Your Pain Is Not Real To Narcissists
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- Опубліковано 24 тра 2022
- In this clip, The Little Shaman discusses the reality of other people to narcissistic personalities.
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The narcissist doesn't care about anything at the end of the day. They don't even love themselves truly. Your pain, feelings, emotions or concerns are just an annoyance to them because they can't even meet their own needs. It's best to just leave then alone once you realize what you're dealing with. Save yourself the headache.
Hard to leave when you have been married 34 years to it,can't work because of health,and have no money. Your literally a prisoner to the abuse. At least I'm a live in baby sitter to my grandchildren which gives me purpose besides my higher power which is first.
Perfectly stated, devastating but true....
@@runningfast5259 😢I also have financial issues otherwise I would have left this situation a long time ago!
@@Not-the-usual-BS - I left and was homeless from a month. I lived in my car. I walked away with nothing. On a side note, I would have planned and done that differently. The people I met, the resources available was amazing. I was broke and hungry but I had hope again!
I was sick and disabled four years ago. Today, at almost 60, I have a wonderful job, many friends, and I am close with my family again. Most importantly… I have me again!
facts!
a person who burglarizes homes ~ isn't concerned with the homeowner's feelings
Basically.
Great anology
FACTS
100
Explaining to a narcissist is like explaining to a brick wall.
It’s like banging your head against that wall. It feels SO GOOD when you stop!
We MUST stop!❤️
I agree with Nettonya. It takes alot of self control and fortitude. We must stop.
Well said. I’ve always been one to try to explain & it’s so engrained that I have to really watch that.
@@karifoto
Yep. It was a challenging habit to break, for me!
This is true
Spot on -- well said!
They feed on your frustration and pain! Get out if you can
Heard this from Les Carter, phd. "You don't have a relationship with the narcissist. You have an arrangement." This statement has kept me grounded to the reality.
woww i love him but never heard that one. that describes it perfectly. deviate from the unwritten rules of the arrangement and there WILL be a price to pay. no freedom allowed for the victim.
@@AL-op3ue Right. I agree. I keep a tight lock on my heart in this arrangement. I gave my heart to him once, but never again.
She actually said to me” you knew what this agreement was that you signed up for ! Agreement?? That was her word to describe what I thought was a friendship that’s really killing me
Wow, yes, this really nails it. I had been feeling that I was a one dimensional part in the play my mother wrote. This is why. I tried to step outside of the ''arrangement''.
It always feels like an arrangement where you never negotiated or were informed of the terms
Not only is the victim’s pain not real to the narcissist, they will laugh at, make fun of, belittle, roll their eyes, or make statements like “you’re just weak” whenever the pain is displayed. I know this firsthand from decades of dealing with it.
I heard, sarcastically, "Oh, you poor Victim..."
"You are being melodramatic!" and "You are a master manipulator!" and "You have a bad attutude!" and "You are being to sensative!"
@@PolarBearPredator Yep- I heard all of those things too.
@@glendacollins2898mg. My mom has said that word for word
Narcissists can have cognitive empathy, but it's largely dysfunctional and mostly used to gather information to manipulate others.
I feel like I am so damaged from narcissists. So much doubt. Sadness. Lack of trust in humanity.
that is exactly how I feel damaged ,but isn't it sad for these people never to really be able to function properly their whole lives and not find peace, thank God we are able to understand and have the knowledge to heal. don't give up, one day at a time literally, and practice and be aware of our actions and thoughts..it has to get better.x
You aren't alone in feeling that way. Hopefully time heals us.
Very relatable.
@@SkyePhoenix time makes it easier. Life can be a cruel mf. But also moments of ok ness make it bearable till happiness comes back. I wish you well.
sending u so much love and strength
They DO NOT CARE about you AT ALL. They can pretend they do but YOU KNOW they don’t. It’s difficult to truly accept that but if you continue to deny it you’ll be trapped trying to get them to care.
Indeed. Telling them your feelings is akin to" explaining" and just as useless! There's no mechanism inside them to even hear you. Thank you for your videos!
I’ve been told many times when I’m in pain due to these people they accuse me of trying to make THEM feel bad
I'm so sorry to hear you've dealt with that but yes. In their minds, everything is to and for and about and because of them only.
@@thelittleshamanhealing ain’t that the truth
My husband has said the same thing to me😒
@@kimberlyorestad8018 run 🏃♀️
This is my mother. When I told her that she hurt me, she was outraged. My hurt only exists as an act of aggression I perpetrate against her. My hurt is a ''grudge'' and I should be ashamed, also, what is wrong with me that I would hurt her like this...................................
