"Be unapologetically you" is such incredible advice that I'm not sure the young dudes will appreciate it until they are Connor's (or my) age. It doesn't mean you have a green light to be a terrible human but more embracing the type of person you find yourself to be. Anything else is self denial or self delusion.
@@smoothduck7151 donno, I'm not a woman but I don't find it mouthful. I feel you are missing the point. The most people you are talking about and the women can dislike anything they please. No apologies on that.
@@smoothduck7151 it's not "I'm unapologetically myself, please like me" it's "I'm unapologetically myself, if you dislike anything about it, the door it there"
This was very helpful to listen to as a man who has been married for 25 years, struggling in the relationship. I didn't know why I was unattractive to my female partner. Every point that was discussed was truly eye-opening. I would like another discussion about a man maintaining his attractiveness to a current female relationship. A man can lose his attractiveness in a long term relationship.
I think it's about constantly challenge your self, constantly improving in what ever area that interests you. If you stop feeding yourself with new adventure and difficult tasks you don't grow. I'm 58 and I startede my own business two years ago, I'm learning new skills, taking singing lessons, practice public speaking. I get my ass out there, and the fun thing is, life becomes more interesting than chasing women to get approval.
@@1zcottI’ve wondered how married couples maintain that spark long term..? I mean, I tend to get bored of the women I date pretty quickly - I cannot imagine being with someone for 15-20 years
"Be untamable" dovetails in nicely with Jordan Peterson's reading of "the meek shall inherit the earth", meaning contextually "he who knows how to use his sword but keeps it sheathed shall inherit the earth".
I love this site. I'm pushing 70 and I finally know who I am, or at least am not afraid of showing it. A lot of this site is common sense and I can't believe how my relationship with women has improved.
I lost my dad to cancer last week and I've been thinking alot about what he taught me about being a man... the truth is, not much. He taught me fundamentally how to look out for myself by any means necessary but not a damn thing about how to be a man. The reason I bring this up is because I appreciate the teachings you're spreading here (this one in particular) and I want to teach my own son when he's ready some of these things. I don't want to offer the same disservice to him by letting him figure everything out himself in the usual way- being thrown to the wolves
I don't have a son and my Father is still alive yet I'm in the same position as you; my Father gave me absolutely fuck all in terms of how to be a man and just watched me fail whilst he satiated his alcoholism so I know the struggle of trying to crowd source that lost knowledge from the internet and internalising it. Just wanted to let you know that I think the fact that you're making an effort to learn and better yourself and depart that knowledge into your kid makes all the difference between being a good Father and a wasteman. Keep fighting the good fight.
@bb.buchanan that's very genuine of you to say and I appreciate it. You too anonymous friend, we got this. 🤙🏻.. two things that keep all the bullshit in perspective- You are under no obligation to be who you were yesterday. And I am whatever I choose to be. It's all a conscious choice to do just little bit better than yesterday
To all my dudes out there: Find direction, find purpose. Some of it you will find online but not always. Invest in yourself. Start learning about exercise, finances, emotional maturity…you can do it. My late teens and most of my 20s were just filled with anger. I felt things were owed to me. Trust in your process and also seek positive groups whether with friends or family (that helps a lot!)
That was some really fine reminders, thank you. It's the kind of straight up talk I give my guy mates. It was good to hear it said back for my benefit.
Big, Beasty, Unattainable, Wild person I am not and never will be. I am ME and I'm not sure who that is, but I am not those things. I understand women's fantasies and desires and I have no interest in presenting as those things. I will learn to sharpen my OWN masculine edge as 100% me. I am certainly not a "young man". I was raised with ALL women and had to protect and keep it even. If I wasn't in a meaningless relationship or ons as a young man, I wasn't in a relationship. As a grown man, I really didn't know HOW to navigate a relationship with a woman I really cared about. It was really confusing and I had no idea wtf I was doing. Relapse and total career paralysis. It took a while, but I really have great forward momentum in areas I was always to afraid of. Excellent video 🫶🤙
My authentic self is a passive push over so I'm cooked. But if I pretend to be someone I'm not then I'm also cooked. So if you're not born with these traits or develop them while you're still young, then it's already over for you.
You can become someone different at any point. There is no "self", just a collection of thoughts, beliefs, and automated nervous system responses to those thoughts and beliefs.
