Midweek with Dr. C- When Narcissists Become Threatening
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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“Never wrestle with a pig because you'll both get dirty and the pig likes it." - George Bernard Shaw
I Really need to remember that quote :)
I wrote it down!! ❤🎉
Brilliant, thanks 😂
Exactly! Never argue with stupid/violent/greedy (whatever their addictive behaviors they act out) because they'll pull you down to their level and beat you with their experience. ❤ Don't take the bait! It's a trap!
If U argue with a fool, then there are two fools 😮❤❤❤
Even by the way they treat you with their secret behavior speaks of disrespect and says you are not worthy of consideration.
So true, exactly what I experienced in my situation
Like I said Patricia we can all chat w Dan . 🪦💀
I got out with my life! Do not underestimate your safety with a narcissist. Keep track of your phone and keys, at all times.
And laptop and passwords!
@@stacygyuricza2187 Good point. The ex-narcissist stole all my computer backups and passwords.
Facts cunning beings
They like to keep track of Your phone😮❤❤❤
Disrespect is all the closure needed. No need to ask why they've behaved that way; leaving and going completely No Contact is the greatest narcissistic injury they'll ever incur. They can never lie enough to explain away why you left them as savvy people figure it out.
Exactly they'll keep repeating their screwy behavioral patterns over & over with virtually every person they ever know & the 💡 will light up over their heads as they too 🏃♀️ for the hills 😉👍🏻. Nobody healthy sticks around a narc for the long-term,they always 🏃♀️ after a little while.
Absolutely amen to that Shari! My mother whom I protect against Narcissistic siblings kept calmly saying “ ignore them! They can’t do anything, and the more energy you put toward them, they win. Ignore them and they will eventually go away”. She was spot on!
Yes. As we get older, hopefully this is a lesson we learn. Anyone shows you blatant disrespect, that is your cue to head for the door. It is a test of sorts - that you want to fail! Narcissists pick their supplies through finding people who will give them the benefit of the doubt and continue to tolerate their horrendous behaviour.
@@goldilocks3593 Exactly you want to completely 💣 THAT kind of test😁.You want to be the WORST in the class by failing every 1 of their 💩- tests & in not long they'll likely avoid you.
We don't hear a lot about the joking type of narcissist but when you have been on the receiving end of one of these evil-minded, game-playing characters you understand the term evil clown. Malignant narcissists are know for their sadism but I think all narcissists are sadistic because they give little shocks to your nervous system on a regular basis, they don't take things seriously until their joke backfires on them. They get really angry when that happens and they immediately go into their victim mode and suddenly life becomes serious, double-standards is the name of their game. Good video.
I can't identify with a joking type...but I love your phrase...giving shocks to the nervous system on a regular basis...that's actually a really great insight and I totally identify.
@@kdnz3 Thank you Kylie. Yes there are different types of narcissists and they all lack empathy which makes them dangerous people to be around. Keep well.🌞
Make sure you see the video, There's Humor, Then There's Narcissistic Humor.
@@SurvivingNarcissism I haven't viewed that one will check it out, thanks for mentioning that to us Dr Carter.🌞
Mine was so funny in the beginning. But it was just a facade. Nothing about what I thought he was is what he truly is. There is an evilness that is not safe about these people. I will never be in a relationship again w a man. I attract them. Like honey. They treat me amazing. Noone sees the dark side besides me. Well the darkest of sides. I am happy alone.
Everything you say is like light bulbs going off to confirm my feelings and experiences. Thank you!
Right. Just got called a lair. I couldn't help but say oh. What is one lie I have ever told?
He shuddered and said that is all you do is lie you using b.. Seriously just knocked the air out of him. End of his getting louder, and louder telling me how much he doesn't care about me. You know I am still not well after a stroke like injury from an invasive fungal infection that had traveled throughout the whole body in the sinus track. I have rheumatoid arthritis and crones. I am getting to where I can walk pretty steady with no help from him besides the sweet show in the hospital. I had gotten away. Was at my mom's she had surgery. The infection caused fluid around my brain which caused a brain injury. They thought a stroke my eyes moved with out me for a bit. Then they said it was caused from the infection it had damaged the ear and middle of brain I don't know they are still figuring it out. But I spin. Not like I did at first. But I had to learn how to walk like a drunk. I have learned how to do everything. It has been 6 months. I came back cause my parents couldn't help me. And where they live no one had any help even to walk. Any way my point is it is absolutely abuse the way he makes me do with things cause I can't drive. I am so thankful for delivery. But how do I keep my sanity and keep getting better. He throws me off my game. He comes in the whole house burns down around me. It is hard enough to stay positive. To keep trying to work, do the dishes. I don't have anyone so I have to get on my feet hopefully driving and so on. Do you all have any advice? Books? Podcast? Songs to blast when I want to scream. As you all know any emotions you are losing your crap or look at you this is exactly what I am talking about. Any kind stuff to help my focus on me and hey maybe walking, being productive and getting him out of my head. He knows I am getting stronger. He is panicking. But with the brain pressure going down I can think. Thank you all for this group of people. And I adore your style Dr.
