Thank you for being so open about your vulnerability. You are not alone in the way you are feeling. Remember that authenticity can lead to deeper relationships, even with family. Stay true to yourself🙏✨💖
You might have put up a bunch of walls early on to protect you and ensure survival - _later_ in life they need to be taken down, brick by brick, to enable genuine *growth!* 🌱 Whishing you all the best. 🙏🏻💪🏻
Same. I got so good at burying the real me when I was a kid, that it ended up ruining my life as an adult. All without me realising why. Now at 47, I listen to Dr.Gabor’s wise words and it all makes sense. What a great man and mentor.
So true. I certainly did and after a period of mourning, I realized I am so much better off without the people I thought I lost but whom I never really had.
You've beautifully described common issue for many of us: the struggle between our external looks and our inside authenticity. It's a reminder that true happiness comes from being honest with ourselves, even if the rest of the world thinks differently. Thank you for sharing your point of view💕🙏✨💖
@@yourinnerchildmattersyou are right and it's hard. We are our own strictest judges. Our ego will not spare us if we stoop,lie or pretend. We must fight to the end.
At 57, it's starting to sink in, it's exhausting pleasing older toxic parents, all the empathy, understanding and kindness I show, do, is never enough. I starting to say NO. It's affected my health, and I need to be there for myself. I need to stop betraying myself. Much love ❤ thank you for these amazing insights.
Thank you for taking the time to share your truthfulness thoughts and experiences with us. It takes big bravery and self-awareness to figure out when it's time to prioritize your own well-being, especially when it involves setting boundaries with loved ones. I'm very sorry to hear you've been going through this challenging period with your parents. Constantly seeking approval and understanding from people who may not always reciprocate in the way we hope can be emotionally draining. Your decision to start saying "NO" to things and prioritizing your health is a brave step toward self-care and self-love. Self-care is not selfish; it is necessary for your overall well-being. You are not betraying anyone by looking after yourself; you are simply honoring your own needs, which is something to be proud of. Your story will definitely touch the hearts of others who are in similar situations, and your courage in sharing it is truly inspiring. Please know that you are not going through this alone. There is a community here that supports you, and we admire your bravery in starting on this path of self-compassion. If you ever need someone to listen to you or additional information, we're here to help. Sending you lots of love and strength on your path to self-discovery and healing. You are having an important impact on your own life. Bless You 💕🙏✨💖
Yes, the same here. I have my mom still her, my dad died last year. It was a relief, to be totally honest and it's the truth. Some folks should not have children, me including since I was broken and could not give my daughter all that I did'nt get. But I did not become my parents, thank god, and my daughter has always known that I love her more than life it self ❤ I'm starting to set boundaries for my mother now at 59, and it is frightening and liberating at the same time. I wish you the best of luck and good healing 🙏❤️ Stay true to yourself 🤸💃
@@AnneSpring05 Thank you so much for sharing your personal and true story. It takes bravery to come up about such experience, and your honesty is very much appreciated. I'm so sad to hear about your father's death, and I fully understand how complicated and difficult family dynamics can be. Your journey of self-reflection as well as growth is inspirational. It's clear that you care deeply about your daughter, which is a great testament to how strong you are inside. Setting boundaries, particularly with loved ones, can be a difficult but very important step toward self-care and personal improvement. Remember, it's not about cutting people out; it's about creating a better balance that will allow you to grow and continue to be the caring parent and person you are. Your message of well wishes and healing means a lot to me, and I would like to express those same wishes to you. May your journey of creating boundaries be both freeing and uplifting. Remember that keeping true to yourself is a strong gesture of self-love. I am sending you a virtual hug and my warmest support. We're all on our own paths, and your determination shines brightly.🤗❤take care and bless you more
Thank you for sharing this with us. It is never too late to take a moment to reflect on Dr. Gabor Maté's wisdom. No matter our age, life is a never-ending journey of self-discovery. I wish you many more enlightened moments in the future. Take care and have a nice day 🙏✨💖
Me too.. 82 and it really hits home how so much of my life has been an inauthentic struggle to please others for fear of the real Me being rejected. I feel worn out.
@@Helen-nv8el Thank you for taking the time to share your honest thoughts. Reflecting on a lifetime of authenticity requires a lot of guts. Remember that you are not alone in your journey, and being honest here is an important step toward self-acceptance. Take the time to nurture and rediscover your true self. Embrace your own self; you are worthy of love and acceptance just the way you are. Sending you love and strength on your journey to self-discovery.
People pleasing is a toxic trait, do not put yourself in situations that will compromise your integrity. Set boundaries, and take your wellbeing seriously.
You are absolutely correct! Setting boundaries and prioritizing our well-being is important for living a healthy, authentic life. Thank you for sharing this valuable reminder🙏✨💖
@@yourinnerchildmatters assuming that we have principles and boundaries in place that we hold to, can we not be a nice, pleasing person without compromising our integrity, as long as no lines are crossed? Seems more accurate to say that unregulated people pleasing can be toxic. True absolutes in life are few to me, but they are absolutes. And I like to avoid using vague, non-descript buzz words such a 'toxic' that are used to degrade without substance, evidence, or even definition.
Easy to say, but when pleasing has become a fractured part of your personality because of some sort of defence against trauma. The brain is a strange thing when it has learnt something over and over and convinces you that you need to do this in order to survive.. well "just not doing it" isn't really an option.
Self rejection is far more painful then losing the toxic, codependent relationships I had. It took me losing everything to get here and what a gift it is.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your very personal journey with us. Recognizing the need of self-acceptance and making the required changes, even if it means letting go of harmful relationships, requires big strength and courage. Your story is truly inspiring, and it reminds us all that sometimes losing everything brings to the discovery of our true selves and the best blessings life has to offer. Remember that you are not alone on this journey. Your experiences and willingness to share them here can provide support and encouragement to others who are going through similar difficulties. You've shown that healing and self-discovery are possible even in the darkest of situations. Please continue to take good care of yourself, and may your journey toward self-love and self-acceptance bring you all the happiness and joy you deserve.💕🙏✨💖
Thank you for reminding us of this very important issue! Setting boundaries and saying 'no' when necessary is a sign of self-respect and good relationships. 💪💙
Agree. But i think there are so many people pleaser say yes to manipulate with people for some reason. Then they play victim ..oh i did this and that ..i have that person at my work. Very toxic person. Me myself i am so easy to say no. No problem with that. No problem you are gonna like me or not. That is my peace of mind.
At the age of 45 I've only just become fully awake to how much of a people pleaser i have been. Both my parents are narcissists and brutalised the authentic me into absolute submission so I had no idea, or care, about who I was and what I needed. I've always put others first, even scumbags! I think of that now and I feel the tears coming again. Videos like this are so important for people in my situation so thank you so much for this. Each day is an opportunity to learn.
Your comment has really touched me, and I admire your bravery in sharing your story with us. Acknowledging and breaking free from people-pleasing patterns is a profound patterns, especially in the face of a challenging upbringing. It's never too late to rediscover your true self and put your needs first. Your vulnerability and strength are inspirational, and I'm glad the video resonated to you. Remember that every day is a new opportunity to learn and grow. If you ever wish to share more information or need help, our community is available to help. Thank you for being a part of this journey with us. 💖 Sending you lots of support, empathy, and love on your journey. Take care always!💕🙏✨💖
Me too the internal pain is awful as your sline with it as even crying has to be suppressed as not to uoset others your ca Ring for .absolute heartache .have a good cry when abke alone soldier on with our smiles and willingness enjoying the universe the huge sky at night dawn the wildlie seasons .im still planning wish i could help the world doing the best i can which is a lot since i had to depend on myself since young with so much trauma and violance because you never want to burden others be seen as weak.
I had this too nice problem. Then I got very unwell with anxiety and depression. When I came through that I soon learned to say no and get stronger personal boundaries.
thank you so much for sharing your experience. Overcoming anxiety and depression requires lot of courage, and your story has really inspired me. Learning to say 'no' and establish personal boundaries is an important step toward self-care and mental health. Your story will undoubtedly help many people who are going through similar difficulties. I wish you continued happiness and strength on your journey of recovery and self-discovery. 🌟💪
To anyone reading this, I hope you find peace and joy. You may have betrayed yourself in the past but the future holds so much potential for you. You are finally waking up to what has kept you unhappy for so long. Your inner child thanks you for your relentless search for meaning. Love to you all ❤
Thank you for sharing these beautiful and heartfelt message. The message you are sending radiates positivity and hope, and it serves as a reminder that we are all able to achieve progress and self-discovery. Your words of encouragement shine a light on anyone who is going through a difficult period or doubting their path. Indeed, we all have moments when we feel betrayed by ourselves, but your message highlights the need of self-forgiveness and going forward with purpose. Your words reflect your goodness and love, and they have the potential to uplift and inspire people who read them. May you continue to share love and positiveness through the comments and throughout your own life journey. In return, please accept my heartfelt love and appreciation. ❤️💕🙏✨💖
Thank you. But I font think it's a betray. I grew up with a mental ill parent. Never asked for one. I started to behave in a way so I could be at ease ( but felt dis ease a lot ) 😢 you never do or think negative on purpose. It's more that I didn't believe anymore, that I was ok and loved for who I was. I felt loved for how I acted for others. For there needs. I still can be very angry when my daughter gets words with me. Then I feel enormous sadness or guilt. 😢 I blame myself for acting like my parents did. But I speak to her about it and that I always will love her❤ it's a process , this becoming authentic again. But I have faith 🙏 I feel by the choices I make, I'm getting there more and more ❤ namaste!
It is true! I have lost my ‘friends’ even my ‘best friend’ when i started to say no and finally stood up for myself by not taking bs anymore.. i felt alone and hurt for a while, but now i am so proud of myself and yes, those people are not in my life anymore, but I don’t miss them, i feel free! No more pleasing, just being me and love myself and open for healthy relationships and true friends and love! ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful bravery and inspiring experience with us. Your story is an important reminder that sometimes, in order to fully find ourselves and welcome true happiness into our lives, we must be prepared to let go of individuals who do not respect or encourage our growth. It takes big bravery to say NO, create boundaries, and prioritize self-respect. Many of us can relate to feeling alone and hurt for a while, but your commitment and self-love have brought you to a beautiful place of freedom and authenticity. Your comment symbolizes the human spirit's strength and the transformation that can happen when we prioritize our own well-being. It's good to hear that you're now looking for healthy relationship and genuine friends who will love and support you for who you are. Remember that you are worthy of love and respect, and your journey can serve as an inspiration to those who are going through similar situations. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and positivity with us. I wish you continuous self-acceptance, happiness, and the wonderful connections you deserve🙏✨💖
This is the health advice you won’t hear from a doctor. I healed from my incurable arthritic autoimmune disease and it wasn’t some magical pill or procedure. It began with a paradigm shift and taking accountability for my actions and putting individual self ahead of the toxic people I was raised around. Our families are often the ones that hold us back.
That's a powerful adventure you've gone on! It takes tremendous courage to undertake the kind of paradigm shift you outlined and prioritize your own well-being. The story you share will inspire many others who are facing similar situations. True, sometimes the most transformative healing comes from inside. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Your honesty and courage shine through, and it reminds us that we have the ability to control our health and happiness. Continue to shine brightly, and may your journey be filled with happiness and self-discovery. 💪🌟
I have had rheumatoid arthritis for 44 years. I am a people pleaser but I became more myself in my 30s. I have fatigue and OCD. How did you cure your arthritis? The damage to my joints can't be cured. I am now 50.
My two sisters and brother rejected me for having a kid, now i know why! Their loss 100% as ive now detached from them and at peace with it. Focus on people who lift you up in life, not tear you down due to their insecurities.
I'm sad to read of your family's rejection, but I appreciate your bravery and determination in creating your own road to happiness and peace. You are completely correct-surrounding yourself with people who encourage and support you is needed to living a good life. Your journey may serve as an inspiration to others who are facing similar issues. I wish you continuous strength and positivity on your journey ahead🙏✨💖
My mom gave me hell for having a baby out of wedlock. Fast forward to now, she is 89 and has dementia. In the beginning stages she blurted out she had a baby and gave it up for adoption before she met my dad. Turned out to be true. She was projecting and using me as a punching bag for her guilt.
We can do this together, I dethatched from my mother, father, brother and the possibility of knowing my nieces.....I refused to pretend to be a straight, christian, man like them. We are far better off without controlling people in our lives demanding we be miserable like them.
I kept in toxic friendships because i knew these friends really liked me...Then I suddenly thought, of course they like me - I am always there for them . When I switched it around and for once thought about ME and saw they hardly reciprocated or gave me any time, it was much easier to walk away.
I truly understand your situation. It can be difficult to accept that you must sometimes prioritize yourself and your well-being. You made the brave choice to leave unhealthy friendships, which is an important first step toward a healthier, happier life. Your sense of self-worth is important, and I admire you for realizing it. 💪🌟💖
The person I called my friend, always there to advise her all the time, but whenever I seek advice from her, or tell her my problem, she would always ask me, what do you want to do now? Oh dear, if I knew what to do I wouldn't be contacting you, one day I said No, and I've been happy with myself,
'You are more important than your attachments.' This is so true. Being your authentic self, is to love yourself, and if your "friends" can't handle that, then they were never your true friends anyway.
Thank you for giving such an insightful perspective! You are correct: embracing our authentic selves is the key to self-love and attracting meaningful relationships. It's an important reminder, and I appreciate your point of view. Stay true to yourself, and you'll attract the right people into your life. 🌟
This video has gotten me teary-eyed 😢 because I now realize I truly have no friends (those who’ll embrace my “no”), only folks I must always please, or else…
I'm really touched to hear that this video resonated to you on such a deep level. It can be really difficult to figure out when we are in situations where we feel obligated to please others. Remember that you are not alone in your feelings. Many of us go through moments in which we recognise the value of true relationships and friendships. It's important to accept your true self and your "no." True friends will accept your boundaries and support you for who you are rather than what you do for them. As you move through life and become more in touch with your real self, you will naturally attract individuals who respect and value you for precisely that.I encourage you to use this understanding to help you make more meaningful connections in your life. It may take some time to discover the right friends, but it is always worthwhile. Meanwhile, never underestimate your own ability to be your own best friend and winner. You are more resilient and stronger than you think, and this awareness can be an opportunity for great change in your life💕🙏✨💖🥰, bless you dear and take care 💕🙏✨💖🥰
Daddy mommy issues, Abandonment issues, reject, child sexual abuse, depression people pleasing, toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse brought me anger resentment, autoimmune illnesses literally bed ridden unable to walk for 8 years. I’m now learning how to say no and be gentle with myself through my healing and forgive my parents and loved ones
Thank you for sharing such a truly personal and courageous journey with us. Your words are proof to your amazing strength, as you've overcome a variety of obstacles and are now on a path of healing and self-compassion. It takes a lot of guts to tackle situations like the ones you've highlighted. Recognizing and accepting these sensations is an important beginning toward healing. Learning to say no and be kind with oneself may be a life-changing experience, and it's a path that needs to be appreciated. Your willingness to forgive, not just your parents, but also yourself and your loved ones, demonstrates your maturity and resilience. Forgiveness is a powerful act of self-liberation that reflects your strength and wisdom. Remember that recovery is not an easy task, and it's entirely normal to experience ups and downs along the journey. Your story can serve as an encouragement to those who are going through similar difficulties. You are not alone on this path, and there is an online community of people who want to help you. If you ever want to share more or have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact us. Your opinion and experience are valuable. I'm sending you a virtual hug and best wishes on your healing journey🙏✨💖
I heard this once. "Be a parent to yourself." Which basically means, do for yourself what you would have liked from your parents. Encourage yourself. Be patient and kind to yourself. It has really helped me to shift the focus away from what my parents did or did not do. And, instead to focus on what I need. Knowing what I need as a human also helps me to set boundaries with manipulative people. Honestly, not being around toxic people is the best boundary( as much as possible.)
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your comments! I feel grateful that this video resonated to you and made you think. Isn't it amazing how our perceptions on life change as we grow? We typically create strong ties to many things in our lives as children, and they certainly contain value. However, as we grow older, we begin to realize that our true worth rests within us, beyond these attachments. It's a lovely journey of self-discovery. I'm glad you found the content useful, and I hope it continues to inspire you on your journey of self-awareness and improvement. Please share any additional insights or reflections you may have; I'd love to hear them. I wish you a journey filled with self-discovery, growth, and happiness. 💫💕🙏✨💖
My illnesses that completely vanished once I healed. Anxiety, depression, ptsd, suicidal tendencies. Severe heart arrhythmia. IBS and severe dry eye pain. 🎉 When I learned to say no I lost every single person in my life. My entire family though is and was very very toxic! The little friends I had, one no out of me they were gone. Was it lonely ? Yes very.. for a while. I kept healing and loving who is was becoming. Lonely is just a label our minds put out. It’s a thought that give an emotion but the core of the emotions / feelings is always neutral ❤ once you really get rid of labels!
I'm inspired by your story and the courage you've shown in healing. It's impressive how much you've overcome, even in the face of loneliness. Your story serves as a powerful reminder that self-love and healing are worthwhile efforts. Thank you for sharing your inspirational story with us.🌟
I'm deeply touched by your comment, and I'd want to express my heartfelt empathy for the difficulties you've went through. Life can be really difficult at times, and it takes great courage to stay positive in the face of such hardship. Cancer in your early 30s followed by brain tumors is an extremely challenging journey and I can only imagine how difficult it has been for you. You've clearly faced these problems with amazing bravery. Being a people pleaser and feeling used can be tiring emotionally. Remember that it's okay to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. You deserve to be surrounded by people who love and accept you for who you are.Please know that you are not alone in this situation. Many of us are going through difficult times, and sharing your story here can be a source of inspiration and connection for those who are going through similar challenges. This community is here for you if you ever want to discuss or share more. Your bravery and resilience are admirable, and I'm sending you all the positive vibes and virtual support. Take care of yourself and stay strong. With best wishes from Your Inner Child Matters channel🙏✨💖
What's even worse is that older siblings who suppress their own authenticity then viciously suppress signs of it in their younger siblings at a level worse than the parents.
