RECLAIMING THE SELF RESPECT STOLEN BY A NARCISSIST
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- Опубліковано 24 січ 2019
- Narcissists can be thieves, robbing you of your feelings of worth and dignity. At some point, though, you can reverse the trend, choosing to reclaim what is rightfully yours. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter speaks into the topic of self-respect, providing guidance as you get back onto the path of personal well-being.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and psychotherapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. He has conducted many workshops and over 60,000 counseling sessions in his 39 years of experience.
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When I met my narc husband, I was a successful, smart, hardworking person. 10 years and four kids later, I was a stay-at-home-do-everything-wife-mom and he had me convinced me I was stupid and lazy. Been divorced for 8 years and I once again recognize myself as a successful, smart, hardworking person.
Good for you
While he is miserable everyday with himself, it truly is sad how horrible these people are.
@@mookiefinn4732 love you and certainly agree with you
susan ¹⁹july: i can relate to you. I was at the top of my game. College graduate, state board licensed, valedictorian of the same training school where i met my spouse, driven, goal oriented and a believer. Gotta say i love your "stay-at-home-do-everything-wife-mom"...
Day after our 3rd child crossed the 🎓 grad stage, spouse broke his own boundaries and was taken into custody for assault family violence (i see this as a cry for help). But for a while there i had forgotten who i used to be, what i stood for, what i wanted for my life and in whom i believed (let go of my saviors ✋). My spouse 'TRIED' to convince me that i was nothing, stupid and lazy. Yet i ran circles around him taking care of most stuff, settling bill disputes (using my big 🧠), figuring out solutions for a lot of issues that arose and handyman-fixing broken stuff around the 🏡. Now, with him gone, i finally get to 💤sleep without one eye open, coming-off survival mode, was able to complete multiple classes of c.e.u's for re-licensure and beginning to feel more myself. I have to say if i had not strengthened my faith 🙏 i might not have been able to stand against all the lies that were spoken against me by my foe/spouse.
Stay Blessed 🙏
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful success story here!
This emits a great deal of hope for us still learning how 🥰😀
I appreciate the overt narcissist because you know who they are. The covert is so sneaky and pretend to be nice and they are able to win your trust and hurt you in a deeper way.
yes the covert jerk narc in my life I discarded three months ago keeps calling but I don't answer..he's got this nice soft chuckling voice message on my phone..but I never call him back. he won't come over because I told him his attitude needs to change. so when I did that it pissed him off..if I answer by calling him back..then I'll be starting all over again with Mr jerkoff. I'm not about to go back after 3 month's hard work I put into by NO CONTACT
@@kevinbrislawn5918 pray for him, it works all the way around.
@@kevinbrislawn5918 please don't go back fill the space with God.
@@lightinthedusk Oh my gosh! That is my story with this last one exactly! We can trust God to heal us from this betrayal and be free to love with a deeper, stronger and more beautiful love, that is his love with us.
And pull you in!
“,,,,elevate himself at someone else’s expense” That IS the narcissist
My father was a nasty narcissist. I remember once when I was around 8 or 9 my father berated a waitress so nastily she was reduced to tears because he wasn't being served quickly enough. I think that's when I realized that there was something wrong with him, and I also began to hate him. He's dead now, I don't miss him and I don't love him. He was nasty, cruel self centered, judgmental, hypocritical selfish and mean. And those are his good points. As a small child I told myself that I will never be like him when I grow up, And I'm NOT.
Tim Delmers Good on you for surviving your horrendous childhood and for not ending up like your extremely cruel father. ❤
At least you learned something from him. Well done.
Yes, they have VERY low self awareness, yet,
they are HIGHly aware of anything and everything
YOU do that's deemed rude or inconsiderate to THEM.
Absolutely!!!
They most certainly cannot swallow their own medicine!!
Their false pride is astonishing. They act like monsters yet believe everyone should worship them. 🙄
Narcissism is, unfortunately, the plague of our time. Thank you Dr. Carter for your great insight and help.
A.J. Rich I believe Narcissists have always existed right back to biblical times, IMO culturally it’s more acceptable now. If you have narcissistic tendencies you can get your narc supply from Facebook and instagram etc. The current entitlement culture plus social media is a disaster.
@@simpletruths5322 I totally agree. It is human nature to be narcissistic and social media and hiding behind a keyboard is making this way more prevalent than it ever has been before. This is why our children do not do social media until they are old enough to discern for themselves. It will be once they are in college.
A.J. Rich yes..perhaps the very disease that if healed could change the world. It’s hidden behind human forms yet are not humanity expressed.
The biggest plague of our time! Alas! Soooo many around!
Dr Carter makes so much sense as he does in all his videos. I guess I saw all the signs of this thing called Narc Behavior just didnt realize so much of this demeaning, controlling and heartless behavior had a medical term. So many points in these videos were right on with what I was seeing within my family over the years. Bit by bit the pieces to the puzzle were coming together. I saw the behaviors all around me maybe i thought they are just having a bad day This type of cruel behavior has cost me everything i hold so close to my heart-my family!! I worked so very hard to make sure my children grew up happy, healthy and stable after the loss of their father. How did they get to this point of such unhappiness in their adult lives that they would place me in their line of fire by taking everything away from me that means the most-family? How do you walk away from your own children and grandchildren i just cant comprehend that idea??
The narcissist will also rob you of material possessions. Watch your stuff because they have no boundaries 😿
An adult is very "damaged" when they rage-yell at you under any circumstance and think it's perfectly normal. Likewise, you will never have a civil conversation with a narc within any conflicting situation. They are loose cannons and they don't care if they blow themselves up while firing at you with all cylinders.
Good Gracious That’s my life.
My mother used to make scenes in public over even very tiny disagreements. In many cases the police would be summoned. One time, when she was raging at me on a public street, a police car pulled up and took one look at her screaming at me, talked into his radio, and a few minutes later another police car arrived; he'd called for backup! Just looking at my mother and hearing her screaming, he knew it would take more than two cops to arrest her.
@@ashawthing0520 I am so sorry it is. I had a bully for a mother and I know how soul destroying it is. It's hell on earth at times. Please know there is an old lady in southern CA who wishes you the best. I eventually outlived my mother and am now working on fixing the mental and emotional damage she caused in me. Please do your best to take care of yourself; eat healthy, get some fresh air and exercise when you're feeling down, keep up your dental work and dental health, listen to beautiful music, plant a flower garden etc.
My best wishes to you. Sometimes,for some of us, just staying alive is a brave act.
Thanks for the reminder. They are very damaged and it wAsnt about me though they made me believe it was. Wrong.
@@lauriej.5706 Did they arrest her? Now that would be funny 😆.
