THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES #78 - Distant Cousin
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- Опубліковано 3 лип 2018
- MAG078 - Case #0011206 - Lawrence Moore
Statement regarding something was not their cousin.
The Magnus Archives tells the tale of another case of a suspected impostor posing as a family member and the steps exercised to resolve the situation.
Starring: The Archivist - Jonathan Sims; Tim Stoker - Mike LeBeau; Martin Blackwood - Alexander J Newall; Michael - Luke Booys; Not!Sasha - Eve Hewitt
Writer: Jonathan Sims
Director: Alexander J Newall
Editors: Alexander J Newall, Mike LeBeau
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The Magnus Archives is distributed by RustyQuill.com and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International Licence. - Розваги
![That was very stupid. [Magnus Archives Animatic]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/2Y2NcTLR0EY/mqdefault.jpg)
Michael's voice, and the feedback, plus his delivery.... y'all obsessing over worm wife, but you ignoring door husband ;-;
YOU ARE SO RIGHT
Door husband..? I don't think I want to know...
"Door husband" makes me think of Silent Hill 2.
this fandom has weird nicknames.
@@skullptures142 he took mrs richardson with a door (i think the episode was a new door idk)
i love how tim was literally "jon your vibes are absolutely rancid rn im leaving immediately"
I get the feeling he was hurrying martin out of there because they planned on checking on him later
I think Tim knew what was up not about Sasha but knew that he didn't want to be there
Tim knew the only thing that would cause John to so genuinely apologize and basically tell them that he's sure he can trust them is that either something's gone horribly wrong and or shits about to go down because John was right to be paranoid and he's finally discovered the source, and either way he's like "Nope, I'm grabbing the child and running"
@KateCantDraw
“Oh shit jons not acting like a lunatic? Yeah Jon, babe (in a Tim way not in a dating way), yeah we are leaving I’m taking Martin goodbye shits about to go DOWN and i do NOT want to see it”
I don't like the way this episode started. He sounds like he's been crying and that's _not allowed_
it really isnt
Him expressing his emitions is not aloud or uhh what made him feel sad isnt alowed? Im shooting for the second option here amigos.
@@nikonikoknees4488 m8 it's a joke. People are sad that Jon is sad so they're "banning" his sadness
@@ZeroOhClock ooooohhh thanks! Sorry if I sounded rude, I was trying to figure this out :/. I assumed as mutch but also wanted to make sure :) thanks for clarifying!
@@nikonikoknees4488 I wouldn't say it's rude I just think you misunderstood the OP intention. It's cool that you were trying to stand up for Jon and having emotions it was just misguided :).
jon: *destroys table*
michael: so you have chosen death
I want to like your comment, but I don't want to mess with that perfect 333. So, just know I also found your comment funny
@@nikonikoknees4488 lol, ok
Im just so glad that after every anxiety driven episode i can turn to the comments for a good laugh🤣
@@nikonikoknees4488 Please stop talking like that, for the love of god
@Blind Girl Can't remember - it's been 6 months
Jon: "I don't like Mahtin, he's dumb"
Martin: Carrying around a corkscrew as a resourceful and practical worm remover
Jon: Haha smashing table go brrrr
He's been through shit. His sanity is low
To be fair, Martin suggested destroying the table way back in season 1.
Yeah, I never really got why Jon described him as dumb… Probably an overcompensation because he can’t deal with enjoying someone’s presence like that, lol. And I get that his sanity is the definition of “not stonks” rn, BUT WHY TF WOULD YOU BREAK THE TABLE, ARGHH??!!!!
(Btw I love your pfp, both a great character and a total mood of an expression, lmao)
Imagine showing this comment to someone who knows nothing about this
I choked on my water
"But the table was-"
"Binding it quite effectively."
"...oh"
Jon you absolute walnut
oops
Jon: * listens to an account of a man using the table to get rid of the NotThem *
Also Jon: Hmm. Clearly the table is the problem here.
I, too, am dumb. I didn't catch this bit of info 😭😭😭😭
I mean, I would have done the same 😭
I mean, both times before this when the table came up it lead to someone being replaced. I don't think it's a massive jump in logic assuming that destroying the table leads to destroy Not!Them.
I would've done more research because obviously the table was used by Decker(?) to bind the thing and he might've needed an incantation too or something. GDI Jon "I am not losing anyone else" - well like that you ARE omg
This is the point where I wanted to pick Jon up, sit him in a corner and put him in a Dunce hat. I love him but omgggggg he can be so thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick
everyone's talking about "it's remarkably easy to buy an axe in central london" but holy shit "i see you need a door" gave me CHILLS
The entire supplemental gave me goosebumps ngl
"You need a door" says Thing known to create Doors Of Endlesss Horror
It's a Hobson's choice.
“It is remarkably easy to buy an axe in central London-“ ON PAR WITH “I’m in the tunnels-“ famous last words I swear to God Jon-
Actually how the fuck is jon even alive, don't spoil I'm a first time watcher
Ok, I know the line "it is remarkably easy to buy an axe in central london" was supposed to come off as creepy but my first immediate thought upon hearing it was: can this nerd even LIFT an axe?
My immediate thought was: ''yeah, duh, hardware store.'' But maybe that's 'cos I don't live in a big city.
Buying an axe in London is like buying a gun in (certain) places in the us
@@paulcastle2019 I suppose buying an Axe could result in axe murders then?? Asking cause I'm genuinely curious if Axe murders are a problem in the UK
@@buiscutdog9090 nah we have knife crime instead of axe murders
@@buiscutdog9090 we did have a guy chop his mother’s head off with an axe down the street last year, but it was a pretty big deal so I don’t think it happens all that often tbh
Me: ah nice, the table can help fighting off Not!Sasha then!