My neighbors have been using reactive abuse on me for years. If I'm working in my yard they will come out and harass me by wearing the same color tee shirt as mine. They have done this so many times that I know they are doing it on purpose. They are starved for attention. It's pretty childish I know, but I really want to be left alone to work in my yard. The wife makes catty remarks, looks me up and down, and the husband acts put out because I don't want to hang out with his wife. This woman is not someone I want to get close to and I want to choose who is in my inner circle. The husband acts like I owe him something and I have even heard him gossiping about me. I decided to go grey rock so I wear a grey tee shirt when I work in my yard. I stopped speaking to the wife because she twists things I say and I have literally heard her go in the house and tell her husband that I was rude to her. This man has gone so far as to call my husband and tell other neighbors that I have been rude to his wife. I stopped speaking to them, Period, This man will come outside when I'm doing yard work and start throwing the yard debris container around and acting huffy to see if he can get a reaction from me. I just keep ignoring his infantile behavior and keep to myself. I have never known a married man to act so childish towards me when I'm someone else's wife. This guy seems obsessed with trying to get a reaction from me. I'm actually a little scared of them because they seem emotionally unstable and have two vicious dogs. My husband tells me to ignore them because he doesn't want to escalate things because they live right next door. It's like living next to two children who throw tantrums and thrive on drama.
Get some cheap yard cameras? Find away to get away. Life is too short and the world is wide. Take the first step to freedom and maybe don’t work the yard anymore… let someone else do it and go work somewhere fun! I’m sorry you are going through this. Get away!!!!
Thank you for your kind reply but I love my home and I won't have childish people run me off. I've spent 10 years landscaping my yard and it's my passion. Working in the ground and planting things is spiritual for me. I'm retired and I feel I should be able to go into my yard and enjoy my creative time. I will continue to ignore these people and they only make themselves look worse in front of me and the other folks living close by.
I love the fact that you wear a grey T shirt outside! Only you know what that really means! Grey rock. The type of behaviour you are experiencing may seem small and insignificant to others but I get it. Get some sunglasses too. Put on some earphones even if they are silent and pretend you don’t hear them or their garbage cans. I think eventually they will get bored harassing you. No more narcissistic supply from you! Good luck dear!
Your not alone. Cameras have helped.
Sounds like U need a high fence there😮❤❤❤
Thank you for your support, education, and validation Dr. Carter.
I wanna thank you bc You've helped me through some of the most difficult times of my life.
I stop back in to maintain my sobriety as a once love starved scapegoat codependent.
From scapegoat to black stallion now!
And the more I hear repetitive talks and education like yours, the more helpful it is to maintain recovery from this insidious abuse.
Thank you so much sir.
Amen🎉
Well said 👏
Love reading this!! ❤🎉🙏
What hurts a narcissists ego more; admitting they were wrong or admitting your were right?
Both!
They will never , never admit they are wrong. Which makes them seriously mentally ill. Avoid toxic people if possible.
Good question!!!
Some people (narcs) should never be allowed to adopt animals. They need to have a warning stamp on their foreheads. They take out on a dog, the things they can’t get away with otherwise. Cowards. Pitiable.
Yep. When I witnessed my boyfriend beat his Dog, I knew he would beat me too. His Dog was protective over me & that made boyfriend angry too. Went no contact from him forever!😢😮❤❤❤
Dr. C's advice is Kryptonite to narcissists! YAY As always, Dr. C, your understanding concerning the nature and the behavior of the narcissists is a life-saving insight! Thanks so much for the "reality checks" and practical suggestions! "Team Healthy" is well armed. 🛡
I had won an award for my work, and the narcissist asserted that it was his. I now understand how his twisted mind concocted that ridiculous assertion.
