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Can you provide significant discounts to people in warzone? If anyone reading this can reach out please do. Write me your email address 👇 below 😉. I'm barely coping.
Because we've all been sitting here surrounded by stuff, wondering " what the heck is my problem?why can't I get this place cleaned up!" And then you so kindly explained why we are doing this. ❤❤❤
I thought it was hereditary my grandma was a hoarder having lived through the depression. I used to keep a clean apartment even with all of my childhood trauma but once i got with the man I would end up marrying i was still cleaning up until after I had my son and things took a bad turn and i had no support at all and i was home all the time with a sick baby no support no income of my own and a tight man who allowed me $40 to buy groceries and diapers every week not near enough money. Time went on he was gone more and more and i had no help no support no nothing and a child with adhd and aspergers. My husband became emotionally and mentally abusive and an alcoholic. Now hes physically abusive to go along with the rest. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder that’s definitely not what i have no medication has worked for me. My house is full of crap piles everywhere and animals everywhere because those animals are all i have.
Recognize that decluttering isn’t just a physical process, it’s emotional. Be kind to yourself and understand that it may take time to let go of things that represent deeper emotional wounds.
Amen… and it is SPIRITUAL. Something is “lifted” when we create order, and oppressed with disorder. It may make us afraid/embarassed to let anyone know how bad it has gotten, but there is POWER in having a budddy present to help or just not be alone doing something overwhelming.
Plusso.eo e reuse as a form of recycling g and save rhe either abut. Rather than just buying g new wasting f more .o etcreatibg mire waste and chemicals
You are 1. Informative 2. Authentic 3. Convey an enormous amount of empathy 4. Easy to listen to multiple times 5. You offer encouragement AND SOLUTIONS.
This is a frequently overlooked symptom and one that shows up for people who may be in deep denial of their trauma. I educated my mother about this, she has a master’s degree in social work, and she had no idea that clutter and hoarding were trauma symptoms. She sees it as being lazy. As someone who has both trauma and ADHD, this video definitely resonated with me. I definitely struggle with this one as well as the shame around it. Many of us have been judged as being lazy and/or slobs, and this triggers shame for us. We want to get organized, but the emotional triggering and decision fatigue involved can be overwhelming. That pile of mail that accumulated during my divorce? Full of bills that I couldn’t pay= shame. Also full of reminders of my marriage= trauma. More difficult negative emotions I have to deal with. It’s easier to just leave it until next weekend.
Mail was a huge trigger for me. I ended up needing to file for bankruptcy with the divorce. Highly recommend KC Davis's book about decluttering. There is also an interview on Mel Robbins' channel, where she reviews the steps in enough detail, I was able to write out an outline that was an effective enough guide during the process. There's I think five steps. It helps remove the emotions from it.
I think the biggest problem IS the shame, to be honest! It's the whip that my mother used to try to control me. It's impossible to fight against. It's like having someone's foot in your face, mashing you into the floor. It is like acid & burns deep....
I understand this coming from trauma but I am desperately needing to know what kind of trauma. Did not grow up poor but very toxic dysfunctional and terrorized constantly by dad. Al of us. Violence and degrading talk. Inappropriate touching by him. Mom thought all everything was good. I could go on and on. Help!
@@goosie6926 Well, it sounds like you had it a lot worse than I did, but for me my bedroom growing up felt like the only place I felt comfortable and safe, and I think correlating my room to safety and comfort translated to my possessions as well, so that my possessions also made me feel safe. So maybe that resonates with you.
*the answer to clutter is not decluttering, it's re-regulation* i found this video a year and a half ago, while depressed and surrounded by clutter. you were literally describing my environment around me. and the "silverware story" and the "full cupboard feeling" sounded like you knew *exactly* what i was dealing with.
My husband is a hoarder, I was a "minimalist" coming into the relationship. My husband's poverty mentality keeps him hanging onto EVERYTHING, even broken objects. He freezes when he tries to work through the clutter. He ends up just sitting down and going through old photos, then puts them back in the same bag. It's a very interesting, relatable, frustrating and even fascinating subject-- I think that's why the video blew up. Thank you 💖🥰!
I'm similar to your husband. I freeze when I try to pick up clutter. I go to move a box and before I know it I've opened it and am going through the items inside, distracted. Hours later I've gotten nothing done and everything goes back into the 1 box and I sit there staring at the untouched clutter I had every intention of picking up. I'm frozen, staring at what I haven't accomplished. Then the cycle repeats days, weeks, or months later. I won't let people come over due to my shame, my messy shame. Yet outside my home when I build up the nerve to break my self isolation. I clean myself up & dress like I'm well put together inorder to socialize 🤷♂️. Another thing I do is I over buy when I grocery shop. I feel safe when my pantry shelves are full, however I won't eat what I have there. Then one day I'll go through them and notice I have expired cans & jars, but no recollection of where the time went between when I purchased those items and when I finally realized that it all needs to be thrown out.
Many of us went into survival mode as adults. I recognised that I had intentionally put up a barrier so that others would not be invited to my space. I wasn’t a major hoarder, but had experienced massive financial losses after trusting my husband. I’d kept non emotional things which I could have tossed out. I ended up getting large boxes, and putting like with like items in certain rooms. From there it was tackling one box at a time, every other week. Less pressure. I determined what I preferred to keep by how much cupboard space was available for that category’s items. Please see that you’re a good person, who has been protecting yourself. You’ve had a technical bump on your pathway that can be altered if and when you’re able to. I wish you well in life; you deserve to experience the very best of you and embrace your potential with any guiding light. You sound like a kind and gentle soul.
@@davidlogan9829 I can totally relate. I call myself a "keeper of things". I see progress tho when I can at least throw a few things away as i declutter! Even if it's a small pile. Then I see progress again the next year when I've thrown a few more things away. At least I've touched it, gone thru it, made another dent, and I know what's there. At this rate tho, I must live to 120!!
@@wmh1626 Mel Robbins has an interview with KC Davis on her podcast (I'm not sure if Robbins has interviewed Davis more than once, though), and I got the outline of the decluttering system down on paper from that interview (I initially was not taking notes and decided to restart it with pen and paper when I realized the system required the steps to actually work). I got Davis's book on decluttering to make sure I wasn't missing anything (checked out the audiobook on the Libby app via local library card). The decluttering book did explain each step in more detail, had more troubleshooting, and specific examples. The interview covered a lot of information very quickly, so I am glad I read the book, to more fully absorb the message and to know how to approach apparent roadblocks. However, I never added anything else to the initial outline of steps that I wrote out, based on the podcast interview. The steps were the same, so she really gave a lot of value in that interview! She also touched on the most important reframes/attitude changes/major understanding differences (for example, the idea that decluttering is a one and done project, vs something that is integrated into daily life, and the "container rule," for creating space boundaries without so much emotion). I appreciated her attitude of genuinely wanting others to get the quality of life that comes with decluttering, without all the shame that is typically associated. Based on that vibe, I went on to get her other books! Davis has another about how she learned to maintain a household without feeling overwhelmed, which I also found a ton of value in.
I want to say something but don't know for sure how or what to say. My house is what I call broken. My husband of almost 47 years has 2 different types of mesothelioma and one is very aggressive. I took one of our dogs to the vet this morning and she has heart worms that cannot be treated at this stage. I deal with depression along with other illnesses and we are raising a 16 year old grandson whom I'm so thankful for. We raised his sister who is 21 now and she's a blessing, too. My home stays so messy and cluttered that I don't allow people inside. My 55 year old stepson is living with us and will hopefully find another place to live soon. He's been here for 10 months. I'm really struggling these days. I guess I just wanted to get this off of my chest. Thank you for allowing me to do that.
dude it feels like everything is falling apart but sometimes natural effects of life just take hold. im glad you seem to be thinking optimistically about your children!
sending you so much LOVE, support, strength, *respect* - you are doing so well to do or say anything with so much going on. you are doing amazing - you _are_ amazing. I don't think your house is broken at all - you're the one holding everything all together, you are the glue, the love, the support for everyone & everything else. please be kind & gentle with yourself. much much love, strength, respect, *support* ❤
My house is currently full of piles and boxes of things I want to donate or trash or put in their proper places. I am overwhelmed. It occurs to me that they are physical armor to protect me and hide from the outside world. I realized long ago that I always put on excess weight when I feel threatened, helpless or unworthy and unwanted. I mentally refer to that as “BODY ARMOR” to keep people away. (Who could possibly love me when I am this fat and unattractive? I won’t venture outside until I lose these 90 pounds) The “HOME ARMOR” is serving the same purpose. Trying to protect myself from more trauma when I already have more trauma than I can handle. PS I am currently in bed, trying to “Allow” myself get up and stand in line for early voting in this Presidential election. It is something that matters very much to me, to do now, with a deadline, and I am frozen. PSS: Glad to say I looked up the wait times for the voting site and at 6:00 pm Monday night there was no line, no wait time. In and out in under 10 minutes. So glad I dragged myself there at that time.
Check out Dr Esselstyn. Also a channel called well your world. Whole foods, plant-based, no sugar, no salt, no oil. No processed food. The great thing is, anyone can eat all they want, and your weight will naturally balance. Sending you strength, courage, and hugs, from Tulsa.💪⚔️🫂. 🤠😘😘😘
@@rondalomax1511I’m bi- weekly forced to attend phy therapy far away for physical issues … learned ADHD 😮and anxiety with travel & packing 2 stay w/ friend who is hoarder, grew up poor w/ ADHD, wow learning so much!! Reading about Emotional intelligence, codependent Attachment styles etc. Hurt me emptying my car & now full of Summer stuff. Apt. A mess😢 Now I Get it as triggers my past. Brain gets confused when I wake up not at my place. Crazy 🤪 Opened can of worms [I’m now looking to heal inside too.] Thank you. Scary all of it. Learning inside work. Seeing how past affects us.
My gran always told us that the state of our surroundings reflected the state of our minds... She encouraged us to take stock of what we were holding onto and bringing into our lives.
~My Grandmother, and my Dad, both were 'would be' cluttered/hoarders if not married to spouses who took care of it themselves, against their wishes~Ive wondered if it was genetic, or maybe its our ADHD/aspergers that is genetic?~
I have to agree with this statement. I don’t have tons of clutter and I love organizing - but it is so hard to focus and do it in a timely manner. To my minimal friends - I have way too much. My brain is all Over the place - very cluttered.
@@kathyingram3061it's a trauma response. A side effect. Clutter isn't genetic, but trauma does get passed down generationally (generational trauma) which can effect everyone differently. The clutter could be learned behaviour. One learned to cope this way, the child then learns this, even if none of them are happy about it. Some can break the behaviour/cycle. Takes inward work and most people aren't ever going to do that work.
The second you said, "Clutter KEEPS you FROM being OPEN to NEW LIFE and things", it resinated with me. I immediately stopped the video & created a SIMPLE poster (notebook paper and a fat sharpie, I can make a nicer one later) at the end of my bed with THIS saying! I replaced "THINGS" with "EXPERIENCES" & added: LOVE, JOY, PEACE, TRAVEL. I'm going to get your book. I WATCHED THIS THE FIRST TIME YOU UPLOADED IT and wanted to see it again. Thank you.
Most people who are hoarders don't have a laymen understanding of why they are compulsive with their cluttering. Your video made it more palatable without judgement
Please don't call it HOARDING. I am PHYSICALLY disabled and moved into a space with no cupboards or closets or drawers, and I thought I was going to have help from the building owner to put in cupboards and such & others promised to help me move heavy things around while I unpacked, but they never did. There's zero place to put things. Then, now 7 years later, my physical abilities are much much worse and daily chronic pain. I hate having this mess. I never lived this way before moving here with boxes full of stuff. And I don't go out and collect MORE. It's not hoarding, just clutter I can't physically deal with on my own. I paid a couple ladies 2K to help me over 2 summers, but then I ran out of money and then the building owner moved things into the empty space we had made for me to sit and pack. I've been through extreme trauma during the last 7 years trying to deal with this situation, but I'm NOT A HOARDER. People need to stop using THAT word.
