The Challenges of Being A Widow | Unpacked with Relebogile Mabotja - Episode 5 | Season 2
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- Опубліковано 2 чер 2021
- Business woman and author, Nontutuzela Siko, unpacks the difficulties faced by African woman who have loved and lost their husbands. She shares her story on how she transitioned from wife to widow.
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Studio Guest: Nontutuzela Siko
I will not hold any knife at its sharpness.. I'm not a rock. I'm a woman but my strongness is not determined by my ability to endure abuse.
Thank you maam!
J Bio
Very valid point🙌
[Uuuuuuuuyyyuyooooooo
I totally agree with you. Soze!!!
She’s so right about marrying the breadwinner the whole family turns against you
Her episode of title should have been marrying a breadwinner…
Marrying a bread winner make his family hate you. I know & i experienced it as well. You are blamed for everything.
My case right now
Let's just pause for a moment to appreciate Relebogile's glow
I did❤️
Yes🙋♀️
She has such beautiful features and skin.
She's beautiful..I love how she talks..her patience..a good interviewer of note
Ke make-up wena ao
As uncomfortable as I am with her views, I accept that this is her story, her perspective, her truth.
Same here.
Me too especially with some of her reasons of staying. But I had to swallow my opinion and listen to her Journey.
Let’s normalize leaving abusive relationships and toxic relationships. Let’s normalize calling a spade a spade!
I completely agree 👍
her children are traumitized as to why she didnt leave the marriage. She calls it bravery and a purpose but her children suffered more bcz o her staying.
She is justifying staying in an abusive relationship. It's really sad .I hope she heals and women understand that leaving also requires strength ,its not a sign of weakness.
Thank you for sayi g this because God's plan cant be for us to suffer in marriage. Lets read the whole scripture and not a single verse.
People should stop staying in abusive relationships/marriages with the hope that their experience will help someone out there!
People should stay in whatever suits them. We are allowed to tolerate what ever we want, let people decide in their lives.
@@lungybhengu1805 Okay, good luck with that 😊
It makes no sense honesty
@@lungybhengu1805 are you in an abusive relationship?
@@nomsantsoane3984 No definitely not but I advocate for letting people live their lives on their own terms. We don't owe each explanations for our choices that is my only point
Being in an abusive relationship is never in Gods plan! Please please I have to disagree. Leave ASAP !!! People are dying out there. People stay in abusive relationships because of codependency not to teach other women at the expense of their bodies. This excuse needs to stop.
That is so true, it's really sad to hear how people interpret somethings, "it was planned, somehow I was going to get infected" Yhoo as that mosadi othswara thipa kabo gale🙌🙌, this needs to stop, hence that is why so many women are being killed and dying because of staying were u can gore its not working, and I think it all that abuse damages the human somewhere, where she will never be the same again
My challenge with what she said is that, there is a possibility that she is telling women who ask help from her to do the same thing. This is very dangerous. Those women will stay hoping things will be better and they die while hoping.
There are things we should not share with the world but keep them in us and know that it worked personally but doesn't mean it's a standard.
My pple are destroyed because of lack of God's knowledge...says the WORD
So true , as much as I am Christian too we jst need to pray more for wisdom and not normalize abuse.That was her choice but she must not advise ppl based on the choice she made.I also feel like she went and took over the show.I am a bit upset bcz my cousin lost her life bcz of an abusive cheating man of God, and I won't carry on and say God knew how her life was gna end I feel like had she used Wisdom and left the turn out would hv been different.
That was disturbing for me too. Very wrong
I disagree with a lot of her sentiments... no one is destined to contract a life threatening illness... her philosophy seems to be a coping mechanism to help her make peace with the position that her decision to stay has put her in.
That is true
I know right 😤 and she took the scripture out of context saying even if she left the man, she was still gonna get infected anyway. Totally Untrue.
The Lord gives us the liberty to make choices, but its us who carry the success and the burden of our choices. Noways God doesnt allow adultery then the STI/STD becomes an innocents destiny.
The church cant force you not to leave your marriage. You give too much to individuals.
As a christain she needs to be liberated.