Yeah, I experienced that too. They want credit for your work & ideas😮❤❤❤
"I don't belong"..."I am not the problem" my last words to him... corroboration. Thanks Dr Carter.
Hi Dr. C, ok so I am a psychometrist and I work with a narcissistic psychologist. I am planning on moving from my job as soon as the snow melts. In the meantime, I had avoided the narcissist at work until one day I had to train with her. We sat down and began testing and about 5minutes in she was already calling me out on errors I didn’t make. When I decided to stand my ground she blew up and ended testing (I was scared and didn’t say a word). The next couple days she wanted to meet to talk about what happened. And I made myself scarce. I don’t know what I was thinking that I’d be able to avoid her for the remaining time I was there but I really didn’t want to hash up that mess that had made no sense. Anyway, a week goes by and we haven’t spoke about the testing and all of a sudden the director walk in and ask to speak to me. I KNEW she would attack me. This could be the smear campaign. She got one other psychologist to point out all my flaws I made (give me a break it was our 1st training session on a test I NEVER DONE BEFORE). the director shows me this HUGE list of testing errors, and at the end the narcissist said I asked her if she’s ever been trained. Which is a lie because I never said that. Anyway the director put her in charge of training me and she set up this impossible training program so I am leaving this job. The problem is I loved it… but anyway il be ok. The real issue is she is scoring my neuropsychology tests and I found a discrepancy in her scoring. I don’t care anymore what people think of me, but I also have proof she’s exaggerating my errors. Should I tell my supervisor about the truth of her harsh scoring or should I just forget it because she won’t change, I don’t ça are what they think and I am leaving anyway. I sort of want to tell her off but I feel guilty and nervous sort of doing so.
An awful person she sounds.. for clarity before you leave your job, give these details and your perspective in writing to your boss or Supervisor hope all goes well, be strong.
What do you do when the narcissist continues to hurt people you love and these same people keep making excuses for the narcissist's behavior? They love the person they want the narcissist to be so they make excuses. It is clear to me so it's frustrating to watch.
I used to get treated like that all the time he used to always try and embarrass me in front of people. Tried get everyone to agree with him😢. And he always said something about me if I was happy he would just try to kill my Joy 😂
Narcissists ability to influence others and enlist flying monkeys is the worst thing of all of it. It's so unfair for people to join in. You end up victimized by the whole bunch of them.
Dr. C, Thank you for explaining how fear may be driving a narc's aggressive threats. It helps me make some sense of a frightening experience. So glad he's my ex and I'm far away from him.
Aggressive threats are not to be taken lightly. My therapist and Domestic Violence told me to trust what I'm hearing is real and to never think the narcissist is really a good person. Those threats are what they're thinking of doing to you.
@@sharipeterson1126 I agree. I got as far away from him as possible and I recommend that everyone take it seriously.
Well let's be honest everyone can be pushed to the limits when abused on a consistent basis. Hell once I find out which cowardy custard has been abusing me believe me it won't be an idle threat, and I am not a narcissist.
Another way they let you know it's all your fault is by saying, "oh yes, and I'm to blame for it all" in their snarky way with an eye roll......
My biggest lesson in my life is iv always been a ppl pleaser which looking back explains why iv gone thru what iv gone thru cuz iv attracted nothing but narcissistic ppl they like me only when I’m struggling in life but as soon as I would do better they turned their backs on me and they want to compete who has gone thru worse in life never any compassion or sympathy just competition it’s disgusting 🤢
You shouldn't be penalised for being nice. Keep being you but keep your wits about you👍🙂
I can relate to that! Hang in there.
Narcissists can also mistreat the elderly or those who are critically ill, both vulnerable populations. I have seen it. I’m not sure if they are annoyed by the inconvenience of caring for another person or they’re envious of the attention a person with needs gets … maybe it’s both.
My narc mother accused my flying monkey ( golden child ) sister of elder abuse . They resumed their dysfunctional relationship but I am not in contact with either one . Had to cut off all contact . Bread crumbing and reaching out to other family members to smear me is their current strategy. No contact is the only way to get away from these two .
My narc mother was abusive towards my dying father.
@@alexbaird2670 My narc ex stepfather was abusive towards my dying mum!
@@alexbaird2670 my last conversation with my narc mother was 3 years ago, were about her complaints about my dead father who she divorced 60 years ago . And they wonder why we don't have any contact . I told her to get counseling. Narcissists love to hear that ! 😂
Gandhi said you can judge a nation in how they treat their most vulnerable citizens. This does go for people and animals and children, agreed Dr. C.
