Yes the sad thing for a lot of us being raised by narcissistic parents is that we may not even know what our authentic self is as we never had it to start with. So to get to our authentic self the real us we need to heal first.
So that's why kids of narc parents hate themselves so much! Not only because they receive tons of hate, but also because deep down they know it's not who they are at all. It's a rebellion against the false self. That doesn't sound so irrational anymore.
Narcissists try to make you the narcissist by creating trauma in you. It makes sense victims would have the false self afterwards. It’s like a vampire trying to make you just like them.
@@CasualPower9 that is absolutely true. It’s so surreal when you’re inside of it vs outside. You see much more clearly outside vs the tornado of trauma bond
@@meghanmack1500 wow, this thread is surreal...I had those gut feelings, saw the red flags, now six years since the breakup (she left me) and treatment, I can understand how both of us reacted based on our own past dysfunctional family dynamics, but don’t know if I’ll ever learn the whole truth. Was recently contacted again
Nr. 1: yes. Nr. 2: yes. Nr. 3: I am doing a good work on that. I thought I was narcisist. (Actually one of your lates video also helped me let this thought go away. It was this video: Covert Narcissism & Brain Trauma Cptsd - Hidden Manipulation.) Thanks a lot.
Sometimes when I'm at home I always feel like I have to do something, to learn something new or brush up on skills and I don't often take time out of my day to read or watch tv. If I do, I wonder if I have wasted valuable time in which I could learn something or write something.
Once you get involved with these people, you try to live up to what they want, which sometimes leads to giving up your real self to meet their false image. It all becomes quite messy.
Thank you beatiful Michele! Your support and knowledge really helped me while i was distancing myself from my toxic familly. Curently living alone, and i use your videos to cleanse my traumas!
I see a lot of comments in other videos where people who started their healing journey says how much they've missed themselves. When I started my healing journey a year ago I felt like I was getting to truly know myself for the first time in my life. And that's a very exciting and motivating journey to be on. This video helps make sence of that feeling :)
My malignant narcissistic mother-in-law really screwed her kids' heads on backwards and they in turn, did the same to their children. My husband has worked very hard to successfully break the cycle but his sisters are in denial, they are exactly like their mother. My mother-in-law was incredibly hateful and hurtful; she used everyone against each other and drove wedges between all of us. Everybody was always mad at everybody but no one ever knew why.
I have been alone for a while and healing finally with peace and quiet. I find however that the more I learn and understand why I lost my true self and learning just how abused I really was I cycle trhough a myriad of emotions, anger, sadness, feeling cheated out of a better life, feeling like this stuff is so painful and there are so many layers of depth of trauma, etc. I know I am doing much better but some days are overwhelming with all those cycles of emotions to navigate through with understanding and comfort for that lost inner scared and hurting child.
I have really hard focusing on what you're saying when you have miced your jacket and and on top of that applying piano music while talking. Since I'm a musician I can't filter out music that easily. So instead of being able to listening to what you're saying my consiousness are automatically starting listening to, or analyzing the music instead. Or at least that's what I'm thinking is going on. :S That, or that I have undiagnosed ADHD maybe. Anyway... your content is always stop on with everything. Amazing really. I simply have to watch this a few times.
LMAO! It's the same for a record collector who's also newer on guitar... ...oh yeah, get checked for that ADHD thing...ended up true for me... (Fave t-shirt, "AD/HD: Highway To...oh look, a squirrel!")
Yes, likewise! The music was a huge distraction! And every time she moved her arms, the sound of the leather interfered with my concentration. (I have ADHD, too!)
I was able to recognize that I was living through my protective self 16 years ago. I called it "my Jailor". Once I released myself from its prison I found my "authentic self". My challenge has been unraveling the scripted unhealthy behaviors that I was led to believe were normal. For instance, until I read the book, "30 Covert Manipulations" I didn't realize that all of the things I had been scripted to say and do that I believed to be how you validate someone, was literally invalidating them. I really appreciate your videos. You have the ability to simplify these very complex emotions and help me articulate my own feelings. Thank you!
@@conniehensley5568 the full name and author of the book is "30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics: How Manipulators Take Control In Personal Relationships" by Adelyn Birch. It is available on Kindle.