Dr Carter, you are an honorable man. I admire your strength, courage and character to do what is right. Thank you for your amazing example.
Thank you. Addresses just what I am working with. Validating and clarifying
I agree :)
You speak it !!🎉
Art Girl.....I just found the Doctor...better late than never !
Jill we all have a starting point. Glad you have started your journey.
Don't forget that they can be literal thieves too. Learned that the hard way :)
The Narc in my life had always told me what a " nice guy he was" I would say..."yeah, to everyone but me". Instant silent treatment. LOL
Amen.......
I asked my narc husband (now my EX) why he was so much nicer to the neighbours than he was to me. He said "It's because I already HAVE you...." A possession and nothing more. Well he doesn't have me NOW, does he!!!
My ex once asked me if he was the nicest person I had ever met....he was serious....I paused before simply responding “No”.....he went silent. COWARD!
Every Narc I have ever met have all tried to convince me of what a great guy they were, and all that told me that were liars. I now use it as one of my red flags to stay away from them. If they toot their own horn by trying to verbally convince me of what a great guy they are they don't get a chance with me at all-if they want to prove to me what a great guy they are -then they Might LOL.
Yes so true!!!
Yes and it causes PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I know because I have been dealing with Narcissists my whole life.
Absolutely! You end up feeling like Pat Benatars song 'Love is a Battlefield' is your personal ballad...
angeni Wells OMG.....I suffer from PTSD....all from him
I thought I was crazy to research PTSD in relation to dealing with a narcissist, but I feel like 30 years of lying and cheating has finally put me over the edge.
Ptsd over here
I was married to a Narcissist for over 40 years never really knowing much about Narcissism, until others pointed it out.
Thank you! I’ve gotten more from your videos than 25 years of therapy!
I agree!!!! Thank you, Dr. Carter!
Heather Forbis-Grice isn't that the truth? PREACH 🙌
I hope the guy in your thumbnail isn't the narcissist in your life! LOL 🤣
Annette Piff thank you! I am still struggling with my narcissist. Mine is my father & due to a chain of events I now work for him. LONG story. I am a December Baby too!
Most “therapists “ are major narcs...
I left my spouse of 41 years 3months ago. I thought I was with an abusive bully. Now I realize he is a narcsissist, severely damaged. The rage almost destroyed me. I am healing. Thank you. I am in therapy to get me thru the divorce. You have been my sanity. God bless you.
Mary Louise. Well done. I am trying to divorce mine of 25yrs. Extremely difficult when they see themselves as being the victim!!
yes Mary Louise, well done.....it will take time but you will get there!
Sending you love and healing energy.
My husband "threw me away". I was surprised to learn i was right...The phrase is "discarded". The devalue, gaslighting, discard...all makes sense now. He has a personality disorder.
Thank you for the hugz...I need them!
Mine did too. I'm so grateful because now I'm on this journey of reclaiming myself!
Same thing happened to me. My wife left and has remained silent to me. She needs to grow up. At first she had me believing it was my fault. I even went to a counselor that SHE chose. She would not join us after my first session. I now know that this was not my fault at all. 28 years of marriage. The only thing that held it together was me. She blew up on me over and over through the years. She was always right. Not ONE time did she ever apologize to me. Yet I am very easy going and quickly forgave her because of my love for her. She isn't all bad. There are things about her I absolutely love. I still love her. But God has not changed her heart or awakened her yet. I have prayed and prayed. Everyone has said I am better off without her. But I would take her back if she would at least try to communicate and see she needs to work on herself. Been almost 2 years since she left.
I'm so sorry you are going thru this, Jerry. I tried going back 2 times ...the abuse just got worse as did the cheating. They do not and cannot change. I have been divorced now 7 months after 42 years of marriage. It's like an addiction...we want that good person back...only that person was not real. The monster was real. At The end, they have no mercy as they're done with us. They throw little bread crumbs of goodness at us to keep us hoping. Hugs to you! Stay strong and stay away. Once you detox from her, you will see it all more clearly.
@@rnntt2mlsrn90 I could relate to your story. I was married 31 years. I was always hoping and praying that things would get better but he continued with deception, chronic infidelity, verbal abuse mixed in with good times (bread crumbs). I’m newly divorced and I’ve never had so much peace but I still have a few moments of disbelief and grief. I do better when I don’t except his phone calls. I’ve had to tell him to leave voice or text messages to let me know what his calls are regarding.
I need to be convinced that narcissists are the result of being “wounded” A great many people are very wounded but do not become narcissists.
There is something physiologically amiss in people who have no compassion or empathy. These are innate human traits that even most animals can exhibit. But narcissists are missing that trait. Giving them any benefit of the doubt or sympathy is to be the foolish boy in the story of the frozen snake.
i agree and there are also narcissists who had good and caring parents
Im proof that successive trauma or wounds, particularly in early childhood, can shut off emotion, at least. I wasnt happy or sad or angry or empathetic or anything for the first 27 years of my life. Then an event happened that switched them on again... and i had to start learning how to deal with emotions at that age, which was overwhelming. Took a long time. I dont know if i was a narcissist or not, but i know now, for sure, from this video, that i just spent the last 9 years with one. And i am... broken mentally and emotionally. My physical health is a disaster too. And i dont know if i have the strength to rebound from this... at 53 years old.
Don't forget that we all process things differently. They CHOSE the way they turned out. They never learned the proper way to deal with trouble, became maladapted, and they created a chimera with several dysfunctional traits.
@@GhostRaiter I too have been there, but we both can get through this. If you are questioning whether you were a narc or not-you were Not, or you wouldn't now be concerned about it. You were traumatized out of your emotions for 27 years leaving you indifferent. I am so sorry you ended up going through another 9 years of hell with a narc, and it's left you feeling broken, as sadly, narc abuse tends to do. Please remember this, you Are much Stronger than you think-You have already been forced to live a life of hell at the hands of narcs for a large portion of your life, so please don't let them have anymore of it. Now is your time to heal from all the years of abuse, and live a happy and healthy rest of your life. You deserve that. Stay strong, and keep moving your beautiful self forward. Hugs, love, strength, and prayers for you hun.
I also had a combination of neglect/abuse in my childhood and feel somewhat broken as an adult. Im very easily manipulated with positive emotions and feel that's why Im basically trained to be "narc bait" now. The stages a narc goes thru with love bombing and mirroring my ideals fool me all the time. Its honestly hard for me to see the storm coming when the sun is shining kind of thing. Most times I just feel stupid and a degree emptier after the dust settles. Its taking everything I have to retrain my brain and emotions to be far more defensive. Its work, its hard, but its possible 💚
I wish I had these videos when I was being conditioned by a narcissist. Either way, it’s nice to have discovered them now in my recovery. I find these videos to be validating and comforting, knowing that I am worthy of respect, dignity, and honor. Thank you, Dr. Carter.
