This is why we should never judge addicts or the homeless. To lose your son and your best friend would send most people into a downward spiral. He sounds like a good mans and I wish him all the best 🙏🏻
Grief is what makes 70% people homeless, the remaining number is just childhood trauma and people who ended up homeless due to loving the street lifestyle.
Dear Eli Just my thoughts, but instead of focusing on a note not written, think on the visit he paid you just before he died. You were the last and only person he wanted to see and talk to. That says everything! He gave you a gift of seeing and talking to him just hours before he died. He loved You!! God Bless you, Eli
I believe the heart attack he had two weeks after his son died was from the amount of grief he experienced. Losing your best friend/child can literally kill you.
Yes; there is an actual medical issue called "Broken Heart Syndrome". Many spouses who have been married for a long time go through this. I have worked at a level II trauma hospital and have done Physical Therapy with patients who were actually recovering from this. That's an intense love right there; I pray we all experience that depth if love and care with someone.
You’re so right. My dad is the same after losing my sister. I’m slowly trying to figure out how to love life again, but I’m afraid my dad never will. I pray for my dad, this man and all those who have lost children. It’s something no parent should ever have to endure.
That’s not true !!! our cells remember trauma and they can be healed many ways. One way is called the emotion code we use magnets because we’re electromagnetic beings look into it
I really like him. At least he’s genuine and doesn’t lie! He just tells it like it is. He’s not full of shit you can just tell. Hopefully he can find some peace.✌🏻✌🏻
I really hope you compensated this man well, no matter the difference that we know what he'll buy, its his pain relief. And me, I believe he deserves the right to be numb.
Wrong. Every parent deserves to clean up the mess of suffering they unnecessarily imposed. No child deserves to lose a parent. Don’t get it twisted. Procreation is an egregious crime against the born. Because parents don’t have consent and they’re handing out a death sentence. At the very least, that makes intentional procreation tantamount to kidnapping and murder. Procreation is the harm that entails all other harm. It is to unnecessarily open the door to every conceivable pain, anguish and horror, for no good reason. To reproduce is to cater to the lowest rung within physical reality. It is an appeal to the lowest most vain nature in animal and an affront to the highest principles of logic and reason. It is a futile egoic pursuit of evolutionary perfection, which marks a grave reflection upon the soul in need of forging another profane representation in response to its origins of deprivation and subsequently its continuum. Where do parents get the “right” to impose unnecessary risk, suffering and death without consent? “To bring children into this world is to bring wood into a burning building.” Breeders are the root of all evil.
@@megangriffin2019 he deserves to suffer as his son did. With all the mental anguish and regret forcing another pointless life of suffering into this world ought to entail.
@@austinr.5989 I. COuldnt agree more..... I curse both my parents ever day I live in this miserable piece of shit life...... The illness the poverty the fear the heart ache. pain. terror. suffering weekneses and losses where to heavy to endure in this Piece of fuk we call life. But unfortunately my friend someone Shat us out here and parents have sinned against there children in bringing them here How ever ur here so roll with the punches my friend I. Would've necked my self ages ago like my mate did or past mate.... Only problem if there is a hell I'd rather put up with this shit then condem my self to more shit misery and be damed for eternal torment all because I committed suicide than hold on for dear fuk and pray to christ every day like a dog to take me outa this slut we call earth... parents are dogs cowards poor cheaters and liers Then they fuk make kids and expect them to be doctors and super soldiers when the parent himself is a funking worm in society and can't tow a str8 line them self well there u go
Can you imagine how many times throughout his life Eli has wondered why his mom left him? And he still doesn't know. And then his son 😥The meth high kinda blocks out a lot of the sadness and pain from such devastating thoughts and it is no surprise that he turns to it. I really can't blame him.
genuinely good person, Eli for what its worth these vids that Mark produces gets out across the planet and we , in turn, genuinely care, hang in there buddy.
I immediately felt a sense of connect with this man, more so than any other case. Aside from an uncanny similar appearance, I couldn’t help but compare his story with my own fathers story…from NY, abandoned by his mother, enlisted in the Marines at 17, went to Vietnam because it was better than his home life. I watched my dad struggle with affection for us kids and as an adult, I understand it now. It’s not easy to show love when that emotion was lost on you as a child. I just want to hug this man. Thank you Mark and Eli for sharing this, I’m going to call my dad today.
This was one of the most heartbreaking interviews you have ever given. The wounds are so deep within this man. So much hurt. I can't even imagine. Makes me want to hug everyone I love a little bit extra next time I see them.
When this man said “You pour everything you have into someone & they either walk away or they die? It doesn’t just leave a whole in your heart.. it leaves the soul empty.” WHEWWW… that was deep 😭 such a real, raw & honest talk wishing Eli the best!
One of my favorite people so far....I can feel his pain quite literally...wow! Very intense, and I just like this guy so much in general!.he seems like a wonderful person
Have you ever been in love? Yes, my son! POWERFUL!!! Every parent out there walks with the fear of this mans reality. Im very sorry brother, may the power of the precious moments you shared while he was here outweigh his exit. You deserve peace and a reason to smile.
😢😢😢 one never knows what someone is going through. What a sweet beautiful soul…. I pray he can find comfort and a level of happiness again. I can’t imagine loosing a child. God bless him.
I am a former methamphetamine manufacturer- Anhydrous and sodium metal method. I will have 11 years clean November 17, 2021. You CAN live clean. No drugs or alcohol AT ALL. 4 years this December since I have quit drinking..