She was outraged because it probably triggered her own deep-seated shame or guilt.
They only care about themselves. They lose in life.
They’re both clueless about others feelings and experts at hurting your feelings on purpose.
Once you feel like you're screaming into a vacuum, it's time to go, that person is getting off on your discomfort. You can see it, almost as a twinkle in their eyes, it's the only thing that lights them up. RUN!!!
It's so sick. They really do operate in this way.
I’ve understood the worst dysfunctions of the human mind “thanks” to narcissists. It was SO HARD for me to accept it, but it is, and I did thanks to you!
A narcissist will tell others you told him the Sun is going to vanish despite you never said such things.
I had a very hard time figuring out what was up with my ex narc. He could display all kinds of empathy to others but dismissed my feelings, my needs and my perceptions. But I get it now. When he was not threatened, showing empathy was easy, and really more about the 'show' to others. It made him feel good, virtue signalling what a great person he was, especially to his children. However, when in a bad mood, he could be the worst, to me and the children. Mean, spiteful, creating chaos. Jekyll and Hyde.
I know exactly what you are saying.
Yes! Exactly!
I know what you are saying also. It’s still hard for me to come to terms with but I know I must accept it.
I am dealing with this. I am still with because I can't leave. He is so nice to kids until you piss him off. My son is starting to treat me like he does. I am so torn up. I am a complete wreCk. My daughter is what is keeping me sane
My ex narcissist of 5 years told me she couldn't bare to live without me ...then promptly left me and moved on the week after...the pain of that cut deep....I was merely a vessel for her spending as she loved designer goods...I fell for a lie.
Why isn't this taught in schools. It would help many victims to avoid the destructive behaviors of NPD. I wasn't brought into this world to be a punching bag for a twisted mind. I have a responsibility to protect ME.
Why isn’t it taught at home?
@@theseeker1948 Because our parents didn't know. If they had experiences, they didn't understand them, and didn't have the words. They may have avoided such people if that had the choice. I experienced such relief when I understood this was a "thing" and that there were words for comprehending it.
@@theseeker1948 were you taught this at home? What about the victims whose parent(s) was the perpetraror of such behaviour?
@@risenshine888 people who know have a responsibility to share it. That’s my point. Get a grip.
I believe the veil has been lifted in the recent years. The awareness is expanding. 10 or 20 years ago it was overlooked as an issue
I just found this out again for the thousandth time last night. When I told him about how much pain he had caused me, he not only shrugged it off, but belittled it and flew into a rage about how telling him how he hurt me was hurting him. Then he threw something across the room, not at me and knocked down a gift his deceased sister had given him, he then tried to smash an olive oil bottle, and threatened to get a gun to blow his brains out in front of me.
He wonders why I remain silent during his tirades and demands I talk. I'm not even going gray rock, it's just that if I communicate my feelings or the reality of the situation or anything that resembles the truth I fear for his safety and mine or that I would be made homeless without him batting an eye. I found out the hard way yet again to just not talk even if he's demanding that I speak. I will be moving out this weekend
"Explaining the color blue to someone with no eyes"... absolutely. Years of trying to explain myself... it honestly was such a waste of time.... Everytime!!! And most of the time it was basic things that adults understand, asking for the bare minimum basically. I'd just get blamed for needing validation. Every emotion you feel, gets turned around on you. They will never listen, because they don't give a Sh*t. They'll walk away from you without a care, because you never mattered. Trying to have conversations with them is torturous, they leave you feeling unheard and unworthy.
My mom has always been like this to me, especially with my emotional pain, but I’ve seen her care deeply about that when it comes to my sister. It does seem selective with some people. She’s a covert narcissist.
She probably thinks she is a targeted person and that you are targeting her when in reality you are not.
Same! I thought if I showed my vulnerability to my mom and basically begged her to love me more would click in her mind to see how she was hurting me and she sat in front of me smirking like she was trying not to laugh at my pain.
I’ve since then gone no contact. These people are demons.
Same with my covert narcissist mother and my stepbrother
Yes. My mother does that too. It hurts at first. Now I just observe the insanity and don't get involved.
Look into narcissistic family dynamics. The different roles the children play such as the golden child, the forgotten child, the scapegoat etc...its really interesting & ive seen em play out in a friends household. Creepy
I suspect one of the obstacles for a lot of people is that acceptance seems passive and disempowering. But if you recognise that acceptance can be accepting that "X actually is a peace of s**t" it can mean taking back that bit of yourself that individual mistreated, denying them territory and power over you.