One of my big cptsd breakthroughs happened recently when I realized I wanted to be a wife and stay at home mom. I grew up with a narcissist mom who was a single parent most of my childhood. My dad abandoned me when I was about seven and I rarely saw him. My mom always pushed me to be career driven and I developed such a false self and started trying to climb a career ladder that I’m not even good at. I was always doing, having to feel like I had to earn love. I’m 33 and finally, for the first time ever, attracted a man who is a protector and provider and is open to me taking time off to work on myself. And becoming a stay at home mom. I denied myself this for so long and I have been crying so much wishing I had known this sooner. I have so much student debt for a career now lll probably never succeed in but I am in the right heart space and mental framework now. It takes so much pain to get there.
Remarkable! One bullseye, after another. As though you were speaking to me, personally. I've heard it said - and my experience seems to bear it out - that those personal issues that your parents don't resolve, are bequeathed to you. Oh boy! My mother had to have gone through a kind of Hell. Chains of suffering, going back through history. And people wonder why the world is in such a state. Thank you, for you. x
Miss Michele, you are so comforting and wise. I wish my husband would subscribe to your channel and find some peace. You certainly help me. Your delivery is very gentle and loving which is really calming while also informative. God bless you 💜
Michelle you were the one who motivated me to come out of a narcissistic relationship. Thanks a lot for ur help. Even today he is chasing me but I'm able to live a peaceful life with respect. Thanku for making a difference to my life.
I always knew that I had a false self growing up or a mask eventhough I had high empathy. Growing up in families of Origins like this. I was used to sweeping my emotions under the carpet and wearing a mask of a smile. Growing up everyone else would tell me I was always smiling but I had a lot of pain inside. For the last few years I have been finding myself and connecting to my authentic self because I used to have a lot of hate for myself inside but now I like the real me and I'm learning how to love my authentic me and nourish her. This is why I wanted to stick it through with the narcissist initially because I knew that we had similar family wounds but just handled it differently. However, I realised the narcissist didn't have empathy for my trauma even though they pretended to.
I'm going to listen to this one later. Just FYI, I don't know if it's just my over active nervous system, but the music in this one is very loud, and there's rubbing on the mic that's pretty loud too. You may want to look into that for future videos.
Incredible insight unpacking the long term impact of relationships that were not authentic and how to reposition into your genuine self. Michelle you do such a wonderful service with your videos thank you
I love the way you explain things Michelle, thankyou so much fort his video. I had narcissistic parents and have constantly been in and out relationships with narcissists.Ironically, I always feel that I am my authentic self in the early parts of these relationships until the abuse starts . I seem to swing back and forth between my authentic self and the protected false self and am mostly unhappy. Finally, after my most recent narcissistic relationship, I feel that I am starting to heal myself, using various modalities. But there are still setbacks, Im 61 yrs old so I suppose its going to take quite a while. Many thankyous for all that you do
Michele thank you so much for posting all that you have everything you have to say is me 100%. I know I have felt like an actor in a play or a bad movie. Whoever I would be hanging around at the time I would start to act like them. If we have a strong sense of self we will not allow ourselves to be deceived. Proverbs 13:20 Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.Having a false sense of self is very dangerous for sure!
I have become very hateful lately and I don't like how I feel. It's hard to go out anymore, I always feel I'm being judged or worse I'm doing the judging.
Thank you for all you do!💕💕You helped me with your videos, which, when I found them, I clung to them for comfort and validation to not feel crazy and over whelmed. Yes, I felt I had to be 'doing' stuff until it was time for bed at my aunts home. That's why I never liked to visit her.
Absolutely love the wake up call of ok, you are out or awakened to these sick relationships and faulty belief systems. Who do you want to be now? How do you want to feel now? 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
In this world, you have to depend somewhat on the external world just to survive. If you're homeless or have no money or food, you can't think about how you feel about your inner self since you're in survival mode. Unfortunately, that's where I am right now. If your basic survival needs aren't being met, you can't get to the self actualization level.