@danielcole9070 So if there's no authentic self then just fake it till you make it because everyone's personality is just fluid and can change at a whim. Thank you for your advice. I guess the pick up artists were right all along.
@@zacar0nichange is never easy, it's a constant and neverending battle with who you were and who you want to be. You can embrace the process and carve out the life you want or you can take the easy way and sit here whining all fucking day in the comments section bro
Something that has helped me along the way was Gabor Mate's quote: "Trauma is who you're not" Your authentic self is likely repressed and it's possible you've never actually experienced it before; it's hidden away underneath all the bullshit you've learned to cope with a shitty environment. It's your task to rescue it and bring it back to its rightful place.
The untamable is pretty interesting and i would hopd there maybe a follow up video on that. Its a little difficult to wrap my head around because you start with some of the extreme examples like the dommy daddy boss from 50 Shades and your criminal deviant younger self, and end with more tame examples of solitary camping and sports. So it seems to me you're saying men should develop assertiveness and passion in life via activities that revolve around some risk and a test of either mental or physical limits. Or maybe just more generally find a cool hobby you love doing that has some challenge. Im a pretty risk-averse person myself so im trying to work on getting out of my comfort zone. A very basic somewhat "wild" thing i do is taking walks at night, at least its wild for me anyway. I take a walks at a local state park thats open till midnight and its nerve-wracking initially since my primal brain wants me to be cautious about people or creatures who may appear from the woods, but after awhile it is rather tranquil and a great way just to spend some time with myself. I know it sounds benign but whenever i talk to women about doing this they think im crazy, so apparently to most women its wild lol. Actually got the idea from reading about Hasidic Rabbis in the 18th century Ukraine who would walk in the woods at night to commune with God (the belief being that you actually find God in the dark rather than the light). Maybe finding this "wild" part ourselves could also be engaging ancient traditions that men used to partake as daily life? And it doesn't necessarily have to be something based on violence or strength like martial arts, it can be something as simple as camping or a nightwalk. I mean who better to teach you about finding the "wild" man in you than the wild's itself? Anyway, i def would be curious to hear more about that, i feel like there's a lot of methods to go about being untamed in nonlethal way.
I have my mission. But it's so scary that I have caught myself trying to subconsciously sabotage it by making the wrong risk taking decisions. How do I fix that?
‘Be dangerous but not a danger’ the second part is key! Taking risks and pushing boundaries is attractive for sure, so long as they don’t read as a betrayal to self, the relationship and your partner. I think some men that want to know this wild side better confuse exerting it as way of creating distance or only know it in destructive ways, and that ‘I won’t be your bitch’ attitude towards their partner. Woman want to see you in your strength, and being risky, but honestly, any healthy woman does not want to make you their bitch or domesticate you out of your masculinity. It’s not a power game. Women don’t want to feel like your parent you’re rebelling against either. Knowing how to be in that exciting and firey place is very attractive, but don’t burn down the house. There’s a big difference in that kind of untameable 😅
Maybe just to add. I think have your set of limits and boundaries is the most important. That can help avoid unhealthy relationship right away. Especially if you already a good career or you are attractive in some ways. I feel it can attract some unwanted type of womens and it's hard it understand at the very beginning relationships. The only way to protect yourself is with boundaries. And I would add, having a sort of predefined scope of what you are, what you are looking for, where you are going in life, what are your non negotiables. Certainly, a level of flexibility and excitement is very good. But thinking about that in advance, even righting it can help you see afterwards that maybe you are not on a path that makes sense. And you can regularly re-evaluate.
I'm only 23, I want men reading this comment to tell me what they wish they had done when they were 23.. And I'm going to make a list of the things that stand out the most to me, and I will do them to the best of my ability. You could also write about ur regrets or anything u want.
Hit the gym. Focus on your goals. Learn all the skills u can. Take courses. Join clubs. Focus on yourself not women. Once ur finding your way the women will come to u. Never lead with your wallet with women. Take your time with them. Be friends first. Figure out who they really are first. Find your purpose keep climbing that mountain don't look back. If your feeling comfortable you stop growing. Growth is uncomfortable. But it's satisfying. Go get it it won't come to u
Drop both those things and u will feel way better. Self control is powerful. It gives u inner strength. I dropped both things 3 months ago. No more masterbating. No more instant gratification. My mind is clear and I feel great. Have self discipline. This shows love for yourself. Your body and mind are temples. Don't fill them with garbage. Women will notice this about you. When I go out women approach me. My frame is better now. Good luck bro. You're stronger than u credit yourself. We are our own worst enemies.
