The husband is terrible, the in-laws are terrible but the worse one is the SIL that volunteers with DV victims. She needs to lose her status and job. She needs to be outed.
Unfortunately the SiL hasn't done anything wrong. Maybe if OP had pulled a Tyrion, fake-confided in her she was going to a DV shelter, and that info got leaked to the husband, she might have something. But it's not worth the risk of tipping him off.
@DrownedInExile I feel like if possible, Op _could_ maybe make an anonymous report (after leaving) that one of their people has made her feel unsafe cause she's aware of and condoning a domestic abuse situation and wasn't reporting it at all. Even if nothing happens then, there's a paper trail for if something did in the future. I'd sure as hell be keeping a closer eye on a person if their work is literally based around helping survivors only to find they were aiding in the abuse of one.
@@owl7072 You're assuming that the In-Laws actually knew the full extent of the situation. OP sounded like she might have brought up a couple of "concerns" and made it sound like something many couples do with GPS and that's why they downplayed it, and dropped it after she got even a tiny push back instead of letting them know how badly it was going as it progressed. If OP went with some proof I highly doubt the SIL would have notified her brother given she works with victims.
@@impishrebel5969 this could be true, but I was mainly just going off what Op said she was afraid of. Sil works for dv services, yet Op was afraid that she'd still tell her husband despite the context of the fact that Op was reaching out to a _dv_ service. There's a lot of people who put family before work, and just basing it off of the way Op worded it made it sound like Sil could/would potentially put helping her brother before helping Op, but again that's just a theory based on how it was worded.
Yep, remember the story where the husband asked for a divorce and then took it back 2 hours later, he and his wife began counseling, but she didn’t didn’t fully trust him right away, he didn’t like it and asked for divorce again and once again changed his mind hours later, his wife left him and he couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t just forgive him. Some people are just selfish.
@@HardcoreLevelingBaka I remember that one... Divorce shouldn't be used like a "trump" playing card in a game... It is serious and should be treated as such. "Winning" arguments by pulling that crap is not really winning because you lost the moment you played it!
The husband is awful, but I'm also mad at the friends for casually ignoring the 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 being waved in their faces. No thought it was weird that every time OP hung out with them, the husband would grill them, individually on what she said/did/ate? That's not a cute quirk, that's creepy and overbearing.
They're probably just use to it. The odds that OP is the first partner he's acted like this with are slim. To them it's just Alex being Alex. At least one of them was quick to realize he was lying about the house, so there may be some hope that they'll realize his behavior isn't okay.
I have to be fair with them, one of my best friends was in an abusive relationship, from aside it all worked perfectly for them, he was caring, did many trips both and when their son was born, he hosted us for many bbq's, he stayed home with the kid while she could go party with us, he was awesome... until he wasn't. My friend was so afraid of him tfrom the second year of marriage that she didn't say anything to us nor showed any signs of abuse. Finally she told me and another friend and we provided help, some cash and advice (many we read on reddit, like get all your important papers) and left. Still, after 5 years, he's still a nightmare even he already married one of his affair partners (he was a serial cheater too). Part of her being so afraid is that he's in the military and knows some dangerous people from his youth. Fortunatelly nothing mayor happened to her, besides a couple of weks a black truck following her.
@@SergioBicerrait should be added that copies of important documents should be made as well, to included digital copies. Originals should be kept somewhere they can be protected, like a safety deposit box or portable fireproof safe. The lawyer should have notorized copies as well, just in case.
@@LostSoulchild89there are many different techniques to interrogate people including a few without people even realizing it. A text here, a question dropped in a regular conversation can easily lead people to just opening up about their day or what the event/hangout was about. If this has been his MO for years, and it probably has, then his friends are just use to him doing this with them so it's no big deal in their eyes.
Escaping from your abuser is a real-life horror movie. 2 weeks might feel like years. I'm glad OP is doing okay in the update but for her sake, I wish her well and hope that nothing bad further comes.
With the way he reacted, I genuinely think that Reddit saved her life. If she had not followed advices she got from Reddit, he would have caught her and who knows what he would have done... This guy is a psychopath...
@@susankaempfer8427Exactly. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd been spending time with his mistress on that two-week trip. He was majorly projecting. Let's hope he never finds OP.
Ever watch the invisible man movie that came out 2020? A friend of mine couldn't get through the beginning because it reminded her of when she left her ex. I wish OP nothing but happiness and peace.
His reaction and behaviour after getting served is so telling. Shouting and assaulting the officer then breaking things and punching walls and attempting to blame her. Hope this woke up some friends and family bc if his sister works at an abuse center and doesn't react badly to her own brothers behaviour thats incredibly concerning. Hope someone keeps an eye on how he treats the next poor women..
You're assuming OP actually let SIL know how badly the abuse was getting. It sounds like she brought it up in a way that made the family think it was something many couples do which they then said that, and OP backed off instead of pushing about it as it escalated. You can know someone their whole lives and then be shocked at how abusive they end up being to someone else after they leave the next. You end up in denial until something hits you in the fan and it gets all over.
@@impishrebel5969Pretty sure OP mentioned in an update that friends and family were emailing her. That probably included SIL, and OP detailed everything in her email back. But, this could also be the first time SIL found out about it. We don't know how anybody reacted to OPs response email, so SILs reaction is left unknown until OP decided to further update us.
It’s terrifying the sister in law works with domestic abuse shelters and OP doesn’t know if she can trust her. I’m so grateful OP got out. She has a spine of steel. Reddit came in clutch.
@@missmakeup1680 have a friend that worked in a family violence shelter and she said that they have had a problem when someone who was a family member of a volunteer at the location tried to get help. that volunteer tried to collect and manufacture evidence for the abuser over child custody...
she couldn't be sure, so she was being extra cautious. I mean, SIL could have called the brother to rip him a new one for example. It's hard to keep these things secret and better be safe than sorry.
@@melocoton7honestly, the SIL needs to be seriously looked into. If she was completely ignorant of her brothers behavior toward his wife, that's one thing but the fact that the OP wasn't sure taints her by association. I have family members who have dealt with abuse and will speak about how horrible it is... until it comes to HER brother (my abusive father). Then suddenly the excuses come flowing. Until things change and abuse victims can actually feel safe leaving (especially women), consider yourself tainted by associating if you work in a DV shelter and you've got a brother who's creating your next person potentially seeking shelter. That one sentence about that chilled me to the core because it rang like "holy sh!t, this man is the "friends in high places" type of abuser. The type of abuser whos friends with law enforcement, so his DV charges magically go missing. The type who's friendly with judges, so his behavior gets glossed over. The kind with FAMILY IN THE F**KING DV SHELTERS WHO COULD TELL HIM WHERE HIS VICTIM IS. That's disgusting. Unless the sister can say with full confidence (like she signs something that can hold her for perjury if she's lying), her a$$ should be GONE from that shelter.
The fact that the family had relatives working with women fleeing domestic abuse situations? And OP couldn't access those resources without fear? Terrifying. The guy himself is a monster, but his family and friends are his enablers. Disgusting.
Here i thought "looking for hidden cameras" before leaving under clandestine conditions was overkill.... until OP found them, and her partner put holes in the wall! This is why women choose bear.
As a male who who would never hurt a woman except in say needed self defence, I don't blame women for choosing bear. I said it elsewhere, if you as a man get offended by the women saying that and act defensive, you are part of the problem. The only people you should be upset with is the men that make women feel that way!
@toriladybird511 I hope not. I have seen quite a few men say relatively similar things. It seems to be the insecure and fragile masculinity ones that get upset with women saying it. Interestingly, I work in a male dominated industry (mining) in a FIFO style job, and the men out here are usually more caring and empathetic than the types I've encountered in town or suburban areas. A lot of the men in this industry have rough pasts, too. We do have extremely crude and dark humour, though, but honestly, almost all of it just plays on stereotypes or crude innuendos aimed at anyone and everyone (lots of knee pads jokes for people who get promoted for example).
Omfg Choose a bear...then wonder why they don't have a man later. I said Man, not piece of human trash that ops ex husband and was. Ex being male doesn't make all males that way.
That is BEYOND caring. The family are just enabling this creepy behavior. He’s going so far, that I’m surprised that he’s not smelling her entire body, ALL of her body in case she had a guy on her. And sometimes when the partner is constantly checking if their spouse is cheating on them, means that they could be the one cheating on them. It’s basically 80% of couple stories out there that ended that way.
Jup can confirm that my abusive ex actually was cheating when he would accuse me of cheating. My ex also tried to get me pregnant, I just got lucky and it didn't work with me...
It’s horrifying to know OP couldn’t even go to a DV services and it makes me wonder how secure those types of services actually are or how many of them are full of corruptible people. I mean, surely the SIL would know that her brother’s behavior is concerning based on her line of work but despite that she brushes it off and defends his actions.