Yes, you are worthy. Dr. C
When we know better we do better ❤
I would be lost without them.
You touched a raw nerve here. Borderline / Narcissist people at some point in the early years of their lives went through some serious traumatic abusive events that permanently damaged them. They conjure up their own reality in their minds and will lie, cheat, steal, manipulate and use /abuse people to prop up their version of reality even though it’s way off . And if you dare to challenge their beliefs , their version of reality you are enemy number 1. They will make your life miserable, abuse you , gas light you , triangulate and begin the discard stage all because you are a threat to their way of thinking . These monsters have a giant wall up that surrounds the remaining broken pieces of their heart and guard it immensely. So they won’t feel empathy for doing hurtful & destructive things to you because in their twisted minds they figure if they suffered, so should you. But what’s kills me is they knew to use our own empathy against us and we begin to feel sorry for the borderline or narcissist and we want to help them. You see good people naturally instinctively want to help people out in need and the narcissist/ borderline know this . Regardless, you can’t ever have a normal nor stable relationship with a permanently damaged person . It’s like building a house in quicksand and in a earthquake prone valley. No matter how beautiful your house you constructed is, it will all be torn down, damaged for building upon an unstable foundation ...just as borderlines /narcissist are . Guard your heart and trust only in God.
Thanks for this comment
I didn’t read everything you wrote but give people with BPD the benefit of the doubt if they’re trying to get better because they definitely don’t belong in the same category with the hideous narcissist, sociopath and psychopath. These three are fully lacking in empathy whereas the Borderline is not. BPD is highly treatable and the others are not. People with BPD have had an extremely traumatic childhood and what they’re suffering with is complex trauma from two narcissistic parents. Often they were the family scapegoat. They need proper treatment and some love for a change and you’ll see a different person, one who is eager to love and to help other people.
@@christar9527 yeah I didn’t finish reading everything you wrote either . Never trust anyone with mental issues ..they are damaged people
I was only in the marriage for 3 yrs. My husband had a pt. time job at night...came home at 10:30 or 11. The house was spotless, the baby in bed, his fave supper warm on the stove. I looked nice, not run ragged. He came in. No kiss or even a hello. I said hello & said , I've been waiting for you to get home... I spoke in a pleasant voice. His reply? "Hmmph. waiting for me to get home. If I had a rope, I'd string you to the nearest tree." Then he flipped his plate of food upside down on the table. We weren't in a heated argument, but even if we were, ya don't say that to your wife. Or Anyone.
Their behavior is unpredictable, & for No Reason. There was nothing for him to complain about... There was no arguing between us the day before...
@@elizabethbowie9753 sounds like you really tried and no matter the effort the narcissist couldn’t be pleased. I hope you find peace and happiness you deserve
When "they" don't get the treatment that they believe is mandatory, that then turns into extreme rage. Be prepared for substantial amounts of verbal abuse, at times physical. It's a horrible predicament to be subjected to. #survivorfor17years #recovery
Beautiful Catastrophe how did you make it? 12 year relationships 45 days no contact--last two days have been rough
Outragious
Exactly!
It can be over something so small too. Something a healthy person wouldn’t think twice about. My “mother “ would scream loudly and repeatedly in a hospital when the staff mispronounced her name for example. Can you imagine raging over that? It’s hard for me to understand. Maybe she thinks she’s a celebrity or a queen. Her father used to call her a beautiful princess and she was far from beautiful by the way. She wanted to be a Hollywood actress too.
I was a cashier for 11 yrs. and people like you are few. Fortunately, I learned how to handle these bullies. Never react, stay calm and never take it personally.
U r so soothing n calm.ur knolwedge n advice help me a lot to move on Admire how u giv ur time to help so so many people.It is hard to understand wat is going on without such imformation.be blessed. Sita.
Karen Lowes yep!!!!!!
perfect
Easier said than done. :)
I am always nice to cashiers
My narc mother stole my self respect and my childhood.
PJF so sorry you had to go through that. Listen to Dr. Carter and others on UA-cam. There is much healing to be gained out there. All the best.
Thank you.@@laurieduncan6096
Run, you are not a planted tree! 👍
Thank you. @@69LOLIN
In my case , my narcissist father was the one belittling, mocking, humiliating me all the time.
I would hit thumbs up a million times for this!
Quite pleased! Dr. C
Surviving Narcissism I am quite pleased with your posts! Lol
Mrs.C At the Creek me too
everyone who is stuck in an ongoing relationship with especially a covert narcissist should schedule this video to auto play every day. As one person said, the covert chips away at you and its death by 1000 cuts. You ll eventually wake up one morning and find yourself shivering in the corner of your bedroom in the fetal position unless you actively protect yourself from their corrosive poison
Well said!
Wow......very true
Yes! Actually curled up in bed in the fetal position! Shaking non-stop.
THE NARCISSIST DOES NOT SEE YOUR HUMANITY
This statement alone has helped me so much!!
Sadly, it's true. Dr. C
Your gentle manners are so needed to help victims move on and get through the trauma of being in a relationship with a narcissist. I definitely find comfort in your videos. I use to respond in a hostile manner to my narssistic husband now I don't fuel the fire. I focus on my own healing to move forward.
Yes! Dr. C
Yes Dr C exemplifies loving detachment. Hating the N just keeps us hooked to them. Giving ourselves freedom and giving them freedom to be who they are and not staying hooked trying to fix them is a peaceful place to land. At that point we are free.
Definitely.
yes it's so true....if you have kids....that would be so hard....I met my fiance when our kids were a little older.....and now they will be graduating soon...that's also a good thing because less to have to worry about
@@katiewaters1956 you have to worry a lot of if you are interested in your kids happiness. They learnt from you what love is and how a relationship looks like. A toxic, abusif hell on earth. Sry for being honest but I was in the exactly same place but didnt know that NPD even exists! I wish I had. It ended the NPD abusing my kids what nobody not even his family had thought he would be able to do so.
I really recommend you to get some advice from a professional with knowledge about NPD just for the save of your kids. All the best
Troubled people cause chaos & upsets.
I had tears in my eyes for the cashier and then laughed out loud when you said you were lactose intolerance. I’m glad that bully did not hurt you. Thank you for pointing out that having restraint and not giving back the anger, rage, and disrespect that was dumped on me was the way to be. I always knew I could decimate him with words but I never did.
God has the final word and authority in my life and He has spoken. In His Word, He tells me I am not anything my mother says I am. That I am many things she says I am not. He calls me His Beloved. Instead of worthless, He says I am priceless. He has my name, along with all His Children, tattooed on the Palm of His Hand. Instead of an a-z list of all bad things, God says I am Precious and Unconditionally Eternally Loved in His Sight.