@@ServantOfJesusChrist777I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, that sounds difficult. However, the OP said "most" and a lot of time we have to speak in generalities to have conversations. There are almost always going to be exceptions to the rule and specific cases, but do not take it personally. This isn't a personal attack.
I think this video is so popular because its groundbreaking - when I first viewed it I was floored by the idea that all my clutter was a symptom CPTSD - it was mindblowing but it made so many things make sense - and suddenly my clutter could be treatable - because it was now understandable. I also think its popular because real people have clutter - and then you address each type - in a way that makes each one seem manageable - it's very affirming and hopeful.
Here's why this stood out to me, perhaps it resonates with others this way too. 1. The zeightgeist tells folks who clutter " just fix it" . If we could fix it that easily, we WOULD! 2. You acknowledge the REALITY of what purpose clutter serves, without judgment. This fosters within me(and hopefully others) a desire to change. I have a support behind me to help me along the way. ❤
Thank you. I'm struggling a lot with papers now (bills, mail, etc). I literally sat a whole day in my recliner looking at it, ashamed that i couldn't find the energy to act. I should have some time this week, so wish me well. Thanks again. ❤️
About 12 years ago, When I first separated from my husband, I let my mail and bills pile up. Really badly. I finally reached out to a bookkeeper and she was so understanding and kind and got through it all for me and stayed my bookkeeper for years. It’s so weird because for someone else or for my job, I’m super attentive and for myself it’s such a challenge. It’s like I’m afraid of something. It doesn’t compute in my brain what is in the way. Anyhow, maybe you could work with a very kind bookkeeper or even a friend who could come over and help go through the mail together with you. It makes me think about how many of us are doing things so alone. Please know you’re not alone. I’ll be rooting for you from over here. 🙏🥰🤗💪
I use 20 min timers on my phone with nice sounding chimes and if I’m sitting when it rings I tackle a bit of laundry or a few boxes. Then if I’m busy and productive when it rings again I can chose to keep working or relax again. It helps!
I was very poor as a child and as a young adult and have this problem. What's interesting is my son and daughter both have similar issues, "Oh, I might need this some day," and they were never forced to go without. I kept everything tidy until after they had moved out. It makes me sad how much my issues impacted my kids, even though I thought kept them hidden.
Trying to "keep stuff hidden" is very challenging. The clutter and chaos are like giant arrows. An indicator of deeper issues. Which the clutter can then accentuate, as it becomes a stressor, a pressure, a blockage, a barrier, but also a barricade. A plea for the alleviation of the hidden problem. To let go of any past darkness, will lighten the load. The "stuff" will have no further "use" for us, and the barricades can come down, being "moved on" to somewhere else, as we too "move on". The hard part is the shedding of past woes. Not to put them in the shed, but to somehow wrestle them into the shredder. Essentially to "un-brainwash" ourselves, re-design ourselves, re-discover ourselves, value ourselves, much more than any "stuff". To build self assurance, confidence, resilience and wisdom. To forgive yourself and begin to love who you are. Use that power wisely and be that phoenix rising from the ashes. A journey like any other. Every person is worth it. Best Wishes to you all, including myself !!! 😂😂☺️🙋
The amount of honesty and virtue you emit Anna is beyond my wildest imaginary scenarios. The way you feel relaxed when talking about your own childhood truama experiences and how you laugh it all off! You are a wonderful human being and I can see that in every video you share here. Believe it or not you're that much better than the therapist I spent years with. Thanks for existing and keep up this HUMANLY VALUABLE job of yours Ms. Crappy Childhood Fairy. 💕
I’m glad you posted this.. I’m glad I found this… My house has become a place where it’s too cluttered for me and my husband…. I’m overwhelmed by the amount of junk I have clutttered into every single room. I used to be a huge Neat-Nic and everyone used to call me Miss Neat-nic because my house was so organized and clean
@@ZeldaZelda-RichesToRagsI wonder if encroaching stress, leads to an underlying anxiety, which we might not notice until it materialises as so much clutter ? I have back issues that create an ongoing duress. I then try to get the things done for my potential survival, ignoring anything not seen as important. Such as keeping a clean house. I am too busy trying to fix the roof leak or bad plumbing or growing edible plants, or trying to fix the car, or finish the building that I had to build myself over many poverty stricken years etc... Scrounging then leads to overwhelm and grid lock. Including "lockdown" which was a common word for me well before any virus. I no longer own a dog due to cost and heartbreak. Now there's no room for one anyway. Best of luck to you.
I have MS. It wasn't diagnosed until after divorcing a sociopath that identified with my mother and her treatment of me. The black sheep. I can't let go of my great/ grandparents/;great Aunts etc.. who help me find my passions for life. Gardening, sewing, crochet, artistry. I can't let go of the items I inherited from them and having those objects that remind me of them. The aluminum cookware. Etc. I have the food utensils and the non food craft items. It's so painful to get rid of a rusty sieve from grandmother, I bawl. I knew she truely loved me and protected me.
I lived most of my life out of Rubbermaid. Once I had house. My mother took all my Rubbermaids without me having furniture to unpack and store items. I'm not removing items. I am purchasing new Rubbermaids.
@KoolT true, but storing is a double edged sword, since it's an extra expense. And if you still have the desire to keep sentimental things, then it invites more clutter into your home, as well as the storage unit.
I just recently gathered up a truckload of trash for the dump and another truckload of items to donate. I’m talking fully stuffed truck that had tie downs etc. And with two trips and help from my helper, I felt like a huge weight was taken off of me. I recognized something else going on, too, that all this stuff wasn’t going to save me or in any way make my life better from the inside out. Getting real with myself. I feel less distracted and more free. Now I’m hooked and am doing car loads of stuff to donate at a church that I feel so good about their outreach and community help and food banks. Now, the big job is letting go of most of my curly hair products. 😜🤪🥰 Seriously, though. Happiness isn’t in my long curly hair. I find so much happiness and joy in healing my little girl heart and in simply facing and surrendering to the facts of life and healing, maturing, understanding myself and others. I’ve recently realized I don’t need to justify my existence on earth. What a concept. I belong wherever I go. Thank you, Ana and team for all you do. Your work has made such a huge impact in my life. I’ve listened to so many videos and some over and over. Your podcasts, too, because I’m a warrior for my life, for my heart and my freedom to be myself. My childhood didn’t water me like I needed as the tiny little thirsty plant I was. I’m watering and care taking now. It’s a beautiful garden now. Thank you, all, for being part of this awakening.
Agree totally! I used to be a neatik. But I've been so depressed I can't make the piles of papers, clothes, etc, make sense. Thank you for your help. ❤
Hi Anna, 3 years ago before I knew of your channel I visited a friend's dorm on campus; it was very messy but not nasty. Clothes and books everywhere but nothing as unhygienic as food left out or dirty dishes. He saw my look and said, "My room is a reflection of my mental and emotional state." I have never forgotten this statement because I have noticed that with my own life whenever I am going through a period of confusion, stress, or depression my room also becomes cluttered and disorganized. The most interesting thing is that both he and I are very organized and clean people. So maybe this video resonates with so many people because for those of us who are typically very organized and neat, it helps us understand why we allow clutter to accumulate.
I love this - mental clutter due to a resentment and "if they'd apologize I could let this go" This is an issue in my life right now with a good friend and everyone has an opinion on what I "should" or "should not" do. The recovery people told me I should maintain the friendship cuz we've been friends for so long and he's newly diagnosed with cancer and all that. BUT this issue has been going on for years. It bugs the crap out of me and I've expressed it but he's not changing it AND when I confront him about never apologizing he says "That's cuz I have nothing to apologize for". BUT family members that know the issues and have some of them also are like "he's never gonna change just give the relationship some distance and find new friends to hang out with". It's honestly a really challenging issue even if it doesn't sound like it. Something about his behavior triggers old wounds in me that I'm well aware of and haven't been able to heal. AND some in recovery call it a "character defect" but honestly it doesn't always feel that way. It comes from a very deep place in me and causes a lot of anger/rage and I think it's more of a coping mechanism than a defect. But I dunno - it all gets so confusing and difficult to sort out. And when people aren't familiar with the issue, they dismiss it as being silly, trivial and/or easily solved but they honestly can't even relate or understand the depth of this crap.
I belong to more than one decluttering group. I was introduced to you, Anna Runkle, because the FB algorithm thought I should watch YOUR declutter video as well. This is HOW I was introduced to YOU. So, if indeed the all knowing algorithm decided I should know YOU, I am thankful. This was the first of many many of your videos that I have watched and enjoyed. Thank you for all you do ‼️❤️‼️
Clutter has been an issue for me my whole life, and I am 63 years old. I believe that I have complex PTSD from my adoptive family where I become the adult at age 14. They also lied to me about being adopted for over 51 years. I have just started with a new counselor, and this will be one of the areas we address. I never put the trauma together with clutter before. Thank you!
@dianeatpeace337 homelessness was the best thing that could ever happen to me. That was a rebirth in the French woods. Once I was in the shelter, back in the Netherlands, I started drawing, behaving like a gentleman despite being very angry with the world. I minded my own business as much as I could. Moderation in vices, fading out alcohol. Getting the debts settled. Once I finally came home, in a home with a backyard, I've decorated it and furnitured it with some forgotten money. I've learned myself structural habits to prevent myself from cluttering and hoarding. I cut ties with all family. I got myself rid of old friends. Did a lot of self inquiry to the question as to why I am the way I am. The inner child finally found himself in a better place. I quit alcohol, second year abstinence, never again. Life's good now. Next year back to work after 6 years of recovery from burnout and CPTSD. I think, in the end it was the motivation to become the best version of myself that I could ever be. Become your own best friend.
It’s because clutter is immediately visible as opposed to say avoidance which is abstract. Clutter is easily relatable. I’d like to hear more about how to organise your home into a safe, peaceful space. Also more info on hoarding and shopping addiction as a result of cptsd which then leads to clutter.
In my case is because every little thing on those piles of clutter have a story that will bring me back to a place I don't want to revisit. I get very anxious as I want to tide up but I don't want to go there. The crazy thing is that my job is exactly to declutter operation systems but my emotions block me from doing my own decluttering.
I recently shared this with one of my young adult kids, as we are all recovering from the trauma of dealing with their father (and I'm still recovering from my own traumatic childhood). I have a recurring dream where I'm in an unfamiliar old abandoned house. There are narrow hallways, cramped spiraling staircases, and doors in odd places. I can tell someone else is in the house, and they're trying to find me, and I don't want them to, so I have to keep trying different paths. Soon, I am completely disoriented, but I'm now too far up to try jumping out the little windows. I also use a metaphor for the experience of having to stash pain away because the demands of existence don't allow me to stop and process it....having things in my attic, which is totally chaotic. I think not being able to focus on the immediate surroundings enough to organize them is absolutely a symptom of having unprocessed pain. Which takes priority in our life? If we don't have the resources to process it, none of it will get done.
I’m finally feeling better after much therapy and now an finally clearing away my clutter I just takes time Therapy will help you heal past trauma and then you’ll be willing to let go of the “stuff” The “stuff” we find comforting when we are traumatized but therapy will help you release that
Don’t donate to “greed will “! They are pricing out of control! Donate to local homeless shelters, kids in foster care, domestic violence shelters. Churches that actually help people in your own community. Right now don’t to devastated Appalachia towns! Food issue: mustard sandwiches
I feel a thousand times better donating to my local church that does so much good. And I’ve also donated to goodwill and Salvation Army. There’s a vet nonprofit and with them, I can even schedule picks up! Look around. 👀😍
I totally agree with this. Donate to a local shelter. They will be very thankful and will be more apt to use the items instead of throwing it away if it's not worth a lot of money to" resell".
