Why Ted Cruz S*cks: A Comprehensive Biography | BEHIND THE BASTARDS

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    Why Ted Cruz S*cks: A Comprehensive Biography | BEHIND THE BASTARDS
    This week, Robert is joined by Cody Johnston and Katy Stoll to discuss the Bastards of the 2018 Mid-Term Elections. And to start, let’s talk about a man that people of all backgrounds and beliefs can despise: Ted Cruz.
    Original Air Date: October 30, 2018
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    There’s a reason the History Channel has produced hundreds of documentaries about Hitler but only a few about Dwight D. Eisenhower. Bad guys (and gals) are eternally fascinating. Behind the Bastards dives in past the Cliffs Notes of the worst humans in history and exposes the bizarre realities of their lives. Listeners will learn about the young adult novels that helped Hitler form his monstrous ideology, the founder of Blackwater’s insane quest to build his own Air Force, the bizarre lives of the sons and daughters of dictators and Saddam Hussein’s side career as a trashy romance novelist.
    New episodes twice a week on iHeartRadio.
    #BehindtheBastards #BehindtheBastardsPodcast #RobertEvansBehindtheBastards #BehindtheBastardsMerch #BehindtheBastardsJohnLandis #BehindTheBastardsHost #BehindtheBastardsIvermectin #BestBehindtheBastardsEpisodes #BehindtheBastardsBestEpisodes

КОМЕНТАРІ • 100

  • @mikehjt
    @mikehjt 10 місяців тому +64

    Al Franken: 'I like Ted Cruz more than anyone else in Congress does and I _hate_ Ted Cruz.'

  • @fofalooza
    @fofalooza 10 місяців тому +71

    Ted Cruz calling condoms "rubbers" has precisely the same energy as my uncle using the phrase "great gazongas" as a reason why my brother should let our Uncle set him up with a recently divorced woman at his church.

    • @23joanlee
      @23joanlee 9 місяців тому +1

      great gazongas! that's hilarious!

  • @kevinkorenke3569
    @kevinkorenke3569 9 місяців тому +39

    47:02 I love that he read a Dr. Seuss book about being willing to try new things in opposition to us trying a new idea to provide better health care for people.

    • @mr.pavone9719
      @mr.pavone9719 9 місяців тому +6

      Ted is so blissfully unaware of himself. It makes me want to pump LSD into his water supply just to see him change into a person.

  • @BenjaminGlatt
    @BenjaminGlatt 10 місяців тому +47

    Okay, but Fred Rogers was the best person ever, so.

    • @FakeSchrodingersCat
      @FakeSchrodingersCat 9 місяців тому +14

      "The only way to stop a Fred with a dangerous far right ideology is a Fred with a dangerous far left ideology." --Fredrick Engels (probably)

    • @justinwatson1510
      @justinwatson1510 4 місяці тому +2

      @FakeSchrodingersCat, I'm glad to see someone finally mentioned Engels. Thank you.

  • @leopoldmolitch4040
    @leopoldmolitch4040 Рік тому +32

    I'm halfway through this and just realized they're were talking about Ted Crux, not Tucker Carlson. Seems all these folk are completely interchangeable

    • @jfrsnjhnsn
      @jfrsnjhnsn 9 місяців тому +2

      Pretty much.

    • @goodun2974
      @goodun2974 3 місяці тому

      ​@@jfrsnjhnsn, not to mention that they are equally detestable.

  • @brendancostello944
    @brendancostello944 4 місяці тому +4

    Cody's comment about the "Ted Pod" when talking about the Tide Pod(R) is criminally unacknowledged....

  • @arcarchivist2638
    @arcarchivist2638 4 місяці тому +4

    Frederick Douglass, Fred Rogers, Freddie Mercury.

  • @patrickmitchell9068
    @patrickmitchell9068 Рік тому +50

    Ted cruz is the kid who get bullied by comic book and D&D nerds

    • @SgtKaneGunlock
      @SgtKaneGunlock Рік тому

      i hated Bullies and I would Bully this kid

    • @RvEijndhoven
      @RvEijndhoven 10 місяців тому +12

      He _was_ the kid who got bullied by comic book and D&D nerds... Now he is the adult who gets bullied by comic book and D&D nerds.

    • @FakeSchrodingersCat
      @FakeSchrodingersCat 9 місяців тому +5

      Be realistic, he is the kid who was bullied by the kids the comic book and D&D nerds bullied. The Mathletes had more high school social standing then he did.

    • @cybercop0083
      @cybercop0083 2 місяці тому

      Back in the 90‘s, to boot!

  • @mr.pavone9719
    @mr.pavone9719 9 місяців тому +12

    Did anybody else's irony meter ping when they heard the part about the young conservatives, who think education is a privilege for the weathy, competing for handouts (scholarships) to further their education?

