How to Deal with Life Changes
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- Опубліковано 1 тра 2019
- 1. Acknowledge that change is part of life. I know, this isn’t necessarily that helpful, but I think it’s important that we try to recognize and accept that change is always happening. Some of it we have control over, but most of it we don’t.
2. Let ourselves feel the loss, upset, anger, sadness, whatever it is you may be feeling. Give yourself time to feel it, talk about it, journal about it, complain to a friend, therapist or family member about it.
3. Write out the story we will tell ourselves about this loss or change. Are we writing a sad story? Hopeful? Painful and grief filled?
4. Write out the story you WANT to have about this loss or change.
5. Increase your self care.
Remember that it’s actually less about the change that’s happening, and more to do with how we think about it. So notice if your thoughts are pulling you in a direction you don’t want to go, or telling you a very filtered version of the story. Then you can go back to that story you wrote.. You know, the one that you WANT to have about this change, and re-read that one. You could even take it as far as considering what you could do today to work towards that story. One thought and step at a time we can move closer and closer to it, until the story we WANT to have is the one we are living.
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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I didn't know how much I needed to hear this today... thank you
Caterpillar: You sure have changed.
Butterfly: You are supposed to.
I resonated with this comment soooo much!! ❤🤗
its creepy Kati always have videos for everything im going through 😅 , love ya girl!
Sameeee
@@renepeters945 she really has video for everything. Amazing !
Is your favorite yoga studio shutting down too?
Your actually the best... Sometimes I feel like your reading my mind lol
I hate change. I had a 20 minute meltdown in therapy over this topic...
Did you learn anything from the session xx
Same😢😢😢😢😢
This is crazy.... yesterday I found out my psychiatrist of 5yrs . The best I've ever had in my life is now doing inpatient only. I lost him and got shifted to a new psychiatrist and I've been crying about it constantly!
Top 5 Techniques to Manage Changes
1. Acknowledge change is a part of life
2. Allow our self to feel our emotions in the present
3. Write down the story we tell ourselves
4. Write down the story we WANT to have
5. Increase the amount of internal self-care
Thank you, Kati
This is exactly what I needed. My best friend who I’ve known for 6 years has just moved country America (from the UK) to go to university there. It was only the few days before she was about to move that I became so emotional just thinking about her moving. Now whenever I think about her I can feel pain in my throat because I feel like I’m gonna burst into tears. I’m gonna so hard to get over it and just move on - on the bright side, she’ll be home at Christmas so I’ll be able to see her then!
For someone who is moving out, getting married, graduating, and moving to another state in less than a month. I cant thank you enough for the timeliness of this video!
Change is really hard for me, I’m autistic and it’s one of my struggles. However, due to therapy over the last year I can manage.
I left a marriage after 33 years & moved 2100 miles away to a little farm I bought in a town where I knew no one. Best change I ever made in my life. How it effected the husband I left wasn't my concern by that point in time. It was for my well being. Focus on my own well being to start & then I have met & now have the best friends I ever has in my whole life. Starting over at 54 was awesome. Change can be very good & have very wondwrful results when we don't get hung up on the change & focus on the future
I'm so terrified of change that I've stayed at a job I don't really like for 5 years...... I just cannot for the life of me take steps forward in life even if it's for the better. :(
I lost my boyfriend a little over two months ago. I definitely needed this. Navigating grief and losing a loved one is not easy. It’s filled with pain and it’s a huge transition to not have that person here anymore. Thank you for all you do, Kati. ❤️
How did you make out ?
@@more6326 I’ve been doing okay. I’ve attended grief classes which have been beneficial for me. Grief is so difficult for sure.
I’m sorry to hear this, I hope you are taking care of yourself, write down your emotions and understanding you are NEVER alone💚 sending you love and light
@@boltbadblades5247 Thank you so much for the kind words! That means a lot. ♥️
I don't do well with change. I hate change - maybe too strong; I dislike change very much! Great video! Thanks, Kati!