I appreciate your perspective on the video, and I'm glad it resonated to you. It is true that we must sometimes let go of things that no longer serve us, and this may be a liberating experience. Feel free to share more about your journey or thoughts at any time. We're here to help and interact with you✨💖
I'd want to express my deepest appreciation for sharing such a personal and important aspect of your life with us. It takes huge toughness and courage to address toxic situations, especially when family is involved. Your journey in seeking health and create boundaries following counseling is admirable. It breaks my heart to hear that you had to face such difficulties, including being disinherited for prioritizing your own well-being. Remember that you are not alone in this experience, and that many others have faced similar challenges. Being open about it can bring comfort as well as support to those who are going through the same challenges. Setting boundaries and seeking counseling are important steps toward healing, and I hope you continue receiving the love and support you need in your life. Your resilience shows through your words, and I believe that your story can motivate others to take steps toward their own recovery and well-being. Thank you for being a part of this community and sharing your story with us. Please know that you may always reach out and connect with others who understand what you've been through in this supportive area. On your journey to a healthier and happier life, I wish you strength, healing, and happiness🙏✨💖
It's better to lose all the money in the world then to 'keep in touch' with a demonic entity that just wants to bleed you dry. Keep your sanity. Money isnt worth peace. Peace is priceless.
after few years finally I understand how to apply the message to my situation. It's amazing how addiction/obsession (call it what ever you want) point to forgiveness, love, indulgence, care, truth, resilience etc... so much time to open my eyes, so much time to clean up the mess. Better later than never
Absolutely! You've wonderfully expressed the essence of self-care and self-respect. Setting boundaries and saying 'no' to others can be difficult, but it's also greatly liberating when we acknowledge we're prioritizing our own well-being and needs. Remember, this is not selfishness; it is self-love. 🌼💕 Anyone who is suffering with this should remember that it is a journey, and it is good to take small steps toward finding that balance. Your needs and satisfaction are also important! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us.😊✨ Bless you 💕🙏
I have chosen authenticity instead the atachment and it is the best present I have ever gave myself! I am healty and happy, and new connections that are in accordance with my authenticity came to my life ❤❤ ❤ Be brave, coose your self, chose life instead of living death!
That is really inspiring to hear! 🌟 Your journey to authenticity is empowering, and your positive energy is shining through. Continue to embrace your true self, and may your life be full with health, happiness, and meaningful connections. Thank you for sharing your experience! ❤️😊
I must have got a lot more love than I thought because people pleasing has never been a problem for me. If you don’t like me or something I said that’s your problem. I feel very safe saying what I need to say.
Thank you for sharing your viewpoint! It's lovely to hear that you feel safe and comfortable expressing yourself authentically. Keep being true to yourself, and remember that your voice matters. ✨💖
Due to my people pleasing nature and not having the courage to have boundaries I decided back when I was 28 to be alone and im now 50. My parents despised me as a child I was the scapegoat
I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you've faced, and I appreciate your openness in sharing your story. It takes a lot of guts to talk about such private issues. It sounds like you've gone through a lot, and it's understandable that you prioritize your well-being by creating boundaries and choosing detachment. It's never easy when family dynamics are complicated and being the scapegoat can be painfully uncomfortable. Remember, though, that your worth is not defined by how others perceive or treat you. You have made a brave decision to give priority to your own mental and emotional wellness. It's never too late to change your mind or find new companionship. Your life is yours, and you have the power to shape it in a way that brings you happiness and fulfillment. Your journey is unique, and you deserve peace and contentment. Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope you get the support and understanding you needed along the way. 💕🙏
@@korger1481I am a Christian too and get sick a lot because of being p*ssed off. I get UTI's. Louisa Hay said similar things to this Doctor. I think it is a biblical theme. You body and mind both suffer together.
It's so cruel how people have their identity robbed twice, in childhood and in adulthood with the irony that they then give so much to others and yet are owed so much themselves 😢
I completely understand the pain and unfair it can be to have one's identity challenged, both as a child and as an adult. Your comments resonates deeply, and it's painful to consider the dedication and bravery needed to offer so much to others while often feeling unappreciated. You are not alone in your feelings, and your empathy radiates through the comments you make. Sending you a virtual hug and wishing you better days ahead.🙏✨💖
Putting children into adult roles is like forcing someone to take a shortcut and then expecting them to recall details of the longer route when they get to a destination they didn’t choose.
You of my friends said “if you say yes to the person you are probably saying no to yourself” I have all your books read them all,except “the myth of normal”which I may start this weekend thank you for your amazing work You have a lot of people following you in the West of Ireland 🇮🇪
Im starting on a journey to reconnect with myself. I have chronic fatigue and everything is all starting to make sense now. Im beginning to fully understand whats caused this and how i can work through it. Its going to be a long one but i will get there❤
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience with us. To go on a journey of self-discovery, especially when struggling with chronic fatigue, needs great courage and self-awareness.🌟 I'm very happy to hear that things are beginning to make sense for you and that you're gaining a greater understanding of what's been causing your problems. Remember that while this journey may be long, each step you take puts you closer to a healthier and happy you. Your determination is wonderful, and your willingness to share your experience will definitely resonate with others who are going through similar difficulties. Remember that you are not alone on the journey and that we are here to help you every step of the way.💪If you have any specific questions or need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to get in touch with us. We're cheering for you, and I'm positive you'll make it to where you want to be. I'm sending you a lot of positive energy and best wishes as you rediscover and reconnect with yourself. ✨💖
He's gold this man. A doctor with empathy and compassion and deep understanding of addiction. Probably the most outstanding doctor to have ever lived in this field of medicine. Devoting his life to addiction and mental health studies. And how best go about treatment. And knock stigma away etc. Doctors who employ cutting off a patient's supply imo should be sacked or put in there place. All it does is cause the patient to distrust all doctors from that time onward, and the patient will re offend. I know this, as that was done to me and now I am worse than before in deeper than ever before.
Your comment perfectly reflects the heart of the video and Dr. Gabor's significant impact on so many lives. It's inspiring to watch someone who is not only a dedicated medical expert but also possesses the uncommon traits of empathy, compassion, and profound insight. Your insight on the importance of treating addiction with care and dignity is priceless. It's disappointing to hear that you had a bad experience with a different strategy in the past, and I'm truly sorry to hear that it made you feel even worse. Your personal experience emphasizes the essential significance of a more sympathetic and understanding approach to addiction treatment. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights. Your voice matters, and by speaking up, you're making a contribution to an ongoing discussion that can lead to positive change in the field of addiction medicine. Please keep in mind that you are not alone, and that there are people who truly care about your well-being. Please do not hesitate to reach out to us if you ever feel like sharing more about your journey or if you have any inquiries. We're here to help one another and work toward a future in which people suffering from addiction receive the care and understanding they deserve✨💖
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thank you I didn't think what I said was that deep but I guess it is. I have had big issues since the negative experience. a And it threw me into the arms of greater dependence on opioids. I do suffer chronic pain and illness. I wouldn't mind speaking to someone because I feel so alone and I don't want to sound like a drag but I have had allot of trauma since 2018 and further back but the failure in a relationship was like the last nail and I wasn't doing what I am now. I 1st heard about Dr Gabor in 2008? I just happened on a video of him speaking and I thought wow he knows. I then found him on Facebook but I stay away from that platform now. I rather stay anonymous I do risk losing quite a bit if not. Thank you for your kind msg I really expected nothing it's not the 1st time I have written such words. Thank you
“You are more important than your attachments.” Really hearing that and taking that in… it might seem counterintuitive but, wow, it’s not and there is the challenge on full display.
Detaching from our attachments might be difficult, but it can often be the pathway to the greatest freedom and self-discovery. Thank you for sharing your honesty and vulnerability. Continue to embrace your real self-discovery journey! 🌟
I am learning to express my thoughts, feelings and preferences in a respectful way. Thus is what authenticity means to me. And I am still discovering new truths abut myself.
your willingness to express your thoughts and feelings respectfully is truly impressive. Continue to embrace those new realities about yourself; they are the treasure that that make you unique. I wish you continued success and self-awareness💕🙏✨
I am probably one on the top 5% of people pleasers on this planet. If I become myself people start to dislike me immediately. The worst thing about it is i'm a empath to put the cherry on top. So everyone's problems climb into my head. I'm overworked, burnt out and tired of life. I try to stay away from other people to avoid saying yes. My body and mind is sick. I don't think I will live to old age. This video is 100% true. If you can, listen to this.
I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings here. It sounds like you're going through a very difficult and complicated time. I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggle, and many individuals can relate to the feelings of being people pleaser and the effect that it may take on one's mental and physical health. To begin, it is important to acknowledge that self-care is not selfish. Self-care should be the top priority, and it is not anything to be ashamed of. You, like everyone else, have the right to happiness and well-being.It's good that you acknowledge your empathy, but it's also important that you set boundaries to protect your own mental and emotional health. Saying "no" when necessary does not make you a bad person; it is a protective measure for your own well-being. If you're feeling overburdened and burned out, seek help, whether from a therapist, counselor, or a trusted friend or family member. Discussing your feelings and experiences can provide helpful insights and strategies for coping.I'm happy that you found the video helpful, and I hope you'll continue to explore for tools and ways to support you on your path to healing and self-discovery. You are not alone in your journey, and there are people and resources to help you along with your journey. Please take care of yourself and let me know if you ever need to talk. 💫💕🙏✨
I was never abused, thank goodness. But I certainly never started to learn to be myself until I reached my forties. Took me so long to even see the problem. This simple fact leads a person to spend their entire life heading in the wrong direction. Very important lesson. ❤
I absolutely understand how difficult it may be to find your true self, especially after so many years. It is never too late to explore and explore your own self. Begin by considering your passions, interests, and what actually offers you joy. Surround yourself with good people and try new things. Remember that self-discovery is a lifelong process, and it is never too late to begin this great adventure. 💪🌟
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thanks. Yes, I'm doing this. The story you presented resonates closely with mine. In 2006 I was diagnosed with a kidney disease and told I had approximately until 2016 until I would either replace my kidney or die. I waited until 2014 to quit my job and I've been exploring ever since. Not working, but living, getting closer to the path sometimes and falling off often. But happier. I have a supportive wife and that really helps 💕 although it also very often brings up the same issues of pulling in different directions. But, that's life 🙃 Oh, and I'm still on the same old kidneys 🤞. Thanks for the love you bring on your channel. Interesting to see all the comments, including yours. That's a lot of commitment from you 😇
Thank you so much for taking us along on your great journey. The story you tell symbolizes the power of dedication and the importance of enjoying life to the fullest, especially when faced with challenges in life. It's truly inspiring how you took charge of your life in 2014, deciding to explore and appreciate every minute. The fact that you've found happiness despite the ups and downs reflects your strength and determination. Having a supportive partner, such as your wife, is a true blessing indeed. Relationships can have their challenges, but it's undoubtedly that your connection and love have helped you get through them.And the fact that you're still going strong with your original kidneys is is nothing short of amazing! 🤞 Your lovely compliments regarding my channel have truly touched me. Your participation and the stories you share make it all worthwhile. We're a community here, and your presence is appreciated more than you know.😇 Please continue to discover, live, and to cherish every moment. Your path has been an inspiration to all of us. On this beautiful journey known as life, I wish you continued health, happiness, and love with your wife. 💕🌟 Take care always 💕🙏
@@dm4728 we all gotta have a seed there somewhere, right? Some inner voice - the one that so easily got crushed. It's still there, just gotta nurture it. Never get back onto the right trajectory but get to a good spot, that's gotta be the objective, surely?
I'm impressed by your bravery in sharing this deeply personal experience here. It takes lots of courage to open up about such difficult issues, and I want you to know that you are not alone.Living with lupus and fibromyalgia, on top of past experiences with an abusive parent, is a heavy burden to carry. I'm sorry to hear you've had problems in your marriage as well. It's sad when someone we trust ends up bringing greater harm. Remember that you are a survivor, and your ability to tell a story demonstrates how strong you are. If you ever feel comfortable doing so, seeking support from friends, family, or professionals who specialize in dealing with trauma and chronic illnesses could be a positive step. Please know that there are communities online and offline filled with people who understand what you're going through and are willing to offer support and guidance. You don't have to carry this burden alone. If you have any specific questions or if there's anything you'd like to discuss further, please feel free to reach out. Your voice matters, and your story can inspire and help others who may be facing similar challenges. Wishing you strength, healing, and brighter days ahead. 💕🙏✨💖
Me too. I used to always try to get people to like me but, all that happened was they saw me as a person who cd be taken advantage of. I am just starting to put up boundaries.
I absolutely get where you're coming from. It's difficult to create boundaries when you're constantly trying to please others, and it's encouraging to hear that you're working on it now. It's an important first step toward self-care and self-respect. Continue to prioritize yourself!💪😊
Thank you, Dr. Maté, for this crucial information! Growing up I tried to voice objection to my mother's exclusive focus on my sister, but was ignored so completely from early childhood that I quickly learned to stop trying, and my military dad was never around. As an adult, my younger brothers always said not to talk about it and to do what would "keep the family together." But Dr. Maté is so right: Our bodies lets us know! For me, it helped that my mother apologized on her deathbed after listening about my sister's psychopathic enjoyment of it all. No doubt many of us need to talk to one or more professionals at some point in our lives, but few of us do. Decades later, I'm just now starting to feel better, so definitely want to hear the next videos, "How to Reconnect with Yourself" and "Being Too Nice Will Kill You"!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and personal insights. It takes great courage to reflect on oneself, especially in moments of high emotion. Your journey in learning self-control resonates, and your honesty about the challenges, like trying to delete emotional responses, is deeply relatable. It's a powerful realization that embracing our emotions, rather than suppressing them, is key to understanding and navigating our internal landscapes. Your vulnerability and openness contribute to a shared understanding, and I appreciate your willingness to be a part of this conversation. Wishing you continued strength and growth on your path💖🙏
I needed a this desperately this afternoon. I have been trying to stay in the moment this morning. This grounded me. I am full of poor physical health. I have chronic PTSD, anxiety and panic disorder. I have dee clinical depression I mentally beat myself u. I needed to hear these words.
I feel very grateful to hear that our video could help you with comfort during a difficult moment. It takes huge courage to confront the obstacles you face, especially when you have persistent PTSD, anxiety, panic disorder, and clinical depression. Remember that you are not alone on this path, and that many others understand including me and sympathize with your difficulties. It's okay to feel overwhelmed or like you're being too hard on yourself. What matters is that you're taking steps to stay present and seek out resources that can help you center yourself. Self-compassion plays a key role in these situations, and I'm happy that the words in the video resonated to you. Please continue to reach out to your support network and specialists who can help you manage your mental health. You are deserving of knowledge and healing, and your bravery in sharing your experience can encourage others who are suffering similar issues. If you ever need more support or a listening ear, reach out here or to the community that surrounds this video. We're here for you!💕
My heart goes out to you and your family. I have also experienced loss due to cancer. I used to have flashbacks of suffering of last few weeks. Trust me, Pain will become bearable as the time passes.
Your lovely comments and shared experience have truly touched me. Knowing that time can help heal the hurt means a lot. Thank you for your empathy and support.
There is a big difference between being a people pleaser and having the philosophy of The Golden Rule. I use the golden rule daily (treat others like you want to be treated) and my life generally flows with effortless ease…because it is physics…what you do…good or bad…comes back to you amplified. EVERY ACT REWARDS ITSELF.
Thank you for sharing your point of view! It's lovely to hear how The Golden Rule philosophy has helped your life. Treating others with kindness and consideration can produce a positive impact on others. Continue to spread the wonderful feelings! 😊🌟
@hertzair1186: When u become a people pleaser u more than likely do out of love or sympathy for a person but it goes on along with becoming closer to that person till one day u realize what’s happening.
I made a mistake as a young child and told my mom that it didn't seem like my dad loved me. He raged over me, yelling that he loved me while shoving his finger in my face. I learned NOT to be my real self as a child. I tried very hard not to be like my parents when raising my son.
I'm so sorry to hear about your traumatic childhood experience. It takes a lot of bravery to share such personal stories, and I appreciate you doing so. You've clearly learned from your mistakes and made a conscious decision to be a better parent to your son. Breaking the cycle and working to create a different, more loving atmosphere for your child is admirable. Childhood experiences may leave a major effect on our lives, and it is not uncommon for us to continue carrying those memories and lessons into adulthood. Remember that you are defined by your decisions and actions in the present and future, not by your past. Thank you for sharing your story, and I wish you continued success in achieving your goal to be a loving and caring parent to the child you are raising. If you ever need help or someone to talk to, please know that you are not alone and that there are resources that can help you including me. Always take care, bless you and your family 💕🙏✨💖👪
My dad never told me he loved me. But he showed his love for me every single day, and always supported me. Sometimes he bailed me out when I did not deserve it etc.....love is a strange word sometimes, and hopefully there are other ways you can remember your father away from those moments. Sometimes, just working and providing every day is love too. I can feel the pain in your statement though, and as an elementary school teacher, I can honestly tell you that I did yell at one of my students about 20 years ago.....not a year passes by since then that I don't recall that moment, in shame, and promise myself to never again ever do that. You can multiply the volume of a grown-up voice by a million, and I don't think it comes close to what the child is experiencing when they recieve it. Best wishes.