05:30 Yes indeed. I went through this type of experience several times before I realized what she was doing / game she was playing.
My natural naïveté and her NPD was a breeding ground for chaos… directed by her.
21:42 Well said. Animals, children and those in jobs that serve others (e.g., wait staff, customer service).
Ides of March, 1991 my narcissistic husband died. Why am I still figuring things out? Thank you so much for your help.
Betty, be kind to yourself. It takes the time that it takes. You are finding your way.
When I mind my business and greyrock him and stay in my Lane...... He is disgusted by me😅.. he tells my daughter I'm sick and evil because I don't talk to him😅.. like I am the worst person in the world 😅.. Ludacris
You've been a wonderful teacher and are very appreciated.
Thank you, Shari.
My friend Patricia doesn’t realize I’m going to visit Dan ❤ love ya
He is such a gem. I wish I would have had him in one of the many psychology classes I took back in the day. You know it maybe listed but what did you teach if you did teach? I had an outrageous professor w a big let's say artist truck that he took all over the world. God rest his soul. Although I don't think he believed. Make your night amazing and never stop moving forward!
‘O I know that one- threatS- I have discovered A LOT of people do THAT 🧐
"The end of the matter (narcissist leaving) is better than the beginning of the matter (narcissist abuse)"
It is the time in between that is Dante's inferno.
Go Team Healthy! 🤸🤸♂🤸♀🤸🤸♂🤸♀🤸♂🤸♀🤸🤸♂🤸♀🤸🤸♂🤸♀🤸🤸♂🤸♀🤸🤸♂🤸♀🤸🤸♂🤸♀🤸🤸♂🤸♀
What would you consider the best route for adult children of a narcissist parent to heal, forgive, and move on?
I sure would like to know this answer too!
I’m so glad you answered my question! I’m one of those that experienced the physical turn in the abuse at year 42 of my relationship - The physical aggression and intimidation toward me started with his aging and many many years into the relationship so I kept staying but the line was crossed w the aggression causing bodily harm and when that happen i saw a creepy smile and it scared me. I’m safe now - but so much trauma and only now can I see all the red flags I missed during the 43 years - all that mental and emotional abuse I excused for so many years. Seeing him as a victim from his childhood abuse ergo his abuse towards me has left it’s mark. Like someone said… if they were bad all the time it would make leaving so much easier! But what I experienced is unlike borderline pd that lessens in intensity with aging -my dis regulated person ms abuse intensified w age even seemingly crossing over to psychosis and maybe even psycho/ sociopath and I feel like it literally became sadistic and satanic - has anyone experienced the black eyes during a rage?
I just found out my covert narc sister has been telling my mom about a situation that happened 2 years ago (of course lying about what happened) trying to make me look like a bad person. My niece overhears and told me about it and so now the truth of the situation has come out and she refuses to apologize, making her look bad. Everyone she's told has told her she should apologize. It feels so surreal that everyone is on my side of the situation, never happened before!
I've had problems with all my friends maltreating in one way or other. My psychologist says that it's because it's as though I am wearing a sign on my head that says Kick me! This is as a result of my upbringing. My mother always said I had no friends and nobody liked me, so I've tried hard to be a good friend to people but they just use and abuse me.
I feel very alone. My so called friendships are one way. I do all the initiating of contact. Nobody ever rings me or invites me or asks how I am. I feel this all the more now I am about to turn 70 and my health is declining.
Don't worry snowbear, many ppl are like that. I've noticed it myself but you're out there, I'm out there, many of us out there and we afeel justmlike you do. Hold strong to that. 57 here, very bad health and people aren't there, I get it. It's okay though because being lonely in a crowd isn't a good feeling either. Dr. C. Has said only about 20% of people are truly healthy which is slim pickings when you think about it. Plus you're not alone, we're all here on team healthy. Stay strong, stay true to yourself which is the most important thing and do anything that gives you even the smallest bit of happiness or joy even if it's just reading a book or tending to some plants. Do what makes you feel good and what you're able to with your health(I understand health limitations). I'd recommend if you were up for it, rescuing an elderly cat from a shelter they're wonderful companions and they really need help and love. There are better times to come now or in the next life im sure of it, be true to you✌
@@bereal6590 Thank you Be Real for your kind and comforting words.