YES!
Accepting that my father didn’t, COULDN’T love me, was almost impossible for the child that I was. But the adult me was able to vent my intense grief at that knowledge, and move on. Same with the now-ex, who was the one I picked to represent my father, to drive me toward that acceptance.
My inner deeper SELF chose him wisely. My spirit GUIDE has always given me wisdom, so I could HEAL!
Blessings!
@@nryane totally get you! my experience with my ex narc, as difficult as that was, I was able to explore the triggers from my past traumas and why I had such low self worth. I nearly lost my mind turning myself inside out (as my narc never took responsibility and put ALL the blame on me) which I took, until I discovered me, my true essence, my beautiful heart and self worth. New life and journey for me now and never again will I ignore my instinct again. 😊❤
@@lorrainestuart2154
Thank you.
That low self-worth thing! Who woulda thunk that we could sink so low in our self-estimation?!
Good for you for being brave enough to “explore” those depths!!!
I also credit me for similar bravery. Unlike the exes in our lives, who can’t/won’t do that emotional dive into themselves, WE did the hard work of finding the TRUTH of ourselves.
We can now live our lives in peace, calm and joy. With new boundaries in place and the ability to defend them, we soldier on in life till our bodies tell us it’s time to leave this planet.
Blessings!
@@nryane ❤️❤️❤️
@@nryane PS. Thank you back and well done you too for taking responsibility for your part. It's amazing how true self worth/ love enables us to set boundaries easily.. who'd have known how easy it could be after true self discovery! 😁 Sending love and blessings to you on your journey. ❤️
My Narcs can see my pain and believe I'm disregegulated, mentally ill needing professional help. Never show those MF's your fee-fees folks, it will only serve to prove you crazy.
So true! I had several narcs in my family that took my expressed hurt feelings over being excluded from an event the rest of the family knew about. They turned it and twisted it to where suddenly I was (to them, not in reality) crazy and going to harm myself. They threatened to call the cops to my house and I needed to go to inpatient care. I kept telling them I was fine, just didn't understand why I had been excluded. So I did it for them. I called and explained the situation to the local cops and said they may receive false reports. I even told them they were welcome to come to my house to talk to me in person. It took the power of that threat to control me away from them. I haven't spoken to all but 1 for over a year. They want ME to apologize! Lol. No effing way.
My pain was schadenfreude for the narcissist in my family. I recall a very difficult time in my life and arguing with my boyfriend, and the narc actually grabbed a snack and pulled up a chair like it was a spectator sport. Sick individuals.
Wow! This is so true! I have a narcissist friend that I have known for about seven years. I have epilepsy and he knows I don't drive because of it. Out of the blue one day he says to me, "why don't you just get a drivers license and a car."
Great illustration. What can you say? This is a creature made differently than you. Like a coyote who can fool you appearing to be a sweet, friendly dog. Until the mask falls off.
I remember getting into it with him once about my feelings. I will NEVER forget the look on his face and the response.. which for a grown man, was quite embarrassing. "what about me, what about me, what about me!" while pounding on his own chest that he was #1 in this story... Divorce papers have been filed, the house is being sold and he can drag his sickly arse to his brother's house.
My ex narc couldn't accept responsibility for his abuse. The idea of me just wanting an apology was a total no go area for him. The only empathy he had for me was there was sonething very wrong about me and he said he could help me. Ive seen how he wrecks relationships with his friends and family and it is a sad miserable life.
I've seen the 'confusion' mentioned by LS. My stepson was diagnosed witn bipolar shortly before my divorce from his father. This was a stressful experience for all but mostly for my stepson who was only 21 and had just went through a very unexpected and sudden mania phase. I remember looking at the ex and thinking, he has no clue how to help his son. The look in his eyes was something I will never forget - it was blank. Not blank because you have no idea about which way to turn but blank because he had no empathy or emotions to give. The stress of having to think about his son and put his child's needs completely above his own was not something he could do. He basically ignored his son to the point that his son left our home to live with his mother. The whole episode really opened my eyes and I began seeing the ex as the person he really is.
@@lindosland Perhaps both but his maternal aunt and maternal grandfather were also diagnosed as bipolar.
I totally get this comment. Once you saw how your ex treated his son, you literally saw he has no capacity. It someone can't treat their children with love and empathy, they don't have it in them.