She needs to understand how much God loves her.
God hate divorce not the divorcees. Its what divorce hurt and destroy families not the God's law.
True, it is not God but how as Africans we are socialized. Socialization and culture are not static they evolve. In this day and age we teach our children to be assertive and call out any abuse.
True.
I don't agree with most of her sentiments but I respect that this is her story and she has every right to tell it her way. She is stronger than I am willing to be.
Your channel is my new addiction
Same here ausi nene 🤣😍😍
Same here hey🤣😅😅🤗
Same 🙋🏽♀️
I’m binging right now
Thank you ladies for sharing this story. To the wise remember this:
1. This is her story, her life and her choices which she has graciously shared with us. She has made HER choices and is living with their consequences.
2. Hindsight is always 20/20
Relebogile great content! Don’t stop.
Love how she is oozing optimism. She has such a positive energy. She definitely came out stronger from everything she went through. Love that for her❤️
People need to understand that “ups and downs” in a relationship doesn’t mean what the other person does to you, how they cheat on you and abuse you... It refers to things that the couple have to tackle together e.g financial problems, sickness etc.
Death of parents, kids, car accidents! You know, people are too weak to leave, make excuses and coat them as being "imbokodo" . fuck that!
I ALWAYS SAY THIS!!!!! GOSH
Exactly. How is abuse and infidelity just "ups and downs" of a relationship, like it's supposed to be normal
From her story i learned. Leave early . Every abusive situation. First attempt leave. Because unfortunately trauma builds up
I love how this lady expresses herself and her voice sounds so beautiful. She's utterly brave.
Being someone wife is everything, we shouldn’t teach young girls this !
I'm with u on that one
So much relating to this picking up a lot , as a widow who just lost a husband, being called all names , culture being crude,going thru emotional, physical, psychological, financial pain .God help me not to dwell on the past and focus on my child n future. Achieving my goals
Sending love and strength 🙏🏾❤️❤️
So sorry my sista💔 eish I'm even scared to get married
Amen sis ❤️🙏
But the knife will cut your fingers off? You will not be able to hold anything else...🤔
Relebogile is gorgeous, just thought I should say it.
As I listen to this, I Am thankful for the man my inlaws raised, I will forever be thankful to my mom in law. Thank you for the love❤️
In all honesty this episode is upsetting. Perpetuating abuse of women argh 😣
Depends with how you c it.
It breaks my heart that a woman’s strength is measured by how much abuse she can take.. ah nna am ok am weak I will not be a rock bathong
I agree.
Lenna I agree with you Katlego. Yoh ai!
Le nna sesi!
What this lady said about culture is so true, culture favours man a lot and suppress woman
Kudos to that 9 year old boy for standing up and looking out for his mother, what a wonderful child! May he be blessed and grow up to be a upstanding man.
He is such a blessing
He shouldn't have to do that though. It's sad that he experienced that as a child.
She's blessed indeed. Imagine been sat by your own kid. Big up to the young man. May God raise him for thee better
Guest is such a beautiful woman.
I hope this lady is not telling women to stay in abusive and dangerous situations and marriages all in the name of God’s plan. Yuh no way hey
I was thinking that too
Life is a threat in itself, this lady has seen it all and can still stand up and give her story, quite encouraging
I completely hear what she’s saying, she’s in her journey and she wouldn’t be sitting in the unpack chair if she ran away🙌🏻Whew this is powerful
I agree
Such a bold woman she is. I applaud her.
Wow..very very!
For what?
@@nomuzinhlapo6759 For enduring and celebrating abuse
@@tshidi129 apparently! Lets stop glamorizing abuse! Lets stop using the word of God to manipulate women into toxicity
As a Christian women my advice to other women is that . The moment you find out your husband is cheating or boyfriend what not. Please leave asap. Bcos in my understanding God is showing you that for a reason . If you don't leave , spiritual warfare will become intense. HIV etc
Wow am speechless cc bcos what u are saying is RARELY spoken n found in churches rather when u go to dem with such news dey rather MANIPULATE u using da word of God and make u to find ways of 'living happily' in da midst of dis toxic relationship.
