A message to all the girls/guys who are in an abusive relationship: You are STRONG, and DESERVING of unconditional love. Real LOVE. Love that is not jealous, love that does not judge, love that aims to LIFT YOU UP to your highest potential, instead of tearing you down. DO NOT SETTLE. Do not stay in something that doesn’t make you feel safe and respected ALWAYS. You are not to blame. You are not at fault, and you are not alone. I love you, and I know you can get to the other side of this situation stronger, wiser, and at peace. I love you.
When I contact westhack000 on Instagram i had the feelings my problem was gone, was with a cheating wife And couldn’t bear it this was bad and I never move on, I needed proof to divorce her but no proof because I don’t have access to her phone my mind needed peace and all I could think was her cheating on me with her ex I needed a miracle and westhack000 on Instagram help me hack into her mobile phone remotely and she didn't suspect or know she was hacked.
MiryDiana Juarez Well MiryDiana, you have a choice. Either 1, you will meet someone new who could treat you better and always make you feel beautiful. Or 2, enjoy wasting your time on that emotional abusive one. But my question is, why does women love being treated like shit? It's like they're brainwashed to that man who's really a piece of garbage.
OMG!!! I've been married 28 years. The first 4 were wonderful. Out of all the things you said, at least 9-10 of them I go thru everyday. I'm sure I'm old enough to be your mother, however, I admire your courage to post this video. Thank you for making me see that it's not all my fault. 👍🏻😊
I’m going through it now too. I’ve been off and on with mine for 3 years and idk why I even came back every time. Idk how to walk away. I hate the emotional abuse and my friends think I love it that’s why I’m with him and I don’t like it at all. I need to walk away and be done for good but idk how
@@amysupernaw80 amy I would say more but at this time my head hurts because my abusive ex has me rite now with ( CFS ) & facing brain surgery. But I enjoyed tour comment .
I never thought I could leave him be cause all the negativity he has put my life through but, I'm in medical school & always striving to better & has just showed me crazy behavior after crazy behavior.... 1. He gets mad if I mention anything positive about my self 2. When I was unhappy miserable & highly frustrated he was his happiest ( laughing & clapping ) 3. He takes care of all of his ex's children & he does not clame my daughter. 4. I was with him 10 years & I've did things like live with bed bugs, bail him out of jail back in Mississippi, provide food for him when he had food but was selling his food card ( I found out later ) 5. I've been through the worst of times with this man & yet he abused me MENTALLY & PHYSICALLY . 6. Sure it's great to love your children's mother but to tell her periodically with out needing to remember that ( was a eye opener but the cake was he said it to her while in my face &" said well her husband was sure there listening too " THAT WAS THE CAKE " BUT NOT HIS LAST SLICE (( I have came to terms that he has a lot of things to fix in his life & I CAN NOT FIX THEM FOR HIM )) PLAIN & SIMPLE HONEY - IT ONLY GETS WORSE I NOTICED EACH TIME HE WOULD CISOR IT WOULD GET WORSE ( THE PHISICAL BEHAVIOR & MENTAL but the physical behavior was at the worst I have ever exp.or heard of LAST THING That made me let him go was ( above ALL HAS PUT IN MY FACE repediatly & was" saying that he didn't care & that he has problems" I Then looked at not just his face but his whole demeanor & it said this man has so many problems. 1. I knew he wasn't willing to fix them ( a. I tried to work with him b. I tried to reason with him c. I told him EXACTLY what to do. NOT HOW 2 DO IT I knew he had to figure that out. In fact I need to do my own story....
Val Inc. thank you for sharing. I wish you luck in your own story. I actually got a job and diff friends and left my ex since I made that comment and it was hard and with his threatens after I left (they always brought me back to him) I starting ignoring him and eventually he stopped. I’m so much happier.
This is my ex boyfriend on so many levels.... perfectly made video... thank you for making this... mental abuse is horrible..He was also a lot older than me and used this against me... I called the "everything being my fault"... and everything would be turned on me with something that I did wrong.. I called this "ping ponging"....whatever I said... he always always had something back to say.... he would even bring up something I did wrong months or years ago.....
My boyfriend now is very mental abusive. Calls me names. Says I’m dumb. Everything’s my fault when it’s not!! And if I point out something bad out that he says or does..he says I’m dumb. When he’s in the wrong, he’s always right. If I cry he always says why the fuck u crying. I’m so miserable, I’m not myself anymore. We have been on and off for 3 years and idk why I keep coming back. Can someone tell me why I keep going back? My friend says it’s cause I like the abuse but I i don’t. I NEED to get out.
It hurts my heart to see so many girls have gone through this, and I felt like I was the only one. No one deserves this bullshit and it almost makes me feel like real love isn’t out there the way so many of these guys are. I hope you ladies are at a much better place in your life, you deserve nothing less.
The funny thing is, relationships that are NOT abusive are considered boring by women (and some men) which is unfortunately a reality when two young people date. Excitement and danger is needed to keep the relationship interesting and fresh and besides women like men who are in control. You can't have it both ways. You can't have a guy that controls you (which is exciting), cheats on you (which means other women want him too) AND is also considerate of you. You can't sit and bitch about it either because the signs were there all along, you chose to ignore them because you were attracted to the fact that he keeps you on a short leash.
BULLSHIT!!! I AM TIRED OF BEING CONTROLLED!!! I just want a man who loves me, not controls me like my boyfriend, he wont let me talk to my family, controls me, wont let me get a job, calls me stupid ugly idiot retarded, i dont want this anymore this is why i am leaving him!!! you are fucking stupid. women want a sweet loving man who doesnt mind if you have a job and doesnt mind if you talk to your family and live your own life
People stay in abusive relationships because 1. The abuser is MORE likely to kill you after you leave, and it is hard to get to where they can't find you. 2. People stay in abusive relationships because abusers are charming, and disingenuous, and dangerous. Abused people are tricked into believing the charming false pre-abuse personality laid out there by the abuser. They have been love bombed and tricked into thinking they have entered into a relationship of kindness and respect like they grew up seeing... once you have fallen for the act, the abuser's subsequent actions seem like the false thing, and you keep expecting this mood or phase to pass; but it won't. THIS phase is the real thing. 3. People stay in abusive relationships because abusers are manipulative and controlling. After the initial charming phase, abusers move into a phase of isolating the victim. This is one way you can tell you are in an abusive relationship, and are not just with a partner who "had a bad day." The abusive partner will really push to get you away from all your friends all your family your co-workers, try to get you to quit your job. And THEN things get really bad. One way to make sure you don't end up in an abusive relationship is to have those other social ties and really put them first. If your only social interactions are with his people, you are on really thin ice with no one to turn to. 4. Women, more than men stay in abusive relationships because there are children. One woman by herself can disappear like smoke. Happens all the time. Just dix yourself up and smile at the right some one and you have a free ride to wherever you want, and usually free room and board while you are at it, no phone number someone can trace, no name on a lease or mortgage. But women spend their time with children. They don't want to roll the dice on where they will land because it will put them at risk; but also children go to schools. They are trackable and traceable. They can't run. They don't keep secrets. So with children, a dufflebag and 20 bucks won't cut it. Now you need a car that works well, gas money. Money for a deposit, income for school clothes, food, a baby sitter. And you really can't leave them there. If it isn't safe for you, it isnt safe for them. 5. People stay in abusive relationships for the same reason thse seals stay on the ice when orcas surround them to bump them off and eat them. They have nowhere to go and or no way to get there. 6. People stay in abusive relationships for the same reason gazelles stay in the mouths of crocodiles and trees let themselves be strangled by kudzu vines. Because abusers are smart and patient and relentless. They wait until you are entertwined and inextricably commingled before their jaws snap closed and their vines tighten. 7. People stay in abusive relationships because it is embarrassing. Nobody asks, "Why do you let yourself be murdered?", or "Why do you let yourself be embezzled?" ...But there is something about rape and domestic abuse that engenders the idea in one's mind that the victim is the responsible party. One thing abusers always say...and this is a major red flag (if you hear yourself say this, you may be an abuser) "You made me hit you!" They will say it over and over again as a brainwashing technique until the victim finds himself saying, "Oh it's all my fault. If only I had folded his socks into hexagons like he likes he wouldn't have hit me." If you find yourself saying, "It's my fault that he..." then it's been time to go. 8. Victims stay in abusive relationships because abusers are really sensitive to a change in routine, and if the meal ticket decides she's going to go, well, he has to put a stop to it. His alarm bells go off, and suddenly he is by turns horrifically dangerous and exceedingly charming while he severs the tie that was going to be your flight plan. The most likely time for you and your children and pets to die at the hands of your abuser is when you have just left or are in the process of leaving. Second most likely time is during the holidays. 9. Abusers are like vultures. When they are on the prowl, they are looking for someone VULNERABLE. You don't accidentally end up in an abusive relationship. You are selected. Just like a victim of child sexual assault. Predators look for a victim. They usually have a type. Once they select their victim, they groom the victim. For a child sexual predator, that means charming caregivers into trusting them and playing games with children that lead up to sex...For domestic abusers, grooming means convincing family to trust them and then systematically cutting all those ties. Starting control games and aabuse games-- pushing just to the limit--it's your fault! if you had been more creative with the way you made breakfast, I never would have..., just past the limit- "Oh, baby I'm so sorry. It will never happen again!" Here is that ring you wanted or the vacation, or we really can have that puppy you wanted. (Which is abuser code for, "Oh, man. you just don't know how much worse it will be next time.") The grooming process, wherein the abuser is training the victim to accept the abuse involves tying that release of endorphins to the abuse so as to normalize the behavior. ..... Abusers look for elderly, disabled and young people. People in transition, so they are in a vulnerable spot. People in need due to poverty or tragedy, so that they are easily taken advantage of, so he can get away with Putting you down... Demanding you stay but he can leave... Be unreasonably jealous... Hypper criticise you... Isolate you... Tell you his actions are your fault... Ignore you or exclude you.. Have relationships with the opposite sex but demand you don't... Dominate and control you... Make everthing your fault... Making you feel like you have to ask permission to do things... Yell at you... Get away with excessive mood swings... Raise his hand as if he would hit you... Hurt you physically... Strangle you. Shoot at you. I so so need to leave.
#4 on your list is total BS. "One woman can disappear like smoke, hitchike and get free room and board" !?! I was in a horrendously abusive relationship for 13 years. I don't want to go into those details in a youtube comment section, but let me assure you, reality could be nothing further from the truth. I had no money, no car, I knew NOBODY within 400 miles. I was crippled with psycological terror from years of being beaten down, he made me think I was going insaine. Panic attacks constantly, (I have PTSD now because of it.) I literally fled to the streets with what I could carry. During my escape journey which lasted just over a year till I would have an adress again, I hitchhiked and was stabbed. I met someone who said I could stay with them for a week or two, well, they forced me to do sexual acts on them and forced me to have sex with 2 of his friends, I climbed out a 3rd story window to escape. Reality is not as peachy as you think it is.
Khirmm 1002 I’m going through it now too. I’ve been off and on with mine for 3 years and idk why I even came back every time. Idk how to walk away. I hate the emotional abuse and my friends think I love it that’s why I’m with him and I don’t like it at all. I need to walk away and be done for good but idk how
Same here he's attacked me phsically to date he has broken two pairs of glasses I csmt afford new ones so having to west old pair he has split the top of my eye wide open and constantly says how I'm a bad evil disgusting person etc its relentless
I have been in my emotionally abusive relationship with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. I feel very conflicted with my feelings because I love this man with all my heart and people may not seem to understand that. He is my best friend and we have created so many good memories together that I can never move past no matter how hard I try. He is supportive, caring, always put me first and would make me feel as if I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He never forced me into anything and will do whatever i feel happy with at my own pace. He spends so much of his own money on me including dates, gifts, cards without me ever having to ask for anything. Even if he really needs something, I will come first. The conflicting part is that he swears at me, calls me extremely hurtful words during fights, has anger management issues, turns everything around on me as if it's always my fault, he's jealous and manipulative. He is very accusatory and because of this I always have to apologize for something that went wrong even if i didn't do anything. He would fight with me for days because I didn't answer his texts for 1 hour (took a nap without letting him know). My problem is that I recognize this isn't a healthy relationship. He claims relentlessly that he loves me and that I'm the most perfect girl in the world especially for him. I am his first real relationship and it is the same for me. Part of me knows that I should not be in this relationship if it leaves me crying every 2 weeks but the other part never wants to let him go. I feel attached and I feel scared that If i do leave him I won't find happiness again or a better partner. I broke up with him two years ago for 7 months and it was disastrous on my end. I became depressed because even though I was the one who cut the tie, I missed him and could not move on. I have now reached the point where I need more advice, thanks for listening.
