Thank you, doctor, for this video! My sister just turned me onto you. It's refreshing to see/hear a positive brother that speaks highly of us. One of the great things I've noticed is that you didn't throw stones at black women. So many brothers blame us for being single, and actually, many blame us for everything. We blame each other instead of talking and upholding the very ones who, for the most part, have common experiences. God bless you, brother!
Hmmm, this was actually very helpful. Especially the third point. I always wonder why men don't approach me and I've asked many people their opinion. Your explaination makes a lot of sense.
@tbursee You are exactly right. There is a difference in dating a woman who had a loving father or father figure in their upbringing and those who did not. It has nothing to do with success, education, looks or what's brought to the table. Some women raised by 2 parents try to change men raised by a single mom and it ends in disaster. The first questions women should ask is, who taught you how to be a man or a husband? A woman can raise a boy to manhood, but she can't teach him how to be a man.
I'm a professional women and I must say well said. I'm a beautiful women and been single for a while, because I don't go to the clubs, and it no where to find a nice decent black man so I choose to stay by myself.
well where on earth do the quality men hang out... You made great points...we work and keep busy but we do not hang out in the same places. Women go to church, most men don't do that so where would this be? We are all frustrated...but certainly the women more than the men.
@PatsBooks thank you! I think relationships are give an take, I help him and he helps me. With this description a woman have to be everything to a man, but what is he suppose to be to her?
@DRTARTT1 I agree with you 100% than you for stating this DrTartt. Some people actually believe that Most black men prefer dating nonblack women, when in fact the majority of black men date/marry black women, Only a small percentage of black men date interracially, and the media likes to exaggerate things by trying to make it seem as though black men prefer nonblack women. Most Men prefer to date the women from their own race.
@AllPro777 Good doctor, it wasn't about my blaming anyone for my singleness. I choose to be single. I agree that the every loyal sister who chooses to only date black men, narrowing it down to "dark skinned" black men limit their choices in finding a good man. I think we should take a page book from our male counterparts who've opened their eyes to other options, and they DO NOT apologize for it either. I don't know why many black women refuse to date outside their race.
am all about making a man feel like he is superman, BUT what about me?? i am a business owner, and many days as night i would like some man to make me feel like i am superwoman. are there men out there willing to do that or are we expected to be wife, bff, mother, business mogul, etc all at the same time while being hot, sexy, sophisticate and refined without any help or support?
@NatTurnerIsAlive I don't think we're "worshipping white women". Instead, it's more like we're all suffering from Battered Woman syndrome: after years of being told that you're ugly and worthless, and that white women and their blonde hair and blue eyes are beautiful, SOME of us began to immulate that. But it's not just BW who dye their hair blonde and who feel this way. Women in general are made to feel like however they look, it's unsatisfactory.
@vford43 I don't understand your disagreement. I just agreed with what you're saying in the last post. And the stuff I identified is definitely a big problem, and has been for a very long time. I've been all over this country and I know it firsthand. Light-skinned black Women are more desired, light-skinned Black Men are less desired. And too many Black Women deal with losers who won't work and can't stay out of trouble. You know plenty of them yourself.
@Janissi42 If you're single, you can't really blame it on someone else to begin with. I don't think Black Women blame themselves at all, they just approach this issue as helpless victims. That to me is the real problem. If we ignore that, we're just enabling a bad situation. No one else can make you more or less desirable but you. You have to take responsibility for you.
Since black people are not a monolithic group, we all don't agree on everything--like this topic. I have met black people who think like you on this subject.
"To be sure, it is a means of great gain, this godly devotion along with self-sufficiency.... So, having sustenance and covering, we shall be content with these things." --1 Timothy 6:6, 8. So, since every adult is supposed to have his own sustenance and covering, to say one is successful because he is educated and has a job is unreasonable. The best fun a man will have with a woman and a woman will have with a man is with the one he and she can play with outdoors clean like a couple of kids without cares in the world. Indeed, how well a man and woman play together out of doors determines how well they work together indoors. I don't see black men looking for outdoor fun in a woman: they're looking for women they can take to dinner indoors, to a movie indoors, a nightclub indoors and into their beds indoors. I don't see black women looking for outdoor fun in a man: they're looking for a meal ticket in the first man that comes along with a job and nothing with him outdoors. And this includes black women who rightly have their own salaried jobs working for the white man. Observe, please, that the operative word in that statement is "jobs," not businesses that involve the making, building and producing of product beneficial to the life of every earthling man. What do these so-called successful black women make and build with their own hands that they can hire like-minded black men to make and build alongside for them to choose as husbands and from which every race of man can benefit? Because all I see surrounding these women are black women - I don't even see *white* women! Small wonder all they can do is gripe their inability to find black men working the same salaried jobs for white business owners. See, these are the jokes black women didn't get: Number 1: If the only college degree a black woman can get is to manage white business owners' money, she must choose for husband the white business owner under whom she works. Is this not what white women do? If the black woman somehow manages to work above the white business owner that hired her, she's going to be at the top of the ladder by herself because no black man has risen alongside her. In that case, she must marry the white business owner that moved her up. Is this not what white women do? [Note: In the 2009 movie "The Ugly Truth," when Katherine Heigl's lead character Abby was being introduced to second lead Gerard Butler's Mike that had his own following and no shame in it, when she said to him, "I'm your producer!" he smilingly extended his hand in greeting and said: "I like a woman on top!"] Is there any black men that has ever had the confidence in himself to say that to the black woman above him while having no fear trying to get her, since from what I've seen in numerous videos here, insecure black men's sole expectation is for lesser salaried black women to pump THEM up? Number 2: When a white business owner becomes successful, meaning he's making, building and distributing product for every race of earthling man, he shamelessly lavishes all his wealth on the woman of his choice, whether she too comes from accumulated wealth or is a downright pauper. What black woman in the highest-salaried "job" working for a white business owner is going to shamelessly lavish HER salary on a man, whether he has an equally high-salaried "job" working for the white business owner or is a downright pauper? *NONE.