The most common thing I say in couples therapy after abusive relationships is "Aaaand relax". The hypervigilance can hang around for a while. Glad this video was helpful 🙏
I think my struggle is after leaving a controlling relationship i have some kind of rebellious attitude now and I resist any suggestions for fear of being broken down into nothing again.
Oh yesss Speed is their great weapon, but as soon as you say No I saw that person turned to a monster quickly, Communication is important, I find narcissist expect you to read their mind. Beautiful tips Dr !!! amazing video!!
I feel like someone who’s went through this kind of abuse will thrive in a healthier relationship. Imagine a seedling that wasn’t given water and still survived finally getting a good Gardner!
Thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed to hear and know. I have gone through all of these phases. I’m just now starting to date someone who has literally all of the good signs you mentioned, and I feel exactly as you said-anxious. I’m used to such control and intensity that if I don’t hear from him all throughout the day, it feels like something is wrong. This was hugely helpful in placing a correct lens through which to view things, rather than the unhealthy one I had to deal with for so many years. The anxiety is tough. It helps to know that it’s actually a good sign, when in conjunction with the other “green flags.”
The only effective way to treat anxiety is exposure! I will make a video about this as it comes up so much. In general, the best way to cope with anxiety is to welcome the feelings and give yourself the chance to have new experiences that can help you build confidence in a new way of seeing whatever is making you anxious. I hope it goes well for you and your new partner 🙏
What about those of us who actually stayed with the 6 or 7 feelings person, they aligned well with all our values and such, and it still ended up being a bad relationship with someone with covert narcissists behaviors. 😢 i feel like i cant win. I tried this advice too...avoided the sparks and went for "safe" he went for some therapy and he was diagnosed as covert narcissist. I feel like i cant win. Im terrified of being with anyone. Thank you for the content i appreciate it. But im so confused and terrified...
Thanks so much for your video! explains why feel so on edge and anxious at times in this new and healthy relationship that in. It was weird because at the beginning was swept away with excitement of all the dates but now that we are more settled , it feels strangely calm and it is like wait what this is how relationships can be, where you feel safe and secure… have to say have had to have proper conversations with my partner about my anxieties, so they are aware that I am working on it in therapy and also working on it personally, as sometimes get overly sensitive to comments or how the partner is acting. I think when you have been through any form of narcissistic and toxic abuse - it feels normal to be on that rollar Costa, and in a healthy relationship at times it can feel bit boring… but actually it is so much healthier and supports your mind and well-being. I would not trade this relationship for any narcissism and abuse that went through… thanks for this video as very reassuring to here that not alone and two you can have healthy and happy supportive relationships and friendships too!!
Can you talk about the first kiss and intimacy in the relashionship after the narcissistic abuse?Because there are very overwhelming for me now, I feel really weird.
Great vid. What I've noticed is that some people can be extremely excitable in the early days whilst others can be almost cagey. I've found that consistency over several months usually shows what they are really like. How they react to *Playful challenges *Can they only take the mick out of others but are totally against it when it comes to themselves I've had the love-bombing quite a few times but since my major break up I atleast have a 'name and reasoning' to put towards it. 'A one off isn't indicative of a pattern/mindset. Deliberate repetitions (eg even after soft warnings ) likely is though.'
Thank you ! I need here this .Look for character not a ✨ spark. Introduce them to friends early How do they handle conflict Healthy relationships don't certainty at beginning. It won't feel conforable to break the pattern.
I don’t have that. I’m not a bad person if I say no to people who are treating me like dirt. I’m not cold because is not respect to what I am saying what I don’t feel is fair or safe. If someone is in a relationship with someone else do I have to be there or I have to respect them and leave them to live their love whatever they choose to do with their relationship it doesn’t make me narcissistic or a crazy bipolar person if I only ask mu doubts and want to clarify things. Ig nobody understands this I can’t be with them is not healthy. We can’t accept being disrespectful and people who are seeing us like a rug.
Thank you! That was exactly the answer to what I was thinking about. My new relationship is so slow, it is quite boring, without false promises that sometimes I am asking myslef if I chose the other extreme and if this is right or wrong.
Glad it was helpful! I have a newer video on this issue too that you might enjoy: ua-cam.com/video/7HbxNA6IvrI/v-deo.htmlsi=v16YLIBl-T2F5K0n Slow is good! ✌️
My relationship with my boyfriend is so calm and I always have anxiety about how calm it is 😂😂 this was SO helpful thank you so much
The most common thing I say in couples therapy after abusive relationships is "Aaaand relax". The hypervigilance can hang around for a while. Glad this video was helpful 🙏
Same 😊
I think my struggle is after leaving a controlling relationship i have some kind of rebellious attitude now and I resist any suggestions for fear of being broken down into nothing again.
You will be whole again. Am praying for you.
Omg me toooo
Oh yesss Speed is their great weapon, but as soon as you say No I saw that person turned to a monster quickly, Communication is important, I find narcissist expect you to read their mind.
Beautiful tips Dr !!! amazing video!!
Thank you🙏
Thank you, the going slow is working. And you’re right, anxious feelings can play with your head but I’m realizing I have to stop that and just be me.
So happy to hear this and excited for your journey towards healthier relationships - be you, so you find someone who loves you for you 🥰
I feel like someone who’s went through this kind of abuse will thrive in a healthier relationship. Imagine a seedling that wasn’t given water and still survived finally getting a good Gardner!
