How to Catch a Liar (Assuming We Want To) | Big Think
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
- How to Catch a Liar (Assuming We Want To)
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Paul Ekman is the Manager of the Paul Ekman Group, LLC (PEG), a small company that produces training devices relevant to emotional skills, and is initiating new research relevant to national security and law enforcement.
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TRANSCRIPT:
There’s no question from public opinion polls that people care a lot about the honesty of the person they’re dealing with, whether that’s their doctor or their political leader. And yet it’s more complex than that. Often we don’t want to know the truth.
Do you want to find out that your spouse is cheating on you? Do you want to find out the person that you recommended for a job in your company is embezzling? Do you want to find out that your kids are using heroin? These of course are all things that you want to know but you certainly don’t want to know.
So it’s very complex as to whether or not we really want to catch a liar. We think we do. What if we find out that both of our presidential candidates are lying? Then what do we do? I’m not saying they are; I never comment on anyone in office or running for office. Only after they’re out that they’re fair game. . . . Clinton said, “I didn’t have sex with that woman” and then gave her name. "That woman" is putting her at a distance from himself.
Now there are many reasons why people lie and some are honorable. I study the lies that society cares about, cares about catching, generally disapproves of. The most common reason why people lie is to avoid punishment for breaking a rule. Usually some rules are broken accidentally. You walk down the hallway too fast and you knock over a $2,000 jar that’s on the stand. You didn’t mean to do that. “Did you knock over that jar?” Well, you’re not going to - “Yes, I did. . . .” “No, I don’t know who knocked over that jar. It wasn’t knocked over when I walked by.” You don’t want to get punished. But there are many times where we make the decision - I’m going to break a rule, I’m going to cheat, and I’m going to lie about it. I’m not going to admit that I cheated; I don’t want to get caught. So the decision to lie is made at the same time as the decision to cheat.
When we teach people, and we do in workshops teach people how to catch liars, it takes us 32 hours. . . . Spotting a micro expression is the single most useful thing. This is an expression that lasts about a 25th of a second. We’ve tested over 15,000 people in all walks of life and over 99 percent of them don’t see them, and yet with an hour’s training on the Internet they can learn to see them.
However, that may only tell you that the person’s concealing an emotion. That’s a lie -- they’re not telling you how they really feel. But it may not tell you that they’re the perpetrator of a crime. It’s a terrible example, but I have to use it - my wife is found dead. I will be the first suspect because, regrettably, the person most likely to kill their wife is the husband. . . . “But I love my wife! I didn’t kill her. The police are wasting their time and they’re insulting me! Time is going by and they’re not looking for the real person.” I could be furious at them and concealing my anger. And so if you spot my concealed anger, it doesn’t mean I killed my wife. It only means that I’m concealing my anger. Now if a lie is about how do you really feel, Paul, and you spot a micro expression, then you’ve got it.
Second, realize that only the gestures of your cultural group are you going to recognize. That’s body specific language, but you already know them. You can’t - if I asked you how many gestures are used in America today, you’d give me about 12, but there are actually 80. And if I showed you every one of those 80, you’d know what they mean.
Now the one that amazingly enough has had an enormous payoff is one of the most common ones we use, which is the headshake, yes and no. I just did this. This is actually “yes” and this is “no.” But it occurs in a micro fashion. So I worked on the case of an embezzler who had embezzled over $100 million. He was really big time until Bernie Madoff came along. This embezzler had accused people in a number of banks of being in on the deal, which meant those banks would be vulnerable to having to pay for the embezzlement. And when one of the people who he falsely accused, he is asked, “Did she help you steal the money?” He said, “Yes. Absolutely, she did.” Doing a slight head shake, no. Even tinier than mine.
So there’s a gesture one. There’s a face one.
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I'm really good at catching liars . I'm really good at catching lies.
I ask the right questions that get them to admit the truth .
Some think I hypnotize them.
I don't.
Lieing to me is like playing a chess game with words.
Make a mistake in your lie and I take it to the max .
I eliminate each lie , each illusion till I'm left with them telling me the truth..
For me.. it's easy to catch humans lieing because liars hate all the questions.
They create a lie that's not very deep...
Not very confusing either.
There are only so many words that can be doubled to lie .
Real shooters and reel shooters and glass shooters .
Head shots or headshots.
Os or Oz or A x.
Zoom lenses or scope.
To find true love , don't lie.
A TRULY good liar will convince you that they're a bad liar.
+Momochki A good liar believes his own lies
+John Doe- That´ sthe worst liar, because they believe their lies they expect you to believe them as well, no matter evidences you see right in front of you
+Shqiponja Aquila Ea I don't think that's what he meant. I believe he wanted to say that, if you can distort the truth and the evidences so well that you convince even yourself, the one who knows the truth, you are more capable of convincing others.
