Lisa, Wow, you hit the nail on the head! I grew up with a major shark in my fishbowl- my father- and a co-dependent Mom. It was horrible bc he was so mean and controlling at home and it was hard to see other people see him as this sweet easy-going guy. He picked on me especially and was mean and never allowed me an opinion. If I did give one it was big trouble. I often had to apologize to him about things that were never wrong to begin with. I still have a lot of trouble with saying I am sorry too much and people are always telling me to stop doing this. I tried to please my parents as well, like you did, bless your heart and of course it is never good enough. Now I am married to a narcissist whom fooled me well and hoovered me in though I have to admit that I ignored some major red flags. When the mask came off it was a major shock and I tried and tried to please him and blamed myself for everything. He slandered me at our mutual work place as I became ill and developed fibromyalgia and severe stomach problems. telling everyone I was lazy and married him to mooch off him even though I was a a manger before I met him! Everyone believed him, even people who were supped to be My friends! It was excruciatingly hurtful. It took time to convince my parents but they DO understand now, mostly bc I referred them to your videos! So thank you! This made me cry and I needed this! Bless you dear!
PS. My father has grown much over the years and now that I am in my 50's we have a good relationship finally. I have , for sure, been the bigger person and forgave but have NOT forgotten. My Mom learned how to deal with him and taught him a lot and he listened, though it took years and was NOT healthy. Still, it is what it is and I am glad of his love and attention now even though the damage was done and I am still working on it. I am so ill and don't know whether to free myself from my current marriage and give up the extra help of rides and groceries to stay taken care of somewhat but unhappy or be quite poor and on my own in an apartment. This really helped me though so thank you again and I admire you so for turning your own life around honey!
I'm so sorry ur going thru this. I had something similar. I made a solid plan & left. If I stayed I knew the future was grim. If I left I may find a kind person to have a stable & loving relationship with. U deserve to be happy. It seems ur health is already taking its toll with stress. I hope you have a good support system around you. Your parents? Perhaps church & DV centers may be able to help with rides & food? Big Cyberhuggs ❤
@@IvySnowFillyVideos , Thank you so much for your kindness! It is very helpful to me! I am so happy you left and you are so brave to have done so and I really hope your life is peaceful and happy now dear! You are right and give me courage! Thank you so much for reminding me that I deserve to be happy bc I need to remind myself of this a lot and believe it! It is so hard though to see through the fog of depression and chronic pain. I do have some people who support me but unfortunately many of them aren't in great relationships themselves, or in good health themselves and my parents are elderly but can only help me so much and in fact, I will probably be having to care for them in the future. I think I might be eligible for a care -giver who would help me if and when I move! I am very tired of the meanness, the judgment and control and am so very tired of being lonely and unloved by my partner. Life is too short right? It may take me awhile but I really think that ending this is inevitable if I want to be happy. I have tried everything else but you can't get through to someone who won't communicate fairly with you. Again, thank you for being so sweet and encouraging me dear! You are a good lady and I wish you the Best! Cyberhugs back at you!
@ Samantha Sandefer I believe you 100% I counted on two hands what you just said that rang a small 🔔 in my mind, that I can honestly relate to, and I ran out of fingers and had to use my toes. Just joking. There honestly was about 13 points out of your reply though your story was different. I never worked with my husband.
Narcissists have certain personality traits and are not able to love anyone at all. It stems from early on, as Lisa R. explains elsewhere, as well as other experienced people who have learned over time, about the narcissistic person, how they think and why they act the way that they do. YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE GETTING WHO YOU WANT FROM A NARCISSIST. THEY ARE NEVER GOING TO BE HEALTHY FOR THE DURATION OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. WHY NOT ? THEY CAN'T. NO EMPATHY, NO LOVE, etc.
Narcissists around the world are hating the fact that info is coming out now, exposing this. It is allowing us, as the targets, finally, to be heard and to realize we are not as crazy as they try to make us seem. You have hit so many nails on the head. I am pretty much on my own now, as my sanity - and inability to set boundaries with these people (I set, but they dont comply) depends on me being far removed from it all. Now is the time for me to work on me. Sadly, 60+ years of brainwashing still creates a sense of guilt for being selfish. I am working on realizing that just being more present, enjoying where I am at and what I am doing in the moment, things are slowly shifting. For this, I Thank You!
Oh man, so true! Too bad for them, the truth can set you free right? I was so relieved when I first read about narcissism bc what I was going through finally made sense! Keep fighting for yourself always honey!
@@samanthasandefer4995 Finding information and understanding what happened has helped me too. Moving forward from what you went through is a long journey though!
Unfortunate most for the children involved most of the time the narcissist's tactics don't backfire on them and on their ebablers until the children involved in that dynamic leave home. Why? Insecure people all over the place feel threatened any time someone in the same city they live in tries to make major changes in their world.
My ex and father of my children, was a malignant narc. He made our lives hell. He remarried to a woman with children. I can only imagine how that went. He died and my adult children attended his funeral. They were shocked when the pastor kept talking about what a fine man he was, a devoted husband and father, loved by his family and friends. They thought they had wandered into the wrong funeral. He was a jerk to everyone but to hear that glowing account was almost more than they could bear.
People tend to idealize the deceased, imo, to prevent their own embarrassment. I attended the memorial service of the husband of a family member. My eyes got a good workout that day. Total BS. 🙄🙄🙄
@@56narnia React in an honest non violent way. It doesn't matter what others think of your reaction. She was your mother, you get to feel whatever way you feel about it, good or bad. No one gets to tell you any different. ❤
Those of you still in your situation, hear me out. I married after graduation. I luckily had two trades I eventually used to survive on my own. At the same time, I stayed because I thought he would eventually go back to the person I knew he used to be. Then I stayed because I wanted the family life and didn’t want my kids to be without their dad. Then when grands started coming, I stayed because he provided a good health benefit plan and made good money (which turned out he never helped with my finances at all. ) One day, I asked myself, “would I choose to live this kind of life for the rest of my life?” NO! I knew I had a heart full of love for people and life and knew I could offer that to others. So, as hard as it was, I started planning. I investigated to see if he had secret accounts, etc and when I had my ducks in a row, I proceeded to leave. In the end, I got 90% of household contents, half of everything plus 57% of his pension. I also receive a % of his 401k. So, I left with $583 and a job lined up and a place to live. All of this on top of the extreme stress and sadness and that feeling I had failed. But now, looking back, I wish I had left years before. My cup runneth over with pride of what I actually accomplished on my own. You can do it, too. Don’t live the rest of your life in a toxic relationship. It will make you physically and emotionally sick if you keep allowing it. I couldn’t possibly type out everything I went through. Just know...you can do more than you think you can and you will!