Thank you, thank you, with tears in my eyes..... From trauma as a baby through childhood...seeing our father trying to kill our mother in a drunken rage....she totally breaks down & is labled schizophrenic.....never totally the same... to being r*ped at gunpoint as a late teen....marrying & losing our first baby...I finally searched for our Lord Jesus & He was there & helped me so much. My husband came to Him too & we pastored churches for years, but now I am old & so tired...health issues, He still is the joy of my heart, but I recognize so much I'm struggling with now in your presentation. Through the years things from my past would affect me & I would pray for His help & He would arrange for me to hear a radio program or have a book available to me to help me.....I think even at this age, you have been found by me as another help from a loving God to help me with the effects I still can have of childhood trauma. Lord Jesus bless you greatly❤
Thank you for sharing your testimony! He is faithful to complete the good work ahe has begun! I have a ministry called Healing for the Nations with A Modern Day Samaritan Woman, a podcast and women's retreats are some of the things He has led me to do.
thank you I struggle with clutter and organization things into categories etc., but feel so much better when I am able to accomplish some clean out or organization. I identify with not having enough in the past so having a hard time letting things go as well. My dental health was neglected as well and this has lifelong consequences. Thank you so much, survivor of childhood SA and neglect. God bless
Please can you talk about finances more. A lot of us are under-earners or compulsive shoppers, we come from poverty or have poverty mindset. We don’t have support from family to pay for a wedding for example and often we inherit nothing as we had to cut toxic parents out of our lives. I personally have so much money shame, I sometimes wake up in a panic attack over this topic.
~Yes, i have felt guilty about things id held onto, that i did end up needing later on~Poverty does that, even tho its been 10 years since my extreme poverty, but rural living is more that way, too~Things do get repurposed~I have a hard time judging it with these factors~
There are lots of videos on saving and investing. The important part is to start early due to compound interest. Saving is also security for the future. Not everyone feels they need security. Some want to enjoy the money now before someone can take it away. Sometimes you have to compromise with your mate if they view money differently.
As a child and tween in an unsafe home only taught me the bare minimum of how to survive as an adult. Finances were not taught or discussed so I did not ever get beyond the living paycheck to paycheck. syndrome.
Yes to everything. I love listening even just to the sound of the voice. The words are really great, but the voice itself is something i have longed for my whole life. I try hard to utilise discarded things, but the ultimate discarded thing is myself. My dysfunctional self. Drowning under the clutter and chaos, dysregulated quite badly, still trying, but sinking, but the voice is a lifeline. Great Mother Energy. Many thanks☺️🙋
I don't have childhood trauma, but I do have a list for everything. It's the only way for me to get things done. Everything has a schedule.It's a flexible schedule , but a schedule, none the less.
One of my big triggers is socks. I didn't have socks growing up. I Always would feel my kids needed socks and saved every loner sock.. I realized the trauma when my kids drawer was overstuffed with socks, and I went to the overflow drawer and it was stuffed with socks too! My kids had 1000s of socks... why do I feel this way.
~I beat myself up for a long time over keeping all of my old, worn out socks with holes~I really questioned myself on it, and realized i couldnt find any quality ones to buy, that didnt stretch out & get holes right away, and were just not comfortable, then i found a store with good ones, bought a whole bunch of them, and got home to happily throw the old ones out!!!~
impeccable timing as always with this video popping up in my feed. i feel like its almost divine intervention at this point because i was just thinking about the clutter in my home and wondering what i can do tackle it without burning myself out and becoming overwhelmed. working through a small area in my apartment every day and giving myself some grace if i can't quite meet the goals for that day is the plan i'd like to try.
Great timing!! I've been searching for your original video because my daughter & her husband want me to clean up our barn for some repair work. That major task makes sense because I do have some stuff in there, but I have finally retired and have been working on my home which got behind with stuff. I have been working full time, taking care of my children & grandchildren, keeping house (exclusively as I am the only one who ever cleaned it) & juggling a dysfunctional relationship with a covert passive aggressive narcissistic husband of 30+ years. I cannot tell them NO, that I have other priorities & it occurred to me that I have never said NO to others who ask favors of me. I'll be watching more of your videos again & also, after tomorrow when I planned a full work day in the barn, I will try to do for me & not everyone else!
This video is liberating for people like me, who truly like everything to be in order, neat and tidy and organised, and yet fight all the time to stay organised once a decluttering has been achieved and never seems to manage to get the whole way through... and then it just rebuilds more and more. Physical pain doesn't help at all ... and again this is CPTSD relates. Therefore, understanding that clutter is yet another CPTSD symptom, helps me to be kinder to myself and that is the first step. Nobody ever heals while someone is beating them over the head with what a hopeless case they are, even if that person is themselves! Thank you Anna 🙏
When I saw this video the first time I was trying to find something that would help with my cluttering and my spouse had said "I think you have ADHD". So I had never heard about cptsd before this. I was so shocked by this information. I was terribly abused as a kid but for some reason I didn't think it effected me as an adult. I always said "you have to come above your raisins" I subscribed to your channel that day.
When you said “I grew up poor”, I jolted. My MIL grew up poor and she accumulated so much “stuff” over her lifetime as her quality of finances improved. She had stash everywhere. I’m going thru and clearing out much of her stuff and only keeping what makes sense in each room, and it is quite a task. I do think that it is not unusual for people that grew up poor to have this character trait. They can’t see it for what it is. It is also easier for me to go thru and purge other peoples’ stuff than my own own. My FIL and my own mother were the same way-we have a mountain of STUFF to go thru. 😵💫 It makes me more mindful of my choices when shopping. I don’t want this for my children. I don’t want them to be married to anything I’ve accumulated merely out of sentimentality unless it makes sense and is useful to them.
It's always a (rare) relief when I see one of your video titles that does NOT pertain to me. Clutter was part of my childhood because my mother is what I call a "clean hoarder". Our too-big house was clean and orderly but full of my mothers things: figurines, antiques, books, papers, crafts, clothes....I think it is a result of her childhood experiences and her childhood trauma. My mom owns 95% of the items in their house and my dad owns 5%. I (and my dad) always wanted less stuff in the house and in my bedroom, and my mother complained that "people are going to see your bare white walls and think that we don't provide for you". (It was MY bedroom, I wanted white walls. I'm not sure who, exactly, was supposedly going to enter my teenage bedroom in the first place--it never happened--but my mom is a narcissist so naturally her top objective is others' perception of her and how I reflect on her.) I used to have too much stuff for one person, but not anywhere near a critical level and nowhere near my mom's level of collecting. I "saw the light" and have slowly been purging and letting go of things that I do not use/need. I am careful about what I buy and how I spend my money (which has resulted in creating very little trash in my household and therefore I don't even need to pay for a trash service.) My house is neat and orderly but not obsessively clean. I have extra things beyond necessities, but not so many that it's overwhelming. I have a normal household, and I probably have fewer things than most Americans (especially since I'm single and childfree). Despite the fact that I live in a scarcity mindset (instead of an abundance mindset): CLUTTER IS NOT ONE OF MY TRAUMA SYMPTOMS!!!! Hooray!!!!!!
My home was never cluttered until after my husband was murdered. I’ve yet to figure out how to manage this. I’m sitting in bed looking at my ridiculously cluttered room and I’m too overwhelmed and ashamed to know where to begin.
I'm sorry that happened to him, and you. I have those exact same feelings when I look at my house. It's just too hard to get started cos there's too much to do, so I just don't..
@@Becca-k4h There's a channel called Midwest Magic Cleaning and he says start with one small section don't think about the whole room - Anna mentioned this also - so start anywhere - when you are ready - you've been through a lot. 🙏
I actually came to this realization early this year becuase I realized hoarding (mildly, thankfully...) is a common trait in my father's side of the family, and I also struggle with it to a small degree. I came to realize that having my possessions all over the place, and lots of it, made me feel protected from the outside world when I was isolating in my room. This epiphany allowed me to finally go through and organize all my belongings, getting rid of things that I no longer needed but had been holding onto. It's still not perfect, but I have made a huge improvement in my life by doing this.
I haven't even finished the video and I feel like I have so much to say but I love this and it makes you seem so relatable. Your giggles when sharing things that are" embarrassing" are so cute! I feel like you're looking right into my soul this whole time. The amount of times I've just told myself I'm going to go through things and gather bags of things to just throw away but I never managed to and when I look at my things I feel like I cannot differentiate between what I need, what I want and what is totally just keeping up space for no reason
I think it's important to realize that for most people, waiting for the feeling of being ready to tackle the clutter might never happen. Feelings usually come AFTER the action. If you don't feel like doing something, but maybe can just do a little bit, maybe set a timer for 10 minutes, make it a game with yourself to see how much you can do in 10 minutes, and THEN the feeling of having done something, having accomplished even a tiny bit will inspire you to do more, build on that success. "The hardest part is getting started" is what my parents always said, and it's so true for so many things in life!
I think part of the reason why this vid was sooo popular is because you relate personally to a lot of these problems. I also feel like Clutter is kind of like a less well known response to clutter so it people don’t normally see it as a really bad problem (despite being affected by it, it could fly under the radar to an unsuspecting) So when you mention in the title that it could be a trauma response, some people probably put it together for themselves finally. I’m here watching this and realizing I also was one of the views from however long ago… I remember these stories you told!! Thank you for bringing it all into view over and over ❤again
My mother always said she would hate to have known me had I lived through the depression (as she had as an immigrant). As soon as I get rid of something -I need it.
Maybe because we're all searching for the way out of the mess. I have it all. Piles of papers, closets, mounds of clothing, freezer & cabinets stuffed with food and a broken down vehicle in my back yard. I'm so overwhelmed. I don't even understand how I got to this point. I used to be a clean freak and obsessed with being organized. I've had a lot of trauma through the years. I now isolate to protect myself from more trauma and there's finally no trauma in my life but now the clutter is deregulating me. I was dealing with health issues and am now getting treated so I'm feeling better and want badly to get organized. I've made some progress but you have motivated to at least call someone to remove the vehicle. I've been working slowly and as long as I keep focused I feel I can do this but I now fear I won't accomplish my goals because of my health and that gives me anxiety 😬
Hang in there and be well! I also encourage you to check out Anna's free course, The Daily Practice. It can help with de-cluttering: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
It is disaster, so much staff,... Of any kind, plus, as i worked as an artist, and i am in my heart and soul, there are so much things of that kind, too... But, though iwant to make my speace ay least in order, i can not move, ahead, then basic cleaning,... Iwould like to get free from thst stuff, even if they are things that i usef to like... So much books, magazines, art pictures, papers, objects, memorabilia, etc,.... Msybe i need bigger house 😅... Full of empty space... Maybe i need, more better closets... True,... But, yes, i crave for clean open spaces... Ah... So help me God... 🙏🙏🌹🙌Help us God... 🙏🙌♥️... Thank you for your devotion, dear Anna... God bless you... 🙏🌹❤️
Yes. I think artists are magnets for a lot of stuff. Art supplied are expensive. Collage spreads throughout the house. We frequently repurpose items in creative ways.
To me ! clutter is a symptome of desorganisation of mind and symptome of anxiety and also causes anxiety BUT the cause of clutter is anxiety because when anxiety becomes lower I can declutter, if anxiety is high I cannot do anything.
