Agreed. The priority should be the relationship. I finally got rid of someone because I frequently was at the bottom of his priority list. That was it for me.
What if he works at a job that has insane working hours (10 to 10) and he’s almost always tired? He keeps apologizing that he’s busy and tired and he says he knows he’s falling short to what he intends to do for me and what I deserve
@@MM-em6lyIt's only one reason to stay with him: you have the main goal, he is earning money for this particular goal and you know the deadline when he will have normal schedule with slots for your time together. Otherwise only one answer "then he doesn't have time and capacity to handle relationships. Period. He is overworking and damaging his health. He also keeping you in the situationship." Even the head of the company can find time for things he is prioritising. I don't think it's ok for you to be in the end of his priority list. I had the same situation. At the end person found time for everything and everyone except me. Why? Just because I didn't protest against my last place in priority list.
@ox-po363 you’re absolutely right! I need to apply this starting today! Thank you so much for your golden advice and thanks for taking the time, space and energy to help me out ♥️
@@Your_pixels_are_showing that’s already the case that’s why the commenter says society ALSO need to teach men to stop their toxic behaviors. All society does is tell women to be better lol are you not watching the same video?
@@BernMendez took your quiz, i am have issues with confidence. I know that. My ex is a narcissist. Now I found another one. Thankful not married, fleeing the abuse asap.
Don't put up with guys that won't start out by dating one woman at a time. You'll NEVER get an exclusive commitment from someone that's dividing himself up among other people. Especially if he's having s&x with them. That's absolutely nasty and disrespectful to the people he's sleeping with and to you. Don't be a fool or an idiot. Get some morals and standards.
It’s ridiculous! It’s almost one of the first things you have to ask these days! It feels weird to ask it as I’m from a generation where we date one person, and one person only
@@mrsbeckham4527 I don't know if its strictly generational, I thought its also because Im from a small town in a predominantly Hispanic community. Its also cultural and community based. But enen in our generation, the men have learned from the young guys the most vile and selfish things. The poison is spreading like wildfire!!
Right my sister works in a clinic she said it is so many STDs that don't even have a cure so you're right the word is nasty I'm not going out like that.
I thank you for wanting to help women find a good men. I have to be honest though. All of this just seems so overwhelming. I feel confused, and like it's all some sort of game I'm supposed to play, or some riddle I'm supposed to solve. We are told there are no rules, yet there are so many rules, we are told be exclusive, but don't be exclusive, be strong and have boundaries, but be soft and feminine. To me this is all very confusing, and honestly just incredibly frustrating. It makes me feel like men just get to be a certain way and women just have to take it, gracefully not say anything, act like they are ok, and walk away, otherwise they loose their value. It is not ok . How can we say that women loose their value because they are reacting to men behaving badly and causing them pain??? I think all of this is upside-down. It just makes me not want to even engage with anyone to be honest.
Exactly, people are crazy and try to make you feel crazy with them. Choose yourself. I think it's okay to normalize staying single for life; your most important relationship is with yourself.
Agreed. I don't even ever want to be any sort of engagement with men. Men play these games, shun their responsibility, many are openly sexiest . They don't even bother to realise that they have made women's life miserable.
Oh Bernardo, I needed to see this. I've just been where you are describing. I left, gracefully, then spent my days feeling empty and wanting him to come back to me. He didn't. Watching this post literally woke me up and I'm now feeing happy with myself for leaving and taking back my power. Thank you so much. x
I love this. I was in this position after my divorce when I was dating. I made these mistakes many times. But then I met my current SP after I made changes. He and I did get attached really early. He’s the only that asked for us to take a step back. We continued to date and I gave him some time and spent more time on myself. Over time our connection strengthened and I achieved a better understanding of myself. I was in a very dark place after my ex husband. It was a long hard road but it was worth it.thanks for sharing this
I got out of a relationship 7 weeks ago with a guy that love bombed me, pulled me in then mentally and emotionally abused me. The physical I'm sure was the next stepbut after driving me so low and loosing my job I had it now I see him for what he was thank God I got out. Now I'm starting to look after myself again!
Glad to hear this Susan. Please get help to be able to work on your ability to more powerfully identify the patterns next time so you can avoid entering such a dynamic in the future. Awareness about the last situation is a great start but it's very possible that more help (therapy) can help you avoid the whole thing altogether next time around. Keep going : )
People don't change. If someone treats you as an option, dump them. 9 billion people in the world. You can find a good one as long as you don't waste your time on a loser 3:58
There is not 9 billion. Where are you getting that inflated number from? Population is in decline worldwide. People do no research just listen to the news.
Bern, thank you for this video. I realize these videos are geared towards people who are dating or in relationships. I have been single for two years decided to back off from dating because I was finding the same pattern in relationships where men don’t choose me. And I miss or ignore the red flags. Would love a video on how to step back out into the dating world when you’ve been out of it so long. I’m not sure where to start.
A wise woman remains single. Men really are not worth it. They're all like this, you'll see. They don't have the capacity to love or have empathy, remain single you'll at least have peace.
I’ve been out for years and have had the occasional date or boyfriend, but I’m more official with one guy and I’m so confused. It’s so hard and difficult to be in a relationship with him. I think that’s my sign
Exactly right,👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻....take back yur power always choose yourself than yur lover ...if u felt something wrong....give a break , so u can realize if u still want the connection or No....don't be fooled by feelings ..always be guided with what u feel is best for you...❤ Thank you Author
Thanks, what you said about shame is so true. Talk to yourself as if you are motivating and supporting your own child that you love unconditionally. It is a game changer, and it will snap you straight out of that negative ruminating downward cycle.