Oh Eli, you couldn't have done anything different. Your son was in an overwhelming amount of pain and made a split second decision. From what I hear from survivors, they are very glad they survived and wouldn't try it again. I think he didn't leave a note because he just wasn't thinking. He felt overwhelmed and wanted to turn that feeling off. I don't think he fully processed the finality of what he was doing, he just wanted the feelings to stop in that moment. You were so lucky to have each other, you sound like an amazing father.
Many years ago I was suicidal because of a major clinical depressive episode that lasted for 4 years. My life was great and I had no reason to be depressed, it’s just something that creeps up on you and it can happen to anyone. When you are in that much pain, you can’t think of anything else other than trying to make it stop; You reach a point where you’ll do anything, even suicide. I obviously don’t know the specifics of Eli’s son, but I agree with you that he likely wasn’t thinking straight if he was suffering that much mentally.
@@ashleygarcia3467 how did you come out of your depression? I'm so glad you did ❤️. I imagine his son's wife cheating with his best friend was just an overwhelming betrayal that made him go kind of crazy. I've been cheated on and had my heart broken and I have to say the pain can be so incredibly deep, I absolutely fell into a deep depression and at times felt I was going crazy. There were definitely times that I just wanted my pain to stop. I used various addictions to numb my pain.
I think the last straw for his son was the new year, how he said "they say if someone is going to kill themselves, its takes 9 seconds to make up their mind" he didn't want to face another year here, he shouldn't of gave up that quick, It's truly heartbreaking what an irrational impulse can do, may that man find peace.
Honestly it's crazy how powerful a person's story is. This guy doesn't even realize it but his story helped me. He needs to understand that his story is heavy and it's not one he wants, but it's one that's helped me, it's probably helped many others or will. I pray enlightenment for this guy's life in that he finds genuine happiness and love again
Yes. He also expressed himself very well. He spoke beautifully of his son. Here was a young guy, successful had a lot going for him. It tells us that we need to do more health & even if a person appears to well they may not be.
Oh, this man has such a tender heart and soul. It just oozes from him. I pray that he finds some peace within his heart. What an awful and horrific thing to lose your son in such a way. My prayers are with you, Eli.
A comfort pet might ,I was given a pup to care for after suffering depression due to my father’s death. I had lost myself through first caring for my mom for 5 years,then my dad through his battle with cancer. I had let my own Heath go & had cancer surgery & treatment during his last bout. My treatment worked but dads cancer was metastatic so the Drs were just giving him time. Once he passed I had no more battle to fight ,I collapsed closed myself in the house to grieve & hit bottom with depression. My sister gave me a puppy, I didn’t want to live but the little guy ,would whine ,he needed care ,food,walks etc. He saved me. I recommend a dog,but some choose other pets a lizard, a gold fish a mouse in your pocket, someone to hear your voice when no one else is there to listen.
@@blazefairchild465 What an amazing son you were to take care of your parents. You did the right thing when many in this world would had turned their back. How smart your sister was to get you a puppy. There's something so comforting about caring for a pet. I know it's made a Big difference in my quality of life.💖
This in my opinion is one of the best interviews you've done. The honesty and pain was more real than anything I've heard. Levi needs to know is there is nothing he could of changed from what his son did. Too bad he does not fell his life is worthy of better. He matters and doesn't know it!
If ever a human had a justifiable reason to live their daily life with the help of drugs, it's someone who has lost a child. I hold no judgement towards him. I would not be able to survive to go through what he did. God bless you Eli.
This is one of the most down to earth, calm, sore-hearted people you've interviewed that I have seen, Mark. He seems like such a great guy overall who would have stories to share. Thank you for sharing this with us.
This man is probably my favorite homeless addict. He takes responsibility and accountability for what he does. He doesn’t blame nobody for how he has become. He understands why he came to who he is and wholesomely accepts himself. He’s realistic about his life and the pain is an actual pain that is much more important than most petty things in life. Losing life itself has more value than clothes, cars, and houses. There’s no way to heal his broken heart but He can always have my full support for just an ear or a hug… because you reverse life and it’s consequences. Thank you, Mark for putting out this video… He has made sense to me compared to most of your videos… and I cried for his soul. That is such heavy weight for anyone to take… my heart goes out for you and him. Thank you.
Eli experiences the most terrible thing in a parent's life, the suicide of his son and wondering every day what he missed. The death of a child is no longer in the logic of life. Why him and not me? It is a pain that he must live with. Drugs ease his suffering. I wish Eli to find peace and maybe love again one day.
Thank you for your service. America should be ashamed of the way they have deceived and turned their back our veterans. My Dad served in Germany during Vietnam as well, when he returned home he was told he enlisted three weeks too early to be covered by full veterans benefits. 💚
That sucks so much my dad enlisted in 64 & received full benefits for both my parents, until after they both passed away. We paid for their funeral of course but they received a gravesite in a beautiful veterans cemetery close to home free of cost to our family. They even provided the grave marker . It is so strange How some get the full benefits & others don’t. All who serve at risk to life deserve compensation for their service.