You said things I haven't been able to say (or put into better words) yet. The video will be specifically referenced and shared where necessary. Thank you, I'm truly grateful
As I examine I find that I'm not experiencing these 3 signs, but I may have something similar. I'm able to notice how I've gown as a person, how I might have evolved and learned, I feel like I've gone through a few different versions of myself, for example the way you upgrade your computer's OS when a new one comes out, my issue is that my family doesn't want me to use the most current version of my "OS" which would be my authentic self, they want me to use an older version, like for example an OS from when I was 9 years old, I'm in my 30's now. They want me to remain that previous version of myself and in order to coexist with them I have to pretend like my emotional intelligence hasn't evolved past theirs. For example they will bring clothes that I wore when I was a teenager and expect me to still want to wear them, they might still fit, but they reminds me of who I was at that time and I feel like I've past that stage and don't want wear those clothes any more, they will even buy brands of foods that I use to eat as a child and offer it to me and I think "Do you realize I'm not that age any more, that I'm well past that stage?" but food is only food, and in these tough times might as well just take it. I find myself longing to be me again, to interact with people as ME! The me that I know right now! The me who's tastes and interests have changed.
Your jacket is noisy but your voice is still beautiful Thank you Michele That reminds me they like to dress you up with things you don’t like and try to make you feel bad for not wearing it
I have NEVER seen any evidence that narcissist were ever "created" by abuse. Lots of people assume they were created but have never presented any evidence.
Was still able to watch, but just to help... from the point of viewer using headphones vs. you recording more often, maybe not aware... The fabric on your microphone was constantly being rustled/coming through + music levels were way too high/loud, compared to your speaking voice. Both, just made it difficult to understand what was being said. Mentioning, just in case you weren't aware & so that it can be adjusted going forward. I know you put so much work & time into these videos, so while the music is nice... just needed to have the volume taken down some, so not overwhelming everything else. Maybe the mic.. could be placed on the table or.. just, elsewhere.. idk. Still, thanks for ALL you continue doing here. As always, the info is so helpful... & to SO SOOOO many!!! Having watched for a long time now, I'm sure you'd agree.... if only this type of info was readily available 20 yrs ago. :) Stay safe & be well.
Thank you for your videos. It's been 8 months since I was discarded and I'm still having such a hard time with cognitive dissonance. I built up my ex narc in my own mind so much making excuses for his BBC ad behaviour. I want to get over this, be happy and move on
For those of us who are not narcissists the false self means taking on too much responsibility for what is happening or what happened which was not within their ability to control at the time. Some people say that narcissism is catchy. How much is that line really true? For example, what is so wrong with anyone past a certain age or with a certain kind of skin color and status wearing a unique looking pair of shoes while walking? The truth is that women more often get blamed as victims or who get blamed as being the reason for becoming a widow far more often than men do. Watch the movie called, "Driving Miss Daisy" to understand what I am trying to say here.
As a gang stalking target, I believe in truth and beauty, and these things feed my soul. I am not being inauthentic to myself in doing everything I can to bring both to myself and others.
I used to want to be someone else...actually thinking that I could change my appearance...but after 12 years im happy with and accept who i was born as ✊I think it had to do with me being a weird child...because until now I never forgave myself for some of the things I did in elementary school I know it sounds silly but I was never a normal child so I guess trying to be someone else was my way of escaping pain and trauma.
There is a Definite difference. Narcissism, borderline personality and cpstd all have very similar traits. The way to determine difference in a trait you are exhibiting is this.... Who fired the first shot? Narcs and borderlines will provoke in order to trigger you. A borderline fears abandonment, they actually feel their emotions in overwhelming ways similar to a person with cptsd. A narc fears insignificance and vulnerability ( narcissistic injury) and blames you for it. Cptsd may over react like a boarderline, but its provoked and is defensive.
@@the1betterpodcast84 discomfort, i would pose the cptsd and borderline. Remorse, cptsd and possibly borderline, however borderlines split . you were lovebombed by the borderline and they really felt what they said during the initial love bombing phase. Their fear of abandonment is a self fullfilling prophesy and they are usually actually " discarded" or broken up with due to paranoia and jealousy, but their mind " splits" and they can only see you as all bad and no good. Cptsd will feel remorse and. Start thinking they were the problem, thus the perfect victem for both narcs and borderlines. This is just what i have learned watching Dr Daniel Fox, Sam Vaknin, and others.