Jon: it is remarkably easy to buy an axe in central London
My eyebrows: up into the stratosphere
well, "fighting off" wouldnt even be necessary, IF the Notthem would STILL be in that Thing.
_I don't like where this is going_
This comment right here.
No matter how many times I re-listen to this episode I can never find anything that would give Jon even the *_slightest_* impression that NotSasha and the table were even on speaking terms, much less aligned...
When you say "fight off" why is it so easy to imagine Jon or Melenie throwing the table at Not!Sasha
Michael's first line being "That was INCREDIBLY stupid" made me laugh so hard I LOVE HIM
This is the first instant of idiot plot being used in this series and that in itself is quite the accomplishment, especially since usually horror is based on idiot plot. Given Jon's tiredness, trauma and paranoia this instance was completely justified and realistic. I fucking love this podcast
Tru. everybody says "Jon the statement said bind to the table, not chop the table" but like. If I hadnt been sleeping and I learned that someone killed my friend and took their place I too would go feral
@@fays.p.5663 right? Jon is clearly hitting a breaking point here and the levels of trauma, fear, sleep deprivation, and ongoing terror/paranoia/Strange Happenings™ can so easily lead to bad decisions and dumb choices, including lashing out at anything you can. Sometimes being so powerless and angry and cause you to just blow up at whatever you CAN have some measure of control over, and between all that and grieving his friend/feeling tremendous guilt over her loss... yeah, not the best choice, but also completely justified.
The writing on this podcast is outrageously good
@@Vi_Vi_1 all work and no play makes Jonny a paranoid lumberjack
@@Vi_Vi_1
Just wanted you to know I like your analysis. A character having a realistic response to trauma and intense stress in fiction ? We love to see it !
It’s obvious to a listener but Jon is far from being in a good place mentally. He’s suffering from exhaustion, extreme paranoia, and still dealing with the trauma of Prentice’s attack. Then he found out some thing killed his friend, of course his first instinct is to attack.
"And now I see you..."
When Jon said this, I got chills.
SAME
Takes a new meaning on a second watch thro of the series
@@CTShun omg it DOES
Everyone hide!
The twink got mad!
ITS SO GOOD AAAA
"it is remarkably easy to buy an axe in central london"
That sentence had me laughing so hard😂
Omg, I keep imagining him face all serious but it's too funny.
I live near a Lowe's, so this statement doesn't sound too farfetched.
@@epsyblue7714 In central London?
@@95CamaCazzie America
the whole comment section is just ROASTING Jon and its the funniest thing
to be fair, he deserves it. The man gets scared and BOOM all logic disappears entirely. We love him in part for how much of a dumbass he is tho
Listen I like dumb (and oblivious) Jonh as much as the next but there is a LIMIT to his DUMBASS-NESS I mean COME ONE at least DOUBLE CKECK your facts and hypothetis before doing something. like. THAT. JOHNATHAN !!
(Maybe if he had freaking told Martin and Tim they would have double check with him and he wouldn't have thrown himself like that to "Michael" damnit)
@@itstictac2825 He overestimates his own cunning constantly. He's a wimpy nerd, still doesn't know half the things that are going on, and his psyche is in scrambles, but continues to put himself in charge of everything instead of trusting anyone else who might be more of an asset. Hell, during the worm attack everyone's asses were saved by a combination of Sasha, Martin and Tim, while all he did was get chomped. Why he gotta be like this???
(I hope we didn't forget that to Jon Martin, Tim and Elias are still sus for Gertrude's murder and therefore can not be trusted in the matters of life and death)
@@nanahuatli2144 This! This is such a good description of Jon tbh. I love him so much but yeah a combination of martyr complex, impostor syndrome, and somehow still a great big helping of arrogance combine into this fatal flaw. He means well and wants to put everything on his own shoulders to spare everyone else but WOW can he not rely on just himself.
i legit screamed when notsasha said “joooon~" scariest shit i've ever heard
That always makes my hair strand on end, so fucking creepy
I´ve only felt genuinely scared two times on the whole podcast. THAT line deadass gave me chills
Every now and then ther's someone talking about how there's this one episode that got to them, (spiders, heights, ecs.) and I keep wondering when that would happen to me, especially since most of the episode don't really scare me the worst they've ever really done is just gross me out or make me just a bit nervous in anticipation. But the ending of this episode made me realize that it's the heavy plot related episodes that really make me feel stuff. ✌️
Bruh indeed
I love how Tim was like OK BYE
Reminded me of in the Big Bang theory when the girls skive of work and Amy tells this huge elaborate story about her lie to get off, and then says to penny “what did you say?” “I work at the Cheesecake Factory I said byeeee”
Ok bi, you mean
Tim may not know what exactly is going on here but he is more than happy to gtf out ahahaha
I got the impression that it was more of a "Humor the crazy boss and sneak back in later agreement."
@@SwirlyPinwheel oh no yeah same. I just wonder when or if we'll hear a recording of them reacting to hearing the recordings
I had two guesses about why Tim was so eager:
- he realized that Jon was obviously plotting something and it would be easier to agree with him and then sneak back in;
Or
- he thought Jon wanted some time alone with Basira.
Ngl, I kinda dig the second one.
Tim didn’t know what the heck was wrong but after there discussion about being incapable of leaving that place. He’s learned to respect Jons (fairly) paranoia and just steer clear until there is a clean up crew moment lol
Okay, but are we not going to talk about how Jon must have listened to all of Sasha's tape and heard her scream? Like he clearly skipped over that part in this episode...
No wonder he was so impulsive and destroyed the table
I know right... Blind rage
He didn’t, not!Sasha destroyed them when they left the worms
@Atari_01, did you not hear the tapes being played in this very episode?