Great metaphor ❤️
Thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed to hear and know. I have gone through all of these phases. I’m just now starting to date someone who has literally all of the good signs you mentioned, and I feel exactly as you said-anxious. I’m used to such control and intensity that if I don’t hear from him all throughout the day, it feels like something is wrong. This was hugely helpful in placing a correct lens through which to view things, rather than the unhealthy one I had to deal with for so many years. The anxiety is tough. It helps to know that it’s actually a good sign, when in conjunction with the other “green flags.”
The only effective way to treat anxiety is exposure! I will make a video about this as it comes up so much.
In general, the best way to cope with anxiety is to welcome the feelings and give yourself the chance to have new experiences that can help you build confidence in a new way of seeing whatever is making you anxious.
I hope it goes well for you and your new partner 🙏
Calm sounds wonderful❤️
Calm is so good … but it can feel so unfamiliar and uncomfortable sometimes. Thank you for commenting 🙏❤️
Great video. Thank you for pointing out these these to look for. Calm, ease, and peace does become foreign abuse narcissistic abuse to many.👍
What about those of us who actually stayed with the 6 or 7 feelings person, they aligned well with all our values and such, and it still ended up being a bad relationship with someone with covert narcissists behaviors. 😢 i feel like i cant win. I tried this advice too...avoided the sparks and went for "safe" he went for some therapy and he was diagnosed as covert narcissist. I feel like i cant win. Im terrified of being with anyone.
Thank you for the content i appreciate it. But im so confused and terrified...
I'm so sorry you went through this. There are no guarantees in life and some red flags are only seen in retrospect. Wishing you peace 🙏
Thanks so much for your video! explains why feel so on edge and anxious at times in this new and healthy relationship that in.
It was weird because at the beginning was swept away with excitement of all the dates but now that we are more settled , it feels strangely calm and it is like wait what this is how relationships can be, where you feel safe and secure… have to say have had to have proper conversations with my partner about my anxieties, so they are aware that I am working on it in therapy and also working on it personally, as sometimes get overly sensitive to comments or how the partner is acting. I think when you have been through any form of narcissistic and toxic abuse - it feels normal to be on that rollar Costa, and in a healthy relationship at times it can feel bit boring… but actually it is so much healthier and supports your mind and well-being. I would not trade this relationship for any narcissism and abuse that went through… thanks for this video as very reassuring to here that not alone and two you can have healthy and happy supportive relationships and friendships too!!
What a lovely comment - I hope you can enjoy and rest into a calm and peaceful relationship ❤️
Can you talk about the first kiss and intimacy in the relashionship after the narcissistic abuse?Because there are very overwhelming for me now, I feel really weird.
Great idea for a future video 🙌
😂😎🙏♌️
Yes please talk about this. I am in the same boat.
It is overwhelming, and hard to get a handle on.. Still processing
Omg yesss
Great vid.
What I've noticed is that some people can be extremely excitable in the early days whilst others can be almost cagey. I've found that consistency over several months usually shows what they are really like.
How they react to
*Playful challenges
*Can they only take the mick out of others but are totally against it when it comes to themselves
I've had the love-bombing quite a few times but since my major break up I atleast have a 'name and reasoning' to put towards it.
'A one off isn't indicative of a pattern/mindset. Deliberate repetitions (eg even after soft warnings ) likely is though.'
💯
Thank you ! I need here this
.Look for character not a ✨ spark.
Introduce them to friends early
How do they handle conflict
Healthy relationships don't certainty at beginning.
It won't feel conforable to break the pattern.
Nicely summarised ❤️
Thanks for that video. You helped me a lot. 🥰🥰🥰
You’re welcome ❤️
Thanks for the video but it will take me time before I can trust again after the narcissistic relationship I went through, I will in time :)
1 step at a time ❤️
I forgive a person that I have allowed in my life that was abusive but trust is earned sign Cynthia Smith
I only meet manipulators/ narcissists 😢 why can’t I meet someone healthy?
Spot on!
Thank you 🙌
I don’t have that. I’m not a bad person if I say no to people who are treating me like dirt. I’m not cold because is not respect to what I am saying what I don’t feel is fair or safe. If someone is in a relationship with someone else do I have to be there or I have to respect them and leave them to live their love whatever they choose to do with their relationship it doesn’t make me narcissistic or a crazy bipolar person if I only ask mu doubts and want to clarify things. Ig nobody understands this I can’t be with them is not healthy. We can’t accept being disrespectful and people who are seeing us like a rug.
Is 6 months getting to know someone too soon?
ua-cam.com/video/b9s5qAr-_wc/v-deo.html
Live w them 🙏
Thks ❤🎉😊
You're welcome 🙏
True❤
Interesting ❤❤❤❤❤dating lol 😂
You talk ten to the dozen. Please pace yourself to allow people to process what you’re saying.
Fair comment - this video is old and one of the first ones I made. You'll probably find the pacing on my more recent videos is a lot better 🙏
@@drruthannharpur that’s understandable.
Thank you! That was exactly the answer to what I was thinking about. My new relationship is so slow, it is quite boring, without false promises that sometimes I am asking myslef if I chose the other extreme and if this is right or wrong.
Glad it was helpful! I have a newer video on this issue too that you might enjoy: ua-cam.com/video/7HbxNA6IvrI/v-deo.htmlsi=v16YLIBl-T2F5K0n
Slow is good! ✌️