I've watched this interview so many times, but no matter how many times I tear up. As a middle aged woman who is virtually invisible outside my familial or professional sphere I don't even cry for myself. I cry for him and his character, because I know what that feels like. It is incredibly moving and profound for me to have someone like Dustin Hoffman really understand what it is like to just be a regular woman.
I came here to say something very similar to what you've said, but after reading your comment, I hesitate to write anything myself because you've said it so perfectly. It's like you've taken the words right out of my mouth. Bless your heart. There's something so beautiful, so sentimental and so emotional in knowing that someone understands.... and, in that, I mean both you and Dustin.
I am a high school teacher. I share this with my students. If, over the years, just one student gets something from this, then it will have been well worth my time.
Good for you! Yes. You are probably reaching somebody, although you may never know. Had a teacher that showed us a few short films that were pretty inspiring. And shared about how he saw life. It did make me think. He probably reached a few other kids too.
Dustin Hoffman is talking here about an experience that most women have sadly gone through at some point in their life. This will forever be one of my favorite videos ever
It’s painful to look at your partner and know if I met them and I was 30 pounds heavier or had bad skin they never would have talked to me and know it’s the truth.
@The caliph not sure what this has to do with anything; the point of the video is that Dustin realizes how shallow and wrong it is to dismiss or ignore a woman if he doesn’t find her attractive
How many times did I come back to this video and watch it again only to end up with tears in my eyes? Gets me every single time. Much respect for this man.
@Paulo Chan because women have it worse when it comes to attractiveness, moron. men LARGELY only care about looks. this isn't an opinion, it's just fact. There was even a government study on it.
It's nice to think that some actors have the intelligence and insightfulness to step back from a character they're playing and recognise that these people do exist in the bigger world, and not just in Hollywoodworldland. Nice work Dustin.
It’s not just about relationship trouble in an unattractive person’s life. It becomes harder to make friends, harder to have confidence as sometimes our opinions and thoughts just don’t seem to matter as much as the attractive person’s opinions or thoughts
Exactly! As an unattractive woman I often get disrespected and ignored. I immediately see the disdain on a person's face when they see me. I try to not let it bother me but it does chip away at me. I've become jaded and I have low confidence. I keep to myself. I don't try to socialise because I know people do not care what I have to say. It is so lonely. And most people don't understand this. It is only heartbreaking for me.
@@dorkysoul I'm so sorry to hear that, something that helps me sometimes is to think that the world still has a beautiful face which you get to see and experience - may it be through books or museums or music and your life can be filled with beautiful things and people. I'm sure you are actually beautiful inside out, I hope you and those around you are able to embrace that!
This video proves why theater is so valuable, and children should be encouraged to participate in it - it fosters EMPATHY in a person. When you are asked to take on the persona of someone else, to be in their shoes, it forces you to look at the world through a lens other than your own.
I agree whole heartedly. This is why we need to push back against keeping people of different orientations, races, nationalities whatever from playing against their own identities. When straight men are ridiculed for playing gay because a gay person should get the job, it kinda defeats the purpose of "acting" doesn't it? Simply put, the person who can deliver the best performance should get the role. Hamilton worked just fine with a black George Washington, didn't it? It's the arts. We should never allow others to tell us what brushes and paints to paint with.
It is also vitally important that we teach our children that, although what they are watching is not real they should still feel some emotions for the characters. We need to have the strength to let adults who have the "it's just a movie attitude" that they will not be watching a movie with our children. It is true that as a child grows they might not cry while watching the same movie, but they should still feel something.
I came here via Reddit post from "an ugly woman." Someone posted this link in response. I get it. Great interview and great emotion / explanation from Dustin.
It highlights how much more privileged women are than men. I'm not sure the person who sent you this link knows anything about sexism. When it comes to movies, if a character is going to die, or thousands of human beings are going to be slaughtered; they are men. Men have this exact same problem, unattractive men do no get attention, they are not treated like human beings.
This was such a great piece. You can see he truly gets so chocked up talking about how he’s been brainwashed into dismissing so many interesting women because they were simply not beautiful enough. He knows better now, and that’s a gift. A real gift.
Still love this interview. It hits me in the gut every time I hear what he has to say and see how emotional he gets. To think of all the people we ignore everyday because they don't fit our ideal.
Tina Brown You don't have to marry or have sex with someone, you can be their friend. He's saying he never would have talked to them period, so he lost out on potentially valuable friendships. Survival is also dependent on community, which includes friends. If you have no friends (especially those with valuable skills) in an emergency you're less likely to survive.
Set aside that this movie was not about a "cross-dresser" or transgender person. It was about an actor who wanted to find work and dressed up as a woman to get a roll on a TV show. Through that process the character learned what it was like to be a woman and ended up with a perspective of profound respect and understanding for the opposite sex. This what is the embodiment of what Dustin Hoffman went through in real life creating that character. Nobody needs to be commenting on transgender etc. This realization for Dustin Hoffman is beautiful and real and important for everyone to consider understanding.
I have not seen all of the comments on this video yet, and while I agree the movie may not be about that I don’t think it’s right to denounce any mentions of transgender themes or even people relating to that experience. being a woman is hard. passing as a woman is hard. you will get very similar treatment, and the same beauty you see in his words is something they see too. art speaks to people in multiple ways
Maybe ... but what about people who wouldn't have judged women like that to begin with? Funny that someone who isn't THAT shallow is considered a huge hero .
Alex Ander he's one of the greatest actors of all time. I'd suggest you watch some of his 70s and 80s films. He's great and belongs to the same league as Deniro and Pacino and Nicholson
This had me in tears. I've never been the typical pretty girl, I'm very plain and the farthest thing from sexy. I've always had guy friends, but have never been sought after or approached like my sisters or my other prettier girl friends. Hearing Dustin saying these things really touched me and warmed my heart.
People are hung up on the "attractive" and "ask out" parts. I see his point as being clearly about not giving himself a chance to connect with or even approach another human being on any earnest/intimate level. Many kinds of relationships can exist between men and women with/without age or aesthetic differences.
Wow this made me tear up toward the end. So much passion and emotion. I ask myself that question too. How would I be if I were a guy? Would I be more or less attractive? More accepting towards the opposite sex? That made me realize I'm not perfect myself.
Most of these comments prove that human beings also aren't capable of thinking of the opposite sex as a valuable person aside from sexual or romantic interest. Get it through your thick skulls, people: YOU DON'T HAVE TO MARRY SOMEONE YOU DON'T FIND PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE. But for God's sake, have an open mind to platonic relationships with the opposite sex and be aware that there are people you're overlooking because their looks don't appeal to you.