It’s never about there not being another human being who has those qualities. Very few people believe that. It’s about the chance you’ll meet such a person. Literally it’s like a needle in a haystack…finding someone who is single, who is looking for a partner, who is the appropriate age, and who has this massive list of other qualities and oh btw - decides to approach you and ask you out (since women realistically can’t approach men without lowering their value). Therein lies the rub. There are many women going into their 40s who are scared. Acting like there is an endless supply of eligible men works when you are a 10, well connected and 19 years old.
There are very limited eligible men. Men now days think they are women ffs. It is very difficult to find a man with morals, standards who want to settle down. None of my friends are narcissistic, they are level headed but all single. All their dates and even the guys who approach them are awful. It's weird it's like the men have read this how to be awful around women and they will run to you with the same one liners etc. Its really strange. Men really need to grow up mentally. Some of the things they say these days I'm shocked. I'm gona try before I buy but we all know you ain't buying shite 😂😂😂😂, it will just be next woman.
What you believe is what you attract. Most men are just average in looks and in salary. Not to be negative, but it's true. And not every man is under 40. So why intimidate yourself?? You only need one good one. Just make sure your vetting game is top notch, don't be afraid to move on, don't get hung up on one guy if he is not meeting your needs, don't allow any man to neg you or knock down your confidence. (That seems to be the dating mo of some men these days- convince you that every man is high value, and then criticize and insult women to keep women from noticing the man's faults and flaws, and to keep her in line. Not all men, but certainly enough.
I think this is a great video with really good advice. My only thing is though why tf do I have to be the one doing all the changing of my internal processes and my behaviors and the guy doesn’t have to do anything. Why tf can’t they be held accountable ever. I pray for the day to come when I meet an accountable man who works in his inner shit.
I think that part of this is connecting with Men and discerning if they are doing their inner work or not. If they are they're a match, if they aren't it probably won't work. Will this limit the # of compatible men, YES. But if you're looking for a life partner rather than a weekend boyfriend, it's still worth it.
Met a 3rd toxic Scorp in my life. Never again. I usually don’t generalize with signs, but this one…full of deception. Just nope. Dropped him before we even had a first date!
Scorpios are so difficult to deal with the connection can definitely be there but most times its full of drama…. Life is short we need to be fully happy blessings to you 🙏✨💫🌟💞
@@AlexisNexia45Just had the same experience. Never thought nothing of signs but this one stood out. They seek you out on dating sites….emotionally and mentally abusive!
Ugh. Trauma bond. It’s over for me. Because I grieved it so 4:52 much. I let him go after he closed the door in my face. I said never again. As soon as I moved me loved me so much and went to my mother crying. Too bad he never told me he loved me. I asked him. He said no. Too late baby bye bye. Not going back. He’s the old man who cried wolf and I don’t believe any of it for a second. He made me feel like shit. He said nobody will love him like I did. That’s ONE thing he ain’t lying about! Cause it’s true. ❤
Yup feeling constantly anxious, I think because of knowing all of it, including research re Narcissism, knowing I should walk away for good (done it a lot of times, always got hoovered back), and not doing it, knowing he is completely alone in the world. I hunger for the healthy relationship you describe.
My husband changed his attitude towards me within hours of signing marriage certificate - after 2 years of being an "item" following 7 years of acquaintance!
Oh wow, same. We actually had a very loud fight in the hotel that night, and someone called the cops. We almost went to jail in another state over it. From then on, everything between us was conditional, and everything in our life together (and my own as an individual, by his decree) everything had to be according to his wishes and his plans. Not having had a good example of marriage from my own traumatized/ abusive mother, I just thought this is how you keep the peace and keep the guy-- going along to get along and to keep him happy, I wish I'd known back in my 20s what I now know in my 60s, after a 36 yr marriage to a selfish jerk. (That's putting it mildly.) My people pleasing allowed him to become a narcissistic emotionally abusive spouse. FOR 36 YEARS. Never again. He has ruined me for finding true love in my golden years. I just do well to learn to love and believe in myself nowadays. Between him and my mother, I've been a mess. I now have someone I care deeply about, really like, and have begun to fall in love with, who appears to feel the same. Except for words and actions that don't match. He seems avoidant, and I feel like I am not the priority his words tell me I am. Actions and words just not lining up. He isn't obviously or directly abusive in any way-- but then, neither was my ex in the beginning. I'm just working on myself, loving myself, and if this new guy follows along and actually lines up his word and actions and gets right with my own vibe, ok then. If not, I'm not getting into that nonsense again. Ever.
I feel that struggle. Sadly, my guy did the same thing. Night and day difference instantly started changing at the wedding reception andprogressively spiraled into a person I wouldn't even date let alone marry.
My husband changed as soon as we bought a house. We worked so hard for it and it seems like he’s trying to sabotage everything we’ve worked for on purpose. Sometimes I think he’s so cruel and hateful that he will ruin his own life if it means he’s ruining mine. It makes zero sense.