I may be repeating myself but bOY is Michael a great character
I LOVE MICHAEL LMAO
MICHAEL IS AMAZING
Michael is probably my favourite character , and Gerard Keay
I fr thought Jon was going to kill Sasha with that axe. Like, "y'all take the day off. I'm going to KILL Sasha and I don't want witnesses."I
Instead his dumb ass did this.
AU where that happens
@@tearez13 Cutting Remarks AU:
Instead of being a stupid and destroying the table Jon chops off Not Sasha’s head while working. He disposes of the body effectively and angers the entirety of the Stranger. All of it. Will the Institute last long? Turn in to find out.
Oh. OHHHHH. Only the people who don't talk much to these people notice when they get replaced!
That does seem to be the case. A daughter who cut contacts, a neighbor across the street who spoke once, a one-time visitor who just happened to recall what she looked like before... The theme definitely holds.
OH so that's how we know about not!graham!
Oh, shit, that makes so much sense! Dam it why didn't I notice that before
If that was the case anyone wo just greeted sasha in the morning in the archive would be questioning this new position. Or even better example: every other student on not!graham university course would notice a new student appearing with the same name as the student they once asked for notes
Spoiler!
I think that Not!Them can chose who can remember, as the fear of the person who claims to know you is definetly feeding the stranger and Not!Them
I got really sad hearing the parts of real Sasha :( she was my favorite character in season one, and knowing there's no way she's coming back... Great episode tho. I thought Jon was going to kill Not!Sasha but instead that dumbass destroyed the TABLE.
Sameeee, the real Sasha was incredible
imagine season 2 just ended with jon axe murdering not!sasha and having to run off for actual murder
istg im so done with this guy 😭
Everyone in the comments: “Jon you bloody idiot” “Obviously the table was binding it!” “How did he think that was a good idea?”
Me, who genuinely believed that was going to work: Haha yeah uh silly Jon
If ever there was a decision made in panic that shouldn’t’ve been made, it was this
Morgan Freeman: but instead, he did the most useless, most stupid thing he could have done. The dumb shit.
Real. The worst part is that I can't get angry with him. He was already a mess ever since the attack but the grief of realizing that Sasha is dead truly pushed him over the brink. I get it yet it's so infuriating
I'm crying - Jon always gives off this vibe of sassy intelectual, but in reality... hfjsdhkf
he was sassy intellectual in season one ):
He's such a dumbass. Peak high Intelligence low Wisdom. At least he has enough Charisma for us (and Martin) to love him despite it all.
Could have been a front for what he was really feeling on the inside. Afte this is a sassy intellectual having a paranoid mental breakdown.
Okay i will admit i literally jumped in anticipation when Jon said, "And now I see you." BRRROOOOOOOOOO
Everyone when Jon says that: LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Everyone 2 mins later: Jon whyyyyyyyyy
"And now I see you"
Me, expecting a long, researched and thought out plan to get vengeance: yes yes yes
Jon, with an axe and no idea what he's doing: *smash smash*
Me: Jon why???
michael marry me!!
also, jon really broke the table??? after listening that it was used to bind the thing??? didn't really realise until now that jonny boy here is actually the office idiot.
when elias said he was just as bad as martin he was not kidding
@@eliwhite6159 At least Martin has an excuse, Jon should know better shouldn't he?
@@christopherlee9026 Jon's excuse is that his brain cells are dead tired xD
Like Elias said, Jon and Martin share one braincell and Martin's had it since the Prentiss attack.
never overestimate the power of sleeping well. he does not have it.
dabs to the beat of michael's laugh
pls dont
pls do
How do ya'll recognize character's voices so easily???
@@JaviPhilippiLyoko i find they've got quite different and memorable speech patterns + acting? also I commented this on my 3rd relisten i think hahahah
I miss this era sm
as much as i laughed at tim leaving right there immediately it also makes me kind of sad because if i had access only to information they had i would assume jon was being suicidal :( good thing that martin was worried but argh
Head archivist???? Head Clown of Clownland
Nah, that’s Nikola! 😊
hes not just a clown, hes the entire circus
honka honka
Wild that no one has mentioned not!graham from last season yet! That was the first instance we saw this
Right??? Not!Sasha didn't even steal that one.
@@nanahuatli2144 She wouldn't need to if no-one would suspect that she wasn't the OG Sasha.
me: Oh wow so glad that this table can help! now we just need to get Adelar and everything will-
jon: *destroys the table*
me: *surprised pikachu face*
Also, I think maybe Tim didn't really leave? Maybe he just pretended to wanting to get out really fast bc he suspected Jon was going to do something?
Idk, maybe I'm just hoping he still sees jon as a friend :c
First time listening to this and I said the same thing. He was way to willing to "leave" he has to know something isn't right.
"You need a door" so gleeful. Not!Sasha's voice in the distance and Michael's laughter made this all worth it.
the line "And now, I see YOU." is just unbelievably badass, especially in light of [REDACTED]
oh i didn’t even think of that
Tim is scheming and bless him for it. Jon overestimates his own ability to lie so much it's painful.
I LOVE MICHAEL SO MUCH OH GOD.
Checking the voice credits as I always do before each episode to avoid major heart attacks, I see the whole gang is here including Michael. Shiet's about to go DOWN... someone hold me ;-;
BRO I HAD THE SAME THOUGHT JUST KNOW I'M HOLDING PAST YOU SPIRITUALLY.
@@imlovedavepetab3374 thank you friend, over the course of this week I binged my way up to episode 160, and the amount of times I and all the characters needed holding (and probably therapy) is ridiculously high :0
@@eMe_peridot_hare ohoho fuck :DD
9 months later, I know I'm in for a treat straight outta hell here.