Fifi If there were more people out there who thought like you, I probably wouldn't have spent so many years being friendless. Thanks for restoring my hope in humanity. :)
This should be happening, but given the fact that we have a lot of sociopaths running around, women are more inclined to be friends with women. www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/07/mary-spears-killed-detroit_n_5945518.html wreg.com/2017/10/25/woman-says-man-shot-at-her-after-she-refused-to-give-phone-number/ It's like straight men are hardwired. I'll be honest, I'm a little hardwired, too. I don't know how to approach the problem.
It's a nice thought, but men always want something out of friendship with women, that's why we have phrases like "friend-zoned". That ulterior motive makes actual friendship impossible. I learned to be happy in my own company, & get out all my gregariousness with my clients.
What most people fail to understand is that Dustin played himself in Tootsie. Dustin is Dorothy. You can see her passion and strength come through in this interview. Which is why Tootsie is such a great film.
"I think I am an interesting woman, when I look at myself on screen, and I know, that if I met myself at a party i would never talk to that character, because she doesn't fulfill, physically, the demands, that we're brought up to think women have to have in order for us to ask them out. She says, 'What are you saying?' and I said, 'There's too many interesting women I have not had the experience to know in this life, because I have been brainwashed and that was never a comedy for me."
@@julianjdogg its normal to only want to get to know the attractive women? Jesus dude. This is what i have been saying for years. Men dont want felame FRIENDS. A FRIEND does not need to be attractive. But since guys think with their dick and where it might get them, of course they only want to have attractive females around them. They have a secret wet dream to fuck them ALL.
Milla true. They even want their “friends” to be “fuckable” in case they might get a chance. As if they even had a chance half the time anyway if they were already placed in the FRIENDS box. Such losers lmao
I know right, it is absolutely infuriating the amount of guy friends I have lost simply because I have told them Im not interested in them like that. We can be super good friends but the second they find out i dont want to fuck them they ditch me! The tought of having friends with hidden agendas is the absolute worst
And although it is the truth it still sucks, saying it is the truth doesn't mean it is alright. We are the ones tha have made it that way and so we also have the power to change it.
If you teach girls it's ok to look unattractive you're teaching them a fantasy. The reality is it does matter to an extent. It is not the be all and end all of existence, but you should not teach them feel-good liberal lies.
+Just some guy Hard wired? Are you little more than an animal? I accept yes we are automatically attracted to more conventionally attractive people, but do you not realise how ridiculous it is that we appreciate people, women especially, according to how good looking they are rather than the person they are?
I love this interview and I appreciate Dustin Hoffman's heartfelt candor here. It is a wonderful movie and Dorothy Michaels is such a strong, powerful female character. I love that he clearly gained a new respect and appreciation for women through this particular role. Thanks for sharing this. :-)
I never knew he was so moved on the making of Tootsie. It is hard and there are lot of people who don't get the light of day because of our idea of what men and women should look like.
I've always been the unattractive one in my family. I've always been one of the least attractive of my friends, so this really hit home for me. I don't wear makeup very often, I dress in jeans and t-shirts and converse. I'm not tall, I'm not skinny and I have very plain features. I'm always the friend (the 'wingman') but never the one people see as attractive at all.
You are a women so you are beautiful and of value period. It’s innate, it just is and it can’t be taken away or added to. I’m sorry if people made you feel less then you are, I’m sorry it’s hard to walk through this world and try to keep a handle on this truth. Truth however it still remains. If people don’t see your beauty/worth that’s on them, it’s not about you. Their opinion might hurt but it does not change your beauty or worth.
It's disgusting. People have no control over being born 'attractive'. No one decides to be born 'ugly' it wasn't their fault. And to think that many people will treat these 'ugly' people worse over something they had no control over, it really does make me feel sick to my stomach.
Exactly. Yet so many people think the answer is "just lose some weight/get a hair cut/change your style/wear make up" and all of this miraculously goes away. Some people (men and women) will never meet the 'acceptable standard' of attractiveness, no matter what they do. I have Hirsutism, and even on the same meds they give M2F transgender women, I cannot get my hair growth to a normal level. Specialists have told me there is nothing they can do. My only options are cosmetic removal every 10 days. That's not even to make me attractive, just to make me "socially acceptable". To be able to show my face in public and not have people look at me with disgust.
Wow, that's deep. The best part is not only that he realized this, but that he is so hurt by the fact that he himself has helped perpetuate this beautocacy by ignoring average or below average looking women. Bravo to him for having that realization. I have a 2 year old daughter, and although she is very cute and pretty (according to other people) I often chastise myself for thinking to myself "Okay, it looks like she's on course to be a pretty female as a teenager and adult. Good." The truth is, even if I take the high road, so many other people will not, and the advantages of female beauty are not likely to go away even as more and more people become conscious of our partiality towards the beautiful among us. The same phenomenon applies to male height, hair texture, skin complexion and a slew of other traits which have a heritable feature which are "Beautiful" in some and "not so beautiful" in others.
I'm absolutely in awe of this. Tootsie is one of my favorite movies and hearing Dustin talk about his role brings tears to my eyes. Bravo! Or rather, Brava!
A lot of men get it, but it's a beautiful thing to see a man who recognizes how wrong he used to be and how remorseful he is about it... that is the sign of a man who truly wants to change.
This interview makes me cry. I met the love of my life when she was overweight and insecure but what an amazing woman... what a thinker, a dreamer, with extraordinary kindness and taste and intelligence... and what a kisser... She died quite suddenly March 26 of 2018 right when we were finally moving in together... and the one thing that helps me keep it all together is knowing how happy she truly was. But I miss her profoundly every day.
When he got to the ending part, i actually understood what he meant by how society has brainwashed into thinking that only the beauty and desirable women are the ones men should look at. And so him playing as Tootsie opened up a realization that he can play a part of a woman in the eyes of someone who isn't seen as your typical desirable woman and so she's interesting in other aspects of her physical appeal. :) Well job done Dustin.
Thank you Dustin Hoffman - beautifully said "I would never talk to . . . I have been brainwashed". You recognized that there are so many opportunities missed to meet and love interesting people - lovely people because all too often we do not look past the cover. Thank you for sharing your epiphany - I hope it will inspire others.
I watch this over and over again because he finally vocalized it! I have had only one or two other men in my life "get it". When talking about a friend who was behaving poorly with men I had a friend tell me that I was the type a man would want to be with not her. And I said, ok, but if you walked into a bar and saw both of us who would you approach.
That was beautiful... emotionally raw... I knew I liked him for more than just good acting. And, as the mother of a daughter - and not beautiful, myself - I appreciate his epiphany.
I spend 45 seconds trying to make myself look good in the mirror everyday. I have too many physical flaws. I have a disability. Nothing of my body is symmetrical. But I have to stare in the mirror until I see me. Sure it may take a while, but people don't take the time to find me in me. So Dustin's words ring true to even guys. How can I make "true" friends, let alone love, when it takes me a while to find me in the mirror. I cried. But my life has taught me to find the REAL person in people.