I love your wisdom and reading your perspective on how context and loss affects life’s priorities and choices. You’re like a sweet honeybee queen drawing those in need to feed, until everyone is safe and sated. TY. ❤
The Clutter video was how I found you to begin with. I had never heard of limerance before, but learned about it, thanks to you, and saw it in myself at different times in my life. You have helped me see that large parts of my life and “personality” is due to childhood neglect.
When i grew up, there was no communication with my mother. I had older sisters that told her what to do with me. When i went to her or my father for gym shoes or anything, i would get no response or a smirk and so that's what you want. My older sister would say,"your always asking them for things" she got her way, she was a bully just like my mother when i was almost old enough to move out i got two big presents. I moved out anyway
I’m a van lifer after being with a narc. I refuse to deal with roommates anymore. But I have it all streamlined however I met another woman who’s 70 who lives in her van and her ex is majorly narcissistic. I’ve offered to use all my construction tools to help her do a proper build so she can be comfortable and all the free offers of tools, time and compassion goes ignored. She loves her clutter. She dumpster dives I found out and it’s why she has bags and bags of trash and clutter in her van. She collects shit and gives it to people in need. But in the process loosing her own stuff in the clutter. I can’t help her. She seems so content in the garbage.
Cluttering & hoarding are 2 different things. I live in a senior citizen low income housing complex. These apts.; I used to call them cubicles. Now I call them incubators!!! They're so tiny. I Have a life. I have art supplies, sewing supplies, & I also love to read, write, & cook. A hoarder hoards newspapers up to the ceiling, then mice get in & chew it up to smitherines. Then they leave droppings all over the place. A hoarder hoards Garbage & that stinks. I'm Not a hoarder. I've been in this place for 5 yrs. I'm still decluttering. I gave away half my books. I gave away half my art supplies. & I give away things to good will, or to my neighbors, that I haven't used, & things I Know they'll like & use. At my old apt., my Narc., guy next door harrassed me & tormented me for 8 mos. Then he claimed that I was a hoarder, & he was getting little black bugs in his apt. 🙄🙄🙄. he'd call the Mgr, fire Marshal and home inspector, to come in & check out my apt., even if I wasn't home!!! I'm 70. I don't need this harassment. This is a Retirement complex!!! So the Mgr got me another apt on the other side. All of that narc.'s Minions, are over Here!! They all think he's a nice guy and I'm the one with the problem, & that's why I had to leave!!! So now I'm surrounded by people who Hate me, & they Don't even Know me. When does all this nonsense end ???! 🤷🤷🤷
Praying you find the strength and peace to not let these jerks affect you. I know it’s hard when you have mean neighbors, I’ve had a few. Put your energy and attention on helping others and you’ll feel so much better. Of course take care of yourself too💕🥰🙏🏼
I can relate to this video highly and appreciate you speaking out about this. I find your videos to be comforting and tends to drop into my life whenever I really need them.❤️
IBecause of your sweet caring personality, your delivery, PRACTICAL & EXECUTABLE SOLUTIONS, & showing us the EMOTIONAL REASONS WHY we get into our mess.
I like things, but I'm not particularly attached to them, so I can declutter that fairly easily. The hamster wheel of thoughts, emotions leading to negative behaviours, however, is much harder to let go. Thank you for providing some insight in where to start dealing with that.
I recently discovered Clutterbug on UA-cam and I'm finding her very cheerful and helpful. I signed up for her free 30 day decluttering programme and the first day's task is easy takes a mere 5 minutes but leaves you with a warm glow of achievement which is an extremely unusual but welcome feeling for me on the subject of clutter. She also explains how different brains work. I can organise a large event but have trouble keeping a small flat in order. Thanks to Clutterbug I've found that I'm visual and a big picture thinker, which is needed for events. In her scheme I'm a butterfly. 🦋. It's a huge relief not to be unheard of! 😂
@@karenkarinaxoxo Welcome. I hope it's helpful and uplifting. My therapist also said to me "It's not your fault". "It's not my fault?" I asked in disbelief. Then suddenly the penny dropped. As a child I was ordered to "tidy up", but I didn't know what that meant. If I'd been shown the steps I'd have been ok, but I had a mother who didn't want me to be ok and made a big production of my untidiness. In my willingness to please, I added my own disapproval to hers. The reality is much more manageable than the alarming spectre my mother painted and I'm in charge now!
You inspired me to start decluttering my place, I threw away supplies and things that had been there for years but realistically I was never going to use - it's still messy but less messy, I'm doing it one day at a time.
Hello! About a week ago, I stumbled upon your channel, and your first video about CPTSD and clutter. I had an epiphany and realized half of the stuff I was holding onto was garbage. In just a week, I got rid of all the boxes, and finally cleaned my bedroom that had become “the storage room” over the course of 3 years. I can’t thank you enough !!!
Hmmm... Hording and clutter could kind of be related as a trauma response. You mentioned nesting and feeling safe/comfortable. In my area, Boeing has been on strike for the past several months and (like COVID), everyone bought TP and paper towels. With myself, when I am stressed or not feeling secure, I tend to stock up on things and/or the piles of things around my home increases.
Thanks, Anna! I'm dealing with the clutter my mother left as well as the clutter I have accumulated. Definitely generational trauma at work here. But most of my home is not cluttered! I've got one small room with my mother's stuff, some of which will be burned in a ceremonial releasing on the anniversary of her death. My own stuff...well, I am a book and fabric junkie surrounded by the static beautiful things from my childhood. They couldn't hurt me, misunderstand me, lie to me or leave me. I have a lot of control over fabric and books!
My Trauma is burn out. It feels crippling but slowly but surely I'm getting myself into a habit of decluttering more, cleaning or tidying up more frequently as the site of clutter triggers me now
I'm in a vicious cycle of gathering 'stuff' , hitting critical mass then eventually decluttering. Rinse and repeat. I'm so overwhelmed with it at the moment, just started a sort out and deep clean. The mess is doing my head in. Thank you for this x
As someone who watched it right away when it was uploaded, I saw the word "clutter," and your channel, and I watched it right away. I was SO excited even before you had said a word. I wasn't even half way through when I texted the link to over twenty people, and they all texted back the day of saying they'd watched it, too. I don't have social media (I don't count UA-cam because I use it as TV, basically, and I rarely leave comments on anything), but I still shared the heck out of the video because we all struggle with clutter and feeling like we could be better organized, better prepared, and finally live that fantasy life we all think is out there somewhere/someday. Your advice has been life-changing for me. It already was before your clutter video. Your approach is honest and non-judgmental, and I feel SAFE listening to you. And INSPIRED. And you share real steps I start taking. Then stop for a bit. Then start again, and again. And it's always moving me in the right direction - the steps, the advice, and just WHO YOU ARE as a person. You're wonderful! I think I shared a comment one other time, probably at least a year ago, on another one of your videos. I'm only sharing here now because you asked.
I only discovered you’re channel in the last week and what you said about shame really hit home and made me realise how much shame I have felt especially since my divorce and feeling I failed my children even though it was a toxic marriage and there were so many red flags, I have started reading your book re-regulated , I feel like crying even though you are so positive in your videos which gives me hope, thank you Anna
The pandemic re-enforced my food hoarding as I had the opposite experience. I didn't have to stock up or go to the supermarket for a very long time because I already had plenty. So it took me a few steps back because I had an example of a time of when I was glad of having that extra food.
I feel that keeping clutter is a way of preventing me from moving on. Interestingly, not long ago, when I had made a major decision that brings about change in my life, I started feeling differently, like I had grown out of some petty behaviours and I found myself decluttering spontaneously, things that have been in the pipeline for years 🙂
Fabulous video. Toiletries and papers - putting it onto my schedule. The most useful video ever, including how to deal with my cluttered mind. Thank you!
Thank goodness for you, Anna! This is such a big one. I'm quite clutter bug and while I cannot stand looking at it and keep meaning to organize, I often can't get started. Knowing that's a result of trauma, not just me being a weird slob, is so validating.
Part of my hyper- vigilance from C/CPTSD was to be immaculately organized - one of the few ways I could control chaos. That has fallen by the wayside now that I'm doing somatic therapy and climbing out of shutdown. I now have clutter, disorganization, and too much stuff! It seems as though I've regressed in some way!! 😢😲
It’s SO TRUE what you just said!!! That really triggered me and had me crying. It’s the idea that if I get rid of those things-I’m saying goodbye to another time. A time I really cherish and it’s like that stuff is EVIDENCE that that time existed-not just in my mind. And I’m so scared to forget too. Thank you for saying that out loud!!!
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Can you provide significant discounts to people in warzone? If anyone reading this can reach out please do. Write me your email address 👇 below 😉. I'm barely coping.
You're correct! Clutter comes from feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, frozen
Yes exactly. This is how i feel. I am stuck in freeze mode. I have a lot of clutter. I have ptsd. And severe anxiety, depression and social anxiety.
How about- just now I don’t feel like cleaning up this mess. I’m feeling lazy right now.
Yes. I have all these problems and am always cluttered.
After all that, I get more anxiety and overwhelmed when I attempt to organize the clutter, then comes the freeze! 🤦🏻♀️🥵😅
I been in this state for years now.
Because we've all been sitting here surrounded by stuff, wondering " what the heck is my problem?why can't I get this place cleaned up!" And then you so kindly explained why we are doing this. ❤❤❤
Exactly
Yes! This!
Very kind, such helpful information
😢
I thought it was hereditary my grandma was a hoarder having lived through the depression. I used to keep a clean apartment even with all of my childhood trauma but once i got with the man I would end up marrying i was still cleaning up until after I had my son and things took a bad turn and i had no support at all and i was home all the time with a sick baby no support no income of my own and a tight man who allowed me $40 to buy groceries and diapers every week not near enough money. Time went on he was gone more and more and i had no help no support no nothing and a child with adhd and aspergers. My husband became emotionally and mentally abusive and an alcoholic. Now hes physically abusive to go along with the rest. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder that’s definitely not what i have no medication has worked for me. My house is full of crap piles everywhere and animals everywhere because those animals are all i have.
Recognize that decluttering isn’t just a physical process, it’s emotional. Be kind to yourself and understand that it may take time to let go of things that represent deeper emotional wounds.
Well said
Agreed. If it’s something I’m “on the fence”about I hold off and think about why I want to keep it. Then revisit it again at a different date
Amen… and it is SPIRITUAL. Something is “lifted” when we create order, and oppressed with disorder. It may make us afraid/embarassed to let anyone know how bad it has gotten, but there is POWER in having a budddy present to help or just not be alone doing something overwhelming.
Plusso.eo e reuse as a form of recycling g and save rhe either abut. Rather than just buying g new wasting f more .o etcreatibg mire waste and chemicals
Yotaldube to eat. Fe free tk write ba k. I'll go bit by bit to prove. Well stocked like a ping gets sten
You are 1. Informative 2. Authentic 3. Convey an enormous amount of empathy 4. Easy to listen to multiple times 5. You offer encouragement AND SOLUTIONS.
6. Have an awesome sense if humour.
This is a frequently overlooked symptom and one that shows up for people who may be in deep denial of their trauma. I educated my mother about this, she has a master’s degree in social work, and she had no idea that clutter and hoarding were trauma symptoms. She sees it as being lazy.
As someone who has both trauma and ADHD, this video definitely resonated with me. I definitely struggle with this one as well as the shame around it. Many of us have been judged as being lazy and/or slobs, and this triggers shame for us. We want to get organized, but the emotional triggering and decision fatigue involved can be overwhelming. That pile of mail that accumulated during my divorce? Full of bills that I couldn’t pay= shame. Also full of reminders of my marriage= trauma. More difficult negative emotions I have to deal with. It’s easier to just leave it until next weekend.
How did you know my story ?!!😮 i could relate to Every. Single. Word. !! I hope you find peace in your days ahead.