SequinsofRose It’s almost as if I was reading your comment like we are in the exact same relationship. I’m not sure how everything is going now but I would love to know . Bc I’m experiencing everything you have written .
SequinsofRose I'm in the same boat..going on 5 years... it's so hard to leave bc I love the guy, but he has the temper of a 5 years old and gives me the silent treatment and I tolerate it..and I'm about done bc I know I'm dating a narcissist and a very very touchy person which makes me feel he's taking advantage of me.... pretty sure it's Lust and he's saying it's love :/ now we r engaged and I have to get out of this :( I'm not gonna write everything bc I can go on and on and it's a lot.
When I contact westhack000 on Instagram i had the feelings my problem was gone, was with a cheating wife And couldn’t bear it this was bad and I never move on, I needed proof to divorce her but no proof because I don’t have access to her phone my mind needed peace and all I could think was her cheating on me with her ex I needed a miracle and westhack000 on Instagram help me hack into her mobile phone remotely and she didn't suspect or know she was hacked.
"Good luck finding someone as good as me." GIRL YES. EXACT WORDS. He said those exact words the day he broke up with me after assaulting me. Every one of these points you made hit home. I just wish I had seen it all sooner.
Yeah he said the same to me. And when I called him out on it, he said "oh I just wasn't acting myself, I was emotional." BULLSHIT. You don't get a second chance after doing that to someone
When I contact westhack000 on Instagram i had the feelings my problem was gone, was with a cheating wife And couldn’t bear it this was bad and I never move on, I needed proof to divorce her but no proof because I don’t have access to her phone my mind needed peace and all I could think was her cheating on me with her ex I needed a miracle and westhack000 on Instagram help me hack into her mobile phone remotely and she didn't suspect or know she was hacked.
Seriously good for you for actually talking about this kind of issue. I feel like so so many girls are in abusive relationships and they just stay in them because they don't know how to get out. Some of my close friends were in emotionally abusive relationships and it was super hard for them to leave or talk about it after. And there was a couple times where I almost fell for a manipulative guy but I saw all the red flags and avoided it. Y'all stay safe and choose carefully💝
Every single thing you said is exactly my ex boyfriend who I broke up with a few days ago... this shit tore me apart...it’s gonna take a long time for me to heal but I’m so happy I finally got out
maddy neira I got out and it was the best decision ever!! Stayed single for an entire year and now I’m in a happy relationship with my soulmate :) you can do it!!
I feel like emotional abuse doesn't only happen in boyfriend and girlfriend relationships. I feel like it can also happen with a girl and her best guy friend, or vice versa. 😒😥
A man who abuses you is no longer a man but a coward. A coward who sought out opportunities to deliberately inflict harm on you. A coward whose public plastic mask covered up those icily calculating eyes and that sickening smirk that said otherwise. A coward who knew how to cut you down with a few words in a matter of seconds. A coward who made you feel lonely in his arms and instead feel an ache for genuine affection. A coward who denied you of your sincere feelings and numbed your heart by constantly belittling and disrespecting you. This coward has no power over you because you are a one hundred percent stronger and powerful than him. You have the power to completely heal from everything he has done to you all those years. You have dauntlessly escaped his hellish mind and body prisons. This coward will tremble in fear because you hold the amazing power of sharing your testimony with your head held high.
He has bipolar disorder. It was really hard and abusive. We were together for almost 5 years on and off. Everytime we broke up I got better and after we come together I lived exactly the same thing. My thing was I always believed he is gonna change, but it never happened. Dont believe words or even actions. just leave and grow from your experience.
I’m going through this I have no idea what to do this isn’t right for girls to go through this... my boyfriend and I were so good in the beginning but now, it’s hell.
I literally got out of an abusive relationship yesterday....i was with a guy for 6 weeks, he was controlling and manipulating on so many levels...i woke up the other morning and told him how i felt and that yes i loved him but i could not be treated that way.....not only that but he lied to me about numerous things like how long hed been single, hed been contacting his ex constantly....he started arguing with me and literally pinned me onto the couch and would not let me get up...every time my phone beeped and i went to check it he would grab it from me...at this point i got really scared so i ran for the door to get out but he pulled my hair and threw me on the ground and when i got up he pushed me against the wall....after several more attempts to get my phone or run out the door he grabbed a knife and pointed it at me saying if i left he would kill me and himself. after what felt like hours he eventually let me answer the phone which i told my best friend quielty to call the police. my dad called me and asked to speak with him which eventually he let me go but smashed my laptop and stole money from me.....im finding it so hard to get through this situation right now....feel like im not good enough, feel like i blame myself even tho i know i didnt do anything. even tho i do still love him.....it just really hurts.
literally just broke free from this very issue with my now ex of four years... The fact that he even told me once everything hit the fan he did those things plus so much more to purposely break me down... It hurts so much, but i feel like i can breathe again! Thank you for the video. I'm now really seeing that i was dealing with a toxic person that brought my self confidence down and toyed with me mentally by hurting me in ways one could only imagine. I promise to never allow this to happen again!
Thank you for sharing your story, it really helped me come to terms with my breakup. He was the first boyfriend i ever had and i thought things were going so well, i thought maybe we can get back together if we gave eatchother time but i realized how awful he made me feel at times, he always made everything my fault, called me certain names and belittled me and he had no idea how to help me with my anxiety and depression. Its awful because it was so amazing in the beginning and suddenly he changed and its really hard to move on, i’m also scared i may not find anyone else :(
My best friend and parents were manipulative and abusive. Thank you for making this video! I hope everyone in abusive relationships see the red flags and leave.
I've also been in an abusive relationship and I never had panic attacks or depression till he came around it... was the worst year of my life. Without anyone to talk to and being kept in isolation from my friends or being called names or crying at least every week and everything always being my fault over such small things and I didn't realize I was going through emotional abuse till he asked me if I felt abused because he was also aware of how he treated me. It was time then I realized that if he loved he would change for the better, though you'd think that I left him by now ... I didn't. I know that it sounds like a terrible decision but hear me out. My boyfriend and I have gotten the time to sit down and talk about what he's put me through and what hell felt like to me. (Back then I was scared of even talking about my feelings because he sometimes ended up being the victim when it was always me) I was also aware that he was depressed, insecure, and jealous during that year and we've worked it out together so he can learn that I do care for him and that he should be putting the same effort back because it cant work one more than the other (try speaking up if you feel that way). Since then he's honestly changed for the better, we no longer argue and my depression has been clearing up and the real love we had at the beginning sprung back again. I feel like we've improved so much over his mental health and mine as a growing couple. IF it is love they will change for you and improve over time (he has been clean of aggression since last year of December so it's been a process) and you'll finally find peace and happiness and i can tell you that is all that I have in my heart for him. The key to it is communication and awareness of what they have done to you BUT don't be fooled either because if they want to change it cant be a temporary promise. It also might seem as if im puting myself at risk knowing he was emotionally abusing me but if i ever feel like him or i have a conflict, we talk about it immediately and find a solution, we never try to ignore it becasue thats how problems grow. He has also apologized for several times over how he has acted, sometimes randomly out of nowhere to reassure that he is truly sorry, in a way that I know that im not going to be the victim anymore and I feel safe once more. If they still can't open their eyes and ears of what you're trying to say its better to leave them and I know I've had my share of doubt of it but it'll save you a lifetime of regret that and unwanted toxic mental health. Altough i stayed with my boyfriend, we have a healthy relationship now with no problems but happiness ( we have both agreed to not let this happen again with many reassurance) WARNING: IM NOT trying to influence that everyone should probably stay with their abuser, this is my personal experience and improvement of an abuser over a span of 6 months. NO, he hasn't emotionally abused since last year of December nor have I seen the past red flags and shows no signs of abusing me again just love. Stay safe to all, AND dont take this as the wrong impression.
Thank you so much for this video. I'm 27 years old and I've been in one relationship that lasted five years. It was a rollercoaster of emotional abuse. It was the total case of Misery Loves COmpany.
thank you so much for uploading this video! i'm already done with my abusive relationship and i wish that someone like you were in my life to help me with it but i really do thank you for taking your time to make this video, it really means a lot to me and i'm sure that it means a lot to plenty of other people. have a great day!
See.... mine has emotionally abandoned me.... completely And he doesn’t yell, but does all of these things on the list.....and it becomes harder to pinpoint when the red flags are so subtle!
Those kind of people will always do what they do best and that is usually manipulation. Tearing you down and making you weak so that you feel like they are the best you'll get. Turning you against your family and friends because they do not want any possible voices of reason to be in or enter your life. In order for their master plan to work they need to isolate you to the point that all of your attention and affection is solely on them. I have dealt with these kinds of issues and it is never a pleasant experience. It's becomes a very complicated relationship when your in it for love and the other half is pretending/faking in order to get what they want out of an individual. I never truly understood what I was dealing with until I did some research into narcissistic/sociopathic type of people and what signs to look for there and it was very scary how much of it lined up. I am so glad to hear that you was able to escape from such a terrible situation because it is very hard to feel like you can while being emotionally torn down. The healing process is very difficult as well but you were definetly stronger than you would ever know just making it through a situation like yours. You are only stronger now and like anyone else that has gone through this type of situation/relationship you now have the wisdom and knowledge now to understand that there are people out there like this and it helps us to pick up on them better and to avoid them. Also for those that are still struggling with similar issues that no matter how isolated or lonely you feel, you are never alone. There are good people out there that care and do want to help you. I found that journaling and music got me through my rough times as well and was curious of any coping mechanisms or tactics you may have used that made you feel better. Loved your video 😊 Thank you for sharing your experience. It helps me heal from listening to others and hearing their stories. Thank you
I don't know if this is alright, but... My boyfriend is always blaming me for something, and as soon as I do something wrong he says "You're single now". After he says things like that, I beg him not to go, he insults me (This has happened three days in a row, the past three days) And two days ago he called me a "Pathetic, worthless piece of shit". When he does this, and ignores me for hours I do text and call him often, but I feel like I should, I don't know... He gives me rules I NEED to follow to keep him with me. Last night he said he deserved everything I have to give him now while I deserved NOTHING I got. He tells me I need to fucking EARN his love...That I need to EARN his help... He insults me, lies to me, he lied about who he was for the first three months of our relationship, and he didn't even tell me, I found out myself on our three month anniversary... I wasn't even mad, I supported him the whole night while he cried over the phone. I've asked him to be nicer to be, I've been through a lot...He just responds with "Mhm" or "I don't care" or "Earn it"...
Sophiedull honestly, he's getting worse. I've tried to leave him but once I do I need him back. He's gone as far as telling me to kill myself when I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts and actual attempts. He told me that I deserved to get raped (happened when I was 9) and he told me to have it happen again. He continues threatening to leave too, so not great.
Cudduls I understand you need someone and you're afraid to face your emotional challenges alone, you don't need him. You definitely deserve better, undoubtedly he's telling the complete opposite to justify his fucked up behavior. Whatever is wrong with your boyfriend, is no excuse, nothing excuses the way he treats you and he's using tactics to make you dependent on him. If you really don't have anyone else, I'm here for you and so are a lot of people. There are many online resources for support and advice. Next time he tells you you're single, exclaim in excitement, burn those bridges, run and never ever look back. You deserve to be happy and you are strong for putting up with it, so strong, you don't need him.
