I was limerant for 3-4 years for someone else while in a relationship. It was not good, and what finally helped me wake up from this daze state was grounding myself in the present. I had to change my mindset around my thoughts to being the observer. I was able to take in and release energies. I had to realize that what I was chasing was entirely made up by me and that my current circumstances led me to these limerant thoughts and feelings of what I thought a relationship should be.
Good for you to be awake and able to walk out of the limerence. I guess it is nearly impossible for any outsiders to try to help and persuade a limerent person get out of that state of mind unless she wakes up from the dream and liberate herself.
@hsun9810 My partner noticed my tendecies to fixate, so I had to come clean and tell my partner I still thought of the other person. There was a lot of hurt, unfortunately. After this experience It helped me wake up to how ridiculous it all sounded and how I was fooling myself and hurting my partner all over this limerant feeling I've been harboring.
@@batcow6066 When you're in limerence state emotions take over when making critical judgements and decisions, but every conscious person would agree that normal judgements can only be made when someone is thinking with a logical mind.
Every once in a while, when I’m watching self help and psychology videos like this, my eyes begin to well up. It’s not because of the realization that I’m royally screwed, but because of the fleeting thought that someone somewhere will never experience what I’m going through. There’s people that are born normal and will never experience mental illness. I wonder what it’s like to be them and what they did to be so blessed. That said, I’ve been in a mutual limerence situation for 3 years now. It sucks. I’ve done everything to stop thinking about him. Every time I almost forget him, he pops back into my life somehow. We don’t even speak anymore so it’s crazy. I’ve never been loved all my life, I’ve always just limered which is what makes this one person harder to forget. Because unlike the other boys, I can tell he likes me too. But we’re both too avoidant and afraid of rejection so we continue to just limer.
"under the present brutal and primitive conditions on this planet, every person you meet should be regarded as one of the walking wounded. we have never seen a man or woman not slightly deranged by either anxiety or grief. we have never seen a totally sane human being." -Robert Anton Wilson You are not alone. You are not missing out on a blessing that does not exist.
The experience with limerance is not the same for everyone. Not everyone avoids creating a bond or getting to know their LO. My personal experience with it has been complex and it had elements that were rooted in reality which made it more complicated and difficult to understand. I actually did communicate and spent some time with my LO who reciprocated the emotions some times, but not always. Limerance is an emotional state and not a one size fits all specific kind of experience.
Hi I think Im experiencing a similar situation to you. I confessed to my crush that I had feeling for them, but that I knew it couldnt happen because theyre in a relationship, but that I really want to stay friends with them. Since then I felt like the obsessiveness decreased, but I feel like we're becoming better friends now and that makes me also more attracted to them. Its all very confusing and I feel like I need to ground myself everyday if I start overthinking. How did it work out for you?
@@smilingbuffo I was in a similar situation... If you want to get better you unfortunately need to cut contact with them :( or else limerance won't stop
I've been in that state recently. It's a nightmare! I was extremely obsessed, couldn't stop checking her online status and almost went crazy when she took two or three days to reply. Thankfully she started a relationship with another guy and set me free. In the beginning I was so shocked I couldn't function properly for weeks, but now, some months after everything, I'm much better. I'll be very careful never to let that happen again, this all taught me something very importat. Even today I still have some obsessions about her, but they're weaker and easier to manage. A little bit of time always does the job.
Thank you for naming what I’m feeling. I have a friend who I never told how I really felt. I’ve known them 16 years but we never got as close as I wanted to. I got married but never stopped thinking about this person. I had an open and honest conversation with my husband about this. He’s considering letting me have a closer relationship with this friend. I just need to tell this other person how I feel even if they reject me. Which will most likely be the reality…it might set me free.
That we both were longing for each other but when we had each other we didn’t appreciate each other for who we are. I just desperately wanted to be loved by the other person.