+Ricardo Oliveira It doesn't always work that way. One of my cousins is a very bad liar, but in most cases I believe that she believes her own bullshit before she tells others.
+Shqiponja Aquila Ea your body language will reflect on what are you telling. If you're able to convince yourself of the lies you tell, other people won't be able to tell if you're lying or not (because your expressions seems believable)
The easiest way to know if someone's a liar is if they say something and it turns out not to be true.
WalterLiddy That always works for ME... but not everyone is awake.
+WalterLiddy lol
They could also just be wrong.
Tu tu ru
+WalterLiddy Liar! O_O
I always tell truth even when I lie.
Ugh... ok dude. Whatever you say. You obviously know more than me, and that picture MUST be me right now, while I wear the uniform. You're totally right... like everything else you've said so far :) You've made our night dude. You're hilarious. This conversation should be a recruitment poster for the Army.
Man. Just his way of talking makes me feel that im hiding something
I got another job... The sad thing is, the store manager is a nice person and is enamoured by the dodgy top salesgirl. There still aren't security cameras after the $48000 loss and the Area Manager and head office knows its due to staff theft. Working in an idiotic place like that makes life utterly miserable for someone who values intelligence.
tbh when I lie, I'm afraid of getting screamed at, or someone cussing at me. (for example: by parents or teachers.(only times I lie))
What about this? Rather than being afraid of catching the liar, people are afraid to find that they are lying. So they don't necessarily want to know the truth, they want to hear what they want to be the truth. They are only afraid of realizing that the truth is not what they expected. Because they fear the unknown, not the lie or the truth.
These are certainly things YOU WANT TO KNOW but not things you want to know
I can't stand the commercials before the videos here on youtube, I just mute them. And that's the absolute truth of the matter.
All my life I was told to be honest and sincere, and I build my personallity on that, but now I found out that everyone lies to me, WHILE still giving me moral lessons... The world is f***ed up!
Fun fact: most folk aren’t worth shit morally. That’s why the world's fucked up
3:43 Epic Microexpression when he says "but I love my wife".
Ha ha! That's true.
Yeah i spotted that and assumed he was deliberately (and very poorly) trying to make microexpressions as an example.
Yep, he killed his wife.
Ahahaha
😂😂 wooow
I always tell the truth, even when I lie.
XD LMAO I hope you are trolling lol
+LIQUIDSNAKEz28 Snake there's something you must know about Naomi Hunter, she might be a spy!!
+FragJamsey For who? Could she be working with the pentagon!?
+LIQUIDSNAKEz28 Should I assume we... want to catch her?? Hahaha! Ohh my, #mgs
+Jihyeon Kim Tony Montana Scarface
I just assume all presidential candidates are liars. I don't WONDER if they are. I just vote for the liar who agrees with ME more. Quite frankly, who the hell is gullible enough to trust a politician?
My parents and family members have very little influence on my choice of who to vote for. I vote for my own selfish interests. If I'm poor I'll vote Democrat so that I can get higher minimum wage. If I'm rich I vote Republican so that I can get tax breaks. My voting habits are purely selfish.
Say what you will about my selfish voting habits, at least I'm honest.
Millions are gullible enough.
@@GenerationX1984
Why do people so often say "AT LEAST I'm honest" ?
Politics are mostly about getting things done or laws written a certain way, not about telling the truth. Sometimes there’s a semblance of truth.
"What if we find out that both our presidential candidates are lying?" We vote one of them into office.
You still have to pick one right?
So obvious
"However, that may only tell you that the person's concealing an emotion."
Well, that kind of throws out the entire fucking video then, doesn't it?
yeah, pretty much! And that's assuming you can even catch microexpressoins, which come and go in less than a second. I understand most people cannot catch them (he kinda says the same thing). Cal Lightman said you need to look at a stop-motion film of someone to catch microexpressions...I mean, if they were really visible, they'd be expressions, not microexpressions.
What people don't seem to get is not that there are magical tricks to directly spot a lie, but there are certain things you can look for to discern when they might be lying, what they might be lying about, etc. As you're having and extended talk with this person, you start to pick up on tells. You then use this clues and tells to inform your approach in how to catch them in the lie. You click on the video because you wanted a simple trick to know when people lie, but it's far more complicated than that.
Well, first of all, I'd say he is dead wrong. Yes, you will be much weaker without micro expression knowledge because you will miss important signals, but the discomfort attached to lying is much more likely to be displayed and much more indicative of lying (as it is any other stress). Remember, this guy has a micro-expression workshop, he's selling to you.