*holds you*
No one: Jon: *Its remarkably easy to buy an axe in central of London*
I'm usually listening to these while drawing and I gotta say these last two eps just led to me abandoning my work and just being glued to my laptop, intently listening. Ever since Not!Sasha first showed up I wondered when we'd get more info and darn, the wait was worth it!
I also listen to this while drawing (It's the only thing I can do and still pay attention), but this episode was so off the fucking rails, I just couldn't.
HAHAHAHAH SAME
There should be a discord channel for people listening Magnus archives while drawing cause that seems to be the activity that people do most while listening to these
As someone with memory problems, this is how I feel whenever someone tries to talk to me at a family gathering.
fucking same
every time i go to a reunion i have to play detective to figure out who everyone is before i embarrass myself by clearly not remembering any of my cousins who i see every year
Jon's voice at the beginning hurts so much. He sounds so broken 😭
Tim : Let's go out of here!
Martin : But my husband would be alone and he doesn't look well 😣
For some reason, I love the conviction with which Jon said he wasn't sure if destroying the table would kill Not!Sasha but it would definitely hurt. He was so SURE and so, so wrong
"You need a door" "NO!!" "JjjooOOnNN" "SHIT!" Oh yes Jon! Brace yourself for Michael the Hands' wild ride!
Wow Jon really was stuck between a rock and a hard place at the end there but MICHAEL'S LAUGH MADE IT WORTH IT BOYS
notthem back at it again in the institute *knocks over a filing cabinet*
Those delivery men in the overalls have seen crap.
Delivery men with COCKNEY ACCENTS
I’m over here still crying over Sasha and this nerd decides to go ham on the table keeping this thing sealed with an Axe
The comment section is rosting John so hard and Michael is here for it
😹
_"It is remarkably easy to buy an axe in Central London"_
This whole season has had me screaming at Jon for being an idiot, and I really hope this episode is the peak of ke doing that
scared jon is a major dumbass
Michael: You. Need. A. Door.
AHHHH, that was SO GOOD.
GOODNIGHT. IM GOING TO BED NOW. GOODNIGHT EVERYONE. IM GOING TO BED. *weeps bitterly*
Viewer: This is great~ not only do we have a name and description of the man who knows how to get rid of the creature, but the very tool that can be used is in artifact storage so now we can-... why is Jon holding that axe?
Jon is no Adelard Dekker. Not by a long shot.
Michael: TIME TO ENTER THE THE FUNHOUSE OF HELL NERD
the cc going from spelling carl with a c to spelling it with a k was unintentionally amazing lol
My theory is that Not Sasha wasnt being sloppy. She intentionally did creepy things to trick Jon into destroying the table.
Why leave the tapes at real Sasha's desk instead of destroying them?
Maybe some people can see through the illusion to sow fear and paranoia?
Did Jon enter Michael's door? So he's in that other universe/Dimension/thing????
Also, WHY is Michael helping that much? He said there was some sort of war, and that he was mostly neutral, but he didn't want things to be unbalanced - BUT WHY
THIS SO GOOD I'm freaking out
He's Amused by puny humans scrambling to survive?
He said he wanted to be Sasha's friend and help them before so that could be why
@@darlingrosiebun8952 well he certainly did a bang up job on that 😹
“Michael”: That was very stupid
Me, stumbling over myself: _I T ‘ S H E R E_
Oh Jon no! An axe attack was not the right solution here. At least not on the table
I thought he was going to murder Not!Sasha, tbh.
*silhouette of adelard dekker* A new fighter has entered the fray!
This is hilarious given that *mild spoilers* Dekker is dead already at this point. It’s not really a spoiler given Dekker is mentioned like all of 5 times in this entire podcast, and is never anything but a peripheral character at best, it’s still funny af tho
Oh no, why would you do that?? Wasn't it obvious what it was for?? Ugh, so good you guys I just can't even. Haha
Not his finest moment, but hey, he just found out someone he trusted has been murdered. He's only human, an emotional break isn't impossible.
Yeah, from the information we have this far, I haven't figured out quite what it was for specifically. I guess it's not that easy without hindsight, hmm.
However yes, that was a totally spontaneous and stupid thing to do.
But it probably felt damn good. I understand.
im confused. did he break the table?? or something else?
aesynthi yeah he broke the table
@@cawareyoudoin7379 It was stupid and spontateous, but he has been paranoid and tired this entire season.
Besides, the first two times the table came up, it directly lead to someone being replaced. If table = bad thing happening, then break table = good thing happening isn't far fetched. It still is brash but also logical.
Jon is low in REASON, the stat check for this scenario is against him.
I'm ready to see either a bad end or a worst end for this arc. The good end is no more, tnx to the chopping of table ;w;
And his WISDOM is not doing great either.
He has high Intelligence, but his Wisdom is in the toilet. lol
KNOWING is not UNDERSTANDING
I thought he was going to try to contact this Adelar Decker character...
then again, l am a very indecisive person compared to Jon being a quite... dramatic person
That wouldn’t be a great move considering *MILD SPOILERS*
Dekker has been dead for a few years at this point, he died in 2013 and this happened in 2016/17 i believe
I! AM! NOT OK!
SAME! I DO NOT LIKE!
Me at the start of the episode: its not gonna be that intense.
Me at the end of the episode: well shit
Freaking Michael at the end there, "You look like you need a door." And the thing is, I think he considered an actual kindness, because whatever 'They' were going to do would be much worse than Michael's 'Stomach'.
i mean, id consider it a kindness, too, considering jon survived
Ok so the Lightless Flame is opposed to the Spider Bois, which may or may not involve Breekon & Hope and therefore the coffin, the table, and maybe the Anglerfish. Are the Spider Bois also related to Prentiss? and the Changeling??? there is a strand but i cant s e e it
Huge mood right there
But brekken and Hope guys helping exorcist hmmmm they seem to be on chaotic good side ?
