I Am NOT Okay
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- Опубліковано 23 сер 2024
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Keep this in perspective, your videos are the reason I'm alive... You're doing better than you think you are. Everything has its purpose, trust that you'll find the right answers when you're meant to. You're right where you're supposed to be. I've had multiple therapist say the exact same thing multiple times (during my father's suicide, watching my son's father deteriorating on life support for over a year til his death, to my sister being dead for 3 days before anyone found her and I had just come from cleaning out her apartment, to being used and taken advantage of by an Internet celebrity who turned out to be a total fraud..... Same response professionals going "I don't even know what to say" and though I didn't receive any help from where I thought I would, God/the universe/intuition/whatever you want to call it always lead me to the right people at the right time and I received profound help from perfect strangers randomly in my path.... Just keep going. Hang in there. There is a reason and a season for everything. I stumbled upon your videos at the precise right time when I needed it most and it has saved my life so far, had things not played out exactly as they did ... I would not be here. Help is coming, it won't rain forever. There is a bigger picture and it will come into focus. If you don't have faith in that concept yet that's totally ok, I never saw it coming til it hit me either, you'll know when you know.
that really means a lot bro foreal. im glad my videos could help you that much that's incredible. but I do believe good things are to come. im a believer. just taking it day by day.
@@danielsinrecovery lol not a bro, I'm actually a chick however I appreciate the sentiment all the same. We gotta be there for each other along the way and do what we can to help each other get through the day. Just keep going, better days are coming.
Upping the dose of the Klonopin can be a slippery slope, benzos are a bitch to taper. Hope everything goes well brother!
Bro you may not know this but you have helped a lot of people, including myself. Your videos really help put addiction in perspective!
God Bless!
The therapist is not getting to the root. Allowing you to vent. So proud of you 👏 stay strong. I agree, walk away from the VA. I’ve heard the same exact stories from many other Vets. Very sorry about Kelli May she Rest in Peace 🕯️. Do you feel Kelli’s presence?
thanks man. yea at this point I just had to take my healthcare into my own hands because the VA offered me zero help. do I feel her presence, not really to be honest. at least I haven't noticed anything like that.
Having that car there must suck... Constant reminder of what happened... You should honestly get it moved if they leave it there for much longer...
You don’t need to prove shit to anyone bro. You keep doing you and take your time getting your head in the right place.
-all things pass, to heal a wound it just takes time, don’t stress on the past or anything you can’t see with the naked eye-
Yeah man, it’s scary how sorry our heathcare works. I have terrible anxiety and panic disorder, stemming from ptsd a lot. The past few times I’ve tried to get help it was like nobody actually cared. I’m literally at the point where my shotgun is a better choice than being drug back and forth to quack ass doctors and people who really don’t understand and never would, it’s helpless. I’m not even able to work a normal steady job because my anxiety. It’s literally ruining my life and if I can’t get together soon it’s too late.. n sadly a big reason I’m unable to is finances. not meaning to bring myself into it.. but I completely understand where you come from being in such shock with how hectic the situation turned out. You did build a connection even if it was only 2 weeks, that can be more than some people you’ve know longer in some ways. Your not speaking crazy man, your one tough mother fker. Love you brother, take it day by day. ❤💪
dam man dont say that, I understand it but if you ever feel like taking it that far then hit me up I got you bros ill talk you through it. but otherwise I really appreciate your support man you've been around since the beginning of my channel and I want to thank you for that really means a lot !
Bro.....go to the gym....take our all your frustration and stress in the weight room and focus on being in the moment and each rep. Make the place your refuge, not just a place to be. Don't even wear head phones, listen to the weights clashing. Purchase a punching bag, learn mixed martial arts. Enjoy the journey. You will likely meet some very positive people on some very positive personal growth journeys in the process. I don't know where my life would be now if I didn't do exactly the above. There are things in life that you can't control, including the past but you can control the person you become! Your a good person and everyone here except a few spammers here and there, know it!!!
I haven’t related to someone more than you. Thank you for your videos
thats whats up man, straight up. means a lot to me thats fosho!