I’m in the tough bit at the moment. Just left the family home due to abuse but mentally getting stronger every day. I have got legal aid for the divorce so I can fight all the way 🙏
The parent suddenly giving the child attention when he didn't before was my ex. Our son was so happy and thought his dad was the best! It really hurt me, now my son sees the truth and he is hurt
My husband did this with each child when they turned 13 along with lying to them about me. Unfortunately, they bought into it and it took the first 3 kids to figure out what he was doing. I warned the younger 2, but they still fell for it and then it breaks their hearts when they realize that they were just a pawn being used to hurt me. Ever ask, Who does this? I constantly ask Who does this to their children? To their wife? It's just so unbelievable.
I have been crawling on my belly eating dirt for a long time. Now is my time to stand, walk upright and taste the good things that I missed out on. It's hard work and I know the rewards will be great and wonderful.
My mother is a narcissist and she always have something to say about everyone and how bad the have treated her. I have listened her since I was a child. Also, she always have something nice to say about my brothers to others, expect about me. One day, my fried was listening my mother a beautiful stories about brother and no too beautiful about me, on a party reunion , and then out of nowhere, my friend said “Mrs with all respect, do you have something good to say about you daughter (me)”? In that moment I realized something was not right!
It was so horrible as a child to have a narc mom. She put on great appearances and everyone respected her but she was a monster at home. I couldn't tell anyone because the response was "that's your mother, be respectful, you are a child, etc etc". At 40 my family told me they saw how she was treating me, but they were scared to say anything. The same people that scolded me for speaking out as a child, and defending myself. Tragic. I pray my next life will be easier.
holy cow, lisa! after going GR for a few years, i finally left and yes, @21:24 all of a sudden, she becomes the sweet, patient mother to the kids!!!!!! Where was this years ago? it is so infuriating how she could play this game. But make no mistake, her rage still exists and dips just below this fake mask she's currently wearing. It's so hard to make people see what she's truly like, but I'll take your cue to humble myself, let this go and allow this dynamic play out until it comes full circle.... and focus on my own life. thanks, lisa
Even til their death. After their death. My experience! Mine just passed and his monkeys still follow me! This person was a businessman that everyone respected. That helped PTSD patients and community. I'm over here saying: oh no! He wasn't all that!!!!!! He passed from an illness. Internal bleeding which I was unaware of!!! I tell people I know he was exceptional to you but with me he made up this character or sure was a Narcissist!!!!! He made sure and talked to all his family, my neighbors, our mutual friends to tell them I was the one that was baaad!!!!! Yes very madening!!! All his connections that he sent to follow me are all in positions/ professions that can never be proven. They can never be proven guilty of it!!!!!! Of bring the flying monkeys
This video hit every aspect of my 35 yr marriage to a man (missionary) like this. I’ve been divorced for 12 years and still run scenarios through my mind. Do you have a book to help those of us that have broke free but still carry a lot of hard issues with them? Since we have children and grands, we tend to see each other for occasional get togethers. I can’t stand to even look at him and have even stopped acknowledging he is even in the room.
I'm still trying to get out of 32yrs. My husband is awesome to everyone but me🙄 our adult daughter is seeing it finally. We own our home together so it feels hard to break it down. It has been maddening. 6 year old granddaughter is his princess now...
@@kimberlyorestad8018 oh, I can relate, our grandson is his new supply since I figured him out. It's sickening and saddening and way too much pressure to put on a small child. Be smarter than me and leave quietly, get everything together that you could possibly need and have a plan. It will still be hell, but at least you will have everything you need to move on more easily.
Good for you I’m still in the process of getting out but I get stronger everyday I’m not the doctor but My advice would be to remind yourself everyday that you were not the one that had the problem he is the one with it mine had me so brainwashed I really believed that I was the cause but hell no he just had to feel better about what he was doing I literally everyday say several times I’m not the problem it’s his it helps me alot I hope it helps you are stronger than you know ❤️💗
Thank goodness for my grandmother who saw my covert shark-narc mom destroying my self esteem when no one else did. I was a scapegoat and a golden child at the same time! I did not turn to fawning for moms love, but to reactive abuse. I fought against her devaluation of me fiercely but of course it was I who had the “anger problem”. I didn’t like being on grandmas pedestal all the time, because I knew it wasn’t who I really was either, but she did save me from total devaluation in the family.
Before during and after ...the whole time i was blinded 🥺 great joy in telling me he lied to the kids..we were invited to din he told me he didnt want the extra 2 hr drive to get me he told them i didnt want to see them...the joy in his face on his way out when he told me what he said to them..fir yrs this wemt on..msadly they believed hom..i lost my family which was my world..i still suffer 7yrs later...didnt think id be alive today..as im terminally ill ..still alone...no dating...no doc..no social ...sighs lol..but i survived..im out alive...trying to move forward daily ...much better in ways...maybe love at this point be a good thing..trusting is scarey ...my own family stole allot ...anyway ..onward marching soldiers 🤓👍🙏
These days, 21 years later, one possible positive thing I have learned with this is I finally realized I lived the life with family, married into it, in-laws all the same way, some friends, too. Even I have to keep myself in check. I fall into all Lisa talked about. But today, I see it, have had to be a bit manipulative measures to protect myself. I am stuck in this web because of finances. My health has taken a dive so really can't work. BUT, I am enlightened to this subject that freed from all the nightmares of the past AND present. Although I can't do what I know I need to, I let it (him) go almost every day. I have raised my fists 👊 because I will not have it, I am a survivor. I already have victory because I know....I am protected by God, my faith and hope keep me going on. I turned my attention finally to my soul and spiritual growth.
Thank you, Lisa. Made my heart take a thump. One thing I forgot to mention and is very important to why I'm a survivor is I have the help of a 12 step program, now 30 years old and still going strong under my belt. I'm so grateful that 30 years ago, I had to go through THAT torment. I had no idea I could get angry, set boundaries, even though I didn't even understand what a boundary was. My first step to freedom then, and I didn't even know it in this regard, 21 years later.
My family of origin sounds a lot like what Lisa described. In my opinion, do NOT talk to someone who is not either a licensed therapist or perhaps a fellow traveler in recovery. Most other people simply will not be able to relate and will usually minimize, discount or otherwise offer advice which will not be helpful.
This is very good, I have the same experience. Most people prefer the status quo. They don't understand where you're coming from and often they don't want to. You seem like the troublemaker. You end up alone in this quest, apart from the few persons you mentioned. You have to learn to let go a lot and you have to create your own world and peace, focusing on yourself and on your goals. You've to become your own hero.
I feel the same , I had spent most my life to please my mother, but until my 60 I found what it’s narcissistic, then I realized I just have to be alone to get less hurt from the family, what this out this family did to me was abusive and neglected, I get it now.