As a person with autism, this is super difficult but much apppreciated! 🙏❣
Cajsa Lindahl same...
Same here, but I think I may be better at dealing with it (once I'm done being upset) because it has been so difficult. I always ask a lot of questions and if it's possible, I search everything up on Google. Though I have not been through the loss of a relative yet, I'm not sure how I'll deal with that. But getting as much info as possible almost always helps me with smaller changes (or bigger ones like moving)
Same here, I have autism (special needs) so it’s been hard for me since childhood
I hate change. I have been in too many circumstances where I couldn’t control what was going to happen. When I know what is going to happen, I feel so much better. My anxiety kicks in when there’s change.
Dang, I needed to hear this. I've been really upset about my mom selling my grandparents house. My grandma passed away in 2013 and my grandad in 2015. I still cry all the time thinking about them (even typing this comment) and I just feel a huge void in my life now that their gone. I loved them unconditionally and would do anything to just hug them again. I guess in a way though, selling the house will help me get some much needed closure. I would have never thought about it that way though without this video. Thank you.
this is pretty much the exact way i tried to deal with moving 100 miles away from home for the first time for university. it was a huge, terrifying thing but i kept telling myself where i wanted this to go and i made sure i made time to do self care too. i still have a lot of fears centring around that big change. but hearing it from someone else makes those feelings towards change much more valid, thank you
I am graduating college in a couple weeks so this was so perfect right now. Everything feels so uncertain and changing in my life so will def try and incorporate these tips into my life as I navigate this time ❤️
How are you doing today?
Remember that our memory is powerful. You won’t lose something instantly. You can keep it with you in your mind by reminiscing and enjoying the positive feelings that come with fond memories.
This is just the video I needed.
I just moved to another country and well, it was rough.
No friends, left my girlfriends and family behind.
But its also very exiting!
Kati, I needed this today. I am getting ready for a job interview at a mental health facility. I am nervous this is the right step! Needed this thank you so much for your hard work! If I get this job i will leave a job of 21 years!!
A J please keep us updated! I do hope you get the job.
A J you got this! ❤️❤️❤️
I got the job!!!!
A J YAY!!!!! So happy for you!!!!! ❤️❤️
Kati... I am transferring to a new college in the fall and have horrible anxiety and my mom claims I have hated change since I was little. I was late in registering for housing so I had to sign up for a double room (2 people 2 beds 1 small room) in a dorm and I was terrified. I need my own space and time to myself in order to function at all. I emailed the housing and they said they would put me on a waitlist but also advised that I continuously check. I was too sad to keep checking because I knew no one would give up the room I wanted in the new dorm building with your own single room but connected to another single room with a shared bathroom. I was getting so wrapped up in the idea of the change that I stopped thinking about the ways I could change the story and make it my own. You inspired me to go back on the website and sure enough, one room was open just for me. My grandma also recently passed so this just made my whole month. Thank you so much for this video and your free advice, you always make me feel understood. Thank you thank you
I'm autistic and have OCD, so I used to catastrophize EVERYTHING. However, I found that letting myself feel the emotions and then moving on to an action plan is really helpful! Say, recently I've been diagnosed with some pretty nasty health stuff, ME is the easiest for me to comprehend. It's a big change for me bc I need to change my diet, my schedule, the way I do simple things like walking, for example. I let myself feel all the feels and then, after I stay upset for, like, a day, I start creating a plan on how I'm gonna deal with that. It needs to be very specific and something you can actually do and measure. So in my case it was making an appointment to another doctor, actually buying the meds I need to take in the meantime and putting them inside my pill box bc we all know that if you have ME, your memory is nonexistent. It is also taking one day when I just lie down and don't do anything too straining and definitely don't leave the house, etc. This helps me to stay out of the magical pit of EVERYTHING IS BAD AND I AM DYING.
Hi Kate. As a person who has had lost my heritage, livelihood, community and much, much more.
I now see people fall to pieces over going to a new doctor or the oldest kid going to high school.