"Don't love". But at the same time you have experienced a wonderful relationship with your son. Great, but bittersweet memories, guilt, I understand. I lost my son the same way 26 years ago. Miss him everyday, and try to thank God that I had him in my life. All the best to you, you certainly deserve it. I believe you are a good man, trough and through. God bless🤍
Hey man just have to remember he was not angry with you, I think he just couldn't tell you. He wouldn't want you to be hurting this much all this time he loved you
90% of suicides are decided in the last ten minutes of life. I want to send my condolences to you, sir. It’s truly heartbreaking to lose a child. Love anyway, Eli
@@andrethevegan_ Thank you. She passed on several years ago. I'm an oldie (70 yrs old) but a goodie!😂 She had a Wonderful family with loving relationships with them all. A beautiful legacy.😊💖
Eli, I wanted to share this beautiful passage I read once and keep it dear to my heart; We never lose the people we love, even to death. …. I’m so sorry to hear about your best friend and great son. God bless you, sir, and my heartfelt gratitude for your service.
Just a few days ago I suddenly and tragically experienced a loss like he is describing and I heard him say a couple of things that I just said to myself. I can’t believe someone else has the exact thoughts. The other day I thought about the age old question “is it better to love and experience loss or never to love at all”. Most people say love and loss because it would be sad to have never loved before. Right now, I feel like Eli, never love. I don’t want to have to worry about the well-being of another person right now either because of how much it hurts when you can’t fix something that is wrong. Yes, it’s probably a lonely way to live but I’m kinda thinking I could handle being lonely easier than I can a tragedy like this. Maybe that feeling will go away for Eli. Maybe for me as well.
Grieving is a journey. No one can tell you how to deal with it or how long till you get to the other side. You have to do it your own way, at your pace.
I’m so sorry, my son is a meth addict with a few days or weeks of sobriety every now and then So much potential down the drain. They just break your hold, I hope you can get clean and find a better life!
Eli, my 32 year old son ended his own life a year ago. He left a note, it explained nothing. It is so very hard not having a reason for what he did. Not being able to hug him one last time and tell him I will love him for eternity. Peace to you Eli, I understand your pain
Dear Eli, I hope that you see this if it is the right thing for you… there is a documentary called Boy Interrupted (2008) it’s on UA-cam, it may help you with dealing with your sons suicide, it gives a perspective
God, this channel is so enlightening. The guy seems like a totally regular guy but has gone through the ringer. Thank you for enlightening us on people we may perceive differently that we are totally wrong about, thank you.
I have met Eli here in San Francisco , he told me about this video he is a great guy , very wise , helpful and guiding , I know GOD loves him and why , he is a good man and I want to see him live with some kind of joy . Man this is said , he is a strong guy.
Its amazing how some people's brain dosen't get effected by the drugs and they stay sharp. He seems like a real normal guy..I hope he stays healthy and happy ..❤😊🙏
"I'd care for a dead cat before I care for a human" good content Mark. Yeah suicide no explanation for it I understand exactly what he is feeling. You will always wonder why?
Hi Eli. I was your son, except I survived my suicide attempt. I’m sure you know, but we didn’t mean to cause the pain that we did. Your son doesn’t have to bear witness, but I have and did. The pain my grandparents (essentially my parents) went through wondering if I would wake up again. When I finally opened my eyes, I could see it. I can see you. I feel guilty, knowing my grandparents were wounded so deeply by my need to escape my own pain. I can only speak for myself, but there was nothing they could have done and there’s likely nothing you could have done. I’m so sorry.
Eli, I clicked on this simply because I spent 30 years doing speed/crank daily and thought your interview might be good. Jesus Christ, man - thank you. That was more honesty than we may ever see. Not a fibbed syllable in your story. You showed us who you are as a human being. Loss is loss. Childhood is childhood. Now is now. We all experience the three. All in different ways. I’m so glad that this wasn’t all about mainlining crystal. It takes great courage to even get in front of a camera. But to tell the world your story with no dog in it to lie; to share the loss of your kid; to have the honesty to say you don’t want to change the way you live - it’s Homeric in its forthrightness. I won’t opine on the loss of your son, only that I know there is no greater loss - and that somehow here we are, in what was once a scary tomorrow. I love you for this. And I think most of the folks on here would say the same. Know that. And you don’t need to love anybody back. You’ve done enough. Be good to yourself and all best, Ian
As a daughter who's father committed suicide I absolutely understand your pain. It will follow me forever, however I'm still here and there is still beauty in this world.
Thanks for the interview Mark. And Eli, for what's it worth I'm sorry for what you are going through and it's not suppose to go that way but I do think that it's genuinely not your fault that he is gone. He took the decision a long time before that and unfortunately he did not talk about it. But I get that you are angry that he didn't leave anything or said anything but keep in mind that this was not your fault and that's easier said than done I know...it just sucks bad! But if you can change a small thought process of 'my fault' to 'not my fault' it will lift some pain of your shoulder and head. Keep your head up!
Oh man. This entire series is just incredible. Very few of these interviews leave me feeling flat. I loved this one- Eli. Hearing him talk about his son. Broke my heart. So much pain and loss… the fact that this event was so powerful, it’s led him to be on the streets and just self medicating. I really like his personality. He seems like such a sweet man. He’s still so mentally sound, not super high strung- not like a typical “tweaker”. He’s accepted his future. I just feel so heartbroken that he doesn’t have his son. Truly. Oh Eli- I don’t think you could have stopped him. His death was surely not your fault, at all. I hope he can learn to let that guilt go and while I don’t wish him death or anything- I can’t wait for them to be reunited once it’s his time to go ❤ I feel like he’s wanting that. Eli, you touched my heart without a doubt. I wish you the best and hope at least while you are here earthside, that you can get off the street at least, and learn to enjoy life one day again until you move on to the next life.