Amazing the way you have explained this situation. I visited my mother in a nursing home recently. It was so sad to see her. Sad that she had ruined the lives of many including her own. It has taken me a lifetime to learn it is not my fault. Most significant is how we get stuck trying to please the Narc and become attracted to similar narcs who also hold us back. I am so great full to yourself and others who share your experiences to help myself others. Thank you.
Woa, my two year process to detach from a narcissistic relationship sounds like a walk in the park after I heard your heartwrenching story. I am glad you chose the path to be available for people who need to deal with the shark in the fishbowl. I wish you all the best on your mission, in happiness and bliss!
WOW this hit the nail on the head. My life with my ex. 28 year's!! My children and others see him as a GREAT person. My mom just asked me last night WHY I didn't do something?? I told her I didn't know I was being abused. I couldn't explain it. And then I found this video today.. I left him 15 year's ago.. It has still been a rough 15 year's. I STILL didn't realize until the last 2 year's that I was abused and I need to heal. To get out of this cycle.. I DO want my children to see him for the way he REALLY is though. Because they need to know why I am the way I am!! Anxious,depressed, bad health. This IS so totally my life the web. The shark. The fawn!! I'm old and tired. Yes I need to discover my true self. I don't have a self. Thank you so so much💖💖💖. I appreciate your video's. Wish I had the money to do your course 😢😢😢
Belief in thoughts, ideas, concepts; the fears and desires of humans, institutions, or anothers...allow pathology to corrupt your mind. human conditioning is what a Narcissist is based in...DROP YOUR EGO. The narcissist will be completely disarmed and revealed. Thoughts, ideas...loyalty to beliefs = narcissistic behavior in yourself
With all due respect to Lisa Romano, and I might add that I have viewed countless videos by Ms. Romano and the many others on UA-cam who are attempting to give advise and comfort to victims like me and others who are victims of the Narco. And no, I do not have an impressive title or degree that is a prefix to my name (Dr.) but I have been in the trenches battling the Narco, which should give me some form of qualification to comment here. All of these videos are well and fine but in the end there is only one ultimate solution to deal with a Narco and that is to pack up and get out! Playing head games with these people will get you nowhere, just beat up and freaked out, these people operate on a entirely different level and they are not Human in the normal sense of the term. I am a tough person and a strong willed person but I just got tired of being a victim and living without love or even basic consideration. The Narco is a cold and heartless person who will cut you down to nothing, I have paid enough dues and unhappiness to last a lifetime. Good luck to all of you out there...........
Getting out is fine advice, I did with loss. But if people don’t learn to address the pattern they are used to, that existed before I married that person and left that person, walking out doesn’t save you. It’s hard to believe that some people are raised by non-narcissistic people, and never have this pattern. Life just must be so nice when this doesn’t get coded into childhood.
"It's not uncommon of someone who self medicates." This can be applied to those who have food addictions, secret eating, binges while living with the narcissist. They even have cognitive dissonance with their food and weight. It makes sense that they fear stopping because food is medication for them.
Lisa you are brilliant. I can't express what you have done to open my eyes abt codependency from deep seated childhood abandonment wreaking extreme pain confusion thru my 68 yrs of life onthis earth. I have come out a beautiful butterfly after going thru last 3 yrs of intense rebirth from codependency. I am astonished at finding my identity that had always been there. I was programed to abandon myself and the grief of this was unbearable, I didn't know the truth that I have always been enough, a beautiful caring kind person. I survived the abandonment of self and feeling so relieved to be thru the intense pain to emerge a beautiful FREE butterfly. I would rather die than be around evil manipulators. Thank you SO MUCH for being our steadfast champion. I couldn't have done it without your kindness and help and brilliance. Everyone, you CAN make it
What makes it so bad is when there are Pastor's out there that is like this. They are wolf in sheep's clothing! They enjoy abusing their sheep, but play innocent. In God's word it says, "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of GOD, for it is written vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the LORD!" Thank you Jesus for fighting for us and giving us the VICTORY!!! 🤗😃
I love this video Lisa. Thank you so much. Your definition of success as being psychologically, emotionally and spiritually free and not trying to control what you can not control is spot on! And the truth always comes full circle! God bless you.
You are honest on this subject and those feelings are very real in family dynamics. I have been there and I am still haunted to this day!!! Your experience is personal and I have been there!!!!
Lisa has the words that help me understand the sickness. I am so grateful for her ability to express the deep pain and patterns. Her truth is powerful.
Lisa, thank you for mentioning how a pastor can also be a narcissist. I dealt with one first hand. This man has a twisted understanding of what being a pastor and being in leadership is. He has put himself and his wife up on pedestals and when you call them out on something they deny it and turn it around and try to make you look like you imagined it. I am no longer a member of that church because when I stood up to him he accused me of being rebellious and disobedient and then banned me from the church and told me that I cannot speak to any member of his church. He is a very sick and twisted little man.
Love you Lisa , I never knew what the hell was going on and everything I did to try to fix it , the crazy head spin they put you in and tell you ur just crazy. I had this future fantasy that she would just stop and be this perfect person again like she use to be . Without you I wouldn't have learned about this stuff everything you say is so spot on. No one in her family can see it but she treats her sister the same way , iv talked to her sister this past year and sent all ur videos to her and after so many years now she knows what she has been doing to her . The narcissistic gf I'm with she came out twice it was like I got to talk to the real her with out the narc Stuff she told me I know what I do to u and my sister but I can't help it ,I cant stop it . To me it's like this demon is holding her down and she can't come up . But she broke tho twice . But I know she will never be the person I need to feel like I'm loved back . Leaving her is very hard . Her and I wanted to buy a house for our family our 2 boys but it can never be I won't be happy ever. So I bought my own house on my own I get the keys in 4 days .she wants to stay friends but I told her no. She wants to be friends with all her ex's I'm not like them so no thanks . I need to heal and move on with my own life .