@@wreckim thank you for reminding me that there were good times. I tell myself every day that my parents did the best they could, but sometimes it's hard to remember.
I’m the exact opposite of a people pleaser. My mother suffered. She died at 45, in large part due to the people pleasing traits expressed by doctor Gabor here. She had a lot of medical issues too, obviously. In comparison, I’ve only recently discovered compassion. It’s not a good thing to be a selfish prick. But only the good die young. So, what doctor Gabor is saying rings true.
I'm very sorry to learn about your mother's suffering and untimely death. Her experiences clearly had a great impact on you, and it's admirable that you're now embracing compassion. Never forget that it is never too late to make great changes in our lives. Dr. Gabor's message is meaningful to many people, and it's encouraging to hear that you appreciate it as well. I wish you a journey full of empathy and growth.🌟 ✨💖
My precious Mother died from l👀king after EveryOne before herSelf.. that’s the thing with putting EveryOne 1st, you’ve taught them YOU come 2nd.. 👎 I learnt so MUCH from my dear Mother’s mistakes.. bless her beautiful MUCH missed soul 💔
fight, flight, freeze, fawn response. fawn response = people pleasing All four results came from being attacked, stress level rised and how to survive that. Sometimes you are able to fight, sometimes to flight is better and sometimes you can't do anything of both and to stay alive it's better to freeze and to freeze is the result of trauma. If that doesn't work, perhaps because there isn't one big trauma but a lot of small traumas that have something to do with chronic problems of bonding, you have to get into fawn response.
Thank you for explaining the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses. You did an excellent job of explaining the complexities of our survival instincts and how they connect to trauma. It is important that we all understand these responses since they can have a significant impact on our lives. Your viewpoint brings important dimension to this conversation, and I thank you for it. Please feel free to share any other insights or experiences. We can all learn from each other's viewpoints. Best wishes on your journey💕🙏✨💖
I go to my Angel's when I know there is no person I can trust or no person that can understand me . I came to this earth from a place that knows none of the pain this world seethes in . There is some one out there we can truly trust .
Fascinating. Three and a half years ago I was given a maximum of three more years to live. The cancer's not gone according to monitoring but it hasn't bothered me for that time now and I've been off the prescribed therapy for a couple of years because the side effects were just too much for me to deal with. And interestingly I have spent the past several years saying no to many requests from others I would previously have said yes to. And I have become much lazier now as I see it.
The story you shared really resonated with me, and I want to show you my admiration for your resilience and courage. It's wonderful how you've handled such a difficult situation with such grace and bravery. It's clear that you've chosen choices that prioritize your physical and mental well-being, which is so important. When life throws us unexpected unexpected challenges, we learn to appreciate its simpler and more meaningful parts. Your story serves as a reminder to all of us to value our time and energy, and to prioritize self-care. It's totally okay to say no to requests that might have been a yes in the past. Your health and happiness come first, and it's important to respect your own needs and boundaries. Accepting a slower pace and making time for yourself is an important aspect of your journey. Thank you for sharing your experience. Your courage and knowledge inspire me, and I wish you continuing comfort, happiness, and good health on your unique journey. 💕🌟
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thankyou for your kind words. have too many unfinished projects to complete. I am currently writing a program for one of my electronic projects.
Good and kind hearted people are the only people that can see humanity for what it really is it’s like asking, is life worth living or dying? find a good person and ask them that question
Adding: the other day while in the bathtub I started crying (one issue my 1st grandson 21yrs old has Long Covid) then I felt little girl Mary, the tears slowed down now the somewhat wise Mary held the child "yes I know it's years that you've been waiting, it's okay I'm more centered, being quiet (I chatter constantly), no more drinking I really am present. TY universe this video came up & Dr. Gabor Maté, peace light and love
Your sincere comment has truly touched me. Addressing your emotions and connecting with your inner self takes immense power. Your story has resonated with many people, and I'm happy that this video and Dr. Gabor Maté may be a part of your path to peace and self-discovery. In return, I send you all my love, light, and peacefulness. 💕✨
TMI maybe but I was in a (new) very abusive relationship a couple years ago and I got extremely constipated. I’ve never in my adult life dealt with that issue because I eat healthy and drink the necessary amount of water, I’m active etc. But I was constipated for a week and nothing I tried was helping, I felt awful. I definitely took notice that something in my life was causing this and recognized what it was and i started to get better. Luckily I was only in that relationship for 6 months, but even that was too long. I listen to my body whenever any physical symptoms crop up.
I feel very grateful that you shared your personal story with us. Thank you for your bravery and honesty. It's interesting how our body may occasionally alert us to the emotional and psychological impact of a certain situation. Your ability to listen to your body and identify that something in your life was causing this problem demonstrates your self-awareness and strength. Abusive relationships may have a huge impact on both our physical and mental health, so I'm glad you were able to notice the issue and take action to get out of it. Your story may encourage others going through similar situations to pay attention to their own well-being and seek help and support when necessary. Remember that you are not alone, and that there are people and resources available to help you on your path to healing and recovery. Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope you will continue to prioritize your health and well-being. You are worthy of all the love and pleasure in the world.💕
Im 45 years old and I started to discover my true self 3 years ago, and you find out quickly that even family that you know loves you, loves with conditions! It's a lonely road but the more I spend time meditating and connecting to the tru self I get more love light energy then any family member could ever give me! Im talking loving blissful energy from the creator. It's there waiting for all of us to reconnect.
Your comment and your path to self-discovery have really touched me. It can be a lonely walk, especially when it appears that affection from family comes with strings attached. But your journey back to your authentic self and experiencing that loving, beautiful energy is truly wonderful. Remember that you are not alone on this journey; many of us are looking for that connection as well. Continue to embrace the creator's love and light, and I wish you continued growth and happiness on your journey. 💫🌟
"The path to recovery starts with restoring the connection to your true self." That statement rings true and even has beauty. Are there any books or programs that can help us along that path? I am a product of trauma very early in life and have learned to live with my limitations, but truly wish to be free. I just don't know how.
I'm happy to hear that the phrase resonated with you, and I completely understand your longing for healing and freedom. You are not alone on this road, and there are tools available that can help you in recovering and reconnecting with your true self, particularly if you have experienced early-life trauma. Here are some suggestions: Books: 📚 The Body Keeps the Score: amzn.to/44TRxmp " by Bessel van der Kolk: This book explores the consequences of trauma on the body and mind, as well as gives insights into healing strategies such as mindfulness and therapy. 📚 Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving": amzn.to/3PEHY6t If you are coping with severe trauma, this book will help you recover and heal. 📚 Charles Whitfield's "Healing the Child Within":amzn.to/46kQtJD. It digs into the idea of the "inner child" and offers exercises and methods to help you reconnect with and heal your damaged inner self. 📚Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now": amzn.to/3sZ7P0a. While not particularly about trauma, this book assists in the development of mindfulness and presence, both of which can be effective healing tools. Therapies & Programs: ✨Therapy: Seek out a trauma-focused therapist, such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or Trauma-focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). ✨ Mental Health online EMDR program TRY FOR FREE TODAY >> bit.ly/3Em0tpP ✨ Mindfulness and meditation can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, which can promote healing and self-connection. ✨ Yoga: Yoga can help you reconnect with your body and release repressed trauma. ✨Support Groups: Whether in person or online, joining a support group can provide a sense of connection and understanding with others who have suffered trauma. Remember that healing is a journey, and it's good to start small. You don't have to do everything all at once. Along the way, be patient and loving to yourself. Your desire for freedom and healing is a strong first step, and you have the courage to pursue it. You are not alone, and there are people and resources to help you along the way. Wishing you all the best 💫💕🙏✨💖
The true self is realized by ceasing Karma, which is Volition, aka Free Will. (pop culture "Karma" isn't what I'm talking about). Free will isn't willingly relinquished, so therein lies the paradox. Christ's death and resurrection is allegory for the cessation of Karma.
I hold online expressive arts workshops to address those very issues it’s a process of relinquishing fear to grow into freedom Trauma informed Facilitated programs can assist
You've brought up an important subject, and I appreciate your contribution to this discussion. Let us continue to advocate for positive change and break down these stereotypes together. 💪🌍💬
My parents have an obsession with the news and toxic media. They have never truly been in tune to what I have going on. I recently lost my baby at 5 months and I also worked through Covid 19 pandemic as a healthcare worker. They never even truly bothered to be there for me however never hesitate to provide me the the daily news and constant banter. I finally after 30 years said enough. I only communicate with them via text which they are very careful about writing things. I don’t visit them at all anymore even though I truly want normal and supportive parents. I realized that I’ll never have that and although I’m still grieving I also have come to the realization that they do more harm than good and I’m setting myself free. Free to say I’ve had enough and I don’t have to hold onto something that I honestly don’t have. I hope anyone reading this knows you are not alone and can find your peace. ❤
I am really saddened by your comment, and I'd want to let you know my deepest condolences for your loss and the incredibly difficult times you've went through, both as a healthcare worker during the epidemic and in your connection with your parents. Making the decision to separate yourself from toxic influences, especially if they are family, takes tremendous courage. Your journey to self-preservation and healing is impressive and the realization that you deserve a life filled with love and care is really inspiring. You're completely correct; you don't have to hold on to something that isn't giving you happiness and support. You are deserving of happiness, understanding, and meaningful relationships. Your comment will definitely resonate with others who have had similar challenges, and your words of support can bring comfort and strength to those in need. Your bravery in sharing your story reflects your strength, and I really hope you continue to find the peace and support you deserve. Please keep in mind that you are not alone on this journey, and that there are people who care about your well-being and want to help you including me. I'm sending you my best wishes for healing, peacefulness, and a brighter future. ❤🙏✨
Thank you so much. Thank you for these words. I will save them and re-read when I feel alone and unsupported. This is a helpful reminder that I'm going to be ok. Thank you. @@yourinnerchildmatters
@@melissag.1335 i am truly touched by your heartfelt reply. It means everything to me that my words could bring you some comfort and reassurance during such difficult times. As i said please always remember that you are never alone, and there is a community of people here to help you including me. You are brave, unbreakable, and deserving of all the happiness in the world. If you ever need someone who you can talk to or simply share your thoughts with, please don't hesitate to reach out to us. I'm sending you plenty of love and positivity and virtual hugs from YOUR INNER CHILD Matters Channel. 💕✨ Take care always dear. 💖
Omg! This is me. I was raped by my father aged 11. Even though I threatened to tell mum, he continued to then try to abuse me again. Then pretending I’d let him as I got older. I’ve been a good girl and have spent thousands of pounds trying to work out who I am. At last I’ve learned @bout boundaries. I’m 69. Keep well everyone
Wow ! I’m 60 I just realized about 4 to6 weeks ago that my whole life has been taking care of somebody and always putting myself last and you would not believe how more alive and happy I feel to be able to do something for me I am making a plan and I’m not telling anybody I’m just going to do something for me and I want to thank you for explaining this to me to where I could understand what I’ve been going through I felt worthless that nobody needed me anymore because they were mad at me because I said no because I physically am not able to do what they wanted me to do it was like a death at first and now I’m starting to feel reborn and excited about living and doing things I’ve always wanted to do and never had a chance to doThank you
Thank you so much for sharing your deep and personal story. I am truly touched by your thoughts, and I want to let you know how much I appreciate your vulnerability in opening up like this. Before anything else, please know that you are not alone in your feelings. Many individuals, especially carers, sometimes find themselves in situations in which they prioritize others over themselves for an important part of their lives. What you've described, that sense of liberation and happiness that comes with finally making time for yourself, is very inspiring.It touches my heart to hear that my video helped you understand your path and the importance of taking care of yourself. You are very correct; you are not worthless, and your worth does not depend on how much you can do for others. You are a one-of-a-kind and impressive person with your own goals, desires, and needs. I'm happy to hear that you're making plans for yourself and looking forward to this new chapter in your life. Remember that self-care and self-discovery are ongoing processes, and you deserve the best that the world has to offer. Please know that you have all of my support on this journey, and I'm cheering you on from the sidelines. Get in touch with us if you ever want to share more or need someone to listen to you. I wish you much joy, growth, and success in whatever that you pursue for yourself. You can do it! With heartfelt appreciation from Your Inner Child Matters Channel🙏✨💖
I agree w most of Wenzec points here. I would only add: for the INFJ--the door slam doesn't feel survivable--and it takes real time to let it sink in...the dust needs to clear first...and, this can take years of therapy. The more determined you are to be heard, the more faith you had in the ones who let you down? The longer it takes to undo the trauma bonding, the gaslighting, the betrayal. I had to door slam an entire group--and when you are up a group with very strong sensors/censurers/censor is is a lot to contend with. But, after five years of struggle--I'm finally beginning to let go. My desire to think well of them--needs to dissipate. That's the hardest thing. Letting go of my good opinion of them.
Thank you for expressing your thoughts and observations here. Your take on the INFJ door slam is very insightful and adds an important part to the conversation. it is True, the INFJ door slam can appear to be an overwhelming task. Because of the emotional weight it bears, the trauma bonds, and the sense of betrayal, the process of healing and moving ahead may be a lengthy and tough path. Your openness in admitting the time and effort required is important since it reflects the reality that many INFJs confront.Five years of struggle shows your resilience and determination. It's difficult to let go of the trust we previously had in people who have disappointed us. It's a difficult but necessary part of the healing process. You are not alone in this struggle, and your willingness to share your story will definitely resonate with others who have suffered similar difficulties. Remember that recovery is a personal journey with no set timeline. It's about taking tiny steps, letting the dust settle, and eventually gaining inner serenity. Thank you for being a part of this community and sharing your stories. Your words can bring comfort and encouragement to others who are struggling. If you ever want to share more or discuss something further, remember that you have a safe place to do it here. I wish you continued strength and healing on your journey. 🌟 💫💕🙏✨💖
I’ve listened to your videos for a while now and you really make a lot of sense to me. I have addiction problems I wish you were my doctor ! Thank you for sharing. From Melbourne Australia
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm truly touched to hear that our videos have touched you, and I appreciate your kind comments. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with addiction. It's a difficult path, but please know that you're not alone. There are many resources and assistance networks available to help you heal. Please continue to look after yourself.💕🙏
Saying No is not easy with friends, especially friends in disguise. It may take years to find out who actually used your influentiality or who actually liked you for who you are. People generally don't like you for who you are. They wish to change you at every walk of life.
I totally get your point of view. Friendships can be difficult to navigate, especially when authenticity is so important. Remember that your real friends will love you for who you are. Stay true to yourself🌼💃
As an ENFP, I'm naturally a people person, pleaser, who follows my gut instinct. Authenticity is so important. I grew up in an environment where these attributes were not understood or dismissed, and still are in my family system.
Your comment really resonated to me. As an ENFP, I understand the difficulties of navigating a world that does not always accept our authenticity and instincts. It's difficult, especially when it comes from inside our own family. Remember that your unique qualities are your greatest strengths. Continue to be true to yourself, and those who matter most will come to respect and understand the real you. Stay true to yourself! wishing you the best of luck on your journey and take care always💕🙏✨💖
@yourinnerchildmatters I appreciate the thoughtful note, which was validating. All my friends tell me that I'm constantly making them feel validated! Lol! I guess that's what us ENFPs do so well- find the magic in each soul, try to coax it out, and encourage people to set out on their own course, meanwhile encouraging them through validation every step of the way!
During my marriage I had all kinds of ilnnes. Today I'm close to 50 and havent been sick in years. I work with guys half my age who spend winter with cold, flu sniffles etc. and I just don't get it. Every winter I take at least 4-6 weeks off around christmas. Time to rest. When spring comes everybody is tired and I'm hopping around like a baby deer😊
This reminds me of song lyrics I once heard by Billy Joel: "Do what's good for you, or you're not good for anybody." I have often felt terrified if someone is displeased with what I say... It has felt as if I have killed someone, but all I have done is spoken my truth. I have a very spontaneous and openhearted persionality, but I have realised that my mom always used to say that I was mean every time I said something that she didn't aprove of, but again: All I was doing was saying what was true for me. I need to release myself from that guilt trap inside me. Thank you for sharing these heart-openers!!
Your words and the vulnerability you've shown here have really touched me. It's clear that you have a genuine and open-hearted character, and speaking your truth is an important part of being authentic. Remember that not everyone will always agree or understand, and that is just fine. The songs of Billy Joel are a wonderful reminder to prioritize your well-being and authenticity. Continue to shine your unique light, and thank you for sharing your opinions and experiences.💖✨
@@yourinnerchildmattersThank you for your hearts... Thank you for reminding me that we are all free to share our views... I am working on releasing myself from the guilt trap within... Love, love, love from Nenne in Sweden
I am very happy to hear that your faith has given you strength and meaning. Finding inner strength and the ability to share love and blessings with others is a lovely thing. Continue to shine your light! ❤️
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts! You are completely right; healing is a journey, and it is entirely normal for past issues to arise again. Remember that each step you take puts you closer to long-term healing. You can do it! 💪🌟
You've beautifully expressed the complex nature of being human. Forgiveness may be quite difficult, especially when we have been hurt. Your comments remind us that life is a mixture of kindness and its absence, and that learning to manage both is an important part of our path. Thank you for sharing your viewpoint. I wish you strength and positivity on your journey from Your Inner Child Matters Channel 🙏✨💖
Absolutely, creating that balance between kindness and authenticity is important. 🌟Discovering your truth and embracing kindness can lead to a more rewarding life journey. Thank you for expressing your thoughts to the discussion!😊🙌
@georgina4480 Thank you for sharing your experience. It's true that finding a balance between self-care and helping others can be difficult. Your perspectives are valuable, and I'm happy to hear you've discovered a healthy approach. Continue to look after yourself and prioritize your health. You deserve it!❤❤
@georgina4480 thank you this helps. I do realize that unlike other ambitious people I don't have tonworry about a balance cus there's nobody to tend to hut myself. So I prolly would have been here anyway. But its been nice so far to take care of myself the way my parents never would.