I have a new found respect for him. This was unbelievably touching and I hope that it will be a wake up call for individuals who are still struggling to understand that.
I think the important thing to remember when talking about a person's appearance is that ugliness and attractiveness are subjective concepts. That's why I try to use the phrase "conventionally attractive": to remind myself (and others) that these qualities are just considered attractive because we've all supposedly agreed on that point.
This video pops up in my head once in a while, especially when the women's international day is near and I wonder if the society terma and conventions have gotten better since this... More men need to see this. More men need to watch this movie along with Fleabag and Barbie.
Wow... So many people are viewing this as a contest. As if Dustin scored a point for the "opposing" team... Can we grow up from "well they started it!!" arguments and just view this clip for what it is? Someone of one gender is learning something about another. That's a beautiful thing. He's not criticizing the superficial nature of men. He's criticizing his own superficial nature and is saddened that such a thing exists in human nature in general.
Guys the message here isn't "date someone you don't find attractive or marry her" it wouldn't make sense to do that because you wouldn't be completely happy right, we all have our preferences but what I think is the big message is that don't ignore those you don't find attractive, if you see a girl at a club alone and no guy pays her the minimum attention then be the guy that asks her to dance you might make her day. Be better people is what's the message here. This changed my way of thinking completely because I was one of those guys who would just try to avoid someone I didn't find attractive 😒 and now I see how wrong i was. Good day everyone
John Klitsko That's actually... not... at all what he's saying. He's saying to be nice. No sane woman is going to think a relationship is automatically going to happen if someone asks them to dance. It's not like he's saying call her all the time and spend every waking minute with her. He's just saying to do the nice thing every once in a while and treat people like they're PEOPLE regardless of what they look like. As someone who's pretty unattractive, I deal with the mean attitudes on a regular basis. If a girl comes up and says hi to me I'm not going to immediately think she wants to date/fuck/marry me, but it would brighten my mood and I would have respect for that girl as a person. That's why I treat EVERYONE with decency and respect, whether I'm attracted to them or not. That's what the message is here.
Umm...welcome to reality, women don't go to clubs alone, so you're not likely to see a sad unattractive girl who's all by herself. You're more likely to see her actually hanging with an attractive girl that you want to approach, and nine times out of ten ( when you approach said attractive girl ) the unattractive girl will sabotage any attempt that you make at talking to this attractive girl...unless you bring someone along ( the wing man ) for her. Essentially, if no one talks to the unattractive girl, no one is talking to anyone. Why the fuck should you feel sorry for unattractive women when they routinely behave like this ? And where are the women who are expressing empathy for the painful experiences that unattractive men go through ? Where are the women tearing up when seeing attractive men who are constantly rejected and ignored by women ? The answer is women don't give a shit. Why should we men ? Let the unattractive women fend for themselves just as men have to. That's equality.
Greenblood60 what you just described is not reality, it's a fucking sitcom or romantic comedy. When an unattractive girl is out with her friends, she isn't likely going to put a stop to her friend talking to/dancing/getting a drink with a guy who talks to her. This is a scenario invented out of hollywood and it rarely happens in real life. So what you're saying is we shouldn't treat unattractive women like people because of a ridiculous stereotype found in movies and T.V.
I love that, so many years later, it *still* makes him tear up to think about what he and so many other men (and women) have done. Good on you, Dustin.
Goosebumps !!! What a remarkable human being he is, I never knew !! Beautiful Soul - inside and out !!! Lots of love to everyone reading along, from Germany, Astrid Eta Anja
What an amazing realization . . . courageous of Mr. Hoffman to share something that we ALL experience in life but rarely have the guts to admit . . . I've chosen to share this with my husband and teenage son and friends on Facebook . . . I believe it's that important to understand.
I admire him even more now. It is tragic how much we all end up, consciously or unconsciously, letting a person's appearance determine our opinion of them.
I just respect the hell out of him for coming out and saying this. A lot of people would have talked themselves out of feeling empathy or guilt in a situation like this but he was completely open to the experience. I think if we keep going the way we are going then one day women will be treated as people, not just as objects of lust or something to be ignored.
I try not to think about it, I used to be gorgeous, and then I gained 80 lbs (because working at a food place isn't good for your health lol), and I'm just ASTOUNDED at the different way I'm treated. I'm 6'2", a super tall girl, and I'M OVERLOOKED. Isn't that crazy? I remember turning nearly every head on the street when I was a teen, and now, according to my co-workers, I look like an "older" woman. Even though I'm only 26. No guys ask me out. My family tells me "I don't need that" when I reach for certain foods at dinners. My relatives, whom I never talk to, only pay attention to my facebook if I lose a few pounds on some dumb diet I've been pressured into. My best friend growing up, who is obese, I never understood why she always hated being next to me in public places, and now I get it. In my friend groups, I am now the "ugly friend," and I've had to work REALLY hard on my personality in order to be seen and valued. I mean, what the actual hell?! Why can't I just be VALUED?? I've given up on trying to "look pretty," because I don't want to get my hopes up, just to be hurt again for not conforming to some dumb-ass standard of beauty. I'm gorgeous, just the way I am. And I think you are too. Positive affirmation girl, that's the key to confidence. BELIEVE you are beautiful, because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Screw them.
You can't be mad at people for not liking what you have to offer. You are probably going after the wrong guys. There are plenty of men who like tall fat women. My sister is tall and fat and she found a man and has a family of 5 children now. You can't get mad at people for liking what they like. They don't need to like you. There is someone out there who will love you. Don't get mad at people for not because they are unnecessary.
+Mr_Chukes She's getting mad at these people because they're openly disrespecting her constantly. That's a valid reason to be upset. Although, that being said, there's not a whole lot she can do about people being dicks to her for no reason other than the way she looks, and that sucks.
That was a really beautiful moment of truth my respects. It’s time society starts prioritizing substance over just looking good. How unfair when “ugly” women are dismissed when they can still bring so much value to society. And beauty is subjective anyway too! Yes it is nice to look good sometimes and there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and maintaining looks. Still though, it is integrity, hard work, humility and respect for others that should be celebrated in the world rather than ONLY vanity. And a large part of this whole selfie-crazed new generation I am afraid is failing in perpetuating these important ideas. Thank you Dustin for seeing this. 💕
Probably the most honest interviews ive ever seen, its a horrible thing to admit but its a sad truth about society, respect Hoffman for putting this talking point out there.
Finally a man who gets it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But we all are so much more. It's not what's on the outside but what's on the inside so to speak. We are more than the sum of our parts.