Trying to talk to him about what's been happening in the news is something that I can't do at all. It's difficult to express my sadness and anger over the latest shooting. He's the only one I have to talk to but I don't. His lack of empathy makes it impossible. It's a lonely place to be but right now it's where I have to be. Watching the news and the comments he makes about it are horrible so I try not to watch the news, or anything where it's being discussed when he is around. It's maddening to hear him and hard not to respond, but I am learning thanks to these UA-cam videos on narcissists. Thanks for this one, it was very helpful.
What this brings to mind is not simply that enabling outsiders expect for you to remain with and support the narcissist, embracing this kind of behavior and treatment, but outsiders also expect for it to not change you. That they expect the same openness, kindness and empathy, that you may have always had. Perhaps, maybe some expect for you to even become more so, as you become expert in trying to deal with a narcissist. That it becomes yet another “lesson to you” in how to twist yourself into a pretzel to accommodate someone else, while they run roughshod through your life, with no one holding their feet to the fire.
It also reminds me of something that I thought about, maybe 30 years ago. That, for a lot of people out there, on a few subjects “/“ for lack of a better “graphic”, is seen as balance and fairness. Maybe some might even call it radical acceptance. But I look at it now, in the face of learning about narcissism, where it may be why so many enablers look at you cockeyed, when you think you even have the same human rights, as a narcissist. It takes no time, like a split second, for many enablers to begin gaslighting and grooming you into a reality designed to accept that your life will be ruined under the narcissist but, hey, the narcissist needs to eat, right?
"Practicing acceptance". Yes, absolutely necessary. Sounds so simple and, of course, is the challenge of a lifetime. The Little Shaman helped me through the aftermath of a hurricane-like 21 year devastating relationship. I went absolute no contact. Then listened and re-listened multiple times a day for almost a year. And I walked, and walked and walked some more to manage my emotional pain. I cooked beautiful healthy food for just me, sang, danced, and raged alone with my dog and cats for support. Leaned on my friends. All good self care. But you Must also "debride" this wound! Repeatedly. Bring the damaged tissue out into the light and air. These short videos helped more than anything to do that painful work. It was agony. But, if you face it, expose these truths to yourself, and finally accept what you will never understand, you will get well. Really well. I'm here to testify. This experience changed me, yes. It will always be with me, yes. It is part of who I now am. But that painful process enabled me to have the courage to risk loving again. It ensured I would not end up in the same boat again.
And, OH!... it's been so worth it.
Thank you for sharing and giving hope. ❤
As a retired wound care nurse , I would like to say that is a perfect description of process of healing. You have to debrid the wound before it will heal.
I'm so grateful to help. Thank you for sharing hope.❤
And the narcisists know this! they know, deep down that they are missing something when we try over and over to try to make them understand. But instead of admitting this, they would prefer to make it look like somethings wrong with you. this is cruel and sign enough that they are not able to give you what you are so capable of giving that back. We have so much to give so we need to look within ourselves and be deadly honest. we need to be brave enough to question how much we really like ourselves and then start a journey of discovery and true self love. Without self aceptance, comes very little. We have huge herts that have been sealed in a protective bubble, due to traumas on our hearts.. go back and feel into your hearts.. they are all beautiful. ❤
Yep, that is how puny their minds are.
"If I can't feel it, then it doesn't exist."
You will have better success trying to explaining the color blue to someone born without eyes... Wow. That's one hell of a visual, there, little shaman. i love it.
WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!💞💞💞💞💪😎🔥🕺💃
This why he gets mad at me when I cry… because of him. Every word of this.
I don't know anything about narcissists, but I saw this thumbnail and it resonated hard
because I always noticed that my mom does not understand emotional pain
we were all hurt and exhausted of dealing with it, the family was broken, but to her it was a chess game
a fun game of wit, I don't even think she understands.. emotional suffering, but it's ok, I moved away, and found people are full of compassion
I love how simply you put what we all spent years feeling exasperated and wondering why they just don't understand what your problem is, even if they don't agree with your solution to the situation. You try to meet them half way, even on the larger things that affect your day to day life but they just don't get it. But woah ....the moment you back off and stop letting it bother you and act in the only way you can to come with it! They don't like that, do they?
This describes what I have stuggled with excellent details. Yes, always trying to beg, plead, and ask him to stop hurting me. And, he cares nothing about nothing about the pleas. Even after injury, he could care less. He pinned everyone against me, and he cares nothing about how he injured (fake apologies, words never equal actions, and seems to enjoy not caring). Honestly, I think they embrace their condition. They seem to like their apathy.