    • @pssurvivor
      @pssurvivor 5 місяців тому

      yep my ears perked up when i heard that. these conservatives are always like this

    • @justinwatson1510
      @justinwatson1510 4 місяці тому

      Hypocrisy is one of the cornerstones of liberalism and the ideologies that descended from it.

    • @FTZPLTC
      @FTZPLTC 3 місяці тому

      Oh, but don't you see: just as nothing that is not profitable is worthwhile, ANYTHING you do that someone is willing to pay you for is worthwhile.
      That's what being trained from birth to be a constitution-reciting mandroid teaches you.

  • @wwcyfd22
    @wwcyfd22 8 місяців тому +5

    The fourth episode of Star Trek TNG is actually "Code of Honor" a now infamous episode filled with dated, tone deaf african stereotype characters.
    Episode 5 is the one hes thinking about with the ancient defense system. Its like Ted Cruz is so evil his episode even ruins Star Trek references...

  • @Zmanwarrior
    @Zmanwarrior 8 місяців тому +6

    The only thing offensive about those Cleveland insults is that they're nowhere near as entertaining as the insults that native Clevelanders can come up with for Cleveland.

  • @seantracey9935
    @seantracey9935 6 місяців тому +4

    When Cody said "Here comes the sex"
    Best cruz impression of all time.

  • @FakeSchrodingersCat
    @FakeSchrodingersCat 9 місяців тому +14

    Wait, just hold on a moment you are saying that Ted Cruz as a teenager memorized the constitution and could write it out? Why then does he act like he has never even skimmed it?

    • @origami_dream
      @origami_dream 9 місяців тому +12

      He memorized it by mnemonic device and that took up all his time and brain power, so he never had the time or brainspace to actually *consider* or understand it.

    • @cybercop0083
      @cybercop0083 2 місяці тому

      He memorized it, look for minute chinks in the armour.

  • @matthewnuckles5937
    @matthewnuckles5937 9 місяців тому +15

    so painful to hear this knowing that he is STILL in office

    • @TheDarthbinky
      @TheDarthbinky 9 місяців тому +8

      He's from Texas and has a little "R" by his name. He'll be in office until he dies or gets bored and moves on to another horrible venture. Yay two party system!

    • @mr.pavone9719
      @mr.pavone9719 9 місяців тому

      From what I've heard his senatorial district is almost entirely made up of wealthy, white conservatives. It's nigh-impossible for him to lose his seat unless he really fucks something up.

    • @richardarriaga6271
      @richardarriaga6271 8 місяців тому

      ​@@TheDarthbinkyTexas is a one party state. That crook Dan Patrick beat the corruption charges for impeachment. He won't go away until God or Satan call him home.

  • @kevinhengehold4387
    @kevinhengehold4387 6 місяців тому +3

    So - the "amnesty" radio ad... do you remember the It's Always Sunny episode where an Israeli dude annexes the bar and the gang shouts Arabic-sounding jibberish with english words included?
    ... Did ted cruz really rip off an Always Sunny bit, but for serious?
    I really expected more from the zodiac killer.

  • @origami_dream
    @origami_dream 9 місяців тому +2

    13:00 Wellp, i guess Fredrick Brennan, founder of 8chan, heard this episode and decided, "Well, i can't argue with that, i'm on it."

  • @AshesAshes44
    @AshesAshes44 Рік тому +18

    Ted Cruz is younger than Gwen Stefani. No idea what to do with this info, but some people are using it against him. 😕

    • @BenjaminGlatt
      @BenjaminGlatt 10 місяців тому +7

      I hate this.

    • @heyidaroo
      @heyidaroo 9 місяців тому +3

      If I were a betting woman, I believe that Gwen will outlive Cruz

  • @danarchist74
    @danarchist74 11 місяців тому +6

    Robert have you done an episode or episodes on Milton Friedman yet? If you haven't, you probably should.

  • @joshuareynolds6970
    @joshuareynolds6970 8 місяців тому +6

    In the words of John Oliver ... "I do not like that man Ted Cruz."

    • @mrfreddorenton
      @mrfreddorenton 2 місяці тому +1

      "I do not like his stupid shoes"

  • @fahbs
    @fahbs 10 місяців тому +5

    My cat has had fleas with more of a spine than Ted Cruz.

    • @Stephanie-we5ep
      @Stephanie-we5ep 3 місяці тому

      Certainly the fleas are more wanted/welcome!

  • @bradvine4564
    @bradvine4564 9 місяців тому +4

    Cruz is awful but I just finished the desantis episode and I have to say desantis is *so much worse* it blows me away.