This always makes me tear up because I, as a woman, have often had that experience. Putting on make up. The dress, the outer shell and then to look and think "is this it? I can't make myself look any better, more attractive?" Arguments for inner beauty and outer vanity may be valid but it's a horrible thing to realise that you're simply not an attractive looking person.
I used to be pretty, young-looking, and feminine. I got plenty of attention. And then I suddenly turned ugly and old-looking (much older-looking than I am), and I became invisible and poorly treated, with absolutely no interest from guys. They think everything about me is worse, too. I could be dressed in the same stylish clothes/makeup as before, but people would rate me unstylish. I've always been fascinated with makeup, but after turning ugly, I go to makeup counters and I'm always asked, "Have you EVER worn makeup before"? - when I know more about makeup than they do. I love fashion, and I'd go into stores wearing stylish clothes of THEIR brand, but I'm assumed I won't buy, while they keep bothering customers who are worse-dressed than me. The way your face looks makes people think everything about you is worse, though it's better - from your clothes to your personality. It's the devil effect. Life is excruciating as an extremely unattractive, old-looking, mannish-looking woman. I'm treated poorly and unfairly everyday. No one of any gender wants to be my friend or have anything to do with me. I ahve not been able to date, and I'll never be able to get married - when I used to be reasonably popular with guys. People think and write in the worst ways about me - even though I'm much better and nicer than anyone else. No one understands, or wants to understand, how extreme and constant the pain and discrimination is - they villainize me instead. A beautiful woman is something guys worship. An ugly, mannish, old-looking woman is worse than pond scum - the most disgusting thing on earth. People need to realize there's a beautiful person inside. And just a few years ago, people did see all my strengths because I was beautiful and feminine on the outside. Now, they see none of my strengths, and just dismiss and degrade me unfairly, in all ways. I'm stuck living an unbearable life, all alone. I'm seen as an ogress, when I'm still a beautiful girl, as I've always been.
@Paulo Chan Awwww, pooor Paulo was rejected too many times by hot women. Where's the world tiniest violin? Gee, I wonder why Paulo is also rejected by unattractive women. Yeah, I bet it's because of his looks and nothing at all to do with his wonderful personality.
I know she is not necessarily the most sympathetic character, but Gwenyth Paltrow also came to a similar insight when she had to put on a fat suit for her role in Shallow Hal. She talked about how people avoided looking at her, out of politeness, and how isolating it felt.
Well said. Exactly what I was thinking. I have always had huge respect for Hoffman. This continues to seal my opinion about him as person and an actor.
I've just cried watching this. I dnt get men. They are so inhumane at times. Last two days I've had two male friends say to me they want nothing to do with me anymore. First one, because he wants to sleep with me and it's not gonna happen. The second one, because he doesn't find me attractive, he doesn't want to sleep with me, so why bother talking with me and being friends anyway. He was afraid the reason I contacted him, was cause I want to have sex with him, and conversation was my way to build up to it, so he felt he should make it clear. WTF?!? Are we not human to you? Are we just objects? Scary and so sad at the same time.
Dominika Meštrović I completely understand what you mean. I've never had a relationship, and guys only want one night stands from me and nothing else (even if i don't give it to them)
I've watched this interview so many times, but no matter how many times I tear up. As a middle aged woman who is virtually invisible outside my familial or professional sphere I don't even cry for myself. I cry for him and his character, because I know what that feels like. It is incredibly moving and profound for me to have someone like Dustin Hoffman really understand what it is like to just be a regular woman.
Lies again? AIA Money
I came here to say something very similar to what you've said, but after reading your comment, I hesitate to write anything myself because you've said it so perfectly. It's like you've taken the words right out of my mouth. Bless your heart. There's something so beautiful, so sentimental and so emotional in knowing that someone understands.... and, in that, I mean both you and Dustin.
I am a high school teacher. I share this with my students. If, over the years, just one student gets something from this, then it will have been well worth my time.
Bravo!!!! People like you make the difference in this world.
I love it! Thank you for sharing this with them
Thank you. Your students are fortunate.
Good for you! Yes. You are probably reaching somebody, although you may never know.
Had a teacher that showed us a few short films that were pretty inspiring. And shared about how he saw life. It did make me think. He probably reached a few other kids too.
This talk radically changed my definition an beauty and I am a better man for it.
Dustin Hoffman is talking here about an experience that most women have sadly gone through at some point in their life. This will forever be one of my favorite videos ever
It’s painful to look at your partner and know if I met them and I was 30 pounds heavier or had bad skin they never would have talked to me and know it’s the truth.
@@bascal133 damn that is hard. I'm so sorry... people deserve better than that.
@@bascal133 well you yourself chose you partner because you were attracted to them so. Would you go out with some one unattractive?
@@MAli-os2yj someone I wasn’t attracted to? No I wouldn’t, I feel bad on both accounts.
@The caliph not sure what this has to do with anything; the point of the video is that Dustin realizes how shallow and wrong it is to dismiss or ignore a woman if he doesn’t find her attractive
A truly profound statement. Someone who sees the shallowness of social values through the eyes of the opposite sex.
How many times did I come back to this video and watch it again only to end up with tears in my eyes? Gets me every single time. Much respect for this man.
The same here,I get back to the video again and again- and I get amotional everytime.
This is the first time I've seen it and it brought ME to tears. But then the movie does too. And I'm a 73 year old man.
@@scottkirby8204 you have a nice sensitivity, and that is sweet.
Every man should go through Dustin's experience to realize what it's like... Dustin is an exceptional man.
Paulo Chan no i get it. Unattractive men get the short end of the stick as well.
😊❤️
@Paulo Chan at least you can work to become richer
@Paulo Chan because women have it worse when it comes to attractiveness, moron. men LARGELY only care about looks. this isn't an opinion, it's just fact. There was even a government study on it.
@Paulo Chan
Jesus what a douche you act like. Grow up.
It's nice to think that some actors have the intelligence and insightfulness to step back from a character they're playing and recognise that these people do exist in the bigger world, and not just in Hollywoodworldland. Nice work Dustin.
It’s not just about relationship trouble in an unattractive person’s life. It becomes harder to make friends, harder to have confidence as sometimes our opinions and thoughts just don’t seem to matter as much as the attractive person’s opinions or thoughts
Anushka Gupta exactly.
I feel validated by this comment
Exactly! As an unattractive woman I often get disrespected and ignored. I immediately see the disdain on a person's face when they see me. I try to not let it bother me but it does chip away at me. I've become jaded and I have low confidence. I keep to myself. I don't try to socialise because I know people do not care what I have to say. It is so lonely. And most people don't understand this. It is only heartbreaking for me.