@@michelleg1225 And me too my sisters 🙏🏻❤️
@@feliciadunlap4307 hoarding is much different than cluttering!! We need to stop with all the labeling!
You give proof that decluttering is possible! ❤
Mail was a huge trigger for me. I ended up needing to file for bankruptcy with the divorce.
Highly recommend KC Davis's book about decluttering. There is also an interview on Mel Robbins' channel, where she reviews the steps in enough detail, I was able to write out an outline that was an effective enough guide during the process. There's I think five steps. It helps remove the emotions from it.
Having clutter...being messy is SHAMEFUL.
It is debilitating and humiliating in a way that those who are not affected by it cannot even imagine
I think the biggest problem IS the shame, to be honest!
It's the whip that my mother used to try to control me. It's impossible to fight against. It's like having someone's foot in your face, mashing you into the floor. It is like acid & burns deep....
We can change. We can, I know because I did‼️‼️‼️👌🏾
Could never have people over to the house since I was very young, since my dad also struggles with this.
I understand this coming from trauma but I am desperately needing to know what kind of trauma. Did not grow up poor but very toxic dysfunctional and terrorized constantly by dad. Al of us. Violence and degrading talk. Inappropriate touching by him. Mom thought all everything was good. I could go on and on. Help!
@@goosie6926 Well, it sounds like you had it a lot worse than I did, but for me my bedroom growing up felt like the only place I felt comfortable and safe, and I think correlating my room to safety and comfort translated to my possessions as well, so that my possessions also made me feel safe. So maybe that resonates with you.
*the answer to clutter is not decluttering, it's re-regulation*
i found this video a year and a half ago, while depressed and surrounded by clutter. you were literally describing my environment around me. and the "silverware story" and the "full cupboard feeling" sounded like you knew *exactly* what i was dealing with.
I just made a paper bag with food to donate. I like seeing space on the shelves. 😍
My husband is a hoarder, I was a "minimalist" coming into the relationship. My husband's poverty mentality keeps him hanging onto EVERYTHING, even broken objects. He freezes when he tries to work through the clutter. He ends up just sitting down and going through old photos, then puts them back in the same bag. It's a very interesting, relatable, frustrating and even fascinating subject-- I think that's why the video blew up. Thank you 💖🥰!
I'm similar to your husband. I freeze when I try to pick up clutter. I go to move a box and before I know it I've opened it and am going through the items inside, distracted. Hours later I've gotten nothing done and everything goes back into the 1 box and I sit there staring at the untouched clutter I had every intention of picking up. I'm frozen, staring at what I haven't accomplished. Then the cycle repeats days, weeks, or months later. I won't let people come over due to my shame, my messy shame. Yet outside my home when I build up the nerve to break my self isolation. I clean myself up & dress like I'm well put together inorder to socialize 🤷♂️. Another thing I do is I over buy when I grocery shop. I feel safe when my pantry shelves are full, however I won't eat what I have there. Then one day I'll go through them and notice I have expired cans & jars, but no recollection of where the time went between when I purchased those items and when I finally realized that it all needs to be thrown out.
Many of us went into survival mode as adults. I recognised that I had intentionally put up a barrier so that others would not be invited to my space. I wasn’t a major hoarder, but had experienced massive financial losses after trusting my husband. I’d kept non emotional things which I could have tossed out. I ended up getting large boxes, and putting like with like items in certain rooms. From there it was tackling one box at a time, every other week. Less pressure. I determined what I preferred to keep by how much cupboard space was available for that category’s items. Please see that you’re a good person, who has been protecting yourself. You’ve had a technical bump on your pathway that can be altered if and when you’re able to. I wish you well in life; you deserve to experience the very best of you and embrace your potential with any guiding light. You sound like a kind and gentle soul.
@@davidlogan9829
I can totally relate.
I call myself a "keeper of things".
I see progress tho when I can at least throw a few things away as i declutter!
Even if it's a small pile.
Then I see progress again the next year when I've thrown a few more things away.
At least I've touched it, gone thru it, made another dent, and I know what's there.
At this rate tho, I must live to 120!!
@@PaigeSquaredThank you I will look into this system!!! Good work 💖
@@wmh1626 Mel Robbins has an interview with KC Davis on her podcast (I'm not sure if Robbins has interviewed Davis more than once, though), and I got the outline of the decluttering system down on paper from that interview (I initially was not taking notes and decided to restart it with pen and paper when I realized the system required the steps to actually work). I got Davis's book on decluttering to make sure I wasn't missing anything (checked out the audiobook on the Libby app via local library card).
The decluttering book did explain each step in more detail, had more troubleshooting, and specific examples. The interview covered a lot of information very quickly, so I am glad I read the book, to more fully absorb the message and to know how to approach apparent roadblocks. However, I never added anything else to the initial outline of steps that I wrote out, based on the podcast interview. The steps were the same, so she really gave a lot of value in that interview!
She also touched on the most important reframes/attitude changes/major understanding differences (for example, the idea that decluttering is a one and done project, vs something that is integrated into daily life, and the "container rule," for creating space boundaries without so much emotion).
I appreciated her attitude of genuinely wanting others to get the quality of life that comes with decluttering, without all the shame that is typically associated. Based on that vibe, I went on to get her other books! Davis has another about how she learned to maintain a household without feeling overwhelmed, which I also found a ton of value in.
I want to say something but don't know for sure how or what to say. My house is what I call broken. My husband of almost 47 years has 2 different types of mesothelioma and one is very aggressive. I took one of our dogs to the vet this morning and she has heart worms that cannot be treated at this stage. I deal with depression along with other illnesses and we are raising a 16 year old grandson whom I'm so thankful for. We raised his sister who is 21 now and she's a blessing, too. My home stays so messy and cluttered that I don't allow people inside. My 55 year old stepson is living with us and will hopefully find another place to live soon. He's been here for 10 months. I'm really struggling these days. I guess I just wanted to get this off of my chest. Thank you for allowing me to do that.
🙏🙏🙏❤
dude it feels like everything is falling apart but sometimes natural effects of life just take hold. im glad you seem to be thinking optimistically about your children!
sending you so much LOVE, support, strength, *respect* - you are doing so well to do or say anything with so much going on. you are doing amazing - you _are_ amazing. I don't think your house is broken at all - you're the one holding everything all together, you are the glue, the love, the support for everyone & everything else. please be kind & gentle with yourself. much much love, strength, respect, *support* ❤
I understand and am also sending you a hug and prayers!
Sending you a hug . I feel your pain.
My house is currently full of piles and boxes of things I want to donate or trash or put in their proper places. I am overwhelmed. It occurs to me that they are physical armor to protect me and hide from the outside world.
I realized long ago that I always put on excess weight when I feel threatened, helpless or unworthy and unwanted. I mentally refer to that as “BODY ARMOR” to keep people away. (Who could possibly love me when I am this fat and unattractive? I won’t venture outside until I lose these 90 pounds)
The “HOME ARMOR” is serving the same purpose. Trying to protect myself from more trauma when I already have more trauma than I can handle.
PS I am currently in bed, trying to “Allow” myself get up and stand in line for early voting in this Presidential election. It is something that matters very much to me, to do now, with a deadline, and I am frozen.
PSS: Glad to say I looked up the wait times for the voting site and at 6:00 pm Monday night there was no line, no wait time. In and out in under 10 minutes.
So glad I dragged myself there at that time.
Oh hunni😢, I’m praying for you! Well we’re here.
That’s very insightful and it resonates for me. Thank you for sharing
Check out Dr Esselstyn. Also a channel called well your world. Whole foods, plant-based, no sugar, no salt, no oil. No processed food. The great thing is, anyone can eat all they want, and your weight will naturally balance. Sending you strength, courage, and hugs, from Tulsa.💪⚔️🫂. 🤠😘😘😘
@@rondalomax1511I’m bi- weekly forced to attend phy therapy far away for physical issues … learned ADHD 😮and anxiety with travel & packing 2 stay w/ friend who is hoarder, grew up poor w/ ADHD, wow learning so much!! Reading about Emotional intelligence, codependent
Attachment styles etc.
Hurt me emptying my car & now full of Summer stuff. Apt. A mess😢 Now I Get it as triggers my past. Brain gets confused when I wake up not at my place. Crazy 🤪
Opened can of worms [I’m now looking to heal inside too.] Thank you. Scary all of it. Learning inside work.
Seeing how past affects us.
❤
My gran always told us that the state of our surroundings reflected the state of our minds...
She encouraged us to take stock of what we were holding onto and bringing into our lives.
Love this
I cluttered house is a reflection of a cluttered mind. I've come a long way but therapy sure did help.
~My Grandmother, and my Dad, both were 'would be' cluttered/hoarders if not married to spouses who took care of it themselves, against their wishes~Ive wondered if it was genetic, or maybe its our ADHD/aspergers that is genetic?~
I have to agree with this statement. I don’t have tons of clutter and I love organizing - but it is so hard to focus and do it in a timely manner. To my minimal friends - I have way too much. My brain is all
Over the place - very cluttered.
@@kathyingram3061it's a trauma response. A side effect. Clutter isn't genetic, but trauma does get passed down generationally (generational trauma) which can effect everyone differently. The clutter could be learned behaviour. One learned to cope this way, the child then learns this, even if none of them are happy about it. Some can break the behaviour/cycle. Takes inward work and most people aren't ever going to do that work.
The second you said, "Clutter KEEPS you FROM being OPEN to NEW LIFE and things", it resinated with me. I immediately stopped the video & created a SIMPLE poster (notebook paper and a fat sharpie, I can make a nicer one later) at the end of my bed with THIS saying! I replaced "THINGS" with "EXPERIENCES" & added: LOVE, JOY, PEACE, TRAVEL.
I'm going to get your book. I WATCHED THIS THE FIRST TIME YOU UPLOADED IT and wanted to see it again. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
Nika@TeamFairy
Most people who are hoarders don't have a laymen understanding of why they are compulsive with their cluttering. Your video made it more palatable without judgement
Please don't call it HOARDING. I am PHYSICALLY disabled and moved into a space with no cupboards or closets or drawers, and I thought I was going to have help from the building owner to put in cupboards and such & others promised to help me move heavy things around while I unpacked, but they never did. There's zero place to put things. Then, now 7 years later, my physical abilities are much much worse and daily chronic pain. I hate having this mess. I never lived this way before moving here with boxes full of stuff. And I don't go out and collect MORE. It's not hoarding, just clutter I can't physically deal with on my own. I paid a couple ladies 2K to help me over 2 summers, but then I ran out of money and then the building owner moved things into the empty space we had made for me to sit and pack. I've been through extreme trauma during the last 7 years trying to deal with this situation, but I'm NOT A HOARDER. People need to stop using THAT word.
@@ServantOfJesusChrist777I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, that sounds difficult.
However, the OP said "most" and a lot of time we have to speak in generalities to have conversations. There are almost always going to be exceptions to the rule and specific cases, but do not take it personally. This isn't a personal attack.
I think this video is so popular because its groundbreaking - when I first viewed it I was floored by the idea that all my clutter was a symptom CPTSD - it was mindblowing but it made so many things make sense - and suddenly my clutter could be treatable - because it was now understandable. I also think its popular because real people have clutter - and then you address each type - in a way that makes each one seem manageable - it's very affirming and hopeful.
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Here's why this stood out to me, perhaps it resonates with others this way too. 1. The zeightgeist tells folks who clutter " just fix it" . If we could fix it that easily, we WOULD!
2. You acknowledge the REALITY of what purpose clutter serves, without judgment. This fosters within me(and hopefully others) a desire to change. I have a support behind me to help me along the way. ❤
Thank you. I'm struggling a lot with papers now (bills, mail, etc). I literally sat a whole day in my recliner looking at it, ashamed that i couldn't find the energy to act. I should have some time this week, so wish me well. Thanks again. ❤️
🙏 💪
❤
I highly recommend getting a shredder. So satisfying and inspiring for me.