I keep writing and deleting - it’s cos ur words, that FEELINGGG, the experience u eloquently articulated in this comment - I am floored I am you I’m you And I was gonna say “omg so my therapist helped me a little bit with small but huge insight that it feels like circles yep and also it’s a spiral - so the healing is absolutely happening, upward trajectory foo, it’s not imaginary or wishful It’s also true that we are gonna go back all the way round so we see the familiar shit again the familiar activiites (lol…) - And then it’s like wtf just happened to that human transformation - And apparently that’s just how it is- we can’t perceive that we’re on this marble spiral staircase all we feel is how we’re back in the same spot as before - Omg I’m actually dozing off as I write this from a place of “I don’t know how to explain, I don’t have the words, I wish I had telepathy / I don’t wanna delete what I’ve written so far & also will choose now to let go let go let go Feels like we’re stuck in circular rut - Apparently we’re actually going round and round cos we’re ascending a long spirally stairway of non linear & very very confusing and horrible feeling healing (lol) Omg ok bye bye - and to me I am happy to let me post forgive me if it’s nonsense; literally trying to exposure therapy myself to let me say the thing that doesn’t make sense instead of…mever soekaing or jyperfixating xxxxx
Oh. My. God. I did the test that's in the description and apparently I have very high levels of limerance and the workbook was eye opening. Out of everything I've learned about myself, including being autistic and having OCD, ADHD and such, this revelation has by far been the most... refreshing
Yeah I also have ocd n suffering from limerence , it's like im getting obsessed with other person too much but I'm aware that I'm obsessed, it's getting too bad
I never comment but I want to, here. I watched so many videos on limerence and your perspective is truly a gem, in my opinion. Thank you for creating and posting them. They are so helpful and illuminating.
Is it Love or is it Limerence? does it matter in the end? I love because I love. It is who I am and what I am made to do. You seem kind, thank you for your video.
You don’t know what’s it unless you get into this state. It’s like you’re self suffocating, the person is there in your head 24/7 like a ghost, you tend to overdo everything you do whether talking, sharing, etc., you leave the rational state of mind all the time, you miss out on daily priorities. Love isn’t suffocating, love is a sense of freedom and growth. Limerence on the other hand ceases growth and freedom.
@@swapnilapraharaj3493 you have a point but he also has a point. You can love someone with all your heart & not let it over take your life.. I'm guilty of everything you mentioned so far be it from me to tell anybody different
Thank you for the video. I saw it right when I really needed it. I've been holding onto someone for far too long. I'm the only one hurting because of it.
This is such a subjective concept because love is such a variable thing! To explain the human need to be loved is so complex and I am not convinced that Limerence is an actual disposition! Psychoanalising love is so difficult! because everyone is unique and different!! I have cPTSD and have recently relived a repressed trauma from my childhood! This has turned my whole existence upside down! You question everything and wonder if you would have chosen the life you are in!
I've seen limerence videos before and thought I wasn't there to where those videos didn't apply to me yet. Idk why now this vid was the one that made me realize it really was always limerence and I never really mattered. Ty for the vid
Absolutely, this can happen with an ex, particularly in cases of an on-and-off relationship where there hasn’t been much closure. The intense highs and lows, combined with the unpredictability of the connection, can feel addictive due to the effects of intermittent reinforcement. In my experience, there’s often a sense of comfort in gravitating toward what feels familiar-but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best or healthiest choice.
I took the quiz and I have high Intensity Emotional Dependency and Preoccupation. I am in a relationship and I am so scared that it affects us. I cried and telling myself that I forgive my parents and I love them. My heart aches because I know deep in my mind- there’s something wrong with me. I am so scared.
Fear is the root of this all, it can help to accept yourself as you are at first . Everyone works differently most ppl have something off “normal” status there isn’t anything wrong. People will learn how u work and u can get to know urself best to see how u should communicate best
Simplify this by deconstructing the words you’re using to define yourself. My approach: Emotional dependency and preoccupation = depending on your emotions which keeps you preoccupied? Emotions contain a lot of information and our feeling intelligence is far superior than our mind. There’s a huge issue in psychology when it comes to fancy psychological definitions which can fuel psychological drama further identification with thoughts or patterns of behavior that are defined with fancy psychological definitions (i.e. just problem based thinking, not solution based thinking) negative vs positive psychology. Acceptance is a wonderful practice and can lead to discovering hidden abilities and talents!