I would suggest changing things up a bit in your comfort areas e.g. try a different way to work, go to a new yoga studio every so often, use different grocery store.
We are mostly creatures of habit but mixing it up a little once in a while helps to remind you that things do change and appreciate your comfy zone too.
today my older sister left for collage .
I have had her in my life for 12 yrs and this change was big for me
to whoever is reading this right now I just want u to know that processing change is the best way to get over it
Change defines our lives. After 55 years you’d think I get used to this fact. I haven’t.
Can you make a video about making life changes for the better! And how to gain courage!?
I am currently going through one of the biggest and hardest changes we all will have at some point in life. The change that happens when your mom passes away.
So true, we carry our unresolved pain around with us
My husband just lost his job. They are closing his place of work. It’s been soo hard and scary to deal with this change
arlo and then some 😿
How is life now 2 years later? This just happened to us, just last week. And just now that I am getting ready to go back to o school and go through some major changes myself. The reason I asked this question is that I have a tendency to catastrophize even though we have been through this lots of times in the past, and in the end, we figured it out - however I always seem to think ‘well ok, it worked out then, but this may be that time when everything will go burst! “ and then start to freak out of my mind - last week I went for 48h without sleep because of this and although I forced myself to tune my fears/ anxiety about all this down so I can remain focused and functional, I am still having to manage huge bouts of anxiety , sadness and fear that keep hitting me day and night - it’s been exhausting - I do hope things are better now in your life..
I honestly need this so much. I’m moving to another country and I freaked out, I’ve been avoiding thinking about it for months and there are only 19 days left...
I moved a country a year and a half ago and I really don't want to freak you out but it is going to be very challenging. Don't try to avoid it and I you need to take professional help then take it because avoidong it is going to make it so much worse and truset me i speak from expirience. From the start all the problems you have speak about them with your family and be open to professional help. Don't be like me. I just kept it all in and eventually developed depression, anxiety, social anxiety and i just want to go baack where i felt like me. The old me. So just speak about it. Tell your parents that it is freaking you out. Before we moved my brother acted like everything was okay and that he wasnt scared if the moveing but afterwords we found out he was extremle depressed and had cuts everywhere and was sucidal. Please share your emotions. You don't want stupid things to happen. I wish you the best of luck
I just moved back in with my mom and this change is killing me.
Thank you Kati for making this, it's like you always know what's going to brighten my day!
I haven't looked at your channel in a while, but I'm glad I did because almost every video relates to me right now and I can't wait to sit and watch them all
Thank you for existing
I used to hate change specially when it vomes to my age but i reapized i was just lacking knowledge and not accomplishing things from my mental bucket-list. Im a lot happier now ❤
This video is good for my next school year. There will be alot of changes that it's making me anxious.
My aging parents just sold my childhood home on acreage yesterday that I lived in from age 6 to 22. It's been on the market for over six months and I am actively in therapy, so I have had support and preparation but it's still hard to feel that loss right now. Thanks for this video Kati!
Katie you are simply the best! My best girlfriend was my 15 year old cat, Lil' Bit (and yes, I do have a couple of human friends, Thank God). She had to be put to sleep April 21st. The grief has been almost more than I can bear. You could not have made a better video than this one at this time for me. I'm just now coming up for my first breath of air (a metaphor) and I still can hardly breathe.
Thank you so much for this and I really hope you find a new studio very soon.
Again, you are the best!
Oof I needed this video so much I’m going up class soon and my friends going away and we have activity days before school grades go up and Idk what’s gonna happen
Soooo needed this right now. We just moved my father-in-law in with us. These past few weeks have been crazy with moving and I haven’t really had time to process and everything that has happened.
I didn’t realize HOW much this would change our lives. But this week alone...sheesh the crazy change in energy alone has thrown me completely off.
I needed to hear this. I am temporarily moving to my in laws house to save up more money for a downplayment of a house and it is killing me inside knowing that I will not have my own space for a bit. I have a daughter and I am trying to stay positive and keep thinking that this is a good thing.