He said "I've never seen you cry", which is true but, it was as if to say "you're not really sad about it". I've probably cried the most when it came to him but, it was after the discard and a delayed realization.
If narcissists feel empthty, they sure use it to their advantage...
Once the narcissist was exposed in my mind, the superficial pain that i was carrying soon diminished. Similat to that of the narcissist herself!!! Bonus all round!!
You should be awarded as an amateur scholar, Little Shaman. Coolest person ever!
I can't believe some people hear malice behind your words and claims that you are villainizing people with personality disorders, when in truth you are nothing but clinical.
Keep it up!
this video brought me understanding about how the narcissist will not acknowledge your pain they may act like they understand to shut down the conversation yet you know they are not being real everything is fake brick wall feeling
Yeah I still can’t understand how they have no empathy or low empathy it very alien to me I have been learning about this type of person for about 6 years reading ,learning , listening to videos. I have been with him for 36 years!!! It has driven me crazy! I just saw a post about how they don’t understand how their abuse killed any love you mite have had for them,I have told him it’s like he doesn’t understand why you mite want to leave them. But they pretend to be that way he asked me why I married him and I told him because he lied and pretend to be someone he wasn’t! They are pretending but they don’t know what there pretending to be ! It’s like their mentally disordered mentally disabled they look normal but they don’t even get why everything shouldn’t revolve around them why you wouldn’t do something for them because you’re sick and in pain and you can’t it’s because you’re being selfish and you won’t no I’m sick and I’m in pain I can’t do it and you still get accused of making it up or lying why won’t you sacrifice yourself for them they really believe you should you shouldn’t take care of yourself you don’t matter you shouldn’t matter to yourself either it’s ridiculous
I know exactly what you mean.
These are 1000%% FACTS. I grew up in a home with this and I ended up with borderline personality disorder as an adult. Resulting from me not being allowed to have feelings nor express them nor be allowed to have my own thought and my own sense of self repressed continually it’s rather very damaging. Thank god I went through therapy to get over all of this but having grown up around narcissist may cause you to end up with your own personality disorder later on in adulthood.
Your words are medicine. Thank you LS
Wow just when I think this subject can’t be addressed or nailed any better, you do just that. With our kids having moved out, I thought that our 30 year marriage would take on a new dynamic. Nothing changed. Still stays in her bubble. I need more engagement going forward. A meaningful relationship with meaningful exchange. I see the light now thanks to this video you made - I will not be getting from her, what she has not to give in the first place. She has no idea how I suffer from this. I will begin to accept things as they are now! What the future holds is uncertain. I have no financial resources to strike out on my own. So at least for the time being, I will have to make the best of the situation. Thanks for throwing me a lifesaver-ring! From a fan in the Netherlands, Europe. 🌠
Dayumn 🤯 I’ve heard this one before (& even taken notes on it) but it could just play on repeat. Absolute truth bomb. 👏👏👏👏👏
Vile demons
Doesn’t have the context and ability to understand your feelings. Nothing is real except what they want and feel in each single moment.
Shaman Sisterson's voice is very soothing
Its not just the lack of empathy. I have impairents with empathy. Still a person does not have to harm others. Having cognitive empathy is enough . Some with npd do have that. They want to hurt others
My ex would accuse me of not even liking her, I loved her but her selfishness and indifference toward me caused constant problems, she just couldn't or wouldn't accept how she was. Too painful for her probably.
Thank you again! I am in a spot where I know I need to leave but I guess I am not ready but I have a plan and I am working on these techniques until I am strong enough! Thank you again for the education LS!
You Can do it! You'll know when you are ready. Something will be the final straw. Just don't wait so long they hurt you or somebody you love. My abuser was "non-violent" until he wasn't. I waited too long, and that's the only thing I regret.
Absolutely 100% The Truth. Thank you sister. I needed this today. Much love.
Always great content, powerful spellbreaking.
I understand the concept, but I truly don’t understand because I can’t relate. This probably the same how they feel regarding us. Like I don’t know what it feel like to not understand or feel the emotions of others. My brain nearly explodes trying to put myself in the shoes of narcissists and ASPD people. Can’t wrap my head around it. It’s evil point blank period.