If this happened to one of my children, I can’t say I would be very far off from where Eli sits today. And I’ve never touched drugs in my life. We should never judge. My heart breaks for you. ❤️
Eli Thank you for sharing your story . An empty soul just means more room to fill it but I respect your honestly that you are living the way you choose to live . Mark where were your tissues for Eli? Please keep in touch with him. I wish he’d talk to someone . First his mother left and he never knew why and then his son. That’s a lot of heavy to carry around . Love and respect to you Eli ❤️
Anybody who has heard Eli, and is considering suicide, will realize the decades of pain caused by suicide which is a permanent solution to a temporary pain. God bless, Michael
One of my favorite interviews I've seen on this channel. My heart goes out to Eli. I can't imagine the pain he's going through. Wishing him well. I have a feeling I will keep coming back to this video
“Leaves a soul empty”
My heart breaks for him.
My fart breaks for him in my leather couch farting in my jeans then lickin my dog
@@michellecarew7778 ew. your weird.
@@monicaparks2808 You're*
This is why we should never judge addicts or the homeless. To lose your son and your best friend would send most people into a downward spiral. He sounds like a good mans and I wish him all the best 🙏🏻
That's why I don't tell my dad to stop drinking because my brother his son was murdered at the age of 17 and passed away in his arms
🙏💯👏💕
@@janicetillman6044 that’s so sad. I hope he is coping ok. Whatever gets him through ❤️
Amen.
Grief is what makes 70% people homeless, the remaining number is just childhood trauma and people who ended up homeless due to loving the street lifestyle.
Dear Eli
Just my thoughts, but instead of focusing on a note not written, think on the visit he paid you just before he died.
You were the last and only person he wanted to see and talk to. That says everything! He gave you a gift of seeing and talking to him just hours before he died. He loved You!!
God Bless you, Eli
That’s a beautiful statement Peggy
Very true. It's so sweet that they were so close that he went to visit the night before. I really hope Eli is holding his own out there
Wow that is honestly perfect I hope he sees this
I believe the heart attack he had two weeks after his son died was from the amount of grief he experienced. Losing your best friend/child can literally kill you.
Truth.
Facts it has almost killed my daddy
Yes; there is an actual medical issue called "Broken Heart Syndrome". Many spouses who have been married for a long time go through this. I have worked at a level II trauma hospital and have done Physical Therapy with patients who were actually recovering from this. That's an intense love right there; I pray we all experience that depth if love and care with someone.
@@janicetillman6044 I'm sorry. I can understand.💔
He’s just existing at this point. The pain he has suffered is unmeasurable and my heart goes out to him!
You’re so right. My dad is the same after losing my sister. I’m slowly trying to figure out how to love life again, but I’m afraid my dad never will. I pray for my dad, this man and all those who have lost children. It’s something no parent should ever have to endure.
@@charm9892000 I’m so sorry for your loss.
@@randeekoi thank you so much ❤️
Oh my heart, the pain in his eyes when talking about his son. I wish I could give you a hug, Eli. This pain never leaves.
That’s not true !!! our cells remember trauma and they can be healed many ways. One way is called the emotion code we use magnets because we’re electromagnetic beings look into it
I can’t imagine
@@Ic_truth WTF R U TALKING ABOUT
When you ask if Eli had ever been in love and he said yes, my son, I thought I’d start balling. Without a doubt one of your best interviews to date.
I really like him. At least he’s genuine and doesn’t lie! He just tells it like it is. He’s not full of shit you can just tell. Hopefully he can find some peace.✌🏻✌🏻
me too.
Yess brad so do i im sending love out of my torn heart Eli
Eli. I'm so sorry about your son bro. I'm so so sorry. Please find a way to reach peace and treat yourself well. Respect. Much love.
He's totally trying to erase the pain of losing his son, finding him dead and wishing he could have stopped it. He died inside the day his son died.
We usually do
No father should ever have to lose their son. I want to give this man a hug.
My father would disagree with u
I really hope you compensated this man well, no matter the difference that we know what he'll buy, its his pain relief. And me, I believe he deserves the right to be numb.
Wrong. Every parent deserves to clean up the mess of suffering they unnecessarily imposed. No child deserves to lose a parent. Don’t get it twisted.
Procreation is an egregious crime against the born. Because parents don’t have consent and they’re handing out a death sentence. At the very least, that makes intentional procreation tantamount to kidnapping and murder. Procreation is the harm that entails all other harm. It is to unnecessarily open the door to every conceivable pain, anguish and horror, for no good reason.
To reproduce is to cater to the lowest rung within physical reality. It is an appeal to the lowest most vain nature in animal and an affront to the highest principles of logic and reason. It is a futile egoic pursuit of evolutionary perfection, which marks a grave reflection upon the soul in need of forging another profane representation in response to its origins of deprivation and subsequently its continuum.
Where do parents get the “right” to impose unnecessary risk, suffering and death without consent?
“To bring children into this world is to bring wood into a burning building.”
Breeders are the root of all evil.
@@megangriffin2019 he deserves to suffer as his son did. With all the mental anguish and regret forcing another pointless life of suffering into this world ought to entail.
@@austinr.5989 I. COuldnt agree more..... I curse both my parents ever day I live in this miserable piece of shit life......