  • @kevinkorenke3569
    @kevinkorenke3569 9 місяців тому +5

    The more i learned in college and had reinforced at placed like this the more convinced is that America as an ideal and an idea failed during Reconstruction and it has been an oligarch leaning downward spiral ever since.

    • @defies4626
      @defies4626 6 місяців тому

      It failed from the moment they decided to allow slavery from the beginning, and honestly was probably started to further oligarchic ideals given the actual backers and architects of the country at the beginning, no matter how high minded they claimed their ideals to be

  • @Zomonitan
    @Zomonitan 9 місяців тому +8

    Fred Rogers was the only good Fred in all history

  • @done.6191
    @done.6191 10 місяців тому +2

    Damn, that self-reporting at 29:35 is soooooo sad. "Let me supress the things that make me, ME, so that people will think I'm popular."

  • @greghmn
    @greghmn 10 місяців тому +4

    48:45 this is even funnier when you consider that McCain was born in Panama.

    • @portmantologist
      @portmantologist 6 днів тому

      But on a US military base, which still counts as being born on US soil.

  • @Alex-od7nl
    @Alex-od7nl 9 місяців тому +6

    katy stoll is hilarious

  • @Aogami20
    @Aogami20 9 місяців тому +3

    Every time I listen to one of these I keep hoping things are gonna work out somehow in the end

  • @grahamcarpenter691
    @grahamcarpenter691 Рік тому +5

    Katy Stoll’s voice sounds nearly identical to Amber Frost from
    Chapo Trap House

  • @noxthemc7717
    @noxthemc7717 9 місяців тому +5

    The Frederalist Society

  • @done.6191
    @done.6191 10 місяців тому +4

    Whataburgers are actually really good :). Ted Cruz is actually really bad. These are things on which we readily agree.

  • @Taurox220
    @Taurox220 9 місяців тому +4

    Reminder that Nixon was actually super popular before watergate and was able to win the popular vote

    • @FakeSchrodingersCat
      @FakeSchrodingersCat 9 місяців тому

      Sure but he managed that mainly through dirty tricks and manipulation, he was nicknamed Tricky Dick for a reason. The specific incident they are referring to when they told Cruz to get a dog is when Nixon was being investigated for using campaign contributions for personal purposes he went on TV and claimed the only thing that might be irregular was that he was given and kept for himself was a puppy named Checkers. It came out after he left office he had diverted over $10,000 to a slush fund and had bought the puppy specifically for the bit.

    • @brendancostello944
      @brendancostello944 4 місяці тому

      With the help of some plumbers...

  • @johnr7279
    @johnr7279 9 місяців тому +5

    Wow, and he's an even bigger egotist than I picked up on just living my daily life and seeing him in the news here and there. I was always amazed at how flexible his spine seemed to be and his ability to flip-flop on issues. In this way, he seems like a politician's politician. And not just him of course. These folks exist on both sides of the "aisle." It's one thing to cooperate for the greater good (aka crossing the aisle); it's another thing altogether to just flip around completely.

    • @justinwatson1510
      @justinwatson1510 4 місяці тому

      When Democrats or Republicans reach across the aisle, you can bet that average people are getting fucked over in the worst way.

  • @TimdeVisser86
    @TimdeVisser86 9 місяців тому +3

    Fred Hampton, c'mon man.

  • @Fenan_21
    @Fenan_21 Рік тому +2

    speaking of cleveland, fun fact, theres a suburb in south africa named after cleveland, and cleveland ohio specifically

    • @mxpants4884
      @mxpants4884 9 місяців тому

      Were they celebrating our excellence in racial segregation?

  • @TheMeritCoba
    @TheMeritCoba 11 місяців тому +3

    Quote of the year: "women can't be trusted with tampons?!" (not with a political rally involving Ted Cruz)

  • @ReclaimedDasein
    @ReclaimedDasein 29 днів тому

    LOL, I was literally starting fallout 4 when you said that.

  • @ericwiddison7523
    @ericwiddison7523 9 місяців тому +2

    When he endorsed Ted Cruz, Mike Lee was still a never Trumper. Both men have since abandoned any semblance of values they once had.

  • @FoxMacLeod2501
    @FoxMacLeod2501 9 місяців тому

    LMAO Katy, @ 51:37 - also: "(CO)RROBORATUUHHS: moun' up!"

  • @BenHyle
    @BenHyle 3 місяці тому +2

    Fred Rogers did all the reparations ever for the shitty freds.
    Also, Fred Penner is real as well.

  • @function0077
    @function0077 6 днів тому +1

    I f&cking hate Lindsey Graham, but I do love his quote about Ted Cruz.

  • @done.6191
    @done.6191 10 місяців тому +2

    I love how even handed you try to be with the Wagner driving. Even as charitable as one can be, he's still firmly unlikable.