This is a Master Class. Comprehensive. Intelligible. Vital. Healing. Hopeful. Bravo Michele. Ps. I would still greatly value your consideration of me for a free place on your Coaching Course 🤠. Pps. I would come to America to do the course if you would afford me this opportunity 🤠.
I have not heard before the protective and authentic self versus the false and true self. I definitely resonate and prefer these terms. I am pretty sure that I am in an almost constant state of protection. I don't think that any of my care givers was narcissistic. Will this information still apply?
I honestly have no idea who my authentic self is...I don't think I've been her since I was around 4 or 5 years old. I'm now 42, so in all that time, I can't ever return to her. Or else I'd be a 42 year old with the mental age of 4 year old! All those years in between...there was no authentic self. The signs... 1. I actually don't think I have any real internal worth, apart from who I can be as my NON-authentic self. And my appearance, and my ability to make people laugh, and also if people seem to desire me. I want my ego boosted. 2. I don't feel the need to "do" anything. I'm too lazy and depressed to be productive! 3. Yes, I repeat unhealthy patterns ALL the time, over and over. I feel like it's very hard to change. I don't know how else to act. My authentic self has no natural reactions, and I have to always think really quickly, "How should I react?" I first noticed this at about age 16. I didn't know what it meant and now I do, but I feel like it's too deeply ingrained.
Your channel is one of my favorites, but the music is just too distracting. It detracts from your message, and this video is soooo profound, but I had to replay the parts that the music overpowered. It’s okay, I will just have to mute it and read the subtitles. The content of this video describes me to a T. I often wonder what it would have been like not to have been traumatized. As inferred at the end of your video, we would be living in our authentic self. It’s such a shame we were robbed of this! Meditation and mindfulness are helping me to overcome it.
Michele, nuke the music please. What you're saying is very important but I find the emotional tugging created by the music makes me want to start balling ..... the volume increases around the 3 minutes mark and I had to just shut you off despite feeling what you have to say would be very important to hear. You are not selling a movie script here, or trying to elicit emotional responses like what's done in both commercials and movies. If you are then you're not being genuine, direct or honest. It makes what you're saying wreak of lies.
Yes the sad thing for a lot of us being raised by narcissistic parents is that we may not even know what our authentic self is as we never had it to start with. So to get to our authentic self the real us we need to heal first.
So that's why kids of narc parents hate themselves so much! Not only because they receive tons of hate, but also because deep down they know it's not who they are at all. It's a rebellion against the false self. That doesn't sound so irrational anymore.
Narcissists try to make you the narcissist by creating trauma in you. It makes sense victims would have the false self afterwards. It’s like a vampire trying to make you just like them.
Mmm so true. Then how do you know if they are in your life to make you stronger or simply abusing?
@@CasualPower9 yes but it’s subtle and “samdwiched” between “nice” things and it’s constantly inconsistent
@@CasualPower9 my gut doesn’t feel right
@@CasualPower9 that is absolutely true. It’s so surreal when you’re inside of it vs outside. You see much more clearly outside vs the tornado of trauma bond
@@meghanmack1500 wow, this thread is surreal...I had those gut feelings, saw the red flags, now six years since the breakup (she left me) and treatment, I can understand how both of us reacted based on our own past dysfunctional family dynamics, but don’t know if I’ll ever learn the whole truth. Was recently contacted again
Omg, the reality of possibly being stuck in this giver/self sacrificing role from birth to death. 😱😦 Soooo grateful for your channel, Michelle!
You have just blew my mind!! This my life. For 51 yrs I felt I wasn't living my own life.
Nr. 1: yes.
Nr. 2: yes.
Nr. 3: I am doing a good work on that.
I thought I was narcisist. (Actually one of your lates video also helped me let this thought go away. It was this video: Covert Narcissism & Brain Trauma Cptsd - Hidden Manipulation.) Thanks a lot.
Sometimes when I'm at home I always feel like I have to do something, to learn something new or brush up on skills and I don't often take time out of my day to read or watch tv. If I do, I wonder if I have wasted valuable time in which I could learn something or write something.
This is how the narc raised me. It took me years to be able to sit and let myself be stil and present,guilt free
Once you get involved with these people, you try to live up to what they want, which sometimes leads to giving up your real self to meet their false image. It all becomes quite messy.