It really helps me when Dr Carter says 'it's on them' when it comes to bad behaviour, because I have a tendency to blame myself.
I have a rescue dog, his name is Lucky. I would love to get a cat as well but I don't think Lucky would be pleased!
@@snowbear1877 Dr c helps me too and LUCKY IS truly lucky to have you :)
Both my sisters and I married narcissists who were verbally and physically abusive. Was there something in our family of origin that set us up to look for a narcissist or made us more vulnerable to one? Two of us feel that the narcissist was our mother, and the third thinks it was our father.
Probably your mother was is a narcissist
Thank you Dr. C♥️🙏🔥
Wish you a beautiful and happy day!!
💪🙂✌️
I would like to know how to communicate with a narcissist without them feeling like I’m submitting to everything they say, if that even makes sense. Because they sure know how to make you feel unintelligent when you hold conversation with them!!
That's because they are threatened with your intelligence😅😂
That's because they are threatened with your intelligence 😅😂❤❤❤
The frog in the skillet situation reminds me of an incident with a woman I took a course with. When her negative behavior started to get to me, I was working on my spiritual connection to the Most High. We used to travel to and from school together and around the 3-month mark, my spirit could not take it anymore, every single time I did not go along or be quiet, she lashed out at me, oddly the response was usually "Oh you think you're better than everyone or you go to church and this is how you treat others"...I never saw myself as better, only more aware and secure in myself as a whole to not treat others the way I would not want to be treated. One day at school, I went on break and had to make a call, before I got out of my seat though she had gotten up purposely to move behind my desk and pushed me into my desk. The teacher had repeatedly tried to talk to her about her behavior. Then she sought pity by talking about suicide. Icing was when she named me as the reason. I did not want to associate with her anymore and she clearly felt abandoned even though she had more students on her side at the time, not for long though.
Thanks for sharing this. Glad you were able to figure it out!!
17:20 to paraphrase:
"If this is the way it works, if these are the rules of engagement, i dont belong with this group"
So applicable to so many group think, flying monkeys, reactive abuse, sick hazing ritual situations that are more common than not. Not getting entrenched is easier in the long run and definitely an investment in the survival of my sanity and well-being but it is a challenge grey rocking the bait. Well worth it but not easy. Thanks Dr. C❤
Hello Dr C 😊 Thank you so much for answering my question about how narcissistic people treat animals. Yes his daughter is a minor…My ex boyfriend’s daughter is 16 years old and visits him sometimes. She didn’t know how to react when he threw their dog at/onto her and she was half laughing (because her Dad was) and half crying because she knew it was wrong and upsetting. I have felt extremely upset since this incident and keep going over it in my head. What you said in your video is exactly what I had thought about the situation but after hearing you explain it I feel so much better and know I’ve done the right thing in challenging him about his behaviour towards his dog, and I definitely did the right thing by ending the relationship. Thank you for reassuring me and confirming this for me. I have lost a lot of my confidence and self belief and trust in my own judgement as a result of being in this relationship. I could always trust myself and my judgement before I met him and hope to regain this now I am not with him.
My kitten and I are now safely at home, alone and happy in Scotland. Thank you again for answering my question and for all your wonderful videos.
To me, treating both animals and kids poorly is inexcusable.
thank you
What do you do if they are covertly damaging your property. You have other bigger issues with them to point out and you are planning to set boundaries to protect yourself. You know that if you bring up the property damage they will overreact and say you're crazy and nitpicky and that they never did that etc. to try and get a bad reaction from you. This is tricky. It's my son who lives in one of my rental units. I now realize that he is a covert vulnerable narc and am shocked and digesting this truth. He was never on my side. I'm now connecting the dots. I've learned that the self-hatred he has is unfathomable, and the hatred for me is the same. So, Ex husband and 2 out of 3 sons all afflicted.
I've been through the scenario of a narc partner swaying my family's opinion of me in her favour when she left. After 3 years I've realised there's nothing I can do to alter that. It's difficult to comprehend when you come from a family of six. It's been interesting and helpful for me to learn this is a reasonably common scenario when dealing with this challenging pattern.