Kati - You should do a video on the anxiety around graduating high school! I think several people will find it helpful as graduation is approaching.
I've been living in a residential treatment facility for the last three years but I'm moving back home in november. So scared for that change. I haven't even spoken to anyone outside the treatment center in over a year. I'm so scared to end up all alone. But I'll try to find a positive way to do it. I just don't want to leave my two little dogfriends here. We spend so much time together. I just want to stay with them!
Hanna Karlsson I REALLY hope things work out well for you & I wish you all the best! 💫😃
@@kerryirving2949 Thank you!
Hanna Karlsson Kati has a video on this already, hope you find it helpful! ua-cam.com/video/jr8JM7IddJY/v-deo.html
Hanna Karlsson no problem 😊
One tip for you Kati, act as if the change was already there. I don't know why, but it really helps
Hi Kati , thank you for the video , wow you have got this so right. As I am sure you guessed , I am not a big fan of change. In fact all my life I have seen change as another form of unwanted anxiety and stress. You are absolutely right !! , it does not have to be like that , but it is so hard to change or even try to accept the change your facing when any kind of change seems like an invasion of your peace.
I write my feelings , and some can be down right low !! , while others I try to write up-beat , or at least mix up my style just enough so even though I am down , my writing does not have to be.
Then there are those times I have no choice what I right , I remember last year when I wrote ‘Green’ , I was taking a shower , not my happiest day , and I knew I had to write. As I was in the shower , it came to me and what is on paper is my life , without names , totally original. To this day I have not read any other works using this format. It is in the files section , please feel free to read , if you have not done so already. So in some ways sadness because of change can bring other stuff , like creativity you never even considered. !!
Thank you again , it seems at times while change is happening and we may not want to accept it , but has you said “ we can either bend like a reed in the wind or we can snap like I tired old branch.”
I am still way to young to break in the wind , although there are times of great turbulence.
My abyss , is why , I am a work in progress !! :) I hope you and Sean have a GR8 Weekend , take care , Gary XOXO
Thank you for this and for sharing and relating your experience to others. I didn’t think this topic would resonate so deeply.
Two years ago today my dad took his own life and I’m only now realizing that I’m not only grieving the loss of him; I also need to grieve the life I had before it happened, my life will never be the same. It’s held me back from thinking towards to future and new goals. Now that I realize this, I can feel myself starting to envision my life in the future.
Thanks, Kati! I hope you’re able to find a new yoga spot that brings you a joyful experience. ❤️
One thing I really enjoy doing when I remember is to follow tiny budda positive mantra ,especially in the mornings, I take a look out the window and ask myself is it the day or is it me (sounds tough love) then I set up my personal daily boundaries to be happy, healthy, kind,joyful amongst others. It really works for me
Kati Morton I needed to watch this. I struggle with change.
I needed this video right now. I am going through a bad breakup (together for 3 years) and i feel restless at my job. I need to make big changes in my life in the next few months, and this video is helping me find the courage to do that.
This was really helpful, as my departure from my comfortable 9-5 office job/return to college quickly approaches, Katie - especially the parts about allowing time to grieve loss and writing the story I WANT to have. It’s going to be difficult (especially having to work nights and weekends and inevitably struggling financially for a couple of years), and that’s valid and I’m allowed to have feelings about it. However I want to perceive this time in my life as a time of hard work and an exciting launch into a new, better career - something to be proud of, not just a time when I will be a struggling student again.
Awww I'm so glad you made a video like this I watched this video because I want to memorize this because in October my mom is planning to marry and move in with her boyfriend thank you
Ironically, I just read another counsellor's take on dealing with change -- really big change! I'm reading Barbara Sher's book, "I Could Do Anything, If Only I Knew What it Was." Chapter 11 is about what to do when your dream career is taken away from you. The book is worth reading more fully (I love her very practical style), but I'll try to summarise.
