@@ragingsaviorkami9862 those women have self respect. It also goes against the “modern” narrative. “Free love” ideology of the 60’s has destroyed generations of women now.
Its funny because he wasnt allowed to go to prom with a friend. She took away a meaningful night. She took away all his happiness while she got to experience everything
To me cheating isn't a mistake, mistakes are supposed to happen & you learn from them. Cheating is disrespectful to him & herself. It's not normal to cheat, I don't care if it's a long distant relationship, they were still together. The nerve of some people.
a mistake is putting the cookies in the oven, forgetting they’re there and burning them. a mistake is pulling into work and realizing you forgot to change out of your night clothes. they’re things you do out of forgetfulness, clumsiness, naivety, hell even sheer stupidity. but yes, they are “not my finest hour” moments that you reflect on and learn from. and they’re much easier to forgive BECAUSE mistakes are not made out of malice or selfish desire, rather a moment of incompetence, which is something we can all relate to. something not everyone can relate to, though, is cheating on someone you claim to love. someone you knowingly and meticulously convinced and manipulated over the course of the relationship, that you truly did love them. knowingly made them feel comfortable enough and at ease with you to be vulnerable with you and feel they could let their guard down with you. a cheater takes all of this trust and this false sense of security which the partner is left blissfully unaware of the fact that it was a facade, and folds the moment they get their chance to fulfill their own desires. sure, not every cheater did it just to be a sadistic bastard, some do, but most dont do that. most cheaters cheat out of putting themselves and their desires, regardless of the damage it could cause, above all else, above the person who still believes you to be their source of peace, someone who was loyal to you because you led them to believe you were down for them 110%. but this whole time all the cheater cared about was themselves and what THEY wanted, be it a fantasy, kink, a cheap thrill, something their partner was never aware was a desire of theirs due to an intentional decline in communication so as to find the quicker way to gratification rather than actually having an open, honest talk about what they wanted from them. cheating is 10000% a choice that is taken out of selfishness, and in some cases, pure malice. there’s nothing redeemable here. sure, you can forgive them in time, but trusting them or anyone at that is going to feel impossible because of the unadulterated betrayal you subjected them to. a partner, even if they’re pissed at their s/o, can naturally find it much easier to forgive and regroup after they make a mistake like one mentioned above or others similar, because said partner, once the frustration cools down, will realize that they never meant to do that, it was just a moment of genuine incompetence, something slipped their mind and it’s way easier to trust them when they promise not to let it happen again, because it was simply an oopsy. cheating, on the other hand, induces a different kind of rage. a cold one. this is when the realization hits that the whole relationship was a lie, and the very person they built their life with had toyed with their emotions to make their selfish desires easier to attain. the one who’s cheated on KNOWS the relationship is beyond fixing, because this isn’t just a moment of incompetence. this is outright betrayal, and they’ll know from that moment on that they’ll never be able to trust the same, and certainly never trust said person again. cheaters never tell the truth out of genuine guilt, they tell the truth because they believe if they’re honest that their partner will be more willing to take them back because “at least i didnt try to hide it”. you still hid the infidelity, you’ve been hiding it the moment you decided someone else could be the outlet to fulfilling your desires, and nothing can ever be the same after that.
She hushed her friend up from telling a story about one of her affairs, so obviously, the ex knew that the college liaisons were a significant deal. Her attempts to downplay it as a wild streak 20 years ago doesn't hold water, as if it didn't matter. She would have told him 20 years ago before they got married.
This reminds of a Chris Rock joke about how a man can’t be in the same room as an EX without a girlfriend flipping out, but will introduce every EX boyfriend she’s f**ked to the boyfriend without batting an eyelash.
Imagine having to completely restructure your life and future, pay lawyer fees, lose ownership of your house and have to disburse half of your liquid assets and retirement fund when you're the harmed party in a divorce over infidelity. Brothers, I deeply beg of you, do not ever lock yourself into a legal agreement/contract where the other party is rewarded for breaking the terms!
And the double standard. Jesus! If she changed her mind about dating other people, that's one thing, but because she was adamant about him not doing it PROVES she did think it was a big deal (just not for her).
Notice how people would rather disrespect you and break your heart than to JUST END THE RELATIONSHIP. I rather you break up with me than to find out you cheated. If I find out you cheated AND we were still together NOW I have to go and get ALL the STD tests done. Remember when you sleep with someone you are also sleeping with every past relationship, hook up and one night stand they had. THEN YOU COME HOME TO YOUR S.O. AND GIVE IT TO THEM.
Im in an LDR with my bf. We haven't seen each other for almost a year. I would rather wait for another year or years than cheat on my man reasoning that its an LDR or whatever. And in a relationship the default is being exclusive unless you've made it clear its otherwise.