Thank you so much for posting this video. I just got out of an abusive relationship a few months ago and I'm still recovering. Regarding the point where they make you apologize for something they've done, one of the most ridiculous arguments I had with my ex was I asked him to take his shoes off before entering my apt and he turned it into a 6 hour argument that included him storming out into the city, saying that I was saying his feet smell (uh isn't it the opposite?). And then he yelled at me for not chasing him when he ran away. It was an exhausting day.
Wow. literally everything you're saying, I have experienced. I didn't see it that way for about 3 years, I fled myself in depression and an eating disorder in order to not think about it. Being able to hear that from another person and remembering myself in exact these situations just gives me goosebumps. I also learned so much about myself and relationships in general, I admire your honesty and your braveness on here to share your story and to help other girls/boys see the red signals thank you, xx
this!! it is so so important to talk about because i feel like a lot of people don't understand that their relationship may not be healthy. my ex never berated me or insulted me, so i never thought i was being abused until i looked back on the relationship. it was constant control and manipulation, he used to never want me to go out with my friends. then he said that i "could" but i would need to not tell him to avoid him getting angry. then when i actually did do that, he said i had lied and was a terrible person. he had a lot of anger episodes, where he would throw things and break them. there were moments where i thought that he might hurt me. afterwards we would talk about what had happened, and somehow it would always be my fault that he got angry and started breaking things (??) throughout my entire relationship i always gave my boyfriend excuses, "he was drunk" "he was angry" "he's in a bad place" "this is what his mom did to him" "he's going to get help eventually" etc. until finally i realized he was constantly bringing me down to his level instead of allowing me to be my free and happy self. i've been free of him for almost 3 months now and i have never felt lighter or happier. may whoever is in this situation find the same light, and thank you to whoever reads all of this
I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. It's really stressful to feel like a child in a relationship. Feeling like every decision you make without him is bad. Your ideas are stupid because their not his. It sucks horribly. I'm dealing with this now but I also give everything his ass does. Now I'm still the crazy one cuz I'm giving him a taste of his own medacine. If he's got an attitude about something stupid then I get an even bigger one. If I get called a bitch or stupid then his ass is a stupid bitch too! I've realized that this is very unhealthy. If you feel like your the enemy in your relationship then it's most definitely time to move on.
Wow these are all so true. My last boyfriend was emotionally abusive so bad. It got to the point where I was only alive to please him. He acted like it was my job on this planet to be with him and please him. I had absolutely no voice because Everytime I asked for something.. anything..the smallest little thing would turn into a huge fight. So it got to the point where I just couldn't say anything. That's when I finally realized I needed out. It was the most horrible feeling.
I know someone experiencing all of this right now except phisical violence. But if they left they would be homeless in a dangerous city where they dont know anyone :( I pray for anyone experiencing this. Thank you for this video it could really help people see there situation for what it is and take steps to get help and/or leave.
You are an intelligent beautiful young woman. You deserve to be treated well and deserve a healthy life. I’m sorry you had to go through that... being cheated is not fair
fucking hell.. all of these points perfectly describe my situation. it’s so painful to understand he CANT love me and it’s all power and control.. this is not love. We, as women deserve more than this treatment. we deserve a lot more love. I’m hoping I have the strength to leave.
Fuck! Never worried about him hitting me but jeez! All this hit me hard! I’ve not been with him for 8 months now but where we have 2 children together, he makes sure he’s laid some ground rules down about them. They aren’t allowed to be in the house if I meet another guy (never have a night off them so impossible) I’ve lost all friends thanks to him not liking anyone, he comes to mine to see the kids because his ‘mother’ don’t want the kids there. He’s moody as hell all the time which has given me bad anxiety and depression. Still calls and messages me random crap to ask what I’m doing. Just fuck! That’s hit me soo hard!
this video is everything I'm going through right now. everything you said he does. and I mean EVERYTHING. i think he has BPD. he has all the symptoms.he gets off of work in 5 minutes and I am going to break it off. I'm literally shaking because I'm scared on whats going to happen. It's been a year of this and I feel I am strong enough to finally leave. and stay gone. this video helped me a lot! thank you. wish me luck 2 minutes
My mom told me it was my fault in a way bc I stayed but I was 18 & it went on for a few years but he threatened to take my babygirl we just had from me & he would hurt me so bad that no man would ever want me again bc he would destroy my face! It was verbal & physical. I grew up in a loving family so this was all new to me. I was so scared. Finally I got a PFA which he kept violating it but then he hurt another girl & went to state prison for year's. The cop's would not ever get involved when I called them & they saw my nose busted & lips bleeding & the cop's said it is basically a waste of their time bc the girl usually takes the guy back anyways. Thanks for the video!
Damn. This hit so many significant points for me personally .I was NEVER allowed to hang out with just female friends, I had to block every male who wasn't family on my FB, I was somehow always completely wrong about *any* *topic*. If I suggested a song, it was a stupid choice just because I picked it. And I was forced to have very limited contact with my family. It became physically abusive as well. I'm pretty sure I got a concussion at one point . I have a hard time remembering things. I got away though. I'm now dealing with the aftermath of all of that as well as the catalyst for me finally leaving. It was when my only sister passed away . I promised my mom I'd find some way to get home.
Hi, thank you for your video. I needed it. I cannot comment on my life in public, but u really helped validate my feelings. I do not think that u are talking to much about u ex and that u have to get over him in a certain time frame. Everyone gets over someone in their own pace. I am sorry people tell u to get over this dude. They are not u and they did not walk in u pain and situation so they cannot tell u to get over him. To me I felt u were just sharing what u went thru to help other women. I did not think that u were obsessing over this dude. What people do not get unless they have walked in abusive relationships is that it takes time to also get over the crap that was done to u when u were in it. It really messes with u mind, heart, and emotions. I think that it takes time to get over people I do not think that we can tell someone to get over someone. I think if we tell someone to get over someone that is mean and uncaring. I know u are over this person which is cool, but I just do not like when people try to tell people to get over someone. I knew when I was watching this that u are just using this past relationship to help other ladies not get stuck in an abusive relationship and I totally thank u for being so bold, honest and blunt about what u went thru so we know we are not alone in this. I don't understand why our society is so mean and so like rude about when people share their problems. Just because someone shares their problems does not mean they are whining or wallowing in it. We should try to support one another and really listen to people's pain and hurts and not get caught up in thinking they just need to get over it. We have to walk a mile in someone else's moccasins and try to understand each other and try to be compassionate with one another. I believe u did an excellent job in explaining u situation with that dude. I am so sorry u went thru that when ever that was. I just saw the video Sept 2017. God bless u!!!
I'm going through the same thing (I think). He tells me whenever he gets annoyed or frustrated that I can pack my shit up and leave or I'll find another girlfriend that wants to do this or threaten my job or threaten to break up with me. It's so hard to identify if this is verbal abuse or whatever.
Knowing that this is me currently really bought me to tears. Like my friends always tell me that’s not good and it’s unhealthy and I should leave but i have a fear of being alone so when he actually leaves me I won’t have anyone or feel like I have anyone who actually cares.
Patel Vidhu Accusing and blaming is just making him look like a piece of shit. Unless if its something you didn't do, speak up then! If he is constantly blaming you, then leave him until he gets his shit together.
Please reply because I’m currently going though this but so much worse. I relate to all of this. How did you leave ? And did this relationship effect how you treated or will treat your next boyfriend?
It sux how common this is. Throughout the video, I was replaying incidents in my head & was like yup gone through that & that & that. I’m still fighting this, I need to get this “hope” out of my head. I can’t stand being treated like nothing when I’m giving all the time. I used to be so happy & glowy & now I have friends & family say I look like a different person now😔. But I’m holding strong as much as I can!
My boyfriend now is very mental abusive. Calls me names. Says I’m dumb. Everything’s my fault when it’s not!! And if I point out something bad out that he says or does..he says I’m dumb. When he’s in the wrong, he’s always right. If I cry he always says why the fuck u crying. I’m so miserable, I’m not myself anymore. We have been on and off for 3 years and idk why I keep coming back. Can someone tell me why I keep going back? My friend says it’s cause I like the abuse but I i don’t. I NEED to get out.
Feeling like if you do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing you’re gonna set them off so you constantly think about what you’re doing. Worry that you’re not enough. Getting messages of him cheating and him denying it. Telling you you’re crazy and say you did or said something but YOU know that never happened. If you won’t do it for them they flip and then turn it on you that you’re a horrible person. Making your feelings invalid.
Been with someone like this for 5 years. The only thing he wasn't was jealous. But it was in a way that made me so incredibly insecure like he wouldn't give a shit anyway. He also seemed to want more time away from me than to be with me, unless it was me coming to his place but he wouldn't really put any effort for me. I gave him all of me. He just took it like it was nothing. He made me so dependent on him. He broke up with me a few months ago and I am so broken. I should be happy, I'm starting to realize more and more of the way he treated me and my heart physically feels broken. But I'm not happy and I want him back and I hate the fact that I want him back in the first place
I have just got out being with someone who was incredibly moody, short tempered, needy and overbearing. I still have to watch videos like this to remind myself why I shouldnt go back because it's so hard leaving someone who you love but isnt good for you 💔
My girlfriend was exactly like this, she blamed a suicide attempt on me because I tried to end things and then when we finally ended things she dropped off every gift I’d ever given her at my house about 2 hours later, this was only 2 weeks ago and I work with this girl, every time I’m on shift with her she will keep giving me dirty looks or look at me whilst laughing and it really gets under my skin, I don’t really know how to deal with this, I want to be the bigger person but she’s really bothering me and no one else is noticing what she is doing
I've been dating a guy since I was 17 (I'm now 29) I am go away with 4 friends for the weekend (2 males 1 female) and my BF keeps saying J never told him not meet these people when he has. My BF DOES nothing around the house, takes my money and smokes weed everyday! I'm on CBD meds ((given by a doctor)) when I told him I wants to break up and he refused to leave and said he'll kill himself. On a good note I don't see him anymore and starting to get back to the OLD me and seeing friends who I want to see and can see male.or female without him getting in the way
A lot of people don't know this, but for a month, I was in one. I didn't realize it until after we split up not too long ago. Granted, they never laid a hand on me, but they were very easy to anger. For example, I remember how I accidentally got one of the connector bands for the controllers for their Switch stuck, and they almost flipped out on me (it was like he was either suppressing their anger, their sadness, or both their anger and sadness), and later said that I wasn't allowed to have a connector band. Another example was that it seemed like if I said something that was different from their opinion, they'd get super moody, and would tell me to leave them alone (which I didn't do because if we were gonna fight, we were gonna work it out). As much as they thought that we didn't fight all the time, in hindsight I realized that it seemed to happen at least once every week. He'd threaten to leave me as well, but either he never followed through, or I persuaded him to calm down. They used to say how they was better than the others because they were more mature (which actually wasn't true at all), and for a while, I kind of thought that. But when I went to bed every night, I caught myself thinking, even though it was a brief second, "they aren't the one. No matter how much you think of a future with them, they aren't the one". That's what should've been the signal right there, but at the time, I didn't know what else to do. They never called me any mean nicknames (except for like maybe "dummy"), but I feel that if I did stay any longer, they easily could have. Thank you, Mary Kate, for making this video. It really helped me acknowledge what happened, use those signals you told in your video to prevent myself from getting into another one, and also making me realize that abuse is kind of a spectrum. Thank you, Mary Kate. And don't worry, you'll find the right person for you.
This was very helpful to me, thank you for making this. By the way you are very beautiful and you seem sweet, I'm glad you're out of that relationship.
This is definitely nostalgic with my ex. He severely mentally abused me. It took my husband prying him away from me, and getting me to safety for something to be done. There were times my ex would yell at me as well with a threatening demeanor. I had witinessed something extremely bad as a kid, and told my ex over and over I'm terrified of men yelling. Yet... He yelled at me. He isolated me in my room. He alienated my family and guilt tripped me for hanging out with my only friend who was keeping me from suicide. He neglected my needs since I have a chronic illness. He down played my signs of being severely ill and needed the ER. Always commenting how I'm always at the ER. He was a monster. He conditioned me for so many things. I am STILL trying to unlearn those learned behaviours. My husband helps a lot, and is patient. There is hope after tragedy, never give up and never let them continue hurting you.