We're here with you man Every step of the way.
big thanks homie
You don't have to prove shit by taking a ua test live,You have come a long way Daniel,I would give my left toe to be where you are at now,cause I'm struggling bad,but I have hope
I love how close you & your mom are ❤
Challenging times mate. Your videos are honest and worthwhile. Best wishes from Australia.
thank you brother means a lot. ill keep em coming
You are a fucking hero bro.
i appreciate that man, trying to get through this now im sick as fuck lol
Daniel I am so happy! Thank you my good friend!💚🕊💻🌈♾😊
Brother telling yourself your not okay will trick you into thinking your not,, tell yourself you got this , look at the positive in life, your still alive and breathing , u got a roof over ur head , u got both parents , a brother , a car , a job.. about 2 billion people would die to be in your shoes brother, not tryna down play u it anything.. just tough love type of tip, man up brotha u got this! but thinking you don’t is the first step for failure
na just a little click bait to be real
@@danielsinrecovery 💯
not only in the US, but all over the world, the psychiatric system/healthcare is going backwards and I believe this needs more attention. A friend of mine called the suicide hotline, waited around 30 minutes for someone to pick up, and the receptionist told her something among the lines of "And now what?" and "okay, there are more people on the line and I have to shut the call" and did it, not allowing my friend to say anything else. And therapists themselves don't really help much, last year I went to two in a period of 6 months and my thoughts remained the same. Fucked up
Same thing here in Finland... we have (had) pretty good system for pretty much anything healthcare related... but few years ago I was on the bottom of my rung with my alcoholism, and during a dead of night I called to this alcohol detox facility. I was crying uncontrollably and the answer I got was like "why are you calling us in the middle of the night?" even though they have a 24h phone number... It lead to me continuing my alcoholism and I'm still on that road. It's kinda weird how some people who go to work in the addiction field seem to be completely tired of their work and like they chose a wrong field or something. This is such a misunderstood and mishandled field of healthcare.
yea it deffinately needs more attention. but I believe it is a hard field to deal with because there aren't many tests to diagnose correctly and also the big Pharma drugs they use on people with real severe mental health issues dont completely solve the problem, just treat the symptoms but never a cure. that's the issue. there are no cures. or maybe there are. who knows
@@jtekholm misunderstood and mishandled indeed. I am really sorry you didn't receive the right treatment and hope you are doing well now! :)
Wishing nothing but the best for you man
much appreciated my brother
When I first saw the video about what happened to Kellie, I was so baffled that literally my first thought was maybe she was some kind of guardian angel. And I don’t usually think like that. Anything’s possible 🤷♀️😇. Ps, im glad that doctor from work was able to help you. What a badass doctor for recognizing you needed help and saw you for free. I wish there were more doctors like that. Thank you for keeping us in the loop. We’re in this with you ❤️.
I appreciate it. Unfortunately I’m done making videos on personal shit. I’m getting way too much shit. This the last update
Sounds traumatic. Feel better soon!
yea shit was crazy but im doing much better
Much love from NY
thanks bros!!!
You need to find you some one else to get your mind off of her. Someone that's real af. No lies.
maybe your correct
damn bro they really did nothing for you? fuck man sorry to hear , thats got me a little worried for myself with the VA too.
When it comes to Kelli (or Kelly) allow me to speak to you as someone with over half a century of life experience who has seen a lot. There is no question in my mind that she knew there was a conclusion coming. I do not know if she was aware of an underlying condition none of us knew about, but I do know she knew she was married with 5 kids and that would have to surface at some point but somehow that did not matter to her, at least for now. She may have been looking for a safe place to lead some kind of idealized life or where there was no judgment as well as reminders of what was happening. Was it an underlying health condition? Was it a midlife crisis? Where the monotony of being a middle-aged married woman with 5 kids just reminded her of her younger self, now leaving... We will never know. The poet Delmore Schwartz once wrote, "Time is the fire in which we burn"... I will share something personal with you, my young friend... I am in my mid-50s a married man, and a business owner, and raised 3 kids who are all adults. Heck, I even have grandchildren now. There was a time in my mid-40s when I met a younger woman (about 4 years younger), online too, a Facebook friend of a friend, she was also in a relationship. I fell insanely in love with her, over time, we both did. Everything just felt right and every act sublime like no other... It was like I had a double life where I simply stopped being aware of the fact I had a wife and 3 children. I knew deep inside that this fantasy relationship was based on deceit on both sides and that it needed to end eventually but I could not bring myself to do it just yet. I could not make it honest either because, after all, as good as it was... I was involved with a cheater and I was a cheater... See the problem? How can you ever completely trust someone who cheated on someone to be with you? How long until it is your turn to go? Plus it is not like my wife did not figure it out, it was hell there. The point is, it was so good that before I knew it I was willing to trade my life built over decades for a short-term fantasy. In your case, you were 100% innocent. This probably made it even sweeter because you were 100% real, you did not have to leave at night or make excuses as to why you were not available or 100% there all the time as it should be. Being out of state was a perfect cover too. In any case, I feel for you. It is not your fault these things happen but she knew she was married. Therefore she knew it would probably end when the truth came out or she was running away from something she also knew about. You were her oasis, even if it was for a brief time but it was real. I hope that helps you understand. We are only human.