The illness the poverty the fear
the heart ache. pain. terror. suffering weekneses and losses where to heavy to endure in this
Piece of fuk we call life. But unfortunately my friend someone Shat us out here
and parents have sinned against there children in bringing them here
How ever ur here so roll with the punches my friend
I. Would've necked my self ages ago like my mate did or past mate....
Only problem if there is a hell I'd rather put up with this shit then condem my self to more shit misery and be damed for eternal torment all because I committed suicide than hold on for dear fuk and pray to christ every day like a dog to take me outa this slut we call earth...
parents are dogs cowards poor cheaters and liers
Then they fuk make kids and expect them to be doctors and super soldiers when the parent himself is a funking worm in society and can't tow a str8 line them self well there u go
Can you imagine how many times throughout his life Eli has wondered why his mom left him? And he still doesn't know. And then his son 😥The meth high kinda blocks out a lot of the sadness and pain from such devastating thoughts and it is no surprise that he turns to it. I really can't blame him.
Well said!
I can’t stop watching Seven Hunnid on UA-cam ..
@@notize8246 you're a legit loser making multiple accounts to promote your UA-cam. Just stick with your main channel stop making fake accounts.
Agreed.
Me either. He's so depressed, that dopamine release makes him feel good for a little while.
genuinely good person, Eli for what its worth these vids that Mark produces gets out across the planet and we , in turn, genuinely care, hang in there buddy.
Thank You Mark for being there for this man. He needed to talk.
I immediately felt a sense of connect with this man, more so than any other case. Aside from an uncanny similar appearance, I couldn’t help but compare his story with my own fathers story…from NY, abandoned by his mother, enlisted in the Marines at 17, went to Vietnam because it was better than his home life. I watched my dad struggle with affection for us kids and as an adult, I understand it now. It’s not easy to show love when that emotion was lost on you as a child. I just want to hug this man. Thank you Mark and Eli for sharing this, I’m going to call my dad today.
💖
Call him and show him love🙏🏽❤
This was one of the most heartbreaking interviews you have ever given. The wounds are so deep within this man. So much hurt. I can't even imagine. Makes me want to hug everyone I love a little bit extra next time I see them.
This and the alcoholic lawyer
When this man said “You pour everything you have into someone & they either walk away or they die? It doesn’t just leave a whole in your heart.. it leaves the soul empty.” WHEWWW… that was deep 😭 such a real, raw & honest talk wishing Eli the best!
One of my favorite people so far....I can feel his pain quite literally...wow! Very intense, and I just like this guy so much in general!.he seems like a wonderful person
Right... No BS. He serves it up straight .. no chaser. The good, the bad, ugly or indifferent. I love an honest, genuine person like that.
I can’t explain it but I love this man. Heartbreaking about his son.
Of course the typical irrational over emotional xx chromosome reply
Have you ever been in love? Yes, my son! POWERFUL!!! Every parent out there walks with the fear of this mans reality. Im very sorry brother, may the power of the precious moments you shared while he was here outweigh his exit. You deserve peace and a reason to smile.
"Don't Love Nobody, All It Does Is To Bring Hurt" 😔....
well he lost his son over it 'because a women f'ed his son over 'so ya no wat do u expect mate.
This may be the saddest story yet. Such a broken heart.
I feel bad for the guy, a lot on the plate.
😢😢😢 one never knows what someone is going through. What a sweet beautiful soul…. I pray he can find comfort and a level of happiness again. I can’t imagine loosing a child. God bless him.
I am a former methamphetamine manufacturer- Anhydrous and sodium metal method. I will have 11 years clean November 17, 2021. You CAN live clean. No drugs or alcohol AT ALL. 4 years this December since I have quit drinking..
Keep on keepin' on💪
Keep fighting the good fight,my friend ✌
Way cool!!! Well done!!!👏👏👏💖
What a beautiful man. A father his son would be proud of. I would be.
👍❤
His mindset breaks my heart but you can understand because of how much he's went through with losing his son. Wishing him peace in life ❤️.
Oh Eli, you couldn't have done anything different. Your son was in an overwhelming amount of pain and made a split second decision. From what I hear from survivors, they are very glad they survived and wouldn't try it again. I think he didn't leave a note because he just wasn't thinking. He felt overwhelmed and wanted to turn that feeling off. I don't think he fully processed the finality of what he was doing, he just wanted the feelings to stop in that moment. You were so lucky to have each other, you sound like an amazing father.
Amen. Well said.👍❤
Many years ago I was suicidal because of a major clinical depressive episode that lasted for 4 years. My life was great and I had no reason to be depressed, it’s just something that creeps up on you and it can happen to anyone. When you are in that much pain, you can’t think of anything else other than trying to make it stop; You reach a point where you’ll do anything, even suicide. I obviously don’t know the specifics of Eli’s son, but I agree with you that he likely wasn’t thinking straight if he was suffering that much mentally.
@@ashleygarcia3467 how did you come out of your depression? I'm so glad you did ❤️. I imagine his son's wife cheating with his best friend was just an overwhelming betrayal that made him go kind of crazy. I've been cheated on and had my heart broken and I have to say the pain can be so incredibly deep, I absolutely fell into a deep depression and at times felt I was going crazy. There were definitely times that I just wanted my pain to stop. I used various addictions to numb my pain.
@@ashleygarcia3467 You're speaking the truth! Depression can hurt so bad that your spirit hurts.