Agree! If they didn’t do so much damage, it would be funny. It’s pathetic
In my case, the Nic mean-girl classmate directed her hate at me, after my eventual husband broke it off with her and ended up marrying me. Was told at a recent reunion that she “hates” me and badmouths me. She looked at love as “win or lose”, and upsets her friends with constant expressions of anger at the world-“unrealized entitlement” . Glad for him that he saw through her, and for me personally that I seldom run into her. 28:27
Thank you, Thank you, Dr.C . You are making a substantial positive impact on my life right now. I am in a marriage with probably the worst kind of narcissist and I have been suffering for 5 years. I am filing for divorce and I hope she is out of my life in 3 months or sooner.
Best wishes, Rostam. Keep learning and growing!
Even if it takes longer, it'll be worth it. Take care 🙏 🙂
Feel for you, man! Hope you get your life back soon. This channel an others has been a lifeline for me. Hang in there.
Be glad your experiance was only 5 yr, mine was 50.
Billinda Watts. Wow 50yrs IS a long time. 5yrs can seem like 50! 5mnths or even 5 minutes is too much to tolerate with these individuals. Nobody should have to endure this. Take care 🙏
It's no joke, my ex husband of 30 years threatened me, and that was the end. He murdered his 26 year old girlfriend and committed suicide on January 27...she was 17 when he moved her in, he was 55. He didn't even let our sons know this was going to happen within 1 month of divorce coming final and I had moved across the country.
That is pretty bad. Wow!
That could've been you. So sad for her.
Oh dear, yes, the narcissist in my life thinks dogs are repulsive and she chastised my children when they were little, in front of me. Such an insult to me as a parent and very hurtful for my children. 😞
Thank you dr C. You are helping me enormously in my recovering from abuse of my narcistic mother. Years ago I thought it would not be possible for me to get better and rhe trauma will follow me everywhere not allowing me to recover (I am suffering from PTSD) but with time I am starting to believe it is a process and if I work on it consistently, there is a hope.
Thank you sooo much Dr. C!
You’ve made such a difference in my life and “waking up”, to the Narcissistic relationship I was in and all the many narcissist in my life, around me
Narcissists are always looking for new recruits. These minions have made the Faustian bargain.
Two comments about this one. You mention "dominant position," and that was something I believe helped to develop terrible narcissism in my youngest brother. The other older kids and I were constantly urged by Mom to put this youngest child (by many, many years) in the dominant position; in short, do this for him, do that for him, let him win games, give him what he wants, etc. Sure, we should treat younger children with kindness and understanding, but where do you draw the line? Anyway, this all backfired with us. He never grew out of the "dominant position attitude," believing that we all had to continue working to make his way easy.
You mentioned making adjustments. Very true. Even at 50, he believed that family and society were all awful because we were not adjusting to his needs. In one back-and-forth email dialog, I flat out told him he was wrong, and that I could go out and quickly find 100 people that would agree with me; and I challenged him to find one who agreed with him. He did not like that. He only replied that I lacked compassion and understanding, and gave me a little lecture about the importance of kindness, including Bible quotes. It was amazing... and amusing.
Take them out of your thoughts! Have a good day. Tell your dog i love him.
Hi Dr Carter Gus and Team Healthy
Streamed on the Ides of March, 2023. I smiled at the juxtaposition of the warning (Shakespearean) and the reality of how much I looked forward to this stream.
The live chat was like a binding of my wounds by Team Healthy.
I always miss the live stream but yes there is that feeling of community and safety
@@menotyou6254 Yes. I make a point to get in when schedule allows. So very worth it. It streams (USA Central time is GMT -6) regularly, but I’m on USA Eastern (GMT -5). If you need help planning for joining, it is SOOOO worth it. Lemme know. Happy to help.
Me too 🙏
Thank you
Thanks Dr Carter! Everything you told in your video, made me feel at home. 🧡
Thank you for the video. I think a lot of what was said today can be applied to an organizational setting as well, particularly if you are reporting or working with a Board of narcissistic people.
🎯 Yes, indeed. 💯%
He also mentioned that in the video.
Stay strong and healthy AND stay as FAR AWAY from immoral, envious, rage-filled individuals as you can. GET OUT of a hostile work environment as soon as you realize that there’s no support for you (or any other upstanding individuals) in the organization. (I know that it can be really difficult to do when you have bills to pay.) 📌You could be harmed physically. AND, if anyone ever DOES lay a hand on you, report it to the police ASAP!….dates, times, where and who - naming the perpetrators and witnesses.