The difficult conflict for me is that if I am unapologetically myself then I probably wont ever be viewed as untamable since I’m a firm believer in collaboration and open communication. I view the macho man gender norm as somewhat laughable and a sure sign of insecurity. But it sounds like that is necessary to be attractive? What about strength of mind and heart? I’ll never be a romance novel character and I don’t want to be though I enjoy motorcycles as much as the next guy😄
Standing out is a double edged sword, you can either be outed for being weird and youll be weird if you take it that way, or if you change your perspective you'll been seen as original
I have a question I've been wondering about (nothing to do with the video but maybe interesting to some). In the Gaming community there seem to be a lot of missguided hate towards women. Why is that? I have played games since the age of three. I can't remember a day of my live without it. Still I really don't understand why some men (mostly boys perhaps) are so angry or resentful against girls or women playing videogames. The girl could be as nice and sweet as ever but some can't stand her being around. Why? I never felt anything close to that. I mean.. Few boys treats his classmates like that or his sisters friends, so why is common online in games? Would be interesting to hear you guys thought about this. Have a great weekend everyone!
"Be unapologetically you" is such incredible advice that I'm not sure the young dudes will appreciate it until they are Connor's (or my) age. It doesn't mean you have a green light to be a terrible human but more embracing the type of person you find yourself to be. Anything else is self denial or self delusion.
One coworker called me strange and I responded with "im unapologetically myself" never regretted that
I would try that but “unapologetically” is a mouthful and honestly off putting to most people especially women
@@smoothduck7151 donno, I'm not a woman but I don't find it mouthful. I feel you are missing the point. The most people you are talking about and the women can dislike anything they please. No apologies on that.
@@smoothduck7151 it's not "I'm unapologetically myself, please like me" it's "I'm unapologetically myself, if you dislike anything about it, the door it there"
This was very helpful to listen to as a man who has been married for 25 years, struggling in the relationship. I didn't know why I was unattractive to my female partner. Every point that was discussed was truly eye-opening. I would like another discussion about a man maintaining his attractiveness to a current female relationship. A man can lose his attractiveness in a long term relationship.
True, my wife is a former Ms. Hawaii and now. 19 years married, she's cool but there is absolutely no spark.
I think it's about constantly challenge your self, constantly improving in what ever area that interests you. If you stop feeding yourself with new adventure and difficult tasks you don't grow. I'm 58 and I startede my own business two years ago, I'm learning new skills, taking singing lessons, practice public speaking. I get my ass out there, and the fun thing is, life becomes more interesting than chasing women to get approval.
@@1zcottI’ve wondered how married couples maintain that spark long term..? I mean, I tend to get bored of the women I date pretty quickly - I cannot imagine being with someone for 15-20 years
"Be untamable" dovetails in nicely with Jordan Peterson's reading of "the meek shall inherit the earth", meaning contextually "he who knows how to use his sword but keeps it sheathed shall inherit the earth".
I love this site. I'm pushing 70 and I finally know who I am, or at least am not afraid of showing it. A lot of this site is common sense and I can't believe how my relationship with women has improved.
Let's goooooooooo!!! 38 here.
We've got this!!!
Point n3 hits home strong...
Thanks Connor
I lost my dad to cancer last week and I've been thinking alot about what he taught me about being a man... the truth is, not much. He taught me fundamentally how to look out for myself by any means necessary but not a damn thing about how to be a man. The reason I bring this up is because I appreciate the teachings you're spreading here (this one in particular) and I want to teach my own son when he's ready some of these things. I don't want to offer the same disservice to him by letting him figure everything out himself in the usual way- being thrown to the wolves
I don't have a son and my Father is still alive yet I'm in the same position as you; my Father gave me absolutely fuck all in terms of how to be a man and just watched me fail whilst he satiated his alcoholism so I know the struggle of trying to crowd source that lost knowledge from the internet and internalising it.
Just wanted to let you know that I think the fact that you're making an effort to learn and better yourself and depart that knowledge into your kid makes all the difference between being a good Father and a wasteman.
Keep fighting the good fight.