I totally needed to hear this today. Thank you so much I’m gonna watch it again and again and again until it gets into my brain I dated an avoidant we go to church together. I’ve avoided him like the plague, but he won’t let me go, and no matter what I do to avoid him, he keeps trying to show up back in my life not as a boyfriend but as a friend I don’t want that. I actually don’t want to talk to him at all engage or anything he made me feel like a woman he made me feel pretty it is something my ex-husband Would never do. My ex-husband was a narcissist this man’s in avoidant I do not want to continue to meet and date on emotionally unavailable man I would give anything not to do that anymore. Thanks for this video I really needed it.❤
how funny i see this video right now 😀 have very recently said goodbye to *two* guys who behaved that way: "all in" but *so* unreliable *plus* complaining i don't make enough time for them 😅 girls, ladies, Bern is more than right: don't take this bs. if a man is not reliable in the *beginning* and you put up with this, it is a a recipy for disaster. and it feels *so good* to get rid of this type of man. literally did it with one of them this morning - not always an easy decision, but now a few hours later i feel so relieved. life is good.
I personally know someone who prayed and wished for a miracle to get out as she was severely depressed and sick physically and sick of him and his childish, insensitive behavior. She was the one who passed away and he was and is sad and lonely…and regretting everything I bet too
Wow ❤ This video is IT !!!! The real deal. Yes I've been here before 🤦♀️ and I feel like your advice has evolved in superior ways. The dating world and relationship standards have evolved, Love the alchemy advice, although all your suggestions are on point. Many of these are CBT based and backed by case studies. If I'm correct?
I’ve spent 16 years with overvalued guy feeling mad all the time and you just named my life in basically 10 minutes. 4 kids later I lost myself in this situationship….
I'm happily single because I'm don't tolerate disrespect. respect me or stay out my face... I know my value... I don't back track. man fuc dat... I don't miss noboby....
I just love this guy so much, we liked each other since high school, but he’s playing games. So I would block him. But then he’ll find a way to still contact me and I will be drawn in and then he’ll play games again. I just don’t know what to do cuz if I block him again he’ll find a way. I love him so I let him. I also fear that I won’t be able to attract anyone else because when in person I don’t attract anyone, and then when I date guys online it’s so meh. When I do self love practices I still feel incredibly lonely and I want to be held, kissed etc. So it’s like a never ending loop
Your fear of being alone colors you and your actions. You aren't practicing self love if you aren't finding yourself enough for yourself. Block him once and for all. You know he's treating you badly but allowing it. Loving yourself means not allowing anyone to treat you badly and accepting him back just reinforces the idea you aren't worth loving or protecting. No matter what, whether alone or in a relationship, you need to be alright with being by yourself. The confidence this brings from within changes EVERYTHING. Alone does not equal loneliness and a person can be lonely while in a relationship.
Unless you make a contract with him where he agrees to all the conditions you need to be met. Then don't see or talk to him anymore. Just tell him you need to move on. And wish him well 😊 Otherwise he'll never take you seriously or respect you 🫶🫶
My Dear Katrina, I'm so sorry you're finding yourself in this situation I know how hard it is to experience something this painful and all the advice on what to do to him will probably fall flat since it's way easier for someone who isn't going through this to say it and to actually do it when there's a trauma bond or an addictive behavior. My BEST and ONLY advice for you is to please get help. It will make it way more doable to do the things you need to do because the place of emptiness and fear that is preventing you from taking the action you need to take will be healing. You deserve kindness and respect but you're probably going to have to get a bit of guidance to stop doing what you're doing. If you can afford therapy please go that route if you can't then a codependency or love addiction group might be also super helpful. Sending you lots of healing thoughts and know that you're not alone. -Bern
There needs to be more videos helping men become men being emotionally available, having their priorities straight etc. Its ok saying women value yourself but right now there are a lack of men to be valuable for. There will be a lot of single women (valuable) amd a lot of men who settle and are miserable
I understand what you mean... AND if you find yourself in this current dilemma you have 2 options: shrink yourself and be a fit to lots of guys or continue improving even if there are fewer guys who are doing the same and meet someone (in due time) who is a fit. : )
I like what you're saying, but in real life it doesn't work long-term. I went from difficult relationships to having clear standards, needs and wants, and worked on self-love. That resulted in me being single for ten years. I feel I wasted my 30s being single - now in my 40s I am lowering my standards A LOT but at least I am having connections, making memories and having fun.
Excellent Advice Because Sometimes other parts of your life can get in the way I Def can Relate in getting back in touch with myself I feel like I'm losing myself!❤💯
🙄🙄 so many men nowadays are Narcissistic, bi polar,and have so so many other Mental Discrepancies. I really see some women trying, but the men Must Address themselves , cmon, women must do this and do that to appease these broken down men. Women, be happy with being single, whdn the time is right and God sees fit He Will send you a LOYAL and Devoted man
As much as I appreciate your mission to help people, I personally feel this would be more beneficial if it was gender neutral or flipped towards men : "Men, How to stop breadcrumbing women and attract a divine union!" I dont want to attempt manipulating anyone to receive what I deserve. I do not believe we should learn tips and tricks on how to "compromise" with someone who does not naturally see our worth. I show up as myself, with the continued promise of beneficial growth. If they do not see nor respect my value as much as OR more than I already do for myself, they are not meant for me. ❤ Many Blessings!
Thanks for sharing, and there are videos out there specifically for men. This isn't a trick or a game it's more of a taking ownership of your courage and worth that just so happens to also attract great guys. Thanks for watching : )
It's not easy it's a relationship. Relationships take considerable effort. Your talking about the initial phase after meeting. Yes every woman should listen to their intuition but few ever do.