I treat people the way I want them to treat me and if they can't be nice back I delete them from my life. I've always been like that. I'm not afraid to be myself, I respect everyone but I don't care what other people think of me or will say or do to me...I got it...and guess what? I'm 46 and still friends with most of the good people I met in my lifetime!!!
Thank you for sharing your point of view and your commitment to being authentic to yourself. It's wonderful to hear that you've kept important connections with good people all your life. We all have our own journeys, and it matters most that we stay true to our values and beliefs. Your positive attitude reflects through, and I appreciate having you on my channel. ✨💖🙏🌟
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your opinions. It's never too late to begin learning and improving, and I'm happy that you found this video useful. Remember that the journey to self-improvement is never-ending, and every step forward counts. 🌟💪 Continue to explore and never stop believing in yourself!🙏👍
I would add that it's not always about being rejected but also, can be about avoiding confrontations. My birth parents were unpredictable and volatile. I became expert at reading the room and 'disappearing' before the violence started. 'Don't rock the boat'
I went to a Catholic high school and middle school. They teach you to obey and to reject who you are and just stay quiet, otherwise you get into trouble. Based on this video, I have an answer for some of the issues I'm having today, thanks to trauma caused by the Catholic school system. I'm glad that school is out of business now.
I'm sorry to hear about your negative experiences with the Catholic school system. It must have been really hard to feel obligated to repress your true self and follow to certain standards. It's wonderful that you're getting answers and healing from videos like this one. Recognizing that trauma has had an influence on our lives is the first step toward healing. Remember that you are not alone on this road, and that many individuals have suffered similar difficulties. It's also heartening to know that the school is no longer in operation, which means that future generations won't have to go through what you underwent.If you ever want to share more or need someone to talk to, this community is here to help. Continue to be strong, and thank you for sharing your story with us💫💕🙏
Thank you very much for taking the time to share your thoughts on this important subject. Growing up without parental love can have a major impact on one's life, leading to a variety of difficulties such as being a doormat or a people pleaser. It important that we foster an environment of compassion and support for all people, and your perspective highlights the importance of addressing this issue. Let us continue to raise awareness and compassion in order to make the world a better place for everyone. 🌍 🙏✨💖
Deep and intense and I can tune into everything in this video with my inner beliefs. When you live for yourself your driving yourself around but when you live for others it's like thumbing lifts through life. You can aim for somewhere if you get a lift in that direction but how far is he going, that's up to him and whether he lives for others or himself. He may be finished his journey a few miles from yours but in the same direction ish. He may choose himself first and make u walk the rest or he may live for others and go out of his way to get you to your point. The problem is you just don't know others like you know yourself!
Absolutely, I appreciate your deep and insightful take on this video. It's interesting to see how our inner beliefs can influence our perception of the world around us. Your analogy of living for oneself versus living for others as a journey with potential passengers is powerful. Indeed, life is full of unpredictable destinations, and the decisions we make along the way can have a significant impact not only on our own journeys but also on the journeys of others we encounter. Your point of view that we do not truly understand others in the same way that we understand ourselves is an important reminder of the complexity of human relationships. Thank you for sharing your insightful comments and reminding us of the value of empathy and understanding in our dealings with others. It's a lovely reminder that our paths may cross with others', and how we decide to proceed through those intersections can make all the difference in the world. 🚗🌟
@@prayerpower1585 thanks I don't know that anybody that knows me would agree unfortunately but I sometimes feel the deepest thoughts I have come from the soul or heart skipping the brain entirely, something the 'shallows' around me miss as mere stupidity which is the sticker they think I should wear
@@shaneatkin4007 You're welcome. Some people will think you're insights are foolish if they don't understand it. Try not to worry about that. I pray that God will send you people who can relate. I wish more people would pray for wisdom. We are supposed to grow in wisdom instead of remaining shallow. I read your analogy so quickly that I didn't fully get it until I read it again after reading the other person's comment. But I totally got your last sentence at first read!
@@prayerpower1585 Thank you that means more to me than it would to the 'shallows' lol and you're right I do try not to let them affect me. Without my soul I have nothing. Unfortunately I've had religion kicked out of me by life and now there's not much left but my soul my heart and my brains paperwork. I may have lost my connection to god but if you've got him on the line then yes please ask him to send them. You seem kind thanks
I ended up just saying No to my sick parents entirely. I went no contact. Moved 2k miles away to Cali where I lost 40 lbs and stopped needing prednisone. It’s been 10 years and I have started calling my dad once a month or so. I love him but I don’t need his approval or respect anymore. To be honest, he lost mine a long time ago. He’s not a credible resource on anything, most especially how to be a happy well adjusted human. He did a lot of violence and wrong stuff and I know he knew better.
Your story touched me deeply, and I appreciate how open you were in discussing such a personal journey. You seem to have gone through a distressing situation, and your decision to prioritize your own well-being is both brave and admirable. You've clearly made all that's needed to create a healthier and happier life for yourself, which is something to be proud of. Setting boundaries and removing ourselves from harmful relationships is sometimes important to our own development and happiness. It's also encouraging to hear that you were able to reconcile with your father on own terms and that you're on your way to healing and understanding.Remember that you deserve love, respect, and happiness, and that you have the strength to live a life that reflects those values. Thank you for sharing your story; I hope it is an encouragement to others who are facing similar issues. Sending you plenty of love and support on your journey ahead. 🌟❤️
I needed to see this today. A few days ago, I was asked to help with a particular situation that I was physically, mentally, and financially unable to help with. I've spent my whole life being the one to always say yes, no matter how much it harmed me, because I was always used to being the "nice guy", no matter what. But this time, every fiber of my being said to say "No" and I chose to say no. Not to be mean or malicious, but because I literally could not help in the way they wanted and my attempt to do so, no matter how good it may have looked, would not have helped anyone involved. I've spent the past couple of days wrestling with a lot of guilt and shame over that decision because it was so unlike what I usually would have done, no matter if it was the right decision. This video was the reinforcement I needed to remember that saying No was the right decision to make for myself and, ultimately, for everyone involved.
Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerable experience with us. It takes incredible strength to prioritize your well-being and say no, especially when it goes against the usual pattern. Your honesty about the internal struggle and the emotions that followed is truly powerful. Remember that self-care isn't selfish, and acknowledging your limits is a courageous act of self-love. It's inspiring to see you making choices that prioritize your mental, physical, and financial health. We all need that reminder sometimes, and your openness in sharing this journey is a gift to others facing similar challenges. Take the time you need to process those feelings of guilt and shame-they are valid, but so is your right to set boundaries. Your story resonates, and your strength shines through. Wishing you continued growth, self-discovery, and the peace you deserve. I am sending you support and understanding.💖🙏
I was just thinking the other day that-people being too nice has really become a big problem in the world.. pretty soon people may even consider reciprocating and then the wheels will really come off..
Being kind to others is NOT necessarily motivated by trying To please others. It can be a genuine character trait not motivated by trying to gain something for oneself. People pleasing on the other hand is an insecurity based on fear.
You are right. Kindness is a genuine and lovely character trait that come from the heart and has no hidden motives. It's about sharing happiness and goodwill because it feels right, not because you expect something in return. Thank you for sharing your valuable viewpoint! 😊💫💕🙏
I agree, but this is so rare that one who is kind either by nature or effort of will is quickly labelled as dysfunctional. There must be something wrong with you- either you were a victim of abuse or just weak. This whole world is abusive and Dr Mate is right, so I say ‘No, thank you’ ✋
Once I started telling people "No" and focusing on myself, my "friends" all left. My family has little to no contact with me. Am I happy? No. But at least I'm being my own person
Did the right thing, I totally applaud your efforts. I think what you did is an inspiration to yourself and to everybody else. I do hear you and often see that what's your experiencing typically happens. It's almost like people are only willing to be in touch with you and have a relationship with you as long as you have no needs and wants and you just serve them. Starting to find your voice and have boundaries very often looks exactly like what you're experiencing. I have also seen lots of surprises as far as who are the people who disappear and who are the people who stick with us and are supportive of our changes. And if no one is sticking around for you, then as you begin to meet new people you can make sure that they all support the person that you are emerging and becoming. It isn't easy, and what you're doing is courageous and impressive.
I'm truly sorry to hear you've been going through such a difficult period. It takes great courage to prioritize yourself and create boundaries, even if it means losing certain individuals. Remember that your happiness and authenticity are the most important aspects. Keep being yourself, and I hope you have better days ahead of you.🌟💛
“For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.” 1 Thessalonians 2:3-4 ESV
We have such a need to learn how to love. Children can be a challenge, but we need to become mature enough to overcome the challenges and find the means to be loving to them.
Without a doubt, your comment highlights the significance of love and maturity in parenting. Children might be difficult at times, but it is through these difficulties that we develop and learn to love them even more.💕 Continue spreading the message of love and understanding; it makes a huge difference in our path as parents.🌟
My parents were divorced and very different people. I felt that I had to be a different person for both parents and then as I got used to that I was also a different person at school and then a different person based on what group of friends I was with. I didn't know which identity was the authentic one. I am now the same person for everyone and I get sick less now than I did when I was a teenager.
I'm sorry to hear you had such a difficult experience during your teenage years. It can be really hard dealing with many identities and expectations. It's wonderful to hear that you've discovered a sense of authenticity and that it's improved your health. Remember that being your authentic self is both powerful and liberating. Thank you for sharing your experience with us ! 💕
this is so true, and I didn't know my feelings but I got to know them well. I did choose my authentic self over people pleasing, but not after a long time. Nice to finally feel free and connect to my inner light. The people who left were just users anyway too.
I am autistic and have ADHD. My parents were teachers, they were looking for a family that had no 'imperfections' . They refused to believe even after meeting my psychiatrist i had ADHD. When i braved to tell my mum i thought i was autistic too she told me to 'stop giving myself things ' I have been raped, abused physically by my 'friendship circle ' and at home I was sexually harassed by a narcissistic gaslighter and mentally abused at home and outside too but i think my naievity had a role to play because of my autism and i didn't know how to handle it deal with the situation...
I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficulties you've encountered throughout your life. It takes big guts to open up about your experiences, especially when they are so personal and sensitive. You've clearly had to deal with some very difficult circumstances, and I want you to know that you're not alone on this path of life. Living with autism and ADHD may be difficult in and of itself, and it's distressing to learn that your parents did not provide the necessary support and understanding. It's important to remember that your neurological diversity is not an imperfections, but rather a distinct piece of who you are, and you have every right to embrace it. Dealing with narcissistic people and violent situations may be stressful for anyone, and your innocence, which derives from your trusting nature, should never be viewed as a fault. You, like everyone else, deserve kindness, respect, and support. You are very brave for sharing your story, and by doing so, you are increasing awareness about the difficulties that many people with neurodiverse diseases encounter. Remember that there is an out there supportive group that understands and cares about your well-being. You have the ability to heal, grow, and set a course for a more positive and fulfilling life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and please know that there are people out there who sincerely care about your journey including me and are here to help you every step of the way. Love you and take care of yourself always 💕🙏✨💖🥰 Sending you lots of virtual hugs now 💕🙏✨💖
I know there is something wrong with me, since I'm a little girl, I could not learn! I had a very hard time learning special in math, I didn't understand it at all! Now I know I have ADHD, but I think I also have autism, the one thing is, I cannot take Noise. It drives me crazy., my grandson, who has autism, he wears something on his ears because he's very sensitive to noise! My life with miserable all the time, my siblings were very abusive because I was a crybaby, very sensitive, and they made fun of me, my parents swear, always screaming and hitting for no reason! On top of it, my two brothers were hitting me too! I got married because I wanted to get out of my home, because my parents were always fighting and screaming, and I couldn't take it, and my husband turned out to be a womanizer! Then I was unhappy again, are used to have the most horrible migraines! That I would throw up from migraines! I had two kids and I give them everything because I didn't have much, so I wanted them to have a better life, and now that I'm older with a lot of injuries, I am disowned! You know I'm suffering so much anxiety! That I cannot get out of bed! I wish somebody can help me please!😢😢😢😢
Very brave to admit this and tragic to hear about it. I am awaiting diagnosis for the same and can relate to some of this. Don't let it drive you crazy, takes a long time but learning to let go, come to terms, make yourself happier and take away things that upset you, where possible. It does get better and hope you heal.
thank you so much for sharing your story. Dr. Mate's message has a way of reaching deep within us and inspiring profound reflection. It's amazing how some words can touch us so profoundly and inspire us to see things from a different viewpoint. I'm glad that this video had such an impact on you, as it has on so many others. Remember that you are not alone on this journey, and that there is a community waiting to help you every step of the way. Please feel free to share any insights or thoughts that have developed from this message if you ever feel the need to discuss them. We're all here to learn and grow as a group. I'm sending you love and thanks for being a member of this community. 🌟💛
Thank you for sharing your views and vulnerabilities with us. I absolutely get how saying 'NO' might make us feel bad, especially if we're more likely to be kind and helpful. It's very important to remember that your kindness is a lovely characteristic that should not be taken for granted. Setting boundaries while maintaining kind is a journey, and it's normal to feel guilty at times. Just remember that saying 'no' protects your well-being and makes sure your kindness is appreciated and not taken advantage of. You are also deserving of respect and consideration.💖🌻💕🤗
“If I’m authentic, my parents will reject me.” That hit hard.
Thank you for being so open about your vulnerability. You are not alone in the way you are feeling. Remember that authenticity can lead to deeper relationships, even with family. Stay true to yourself🙏✨💖
You might have put up a bunch of walls early on to protect you and ensure survival - _later_ in life they need to be taken down, brick by brick, to enable genuine *growth!* 🌱
Whishing you all the best. 🙏🏻💪🏻
Because it's true.
Same. I got so good at burying the real me when I was a kid, that it ended up ruining my life as an adult. All without me realising why. Now at 47, I listen to Dr.Gabor’s wise words and it all makes sense. What a great man and mentor.
❤
"If you start saying no you'll learn who your friends are." That's great.
thanks for watching
It's great and 💯 true...
Funny because my grandmother used to tell me this and it rings true everytime
So true. I certainly did and after a period of mourning, I realized I am so much better off without the people I thought I lost but whom I never really had.
No wonder my so called best friend cut me out when I started to focus on myself and say no
"we look good in the eyes of others, and yet internally we suffer shame because we know that we're not being ourselves".
You've beautifully described common issue for many of us: the struggle between our external looks and our inside authenticity. It's a reminder that true happiness comes from being honest with ourselves, even if the rest of the world thinks differently. Thank you for sharing your point of view💕🙏✨💖
I've heard this also called congruence. Very important to be true to ourselves. We are our own first best friend.
So true well put ❤love to the real you
@@yourinnerchildmattersyou are right and it's hard. We are our own strictest judges. Our ego will not spare us if we stoop,lie or pretend. We must fight to the end.
At 57, it's starting to sink in, it's exhausting pleasing older toxic parents, all the empathy, understanding and kindness I show, do, is never enough.
I starting to say NO.
It's affected my health, and I need to be there for myself.
I need to stop betraying myself.
Much love ❤ thank you for these amazing insights.
Thank you for taking the time to share your truthfulness thoughts and experiences with us. It takes big bravery and self-awareness to figure out when it's time to prioritize your own well-being, especially when it involves setting boundaries with loved ones.
I'm very sorry to hear you've been going through this challenging period with your parents. Constantly seeking approval and understanding from people who may not always reciprocate in the way we hope can be emotionally draining. Your decision to start saying "NO" to things and prioritizing your health is a brave step toward self-care and self-love. Self-care is not selfish; it is necessary for your overall well-being. You are not betraying anyone by looking after yourself; you are simply honoring your own needs, which is something to be proud of. Your story will definitely touch the hearts of others who are in similar situations, and your courage in sharing it is truly inspiring. Please know that you are not going through this alone. There is a community here that supports you, and we admire your bravery in starting on this path of self-compassion. If you ever need someone to listen to you or additional information, we're here to help.
Sending you lots of love and strength on your path to self-discovery and healing. You are having an important impact on your own life. Bless You 💕🙏✨💖
@@yourinnerchildmatters so appreciate your time to reply,
means so much ,
thank you, bless you 🙏
@@Theowlhawk thank you so much too, wishing you all the best ❤🙏😘
Yes, the same here. I have my mom still her, my dad died last year. It was a relief, to be totally honest and it's the truth. Some folks should not have children, me including since I was broken and could not give my daughter all that I did'nt get. But I did not become my parents, thank god, and my daughter has always known that I love her more than life it self ❤ I'm starting to set boundaries for my mother now at 59, and it is frightening and liberating at the same time. I wish you the best of luck and good healing 🙏❤️ Stay true to yourself 🤸💃
@@AnneSpring05
Thank you so much for sharing your personal and true story. It takes bravery to come up about such experience, and your honesty is very much appreciated.
I'm so sad to hear about your father's death, and I fully understand how complicated and difficult family dynamics can be. Your journey of self-reflection as well as growth is inspirational. It's clear that you care deeply about your daughter, which is a great testament to how strong you are inside.
Setting boundaries, particularly with loved ones, can be a difficult but very important step toward self-care and personal improvement. Remember, it's not about cutting people out; it's about creating a better balance that will allow you to grow and continue to be the caring parent and person you are.