Holy shit i watched this video never hearing of limerance before and thinking it might apply to me, but i took the quiz in the description, and it said no limerance signs. I was kinda scared for a sec there ngl
I'm a bit irritated by this description. It's not wrong, but there's this subtle undertone that I chose to be in limerence because I refused to acknowledge the one-sidedness. In reality I consciously worked with the meager tools available to me to "move on", but to no avail.
I get how this could feel like it’s saying you just need to ‘realize’ it’s one-sided. Limerence is so powerful because it’s “involuntary;” even when you know it’s one-sided, the emotions/attachment doesn’t just switch off. Breaking free is hard and takes a lottt of conscious effort and time, so I respectfully acknowledge what you’re sharing.
@reflectionswithadelle Thank you for your thoughtful response to my comment! This happened 30 years ago, and there simply wasn't the information available we have now. I needed this video then: it would have been very good to know that what I was going through had a name and a solution, however hard.
I was limerant for 3-4 years for someone else while in a relationship. It was not good, and what finally helped me wake up from this daze state was grounding myself in the present. I had to change my mindset around my thoughts to being the observer. I was able to take in and release energies. I had to realize that what I was chasing was entirely made up by me and that my current circumstances led me to these limerant thoughts and feelings of what I thought a relationship should be.
Good for you to be awake and able to walk out of the limerence. I guess it is nearly impossible for any outsiders to try to help and persuade a limerent person get out of that state of mind unless she wakes up from the dream and liberate herself.
@hsun9810 My partner noticed my tendecies to fixate, so I had to come clean and tell my partner I still thought of the other person. There was a lot of hurt, unfortunately. After this experience It helped me wake up to how ridiculous it all sounded and how I was fooling myself and hurting my partner all over this limerant feeling I've been harboring.
Sounds very twin flame
@@juliemcdonald7210 I might have thought that at one point
@@batcow6066 When you're in limerence state emotions take over when making critical judgements and decisions, but every conscious person would agree that normal judgements can only be made when someone is thinking with a logical mind.
Every once in a while, when I’m watching self help and psychology videos like this, my eyes begin to well up. It’s not because of the realization that I’m royally screwed, but because of the fleeting thought that someone somewhere will never experience what I’m going through. There’s people that are born normal and will never experience mental illness. I wonder what it’s like to be them and what they did to be so blessed.
That said, I’ve been in a mutual limerence situation for 3 years now. It sucks. I’ve done everything to stop thinking about him. Every time I almost forget him, he pops back into my life somehow. We don’t even speak anymore so it’s crazy. I’ve never been loved all my life, I’ve always just limered which is what makes this one person harder to forget. Because unlike the other boys, I can tell he likes me too. But we’re both too avoidant and afraid of rejection so we continue to just limer.
"under the present brutal and primitive conditions on this planet, every person you meet should be regarded as one of the walking wounded. we have never seen a man or woman not slightly deranged by either anxiety or grief. we have never seen a totally sane human being."
-Robert Anton Wilson
You are not alone. You are not missing out on a blessing that does not exist.
@@Spoofehness thank you. Really, thank you.
The experience with limerance is not the same for everyone. Not everyone avoids creating a bond or getting to know their LO. My personal experience with it has been complex and it had elements that were rooted in reality which made it more complicated and difficult to understand. I actually did communicate and spent some time with my LO who reciprocated the emotions some times, but not always. Limerance is an emotional state and not a one size fits all specific kind of experience.
Hi I think Im experiencing a similar situation to you. I confessed to my crush that I had feeling for them, but that I knew it couldnt happen because theyre in a relationship, but that I really want to stay friends with them. Since then I felt like the obsessiveness decreased, but I feel like we're becoming better friends now and that makes me also more attracted to them. Its all very confusing and I feel like I need to ground myself everyday if I start overthinking. How did it work out for you?