The question is: how do you get over it? I have a close relative struggling with a freaking asshole who is abusing her in an emotional and psychological way, but she seems like she doesn't WANT to get over him. What can we do to help her? She just cries all the freaking time over him (he tells her smth like "you have always been single" or "you dated someone when you were 15? you're such a slut"or "you don't have a life, or a friend or a job, you are a human failure, how can you look at yourself in the mirror" and so on, so she just...cries all the day and night), but then he texts her something like "come over my place, let's make peace and spend the night together". Then he just uses her for sex, dumps her... and here it goes, she starts crying all over again. She claims she's fine and doesn't need any help, but clearly she's not even remotely fine and of course she needs help. What can we do?! This situation is INSANE. And he is clearly a psycho.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, I left him about 5 days ago, he would call be horrible, awful and mean, he would say I would always hurt him even though I didn't. - I wasn't allowed to wear vests and show off my stomach, like if I posted on Instagram he would always question why I needed to post, if I posted with makeup he would be questioning me and saying I'm trying to get boys attention and show off myself, which I wasn't doing. - I wasn't allowed to be friends with boys, I wasn't allowed to text them - if I met my best friend he would question if some other people were coming along - he always said you will never find anyone else as good as me no one will treat you the way I do - I had to text him all the time, my activity status was on on Instagram and he would text and call me if I was talking to friends on there and why I wasn't talking to him - he would always say stuff like I hope no boys text you or look at you - he would always make me feel like I'm doing something wrong - he nit picked the smallest things and made them into the biggest arguments - we somehow managed to fallout and argue everyday - it got to the point when we broke up that I had to block him because he was spamming me - if I followed more boys because they are in my classes I would get told off, questioned, I'd be made to block boys, take posts down etc - In the end, I just realised how wrong this relationship was and I just now realise that it was so so wrong and I always question why I stayed for so so long, and now I know why I thought I was in love, but I was really just alone, and I wanted his attention, I was in love with the idea of being in love. it's really hard the first couple of days to not text and to keep them blocked, but honestly I feel so free and I am so proud of myself for realising the wrong and coming through in the end
I’ve been in a emotional abusive relationship for about 2 years . We are not together no more , but I still feel trapped mainly because I can’t seem to get him out my life .. I really don’t know what to do ?
A good next video would be how did you let go of that relationship and how did you manage to let him leave you alone.Great concept btw I'm sure a lot of us can learn from this very helpful tips.Thanks Girl 💓 new sub
I’m currently in a relationship my boyfriend is always “sad” and he says I make him happy but when he’s sad I try to help him but he pushes me away and inside I feel like it’s my fault and he has these weird mood swings a lot but I don’t say how I actually feel..also he mostly texts me when he’s bored and leaves me on delivered most of the time and he alwats brings up his ex’s saying “we could e lasted “ but I don’t say anything and I think I’ve become so weak that when he leaves on d or r and I see him post I get so upset and automatically believe I did something wrong .... what type of relationship is this?
When I was in a relationship I also dated them for about a year. I became a shell of myself and my whole life revolved around them. If you date somebody who shows signs of being controlling, blows up your phone when you try to stop talking to them, and just makes you feel bad about yourself, you may love them but they do not have your best interests at heart and the sooner you cut them out of your life the sooner you'll realize how much better you feel without them. I used lay in bed for hours every single day the majority of the day just texting them and doing nothing else. If I watched tv or anything else they could tell because I wouldn't respond as quickly and that would bother them and they would always say something. If you are in a relationship that's abusive your only regret coming out of it will be that you didn't leave sooner.
Lol, my ex made me feel like I had to ask permission for everything. Then he says "you don't have to ask me for permission". So when I don't, he's like I wish you would've told me.... like ????
I’m currently in a relationship like this with my bf, we’ve been together for almost a year now and he’s done everything but the first three things and cheating on me (as far as I know). Constantly blaming me for bringing up something that bothers me, twists things around to make it seem like it’s my fault and I end up apologizing for just expressing how I feel. He isn’t controlling in the fact he always picks where to go and what to do but more controlling when it comes to what I can do and who I can see or when I can see him, even if one day I don’t want to see him or one day I want to see him but he doesn’t want to see me. My friends also agree he’s emotionally abusive towards me and want me to leave him but it’s honestly so hard cause I want to believe he loves me and truly cares but it obviously doesn’t show because he’s hurting me.
This is how my “Best Friend's” relationship goes with me, except she also hits me. It's not like kicking, punching, chokeholds. But more of a slap across the face or she hits my arms, legs, sometimes my ass out of anger. She yells at me, abuses me emotionally, physically, mentally. Like she could go and leave me alone and then go and cry to me about her problems. But when I was having a mental breakdown about a breakup she said that I need to stop being such a child about it. But at 4:15 in the morning she called me over getting called a slut. When I needed her she hung up multiple times. I've cancelled out plans with her before and I got hit and insulted but she cancelled several plans and didn't care about anything. I just can't leave her though, I want to break free from it but I still care about her. Even though she hurts me I just want to be there for her when she needs me. It hurts me a lot to be with her but I care too much about her to break free. I'm sorry about this rant but I really needed to let it out somehow.
I've just burst out crying after watching this I've just broke up with my partner.i am so mad at him for doing this too me and I am so mad at myself for putting up with this.i think I've come to realise that I am better on my own my self esteem and confidence is at rock bottom but I'm determined to prove him wrong he has no control over me anymore he always terrified me and that's not love xxxx
Mine just broke up with me because he says I'm too disobedient, when he gets mad he calls me horrible names body shames me, tells me I deserve everything he says and done to me he never apologizes for what he does, he constantly yells at me in the street, he threatens to slap the shit out of me he's thrown a drink in my face, kicked down my daughter's Christmas tree broke it in half this man is crazy as hell and I still gave him a chance because I love him and he has my self esteem so messed up I think I can't do any better.
I think I'm in this kind of relationship, like im totally living in a seperate country from all my family and friends, and I met this guy like the first week I moved on, and I have a lot of problems with him recently . Like the first week we were dating he told me really weird stuff so I decide to tell him to stop texting me or anything, but like a week later I saw him again and I told him I wanted to date him again and I guess I did that because I was feeling so lonely, because I really had no friends (just my roommates) and now I understand that I saw a person who "cared" about me, so I couldn't feel lonely. But now we are like 4 months together and I've watched a lot of videos of abusive relationships and like in all the videos at least like 60% of what they say has happened to me, but im just really scared of leaving him, because once I was with my friends in the middle of the night walking on the street and we were having fun, because it was vacations and we had a dinner night. Of course I told my boyfriend to come, but he told me that he needed to work all night, BUT like as we were walking I saw him with his Ex-girlfriend, and he freaked out and I started crying and my friends took me home and I called my mom and I just wrote him that I wanted to breakup w him. BUT next day he went to my apartment and beg me to stay with him, because if not he was going back to his country (cause me and him where not from the country we met) and saying me that Im everything for him etc... I really want to finish this chapter but I just don't know how. I hope soon I can be strong enough to do it.
You are beautiful inside and out Xits horrible the pain we go through for these monsters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!im no contact at the minute. thks for sharing X
I'm been abused mentally! How can I stop this? There is s person mentally playing with my head, like seriously they make me feel uncomfortable in my house and every we're I go! Trying to control my life but mentally so it's quite scary! I can't work! I can't do anything with this person watching! What can I do????
Anytime something goes wrong with my boyfriend, he gets extremely angry. If we have a little disagreement about something or if I set boundaries, he threatens suicide. Which really hurts. Because, I am actually a suicide survivor and I still struggle with suicidal thoughts. Now after recently being told I have cancer, the anger is getting worse. I feel so trapped. I don't have a family because they are very toxic and I feel like I don't really have a bf. I am now considering leaving him and go live at a homeless shelter....
my ex did drugs for 3 years without me knowing and he also cheated on me a bunch of times, then he blamed his drug addiction and his cheating on me and said if I wasn’t so crazy he wouldn’t of done it. He also calls me names like stupid, retarded, c*nt etc and that I have Down syndrome. He says all these things in front of my daughter as well. He has punched holes in the wall right infront of my face and he has thrown his fists up to hit me in front of my daughter. It’s been 2 months since our breakup and his dating a single mother who has a kid 🤷🏻♀️ just proves how little he cared about us if he can move on to different family instantly.
Yup I recognized: 1) highly criticism (never good enough, I have never felt so less in my life), 2) calling me almost everyday while im just out of town for less than a week (even if I am not out of town and we see each other everyday due to work, I still get a call every night)... and 3) OMG the making a twist and making things always my fault or it is never his fault. 4) Yelling at me with no respect 5) Extreme moodiness (just moody and cranky out of nowhere). He could be up at one point and upset another (like a freaking circus--I should be charging for audience $$ out of this) .... And... He's not even my boyfriend. Though he act like an abusive one
That was a difficult comment to read dear friend. It hurts me when people are treated this way. May God be with you and show you His wonderful kindness and grace. May the love of His Son Jesus surround you and embrace you warmly. He loves you. And yes, He's in the rescue business. He saved me from severe depression and suicide years ago. He will do the same for anyone. Please take care.
This is my current relationship right now and I'm at the breaking point where I'm so tired of being walked all over that I'm snapping back but I know that that's not good either but I don't know what else to do I don't have anywhere else to go
A message to all the girls/guys who are in an abusive relationship:
You are STRONG, and DESERVING of unconditional love. Real LOVE. Love that is not jealous, love that does not judge, love that aims to LIFT YOU UP to your highest potential, instead of tearing you down. DO NOT SETTLE. Do not stay in something that doesn’t make you feel safe and respected ALWAYS. You are not to blame. You are not at fault, and you are not alone. I love you, and I know you can get to the other side of this situation stronger, wiser, and at peace. I love you.
LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR ABUSE. You can do it!
Never in my life did I think that I would be in an abusive relationship. The abusers are so subtle and manipulative, you never see it coming.
❤️
Anchor'd Soul me too I remember when I was a little girl I said I would never be in a abusive realtoship I guess I was wrong
Mary Kate vavav
That you feel you are walking on eggshells when you are with them.
Wow. You described it perfectly
When I contact westhack000 on Instagram i had the feelings my problem was gone, was with a cheating wife And couldn’t bear it this was bad and I never move on, I needed proof to divorce her but no proof because I don’t have access to her phone my mind needed peace and all I could think was her cheating on me with her ex I needed a miracle and westhack000 on Instagram help me hack into her mobile phone remotely and she didn't suspect or know she was hacked.
i'm going through the same thing but i'm having a difficult time actually letting go.
MiryDiana Juarez Same here.
MiryDiana Juarez so am I. I hope you both have found the strength to leave your abuser. I'm hoping to do so tomorrow..
MiryDiana Juarez Well MiryDiana, you have a choice. Either 1, you will meet someone new who could treat you better and always make you feel beautiful. Or 2, enjoy wasting your time on that emotional abusive one. But my question is, why does women love being treated like shit? It's like they're brainwashed to that man who's really a piece of garbage.
MiryDiana Juarez same
It's sad when you still miss the person who would put you through the pain. It's like the pain becomes like a drug lol
OMG!!! I've been married 28 years. The first 4 were wonderful.
Out of all the things you said, at least 9-10 of them I go thru everyday. I'm sure I'm old enough to be your mother, however, I admire your courage to post this video. Thank you for making me see that it's not all my fault. 👍🏻😊
you're not alone !
I’m going through it now too. I’ve been off and on with mine for 3 years and idk why I even came back every time. Idk how to walk away. I hate the emotional abuse and my friends think I love it that’s why I’m with him and I don’t like it at all. I need to walk away and be done for good but idk how
@@amysupernaw80 amy I would say more but at this time my head hurts because my abusive ex has me rite now with ( CFS ) & facing brain surgery. But I enjoyed tour comment .
I never thought I could leave him be cause all the negativity he has put my life through but, I'm in medical school & always striving to better & has just showed me crazy behavior after crazy behavior....