About 12 years ago, When I first separated from my husband, I let my mail and bills pile up. Really badly. I finally reached out to a bookkeeper and she was so understanding and kind and got through it all for me and stayed my bookkeeper for years. It’s so weird because for someone else or for my job, I’m super attentive and for myself it’s such a challenge. It’s like I’m afraid of something. It doesn’t compute in my brain what is in the way. Anyhow, maybe you could work with a very kind bookkeeper or even a friend who could come over and help go through the mail together with you. It makes me think about how many of us are doing things so alone. Please know you’re not alone. I’ll be rooting for you from over here. 🙏🥰🤗💪
I use 20 min timers on my phone with nice sounding chimes and if I’m sitting when it rings I tackle a bit of laundry or a few boxes. Then if I’m busy and productive when it rings again I can chose to keep working or relax again. It helps!
I was very poor as a child and as a young adult and have this problem. What's interesting is my son and daughter both have similar issues, "Oh, I might need this some day," and they were never forced to go without. I kept everything tidy until after they had moved out. It makes me sad how much my issues impacted my kids, even though I thought kept them hidden.
Exactly!
Kids are smart and observant sponges. Generational trauma is real.
Trying to "keep stuff hidden" is very challenging.
The clutter and chaos are like giant arrows.
An indicator of deeper issues.
Which the clutter can then accentuate, as it becomes a stressor, a pressure, a blockage, a barrier, but also a barricade.
A plea for the alleviation of the hidden problem.
To let go of any past darkness, will lighten the load.
The "stuff" will have no further "use" for us, and the barricades can come down, being "moved on" to somewhere else, as we too "move on".
The hard part is the shedding of past woes.
Not to put them in the shed, but to somehow wrestle them into the shredder.
Essentially to "un-brainwash" ourselves, re-design ourselves, re-discover ourselves, value ourselves, much more than any "stuff".
To build self assurance, confidence, resilience and wisdom.
To forgive yourself and begin to love who you are. Use that power wisely and be that phoenix rising from the ashes.
A journey like any other. Every person is worth it. Best Wishes to you all, including myself !!! 😂😂☺️🙋
The amount of honesty and virtue you emit Anna is beyond my wildest imaginary scenarios. The way you feel relaxed when talking about your own childhood truama experiences and how you laugh it all off! You are a wonderful human being and I can see that in every video you share here. Believe it or not you're that much better than the therapist I spent years with. Thanks for existing and keep up this HUMANLY VALUABLE job of yours Ms. Crappy Childhood Fairy. 💕
Wow, thank you for your kind words towards Anna! We appreciate you!
Nika@TeamFairy
I’m glad you posted this.. I’m glad I found this…
My house has become a place where it’s too cluttered for me and my husband….
I’m overwhelmed by the amount of junk I have clutttered into every single room.
I used to be a huge Neat-Nic and everyone used to call me Miss Neat-nic because my house was so organized and clean
But now I’m having too much pain and I’m disabled because of my spinal stenosis
❤@@ZeldaZelda-RichesToRags
@@ZeldaZelda-RichesToRagsI wonder if encroaching stress, leads to an underlying anxiety, which we might not notice until it materialises as so much clutter ?
I have back issues that create an ongoing duress. I then try to get the things done for my potential survival, ignoring anything not seen as important.
Such as keeping a clean house.
I am too busy trying to fix the roof leak or bad plumbing or growing edible plants, or trying to fix the car, or finish the building that I had to build myself over many poverty stricken years etc...
Scrounging then leads to overwhelm and grid lock. Including "lockdown" which was a common word for me well before any virus.
I no longer own a dog due to cost and heartbreak.
Now there's no room for one anyway.
Best of luck to you.
I have MS. It wasn't diagnosed until after divorcing a sociopath that identified with my mother and her treatment of me. The black sheep. I can't let go of my great/ grandparents/;great Aunts etc.. who help me find my passions for life. Gardening, sewing, crochet, artistry. I can't let go of the items I inherited from them and having those objects that remind me of them. The aluminum cookware. Etc. I have the food utensils and the non food craft items. It's so painful to get rid of a rusty sieve from grandmother, I bawl. I knew she truely loved me and protected me.
I lived most of my life out of Rubbermaid. Once I had house. My mother took all my Rubbermaids without me having furniture to unpack and store items. I'm not removing items. I am purchasing new Rubbermaids.
You could store it
@@amyfox9659I’m sorry you experienced this, and I’m glad you found your solution, buttttt I HOLLERED AT YOUR SOLUTION, So funny😂😂😂😅
It's like a connection to those passed 😢
@KoolT true, but storing is a double edged sword, since it's an extra expense. And if you still have the desire to keep sentimental things, then it invites more clutter into your home, as well as the storage unit.
I just recently gathered up a truckload of trash for the dump and another truckload of items to donate. I’m talking fully stuffed truck that had tie downs etc. And with two trips and help from my helper, I felt like a huge weight was taken off of me. I recognized something else going on, too, that all this stuff wasn’t going to save me or in any way make my life better from the inside out. Getting real with myself. I feel less distracted and more free. Now I’m hooked and am doing car loads of stuff to donate at a church that I feel so good about their outreach and community help and food banks. Now, the big job is letting go of most of my curly hair products. 😜🤪🥰 Seriously, though. Happiness isn’t in my long curly hair. I find so much happiness and joy in healing my little girl heart and in simply facing and surrendering to the facts of life and healing, maturing, understanding myself and others. I’ve recently realized I don’t need to justify my existence on earth. What a concept. I belong wherever I go. Thank you, Ana and team for all you do. Your work has made such a huge impact in my life. I’ve listened to so many videos and some over and over. Your podcasts, too, because I’m a warrior for my life, for my heart and my freedom to be myself. My childhood didn’t water me like I needed as the tiny little thirsty plant I was. I’m watering and care taking now. It’s a beautiful garden now. Thank you, all, for being part of this awakening.
Agree totally! I used to be a neatik. But I've been so depressed I can't make the piles of papers, clothes, etc, make sense. Thank you for your help. ❤
Okay, it's our turn to print out the video transcript and circle parts in red that we want to go back to lol
😂 🙌🏻 perfect reply! This made me smile
Lol :)
Nika@TeamFairy
My inner power and I moved and sorted a ton of clothes yesterday while my mom is in physical rehab. SO liberating.
Hi Anna, 3 years ago before I knew of your channel I visited a friend's dorm on campus; it was very messy but not nasty. Clothes and books everywhere but nothing as unhygienic as food left out or dirty dishes. He saw my look and said, "My room is a reflection of my mental and emotional state." I have never forgotten this statement because I have noticed that with my own life whenever I am going through a period of confusion, stress, or depression my room also becomes cluttered and disorganized.
The most interesting thing is that both he and I are very organized and clean people. So maybe this video resonates with so many people because for those of us who are typically very organized and neat, it helps us understand why we allow clutter to accumulate.
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
I love this - mental clutter due to a resentment and "if they'd apologize I could let this go"
This is an issue in my life right now with a good friend and everyone has an opinion on what I "should" or "should not" do.
The recovery people told me I should maintain the friendship cuz we've been friends for so long and he's newly diagnosed with cancer and all that.
BUT this issue has been going on for years. It bugs the crap out of me and I've expressed it but he's not changing it AND when I confront him about never apologizing he says "That's cuz I have nothing to apologize for".
BUT family members that know the issues and have some of them also are like "he's never gonna change just give the relationship some distance and find new friends to hang out with".
It's honestly a really challenging issue even if it doesn't sound like it. Something about his behavior triggers old wounds in me that I'm well aware of and haven't been able to heal. AND some in recovery call it a "character defect" but honestly it doesn't always feel that way. It comes from a very deep place in me and causes a lot of anger/rage and I think it's more of a coping mechanism than a defect.
But I dunno - it all gets so confusing and difficult to sort out. And when people aren't familiar with the issue, they dismiss it as being silly, trivial and/or easily solved but they honestly can't even relate or understand the depth of this crap.
I belong to more than one decluttering group. I was introduced to you, Anna Runkle, because the FB algorithm thought I should watch YOUR declutter video as well. This is HOW I was introduced to YOU. So, if indeed the all knowing algorithm decided I should know YOU, I am thankful.
This was the first of many many of your videos that I have watched and enjoyed.
Thank you for all you do ‼️❤️‼️
Oh thank you!
Same here, my friend, same here. 🙏
Clutter has been an issue for me my whole life, and I am 63 years old. I believe that I have complex PTSD from my adoptive family where I become the adult at age 14. They also lied to me about being adopted for over 51 years. I have just started with a new counselor, and this will be one of the areas we address. I never put the trauma together with clutter before. Thank you!
I went from hoarding trash, to some dusty spots at most. I've really recovered from hoarding after a good year of homelessness and a decade of debts.
Congrats! What helped you most in getting there?
@dianeatpeace337 homelessness was the best thing that could ever happen to me. That was a rebirth in the French woods. Once I was in the shelter, back in the Netherlands, I started drawing, behaving like a gentleman despite being very angry with the world. I minded my own business as much as I could. Moderation in vices, fading out alcohol. Getting the debts settled. Once I finally came home, in a home with a backyard, I've decorated it and furnitured it with some forgotten money. I've learned myself structural habits to prevent myself from cluttering and hoarding. I cut ties with all family. I got myself rid of old friends. Did a lot of self inquiry to the question as to why I am the way I am. The inner child finally found himself in a better place. I quit alcohol, second year abstinence, never again. Life's good now. Next year back to work after 6 years of recovery from burnout and CPTSD. I think, in the end it was the motivation to become the best version of myself that I could ever be.
Become your own best friend.
It’s because clutter is immediately visible as opposed to say avoidance which is abstract. Clutter is easily relatable. I’d like to hear more about how to organise your home into a safe, peaceful space. Also more info on hoarding and shopping addiction as a result of cptsd which then leads to clutter.
In my case is because every little thing on those piles of clutter have a story that will bring me back to a place I don't want to revisit. I get very anxious as I want to tide up but I don't want to go there. The crazy thing is that my job is exactly to declutter operation systems but my emotions block me from doing my own decluttering.
I hear you 🙏
The reason that video blew up is because you addressed a multitude of clutter and you gave manageable first steps to start our healing.
Thank you for distinguishing between hoarding and clutter that’s a very good point that I never thought about !
I’m feeling grateful for that distinction, as well. ♥️
I recently shared this with one of my young adult kids, as we are all recovering from the trauma of dealing with their father (and I'm still recovering from my own traumatic childhood). I have a recurring dream where I'm in an unfamiliar old abandoned house. There are narrow hallways, cramped spiraling staircases, and doors in odd places. I can tell someone else is in the house, and they're trying to find me, and I don't want them to, so I have to keep trying different paths. Soon, I am completely disoriented, but I'm now too far up to try jumping out the little windows. I also use a metaphor for the experience of having to stash pain away because the demands of existence don't allow me to stop and process it....having things in my attic, which is totally chaotic. I think not being able to focus on the immediate surroundings enough to organize them is absolutely a symptom of having unprocessed pain. Which takes priority in our life? If we don't have the resources to process it, none of it will get done.
I found among the countless declutter UA-camrs some that I take tips from. 5 min matters!