This one has really hit home for me in all you say Lisa, my father added to the list early this year after no contact for almost 4yrs which shook me to my very core. I am a highly sensitive person too so it's literally stopped me in my tracks and on top of long covid it's very challenging to regain my footing with my spiritual practices and self study journey due to all the brainfog. I find myself at times completely disappearing from the moment and wondering where I went. I ask the universe and my soul gang for help and guidance during my gratitude prayers each day as it's just me and my beautiful cat so I await a reply/sign. Thank you for your words of wisdom as I had an "uh ha" moment whilst watching this today which helps with the questions in your head. I have broke contact now and don't chase as I once did but it is emotionally hard as you wonder why they bring you into this world to abandon you later in life. It has awakened the history of abandonment issues too so that was enlightening as something else to work on. Keep up the great work as my mum would say 😻🌠🙏🌱🧚♀️🐾
@Godswill Kamalu I did initially but was so Toxicity shamed and told we could only connect via messaging and no phone calls, I typed a very open minded message to try and resolve this but again he basically took no responsibility for his part and blamed it all on me. I still went back for more when he changed to talking about my beautiful boy cat but as soon as he enquired about my health and why i kept getting sick, me replying long covid and waiting for intense trauma therapy etc, he then gave no response and haven't heard from him since February I think. It just hurts to much as he knows I'm alone and mum was my rock, passed away 20yrs ago, and also my brother is the same. Too much ancestry trauma for me to try and deal with and its impacted greatly on my overall health so made the tough decision to stop contact, he also said I won't be seeing them anymore. All this information does help me as I know I cant change them and make them love me and be kind so as my mum would say,"try talking but if the ears wont listen then walk away and concentrate on yourself". Long reply I know but obviously needed to come out lol. Thanks for your comment 🙏🌱🧚♀️🐾
Thank you so much for this. I'm feeling stuck trying to accept the fact that my siblings cannot see me as anything other than a f'up. (their words not mine). So heartbroken but the dream to have a relationship with them is not real. It's an illusion. This video is very helpful.
I cant like this video enough, It is one of the best ones ive come across that really articulates well the dynamics of how a narcissitic relationship plays out. Lisa really knows her stuff, being someone that has found it really difficult to find a way to put into words what ive been through, this has helped me so much. Thankyou.
I love everything you said Lisa. I can resonate with everything. Everything you said is so very true. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. God bless you. ❤❤❤
Such a great video Lisa .. Thank you so much!! What helps us THEE most is when you just keep it real .. using life application .. and you do that very well. When we can see ourselves in your story, .. Wow .. now we have hope. Thank you again .. I think you're a genius! And of course a true blessing! 🤗❤️
This video was beyond excellent. It’s like you did it for me..as i am now going to enter the cycle of being triggered by the shark w our adult children. I have got to find the strength as hurtful as it’s going to be to use that energy to work on myself. My kids know enough but it’s hard to be in the middle. God will get us through it
This is my mum to a tee, always complaining about one of us, her children, accuses my brother of stealing all her inheritance (despite her house being a hoard of unnecessary purchases) but the most lovely sweet lady to everyone outside the family... a 🦈 😭 x
I am a magnet for these relationships. I've been trying to learn how to set boundaries or aka have a voice. I have an agreeable temperament and social anxiety so I am a little awkward when dealing with dominant personalities. It's quite draining for me in presence of certain people. I always feel like how do they not pick up on my social ques and get that I am uncomfortable with the aggressiveness. I hate having to confront people who are stepping out of bounds.
All in this video is true. In summary: A narcissist craves power and attention so much that negative statements being made about them with or without no scientific proof to back it up like nanny camera footage being presented during for example divorce proceedings in court may have the opposite effect on the narcissist intended. Worse yet it could inflame their narcissistic wound so much that they could seek to make far more terrible drama for everyone to cope with.
There is never much said abt covert narcissistic adult children. It can be devastating to discover it. As a single parent I tried very hard and did best I could working 24/7 trying to be a loving mother for both of us to survive.
Yessss omg I love your content. It’s saving my heart lately by helping me understand myself so muchhh more. How can I write you? I’d love to tell you my story. I’ve never told anyone but close family, and they didn’t “take my side” to say it simply. I’m 29 and feel like I’m going mad in secret.
Thank you, Your explanations and discussion of personal experiences across your entire lifetime is the most enlighting educational essay, I've found. Finding eloquent analogies for the NPD experience is like walking Acumen's razor, as I am a child of the aquarium, swamp, river and gulf waters, I know of the shark and how the minnows are always baits for the sea. Somehow I have this feeling right now, of being proud of you. All my love for you and your journey. 🙃🦂😇🐉🦄❣
won coulpe years ago an every day or time i look into narcissism i feel i learn more about myself an how to maintian the control thank you for your time you an dr ramia have dont well for me
Duplicity is what narcissism is all about . Your only salvation is see the back of their heads after they have devalued you and move on to impress others . Close the door and keep it closed. Celebrate when you realize it wasn't you, never was ,the defect in psychology.
How about when a narcissist is openly a horrible person too but, have convinced everyone she’s the victim and, deserves to screw around for a 15 year marriage but, are even worse behind closed doors? I have heard poor mark nothing never is your fault? I was actually blamed for her trying to kill me. They started yelling saying it was my fault because 20 years ago I did drugs for 6 months.. I’m surrounded by abusive assholes that feel stupid for being manipulated is my guess. Than they try to say they didn’t know after blaming me for what she did…I took accountability for my actions but, I can see heck I have even been told I was my family’s scapegoat but, now I’m the community’s.
Lisa, Wow, you hit the nail on the head! I grew up with a major shark in my fishbowl- my father- and a co-dependent Mom. It was horrible bc he was so mean and controlling at home and it was hard to see other people see him as this sweet easy-going guy. He picked on me especially and was mean and never allowed me an opinion. If I did give one it was big trouble. I often had to apologize to him about things that were never wrong to begin with. I still have a lot of trouble with saying I am sorry too much and people are always telling me to stop doing this. I tried to please my parents as well, like you did, bless your heart and of course it is never good enough. Now I am married to a narcissist whom fooled me well and hoovered me in though I have to admit that I ignored some major red flags. When the mask came off it was a major shock and I tried and tried to please him and blamed myself for everything. He slandered me at our mutual work place as I became ill and developed fibromyalgia and severe stomach problems. telling everyone I was lazy and married him to mooch off him even though I was a a manger before I met him! Everyone believed him, even people who were supped to be My friends! It was excruciatingly hurtful. It took time to convince my parents but they DO understand now, mostly bc I referred them to your videos! So thank you! This made me cry and I needed this! Bless you dear!
PS. My father has grown much over the years and now that I am in my 50's we have a good relationship finally. I have , for sure, been the bigger person and forgave but have NOT forgotten. My Mom learned how to deal with him and taught him a lot and he listened, though it took years and was NOT healthy. Still, it is what it is and I am glad of his love and attention now even though the damage was done and I am still working on it. I am so ill and don't know whether to free myself from my current marriage and give up the extra help of rides and groceries to stay taken care of somewhat but unhappy or be quite poor and on my own in an apartment. This really helped me though so thank you again and I admire you so for turning your own life around honey!
I'm so sorry ur going thru this.
I had something similar. I made a solid plan & left. If I stayed I knew the future was grim. If I left I may find a kind person to have a stable & loving relationship with.
U deserve to be happy.
It seems ur health is already taking its toll with stress. I hope you have a good support system around you. Your parents? Perhaps church & DV centers may be able to help with rides & food?