@@smilingbuffo I was in a similar situation... If you want to get better you unfortunately need to cut contact with them :( or else limerance won't stop
Agreed, I was in a relationship where we were limerent for each other and mistook it for love. Sadly for me, he was a narcissist 😂
you articulated this in a clearer way than any other explanation I've seen of this concept
totally agree!!
+1
Love is choice, not only a feeling
I've been in that state recently. It's a nightmare! I was extremely obsessed, couldn't stop checking her online status and almost went crazy when she took two or three days to reply. Thankfully she started a relationship with another guy and set me free. In the beginning I was so shocked I couldn't function properly for weeks, but now, some months after everything, I'm much better. I'll be very careful never to let that happen again, this all taught me something very importat. Even today I still have some obsessions about her, but they're weaker and easier to manage. A little bit of time always does the job.
I had never heard the term Limerence and I pride myself on having a vocabulary that is... big.
Thank you for naming what I’m feeling. I have a friend who I never told how I really felt. I’ve known them 16 years but we never got as close as I wanted to. I got married but never stopped thinking about this person. I had an open and honest conversation with my husband about this. He’s considering letting me have a closer relationship with this friend. I just need to tell this other person how I feel even if they reject me. Which will most likely be the reality…it might set me free.
That we both were longing for each other but when we had each other we didn’t appreciate each other for who we are. I just desperately wanted to be loved by the other person.
Wow. I thought I was doing better.
I can’t believe I was falling in the same pitfalls as before. I really need to heal.
I keep writing and deleting - it’s cos ur words, that FEELINGGG, the experience u eloquently articulated in this comment -
I am floored
I am you I’m you
And I was gonna say “omg so my therapist helped me a little bit with small but huge insight that it feels like circles yep and also it’s a spiral - so the healing is absolutely happening, upward trajectory foo, it’s not imaginary or wishful
It’s also true that we are gonna go back all the way round so we see the familiar shit again the familiar activiites (lol…) -
And then it’s like wtf just happened to that human transformation -
And apparently that’s just how it is- we can’t perceive that we’re on this marble spiral staircase all we feel is how we’re back in the same spot as before -
Omg I’m actually dozing off as I write this from a place of “I don’t know how to explain, I don’t have the words, I wish I had telepathy /
I don’t wanna delete what I’ve written so far & also will choose now to let go let go let go
Feels like we’re stuck in circular rut -
Apparently we’re actually going round and round cos we’re ascending a long spirally stairway of non linear & very very confusing and horrible feeling healing (lol)
Omg ok bye bye - and to me I am happy to let me post forgive me if it’s nonsense; literally trying to exposure therapy myself to let me say the thing that doesn’t make sense instead of…mever soekaing or jyperfixating xxxxx
@@oishikaray2767 That is really such a good analogy. We are healing but it's hard to realize how far we've come sometimes.
now this is such an eye opener
the content of this video was great and eye opening, but i feel really compelled to comment on your hair! It looks amazing!!
I agree, it's very flattering.
Aw! Thank you! 🥹
Oh. My. God. I did the test that's in the description and apparently I have very high levels of limerance and the workbook was eye opening. Out of everything I've learned about myself, including being autistic and having OCD, ADHD and such, this revelation has by far been the most... refreshing
Yeah I also have ocd n suffering from limerence , it's like im getting obsessed with other person too much but I'm aware that I'm obsessed, it's getting too bad
I never comment but I want to, here. I watched so many videos on limerence and your perspective is truly a gem, in my opinion. Thank you for creating and posting them. They are so helpful and illuminating.
This is such an eye opener.
Is it Love or is it Limerence? does it matter in the end? I love because I love. It is who I am and what I am made to do. You seem kind, thank you for your video.
I know dude I'm tired of all these labels.. love should just be love
Thank you for this.
It does matter, that’s the short answer. Definitively two different things
You don’t know what’s it unless you get into this state. It’s like you’re self suffocating, the person is there in your head 24/7 like a ghost, you tend to overdo everything you do whether talking, sharing, etc., you leave the rational state of mind all the time, you miss out on daily priorities.
Love isn’t suffocating, love is a sense of freedom and growth. Limerence on the other hand ceases growth and freedom.