How do you do this with a guy who is autistic and really doesn't get that he's breadcrumbing? My cryptonite is the way he looks into my eyes, the way he touches me, the way he holds me, the way he tells me he wants me, and the way he tells me we are the same.
Explain what it is you need. If he makes an effort..support and encourage. It won't come natural for him. But he can learn it!! You need to lead the way! Best of 🤗 and 😘 to you!!
I claim this justice! I claim this heavenly justice! I discern my enemies. I claim my inheritance, I forgive my enemies, I choose to fight, I receive Divine Support, I protect my blessings, i claim my strength, I claim my blessings and I am a warrior!!! I claim Victory! Amen!
I've been trying to move on for 2 years but he keeps coming. He ghosts me when he cannot handle an argument or discussion. He did this 3 times. Told him not to come back this time
🎉if ur ring finger is naked ur body shouldn't be. what has he done $ignificantly, $pecifically & Con$istently just for U to earn ur sacred 🍯 honeypot? keep ur legs closed until marriage or at least (he pays for): & puts an engagement 💍 ring on ur finger, venue booked, wedding invitations in the mail & his family knows u. til then, see all men as frogs 🐸 until his consistent kind 😇 deeds 💍 👰♀ have revealed a prince 🤴
@@DeshaunDamon sex will never make one feel whole. wholeness is an inside job of: self-love, respect, worth, esteem, high standards, awareness & respect 🙏 ur one body as the sacred temple 🛕 . pre-served, deserved & reserved for ur husband!!! or at least (fiance') 💍u have engagement ring & wedding date 📅 set! why does he give him anything 🙄 esp. sex & "he don't even think 🤔 enuf of u to walk u down the aisle". utube tony gaskins. stay out the bed 🛌, racking up toxic bodies & soul-ties. & develop high value wm standards & treat ur body like the precious hope diamond 💎 it is.
[Take My Free Quiz]: What's the #1 Reason You're Single: bit.ly/youresinglequiz
Even if they’re incredibly busy, the busiest person still makes sure they prioritize a loved one!
NO excuses!!!
Agreed. The priority should be the relationship. I finally got rid of someone because I frequently was at the bottom of his priority list. That was it for me.
@@delilah1479 congratulations on that!
Self care!!!!!🎉
What if he works at a job that has insane working hours (10 to 10) and he’s almost always tired? He keeps apologizing that he’s busy and tired and he says he knows he’s falling short to what he intends to do for me and what I deserve
@@MM-em6lyIt's only one reason to stay with him: you have the main goal, he is earning money for this particular goal and you know the deadline when he will have normal schedule with slots for your time together.
Otherwise only one answer "then he doesn't have time and capacity to handle relationships. Period.
He is overworking and damaging his health. He also keeping you in the situationship."
Even the head of the company can find time for things he is prioritising. I don't think it's ok for you to be in the end of his priority list.
I had the same situation. At the end person found time for everything and everyone except me. Why? Just because I didn't protest against my last place in priority list.
@ox-po363 you’re absolutely right! I need to apply this starting today! Thank you so much for your golden advice and thanks for taking the time, space and energy to help me out ♥️
Society also needs to teach men to stop doing such toxic behaviour.
Yes 😢
Is that ever going to happen?
Same goes for women
@@Your_pixels_are_showing that’s already the case that’s why the commenter says society ALSO need to teach men to stop their toxic behaviors. All society does is tell women to be better lol are you not watching the same video?
That society is women
I over valued him, he undervalued me.
Sorry to hear that, good thing you realize it though.
@@BernMendez took your quiz, i am have issues with confidence. I know that. My ex is a narcissist. Now I found another one. Thankful not married, fleeing the abuse asap.
Same
Wow yes exactly ❤
Nicely put, sadly true.
If he breadcrumbs you , he doesn’t like you
Yes, put yourself first again!! Get confidence back
Thank you for sharing.
Don't put up with guys that won't start out by dating one woman at a time. You'll NEVER get an exclusive commitment from someone that's dividing himself up among other people. Especially if he's having s&x with them. That's absolutely nasty and disrespectful to the people he's sleeping with and to you.
Don't be a fool or an idiot. Get some morals and standards.
It’s ridiculous! It’s almost one of the first things you have to ask these days! It feels weird to ask it as I’m from a generation where we date one person, and one person only
@@mrsbeckham4527 I don't know if its strictly generational, I thought its also because Im from a small town in a predominantly Hispanic community. Its also cultural and community based.
But enen in our generation, the men have learned from the young guys the most vile and selfish things. The poison is spreading like wildfire!!
Right my sister works in a clinic she said it is so many STDs that don't even have a cure so you're right the word is nasty I'm not going out like that.
Very true
I thank you for wanting to help women find a good men. I have to be honest though. All of this just seems so overwhelming. I feel confused, and like it's all some sort of game I'm supposed to play, or some riddle I'm supposed to solve. We are told there are no rules, yet there are so many rules, we are told be exclusive, but don't be exclusive, be strong and have boundaries, but be soft and feminine. To me this is all very confusing, and honestly just incredibly frustrating. It makes me feel like men just get to be a certain way and women just have to take it, gracefully not say anything, act like they are ok, and walk away, otherwise they loose their value. It is not ok . How can we say that women loose their value because they are reacting to men behaving badly and causing them pain??? I think all of this is upside-down. It just makes me not want to even engage with anyone to be honest.