Big Cyberhuggs ❤
@@IvySnowFillyVideos , Thank you so much for your kindness! It is very helpful to me! I am so happy you left and you are so brave to have done so and I really hope your life is peaceful and happy now dear! You are right and give me courage! Thank you so much for reminding me that I deserve to be happy bc I need to remind myself of this a lot and believe it! It is so hard though to see through the fog of depression and chronic pain. I do have some people who support me but unfortunately many of them aren't in great relationships themselves, or in good health themselves and my parents are elderly but can only help me so much and in fact, I will probably be having to care for them in the future. I think I might be eligible for a care -giver who would help me if and when I move! I am very tired of the meanness, the judgment and control and am so very tired of being lonely and unloved by my partner. Life is too short right? It may take me awhile but I really think that ending this is inevitable if I want to be happy. I have tried everything else but you can't get through to someone who won't communicate fairly with you. Again, thank you for being so sweet and encouraging me dear! You are a good lady and I wish you the Best! Cyberhugs back at you!
@ Samantha Sandefer I believe you 100% I counted on two hands what you just said that rang a small 🔔 in my mind, that I can honestly relate to, and I ran out of fingers and had to use my toes. Just joking. There honestly was about 13 points out of your reply though your story was different. I never worked with my husband.
Narcissists have certain personality traits and are not able to love anyone at all. It stems from early on, as Lisa R. explains elsewhere, as well as other experienced people who have learned over time, about the narcissistic person, how they think and why they act the way that they do. YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE GETTING WHO YOU WANT FROM A NARCISSIST. THEY ARE NEVER GOING TO BE HEALTHY FOR THE DURATION OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. WHY NOT ? THEY CAN'T. NO EMPATHY, NO LOVE, etc.
Narcissists around the world are hating the fact that info is coming out now, exposing this. It is allowing us, as the targets, finally, to be heard and to realize we are not as crazy as they try to make us seem. You have hit so many nails on the head.
I am pretty much on my own now, as my sanity - and inability to set boundaries with these people (I set, but they dont comply) depends on me being far removed from it all.
Now is the time for me to work on me. Sadly, 60+ years of brainwashing still creates a sense of guilt for being selfish. I am working on realizing that just being more present, enjoying where I am at and what I am doing in the moment, things are slowly shifting.
For this, I Thank You!
Oh man, so true! Too bad for them, the truth can set you free right? I was so relieved when I first read about narcissism bc what I was going through finally made sense! Keep fighting for yourself always honey!
The information is out, but they will just keep denying it! 😵💫
@@samanthasandefer4995 Finding information and understanding what happened has helped me too. Moving forward from what you went through is a long journey though!
Unfortunate most for the children involved most of the time the narcissist's tactics don't backfire on them and on their ebablers until the children involved in that dynamic leave home. Why? Insecure people all over the place feel threatened any time someone in the same city they live in tries to make major changes in their world.
@@samanthasandefer4995 You too! Thank you ✨️
My ex and father of my children, was a malignant narc. He made our lives hell. He remarried to a woman with children. I can only imagine how that went. He died and my adult children attended his funeral. They were shocked when the pastor kept talking about what a fine man he was, a devoted husband and father, loved by his family and friends. They thought they had wandered into the wrong funeral. He was a jerk to everyone but to hear that glowing account was almost more than they could bear.
People tend to idealize the deceased, imo, to prevent their own embarrassment. I attended the memorial service of the husband of a family member. My eyes got a good workout that day. Total BS. 🙄🙄🙄
Throw up time!!! Hah? Lol 😂 😳😂
Dreading my mothers funeral and wondering how to react.
@@56narnia if she’s not been good to you, then don’t bother going!
You will only suffer more ❤️
@@56narnia React in an honest non violent way. It doesn't matter what others think of your reaction. She was your mother, you get to feel whatever way you feel about it, good or bad. No one gets to tell you any different. ❤
Those of you still in your situation, hear me out. I married after graduation. I luckily had two trades I eventually used to survive on my own. At the same time, I stayed because I thought he would eventually go back to the person I knew he used to be. Then I stayed because I wanted the family life and didn’t want my kids to be without their dad. Then when grands started coming, I stayed because he provided a good health benefit plan and made good money (which turned out he never helped with my finances at all. ) One day, I asked myself, “would I choose to live this kind of life for the rest of my life?” NO! I knew I had a heart full of love for people and life and knew I could offer that to others. So, as hard as it was, I started planning. I investigated to see if he had secret accounts, etc and when I had my ducks in a row, I proceeded to leave. In the end, I got 90% of household contents, half of everything plus 57% of his pension. I also receive a % of his 401k. So, I left with $583 and a job lined up and a place to live. All of this on top of the extreme stress and sadness and that feeling I had failed. But now, looking back, I wish I had left years before. My cup runneth over with pride of what I actually accomplished on my own. You can do it, too. Don’t live the rest of your life in a toxic relationship. It will make you physically and emotionally sick if you keep allowing it. I couldn’t possibly type out everything I went through. Just know...you can do more than you think you can and you will!
I’m in the tough bit at the moment. Just left the family home due to abuse but mentally getting stronger every day. I have got legal aid for the divorce so I can fight all the way 🙏
Thank You 💗
It's also interesting that once the narcs' people-pleasing behavior starts you are the one labeled as "difficult" when you set boundaries
They must have drama stirring always!
The parent suddenly giving the child attention when he didn't before was my ex. Our son was so happy and thought his dad was the best! It really hurt me, now my son sees the truth and he is hurt
Oh how maddening! I'm so glad he sees the truth now dear!
My husband did this with each child when they turned 13 along with lying to them about me. Unfortunately, they bought into it and it took the first 3 kids to figure out what he was doing. I warned the younger 2, but they still fell for it and then it breaks their hearts when they realize that they were just a pawn being used to hurt me. Ever ask, Who does this? I constantly ask Who does this to their children? To their wife? It's just so unbelievable.
I have been crawling on my belly eating dirt for a long time. Now is my time to stand, walk upright and taste the good things that I missed out on. It's hard work and I know the rewards will be great and wonderful.
My mother is a narcissist and she always have something to say about everyone and how bad the have treated her. I have listened her since I was a child. Also, she always have something nice to say about my brothers to others, expect about me. One day, my fried was listening my mother a beautiful stories about brother and no too beautiful about me, on a party reunion , and then out of nowhere, my friend said “Mrs with all respect, do you have something good to say about you daughter (me)”? In that moment I realized something was not right!
Unless you wake up it will destroy you. I'm thankful you made it and for anyone who can recognize this .
This is so real. It’s hard after loving these people to leave them. They take advantage of your empathy.