Barbara's first suggestion is to get all the bitterness out. Either write or record your voice, and just get all of the horrible stuff out. Whinge and complain about every detail, every idiot who tells you to "buck up" or denigrates your experience. Just keep doing this until ... until it becomes boring.
Then, and only then, can you recast your memories in a positive way and take them with you into the future. This time, write down everything you loved about the amazing thing you've lost. As much detail as you can remember. If any negativity creeps in, that's a sign you haven't finished with the bitterness, so go back to that first. Then come back and lock in those happy memories.
*_These videos are always surprisingly useful for my current life right now..._*
I was just reading my DBT book! It’s tough work and today I’m having a hard time concentrating. I imagine the future and lament the past a lot, like you mentioned in the video, so your video came on a perfect time! Videos are easier to concentrate to than reading a book. Thank you so much for this one!
Lord knows I needed this advice.
Hi Kati.
This topic was at the perfect time for me because this week is the last week of school for me. I am going to have two weeks of job shadowing then it’s high school graduation, and I’m kinda nervous about the change to college.
This video is what I need!!!!! My whole life is changing moving house, splitting parents, school is not going good and my social life is so hard to keep up with! Thank you so much I love your videos x
I luv ❤️it when you read my mind!!! Lol
My 9 week old kitten was sick and we had to give her back to the sellers in exchange for the money we bought her for because it would cost too much to cure her. But they don't want to pay anything. The plan was to take the money and the kitten. But it didn't work out. They're gonna put her down. Just two hours ago she was sleeping right next to my face. 9 weeks. That's not enough. Rip Millie
Spot on Katie! I appreciate you discussing the pattens of our internal narrative.
Counselors and Coffee Exactly
I'm happy I was told about this channel. Knowing it's okay to feel emotions and acknowledge new emotions is not an easy task . Thank you Kati!!
Draevo Welcome to the Community!
Hi Kati.Good video, a few weeks ago my therapist was telling me about self care.. I've now bought myself a new silk nightie and a freind bought me some bath bombs so I can relax in lots of bubbles in the tub and slip into lovely feeling silk and feel great for an hour only thinking either nice or positive thoughts ( pushing all negative out ) and it's made a world of differance . It doesn't have to cost much the nightie was only six pound and the bombs were a fiver. It's got to be worth it for a couple of hours off from being me and having my life challanges. Lots of love and luck to all from Louise in Wales Uk.
This was much needed for myself because yesterday, I submitted an enrollment deposit for the university that I will be attending. My mind has been flooding with the thoughts of how much my life will alter drastically within a matter of months-and I AM NOT READY! I might even lose the most important person in my life because of how we’re choosing different paths in lives.
I'm preparing myself for huge changes soon that I'm very scared about, on top of the challenges of Generalised Anxiety Disorder... Ironically I hate thinking about these changes so much that I can't bring myself to watch your video yet, but I'm sure it's amazing and hopefully I'll be able to watch it soon!
All that's changing is that we are changing the floor in my room and I'm panicking lol
I am a very active person and a latin dancer...I have bunions genetically however [ironic I know], and at 25 I have to get foot surgery. I am graduating college in a year and also work full time as I go through school, but I need this surgery soon. I WANT to be able to emotionally cope without movement for 3 months, but I am scared I will spiral and fall back into an old eating disorder. I know I'll be okay, my family is supportive and my boyfriend is great. But not being able and being stuck in one spot for months is a very upsetting image. Thanks for letting me vent, it'll be ok I know...the world seems so crazy right now, I hope everyone out there is okay.
This was so helpful! Thank you!
I literally searched for "coping with change kati morton" thinking I might find one of your old videos to help me out. It's really serendipitous how recently this came out haha
Thank you I hate change but my boyfriend said nothings permit and nothing last forever.
Great video yet again, Kati! Condensed enough to be easy to take in but still lots of helpful tips. I’ve been needing to hear this. Especially Tip #1. It is obvious but I think it can’t be said enough. Tips #2 and #3 were a little more different to me but I think writing is such a great way to process things; I might have to give it a try in regard to the difficult changes I’ve been going through lately.