It's probably as corruptible as social workers' offices are. Too many stories of gung-ho social workers trying to fix things in their families or rug-sweep them because "I know X would NEVER do that." They're human and have blinders, but their position and supposed expertise on social problems can keep those blinders firmly on in the face of people they have a bias towards or against. If the SIL didn't believe the OP and found out she was seeking help, she'd probably confront her brother to either warn him what was going on or try to fix it herself and get gaslit by bro. Either way, not the least bit helpful for OP.
Hearing that was utterly horrifying for me. It really makes you wonder how many people have avoided going to such services because of a similar situation.
You're assuming OP even told her beyond the GPS thing, which she could have made sound like it was something a lot of couples do, and rather than tell her as it escalated OP got paranoid and assumed SIL would always be on brother's side.
Some people have blinders to people that they know and how the situation is portrayed to them. For example look at how many "I suspected my SO was cheating on me and caught them on camera!" Stories we've heard. In those cases the op sounds sane and justified in their actions. Sometimes when they are close to people it's more like the boiling a frog method. The flag is white but slowly turns pink before turning an eye burning red. "I've brought security cameras for the house." Sounds better than "I installed cameras in the house because I think my SO is cheating." Which sounds better than "I installed cameras to spy on my SO because I don't trust them." White to red. "I want to know who my SO is hanging out with in case of an emergency." White, reasonable. "I want to make sure she was where and with whom she said she was and not lying to me." .-. . -.. / ..-. .-.. .- --.
The husband's reaction to being served shows that OP dodged a massive bullet. It was always only a matter of time before he became physical with her, and I'm glad she made it out before that happened. I'm also glad Reddit had the idea of getting her to photograph the state of the house before she left because I never would have thought of that.
Agree. As soon as I heard what he had done to the house, I thought that OP was lucky to get out before he escalated, as the destruction of the house shows he would have done so, sooner or later!
This sort of thing is why no-fault divorce is so important. If it didn't exist, her only option would be to wait until she's able to prove he's physically harming her, and by then, it may be too late.
And it should be easy to figure out why Republican lawmakers in red states are going after no-fault divorce next. They’re so brazen about stopping women from leaving their husbands and they’re doing it under the “sanctity of marriage” excuse. This senator even talked about no-fault divorces being especially used by women and he wanted to put a stop to that.
Getting away was only the beginning. Situations like this are extremely worrisome because with the level of obsession combined with the violent outbursts at friends and law enforcement, he's likely to try to find her and doing something bad if he finds her. She's not a person to him, she's his property.
I’ve been no contact with my mother and brother for about 8 years now, both abused me growing up to the point I have permanent nerve damage and PTSD, I escaped at 18 with a young persons charity but was only able to fully cut all contact age around 25, between 18-25 i was extremely low contact. Fully cutting contact I moved elsewhere in my country, my address is protected and very few people actually know where I live, legally changed my surname so there’s zero association and I can’t be easily tracked, local police is informed (many cops in my area knew my family growing up and fully support me), my home has plenty CCTV and is very secure, and I don’t use any socials other than telegram and that’s super private. It’s actually terrifying escaping your own home like that because your home should be the one place in the world you feel truly safe, your home should be your sanctuary, your castle, when it feels like a prison you can never be at ease until you’re 100% sure you’re fully free. Wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, but I can tell you the freeing feeling truly is something else, it is very liberating when you become free and safe!
I’ve been no contact with my mother and brother for a long time now, both abused me growing up to the point I have permanent nerve damage and PTSD, I escaped with a young persons charity at 18 where they moved me elsewhere in my country, my address is protected and very few people actually know where I live, legally changed my surname so there’s zero association and I can’t be easily tracked, local police is informed, my home has plenty CCTV and is very secure, and I don’t use any socials other than telegram and that’s super private. It’s actually terrifying escaping your own home like that because your home should be the one place in the world you feel truly safe, your home should be your sanctuary, your castle, when it feels like a prison you can never be at ease until you’re 100% sure you’re fully free. Wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, but I can tell you the freeing feeling truly is something else, it is very liberating when you become free and safe!
That story was crazy. The damage the ex-husband did just shows what would have happened to the OP if she hadn't left in secret like that. It is refreshing to see an OP not put up with the BS at all like that though. She didn't try to figure things out or make excuses, just did what was necessary to protect herself. Bravo!
@@robinkholmes7127 that's very good advise, even for a supportive friend. I learned that the hard way. Not that I would do it differently if I could go back in time. A black eye was a small price to pay to get my friend to finally see that her bf wasn't a good person.
My ex tried that shit, he destroyed the house after I left and tried blaming it on me, the problem he forgot about is that the police literally helped me pack and leave (I threw stuff in boxes and they loaded the boxes up in my car) and those same officers testified that when I left the house was intact and that there was no way I got back in as he changed the locks before I grabbed my stuff and I obviously didn't have a key 😂.
The damage he did to the apartment and the assault on the cop? That would eventually have been OP. And certainly would have been if she was stupid enough to tell him in person she was leaving him. His plan was to gain full financial control and then get her pregnant. I’m so glad she escaped that bastard relatively unscathed
This lady needs to write a how-to book on how to escape a controlling partner. Between her own knowledge and the advice she got online, she handled this brilliantly. I’m tired of seeing women being murdered by their partners when they’re trying to leave.
A lot of people forget to get a new bag. I once had a friend who was banned from seeing me by her husband. We found out she had a tracker inside the lining of her bag. She let it go and acts like everything is fine. Apple trackers are a b.
@@lauraanderson8785 she's still with him unfortunately. I get to see her once a year and it's only for a bit before he calls her back home or makes a stink until she goes.
I was on the edge of my seat, hoping that the husband would not come across OP's post. I felt that she gave too many details that might have easily identified her. Breathed a sigh of relief that she got out safely. ❤👍🏾 Hoping for the best for OP's future.
I am pretty sure the details were lies, like the business trip was really being a trip to see family, or maybe no hidden cameras were found, maybe sis does not work for DV center. After all that she went through I don't see her telling the truth to the world on reddit.
Act like a see you next Tuesday, talk to your employees like a see you next Tuesday then you're gonna get treated like a see you next Tuesday! I would have paid a lot of money to be there to see the look on her face when she saw the mess that was waiting for her LMFAO!
Story 1: I'm so glad OP got out of that nightmare. She should also freeze her credit to prevent Alex from taking out credit cards/loans in her name to get revenge. Financial abuse is real.
I think OP should genuinely and seriously consider changing her name and if she's here in the states which it sounds like she is, start an LLC under a name that isn't hers or associated with her to rent the apartment or buy a condo/house with so Alex will *_never_* be able to track her. She's free, but she has to worry about him hiring a PI to track her down. He's more likely to be violent now that she has successfully left him.
Did I miss something? Was OP's husband beating her? Or did he threaten her? Did he take a gun and hold it to OP's head? I don't understand. I mean, i don't see any issue with OP getting a divorce. But it seems a bit exaggerated to me, like OP is running away from an enemy. Or it feels like OP did something really bad and is in a hurry to escape before it comes out.
@@alihaydaryalnz6118 she’s escaping her abuser. Given the chance, Alex 100% would kill her upon finding where she is. His behavior of tracking her, having hidden cameras, and even getting his inner circle to keep tabs on her shows he wants to keep her trapped. He has become obsessed with her. That won’t go away just because they divorce. He will try to find her and teach her a lesson which may or may not result in her death.
@@blackroseinbloom Following someone and watching them is not abuse. And if someone really wants to kill you, they will kill you. In the story, i didn't read anything about the man showing any violence. There is jealousy and overprotectiveness in OP's husband. But there is no abuse. If OP wants to get a divorce, I respect that. But her exaggeration seems very suspicious to me. It's like she's escaping from a war. xD Or it's like a little kid who did something very bad and is hiding at home so no one will find out.
@@alihaydaryalnz6118 Hidden cameras and body mounted trackers are not simple jealousy or overprotectiveness. He wants her under 24-hour surveillance, which is, at best, controlling and if not outright abuse, it's a very clear indication that the behaviours will likely escalate to that in the near future. Excessive jealousy, monitoring a partner's actions and locations, and wanton privacy violations are all signs of emotional abuse as well as warning signs of future physical abuse.
I was once in a similar situation as OP. I was forbidden to talk to my friends, and if I went out for any reason, I was going out "to cheat!!" Funny thing is I was being cheated on all the time. Got rid of that headache. But to be honest, I now have trouble getting close to someone. The effects of being in an abusive relationship, I guess.
I am happy she could get advice from reddit. I still remember the movie " sleeping with the enemy" it is truly a terrifying situation. I wonder what his family thinks of this, especially his sister.
Just for shits and giggles, I would hire a top end private investigator to track Alex. I'd bet good money that that two week "business trip" was not taken by himself, and the business was personal and not job related. Even more important to know this if their prenup had something about infidelity. You just KNOW someone like this is slutting around while expecting his "possession" to stay pristine for him.