You then use micro expressions and other verbal and nonverbal cues (basically everything) to guide your questioning. You spot something off, then you try to find out why it occurred. You also judge everything off of baseline, always. Funny that "other cultures" were mentioned here but the single most important element, behavioral baselines, were not.
Im pretty sure you wont have to ask ur teenager if there using heroin, gonna be pretty obvious that they are
I don't want to discredit the work this man has done, but I feel these "micro-expressions" may be given more importance than they're worth. Personally, I feel discomfort being accused of something, whether I've done it or not.
my thoughts are similar here - for example that slight headshake thing : couldn't it also come from the fact that the person in question is thinking about something that baffles him? example: Q- is she involved this crime? A- yes, she is. ( but in his mind he thinks something like " I can't believe they asked me that exact question for the 100th time ) so he shakes his head - because of this thought, even though he answers "yes."
Mysticsloth one thought at a time. I imagine you simulated this before writing it, as I did when reading it. But try it the other way: shake your head with a sigh, and then nod yes as you say yes. I noticed it felt natural, and resulted in an exaggerated angry yes nod, because this reflected how I felt. So, I see your point, but you're only going to have one thought at a time, even if they are in rapid succession. The head nod is done subconsciously at the moment the thought travels from your brain to your voice box, even if it takes merely a fraction of a second. You won't realize you're doing it, which is why I don't think you can rationalize this in a logical sense like you did.
Mysticsloth one thought at a time. I imagine you simulated this before writing it, as I did when reading it. But try it the other way: shake your head with a sigh, and then nod yes as you say yes. I noticed it felt natural, and resulted in an exaggerated angry yes nod, because this reflected how I felt. So, I see your point, but you're only going to have one thought at a time, even if they are in rapid succession. The head nod is done subconsciously at the moment the thought travels from your brain to your voice box, even if it takes merely a fraction of a second. You won't realize you're doing it, which is why I don't think you can rationalize this in a logical sense like you did.
Just like I get nervous around police whether I have something on me or not.
If you have a person looking for "micro-expressions" who can see clearly who a person is quickly, or already knows them personally.. I'd say it isn't impossible to differentiate and see around discomfort, awkwardness, guilt, stress, and all sorts of things, with experience.
"within an hours training.....on the internet they can learn to see them"....aha! shrugged shoulders and shaking head....YOU LIE! hehe
hello: I thought he said 32 hours of training could teach you to read all 80 microexpressions in your own culture. Tthen again, Cal Lightman said you cannot SEE microexpressions with your bare eyes-you need to film someone and watch it back in stop-motion to see them...they come and go too fast. And if you've ever done a microexpression "test" online, you may find that you cannot recognize even the top 12 in your own culture. I mean, if someone is squinting a little--what emotion does that portray? Or do they have an allergy? Or is the sun in their eyes? Or do they hate your hairdo? Or...?
Not me. I lie for the sake of lying.
I kill for the sake of killing
I steal for the sake of stealing.
I eat for the sake of eating.
i shoot people for the sake of shooting, i smoke weed for the sake of smoking.... LOL WTF
I live for the sake of living.
This man has such a kind, deep, gentle yet stern voice, I don't think i could Lie to him.
Real eyes
realize
real lies
-Tupac
BluntforceJ How's life Todd?
I haven't got a gun Tupac...ok I believe you.
How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren't real?
BluntforceJ wow,...deep
I am you from the future
Most lies start with "I never," and end with "Believe me."
And that person is usually spray-tanned orange.
I like the shoulder shrug and the disagreement nod he gives after that while he is saying that you can learn it on the internet in an hour :D!!!
BennyGVibes ... or 32 hours... if you have enough money.
Yeah, this guy is shady AF.
Or the small cluster when he says "When we teach people, and we doooo.. In workshops.. How to catch liars.". Here his speech patterns break in several ways, there are 2 eye-blocks, a sour taste, and a vocal click between "It takes us" and "thirty two hours". These are all around details of his workshop. Though browbeating is in his baseline in this video, there is also an unusual use of it when he says "in workshops", like it's critical for us to know he has workshops.
He knows full well what he actually teaches, but as he said at the start, public survey says that most people are interested in catching liars, so that is how he frames his material. He is just selling here.
"The person most likely to kill their wife is the husband" The way that was said made me laugh because the spouse is the ONLY person who can kill "their wife"
but your ex wife would be killing someone else's wife, not "their wife"
3:32
Sucks that if you have autism your body language and your verbal language may not correspond to each other at all and you can be read wrong by people using these lie detection tricks.
You don't need to have autism. Even if you're completely innocent and somebody suddenly goes up to you and accuse you of a bad deed or crime, you could get startled or confused, and your body might give off the wrong messages.
Yeah but having a bit of autism makes it much more likely to happen.