Amen, God been restoring my sense of self too. Keep spending lots of time in his presence and word.
Thank you for that.
Shannon, GLORY TO JESUS!!!!! Everything you said reminds me of the Lauren Dagle song, YOU SAY!!!!!! GOD has the final word! Praise JESUS.
Amen.
are you a narcissist shannon? I only ask because you brought in a completely different topic that had no bearing on this video only to tout your belief system.
Funny you had this topic today. Just yesterday I figured out the average number of times I was assaulted with demeaning, degrading, dehumanizing, devaluing and disrespectful comments during my 25 year marriage to a narc. Taking a low estimate of 3 put-downs a day, the number is 328,500 negative comments aimed at me. No wonder I was completely shut down when I left. Thanks again for another great and helpful video.
What is funny for me, it is that yesterday I did something similar. My mother is narcissistic, and I still live with her... Since I was a small child, I always had thoughts that maybe I was exaggerating, maybe my mon wasn't that bad... Just to have these thoughts crushed almost immediately with my mon hurting me...
According to my calculations, I had hope thousands and thousands of times... And in every single time the hope was destroyed... Why my heart never learned after all these years of suffering? 😢
bela C If you are gainfully employed and fairly young you Reeeaaally need to get away from her and live on your own. A one room studio apartment is worth more than you putting up with that evil crap. Don’t worry, it won’t last forever and you can move up which will increase your self-confidence, and you will feel a healthy pride in yourself.
@@deborahcarder4270 Thank you for your advice!
I'm kinda scared to move out due to problems with anxiety... But you're right... I think live away from her will make me more healthy and I'll be able to grow... I'll give my best to move out as soon as possible, even if it scares me...
Thank you again for your words!
@@belac4979 Living with your mother probably caused that anxiety so you won't come over it staying at her house. Moving out and going no contact helped me a lot to build up more self confidence and to grow inside. So the anxiety gets smaller and smaller everyday. At the moment I get an extra boost by practicing the Wim Hof Methode. I would recommend it.
That number puts a huge perspective on it. Dr. C
I still havent found my former self after 4 years no contact from one of these beasts... I would have never believed this could happen to me but it did. I am fighting for my life and health literally!!
Stay with us Missy. That's why we're here. Dr. C
I know all of this stuff about N’s describes my situation w one, but cognitive dissonance huge. SO MANY people think she’s wonderful.
Me too. The health part.
I'm also working on myself after 5 yrs of separation from a horrible husband. It's very difficult!! But we can do it. They took years to beat us down. It won't happen overnight.!!!
I didn't know it could happen to me either. After almost 40 years of marraige. My husband literally shocked me with pouring it on the week that my Mother passed away. Ignoring my grief and telling me that "he was bored" while I was running to the nursing home when she was dying. I gave this man everything. 3 good children, 2 houses a d a boat. I'm hindsight he was Always miserable but would never leave. It's been 3 years since my Mom passed and I'm just starting to come out of the shock and trying to figure out what to do. I've had no luck finding s job because it's been some time since I've worked. I have worked part time over the years. But have no pension. I've sold my other house and use that money to pay taxes on this one. He pays other bills but puts money into retirement in his name. He says I don't have retirement because I've never worked. I'm not going to be able to keep paying taxes before running out of money. I never saw this coming.😪 And never realized narcissistic behavior. But it hasn't let up. 😔
Sometimes I can't take everything in all at once. Dr. Carter really tells it how it is. The hard part is not to take these sociopaths actions personal because nine times out of 10 it's not about you but about them and their situation that they can't deal with.
Amen 🙏🏽
I stopped being the narcissist victim. Best thing I ever did. Recognize, that many of us are volunteering to be their victims. Fulfill your own life, a narcissist never will.
I hate the person who I become when dealing with the narcissists in my life. Sad, angry, frustrated and confused. Totally discombobulated. I really need help in this area. So, thanks for the info Dr. C. Much appreciated.
So difficult to cope with my own anger when accused of the very things THEY do!
When I was growing up my mother used to say to me “I’m entitled, I’m your mother!!” All. The.Time. And many other things.
I wish I had seen this a year ago before I completely destroyed my realationship with the most amszing woman that has ever been a part of my life. I have some very painful changes to make. I am grateful.
Most dont know they need to change
I hope you are making progress towards your goal.
Thank you for standing up for that cashier! and dealing with that bully! She is so right, too, as a lot of us who have had to work in certain jobs (waitress, bartender, janitor, gardener, secretary), you'd be surprised how often we have been spoken down to: demeaned, degraded...and even as a school teacher I have dealt with Narcissist parents, other teachers and administrators! We're learning to be assertive for ourselves (extremely difficult when we have grown up in Narcissistic homes, with Narcissist siblings, bosses, etc. So grateful you are here to help us build self-esteem; and learning why it is so easy to come to a fellow victim's rescue; yet so difficult to stand up for ourselves! Thank you, Dr. Carter!
Thank you for your wonderful words. Bless you! I used to have your drive; this last hard blow life has dealt me has knocked me down, and out: but like the Phoenix, I am trying to rise from the ashes of my life once more. People like you, reaching out to me from across the sea are a miracle! Thank you! All the best to you, and yours, and yes, let us all become stronger so that we may help each other be our best. Thank you so much, again!☺
But how to stand up for ourselfs? I didnt understand. He is saying not to play games with the narc.
@@anneoboyle426 Me2 Anne! It's not easy especially if you're an HSP
@ghazali ghzala It's great if you can cope with customer service disrespect. If you able not to take that personally, it's great.
Narcissist love to disrespect service workers; it gives them a bleep of empowerment. That’s a huge red flag. If you are dating someone, observe how they treat wait staff, cashiers etc. Narcs might treat you well because they want something from you; they may even treat waiters like shit to impress you
You are a healer Dr. C! Thank you so much for all you do!
My narc mom still calls me names. I am a retired state worker. Put myself through school working at night with a broken down car. While she bought the golden a new car. CHEERS
ME TOO, GC! It NEVER ceases to amaze me how many others have had EXACTLY the same experience as myself.
I'm really glad that you addressed that this burly guy is a damaged individual. I liked your kind approach toward the cashier when you stood up to the bully on her behalf. That makes you a man of honour!