1. He gets mad if I mention anything positive about my self
2. When I was unhappy miserable & highly frustrated he was his happiest ( laughing & clapping )
3. He takes care of all of his ex's children & he does not clame my daughter.
4. I was with him 10 years & I've did things like live with bed bugs, bail him out of jail back in Mississippi, provide food for him when he had food but was selling his food card ( I found out later )
5. I've been through the worst of times with this man & yet he abused me MENTALLY & PHYSICALLY .
6. Sure it's great to love your children's mother but to tell her periodically with out needing to remember that ( was a eye opener but the cake was he said it to her while in my face &" said well her husband was sure there listening too " THAT WAS THE CAKE "
BUT NOT HIS LAST SLICE
(( I have came to terms that he has a lot of things to fix in his life & I CAN NOT FIX THEM FOR HIM )) PLAIN & SIMPLE
HONEY - IT ONLY GETS WORSE
I NOTICED EACH TIME HE WOULD CISOR IT WOULD GET WORSE ( THE PHISICAL BEHAVIOR & MENTAL but the physical behavior was at the worst I have ever exp.or heard of
LAST THING
That made me let him go was
( above ALL HAS PUT IN MY FACE repediatly & was" saying that he didn't care & that he has problems" I Then looked at not just his face but his whole demeanor & it said this man has so many problems.
1. I knew he wasn't willing to fix them ( a. I tried to work with him b. I tried to reason with him c. I told him EXACTLY what to do. NOT HOW 2 DO IT I knew he had to figure that out.
In fact I need to do my own story....
Val Inc. thank you for sharing. I wish you luck in your own story. I actually got a job and diff friends and left my ex since I made that comment and it was hard and with his threatens after I left (they always brought me back to him) I starting ignoring him and eventually he stopped. I’m so much happier.
This is my ex boyfriend on so many levels.... perfectly made video... thank you for making this... mental abuse is horrible..He was also a lot older than me and used this against me... I called the "everything being my fault"... and everything would be turned on me with something that I did wrong.. I called this "ping ponging"....whatever I said... he always always had something back to say.... he would even bring up something I did wrong months or years ago.....
Patricia Machaj I know. It's hard to handle
Why did you stay with him?
I can relate 1000% :(
Same
My boyfriend now is very mental abusive. Calls me names. Says I’m dumb. Everything’s my fault when it’s not!! And if I point out something bad out that he says or does..he says I’m dumb. When he’s in the wrong, he’s always right. If I cry he always says why the fuck u crying. I’m so miserable, I’m not myself anymore. We have been on and off for 3 years and idk why I keep coming back. Can someone tell me why I keep going back? My friend says it’s cause I like the abuse but I i don’t. I NEED to get out.
It hurts my heart to see so many girls have gone through this, and I felt like I was the only one. No one deserves this bullshit and it almost makes me feel like real love isn’t out there the way so many of these guys are. I hope you ladies are at a much better place in your life, you deserve nothing less.
Mackenzie Revere real love doesn’t exist and I’m stuck lol
Narcissist or sociopaths!!! Try your hardest to go with your gut feeling. Listen to your body. I was lucky enough to recognize the signs.
This video rings home. Every point you made I was like check, check, check. Been through it all.... 😫
The funny thing is, relationships that are NOT abusive are considered boring by women (and some men) which is unfortunately a reality when two young people date. Excitement and danger is needed to keep the relationship interesting and fresh and besides women like men who are in control. You can't have it both ways. You can't have a guy that controls you (which is exciting), cheats on you (which means other women want him too) AND is also considerate of you.
You can't sit and bitch about it either because the signs were there all along, you chose to ignore them because you were attracted to the fact that he keeps you on a short leash.
BULLSHIT!!! I AM TIRED OF BEING CONTROLLED!!! I just want a man who loves me, not controls me like my boyfriend, he wont let me talk to my family, controls me, wont let me get a job, calls me stupid ugly idiot retarded, i dont want this anymore this is why i am leaving him!!! you are fucking stupid. women want a sweet loving man who doesnt mind if you have a job and doesnt mind if you talk to your family and live your own life
Lisa Black me too
People stay in abusive relationships because
1. The abuser is MORE likely to kill you after you leave, and it is hard to get to where they can't find you.
2. People stay in abusive relationships because abusers are charming, and disingenuous, and dangerous. Abused people are tricked into believing the charming false pre-abuse personality laid out there by the abuser. They have been love bombed and tricked into thinking they have entered into a relationship of kindness and respect like they grew up seeing... once you have fallen for the act, the abuser's subsequent actions seem like the false thing, and you keep expecting this mood or phase to pass; but it won't. THIS phase is the real thing.
3. People stay in abusive relationships because abusers are manipulative and controlling. After the initial charming phase, abusers move into a phase of isolating the victim. This is one way you can tell you are in an abusive relationship, and are not just with a partner who "had a bad day." The abusive partner will really push to get you away from all your friends all your family your co-workers, try to get you to quit your job. And THEN things get really bad. One way to make sure you don't end up in an abusive relationship is to have those other social ties and really put them first. If your only social interactions are with his people, you are on really thin ice with no one to turn to.
4. Women, more than men stay in abusive relationships because there are children. One woman by herself can disappear like smoke. Happens all the time. Just dix yourself up and smile at the right some one and you have a free ride to wherever you want, and usually free room and board while you are at it, no phone number someone can trace, no name on a lease or mortgage. But women spend their time with children. They don't want to roll the dice on where they will land because it will put them at risk; but also children go to schools. They are trackable and traceable. They can't run. They don't keep secrets. So with children, a dufflebag and 20 bucks won't cut it. Now you need a car that works well, gas money. Money for a deposit, income for school clothes, food, a baby sitter. And you really can't leave them there. If it isn't safe for you, it isnt safe for them.
5. People stay in abusive relationships for the same reason thse seals stay on the ice when orcas surround them to bump them off and eat them. They have nowhere to go and or no way to get there.
6. People stay in abusive relationships for the same reason gazelles stay in the mouths of crocodiles and trees let themselves be strangled by kudzu vines. Because abusers are smart and patient and relentless. They wait until you are entertwined and inextricably commingled before their jaws snap closed and their vines tighten.
7. People stay in abusive relationships because it is embarrassing. Nobody asks, "Why do you let yourself be murdered?", or "Why do you let yourself be embezzled?" ...But there is something about rape and domestic abuse that engenders the idea in one's mind that the victim is the responsible party. One thing abusers always say...and this is a major red flag (if you hear yourself say this, you may be an abuser) "You made me hit you!" They will say it over and over again as a brainwashing technique until the victim finds himself saying, "Oh it's all my fault. If only I had folded his socks into hexagons like he likes he wouldn't have hit me." If you find yourself saying, "It's my fault that he..." then it's been time to go.
8. Victims stay in abusive relationships because abusers are really sensitive to a change in routine, and if the meal ticket decides she's going to go, well, he has to put a stop to it. His alarm bells go off, and suddenly he is by turns horrifically dangerous and exceedingly charming while he severs the tie that was going to be your flight plan. The most likely time for you and your children and pets to die at the hands of your abuser is when you have just left or are in the process of leaving. Second most likely time is during the holidays.
9. Abusers are like vultures. When they are on the prowl, they are looking for someone VULNERABLE. You don't accidentally end up in an abusive relationship. You are selected. Just like a victim of child sexual assault. Predators look for a victim. They usually have a type. Once they select their victim, they groom the victim. For a child sexual predator, that means charming caregivers into trusting them and playing games with children that lead up to sex...For domestic abusers, grooming means convincing family to trust them and then systematically cutting all those ties. Starting control games and aabuse games-- pushing just to the limit--it's your fault! if you had been more creative with the way you made breakfast, I never would have..., just past the limit- "Oh, baby I'm so sorry. It will never happen again!" Here is that ring you wanted or the vacation, or we really can have that puppy you wanted. (Which is abuser code for, "Oh, man. you just don't know how much worse it will be next time.")
The grooming process, wherein the abuser is training the victim to accept the abuse involves tying that release of endorphins to the abuse so as to normalize the behavior.
.....
Abusers look for elderly, disabled and young people. People in transition, so they are in a vulnerable spot. People in need due to poverty or tragedy, so that they are easily taken advantage of, so he can get away with
Putting you down...
Demanding you stay but he can leave...
Be unreasonably jealous...
Hypper criticise you...
Isolate you...
Tell you his actions are your fault...
Ignore you or exclude you..
Have relationships with the opposite sex but demand you don't...
Dominate and control you...
Make everthing your fault...
Making you feel like you have to ask permission to do things...
Yell at you...
Get away with excessive mood swings...
Raise his hand as if he would hit you...
Hurt you physically...
Strangle you.
Shoot at you.
I so so need to leave.
#4 on your list is total BS. "One woman can disappear like smoke, hitchike and get free room and board" !?! I was in a horrendously abusive relationship for 13 years. I don't want to go into those details in a youtube comment section, but let me assure you, reality could be nothing further from the truth. I had no money, no car, I knew NOBODY within 400 miles. I was crippled with psycological terror from years of being beaten down, he made me think I was going insaine. Panic attacks constantly, (I have PTSD now because of it.) I literally fled to the streets with what I could carry. During my escape journey which lasted just over a year till I would have an adress again, I hitchhiked and was stabbed. I met someone who said I could stay with them for a week or two, well, they forced me to do sexual acts on them and forced me to have sex with 2 of his friends, I climbed out a 3rd story window to escape. Reality is not as peachy as you think it is.
You hit the nail on the head with this info
You are about not knowing what kind of mood they are in from moment to moment. He change mood at anytime.
When a person shows you who they are "Believe"them..........
I'm in this situation right now.
Every points you said i'm experiencing.
I need strength to finally gather myself and leave.
Khirmm 1002 I’m going through it now too. I’ve been off and on with mine for 3 years and idk why I even came back every time. Idk how to walk away. I hate the emotional abuse and my friends think I love it that’s why I’m with him and I don’t like it at all. I need to walk away and be done for good but idk how
Khirmm 1002 Hope you were successful! Best wishes for you to be in a better place now.
Same here he's attacked me phsically to date he has broken two pairs of glasses I csmt afford new ones so having to west old pair he has split the top of my eye wide open and constantly says how I'm a bad evil disgusting person etc its relentless
I have been in my emotionally abusive relationship with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. I feel very conflicted with my feelings because I love this man with all my heart and people may not seem to understand that. He is my best friend and we have created so many good memories together that I can never move past no matter how hard I try. He is supportive, caring, always put me first and would make me feel as if I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He never forced me into anything and will do whatever i feel happy with at my own pace. He spends so much of his own money on me including dates, gifts, cards without me ever having to ask for anything. Even if he really needs something, I will come first. The conflicting part is that he swears at me, calls me extremely hurtful words during fights, has anger management issues, turns everything around on me as if it's always my fault, he's jealous and manipulative. He is very accusatory and because of this I always have to apologize for something that went wrong even if i didn't do anything. He would fight with me for days because I didn't answer his texts for 1 hour (took a nap without letting him know). My problem is that I recognize this isn't a healthy relationship. He claims relentlessly that he loves me and that I'm the most perfect girl in the world especially for him. I am his first real relationship and it is the same for me. Part of me knows that I should not be in this relationship if it leaves me crying every 2 weeks but the other part never wants to let him go. I feel attached and I feel scared that If i do leave him I won't find happiness again or a better partner. I broke up with him two years ago for 7 months and it was disastrous on my end. I became depressed because even though I was the one who cut the tie, I missed him and could not move on. I have now reached the point where I need more advice, thanks for listening.
SequinsofRose It’s almost as if I was reading your comment like we are in the exact same relationship. I’m not sure how everything is going now but I would love to know . Bc I’m experiencing everything you have written .
OMG! I can totally relate do you want to exchange emails to talk my story is very similar as yours :(
do you want to exchange emails my story is just the same we need to help support each other.