Your message of well wishes and healing means a lot to me, and I would like to express those same wishes to you. May your journey of creating boundaries be both freeing and uplifting. Remember that keeping true to yourself is a strong gesture of self-love.
I am sending you a virtual hug and my warmest support. We're all on our own paths, and your determination shines brightly.🤗❤take care and bless you more
I'm 82 now......still time to reflect on your words.....
Thank you for sharing this with us. It is never too late to take a moment to reflect on Dr. Gabor Maté's wisdom. No matter our age, life is a never-ending journey of self-discovery. I wish you many more enlightened moments in the future.
Take care and have a nice day 🙏✨💖
Me too.. 82 and it really hits home how so much of my life has been an inauthentic struggle to please others for fear of the real Me being rejected. I feel worn out.
@@Helen-nv8el Thank you for taking the time to share your honest thoughts. Reflecting on a lifetime of authenticity requires a lot of guts. Remember that you are not alone in your journey, and being honest here is an important step toward self-acceptance.
Take the time to nurture and rediscover your true self. Embrace your own self; you are worthy of love and acceptance just the way you are. Sending you love and strength on your journey to self-discovery.
@@Helen-nv8elThere is hope❤
“She knows that if she wants to stay alive, she needs to stay authentic.” Profound.
Absolutely! Being authentic to yourself is a powerful journey. Thank you for appreciating the dept of this of this message. 💕🙏✨💖🥰
@@yourinnerchildmatters ❤️
@@TheFairyintheFishBowl 💖
@@yourinnerchildmattersbbbb by
Absolutly profound. To stay alive needs to be authentic otherwise it's drifting along just exsisting ...
People pleasing is a toxic trait, do not put yourself in situations that will compromise your integrity. Set boundaries, and take your wellbeing seriously.
You are absolutely correct! Setting boundaries and prioritizing our well-being is important for living a healthy, authentic life. Thank you for sharing this valuable reminder🙏✨💖
@@yourinnerchildmatters assuming that we have principles and boundaries in place that we hold to, can we not be a nice, pleasing person without compromising our integrity, as long as no lines are crossed? Seems more accurate to say that unregulated people pleasing can be toxic. True absolutes in life are few to me, but they are absolutes. And I like to avoid using vague, non-descript buzz words such a 'toxic' that are used to degrade without substance, evidence, or even definition.
Easy to say, but when pleasing has become a fractured part of your personality because of some sort of defence against trauma. The brain is a strange thing when it has learnt something over and over and convinces you that you need to do this in order to survive.. well "just not doing it" isn't really an option.
My motto: Just say "no" to PP. 😉😊♥️
@@theFogMasterz👍👍👍
Self rejection is far more painful then losing the toxic, codependent relationships I had. It took me losing everything to get here and what a gift it is.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your very personal journey with us. Recognizing the need of self-acceptance and making the required changes, even if it means letting go of harmful relationships, requires big strength and courage. Your story is truly inspiring, and it reminds us all that sometimes losing everything brings to the discovery of our true selves and the best blessings life has to offer. Remember that you are not alone on this journey. Your experiences and willingness to share them here can provide support and encouragement to others who are going through similar difficulties. You've shown that healing and self-discovery are possible even in the darkest of situations. Please continue to take good care of yourself, and may your journey toward self-love and self-acceptance bring you all the happiness and joy you deserve.💕🙏✨💖
Saying "no" doesn't make you a bad person. Don't fall for those manipulative guilt trips people like to use.
Thank you for reminding us of this very important issue! Setting boundaries and saying 'no' when necessary is a sign of self-respect and good relationships. 💪💙
Agree. But i think there are so many people pleaser say yes to manipulate with people for some reason. Then they play victim ..oh i did this and that ..i have that person at my work. Very toxic person.
Me myself i am so easy to say no. No problem with that. No problem you are gonna like me or not. That is my peace of mind.
@@svilenaninetta9838 thank you so much for sharing you very honest insights about this subject, much appreciated. thanks again 💕🤗💟
@Kevin51611: My friend would start with the guilt trip act and quickly move
on to the “not talking to you” action.
Guilt trips indeed, including the ones we do to ourselves!
At the age of 45 I've only just become fully awake to how much of a people pleaser i have been. Both my parents are narcissists and brutalised the authentic me into absolute submission so I had no idea, or care, about who I was and what I needed. I've always put others first, even scumbags! I think of that now and I feel the tears coming again.
Videos like this are so important for people in my situation so thank you so much for this.
Each day is an opportunity to learn.
Your comment has really touched me, and I admire your bravery in sharing your story with us. Acknowledging and breaking free from people-pleasing patterns is a profound patterns, especially in the face of a challenging upbringing. It's never too late to rediscover your true self and put your needs first.
Your vulnerability and strength are inspirational, and I'm glad the video resonated to you. Remember that every day is a new opportunity to learn and grow. If you ever wish to share more information or need help, our community is available to help. Thank you for being a part of this journey with us. 💖 Sending you lots of support, empathy, and love on your journey. Take care always!💕🙏✨💖
Me too the internal pain is awful as your sline with it as even crying has to be suppressed as not to uoset others your ca
Ring for .absolute heartache .have a good cry when abke alone soldier on with our smiles and willingness enjoying the universe the huge sky at night dawn the wildlie seasons .im still planning wish i could help the world doing the best i can which is a lot since i had to depend on myself since young with so much trauma and violance because you never want to burden others be seen as weak.
I had this too nice problem. Then I got very unwell with anxiety and depression. When I came through that I soon learned to say no and get stronger personal boundaries.
thank you so much for sharing your experience. Overcoming anxiety and depression requires lot of courage, and your story has really inspired me. Learning to say 'no' and establish personal boundaries is an important step toward self-care and mental health. Your story will undoubtedly help many people who are going through similar difficulties. I wish you continued happiness and strength on your journey of recovery and self-discovery. 🌟💪
To anyone reading this, I hope you find peace and joy. You may have betrayed yourself in the past but the future holds so much potential for you. You are finally waking up to what has kept you unhappy for so long. Your inner child thanks you for your relentless search for meaning. Love to you all ❤
Thank you for sharing these beautiful and heartfelt message. The message you are sending radiates positivity and hope, and it serves as a reminder that we are all able to achieve progress and self-discovery. Your words of encouragement shine a light on anyone who is going through a difficult period or doubting their path.
Indeed, we all have moments when we feel betrayed by ourselves, but your message highlights the need of self-forgiveness and going forward with purpose. Your words reflect your goodness and love, and they have the potential to uplift and inspire people who read them. May you continue to share love and positiveness through the comments and throughout your own life journey. In return, please accept my heartfelt love and appreciation. ❤️💕🙏✨💖
Thank you for this message
@@happygucci5094 💖🌻💕🤗
Thank you. But I font think it's a betray. I grew up with a mental ill parent. Never asked for one. I started to behave in a way so I could be at ease ( but felt dis ease a lot ) 😢 you never do or think negative on purpose. It's more that I didn't believe anymore, that I was ok and loved for who I was. I felt loved for how I acted for others. For there needs. I still can be very angry when my daughter gets words with me. Then I feel enormous sadness or guilt. 😢 I blame myself for acting like my parents did. But I speak to her about it and that I always will love her❤ it's a process , this becoming authentic again. But I have faith 🙏 I feel by the choices I make, I'm getting there more and more ❤ namaste!
I needed to read this. Thank you. Self reflection is so needed in this day and age and also to think about your past truths
It is true! I have lost my ‘friends’ even my ‘best friend’ when i started to say no and finally stood up for myself by not taking bs anymore.. i felt alone and hurt for a while, but now i am so proud of myself and yes, those people are not in my life anymore, but I don’t miss them, i feel free! No more pleasing, just being me and love myself and open for healthy relationships and true friends and love! ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful bravery and inspiring experience with us. Your story is an important reminder that sometimes, in order to fully find ourselves and welcome true happiness into our lives, we must be prepared to let go of individuals who do not respect or encourage our growth. It takes big bravery to say NO, create boundaries, and prioritize self-respect. Many of us can relate to feeling alone and hurt for a while, but your commitment and self-love have brought you to a beautiful place of freedom and authenticity.
Your comment symbolizes the human spirit's strength and the transformation that can happen when we prioritize our own well-being. It's good to hear that you're now looking for healthy relationship and genuine friends who will love and support you for who you are.
Remember that you are worthy of love and respect, and your journey can serve as an inspiration to those who are going through similar situations. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and positivity with us.
I wish you continuous self-acceptance, happiness, and the wonderful connections you deserve🙏✨💖
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thanks so much for your words and kindness🫶🫶🫶
🙏✨💖
yes definitely. ive learned to quickly see red flags.
@@gregaiken1725 yes! And try to keep it up because it’s in our nature (empaths) to please people, so we need to be conscious about that 🔆🌝🔆
This is the health advice you won’t hear from a doctor. I healed from my incurable arthritic autoimmune disease and it wasn’t some magical pill or procedure. It began with a paradigm shift and taking accountability for my actions and putting individual self ahead of the toxic people I was raised around. Our families are often the ones that hold us back.
That's a powerful adventure you've gone on! It takes tremendous courage to undertake the kind of paradigm shift you outlined and prioritize your own well-being. The story you share will inspire many others who are facing similar situations. True, sometimes the most transformative healing comes from inside.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Your honesty and courage shine through, and it reminds us that we have the ability to control our health and happiness. Continue to shine brightly, and may your journey be filled with happiness and self-discovery. 💪🌟
I have had rheumatoid arthritis for 44 years. I am a people pleaser but I became more myself in my 30s. I have fatigue and OCD. How did you cure your arthritis? The damage to my joints can't be cured. I am now 50.
@@rivkasieff2816Chin up everything can be cured💓 Our bodies operate from placebo! Take care💓💓💓
My two sisters and brother rejected me for having a kid, now i know why! Their loss 100% as ive now detached from them and at peace with it. Focus on people who lift you up in life, not tear you down due to their insecurities.
I'm sad to read of your family's rejection, but I appreciate your bravery and determination in creating your own road to happiness and peace. You are completely correct-surrounding yourself with people who encourage and support you is needed to living a good life. Your journey may serve as an inspiration to others who are facing similar issues.
I wish you continuous strength and positivity on your journey ahead🙏✨💖
My mom gave me hell for having a baby out of wedlock. Fast forward to now, she is 89 and has dementia. In the beginning stages she blurted out she had a baby and gave it up for adoption before she met my dad. Turned out to be true. She was projecting and using me as a punching bag for her guilt.
We can do this together, I dethatched from my mother, father, brother and the possibility of knowing my nieces.....I refused to pretend to be a straight, christian, man like them.
We are far better off without controlling people in our lives demanding we be miserable like them.
I kept in toxic friendships because i knew these friends really liked me...Then I suddenly thought, of course they like me - I am always there for them . When I switched it around and for once thought about ME and saw they hardly reciprocated or gave me any time, it was much easier to walk away.
I truly understand your situation. It can be difficult to accept that you must sometimes prioritize yourself and your well-being. You made the brave choice to leave unhealthy friendships, which is an important first step toward a healthier, happier life. Your sense of self-worth is important, and I admire you for realizing it. 💪🌟💖
The person I called my friend, always there to advise her all the time, but whenever I seek advice from her, or tell her my problem, she would always ask me, what do you want to do now? Oh dear, if I knew what to do I wouldn't be contacting you, one day I said No, and I've been happy with myself,
'You are more important than your attachments.' This is so true. Being your authentic self, is to love yourself, and if your "friends" can't handle that, then they were never your true friends anyway.
Thank you for giving such an insightful perspective! You are correct: embracing our authentic selves is the key to self-love and attracting meaningful relationships. It's an important reminder, and I appreciate your point of view. Stay true to yourself, and you'll attract the right people into your life. 🌟
“You are more important than your attachments.” Bingo!! ❤️
thank you for watching, bless you
This video has gotten me teary-eyed 😢 because I now realize I truly have no friends (those who’ll embrace my “no”), only folks I must always please, or else…
I'm really touched to hear that this video resonated to you on such a deep level. It can be really difficult to figure out when we are in situations where we feel obligated to please others. Remember that you are not alone in your feelings. Many of us go through moments in which we recognise the value of true relationships and friendships. It's important to accept your true self and your "no." True friends will accept your boundaries and support you for who you are rather than what you do for them. As you move through life and become more in touch with your real self, you will naturally attract individuals who respect and value you for precisely that.I encourage you to use this understanding to help you make more meaningful connections in your life. It may take some time to discover the right friends, but it is always worthwhile. Meanwhile, never underestimate your own ability to be your own best friend and winner. You are more resilient and stronger than you think, and this awareness can be an opportunity for great change in your life💕🙏✨💖🥰, bless you dear and take care 💕🙏✨💖🥰
try Jesus is the greatest friend
Daddy mommy issues, Abandonment issues, reject, child sexual abuse, depression people pleasing, toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse brought me anger resentment, autoimmune illnesses literally bed ridden unable to walk for 8 years.
I’m now learning how to say no and be gentle with myself through my healing and forgive my parents and loved ones
Thank you for sharing such a truly personal and courageous journey with us. Your words are proof to your amazing strength, as you've overcome a variety of obstacles and are now on a path of healing and self-compassion. It takes a lot of guts to tackle situations like the ones you've highlighted. Recognizing and accepting these sensations is an important beginning toward healing. Learning to say no and be kind with oneself may be a life-changing experience, and it's a path that needs to be appreciated. Your willingness to forgive, not just your parents, but also yourself and your loved ones, demonstrates your maturity and resilience. Forgiveness is a powerful act of self-liberation that reflects your strength and wisdom.
Remember that recovery is not an easy task, and it's entirely normal to experience ups and downs along the journey. Your story can serve as an encouragement to those who are going through similar difficulties. You are not alone on this path, and there is an online community of people who want to help you. If you ever want to share more or have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact us. Your opinion and experience are valuable.
I'm sending you a virtual hug and best wishes on your healing journey🙏✨💖
You are healing. Walking into the light if your authentic self.
Hope u are feeling better now ❤
I heard this once.
"Be a parent to yourself."
Which basically means, do for yourself what you would have liked from your parents. Encourage yourself. Be patient and kind to yourself.
It has really helped me to shift the focus away from what my parents did or did not do. And, instead to focus on what I need.
Knowing what I need as a human also helps me to set boundaries with manipulative people.
Honestly, not being around toxic people is the best boundary( as much as possible.)
"You are more important than your attachments. That wasn't true as a kid, but it's true as an adult."
I loved that one! Really got me thinking.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your comments! I feel grateful that this video resonated to you and made you think. Isn't it amazing how our perceptions on life change as we grow? We typically create strong ties to many things in our lives as children, and they certainly contain value. However, as we grow older, we begin to realize that our true worth rests within us, beyond these attachments. It's a lovely journey of self-discovery.
I'm glad you found the content useful, and I hope it continues to inspire you on your journey of self-awareness and improvement. Please share any additional insights or reflections you may have; I'd love to hear them.
I wish you a journey filled with self-discovery, growth, and happiness. 💫💕🙏✨💖
Excellent!!!! So True, so powerful!!!
My illnesses that completely vanished once I healed.
Anxiety, depression, ptsd, suicidal tendencies. Severe heart arrhythmia. IBS and severe dry eye pain. 🎉
When I learned to say no I lost every single person in my life. My entire family though is and was very very toxic! The little friends I had, one no out of me they were gone. Was it lonely ? Yes very.. for a while. I kept healing and loving who is was becoming. Lonely is just a label our minds put out. It’s a thought that give an emotion but the core of the emotions / feelings is always neutral ❤ once you really get rid of labels!
I'm inspired by your story and the courage you've shown in healing. It's impressive how much you've overcome, even in the face of loneliness. Your story serves as a powerful reminder that self-love and healing are worthwhile efforts. Thank you for sharing your inspirational story with us.🌟
@@yourinnerchildmatters thank you friend co
Truth hit hard. Cancer in early 30s followed by brain tumors. People pleaser and got used again and again 😢😢
I'm deeply touched by your comment, and I'd want to express my heartfelt empathy for the difficulties you've went through. Life can be really difficult at times, and it takes great courage to stay positive in the face of such hardship. Cancer in your early 30s followed by brain tumors is an extremely challenging journey and I can only imagine how difficult it has been for you. You've clearly faced these problems with amazing bravery.
Being a people pleaser and feeling used can be tiring emotionally. Remember that it's okay to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. You deserve to be surrounded by people who love and accept you for who you are.Please know that you are not alone in this situation. Many of us are going through difficult times, and sharing your story here can be a source of inspiration and connection for those who are going through similar challenges.
This community is here for you if you ever want to discuss or share more. Your bravery and resilience are admirable, and I'm sending you all the positive vibes and virtual support.
Take care of yourself and stay strong.
With best wishes from Your Inner Child Matters channel🙏✨💖
Hope this video helps you.
❤ to you
What's even worse is that older siblings who suppress their own authenticity then viciously suppress signs of it in their younger siblings at a level worse than the parents.
You haven't "lost" anything; uve just finally taken out the trash.
Such a great video
I appreciate your perspective on the video, and I'm glad it resonated to you. It is true that we must sometimes let go of things that no longer serve us, and this may be a liberating experience. Feel free to share more about your journey or thoughts at any time. We're here to help and interact with you✨💖
I’ve had toxic parents. My mom was a female narcissist & she disinherited me because I tried to get healthy & made boundaries after counseling.
I'd want to express my deepest appreciation for sharing such a personal and important aspect of your life with us. It takes huge toughness and courage to address toxic situations, especially when family is involved. Your journey in seeking health and create boundaries following counseling is admirable.