@bb.buchanan that's very genuine of you to say and I appreciate it. You too anonymous friend, we got this. 🤙🏻.. two things that keep all the bullshit in perspective- You are under no obligation to be who you were yesterday. And I am whatever I choose to be. It's all a conscious choice to do just little bit better than yesterday
To all my dudes out there: Find direction, find purpose. Some of it you will find online but not always. Invest in yourself. Start learning about exercise, finances, emotional maturity…you can do it. My late teens and most of my 20s were just filled with anger. I felt things were owed to me. Trust in your process and also seek positive groups whether with friends or family (that helps a lot!)
The emotional sovereignty section is spot on. Great job articulating this!
I am really pleased I stumbled across that video. That just gives me a great confirmation on my behavior and my path.
That was some really fine reminders, thank you. It's the kind of straight up talk I give my guy mates. It was good to hear it said back for my benefit.
2:00 this relates to chapter 37 in The Way of the Superior man. “She wants the killer in you”
this is great advice, thank you
That was a good listen. Don’t be a jerk but be a man, be true to yourself and man up.
You are GREAT at what you do period!!
Big, Beasty, Unattainable, Wild person I am not and never will be. I am ME and I'm not sure who that is, but I am not those things. I understand women's fantasies and desires and I have no interest in presenting as those things. I will learn to sharpen my OWN masculine edge as 100% me. I am certainly not a "young man".
I was raised with ALL women and had to protect and keep it even. If I wasn't in a meaningless relationship or ons as a young man, I wasn't in a relationship. As a grown man, I really didn't know HOW to navigate a relationship with a woman I really cared about. It was really confusing and I had no idea wtf I was doing. Relapse and total career paralysis. It took a while, but I really have great forward momentum in areas I was always to afraid of. Excellent video 🫶🤙
I relate man. Only I had a meaningful relationship once and only now realising how I might have saved it
My authentic self is a passive push over so I'm cooked. But if I pretend to be someone I'm not then I'm also cooked. So if you're not born with these traits or develop them while you're still young, then it's already over for you.
You can become someone different at any point. There is no "self", just a collection of thoughts, beliefs, and automated nervous system responses to those thoughts and beliefs.
@danielcole9070 So if there's no authentic self then just fake it till you make it because everyone's personality is just fluid and can change at a whim. Thank you for your advice. I guess the pick up artists were right all along.
@@zacar0ni why so bitter friend ?
@@zacar0nichange is never easy, it's a constant and neverending battle with who you were and who you want to be. You can embrace the process and carve out the life you want or you can take the easy way and sit here whining all fucking day in the comments section bro
Something that has helped me along the way was Gabor Mate's quote: "Trauma is who you're not"
Your authentic self is likely repressed and it's possible you've never actually experienced it before; it's hidden away underneath all the bullshit you've learned to cope with a shitty environment. It's your task to rescue it and bring it back to its rightful place.
The untamable is pretty interesting and i would hopd there maybe a follow up video on that. Its a little difficult to wrap my head around because you start with some of the extreme examples like the dommy daddy boss from 50 Shades and your criminal deviant younger self, and end with more tame examples of solitary camping and sports. So it seems to me you're saying men should develop assertiveness and passion in life via activities that revolve around some risk and a test of either mental or physical limits. Or maybe just more generally find a cool hobby you love doing that has some challenge.
Im a pretty risk-averse person myself so im trying to work on getting out of my comfort zone. A very basic somewhat "wild" thing i do is taking walks at night, at least its wild for me anyway. I take a walks at a local state park thats open till midnight and its nerve-wracking initially since my primal brain wants me to be cautious about people or creatures who may appear from the woods, but after awhile it is rather tranquil and a great way just to spend some time with myself. I know it sounds benign but whenever i talk to women about doing this they think im crazy, so apparently to most women its wild lol. Actually got the idea from reading about Hasidic Rabbis in the 18th century Ukraine who would walk in the woods at night to commune with God (the belief being that you actually find God in the dark rather than the light). Maybe finding this "wild" part ourselves could also be engaging ancient traditions that men used to partake as daily life? And it doesn't necessarily have to be something based on violence or strength like martial arts, it can be something as simple as camping or a nightwalk. I mean who better to teach you about finding the "wild" man in you than the wild's itself?