I always say as women we need to learn to CHOOSE ourselves bcos we are on our own honestly. When he cheats he gets praises and when you do the same you will receive insult from the same society that praised him
When you go to church all the scriptures will be used against you instead of dealing with him and his UNBIBLICAL behavior as a husband
So you can tell that we don't have anyone but us as women. If we don't choose ourselves nobody will. This thing has caused many to think men are better than us as women where else in him we are EQUALLY IMPORTANT including our peace and happiness
@@samkelongidi-dube9549 I believe God show us things for a reason. It is the same if he is abusive to you. My advice is leave asap, imagine you persevere and you die there and the moment you reach heaven, God tell you that he gave you multiple chances to choose life. Even the Bible says choose life and life in abundance. Nna I don't believe I came here to suffer, not even for another human being.
She is a daughter of grace, you see, the kind that forgives 70 ×7. It is not easy for everyone to accept her kind of lesson. Only those that are of grace can accept her choice and usually they will follow the Lord - die for others. They are selfless to a T!
@@sublime1061 Well put
The show is awesome!!! Kindly add subtitles when the guests speak vernacular. Please team.
the knife thing and mbokodo sentiments can miss me
Me too mtase, soze klk
#ANDIZI
Me too sis I will never
Me tooooo
Hayi enkosi andizi
I have to disagree with her when she say, “ without a woman there’s no kitchen “ . I was raised by a single dad who cooked dinner for us every single night. Packed our school lunches and did our laundry. To this day, when I go visit home, the day I arrive, he prepares a meal. When I leave home to come back to my place, he packs food for me. That time I’m 28.
Also she’s saying there is no order in a home that does not have a woman. My home was in order when I was growing up. He took us to church, helped us with homework and took care of us, nursed us when we got sick, all this without a woman in the house. There is a lot of single dads out there trying their level best to raise their own kids by themselves instead of putting the responsibility on other people simply because they are men. Haibo
She mentioned she hate Culture but still think Tradition.
I think you got the kitchen thing wrong. It's not the structure and the cooking... It's the homemaker. No father can replace a mother.
@@nabuchebimukhwana9378 she did say a man can’t take care of kids like a woman would and I completely disagree with that
@@molatelochokoe1867 you were lucky to fall under the 30% of responsible men.
Big ups to the 5% 🤷🏾♀️
As a Christian woman you have grounds for divorce their husband if he cheats..it is stated in the book of Matthew..you cannot live a miserable life because of a man.
Why is this lady not on TV doing this show? This has so much substance
She is on Sabc3 weekdays . I think at 17:00 or 17:30
Women, wats wrong with us, protecting the church, protecting parents, staying abusive marriages for the sake of kids, who by the way pick up abuse without even telling them and breaking them psychologically as a result, all at the expense of your own safety and health... I really don't understand and I will never understand any justification for women staying in abusive relationships
Thank you, this lady could have saved herself all this trauma by not..,
1. Marrying this man
2. Having children with this man
She’s endured abuse and now the children will be scarred for life. Imagine if she had left when she saw he was a cheater whilst dating. Ai
God gives us wisdom but we want excuses to stay in unhealthy relationships.
Our society practically turned us into fools. The mentality of " a woman must be the glue and stay at all costs to save face for the sake of marriage" must go. We have been taught to let go of ourselves and put everyone else first in marriage. I swear, i'm 28 and i still refuse to settle for just about any man because i cannot come and die because of relationships. The other thing is, i'm a fighter. U cannot hit me and get away with it. I may not hit u back but u may end up sleeping forever.
My mom stayed in a abusive relationship and am the one dealing with past traumas😔💔
@@bluebird4815 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I can listen to dis lady whole day🙌🙌she is so smart
I wonder why her in laws couldn't see this.
She is a very strong woman. And I respect her choices. She is using her experiences to empower other widows and widowers. Such a powerhouse
In agreement.
LIFE IS ABOUT CHOICES. You dealt with it the best way you knew how. Thank you for sharing your story.