@@dorkysoul I'm so sorry to hear that, something that helps me sometimes is to think that the world still has a beautiful face which you get to see and experience - may it be through books or museums or music and your life can be filled with beautiful things and people. I'm sure you are actually beautiful inside out, I hope you and those around you are able to embrace that!
I think it goes the other way too, that attractive people are sometimes not given the credit of having any worth other than their appearance.
This video proves why theater is so valuable, and children should be encouraged to participate in it - it fosters EMPATHY in a person. When you are asked to take on the persona of someone else, to be in their shoes, it forces you to look at the world through a lens other than your own.
I agree whole heartedly. This is why we need to push back against keeping people of different orientations, races, nationalities whatever from playing against their own identities. When straight men are ridiculed for playing gay because a gay person should get the job, it kinda defeats the purpose of "acting" doesn't it? Simply put, the person who can deliver the best performance should get the role. Hamilton worked just fine with a black George Washington, didn't it?
It's the arts. We should never allow others to tell us what brushes and paints to paint with.
It is also vitally important that we teach our children that, although what they are watching is not real they should still feel some emotions for the characters. We need to have the strength to let adults who have the "it's just a movie attitude" that they will not be watching a movie with our children. It is true that as a child grows they might not cry while watching the same movie, but they should still feel something.
I came here via Reddit post from "an ugly woman." Someone posted this link in response. I get it. Great interview and great emotion / explanation from Dustin.
Me too
Me too
Me too
Me too
It highlights how much more privileged women are than men. I'm not sure the person who sent you this link knows anything about sexism.
When it comes to movies, if a character is going to die, or thousands of human beings are going to be slaughtered; they are men.
Men have this exact same problem, unattractive men do no get attention, they are not treated like human beings.
Respect to Hoffman. Few people are able to be that raw about their own experience, much less be so eloquent about it.
This was such a great piece. You can see he truly gets so chocked up talking about how he’s been brainwashed into dismissing so many interesting women because they were simply not beautiful enough. He knows better now, and that’s a gift. A real gift.
Still love this interview. It hits me in the gut every time I hear what he has to say and see how emotional he gets. To think of all the people we ignore everyday because they don't fit our ideal.
Randomly Speaking I know, but as sad but it's animal nature….survival of the fittest.
Tina Brown You don't have to marry or have sex with someone, you can be their friend. He's saying he never would have talked to them period, so he lost out on potentially valuable friendships. Survival is also dependent on community, which includes friends. If you have no friends (especially those with valuable skills) in an emergency you're less likely to survive.
Set aside that this movie was not about a "cross-dresser" or transgender person. It was about an actor who wanted to find work and dressed up as a woman to get a roll on a TV show. Through that process the character learned what it was like to be a woman and ended up with a perspective of profound respect and understanding for the opposite sex. This what is the embodiment of what Dustin Hoffman went through in real life creating that character. Nobody needs to be commenting on transgender etc. This realization for Dustin Hoffman is beautiful and real and important for everyone to consider understanding.
I have not seen all of the comments on this video yet, and while I agree the movie may not be about that I don’t think it’s right to denounce any mentions of transgender themes or even people relating to that experience.
being a woman is hard. passing as a woman is hard. you will get very similar treatment, and the same beauty you see in his words is something they see too. art speaks to people in multiple ways
I don't know him very well, but just from these 3min I can tell he is a very good person. My respect.
Maybe ... but what about people who wouldn't have judged women like that to begin with?
Funny that someone who isn't THAT shallow is considered a huge hero .
Alex Ander he actually isnt
I thought so too. Update: women have now come out saying he sexually harassed them and he hasn't denied it
Alex Ander he's one of the greatest actors of all time. I'd suggest you watch some of his 70s and 80s films. He's great and belongs to the same league as Deniro and Pacino and Nicholson
@@susanb2015 odd that she didn't say something sooner
This interview should be shown everywhere. It's just awesome
And this is why I love Dustin Hoffman
This had me in tears. I've never been the typical pretty girl, I'm very plain and the farthest thing from sexy. I've always had guy friends, but have never been sought after or approached like my sisters or my other prettier girl friends. Hearing Dustin saying these things really touched me and warmed my heart.
TheSmileygirl90 I understand, sis 💙
People are hung up on the "attractive" and "ask out" parts. I see his point as being clearly about not giving himself a chance to connect with or even approach another human being on any earnest/intimate level. Many kinds of relationships can exist between men and women with/without age or aesthetic differences.
Wow this made me tear up toward the end. So much passion and emotion. I ask myself that question too. How would I be if I were a guy? Would I be more or less attractive? More accepting towards the opposite sex? That made me realize I'm not perfect myself.
Most of these comments prove that human beings also aren't capable of thinking of the opposite sex as a valuable person aside from sexual or romantic interest. Get it through your thick skulls, people: YOU DON'T HAVE TO MARRY SOMEONE YOU DON'T FIND PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE. But for God's sake, have an open mind to platonic relationships with the opposite sex and be aware that there are people you're overlooking because their looks don't appeal to you.
Fifi If there were more people out there who thought like you, I probably wouldn't have spent so many years being friendless.
Thanks for restoring my hope in humanity.
:)
This should be happening, but given the fact that we have a lot of sociopaths running around, women are more inclined to be friends with women.
www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/07/mary-spears-killed-detroit_n_5945518.html
wreg.com/2017/10/25/woman-says-man-shot-at-her-after-she-refused-to-give-phone-number/
It's like straight men are hardwired. I'll be honest, I'm a little hardwired, too. I don't know how to approach the problem.
Yeah man these comments are such shit it's so disappointing
This comment! Thank you!
It's a nice thought, but men always want something out of friendship with women, that's why we have phrases like "friend-zoned". That ulterior motive makes actual friendship impossible. I learned to be happy in my own company, & get out all my gregariousness with my clients.
What most people fail to understand is that Dustin played himself in Tootsie. Dustin is Dorothy. You can see her passion and strength come through in this interview. Which is why Tootsie is such a great film.
"I think I am an interesting woman, when I look at myself on screen, and I know, that if I met myself at a party i would never talk to that character, because she doesn't fulfill, physically, the demands, that we're brought up to think women have to have in order for us to ask them out. She says, 'What are you saying?' and I said, 'There's too many interesting women I have not had the experience to know in this life, because I have been brainwashed and that was never a comedy for me."
norhidayah raziap Profound realization. That may have been the purpose of his entire life, that epiphany.
It's not brainwashing though, it's normal to want to only get to know the more attractive women. Profound epiphany, though.
@@julianjdogg its normal to only want to get to know the attractive women? Jesus dude. This is what i have been saying for years. Men dont want felame FRIENDS. A FRIEND does not need to be attractive. But since guys think with their dick and where it might get them, of course they only want to have attractive females around them. They have a secret wet dream to fuck them ALL.