Same, it’s been over a year since I’ve seen mine, will be seeing him in October. It’s not impossible to not cheat in LDR especially if you actually respect them
This "Ask forgiveness rather than permission" mindset is just selfish when people act like exclusivity isn't default. That's just playing russian roulette with your relationship, gambling on whether it's still there after they find out you've been cheating.
I interpreted this as her nonchalance for the damage she did over the course of 20 years. Like, she had no remorse, and was ready to move on shortly after their separation. It makes it appear that the OP was more emotionally invested in her/the marriage than she was.
I think OP should have been ready to rock (like the ex wife is) and if he was attracted to the coworker and given her a ride. I’m sure he is horny as hell by now.
Nah, just a sign of how little the marriage actually meant to her, which would naturally be upsetting for someone who was 100% committed, not just for the marriage but whilst they were dating
She still cheated. Who cares if it didn’t last? And then she INTRODUCED same to her BF as “friends” that’s really messed up. Somehow seemingly worse than just cheating bc it’s in your face. And she’s still in contact with one of them. As a guy who’s never been in a relationship, sometimes is that a good thing?
Had she told him, or had he known what she did, he would not have married her...This is the point. He cannot trust her now. She probably would not marry her younger self
I was part of the original comments to this story. OP goes into more detail on some issues in the comment section. It was obvious he had his rose colored glasses on for their entire relationship. He admitted she’d go on frequent girls’ nights, girls’ trips and solo vacations. They were in a dead bedroom ten years into the marriage for months. It started right after she asked him for rough sex and BDSM. He refused and sex stopped for months after. He figures now that she found someone to fulfill those fantasies.
The only important question here is- would you have married her if you had known about the cheating? Probably not. That’s why she lied. She basically tricked you into marriage and wasted 20 years of your life
She absolutely 100% cheated on you during the marriage. You weren't her first choice, you were always the backup. It's easier for her to move on because you domt really turn her on, she don't like you like that, she feels she can do better. It's that simple.
If the the mom really is messing with the guy she was flirting with from work so soon after the divorce, i hope the kids give her fucking hell for it. It may have only been flirting but she still did wrong by the husband doing so.
Funny how more instances of the wife's bad behavior seemed to "trickle" out as time went on. Wife has absolutely been cheating on and off for the past 20 years. While she was cheating, she insisted that he not go to his prom. Classic projection. She just didn't like not being the one who ended it - classic self-absorved and selfish cheater. Over time, he's going to find out how much she's actually been cheating on him for years now that she has nothing to lose.
Unfortunately your actions and attitudes during the divorce process gave your STBXW permission to walk all over you like a doormat. This made it harder for your 17 year old son to stand up to his mother’s desire to keep him away from you. She is an evil person and it’s sad that you failed to pick up on that years ago.
This is what i hate, when people define cheating as a "mistake", what part of it was the mistake, the flirting? The kissing? The sex? Cheating is very much a choice, you have full control on wether you'll do it or not. Calling it a mistake ultimately undermines the severity of the act. Cheating is a choice, not a mistake, and it's a choice that comes with CONSEQUENCES, if you are gonna cheat on your partner, own it up. I honestly don't get it, in my opinion, if you are in a relationship and you catch feelings for someone else/feel a strong attraction to someone else, the best course of action would be to just BE HONEST, and break up with your current partner BEFORE initiating anything, and THEN try to pursue the other person, not pursuing them while you're still in said relationship.
Cheating in LDR is unacceptable. Doesn't matter how often it happens. Cheating is cheating. And Chester's deserve to suffer for the rest of their lives.
I don't like how OP feels the need to justify his decision to get a divorce. Even if she only had an affair in college once, and never saw the man again, he would STILL be justified in getting a divorce.
Society is predisposed to demonizing men for creating broken homes. It's bullshit, as it has created a free license for women to get out of the social repercussions for cheating. Men are just expected to move on and accept. Whereas if a man cheats, he's permanently branded.
Neither do I. I don't really like AITA stories because you'll see the title and it just screams "Do you really even need to ask?" But OP needs to stop trying to justify the divorce, who is he trying to explain himself to?
OP will never know the full story of his ex wife cheating. I think she never stopped. The toxic way she was thinking was off the charts and OP did the only right thing. No woman in love with her man would've done the crap she pulled on OP. He was the fall back guy,the guy she settled with. Screw that. Let her find out how the world works for a divorced single mom well into her 40s. Many will smash her but not willing to get serious with her.
I would love to read how miserable she is. Unfortunately, due to how many she's hooked up with. I suspect she is attractive and can find partners easily. And, her youngest is 17 about to go to college. She'll just be an unmarried single woman, good finding a man who will trust her and want to marry her since she couldn't be faithful to her husband for 20+ years.