Dude this just drove home for me that women’s right to work and have quality pay employment was a critical element to OP being able to get out. Economic power is essential for freedom. And, social media and online anonymity was clutch for her, the total social isolation she was dealing with could have been a breaking point.
Whew, I'm glad she got good advice and got out safely. I don't think she needed to send her friends explanatory emails. If she couldn't trust them to help her in this situation, they're not friends.
The emails to the friends help rip the blindfold from their eyes about Alex. They couldn’t help OP, but now they’re at least aware that Alex could harm the next woman that he decided to trap.
The beginning of that story sounded like my ex, he was very controlling, calling me every 10 minutes when I went out with friends or family. Got upset because i was away from him too long (couple of hours), jealous, accused me of liking other men, thrratened to end his own life should i leave him, wanting me to cut friendships because they took too much of my time away from him... The list goes on. Needless to say I left him.
This whole video I was sweating praying she gets away. I’m so glad she got away safe and I can’t wait for the next update saying she is free and living her best life
His abuse definitely would have become physical. I was so proud of op from the first post. So many women have to hit rock bottom b4 getting out. It's refreshing to hear a story of someone getting away from that while they still have their happiness and confidence.
Whats also really scary is that OP coukdnt even use resources for these situations due to the sister. Thankfully she had money and an accommodating job. I dont believe 1 second that the sister is so entrenched in domestic violence charities and doesnt see the red flags.
Wow....he actually had that many cameras. If I were her, I'd have laid a false trail leading to somewhere far away, so he'd waste his time while I found a safe place. I'd also sell all the jewelry he have me on the day I left - and id do it on the opposite side of town from where I'd be leavimg from. At least she didn't sign the papers.
My first husband always wanted to know everywhere I went, every minute of the day. And he tried desperately to get me away from all of my friends and family. He's fixing to start kicking your ass. You've got to get out of there. Trust me on this.
Ugh that was triggering to listen to. It just brought back all of the anxiety and fear I had while escaping my abuser. I was on the edge of my seat, hoping that OP didn't get caught. I am so glad she's safe and that Alex never got a chance to lay a hand on her. LG in the future can you please put a trigger warning on videos like this? I would have listened anyway bc I love your videos but other people may not want to be reminded of their own trauma.
Good God. I am so glad OP saw the warning signs and got out before it escalated into physical violence. Controlling behavior ALWAYS leads to it sooner or later unfortunately, so thankfully she got out before it went to physical violence. I feel sorry for any other woman who gets married to Alex. These kinds of people never change, so I don't doubt that, should he find another woman to marry, he'll get more controlling and possibly violent a lot quicker in hopes of keeping this woman from doing what OP did.
Yeah. Super controlling and paranoid about Op cheating, plus he goes on week long business trips? Yeah, he's a cheater & controlling & abusive. Link the bank account, he wants to control the finances? Gross.
Man, a lot of times in the story I had this thought of: "She's really smart and takes a lot of precautions but isn't this kinda overkill?" only to then see that everything she did was really useful and perfectly applied to how he acted. I guess I should count myself as lucky that I'm still this naive about the depths of darkness of humanity...
At first I thought Alex might just be paranoid, but when he wanted her to wear a tracker without offering the same for himself, the first big red flag flew up.
Nah Alex would’ve known it’s in a package after seeing it be taken to post offices for hours then on a plane. I would’ve paid a trucker $20 to take along the tracker then throw it out whenever they felt like it across the country.
I'm so glad op was smart enough to just up and leave instead of trying to work it out. I am terrified of what could've happened to her if she even tried to level with her abusive husband
Its so nice that her work was able to quickly move her and even helped fund the move. Even without support from friends and family, she at least had support from her boss and coworkers, and of course everyone on reddit with the advice.
The husband 100% would have hit his wife at some point if she stayed. For a guy that cares about reputation, he sure does a lot of things that would destroy it.
Tyvm LG. I found my heart beating very fast as i read that post. And naming the things that she needs to do before he gets back. Crazy how it all comes back to you, like you are going through it yourself, AGAIN. Stay safe my friend, please.
Now that I think more about it, was Alex the real cheater here? This is the second day in a row I'm reminded of my ex who would abuse me in the exact same ways, all the while claiming I deserved it because I cheated on him when I didn't while he was the one cheating. I forgot about that until now. It was a weird combination of him viewing me as a possession and not a person, being obsessed with me in a toxic way while projecting his infidelity onto me. The few times I've been unfortunate enough to talk with him via messages online were always about the same things that ultimately drove me away. Well, that and combined with a gun to my forhead and being told I was lucky he loved me. Alex is very much giving the exact same vibes. I had to get police involved for him to leave me alone and even then, he'd still try to worm his way back in every 5 years. We dated for 6 months when I was 14-15. I honestly think I'd have found myself in the nightmare trapped scenario Alex wanted of OP had we been adults at the time we dated.
This is straight up Julia Robert's, "Sleeping With The Enemy!" 😳I'm so worried for OP!! Actually, she can do it in 2wks but I'm with LG, I'm thinking he may be already tracking her!!
OP was smart to keep the tracker clipped to their belt at all times except for when going places to prep for leaving. If the tracker unexpectedly looked like it went dead or didn’t move like it was stored in a drawer while OP went to work, the husband could have booked an earlier return flight to “catch” them. Make everything look totally normal right until you disappear.
I love OP leaving the breaker off. Hubby comes home to a fridge full of rotting food-hopefully it will stink. He MIGHT be able to claim the fridge is damaged, if the stink won’t go away, but it’s a great parting shot. OP is making smart moves in this situation. I do think hubs will be able to track her through her job-HR won’t release info but if he knows she is still working for the same company, he can figure it out with time if he puts in the effort (even with sensitive clients, the fact is she’s going to put down roots and there’ll eventually be records he can access). The problem with restraining orders is that he will be told what addresses to stay away from-right there he knows where she is. Anyway, good luck, OP-you’re off to a great start. But do keep a watchful eye out
I’m so proud of her for seeing the writing on the wall and getting herself out of that abusive situation. She planned her escape and got the heck out of there. Plus she only had herself because she didn’t have family to support her. Good job and I wish her every happiness.
OP could star in a James Bond movie after this! Nuke dodged to perfection. Some great advice from Reddit, like the phone-scanning trick in the darkness. This is the Reddit we deserve! I hope OP gets completely free of her psycho STBXH. And he completely implodes from losing control of his victim.
The comment about taking pets is unfortunately on point. Have an ex hub that is still scarred 2 this day after attacking my cat, because he was mad at me! Renee was fine, but I never left him alone with my pets again. He's a horrible person. Hope OP goes on 2 live her best
At least in the USA, it makes things easier to "divorce long distance" if you have a legal copy of your marriage certificate. I just wanted to add that since I don't often see that in important document list. So as a recap: * Legal IDs: Drivers license, Passport etc * Social security card/Government number given to you for people outside of the USA * Birth certificate * If you're married, a legal copy of the marriage certificate This will make your life potentially easier. * W2s/Tax returns *A Password list of all social media/important services. Then when you are safe *change everything when you are out* !!! * This is for services/social media that are needed, and cant be replaced. Especially if it is Health insurance, or your only communication with Lawyers or trusted friends and family.
OP's updates were a relief. That so many people gave such brilliant advice, and that he lawyer got the sheriff involved was really amazing. That sage advice has come from so many people who went through that experience. Through her lawyer I hope OP does send a letter to the women's shelter her SiL works/ volunteers at. That woman should have seen the signs, especially when OP told her family about his escalating control.
You can’t figure out how to leave in two weeks. Get a lawyer. Get a new phone, leave your old phone with the lawyer to prove harassment. If you don’t know how to check for tracking wear, a private detective can tell you where you can take your stuff. Listen to some of these.
One of the early signs of abusive/controlling behavior is wanting to have immediate access to the partner’s activities 24/7. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was using the tracking info to help him cheat more easily, too. Definitely get a lawyer.
One thing OP may have forgotten that we weren't told about: her vehicle. If it's a newer model with GPS built in, they can be tracked. Anyone in a DV situation with a built in GPS needs to have it disconnected immediately before they leave the situation. Another way to get clothes out without raising suspicion is if you make regular trips to a professional cleaner, use that opportunity to your advantage. Buy a new suitcase and start putting your laundered clothes in it. Keep it somewhere secure.
This is not the first relationship that he has done this or why would everyone act like it was normal for him to do? I doubt this will be the last time he treats a partner like this... His paranoia of getting cheated on is so bad he WANTS to find OP cheating to validate his actions/feelings. Why else would he take it to this extreme even having divorce papers at the ready it? Dude has BIG issues he needs to deal with or this pattern will keep repeating!
Your first suggestion was exactly what I was thinking. Carry it with you everywhere you go, stashed discreetly in your car. You never know when you just have to drive away!