The presenter has grown in media business, she doing very well in this talk show business. I like the way she allows ppl to talk then probe further on issues that matters. Good work Lebo. 👏🏿👏🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿
👌
She is exceptional.
She’s very articulate 👏🏾🥺♥️ knows when to probe …
👏👏👏Wow my sister I salute your strength and boldness. The way you stood for your family you have encouraged me a lot. Keep fighting for the widows and widower
The in-laws always hate in the African society. Women should not feel bad because every woman in the community some wat faces this problems. In-laws call every woman bad even if he marries the best. Yet on the other hand the men cannot marry into their own DNA so for me is careless if in-laws hate me as long as my hubby n I r game. However if my hubby doesn’t love me n he abuses me I think being single never killed a person. This lady is strong! I bow down to her. I know it couldn’t have been me oooo!
Let's please normalize leaving abusive and toxic relationships please. We've lost so many loved ones due to this.
But being infected wasn't from God my lady. I beg to differ. It was your personal choice to stay with husband knowing his cheating ways. Just that God is able to mend our brokenness, to give us power to use the consequence of our mistakes to empower others from preventing the same from happening to them.... We fall because of our mistakes. But God is always there for us. His grace is sufficient....
How was it her choice?
@@ndileka216 it was her choice because she chose to stay with her partner even though he was cheating... So she exposed herself to everything that comes with a cheating partner....
May God enlargen your territory Relebogile... You were born for this Queen 🏆
Mark your place and secure it.
I'm sure Oprah now looks up to you now that we have podcasts...
Your making serious history 🔥🔥🔥
When a person is abusive run for your life. The best you can do is pray that they will find healing from within and change for the better for themselves. Mosadi o twara tipa ka bogale is what lead to women dieng cause of abuse
A wise woman, do your thing Queen
*Tradition says, when a widow remarried she must be married off by the in-laws.(magadi)
*Its always the woman who kills the man to Africans, I don't know why we as Africans do this to each other.
- this is a relevant topic in the African community.
Which doesn't make no damn sense, they are so religious and always emphasize that everything is God's plan but when a relative pass it is the woman or man fault smh. I just don't get it.
Yes! So important.
She has so much to share. I wish I can follow her foundation n read her book. I want more out of her
Im watching this interview and I found her on Facebook only to read that she passed away on the 1st July, RIP mama
Am watching now and I loved her so I wanted to follow her and FB. Only to find out she passed away. Am sad. Something doesn’t sit well with me
You lie 🥺🥺🥺
Ooh no, RIP queen you spoke for the masses, black culture can be cruel and especially black women
Lebo your studio, just wow. It contributes to me being glued to the show. It is soooo beautiful, calm, sanity, just wow
Poor woman went through trauma. I pray for her healing
Even though it took me 10 years to mourn my late husband, I would never chose him and his family if I had another chance to chose again. I love my current one so much because we both understand pain.
Note:If married women were wise they would attend the Widows meetings
Yah I agree with you to gain that strength because inlaws they something else 🤞🤞🤞🤞
I agree with you. I'm married and I don't talk to my mom or anyone in my family simply because they don't respect my marriage. I got married very young and my wife was there for me even when I lost my job. I will never take it lightly when my wife gets disrespected. Marriage is not fun and roses all the time but unmarried people just want to get married so that they can prove a point to their friends and take photos for the gram. The woman in this show is simply telling her story and it's sad how people are quick to judge her choices. It's her choices.
@@LetsTalk9102 aaaaaag no man sorry there will be a way one day pray for them they will come around ❤ because I don't know whats wrong with us to not accepting others loved ones decisions and support it
Thanks for sharing, you allowed God to use you to establish a Godly and goodly legacy for your kids and a thousands generations to come. That's what I call selfless living. Im sensing your kindness and gentleness. You are a goal oriented woman. May the Lord reward your obedience sister.
Wow Sis Ntutu I appreciate please like you. Also want to write a book about my life as a Divorcee....
Relebogile ...this woman is real very real I dont mind having a chat with her
When sis said "some of us are curse breakers, so you will have to go through all these pains"
As tswana I did not like how she was treated by her in laws, which is almost every married woman's challenges, but we are cool people.