Basically, you were made a fool of. Imagine those guys who laughed, knowing what they did with your "girlfriend" that you thought you had a loving, romantic relationship with! They filled every orifice as you brought her flowers and took her to romantic dinners!
Sure, of course it is normal for people to sleep with others in a long distance relationship.....if they are cheaters! The downplay is the worst part, like it was no big deal and he should get over it. Imagine the mentality of thinking that since they were only one night stands, they don't count and yet making the other person remain faithful, also, seeing is how she started dating right away, she was most likely cheating throughout the marriage.
I’m so sorry to hear about your painful experience. It takes immense strength to prioritize your well-being and self-respect. Remember that it's okay to seek support during this difficult time. You deserve to be respected and valued in any relationship. Take care of yourself moving forward.
I admire his self restraint. Some might call him a wimp, but they would be wrong. His behavior has been entirely civilized and decent. How many times in my life I have heard about men who were pushed too far and killed someone, or went to prison for assault. I am sure it was hard but he has handled the entire situation very well. Good for him. Good luck in the future sir.
The ex wife was never his, it was just his turn. Women who go through hoe phrases are usually the one's who get divorced more than once because they cannot pair bond properly. Never settle folks.
She cheated before AND AFTER marriage. She went on a date with a co-worker and would flirt with them! Yet she is crazy enough to say that he is overreacting
This story gets repeated a lot. I like to point out that this is why previous generations instilled modesty on their children. The wayward wife admitted she did some wild stuff with other men in college. She enjoyed deviant sex acts. Then later on tried to replicate it with her husband and felt wrong for it. Not wrong for cheating but wrong for doing those “nasty” things her spouse. YOUR SPOUSE IS THE PERSON YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DO THOSE NASTY THINGS WITH! There is a cognitive dissonance going on here. Who you are and who you think you should be. Go read Jung and learn to incorporate your shadow. My point is this. The modern era promotes young people “being free”. Obviously this left his wayward wife emotionally damaged and unable to fully commit to her husband. Which has left her extremely selfish hurting not only her, but her kids as well.
If she gets into another relationship she can't be loyal. She has a history and behavior pattern of over 20 years of cheating. She was living as an imposter the whole time they were married. She was not the loyal gf/wife she present but a promiscuous disloyal selfish woman.
The same consequences that would’ve been applied 20 years ago should still apply now. The fact that it was 20 years ago is irrelevant since he likely would’ve broken up with her immediately back then if he found out about her sleeping around.
Adultery is "NOT A MISTAKE".... Adultery is a premeditated act of betrayal. The spouse know right from wrong. She CHOSE to willingly betray him!....... He did THE RIGHT THING!
I do not know why some are saying it is common to cheat during long-distance relationships. It's really not. It may be an understanding a couple has while being long distance that both can pursue sexual time with others as long as it is purely sex. But what she did was straight-up cheating. If she thought it was common or acceptable, she wouldnt have tried to hide it or diminish her actions.
Cheating is common, but it’s not normal. 20% of married men cheat. That’s common. 80% of married men don’t cheat. That’s what is normal. 13% of married women cheat. That’s common. 87% of married women don’t cheat. That’s what is normal.
it's not common to sleep around during a long distance relationship... sometimes folks break up, see other folks and then reconnect if they ever find themselves in the same town again but there are no promises. She knew what she was doing was wrong and that's why she never told him about and introduced all the guys as just friends...
“Our 19yr old asked if I had cheated and my wife bravely admitted that she was the one who had cheated.” - way more women than men cheat nowadays, it’s not even close.
Don't understand how some women view sex less meaningful than a relationship. Like it doesn't even matter. Doesn't occur to them it's what the other person thinks about it in these situations. You can't make the decision for someone else how much it mattes to them or if it counts as cheating , because it takes two yes' and one no in a relationship. Especially when they can leave you any time when you them so poorly with no regard for how they will feel.
I love how ppl always want to "forgive and forget" when it comes to cheating. like, bullshit! No one will feel it's ok to look past cheating, unless they have very little self respect for themselves or the situation was a very touchy and unique one.
Your ex is always a threat to your SO. Your relationship with your SO is always threatened by your relationship with your ex. If you maintain an avoidable relationship with your ex, expect repercussions.
She sounds pretty selfish to me. You have a great reason to file for divorce seems to me you’re a man of principal, integrity, and respect and she broke that seems pretty simple to me.
If she hadn't been so greasy by introducing him to the guys then I'd be inclined to say they weren't married yet and after 20 years counseling might be better than starting over..but damn
She moved on so quick lol, you where what she settled for and she eventually realised her gig was up and gave up. She never truly loved you that much deep down not even while she was in college but throughout the entire marriage
Sometimes you only have to look at the circumstances to see the wrong.if it really wasn't a "big deal" then why keep it a secret for 20 years? She knew it would be a problem even 20 years later.