Im in that situation and don't know how to move on l think l'm in a toxic relationship. Its hell lm scared there won't be an end to it.
Thank you beatiful Michele! Your support and knowledge really helped me while i was distancing myself from my toxic familly. Curently living alone, and i use your videos to cleanse my traumas!
I see a lot of comments in other videos where people who started their healing journey says how much they've missed themselves. When I started my healing journey a year ago I felt like I was getting to truly know myself for the first time in my life. And that's a very exciting and motivating journey to be on. This video helps make sence of that feeling :)
My malignant narcissistic mother-in-law really screwed her kids' heads on backwards and they in turn, did the same to their children.
My husband has worked very hard to successfully break the cycle but his sisters are in denial, they are exactly like their mother.
My mother-in-law was incredibly hateful and hurtful; she used everyone against each other and drove wedges between all of us.
Everybody was always mad at everybody but no one ever knew why.
I have been alone for a while and healing finally with peace and quiet. I find however that the more I learn and understand why I lost my true self and learning just how abused I really was I cycle trhough a myriad of emotions, anger, sadness, feeling cheated out of a better life, feeling like this stuff is so painful and there are so many layers of depth of trauma, etc. I know I am doing much better but some days are overwhelming with all those cycles of emotions to navigate through with understanding and comfort for that lost inner scared and hurting child.
I have really hard focusing on what you're saying when you have miced your jacket and and on top of that applying piano music while talking. Since I'm a musician I can't filter out music that easily. So instead of being able to listening to what you're saying my consiousness are automatically starting listening to, or analyzing the music instead. Or at least that's what I'm thinking is going on. :S That, or that I have undiagnosed ADHD maybe.
Anyway... your content is always stop on with everything. Amazing really. I simply have to watch this a few times.
LMAO! It's the same for a record collector who's also newer on guitar...
...oh yeah, get checked for that ADHD thing...ended up true for me...
(Fave t-shirt, "AD/HD: Highway To...oh look, a squirrel!")
Yes, likewise! The music was a huge distraction! And every time she moved her arms, the sound of the leather interfered with my concentration. (I have ADHD, too!)
I agree, please lose the music
Personally, I feel it's ok to have music in there, just not overpowering the voice. This message is excellent, even if you watch muted w/CC on.
@@djhrecordhound4391 LOL I want that T-shirt 😂 I have ADHD
I was able to recognize that I was living through my protective self 16 years ago. I called it "my Jailor". Once I released myself from its prison I found my "authentic self". My challenge has been unraveling the scripted unhealthy behaviors that I was led to believe were normal. For instance, until I read the book, "30 Covert Manipulations" I didn't realize that all of the things I had been scripted to say and do that I believed to be how you validate someone, was literally invalidating them.
I really appreciate your videos. You have the ability to simplify these very complex emotions and help me articulate my own feelings. Thank you!
Thanks for the book recommendation. Who is the Author please?
"30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics: How Manipulators Take Control In Personal Relationships" by Adelyn Birch.
Hi. I found 30 Emotional Manipulative Tactics on Amazon Kindle. Is this the book you mean? I'm interested in reading the book you mentioned.
@@conniehensley5568 the full name and author of the book is "30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics: How Manipulators Take Control In Personal Relationships" by Adelyn Birch. It is available on Kindle.
People with a false self pretend that they are not brocken through the past. Only to play the tough one.
One of my big cptsd breakthroughs happened recently when I realized I wanted to be a wife and stay at home mom. I grew up with a narcissist mom who was a single parent most of my childhood. My dad abandoned me when I was about seven and I rarely saw him. My mom always pushed me to be career driven and I developed such a false self and started trying to climb a career ladder that I’m not even good at. I was always doing, having to feel like I had to earn love. I’m 33 and finally, for the first time ever, attracted a man who is a protector and provider and is open to me taking time off to work on myself. And becoming a stay at home mom. I denied myself this for so long and I have been crying so much wishing I had known this sooner. I have so much student debt for a career now lll probably never succeed in but I am in the right heart space and mental framework now. It takes so much pain to get there.
Remarkable!
One bullseye, after another.
As though you were speaking to me, personally.
I've heard it said - and my experience seems to bear it out - that those personal issues that your parents don't resolve, are bequeathed to you.