I think the last straw for his son was the new year, how he said "they say if someone is going to kill themselves, its takes 9 seconds to make up their mind" he didn't want to face another year here, he shouldn't of gave up that quick, It's truly heartbreaking what an irrational impulse can do, may that man find peace.
Honestly it's crazy how powerful a person's story is. This guy doesn't even realize it but his story helped me. He needs to understand that his story is heavy and it's not one he wants, but it's one that's helped me, it's probably helped many others or will. I pray enlightenment for this guy's life in that he finds genuine happiness and love again
The pain here is palpable. Absolutely heartbreaking.💔 There is something so special about this man.❤🙏
Man didn't agree with therapy but i feel him talking to you was therapeutic for him.
Yes. He also expressed himself very well. He spoke beautifully of his son. Here was a young guy, successful had a lot going for him. It tells us that we need to do more health & even if a person appears to well they may not be.
My face is soaked! Broke my heart hearing how broken he is ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏽🙏🏽
@@mihe6212 You’re missing the point. He doesn’t want to be in her home or anyone else’s. The point is COMPASSION.
@@mihe6212 You poor lil thing
Yes, empaths feel the emotions.
Molly, he basically said he was happy with his numbing meth. Did you hear him say he wanted a home? Narc.
@@mihe6212 no, I never miss the point of supply reaction that narcs seek. You missed the point. He never said he wanted or needed a home.
@@mihe6212 Sorry your heart is so broken.😢
He has such a calming presence.
Oh, this man has such a tender heart and soul. It just oozes from him. I pray that he finds some peace within his heart. What an awful and horrific thing to lose your son in such a way. My prayers are with you, Eli.
Heartbreaking. How do you "fix" something like this for Eli? I can't imagine the pain and guilt he has tried to process. My heart goes out to him.
A comfort pet might ,I was given a pup to care for after suffering depression due to my father’s death. I had lost myself through first caring for my mom for 5 years,then my dad through his battle with cancer. I had let my own Heath go & had cancer surgery & treatment during his last bout. My treatment worked but dads cancer was metastatic so the Drs were just giving him time. Once he passed I had no more battle to fight ,I collapsed closed myself in the house to grieve & hit bottom with depression. My sister gave me a puppy, I didn’t want to live but the little guy ,would whine ,he needed care ,food,walks etc. He saved me. I recommend a dog,but some choose other pets a lizard, a gold fish a mouse in your pocket, someone to hear your voice when no one else is there to listen.
@@blazefairchild465 What an amazing son you were to take care of your parents. You did the right thing when many in this world would had turned their back. How smart your sister was to get you a puppy. There's something so comforting about caring for a pet. I know it's made a Big difference in my quality of life.💖
This in my opinion is one of the best interviews you've done. The honesty and pain was more real than anything I've heard. Levi needs to know is there is nothing he could of changed from what his son did. Too bad he does not fell his life is worthy of better. He matters and doesn't know it!
So sad! Suicide is the worst!!! I can't imagine how my mom feels but losing my sister from suicide has been the hardest thing yet! Love you Eli!!!!
so sorry to hear it , why did she die may i ask ? how r u keeping up ?
Peace and prayers for ur family.
@@marinachristodoulides3914 her 33 year old daughter died 1year before my mom found her hanging from the ceiling fan in her apartment 🥲
@@kellyjones5515 oh so sorry
I've lost family to suicide. It is so much more painful. The guilt is huge.
If ever a human had a justifiable reason to live their daily life with the help of drugs, it's someone who has lost a child. I hold no judgement towards him. I would not be able to survive to go through what he did. God bless you Eli.
True.💔
"Love will always end with pain." No truer words were ever spoken.
I’m so sorry for your loss Eli. I can’t begin to imagine how that felt. You’re still here, you’re strong. Be safe and be well.
This is one of the most down to earth, calm, sore-hearted people you've interviewed that I have seen, Mark. He seems like such a great guy overall who would have stories to share. Thank you for sharing this with us.
This man is probably my favorite homeless addict. He takes responsibility and accountability for what he does. He doesn’t blame nobody for how he has become. He understands why he came to who he is and wholesomely accepts himself. He’s realistic about his life and the pain is an actual pain that is much more important than most petty things in life. Losing life itself has more value than clothes, cars, and houses. There’s no way to heal his broken heart but He can always have my full support for just an ear or a hug… because you reverse life and it’s consequences. Thank you, Mark for putting out this video…
He has made sense to me compared to most of your videos… and I cried for his soul. That is such heavy weight for anyone to take… my heart goes out for you and him. Thank you.
Be safe Eli. I’m very sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace in your life.
Eli experiences the most terrible thing in a parent's life, the suicide of his son and wondering every day what he missed. The death of a child is no longer in the logic of life. Why him and not me? It is a pain that he must live with. Drugs ease his suffering. I wish Eli to find peace and maybe love again one day.
💖
I think if someone murder you that's worse
Thank you for your service.
America should be ashamed of the way they have deceived and turned their back our veterans.
My Dad served in Germany during Vietnam as well, when he returned home he was told he enlisted three weeks too early to be covered by full veterans benefits.
💚
It's an atrocity the way our vets are treated after sacrificing so much. Our gvmt should be ashamed. But they don't care
That sucks so much my dad enlisted in 64 & received full benefits for both my parents, until after they both passed away. We paid for their funeral of course but they received a gravesite in a beautiful veterans cemetery close to home free of cost to our family. They even provided the grave marker . It is so strange How some get the full benefits & others don’t. All who serve at risk to life deserve compensation for their service.