A long distance relationship is still a relationship. If you sleep with others, you are cheating. Period. I've been in a similar situation. Tho she knew what she was doing was cheating. She even blamed me for her cheating. Fuck women like that.
Yea it's a bit of a tough one. I do understand her initial perspective, being long distance and not thinking the high school relationship would last. Doesn't make it okay, but I could chalk it up to young dumb behavior. But, the denial and downplay after being exposed is really really bad. That's not for the perpetrator of the betrayal to do. Maybe, if they are extremely remorseful and owned up to it as soon as questioned, there could possibly be a way forward. 20 years is indeed a long time, so if her actions show that she is a different person now, then maybe the victim could try to use those justifications on themselves to move forward. But, for her to gaslight and downplay shows that she is sympathetic to that old version of her, it shows that she isn't all that different.
It's sad to hear how his wife cheated on him. It's very common for women to cheat on their man. Don't date women that aren't virgins and if they show you slight disrespect at any time you need to dump them.
This woman was keeping you as an orbiter, got all her holes stuffed by chad and tyrone while her future piggy bank was nice and safely loyal a few hours away. Honestly, I respect her hustle, she played you perfectly. She manipulated you into staying loyal while she got her cake and eat it too, got her marriage and her kids for decades and the financial gain of said marriage. What a psycho, but damn that's next level manipulation.
If it’s commonplace, why did she keep it a secret for 20 years?
Exactly
Bcs she knew very well she fcked up but still wanted to feel "alive" and "wanted" most probbably
He was her safe bet. Her safety net in case the hookups and one night stands didn't pan out for her in the long run.
She's gonna wake up one day and wonder why she's alone. Gave up a husband for hookups, thinking she was the prize.
She damaged herself emotionally in college by actively pursuing her “304 phase.”
@@RobDaCajun I know quite a few women who haven't gone through a 304 phase, and it annoys me that not many people see how much of a blessing that is.
@@ragingsaviorkami9862 those women have self respect. It also goes against the “modern” narrative. “Free love” ideology of the 60’s has destroyed generations of women now.
The gaslightning, the double standards and the the downplay.
What a toxic women
Toxic?? Or average in America
She was most probably cheating throughout the entire marriage. Hence why she says her cheating is no big deal
Right? If it's no big deal, why was she adamant about him not seeing other people.
As the kids would say “she’s for the streets”
@@flexjohnson18not just America if you listen to enough of these stories you would know it's worldwide
Its funny because he wasnt allowed to go to prom with a friend. She took away a meaningful night. She took away all his happiness while she got to experience everything
More like evil and sad not so much funny. 😢
Women can be very selfish
To me cheating isn't a mistake, mistakes are supposed to happen & you learn from them. Cheating is disrespectful to him & herself. It's not normal to cheat, I don't care if it's a long distant relationship, they were still together. The nerve of some people.
a mistake is putting the cookies in the oven, forgetting they’re there and burning them. a mistake is pulling into work and realizing you forgot to change out of your night clothes. they’re things you do out of forgetfulness, clumsiness, naivety, hell even sheer stupidity. but yes, they are “not my finest hour” moments that you reflect on and learn from. and they’re much easier to forgive BECAUSE mistakes are not made out of malice or selfish desire, rather a moment of incompetence, which is something we can all relate to. something not everyone can relate to, though, is cheating on someone you claim to love. someone you knowingly and meticulously convinced and manipulated over the course of the relationship, that you truly did love them. knowingly made them feel comfortable enough and at ease with you to be vulnerable with you and feel they could let their guard down with you. a cheater takes all of this trust and this false sense of security which the partner is left blissfully unaware of the fact that it was a facade, and folds the moment they get their chance to fulfill their own desires. sure, not every cheater did it just to be a sadistic bastard, some do, but most dont do that. most cheaters cheat out of putting themselves and their desires, regardless of the damage it could cause, above all else, above the person who still believes you to be their source of peace, someone who was loyal to you because you led them to believe you were down for them 110%. but this whole time all the cheater cared about was themselves and what THEY wanted, be it a fantasy, kink, a cheap thrill, something their partner was never aware was a desire of theirs due to an intentional decline in communication so as to find the quicker way to gratification rather than actually having an open, honest talk about what they wanted from them. cheating is 10000% a choice that is taken out of selfishness, and in some cases, pure malice. there’s nothing redeemable here. sure, you can forgive them in time, but trusting them or anyone at that is going to feel impossible because of the unadulterated betrayal you subjected them to. a partner, even if they’re pissed at their s/o, can naturally find it much easier to forgive and regroup after they make a mistake like one mentioned above or others similar, because said partner, once the frustration cools down, will realize that they never meant to do that, it was just a moment of genuine incompetence, something slipped their mind and it’s way easier to trust them when they promise not to let it happen again, because it was simply an oopsy. cheating, on the other hand, induces a different kind of rage. a cold one. this is when the realization hits that the whole relationship was a lie, and the very person they built their life with had toyed with their emotions to make their selfish desires easier to attain. the one who’s cheated on KNOWS the relationship is beyond fixing, because this isn’t just a moment of incompetence. this is outright betrayal, and they’ll know from that moment on that they’ll never be able to trust the same, and certainly never trust said person again. cheaters never tell the truth out of genuine guilt, they tell the truth because they believe if they’re honest that their partner will be more willing to take them back because “at least i didnt try to hide it”. you still hid the infidelity, you’ve been hiding it the moment you decided someone else could be the outlet to fulfilling your desires, and nothing can ever be the same after that.