It breaks my heart to hear that you had to face such difficulties, including being disinherited for prioritizing your own well-being. Remember that you are not alone in this experience, and that many others have faced similar challenges. Being open about it can bring comfort as well as support to those who are going through the same challenges. Setting boundaries and seeking counseling are important steps toward healing, and I hope you continue receiving the love and support you need in your life. Your resilience shows through your words, and I believe that your story can motivate others to take steps toward their own recovery and well-being. Thank you for being a part of this community and sharing your story with us. Please know that you may always reach out and connect with others who understand what you've been through in this supportive area.
On your journey to a healthier and happier life, I wish you strength, healing, and happiness🙏✨💖
Good for you!!
It's better to lose all the money in the world then to 'keep in touch' with a demonic entity that just wants to bleed you dry. Keep your sanity. Money isnt worth peace. Peace is priceless.
Same here. You are not alone.
Exactly same here too. Disinherited as I went no contact for my sanity.
There is no amount of money that can put a price on that!
Priceless
It’s so true. And nothing will go the way you wanted to in life if you don’t live in alignment with yourself.
I couldn't agree with you more! Living authentically is the key to finding fulfillment and meaning in life.🌟
after few years finally I understand how to apply the message to my situation. It's amazing how addiction/obsession (call it what ever you want) point to forgiveness, love, indulgence, care, truth, resilience etc... so much time to open my eyes, so much time to clean up the mess. Better later than never
When you start saying "no" to others it means you are saying "yes" to you!
Absolutely! You've wonderfully expressed the essence of self-care and self-respect. Setting boundaries and saying 'no' to others can be difficult, but it's also greatly liberating when we acknowledge we're prioritizing our own well-being and needs. Remember, this is not selfishness; it is self-love. 🌼💕
Anyone who is suffering with this should remember that it is a journey, and it is good to take small steps toward finding that balance. Your needs and satisfaction are also important! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us.😊✨ Bless you 💕🙏
I have chosen authenticity instead the atachment and it is the best present I have ever gave myself! I am healty and happy, and new connections that are in accordance with my authenticity came to my life ❤❤ ❤ Be brave, coose your self, chose life instead of living death!
That is really inspiring to hear! 🌟 Your journey to authenticity is empowering, and your positive energy is shining through. Continue to embrace your true self, and may your life be full with health, happiness, and meaningful connections. Thank you for sharing your experience! ❤️😊
I must have got a lot more love than I thought because people pleasing has never been a problem for me. If you don’t like me or something I said that’s your problem. I feel very safe saying what I need to say.
Thank you for sharing your viewpoint! It's lovely to hear that you feel safe and comfortable expressing yourself authentically. Keep being true to yourself, and remember that your voice matters. ✨💖
Due to my people pleasing nature and not having the courage to have boundaries I decided back when I was 28 to be alone and im now 50. My parents despised me as a child I was the scapegoat
I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you've faced, and I appreciate your openness in sharing your story. It takes a lot of guts to talk about such private issues. It sounds like you've gone through a lot, and it's understandable that you prioritize your well-being by creating boundaries and choosing detachment. It's never easy when family dynamics are complicated and being the scapegoat can be painfully uncomfortable. Remember, though, that your worth is not defined by how others perceive or treat you. You have made a brave decision to give priority to your own mental and emotional wellness. It's never too late to change your mind or find new companionship. Your life is yours, and you have the power to shape it in a way that brings you happiness and fulfillment. Your journey is unique, and you deserve peace and contentment. Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope you get the support and understanding you needed along the way. 💕🙏
I’m so sorry to hear that.
We have our Father God who loves us unconditionally and to rely on him. I won’t be here today if it wasn’t for his love. 💜🌷
@@korger1481I am a Christian too and get sick a lot because of being p*ssed off. I get UTI's. Louisa Hay said similar things to this Doctor. I think it is a biblical theme. You body and mind both suffer together.
It's so cruel how people have their identity robbed twice, in childhood and in adulthood with the irony that they then give so much to others and yet are owed so much themselves 😢
I completely understand the pain and unfair it can be to have one's identity challenged, both as a child and as an adult. Your comments resonates deeply, and it's painful to consider the dedication and bravery needed to offer so much to others while often feeling unappreciated. You are not alone in your feelings, and your empathy radiates through the comments you make. Sending you a virtual hug and wishing you better days ahead.🙏✨💖
Putting children into adult roles is like forcing someone to take a shortcut and then expecting them to recall details of the longer route when they get to a destination they didn’t choose.
You of my friends said “if you say yes to the person you are probably saying no to yourself” I have all your books read them all,except “the myth of normal”which I may start this weekend thank you for your amazing work You have a lot of people following you in the West of Ireland 🇮🇪
thank you for watching 💕🙏✨💖
I hope Gabor will visit us here some day 🙂
Im starting on a journey to reconnect with myself. I have chronic fatigue and everything is all starting to make sense now. Im beginning to fully understand whats caused this and how i can work through it. Its going to be a long one but i will get there❤
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience with us. To go on a journey of self-discovery, especially when struggling with chronic fatigue, needs great courage and self-awareness.🌟
I'm very happy to hear that things are beginning to make sense for you and that you're gaining a greater understanding of what's been causing your problems. Remember that while this journey may be long, each step you take puts you closer to a healthier and happy you. Your determination is wonderful, and your willingness to share your experience will definitely resonate with others who are going through similar difficulties. Remember that you are not alone on the journey and that we are here to help you every step of the way.💪If you have any specific questions or need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to get in touch with us. We're cheering for you, and I'm positive you'll make it to where you want to be.
I'm sending you a lot of positive energy and best wishes as you rediscover and reconnect with yourself. ✨💖
He's gold this man. A doctor with empathy and compassion and deep understanding of addiction.
Probably the most outstanding doctor to have ever lived in this field of medicine.
Devoting his life to addiction and mental health studies.
And how best go about treatment. And knock stigma away etc.
Doctors who employ cutting off a patient's supply imo should be sacked or put in there place.
All it does is cause the patient to distrust all doctors from that time onward, and the patient will re offend.
I know this, as that was done to me and now I am worse than before in deeper than ever before.
Your comment perfectly reflects the heart of the video and Dr. Gabor's significant impact on so many lives. It's inspiring to watch someone who is not only a dedicated medical expert but also possesses the uncommon traits of empathy, compassion, and profound insight. Your insight on the importance of treating addiction with care and dignity is priceless. It's disappointing to hear that you had a bad experience with a different strategy in the past, and I'm truly sorry to hear that it made you feel even worse. Your personal experience emphasizes the essential significance of a more sympathetic and understanding approach to addiction treatment. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights. Your voice matters, and by speaking up, you're making a contribution to an ongoing discussion that can lead to positive change in the field of addiction medicine. Please keep in mind that you are not alone, and that there are people who truly care about your well-being.
Please do not hesitate to reach out to us if you ever feel like sharing more about your journey or if you have any inquiries. We're here to help one another and work toward a future in which people suffering from addiction receive the care and understanding they deserve✨💖
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thank you I didn't think what I said was that deep but I guess it is.
I have had big issues since the negative experience. a
And it threw me into the arms of greater dependence on opioids.
I do suffer chronic pain and illness.
I wouldn't mind speaking to someone because I feel so alone and I don't want to sound like a drag but I have had allot of trauma since 2018 and further back but the failure in a relationship was like the last nail and I wasn't doing what I am now.
I 1st heard about Dr Gabor in 2008? I just happened on a video of him speaking and I thought wow he knows.
I then found him on Facebook but I stay away from that platform now.
I rather stay anonymous I do risk losing quite a bit if not.
Thank you for your kind msg I really expected nothing it's not the 1st time I have written such words.
Thank you
@@nicktrueman224 💕🙏✨💖
“You are more important than your attachments.” Really hearing that and taking that in… it might seem counterintuitive but, wow, it’s not and there is the challenge on full display.
Detaching from our attachments might be difficult, but it can often be the pathway to the greatest freedom and self-discovery. Thank you for sharing your honesty and vulnerability. Continue to embrace your real self-discovery journey! 🌟
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thank you for responding to what I said and thank you for your acknowledgment and support, I really appreciate it.
I am learning to express my thoughts, feelings and preferences in a respectful way. Thus is what authenticity means to me. And I am still discovering new truths abut myself.
your willingness to express your thoughts and feelings respectfully is truly impressive. Continue to embrace those new realities about yourself; they are the treasure that that make you unique. I wish you continued success and self-awareness💕🙏✨
I am probably one on the top 5% of people pleasers on this planet. If I become myself people start to dislike me immediately. The worst thing about it is i'm a empath to put the cherry on top. So everyone's problems climb into my head. I'm overworked, burnt out and tired of life. I try to stay away from other people to avoid saying yes. My body and mind is sick. I don't think I will live to old age. This video is 100% true. If you can, listen to this.
I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings here. It sounds like you're going through a very difficult and complicated time. I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggle, and many individuals can relate to the feelings of being people pleaser and the effect that it may take on one's mental and physical health. To begin, it is important to acknowledge that self-care is not selfish. Self-care should be the top priority, and it is not anything to be ashamed of. You, like everyone else, have the right to happiness and well-being.It's good that you acknowledge your empathy, but it's also important that you set boundaries to protect your own mental and emotional health. Saying "no" when necessary does not make you a bad person; it is a protective measure for your own well-being. If you're feeling overburdened and burned out, seek help, whether from a therapist, counselor, or a trusted friend or family member. Discussing your feelings and experiences can provide helpful insights and strategies for coping.I'm happy that you found the video helpful, and I hope you'll continue to explore for tools and ways to support you on your path to healing and self-discovery. You are not alone in your journey, and there are people and resources to help you along with your journey. Please take care of yourself and let me know if you ever need to talk. 💫💕🙏✨
I was never abused, thank goodness. But I certainly never started to learn to be myself until I reached my forties. Took me so long to even see the problem. This simple fact leads a person to spend their entire life heading in the wrong direction. Very important lesson. ❤
I absolutely understand how difficult it may be to find your true self, especially after so many years. It is never too late to explore and explore your own self. Begin by considering your passions, interests, and what actually offers you joy. Surround yourself with good people and try new things. Remember that self-discovery is a lifelong process, and it is never too late to begin this great adventure. 💪🌟
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thanks. Yes, I'm doing this. The story you presented resonates closely with mine. In 2006 I was diagnosed with a kidney disease and told I had approximately until 2016 until I would either replace my kidney or die. I waited until 2014 to quit my job and I've been exploring ever since. Not working, but living, getting closer to the path sometimes and falling off often. But happier. I have a supportive wife and that really helps 💕 although it also very often brings up the same issues of pulling in different directions. But, that's life 🙃 Oh, and I'm still on the same old kidneys 🤞. Thanks for the love you bring on your channel. Interesting to see all the comments, including yours. That's a lot of commitment from you 😇
Thank you so much for taking us along on your great journey. The story you tell symbolizes the power of dedication and the importance of enjoying life to the fullest, especially when faced with challenges in life. It's truly inspiring how you took charge of your life in 2014, deciding to explore and appreciate every minute. The fact that you've found happiness despite the ups and downs reflects your strength and determination.
Having a supportive partner, such as your wife, is a true blessing indeed. Relationships can have their challenges, but it's undoubtedly that your connection and love have helped you get through them.And the fact that you're still going strong with your original kidneys is is nothing short of amazing! 🤞
Your lovely compliments regarding my channel have truly touched me. Your participation and the stories you share make it all worthwhile. We're a community here, and your presence is appreciated more than you know.😇
Please continue to discover, live, and to cherish every moment. Your path has been an inspiration to all of us. On this beautiful journey known as life, I wish you continued health, happiness, and love with your wife. 💕🌟
Take care always 💕🙏
How do you even start your way back to yourself if you have no reference point to begin with😢
@@dm4728 we all gotta have a seed there somewhere, right? Some inner voice - the one that so easily got crushed. It's still there, just gotta nurture it. Never get back onto the right trajectory but get to a good spot, that's gotta be the objective, surely?
I’ve had lupus & fibromyalgia after an abusive narc mother & sadly I married a man far worse. He’s impoverished me
I'm impressed by your bravery in sharing this deeply personal experience here. It takes lots of courage to open up about such difficult issues, and I want you to know that you are not alone.Living with lupus and fibromyalgia, on top of past experiences with an abusive parent, is a heavy burden to carry. I'm sorry to hear you've had problems in your marriage as well. It's sad when someone we trust ends up bringing greater harm.
Remember that you are a survivor, and your ability to tell a story demonstrates how strong you are.
If you ever feel comfortable doing so, seeking support from friends, family, or professionals who specialize in dealing with trauma and chronic illnesses could be a positive step. Please know that there are communities online and offline filled with people who understand what you're going through and are willing to offer support and guidance. You don't have to carry this burden alone. If you have any specific questions or if there's anything you'd like to discuss further, please feel free to reach out. Your voice matters, and your story can inspire and help others who may be facing similar challenges. Wishing you strength, healing, and brighter days ahead. 💕🙏✨💖
Me too. I used to always try to get people to like me but, all that happened was they saw me as a person who cd be taken advantage of. I am just starting to put up boundaries.
Yes, it is hurtful and makes you depressed
I absolutely get where you're coming from. It's difficult to create boundaries when you're constantly trying to please others, and it's encouraging to hear that you're working on it now. It's an important first step toward self-care and self-respect. Continue to prioritize yourself!💪😊
thanks for sharing your thoughts about this subject💕🙏
Thank you, Dr. Maté, for this crucial information! Growing up I tried to voice objection to my mother's exclusive focus on my sister, but was ignored so completely from early childhood that I quickly learned to stop trying, and my military dad was never around. As an adult, my younger brothers always said not to talk about it and to do what would "keep the family together." But Dr. Maté is so right: Our bodies lets us know! For me, it helped that my mother apologized on her deathbed after listening about my sister's psychopathic enjoyment of it all. No doubt many of us need to talk to one or more professionals at some point in our lives, but few of us do. Decades later, I'm just now starting to feel better, so definitely want to hear the next videos, "How to Reconnect with Yourself" and "Being Too Nice Will Kill You"!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and personal insights. It takes great courage to reflect on oneself, especially in moments of high emotion. Your journey in learning self-control resonates, and your honesty about the challenges, like trying to delete emotional responses, is deeply relatable. It's a powerful realization that embracing our emotions, rather than suppressing them, is key to understanding and navigating our internal landscapes. Your vulnerability and openness contribute to a shared understanding, and I appreciate your willingness to be a part of this conversation. Wishing you continued strength and growth on your path💖🙏
I needed a this desperately this afternoon. I have been trying to stay in the moment this morning. This grounded me. I am full of poor physical health. I have chronic PTSD, anxiety and panic disorder. I have dee clinical depression
I mentally beat myself u. I needed to hear these words.
I feel very grateful to hear that our video could help you with comfort during a difficult moment. It takes huge courage to confront the obstacles you face, especially when you have persistent PTSD, anxiety, panic disorder, and clinical depression. Remember that you are not alone on this path, and that many others understand including me and sympathize with your difficulties. It's okay to feel overwhelmed or like you're being too hard on yourself. What matters is that you're taking steps to stay present and seek out resources that can help you center yourself. Self-compassion plays a key role in these situations, and I'm happy that the words in the video resonated to you. Please continue to reach out to your support network and specialists who can help you manage your mental health. You are deserving of knowledge and healing, and your bravery in sharing your experience can encourage others who are suffering similar issues. If you ever need more support or a listening ear, reach out here or to the community that surrounds this video. We're here for you!💕
My heart goes out to you and your family. I have also experienced loss due to cancer. I used to have flashbacks of suffering of last few weeks. Trust me, Pain will become bearable as the time passes.
Your lovely comments and shared experience have truly touched me. Knowing that time can help heal the hurt means a lot. Thank you for your empathy and support.
There is a big difference between being a people pleaser and having the philosophy of The Golden Rule. I use the golden rule daily (treat others like you want to be treated) and my life generally flows with effortless ease…because it is physics…what you do…good or bad…comes back to you amplified. EVERY ACT REWARDS ITSELF.
True, I think that’s the path with the most potential for humanity. Thank you
Thank you for sharing your point of view! It's lovely to hear how The Golden Rule philosophy has helped your life. Treating others with kindness and consideration can produce a positive impact on others. Continue to spread the wonderful feelings! 😊🌟
thanks for sharing this 😊🌟
@hertzair1186: When u become a people pleaser u more than likely do out of love or sympathy for a person but it goes on along with becoming closer to that person till one day u realize what’s happening.
@@letsgobrandon7297 agreed…when you please out of love, that is natural….when you please out of fear, it’s the opposite.
I made a mistake as a young child and told my mom that it didn't seem like my dad loved me. He raged over me, yelling that he loved me while shoving his finger in my face. I learned NOT to be my real self as a child. I tried very hard not to be like my parents when raising my son.
I'm so sorry to hear about your traumatic childhood experience. It takes a lot of bravery to share such personal stories, and I appreciate you doing so. You've clearly learned from your mistakes and made a conscious decision to be a better parent to your son. Breaking the cycle and working to create a different, more loving atmosphere for your child is admirable.
Childhood experiences may leave a major effect on our lives, and it is not uncommon for us to continue carrying those memories and lessons into adulthood. Remember that you are defined by your decisions and actions in the present and future, not by your past.
Thank you for sharing your story, and I wish you continued success in achieving your goal to be a loving and caring parent to the child you are raising. If you ever need help or someone to talk to, please know that you are not alone and that there are resources that can help you including me. Always take care, bless you and your family 💕🙏✨💖👪
My dad never told me he loved me. But he showed his love for me every single day, and always supported me. Sometimes he bailed me out when I did not deserve it etc.....love is a strange word sometimes, and hopefully there are other ways you can remember your father away from those moments. Sometimes, just working and providing every day is love too. I can feel the pain in your statement though, and as an elementary school teacher, I can honestly tell you that I did yell at one of my students about 20 years ago.....not a year passes by since then that I don't recall that moment, in shame, and promise myself to never again ever do that. You can multiply the volume of a grown-up voice by a million, and I don't think it comes close to what the child is experiencing when they recieve it. Best wishes.