Wow what a story! I am so glad she got so much good advice and went about it in an organized and smart way. Sounds like she did everything right! Also very impressed with her employer and the huge help they were to her. I wish her all the best and only happiness in her new life.
Story 1. This is an abusive man just getting warmed up. 🚩I’m so glad OP recognised the problems early and got out before she was physically assaulted, because that was inevitable.
Before leaving Op need to do the reverse tactics to Alex .Every 5 minutes ask him about where he is what is he doing whith who he is , who was that ? Who the heck he think he is
I'm aghast at the number of details that OP had to think of and arrange in two weeks! and at how many details involved electronics - it becomes so complicated!
Those are HUGE red flags. Get out as fast as possible. While all the advice above is great, some additional stuff for anyone who needs it, - make sure your old office HR knows that your ex is not be be given any information. And at your new office place, tell them you have an ex and that he should never be allowed to enter or be on the property. - Make sure he is not your medical proxy on ANYTHING and remove him from 401k etc... - if you have a friend you can check if with, check in with them daily and have code words. "If I say we should get drinks at x, that means I am uncomfortable and trying to get away, if I say drinks at y call the police."
I thought OP searching for cameras was an excessive "better safe than sorry" move, but only shit, she actually found cameras! Her husband is a freaking psychopath!
Does installing cameras in his own house make him a psychopath? The real question that needs to be asked is why this man is behaving this way. What brought him to this point?
@@alihaydaryalnz6118 He had a faithful loving wife who always checked in with him and was completely transparent with him at all times and yet he had to double down with his control and set up cameras to spy on her. Pretty sure being a psychopath brought him to this point, because it sure as hell wasn't her.
@@DragonflyandTheWolf I think it’s the actions of cheap modern feminist women that have driven this man to this point. No one would go to such lengths to control a woman he truly believed was completely loyal to him. Trusting a woman in today’s modern world? I think you’re watching too much TV and loves movies. If the woman wants to divorce, she can. Maybe they just can't get along, so they get divorced. But her acting like this man is going to kill her and turning all the blame on him makes me think she has something she wants to hide or doesn't want to be discovered. I don't believe she is a loyal woman either. She didn't ask for alimony, and as far as I know, alimony isn't granted for a 7 month marriage anyway.
@@DragonflyandTheWolf I think it’s the actions of cheating modern feminist women that have driven this man to this point. No one would go to such lengths to control a woman he truly believed was completely loyal to him. Trusting a woman in today’s modern world? I think you’re watching too much TV and loves movies. If the woman wants to divorce, she can. Maybe they just can't get along, so they get divorced. But her acting like this man is going to kill her and turning all the blame on him makes me think she has something she wants to hide or doesn't want to be discovered. I don't believe she is a loyal woman either. I don't even believe she loved this man. She wanted to use him and when she saw that he wouldn't let himself be used, now she's out looking for another sucker. She didn't ask for alimony, and as far as I know, alimony isn't granted for a 7 month marriage anyway.
@@DragonflyandTheWolf I think it’s the actions of cheating modern feminist women that have driven this man to this point. No one would go to such lengths to control a woman he truly believed was completely loyal to him. Trusting a woman in today’s modern world? I think you’re watching too much TV and loves movies. If the woman wants to divorce, she can. Maybe they just can't get along, so they get divorced. But her acting like this man is going to kill her and turning all the blame on him makes me think she has something she wants to hide or doesn't want to be discovered. I don't believe she is a loyal woman either. I don't even believe she loved this man. She wanted to use him and when she saw that he wouldn't let himself be used, now she's out looking for another sucker. She didn't ask for alimony, and as far as I know, alimony isn't granted for a 7 month marriage anyway.
His behavior after returning says it all, good thing she left this idiot and hopefully he won't be successful in locking another woman up with him and pulling the same thing again. He desperately needs therapy.
Given how quickly his daddy bailed him out of jail and his sister still works for a DV shelter (as far as we know), he'll have plenty of enablers to help him keep his next victim under lock and key. Enablers of abuse need to start facing the exact same repercussions the actual abusers do.
There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship; each one is special. What makes one person happy might not make another person happy. But I've realized that there's always a way to solve problems. Five years ago, my wife and I were almost getting divorced because we had problems in our marriage, but we managed to sort things out. It was a difficult time, but we got through it.
I totally get how important your words are, and I really want to be happy too. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart now, I can't think of life without her; my love for her is big. I really miss her, and I'm determined to bring her back. We've tried different ways, like therapy, to fix things
Releasing the grip on someone dear is always tough, but in my scenario, I was fortunate to have the counsel of a spiritual guide who preserved my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters
I'm grateful for your guidance. I'll quickly search for her online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that adopting this strategy will also bring me the results I desire; I miss her greatly
No being under surveillance isn’t the action of a good and careful husband. It’s the actions of a fucking abusive and controlling jerk. I hope she finds a much better partner after she kicks him to the curb…but be very careful. Men like this can’t stand losing anything they believe belongs to them
FORCING your WIFE to WEAR a TRACKER while your GONE while your away is not a good HUSBAND makes that's just I don't know what it is but I would LEAVE and never look back and I would CHANGE my account to a new BANK ASAP
This is absolutely terrifying. And with OP not having any close family, OR friends, she made the perfect target for her ex-husband. I'm so glad she was able to get away. I hope she stays safe, and gets some therapy for what she's gone through. She's make out of stern stuff, to be able to navigate the situation she was in by herself, and to make a clean escape.
OP could have also contacted a local Domestic Violence center and asked if they had recommendations of what to take and how to get out quickly and safely. Bet you anything they likely have a list of important things for victims of domestic violence (female and male!) to make sure they have necessary items for getting out. Edit: bummer about her SIL volunteering for domestic violence centers.
I'm surprised he didn't ask her to wear a chastity belt !! 😮 You've got to wonder what mental health issue/s the husband has with his controlling behaviour...??
The husband is terrible, the in-laws are terrible but the worse one is the SIL that volunteers with DV victims. She needs to lose her status and job. She needs to be outed.
Yes! I'd almost rather see her face karma than the ex husband.
Unfortunately the SiL hasn't done anything wrong. Maybe if OP had pulled a Tyrion, fake-confided in her she was going to a DV shelter, and that info got leaked to the husband, she might have something. But it's not worth the risk of tipping him off.
@DrownedInExile I feel like if possible, Op _could_ maybe make an anonymous report (after leaving) that one of their people has made her feel unsafe cause she's aware of and condoning a domestic abuse situation and wasn't reporting it at all. Even if nothing happens then, there's a paper trail for if something did in the future. I'd sure as hell be keeping a closer eye on a person if their work is literally based around helping survivors only to find they were aiding in the abuse of one.
@@owl7072 You're assuming that the In-Laws actually knew the full extent of the situation. OP sounded like she might have brought up a couple of "concerns" and made it sound like something many couples do with GPS and that's why they downplayed it, and dropped it after she got even a tiny push back instead of letting them know how badly it was going as it progressed. If OP went with some proof I highly doubt the SIL would have notified her brother given she works with victims.
@@impishrebel5969 this could be true, but I was mainly just going off what Op said she was afraid of. Sil works for dv services, yet Op was afraid that she'd still tell her husband despite the context of the fact that Op was reaching out to a _dv_ service. There's a lot of people who put family before work, and just basing it off of the way Op worded it made it sound like Sil could/would potentially put helping her brother before helping Op, but again that's just a theory based on how it was worded.
If a husband threatens you with divorce he deserves to have his bluff called. Same if a woman does the same thing.
Yep, remember the story where the husband asked for a divorce and then took it back 2 hours later, he and his wife began counseling, but she didn’t didn’t fully trust him right away, he didn’t like it and asked for divorce again and once again changed his mind hours later, his wife left him and he couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t just forgive him.
Some people are just selfish.
Say it louder in the back!
If my (Hypothetical) partner acted like OP's husband and threatened that, I'd just say "Don't threaten me with a good time"
@@HardcoreLevelingBaka I remember that one... Divorce shouldn't be used like a "trump" playing card in a game... It is serious and should be treated as such. "Winning" arguments by pulling that crap is not really winning because you lost the moment you played it!
I'm glad I know how to disappear.
The husband is awful, but I'm also mad at the friends for casually ignoring the 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 being waved in their faces. No thought it was weird that every time OP hung out with them, the husband would grill them, individually on what she said/did/ate? That's not a cute quirk, that's creepy and overbearing.
They're probably just use to it.
The odds that OP is the first partner he's acted like this with are slim.
To them it's just Alex being Alex.
At least one of them was quick to realize he was lying about the house, so there may be some hope that they'll realize his behavior isn't okay.