Exactly, people are crazy and try to make you feel crazy with them. Choose yourself. I think it's okay to normalize staying single for life; your most important relationship is with yourself.
Agreed. I don't even ever want to be any sort of engagement with men. Men play these games, shun their responsibility, many are openly sexiest . They don't even bother to realise that they have made women's life miserable.
❤@@entrepreneurialempress
Same
Getting a good guy is like catching a flu: when you have the REAL DEAL - YOU'LL KNOW!!!
Oh Bernardo, I needed to see this. I've just been where you are describing. I left, gracefully, then spent my days feeling empty and wanting him to come back to me. He didn't. Watching this post literally woke me up and I'm now feeing happy with myself for leaving and taking back my power. Thank you so much. x
I did this last night with the guy I was over valuing and tonight I have a date with the guy I was under valuing.
Good for you : )
Love this! Flip the plot. Happy for you
How is it going?
@@LisaFernandezStyle Very well. We are now an official couple. 🙂.
You gave me hooe@@DeePie2024
I love this. I was in this position after my divorce when I was dating. I made these mistakes many times. But then I met my current SP after I made changes. He and I did get attached really early. He’s the only that asked for us to take a step back. We continued to date and I gave him some time and spent more time on myself. Over time our connection strengthened and I achieved a better understanding of myself. I was in a very dark place after my ex husband. It was a long hard road but it was worth it.thanks for sharing this
I got out of a relationship 7 weeks ago with a guy that love bombed me, pulled me in then mentally and emotionally abused me. The physical I'm sure was the next stepbut after driving me so low and loosing my job I had it now I see him for what he was thank God I got out. Now I'm starting to look after myself again!
Glad to hear this Susan. Please get help to be able to work on your ability to more powerfully identify the patterns next time so you can avoid entering such a dynamic in the future. Awareness about the last situation is a great start but it's very possible that more help (therapy) can help you avoid the whole thing altogether next time around. Keep going : )
People don't change. If someone treats you as an option, dump them. 9 billion people in the world. You can find a good one as long as you don't waste your time on a loser 3:58
There is not 9 billion. Where are you getting that inflated number from? Population is in decline worldwide. People do no research just listen to the news.
Bern, thank you for this video. I realize these videos are geared towards people who are dating or in relationships. I have been single for two years decided to back off from dating because I was finding the same pattern in relationships where men don’t choose me. And I miss or ignore the red flags. Would love a video on how to step back out into the dating world when you’ve been out of it so long. I’m not sure where to start.
A wise woman remains single. Men really are not worth it. They're all like this, you'll see. They don't have the capacity to love or have empathy, remain single you'll at least have peace.
I’ve been out for years and have had the occasional date or boyfriend, but I’m more official with one guy and I’m so confused. It’s so hard and difficult to be in a relationship with him. I think that’s my sign
Exactly right,👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻....take back yur power always choose yourself than yur lover ...if u felt something wrong....give a break , so u can realize if u still want the connection or No....don't be fooled by feelings ..always be guided with what u feel is best for you...❤
Thank you Author
This video has helped me so much. I’m about to go and text this person right now & let them go. I can’t do this anymore. Ty for this.
You're so welcome!.
@@BernMendez I went back already 🥲
Thanks, what you said about shame is so true. Talk to yourself as if you are motivating and supporting your own child that you love unconditionally. It is a game changer, and it will snap you straight out of that negative ruminating downward cycle.
It’s never about there not being another human being who has those qualities. Very few people believe that. It’s about the chance you’ll meet such a person. Literally it’s like a needle in a haystack…finding someone who is single, who is looking for a partner, who is the appropriate age, and who has this massive list of other qualities and oh btw - decides to approach you and ask you out (since women realistically can’t approach men without lowering their value). Therein lies the rub. There are many women going into their 40s who are scared. Acting like there is an endless supply of eligible men works when you are a 10, well connected and 19 years old.
💯
There are very limited eligible men. Men now days think they are women ffs. It is very difficult to find a man with morals, standards who want to settle down. None of my friends are narcissistic, they are level headed but all single. All their dates and even the guys who approach them are awful. It's weird it's like the men have read this how to be awful around women and they will run to you with the same one liners etc. Its really strange. Men really need to grow up mentally. Some of the things they say these days I'm shocked. I'm gona try before I buy but we all know you ain't buying shite 😂😂😂😂, it will just be next woman.
Having the mindset of scarcity isn’t good either
What you believe is what you attract. Most men are just average in looks and in salary. Not to be negative, but it's true. And not every man is under 40. So why intimidate yourself?? You only need one good one. Just make sure your vetting game is top notch, don't be afraid to move on, don't get hung up on one guy if he is not meeting your needs, don't allow any man to neg you or knock down your confidence. (That seems to be the dating mo of some men these days- convince you that every man is high value, and then criticize and insult women to keep women from noticing the man's faults and flaws, and to keep her in line. Not all men, but certainly enough.
19 is a child. Your not even grown. I don't remember piles of options when I was 19 🤣
I think this is a great video with really good advice. My only thing is though why tf do I have to be the one doing all the changing of my internal processes and my behaviors and the guy doesn’t have to do anything. Why tf can’t they be held accountable ever. I pray for the day to come when I meet an accountable man who works in his inner shit.