I’m in the same situation as you and We have been on and off again for 3 years. Idk how to walk away and STAY away. I need advice too
SequinsofRose I'm in the same boat..going on 5 years... it's so hard to leave bc I love the guy, but he has the temper of a 5 years old and gives me the silent treatment and I tolerate it..and I'm about done bc I know I'm dating a narcissist and a very very touchy person which makes me feel he's taking advantage of me.... pretty sure it's Lust and he's saying it's love :/ now we r engaged and I have to get out of this :( I'm not gonna write everything bc I can go on and on and it's a lot.
thank you.. p.s you look like a prettier version of khloe kardashian
ik this is random but u sorta look like khloe kardashian here!
She does. I thought that too. Hehe
I think she’s prettier thank khloe Kardashian 💕 I do see it but she’s more beautiful 🧐😘
A prettier version! 😊
When I contact westhack000 on Instagram i had the feelings my problem was gone, was with a cheating wife And couldn’t bear it this was bad and I never move on, I needed proof to divorce her but no proof because I don’t have access to her phone my mind needed peace and all I could think was her cheating on me with her ex I needed a miracle and westhack000 on Instagram help me hack into her mobile phone remotely and she didn't suspect or know she was hacked.
"Good luck finding someone as good as me." GIRL YES. EXACT WORDS. He said those exact words the day he broke up with me after assaulting me. Every one of these points you made hit home. I just wish I had seen it all sooner.
same here!
Yeah he said the same to me. And when I called him out on it, he said "oh I just wasn't acting myself, I was emotional." BULLSHIT. You don't get a second chance after doing that to someone
Thank you!!!!
Its exhausting having someone you care about treat you like crap or so long!
You look like a pretty version of Khloe Kardashian
When I contact westhack000 on Instagram i had the feelings my problem was gone, was with a cheating wife And couldn’t bear it this was bad and I never move on, I needed proof to divorce her but no proof because I don’t have access to her phone my mind needed peace and all I could think was her cheating on me with her ex I needed a miracle and westhack000 on Instagram help me hack into her mobile phone remotely and she didn't suspect or know she was hacked.
What does that mean? Khloe isnt pretty?
Satori Matsuzaka not at all 👎🏽
Seriously good for you for actually talking about this kind of issue. I feel like so so many girls are in abusive relationships and they just stay in them because they don't know how to get out. Some of my close friends were in emotionally abusive relationships and it was super hard for them to leave or talk about it after. And there was a couple times where I almost fell for a manipulative guy but I saw all the red flags and avoided it. Y'all stay safe and choose carefully💝
Every single thing you said is exactly my ex boyfriend who I broke up with a few days ago... this shit tore me apart...it’s gonna take a long time for me to heal but I’m so happy I finally got out
Same here..☹️ we can get through this. It's definitely hard tho.
foreignsars are you feeling better now ? i’m stuck between being in love but also knowing it’s toxic
maddy neira I got out and it was the best decision ever!! Stayed single for an entire year and now I’m in a happy relationship with my soulmate :) you can do it!!
foreignsars thank you ! i literally just broke up with my boyfriend like half an hour ago
maddy neira one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, but the outcome is so amazing trust me
I feel like emotional abuse doesn't only happen in boyfriend and girlfriend relationships. I feel like it can also happen with a girl and her best guy friend, or vice versa. 😒😥
Man, this video hit home.
A man who abuses you is no longer a man but a coward. A coward who sought out opportunities to deliberately inflict harm on you. A coward whose public plastic mask covered up those icily calculating eyes and that sickening smirk that said otherwise. A coward who knew how to cut you down with a few words in a matter of seconds. A coward who made you feel lonely in his arms and instead feel an ache for genuine affection. A coward who denied you of your sincere feelings and numbed your heart by constantly belittling and disrespecting you. This coward has no power over you because you are a one hundred percent stronger and powerful than him. You have the power to completely heal from everything he has done to you all those years. You have dauntlessly escaped his hellish mind and body prisons. This coward will tremble in fear because you hold the amazing power of sharing your testimony with your head held high.
Anna Hanson So well said!!!!! Thank you!
Wow just wow you said everything that is the facts👆👏❤️
He has bipolar disorder. It was really hard and abusive. We were together for almost 5 years on and off. Everytime we broke up I got better and after we come together I lived exactly the same thing. My thing was I always believed he is gonna change, but it never happened. Dont believe words or even actions. just leave and grow from your experience.
Omg same experience. But i donnow if he has bipolar disorder. I will google this
same experience my ex had bipolar disorder and depression, I've left now and learnt from my experience
Omg someone who finally understands 😢 I never thought anyone would get what I’m currently going thru
I’m going through this I have no idea what to do this isn’t right for girls to go through this... my boyfriend and I were so good in the beginning but now, it’s hell.
I literally got out of an abusive relationship yesterday....i was with a guy for 6 weeks, he was controlling and manipulating on so many levels...i woke up the other morning and told him how i felt and that yes i loved him but i could not be treated that way.....not only that but he lied to me about numerous things like how long hed been single, hed been contacting his ex constantly....he started arguing with me and literally pinned me onto the couch and would not let me get up...every time my phone beeped and i went to check it he would grab it from me...at this point i got really scared so i ran for the door to get out but he pulled my hair and threw me on the ground and when i got up he pushed me against the wall....after several more attempts to get my phone or run out the door he grabbed a knife and pointed it at me saying if i left he would kill me and himself.
after what felt like hours he eventually let me answer the phone which i told my best friend quielty to call the police. my dad called me and asked to speak with him which eventually he let me go but smashed my laptop and stole money from me.....im finding it so hard to get through this situation right now....feel like im not good enough, feel like i blame myself even tho i know i didnt do anything. even tho i do still love him.....it just really hurts.
literally just broke free from this very issue with my now ex of four years... The fact that he even told me once everything hit the fan he did those things plus so much more to purposely break me down... It hurts so much, but i feel like i can breathe again! Thank you for the video. I'm now really seeing that i was dealing with a toxic person that brought my self confidence down and toyed with me mentally by hurting me in ways one could only imagine. I promise to never allow this to happen again!
girl i was in one for 3yrs... and working together.. biggest mistake ever.. it waz fucken hell.... how do i get myself esteem back... ?🤔😯
Thank you for sharing your story, it really helped me come to terms with my breakup. He was the first boyfriend i ever had and i thought things were going so well, i thought maybe we can get back together if we gave eatchother time but i realized how awful he made me feel at times, he always made everything my fault, called me certain names and belittled me and he had no idea how to help me with my anxiety and depression. Its awful because it was so amazing in the beginning and suddenly he changed and its really hard to move on, i’m also scared i may not find anyone else :(
I totally feel you, same situation
My best friend and parents were manipulative and abusive. Thank you for making this video! I hope everyone in abusive relationships see the red flags and leave.
No thankfully I got out. It was a really ugly breakup
I've also been in an abusive relationship and I never had panic attacks or depression till he came around it... was the worst year of my life. Without anyone to talk to and being kept in isolation from my friends or being called names or crying at least every week and everything always being my fault over such small things and I didn't realize I was going through emotional abuse till he asked me if I felt abused because he was also aware of how he treated me. It was time then I realized that if he loved he would change for the better, though you'd think that I left him by now ... I didn't. I know that it sounds like a terrible decision but hear me out. My boyfriend and I have gotten the time to sit down and talk about what he's put me through and what hell felt like to me. (Back then I was scared of even talking about my feelings because he sometimes ended up being the victim when it was always me) I was also aware that he was depressed, insecure, and jealous during that year and we've worked it out together so he can learn that I do care for him and that he should be putting the same effort back because it cant work one more than the other (try speaking up if you feel that way). Since then he's honestly changed for the better, we no longer argue and my depression has been clearing up and the real love we had at the beginning sprung back again. I feel like we've improved so much over his mental health and mine as a growing couple. IF it is love they will change for you and improve over time (he has been clean of aggression since last year of December so it's been a process) and you'll finally find peace and happiness and i can tell you that is all that I have in my heart for him. The key to it is communication and awareness of what they have done to you BUT don't be fooled either because if they want to change it cant be a temporary promise. It also might seem as if im puting myself at risk knowing he was emotionally abusing me but if i ever feel like him or i have a conflict, we talk about it immediately and find a solution, we never try to ignore it becasue thats how problems grow. He has also apologized for several times over how he has acted, sometimes randomly out of nowhere to reassure that he is truly sorry, in a way that I know that im not going to be the victim anymore and I feel safe once more. If they still can't open their eyes and ears of what you're trying to say its better to leave them and I know I've had my share of doubt of it but it'll save you a lifetime of regret that and unwanted toxic mental health. Altough i stayed with my boyfriend, we have a healthy relationship now with no problems but happiness ( we have both agreed to not let this happen again with many reassurance) WARNING: IM NOT trying to influence that everyone should probably stay with their abuser, this is my personal experience and improvement of an abuser over a span of 6 months. NO, he hasn't emotionally abused since last year of December nor have I seen the past red flags and shows no signs of abusing me again just love. Stay safe to all, AND dont take this as the wrong impression.
Thank you so much for this video. I'm 27 years old and I've been in one relationship that lasted five years. It was a rollercoaster of emotional abuse. It was the total case of Misery Loves COmpany.
And I would end up apologizing even tho the fights started with what he did wrong
thank you so much for uploading this video! i'm already done with my abusive relationship and i wish that someone like you were in my life to help me with it but i really do thank you for taking your time to make this video, it really means a lot to me and i'm sure that it means a lot to plenty of other people. have a great day!
See.... mine has emotionally abandoned me.... completely
And he doesn’t yell, but does all of these things on the list.....and it becomes harder to pinpoint when the red flags are so subtle!
Those kind of people will always do what they do best and that is usually manipulation. Tearing you down and making you weak so that you feel like they are the best you'll get. Turning you against your family and friends because they do not want any possible voices of reason to be in or enter your life. In order for their master plan to work they need to isolate you to the point that all of your attention and affection is solely on them. I have dealt with these kinds of issues and it is never a pleasant experience. It's becomes a very complicated relationship when your in it for love and the other half is pretending/faking in order to get what they want out of an individual. I never truly understood what I was dealing with until I did some research into narcissistic/sociopathic type of people and what signs to look for there and it was very scary how much of it lined up. I am so glad to hear that you was able to escape from such a terrible situation because it is very hard to feel like you can while being emotionally torn down. The healing process is very difficult as well but you were definetly stronger than you would ever know just making it through a situation like yours. You are only stronger now and like anyone else that has gone through this type of situation/relationship you now have the wisdom and knowledge now to understand that there are people out there like this and it helps us to pick up on them better and to avoid them. Also for those that are still struggling with similar issues that no matter how isolated or lonely you feel, you are never alone. There are good people out there that care and do want to help you. I found that journaling and music got me through my rough times as well and was curious of any coping mechanisms or tactics you may have used that made you feel better. Loved your video 😊 Thank you for sharing your experience. It helps me heal from listening to others and hearing their stories. Thank you
My husband was abusive and I left him while I was pregnant and currently 19 weeks pregnant and still in process of getting a divorce.
Rose Richard omg stay strong. I will pray for u..
so proud of you. best wishes
Stay strong girl u got this. You’re better without him.
I don't know if this is alright, but... My boyfriend is always blaming me for something, and as soon as I do something wrong he says "You're single now". After he says things like that, I beg him not to go, he insults me (This has happened three days in a row, the past three days) And two days ago he called me a "Pathetic, worthless piece of shit". When he does this, and ignores me for hours I do text and call him often, but I feel like I should, I don't know... He gives me rules I NEED to follow to keep him with me. Last night he said he deserved everything I have to give him now while I deserved NOTHING I got. He tells me I need to fucking EARN his love...That I need to EARN his help... He insults me, lies to me, he lied about who he was for the first three months of our relationship, and he didn't even tell me, I found out myself on our three month anniversary... I wasn't even mad, I supported him the whole night while he cried over the phone. I've asked him to be nicer to be, I've been through a lot...He just responds with "Mhm" or "I don't care" or "Earn it"...
Cudduls this guy sounds horrible... you're worth so much more than that! 💙
Thank you, I'm trying my best to get through it
Cudduls how are you doing right now?