For me I am still single because I am not yet ready to hold the knife on its sharp side, maybe one day but for now am good shame.
To hold a knife on the sharp side, in sesotho, means a woman does everything to protect her children not the husband. Women are heroes when it comes to their children. Sesotho says 'ma ngoana u tsoara thipa ka bohaleng. I don't think this idiom is regarding to men!
I have dated 2 Tswana men, i experienced the same treatment as this lady. I won't lie it left me jaded with regards to Batswana.
I so resonate with this woman. She is gorgeous, intelligent and have tolerated so much she did not deserve.
I am not understanding the part where She says She stayed because suffering in a marriage was Her portion! So also being infected was Her path that was to come. Ay no that doesn't come from God. He has great plans for us not to hurt us. I feel when we get rebellious or not listen even when God is giving us signs to move, we face consequences for our own decision. Sometimes God allow us to be troubled so we can move get up, He gives us the strength to move. I am not judging though but God tried to save Her from heartache.
We are now learning through Her experiences.
It's a hard one, I don't get that too
She has issues, God loves us and wants us to be happy, not such nonsense. It makes me angry!
She is misleading women who are in abusive relationships to stay so they can have something to "motivate" about. Her reasoning for staying is soooo not right. She must just state HER insecurities that made Her stay, that made Her not think She can be loved maybe by someone else, not that even if She did leave She was going to get HIV somewhere. What is She telling the world, She never protects Herself! Yohh this interview is wrong wrong. No lesson learnt and it's sad because She really think She can save someone by this talk.
There's alot of things that she spoke, that honestly don't make sense, and she also quotes the scriptures, but I don't think she can comprehend
She made me so uncomfortable I wished someone with a different view on marriage.
We're here!📍Can't wait to watch.🤗Sis Lebo you look gorgeous.
Yoh wena, I can't get enough of her beauty. She's so beautiful
I could listen to her talk for hours ❤️Bless her
May her soul rest in peace....xe was beautiful
God bless your boy!Wow at 9 thinking the way he does wow!
🤮 in laws can be so disgusting man... strong lady ❤️
What a beatiful,realistic and flawed human being👏👏👏👏
What s powerful woman very forgiving
There is a ground for divorce and its biblical - Infidelity and its is a sin. Ultimately, to stay is the decision of both parties but condoning and accepting cheating in a marriage is sadly slow death. Infidelity with its spiritual and physical consequences such as STD's is nothing to contend with.
Its one strike and a single affair can take a life. There is more taking life than taking pain like this all in the name of staying married.
The only Background that I believe to be behind " A woman hold the knife at it's sharpness" is that of how a mother will go all out to make sure her CHILDREN are fed, taken care of and get all the love & comfort they need .
The one that Miss here is talking about is clearly using it to justify abuse... Sad
You are right!....In fact seane se goes 'Mmangwana o tshwara thipa ka ga bogaleng'....NOT Mosadi.
@@londziwekhoza6651 Dankoo🤝🏼
I truly understand what people like this guest go through in life. I'm one of them 🔥🔥🔥💃💃💃🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
But please don't stay in an abusive relationship Ma.
May God fight your battles
I'm against oppresion of women at all costs. This woman chose to stick to a cheater, and got infected. Going around and literally telling women to withstand something like that and using the Bible to ochestrate women to live a painful life sounds off. She still feels unworthy of a pain free life and happiness. Know your worth. Life has many options, no need to hold on to pain to prove your womanity. You don't have to!!!! WALK AWAY FROM BAD SITUATIONS!!!!!
I totally agree with you hle
Am glad u came out alive..some people are dead because of abuse..
I've never not agreed to something like right now. Don't bekezela!! Most women stay for the sake of their children, so they grow up in a normal family. However, I would rather have both my parents separated and happy than to live in a home where it is quite evident that my mother is not happy, where she's being severely abused and trying to put up a happy facade in front of me just for my "happiness". Children notice a lot of things so if at all you're doing it for the children?? You gotta leave, if you're happy and positive, so will your children.