Anyway, i def would be curious to hear more about that, i feel like there's a lot of methods to go about being untamed in nonlethal way.
I have my mission. But it's so scary that I have caught myself trying to subconsciously sabotage it by making the wrong risk taking decisions. How do I fix that?
‘Be dangerous but not a danger’ the second part is key! Taking risks and pushing boundaries is attractive for sure, so long as they don’t read as a betrayal to self, the relationship and your partner.
I think some men that want to know this wild side better confuse exerting it as way of creating distance or only know it in destructive ways, and that ‘I won’t be your bitch’ attitude towards their partner. Woman want to see you in your strength, and being risky, but honestly, any healthy woman does not want to make you their bitch or domesticate you out of your masculinity. It’s not a power game. Women don’t want to feel like your parent you’re rebelling against either.
Knowing how to be in that exciting and firey place is very attractive, but don’t burn down the house. There’s a big difference in that kind of untameable 😅
Maybe just to add. I think have your set of limits and boundaries is the most important. That can help avoid unhealthy relationship right away. Especially if you already a good career or you are attractive in some ways. I feel it can attract some unwanted type of womens and it's hard it understand at the very beginning relationships. The only way to protect yourself is with boundaries. And I would add, having a sort of predefined scope of what you are, what you are looking for, where you are going in life, what are your non negotiables. Certainly, a level of flexibility and excitement is very good. But thinking about that in advance, even righting it can help you see afterwards that maybe you are not on a path that makes sense. And you can regularly re-evaluate.
Know what kind of man you are ❤
If the game is rigged like that , I'm screwed
I'm only 23, I want men reading this comment to tell me what they wish they had done when they were 23..
And I'm going to make a list of the things that stand out the most to me, and I will do them to the best of my ability.
You could also write about ur regrets or anything u want.
I'm 24 and the thing I would tell myself is
GO SLEEP ALREADY IT'S 4AM YOU DUMB*SS
Hit the gym. Focus on your goals. Learn all the skills u can. Take courses. Join clubs. Focus on yourself not women. Once ur finding your way the women will come to u. Never lead with your wallet with women. Take your time with them. Be friends first. Figure out who they really are first. Find your purpose keep climbing that mountain don't look back. If your feeling comfortable you stop growing. Growth is uncomfortable. But it's satisfying. Go get it it won't come to u
What if “who I am” is someone who enjoys weed and porn but I’m working towards becoming a man that is not that. There’s inner conflict
As long as you are working towards being a better version of yourself.
Drop both those things and u will feel way better. Self control is powerful. It gives u inner strength. I dropped both things 3 months ago. No more masterbating. No more instant gratification. My mind is clear and I feel great. Have self discipline. This shows love for yourself. Your body and mind are temples. Don't fill them with garbage. Women will notice this about you. When I go out women approach me. My frame is better now. Good luck bro. You're stronger than u credit yourself. We are our own worst enemies.
@ You’ve literally described my life, never been more confident in myself than I am 4 months in.
The difficult conflict for me is that if I am unapologetically myself then I probably wont ever be viewed as untamable since I’m a firm believer in collaboration and open communication. I view the macho man gender norm as somewhat laughable and a sure sign of insecurity. But it sounds like that is necessary to be attractive? What about strength of mind and heart? I’ll never be a romance novel character and I don’t want to be though I enjoy motorcycles as much as the next guy😄
Be unapologetically you
The way of the superior man. Masculine not minuscule
Standing out is a double edged sword, you can either be outed for being weird and youll be weird if you take it that way, or if you change your perspective you'll been seen as original
Have money and status. I don’t care about this shit anymore it all bullshit.
Why comment then?
I have a question I've been wondering about (nothing to do with the video but maybe interesting to some).
In the Gaming community there seem to be a lot of missguided hate towards women. Why is that? I have played games since the age of three. I can't remember a day of my live without it. Still I really don't understand why some men (mostly boys perhaps) are so angry or resentful against girls or women playing videogames. The girl could be as nice and sweet as ever but some can't stand her being around. Why? I never felt anything close to that. I mean.. Few boys treats his classmates like that or his sisters friends, so why is common online in games?
Would be interesting to hear you guys thought about this. Have a great weekend everyone!
Men, learn to ride motorcycles, horses, learn to hunt, etc. It's not that hard.
You need to be a billionaire or six foot six, 260 with sleeve tattoos