Cheating is a choice not a mistake!!!
She hushed her friend up from telling a story about one of her affairs, so obviously, the ex knew that the college liaisons were a significant deal. Her attempts to downplay it as a wild streak 20 years ago doesn't hold water, as if it didn't matter. She would have told him 20 years ago before they got married.
Eh, not wanting your partner to hear about wild college days is normal. This chick is a nightmare though
Yeah it means she lied to him during that entire period..all those times on the phone acting like she was just bored and exhausted from school
She was definitely cheating the whole time smh.
Probably one their kids isnt his
@@razofdead or both
100%
Yep.
She has the gall to say he’s over reacting??? Divorce! It would be difficult not to cut off ALL the people telling me I’M the one being unreasonable.
This reminds of a Chris Rock joke about how a man can’t be in the same room as an EX without a girlfriend flipping out, but will introduce every EX boyfriend she’s f**ked to the boyfriend without batting an eyelash.
Right😂
Imagine having to completely restructure your life and future, pay lawyer fees, lose ownership of your house and have to disburse half of your liquid assets and retirement fund when you're the harmed party in a divorce over infidelity.
Brothers, I deeply beg of you, do not ever lock yourself into a legal agreement/contract where the other party is rewarded for breaking the terms!
Well said
It is commonplace for people to cheat in long distance relationships, but it doesn’t mean it’s reasonable.
That's the point
Idk what kind of degenrate people you guys live amongst but where i come from its not normal.
Or acceptable
And the double standard. Jesus! If she changed her mind about dating other people, that's one thing, but because she was adamant about him not doing it PROVES she did think it was a big deal (just not for her).
No, it is not commonplace, even in the most promiscuous places
Dude married the college bike🤣 divorce her
If she has that view on cheating I do wonder if she has continued throughout your marriage.
Its funny how people immediately think its the husband that cheated and never the wife
That actually blew my mind that the 19 year old automatically assumed it was the dad who had cheated
Statistically women cheat more than men.
Notice how people would rather disrespect you and break your heart than to JUST END THE RELATIONSHIP. I rather you break up with me than to find out you cheated. If I find out you cheated AND we were still together NOW I have to go and get ALL the STD tests done. Remember when you sleep with someone you are also sleeping with every past relationship, hook up and one night stand they had. THEN YOU COME HOME TO YOUR S.O. AND GIVE IT TO THEM.
10 guys is not a few mistakes. 😑
Maybe she only considers a few of them to be mistakes, the other 7 guys were no regrets 😂
10 guys 'was on the low end'.
Right. I don't even know 10 guys at this point in my life😂
Im in an LDR with my bf. We haven't seen each other for almost a year. I would rather wait for another year or years than cheat on my man reasoning that its an LDR or whatever. And in a relationship the default is being exclusive unless you've made it clear its otherwise.
Amen you're a real one
Same, it’s been over a year since I’ve seen mine, will be seeing him in October. It’s not impossible to not cheat in LDR especially if you actually respect them
@@ADR-xn6dg omg im soo happy for you💗 i have no idea when I'll be seeing mine🙂💔
This "Ask forgiveness rather than permission" mindset is just selfish when people act like exclusivity isn't default. That's just playing russian roulette with your relationship, gambling on whether it's still there after they find out you've been cheating.
Cheating isn't a mistake, it's a choice.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Once the trust is gone, the relationship is over.
Close to the end of this story Op was too worried about his ex moving on too fast than his own well being
I interpreted this as her nonchalance for the damage she did over the course of 20 years. Like, she had no remorse, and was ready to move on shortly after their separation. It makes it appear that the OP was more emotionally invested in her/the marriage than she was.
@@user-px5wi5px4o she never loved him. this is clear.
I think OP should have been ready to rock (like the ex wife is) and if he was attracted to the coworker and given her a ride. I’m sure he is horny as hell by now.