@@wreckim thank you for reminding me that there were good times. I tell myself every day that my parents did the best they could, but sometimes it's hard to remember.
“You are more than your attachments” - Ooft I felt this! 👏🏻❤️
🙌🏻❤️ I'm so glad this resonated to you! Remember that you are capable of amazing things outside of your attachments. Continue shining!✨😊
I’m the exact opposite of a people pleaser. My mother suffered. She died at 45, in large part due to the people pleasing traits expressed by doctor Gabor here. She had a lot of medical issues too, obviously.
In comparison, I’ve only recently discovered compassion. It’s not a good thing to be a selfish prick. But only the good die young. So, what doctor Gabor is saying rings true.
I'm very sorry to learn about your mother's suffering and untimely death. Her experiences clearly had a great impact on you, and it's admirable that you're now embracing compassion. Never forget that it is never too late to make great changes in our lives. Dr. Gabor's message is meaningful to many people, and it's encouraging to hear that you appreciate it as well. I wish you a journey full of empathy and growth.🌟 ✨💖
My precious Mother died from l👀king after EveryOne before herSelf.. that’s the thing with putting EveryOne 1st, you’ve taught them YOU come 2nd.. 👎
I learnt so MUCH from my dear Mother’s mistakes.. bless her beautiful MUCH missed soul 💔
fight, flight, freeze, fawn response.
fawn response = people pleasing
All four results came from being attacked, stress level rised and how to survive that. Sometimes you are able to fight, sometimes to flight is better and sometimes you can't do anything of both and to stay alive it's better to freeze and to freeze is the result of trauma.
If that doesn't work, perhaps because there isn't one big trauma but a lot of small traumas that have something to do with chronic problems of bonding, you have to get into fawn response.
Thank you for explaining the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses. You did an excellent job of explaining the complexities of our survival instincts and how they connect to trauma. It is important that we all understand these responses since they can have a significant impact on our lives.
Your viewpoint brings important dimension to this conversation, and I thank you for it. Please feel free to share any other insights or experiences. We can all learn from each other's viewpoints.
Best wishes on your journey💕🙏✨💖
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thank you for your kind words.
And thank you for all those wonderful and helpful videos.
😊
@@betula-pendula thank you so much too 💝
I go to my Angel's when I know there is no person I can trust or no person that can understand me . I came to this earth from a place that knows none of the pain this world seethes in . There is some one out there we can truly trust .
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt thoughts and feelings with us.
I am pretty sure 99% of adults fall under this, but dont realize .. This is so accurate
Thank you for sharing this! It's amazing how many of us can relate to this content. Let us keep raising awareness and supporting one another.💖🌻💕🤗
Being too nice can and will kill you.
thanks for watching 💫💕🙏
Fascinating. Three and a half years ago I was given a maximum of three more years to live. The cancer's not gone according to monitoring but it hasn't bothered me for that time now and I've been off the prescribed therapy for a couple of years because the side effects were just too much for me to deal with. And interestingly I have spent the past several years saying no to many requests from others I would previously have said yes to. And I have become much lazier now as I see it.
The story you shared really resonated with me, and I want to show you my admiration for your resilience and courage. It's wonderful how you've handled such a difficult situation with such grace and bravery. It's clear that you've chosen choices that prioritize your physical and mental well-being, which is so important.
When life throws us unexpected unexpected challenges, we learn to appreciate its simpler and more meaningful parts. Your story serves as a reminder to all of us to value our time and energy, and to prioritize self-care. It's totally okay to say no to requests that might have been a yes in the past. Your health and happiness come first, and it's important to respect your own needs and boundaries. Accepting a slower pace and making time for yourself is an important aspect of your journey.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Your courage and knowledge inspire me, and I wish you continuing comfort, happiness, and good health on your unique journey. 💕🌟
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thankyou for your kind words. have too many unfinished projects to complete. I am currently writing a program for one of my electronic projects.
Good and kind hearted people are the only people that can see humanity for what it really is it’s like asking, is life worth living or dying? find a good person and ask them that question
Thank you for sharing this lovely viewpoint. True, good-hearted people frequently see the depth of humanity's beauty.. 🌟
Adding: the other day while in the bathtub I started crying (one issue my 1st grandson 21yrs old has Long Covid) then I felt little girl Mary, the tears slowed down now the somewhat wise Mary held the child "yes I know it's years that you've been waiting, it's okay I'm more centered, being quiet (I chatter constantly), no more drinking I really am present. TY universe this video came up & Dr. Gabor Maté, peace light and love
Your sincere comment has truly touched me. Addressing your emotions and connecting with your inner self takes immense power. Your story has resonated with many people, and I'm happy that this video and Dr. Gabor Maté may be a part of your path to peace and self-discovery. In return, I send you all my love, light, and peacefulness. 💕✨
TMI maybe but I was in a (new) very abusive relationship a couple years ago and I got extremely constipated. I’ve never in my adult life dealt with that issue because I eat healthy and drink the necessary amount of water, I’m active etc. But I was constipated for a week and nothing I tried was helping, I felt awful. I definitely took notice that something in my life was causing this and recognized what it was and i started to get better. Luckily I was only in that relationship for 6 months, but even that was too long. I listen to my body whenever any physical symptoms crop up.
I feel very grateful that you shared your personal story with us. Thank you for your bravery and honesty. It's interesting how our body may occasionally alert us to the emotional and psychological impact of a certain situation. Your ability to listen to your body and identify that something in your life was causing this problem demonstrates your self-awareness and strength.
Abusive relationships may have a huge impact on both our physical and mental health, so I'm glad you were able to notice the issue and take action to get out of it. Your story may encourage others going through similar situations to pay attention to their own well-being and seek help and support when necessary.
Remember that you are not alone, and that there are people and resources available to help you on your path to healing and recovery. Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope you will continue to prioritize your health and well-being. You are worthy of all the love and pleasure in the world.💕
WELL DONE TO 👏 U..SO GLAD U GOT BETTER DEAR XX
Many depressed, frustrated and suicidal people would feel so much relief after watching this.
Im 45 years old and I started to discover my true self 3 years ago, and you find out quickly that even family that you know loves you, loves with conditions! It's a lonely road but the more I spend time meditating and connecting to the tru self I get more love light energy then any family member could ever give me! Im talking loving blissful energy from the creator. It's there waiting for all of us to reconnect.
Your comment and your path to self-discovery have really touched me. It can be a lonely walk, especially when it appears that affection from family comes with strings attached. But your journey back to your authentic self and experiencing that loving, beautiful energy is truly wonderful. Remember that you are not alone on this journey; many of us are looking for that connection as well. Continue to embrace the creator's love and light, and I wish you continued growth and happiness on your journey. 💫🌟
"The path to recovery starts with restoring the connection to your true self." That statement rings true and even has beauty. Are there any books or programs that can help us along that path? I am a product of trauma very early in life and have learned to live with my limitations, but truly wish to be free. I just don't know how.
I'm happy to hear that the phrase resonated with you, and I completely understand your longing for healing and freedom. You are not alone on this road, and there are tools available that can help you in recovering and reconnecting with your true self, particularly if you have experienced early-life trauma. Here are some suggestions:
Books:
📚 The Body Keeps the Score: amzn.to/44TRxmp " by Bessel van der Kolk: This book explores the consequences of trauma on the body and mind, as well as gives insights into healing strategies such as mindfulness and therapy.
📚 Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving": amzn.to/3PEHY6t If you are coping with severe trauma, this book will help you recover and heal.
📚 Charles Whitfield's "Healing the Child Within":amzn.to/46kQtJD. It digs into the idea of the "inner child" and offers exercises and methods to help you reconnect with and heal your damaged inner self.
📚Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now": amzn.to/3sZ7P0a. While not particularly about trauma, this book assists in the development of mindfulness and presence, both of which can be effective healing tools.
Therapies & Programs:
✨Therapy: Seek out a trauma-focused therapist, such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or Trauma-focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
✨ Mental Health online EMDR program TRY FOR FREE TODAY >> bit.ly/3Em0tpP
✨ Mindfulness and meditation can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, which can promote healing and self-connection.
✨ Yoga: Yoga can help you reconnect with your body and release repressed trauma.
✨Support Groups: Whether in person or online, joining a support group can provide a sense of connection and understanding with others who have suffered trauma.
Remember that healing is a journey, and it's good to start small. You don't have to do everything all at once. Along the way, be patient and loving to yourself. Your desire for freedom and healing is a strong first step, and you have the courage to pursue it. You are not alone, and there are people and resources to help you along the way. Wishing you all the best 💫💕🙏✨💖
Any books by Leann Payne too
Crisis in masculinity
The Broken Image
And more
The true self is realized by ceasing Karma, which is Volition, aka Free Will. (pop culture "Karma" isn't what I'm talking about). Free will isn't willingly relinquished, so therein lies the paradox. Christ's death and resurrection is allegory for the cessation of Karma.
I hold online expressive arts workshops to address those very issues it’s a process of relinquishing fear to grow into freedom Trauma informed Facilitated programs can assist
I also want to point out that women are disproportionately expected to be people pleaser and to say yes.
You've brought up an important subject, and I appreciate your contribution to this discussion. Let us continue to advocate for positive change and break down these stereotypes together. 💪🌍💬
@@yourinnerchildmatters as someone who has grappled with this all her life, it's an important topic, and which one I have a lot to say about!
Conditioned to be codependent. Yes
@@sarahw7616 💖
Women do whatever they want with no accountability.
My parents have an obsession with the news and toxic media. They have never truly been in tune to what I have going on. I recently lost my baby at 5 months and I also worked through Covid 19 pandemic as a healthcare worker. They never even truly bothered to be there for me however never hesitate to provide me the the daily news and constant banter. I finally after 30 years said enough. I only communicate with them via text which they are very careful about writing things. I don’t visit them at all anymore even though I truly want normal and supportive parents. I realized that I’ll never have that and although I’m still grieving I also have come to the realization that they do more harm than good and I’m setting myself free. Free to say I’ve had enough and I don’t have to hold onto something that I honestly don’t have. I hope anyone reading this knows you are not alone and can find your peace. ❤
I am really saddened by your comment, and I'd want to let you know my deepest condolences for your loss and the incredibly difficult times you've went through, both as a healthcare worker during the epidemic and in your connection with your parents. Making the decision to separate yourself from toxic influences, especially if they are family, takes tremendous courage. Your journey to self-preservation and healing is impressive and the realization that you deserve a life filled with love and care is really inspiring. You're completely correct; you don't have to hold on to something that isn't giving you happiness and support. You are deserving of happiness, understanding, and meaningful relationships.
Your comment will definitely resonate with others who have had similar challenges, and your words of support can bring comfort and strength to those in need. Your bravery in sharing your story reflects your strength, and I really hope you continue to find the peace and support you deserve.
Please keep in mind that you are not alone on this journey, and that there are people who care about your well-being and want to help you including me. I'm sending you my best wishes for healing, peacefulness, and a brighter future. ❤🙏✨
Thank you so much. Thank you for these words. I will save them and re-read when I feel alone and unsupported. This is a helpful reminder that I'm going to be ok. Thank you. @@yourinnerchildmatters
@@melissag.1335 i am truly touched by your heartfelt reply. It means everything to me that my words could bring you some comfort and reassurance during such difficult times. As i said please always remember that you are never alone, and there is a community of people here to help you including me. You are brave, unbreakable, and deserving of all the happiness in the world. If you ever need someone who you can talk to or simply share your thoughts with, please don't hesitate to reach out to us. I'm sending you plenty of love and positivity and virtual hugs from YOUR INNER CHILD Matters Channel. 💕✨ Take care always dear. 💖
Omg! This is me. I was raped by my father aged 11. Even though I threatened to tell mum, he continued to then try to abuse me again. Then pretending I’d let him as I got older. I’ve been a good girl and have spent thousands of pounds trying to work out who I am. At last I’ve learned @bout boundaries. I’m 69. Keep well everyone
Wow ! I’m 60 I just realized about 4 to6 weeks ago that my whole life has been taking care of somebody and always putting myself last and you would not believe how more alive and happy I feel to be able to do something for me I am making a plan and I’m not telling anybody I’m just going to do something for me and I want to thank you for explaining this to me to where I could understand what I’ve been going through I felt worthless that nobody needed me anymore because they were mad at me because I said no because I physically am not able to do what they wanted me to do it was like a death at first and now I’m starting to feel reborn and excited about living and doing things I’ve always wanted to do and never had a chance to doThank you
Thank you so much for sharing your deep and personal story. I am truly touched by your thoughts, and I want to let you know how much I appreciate your vulnerability in opening up like this.
Before anything else, please know that you are not alone in your feelings. Many individuals, especially carers, sometimes find themselves in situations in which they prioritize others over themselves for an important part of their lives. What you've described, that sense of liberation and happiness that comes with finally making time for yourself, is very inspiring.It touches my heart to hear that my video helped you understand your path and the importance of taking care of yourself. You are very correct; you are not worthless, and your worth does not depend on how much you can do for others. You are a one-of-a-kind and impressive person with your own goals, desires, and needs.
I'm happy to hear that you're making plans for yourself and looking forward to this new chapter in your life. Remember that self-care and self-discovery are ongoing processes, and you deserve the best that the world has to offer. Please know that you have all of my support on this journey, and I'm cheering you on from the sidelines. Get in touch with us if you ever want to share more or need someone to listen to you. I wish you much joy, growth, and success in whatever that you pursue for yourself. You can do it!
With heartfelt appreciation from Your Inner Child Matters Channel🙏✨💖
Amen sister! 👏😊💜🌷
@@korger1481 💖
I agree w most of Wenzec points here. I would only add: for the INFJ--the door slam doesn't feel survivable--and it takes real time to let it sink in...the dust needs to clear first...and, this can take years of therapy. The more determined you are to be heard, the more faith you had in the ones who let you down? The longer it takes to undo the trauma bonding, the gaslighting, the betrayal. I had to door slam an entire group--and when you are up a group with very strong sensors/censurers/censor is is a lot to contend with. But, after five years of struggle--I'm finally beginning to let go. My desire to think well of them--needs to dissipate. That's the hardest thing. Letting go of my good opinion of them.
Thank you for expressing your thoughts and observations here. Your take on the INFJ door slam is very insightful and adds an important part to the conversation. it is True, the INFJ door slam can appear to be an overwhelming task. Because of the emotional weight it bears, the trauma bonds, and the sense of betrayal, the process of healing and moving ahead may be a lengthy and tough path. Your openness in admitting the time and effort required is important since it reflects the reality that many INFJs confront.Five years of struggle shows your resilience and determination. It's difficult to let go of the trust we previously had in people who have disappointed us. It's a difficult but necessary part of the healing process. You are not alone in this struggle, and your willingness to share your story will definitely resonate with others who have suffered similar difficulties.
Remember that recovery is a personal journey with no set timeline. It's about taking tiny steps, letting the dust settle, and eventually gaining inner serenity. Thank you for being a part of this community and sharing your stories. Your words can bring comfort and encouragement to others who are struggling. If you ever want to share more or discuss something further, remember that you have a safe place to do it here.
I wish you continued strength and healing on your journey. 🌟 💫💕🙏✨💖
I’ve listened to your videos for a while now and you really make a lot of sense to me. I have addiction problems I wish you were my doctor ! Thank you for sharing. From Melbourne Australia
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm truly touched to hear that our videos have touched you, and I appreciate your kind comments. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with addiction. It's a difficult path, but please know that you're not alone. There are many resources and assistance networks available to help you heal. Please continue to look after yourself.💕🙏
Saying No is not easy with friends, especially friends in disguise. It may take years to find out who actually used your influentiality or who actually liked you for who you are. People generally don't like you for who you are. They wish to change you at every walk of life.
I totally get your point of view. Friendships can be difficult to navigate, especially when authenticity is so important. Remember that your real friends will love you for who you are. Stay true to yourself🌼💃
I'm so gald I came across this video. It's so very true 😌
As an ENFP, I'm naturally a people person, pleaser, who follows my gut instinct. Authenticity is so important. I grew up in an environment where these attributes were not understood or dismissed, and still are in my family system.
Your comment really resonated to me. As an ENFP, I understand the difficulties of navigating a world that does not always accept our authenticity and instincts. It's difficult, especially when it comes from inside our own family.
Remember that your unique qualities are your greatest strengths. Continue to be true to yourself, and those who matter most will come to respect and understand the real you. Stay true to yourself!
wishing you the best of luck on your journey and take care always💕🙏✨💖
@yourinnerchildmatters I appreciate the thoughtful note, which was validating. All my friends tell me that I'm constantly making them feel validated! Lol! I guess that's what us ENFPs do so well- find the magic in each soul, try to coax it out, and encourage people to set out on their own course, meanwhile encouraging them through validation every step of the way!
Stay True ❤
ENFP Sanna, I teach me now , to be Nice to my selfie too 💜
I feel love and/or peace away from the narc
During my marriage I had all kinds of ilnnes.
Today I'm close to 50 and havent been sick in years.
I work with guys half my age who spend winter with cold, flu sniffles etc. and I just don't get it.
Every winter I take at least 4-6 weeks off around christmas. Time to rest. When spring comes everybody is tired and I'm hopping around like a baby deer😊
💖
This reminds me of song lyrics I once heard by Billy Joel:
"Do what's good for you, or you're not good for anybody."