Not really (evil). They are just missing something in their physiological makeup
Demons from the pit of hell
My pain or my childrens pain will never be enough to stop my mother from choosing abusers over us. Oh it wasn’t as bad as what someone else did…
Our children's hungry bellies were very real because of his narcissistic financial abuse though.
So sorry , prayers to you and your little ones. Hope you can be ok and never go back ever . Being poor is better than being with them anyway
Emotional and physical pain.
To him I had no pain. He even convinced everyone around me that I was faking it, including myself. 5 years later and I still believe our sons think I'm exaggerating. I still have to tell myself that I'm not exaggerating.
His reply to me being in pain and starting to cry during sex was always "let me finish first" It seemed the more pain I was in, the longer it took him.
Being with someone for 28 years brainwashes you.
Yes it does, but you are waking up and being here is part of the process of washing that man right out of your brain. Let go of needing your kids to believe you. They may come to realization in time - or not. Treat yourself like your best friend. Mother yourself. Sternly. You can recover and live freely and with meaning and purpose.
Oh boy, can I ever relate to this! If he put me in a position that was uncomfortable (to the point that I wasn't even enjoying the sex) and I let him know... he'd get pissed off, tell me to shut up and kept going. Once when I pushed him off me, he just got up, got dressed and headed out the door. When I didn't react to this, he said: "You're not going to see me out?" Then, of course I walked with him to the door and kissed him goodbye. After he was gone, I cried myself to sleep thinking he always makes me cry, even on my birthday.
@@SkyePhoenix Birthdays, Christmas, Holidays and special occasions that's when they go out of their way to make sure you know they don't and wont meet any demands made on them.
It always looks like they are hunting new people to devalue them to make themselves feel better. They loved you a few weeks ago, and now they insult you to the core and give you threats. Their words and thoughts are like children yet very very dangerous. It’s nauseating to see how unbothered they appear to always take and take and take from you without any self awareness of that. Everything that comes from their mouth is complete lies. They are so scary when you tell them the truth about them and their behavior
wow, another excellent video. This lady has helped me so much. Love you Little Shaman.
I am thankful for your videos. You explain the narcissist perfectly.
I remember when I realized I was dealing with a narcissist when I confronted her about her behavior when she said “ I don’t know why we’re even doing this, it’s not like you’re a victim”. And when I told her I waited until she gave birth to confront her, she got MAD that I was kind to do that.
I'm now sometimes in the stage where I feel really sad for the narc because I understand that their thinking and feeling and everything is _truely_ hurt and wrong. I also think they really feel pain that they inflict on themselves. I always hated the narc in my life, which made it easy to flee, but now I feel bad when I leave them in their pain and I feel sorry for them. I kinda truly think they don't fully understand what's wrong with them and they suffer and it makes me sad, kinda
but maybe i'm just manipulated way too much
I think this is something that happens to a lot of people who really understand what this is. It's normal for someone with empathy. Just remember that there is nothing you can do or could have done. It is what it is. You can feel sorry for the lion in a cage too, but you don't climb in there to hug him because of it. That is too dangerous.
True but we can't " fix" anyone especially if they don't think they have a problem.
Imo..I think until they feel a pain sooo intense that will cause action .
It's like hating going to dentist but when u have that toothache you'll be banging on the door to get an appt
Pain = Action ....but it's gta be theyre own experience threshold....no one else's.
That's when they'll "feel" & hopefully learn
But we need to stay away for our own sanity.
@@explorer0213 ya a " look at me " moment ....then back to regular programming . It's all an act
@@thelittleshamanhealing great analogy.
bless you for the steady wisdom love 🧡
It does help thanks. These people are all to he'll. Thanks again
Everything I've ever heard come out of your mouth is been so helpful and exactly true. I dated a person that was textbook example. I have recovered fully and I know this will never happen to me again. I brag on you and thank you so much for a better understanding of what narcissist truly means
my ex narc friend not only did not care, she looked like she found it funny that I was hurting over "nothing", as if only her reality is what matters where she just don't see any issue in what she is doing. So when I was expressing that I'm not doing well, she took it as pure annoyance, a manipulative guilt tripping to excuse her toxic actions.
All she was interested in is not to take accountability by making out of me something I wasn't, because I dared to move on and not put up with her bs that she tried to normalize.
Getting supply from me was more important to her than understanding that I'm going through something really difficult at that time financially and mentally, close to becoming a mental wreck and her behavior was like toxic sprinkles on top of my problems.
I cant tell if she chose this vulnerable time to kick me down for her own sadistic pleasure or just couldn't handle that I wasn't able to provide her with the supply she wanted so she went on a tantrum by doing petty things in order to punish me.