3:39 "... the person most likely to kill their wife is the husband."
Surely the husband is the _only_ person who could kill his wife. If she's your wife, you're her husband.
(At least up until last June 26)
+EebstertheGreat you're dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb :/
+maku gx His/her logic is unassailable apart from one instance: gay marriage.
Rob Smith June 26, 2015 was the date of the Supreme Court decision on _Obergefell v. Hodges_ that same-sex marriage must be recognized in all fifty states. Hence the parenthetical at the bottom of my comment.
EebstertheGreat Well then sir, you're logic is indeed unassailable :P
Wow! Interesting. A friend of mine took classes as a kid on this, she's very good at spotting what people actually mean, it's freakin' crazy how accurate she is.
Have you been drinking?
This is sometimes BS. Plenty of times I've been called a liar or accused of lying when I was genuinely telling the truth, or people would say "I don't believe you" or "I don't believe it", and it drove me insane. And other times I may tell lies and no one suspects anything. The same goes for body language. When people tell me I'm lying outright when I'm telling them the truth, it makes me want to punch them in the head. This video is based on pseudo-science.
***** Troll elsewhere tard.
You might be pissed about your experience, and there is a lot of bad to comment on in this video, I already have. However, read your comment again, it has nothing to do with the video or it's contents. Just your irritating experiences in life with people who misjudged you because they haven't spent a single second trying to understand what looks truthful and what looks deceptive. This is just as much about recognizing potential truth as it is potential lying.
well the only person that can kill his own wife is he !
Polygamy?
I really like the way this is told, he is a very good speaker
This guy should read audiobooks
+Jddel Ddel hehe yes
these are the signs that I learnt myself.constant blinking.fidgeting.saying 'I did not' is more likely to be said by a liar.if the liar does not look at the person its more likely that they are lying, ALTHOUGH some people use reverse psychology and stare directly into the persons eyes.
+DeathCreationist Usually idiots and amateurs are the only ones who would avoid eye contact or do other obvious things like that, unless someone wants you to believe that they're lying when they actually aren't. When facing a good liar body language is, more often than not, next to useless, unless you know that person very well and know some physical indicators that might betray them. The most important factor is knowing your opponent, the next step is to try and trap them, if you have a suspicion. The best way to catch a liar is usually to either catch them off guard or to trap them with a contradiction. Easier said than done, but more reliable than those methods.
+DeathCreationist The biggest counter-sign that someone is lying is that you want to find them a liar, which will cause you to look only for confirmation of lying and ignore signs that a person is being truthful.
blargg looking for both is always helpful of course.
+DeathCreationist
With people who suffer from even the slightest social phobia or worst case social anxiety the rule with eye contact does not apply. Some people just can't look into somebody's eyes for a second.
+DeathCreationist All car salesmen look straight to customer's eye. Can you tell? I don't mean all salesmen are liars.
This is a bit oversimplified. It does not take into account psychotic liars who are so good they can fool a lie detector. Why? Because they actually belief their own lies and their emotional reactions are in tune with their own fallacious fantasies of truth.
Exactly
doublethink?
Michael Stone i am one its like living in a dream world
I am a certified psychopath (yes, we psycho's have to be certified by the Society of Psychopaths and Sociopaths of North America), and I am more honest than most normal people. In fact, some completely normal looking people are freak'n moral monsters. Most of these are bosses.
"The person most likely to kill their wife is the husband. By definition the ONLY person who CAN kill their wife is her husband. I think he means the person most likely to have killed a woman is her husband.
***** But then they wouldn't be killing their wife, they'd be killing another
persons wife, so, in reality the only person that can kill their wife is
the husband.
xMonkeyFarmerx Yes, that.
+xMonkeyFarmerx what if the couple is lesbian (not srs but crs)
+Eric Taylor there is no husband when lesbians marry. So by definition a husband is not the ONLY person who CAN kill their wife. I think you are wrong.
DrJehstr
I should have said the MAN most likely to have killed his wife.
What are the spousal designations in a same sex marriage? Are they both "wife" for lesbians and "husband" for men?
I don't trust anyone. I find I have more success by reading between the llnes then calculating the most likely scenario.
congradulations.!... you have discovered the meaning of life...... wallah!..... tell a friend "...and yes I am being serious....
every thing that is real or true or both is somewhere in between.. from all directions and dimensions....... the truth is multi dimensional...... lies are always missing something.. and so the deciever tries to get you to ignore Or neglect the part that cannot changed or hidden.. by distraction or even if possible the proof and truth that is obvious is not what it seems to be or what you are experiencing at all........