"Don't love". But at the same time you have experienced a wonderful relationship with your son. Great, but bittersweet memories, guilt, I understand. I lost my son the same way 26 years ago. Miss him everyday, and try to thank God that I had him in my life. All the best to you, you certainly deserve it. I believe you are a good man, trough and through. God bless🤍
I'm sorry you lost your son.💔
@@marylougeorge9890 Thank you!
@@stormy8427 ❤
Hey man just have to remember he was not angry with you, I think he just couldn't tell you. He wouldn't want you to be hurting this much all this time he loved you
Good Morning SWU Crew! Just peeled my eyes open 4 minutes ago lol. Have a good day!
Enjoy yours, hon.
Have a great day!
Hey, bro! You do the same! I've only been up for 4hrs
Good morning all my SWU luvbugs😘
Good morning from the west coast! I hope you all have a kick ass day. 🌺
He really makes you realize and appreciate how important your family is to you. Great interview
90% of suicides are decided in the last ten minutes of life. I want to send my condolences to you, sir. It’s truly heartbreaking to lose a child. Love anyway, Eli
Yeah? I'd love to know how those statistics were gathered....
How do The Statistics Takers know that if death as the way out is decided with only 10 minutes of thought put into self-Euthanasia? A suicide note ?
My heart breaks for you, Eli. You have experienced so much hurt but please know that healing is still possible. All the best to you.
Losing a kid probably has to be the worst feeling in life.
My bff lost her son and said it's more heartbreaking than loosing a spouse.😢💔
@@marylougeorge9890 that's sad to hear i hope she is doing well.
@@andrethevegan_ Thank you. She passed on several years ago. I'm an oldie (70 yrs old) but a goodie!😂 She had a Wonderful family with loving relationships with them all. A beautiful legacy.😊💖
Eli, I wanted to share this beautiful passage I read once and keep it dear to my heart; We never lose the people we love, even to death. …. I’m so sorry to hear about your best friend and great son. God bless you, sir, and my heartfelt gratitude for your service.
Just a few days ago I suddenly and tragically experienced a loss like he is describing and I heard him say a couple of things that I just said to myself. I can’t believe someone else has the exact thoughts. The other day I thought about the age old question “is it better to love and experience loss or never to love at all”. Most people say love and loss because it would be sad to have never loved before. Right now, I feel like Eli, never love. I don’t want to have to worry about the well-being of another person right now either because of how much it hurts when you can’t fix something that is wrong. Yes, it’s probably a lonely way to live but I’m kinda thinking I could handle being lonely easier than I can a tragedy like this. Maybe that feeling will go away for Eli. Maybe for me as well.
Grieving is a journey. No one can tell you how to deal with it or how long till you get to the other side. You have to do it your own way, at your pace.
I’m so sorry, my son is a meth addict with a few days or weeks of sobriety every now and then So much potential down the drain. They just break your hold, I hope you can get clean and find a better life!
Hell, Eli’s story punches me in the gut. Especially when he talked about his son.
Me too
Eli, what you did in your interview is going to help many people. You helped me realize some things about myself and family. Thank you!!!
💖
Stories Like This Make Me Appreciate Life And Quit Crying About Everything.
Yeah, ya always have to keep in mind that there's *ALWAYS* someone somewhere that would rather be in your shoes then their own.
I wish I could like this comment twice.
Amen to that
Amen to this!
@@wesleyalan9179 Real Talk.
Eli and everyone……. Please remember you are loved !!! Life is worth so much!!
Eli, my 32 year old son ended his own life a year ago. He left a note, it explained nothing. It is so very hard not having a reason for what he did. Not being able to hug him one last time and tell him I will love him for eternity. Peace to you Eli, I understand your pain
Randi, i am very sorry for your pain. Much love to you ❤
@@thematriarchy2075 Thank you
Dear Eli, I hope that you see this if it is the right thing for you… there is a documentary called Boy Interrupted (2008) it’s on UA-cam, it may help you with dealing with your sons suicide, it gives a perspective
God, this channel is so enlightening. The guy seems like a totally regular guy but has gone through the ringer. Thank you for enlightening us on people we may perceive differently that we are totally wrong about, thank you.
I have met Eli here in San Francisco , he told me about this video he is a great guy , very wise , helpful and guiding , I know GOD loves him and why , he is a good man and I want to see him live with some kind of joy . Man this is said , he is a strong guy.
I have got to quit listening to these during our concrete pours while 30 guys are staring at me!😭 Everything I have to hold back waterworks!
Its amazing how some people's brain dosen't get effected by the drugs and they stay sharp. He seems like a real normal guy..I hope he stays healthy and happy ..❤😊🙏
I like Eli. You can tell he is a good person.
"I'd care for a dead cat before I care for a human" good content Mark. Yeah suicide no explanation for it I understand exactly what he is feeling. You will always wonder why?
Hi Eli. I was your son, except I survived my suicide attempt. I’m sure you know, but we didn’t mean to cause the pain that we did. Your son doesn’t have to bear witness, but I have and did. The pain my grandparents (essentially my parents) went through wondering if I would wake up again. When I finally opened my eyes, I could see it. I can see you.
I feel guilty, knowing my grandparents were wounded so deeply by my need to escape my own pain.
I can only speak for myself, but there was nothing they could have done and there’s likely nothing you could have done. I’m so sorry.