I have to be fair with them, one of my best friends was in an abusive relationship, from aside it all worked perfectly for them, he was caring, did many trips both and when their son was born, he hosted us for many bbq's, he stayed home with the kid while she could go party with us, he was awesome... until he wasn't. My friend was so afraid of him tfrom the second year of marriage that she didn't say anything to us nor showed any signs of abuse. Finally she told me and another friend and we provided help, some cash and advice (many we read on reddit, like get all your important papers) and left. Still, after 5 years, he's still a nightmare even he already married one of his affair partners (he was a serial cheater too). Part of her being so afraid is that he's in the military and knows some dangerous people from his youth. Fortunatelly nothing mayor happened to her, besides a couple of weks a black truck following her.
@@SergioBicerrait should be added that copies of important documents should be made as well, to included digital copies. Originals should be kept somewhere they can be protected, like a safety deposit box or portable fireproof safe. The lawyer should have notorized copies as well, just in case.
@@LostSoulchild89there are many different techniques to interrogate people including a few without people even realizing it. A text here, a question dropped in a regular conversation can easily lead people to just opening up about their day or what the event/hangout was about. If this has been his MO for years, and it probably has, then his friends are just use to him doing this with them so it's no big deal in their eyes.
Aren't there a saying that bird of a feather flock together? Maybe they are the same or close to it.
Still strange and not normal at all.
Escaping from your abuser is a real-life horror movie. 2 weeks might feel like years. I'm glad OP is doing okay in the update but for her sake, I wish her well and hope that nothing bad further comes.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s cheating himself.
With the way he reacted, I genuinely think that Reddit saved her life. If she had not followed advices she got from Reddit, he would have caught her and who knows what he would have done... This guy is a psychopath...
@@susankaempfer8427Exactly. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd been spending time with his mistress on that two-week trip. He was majorly projecting. Let's hope he never finds OP.
Ever watch the invisible man movie that came out 2020? A friend of mine couldn't get through the beginning because it reminded her of when she left her ex. I wish OP nothing but happiness and peace.
2 weeks of waiting when you have nothing to do feels like years, 2 weeks when you have a lot of s**t to get sorted feels like a few days.
His reaction and behaviour after getting served is so telling. Shouting and assaulting the officer then breaking things and punching walls and attempting to blame her. Hope this woke up some friends and family bc if his sister works at an abuse center and doesn't react badly to her own brothers behaviour thats incredibly concerning. Hope someone keeps an eye on how he treats the next poor women..
You're assuming OP actually let SIL know how badly the abuse was getting. It sounds like she brought it up in a way that made the family think it was something many couples do which they then said that, and OP backed off instead of pushing about it as it escalated. You can know someone their whole lives and then be shocked at how abusive they end up being to someone else after they leave the next. You end up in denial until something hits you in the fan and it gets all over.
@@impishrebel5969Pretty sure OP mentioned in an update that friends and family were emailing her. That probably included SIL, and OP detailed everything in her email back. But, this could also be the first time SIL found out about it. We don't know how anybody reacted to OPs response email, so SILs reaction is left unknown until OP decided to further update us.
I’m hoping she reports her ex SIL anonymously if it is confirmed SIL fully knew what her brothers behaviour was like
The OP was smart to get out covertly. It could have been her, not the dining table, that he smashed up had she confronted him.
It’s terrifying the sister in law works with domestic abuse shelters and OP doesn’t know if she can trust her. I’m so grateful OP got out. She has a spine of steel. Reddit came in clutch.
Thats such a difficult situation. You want to hope SIL is decent but she excuses her brother and she sees this often
@@missmakeup1680 have a friend that worked in a family violence shelter and she said that they have had a problem when someone who was a family member of a volunteer at the location tried to get help. that volunteer tried to collect and manufacture evidence for the abuser over child custody...
she couldn't be sure, so she was being extra cautious. I mean, SIL could have called the brother to rip him a new one for example. It's hard to keep these things secret and better be safe than sorry.
@@melocoton7honestly, the SIL needs to be seriously looked into. If she was completely ignorant of her brothers behavior toward his wife, that's one thing but the fact that the OP wasn't sure taints her by association. I have family members who have dealt with abuse and will speak about how horrible it is... until it comes to HER brother (my abusive father). Then suddenly the excuses come flowing. Until things change and abuse victims can actually feel safe leaving (especially women), consider yourself tainted by associating if you work in a DV shelter and you've got a brother who's creating your next person potentially seeking shelter. That one sentence about that chilled me to the core because it rang like "holy sh!t, this man is the "friends in high places" type of abuser. The type of abuser whos friends with law enforcement, so his DV charges magically go missing. The type who's friendly with judges, so his behavior gets glossed over. The kind with FAMILY IN THE F**KING DV SHELTERS WHO COULD TELL HIM WHERE HIS VICTIM IS. That's disgusting. Unless the sister can say with full confidence (like she signs something that can hold her for perjury if she's lying), her a$$ should be GONE from that shelter.
@@petervanettinger2566that's horrifying. Please tell me that that person was fired/removed from helping DV victims???
The fact that the family had relatives working with women fleeing domestic abuse situations? And OP couldn't access those resources without fear? Terrifying. The guy himself is a monster, but his family and friends are his enablers. Disgusting.
Here i thought "looking for hidden cameras" before leaving under clandestine conditions was overkill.... until OP found them, and her partner put holes in the wall! This is why women choose bear.
it is more common than one would think, unfortunately :(
As a male who who would never hurt a woman except in say needed self defence, I don't blame women for choosing bear.
I said it elsewhere, if you as a man get offended by the women saying that and act defensive, you are part of the problem. The only people you should be upset with is the men that make women feel that way!
@jake8748 you might be one of the rare ones
@toriladybird511 I hope not. I have seen quite a few men say relatively similar things. It seems to be the insecure and fragile masculinity ones that get upset with women saying it. Interestingly, I work in a male dominated industry (mining) in a FIFO style job, and the men out here are usually more caring and empathetic than the types I've encountered in town or suburban areas. A lot of the men in this industry have rough pasts, too.
We do have extremely crude and dark humour, though, but honestly, almost all of it just plays on stereotypes or crude innuendos aimed at anyone and everyone (lots of knee pads jokes for people who get promoted for example).
Omfg Choose a bear...then wonder why they don't have a man later.
I said Man, not piece of human trash that ops ex husband and was. Ex being male doesn't make all males that way.
That is BEYOND caring. The family are just enabling this creepy behavior. He’s going so far, that I’m surprised that he’s not smelling her entire body, ALL of her body in case she had a guy on her. And sometimes when the partner is constantly checking if their spouse is cheating on them, means that they could be the one cheating on them. It’s basically 80% of couple stories out there that ended that way.
Ikr, they'd be projecting so hard. I even question if his work trips were actually to cheat, too 🤔
If OP ever flipped the script and interrogated him right back, he probably would have turned violent. Just as well she didn't.
Jup can confirm that my abusive ex actually was cheating when he would accuse me of cheating. My ex also tried to get me pregnant, I just got lucky and it didn't work with me...
Yep, enablers because they're not the victims and I'm guessing MIL and BIL want grandbabies.
@@rhanerenai2797he's definitely cheating
It’s horrifying to know OP couldn’t even go to a DV services and it makes me wonder how secure those types of services actually are or how many of them are full of corruptible people. I mean, surely the SIL would know that her brother’s behavior is concerning based on her line of work but despite that she brushes it off and defends his actions.
It's probably as corruptible as social workers' offices are. Too many stories of gung-ho social workers trying to fix things in their families or rug-sweep them because "I know X would NEVER do that." They're human and have blinders, but their position and supposed expertise on social problems can keep those blinders firmly on in the face of people they have a bias towards or against.
If the SIL didn't believe the OP and found out she was seeking help, she'd probably confront her brother to either warn him what was going on or try to fix it herself and get gaslit by bro. Either way, not the least bit helpful for OP.
Hearing that was utterly horrifying for me. It really makes you wonder how many people have avoided going to such services because of a similar situation.
SIL needs to be fired from working with DV programs and shelters honestly if she’s in denial and defending her brother who is an abusive man.
You're assuming OP even told her beyond the GPS thing, which she could have made sound like it was something a lot of couples do, and rather than tell her as it escalated OP got paranoid and assumed SIL would always be on brother's side.
Some people have blinders to people that they know and how the situation is portrayed to them.
For example look at how many "I suspected my SO was cheating on me and caught them on camera!" Stories we've heard. In those cases the op sounds sane and justified in their actions.
Sometimes when they are close to people it's more like the boiling a frog method. The flag is white but slowly turns pink before turning an eye burning red.
"I've brought security cameras for the house." Sounds better than "I installed cameras in the house because I think my SO is cheating." Which sounds better than "I installed cameras to spy on my SO because I don't trust them."
White to red.
"I want to know who my SO is hanging out with in case of an emergency." White, reasonable. "I want to make sure she was where and with whom she said she was and not lying to me."
.-. . -.. / ..-. .-.. .- --.
The husband's reaction to being served shows that OP dodged a massive bullet. It was always only a matter of time before he became physical with her, and I'm glad she made it out before that happened. I'm also glad Reddit had the idea of getting her to photograph the state of the house before she left because I never would have thought of that.