Wowww
Forgive me if I take the question as an opportunity to answer it myself too. It has been worse, but am I "okay"? No absolutely not. Anxiety is through the roof. My doctor won't give me something stronger. I don't trink tons of alkohol or worse anymore, tons of kratom but that's much better. I'm clear headed. But "okay", no. I doubt I will ever be okay.
find another doctor. best decision Ive made as far as my own mental health. take control.
Hey bro I was going to tell you to do that exact same thing. That’s what I had to do. I was going to the VA but they would not help my anxiety and PTSD. so I get my subs still but I went to a outside provider that can see I been on benzos for 13+ years and had no problem putting me back on my Xanax. He was even cool enough to up me from 1mg x3 to 1mg 4x a day. That helps me a lot with sleep and my panic attacks. I also went from 16mg of sub a day to 6mg a day and I feel much better right now. Best of luck to you fam. You got this.
Bro hit us with the UA cup! Man fuck anyone who is giving you a hard time. Gta take the good with the bad in life.. it can’t be only one way. Have a good day Brotha
10:34 Do not feel bad, Daniel. You are going through a grieving process. It's completely normal. We know that you don't hate Kellie, or her family.
yea man shit is rough
2:55 is the best that the VA has to offer... NOT knocking them! They have limited resources. Your best bet is private insurance / treatment. It shouldn't have a negative effect on your VA coverage. Private coverage will treat you much better. JUST DO NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE OPPORTUNITY!
yup they did me a little dirty but I got saved by this provider at my job she really helped me out so that was cool
My guy !!! Keep the videos coming 🔥🔥
will do. this is just the beginning. 2024 a new year and a fresh start.
where you deployed in combat? Is the anxiety you have from ptsd or is it from an anxiety disorder? u got this bro we are betting on you!
yea i was in afghanistan 2013-2014
We’re here for you and it’s good for you to vent!
This the last time. I’m not coming on here the same anymore. Can’t be open and honest without a bunch of shitheads trying to lend their criticism
@@danielsinrecovery That’s sad…. You did nothing wrong. People are a**holes.
Hey buddy keep hanging in there. I'm the tianeptine guy. If it makes you feel any better im back on subs and now 4 days off tianeptine.
Another thing, and basically the main reason why i felt the need to comment is i wanted to share some info about a medication i take for anxiety. Its an antihistamine called hydroxyzine and its really worked for me. Im the kinda person that has anxiety, and has also had periods of months in duration where i was litterally terrorized by sheer panic. Terror. That antihistamine actually helped me. I think a big part of my sucess with it was the fact that it didnt completely cover it up like a benzo so i still had to work myself through. It just was a big big help. When you get off benzos it just makes your anxiety rebound. I hope that makes sense. Maybe ask your dr about it. If you do try it take a little bite off a pill bcus itll make you tired; thats basically how i dose it. Hang it there. Itll all work itself out.
One more thing, and i say this because i care, you gotta try to slow down. Take it slow. Keep going though youre doing great 👍. No relapse is awesome! NO QUARTER TO OUR ENEMY.
keep pushing cuh im im betting on you bro
thanks my boy means a lot
You're a good guy x
i appreciate that!