Oh, Lord. I am so glad I found your channel. Life has led me down a rough path, and straight into a pit of anxiety, and loss of joy and self-esteem, but I could never put my finger on what caused this. A light bulb came on when I was watching your videos today. I've been married to a narcissist for about 18 years, as well as working for a narcissist for about 7 years. Honestly, I wasn't even sure of the definition of that word until I watched your videos. This is the first time since my serious anxiety began, about 2 1/2 years ago, that I have felt a glimmer of hope that I can somehow regain my life back. I anticipate this to be a long, difficult journey, but hopefully well worth it. God bless!
It is well worth it. You have a purpose and a future.
Hope you are doing well!
Be patient with yourself because the recovery takes (a long) time. And if you don't mind me saying...because I know from experience...Trying to "understand" the things that narcissistic people do and say ...and trying to fathom the experiences and betrayals that you were put through...Is a one way ticket to crazy ville. Why? Because you are attempting to make sense of the machinations of a very, VERY unwell person...Who is not whole enough to behave like a "normal" person. The ability to love, to have empathy, and to see situations through the eyes of another person (and their experience) is NON-EXISTENT in their Being. You may as well try to teach a cat to be a dog, or a fish to be an elephant, no joke.
What a Gentleman you are to help that cashier, you are so brave and kind! Very touching moment, indeed.
Despite my narcopath Xhusbands attempt to strip me of my sanity, I did respect myself enough to fight him the entire time and ultimately divorce him. The constant fighting to gain equal footing drained me. Two years of h@ll. I loved him and fed into his wounded-self attitude, but ultimately its that combined with his constant lying that did him in. I have grown stronger mentally, my heart hurts.
I waited tables for years and years, and sadly, people seem to think that since you are serving them, they naturally think that you're less than they are less than them...some people domt realize maybe you like your job and that you like serving others, because you like to take care of others and you like to see them smile on your behalf....hateful people could ruin it for others...but they don't care either....that makes for a harsh society.
Beautifully explained. Thank you for sharing this!
My narcissist daughter treats food service workers as her personal slaves. It's deplorable. I know longer will go out to eat with her.
WOW! If only we all had someone like you speaking up on our behalf. Instead, we will have to learn the skills to speak for ourselves... with your help. Thank you!
What would Dr. Carter do? Next time I need to behave with some down-to-earth common sense in a pinch, I'll take his example. It's so hard not to get provoked and feel helpless, but its possible to do better. And theres always a chance to practice!
I was treated poorly by an employee of a store just recently. I got a lecture about customer responsibility, grumped about how inconvenienced he was etc. I fixed my end of the problem and told him that I worked retail management for many years. I also told him that I agree the customer is not always right. I apologized for my error and politely told him that I still expected a respectful response to my problem and I won’t accept finger pointing or any disrespect. He changed his attitude, became much friendlier and I left congratulating myself for sticking up for myself. Look! I stood up for myself and the world didn’t come to an end.😉
sad when a person does the honorable thing and people are shocked by it.
The southern father I never had coming through with the best advice as usual. I haven't left my narc yet but everyday I watch two or three of your videos and everyday I get a little more confident.
Another one of your great videos. After the day is over, I go to UA-cam and listen to your videos. Your suggestions have helped me to stop drinking. Helped me to stop being so overly anxious. And all that without drugs. Thank You Dr. Carter. You are a very kind man. God bless.
Thank you...i felt totally alone and misunderstood by everyone around me before i joined the SN community. Now i know where to find support and gain information helping clearify my thoughts. Unfortunatelly i realized that not only my partner is a covert narcissist, but also my father, mother and sister...the more I learn about NPD, the more i understand the place i’m finding myself in. From the one side- trapped, from the other- wise enough to start living my own life happily. Thank you again for what you’re doing. It’s such a blessing !
Katarzyna Kuboth look up Meredith Miller from inner integration on you tube,hugs and 🌸
I get in touch with what you wrote
I wish you only happy days !!!!!
Very pleased, Katarzyna. Very pleased. Dr. C
mrazik131ofc i’ll check her out! ❤️ thank you for your kindness 🥰
מעין קדם you too!✌🏻🌸
I recognize my 15 year old behavior being one like her father. He's a narcissist and he has shown her how to treat me (we've been divorced for almost 5 years). Her older brother observed and analyzed her behavior towards me as emotionally abusive. That really got me thinking. There's a lot of drama surrounding this situation, not appropriate for this platform but suffice it to say, it's extremely difficult to not only deal with a Narcissist ex but to deal with one you're trying to raise and seems to be a narcissist in the making.
You're absolutely right, it has worn me out and nearly depleted me emotionally.
I would love to hear more about parent-child dynamics when the child is the narcissist one. Thanks dr. Carter.
As a child of a Narcissist, you really do adopt many of the worst traits of apathy and detachment...as a coping tool...and wonder if it's YOU who is the screwed up person.
Seriously, get her some serious therapy so she can overcome the abuse that's happened to her &, if she IS NPD herself, can minimize her own effect on others!
My parents are narcissists, and I *stumbled* onto this treatment for my daughter when we were trying to get her GI issues treated. SERIOUSLY consider it for your kiddo: adhdrollercoaster.org/adhd-and-relationships/was-i-raising-a-narcissist/
Ingrid, I don't know if Dr C has a video on that topic, but Dr. Ramani on UA-cam just made one recently
😶 it's ABSOLUTELY appropriate for this platform. narcs who turn your own kid against you are truly evil. i'm dealing with the same thing. for some, it's a divorce/separation scenario, for me, my own sister who did this. my daughter, now 19, is a complete jerk. 🤷🏾♀️ (sorry, but there's no nice way to put it). insults, put downs, triangulation, judgements, disrespect, devaluation, guilt trips... and so on. you wanna slap your kid and you wanna kill the narc who did this. but you can't do any of it. 😂 (sorry, but i'm just being real here). it's literally one of THEE SINGLE MOST TERRIBLE THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN TO A PARENT. you cry, you talk to yourself, you pray, you rage inside and contemplate revenge, you drink, you drug, you isolate, you overeat, you try to get up, feel better, but you can't. it drains your life force. "toxic" indeed. there's all this talk about "going no contact". but really, how do you do that when it's your kid?
believe me my friend,
you are NOT alone. 💙💙💙
“Emotional cesspool.” Exactly!
Oh, I loved that, about the cashier! More of us should be like that in coming to another person's defense. That man disrespecting you and her was no man at all.
That`s why I hate family get together s during holidays , just takes one N .
yes I don't do them any more, not what society says do but it just doesn't work in my family.
Oh gosh. I know I'm late to the party but .Thanks for communicating this. For years, I couldn't understand why I felt this way.
@@sunshine-sm6nf wow thanks for sharing your Nars comment. Really helpful
@@adrian4064 they are just too draining, couldn't take it any more
You guys sure its the family?
