due to the fact he was a Christian and we both went to the same church. He has always been my rock but we both think our way is best. It has been a challenge at times but I tend to give in more than him. Our marriage has always been our main focus. He was also a Marine when we got married which fits in with his need to have his way and I understand. I feel so safe knowing we will continue to grow old together ❤️
I’ve always been interested in birth order. It’s not an exact science, but birth order is more about family dynamics and roles than anything. Each child is born into a different family.
🎉Judgment pushes you apart, feelings bring you together.
Im so excited about this..i always knew this in my mind, I'm a second born who knew i can't get married to a 2nd 3nd or 4th born i got married to a 1st born and the relationship is so easy.
Ive ALWAYS ALWAYS been introduced by ny 2 older siblings to there friends (im the youngest) as their “baby sister” in my much younger years id get so offended and blurt out “im not a baby!” LOL even to this day im hitting 50y/o in a few months and Im STILL introduced to people by my sisters as their baby sister. It use to be annoying in my adolescent and teen years but now as a grown woman i adore it and will forever keep and hold that title❤️
I hate titles like that! My mother and my sister were called that & milked it for everything they could. They both acted like "babies." They behaved like they were too dumb to take care of themselves. Others gave them money, did things for them, made excuses for their rude behavior. People often encourage the "babies" to never grow up.
❤❤❤I love that you’ve embraced it
I miss Dr Lemans podcast. His wisdom speaks to me.
It’s much more than birth order it’s more the way we were treated by parents and the role that is assigned to us by parents especially if they are narcissistic toxic parents. The first born gets it the worst
Not true at all.
3rd born. I got the worst. Especially after dad passed away..
I read his book around 20 years ago and always share birth order with people I know.
Same here! So powerful!
Me too. So glad I read it before I had children.
@@mistibowens4352 totally disagree with him.
My husband is the eldest and ONLY boy no matter how you slice it. He has a step dad and a step mom - all girls before and after him (10 women siblings). I’m the youngest (baby) 2nd born girl and have 1 older brother. I was the kid who usurped my brother in most ways because of my mother’s critical eye. It pushed me to get the heck out and do something, anything, well. He took longer to get started but is doing well now! Even though I keep telling him to demand a raise he deserves 🙄😂, he is doing rlly well. I’m super proud of him ❤
This is understandable. We are a lot about our environment. It does condition and wire us into different perspectives and personalities. And that all begins in the family setting so this resonates with me.
I read the book a year ago - I found it interesting. I am excited to come across and watch this discussion...
My hubby and me have been married for 22 years both first born. He is 4 years younger than me. He is my little brothers age. He had 3 younger brothers. He is a PK. This is both of our second marriages. He had one kid I have one kid. The kids as kids when together fought like cats and dogs. But would defend each other to any other. I was single mom for 13 years.
Thank you . This is so helpfully!!
I am the youngest of four and we are pretty close in age, I am not a manipulator and I definitely am the organizer of the family!
Amazing 👏🏼
What a great book. I need to get another copy of it.
I’m a first born. But I’ve had learning disability and difficulties in my growing up years. That I gave my birth order rights to my sister the middle child. I’m still older but I listen to her like she’s the first born. And she definitely has a first born kind of personality too. I married a first born. He’s definitely as you described! And UGH!! It’s so annoying!!!!!
Edited:::::::::: OH!!!!!!!!! My mom was not only criticizing and critical of me the older child. She was abusive towards me. Not my siblings. ( because I definitely frustrated her as an ADHD child, before there was a diagnosis for this). So it makes sense why my middle sister is the “older sister”
Brilliant book & explains a lot for me,being first born with a parent, who tended to be critical.
I do think ‘sins of the fathers’ etc is so true but knowing what Kevin writes about could avoid this scenario.
That's interesting, about the critical parent! I always wondered why my oldest sister didn't seem like a 1st born but my second sibling sister completely does! My grandma lived with my parents the 1st few years of marriage & hear she was a pretty critical lady... Interesting.
I don’t agree… I’m the last born but I am the one my parents trusted to lead all my siblings and I was the only one they listen too.
Some last borns are like firstborns. Even biblically.
He said that if at least one parent is very critical of the older sibling(s) then the younger sibling will leap frog over the older siblings because the older siblings end up feeling incapable due to the heavy criticism. Sounds like your parents may have been less critical of you than they were of your older siblings.
Kevin is wise
My husband is a first born and he is exactly like Dr Leman described. I'm 3rd born girl and let me tell you I was a feisty little thing. 😁 😉
My parents were very critical of me growing up.. makes me understand why i always fail at life...
I was the youngest of 16 and everyone was very critical of me. But it brought a spirit of fierce competitiveness and eventually drove me to success! But the key is learning to take your losses and learn from them!
Not your parents fault. ( blame it on your mother thinking). You could be plain lazy. All kinds of people make it in this world. Life is tough.
I wonder how this applies if you're a kid in a large family?
I could be wrong, but for the purpose of birth order, I think he counts everyone in between the oldest and youngest as a middle child (unless there is a 5 year or more age gap between the person in question and their OLDER sibling(s). Then they would be considered (personality wise) a firstborn.
Interesting - I'm #6 of six girls. My parents gave up having a son, and after me, adopted a wee boy. Relating to much of what Dr Leman said.
12:21 critical eye parent
Child will be discouraged
Vitamin E💯
I'm first born and my parents weren't anything like what you are saying.
What about only child? Same as first born?