She dodged a broadside from an Iowa-class Battleship.
@@DrownedInExile At least 1
Agree. As soon as I heard what he had done to the house, I thought that OP was lucky to get out before he escalated, as the destruction of the house shows he would have done so, sooner or later!
@@spectrelead 1 broadside, or 1 battleship?
@@DrownedInExile Battleship
Glad she escaped before he could ever put hands on her. Good luck and have a good life, OP!!
That was absolutely the future with him. Monstrous
This sort of thing is why no-fault divorce is so important. If it didn't exist, her only option would be to wait until she's able to prove he's physically harming her, and by then, it may be too late.
And it should be easy to figure out why Republican lawmakers in red states are going after no-fault divorce next. They’re so brazen about stopping women from leaving their husbands and they’re doing it under the “sanctity of marriage” excuse. This senator even talked about no-fault divorces being especially used by women and he wanted to put a stop to that.
I’m glad she got away. I can’t imagine how scary it is to escape someone in the same house as you.
Getting away was only the beginning.
Situations like this are extremely worrisome because with the level of obsession combined with the violent outbursts at friends and law enforcement, he's likely to try to find her and doing something bad if he finds her. She's not a person to him, she's his property.
I’ve been no contact with my mother and brother for about 8 years now, both abused me growing up to the point I have permanent nerve damage and PTSD, I escaped at 18 with a young persons charity but was only able to fully cut all contact age around 25, between 18-25 i was extremely low contact. Fully cutting contact I moved elsewhere in my country, my address is protected and very few people actually know where I live, legally changed my surname so there’s zero association and I can’t be easily tracked, local police is informed (many cops in my area knew my family growing up and fully support me), my home has plenty CCTV and is very secure, and I don’t use any socials other than telegram and that’s super private. It’s actually terrifying escaping your own home like that because your home should be the one place in the world you feel truly safe, your home should be your sanctuary, your castle, when it feels like a prison you can never be at ease until you’re 100% sure you’re fully free. Wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, but I can tell you the freeing feeling truly is something else, it is very liberating when you become free and safe!
I’ve been no contact with my mother and brother for a long time now, both abused me growing up to the point I have permanent nerve damage and PTSD, I escaped with a young persons charity at 18 where they moved me elsewhere in my country, my address is protected and very few people actually know where I live, legally changed my surname so there’s zero association and I can’t be easily tracked, local police is informed, my home has plenty CCTV and is very secure, and I don’t use any socials other than telegram and that’s super private. It’s actually terrifying escaping your own home like that because your home should be the one place in the world you feel truly safe, your home should be your sanctuary, your castle, when it feels like a prison you can never be at ease until you’re 100% sure you’re fully free. Wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, but I can tell you the freeing feeling truly is something else, it is very liberating when you become free and safe!
@@ZombieSazza I’m sorry you went through that. I’m so happy that you found people who helped you get a second chance at life.
Now she still has to keep a low profile on social media. He could still find her.
That story was crazy. The damage the ex-husband did just shows what would have happened to the OP if she hadn't left in secret like that. It is refreshing to see an OP not put up with the BS at all like that though. She didn't try to figure things out or make excuses, just did what was necessary to protect herself. Bravo!
Don't confront the abuser, EVER!!!!!
@@robinkholmes7127 that's very good advise, even for a supportive friend.
I learned that the hard way. Not that I would do it differently if I could go back in time.
A black eye was a small price to pay to get my friend to finally see that her bf wasn't a good person.
My ex tried that shit, he destroyed the house after I left and tried blaming it on me, the problem he forgot about is that the police literally helped me pack and leave (I threw stuff in boxes and they loaded the boxes up in my car) and those same officers testified that when I left the house was intact and that there was no way I got back in as he changed the locks before I grabbed my stuff and I obviously didn't have a key 😂.
That camera advice is also good if you stay in an AirBnB. And OP handled this like a champ.
Right? She could star in a James Bond movie!
OP escaped Alex's paranoid trap. That sounds like Hell, with eyes everywhere. Good thing she was able to get away from this mess.
The damage he did to the apartment and the assault on the cop? That would eventually have been OP. And certainly would have been if she was stupid enough to tell him in person she was leaving him. His plan was to gain full financial control and then get her pregnant. I’m so glad she escaped that bastard relatively unscathed
This lady needs to write a how-to book on how to escape a controlling partner. Between her own knowledge and the advice she got online, she handled this brilliantly. I’m tired of seeing women being murdered by their partners when they’re trying to leave.
If you think you have to threaten your spouse with divorce to get your way, chances are, your spouse has already thought about divorcing you.
A lot of people forget to get a new bag. I once had a friend who was banned from seeing me by her husband. We found out she had a tracker inside the lining of her bag. She let it go and acts like everything is fine. Apple trackers are a b.
Oh wow, I hope that your friend left her husband and is now ok!
@@lauraanderson8785 she's still with him unfortunately. I get to see her once a year and it's only for a bit before he calls her back home or makes a stink until she goes.
Op is so lucky that she learn the truth about her husband before she got pregnant and be stuck with him forever
This exemplifies how useful the Reddit community can be. I hope she stays safe.
I was on the edge of my seat, hoping that the husband would not come across OP's post. I felt that she gave too many details that might have easily identified her. Breathed a sigh of relief that she got out safely. ❤👍🏾 Hoping for the best for OP's future.
I am pretty sure the details were lies, like the business trip was really being a trip to see family, or maybe no hidden cameras were found, maybe sis does not work for DV center. After all that she went through I don't see her telling the truth to the world on reddit.
Mood booster: The manager is on a power trip and now she is stuck doing the job. Great job!
Act like a see you next Tuesday, talk to your employees like a see you next Tuesday then you're gonna get treated like a see you next Tuesday! I would have paid a lot of money to be there to see the look on her face when she saw the mess that was waiting for her LMFAO!
So happy for OP getting out of that situation. Hope she continues to be safe, that’s hella scary
Story 1: I'm so glad OP got out of that nightmare. She should also freeze her credit to prevent Alex from taking out credit cards/loans in her name to get revenge. Financial abuse is real.
I think OP should genuinely and seriously consider changing her name and if she's here in the states which it sounds like she is, start an LLC under a name that isn't hers or associated with her to rent the apartment or buy a condo/house with so Alex will *_never_* be able to track her.
She's free, but she has to worry about him hiring a PI to track her down. He's more likely to be violent now that she has successfully left him.
For sure a name change after the divorce is finalized. I’d even go as far as saying leave the country if that’s a viable option.
Did I miss something? Was OP's husband beating her? Or did he threaten her? Did he take a gun and hold it to OP's head? I don't understand. I mean, i don't see any issue with OP getting a divorce. But it seems a bit exaggerated to me, like OP is running away from an enemy. Or it feels like OP did something really bad and is in a hurry to escape before it comes out.
@@alihaydaryalnz6118 she’s escaping her abuser. Given the chance, Alex 100% would kill her upon finding where she is. His behavior of tracking her, having hidden cameras, and even getting his inner circle to keep tabs on her shows he wants to keep her trapped. He has become obsessed with her. That won’t go away just because they divorce. He will try to find her and teach her a lesson which may or may not result in her death.
@@blackroseinbloom Following someone and watching them is not abuse. And if someone really wants to kill you, they will kill you. In the story, i didn't read anything about the man showing any violence. There is jealousy and overprotectiveness in OP's husband. But there is no abuse. If OP wants to get a divorce, I respect that. But her exaggeration seems very suspicious to me. It's like she's escaping from a war. xD Or it's like a little kid who did something very bad and is hiding at home so no one will find out.
@@alihaydaryalnz6118 Hidden cameras and body mounted trackers are not simple jealousy or overprotectiveness. He wants her under 24-hour surveillance, which is, at best, controlling and if not outright abuse, it's a very clear indication that the behaviours will likely escalate to that in the near future. Excessive jealousy, monitoring a partner's actions and locations, and wanton privacy violations are all signs of emotional abuse as well as warning signs of future physical abuse.
I was once in a similar situation as OP. I was forbidden to talk to my friends, and if I went out for any reason, I was going out "to cheat!!" Funny thing is I was being cheated on all the time. Got rid of that headache. But to be honest, I now have trouble getting close to someone. The effects of being in an abusive relationship, I guess.
I am happy she could get advice from reddit. I still remember the movie " sleeping with the enemy" it is truly a terrifying situation. I wonder what his family thinks of this, especially his sister.
Enough the movie 2002 comes to my mind. And thats just the tip of the iceberg we see imho.
Dollars to donuts Alex was cheating the entire time.
1:32 - When I heard the word tracker - I literally exclaimed "WTF" out loud.
This story gives me vibes of the movie Sleeping With the Enemy.
This type of story can easily end in murder. A man that obsessed and controlling not even a year into the marriage is absolutely psychotic.