It was so horrible as a child to have a narc mom. She put on great appearances and everyone respected her but she was a monster at home. I couldn't tell anyone because the response was "that's your mother, be respectful, you are a child, etc etc". At 40 my family told me they saw how she was treating me, but they were scared to say anything. The same people that scolded me for speaking out as a child, and defending myself. Tragic. I pray my next life will be easier.
holy cow, lisa! after going GR for a few years, i finally left and yes, @21:24 all of a sudden, she becomes the sweet, patient mother to the kids!!!!!! Where was this years ago? it is so infuriating how she could play this game. But make no mistake, her rage still exists and dips just below this fake mask she's currently wearing.
It's so hard to make people see what she's truly like, but I'll take your cue to humble myself, let this go and allow this dynamic play out until it comes full circle.... and focus on my own life.
thanks, lisa
Even til their death. After their death. My experience! Mine just passed and his monkeys still follow me! This person was a businessman that everyone respected. That helped PTSD patients and community. I'm over here saying: oh no! He wasn't all that!!!!!! He passed from an illness. Internal bleeding which I was unaware of!!! I tell people I know he was exceptional to you but with me he made up this character or sure was a Narcissist!!!!! He made sure and talked to all his family, my neighbors, our mutual friends to tell them I was the one that was baaad!!!!! Yes very madening!!! All his connections that he sent to follow me are all in positions/ professions that can never be proven. They can never be proven guilty of it!!!!!! Of bring the flying monkeys
You described my mother and my (thankfully) ex-husband. It's all beginning to make sense! It's like being in a prison with invisible bars.
This video hit every aspect of my 35 yr marriage to a man (missionary) like this. I’ve been divorced for 12 years and still run scenarios through my mind. Do you have a book to help those of us that have broke free but still carry a lot of hard issues with them? Since we have children and grands, we tend to see each other for occasional get togethers. I can’t stand to even look at him and have even stopped acknowledging he is even in the room.
I have broken free after 21 years !
Yes it does, 26 years of pain and suffering, never enough.
I'm still trying to get out of 32yrs. My husband is awesome to everyone but me🙄 our adult daughter is seeing it finally. We own our home together so it feels hard to break it down. It has been maddening. 6 year old granddaughter is his princess now...
@@kimberlyorestad8018 oh, I can relate, our grandson is his new supply since I figured him out. It's sickening and saddening and way too much pressure to put on a small child. Be smarter than me and leave quietly, get everything together that you could possibly need and have a plan. It will still be hell, but at least you will have everything you need to move on more easily.
Good for you I’m still in the process of getting out but I get stronger everyday I’m not the doctor but My advice would be to remind yourself everyday that you were not the one that had the problem he is the one with it mine had me so brainwashed I really believed that I was the cause but hell no he just had to feel better about what he was doing I literally everyday say several times I’m not the problem it’s his it helps me alot I hope it helps you are stronger than you know ❤️💗
It's so prevelant.... The more we understand, the easier the light bulb goes on, for all
So true a big bright 💡
Thank goodness for my grandmother who saw my covert shark-narc mom destroying my self esteem when no one else did. I was a scapegoat and a golden child at the same time!
I did not turn to fawning for moms love, but to reactive abuse. I fought against her devaluation of me fiercely but of course it was I who had the “anger problem”. I didn’t like being on grandmas pedestal all the time, because I knew it wasn’t who I really was either, but she did save me from total devaluation in the family.
Before during and after ...the whole time i was blinded 🥺 great joy in telling me he lied to the kids..we were invited to din he told me he didnt want the extra 2 hr drive to get me he told them i didnt want to see them...the joy in his face on his way out when he told me what he said to them..fir yrs this wemt on..msadly they believed hom..i lost my family which was my world..i still suffer 7yrs later...didnt think id be alive today..as im terminally ill ..still alone...no dating...no doc..no social ...sighs lol..but i survived..im out alive...trying to move forward daily ...much better in ways...maybe love at this point be a good thing..trusting is scarey ...my own family stole allot ...anyway ..onward marching soldiers 🤓👍🙏
These days, 21 years later, one possible positive thing I have learned with this is I finally realized I lived the life with family, married into it, in-laws all the same way, some friends, too. Even I have to keep myself in check. I fall into all Lisa talked about. But today, I see it, have had to be a bit manipulative measures to protect myself. I am stuck in this web because of finances. My health has taken a dive so really can't work. BUT, I am enlightened to this subject that freed from all the nightmares of the past AND present. Although I can't do what I know I need to, I let it (him) go almost every day. I have raised my fists 👊 because I will not have it, I am a survivor. I already have victory because I know....I am protected by God, my faith and hope keep me going on. I turned my attention finally to my soul and spiritual growth.
Thank you, Lisa. Made my heart take a thump. One thing I forgot to mention and is very important to why I'm a survivor is I have the help of a 12 step program, now 30 years old and still going strong under my belt. I'm so grateful that 30 years ago, I had to go through THAT torment. I had no idea I could get angry, set boundaries, even though I didn't even understand what a boundary was. My first step to freedom then, and I didn't even know it in this regard, 21 years later.
My family of origin sounds a lot like what Lisa described.
In my opinion, do NOT talk to someone who is not either a licensed therapist or perhaps a fellow traveler in recovery. Most other people simply will not be able to relate and will usually minimize, discount or otherwise offer advice which will not be helpful.
This is very good, I have the same experience. Most people prefer the status quo. They don't understand where you're coming from and often they don't want to. You seem like the troublemaker. You end up alone in this quest, apart from the few persons you mentioned. You have to learn to let go a lot and you have to create your own world and peace, focusing on yourself and on your goals. You've to become your own hero.
I feel the same , I had spent most my life to please my mother, but until my 60 I found what it’s narcissistic, then I realized I just have to be alone to get less hurt from the family, what this out this family did to me was abusive and neglected, I get it now.
The evil scheming just never end.
Thank you for saying it took seven years to come full circle. Gives me hope 🙏
Amazing the way you have explained this situation. I visited my mother in a nursing home recently. It was so sad to see her. Sad that she had ruined the lives of many including her own. It has taken me a lifetime to learn it is not my fault. Most significant is how we get stuck trying to please the Narc and become attracted to similar narcs who also hold us back. I am so great full to yourself and others who share your experiences to help myself others. Thank you.
Woa, my two year process to detach from a narcissistic relationship sounds like a walk in the park after I heard your heartwrenching story.
I am glad you chose the path to be available for people who need to deal with the shark in the fishbowl. I wish you all the best on your mission, in happiness and bliss!
WOW this hit the nail on the head. My life with my ex. 28 year's!! My children and others see him as a GREAT person. My mom just asked me last night WHY I didn't do something?? I told her I didn't know I was being abused. I couldn't explain it. And then I found this video today.. I left him 15 year's ago.. It has still been a rough 15 year's. I STILL didn't realize until the last 2 year's that I was abused and I need to heal. To get out of this cycle.. I DO want my children to see him for the way he REALLY is though. Because they need to know why I am the way I am!! Anxious,depressed, bad health. This IS so totally my life the web. The shark. The fawn!! I'm old and tired. Yes I need to discover my true self. I don't have a self. Thank you so so much💖💖💖. I appreciate your video's. Wish I had the money to do your course 😢😢😢
Bewilderment is the exact word I've been looking for!!! WOW!