I've watched several of your videos, been following the last year or so. But, I don't always comment. I do read some of the other comments. I went back and finished watching this video (I had stopped about 1/2 way through for some reason, probably an interruption).
Anyway, the reason I did is because change is and has been hard for me to deal with the last several years. I know it's just part of life, but it doesn't always feel very good, especially when I have a loss. I have had to terminate from 2 therapists that have really meant a lot to me and helped me grow and learn a lot about myself. The last one, I didn't really feel ready to or want to leave, but her schedule changed and she was too busy at the office closer to me (she had 2). I haven't seen anyone for the last 4 1/2 years or so and I know that I really should see a therapist, but I'm anxious about starting over with someone new and worried that they won't be as helpful or in tune with me as Madeline was. I had been through trauma as a child and teen and she used parts work with me. It helped a lot. Maybe I will try something different this time, I can write those two stories and take some action rather than perseverating about it. Heck, I went and found a new psysichiatrist, when I wasn't comfortable with the one I was seeing. I did find a good match after doing my research. In the meantime, I'll focus on self-care, as cliche as it sounds. It's one of the things Madeline used to remind me about.
Hey Kati, I really needed this video, my physical health has been getting really bad and I've been finding how it keeps changing so frustrating, thank you!
Telling ourselves stories is a key! Thank you 💗
Thank you Kati!
it's not boring to watch
I really loves it
Recently I am going to shift to a new city and I am really anxious about new school family issues financial issues
Thank you so much Kattie
For a wonderful advice 😄
I so needed this video!! Thank you Kati ♥️
I get a lot of adjustment disorder so this is a good topic.
Those seem so difficult!!! but I'll try. I hate change
I really needed to see this thank you Kati!
Great topic and great tips on handling change! This is particularly hard for those who were abused as children. It's the feeling of lack of control that triggers them and takes them back to that same "story" again and again. Thanks for putting this out there.
Thank you so much! I needed this video so bad today!!
You must be psychic because I really needed this right now... thank you ♥️
This is perfect Kati!! I needed this!
You have helped me so much throughout it all. Thanks for these videos, Kati.
Thank you Katie! Your tips are very helpful. :)
Thank you so much for this. ❤️ I needed this.
1000s thanks. Simple and direct.
Kati these are some great tips. Thanks you as always for your wonderful videos.
Thank you so much, once again, for sharing such valuable tips - it means so much, - and I am so happy that you do what you do! :)
Happy thursday too you katie, thankyou for your video.your star
thank god you made this video! i’ve always struggled with changing situation and this helped so much!
Ok this was just too good. Thx Kati. Exactly the tips I needed!!!!
You're so right. The key to change is coming to terms with what we have today and how we can improve tomorrow, and stop sulking in the past. You're so amazing. Thanks Kati!
Such a great video. Thank you 🌹
This video came at the perfect time for me and it's so helpful. Definitely going to rewatch this one. Thank you so much Kati!
This video was super helpful 👍 you are so easy going it makes me want to take time to do some self care 💪
Love you Kati. This video really helped me process what changes are coming up in life for me. Not all good. But seeing your positive demeanor explain things in a thoughtful way always helps! Thank you for your UA-cam channel and I love the new book too!!
Those was brilliant advice,,, thank you Kati 💞💞💞
Thank you for making this video. My lovely supportive Dr is about to move out of the area and ive had some crappy Drs in the past so im really scared about losing him. Im sure he has put thought into another Dr at the clinic who is good with mental health issues that he can hand me over too. But i am panicking and really stressed out about this change. My unhelpful behaviours have increased as i try to deal with the Dr change. Ive had a fair bit of change in the last 18 months and im not good at change. Even good change seems hard for me.
Thank you for tips/advice I did needed to hear that to help me process and cope with everyday change in life!