I think that part of this is connecting with Men and discerning if they are doing their inner work or not. If they are they're a match, if they aren't it probably won't work. Will this limit the # of compatible men, YES. But if you're looking for a life partner rather than a weekend boyfriend, it's still worth it.
This has been a cycle w a toxic scorpio man over n over and I am DONE!!!!!! Thank you so much for this video I really needed it
Met a 3rd toxic Scorp in my life. Never again. I usually don’t generalize with signs, but this one…full of deception. Just nope. Dropped him before we even had a first date!
Scorpios are so difficult to deal with the connection can definitely be there but most times its full of drama…. Life is short we need to be fully happy blessings to you 🙏✨💫🌟💞
@@l.r.8005Yep- can confirm the Scorpio man difficulty. Hot and cold, manipulative. NOT worth it. And we're in our SIXTIES!! 😔
@@AlexisNexia45Just had the same experience. Never thought nothing of signs but this one stood out. They seek you out on dating sites….emotionally and mentally abusive!
What a healing video. Well structured and easy to follow. Your energy is encouraging. Thank you Mr. Mendez.
Leena, I'm grateful to hear this felt healing for you. I appreciate your support : )
Wow this is exactly what I needed to hear.
Ugh. Trauma bond. It’s over for me. Because I grieved it so 4:52 much. I let him go after he closed the door in my face. I said never again. As soon as I moved me loved me so much and went to my mother crying. Too bad he never told me he loved me. I asked him. He said no. Too late baby bye bye. Not going back. He’s the old man who cried wolf and I don’t believe any of it for a second. He made me feel like shit. He said nobody will love him like I did. That’s ONE thing he ain’t lying about! Cause it’s true. ❤
Yup feeling constantly anxious, I think because of knowing all of it, including research re Narcissism, knowing I should walk away for good (done it a lot of times, always got hoovered back), and not doing it, knowing he is completely alone in the world.
I hunger for the healthy relationship you describe.
lol i definitely reached my breaking point today and lost my cool told him he will never hear from me again and blocked him mid convo.
I’m blocking mine as soon as I get my sons expensive drums back
Love yourselves first stay strong and mean it don’t be a doormat as their behaviour towards you will only get worse.
@@Sharon-uy1uf exactly
This first step is a life changing one, thanks Bernardo
You're welcome!
Best explanation ever to help me get honest and get over this guy 🙏🙏
My husband changed his attitude towards me within hours of signing marriage certificate - after 2 years of being an "item" following 7 years of acquaintance!
Oh wow, same. We actually had a very loud fight in the hotel that night, and someone called the cops. We almost went to jail in another state over it.
From then on, everything between us was conditional, and everything in our life together (and my own as an individual, by his decree) everything had to be according to his wishes and his plans.
Not having had a good example of marriage from my own traumatized/ abusive mother, I just thought this is how you keep the peace and keep the guy-- going along to get along and to keep him happy,
I wish I'd known back in my 20s what I now know in my 60s, after a 36 yr marriage to a selfish jerk. (That's putting it mildly.)
My people pleasing allowed him to become a narcissistic emotionally abusive spouse. FOR 36 YEARS.
Never again.
He has ruined me for finding true love in my golden years. I just do well to learn to love and believe in myself nowadays. Between him and my mother, I've been a mess.
I now have someone I care deeply about, really like, and have begun to fall in love with, who appears to feel the same.
Except for words and actions that don't match.
He seems avoidant, and I feel like I am not the priority his words tell me I am. Actions and words just not lining up.
He isn't obviously or directly abusive in any way-- but then, neither was my ex in the beginning.
I'm just working on myself, loving myself, and if this new guy follows along and actually lines up his word and actions and gets right with my own vibe, ok then.
If not, I'm not getting into that nonsense again.
Ever.
This is a classic autistic move, happened to me too, was devastating and then I found out about aspies
I feel that struggle. Sadly, my guy did the same thing. Night and day difference instantly started changing at the wedding reception andprogressively spiraled into a person I wouldn't even date let alone marry.
My husband changed as soon as we bought a house. We worked so hard for it and it seems like he’s trying to sabotage everything we’ve worked for on purpose. Sometimes I think he’s so cruel and hateful that he will ruin his own life if it means he’s ruining mine. It makes zero sense.
I’m sorry this happened to you! To all of you. Must be heartbreaking. Sound like sociopathy tendencies .
What incredible information. Wake up call I needed!
I just dropped him. Not waiting.
Here's to fast action taking ; )
Me too!! I know my worth
He chased me
I refused him with reasons
He got mad
I surrendered..........
Now I'm the one picking UP crumbs 🤣🤣🤣🤣 laughing at MYself
💕💕💕🌴
Sounds like me. Never trust a lovebumber
Same boat 😅
Girl you and me both!! He chased me, I said I’m intimidated, but gave in. Now he treats me like crap and I’m broken over him.
I totally needed to hear this today. Thank you so much I’m gonna watch it again and again and again until it gets into my brain I dated an avoidant we go to church together. I’ve avoided him like the plague, but he won’t let me go, and no matter what I do to avoid him, he keeps trying to show up back in my life not as a boyfriend but as a friend I don’t want that. I actually don’t want to talk to him at all engage or anything he made me feel like a woman he made me feel pretty it is something my ex-husband Would never do. My ex-husband was a narcissist this man’s in avoidant I do not want to continue to meet and date on emotionally unavailable man I would give anything not to do that anymore. Thanks for this video I really needed it.❤
Love thyself ❤ “all of the above “
: )
how funny i see this video right now 😀 have very recently said goodbye to *two* guys who behaved that way: "all in" but *so* unreliable *plus* complaining i don't make enough time for them 😅
girls, ladies, Bern is more than right: don't take this bs. if a man is not reliable in the *beginning* and you put up with this, it is a a recipy for disaster. and it feels *so good* to get rid of this type of man. literally did it with one of them this morning - not always an easy decision, but now a few hours later i feel so relieved. life is good.