At 3:12 he lies (shruggs shoulders and says no with the head when he is saying yes with the mouth) when he said that with internet trainning people can see micro expressions. He lied because that's his business xD Hahaha I don't believe how everyone missed that lie. I have been able to know when a person is lying since I was a teenager. I'm a video editor and I can very well see from 24 to 60 frames in a second, I always spot mistakes in video production and everyones micro expressions. Although it's kind of useless and sad to realize the lies that no one will admit because sometimes they don't even know what they actually feel. They lie to themselves.
Great observation, I wanted to point out the same thing but felt that it might have been commented on already. He's shrugging because he's gotta pay bills too.
Yeah, this work or die paradigm feeds dishonest business models. But nice catch!
There is evidence to support that there is very little correlation between physical expressions and the telling of a lie. Looking down or shaking your head don't qualify as "micro-expressions". The expressions that are being talked about are literally so short lived that you would need to be trained to catch it.
ALPHA DESIGN Creative Studio Different people have different tells when they are lying. One persons tell might not be a tell for another person. I've been a poker player for years and I can spot a lie much better than you ever could. Just because you read something as a lie doesn't mean it actually is one. Some people get uncomfortable when they are lying while others seem more comfortable when they are lying. There is no one magic tell that automatically means someone is lying, you have to look at several different things to discern if they are lying. The best liars always tell the truth.
Another thing that slides past people are that there is a lot of misinformation and out dated information. Most people easily accepted information with out challenging it. It might be rude but when someone makes a claim I always try to verify it on the internet. But the internet has misinformation too. So see what the science is and then go from there. Don’t let let your self be misinformed.
Are my kids using heroin ?
This is pretty irrelevant, but i like how the background is white just like youtube.
Liars justify their actions with mental phrases like... " What they don't know won't hurt them." Yet any intuitive person who is sensing something is not right and then makes the appropriate action to correct their life situation and then lied to by an expert liar then becomes hurt psychologically thinking that they are the one behaving in some sort of judgmental, schizophrenic manner and in deed needs to re-evaluate their own actions because they started seeing the tale tell signs of something rotten is a foot. SO I SAY expose the ROT before it ROTs you.
This is such a great UA-cam channel
Facts. No cap. No lie.
An honorable lie example: If you're in the military and you are captured by the opposition and they torture you untill you give the location of your 30 comrades but you lie about their location and send the enemy into a trap saving your comrades and their kids from growing up without parents but sadly you are killed after the realize you sent them into a trap. BECAUSE some people don't think honorable lies exists.
You can't tell a liar for certain because the brain is too complex
Also consider that a person can convince themself that something is true... Such as via circuitous reasoning... Or dogma. It is possible to convince yourself over time that something is true.
It's also possible to convince yourself that you are lying when really you just are not sure about anything. For example, if you study philosophy (or linguistics) you can play games with your own brain... For example, you can find that most of what we colliqually refer to as knowledge are not really things we can be totally 100% certain about in the sense of a logical proof... Such as cogito ergo sum.
So this entire pseudo-science of lie detection is very harmful because often what they do is just make educated guesses based on a person's gestures or physiological things like a person feeling nervous or feeling uncertain or perspiring or feeling like they are saying something that someone might interpret as a lie...
This entire pseudo-science of lie detection is a very bad thing because it gives us a false sense of being able to tell whether or not someone ls lying... When in reality there are often gray areas even on a logical level as to what is or is not a lie. When in reality the human brain is more complex than people who advocate lie detectors understand.
Lol. 'You can't tell because the brain is too complex. Oh, there are fringe cases where people can't tell their own fact from fiction. Oh and we don't know everything we're talking about, so you can even lie without knowing it. So the only obvious conclusion is that this is all harmful.' You probably shouldn't draw attention to the word logic if you're talking like that.
All that aside, the only thing that's bad here is that he knows the public wants this kind of info (he said it himself in the first 10 seconds of the video), so he is selling it as a lie detection superpower. No true expert will tell you that they can detect a lie by watching a face or body language, unless that lie is a covered emotion. He seems to be fully aware of all this, so I'd say he's just selling here, and I'd bet he changes his tune a lot during his workshops, no longer playing up the 34 hour superpower aspect.
How lie detection actually works, is by spotting deviations in another's behavioral baseline as they tell you a potential lie. You note when those deviations occurred and you ask questions around the subject matter that produced those outlier behaviors, either until you get to the heart of the matter, or their lie becomes too tangled to manage. This is obviously socially damaging and you can thus only realistically do this during an interrogation.
How it benefits the average person is by letting you make more informed decisions. You detect something off about the pitch of a salesman, you pass on this round. It's the exact same thing everyone else does, but with more details being handed to you for your consideration.
"often we don't _want_ to know the truth." oh my GOD that's true. more true than he even means, i think. (see: Aldous Huxley, "Brave New World". we WANT to be fooled. we WANT to live in blissful ignorance. i know i do. i wish i could.)