Sophiedull honestly, he's getting worse. I've tried to leave him but once I do I need him back. He's gone as far as telling me to kill myself when I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts and actual attempts. He told me that I deserved to get raped (happened when I was 9) and he told me to have it happen again. He continues threatening to leave too, so not great.
Cudduls I understand you need someone and you're afraid to face your emotional challenges alone, you don't need him. You definitely deserve better, undoubtedly he's telling the complete opposite to justify his fucked up behavior. Whatever is wrong with your boyfriend, is no excuse, nothing excuses the way he treats you and he's using tactics to make you dependent on him. If you really don't have anyone else, I'm here for you and so are a lot of people. There are many online resources for support and advice. Next time he tells you you're single, exclaim in excitement, burn those bridges, run and never ever look back. You deserve to be happy and you are strong for putting up with it, so strong, you don't need him.
Thank you so much for posting this video. I just got out of an abusive relationship a few months ago and I'm still recovering. Regarding the point where they make you apologize for something they've done, one of the most ridiculous arguments I had with my ex was I asked him to take his shoes off before entering my apt and he turned it into a 6 hour argument that included him storming out into the city, saying that I was saying his feet smell (uh isn't it the opposite?). And then he yelled at me for not chasing him when he ran away. It was an exhausting day.
Wow. literally everything you're saying, I have experienced. I didn't see it that way for about 3 years, I fled myself in depression and an eating disorder in order to not think about it.
Being able to hear that from another person and remembering myself in exact these situations just gives me goosebumps.
I also learned so much about myself and relationships in general, I admire your honesty and your braveness on here to share your story and to help other girls/boys see the red signals
thank you, xx
this!! it is so so important to talk about because i feel like a lot of people don't understand that their relationship may not be healthy. my ex never berated me or insulted me, so i never thought i was being abused until i looked back on the relationship. it was constant control and manipulation, he used to never want me to go out with my friends. then he said that i "could" but i would need to not tell him to avoid him getting angry. then when i actually did do that, he said i had lied and was a terrible person. he had a lot of anger episodes, where he would throw things and break them. there were moments where i thought that he might hurt me. afterwards we would talk about what had happened, and somehow it would always be my fault that he got angry and started breaking things (??) throughout my entire relationship i always gave my boyfriend excuses, "he was drunk" "he was angry" "he's in a bad place" "this is what his mom did to him" "he's going to get help eventually" etc. until finally i realized he was constantly bringing me down to his level instead of allowing me to be my free and happy self. i've been free of him for almost 3 months now and i have never felt lighter or happier. may whoever is in this situation find the same light, and thank you to whoever reads all of this
I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. It's really stressful to feel like a child in a relationship. Feeling like every decision you make without him is bad. Your ideas are stupid because their not his. It sucks horribly. I'm dealing with this now but I also give everything his ass does. Now I'm still the crazy one cuz I'm giving him a taste of his own medacine. If he's got an attitude about something stupid then I get an even bigger one. If I get called a bitch or stupid then his ass is a stupid bitch too! I've realized that this is very unhealthy. If you feel like your the enemy in your relationship then it's most definitely time to move on.
I'm glad this video isn't just focused on woman being in the kind of relationships...
Nino Morelli same
Wow these are all so true. My last boyfriend was emotionally abusive so bad. It got to the point where I was only alive to please him. He acted like it was my job on this planet to be with him and please him. I had absolutely no voice because Everytime I asked for something.. anything..the smallest little thing would turn into a huge fight. So it got to the point where I just couldn't say anything. That's when I finally realized I needed out. It was the most horrible feeling.
Xx
it was definitely your duty to share your experience. this video provides a lot of helpful tips
I know someone experiencing all of this right now except phisical violence. But if they left they would be homeless in a dangerous city where they dont know anyone :( I pray for anyone experiencing this. Thank you for this video it could really help people see there situation for what it is and take steps to get help and/or leave.
You are an intelligent beautiful young woman. You deserve to be treated well and deserve a healthy life. I’m sorry you had to go through that... being cheated is not fair
Hella true this broke my heart cause it was hella relatable, ion trust people with my emotions for this very reason. Thanks Kate❤ really helpful.
fucking hell.. all of these points perfectly describe my situation. it’s so painful to understand he CANT love me and it’s all power and control.. this is not love. We, as women deserve more than this treatment. we deserve a lot more love. I’m hoping I have the strength to leave.
This is my current relationship this video is gonna help so much thank you ❤️
Fuck! Never worried about him hitting me but jeez! All this hit me hard! I’ve not been with him for 8 months now but where we have 2 children together, he makes sure he’s laid some ground rules down about them. They aren’t allowed to be in the house if I meet another guy (never have a night off them so impossible) I’ve lost all friends thanks to him not liking anyone, he comes to mine to see the kids because his ‘mother’ don’t want the kids there. He’s moody as hell all the time which has given me bad anxiety and depression. Still calls and messages me random crap to ask what I’m doing. Just fuck! That’s hit me soo hard!
this video is everything I'm going through right now. everything you said he does. and I mean EVERYTHING. i think he has BPD. he has all the symptoms.he gets off of work in 5 minutes and I am going to break it off. I'm literally shaking because I'm scared on whats going to happen. It's been a year of this and I feel I am strong enough to finally leave. and stay gone. this video helped me a lot! thank you. wish me luck 2 minutes
My mom told me it was my fault in a way bc I stayed but I was 18 & it went on for a few years but he threatened to take my babygirl we just had from me & he would hurt me so bad that no man would ever want me again bc he would destroy my face! It was verbal & physical. I grew up in a loving family so this was all new to me. I was so scared. Finally I got a PFA which he kept violating it but then he hurt another girl & went to state prison for year's. The cop's would not ever get involved when I called them & they saw my nose busted & lips bleeding & the cop's said it is basically a waste of their time bc the girl usually takes the guy back anyways.
Thanks for the video!
Damn. This hit so many significant points for me personally .I was NEVER allowed to hang out with just female friends, I had to block every male who wasn't family on my FB, I was somehow always completely wrong about *any* *topic*. If I suggested a song, it was a stupid choice just because I picked it. And I was forced to have very limited contact with my family.
It became physically abusive as well. I'm pretty sure I got a concussion at one point . I have a hard time remembering things.
I got away though. I'm now dealing with the aftermath of all of that as well as the catalyst for me finally leaving. It was when my only sister passed away . I promised my mom I'd find some way to get home.
Hi, thank you for your video. I needed it. I cannot comment on my life in public, but u really helped validate my feelings. I do not think that u are talking to much about u ex and that u have to get over him in a certain time frame. Everyone gets over someone in their own pace. I am sorry people tell u to get over this dude. They are not u and they did not walk in u pain and situation so they cannot tell u to get over him. To me I felt u were just sharing what u went thru to help other women. I did not think that u were obsessing over this dude. What people do not get unless they have walked in abusive relationships is that it takes time to also get over the crap that was done to u when u were in it. It really messes with u mind, heart, and emotions. I think that it takes time to get over people I do not think that we can tell someone to get over someone. I think if we tell someone to get over someone that is mean and uncaring. I know u are over this person which is cool, but I just do not like when people try to tell people to get over someone. I knew when I was watching this that u are just using this past relationship to help other ladies not get stuck in an abusive relationship and I totally thank u for being so bold, honest and blunt about what u went thru so we know we are not alone in this. I don't understand why our society is so mean and so like rude about when people share their problems. Just because someone shares their problems does not mean they are whining or wallowing in it. We should try to support one another and really listen to people's pain and hurts and not get caught up in thinking they just need to get over it. We have to walk a mile in someone else's moccasins and try to understand each other and try to be compassionate with one another. I believe u did an excellent job in explaining u situation with that dude. I am so sorry u went thru that when ever that was. I just saw the video Sept 2017. God bless u!!!
I'm going through the same thing (I think). He tells me whenever he gets annoyed or frustrated that I can pack my shit up and leave or I'll find another girlfriend that wants to do this or threaten my job or threaten to break up with me.
It's so hard to identify if this is verbal abuse or whatever.
Knowing that this is me currently really bought me to tears. Like my friends always tell me that’s not good and it’s unhealthy and I should leave but i have a fear of being alone so when he actually leaves me I won’t have anyone or feel like I have anyone who actually cares.
I am sorry that you went through this and you are helping a lot of people with your video and bringing this to light to help others
Accusing and blaming is biggest sign.
Patel Vidhu Accusing and blaming is just making him look like a piece of shit. Unless if its something you didn't do, speak up then! If he is constantly blaming you, then leave him until he gets his shit together.
Please reply because I’m currently going though this but so much worse. I relate to all of this. How did you leave ? And did this relationship effect how you treated or will treat your next boyfriend?
The emotional abuse and cheating sounds narcissistic to me smh
It sux how common this is. Throughout the video, I was replaying incidents in my head & was like yup gone through that & that & that. I’m still fighting this, I need to get this “hope” out of my head. I can’t stand being treated like nothing when I’m giving all the time. I used to be so happy & glowy & now I have friends & family say I look like a different person now😔. But I’m holding strong as much as I can!
This was a great video. It’s crazy how guys can act like this they’re pathetic. Idk if I’ll ever be happy with someone who is nice to me
My boyfriend now is very mental abusive. Calls me names. Says I’m dumb. Everything’s my fault when it’s not!! And if I point out something bad out that he says or does..he says I’m dumb. When he’s in the wrong, he’s always right. If I cry he always says why the fuck u crying. I’m so miserable, I’m not myself anymore. We have been on and off for 3 years and idk why I keep coming back. Can someone tell me why I keep going back? My friend says it’s cause I like the abuse but I i don’t. I NEED to get out.
Feeling like if you do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing you’re gonna set them off so you constantly think about what you’re doing. Worry that you’re not enough. Getting messages of him cheating and him denying it. Telling you you’re crazy and say you did or said something but YOU know that never happened. If you won’t do it for them they flip and then turn it on you that you’re a horrible person. Making your feelings invalid.
Related to 11 of these was with him for 2 months just ended it 2 days ago And Yeah he said the good luck finding someone better line to me
Been with someone like this for 5 years. The only thing he wasn't was jealous. But it was in a way that made me so incredibly insecure like he wouldn't give a shit anyway. He also seemed to want more time away from me than to be with me, unless it was me coming to his place but he wouldn't really put any effort for me. I gave him all of me. He just took it like it was nothing. He made me so dependent on him. He broke up with me a few months ago and I am so broken. I should be happy, I'm starting to realize more and more of the way he treated me and my heart physically feels broken. But I'm not happy and I want him back and I hate the fact that I want him back in the first place
I have just got out being with someone who was incredibly moody, short tempered, needy and overbearing. I still have to watch videos like this to remind myself why I shouldnt go back because it's so hard leaving someone who you love but isnt good for you 💔
Your too beautiful and smart to be with that mentality disturbed boy. Thanks for sharing and wishing u a new happy and healthy relationship.
Thank you so much for this video I’m going through the same thing it feels like having a second job being with him
This is word by word my situation :/ The worst is that you end up feeling angry at yourself for allowing him to do that over and over again!
My girlfriend was exactly like this, she blamed a suicide attempt on me because I tried to end things and then when we finally ended things she dropped off every gift I’d ever given her at my house about 2 hours later, this was only 2 weeks ago and I work with this girl, every time I’m on shift with her she will keep giving me dirty looks or look at me whilst laughing and it really gets under my skin, I don’t really know how to deal with this, I want to be the bigger person but she’s really bothering me and no one else is noticing what she is doing
I've been dating a guy since I was 17 (I'm now 29) I am go away with 4 friends for the weekend (2 males 1 female) and my BF keeps saying J never told him not meet these people when he has.
My BF DOES nothing around the house, takes my money and smokes weed everyday!