Just for shits and giggles, I would hire a top end private investigator to track Alex. I'd bet good money that that two week "business trip" was not taken by himself, and the business was personal and not job related. Even more important to know this if their prenup had something about infidelity. You just KNOW someone like this is slutting around while expecting his "possession" to stay pristine for him.
Yeah i think hes cheating.
My instant thought when his surveillance started was “yep, he’s cheating, projection is a btch ain’t it”
Story 1: The husband seems like he's projecting. Anyone that goes to that extent is usually doing something bad themselves
Especially a spouce that goes on 2 week "work trips." He's putting her on the defensive so she doesn't dare ask him any questions.
Exactly what I was thinking. Husband is having an affair, or sleeping around, or engaging with sex workers.
Reddit really helped her play 5D chess against that vile man and win. She had every base covered. I’m so so proud of her.
Alex was always controlling and picked out OP. Abuses tend to pick out partners without family and no friends that aren't mutual.
Dude this just drove home for me that women’s right to work and have quality pay employment was a critical element to OP being able to get out. Economic power is essential for freedom. And, social media and online anonymity was clutch for her, the total social isolation she was dealing with could have been a breaking point.
Whew, I'm glad she got good advice and got out safely. I don't think she needed to send her friends explanatory emails. If she couldn't trust them to help her in this situation, they're not friends.
The emails to the friends help rip the blindfold from their eyes about Alex. They couldn’t help OP, but now they’re at least aware that Alex could harm the next woman that he decided to trap.
The beginning of that story sounded like my ex, he was very controlling, calling me every 10 minutes when I went out with friends or family. Got upset because i was away from him too long (couple of hours), jealous, accused me of liking other men, thrratened to end his own life should i leave him, wanting me to cut friendships because they took too much of my time away from him... The list goes on. Needless to say I left him.
This whole video I was sweating praying she gets away. I’m so glad she got away safe and I can’t wait for the next update saying she is free and living her best life
His abuse definitely would have become physical. I was so proud of op from the first post. So many women have to hit rock bottom b4 getting out. It's refreshing to hear a story of someone getting away from that while they still have their happiness and confidence.
Whats also really scary is that OP coukdnt even use resources for these situations due to the sister. Thankfully she had money and an accommodating job. I dont believe 1 second that the sister is so entrenched in domestic violence charities and doesnt see the red flags.
He's cheating... or setting her up to be victim
A bit of both. He spent his work trip with his mistress. Meanwhile, he was trying to get OP fully dependent on him.
Wow....he actually had that many cameras. If I were her, I'd have laid a false trail leading to somewhere far away, so he'd waste his time while I found a safe place. I'd also sell all the jewelry he have me on the day I left - and id do it on the opposite side of town from where I'd be leavimg from. At least she didn't sign the papers.
My first husband always wanted to know everywhere I went, every minute of the day. And he tried desperately to get me away from all of my friends and family. He's fixing to start kicking your ass. You've got to get out of there. Trust me on this.
Man, that was terrifying but glad she got out safe. Not sure how anyone can be friends with him after all this drama though. What a psycho!
I think the same thing about women.
Ugh that was triggering to listen to. It just brought back all of the anxiety and fear I had while escaping my abuser. I was on the edge of my seat, hoping that OP didn't get caught.
I am so glad she's safe and that Alex never got a chance to lay a hand on her. LG in the future can you please put a trigger warning on videos like this? I would have listened anyway bc I love your videos but other people may not want to be reminded of their own trauma.
Good God. I am so glad OP saw the warning signs and got out before it escalated into physical violence. Controlling behavior ALWAYS leads to it sooner or later unfortunately, so thankfully she got out before it went to physical violence.
I feel sorry for any other woman who gets married to Alex. These kinds of people never change, so I don't doubt that, should he find another woman to marry, he'll get more controlling and possibly violent a lot quicker in hopes of keeping this woman from doing what OP did.
Run! None of the things your worried about will matter once you’re locked in a bunker in the woods.
Yeah.
Super controlling and paranoid about Op cheating, plus he goes on week long business trips?
Yeah, he's a cheater & controlling & abusive.
Link the bank account, he wants to control the finances?
Gross.
Exactly. He's spending those trips with his mistress/2nd family and projecting his transgressions onto OP.
OP should look into volunteering with DV shelters herself. She’s got the exit strategy down to a science
Man, a lot of times in the story I had this thought of: "She's really smart and takes a lot of precautions but isn't this kinda overkill?" only to then see that everything she did was really useful and perfectly applied to how he acted.
I guess I should count myself as lucky that I'm still this naive about the depths of darkness of humanity...
At first I thought Alex might just be paranoid, but when he wanted her to wear a tracker without offering the same for himself, the first big red flag flew up.
Op is very efficient and careful, hate to see her in this situation, but she dealt with it perfectly !!
Should have put the tracker in an envelope and mailed it to general delivery in Timbuktu.
Nah Alex would’ve known it’s in a package after seeing it be taken to post offices for hours then on a plane. I would’ve paid a trucker $20 to take along the tracker then throw it out whenever they felt like it across the country.
@@blackroseinbloom Truckers aren't stupid people. A trucker isn't going to step into that situation. Certainly not for a mere $20.
I would have taken it to a strip club on my way out of there just for shits and giggles🤣🤣 the bouncers would have had their fun with him
The moment I heard tracker…. Alarm bells sounded 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I'm so glad op was smart enough to just up and leave instead of trying to work it out. I am terrified of what could've happened to her if she even tried to level with her abusive husband
Its so nice that her work was able to quickly move her and even helped fund the move. Even without support from friends and family, she at least had support from her boss and coworkers, and of course everyone on reddit with the advice.
Having the movers come during a storm was a incredible move! Good thinking!
The husband 100% would have hit his wife at some point if she stayed. For a guy that cares about reputation, he sure does a lot of things that would destroy it.
Tyvm LG. I found my heart beating very fast as i read that post. And naming the things that she needs to do before he gets back. Crazy how it all comes back to you, like you are going through it yourself, AGAIN.
Stay safe my friend, please.
Now that I think more about it, was Alex the real cheater here?
This is the second day in a row I'm reminded of my ex who would abuse me in the exact same ways, all the while claiming I deserved it because I cheated on him when I didn't while he was the one cheating. I forgot about that until now. It was a weird combination of him viewing me as a possession and not a person, being obsessed with me in a toxic way while projecting his infidelity onto me.
The few times I've been unfortunate enough to talk with him via messages online were always about the same things that ultimately drove me away. Well, that and combined with a gun to my forhead and being told I was lucky he loved me.
Alex is very much giving the exact same vibes.
I had to get police involved for him to leave me alone and even then, he'd still try to worm his way back in every 5 years. We dated for 6 months when I was 14-15.
I honestly think I'd have found myself in the nightmare trapped scenario Alex wanted of OP had we been adults at the time we dated.
This is straight up Julia Robert's, "Sleeping With The Enemy!" 😳I'm so worried for OP!! Actually, she can do it in 2wks but I'm with LG, I'm thinking he may be already tracking her!!
Mood booster: Sometimes losing a week's pay, just for some childishly petty revenge, is totally worth it.
Story 1: Ah yes, the sad truth of an abuser showing their true colors after "locking down" their partner with marriage.
OP was smart to keep the tracker clipped to their belt at all times except for when going places to prep for leaving. If the tracker unexpectedly looked like it went dead or didn’t move like it was stored in a drawer while OP went to work, the husband could have booked an earlier return flight to “catch” them. Make everything look totally normal right until you disappear.
Story one is why WE PICK THE BEAR!!! 😩🤢
I love OP leaving the breaker off. Hubby comes home to a fridge full of rotting food-hopefully it will stink. He MIGHT be able to claim the fridge is damaged, if the stink won’t go away, but it’s a great parting shot. OP is making smart moves in this situation. I do think hubs will be able to track her through her job-HR won’t release info but if he knows she is still working for the same company, he can figure it out with time if he puts in the effort (even with sensitive clients, the fact is she’s going to put down roots and there’ll eventually be records he can access).
The problem with restraining orders is that he will be told what addresses to stay away from-right there he knows where she is.
Anyway, good luck, OP-you’re off to a great start. But do keep a watchful eye out
I’m so proud of her for seeing the writing on the wall and getting herself out of that abusive situation.
She planned her escape and got the heck out of there.
Plus she only had herself because she didn’t have family to support her.
Good job and I wish her every happiness.
If he assaults an officer and a house when he is angry, I fear what he would have done to OP eventually.
OP could star in a James Bond movie after this! Nuke dodged to perfection. Some great advice from Reddit, like the phone-scanning trick in the darkness. This is the Reddit we deserve! I hope OP gets completely free of her psycho STBXH. And he completely implodes from losing control of his victim.
The comment about taking pets is unfortunately on point. Have an ex hub that is still scarred 2 this day after attacking my cat, because he was mad at me! Renee was fine, but I never left him alone with my pets again. He's a horrible person.