As much I enjoy wacky elements, I am a very realistic type of person and even though a lot of the things she was doing to get to me wouldn't work, I do recognize the intention behind it.
She would then go as far as to make more time for strangers than for her friend of 16 years where it really felt like I was hitting a wall with this person and questioning myself, why am I even friends with this individual? She became lame, boring, hardly any active, even her online status was very distracting, her presence wasn't helping with my healing and I just felt too stupid and wasting my time to be explaining the obvious to her.
It was clear enough that she did not care about my well being at all.
Her words to desperately look like she is a good friend have become so fake that I just felt sick and tired of still seeing her trying to play this narc game with me. It was like riding a broken roller coaster I used to love and seeing a deadly cliff in front of me, a dead end.
Its interesting how she can become obsessed in wanting to trigger me but hates that I slipped away and went almost completely off her radar.
It is also interesting that she needed to do just one simple thing to somewhat patch up this artificial friendship and she chose instead quite a number of of tactics from the narc playbook in order to harm me. She very much well deserved her no contact badge that only very special few people get from me
I can't describe how much I love your videos. My parents are both very narcissistic (my father is officially diagnosed, my mom is the covert type and received the "borderline" one, which I don't really buy it, but ok) and I'm just a little mess. After almost 8 years of therapy (and counting) and of finally going no contact since June of 2021, I'm putting myself together, little by little. The guilt sometimes is really strong, but it's being an amazing journey, to be able to start seeing myself as a person, with human rights. Anyway, I cried a lot in some of your videos, remembering things that happened and that didn't made any sense when I was a child, and just listening to your voice became very soothing to me. Thank you, really, for all you do here for us. You have a new Brazilian fan.
I think as a child I was afraid of being abandoned because of what my mother used to say when she would get mad at me and that would entail the fact that one day I would wake up and she would be gone! I would have nightmares about that such as I would get home from school and the door to our house would be locked and there would be nobody home so I would run over to the neighbours and they were genuinely undisturbed by my horror and would just carry on with whatever they were doing. I believe that when I got married to my narcissistic husband and he would threaten to leave me, it would scare me to the point of having a panic attack and I felt like I was all alone in the world and nobody cared. He picked up on this and used it over and over again to get his way. He would stomp out of the house, get in his car and leave which absolutely terrified me to the bone…I would get panic attacks and I would cry and I would get mad at myself for having pushed him to that point because I felt it was my fault for being in that situation…how distorted is that omg!!! I wish I had all this knowledge back then because I went through hell so many times over. I’m really ashamed and embarrassed for some of the things I did, how I allowed all that abuse and didn’t leave. My sister was no support to me at all because she would say “don’t come crying to me about your problems if you’re not going to leave him”. I did have several people tell me that I shouldn’t allow this to happen to me but again I was too weak and afraid to leave. Well 50 yrs later, yes you read it right, I said 50 yrs later I am still in this hellhole but now that I have educated myself regarding Narcissism and how they work I know that none of this was my fault at all. I have support from my son and his wife now too and they are wanting me to leave and move in with them which I am more than ready to do!! Planning my escape quietly and seeking legal advice as well. I’ve changed so much since I have come across all this info and I just wish I had known all this years ago, it might just have saved me all these years of abuse from a monster I used to call my husband!
Another great message !!
I’m going to say once you realize how pathetic these people are, the hurt goes away. You look at this person and say to yourself “is that what this thing is?” It’s like watching a toddler pee on the floor, your like why is this happening…. Oh wait this person is a toddler, that’s why.
I agree. The understanding makes the anger and hurt go away.
Your videos are amazingly helpful ty. Please could you do one on healing after leaving an abusive toxic relationship. How to deal with the ruminating, guilt, what ifs, fears and anxiety. Again ty ☘️
So true.
Keep up the great work I enjoy your insight and knowledge 👍
That was great! ❤️
This is very helpful thank you.
No, it's not real to a narcissist. My adult son is a narcissist and I have gone no contact with him and my grandchildren because he smeared me with the children's mother and he used the children as a weapon to hurt me whenever he didn't get his way, which in reality also hurt the children. He is still in contact with my younger son and on Mother's Day, he tells my son "I don't understand why mommy doesn't come around? I told her that she could see the kids anytime she wants." He left out the part that I could see the children anytime I want until he gets pissed off about something I did to him (real or imagined) and then I'm not allowed to see my grandchildren anymore. Just when I would start to get close to the kids and bond with them, he would pull a stunt, twist the truth and bam, I can't see my grandchildren anymore. The last stunt was the end. I went no contact and I am STAYING NO CONTACT. It's sad for the kids.