Peace and strength
This is sad. Heartbreaking to see this guy give up on life and living.
“Dont love , it only hurts” sheesh!
Eli,
I clicked on this simply because I spent 30 years doing speed/crank daily and thought your interview might be good.
Jesus Christ, man - thank you.
That was more honesty than we may ever see. Not a fibbed syllable in your story. You showed us who you are as a human being.
Loss is loss.
Childhood is childhood.
Now is now.
We all experience the three. All in different ways. I’m so glad that this wasn’t all about mainlining crystal.
It takes great courage to even get in front of a camera. But to tell the world your story with no dog in it to lie; to share the loss of your kid; to have the honesty to say you don’t want to change the way you live - it’s Homeric in its forthrightness.
I won’t opine on the loss of your son, only that I know there is no greater loss - and that somehow here we are, in what was once a scary tomorrow.
I love you for this. And I think most of the folks on here would say the same. Know that.
And you don’t need to love anybody back. You’ve done enough.
Be good to yourself and all best,
Ian
This is the first episode that has actually caused me to cry. My heart goes out to Eli. I hope that he finds peace somehow.
OMG, such a sad, sad story. This poor man is just a broken man. 💔 very, very hard. He's not a bad person, just a broken man. My heart breaks for him.
This one hit me hard. He’s so honest
Agree.
As a daughter who's father committed suicide I absolutely understand your pain. It will follow me forever, however I'm still here and there is still beauty in this world.
In a way he is right, love will always end with pain. Either the person dies, that's some profound shit. I guess it's the price to pay.
My heart broke for him when he talked about his son…
I really feel for Eli, he seems like an amazing soul who got a terrible hand. To lose his son in such a way is unthinkable please stay strong man.
This one brought me to tears for so many reasons...
Eli, I’m so incredibly sorry for pain and loss. I hope the spirit holds you, heals you and keeps you safe.
This was beyond heartbreaking.. I wish I could find this guy and give him a genuine hug. 😢
I want to give him such a big hug. My heart goes out to him
"For Two Years I Hated God"... Thats Deep Rooted Pain😔😢
SHOUT OUT SWU CREW! If no ones told you today you’re loved and cared for! YOU MATTER! New day New beginning Keep pushing forward!! #Onelove ❤️
❤️❤️❤️
😊💜🙏🤟✌
😘🥰😘
Thanks for the interview Mark. And Eli, for what's it worth I'm sorry for what you are going through and it's not suppose to go that way but I do think that it's genuinely not your fault that he is gone. He took the decision a long time before that and unfortunately he did not talk about it. But I get that you are angry that he didn't leave anything or said anything but keep in mind that this was not your fault and that's easier said than done I know...it just sucks bad! But if you can change a small thought process of 'my fault' to 'not my fault' it will lift some pain of your shoulder and head.
Keep your head up!
He is so honest. I'd be this guy's friend in a heartbeat.
Oh man. This entire series is just incredible. Very few of these interviews leave me feeling flat. I loved this one- Eli. Hearing him talk about his son. Broke my heart. So much pain and loss… the fact that this event was so powerful, it’s led him to be on the streets and just self medicating. I really like his personality. He seems like such a sweet man. He’s still so mentally sound, not super high strung- not like a typical “tweaker”. He’s accepted his future. I just feel so heartbroken that he doesn’t have his son. Truly. Oh Eli- I don’t think you could have stopped him. His death was surely not your fault, at all. I hope he can learn to let that guilt go and while I don’t wish him death or anything- I can’t wait for them to be reunited once it’s his time to go ❤ I feel like he’s wanting that. Eli, you touched my heart without a doubt. I wish you the best and hope at least while you are here earthside, that you can get off the street at least, and learn to enjoy life one day again until you move on to the next life.
He seems so sweet and kind. I hope he finds his peace. It almost seems like his son was his life purpose, and now he’s gone, he’s not sure what to do.
I wish I could give this man a hug and tell him someone cares💕💕
If this happened to one of my children, I can’t say I would be very far off from where Eli sits today. And I’ve never touched drugs in my life. We should never judge. My heart breaks for you. ❤️
Oh wow 😭😭 when he was talking about his son. I feel so bad for him.
I love that he said he's in love with his son
Pain is the connection in all of these interviews. 🙏❤️🙏
😢💔
Eli Thank you for sharing your story . An empty soul just means more room to fill it but I respect your honestly that you are living the way you choose to live . Mark where were your tissues for Eli? Please keep in touch with him. I wish he’d talk to someone . First his mother left and he never knew why and then his son. That’s a lot of heavy to carry around . Love and respect to you Eli ❤️
Anybody who has heard Eli, and is considering suicide, will realize the decades of pain caused by suicide which is a permanent solution to a temporary pain.
God bless, Michael
One of my favorite interviews I've seen on this channel. My heart goes out to Eli. I can't imagine the pain he's going through. Wishing him well. I have a feeling I will keep coming back to this video
Eli's life will change for the better as a result of this interview, and he deserves it!
This is one of the saddest ones I’ve ever seen. He’s a broken man. Deep down he’s a smart and great guy
Sending so much love to Eli. This man is a survivor 🖤
Oh man, this one really cuts deep…I really feel his pain, and see the sadness in eyes. Just heartbreaking…💔
Hi Mark!
Bless,Eli...... I understand you statement completely......
Amazing, speechless and... unforgettable interview.