@@saurabhsharma6939 afaik they just deliver shit. Who or what it goes to doesn't concern them much. What I think, at least.
SPOILERS:
The Desolation (lightless flame) and followers of The Web (spider people) are something of rivals because of the opposing nature of their Fears (indiscriminate destruction Vs careful planning and manipulation) but the Anglerfish, Breekon&Hope and the Not!Them are all adherents of The Stranger, a third entity that doesn’t have particular beef with either The Desolation or The Web. Jane Prentiss was an avatar of The Corruption, yet another unrelated entity, and Michel is the avatar of The Spiral, yet ANOTHER entity! There’s 13 in total, see if you can spot them :D
all the voices at the end, michael laughing, jon's terrified and confused voice, not!sasha's echoing and multiplying voice, when they all came together, i actually felt terror. This some exceptional VA and story writing.
so jon hears about how decker killed a NotThem with the table and then proceeds to..... destroy the table???
Not killed- Michael mentioned it was bound to the table (fitting for something with a Web pattern, yes?)
[CLICK]
ARCHIVIST
I… er…
We… we didn’t…
Statement of Lawrence Moore. Regarding something that was not his cousin. Original statement given June 12th, 2001. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.
Statement begins.
ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)
I used to have a cousin. His name was Carl. We weren’t close. I saw him plenty growing up - his family lived in Peterborough and mine lived in Leicester, so it wasn’t too far. We’d go over occasionally, or we’d all be left together at our grandmothers if our parents were doing something together. They never came over to our house, though; at least I don’t remember them doing so. My memories of childhood are a bit hazy, so I can’t be completely sure. Putting it down on paper now, though, I realise that, given how close we lived, it’s odd that we didn’t see each other more. I wonder how well our parents really got on. Thinking about it, I suppose they never had much in common.
Either way we got on fine, me and Carl. I think. I was a few years younger than him, and when you’re a kid that makes a lot of difference. I suspect he saw me as a bit of an annoyance, a bit of a tag-along, but I don’t remember us ever getting into fights or anything like that. We’d spend most of the time exploring my grandmother’s wide country garden, or sitting awkwardly together pretending to do something while our parents talked about whatever grown-up topics needed their attention.
Since I grew up and moved out, though, I hardly ever saw Carl. A family dinner at Christmas some years or the occasional big family birthday, but if you totalled up all the hours we spent together since I turned eighteen, I doubt we’d be very far into double digits. And if you only count the time we’d actually spent talking to each other… I’m not sure you could even piece together a full hour.
It didn’t really bother me, and it certainly didn’t bother him. I remember, shortly after I moved down to London I actually bumped into him shopping in Covent Garden. Turned out he lived about twenty minutes bus ride from me. I half-heartedly suggested we should go for a drink or hang out or something. And he said, “Yeah”, in a flat tone that told me he had absolutely no interest whatsoever in doing so.
I wonder if I ever did anything as a child to set him against me? Or in that tiny sliver of time we actually interacted as adults. It’s weird to think about people who knew you as a child. You change so much, and when you talk to them again, they’re not talking to you. They’re talking to someone else, someone you used to be. The person they think they’re seeing has been dead for years, but they didn’t see the change. They’re looking at a complete stranger, and they have no idea.
I went to my brother’s wedding recently, and there was something pretending to be my cousin Carl. Adam, my brother, had always gotten along slightly better with him than I had, being closer in age, and during the ceremony I had been surprised not to see Carl among the guests. It was only later, at the reception, when I was being introduced to a number of my brother’s friends I’d never met before, that I offered my hand to a dark-haired stranger and asked his name. He looked at me for a long, off-putting second as a wide smile crept across his face. “I know it’s been a long time, Lawrence,” he said, “but surely you haven’t forgotten your cousin Carl?”
What are you supposed to say to that? I just sort of stammered and wandered off. I didn’t realise exactly what was happening until I asked my brother who the stranger was, and he gave me a puzzled look and told me, yes, that was Carl, my cousin. I assumed he must be playing some sort of joke, but the whole thing had really kind of unsettled me, so I asked my father, and he said the same thing. Now, my father is not somebody who jokes. He’s never been one for humour and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve ever heard him properly laugh. There was no way he would play along in any sort of prank Adam might try to arrange. I looked over, and the person who claimed to be my cousin was staring at me, smiling wide enough to show off rows of yellow-stained teeth.
I could feel panic beginning to rise in my chest, and I started asking everyone who might know Carl, and all of them told me the same thing. When my aunt gave me a withering glare for asking who her son was, I had to leave. I just walked out of the hall, got in my car and drove back to London. I don’t drink, so it definitely wasn’t that. I thought maybe I was having some sort of dissociative episode. That must have been it. I’d been under a lot of stress at work, and my own marriage had recently ended, so perhaps that had affected me more than I thought. Maybe it had done something to my memory. I even managed to half-convince myself that if I was having a nervous breakdown and all that meant was I misremembered a cousin I never see, I’d gotten off quite lightly.
But I couldn’t let it go. It nagged at me. As I lay awake in my too-empty bed, it twisted in my mind. I wasn’t just remembering Carl wrong. I did not know the person who was using his name. It wasn’t Carl. It just wasn’t.
I was signed off work at the time, and mostly spent my days just kicking around the house, but a about a week after the wedding it occurred to me that, when my grandmother passed away a few years before, my parents had asked me to go through her old photos, see which ones we might like to keep. I’d taken them, but had never actually gotten around to going through them, and they should still be in the loft. Not having anything better to do, and still a little bit off-balance after Adam’s wedding, I pulled down the ladder, and went to fetch them.