Thankfully I am now aware of Narcissistic behavior. My pastor, of all people, someone in a position of trust, is stealing my self respect. I can identify it now. How many of us are getting bludgeoned by someone we trust and respect? She is doing this to other people in the church and it going to come back around to her, sooner or later. Thanks so much for all of your help Dr Carter. My anxiety level was off the chart, hives, no sleep! Phew!
I had to leave him. I just can't have the rest of my life being insulted, treated like dirt, condemned, put down. I just can't do it anymore.
My granddaughter who I took in and raised to the best of my ability, has been angry and has been cruel to me for 22 years. I finally broke free this year. I’m 65 and exhausted....broken.
Your words and voice are so very reassuring and comforting. Thank you for reminding me that I still have power.
How people treat those in service positions (cashiers, waiters, bank tellers, kids' teacher, auto mechanic, etc.) is a great big indicator of narc tendencies. I've heard it and read it in so many places, but it really is true! They are picking on someone who is captive in the moment. Next time you are out at the store or in town, just watch. The narcs will show themselves. Wish I'd realized that before I got my life mixed up with a narc (who treats service workers like shit, by the way).
Run! 🌄
@@lightinthedusk those are the worst lol. I can totally see the fakeness abt people now that ive dealth with sum of these covert narcs . me myself im kind and polight but im genuinely just being myself .if im feeling even keel and sort of just normal ill just act normal . i don't try and produce fake conversation unless im actually interested
@@lightinthedusk Exactly.
And notice how many times they send food back to the kitchen in a restaurant. Often insist on eating half the food first before sending back with loud protest about the quality until wait staff says 'no charge'. Then narc has big grin...Free meal!!!!
Dr. Carter-I can’t even begin to tell you how much I get from your UA-cam videos. You truly are a very humble and kind man. It gives me hope and makes me realize that I deserve a good guy. Your wife is very blessed and I’m sure you are as well! Thank you so much for these videos. They are helping more than you know!
Example of a convo with a covert narcissistic partner: "My friend can't seem to find a hot girl.
-Well maybe he should lower his standards in the looks department and meet the right one
-You think I would lower MY standards. All the girls before you were way more good looking, they'd make you cry
(What just happened. We were talking about his friend. Why is this about him. Why is he trashing me)
And that's how they'll slide in their episodes of self-loathing, covertly onto you, stripping you of self-respect. That's just one example. It can happen with family and friends too. Once that happens, even once....GET OUT. And they're good at blaming you for it..cause you stirred the conversation that way and it's your fault.
Good you got out! Don’t go back.
One of the best videos on the Internet. You help so many. THANK YOU
Very pleased. Dr. C
Indeed. Be blessed always Dr. C
Dr Carter, you’re the best there is. You have helped me so much and I want to thank you for that. You have a gift.
Another winning observation. While trying to sort out my situation, one of these videos said “ if you raise your voice more than once a week, you might consider Anger Management. Coming from a family where “ The guy who yells loudest wins”, this was a foreign concept. I searched for anger management classes in my area, but ended up finding answers on your videos. Now, instead of lashing back when I’m attacked, I pause to see why I feel the way I do. After I identify my feelings, I give myself permission to feel hurt or even angry, but don’t lash out. In just two short weeks I notice people react differently around me. ( Friends seemingly quit thinking- “ Oh, how awful it is when that person snaps out harsh words. “ Now it’s more along the line of, “look at that person taking all that crap and staying calm.” Like your grocery store friend. Awesome- you continue to change my life for the better. Thanks
This man is amazing.I suffered from abusive relationships after been assaulted violently and starved as a child, then ended up in many abusive relationships. I think more of these situations should be spotted at a young age. I reported my situation to the rspcc then was beaten and had to lie to the social worker to avoid more beatings. She was clever enough not to leave a mark by hair pulling arm twisting and face slapping.
Dr. les Carter, I’ll reiterate. All these various messages of exactly what comprises narcissism are necessary to “get it” at a deep level and accomplish deep understanding, healing, and self change. On befall if the multitudes who gave experienced these individuals, I thank you.
Received with gratitude. Dr. C
It's horrible and you have helped me to finally make the decision to cut what's left of my abusive family off....the criticisms...the arrogance....etc...enough....I am still an active granny and I am doing for me first....Sadly I can never please them and am going to actually physically move to get a life....thank you I love your videos...keep them coming Dr.Carter..blessings..
Heather Whittaker be free. It’s been 10 months of no contact for me after similar story to yours. I’ve gotta say best decision ever. Highly recommend. Also recommend not telling everyone as it’s hard to deal with the judgmental comments from people who don’t get it, when you’re trying to move forward. I get it / no matter what age.
I saw your last name and was curious...Did you ever have a son or grandson named Daniel Whittaker he was in a boy's ranch for a year or 2 ?
Same here. B4 I understood Narcissim I suffered through 30 years of an abusive marriage which trained our children to disrespect me. During which my NM slammed me as well. I divorced them all, moved 1200 miles away. They destroyed my life. Trying to make it better will take time.
THANK YOU! After living under the thumb of a narcissistic parent, I learned to blame myself for things that were not my fault, as well as a host of unhealthy mindsets such as severe anxiety, lack of independent decision making, depression, and low self-esteem. After watching a few of your videos, it felt like a huge weight was lifted from my back. I am worth something, and my choices are not inherently stupid.
This Monday I’m getting the child I adopted a mental health evaluation to see if he has that disconnection from birth you told me about. He will be 13 in a couple of months so it’s been 8 years of almost daily gaslighting, lies, a horrible black eye stare etc. As of this last week he has stepped up his game something I have been dreading because I knew it was coming after studying 5 years constantly so I could try to stay ahead of him. He put broken pieces of glass in my Himalayan pink salt because he knows I take a bath every night. He has been forging ALL his teachers signatures for 2 weeks after I confronted him he said WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT, THERES NO PUNISHMENT LEFT TO GIVE ME!!!! uuugghh I looked at him and smiled and said you can go pull weeds in the front. His game became a nightmare yesterday, he called CPS and told them I choked him, they pulled my other children out of class one by one to ask what kind of mother I am, when one of my daughters said is this because Andrew got caught forging his teachers signatures and had to pull weeds? The CPS worker said OH HE NEVER MENTIONED ANY OF THAT. I cannot look at him right now so I have a friend watching him until Monday. It saddens me but for the well-being of the rest of the children he needs to be removed. Today it felt like we could all breathe again because he wasn’t there sucking all the oxygen out of the house.
Believe In love - Sounds like you have a psychopath on your hands. May you stay safe, and I hope this nightmare will be over soon and that you will have peace in your life. 🙏🏼
Mo Poppins thank you 🙏 the reality of this is scary and I would of never thought an act of love for adopting a child would put the rest of the family in harms way. CPS wants to close the case and I told them don’t you dare close this case, I need help!!! This weekend we all have to write down every single mean thing this kid has done the past 8 years to prove he is going to hurt someone soon.