Probably sleeping around the entire time.
Nah, just a sign of how little the marriage actually meant to her, which would naturally be upsetting for someone who was 100% committed, not just for the marriage but whilst they were dating
"It's normal for me to cheat while we're on a LDR, but don't you dare go to prom with your platonic friend."
Rules for thee, not for me.
She still cheated. Who cares if it didn’t last? And then she INTRODUCED same to her BF as “friends” that’s really messed up. Somehow seemingly worse than just cheating bc it’s in your face. And she’s still in contact with one of them.
As a guy who’s never been in a relationship, sometimes is that a good thing?
Had she told him, or had he known what she did, he would not have married her...This is the point. He cannot trust her now. She probably would not marry her younger self
I was part of the original comments to this story. OP goes into more detail on some issues in the comment section. It was obvious he had his rose colored glasses on for their entire relationship. He admitted she’d go on frequent girls’ nights, girls’ trips and solo vacations. They were in a dead bedroom ten years into the marriage for months. It started right after she asked him for rough sex and BDSM. He refused and sex stopped for months after. He figures now that she found someone to fulfill those fantasies.
Damn she was out a long time ago.
Absolute nightmare of a situation to be in, I empathise with him. Makes me question my own experience even further.
Bro accidentally married a 304. Sigh, she obviously wasn't emotionally invested in her husband. She obviously is an immoral person.
If its not a big deal, why she kept it as secret all this years
And why did she not want him to do it? The double standard destroys the "no big deal" narrative.
The only important question here is- would you have married her if you had known about the cheating? Probably not. That’s why she lied. She basically tricked you into marriage and wasted 20 years of your life
Yep, he really should have been compensated
She never loved him.
Damn bro 10 different men? Damn that's too many of them
She absolutely 100% cheated on you during the marriage.
You weren't her first choice, you were always the backup.
It's easier for her to move on because you domt really turn her on, she don't like you like that, she feels she can do better.
It's that simple.
Yeah, I suspect she's the attractive one between them. She settled with him for stability, security, good parent/provider and loyal.
"Everything has been perfect in our relationship... accept for that is a damn lie" 😂
If the the mom really is messing with the guy she was flirting with from work so soon after the divorce, i hope the kids give her fucking hell for it. It may have only been flirting but she still did wrong by the husband doing so.
Funny how more instances of the wife's bad behavior seemed to "trickle" out as time went on. Wife has absolutely been cheating on and off for the past 20 years. While she was cheating, she insisted that he not go to his prom. Classic projection. She just didn't like not being the one who ended it - classic self-absorved and selfish cheater. Over time, he's going to find out how much she's actually been cheating on him for years now that she has nothing to lose.
He only learned a small bit of info that she openly admitted. There's more affairs throughout the 20+ years.
Unfortunately your actions and attitudes during the divorce process gave your STBXW permission to walk all over you like a doormat. This made it harder for your 17 year old son to stand up to his mother’s desire to keep him away from you. She is an evil person and it’s sad that you failed to pick up on that years ago.
Wait. Who makes a cake out of cupcakes but leaves the wrapper on the cupcakes? Wth? 😂
I was thinking the same thing there 😂
The mom got no consequences. Thankfully the kids stepped in. 26:09 she manipulated you, you doormat
You're the doormat. 😂
Yep, op in the story is pathetic af.
10:17 so her dad would come after you if you slept around? But she could hook up with ten different people if she wanted.
That is a double standard.
Fucking hypocrites dude
Probably a lie she made up
This is what i hate, when people define cheating as a "mistake", what part of it was the mistake, the flirting? The kissing? The sex? Cheating is very much a choice, you have full control on wether you'll do it or not. Calling it a mistake ultimately undermines the severity of the act. Cheating is a choice, not a mistake, and it's a choice that comes with CONSEQUENCES, if you are gonna cheat on your partner, own it up. I honestly don't get it, in my opinion, if you are in a relationship and you catch feelings for someone else/feel a strong attraction to someone else, the best course of action would be to just BE HONEST, and break up with your current partner BEFORE initiating anything, and THEN try to pursue the other person, not pursuing them while you're still in said relationship.
Cheating in LDR is unacceptable. Doesn't matter how often it happens. Cheating is cheating. And Chester's deserve to suffer for the rest of their lives.
I don't like how OP feels the need to justify his decision to get a divorce. Even if she only had an affair in college once, and never saw the man again, he would STILL be justified in getting a divorce.
Society is predisposed to demonizing men for creating broken homes. It's bullshit, as it has created a free license for women to get out of the social repercussions for cheating. Men are just expected to move on and accept. Whereas if a man cheats, he's permanently branded.
Neither do I.