The attic space was warm and dry, with that thin film of dust in the air that isn’t quite enough to set you coughing but leaves your mouth feeling dry and sticky. I pushed away a few plastic crates of old comics, until I found the brittle cardboard box that held the pictures. My grandmother had loved her camera, and I remember her shelves were always full of tiny canisters of film, but it wasn’t until I started to look through them that I realised quite how many pictures she’d actually taken.
There were hundreds, maybe thousands, in there, and going through them I watched myself grow from a squash-faced toddler to a chubby little boy and a spotty, scowling teenager. And alongside me was my brother Adam, and another child, who I did not recognise, but whose dark hair seemed to match the man I had met at the wedding.
By the end, my whole body was shaking. Not because of all those pictures of a strange child playing in the garden with us, but because of the two - only two - pictures I found of Carl. The Carl I remembered, with light brown hair cut short and an almost piggish nose. The second of those photos looked like it had only been taken moments after a different picture of us playing tag, but that one showed the other child where Carl should have been. Where I knew he had been. I stared at those photographs for what must have been an hour or more, completely unable to make any sense of what I was looking at.
At some point, I was roused by a knock on the front door. It wasn’t hard, or impatient, just a light series of taps. As though whoever was on the other side had no doubt that was in, and was politely trying to attract my attention. I put the pictures back quickly, and hurried down to answer it.
Standing on the other side was my new cousin Carl. He smiled that same yellow smile, and said that he’d been sad to see me leave Adam’s wedding so soon, and that since we lived so close together, it seemed rude not to drop by. I tried to tell him to leave, to demand to know where Carl was, but my heart was beating so fast and I was just too scared. He walked calmly past me, into the house, and I closed the door behind him.
What followed was the longest afternoon of my life. I sat in an armchair and he took the sofa opposite, sitting stiffly in a way that seemed far too still. Neither of us said a word. He just stared at me, smile still wide and something twinkling in his eyes that might have been amusement. Or triumph. He showed no desire to make any sort of conversation, and I was too terrified to say anything at all.
I just kept thinking, what had this man done to Carl, and could he do it to me? I tried to look at him, to really look, but the more I attempted to focus on him properly, the more my eyes seemed to slide off him. Like one of those optical illusions that only comes into focus when you’re looking at a different part of the picture.
At one point, it almost seemed like his neck was too long, but when I looked again it was normal. The only two things I knew for sure was that I had never been as scared as I was just then, and that I did not know this man.
When evening finally came, he stood up. He nodded at me and told me how much he had enjoyed his visit. “We must do this again,” he said, “and soon.” Then he left. I stayed sat in that chair and I cried.
It was full dark when I was broken out of my despair by another knock on the door. This one was harsh and jarring, and I could hear the doorframe rattle slightly at the impact. Standing there was another man I’d never seen before. He was black, dressed in a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a thin necktie.
For a moment, I had the idea he might be a Jehovah’s Witness, but one look at his face dispelled that idea immediately. It was hard and stern, set in look of determination, and his short hair was iron grey. He was very thin, with aging skin stretched tight over wiry, corded muscle, and though he was slightly shorter than I was, it seemed like he towered over me. He asked if I knew the man who had left my house earlier that evening.
I laughed at that; a harsh laugh that surprised even me. I said I did not know him, no matter how many pictures might tell me I did. At this, the old man’s eyes lit up with excitement, and I took an involuntary step back. If he noticed, he didn’t show it, walking past me into the house and ordering me to get any photos that hadn’t changed. I don’t know if it was the certainty in his voice or my own feeling of helplessness, but it didn’t even occur to me not to do what he said.
I returned from the loft with the box of photographs to find him sat on the sofa, exactly where my impostor cousin had sat not two hours before, and I finally got up the courage to ask him who he was. He told me his name was Adelard Dekker, and that he was an exorcist, of sorts. I asked him if he thought my cousin was somehow possessed, but he was already looking through the box, and ignored me. He pulled out the same two photographs I had found, the ones that hadn’t changed, and his mouth twisted into a wry smile.
He told me to follow him, and I did. We walked over to an unmarked blue Transit van parked on the other side of the road, and he opened the back doors. Inside was a large wooden box with a hinged lid.
The man who called himself Adelard Dekker climbed in and picked up the back of it, commanding me to take the other end. I did, and together we carried it into my house. It was heavy and barely fit through the front door, but any objections I might have had were silenced by one look from Dekker. We placed it down in the middle of the living room, and I instinctively went to lift the lid. I caught a brief glimpse of dark, varnished wood before he slammed it down, almost trapping my hand, and shook his head once. “It’s not for you,” he said.
Then he instructed me to go to my bedroom, and not to leave until he told me it was safe. I did protest at that, and I asked him how my locking myself upstairs would help save Carl. There was no sympathy in his voice when he told me my cousin was dead, that nothing would bring him back, and that my best chance to not join him was to stay in the bedroom until everything was over. He did not seem inclined to tell me what he meant by “everything”.
So I did what he said. I suppose I could have called the police, but this strange, old man spoke with such certainty that I felt like following his instructions was the only hope I had. I lay in my bed and I tried to sleep. I did, though not well. The image of this new Carl kept intruding in my dreams and jolting me awake. The sun came up, and there was no word from Dekker, so I stayed there, waiting for something to happen, though I had no idea what. I lay in bed all morning and then into the afternoon.
Finally, at about three o’clock, I heard the soft knock at the door. It was the exact same knock at the exact same time, and I felt my body seize up with fear. There was the sound of the door opening, but nothing else. I just lay there, straining my ears to hear any sound. The air grew close and heavy, like a thunderstorm about to break, but still I heard nothing. Ten minutes passed. Then an hour. And then the air was split by the most unnatural scream I have ever heard. I cannot even begin to describe it, except to say that there was nothing in it but the purest rage.