Saranominous... so creative. I can't help but wonder how you came up with that name. Love it. Maybe you have a relative named annanonymous.😅
~I recently watched a video on ADHD for women, and 1 thing on the list, was, clutter everywhere, BUT knowing where everything is~
I’m finally feeling better after much therapy and now an finally clearing away my clutter
I just takes time
Therapy will help you heal past trauma and then you’ll be willing to let go of the “stuff”
The “stuff” we find comforting when we are traumatized but therapy will help you release that
Don’t donate to “greed will “! They are pricing out of control! Donate to local homeless shelters, kids in foster care, domestic violence shelters. Churches that actually help people in your own community. Right now don’t to devastated Appalachia towns!
Food issue: mustard sandwiches
Are you the artist that did the installation with bread and mustard and some of the bread had mustard but some didn’t?
I feel a thousand times better donating to my local church that does so much good. And I’ve also donated to goodwill and Salvation Army. There’s a vet nonprofit and with them, I can even schedule picks up! Look around. 👀😍
I totally agree with this. Donate to a local shelter. They will be very thankful and will be more apt to use the items instead of throwing it away if it's not worth a lot of money to" resell".
Thank you, thank you, with tears in my eyes.....
From trauma as a baby through childhood...seeing our father trying to kill our mother in a drunken rage....she totally breaks down & is labled schizophrenic.....never totally the same... to being r*ped at gunpoint as a late teen....marrying & losing our first baby...I finally searched for our Lord Jesus & He was there & helped me so much. My husband came to Him too & we pastored churches for years, but now I am old & so tired...health issues, He still is the joy of my heart, but I recognize so much I'm struggling with now in your presentation.
Through the years things from my past would affect me & I would pray for His help & He would arrange for me to hear a radio program or have a book available to me to help me.....I think even at this age, you have been found by me as another help from a loving God to help me with the effects I still can have of childhood trauma. Lord Jesus bless you greatly❤
Thank you for sharing your testimony! He is faithful to complete the good work ahe has begun! I have a ministry called Healing for the Nations with A Modern Day Samaritan Woman, a podcast and women's retreats are some of the things He has led me to do.
thank you I struggle with clutter and organization things into categories etc., but feel so much better when I am able to accomplish some clean out or organization. I identify with not having enough in the past so having a hard time letting things go as well. My dental health was neglected as well and this has lifelong consequences. Thank you so much, survivor of childhood SA and neglect. God bless
❤
Please can you talk about finances more. A lot of us are under-earners or compulsive shoppers, we come from poverty or have poverty mindset. We don’t have support from family to pay for a wedding for example and often we inherit nothing as we had to cut toxic parents out of our lives. I personally have so much money shame, I sometimes wake up in a panic attack over this topic.
~Yes, i have felt guilty about things id held onto, that i did end up needing later on~Poverty does that, even tho its been 10 years since my extreme poverty, but rural living is more that way, too~Things do get repurposed~I have a hard time judging it with these factors~
There are lots of videos on saving and investing. The important part is to start early due to compound interest. Saving is also security for the future. Not everyone feels they need security. Some want to enjoy the money now before someone can take it away. Sometimes you have to compromise with your mate if they view money differently.
As a child and tween in an unsafe home only taught me the bare minimum of how to survive as an adult. Finances were not taught or discussed so I did not ever get beyond the living paycheck to paycheck. syndrome.
Clutter is the manifestation of your self perception.
Or the manifestation of the exhaustion trauma causes.
Yes to everything.
I love listening even just to the sound of the voice.
The words are really great, but the voice itself is something i have longed for my whole life.
I try hard to utilise discarded things, but the ultimate discarded thing is myself.
My dysfunctional self.
Drowning under the clutter and chaos, dysregulated quite badly, still trying, but sinking, but the voice is a lifeline.
Great Mother Energy.
Many thanks☺️🙋
Anna's kindness and acceptance and gentleness is awesome!!!
I have PTSD and ADHD and this is so helpful. Thank you! ❤
I don't have childhood trauma, but I do have a list for everything. It's the only way for me to get things done. Everything has a schedule.It's a flexible schedule , but a schedule, none the less.
One of my big triggers is socks. I didn't have socks growing up. I Always would feel my kids needed socks and saved every loner sock.. I realized the trauma when my kids drawer was overstuffed with socks, and I went to the overflow drawer and it was stuffed with socks too! My kids had 1000s of socks... why do I feel this way.
~I beat myself up for a long time over keeping all of my old, worn out socks with holes~I really questioned myself on it, and realized i couldnt find any quality ones to buy, that didnt stretch out & get holes right away, and were just not comfortable, then i found a store with good ones, bought a whole bunch of them, and got home to happily throw the old ones out!!!~
Let me know if you figure it out. I have the same problem. 2 drawers of socks. But only 2 feet! ( books too)
impeccable timing as always with this video popping up in my feed. i feel like its almost divine intervention at this point because i was just thinking about the clutter in my home and wondering what i can do tackle it without burning myself out and becoming overwhelmed. working through a small area in my apartment every day and giving myself some grace if i can't quite meet the goals for that day is the plan i'd like to try.
Great timing!! I've been searching for your original video because my daughter & her husband want me to clean up our barn for some repair work. That major task makes sense because I do have some stuff in there, but I have finally retired and have been working on my home which got behind with stuff. I have been working full time, taking care of my children & grandchildren, keeping house (exclusively as I am the only one who ever cleaned it) & juggling a dysfunctional relationship with a covert passive aggressive narcissistic husband of 30+ years. I cannot tell them NO, that I have other priorities & it occurred to me that I have never said NO to others who ask favors of me. I'll be watching more of your videos again & also, after tomorrow when I planned a full work day in the barn, I will try to do for me & not everyone else!
This video is liberating for people like me, who truly like everything to be in order, neat and tidy and organised, and yet fight all the time to stay organised once a decluttering has been achieved and never seems to manage to get the whole way through... and then it just rebuilds more and more.
Physical pain doesn't help at all ... and again this is CPTSD relates.
Therefore, understanding that clutter is yet another CPTSD symptom, helps me to be kinder to myself and that is the first step. Nobody ever heals while someone is beating them over the head with what a hopeless case they are, even if that person is themselves! Thank you Anna 🙏
I'm so glad the video was helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
When I saw this video the first time I was trying to find something that would help with my cluttering and my spouse had said "I think you have ADHD". So I had never heard about cptsd before this. I was so shocked by this information. I was terribly abused as a kid but for some reason I didn't think it effected me as an adult. I always said "you have to come above your raisins" I subscribed to your channel that day.
She has helped me so much. Bless you on your journey 🙏
@@tanyacarlyle1422same ♥️🙏
We're so glad you found the channel :) -Calista@TeamFairy
When you said “I grew up poor”, I jolted. My MIL grew up poor and she accumulated so much “stuff” over her lifetime as her quality of finances improved. She had stash everywhere. I’m going thru and clearing out much of her stuff and only keeping what makes sense in each room, and it is quite a task. I do think that it is not unusual for people that grew up poor to have this character trait. They can’t see it for what it is. It is also easier for me to go thru and purge other peoples’ stuff than my own own.
My FIL and my own mother were the same way-we have a mountain of STUFF to go thru. 😵💫
It makes me more mindful of my choices when shopping. I don’t want this for my children. I don’t want them to be married to anything I’ve accumulated merely out of sentimentality unless it makes sense and is useful to them.
It's always a (rare) relief when I see one of your video titles that does NOT pertain to me. Clutter was part of my childhood because my mother is what I call a "clean hoarder". Our too-big house was clean and orderly but full of my mothers things: figurines, antiques, books, papers, crafts, clothes....I think it is a result of her childhood experiences and her childhood trauma. My mom owns 95% of the items in their house and my dad owns 5%. I (and my dad) always wanted less stuff in the house and in my bedroom, and my mother complained that "people are going to see your bare white walls and think that we don't provide for you". (It was MY bedroom, I wanted white walls. I'm not sure who, exactly, was supposedly going to enter my teenage bedroom in the first place--it never happened--but my mom is a narcissist so naturally her top objective is others' perception of her and how I reflect on her.)
I used to have too much stuff for one person, but not anywhere near a critical level and nowhere near my mom's level of collecting. I "saw the light" and have slowly been purging and letting go of things that I do not use/need. I am careful about what I buy and how I spend my money (which has resulted in creating very little trash in my household and therefore I don't even need to pay for a trash service.) My house is neat and orderly but not obsessively clean. I have extra things beyond necessities, but not so many that it's overwhelming. I have a normal household, and I probably have fewer things than most Americans (especially since I'm single and childfree).
Despite the fact that I live in a scarcity mindset (instead of an abundance mindset):
CLUTTER IS NOT ONE OF MY TRAUMA SYMPTOMS!!!!
Hooray!!!!!!
❤I'm finally getting rid of the clutter thanks to your video!!! I feel less stressedThank You so so much🙏God Bless❣❣
I live for these sessions 😢
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Reliving the chaos of a tornado is one sure way to wake up in a world of clutter.
My home was never cluttered until after my husband was murdered. I’ve yet to figure out how to manage this.
I’m sitting in bed looking at my ridiculously cluttered room and I’m too overwhelmed and ashamed to know where to begin.
I'm so sorry. But I know you can do it. Try decluttering only 1 item a day. Google 'The Fly Lady' she is great
I'm sorry that happened to him, and you. I have those exact same feelings when I look at my house. It's just too hard to get started cos there's too much to do, so I just don't..
Oh my goodness. Praying for you 🙏
@@Becca-k4h There's a channel called Midwest Magic Cleaning and he says start with one small section don't think about the whole room - Anna mentioned this also - so start anywhere - when you are ready - you've been through a lot. 🙏
@@Becca-k4h I also wanted to add that my whole house is cluttered - but by doing small sections it is getting better - it takes time
I actually came to this realization early this year becuase I realized hoarding (mildly, thankfully...) is a common trait in my father's side of the family, and I also struggle with it to a small degree. I came to realize that having my possessions all over the place, and lots of it, made me feel protected from the outside world when I was isolating in my room. This epiphany allowed me to finally go through and organize all my belongings, getting rid of things that I no longer needed but had been holding onto.
It's still not perfect, but I have made a huge improvement in my life by doing this.
I haven't even finished the video and I feel like I have so much to say but I love this and it makes you seem so relatable. Your giggles when sharing things that are" embarrassing" are so cute! I feel like you're looking right into my soul this whole time. The amount of times I've just told myself I'm going to go through things and gather bags of things to just throw away but I never managed to and when I look at my things I feel like I cannot differentiate between what I need, what I want and what is totally just keeping up space for no reason
Totally. I go through waves, when healthy, I am giving things away, when I'm not, I make impulse purchases...a LOT of them.
I think it's important to realize that for most people, waiting for the feeling of being ready to tackle the clutter might never happen. Feelings usually come AFTER the action. If you don't feel like doing something, but maybe can just do a little bit, maybe set a timer for 10 minutes, make it a game with yourself to see how much you can do in 10 minutes, and THEN the feeling of having done something, having accomplished even a tiny bit will inspire you to do more, build on that success. "The hardest part is getting started" is what my parents always said, and it's so true for so many things in life!
Many of us don't share your optimism in the state of the world economy, the availability of food and textiles and energy in the future, etc.
I think part of the reason why this vid was sooo popular is because you relate personally to a lot of these problems.
I also feel like Clutter is kind of like a less well known response to clutter so it people don’t normally see it as a really bad problem (despite being affected by it, it could fly under the radar to an unsuspecting)
So when you mention in the title that it could be a trauma response, some people probably put it together for themselves finally.
I’m here watching this and realizing I also was one of the views from however long ago… I remember these stories you told!!
Thank you for bringing it all into view over and over ❤again
My mother always said she would hate to have known me had I lived through the depression (as she had as an immigrant). As soon as I get rid of something -I need it.