I'm on CBD meds ((given by a doctor)) when I told him I wants to break up and he refused to leave and said he'll kill himself. On a good note I don't see him anymore and starting to get back to the OLD me and seeing friends who I want to see and can see male.or female without him getting in the way
A lot of people don't know this, but for a month, I was in one. I didn't realize it until after we split up not too long ago. Granted, they never laid a hand on me, but they were very easy to anger. For example, I remember how I accidentally got one of the connector bands for the controllers for their Switch stuck, and they almost flipped out on me (it was like he was either suppressing their anger, their sadness, or both their anger and sadness), and later said that I wasn't allowed to have a connector band. Another example was that it seemed like if I said something that was different from their opinion, they'd get super moody, and would tell me to leave them alone (which I didn't do because if we were gonna fight, we were gonna work it out). As much as they thought that we didn't fight all the time, in hindsight I realized that it seemed to happen at least once every week. He'd threaten to leave me as well, but either he never followed through, or I persuaded him to calm down. They used to say how they was better than the others because they were more mature (which actually wasn't true at all), and for a while, I kind of thought that. But when I went to bed every night, I caught myself thinking, even though it was a brief second, "they aren't the one. No matter how much you think of a future with them, they aren't the one". That's what should've been the signal right there, but at the time, I didn't know what else to do. They never called me any mean nicknames (except for like maybe "dummy"), but I feel that if I did stay any longer, they easily could have.
Thank you, Mary Kate, for making this video. It really helped me acknowledge what happened, use those signals you told in your video to prevent myself from getting into another one, and also making me realize that abuse is kind of a spectrum. Thank you, Mary Kate. And don't worry, you'll find the right person for you.
This was very helpful to me, thank you for making this. By the way you are very beautiful and you seem sweet, I'm glad you're out of that relationship.
This is definitely nostalgic with my ex. He severely mentally abused me. It took my husband prying him away from me, and getting me to safety for something to be done. There were times my ex would yell at me as well with a threatening demeanor. I had witinessed something extremely bad as a kid, and told my ex over and over I'm terrified of men yelling. Yet... He yelled at me. He isolated me in my room. He alienated my family and guilt tripped me for hanging out with my only friend who was keeping me from suicide. He neglected my needs since I have a chronic illness. He down played my signs of being severely ill and needed the ER. Always commenting how I'm always at the ER. He was a monster. He conditioned me for so many things. I am STILL trying to unlearn those learned behaviours. My husband helps a lot, and is patient. There is hope after tragedy, never give up and never let them continue hurting you.
The question is: how do you get over it? I have a close relative struggling with a freaking asshole who is abusing her in an emotional and psychological way, but she seems like she doesn't WANT to get over him. What can we do to help her? She just cries all the freaking time over him (he tells her smth like "you have always been single" or "you dated someone when you were 15? you're such a slut"or "you don't have a life, or a friend or a job, you are a human failure, how can you look at yourself in the mirror" and so on, so she just...cries all the day and night), but then he texts her something like "come over my place, let's make peace and spend the night together". Then he just uses her for sex, dumps her... and here it goes, she starts crying all over again. She claims she's fine and doesn't need any help, but clearly she's not even remotely fine and of course she needs help. What can we do?! This situation is INSANE. And he is clearly a psycho.
What about when you have two young kids, no job, and no friends? Not so easy to leave right?
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, I left him about 5 days ago, he would call be horrible, awful and mean, he would say I would always hurt him even though I didn't.
- I wasn't allowed to wear vests and show off my stomach, like if I posted on Instagram he would always question why I needed to post, if I posted with makeup he would be questioning me and saying I'm trying to get boys attention and show off myself, which I wasn't doing.
- I wasn't allowed to be friends with boys, I wasn't allowed to text them
- if I met my best friend he would question if some other people were coming along
- he always said you will never find anyone else as good as me no one will treat you the way I do
- I had to text him all the time, my activity status was on on Instagram and he would text and call me if I was talking to friends on there and why I wasn't talking to him
- he would always say stuff like I hope no boys text you or look at you
- he would always make me feel like I'm doing something wrong
- he nit picked the smallest things and made them into the biggest arguments
- we somehow managed to fallout and argue everyday
- it got to the point when we broke up that I had to block him because he was spamming me
- if I followed more boys because they are in my classes I would get told off, questioned, I'd be made to block boys, take posts down etc
- In the end, I just realised how wrong this relationship was and I just now realise that it was so so wrong and I always question why I stayed for so so long, and now I know why
I thought I was in love, but I was really just alone, and I wanted his attention, I was in love with the idea of being in love.
it's really hard the first couple of days to not text and to keep them blocked, but honestly I feel so free and I am so proud of myself for realising the wrong and coming through in the end
Oh my fucking god . . I get called stupid , psycho , retarded , and my bf threatens to break up with me all the time . Etc etc everything
I’ve been in a emotional abusive relationship for about 2 years . We are not together no more , but I still feel trapped mainly because I can’t seem to get him out my life .. I really don’t know what to do ?
A good next video would be how did you let go of that relationship and how did you manage to let him leave you alone.Great concept btw I'm sure a lot of us can learn from this very helpful tips.Thanks Girl 💓 new sub
People that emotionally abuse you are insecure paranoid and. not worthy of decency...people rarely change ..kick thier ass to the curb!.......
I’m currently in a relationship my boyfriend is always “sad” and he says I make him happy but when he’s sad I try to help him but he pushes me away and inside I feel like it’s my fault and he has these weird mood swings a lot but I don’t say how I actually feel..also he mostly texts me when he’s bored and leaves me on delivered most of the time and he alwats brings up his ex’s saying “we could e lasted “ but I don’t say anything and I think I’ve become so weak that when he leaves on d or r and I see him post I get so upset and automatically believe I did something wrong .... what type of relationship is this?
you're so pretty. I know that doesn't mean much when healing from this type of trauma but I'm just saying 😊
When I was in a relationship I also dated them for about a year. I became a shell of myself and my whole life revolved around them. If you date somebody who shows signs of being controlling, blows up your phone when you try to stop talking to them, and just makes you feel bad about yourself, you may love them but they do not have your best interests at heart and the sooner you cut them out of your life the sooner you'll realize how much better you feel without them. I used lay in bed for hours every single day the majority of the day just texting them and doing nothing else. If I watched tv or anything else they could tell because I wouldn't respond as quickly and that would bother them and they would always say something. If you are in a relationship that's abusive your only regret coming out of it will be that you didn't leave sooner.
Lol, my ex made me feel like I had to ask permission for everything. Then he says "you don't have to ask me for permission". So when I don't, he's like I wish you would've told me.... like ????
I’m currently in a relationship like this with my bf, we’ve been together for almost a year now and he’s done everything but the first three things and cheating on me (as far as I know). Constantly blaming me for bringing up something that bothers me, twists things around to make it seem like it’s my fault and I end up apologizing for just expressing how I feel. He isn’t controlling in the fact he always picks where to go and what to do but more controlling when it comes to what I can do and who I can see or when I can see him, even if one day I don’t want to see him or one day I want to see him but he doesn’t want to see me. My friends also agree he’s emotionally abusive towards me and want me to leave him but it’s honestly so hard cause I want to believe he loves me and truly cares but it obviously doesn’t show because he’s hurting me.
This is how my “Best Friend's” relationship goes with me, except she also hits me. It's not like kicking, punching, chokeholds. But more of a slap across the face or she hits my arms, legs, sometimes my ass out of anger. She yells at me, abuses me emotionally, physically, mentally. Like she could go and leave me alone and then go and cry to me about her problems. But when I was having a mental breakdown about a breakup she said that I need to stop being such a child about it. But at 4:15 in the morning she called me over getting called a slut. When I needed her she hung up multiple times. I've cancelled out plans with her before and I got hit and insulted but she cancelled several plans and didn't care about anything. I just can't leave her though, I want to break free from it but I still care about her. Even though she hurts me I just want to be there for her when she needs me. It hurts me a lot to be with her but I care too much about her to break free.
I'm sorry about this rant but I really needed to let it out somehow.
I've just burst out crying after watching this I've just broke up with my partner.i am so mad at him for doing this too me and I am so mad at myself for putting up with this.i think I've come to realise that I am better on my own my self esteem and confidence is at rock bottom but I'm determined to prove him wrong he has no control over me anymore he always terrified me and that's not love xxxx
Mine just broke up with me because he says I'm too disobedient, when he gets mad he calls me horrible names body shames me, tells me I deserve everything he says and done to me he never apologizes for what he does, he constantly yells at me in the street, he threatens to slap the shit out of me he's thrown a drink in my face, kicked down my daughter's Christmas tree broke it in half this man is crazy as hell and I still gave him a chance because I love him and he has my self esteem so messed up I think I can't do any better.
I think I'm in this kind of relationship, like im totally living in a seperate country from all my family and friends, and I met this guy like the first week I moved on, and I have a lot of problems with him recently .
Like the first week we were dating he told me really weird stuff so I decide to tell him to stop texting me or anything, but like a week later I saw him again and I told him I wanted to date him again and I guess I did that because I was feeling so lonely, because I really had no friends (just my roommates) and now I understand that I saw a person who "cared" about me, so I couldn't feel lonely.
But now we are like 4 months together and I've watched a lot of videos of abusive relationships and like in all the videos at least like 60% of what they say has happened to me, but im just really scared of leaving him, because once I was with my friends in the middle of the night walking on the street and we were having fun, because it was vacations and we had a dinner night. Of course I told my boyfriend to come, but he told me that he needed to work all night, BUT like as we were walking I saw him with his Ex-girlfriend, and he freaked out and I started crying and my friends took me home and I called my mom and I just wrote him that I wanted to breakup w him. BUT next day he went to my apartment and beg me to stay with him, because if not he was going back to his country (cause me and him where not from the country we met) and saying me that Im everything for him etc...
I really want to finish this chapter but I just don't know how. I hope soon I can be strong enough to do it.
You are beautiful inside and out Xits horrible the pain we go through for these monsters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!im no contact at the minute. thks for sharing X
I'm been abused mentally! How can I stop this? There is s person mentally playing with my head, like seriously they make me feel uncomfortable in my house and every we're I go! Trying to control my life but mentally so it's quite scary! I can't work! I can't do anything with this person watching! What can I do????
Anytime something goes wrong with my boyfriend, he gets extremely angry. If we have a little disagreement about something or if I set boundaries, he threatens suicide. Which really hurts. Because, I am actually a suicide survivor and I still struggle with suicidal thoughts. Now after recently being told I have cancer, the anger is getting worse. I feel so trapped. I don't have a family because they are very toxic and I feel like I don't really have a bf. I am now considering leaving him and go live at a homeless shelter....
my ex did drugs for 3 years without me knowing and he also cheated on me a bunch of times, then he blamed his drug addiction and his cheating on me and said if I wasn’t so crazy he wouldn’t of done it. He also calls me names like stupid, retarded, c*nt etc and that I have Down syndrome. He says all these things in front of my daughter as well. He has punched holes in the wall right infront of my face and he has thrown his fists up to hit me in front of my daughter. It’s been 2 months since our breakup and his dating a single mother who has a kid 🤷🏻♀️ just proves how little he cared about us if he can move on to different family instantly.
Yup I recognized: 1) highly criticism (never good enough, I have never felt so less in my life), 2) calling me almost everyday while im just out of town for less than a week (even if I am not out of town and we see each other everyday due to work, I still get a call every night)... and 3) OMG the making a twist and making things always my fault or it is never his fault. 4) Yelling at me with no respect 5) Extreme moodiness (just moody and cranky out of nowhere). He could be up at one point and upset another (like a freaking circus--I should be charging for audience $$ out of this)
....
And... He's not even my boyfriend. Though he act like an abusive one
That was a difficult comment to read dear friend. It hurts me when people are treated this way. May God be with you and show you His wonderful kindness and grace.
May the love of His Son Jesus surround you and embrace you warmly. He loves you.
And yes, He's in the rescue business. He saved me from severe depression and suicide years ago. He will do the same for anyone. Please take care.
I found this video a lil to late but it did make me feel like I wasn't a lone so thank you
This is my current relationship right now and I'm at the breaking point where I'm so tired of being walked all over that I'm snapping back but I know that that's not good either but I don't know what else to do I don't have anywhere else to go