Dont worry bro i support you from the Netherlands. All the love bro
I sincerely hope 2024 is a better year for you
Life is so shi bro ! And people who accuse I of using still are retared and never used cuz I can tell u not using noting cuz u would not be posting period bro and also u don’t gotta take that pee cup f the haters bro fr let them be stupid 😭! So much support coming ur way bro praying u get through the hurt and find that true happiness we all lookin for!👏🫡
Nothing to say on what direction to go here. J saying tho, keep your head, you got this. It’s ok to be going through something, it won’t ruin you, it just feels that way. GO SLOW. And if you do find yourself deviating, do your best to keep it within 4 walls.
DUDE! Regarding the pickup of the vehicle - AS LITTLE possible interaction during that transaction is BEST! You can do it!!!!
I got so much info off that its crazy
they did all the talking
Thanks for the video and your openness about what you're going through. The VA obviously sounds super unhelpful. Did they at least offer to increase the sertraline, because that can help with anxiety as well? That's one of its main indications. I think you've said you were on 25mg, which is a low dose. Klonopin is super helpful for immediate relief, but for the long term sertraline is a healthier option in my opinion. Talk to your doctor of course. I'm not a doctor but I've done a ton of research on psych meds, and am a patient. Zoloft really helped me, especially at 50mg and then 75mg. I used benzos for 10-plus years and SSRIs helped me basically not need them anymore.
Hay stay strong bro, its crazy what has happened
no they just told me to go home after the therapist that had nothing to say. but when I saw the doctor outside of the VA she actually switched up a few of my psych meds so she actually changed my sertraline to citalopram and gave me a decently strong dose. she said to try that out see how I feel and we will go from there. should have been more specific in the video I wasn't just there for the benzos. but I have a follow up appointment with her in 2 weeks to reevaluate everything and see how im doing and lll definitely update you guys on that when it happens
@@danielsinrecovery that’s shameful by the va, way to take care of our vets! Terrible, but glad to hear you’re getting good care elsewhere. Citalopram is a good med, very gentle and few side effects. I’m currently taking 5mg escitalopram, and it’s just starting to work I think after 5 weeks. Best of luck always with everything!
Well that's something for now hopefully they will give you some vals or zans to help keep your head together , keep up the good work bro it is good to keep your mind busy. 👍
I prefer ur normal videos .ur live streams are too long .that's just me though.i like ur channel sympathise with you.🇬🇧👍
word, yea I mean like the livestreams are meant to be a long format like at least 1 hour because im chatting with you guys reading comments. mainly a way to interact with my audience in real time. but I do like making regular videos as well and have a lot more on the way
@@danielsinrecovery hey man ,wasn't a dig at you attall .I get it I really do.Im a struggling but stable long time opioid addict.Obviously do your thing how you wanna do it.Just know you seem a decent dude.subbed respect from the u.k.
Great Man
Man this is random but it's fucking crazy how similar my life is to some of the videos I just watched( as I sit in rehab lol), but I'm 19, from Indianapolis.. and basically a lot of how you stumbled into/onto heroin use, at what age is crazy to me lol.. also hella similarities w/ how you grew up an shit as well. I've been wanting/planning to join the army for a few months and will be able to/feel like I'm ready to once I take this next couple months to get my head right. Anyways kinda random how many similarities I just heard... with that being said I hope you're good brother mane💯👌
I respect the therapist saying "I don't have anything to tell you" instead of spouting off a bunch of random b.s. catchphrases. But at the same time.......HUH???
There are things to say. If he sat down with a trusted, wise elder, they would have some things to say. The human condition includes loss. We're wired to suffer, but also to prevail. Our culture has abandoned our most valuable asset. Our elders. Those who came before us and who have learned. We throw them in a nursing home and forget they exist. This man needs to be with human beings. He needs connection. Medication can help, but only the physical symptoms. It doesn't help the soul.