Milla true. They even want their “friends” to be “fuckable” in case they might get a chance. As if they even had a chance half the time anyway if they were already placed in the FRIENDS box. Such losers lmao
I know right, it is absolutely infuriating the amount of guy friends I have lost simply because I have told them Im not interested in them like that. We can be super good friends but the second they find out i dont want to fuck them they ditch me! The tought of having friends with hidden agendas is the absolute worst
this is probably the most universal mankind defining piece of video in the whole world. this says so much about us... it's brutal. thank you dustin!
❤️ I'm in love with Dustin Hoffman's humanness. I'm glad this got so many views.
I am more impressed than ever by this awesome man.
This made me cry
this is true on so many levels. at least you got there Dustin cause so many people don't
Dustin Hoffman put into words his realization incredibly well. We need to start teaching kids that women and girls don't have to be pretty to exist.
The truth is that girls are judged primarily on looks.
And although it is the truth it still sucks, saying it is the truth doesn't mean it is alright. We are the ones tha have made it that way and so we also have the power to change it.
If you teach girls it's ok to look unattractive you're teaching them a fantasy. The reality is it does matter to an extent. It is not the be all and end all of existence, but you should not teach them feel-good liberal lies.
+Rebecca Browne - No you don't
+Just some guy
Hard wired? Are you little more than an animal? I accept yes we are automatically attracted to more conventionally attractive people, but do you not realise how ridiculous it is that we appreciate people, women especially, according to how good looking they are rather than the person they are?
"It was never a comedy for me"
Great to see a man who is so sensitive and aware; Dustin forever!
I love this interview and I appreciate Dustin Hoffman's heartfelt candor here. It is a wonderful movie and Dorothy Michaels is such a strong, powerful female character. I love that he clearly gained a new respect and appreciation for women through this particular role. Thanks for sharing this. :-)
now that is one substantial man
Probably some of the deepest truth to ever leave an actors mouth not only in the history of filmmaking but in the history of humanity.
I never knew he was so moved on the making of Tootsie. It is hard and there are lot of people who don't get the light of day because of our idea of what men and women should look like.
Dustin Hoffman cries a lot in interviews. He's a very passionate intense man
Sign of a great actor.
“I had an epiphany.” He did, and I love his honesty.
DUSTIN YOU GET ME EVERY TIME WITH THIS INTERVIEW. JESUS. "that was never a comedy for me"
What huge emotional intelligence Dustin Hoffman has ; and how sensitive. One of the best actors of our time. 💐💖😘👍🌈
Well said, LC. Made me cry a lot. As he tells his story, I see my young daughter, at a party, in all her internal beauty...And standing all alone.
What a beautiful person he is. I love him!!!
I've always been the unattractive one in my family. I've always been one of the least attractive of my friends, so this really hit home for me. I don't wear makeup very often, I dress in jeans and t-shirts and converse. I'm not tall, I'm not skinny and I have very plain features. I'm always the friend (the 'wingman') but never the one people see as attractive at all.
TheSmileygirl90 keep you're chin up, you'll be somebodies princess one day
TheSmileygirl90 are you me?? 😅 im the exact same way. _exactly!_ but my features aren’t plain, they’re genuinely ugly.
A ViRGO
Don’t say that! Or imma embarrass you with compliments!
You are a women so you are beautiful and of value period.
It’s innate, it just is and it can’t be taken away or added to.
I’m sorry if people made you feel less then you are, I’m sorry it’s hard to walk through this world and try to keep a handle on this truth. Truth however it still remains.
If people don’t see your beauty/worth that’s on them, it’s not about you. Their opinion might hurt but it does not change your beauty or worth.
@@nicolenorthild5093
Thank you for that. You are incredibly kind.
So Dustin admits that didn't engage with unattractive women, and Tootsie changed all that. That should be a lesson for us all.
wow wow
It's disgusting. People have no control over being born 'attractive'. No one decides to be born 'ugly' it wasn't their fault. And to think that many people will treat these 'ugly' people worse over something they had no control over, it really does make me feel sick to my stomach.
Exactly. Yet so many people think the answer is "just lose some weight/get a hair cut/change your style/wear make up" and all of this miraculously goes away. Some people (men and women) will never meet the 'acceptable standard' of attractiveness, no matter what they do. I have Hirsutism, and even on the same meds they give M2F transgender women, I cannot get my hair growth to a normal level. Specialists have told me there is nothing they can do. My only options are cosmetic removal every 10 days. That's not even to make me attractive, just to make me "socially acceptable". To be able to show my face in public and not have people look at me with disgust.
Agree totally
Sugarrr, you fail to realize that men also have no control over being more attracted to sexier women. You did not think of that did you?
This made me tear up. Wow. Someone of the opposite sex who gets it.
@@shooter7a fuck off virgin
Wow, that's deep. The best part is not only that he realized this, but that he is so hurt by the fact that he himself has helped perpetuate this beautocacy by ignoring average or below average looking women. Bravo to him for having that realization. I have a 2 year old daughter, and although she is very cute and pretty (according to other people) I often chastise myself for thinking to myself "Okay, it looks like she's on course to be a pretty female as a teenager and adult. Good." The truth is, even if I take the high road, so many other people will not, and the advantages of female beauty are not likely to go away even as more and more people become conscious of our partiality towards the beautiful among us. The same phenomenon applies to male height, hair texture, skin complexion and a slew of other traits which have a heritable feature which are "Beautiful" in some and "not so beautiful" in others.
I'm absolutely in awe of this. Tootsie is one of my favorite movies and hearing Dustin talk about his role brings tears to my eyes.
Bravo! Or rather, Brava!
Finally, a man who gets it. Thank you Dustin Hoffman.
A lot of men get it, but it's a beautiful thing to see a man who recognizes how wrong he used to be and how remorseful he is about it... that is the sign of a man who truly wants to change.
LOVE HIM! What a great guy to think like he does...
You made a gorgeous Tootsie Dustin :)
+Satya Gumbert amazing performer! they don't make method actors like this anymore..
Welcome to my world, Dustin. Welcome.
🍻
This interview makes me cry. I met the love of my life when she was overweight and insecure but what an amazing woman... what a thinker, a dreamer, with extraordinary kindness and taste and intelligence... and what a kisser... She died quite suddenly March 26 of 2018 right when we were finally moving in together... and the one thing that helps me keep it all together is knowing how happy she truly was. But I miss her profoundly every day.
Beautiful! I am sorry for your loss
When he got to the ending part, i actually understood what he meant by how society has brainwashed into thinking that only the beauty and desirable women are the ones men should look at. And so him playing as Tootsie opened up a realization that he can play a part of a woman in the eyes of someone who isn't seen as your typical desirable woman and so she's interesting in other aspects of her physical appeal. :) Well job done Dustin.