Oh boy!
My mother had to have gone through a kind of Hell.
Chains of suffering, going back through history.
And people wonder why the world is in such a state.
Thank you, for you.
x
The narcissist are legends in there own mind 🤣 believe that.
Look at Kanye😅🤦🏼♀️
Wait i should be fair and also name Trump .
You are a treasure! Thank you for such a truthful and balanced approach to changing our lives from the inside out! You're the real deal!
Miss Michele, you are so comforting and wise. I wish my husband would subscribe to your channel and find some peace. You certainly help me. Your delivery is very gentle and loving which is really calming while also informative.
God bless you 💜
Michelle you were the one who motivated me to come out of a narcissistic relationship. Thanks a lot for ur help. Even today he is chasing me but I'm able to live a peaceful life with respect. Thanku for making a difference to my life.
I always knew that I had a false self growing up or a mask eventhough I had high empathy. Growing up in families of Origins like this. I was used to sweeping my emotions under the carpet and wearing a mask of a smile. Growing up everyone else would tell me I was always smiling but I had a lot of pain inside. For the last few years I have been finding myself and connecting to my authentic self because I used to have a lot of hate for myself inside but now I like the real me and I'm learning how to love my authentic me and nourish her. This is why I wanted to stick it through with the narcissist initially because I knew that we had similar family wounds but just handled it differently. However, I realised the narcissist didn't have empathy for my trauma even though they pretended to.
I'm going to listen to this one later. Just FYI, I don't know if it's just my over active nervous system, but the music in this one is very loud, and there's rubbing on the mic that's pretty loud too. You may want to look into that for future videos.
I also feel like I have to help everyone out of obligation and even at the expense of my own safety. What you are saying here is so true!
Incredible insight unpacking the long term impact of relationships that were not authentic and how to reposition into your genuine self. Michelle you do such a wonderful service with your videos thank you
I love the way you explain things Michelle, thankyou so much fort his video. I had narcissistic parents and have constantly been in and out relationships with narcissists.Ironically, I always feel that I am my authentic self in the early parts of these relationships until the abuse starts . I seem to swing back and forth between my authentic self and the protected false self and am mostly unhappy. Finally, after my most recent narcissistic relationship, I feel that I am starting to heal myself, using various modalities. But there are still setbacks, Im 61 yrs old so I suppose its going to take quite a while. Many thankyous for all that you do
Michele thank you so much for posting all that you have everything you have to say is me 100%. I know I have felt like an actor in a play or a bad movie. Whoever I would be hanging around at the time I would start to act like them. If we have a strong sense of self we will not allow ourselves to be deceived. Proverbs 13:20 Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.Having a false sense of self is very dangerous for sure!
I have become very hateful lately and I don't like how I feel. It's hard to go out anymore, I always feel I'm being judged or worse I'm doing the judging.
I like this channel. I do not like hearing music in the background.
@@YourMamaNeedsJesus yes, it was too loud for me. Hard to hear what was being said. My mind wanted to focus on the music.
agreed re music
I like all your content amd find it very helpful. The music in this video is distracting to me.
Yea no music would have been nice
I agree. It is distracting
Thank you for all you do!💕💕You helped me with your videos, which, when I found them, I clung to them for comfort and validation to not feel crazy and over whelmed. Yes, I felt I had to be 'doing' stuff until it was time for bed at my aunts home. That's why I never liked to visit her.
Absolutely love the wake up call of ok, you are out or awakened to these sick relationships and faulty belief systems. Who do you want to be now? How do you want to feel now? 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
In this world, you have to depend somewhat on the external world just to survive. If you're homeless or have no money or food, you can't think about how you feel about your inner self since you're in survival mode. Unfortunately, that's where I am right now. If your basic survival needs aren't being met, you can't get to the self actualization level.
You said things I haven't been able to say (or put into better words) yet. The video will be specifically referenced and shared where necessary.
Thank you, I'm truly grateful
Whst helped me with the false self to become my real self: re-parenting. Bonding!
OH I so identify with the empty person. When I left June 2017 I was empty. I was nothing. I have had to grow and learn and recover to be me.
So true!!!! “The same core wound”. Co dependence is mine and my Narc. It’s so crazy that that’s possible
I pretended I was superhuman as a child, no one could hurt me.