But there comes a time when the behaviors are just too odd to ignore anymore. It comes a point where u have to accept that some ppl are frauds.
The Face, the facial expressions and the gestures are like an open book and you can learn to read it!
3:44 I always knew that! But most people would then assume he is the Murderer !
5:30 Never noticed it this is crazy!
This is such a sudo-science. I can't believe this is on this channel and getting so many thumbs up. geeze guys.. This is like the modern day version of the lie detector. Yes the lie detector has been re-evaluated over the years as being incorrect a lot and an over generalization to catching a lie. This trend on looking for expressions is even worse though. Far more personal interpretation.
Is he ok?
I don't lie, but I always feel like i'm lying....what is this called and is it because i have a autism?
Social anxiety mate, you feel like you're holding a facade but you're not. It's probably not autism, but it's something pretty hard to distinguish from mild autism in the areas of socializing.
I\'m not sure but ,if anyone else wants to learn about how can you tell if someone cheated on you try Sarparder Catch Cheats Starter (just google it ) ? Ive heard some awesome things about it and my work buddy got amazing success with it.
master bate tour Don't you hate when old people ask about something (say, a video game) and you feel that awkward disconnection from reality when you try to explain it?
Seriously, try explaining the storyline of Halo to your grandmother. Within seconds you'll notice that you're making extra effort to distance the content from yourself, adding caveats like "in the game story" and "they made this the hero as this guy" and "the aliens portrayed in the game", etc. It feels like a lie talking about it, because you're being pressed to explain something fictional in real terms.
In your case it seems like you're disconnected from reality, so everything feels like you're talking about fiction.
Telling someone about your day feels like you're explaining Halo to grandma.
The cure for this is for you to make the time and effort to do things for yourself in real life; Things that you do actively in the real physical world. punch a punching bag (it is AWESOME even if you have no intention of being a fighter), ride a bike, do a barrel roll, etc. basically anything that makes you engage your brain in real physical concepts rather than abstract ones (TV, blogs, youtube comments lol, chess, etc).
Doing things in the real world will reconnect your mind to real things in the real world.
When you talk (even to yourself) about things that you actually did, it won't feel like lying any more, because your brain knows you really did them.
Try an experiment. Go throw a bunch of pebbles at a lake, or a wall... whatever.
Then try telling someone exactly what you did. It may feel like a lie at first, but something will click when your brain realises "oh... hold on... no... i actually did throw pebbles at pigeons".
If everything still feels like a lie, even after all that, then yes it's a confidence problem and probably something to do with you feeling like your word isn't valid, or something like that?
At that point seek a doctor. Really.
Sorry.. NO such thing as an honourable lie..
paulflute
Correct. Honor is self-sacrificing, self-defeating.
Then what would you consider the lie Miep Gies told to the nazis about hiding jews in her house to be? I would consider her act of courage to be honorable, would you not?
Diane Sterling lying is the intention to deceive.. it's not in the words..
Saving somebody's life is clearly honourable.. I'd say that you can't 'lie' to a psychopath with a gun any more than you can lie to a raging fire or a falling stone... They are not competent beings.. they have stepped out of the realm of moral consideration.. You use whatever words and actions are required. It's not a lie.. it's a shield.. You save the person you are hiding, yourself and them too from imminent danger that you are not able to avert any other way..
This is about the most extreme case imaginable.. there are always extremes in anything that can be said or writen and while it's interesting to examine the edges of the things the meaning mostly rests in the centre..
Wrong. "Do I look fat in this dress", that's a little white one to tell.
A bigger one, well I'll let Nick Nolte's character in Mulholland Falls explain, as he does to Chaz Palminterri's character, who has learned Nolte has had an affair on his wife, and is surprised that Nolte did not tell his wife.
"Say you meet someone, and they tell you the truth, and you like them for that, and one thing leads to another, and you sleep with them--now that's SELFISH. Now, you're feeling guilty about it, and you want to unload it and so you tell your wife--now that's just CRUEL. You carry your own water, you understand? You carry your OWN water".
I've not been in such a situation, but barring it being an unhappy marriage, and just a case of getting out, it really does your partner zero good, if it was a one time deal, say.
I forget how it is said in Greek, but there is a saying, "Once the glass/crystal is cracked, it can still hold water...but it will always be cracked". I doubt it had anything to do (maybe it did, dunno) with cheating, but this second water analogy holds true. You just succeed in making that person feel dumb, humiliated, and inferior, when maybe it was a one time mistake, if you will.
PEACE.