Maybe because we're all searching for the way out of the mess. I have it all. Piles of papers, closets, mounds of clothing, freezer & cabinets stuffed with food and a broken down vehicle in my back yard. I'm so overwhelmed. I don't even understand how I got to this point. I used to be a clean freak and obsessed with being organized. I've had a lot of trauma through the years. I now isolate to protect myself from more trauma and there's finally no trauma in my life but now the clutter is deregulating me. I was dealing with health issues and am now getting treated so I'm feeling better and want badly to get organized. I've made some progress but you have motivated to at least call someone to remove the vehicle. I've been working slowly and as long as I keep focused I feel I can do this but I now fear I won't accomplish my goals because of my health and that gives me anxiety 😬
Hang in there and be well! I also encourage you to check out Anna's free course, The Daily Practice. It can help with de-cluttering: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
THE Nesting is in Dysfunction state is a great way to state it
It is disaster, so much staff,... Of any kind, plus, as i worked as an artist, and i am in my heart and soul, there are so much things of that kind, too... But, though iwant to make my speace ay least in order, i can not move, ahead, then basic cleaning,... Iwould like to get free from thst stuff, even if they are things that i usef to like... So much books, magazines, art pictures, papers, objects, memorabilia, etc,.... Msybe i need bigger house 😅... Full of empty space... Maybe i need, more better closets... True,... But, yes, i crave for clean open spaces... Ah... So help me God... 🙏🙏🌹🙌Help us God... 🙏🙌♥️... Thank you for your devotion, dear Anna... God bless you... 🙏🌹❤️
Yes. I think artists are magnets for a lot of stuff. Art supplied are expensive. Collage spreads throughout the house. We frequently repurpose items in creative ways.
@@avanellehansen4525 ♥️🙏✨🙌...
To me ! clutter is a symptome of desorganisation of mind and symptome of anxiety and also causes anxiety BUT the cause of clutter is anxiety because when anxiety becomes lower I can declutter, if anxiety is high I cannot do anything.
I love your wisdom and reading your perspective on how context and loss affects life’s priorities and choices. You’re like a sweet honeybee queen drawing those in need to feed, until everyone is safe and sated. TY. ❤
The Clutter video was how I found you to begin with. I had never heard of limerance before, but learned about it, thanks to you, and saw it in myself at different times in my life. You have helped me see that large parts of my life and “personality” is due to childhood neglect.
😂 "like a bag of cats in your head" that one got me. 😸 5:45
Monkey brain!
This video was the first one I saw of yours. So thankful…you’ve changed my life.❤
Wow, we're so happy to hear that :) -Calista@TeamFairy
When i grew up, there was no communication with my mother. I had older sisters that told her what to do with me. When i went to her or my father for gym shoes or anything, i would get no response or a smirk and so that's what you want. My older sister would say,"your always asking them for things" she got her way, she was a bully just like my mother when i was almost old enough to move out i got two big presents. I moved out anyway
You were so transparent here, it was very helpful to compassionately & intellectually understand this cycle! 🙏🕊️
I’m a van lifer after being with a narc. I refuse to deal with roommates anymore. But I have it all streamlined however I met another woman who’s 70 who lives in her van and her ex is majorly narcissistic. I’ve offered to use all my construction tools to help her do a proper build so she can be comfortable and all the free offers of tools, time and compassion goes ignored. She loves her clutter. She dumpster dives I found out and it’s why she has bags and bags of trash and clutter in her van. She collects shit and gives it to people in need. But in the process loosing her own stuff in the clutter. I can’t help her. She seems so content in the garbage.
I've been getting rid of excess for months and finishing projects around the house. I had to much stuff that I didn't realize. Bye bye!
Cluttering & hoarding are 2 different things.
I live in a senior citizen low income housing complex. These apts.; I used to call them cubicles. Now I call them incubators!!! They're so tiny. I Have a life. I have art supplies, sewing supplies, & I also love to read, write, & cook.
A hoarder hoards newspapers up to the ceiling, then mice get in & chew it up to smitherines. Then they leave droppings all over the place. A hoarder hoards Garbage & that stinks. I'm Not a hoarder. I've been in this place for 5 yrs. I'm still decluttering. I gave away half my books. I gave away half my art supplies.
& I give away things to good will, or to my neighbors, that I haven't used, & things I Know they'll like & use. At my old apt., my Narc., guy next door harrassed me & tormented me for 8 mos. Then he claimed that I was a hoarder, & he was getting little black bugs in his apt. 🙄🙄🙄. he'd call the Mgr, fire Marshal and home inspector, to come in & check out my apt., even if I wasn't home!!! I'm 70. I don't need this harassment. This is a Retirement complex!!! So the Mgr got me another apt on the other side.
All of that narc.'s Minions, are over Here!! They all think he's a nice guy and I'm the one with the problem, & that's why I had to leave!!! So now I'm surrounded by people who Hate me, & they Don't even Know me. When does all this nonsense end ???! 🤷🤷🤷
Praying you find the strength and peace to not let these jerks affect you. I know it’s hard when you have mean neighbors, I’ve had a few. Put your energy and attention on helping others and you’ll feel so much better. Of course take care of yourself too💕🥰🙏🏼
I can relate to this video highly and appreciate you speaking out about this. I find your videos to be comforting and tends to drop into my life whenever I really need them.❤️
We're so happy to hear that, thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I grew up poor and i do this.. all of it lol! Thankyou for this video, I can really relate to it, and i really dont feel so alone hey.. thankyou.
You're not alone and we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
IBecause of your sweet caring personality, your delivery, PRACTICAL & EXECUTABLE SOLUTIONS, & showing us the EMOTIONAL REASONS WHY we get into our mess.
Good topic
I like things, but I'm not particularly attached to them, so I can declutter that fairly easily. The hamster wheel of thoughts, emotions leading to negative behaviours, however, is much harder to let go. Thank you for providing some insight in where to start dealing with that.
I recently discovered Clutterbug on UA-cam and I'm finding her very cheerful and helpful. I signed up for her free 30 day decluttering programme and the first day's task is easy takes a mere 5 minutes but leaves you with a warm glow of achievement which is an extremely unusual but welcome feeling for me on the subject of clutter.
She also explains how different brains work. I can organise a large event but have trouble keeping a small flat in order. Thanks to Clutterbug I've found that I'm visual and a big picture thinker, which is needed for events. In her scheme I'm a butterfly. 🦋. It's a huge relief not to be unheard of! 😂
Thank you for the Clutterbug channel recommendation. I, too, am a big picture person. I’m going to check her channel out. Thanks again. ♥️
@@karenkarinaxoxo Welcome. I hope it's helpful and uplifting. My therapist also said to me "It's not your fault". "It's not my fault?" I asked in disbelief. Then suddenly the penny dropped. As a child I was ordered to "tidy up", but I didn't know what that meant. If I'd been shown the steps I'd have been ok, but I had a mother who didn't want me to be ok and made a big production of my untidiness. In my willingness to please, I added my own disapproval to hers. The reality is much more manageable than the alarming spectre my mother painted and I'm in charge now!
@@coralmccrystal4606 yes, you’re in charge now. Freedom. ♥️🥰
You inspired me to start decluttering my place, I threw away supplies and things that had been there for years but realistically I was never going to use - it's still messy but less messy, I'm doing it one day at a time.
You got this! :)
Nika@TeamFairy
Hello! About a week ago, I stumbled upon your channel, and your first video about CPTSD and clutter. I had an epiphany and realized half of the stuff I was holding onto was garbage. In just a week, I got rid of all the boxes, and finally cleaned my bedroom that had become “the storage room” over the course of 3 years. I can’t thank you enough !!!
Wow! Thanks for sharing! You are in power, great job!
Nika@TeamFairy
Hmmm... Hording and clutter could kind of be related as a trauma response. You mentioned nesting and feeling safe/comfortable. In my area, Boeing has been on strike for the past several months and (like COVID), everyone bought TP and paper towels. With myself, when I am stressed or not feeling secure, I tend to stock up on things and/or the piles of things around my home increases.
Ugh I needed this 🥹❤️
This message came at the right time. Thank you for this
Thanks, Anna!
I'm dealing with the clutter my mother left as well as the clutter I have accumulated. Definitely generational trauma at work here.
But most of my home is not cluttered! I've got one small room with my mother's stuff, some of which will be burned in a ceremonial releasing on the anniversary of her death.
My own stuff...well, I am a book and fabric junkie surrounded by the static beautiful things from my childhood. They couldn't hurt me, misunderstand me, lie to me or leave me. I have a lot of control over fabric and books!
My Trauma is burn out. It feels crippling but slowly but surely I'm getting myself into a habit of decluttering more, cleaning or tidying up more frequently as the site of clutter triggers me now
We're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm in a vicious cycle of gathering 'stuff' , hitting critical mass then eventually decluttering. Rinse and repeat. I'm so overwhelmed with it at the moment, just started a sort out and deep clean. The mess is doing my head in. Thank you for this x
As someone who watched it right away when it was uploaded, I saw the word "clutter," and your channel, and I watched it right away. I was SO excited even before you had said a word. I wasn't even half way through when I texted the link to over twenty people, and they all texted back the day of saying they'd watched it, too. I don't have social media (I don't count UA-cam because I use it as TV, basically, and I rarely leave comments on anything), but I still shared the heck out of the video because we all struggle with clutter and feeling like we could be better organized, better prepared, and finally live that fantasy life we all think is out there somewhere/someday.
Your advice has been life-changing for me. It already was before your clutter video. Your approach is honest and non-judgmental, and I feel SAFE listening to you. And INSPIRED. And you share real steps I start taking. Then stop for a bit. Then start again, and again. And it's always moving me in the right direction - the steps, the advice, and just WHO YOU ARE as a person. You're wonderful!
I think I shared a comment one other time, probably at least a year ago, on another one of your videos. I'm only sharing here now because you asked.
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. We're so happy to hear that the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I only discovered you’re channel in the last week and what you said about shame really hit home and made me realise how much shame I have felt especially since my divorce and feeling I failed my children even though it was a toxic marriage and there were so many red flags, I have started reading your book re-regulated , I feel like crying even though you are so positive in your videos which gives me hope, thank you Anna
The pandemic re-enforced my food hoarding as I had the opposite experience. I didn't have to stock up or go to the supermarket for a very long time because I already had plenty. So it took me a few steps back because I had an example of a time of when I was glad of having that extra food.
SAME....have been re-hoarding food , getting ready for the next situation that may never happen. But you never know😮😂
I feel that keeping clutter is a way of preventing me from moving on.
Interestingly, not long ago, when I had made a major decision that brings about change in my life, I started feeling differently, like I had grown out of some petty behaviours and I found myself decluttering spontaneously, things that have been in the pipeline for years 🙂
Fabulous video. Toiletries and papers - putting it onto my schedule. The most useful video ever, including how to deal with my cluttered mind. Thank you!
This is hope for the hopeless. Thank you!
Glad you think so!
Nika@TeamFairy
21:24 "nobody else wants this" triggers me when I do want to keep it, so I have to leave that completely aside ❤
Thank goodness for you, Anna! This is such a big one. I'm quite clutter bug and while I cannot stand looking at it and keep meaning to organize, I often can't get started. Knowing that's a result of trauma, not just me being a weird slob, is so validating.
Part of my hyper- vigilance from C/CPTSD was to be immaculately organized - one of the few ways I could control chaos. That has fallen by the wayside now that I'm doing somatic therapy and climbing out of shutdown. I now have clutter, disorganization, and too much stuff! It seems as though I've regressed in some way!! 😢😲
It’s SO TRUE what you just said!!! That really triggered me and had me crying. It’s the idea that if I get rid of those things-I’m saying goodbye to another time. A time I really cherish and it’s like that stuff is EVIDENCE that that time existed-not just in my mind. And I’m so scared to forget too. Thank you for saying that out loud!!!