Panic surged through me. I had to get out of that house. I threw open the bedroom door and charged down the stairs towards the front. And as I did so, I passed by the living room, and I instinctively turned my head to see inside.
Adelard Dekker stood in the corner. He was straight and motionless, his lips moving rapidly, though no sound came out of them. In the centre of the room, next to the empty box, stood a table carved from dark wood and wrapped all over with a sprawling, intricate pattern. And in front of that table was the thing that had said it was my cousin. It was long and thin, the tops of it bent against the ceiling and its stick-like limbs flailed from too many joints and elbows. Wrapped around it were thick strands of what I think was spider’s web, stretching back into the table, which I now saw pulsed along its carved channels with a sickly light. The face at the top of that gangly frame was like nothing on earth.
That was all I saw, because the second after I had taken it in, I was out of the door and down the street, running as fast as I could away from that house. I kept running until I collapsed, and lay there on the street until a passer-by asked if I needed help.
I didn’t return to my house until the next morning. Dekker’s blue van was gone, and in its place was another one, dirty white. There was something printed on the side, but I couldn’t make it out under the grime. I watched two men in overalls carry that same box out of my house, load it up, and drive away. That was about two months ago, and it was the last time I saw them, the table, Adelard Dekker, or the thing that wasn’t my cousin.
My aunt and uncle have reported Carl missing. The police did come round and asked me if I knew anything but I told them nothing. I just said we weren’t very close.
ARCHIVIST
Statement ends.
I found this in the folder marked 9910602, where Gertrude’s tape had indicated I would find the statement of Dekker himself. There is nothing else in there, but I think it tells me what I need to know. This thing, this “Not Sasha”, it’s tied to the table. It…
I found the tapes.
[TAPE NOISES]
SASHA (RECORDING)
I thought it was pronounced “Kah-lee-o-pee?
ARCHIVIST
They were in her desk. Well hidden, but… If I’d been a bit more thorough, if I…
[TAPE NOISES]
SASHA (RECORDING)
It’s just a scratch, John. I’ll be fine. Can we begin?
ARCHIVIST
Was there anything I could have done? Could I have…
[TAPE NOISES]
SASHA (RECORDING)
Hello? I see you. Show yourself.
[TAPE NOISES]
NOT!SASHA (RECORDING)
Hello?
[TAPE NOISES]
I see you.
[TAPE NOISES]
I see you.
ARCHIVIST
And now I see you.
[CLICK]
[CLICK]
TIM
You wanted to see us.
MARTIN
Are you ok? You look awful.
ARCHIVIST
I’m… I’m coming down with something, I think.
Listen, you should take the rest of the day off.
Tomorrow as well.
MARTIN
Are you sure you -
ARCHIVIST
Don’t want to infect anyone else. Best you stay home.
TIM
Wouldn’t it make more sense if you went home, then?
MARTIN
Are you feverish? We should probably get you to a doctor. Look, there’s a walk-in centre nearby I can -
ARCHIVIST
No. No, I have things I still need to take care of here.
And, besides, I know you’ve both been under a lot of… pressure lately. I think we could all do with a bit of break.
MARTIN
Well… well, yeah but…
ARCHIVIST
I know, I know, a lot of it’s been because of me. Most of it. I’m sorry. Tim, I know things have been… fraught.
TIM
I guess that’s a word for it.
ARCHIVIST
Yes, well, I think some time off could only help.
TIM
Because you’re ill.
ARCHIVIST
Yes…. Yes. And I’m… I’m sorry. About everything.
MARTIN
J-John… look, are you -
TIM
Ok. Right you are, John. We’ll be going.
MARTIN
Wait, what?
TIM
Come on, Martin. We could do with a break. Er… do you need us to tell Sasha?
ARCHIVIST
Oh, no, no. I’ll be seeing her later.
MARTIN (BACKGROUND)
Tim… Wait…
TIM
Great. See you Monday.
MARTIN (BACKGROUND)
No, no…
ARCHIVIST
Yes, see you then.
MARTIN
Hang on, Tim we should probably -
[DOOR CLOSES]
[CLICK]
[CLICK]
ARCHIVIST
[Whispered] It is remarkably easy to buy an axe in Central London. Harder to sneak it into Artefact Storage, but not impossible. I don’t know if destroying this is going to kill that thing… but I am damn sure it’s going to hurt.
[NOISE OF AXE HITTING & SPLINTERING WOOD AND THE GRUNTS OF THE ARCHIVIST AS A STRANGE MUSIC BEGINS TO BUILD AND INTENSIFY]
[SOUND OF SHATTERING WOOD AND THE STRANGE MUSIC DISAPPEARS]
Hollow. Just cobwebs and dust.
[FAMILIAR EERIE LAUGHTER]
MICHAEL
That was very stupid.
ARCHIVIST
What do you want?
MICHAEL
There’s no other way out of this room, you know.
ARCHIVIST
What?
MICHAEL
You don’t have time to escape before they get here.
ARCHIVIST
The… the… the “Not Sasha”? No, but the table…
MICHAEL
Was binding it quite effectively.
ARCHIVIST
Oh. Oh no.
MICHAEL
Even with all the protections you have on, I doubt you can survive them now.
[IN THE BACKGROUND, THE ARCHIVIST IS WORRIEDLY MUTTERING ‘NO’ OVER AND OVER]
NOT!SASHA
[Heavily distorted, distant] Jooooohhhnnnn….
ARCHIVIST
Er… I…
[SOUND OF A CREAKY DOOR OPENING]
MICHAEL
You. Need. A door.