Thank you so much for your videos. They have been enlightening and helpful. Every video has been another step in my healing.
Thank you. ~Peace
Michelle your videos are always very interesting. Thank you for the quality of your content
I agree, the music is distracting, but it is pretty. Piano is distinct, but strings are much softer and flow better with words
Going "no contact" is not repeating patterns or stuck in "a roll" Thank you.
Mind-blowing stuff as usual!
As I examine I find that I'm not experiencing these 3 signs, but I may have something similar. I'm able to notice how I've gown as a person, how I might have evolved and learned, I feel like I've gone through a few different versions of myself, for example the way you upgrade your computer's OS when a new one comes out, my issue is that my family doesn't want me to use the most current version of my "OS" which would be my authentic self, they want me to use an older version, like for example an OS from when I was 9 years old, I'm in my 30's now. They want me to remain that previous version of myself and in order to coexist with them I have to pretend like my emotional intelligence hasn't evolved past theirs. For example they will bring clothes that I wore when I was a teenager and expect me to still want to wear them, they might still fit, but they reminds me of who I was at that time and I feel like I've past that stage and don't want wear those clothes any more, they will even buy brands of foods that I use to eat as a child and offer it to me and I think "Do you realize I'm not that age any more, that I'm well past that stage?" but food is only food, and in these tough times might as well just take it. I find myself longing to be me again, to interact with people as ME! The me that I know right now! The me who's tastes and interests have changed.
Your jacket is noisy but your voice is still beautiful Thank you Michele That reminds me they like to dress you up with things you don’t like and try to make you feel bad for not wearing it
I have NEVER seen any evidence that narcissist were ever "created" by abuse. Lots of people assume they were created but have never presented any evidence.
Loving the leather jacket & Thank you Michele!
This is scary to watch! But it’s worthwhile. ❤️
Was still able to watch, but just to help... from the point of viewer using headphones vs. you recording more often, maybe not aware... The fabric on your microphone was constantly being rustled/coming through + music levels were way too high/loud, compared to your speaking voice. Both, just made it difficult to understand what was being said. Mentioning, just in case you weren't aware & so that it can be adjusted going forward. I know you put so much work & time into these videos, so while the music is nice... just needed to have the volume taken down some, so not overwhelming everything else. Maybe the mic.. could be placed on the table or.. just, elsewhere.. idk. Still, thanks for ALL you continue doing here. As always, the info is so helpful... & to SO SOOOO many!!! Having watched for a long time now, I'm sure you'd agree.... if only this type of info was readily available 20 yrs ago. :) Stay safe & be well.
Thank you for what you do
Thank you for your videos. It's been 8 months since I was discarded and I'm still having such a hard time with cognitive dissonance. I built up my ex narc in my own mind so much making excuses for his BBC ad behaviour. I want to get over this, be happy and move on
For those of us who are not narcissists the false self means taking on too much responsibility for what is happening or what happened which was not within their ability to control at the time. Some people say that narcissism is catchy. How much is that line really true? For example, what is so wrong with anyone past a certain age or with a certain kind of skin color and status wearing a unique looking pair of shoes while walking? The truth is that women more often get blamed as victims or who get blamed as being the reason for becoming a widow far more often than men do. Watch the movie called, "Driving Miss Daisy" to understand what I am trying to say here.
As a gang stalking target, I believe in truth and beauty, and these things feed my soul. I am not being inauthentic to myself in doing everything I can to bring both to myself and others.
Great talk and great topic. The music is too loud and is very distracting.
I used to want to be someone else...actually thinking that I could change my appearance...but after 12 years im happy with and accept who i was born as ✊I think it had to do with me being a weird child...because until now I never forgave myself for some of the things I did in elementary school I know it sounds silly but I was never a normal child so I guess trying to be someone else was my way of escaping pain and trauma.
The 4th sign is when the music in the background gets on your nerves to the point where you can't listen and catch the message
haha
The music is distracting,
Don’t most people have a false self? I’d say most people I know do.
Also...how can you know if you’re being the narc or are a victim of the narc and picked up traits for survival?
They seem exactly the same
There is a Definite difference. Narcissism, borderline personality and cpstd all have very similar traits.