@@ainnochaim9450 Yes, there's plenty to say but if the therapist didn't have the words to say, I'd rather them be honest than say the same 'ol scripted sayings like "it'll get better" "you just need to get some rest" "dive into a hobby" and whatnot. Saying nothing > cookie cutter replies
yea I get what you mean, she was just brand new and inexperienced and just really had nothing to say, I agree at least she didn't give me some bs answer or whatever but they could have at least sat me in front of my actual provider that part is where they did me dirty and told me to just go home, what if I was a suicidal pt they just told me to go home and get fucked
@@danielsinrecovery Yeah that's the exact thought I was having. And sadly they wouldn't be held accountable if something like that happened. It likely wouldn't even be looked into. When in fact they would be directly responsible if something like that happened. That part pissed me off when you said your regular provider wouldn't see you. Wtf, that's literally his job smh
@@LTKK In modern society, we're taught to go to therapy when we're having mental issues. Grief and trauma are probably one of the more common reasons to have mental issues. Seems a therapist *should* be able to help. After all, if the very person "trained" to help people with grief and trauma has nothing to say, they are either incompetent, apathetic, or having a bad day. You may find that refreshing, but I call that further evidence of systematic failure. Is it any surprise the unaliving rate is as high as it is for our vets???
Even if you took a piss test on camera and even if you showed your junk hanging out while you piss some trolls will still keep talking trash. They feed on getting peoples reactions so its better just to ignore there bs and eventually they will move onto somebody that will give them attention for being a degenerate. Me personally i can give 2 shits if anyone thinks im still using or not. Only person i have to prove myself to is to my sub doc if she ever questions my sobriety but never has 16:12
Good man
❤️
Bro she likely said that to you because let's be honest there's nothing you can say/do to someone immediately like that. I only ask this cause i need to know if you asked for more medication cause of what your primary Dr said that he wasnt going to up your dose etc. Given the gravity of the situation i believe also that more medication is not the answer, we need to face and deal with tragedy/loss organically. That and if you asked for more earlier than needded with past addiction issues and recent slip ups you have talked about is why he ssid that. Now, i think that was course and careless on your primary for not even seeing you for that little bit. Not to mention placing what was basically a green intern who is not even fully educated/qualified to talk to you about that. However, dont take that benzo meds to completely mask the loss and pain. There's way too much medicine being used to dull our natural emotions that it's counter productive and goes against our actual human nature etc. Hell I would rather you use organic (weed) to deal with that part cause fuck benzos. Cause even if you take em simply as prescibed for months or even years good luck at getting off of them when you do want to do so. As for her and you guys moved way too quick cause in two weeks that's a bit much and i would have stopped for a min and wonder why she was in such a rush to move, look for jobs by you etc. I would have done my research and wondered what is she running from? Just be careful above all man and you can always reply to me here or contsct me on Facebook to bro.
I know. I was just telling the story. I’m getting taken care of now so that’s good. And yea man hit me up u still got my number right?
@@danielsinrecoveryyeah bro sure do. No matter dude I always got your six brother and I may come off kinda lecture like, but it's because I'm older but never take anything to heart bro. I just watched your most recent video from today 1/9/2024 and was so happy to see you back to normal dude. Also the hell with what anyone else or tells you what to do with your channel dude. This is your corner of the Internet and you have helped many out there dude. Keep kicking ass onward and upward dude, I'll msg you soon. 😊
Yes, life is an experience with ups and downs. You will get over it. Yes, it is very likely that Kelly had a task in your brief encounter… Your videos are authentic and heartfelt. Keep up the good work. Of course, you will get a like…until the next video.
As for seeing a therapist in private practice, you definitely have that option, and the VA has that program where they will reimburse either the you to pay the provider, or they usually pay the provider themselves. You still need to go to the VA to bring them the details of the private doctor you’ll be seeing, and they just update your file. But I definitely use both private and the VA. I get all my scripts from the VA, and I even see my psychiatrist at the VA, but for anything like MRI, or things like that, I definitely use my private insurance. It will take me a month to get an MRI at the VA, while private I can get it sometimes that day. The VA is definitely not perfect, but I’ve see the sincere improvement. We are the 2nd largest funded department in the government, and the VA has streamline so much. Unfortunately, they do hire a ton of medical staff that are out of school. I’ve seen young female therapists quit, and have full blown melt downs because some of us vets can be total assholes, especially the Vietnam guys 😂. You’re doing good brother, despite what has happened. Hell, I wouldn’t blame you if you did relapse. But take a step back and look at all you’ve accomplished. Just two years ago I was watching you go through withdrawals, and have like at the most 200 subscribers; but now, you’ve blown up and rightfully so. Sorry for the long comment, but when I see a fellow brother in need, I’ll do what I can to help, and Daniel, you’re still on the right track. Just keep doing you, and you’ll be successful. Lastly, just drink water and take some Motrin 😅
Have you thought about ibogaine treatment?