You are so very helpful and spot on. Thank you❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
You’re very welcome!
This is the first time I’ve seen one of your videos, this was amazing advice.
Vera, welcome : ) And I'm glad you found this useful. Thanks for watching and for commenting. 🙏😊
Wow thank you i needed to hear this to day 💜
You're welcome!
I needed it so badly. Thank you so much.
You’re so welcome.
Amazing video - great advice. Thank you!
This is the best and most complete video I need right now!
Thank you!
I prayed from my heart to ask for all of it to be taken from me. He died. 😮
WOW!!!!! Answered Prayers!!!!
I personally know someone who prayed and wished for a miracle to get out as she was severely depressed and sick physically and sick of him and his childish, insensitive behavior. She was the one who passed away and he was and is sad and lonely…and regretting everything I bet too
@@MM-em6ly😳
Whoops 😬
😮
Wow good job!! This is really good
Wow ❤ This video is IT !!!! The real deal.
Yes I've been here before 🤦♀️ and I feel like your advice has evolved in superior ways. The dating world and relationship standards have evolved,
Love the alchemy advice, although all your suggestions are on point. Many of these are CBT based and backed by case studies. If I'm correct?
I’ve spent 16 years with overvalued guy feeling mad all the time and you just named my life in basically 10 minutes.
4 kids later I lost myself in this situationship….
Please be kind to yourself AND get help you can create a plan of action to make things better or get strong enough to end it.
Your clips are always so excellent ❤
Thanks a lot Bern☺ i really appreciate your videos 👏
Whew 😮💨😮💨 this is really great and relevant 🔥
Glad this helped!
Thank you for this video- so empowering as I have just ended a relationship
You are so welcome, glad this was helpful!
Wow, I feel so good now. Thank you ❤
Thank you so much! That was perfect timing! ❤
I really appreciate your insight 🙏
You are so welcome.
I really really needed to hear this today. 🙏
Glad to hear this Angela : )
Thank you Bern 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I'm happily single because I'm don't tolerate disrespect. respect me or stay out my face... I know my value... I don't back track. man fuc dat... I don't miss noboby....
Straight talk
I just love this guy so much, we liked each other since high school, but he’s playing games. So I would block him. But then he’ll find a way to still contact me and I will be drawn in and then he’ll play games again. I just don’t know what to do cuz if I block him again he’ll find a way. I love him so I let him. I also fear that I won’t be able to attract anyone else because when in person I don’t attract anyone, and then when I date guys online it’s so meh. When I do self love practices I still feel incredibly lonely and I want to be held, kissed etc. So it’s like a never ending loop
Your fear of being alone colors you and your actions. You aren't practicing self love if you aren't finding yourself enough for yourself.
Block him once and for all. You know he's treating you badly but allowing it. Loving yourself means not allowing anyone to treat you badly and accepting him back just reinforces the idea you aren't worth loving or protecting.
No matter what, whether alone or in a relationship, you need to be alright with being by yourself. The confidence this brings from within changes EVERYTHING.
Alone does not equal loneliness and a person can be lonely while in a relationship.
Unless you make a contract with him where he agrees to all the conditions you need to be met. Then don't see or talk to him anymore. Just tell him you need to move on. And wish him well 😊 Otherwise he'll never take you seriously or respect you 🫶🫶
@@danicaharley6273 true. I just talked and ended things last night. I have some accountability partners this time in case I fall for it again.
My Dear Katrina, I'm so sorry you're finding yourself in this situation I know how hard it is to experience something this painful and all the advice on what to do to him will probably fall flat since it's way easier for someone who isn't going through this to say it and to actually do it when there's a trauma bond or an addictive behavior. My BEST and ONLY advice for you is to please get help. It will make it way more doable to do the things you need to do because the place of emptiness and fear that is preventing you from taking the action you need to take will be healing. You deserve kindness and respect but you're probably going to have to get a bit of guidance to stop doing what you're doing. If you can afford therapy please go that route if you can't then a codependency or love addiction group might be also super helpful. Sending you lots of healing thoughts and know that you're not alone. -Bern
@@BernMendez thank you so much for your words ❤️
I'm grateful for this! Thank you!🎉
You're so welcome.
Thank you for doing this video. This helps things I’m experiencing.
Thanks , great advice.
You're welcome!
Thank you for this message and video
Ty for the insight.
You're welcome!
❤I Know my worth 🥰
Very helpful thank you!! I had an injury and it caused a lot of blockages mentally ❤
Thank you for this🙏🏽♥️
You’re welcome!
🎉wonderful wisdom perfectly stated 👌 👏 👏 👏
Thank u 😊
You're welcome!
Excellent advice, thank you 🙏🏼
You're so welcome!