I have often felt terrified if someone is displeased with what I say... It has felt as if I have killed someone, but all I have done is spoken my truth. I have a very spontaneous and openhearted persionality, but I have realised that my mom always used to say that I was mean every time I said something that she didn't aprove of, but again: All I was doing was saying what was true for me. I need to release myself from that guilt trap inside me.
Thank you for sharing these heart-openers!!
Your words and the vulnerability you've shown here have really touched me. It's clear that you have a genuine and open-hearted character, and speaking your truth is an important part of being authentic. Remember that not everyone will always agree or understand, and that is just fine. The songs of Billy Joel are a wonderful reminder to prioritize your well-being and authenticity. Continue to shine your unique light, and thank you for sharing your opinions and experiences.💖✨
@@yourinnerchildmattersThank you for your hearts...
Thank you for reminding me that we are all free to share our views... I am working on releasing myself from the guilt trap within...
Love, love, love
from Nenne in Sweden
"She knows if she wants to stay alive she needs to stay authentic" I feel that (Princess like energy is a part of who I am)
My parents rejected me but God helps me and my life is blessed so I can bless others. I do not seek validation from others because Jesus loves me❤
I am very happy to hear that your faith has given you strength and meaning. Finding inner strength and the ability to share love and blessings with others is a lovely thing. Continue to shine your light! ❤️
Healing is always possible. Reassuring since these issues keep reappearing even though the initial events have long since passed.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts! You are completely right; healing is a journey, and it is entirely normal for past issues to arise again. Remember that each step you take puts you closer to long-term healing. You can do it! 💪🌟
Being a nice guy is being real human being. Be not nice is part be human too. But it's hard to forgive. When people hurt you. And that's Life too.
You've beautifully expressed the complex nature of being human. Forgiveness may be quite difficult, especially when we have been hurt. Your comments remind us that life is a mixture of kindness and its absence, and that learning to manage both is an important part of our path. Thank you for sharing your viewpoint.
I wish you strength and positivity on your journey from Your Inner Child Matters Channel 🙏✨💖
some gurus say better to be kind than nice, but better learn to be kind while being truthful to yourself ...
Absolutely, creating that balance between kindness and authenticity is important. 🌟Discovering your truth and embracing kindness can lead to a more rewarding life journey. Thank you for expressing your thoughts to the discussion!😊🙌
I have the opposite problem always choosing to be authentic and my family and everybody rejecting me. A damn shame.
thanks for sharing your experience 💫💕✨
@georgina4480
Thank you for sharing your experience. It's true that finding a balance between self-care and helping others can be difficult. Your perspectives are valuable, and I'm happy to hear you've discovered a healthy approach. Continue to look after yourself and prioritize your health. You deserve it!❤❤
@georgina4480 thank you this helps. I do realize that unlike other ambitious people I don't have tonworry about a balance cus there's nobody to tend to hut myself. So I prolly would have been here anyway. But its been nice so far to take care of myself the way my parents never would.
I treat people the way I want them to treat me and if they can't be nice back I delete them from my life. I've always been like that. I'm not afraid to be myself, I respect everyone but I don't care what other people think of me or will say or do to me...I got it...and guess what? I'm 46 and still friends with most of the good people I met in my lifetime!!!
Thank you for sharing your point of view and your commitment to being authentic to yourself. It's wonderful to hear that you've kept important connections with good people all your life. We all have our own journeys, and it matters most that we stay true to our values and beliefs. Your positive attitude reflects through, and I appreciate having you on my channel. ✨💖🙏🌟
If this video was around when I was younger, I would have been in a better place today but it is never too late to learn 🙏👍
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your opinions. It's never too late to begin learning and improving, and I'm happy that you found this video useful. Remember that the journey to self-improvement is never-ending, and every step forward counts. 🌟💪 Continue to explore and never stop believing in yourself!🙏👍
I would add that it's not always about being rejected but also, can be about avoiding confrontations. My birth parents were unpredictable and volatile. I became expert at reading the room and 'disappearing' before the violence started. 'Don't rock the boat'
I went to a Catholic high school and middle school. They teach you to obey and to reject who you are and just stay quiet, otherwise you get into trouble. Based on this video, I have an answer for some of the issues I'm having today, thanks to trauma caused by the Catholic school system. I'm glad that school is out of business now.
I'm sorry to hear about your negative experiences with the Catholic school system. It must have been really hard to feel obligated to repress your true self and follow to certain standards. It's wonderful that you're getting answers and healing from videos like this one. Recognizing that trauma has had an influence on our lives is the first step toward healing. Remember that you are not alone on this road, and that many individuals have suffered similar difficulties. It's also heartening to know that the school is no longer in operation, which means that future generations won't have to go through what you underwent.If you ever want to share more or need someone to talk to, this community is here to help. Continue to be strong, and thank you for sharing your story with us💫💕🙏
All relates to environment in large sense growing up. If parental love is absent ,someone might turn into doormat, people pleaser.
Thank you very much for taking the time to share your thoughts on this important subject. Growing up without parental love can have a major impact on one's life, leading to a variety of difficulties such as being a doormat or a people pleaser. It important that we foster an environment of compassion and support for all people, and your perspective highlights the importance of addressing this issue. Let us continue to raise awareness and compassion in order to make the world a better place for everyone. 🌍 🙏✨💖
Deep and intense and I can tune into everything in this video with my inner beliefs. When you live for yourself your driving yourself around but when you live for others it's like thumbing lifts through life. You can aim for somewhere if you get a lift in that direction but how far is he going, that's up to him and whether he lives for others or himself. He may be finished his journey a few miles from yours but in the same direction ish. He may choose himself first and make u walk the rest or he may live for others and go out of his way to get you to your point. The problem is you just don't know others like you know yourself!
Absolutely, I appreciate your deep and insightful take on this video. It's interesting to see how our inner beliefs can influence our perception of the world around us. Your analogy of living for oneself versus living for others as a journey with potential passengers is powerful. Indeed, life is full of unpredictable destinations, and the decisions we make along the way can have a significant impact not only on our own journeys but also on the journeys of others we encounter. Your point of view that we do not truly understand others in the same way that we understand ourselves is an important reminder of the complexity of human relationships. Thank you for sharing your insightful comments and reminding us of the value of empathy and understanding in our dealings with others. It's a lovely reminder that our paths may cross with others', and how we decide to proceed through those intersections can make all the difference in the world. 🚗🌟
Your last sentence is profound.
@@prayerpower1585 thanks I don't know that anybody that knows me would agree unfortunately but I sometimes feel the deepest thoughts I have come from the soul or heart skipping the brain entirely, something the 'shallows' around me miss as mere stupidity which is the sticker they think I should wear
@@shaneatkin4007 You're welcome. Some people will think you're insights are foolish if they don't understand it. Try not to worry about that. I pray that God will send you people who can relate. I wish more people would pray for wisdom. We are supposed to grow in wisdom instead of remaining shallow. I read your analogy so quickly that I didn't fully get it until I read it again after reading the other person's comment. But I totally got your last sentence at first read!
@@prayerpower1585 Thank you that means more to me than it would to the 'shallows' lol and you're right I do try not to let them affect me. Without my soul I have nothing. Unfortunately I've had religion kicked out of me by life and now there's not much left but my soul my heart and my brains paperwork. I may have lost my connection to god but if you've got him on the line then yes please ask him to send them. You seem kind thanks
I lost alot of friends the day i stopped TEXTING First to them. .
Thank you so much for taking the time watching the video and for sharing your insights! ✨💖
I ended up just saying No to my sick parents entirely. I went no contact. Moved 2k miles away to Cali where I lost 40 lbs and stopped needing prednisone. It’s been 10 years and I have started calling my dad once a month or so. I love him but I don’t need his approval or respect anymore. To be honest, he lost mine a long time ago. He’s not a credible resource on anything, most especially how to be a happy well adjusted human. He did a lot of violence and wrong stuff and I know he knew better.
Your story touched me deeply, and I appreciate how open you were in discussing such a personal journey. You seem to have gone through a distressing situation, and your decision to prioritize your own well-being is both brave and admirable. You've clearly made all that's needed to create a healthier and happier life for yourself, which is something to be proud of. Setting boundaries and removing ourselves from harmful relationships is sometimes important to our own development and happiness. It's also encouraging to hear that you were able to reconcile with your father on own terms and that you're on your way to healing and understanding.Remember that you deserve love, respect, and happiness, and that you have the strength to live a life that reflects those values. Thank you for sharing your story; I hope it is an encouragement to others who are facing similar issues. Sending you plenty of love and support on your journey ahead. 🌟❤️
Being nice is not about people pleasing. It's only about being nice....❤
thank you so much for sharing your insight about this topic💕🙏
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thank you for considering my insight..♥️💫
I needed to see this today.
A few days ago, I was asked to help with a particular situation that I was physically, mentally, and financially unable to help with. I've spent my whole life being the one to always say yes, no matter how much it harmed me, because I was always used to being the "nice guy", no matter what. But this time, every fiber of my being said to say "No" and I chose to say no. Not to be mean or malicious, but because I literally could not help in the way they wanted and my attempt to do so, no matter how good it may have looked, would not have helped anyone involved.
I've spent the past couple of days wrestling with a lot of guilt and shame over that decision because it was so unlike what I usually would have done, no matter if it was the right decision. This video was the reinforcement I needed to remember that saying No was the right decision to make for myself and, ultimately, for everyone involved.
Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerable experience with us. It takes incredible strength to prioritize your well-being and say no, especially when it goes against the usual pattern. Your honesty about the internal struggle and the emotions that followed is truly powerful. Remember that self-care isn't selfish, and acknowledging your limits is a courageous act of self-love. It's inspiring to see you making choices that prioritize your mental, physical, and financial health. We all need that reminder sometimes, and your openness in sharing this journey is a gift to others facing similar challenges. Take the time you need to process those feelings of guilt and shame-they are valid, but so is your right to set boundaries. Your story resonates, and your strength shines through. Wishing you continued growth, self-discovery, and the peace you deserve. I am sending you support and understanding.💖🙏
I was just thinking the other day that-people being too nice has really become a big problem in the world.. pretty soon people may even consider reciprocating and then the wheels will really come off..
Being kind to others is NOT necessarily motivated by trying
To please others. It can be a genuine character trait not motivated by trying to gain something for oneself. People pleasing on the other hand is an insecurity based on fear.
You are right. Kindness is a genuine and lovely character trait that come from the heart and has no hidden motives. It's about sharing happiness and goodwill because it feels right, not because you expect something in return. Thank you for sharing your valuable viewpoint! 😊💫💕🙏
I agree, but this is so rare that one who is kind either by nature or effort of will is quickly labelled as dysfunctional. There must be something wrong with you- either you were a victim of abuse or just weak.
This whole world is abusive and Dr Mate is right, so I say ‘No, thank you’ ✋
Once I started telling people "No" and focusing on myself, my "friends" all left. My family has little to no contact with me. Am I happy? No. But at least I'm being my own person
Did the right thing, I totally applaud your efforts. I think what you did is an inspiration to yourself and to everybody else. I do hear you and often see that what's your experiencing typically happens. It's almost like people are only willing to be in touch with you and have a relationship with you as long as you have no needs and wants and you just serve them. Starting to find your voice and have boundaries very often looks exactly like what you're experiencing. I have also seen lots of surprises as far as who are the people who disappear and who are the people who stick with us and are supportive of our changes. And if no one is sticking around for you, then as you begin to meet new people you can make sure that they all support the person that you are emerging and becoming. It isn't easy, and what you're doing is courageous and impressive.
I'm truly sorry to hear you've been going through such a difficult period. It takes great courage to prioritize yourself and create boundaries, even if it means losing certain individuals. Remember that your happiness and authenticity are the most important aspects. Keep being yourself, and I hope you have better days ahead of you.🌟💛
Thank you so much for sharing your insights, appreciated it much. Thank you again for being a part of this journey with us here! 💕
“For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.”
1 Thessalonians 2:3-4 ESV
thank you for sharing this.💖
We have such a need to learn how to love. Children can be a challenge, but we need to become mature enough to overcome the challenges and find the means to be loving to them.
Without a doubt, your comment highlights the significance of love and maturity in parenting. Children might be difficult at times, but it is through these difficulties that we develop and learn to love them even more.💕 Continue spreading the message of love and understanding; it makes a huge difference in our path as parents.🌟
My parents were divorced and very different people. I felt that I had to be a different person for both parents and then as I got used to that I was also a different person at school and then a different person based on what group of friends I was with. I didn't know which identity was the authentic one. I am now the same person for everyone and I get sick less now than I did when I was a teenager.
I'm sorry to hear you had such a difficult experience during your teenage years. It can be really hard dealing with many identities and expectations. It's wonderful to hear that you've discovered a sense of authenticity and that it's improved your health. Remember that being your authentic self is both powerful and liberating. Thank you for sharing your experience with us ! 💕
It's true. Healing is always possible. Thank you for your work and genuine care!
Never say destroy you or you are destroyed.
You are never destroyed as there is always healing.
Thank you for sharing this insightful viewpoint! 💙 You are completely right; there is always room for healing and growth.🌱
@@yourinnerchildmatters Thank you so much for pointing this out.
thank you very much for being here too, take care and bless you
this is so true, and I didn't know my feelings but I got to know them well. I did choose my authentic self over people pleasing, but not after a long time. Nice to finally feel free and connect to my inner light. The people who left were just users anyway too.
I am autistic and have ADHD. My parents were teachers, they were looking for a family that had no 'imperfections' . They refused to believe even after meeting my psychiatrist i had ADHD. When i braved to tell my mum i thought i was autistic too she told me to 'stop giving myself things ' I have been raped, abused physically by my 'friendship circle ' and at home I was sexually harassed by a narcissistic gaslighter and mentally abused at home and outside too but i think my naievity had a role to play because of my autism and i didn't know how to handle it deal with the situation...
I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficulties you've encountered throughout your life. It takes big guts to open up about your experiences, especially when they are so personal and sensitive. You've clearly had to deal with some very difficult circumstances, and I want you to know that you're not alone on this path of life.
Living with autism and ADHD may be difficult in and of itself, and it's distressing to learn that your parents did not provide the necessary support and understanding. It's important to remember that your neurological diversity is not an imperfections, but rather a distinct piece of who you are, and you have every right to embrace it. Dealing with narcissistic people and violent situations may be stressful for anyone, and your innocence, which derives from your trusting nature, should never be viewed as a fault. You, like everyone else, deserve kindness, respect, and support.
You are very brave for sharing your story, and by doing so, you are increasing awareness about the difficulties that many people with neurodiverse diseases encounter. Remember that there is an out there supportive group that understands and cares about your well-being. You have the ability to heal, grow, and set a course for a more positive and fulfilling life.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and please know that there are people out there who sincerely care about your journey including me and are here to help you every step of the way. Love you and take care of yourself always 💕🙏✨💖🥰 Sending you lots of virtual hugs now 💕🙏✨💖
@@yourinnerchildmatters thank you for your thoughts and lovely supportive caring words. I really appreciate it. Xoxo
That story has echoes of my story too. It's incredibly painful.
I know there is something wrong with me, since I'm a little girl, I could not learn! I had a very hard time learning special in math, I didn't understand it at all! Now I know I have ADHD, but I think I also have autism, the one thing is, I cannot take Noise. It drives me crazy., my grandson, who has autism, he wears something on his ears because he's very sensitive to noise! My life with miserable all the time, my siblings were very abusive because I was a crybaby, very sensitive, and they made fun of me, my parents swear, always screaming and hitting for no reason! On top of it, my two brothers were hitting me too! I got married because I wanted to get out of my home, because my parents were always fighting and screaming, and I couldn't take it, and my husband turned out to be a womanizer! Then I was unhappy again, are used to have the most horrible migraines! That I would throw up from migraines! I had two kids and I give them everything because I didn't have much, so I wanted them to have a better life, and now that I'm older with a lot of injuries, I am disowned! You know I'm suffering so much anxiety! That I cannot get out of bed! I wish somebody can help me please!😢😢😢😢
Very brave to admit this and tragic to hear about it.
I am awaiting diagnosis for the same and can relate to some of this.
Don't let it drive you crazy, takes a long time but learning to let go, come to terms, make yourself happier and take away things that upset you, where possible.
It does get better and hope you heal.
Evidently, I'm learning. Still learning. Thank God I still can..
Continue to enjoy your learning journey! It's a lovely process, and the willingness to keep improving is very inspiring.🌟
Thank you Dr Mate for this loving, insightful and profound message . This grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me to wake up
thank you so much for sharing your story. Dr. Mate's message has a way of reaching deep within us and inspiring profound reflection. It's amazing how some words can touch us so profoundly and inspire us to see things from a different viewpoint. I'm glad that this video had such an impact on you, as it has on so many others. Remember that you are not alone on this journey, and that there is a community waiting to help you every step of the way.
Please feel free to share any insights or thoughts that have developed from this message if you ever feel the need to discuss them. We're all here to learn and grow as a group. I'm sending you love and thanks for being a member of this community. 🌟💛
Yes we should learn to say "no" but after refusing i myself don't feel good I feel guilty.why people takes our goodness for granted
Thank you for sharing your views and vulnerabilities with us. I absolutely get how saying 'NO' might make us feel bad, especially if we're more likely to be kind and helpful. It's very important to remember that your kindness is a lovely characteristic that should not be taken for granted.
Setting boundaries while maintaining kind is a journey, and it's normal to feel guilty at times. Just remember that saying 'no' protects your well-being and makes sure your kindness is appreciated and not taken advantage of. You are also deserving of respect and consideration.💖🌻💕🤗