I don’t think taking meds is a good idea. How long are people supposed to be on Suboxone? Can you try to just get off everything except maybe coffee and nicotine? Opiods and benzos are a bad idea for an addict. Also, I have not had what happened to you happen to me but I think taking drugs to numb those feelings delays the processing/grief process. Best to face it and let it pass.
I appreciate your opinion however I know myself and this is the safest way for me at least. I dont want to die and not sure if I have the willpower especially after dealing with a disloyal bunch of people
Don’t get discouraged from the VA. The therapists are mostly straight out of school, are green, and get thrown into the fire to work with Vietnam vets, to my generation, and now you younger veteran brothers. The VA has been a positive for me. There are good, experienced therapists. You can call the PACT and request a more experienced therapist. Good chance they will set you up with a psychologist, and a psychiatrist who could prescribe you medication if you need. I know, the VA has some complacent people, but it’s has done a 180 compared to its previous history of fuck ups.
Edit: I work as an network administrator for the VA here in LA, and yeah we use messenger for everything. Also, some docs at the VA are also “training” other fellows and doctoral interns, so they are old is what my point is. So those older doctors still have a stigma for us vets on MAT. I’m on methadone program and even as an employee, patient, I still feel the stigma from some of the older medical staff.
yea I know im not giving up on them completely, im technically entitled to the care there, but its sometimes just not enough or really falls short. but overall my experience has been good honestly up until that day. I was just shocked they had no words for me at all and then just told me to go home.
Wish I could go get my clonazepam from a private sector... here in Finland I'm in a methadone maintentance and everything I get along with it has to come from the same place. So if I'd go to another doctor to get some extra clonazepam, they'd end my whole methadone treatment. It's fucked... but yeah, I get 2mg of clonazepam a day and it's barely enough, but I'm making it work. Addictions are a hell...
I’m on methadone to dude, 80mg. I could never get stable on Suboxone, but methadone is working for me great. Sorry about your situation. Sounds like you just got a prick for a doctor.
@@mgonzo3881 I'm on 50mg (I started at 85mg) and I don't need any more, yeah it's working great for me. The ridiculous thing is, I started 20 years ago. Yeah... been on a maintenance for 20 years. >_>
And it's not a prick of a doctor, it's just the maintenance system of finnish healthcare as whole. They don't have that much freedom, it's a public completely free-of-charge healthcare so I can't complain in that sense.
sorry for kelly.....
are u still taking the zoloft
nope they switched me up
You need to look up the law of one and actually learn about it. It'll change your whole outlook and life.
word, interesting Ive never heard of it, ill look into that
Hey Daniel, sending you a virtual hug 🤗, I know what losing someone means, my boyfriend od'ed years ago and I have been soffering with anxiety, OCD and intrusive thoughts and severe depression for a long time bro. I have been on antidepressants and seeing psychiatrists for a few years too.. I have tried many ways to deal with my anxiety and intrusive thoughts, one thing that is helping me a lot lately is the realisation and 'awakening' that all we are is infinite consciousness. I found this video from Knowe has helped me a lot through my difficult times. I hope it also helps you! ❤ Stay strong bro I am confident you got this! ua-cam.com/video/LcGYqXEr1Sg/v-deo.htmlsi=cAc3Tcufp94yhe3F
Thanks but I won’t speak on it anymore. To many people giving hate. I’m done being open and honest on here
Reading your comments on this and other videos of yours on this topic. All you get from your.followers. is them telling u your great and perfect. And youve done nothing wrong. Wake up bro.
Of course you believe in the afterlife without evidence and only the opposite. Yes, you’re definitely “speaking crazy” 💯
so tell me, im trying to understand, what's your beef? I dont understand. how would you prefer me to be? serious question
Anyone who assumes what happens when we die all talk crazy. Nobody know. Also that’s why it’s called “faith”. I hope there is an afterlife, and the majority of the world population believes there is. So are all those billions of people “crazy”, or are you just a dick?