Omgoodnesssss this was soooo helpful🙏🏼 new subscriber❤
There needs to be more videos helping men become men being emotionally available, having their priorities straight etc. Its ok saying women value yourself but right now there are a lack of men to be valuable for. There will be a lot of single women (valuable) amd a lot of men who settle and are miserable
I understand what you mean... AND if you find yourself in this current dilemma you have 2 options: shrink yourself and be a fit to lots of guys or continue improving even if there are fewer guys who are doing the same and meet someone (in due time) who is a fit. : )
Step 1. Leave. Don’t look back
This is si valuable information ❤❤❤ Thank you
Glad it was helpful, you're most welcome!
Very helpful. Thank you. ❤
Wow this was fun thankyou I’ll take it on board ❤️😊🙏
Thank you, glad it helped.
This what i did its give And take our walk away thx 😊❤
I love this❤
Thank you for helping me understand what feeling 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I like what you're saying, but in real life it doesn't work long-term. I went from difficult relationships to having clear standards, needs and wants, and worked on self-love. That resulted in me being single for ten years. I feel I wasted my 30s being single - now in my 40s I am lowering my standards A LOT but at least I am having connections, making memories and having fun.
Excellent Advice Because Sometimes other parts of your life can get in the way I Def can Relate in getting back in touch with myself I feel like I'm losing myself!❤💯
Glad this was helpful Shawana : )
Thank you!
🙄🙄 so many men nowadays are Narcissistic, bi polar,and have so so many other Mental Discrepancies. I really see some women trying, but the men Must Address themselves , cmon, women must do this and do that to appease these broken down men. Women, be happy with being single, whdn the time is right and God sees fit He Will send you a LOYAL and Devoted man
Thank-you ❤
So on point
🙏🙏🙏
Thank you
As much as I appreciate your mission to help people, I personally feel this would be more beneficial if it was gender neutral or flipped towards men : "Men, How to stop breadcrumbing women and attract a divine union!"
I dont want to attempt manipulating anyone to receive what I deserve.
I do not believe we should learn tips and tricks on how to "compromise" with someone who does not naturally see our worth.
I show up as myself, with the continued promise of beneficial growth. If they do not see nor respect my value as much as OR more than I already do for myself, they are not meant for me. ❤ Many Blessings!
Thanks for sharing, and there are videos out there specifically for men. This isn't a trick or a game it's more of a taking ownership of your courage and worth that just so happens to also attract great guys. Thanks for watching : )
I agree with you 💯, I show up as Myself ,authentic me
I don't think any guy is worth so much effort. Your only simple guide is your gut. Love should be easy and fulfilling. Not a mammoth to tame!!
It's not easy it's a relationship. Relationships take considerable effort. Your talking about the initial phase after meeting. Yes every woman should listen to their intuition but few ever do.
Yes all the time ❤
Thanks for watching. : )
Thankyou 💚
Period.
Thanks for watching.
How do you do this with a guy who is autistic and really doesn't get that he's breadcrumbing? My cryptonite is the way he looks into my eyes, the way he touches me, the way he holds me, the way he tells me he wants me, and the way he tells me we are the same.
Explain what it is you need. If he makes an effort..support and encourage. It won't come natural for him. But he can learn it!! You need to lead the way! Best of 🤗 and 😘 to you!!
I'm trying my best to forget this man. He ignores me as he wants. It's so hurting. 😢
I claim this justice! I claim this heavenly justice! I discern my enemies. I claim my inheritance, I forgive my enemies, I choose to fight, I receive Divine Support, I protect my blessings, i claim my strength, I claim my blessings and I am a warrior!!! I claim Victory! Amen!
Mine gets close so close then ignores me for days it’s been two years it’s so painful and he knows it hurts me do I let go now?
Yes
Yes and never come back
Really?
The first Month he did that am out the 🚪 door .Do Not Tolerate disrespect, its the beginning of abuse.
I've been trying to move on for 2 years but he keeps coming. He ghosts me when he cannot handle an argument or discussion. He did this 3 times. Told him not to come back this time
I feel upset around him. He gaslights me.
Stop hanging out with him : )
Yes I feel the universe warns me with bad luck when I’m around him
Why is it so hard? The minute you show them your livevthey run. What do they even want??
WHY did you guys do this --how do they learn to do this???
Tips?
Rewatch the video ;)
Thank you 🙏🏿
You're welcome!
I'll save you time...
Stop dealing with them and you'll stop getting breadcrumbed and played 👍
Watching this @ 4:44am
🎉if ur ring finger is naked ur body shouldn't be. what has he done $ignificantly, $pecifically & Con$istently just for U to earn ur sacred 🍯 honeypot? keep ur legs closed until marriage or at least (he pays for): & puts an engagement 💍 ring on ur finger, venue booked, wedding invitations in the mail & his family knows u. til then, see all men as frogs 🐸 until his consistent kind 😇 deeds 💍 👰♀ have revealed a prince 🤴
@@DeshaunDamon sex will never make one feel whole. wholeness is an inside job of: self-love, respect, worth, esteem, high standards, awareness & respect 🙏 ur one body as the sacred temple 🛕 . pre-served, deserved & reserved for ur husband!!! or at least (fiance') 💍u have engagement ring & wedding date 📅 set! why does he give him anything 🙄 esp. sex & "he don't even think 🤔 enuf of u to walk u down the aisle". utube tony gaskins. stay out the bed 🛌, racking up toxic bodies & soul-ties. & develop high value wm standards & treat ur body like the precious hope diamond 💎 it is.
My thoughts exactly 💯