@@swapnilapraharaj3493 you have a point but he also has a point. You can love someone with all your heart & not let it over take your life.. I'm guilty of everything you mentioned so far be it from me to tell anybody different
Thank you for the video. I saw it right when I really needed it. I've been holding onto someone for far too long. I'm the only one hurting because of it.
I have encountered this and only recently came to the realisation that this is what you are describing, I never knew it had a term, thank you so much
This is such a subjective concept because love is such a variable thing! To explain the human need to be loved is so complex and I am not convinced that Limerence is an actual disposition! Psychoanalising love is so difficult! because everyone is unique and different!! I have cPTSD and have recently relived a repressed trauma from my childhood! This has turned my whole existence upside down! You question everything and wonder if you would have chosen the life you are in!
😮 I relate so much
I've seen limerence videos before and thought I wasn't there to where those videos didn't apply to me yet. Idk why now this vid was the one that made me realize it really was always limerence and I never really mattered. Ty for the vid
Best description and explanation I've seen so far
I really needed this video. Thank you so much.
Well done UA-cam algorithm
tysm
Unrelated but i really like your bangs
Great video!
Can this also happen to one with their ex?
Please speak about your story if you relate.
Absolutely, this can happen with an ex, particularly in cases of an on-and-off relationship where there hasn’t been much closure. The intense highs and lows, combined with the unpredictability of the connection, can feel addictive due to the effects of intermittent reinforcement. In my experience, there’s often a sense of comfort in gravitating toward what feels familiar-but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best or healthiest choice.
Good video, thank you
I’m coming to realize how terrible of a person I have been my entire life. Now I know why I’ll never be loved
For me is the opposite: i dont think i'll ever truly love someone, just because i realised in all my relationship so far I was in limerance..
I took the quiz and I have high Intensity Emotional Dependency and Preoccupation. I am in a relationship and I am so scared that it affects us. I cried and telling myself that I forgive my parents and I love them. My heart aches because I know deep in my mind- there’s something wrong with me. I am so scared.
Fear is the root of this all, it can help to accept yourself as you are at first . Everyone works differently most ppl have something off “normal” status there isn’t anything wrong. People will learn how u work and u can get to know urself best to see how u should communicate best
Simplify this by deconstructing
the words you’re using to define yourself. My approach: Emotional dependency and preoccupation = depending on your emotions which keeps you preoccupied?
Emotions contain a lot of information and our feeling intelligence is far superior than our mind.
There’s a huge issue in psychology when it comes to fancy psychological definitions which can fuel psychological drama further identification with thoughts or patterns of behavior that are defined with fancy psychological definitions (i.e. just problem based thinking, not solution based thinking) negative vs positive psychology.
Acceptance is a wonderful practice and can lead to discovering hidden abilities and talents!
Holy shit i watched this video never hearing of limerance before and thinking it might apply to me, but i took the quiz in the description, and it said no limerance signs. I was kinda scared for a sec there ngl
thank you.
Random question, but what did you film this with!
It's the Sony ZV-1F Vlog Camera and I use Adobe Premiere Pro to edit. I'll put in my description from now on (:
anyone else loving the baerskin ad??? (in an ironic way)
I'm a bit irritated by this description. It's not wrong, but there's this subtle undertone that I chose to be in limerence because I refused to acknowledge the one-sidedness. In reality I consciously worked with the meager tools available to me to "move on", but to no avail.
I get how this could feel like it’s saying you just need to ‘realize’ it’s one-sided. Limerence is so powerful because it’s “involuntary;” even when you know it’s one-sided, the emotions/attachment doesn’t just switch off. Breaking free is hard and takes a lottt of conscious effort and time, so I respectfully acknowledge what you’re sharing.
@reflectionswithadelle Thank you for your thoughtful response to my comment! This happened 30 years ago, and there simply wasn't the information available we have now. I needed this video then: it would have been very good to know that what I was going through had a name and a solution, however hard.
whatever. i will keep loosing.
6:13
Don’t trust it, starts with Lamed!
But... the whole world is just a projection....