I'm a sucker for genuine emotion. Gets me every time.
Thank you Dustin Hoffman - beautifully said "I would never talk to . . . I have been brainwashed". You recognized that there are so many opportunities missed to meet and love interesting people - lovely people because all too often we do not look past the cover. Thank you for sharing your epiphany - I hope it will inspire others.
I watch this over and over again because he finally vocalized it! I have had only one or two other men in my life "get it". When talking about a friend who was behaving poorly with men I had a friend tell me that I was the type a man would want to be with not her. And I said, ok, but if you walked into a bar and saw both of us who would you approach.
Thank you Dustin Hoffman. Your candidness and humility is refreshing.
That was beautiful... emotionally raw... I knew I liked him for more than just good acting.
And, as the mother of a daughter - and not beautiful, myself - I appreciate his epiphany.
it's amazing he gets so moved and the realisation he has come to. what great actor and human being
I spend 45 seconds trying to make myself look good in the mirror everyday. I have too many physical flaws. I have a disability. Nothing of my body is symmetrical. But I have to stare in the mirror until I see me. Sure it may take a while, but people don't take the time to find me in me. So Dustin's words ring true to even guys. How can I make "true" friends, let alone love, when it takes me a while to find me in the mirror. I cried. But my life has taught me to find the REAL person in people.
I have a new found respect for him. This was unbelievably touching and I hope that it will be a wake up call for individuals who are still struggling to understand that.
This is the most humble I’ve ever seen this man. It’s refreshing because he is so damn talented.
I think the important thing to remember when talking about a person's appearance is that ugliness and attractiveness are subjective concepts. That's why I try to use the phrase "conventionally attractive": to remind myself (and others) that these qualities are just considered attractive because we've all supposedly agreed on that point.
Now I love this guy
AW, I just want to give him a big hug. He is SO sensitive. Love him, love him, love him!
This video pops up in my head once in a while, especially when the women's international day is near and I wonder if the society terma and conventions have gotten better since this... More men need to see this. More men need to watch this movie along with Fleabag and Barbie.
Beautiful sentiment very affecting ....
This goes both ways for sure.
Women dont care about our feelings. Its all about them. Even if shes fat and ugly. These women are so entitled
Wow... So many people are viewing this as a contest. As if Dustin scored a point for the "opposing" team... Can we grow up from "well they started it!!" arguments and just view this clip for what it is? Someone of one gender is learning something about another. That's a beautiful thing. He's not criticizing the superficial nature of men. He's criticizing his own superficial nature and is saddened that such a thing exists in human nature in general.
well said.
Guys the message here isn't "date someone you don't find attractive or marry her" it wouldn't make sense to do that because you wouldn't be completely happy right, we all have our preferences but what I think is the big message is that don't ignore those you don't find attractive, if you see a girl at a club alone and no guy pays her the minimum attention then be the guy that asks her to dance you might make her day. Be better people is what's the message here. This changed my way of thinking completely because I was one of those guys who would just try to avoid someone I didn't find attractive 😒 and now I see how wrong i was. Good day everyone
So essentially you're telling us to lead ugly girls on and then eventually break their hearts. Got it.
John Klitsko That's actually... not... at all what he's saying. He's saying to be nice. No sane woman is going to think a relationship is automatically going to happen if someone asks them to dance. It's not like he's saying call her all the time and spend every waking minute with her. He's just saying to do the nice thing every once in a while and treat people like they're PEOPLE regardless of what they look like. As someone who's pretty unattractive, I deal with the mean attitudes on a regular basis. If a girl comes up and says hi to me I'm not going to immediately think she wants to date/fuck/marry me, but it would brighten my mood and I would have respect for that girl as a person. That's why I treat EVERYONE with decency and respect, whether I'm attracted to them or not. That's what the message is here.
Your right. you never know.I actually fell for a girl I wasn't attracted to when we met. Her personality won me over.
Umm...welcome to reality, women don't go to clubs alone, so you're not likely to see a sad unattractive girl who's all by herself. You're more likely to see her actually hanging with an attractive girl that you want to approach, and nine times out of ten ( when you approach said attractive girl ) the unattractive girl will sabotage any attempt that you make at talking to this attractive girl...unless you bring someone along ( the wing man ) for her. Essentially, if no one talks to the unattractive girl, no one is talking to anyone. Why the fuck should you feel sorry for unattractive women when they routinely behave like this ?
And where are the women who are expressing empathy for the painful experiences that unattractive men go through ? Where are the women tearing up when seeing attractive men who are constantly rejected and ignored by women ? The answer is women don't give a shit. Why should we men ? Let the unattractive women fend for themselves just as men have to. That's equality.
Greenblood60 what you just described is not reality, it's a fucking sitcom or romantic comedy. When an unattractive girl is out with her friends, she isn't likely going to put a stop to her friend talking to/dancing/getting a drink with a guy who talks to her. This is a scenario invented out of hollywood and it rarely happens in real life. So what you're saying is we shouldn't treat unattractive women like people because of a ridiculous stereotype found in movies and T.V.
I love that, so many years later, it *still* makes him tear up to think about what he and so many other men (and women) have done. Good on you, Dustin.
Goosebumps !!! What a remarkable human being he is, I never knew !! Beautiful Soul - inside and out !!! Lots of love to everyone reading along, from Germany, Astrid Eta Anja
Omg he's such a sweetheart!
This is one of the many reasons that Dustin Hoffman is one of my favorite people.
God bless this man. He's fantastic.
He is such a beautiful person!
What an amazing realization . . . courageous of Mr. Hoffman to share something that we ALL experience in life but rarely have the guts to admit . . . I've chosen to share this with my husband and teenage son and friends on Facebook . . . I believe it's that important to understand.
I admire him even more now. It is tragic how much we all end up, consciously or unconsciously, letting a person's appearance determine our opinion of them.
I just respect the hell out of him for coming out and saying this. A lot of people would have talked themselves out of feeling empathy or guilt in a situation like this but he was completely open to the experience. I think if we keep going the way we are going then one day women will be treated as people, not just as objects of lust or something to be ignored.
I try not to think about it, I used to be gorgeous, and then I gained 80
lbs (because working at a food place isn't good for your health lol),
and I'm just ASTOUNDED at the different way I'm treated. I'm 6'2", a
super tall girl, and I'M OVERLOOKED. Isn't that crazy? I remember
turning nearly every head on the street when I was a teen, and now,
according to my co-workers, I look like an "older" woman. Even though
I'm only 26. No guys ask me out. My family tells me "I don't need
that" when I reach for certain foods at dinners. My relatives, whom I
never talk to, only pay attention to my facebook if I lose a few pounds
on some dumb diet I've been pressured into. My best friend growing up,
who is obese, I never understood why she always hated being next to me
in public places, and now I get it. In my friend groups, I am now the
"ugly friend," and I've had to work REALLY hard on my personality in
order to be seen and valued. I mean, what the actual hell?! Why can't I
just be VALUED?? I've given up on trying to "look pretty," because I
don't want to get my hopes up, just to be hurt again for not conforming
to some dumb-ass standard of beauty. I'm gorgeous, just the way I am.