ARCHIVIST
NO. No, I… I just… I need…
[DISTORTED VOICE FROM THE NOT!SASHA CALLING OUT HIS NAME AGAIN]
ARCHIVIST
Shit!
[MICHAEL LAUGHS AND LAUGHS]
[STRANGE SOUND ALMOST LIKE SOMETHING ROARING OPEN AS MICHAEL’S LAUGH ECHOES]
[CLICK]
Thankz!! •○•
Cryoscius thank youu ALSO AAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thank you!
thank you!!
I'm embarrassed to say that I completely did not realize Sasha had been replaced, so when Jon found out about her I was just as shocked as he was.
Talk about avoiding spoilers
Oh my God. Jon why would you do that. Things are getting so interesting!
could it be that the manifestations are aligned with each other or affect each other based on some kind of circle like rock-paper-scissors? flames beat spiders, spiders beat the not!them, i'd assume the neverending sky could neutralize whatever it was that was causing the wall shrinking (unless its manifestation of the same thing just being able to affect space)
Blue Sky vs darkness, maybe?
Also, based on the advice Michael gave in season 1, distortion(?) seems to beat, or at least be aligned against the worms!
JON NO
Jon yes!
Seasons almost over and I dont wanna finish but I wanna keep going AHHHHHH god I'm going through these so quickly
The struggle is real.
I have a sneaking suspicion that this box is a coffin with the words “do not open” scratched into it, and that that can said Beacon and Hope deliveries on the side.
As a certified scaredy cat trying to teach herself that fictional scary things don't equal actual peril, I was not ready to hear Michael and creepy NotSasha with headphones.
Statement: man uses table to bind/get rid of (?) the not!them
Jon: ah yes the right thing to do is _destroying the table_
i startled so hard hearing Sasha's voice when jon played the tapes
I fr didnt even notice her different voice until he played the old tapes
20:32 Why, hello hellish Chesire Cat!
Holy s*** that and now I see you in his voice was so murderess
_"you need a door"_ CHILLS i love micheal way too much
"his family lived in Peterborough" uhhhhhhhh as someone who struggled with delusions of my dad being replaced back when i was young hearing my town's name certainly isn't comforting in the beginning of the episode
Jons voice during "and now I see you"gave me chills, the episode should have ended there, the episode should have ended here, the episode...
Something about an imposter in my family or among my friends just scares me more than anything that's been told in this podcast, it freaks me out a lot. And what's even more scary is that he knew it wasn't his cousin, while everybody else didn't. Also, the fact that they don't change their faces nor voices is so wrong and adds to the creepy part of all of this.
ok micheals laugh is contagious. i cant help but laugh with him lmfao
I mean, Jon, if he was being bound to the table in the tape, why would you think it would hurt it to get rid of it, fam?
Jon really went "I like u guys, dont go into work tomorrow. I'm sorry."
And Tim caught on immediatley. Im exploding
My longest OH BOI ever
The end card went back to that other voice...
Jon: It is remarkably easy to buy an axe in central London...
My immediate first thought: Oh God he's gonna murder Not!Sasha with an axe-
Jon: *starts talking about destroying the table *
Me: ....Oh of course! Haha yeah! Chop that table!
Michael: That was incredibly stupid of you :)
Me: Well fu-
i am...deceased...michael crew my weird spindly boy pls dont hurt john pls use you neutral part of the chaotic neutral....oh ogd this was so good and the voice work is amazing but at the same i fear for johny boi life and im suffering wtf,, THE PART WHERE MIKE SAYS THEY COMING FOR HIM AND THEN SASHA AND THE STATC AND THE MESS!! AMAZING !! SCARED BUT AMAZING!!
This comment is a month old, so you probably know by now, but I just had to say for new listeners:
Micheal Crew and Michael the Distortion are separate characters.
Michael the Distortion, featured in this episode is the weird tall thin spindly guy with long curly blonde hair, an echo-y voice, and big ol’ hands. He controls the weird doors that lead to endless hallways.
Michael Crew (Mike to his friends) is the lightning scar guy. He likes really high places, and likes pushing people off of really high places. He hasn’t met Jon. ...Yet.
such a plot twist!
Martin's little "wait what?" got me, i don't know why
Jon went total bonkers, and it was clearly to bind the NotThem people😁
My theory from this episode and what we know so far:
The entities seem to all have a plan of their own and at the same time some of them trying to sabotage the plans of some others. Once again we have the spider entity that is fighting off another entity, here the box that is a tool of the spider entity is used to bind the Not!Them, and also there is a chance that Not!Sasha was feeling less focused inside the tunnels because of all the spiderwebs aka because the spider entity was trying to control it.
I get why John thought that destroying the table would have helped him. From the tapes, Sasha is replaced right after seeing the table. Not!Sasha is clearly seen having a fixation to the table. And, if the table was in fact working against Not!Sasha, that would have been the first that she would have destroyed, you know? So, seeing that the table wasn't destroyed by Not!Sasha but, instead, observed by her, it's only logical that John thought that the table had some sort of role for Not!Sasha's plan, that it was of some importance to her so, by destroying it, he hoped it would have sabotaged her or, in a better case, even physically hurt her. It doesn't make sense why Not!Sasha didn't destroy it or why she was so drawn to it if the table was the one item working against her, you know?
That being said, I love that Michael appeared again. And not only that, but he also decided to help John too. Though I'm sure that he's doing it for his own reasons too, which, I'm guessing, happen to be in danger if the Not!Them kill (or worse) John.
As for Tim, I think he caught something there. Either he realised that something heavily supernatural was going to happen and decided to leave and take Martin with him because he didn't want to suffer as last time or he wanted to act like he's leaving while, on the outside of the building, he'll try to plan a way to help John in whatever he's got himself into again.