Believe In love - It’s so frustrating when people, especially those in social services, don’t know anything about personality disorders. Not only is it frustrating, but dangerous and potentially life-threatening for those involved.
Mo Poppins I absolutely love 💕 people who take the time to make these videos to help inform the public because truthfully Most people just think this person is just mean, nice or crazy. Until you study and find out it’s a childhood trauma that can turn some people into monsters with a sweet mask on their face. I just researched last night 1 in 4 babies born now have drugs in their system this is gut wrenching and soooo scary for the new generation.
Believe In love - I hope that channels like this one will lead to a more informed society, as far as narcissistic disorders are concerned. Anyone with internet access can find accurate info now. It’s heartening to know that minors can watch UA-cam channels on narcissistic abuse and understand that they’re not at fault for anything, and are already planning to go no contact with their families, once they graduate high school. Much better than being confused until 40 and beyond, being depleted daily by these evil, parasitic beings that fool so many.
I think that in 5 to 10 years, it’s possible that we’ll have more empaths in decision-making positions of power. There are plenty who want to going to teaching, social services and psychology, but narcissists currently dominate these fields. I hope to see a shift in the upcoming decade.
Once again, you offer the best advice on youtube for how to be a decent, well-grounded, effective human being .. Thanks so much Dr. Carter for being here.
I can't thank you enough for making these videos. Currently reading your book "When pleasing you is killing me" and it's also so helpful!
The narc wanted something from me; but looked down on me at the same time. Hence, I would be punished relentlessly. Torn asunder for the crime of existing.
from your little videos I have learnt more than ever before about self-respect and dignity! thank you so much. a narcissist can push you in a dark corner (speaking of an adult son) where you start to lose your own dignity, your very breath of life, your spirit, as it feels,even lose your soul, he can push you even into suicide. Mr. Carter is very enlightening, thank you! I love you, great work, compassionate approach, amazing insights!
The one finger salute- it was the right thing to do. Stand up for her; having a bad childhood is not a license to treat people poorly.
I get a lot from your content and especially appreciate your calm and relaxed delivery. Thank you
When I feel disrespected by Narc, I ask myself if narc respects himself. There it is. Narc isn't capable of transmitting something they don't have. It's not about me and says more about them. I say, "I've been called worse by better". That usually leaves them speechless. Or I say, "Your calling God a liar" because my worth comes from above! not from narc.
Love, "I've been called worse by better".
@@patsig7632 me too.. slipping that one in my back pocket for the next time I get called his favorite ugly name for me
Great stuff and right on target. Part of my problem was being the empath in need of the validation. I wish I had seen these when I started standing up for myself. Could have help me cut ties faster knowing what I was dealing with.
Thanks Dr. Carter for another spot-on video. I always look for them on UA-cam.
Today I was reminded of the expression "Respect is earned not given".
I've always interpreted that to be : if you do what I think you should at this moment (and I might change whatever that might be later), I will respect you. Load of hogwash to me.
I think people should be given respect just because it's the nice thing to do. Being mean is a choice. I don't understand why someone would be mean when it's so much easier to be nice (it feels better too).
Dorothy Bennington I see respect as a 2 way street. If someone wants respect, they need to be a respectful person. Flat out demanding it based on future conditions is abusive because they can change the rules in mid stream even though you may have held up your end of the bargain.
I fell like I dont know me anymore. I am still trying to walk away from a 20 year relationship. He trys to control me with money.... it's sad. I tried for years every way I could think of. Finally my daughter sent me one of your videos. It was my life with him. It took me awhile but I know I cant fix this. I know I have to go.... now what do I do with me. It's scary to think about it. I think I'll be fine
I got angry since when I mentioned my works being stolen, they acted like I should just get over it.
God bless you Dr. Carter! I am so grateful for these videos. I have been in and out of counseling for several years just trying to keep myself together! Unfortunately, I could not figure out how to live with my narcissistic husband any longer and had to remove myself from that situation. I am making strides towards healing (in so many ways) and your videos have certainly been powerful to that end!
Pleased to hear this! Dr. C
It was very nice of you to stand up for her.
Yeh, I’m so glad she told you why she was crying, so moved that someone stood in when she could barely stand up. I’d feel like slugging him myself.
Thanks so much for standing up for the cashier. As a cashier and a waitress people take out their frustrations on us for things beyond our control, from prices to being short staffed. I was threatened with physical violence 4 times in a 20 year period and not one bystander said a word. All in a day's work when you don't make a living wage.
I don't understand why more people do not speak up. They know it's wrong. They know that person needs some backup. Yet more often than not they just sit there staring at the floor or gawking with their mouths open. It's the worst thing.
In a relationship, a Narc can deplete your self respect with various tactics. Over time, you become the victim of psychological "Ling chi". ie. death by a thousand cuts.
Imagine the devastation done by narcissistic parents to children who can't perceive or filter the abuse.
Dr. Les you done it again! Thank you for your insight to this craziness. I met the narc in a public place for the FINAL time because we just lost our child prematurely. I grey stone him and I politely put on my coat and left the loser watching my ass while I sashayed to my car. I was laughing inside. I'm so proud of myself. I have my power back. God is my witness!! 👑❤❤❤❤👌
Lucretia Brown GGGG I’ve been “Giving Grace and Glory to God”... peace as we discover and understand what happened to us! Have you seen the Lifetime Documentary, “ surviving R. Kelly”? I only saw first Episode and it BLEW ME AWAY!!!
@@debcal65dac Niiiice GGGG! No I'm not interested in watching that documentary. I dont want that in my spirit.
I was constantly told I was worthless and a nothing along with many other names while married to my narcissistic alcoholic ex husband for 30 long years
He was and still is as I still have to coparent with him always kicking me when I’m down.
These videos sure are wonderful in helping me understand that I truly wasn't crazy. This is an eye opener that these are truly sick people to treat others the way they do! Just leaving a narcissist after 17 yrs of him always making me think me and everyone else in life was the problem. Glad to be healing now!❤
This seems to be the story of my life.😥 I have no self confidence anymore...
PS.I wanted to say, that guy you were talking about, could have also possibly had been high on some kind of drug or even drinking. Raging alcoholics seem to have this MO.
Who knows. He definitely was not at his best that day. Dr. C
Anonymous, be sure to differentiate between self confidence and self esteem. Often we have self confidence in our abilities (work etc) as we have worked extra hard to prove ourselves. But you can also have zero self esteem at the same time. Good luck.