I grew up having a mother who was a narcissist.
Me too. My mother and father both are narcs.
Me too
I so feel for you, Sofia.
@@EatWithC ❤🤗
Me too
Belief in thoughts, ideas, concepts; the fears and desires of humans, institutions, or anothers...allow pathology to corrupt your mind. human conditioning is what a Narcissist is based in...DROP YOUR EGO. The narcissist will be completely disarmed and revealed. Thoughts, ideas...loyalty to beliefs = narcissistic behavior in yourself
With all due respect to Lisa Romano, and I might add that I have viewed countless videos by Ms. Romano and the many others on UA-cam who are attempting to give advise and comfort to victims like me and others who are victims of the Narco. And no, I do not have an impressive title or degree that is a prefix to my name (Dr.) but I have been in the trenches battling the Narco, which should give me some form of qualification to comment here. All of these videos are well and fine but in the end there is only one ultimate solution to deal with a Narco and that is to pack up and get out! Playing head games with these people will get you nowhere, just beat up and freaked out, these people operate on a entirely different level and they are not Human in the normal sense of the term. I am a tough person and a strong willed person but I just got tired of being a victim and living without love or even basic consideration. The Narco is a cold and heartless person who will cut you down to nothing, I have paid enough dues and unhappiness to last a lifetime. Good luck to all of you out there...........
Getting out is fine advice, I did with loss. But if people don’t learn to address the pattern they are used to, that existed before I married that person and left that person, walking out doesn’t save you.
It’s hard to believe that some people are raised by non-narcissistic people, and never have this pattern. Life just must be so nice when this doesn’t get coded into childhood.
Living without basic consideration? I don't know that to be true as I feel like narcassitic people choose to do much the opposite to hurt and harm.
@@juliemclain4430 That is a matter of opinion and who you are dealing with, I would not dismiss my words out of hand if I were you............
Left my family and country 22 years ago due to my narcissistic father . Never been back since . Heavy journey but I got it💪🏻
Oh my God! 💯💯I never thought 💭 someone will agree with me…I don’t feel alone 🙏 for this 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you so much for the calm voice in this video. Feels intimate towards the topic and makes the info easier to consider, in my opinion
Spot on!
"It's not uncommon of someone who self medicates." This can be applied to those who have food addictions, secret eating, binges while living with the narcissist. They even have cognitive dissonance with their food and weight. It makes sense that they fear stopping because food is medication for them.
Lisa, you are an amazing inspiration ❤ to all of us who need to hear your message! ❤
Lisa you are brilliant. I can't express what you have done to open my eyes abt codependency from deep seated childhood abandonment wreaking extreme pain confusion thru my 68 yrs of life onthis earth. I have come out a beautiful butterfly after going thru last 3 yrs of intense rebirth from codependency. I am astonished at finding my identity that had always been there. I was programed to abandon myself and the grief of this was unbearable, I didn't know the truth that I have always been enough, a beautiful caring kind person. I survived the abandonment of self and feeling so relieved to be thru the intense pain to emerge a beautiful FREE butterfly. I would rather die than be around evil manipulators. Thank you SO MUCH for being our steadfast champion. I couldn't have done it without your kindness and help and brilliance. Everyone, you CAN make it
What makes it so bad is when there are Pastor's out there that is like this. They are wolf in sheep's clothing! They enjoy abusing their sheep, but play innocent. In God's word it says, "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of GOD, for it is written vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the LORD!" Thank you Jesus for fighting for us and giving us the VICTORY!!! 🤗😃
Lisa, I like how you use your own life experience to teach others. It feels more personal. Thank you.
So wise advice Lisa, thank you for what you do for all of us 🙏🏻🧡
I feel a deep seeded dopamine release half way through this insightful, informative, and engrossing talk. Amen.
Thank you this is exactly what my counselor told me I thought I was going crazy.Peace and grace to you .Thank you Lisa it is hard to come out of it.
Thankyou
For being here...
I love this video Lisa. Thank you so much. Your definition of success as being psychologically, emotionally and spiritually free and not trying to control what you can not control is spot on! And the truth always comes full circle! God bless you.
You are honest on this subject and those feelings are very real in family dynamics. I have been there and I am still haunted to this day!!! Your experience is personal and I have been there!!!!
Love her too! Really nice…
Spot on. You have nailed it Lisa. It will come full circle. We have to be patient and do our things, live our lives to the fullest.
Lisa has the words that help me understand the sickness. I am so grateful for her ability to express the deep pain and patterns. Her truth is powerful.
I am so grateful for you Lisa
Lisa, thank you for mentioning how a pastor can also be a narcissist. I dealt with one first hand. This man has a twisted understanding of what being a pastor and being in leadership is. He has put himself and his wife up on pedestals and when you call them out on something they deny it and turn it around and try to make you look like you imagined it. I am no longer a member of that church because when I stood up to him he accused me of being rebellious and disobedient and then banned me from the church and told me that I cannot speak to any member of his church. He is a very sick and twisted little man.
Love you Lisa , I never knew what the hell was going on and everything I did to try to fix it , the crazy head spin they put you in and tell you ur just crazy. I had this future fantasy that she would just stop and be this perfect person again like she use to be . Without you I wouldn't have learned about this stuff everything you say is so spot on. No one in her family can see it but she treats her sister the same way , iv talked to her sister this past year and sent all ur videos to her and after so many years now she knows what she has been doing to her . The narcissistic gf I'm with she came out twice it was like I got to talk to the real her with out the narc Stuff she told me I know what I do to u and my sister but I can't help it ,I cant stop it . To me it's like this demon is holding her down and she can't come up . But she broke tho twice . But I know she will never be the person I need to feel like I'm loved back . Leaving her is very hard . Her and I wanted to buy a house for our family our 2 boys but it can never be I won't be happy ever. So I bought my own house on my own I get the keys in 4 days .she wants to stay friends but I told her no. She wants to be friends with all her ex's I'm not like them so no thanks . I need to heal and move on with my own life .
Very interesting information!
Every aspect of a narcissist is a facade !