  • @_NewtonMeter
    @_NewtonMeter 9 місяців тому +2

    Ted Cruz really giving that autism vibe (I'm autistic)

    • @origami_dream
      @origami_dream 9 місяців тому

      No thank you i reject this association he's just a psychopath (i'm autistic)

  • @Tenems941
    @Tenems941 7 місяців тому +1

    36:18 about the only proper reaction to that statement

  • @michael_mcgowan
    @michael_mcgowan 4 місяці тому

    That bit about peaceful transfer of the presidency really hits different now. Oh the irony

  • @cybercop0083
    @cybercop0083 Місяць тому

    13:44 There happened a monumental split of the human race in the stone race. A split between the ghastly Freds and the jolly Barneys. We are all descendants of one of those two prongs of the human race. Every once in a while, the Fred-ness is exhuberant to the point that an abomination is named ‚Fred‘ in devilish tribute. As it is written in the protocols of the water buffalo lodge.

  • @hughquigley5337
    @hughquigley5337 4 місяці тому +1

    One of my favorite fun facts about Ted Cruz is that he is a whale for various mobile games. So yes Ted Cruz is a gamer.

  • @daniellundberg2875
    @daniellundberg2875 10 місяців тому +1

    Well, Cleveland has been called the city equivalent of a slap in the face.

    • @kevinkorenke3569
      @kevinkorenke3569 9 місяців тому +2

      HEY! I LIVE IN CLEVELAND!
      Um, you are kind of right. It gets better as you drive away and enjoy the metroparks...

  • @azoic6
    @azoic6 2 місяці тому

    1:01:00 I LOVE Whataburger, but only when I'm drunk

  • @donkeyfly43
    @donkeyfly43 5 місяців тому +2

    Fred Rogers

  • @hammerheadshark45
    @hammerheadshark45 8 місяців тому +2

    ive heard cuyahoga get mispronounced so many times im shocked robert got it right

  • @kelseyrusch9279
    @kelseyrusch9279 8 місяців тому +1

    Ugghhh all I can think about is his tonsil stone incident

  • @misterno-ice-guy8082
    @misterno-ice-guy8082 9 місяців тому

    That "4th branch" of the system of checks and balances y'all alluded to already IS the public. Organizing it was (kind of, or: in more complicated terms) part of Ralph Nader's platform

    • @FakeSchrodingersCat
      @FakeSchrodingersCat 9 місяців тому +3

      What they are alluding to is the Estates of Power. It is much, much older then Ralph Nader with the basic concept of the Estates going back to medieval Europe the first three is the Government, the Church and the Public. The 4th estate specifically only goes back to the late 1700 and was coined by Burke. The 4th Estate is the Press.

    • @misterno-ice-guy8082
      @misterno-ice-guy8082 9 місяців тому +2

      Oh. Ty
      Never heard of it.
      I guess I never explained Ralph Nader's proposition, But I should in case someone isn't privy.
      He wanted a cadre of citizens watching government agents (on tv, and via other press) to ensure they do their jobs correctly; if they promised to vote a certain way, make sure they do it, etc. This agency would consist of a small building with multiple televisions, banks of phones, newspaper subscriptions, and other applicable resources. It would be paid for with taxes and manned 24-7 by a rotating staff of vigilant locals. They would obviously report directly to their friends, families, and respective neighborhoods. A very, VERY simple concept, yet genius imho

  • @pssurvivor
    @pssurvivor 5 місяців тому +3

    LYING TED. one of the best monikers trump has come up with

  • @meep_cubed170
    @meep_cubed170 Місяць тому

    Also at 52:10 the Spanish Inquisition needed in 1838, we had seven different United States President before that ended, so no, it didn’t end 900 years ago. Not the biggest problematic thing Ted said, but come on

  • @Judgewrath1
    @Judgewrath1 7 місяців тому

    Narrator: "They had to talk about Ted Cruz again."

  • @damejanea.macdonald2371
    @damejanea.macdonald2371 3 місяці тому +2

    16:35 I wish this joking invocation of my body my choice didn't eventually turn into something right wingers will attempt to invoke in all seriousness.

  • @stvinney
    @stvinney 8 днів тому

    I imagine Ted being a very sad kid who no one liked
    Im sure there were "those kids" who were either too nice or didn't have a lot of options so they tried
    But given the choice between no friends and having Ted Cruz as a friend, everyone would embrace loneliness. Get a dog or something

  • @NoActuallyGo-KCUF-Yourself
    @NoActuallyGo-KCUF-Yourself 10 місяців тому +2

    A comprehensive biography in under an hour - not a very interesting life this fellow, this Ted .. Cooz?