The way to determine difference in a trait you are exhibiting is this....
Who fired the first shot? Narcs and borderlines will provoke in order to trigger you.
A borderline fears abandonment, they actually feel their emotions in overwhelming ways similar to a person with cptsd. A narc fears insignificance and vulnerability ( narcissistic injury) and blames you for it. Cptsd may over react like a boarderline, but its provoked and is defensive.
Who has the discomfort and the remorse? I think that's the key question.
@@the1betterpodcast84 discomfort, i would pose the cptsd and borderline. Remorse, cptsd and possibly borderline, however borderlines split . you were lovebombed by the borderline and they really felt what they said during the initial love bombing phase. Their fear of abandonment is a self fullfilling prophesy and they are usually actually " discarded" or broken up with due to paranoia and jealousy, but their mind " splits" and they can only see you as all bad and no good. Cptsd will feel remorse and. Start thinking they were the problem, thus the perfect victem for both narcs and borderlines.
This is just what i have learned watching Dr Daniel Fox, Sam Vaknin, and others.
If you are worried of being the narc you are NOT the narc.
Thank You for this informing video.
This is a Master Class. Comprehensive. Intelligible. Vital. Healing. Hopeful.
Bravo Michele.
Ps. I would still greatly value your consideration of me for a free place on your Coaching Course 🤠.
Pps. I would come to America to do the course if you would afford me this opportunity 🤠.
Do you keep trying to help people and then become resentful when they don’t appreciate you enough? .... guilty
This is amazing!
Everyone's focused on the background music WAY too much. Seriously.
I love all of your videos. I find the music in the background a little distracting on this one.
I have not heard before the protective and authentic self versus the false and true self. I definitely resonate and prefer these terms.
I am pretty sure that I am in an almost constant state of protection. I don't think that any of my care givers was narcissistic. Will this information still apply?
I honestly have no idea who my authentic self is...I don't think I've been her since I was around 4 or 5 years old. I'm now 42, so in all that time, I can't ever return to her. Or else I'd be a 42 year old with the mental age of 4 year old! All those years in between...there was no authentic self.
The signs...
1. I actually don't think I have any real internal worth, apart from who I can be as my NON-authentic self. And my appearance, and my ability to make people laugh, and also if people seem to desire me. I want my ego boosted.
2. I don't feel the need to "do" anything. I'm too lazy and depressed to be productive!
3. Yes, I repeat unhealthy patterns ALL the time, over and over. I feel like it's very hard to change. I don't know how else to act. My authentic self has no natural reactions, and I have to always think really quickly, "How should I react?"
I first noticed this at about age 16. I didn't know what it meant and now I do, but I feel like it's too deeply ingrained.
Was part of your training involving the Bowen Family Systems theory ? ☺️❣️
Is the protective self the same as the pseudo self? 🤔
🎤 put the lapel mic on your lapel😉 good content otherwise.
Music is too distracting, I had to stop watching. Can you turn it off please?
Beautiful
Please do not add background music. It makes it harder to hear you.
Your channel is one of my favorites, but the music is just too distracting. It detracts from your message, and this video is soooo profound, but I had to replay the parts that the music overpowered. It’s okay, I will just have to mute it and read the subtitles. The content of this video describes me to a T. I often wonder what it would have been like not to have been traumatized. As inferred at the end of your video, we would be living in our authentic self. It’s such a shame we were robbed of this! Meditation and mindfulness are helping me to overcome it.
It was hard to concentrate with the music
spot on!
Thank you!
So what does one do after she realizes she is not living in the authentic? What does she change? I don't understand what to do differently.
Its weird its like they give off an 'aura'
Thanks.
That's not true. We survivors and narcissists have nothing in common. Please reconsider what you said.
very nice VAYA CON DIOS!!!
Well, I'm fucked.
Not to beat a dead horse, but I haven't dated since the last century.
Michele, nuke the music please. What you're saying is very important but I find the emotional tugging created by the music makes me want to start balling ..... the volume increases around the 3 minutes mark and I had to just shut you off despite feeling what you have to say would be very important to hear. You are not selling a movie script here, or trying to elicit emotional responses like what's done in both commercials and movies. If you are then you're not being genuine, direct or honest. It makes what you're saying wreak of lies.
☯️