I don't really like AITA stories because you'll see the title and it just screams "Do you really even need to ask?" But OP needs to stop trying to justify the divorce, who is he trying to explain himself to?
OP will never know the full story of his ex wife cheating. I think she never stopped. The toxic way she was thinking was off the charts and OP did the only right thing. No woman in love with her man would've done the crap she pulled on OP. He was the fall back guy,the guy she settled with. Screw that. Let her find out how the world works for a divorced single mom well into her 40s. Many will smash her but not willing to get serious with her.
I would love to read how miserable she is. Unfortunately, due to how many she's hooked up with. I suspect she is attractive and can find partners easily. And, her youngest is 17 about to go to college. She'll just be an unmarried single woman, good finding a man who will trust her and want to marry her since she couldn't be faithful to her husband for 20+ years.
She was a 304 and never cared about 0p
Basically, you were made a fool of. Imagine those guys who laughed, knowing what they did with your "girlfriend" that you thought you had a loving, romantic relationship with! They filled every orifice as you brought her flowers and took her to romantic dinners!
Sure, of course it is normal for people to sleep with others in a long distance relationship.....if they are cheaters! The downplay is the worst part, like it was no big deal and he should get over it. Imagine the mentality of thinking that since they were only one night stands, they don't count and yet making the other person remain faithful, also, seeing is how she started dating right away, she was most likely cheating throughout the marriage.
This guy is way too good of a guy
I hope someone tells him that in about 6 months-1year she is going to be crawling back begging you to be with her again.
I’m so sorry to hear about your painful experience. It takes immense strength to prioritize your well-being and self-respect. Remember that it's okay to seek support during this difficult time. You deserve to be respected and valued in any relationship. Take care of yourself moving forward.
I admire his self restraint. Some might call him a wimp, but they would be wrong. His behavior has been entirely civilized and decent. How many times in my life I have heard about men who were pushed too far and killed someone, or went to prison for assault. I am sure it was hard but he has handled the entire situation very well. Good for him. Good luck in the future sir.
So they wife basically got off scott free.
She went on to continue her 403 phase and OP was left to pick up the pieces of his trust issues and waste of a 20 year marriage.
Most of the replies here ignored the most important part of this story 0:00
among us cupcake
The ex wife was never his, it was just his turn. Women who go through hoe phrases are usually the one's who get divorced more than once because they cannot pair bond properly. Never settle folks.
She cheated before AND AFTER marriage. She went on a date with a co-worker and would flirt with them! Yet she is crazy enough to say that he is overreacting
dude needs to get paternity tests
True.
Just for closure. Even if he still loves his kids.
My dude needs to do a dna test on the kids asap, if the wife can cheat so easily she can pass another's man son to the husband
She wanted u on a leash while she ws for the streets lol
She cucked him for 20 years SMDH
“My past doesn’t matter”
Laughable
If she said 10 its probably 20. She probably hooks up with them once and a while. She made the wedding small for a reason
This story gets repeated a lot. I like to point out that this is why previous generations instilled modesty on their children. The wayward wife admitted she did some wild stuff with other men in college. She enjoyed deviant sex acts. Then later on tried to replicate it with her husband and felt wrong for it. Not wrong for cheating but wrong for doing those “nasty” things her spouse. YOUR SPOUSE IS THE PERSON YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DO THOSE NASTY THINGS WITH! There is a cognitive dissonance going on here. Who you are and who you think you should be. Go read Jung and learn to incorporate your shadow. My point is this. The modern era promotes young people “being free”. Obviously this left his wayward wife emotionally damaged and unable to fully commit to her husband. Which has left her extremely selfish hurting not only her, but her kids as well.
If she gets into another relationship she can't be loyal. She has a history and behavior pattern of over 20 years of cheating. She was living as an imposter the whole time they were married. She was not the loyal gf/wife she present but a promiscuous disloyal selfish woman.
wow I've never heard about a narcissist witch like his Ex. No remorse OR regret.
Prom is such a big milestone, and missing out on it must have left a huge void
It showed how selfish she was. She didn't want to go and didn't want OP to go or to have a platonic date either.
brother it probably slipped out 20+ times and she put it back in, can’t believe he was thinking about reconciling
I dated long distance two years, and NEITHER of us ever even looked at another person like we do each other, we're now going to college together
She denied you of knowing that you probably not got married. He didn't get to have an informed decusion!
The same consequences that would’ve been applied 20 years ago should still apply now. The fact that it was 20 years ago is irrelevant since he likely would’ve broken up with her immediately back then if he found out about her sleeping around.
It's common place.... for cheaters.
Adultery is "NOT A MISTAKE".... Adultery is a premeditated act of betrayal. The spouse know right from wrong. She CHOSE to willingly betray him!....... He did THE RIGHT THING!