Give it time .... love yourself first, that's a great start and learn who you are all over again... its amazing how everything else will come too. Live every day feeling free and alive again. Xx
Dr. Carter, thank you for standing up for the woman. So often service people are dehumanized and how terrible to have to go to a job where you are doing your best to help others while not being paid much and to have to put up with abuse on a daily basis. Some people take the "customer is always right" attitude way too far and forget or don't care that the other person is a human being.
In my experience responding with respect to total disrespect just showed that they succeeded. A green flag for them.
odessa I have to agree with you. Standing up to them and calling it like it is shoots them down and puts them in their place. But yes, rise above them with appropriate self-control and don’t fall into their cesspool.
@@deborahcarder4270 I agree! ✔
@@deborahcarder4270 Agree
thank you - your timing is an uncanny source of comfort for me. i’ve been shedding narcissists left and right. it can be very lonely but the peace is worth the struggle.
yes, this is exactly right.....I'm almost there....I don't throw things away anymore and I still have fun with the kids, family, friends, etc.....I am praying for him but I don't feed into it anymore.....am amazed on their denial of their actions...wow...love this video
The quote "don't get dragged into their emotional cesspool" is one I will be repeating to myself. I would love you to talk more about the compulsion to do things to alleviate their own emotions/anxiety. I have a coworker I am dealing with and not sure how to handle work situations when the person does this.
Look up, “ grey rock “ it’s a method of stone facing them so that they don’t get a rise out of you and so move on to another person.
Dr: Carter amazing story. I always told the narc man. About me that I wanted to be respect, honor and treated like a Queen. I stood my ground and every time when I was not feeling treated the way. I told him. Towards the end. I told him and I show him. I discarded him. I wrote him a note and gave him to him and he read it. My believe is that. I speak to people that way that I want to be spoken. Also my brother told me once. I am going to try to translated this is a qoute in Spanish: We can loose respect but not our dignity. Something Like that. "Se puede perder LA verguenza pero no LA dignidad. " Be bless everybody.
You are helping me. With the knowledge I now have, I am turning everything around. It’s incredible how easy it is once you understand. Thank you.
I most appreciate your advice online living within a relationship instead of leaving. You shine bright light on a dark and difficult issue. Thank you. 🙏🤗
would these narc types disrespect someone bigger than them? No, I think not! Cowards!
This what I told the Narc all the time. You are a coward. You would never approach/threaten a man how you do a woman. I would love to see it.
@@yemedemure414such a headache dealing with them
Yes they do. They love fighting. Women narcissists are VERY adept at putting victims in jail. Physical dominance doesn't matter to a covert narc. Male or female, physically dominant or slight and frail, they can become masters at manipulating others and gaming the system. Don't be fooled.
I was raised by narcissist mother and father who abused us by putting demands including expecting me to quit high school to get a job because the part-time job wasn't enough for my parents to accept. I refused to quit high school because I was thinking for myself and what I need to better my circumstances so I explain "without a high school diploma I won't be able to get a better job to help you out? So she stopped complaining to me. Personally "ignorance" is what I detest in my family and had to cope in the best way possible. I just had to avoid them because there is no talking to these individuals.
Yes, they disrespect everybody. If it is someone bigger than them, they just won't do it to their face.
Wow, you've really found your calling! ❤️
It’s “shocking” to witness others behaving verbally hostile.
However, it’s equally “shocking” to witness others behaving generously with kindness.
Our absorption of external emotions is like vibrations. Remember the office toy with 5 pendulums? Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.
That’s it’s effect inside our body, to our mind, to our heart, down to each cell. Just vibration banging everything inside us back and forth, repeatedly. We go into shock.
Then we grab one pendulum to stop and the whole construct stops.
In fractal knowledge, it’s called self-analyzing criticality. The avalanche has an automatic stopping point.
YOU stopped the avalanche Dr Carter for the cashier. ❤️
No one ever told me I was doing self-analyzing criticality before. Despite the bully, the cashier and I had a good day after all. Dr. C
Doc, you are the man. I did a 2 day video crash course on narcissism at the end of last week and now my now narc ex-gf's tactics and manipulation techniques and digs at me roll right off of me because I just simply don't entertain them, or I poke fun and amplify at her "suggestions" or "subtle judgments/digs," but I always keep it concise and polite and because I keep it polite and I don't react emotionally she has no way to accuse me of being angry, upsetting, stressing her out or whatever, all that she could say doc was oh that's strange that you feel like you had nothing to do with making me feel that way. SHE COULD SENSE SOMETHING WAS UP DOC. And I said strange huh, strange indeed. I could feel the fear in her messages as she was working overtime just to keep up with my bland non-interested responses, and she hasn't messaged me that much in a looong time. So I've just got a few things I need to take care of with her, and to get some of my things back, and then I'm cutting her out of my life doc. Thank you so much, you and a few others on UA-cam have saved me from daily stress, from feeling anxious, and spiraling down the drain of depression! I woke up yesterday feeling more refreshed, relaxed, and having more energy than I've had in years! And I'm only 29 doc! The stress was destroying me sir. I am transferring my check into my bank account in a few hours and I'm ordering your book When Pleasing You Is Killing Me! It's got great reviews, nothing but great reviews and some people say it's pretty much life changing, like a really big deal! So I'm getting it today. Thank you so much for helping us. You are the man doc! I believe all of this information should be common knowledge and all narcissists need to be called out and known for who they are, but they're so manipulative and so good at making the victim look like the perpetrator that it's just not that simple. But we have each other, and I'm thinking about making a video, like a screenshots video with me talking in the background because I want to show people how she used to trigger me into talking through messages, constantly defending myself, justifying myself, having to prove that I love her so much, having to prove that I'm not losing interest, I mean psychotic level stuff. I look back now and I say what the heck was I thinking? What was wrong with me? It was like I was in this dense fog I couldn't escape from, it really did feel like some sort of hypnosis, and when I learned the reality behind the false fabricated reality she has spun in front of my eyes I could feel the veil lifting, I could breathe easier, better, smoother, I felt more relaxed...quite angry at first that I was duped like this, but relieved more than anything doc. Thank you so much for everything that you do and please don't stop making videos for us. God bless you doc! All the best to ya! Would love to come see you talk at some meeting sometime if you might do any speeches on this topic in the future sometime. If you're ever on the West Coast I'll do my best to come see you talk about NPD. You are one of the best, if not THE best professionals on UA-cam explaining this, and you never waste even a second of video time, always so much great information, always so efficient. A true professional sir, you are a true professional. I am truly grateful that I have found your videos, and I can comfortably say they changed my life for the better and saved me from so much more pain, because I was already starting to feel quite destroyed, but I found your videos and some videos from other people just in time.