I don't think that a lot of you listened attentively to what this lady was saying before commenting because there is a difference between hearing and being attentive. At 14:38 she said that she's not telling you to do as she did but it was her choice. There is a saying "Why leave certainty for uncertainty? Most times Thy Creator uses us to be of testimony to others. If she had left what guarantees she had that she would have met better or she could have met with someone worse than her husband was. She needed to face the music and danced to tune life handed to her. I think that this is a very strong woman and she didn't allowed her situation to shape her destiny.
My dear you got it so right.
I also wonder if they listened and understood what she was saying 🤔
I love your narrative, I heard her 🙌
Tswanas and Pedis have that tendency of calling the Nguni people matebele even in workplaces. They make us feel inferior and think they are above everything.
This NEEDS A PART 2. PLEASE
I'm hooked to this channel. Another great interview 😍. Thank you Lebo yet again
Wa e bona kereke sometimes ke nyoso man. Staying in such a toxic family environment for years because the Bible says a, b and c is not on. And then there is our culture which is all about "putting a woman in her place" especially there by the in laws. A lot of woman are suffering because of those two doctrines.
The Bible allows divorce in such circumstances. People stay for whatever reasons they stay for and hide behind the church but forget what the Bible says
I like your way of thinking 🤔 May you remain Blessed
Forget MacG's show, these are real conversations
Lol for someone im assuming is about “realness” this is rather funny… it doesnt get realer than podcast and chill!!! Just like it doesnt get realer than unpacked… allow people to do what they do how they know how… and choose the one that works for you without bashing the other…
Wish you healing and light ntwana…
I learned alot here hle bathong Thank you sister for your advice ...
May Nontutuzela rest in peace.
🙏🏾
Yaah very difficult to be married to a breadwinner I know dat thing ,they always say ngwanana wa Lesotho otlole tjheleteng and my hubby found me educated my parents spend on me too much ,I thank them
Jer 29:11 “ For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT TO HARM YOU, PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE”
Im puzzled how from that scripture, she came to the conclusion that Abuse, Infedility, Pain, Disrespect...is God’s plan for her life 🤨 So sad!
She quoted it in half even, I am as confused.
This woman is still hurting and indenial of the abuse she allowed. I hated this part in the interview.
Very sobering talk.. I've learned a lot.. Thanks for sharing
What have you learned?
In essence we go through pain to someday heal others.
My aunt married into a Tswana family and was called le tebele. She couldn't bear children and adopted. Husband left to be with a woman who lied and said she was pregnant with his child. On discovering she lied he left his shack in Orange Farm in my aunt's name and their adopted kids even after he'd abandoned them for a liar. After he died his mother understood that my aunt was always on her husband's side and that the challenge of infertility was with her son. This marriage thing is not just about two people in the African sense but a whole clan. No person needs disease and abuse to learn a lesson or be a martyr of breaking generational curses. Find a way to leave. People who want their kid's money don't deserve their kids in their lives period.
I’m sorry I can’t watch till the end😱...
The notion of going through pain and suffering caused by our fellow humans, and thinking it's what's the Lord has envisioned for you must stop. Let's stop normalising pain. Hayi man, emang nyana 😡.
Culture is an African woman's worst enemy. I am a Zimbabwean....
Thank you. You opened my eyes. May God bless you!
Life is a gift that build and shape your character and life is a school that prepares your destiny, you are bold and strong , you also carry so much wisdom my sister, May the Lord grant you more strength going forward……💚👏
Lady u are uttering my story…..same pains☝🏼🤔But no worries Lord is good all the time.😇
You shall overcome in Jesus Mighty name.
Yoooh wow 🙌🙌🙌 powerful being a curse breaker is not easy... God give us strength 🙌🙌🙌
Thank you for this episode.. I have been watching your interviews sisi Rele and i have learnt a lot.
Aaaaa sisi you taught me a lot I have learn a lot from you eventhough I have not going through this
Very informative i really love your show we always learn something new with every episode. keep up the good work. And to the speaker you are a strong women i admire you for that .
Relebogile ke bosso...Notification gang
Yayyy!
Wow, you are an inspiration,