Interesting , I can see similarities
I've found it interesting that when I meet people from Africa and Asia, they tend to introduce themselves by including their birth order. We even see the emphasis in the Bible with Jacob's children, and the births of a few other figures. It really can tell you a lot about a person's personality and why they behave and react in certain ways. I wish there was more info on people that come from blended families. I am my dad's second youngest after being his youngest for 11 years, and my mom's oldest. So in a way, I am the oldest, middle and for a time, the youngest simultaneously.
I'm like 3 yrs apart from older sibling. There are 4 of us total. I've always felt like a tag along and one with no prominent opinion. To this day I don't take criticism well from some. I feel like a first born with last born tendencies ..
this doesnt really match up woth my parents and siblings or hubbys parents and siblings
Who came up with this birth order equals personality and your destiny?
I agree with so many things said here. Of course there are differences in each family, but children looking to see where they fit in and adapting to their environments makes perfect sense.
wonder about only child
I’m a firstborn married to a 4th born 💀 yaaaaaah
What if there were miscarriages before I was born? I am a middle child but my mom had 2 miscarriages. Am I still a middle child? 🤔
No, your personality would likely be that of a firstborn since you were the first child to be born.
@@KS-zc4jn actually…. There were 2 miscarriages before my older brother and sister. So I am the 5th? And I have 2 younger siblings after me.
@@jenautumn214 For the purpose of birth order, I think it clumps everyone after the first and before the last as "middle" children. I do not think the miscarriages "count" in that sense since they never had a major influence in your life (other than knowing about them). Not that they weren't important, just that they weren't physically around.
@@KS-zc4jn so I am considered to be middle child still? I am sorry for asking too many questions and I appreciate you so much!
@@jenautumn214 I'd say you're a middle child with older and younger siblings. I'm 4th born in a family of six children. I fit the middle child description as he explained.
Too many parents have children for narcissistic reasons and covertly hold them in contempt. Look at the criminal cases we’ve had in the last 5 years. Parents murdering their children left and right. I can barely keep up with all of these cases.
I have no idea why you don't, but so wish you'd enable Closed Captioning! The camera kept roaming so I couldn't always see Dr. Leman's face when he talked, which would have assisted hearing. But without Closed Captioning - I was lost most of the time. A shame.
We're sorry we don’t have the resources to add captions to most of our videos at this time. Our digital team is working on this. In the meantime, please know that there are written transcripts for most of our programs here - bit.ly/3MQHyr0. We hope this is helpful.
I am no.7 married to no.5, so I don't know what that means to my marriage
Ha😅
Not agree. My sister is the oldest and she's not the perfect list maker ect. She's messy and don't care. I'm the middle child I want stuff to be perfect I'll make the list, make sure everything is doing write. My husband and I are both middle children and still so different
He said that can happen if there is a critical parent. So what happened to make your sister that way?
You had reversal with older child way patents relate has effect too
Birth order research highly confirmed! 1,2,3,4 then starts over. 12 kids? 1234,1234,1234
This does not speak to me
10:34 💀 your husband hates your questions😂
Clean out the bank accounts and get finances in order
If the first child was a stillborn, and you were born next, are you a first or second child?
Second born
@@joycenjoroge7230 first born
First born personality because the stillborn child (so heartbreaking) was not in the family lineup to exert their presence or personality. This essentially makes you the first born.
@@banditwithmoxxie I’m the firstborn of my dad, but the second born of my mom.
Not to acerbic, in my family of ten children
I wouldn’t listen to it.
I got to 3.29 mark and had to quit. This is so culturally biased and so American it just did not resonate at all with this Aussie girl from the bush
The author is American after all 😂. It rings true for me and my family and we are from Europe. I’ve read the book and it applies very well. But cultural influences definitely play a role in how we turn out and hence not everyone will find this idea true for them. It would be curious to investigate how Burt order works in other cultures.
@@angieposso695 I think I can see how not only the culture aspect but also the generational changes within the culture would make a difference
@@JacquelineHahn1 I totally agree. The book goes into more detail and describes what else influences the various characteristics. This video does not do it justice.
Amazing...I just learned that 2 firstborns should never marry, lol. My now EX made the same mistake twice, tho, and married another firstborn, lol. Ah, such is life!
This sounds a lot like horoscopes. No biblical application. It made me quite uncomfortable because it was so far from a biblical connection (at least 10 minutes in) - so I couldn't finish.
Birth order is a very prominent subject in the Bible. See the old testament.
@Psalm2710_ I'm familiar. Please help me to understand why what this man is saying is biblically connected. Birth order is a fact in the OT. Not a determination for your personality 🤔
I understand there was a significance in birth order in the old testament for blessing but not to determine your personality. I agree, I'm not seeing the biblical application here.
The Bible says that men are to dwell with their wives according to knowledge. Knowing why someone thinks or behaves the way they do can lead to better relationships if you apply that knowledge. You don't see anything in the Bible about cars, planes, trains, computers, phones, etc. yet we have them. It doesn't mean that it is on the level of a horoscope. It is not sinful to apply that knowledge to your relationships in life.
Family dynamics (including birth order and parent/child and sibling relationships) impact how we learn to relate to one another. Look at Isaac/Ishmael, Esau/Jacob, Joseph and his siblings. Think about your own siblings too. This is a well studied field. But also, this needs to be interpreted in light of other family dynamics.
Leman uses multiple cliches. He's a walking talking, praphrase and idea plagierist.