I do not know why some are saying it is common to cheat during long-distance relationships. It's really not. It may be an understanding a couple has while being long distance that both can pursue sexual time with others as long as it is purely sex. But what she did was straight-up cheating. If she thought it was common or acceptable, she wouldnt have tried to hide it or diminish her actions.
Cheating is common, but it’s not normal.
20% of married men cheat.
That’s common.
80% of married men don’t cheat. That’s what is normal.
13% of married women cheat.
That’s common.
87% of married women don’t cheat.
That’s what is normal.
Tbf that's just who gets caught. But who cares about "normal"? That's just a statistic.
What's right? What is fair and just?
it's not common to sleep around during a long distance relationship... sometimes folks break up, see other folks and then reconnect if they ever find themselves in the same town again but there are no promises. She knew what she was doing was wrong and that's why she never told him about and introduced all the guys as just friends...
“Our 19yr old asked if I had cheated and my wife bravely admitted that she was the one who had cheated.” - way more women than men cheat nowadays, it’s not even close.
OMG. She was definitely cheating the whole time smh
Its common for people, common for cheaters
I noticed people only says that to a man when he iz the wronged party.
Don't understand how some women view sex less meaningful than a relationship. Like it doesn't even matter. Doesn't occur to them it's what the other person thinks about it in these situations. You can't make the decision for someone else how much it mattes to them or if it counts as cheating , because it takes two yes' and one no in a relationship. Especially when they can leave you any time when you them so poorly with no regard for how they will feel.
i hope she suffers, she cheated and feels no remorse, i hope you can be happy
bro 10. that's crazy
In a nod to my mid life crisis😂😂😂😂😂
I love how ppl always want to "forgive and forget" when it comes to cheating. like, bullshit! No one will feel it's ok to look past cheating, unless they have very little self respect for themselves or the situation was a very touchy and unique one.
Your ex is always a threat to your SO. Your relationship with your SO is always threatened by your relationship with your ex. If you maintain an avoidable relationship with your ex, expect repercussions.
She sounds pretty selfish to me. You have a great reason to file for divorce seems to me you’re a man of principal, integrity, and respect and she broke that seems pretty simple to me.
Dump her. Infidelity will never be normal.
If she hadn't been so greasy by introducing him to the guys then I'd be inclined to say they weren't married yet and after 20 years counseling might be better than starting over..but damn
Such a tough situation 😔
Tell her you’ll stay with her but only if you can sleep with ten of her friend.
She moved on so quick lol, you where what she settled for and she eventually realised her gig was up and gave up. She never truly loved you that much deep down not even while she was in college but throughout the entire marriage
Disrespect has no expiry date.
Multiple? it was 10+😂
(Yes, I know 10+ is multiple too, but when people say it they mean like 2-4, not dozzen😅
The son has more of a spine than his dad.
Sometimes you only have to look at the circumstances to see the wrong.if it really wasn't a "big deal" then why keep it a secret for 20 years? She knew it would be a problem even 20 years later.
A long distance relationship is still a relationship. If you sleep with others, you are cheating. Period. I've been in a similar situation. Tho she knew what she was doing was cheating. She even blamed me for her cheating. Fuck women like that.
Yea it's a bit of a tough one. I do understand her initial perspective, being long distance and not thinking the high school relationship would last. Doesn't make it okay, but I could chalk it up to young dumb behavior.
But, the denial and downplay after being exposed is really really bad. That's not for the perpetrator of the betrayal to do. Maybe, if they are extremely remorseful and owned up to it as soon as questioned, there could possibly be a way forward. 20 years is indeed a long time, so if her actions show that she is a different person now, then maybe the victim could try to use those justifications on themselves to move forward. But, for her to gaslight and downplay shows that she is sympathetic to that old version of her, it shows that she isn't all that different.
20 years of cheating. She didn't bother the divorce anyway.
Modern Women: "It's normal to (get tossed around) by men & women in college"
It's sad to hear how his wife cheated on him. It's very common for women to cheat on their man. Don't date women that aren't virgins and if they show you slight disrespect at any time you need to dump them.
Your sham marriage ended 43 years ago.
For 2 years? Yeah bye!
This woman was keeping you as an orbiter, got all her holes stuffed by chad and tyrone while her future piggy bank was nice and safely loyal a few hours away. Honestly, I respect her hustle, she played you perfectly. She manipulated you into staying loyal while she got her cake and eat it too, got her marriage and her kids for decades and the financial gain of said marriage. What a psycho, but damn that's next level manipulation.
Long relationship. Three hours away.
It might be common but it’s still wrong what she did especially if you were in a relationship
Yourright what Unforgivable unforgivable
18:30 This shit fucked up they think men cheat first that was the first thing that came to mind to the son