Omg you've just written my exact story with my son!!!. Its killing me and sometimes I have to do it 10 mins at a time. Ty for sharing xxxx
@@veronicabrannigan6594 It's very hard to walk away from your own child and grandchildren but the reality is if you stick around, you'll never have a healthy relationship with any of them. It's like the little Shaman said "going no contact is hard and being in a relationship with a narcissist is hard why not choose the one that will have a more favorable outcome which will enable you to heal. It's rough and it hurts but it does get better.
I've been watching the Depp v Heard case. It's very triggering as Heard reminds me of my sister. Heard was diagnosed by one expert witness as having 2 disorders -- histrionic and borderline. I'm not sure I could differentiate her from my N sister except that my sister wasn't nearly as physically aggressive or 'sexy' behaving. Both, imo, are arrogant, act entitled, speak word salad, are disrespectful, immature, phony and liars. Neither, imo, could feel another's pain if you offered to pay them 6 figures per every occasion. Which leads me to my question: Can borderline look this similar to narcissism? What is the major difference? I don't see much, tbh!!!
Pathological narcissism is often a component of borderline personality disorder, so yes. There is a lot of overlap between all of the cluster B personality disorders.
It’s a cold, hard truth LS and I thank u for the gift 🎁
I agree possible but the look of glee and delight when he'd know he was about to stand me up Christmas night or cheat he wanted to watch my pain he enjoyed it he wasn't unaware he was sadistc they call it dupers delight I've seen it it's sickening. End of the day you're absolutely right it's all the same outcome and it's it's always going to be a losing game for everybody
They are possessed by demons
Wow, such another crystal clear explanation . You do such great work and will keep a ton of us from burning out in futility . May The Great Spirit bless you . Thank you so much .
Just perfect. I never got this until now. Thank you
So if Narcs don't/can't understand....how do you set boundaries with a boss who is one? I guess I can set a boundary wether they understand/agree or not?
That's how you have to do it with anyone, yes. Boundaries are about us.
I've been there. Stay calm, avoid all but the most necessary contacts with this person, and quietly stick to your guns. But don't be surprised if they try to get rid of you.
Excellent presentation LS…thank you…
My narcissist mocked me for my living arrangement. I told him i had debt. He coldly told me he had no sympathy for me. Then not two weeks later he comes to me almost begging for sympathy because he said he has 2k in debt and didnt know what to do. A small fraction of what he had no sympathy for.
My narcissist complained about his job every day. For every one time I brought up my job he brought up his probably 10 or 15 times. Then one time I was discussing my job and he acted totally annoyed by it and threw it in my face like he was putting up with it.
times he would listen he would dismiss everything I say. Oh that's not a big deal because... Oh big deal, I have to do this... Nothing mattered unless it was his issues.
My narcissist would expect me to give him hours for his texts but couldn't give me 10 min of his time.
I didn't fully agree with him and he flys off the handle and tells me I'm mocking him (I wasn't)
I list 15 examples of him actually mocking me, those don't count for some reason.
I have told him 2,000 times exactly what my problem is of his but he doesn't listen. During our last fight now (no contact) he tells me he didn't realize how he comes off.
It's clear to me now that my side is not real to him. It's all about meeting his needs and what he can get out of it. It's only fine as long as I am listening to his ideas, his problems,agreeing with him and being his outlet for his childish discussions. So done.
How much could alcohol play a part in them behaving like this?
7:30 It is so hard to understand, for exemple, the comunal narcisist. They help their community at such a big scale, so you tend to think they would have lots of empathy. Such an illusion.
Thanks sis cyn ⚡
It is what it is ! FACTS
This video is a great reminder!
Thank you! This is really helpful!!
This is do good. Thanks!
One of your best videos, LS :)
Great video!
Wondering, how many of these enotionally cruel people actually have frontal lobe damage and/or undiagnosed Aspergers. Inability to understand anothers emotion and pain "mind blindness". And often co-morbid long-standing p--rn addiction further damaging part of the brain responsible for feeling empathy and being able to be intimate. Something to consider?
Another awesome video. Thank you!👍🏻😊🙏🏻❤️🌹✅
Wow thank you so much,
Your words do help bring closure to something's, thank you so much!!