And I think you are too. Positive affirmation girl, that's the key to
confidence. BELIEVE you are beautiful, because YOU ARE
BEAUTIFUL. Screw them.
but isn't that the paradox of that all? is what if you as the 34 year old guy isn't sexually attractive to her? would she be wrong to reject you?
***** I can agree with dat
Just open a dating app like okCupid, or plenty of fish. You'll get hundreds of messages there.
You can't be mad at people for not liking what you have to offer. You are probably going after the wrong guys. There are plenty of men who like tall fat women. My sister is tall and fat and she found a man and has a family of 5 children now. You can't get mad at people for liking what they like. They don't need to like you. There is someone out there who will love you. Don't get mad at people for not because they are unnecessary.
+Mr_Chukes She's getting mad at these people because they're openly disrespecting her constantly. That's a valid reason to be upset. Although, that being said, there's not a whole lot she can do about people being dicks to her for no reason other than the way she looks, and that sucks.
I find this moving every single time I watch it. If only everyone could experience something like this.
Beautiful. Such empathy, such insight. Thank you Dustin
I'm pretty sure he's just trans, and doesn't know it.
@@SC-fl3ch no he’s got empathy! he can feel what others feel without literally having the exact experience ☺️
@@bascal133 ...He was crying about not being a pretty woman, like 20-30 years later.
Soooo powerful
That was a really beautiful moment of truth my respects. It’s time society starts prioritizing substance over just looking good. How unfair when “ugly” women are dismissed when they can still bring so much value to society. And beauty is subjective anyway too! Yes it is nice to look good sometimes and there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and maintaining looks. Still though, it is integrity, hard work, humility and respect for others that should be celebrated in the world rather than ONLY vanity. And a large part of this whole selfie-crazed new generation I am afraid is failing in perpetuating these important ideas. Thank you Dustin for seeing this. 💕
Probably the most honest interviews ive ever seen, its a horrible thing to admit but its a sad truth about society, respect Hoffman for putting this talking point out there.
This is so amazing and sends such a good message. Everybody should have to watch this.
Wow, Dustin! So emotional... This interview should be shared everywhere...
Such a great video..
wow i'm so in love with him right now...
This video changed my life. Seriously. I was brain washed till i watched this.
Makes me cry every time I watch it. Such a sick society we live in and his statement gives me a bit of hope that there’s still good in people
Finally a man who gets it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But we all are so much more. It's not what's on the outside but what's on the inside so to speak. We are more than the sum of our parts.
I cried. :,(
This always makes me tear up because I, as a woman, have often had that experience. Putting on make up. The dress, the outer shell and then to look and think "is this it? I can't make myself look any better, more attractive?"
Arguments for inner beauty and outer vanity may be valid but it's a horrible thing to realise that you're simply not an attractive looking person.
A masterpiece.
I'm a dude, and I cry every time. This transformed him to his core, and I felt his emotion deeply in my soul.
I used to be pretty, young-looking, and feminine. I got plenty of attention. And then I suddenly turned ugly and old-looking (much older-looking than I am), and I became invisible and poorly treated, with absolutely no interest from guys. They think everything about me is worse, too. I could be dressed in the same stylish clothes/makeup as before, but people would rate me unstylish. I've always been fascinated with makeup, but after turning ugly, I go to makeup counters and I'm always asked, "Have you EVER worn makeup before"? - when I know more about makeup than they do. I love fashion, and I'd go into stores wearing stylish clothes of THEIR brand, but I'm assumed I won't buy, while they keep bothering customers who are worse-dressed than me. The way your face looks makes people think everything about you is worse, though it's better - from your clothes to your personality. It's the devil effect.
Life is excruciating as an extremely unattractive, old-looking, mannish-looking woman. I'm treated poorly and unfairly everyday. No one of any gender wants to be my friend or have anything to do with me. I ahve not been able to date, and I'll never be able to get married -
when I used to be reasonably popular with guys. People think and write in the worst ways about me - even though I'm much better and nicer than anyone else. No one understands, or wants to understand, how extreme and constant the pain and discrimination is - they villainize me instead.
A beautiful woman is something guys worship. An ugly, mannish, old-looking woman is worse than pond scum - the most disgusting thing on earth. People need to realize there's a beautiful person inside. And just a few years ago, people did see all my strengths because I was beautiful and feminine on the outside. Now, they see none of my strengths, and just dismiss and degrade me unfairly, in all ways. I'm stuck living an unbearable life, all alone. I'm seen as an ogress, when I'm still a beautiful girl, as I've always been.
It doesn’t help that the media villainize’s us uglies too.
💙💙💙💙 sending you hugs. I can *so* understand.
@Paulo Chan You're a shallow person for not accepting her experience as legitimate and instead making it all about relating to yours.
@Paulo Chandamn, two years and you're still an angry close-minded fellow
@Paulo Chan Awwww, pooor Paulo was rejected too many times by hot women. Where's the world tiniest violin? Gee, I wonder why Paulo is also rejected by unattractive women. Yeah, I bet it's because of his looks and nothing at all to do with his wonderful personality.
I know she is not necessarily the most sympathetic character, but Gwenyth Paltrow also came to a similar insight when she had to put on a fat suit for her role in Shallow Hal. She talked about how people avoided looking at her, out of politeness, and how isolating it felt.
It's weird seeing him talk after watching Rain Man.
You, Sir. . . or Ma'am. . . are the light at the end of the tunnel. This cracked me up.
It takes a lot to make me cry but now I am sitting here sobbing. 😞
Well said. Exactly what I was thinking. I have always had huge respect for Hoffman. This continues to seal my opinion about him as person and an actor.
I've just cried watching this. I dnt get men. They are so inhumane at times. Last two days I've had two male friends say to me they want nothing to do with me anymore. First one, because he wants to sleep with me and it's not gonna happen. The second one, because he doesn't find me attractive, he doesn't want to sleep with me, so why bother talking with me and being friends anyway. He was afraid the reason I contacted him, was cause I want to have sex with him, and conversation was my way to build up to it, so he felt he should make it clear. WTF?!? Are we not human to you? Are we just objects? Scary and so sad at the same time.
Dominika Meštrović I completely understand what you mean. I've never had a relationship, and guys only want one night stands from me and nothing else (even if i don't give it to them)