This one has really hit home for me in all you say Lisa, my father added to the list early this year after no contact for almost 4yrs which shook me to my very core. I am a highly sensitive person too so it's literally stopped me in my tracks and on top of long covid it's very challenging to regain my footing with my spiritual practices and self study journey due to all the brainfog. I find myself at times completely disappearing from the moment and wondering where I went. I ask the universe and my soul gang for help and guidance during my gratitude prayers each day as it's just me and my beautiful cat so I await a reply/sign. Thank you for your words of wisdom as I had an "uh ha" moment whilst watching this today which helps with the questions in your head. I have broke contact now and don't chase as I once did but it is emotionally hard as you wonder why they bring you into this world to abandon you later in life. It has awakened the history of abandonment issues too so that was enlightening as something else to work on. Keep up the great work as my mum would say 😻🌠🙏🌱🧚♀️🐾
@Godswill Kamalu I did initially but was so Toxicity shamed and told we could only connect via messaging and no phone calls, I typed a very open minded message to try and resolve this but again he basically took no responsibility for his part and blamed it all on me. I still went back for more when he changed to talking about my beautiful boy cat but as soon as he enquired about my health and why i kept getting sick, me replying long covid and waiting for intense trauma therapy etc, he then gave no response and haven't heard from him since February I think. It just hurts to much as he knows I'm alone and mum was my rock, passed away 20yrs ago, and also my brother is the same. Too much ancestry trauma for me to try and deal with and its impacted greatly on my overall health so made the tough decision to stop contact, he also said I won't be seeing them anymore. All this information does help me as I know I cant change them and make them love me and be kind so as my mum would say,"try talking but if the ears wont listen then walk away and concentrate on yourself". Long reply I know but obviously needed to come out lol. Thanks for your comment 🙏🌱🧚♀️🐾
Ps I'm happy you have the rekindled relationship you wanted now🙏🌱🧚♀️
Thank you so much for this. I'm feeling stuck trying to accept the fact that my siblings cannot see me as anything other than a f'up. (their words not mine). So heartbroken but the dream to have a relationship with them is not real. It's an illusion. This video is very helpful.
I cant like this video enough, It is one of the best ones ive come across that really articulates well the dynamics of how a narcissitic relationship plays out. Lisa really knows her stuff, being someone that has found it really difficult to find a way to put into words what ive been through, this has helped me so much. Thankyou.
Thankyou Lisa 🙏 💕
I love everything you said Lisa. I can resonate with everything. Everything you said is so very true. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. God bless you. ❤❤❤
Thank you so much lisa ♥️
Exactly! People do not understand all this abuse!!!!!
Such a great video Lisa .. Thank you so much!! What helps us THEE most is when you just keep it real .. using life application .. and you do that very well. When we can see ourselves in your story, .. Wow .. now we have hope. Thank you again .. I think you're a genius! And of course a true blessing! 🤗❤️
This video was beyond excellent. It’s like you did it for me..as i am now going to enter the cycle of being triggered by the shark w our adult children. I have got to find the strength as hurtful as it’s going to be to use that energy to work on myself. My kids know enough but it’s hard to be in the middle. God will get us through it
They appear weak when they are strong - classic power move
This is my mum to a tee, always complaining about one of us, her children, accuses my brother of stealing all her inheritance (despite her house being a hoard of unnecessary purchases) but the most lovely sweet lady to everyone outside the family... a 🦈 😭 x
Thank you very much. Perfect explanation. So maddening looking out and onlookers are blind.
I am a magnet for these relationships. I've been trying to learn how to set boundaries or aka have a voice. I have an agreeable temperament and social anxiety so I am a little awkward when dealing with dominant personalities. It's quite draining for me in presence of certain people. I always feel like how do they not pick up on my social ques and get that I am uncomfortable with the aggressiveness. I hate having to confront people who are stepping out of bounds.
Thanks 🙏🏾 🙏🏾🙏🏾
I used to be a codependent/alcoholic.
Me too
Still struggling but aware of the why which helps a lot..
Amaizingly true 🙏
Thank you, Lisa
One game I was not looking to win, was hoping for a split decision. Heart breaking nonsense.
All in this video is true. In summary: A narcissist craves power and attention so much that negative statements being made about them with or without no scientific proof to back it up like nanny camera footage being presented during for example divorce proceedings in court may have the opposite effect on the narcissist intended. Worse yet it could inflame their narcissistic wound so much that they could seek to make far more terrible drama for everyone to cope with.
There is never much said abt covert narcissistic adult children. It can be devastating to discover it. As a single parent I tried very hard and did best I could working 24/7 trying to be a loving mother for both of us to survive.
So much wisdom, thank you for sharing.
Lisa amazing . Truly spot on. Bless you and your work! Thank you
Thank you soo much. I’ve been coming directly to your channel lately
Yessss omg I love your content. It’s saving my heart lately by helping me understand myself so muchhh more. How can I write you? I’d love to tell you my story. I’ve never told anyone but close family, and they didn’t “take my side” to say it simply. I’m 29 and feel like I’m going mad in secret.
Very insightful.
Thank you!!
You are amazing! I have learned so much from you, thank you! 🙏♥️
Thank you,
Your explanations and discussion of personal experiences across your entire lifetime is the most enlighting educational essay, I've found. Finding eloquent analogies for the NPD experience is like walking Acumen's razor, as I am a child of the aquarium, swamp, river and gulf waters, I know of the shark and how the minnows are always baits for the sea.
Somehow I have this feeling right now, of being proud of you. All my love for you and your journey.
🙃🦂😇🐉🦄❣
Thank you🌼
I am so happy 4 u. Well done. God bless u. 💯❤️
when we have company, suddenly he compliments me and says nice things. I do a double take - who.. ? WUT? lol
Thank-you Lisa.
Thanks!
Feeling so grateful for you 🙏🏻♥️
won coulpe years ago an every day or time i look into narcissism i feel i learn more about myself an how to maintian the control thank you for your time you an dr ramia have dont well for me
I really hear you I thank you
Change the narrative Change your life
Lisa
You have moved from a victim to a light worker
You know what?
Now you are younger and more beautiful
Love you dear
Right on the mark
So true, thankyou
Love the Kool-Aid analogy!
Duplicity is what narcissism is all about . Your only salvation is see the back of their heads after they have devalued you and move on to impress others . Close the door and keep it closed.
Celebrate when you realize it wasn't you, never was ,the defect in psychology.
It's interesting to know that Narcissists are actually people pleasers.
Thank You !
How about when a narcissist is openly a horrible person too but, have convinced everyone she’s the victim and, deserves to screw around for a 15 year marriage but, are even worse behind closed doors? I have heard poor mark nothing never is your fault? I was actually blamed for her trying to kill me. They started yelling saying it was my fault because 20 years ago I did drugs for 6 months.. I’m surrounded by abusive assholes that feel stupid for being manipulated is my guess. Than they try to say they didn’t know after blaming me for what she did…I took accountability for my actions but, I can see heck I have even been told I was my family’s scapegoat but, now I’m the community’s.
I think my mom is a full spectrum narcissist 😣😵. All the nuances you mention match her traits.
Your opening statement describes me. Lol
Namaste