***** my understanding of the word 'lie' is that it is dishonourable..
it is a word we use to describe an act that is understood to be inherently immoral.. If you say something that is not a statement of truth for obvious necessary moral reasons as described in it's most extreme example in this thread.. than I would say it's not lying.. it's something else.. To my mind to say there can be an honourable lie is to either not fully understand what a lie is or to pervert the meaning of the word in some way.. Yes few things are absolute.. but if we allow the meanings of words to blur too much then they all cease to mean anything.. and they're too valuable a tool to loose for such a lazy reason..
What you consider to be a micro-gesture indication of a lie is essentially a subconscious bodily Freudian slip. But in order for you to detect those 'micro-gestures' the liar must be internally struggling with a case of conscientious moral dilemma; albeit subconsciously. But those with psychopathic personalities and narcissistic and egocentric tendencies usually do not suffer from such internal struggles and are hence extremely difficult to read.
"Truth is the Privilege of the Strong" - Arash Dibazar
Yes, I want to know the truth, all the time. And no, truth doesn't hurt anyone. People's own interpretation of the truth hurts themselves
"It's all in a State of Mind" - Arash Dibazar, again.
But yeah, I loved how you talked about the subject.
"do you want to know if your kids are using heroin?" well, that escalated quickly!
funny. there is a place called kerala (india), where the head nodding is quite opposite for the usual 'yes' and 'no'.
Holy shit Liam Neeson looks so different here!
You tried
I always tell the truth. Or at least half the truth that'll influence the brain to assume what I want. Twisting my words and mine and other's interpretations of them.
sneaky.. i do the same
i feel pretty much nothing when i lie, cheat, steal. i actually feel more discomfort when being accused for something I haven't done, it might be because im using the same excuses as when i was lieing and i feel like im going to be implicated as the perpetrator of something i actually didn't do.
no
Big Think is an awesome channel. I like how it id educational and easy to understand. GO Science!!
So it is possible to run out of interesting things to watch on YT.
Okay, so why do they keep changing the camera angle on this guy from front to side? Do they think it makes it more interesting?
That means they're lying.
So if you were a good actor, you could be a good liar?
Actors used to not be able to testify in court
That's actually kinda funny haha
Actors don't lie with their words. Nor mimics. Nor actions. They fake lie with their emotions. They consciously choose what they believe and know, so that they can create the feelings as the product. My best bet to explain this is: they believe their own lie. Because after all, our perception of reality is what affect us.
they talk a lot, but they don't really say anything.
If I had a kid I'd educate them how to use heroin responsibly!
+avelione Side effects include: It's heroin...
I didnt believe this until mansard security helped me a few months back
Based on his eyes flickering, his spouse has cheated on him.
would explain the example of killing your wife
Thanks so much for helping! I need to leave, but it is a really nice store, like Ralph Lauren and the extras they give us are good.The girls would never have the courage to ask someone directly if they are guilty of theft. The $48000 was in clothes, not cash. Thank you so much again, I haven't been able to tell my family as I don't want them to worry. I plan on reducing my shifts to when that girl is not there, then transferring to another location. I've been so stressed I can't eat. Tx:)
Of course the person most likely to kill their wife is the husband, becuase if it was someone other than his wife, he wouldnt be her husband.
You can tell if your kids using heroin just by looking at them.
I only lie when I'm not telling the truth, which I never don't do
Was this man in Waking Life?
Heroin? That escalated quickly...
what's a Loy.. OH. a LIE.
His book "Telling Lies" is a really interesting look at why people lie, what kinds of lies there are, and how to look for if a person is lying.
The TV series "Lie to Me" was based on his work and used him as a consultant. It is fiction, but it's a decent show.
I could tell this guy was lying the entire time.
tell me where
You're right. Nobody likes blunt honesty, except for people like me.
"The truth is treason, in an Empire of Lies." ~Someone
It's easy to spot a liar: short hair, his entire body is red, he's got a bunch of tattoos, yeah that guy.
Eye contact, body langauge and voice tonality usaully give it away :D
if i had a kid doing heroine would I want to know yes!! if my wife was cheating??? yes!!! I like honesty and knowing the truth...this dude needs to get a life....
we all want to know the truth, but there are so difficult things in life that we would not want to be true, painfull things we are trying to deny even before we know them.
Paul, your abrasive manner towards people you disagree with is utter arrogance.
Let me explain (since you are obviously unable to grasp this fact). Dr Paul Ekman is saying people have CONFLICTING emotions regarding finding out the truth about matters that are potentially emotionally damaging to them. In other words "You do, but you don't - because you know the truth is going to hurt!" ... does that help you to get it now?
Lying is sometimes desirable and even necessary and plays a social role that allows amortiguemos the discomfort of certain social situations.