I’ve have worked with some extremely insecure, utterly insane, cold blooded, hate-filled, rage-filled individuals in highly toxic organizations. Morally bankrupt, emotionally UNintelligent and mentally unstable, outrageously jealous, envious, hostile and barbaric coworkers and hr reps. The relentless harassment (several times within an half hour) and mobbing (actually ganging up) was off the charts. Those were/are some truly SICK and pitiful individuals. Sadly, they are practically everywhere 😳 and workplace bullying and harassment has been an epidemic for a while and the aggressions and incidents of assaults and battery has increased within the last three years…especially in the US. Those deranged “people” (?) are committing crimes against humanity. Full stop.
Absolutely - and we don't have enough discussion about this as it would seem to be, at least, a national problem
Thank you so much for this session. So true!
You are so welcome!
I so look forward to your happy attitude!! 🤩You make my day!! ❤️TY 🦋 May Father bless you 🙏🏼
You are so kind...thank you.
@@SurvivingNarcissism You are a blessing 🦋
Reactive abuse: using harassment to get you to react. Subtle harassment. Example.. today my narcissistic neighbor came home. My ring doorbell is set for my perimeter . Loud noise. He threw a 5 In hammer in the air it landed in his truck bed but made my alarm alert me. Then he stared at my door. That didn't work. 5 minutes later he was on my perimeter with a gas-powered leaf blower.. blowing sand from the street towards my parking spot. The wind was 27 mph today. LoL. He was trying to get me to open my door and look out. Then he can complain I'm watching him .
So very informative!!
Sometimes the narcissist marries into the family and the victim was raised in the family
One of the best things I've ever heard to describe a narcissists behavior is, "crazy making" and this fits with the definition of insanity. We try again and again hoping praying and as actually sane people, expecting a different result. Crazy making. A big reason to go no contact. You don't react, you don't react, you don't react, you react and boom, they got you again. Re: do they have worth? Yes, you would feel for a pit bull who had been broken, but from on the other side of a fence.
Nice to see you , Dr. Les Carter. Say hello to Gus.
Thank you, I will!
Narcissist use the gray rock method also. Along with the silent treatment I think
Thank you Dr.Carter 💝
You're most welcome!
Dr. C. I so needed to hear this today, thank you. ❤
You are so welcome, glad it resonated!
@@SurvivingNarcissism it resonated so much that it left me in tears. I'm so grateful for your wisdom, knowledge, and encouragement. You you! 😊
Thank you.
You're welcome, Patricia!
Son and his wife- active and reactive. Your info helps understanding
Narcs are threatened by your very existence.
11:11 yes they are inconsistent and believe that if people tolerate it that it must be okay
Short memory, indeed!! My favorite is hearing CONSTANTLY how "I misunderstood " or "I forgot" and especially "Ok, I must not be understanding what you're saying....let's just agree to disagree".......PUKE🤮
I’m thankful that I am retired and have my home at 55 yes I am very proud of me 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉he can never touch that Ok
You will be kind, good I want more.... always moving the goal post!
Lovely to see you every week. Thank you for all your efforts. I really appreciate this community ❤️🇬🇧
"Just when you talk about me or write about me - just spell my name right, will you?" I should've said this today after not giving this person what she wanted. In know that in four or five weeks or so, I'll see my name being dragged through the mud again. And actually, yes, I care bc it is hurtful. But well, what else can we do...
PS- I see through you 🍩
@@MS-ns4ki Okay, and do you like bagels or not??
I would get very anxious about getting an aware because I would have to let my narcissistic parents know about it. Then I would get punished.
harass, threaten, get the target to react badly and use that against them needs a name-it is a form of gas lighting, but a classically common provoking tactic to try to validate their farcical narrative-I agree that reactive abuse is insufficient because the victim is in self-defense mode versus malice
Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and Team Healthy from California. My Narc sister has always taken my Narc's side on everything and anything. Right or wrong it doesn't matter to her. How bad it is to treat an animal like that or your child too. They never take the blame for anything and are irresponsible anyway. They always talk in a way to cover their rear. It is almost impossible to get a yes or no answer from them because they.never want to leave themselves open for anything. They never want to be wrong or be the blame so they always cover their rear. Thank you Dr. Carter for a great midweek session with us.
His hands around my neck....my wakeup call!
Can you address: Listening Skills for Narcissists? When they are talking they look at you and want assurance. When you talk they look around the room. They always say “no” to your suggestions - then repeat it like it was their idea. If you say, “isn’t that what I just said” they ask why you are arguing. I think they don't listen. What is this about Dr. Carter?