Hope OP goes on 2 live her best
That one got me, too. I have 2 dogs I love to bits. They'd be the first to leave with me in that situation, but it still scares me.
At least in the USA, it makes things easier to "divorce long distance" if you have a legal copy of your marriage certificate.
I just wanted to add that since I don't often see that in important document list.
So as a recap:
* Legal IDs: Drivers license, Passport etc
* Social security card/Government number given to you for people outside of the USA
* Birth certificate
* If you're married, a legal copy of the marriage certificate
This will make your life potentially easier.
* W2s/Tax returns
*A Password list of all social media/important services. Then when you are safe *change everything when you are out* !!!
* This is for services/social media that are needed, and cant be replaced. Especially if it is Health insurance, or your only communication with Lawyers or trusted friends and family.
OP's updates were a relief. That so many people gave such brilliant advice, and that he lawyer got the sheriff involved was really amazing. That sage advice has come from so many people who went through that experience. Through her lawyer I hope OP does send a letter to the women's shelter her SiL works/ volunteers at. That woman should have seen the signs, especially when OP told her family about his escalating control.
The first husband is having an affair. That's why he's suddenly so attentive to every single movement.
You can’t figure out how to leave in two weeks. Get a lawyer. Get a new phone, leave your old phone with the lawyer to prove harassment.
If you don’t know how to check for tracking wear, a private detective can tell you where you can take your stuff.
Listen to some of these.
One of the early signs of abusive/controlling behavior is wanting to have immediate access to the partner’s activities 24/7. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was using the tracking info to help him cheat more easily, too. Definitely get a lawyer.
Mood Booster: You have more restraint than I do. I'd have poured the coffee on the floor, not handed it to her!
Dear lord my heart hurts for this lady. The bullshit her in laws and ex pulled…
That sister needs to either be heavily scrutinized or just straight-up removed from working with DV victims.
@@khaleesireyna731 agreed
One thing OP may have forgotten that we weren't told about: her vehicle. If it's a newer model with GPS built in, they can be tracked. Anyone in a DV situation with a built in GPS needs to have it disconnected immediately before they leave the situation.
Another way to get clothes out without raising suspicion is if you make regular trips to a professional cleaner, use that opportunity to your advantage. Buy a new suitcase and start putting your laundered clothes in it. Keep it somewhere secure.
This is not the first relationship that he has done this or why would everyone act like it was normal for him to do? I doubt this will be the last time he treats a partner like this... His paranoia of getting cheated on is so bad he WANTS to find OP cheating to validate his actions/feelings. Why else would he take it to this extreme even having divorce papers at the ready it? Dude has BIG issues he needs to deal with or this pattern will keep repeating!
Those friends aren’t friends if they don’t see why op left
Your first suggestion was exactly what I was thinking.
Carry it with you everywhere you go, stashed discreetly in your car.
You never know when you just have to drive away!
Wow what a story! I am so glad she got so much good advice and went about it in an organized and smart way. Sounds like she did everything right! Also very impressed with her employer and the huge help they were to her. I wish her all the best and only happiness in her new life.
Story 1. This is an abusive man just getting warmed up. 🚩I’m so glad OP recognised the problems early and got out before she was physically assaulted, because that was inevitable.
Before leaving Op need to do the reverse tactics to Alex .Every 5 minutes ask him about where he is what is he doing whith who he is , who was that ? Who the heck he think he is
I'm aghast at the number of details that OP had to think of and arrange in two weeks! and at how many details involved electronics - it becomes so complicated!
Those are HUGE red flags. Get out as fast as possible.
While all the advice above is great, some additional stuff for anyone who needs it,
- make sure your old office HR knows that your ex is not be be given any information. And at your new office place, tell them you have an ex and that he should never be allowed to enter or be on the property.
- Make sure he is not your medical proxy on ANYTHING and remove him from 401k etc...
- if you have a friend you can check if with, check in with them daily and have code words. "If I say we should get drinks at x, that means I am uncomfortable and trying to get away, if I say drinks at y call the police."
I thought OP searching for cameras was an excessive "better safe than sorry" move, but only shit, she actually found cameras! Her husband is a freaking psychopath!
Does installing cameras in his own house make him a psychopath? The real question that needs to be asked is why this man is behaving this way. What brought him to this point?
@@alihaydaryalnz6118 He had a faithful loving wife who always checked in with him and was completely transparent with him at all times and yet he had to double down with his control and set up cameras to spy on her. Pretty sure being a psychopath brought him to this point, because it sure as hell wasn't her.
@@DragonflyandTheWolf I think it’s the actions of cheap modern feminist women that have driven this man to this point. No one would go to such lengths to control a woman he truly believed was completely loyal to him. Trusting a woman in today’s modern world? I think you’re watching too much TV and loves movies. If the woman wants to divorce, she can. Maybe they just can't get along, so they get divorced. But her acting like this man is going to kill her and turning all the blame on him makes me think she has something she wants to hide or doesn't want to be discovered. I don't believe she is a loyal woman either. She didn't ask for alimony, and as far as I know, alimony isn't granted for a 7 month marriage anyway.
@@DragonflyandTheWolf I think it’s the actions of cheating modern feminist women that have driven this man to this point. No one would go to such lengths to control a woman he truly believed was completely loyal to him. Trusting a woman in today’s modern world? I think you’re watching too much TV and loves movies. If the woman wants to divorce, she can. Maybe they just can't get along, so they get divorced. But her acting like this man is going to kill her and turning all the blame on him makes me think she has something she wants to hide or doesn't want to be discovered. I don't believe she is a loyal woman either. I don't even believe she loved this man. She wanted to use him and when she saw that he wouldn't let himself be used, now she's out looking for another sucker. She didn't ask for alimony, and as far as I know, alimony isn't granted for a 7 month marriage anyway.
@@DragonflyandTheWolf I think it’s the actions of cheating modern feminist women that have driven this man to this point. No one would go to such lengths to control a woman he truly believed was completely loyal to him. Trusting a woman in today’s modern world? I think you’re watching too much TV and loves movies. If the woman wants to divorce, she can. Maybe they just can't get along, so they get divorced. But her acting like this man is going to kill her and turning all the blame on him makes me think she has something she wants to hide or doesn't want to be discovered. I don't believe she is a loyal woman either. I don't even believe she loved this man. She wanted to use him and when she saw that he wouldn't let himself be used, now she's out looking for another sucker. She didn't ask for alimony, and as far as I know, alimony isn't granted for a 7 month marriage anyway.
Her work sounds awesome and so supportive. I'm happy she managed to escape, my heart was racing as you kept telling this story. Poor woman.
His behavior after returning says it all, good thing she left this idiot and hopefully he won't be successful in locking another woman up with him and pulling the same thing again. He desperately needs therapy.
Given how quickly his daddy bailed him out of jail and his sister still works for a DV shelter (as far as we know), he'll have plenty of enablers to help him keep his next victim under lock and key. Enablers of abuse need to start facing the exact same repercussions the actual abusers do.
There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship; each one is special. What makes one person happy might not make another person happy. But I've realized that there's always a way to solve problems. Five years ago, my wife and I were almost getting divorced because we had problems in our marriage, but we managed to sort things out. It was a difficult time, but we got through it.
I totally get how important your words are, and I really want to be happy too. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart now, I can't think of life without her; my love for her is big. I really miss her, and I'm determined to bring her back. We've tried different ways, like therapy, to fix things
Releasing the grip on someone dear is always tough, but in my scenario, I was fortunate to have the counsel of a spiritual guide who preserved my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters
I'm grateful for your guidance. I'll quickly search for her online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that adopting this strategy will also bring me the results I desire; I miss her greatly
You are Welcome
These bots are CRAZY
No being under surveillance isn’t the action of a good and careful husband. It’s the actions of a fucking abusive and controlling jerk. I hope she finds a much better partner after she kicks him to the curb…but be very careful. Men like this can’t stand losing anything they believe belongs to them
Story 1: Alex's next GF/Spouse will be locked down more securely.
FORCING your WIFE to WEAR a TRACKER while your GONE while your away is not a good HUSBAND makes that's just I don't know what it is but I would LEAVE and never look back and I would CHANGE my account to a new BANK ASAP
This is absolutely terrifying. And with OP not having any close family, OR friends, she made the perfect target for her ex-husband. I'm so glad she was able to get away. I hope she stays safe, and gets some therapy for what she's gone through. She's make out of stern stuff, to be able to navigate the situation she was in by herself, and to make a clean escape.
OP could have also contacted a local Domestic Violence center and asked if they had recommendations of what to take and how to get out quickly and safely. Bet you anything they likely have a list of important things for victims of domestic violence (female and male!) to make sure they have necessary items for getting out.
Edit: bummer about her SIL volunteering for domestic violence centers.
I'm surprised he didn't ask her to wear a chastity belt !! 😮
You've got to wonder what mental health issue/s the husband has with his controlling behaviour...??