Sorry but I have never seen this man at a poker table and I highly doubt he could catch a liar who is above the 95th percentile in intelligence. A truly expert liar will first convince themselves of the non-truth and then represent that to the outside world with complete conviction. This non-truth is then cast aside when no longer needed and life goes on for them. This man could not catch such a person.
He isn't lying, I think he is referring to micro facial expressions, which are very difficult to spot. Within hours professionals CAN point them out and you will notice them as well, but only when your paying very close attention. It will take years to get to the point where you can effortlessly notice these expressions because they study them everyday.
He sounds like the narrator off Civ5
no, in fact it might be just the opposite. Being able to act well for many people means being able to be highly introspective and being able to seek out the most honest truths about ones self.
At 3:14 on the video Dr Paul Ekman shrugs his shoulders and a moment later shakes his head ("no") when he is saying that people can learn to spot micro-expressions on-line in 30 minutes.
Missleading title
He didn't mention how to spot a liar
I never understood people who says that lie is ok according to the situation. No! Lie is always wrong. ALWAYS. If we HAVE to lie sometimes, it's because society eats honest people for breakfast. Or as they call'em, ingenuous people.
MOE-GUNZ-JACKSON
As I said.... and I quote, again: ''If we HAVE to lie sometimes, it's because society eats honest people for breakfast. Or as they call'em, ingenuous people.'' So, not because we HAVE to survive or protect one another in this sick society, means that lie it's in essence, right.
Syn Slonca Doesn't make it always wrong. Can be right depending on how you look at it. You saying it's always wrong makes no sense to me. Someone with a deformity ask you if they look hideous and you say no to not hurt their feelings. It is a lie, but is it wrong? It's not always about survival, sometimes it'a about compassion.
I find that lying = always wrong false. It depends on how you look at it. You saying it isn't situational and always wrong is what I'm objecting to. You even display that in your comment. You say it's always wrong and not situational, but then argue that it is situational given the society we live in.
Right and wrong is subjective anyway. We generally accept certain things as right and wrong (i.e our social contract), but it is subjective.
Anyway man, I'm not trying to come at you in anyway. I respect your position and agree with it mostly. Just object to the some of it.
MOE-GUNZ-JACKSON
I understand what you mean, but with all respect I think you are who actually don't understand me. Because if we have to do something, doesn't make it right. With truth is evident the division between what is "right and wrong", lie is to say that a thing is something that is not. And that action is the cell of it's mistake, it is even stupid, in any case, in any ocassion, say that a thing is something in reality is not, is just senseless. We have to, as you say, and as I said since the very first comment, we have to lie for so many reasons, but is really different to say, we have to lie to live in security and in apparent peace with ourselves, that lie, is good sometimes, maybe if we enter in the paradigm, that lying has positive effects, we will be lost, to save those Jews you mention in your comment, it is good or bad? What if one of those jews actually give birth years after a psychopath, who will kill millions, so we should tell the nazis were his grand grand grand father was hidden when we had the chance? I mean, a good action always brings good consequences? I must say, no, it's not always like this, so the point is, whatever we want to protect, whatever we want to obtain by lying, do not make lie a right thing to do, it goes just again every universal law, that is technically... be. If you deny the existence of something that actually exist, you deny your own capacity to barely recognize reality.
THAT, was a good lie
he killed his wife! OMG!
The jumping camera angles are annoying. Why the side view of his face? One camera front on is sufficient for this type of interview thanks.
Walking down a hallway and accidentally knocking over a vase. Then having to work at a host club to pay off the debt
Captain Obvious over here. I'm stunned that this silly vid has 12k views.
"The person most likely to kill their wife is the husband"
Who else could kill their wife other than the husband?
Yes.. I WANT TO FIND OUT IF MY KIDS ARE DOING HEROIN!!..
I wasn't overly happy with their prep school anyway..
George Costanza said it best: "it's not a lie, if YOU BELIEVE it."
3:10 "and yet with an hour's training on the internet they can learn to see them"
nods head "no"
HOW is this in the same channel as Machu Pichu theoretical physicist science dude?!
amazong ......he's got great communication skills...calm easy to understand..
Here’s One I Made! (From Yandere Simulator)
Girl: *Takes Pantie short of another girl and gets caught*
Principal: Why did you do this?
Girl: I saw a bird flew by and I wanted to take a picture of it, It flew under the girls skirt and the bird was too fast so I accidentally took a picture of the girl’s Pantie instead...
Principal: YOUR SUSPENDED, If you think you can get out of trouble by lying your not! Your behaviour is completely unacceptable!
Still though... That was the worst lie ever! If anyone does this lay in real life I would freak out!
"Often we do not want to know the truth" - *cough*-Creationists!-*cough*Religion!-*cough*-Trump cultists!