I just fill so destroy on the relationship. This is truly helping me a lot I will eventually seek therapy.
I am thinking of a question now as I listen to today's brilliant teaching 4 hours later, Dr. C. Are narcissists ever remotely successful using such tactics on other people? Is that why so many are so relentless?
Thank you ✨ for your insights that make us stronger and more confident
Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!❤❤❤❤❤👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
You are so welcome
Hi Dr Carter. Thank You. We are not alone. You are faithful as the day is long.
You are very welcome, Rita. Aloha!
Indeed it’s Autumn here in Australia Dr C But the weather is still quite a hot one !
Another great video Dr. C🙂
Thanks, Sherri.
Excellent video. Thank you!
This was great, Dr. C. Thank you.❤
Ramani and VAKNIN got two great videos this am too. Hugs from the coast of the CAROLINAS. Just like that James Taylor song. 💛💛💛💛
About mistakes and remorse. I am surrounded by people who are quick to blame others. And I'm tempted to do the same with them. But I think I'll go beyond my current limits when I'm able to clearly see everyone's responsibilities. Maybe life is complicated, but also a continuous discovery. Thank you doctor, for the daily encouragement and for this community
My mother is a narcissist. When I was a boy, I wanted to become a doctor, which my mother did not allow me to do by convincing me to become a software engineer. But unfortunately, she couldn't do it. And seven years after I got a job, i.e. in 2022, she convinced me to leave job by future faking. And all her words to convince me to resign my job and bring me under her control are unsuccessful. She is extremely envious of my knowledge and independence. And it's my father and some relatives, who still belive she is extremely knowledgable and has a heart of gold, too.
Love mom from a distance. She doesn’t need to tell you what to do with YOUR life??
@@marysuzannajayne1340 We must know how we live.
Dr. C this is a goodvideofor me. Ilike your humor and how you get me to lighten up about things. This makes it easier to deal with things. What you said about being assertive an setting boundries and that others do not have to like it has helped me. It speaks to the feeling of being a people pleaser. I am learning to accept the unconfortable feelings that this triggers in me an allowing my self to go with it, reasoning that it is a feeling that comes from my past experience not who I am today. Thank you for that nugget!
Games People Play is a great book.
self serving/serve me/my way highway/god complex/irony is that they are chaotic with no real complexity in a healthy way
It has become clear that my eldests son has narcissistic tendencies. This has become more apparent recently as his girlfriend split with him. But, of course, it wasn't his fault. I have become the scapegoat again. He's been pretty mean!
Yesterday was my youngests birthday. I'd been trying to book a table but his big brother was unclear, till the last moment, whether he'd be working away. He was home so I booked somewhere, with good reviews.
He hit the roof because I didn't run it by him first. Trying to have a conversation is impossible. The atmosphere is awful.
We ended up going, after nearly cancelling, he ridiculed the place and even remarked that the waiter wasn't courteous towards one of the diners. I didn't see a problem nor did my son, whose birthday it was.
I said 'well at least he didn't say WHAT or for f***s sake' when he answered the lady like you do with me' I kept my dignity and was civil the whole time.
My eldest paid for the meal. His eyes lit up when he got his American Express card out. The main thing is that my youngest had a nice time. The food was excellent.
I'm definitely on to him. His card is marked. And, thanks to Dr.C and Team Healthy ❤
I'm taking positive steps. Thank you 😊
You're onto it, Amanda!
I had also meant to mention that during the meal, I looked around the restaurant and said ' Hmm this would be a nice place to come foe a date! ' To which the reply was. 'So you're Never coming back here again then' 🥺 Not nice 😳
How old is your son? He needs to get his own place if he can’t respect your home. Nothing in this world is free! I think when you rely on help from a narcissist, you pay big time in the end. Even if it is your son!
@@marysuzannajayne1340 I totally agree with you. He lived with his daughters mum for a short while and came back 3yrs ago, + the dog. He's 24. I've withdrawn a certain amount of support, to cut a long story short, and since the split with his girlfriend I've forbidden anyone else to come into our home. I think it's only a matter of time. I'm thankful of the support and knowledge from Team Healthy and Dr.C and my friends. It'll be a tedious journey but I'm ready. Thank you 😊
Am so glad see you too, Dr. C.
Their father just died and they are propping up the narrative and continuing to exclude me. No feeling for my grief. Will it change?
Thank you, Dr. C!
You're most welcome!