* Of course, what this also means is that if and when she finds such black man, all his salary will go on her and all her salary will go on her, meaning she will have no intention of helping him do anything. This is why the only thing surrounding so-called successful black women that have no businesses making, building and distributing product beneficial to the life of every earthling man are black women - I don't even see *white* women! Number 3: I repeat: The best fun a man will have with a woman and a woman will have with a man is with the one he and she can play with outdoors clean like a couple of kids without cares in the world. Indeed, how well a man and woman play together out of doors determines how well they work together indoors. Black women are raised with the belief that Prince Charming is going to appear at their doorstep bearing a glass slipper, when the only man that brings anything to your front door is your mail carrier. This mentality has derived from our black culture's over-concern with appearance. Every man is a natural creature of the outdoors, with a love of every survival and recreational sport. Find a man who's earned his wealth working indoors and never playing outdoors (i.e., writers, bankers, etc.) and you have found a man you will never see and have fun with in outdoor play. For all so-called successful, meaning high-salaried black men working for white business owners, claiming they actually exist yet are never found by the same salaried black women, as this video host has said: They are looking for them at the nightclubs that the same black men have long tired of before returning to their clean boyhood loves of outdoor sports, IF they never gave them up at all. And such black men are engaging in all those outdoor sports, including fishing, with the white women out there alongside them with the wash-and-wear hair playing sport dumb and asking: "Can you show me how to bait this hook?" and bonding with and hooking these brothers for husbands. To that end, the so-called successful black woman's polish and artificiality along with it have completely hamstrung all her efforts to find, cleanly play, have fun and bond with YOU IN YOUR TRUE HABITAT OF THE OUTDOORS because she's too busy worrying about sweating her expensive perm out or ruining her more expensive weave to be real and reeled in! Consider the 2004 movie "Hitch" when Will Smith's lead character was paired with second lead Eva Mendes with the naturally long and flowing wash-and-wear hair. That no black actress was paired with Smith in this romantic movie written for him is apparent in scene 10 when he accidentally knocked Mendes' Sara off her ski boat and into the Hudson River, which no modern-day black actress sporting an expensive perm or a weave would have survived. In this case, all the fun in that scene would only have worked and played with a black man and a black woman had the movie been made in 1970, when she would have been sporting a natural Afro that like his would have been picked out to perfection in the next scene and dried with no sweat, IF, that is, along with him, the black woman had learned the outdoor sport of swimming!
InfoMedia Is my entire 1185-word comment telling you to like white men or why black women aren't successful finding black men; as long experienced by another black woman?
@dajewel1982 Yes there are men like that I see them around; Thing is there is no pefect man and no perfect woman, and it will not be ALL the time. I think being easying going and lay-back, understanding on unimportant matters in general helps to find your superman who makes youfeel like a superwoman!
Finally, ATL is not the place for a BW to find an adequate husband. The ratio of BW to straight BM gives BM an unfair advantage. Therefore, BM have high expectations & demands of BW that they do not have of themselves. BW tirelessly work a career, cook&clean, rear the kids, help their husband's careers, & submit to their hubbies making their BM's life easier, while BW suffers in silence. That is NOT a partnership, it is servatude. There are other options. Non-BM marry nontraditional BW.
The Black church/community is controled by BM. The patriachal structure rears BW to be diligent workers, but not hunters. Therefore, BM choose the woman they want, while BW settle for the man they get. Being loved isan't enough for us either. Just as you have standards, we do also. We have held you up for thousand of years, the 21st century BW isan't limiting ourselves to BM. We too are upgrading. We make no apologies for marrying NON-BM. BW who don't will be left behind WAITING to submit.
@vford43 That's the real problem. Let's be real, a lot of Black women have this syndrome of calling too many types of Men "corny". A lot of them cutoff the light-skinned Black man, so that cuts their pool down even more, which is funny since Brown sisters complain about being overlooked for light sisters, yet they pass on light brothers a lot. Smh.
Dr. Tarte, Do you realize the type of abuse Black women have to endure by black males when they are out in the public? We are afraid and have to protect ourselves emotionally. If you smile all the time, it attract crazy guys.
People group themselves wherever you go and it will never stop. It is natural to feel a connection to someone who resembles you--culturally, physically and spiritually. Why is a problem that a black man prefers black women or vice versa? Do you ask white men why they have a preference for white women? Or Chinese men why they prefer Chinese women? etc. Do you sing this 'color doesn't matter' song to anyone else? Or do you feel you have to 'enlighten black people b/c we are behind'? No thanks
@MAJESTY357 Jet reports 5 couples a week. I pledeged a GBLO from a HBCU. The only Men I hate are men who use, abuse, degrade, disrespect, and sexualize Black Women. Any woman who lets a man waste her time will regret it. If BM don't put a ring on it, then seek outside the black community for a suitable mate. It's imperative BW have standards, for the sake of our children. Settling to stay with BM hurts the children in the end. Let BM hate, while you leave them in the dust.
@DRTARTT1 What has the 'exact shade' of her skin got to do with it? Mocha? to you hold up a paint mixer sample next to her skin? And god? Only thing that matters is if you love one another - Like If you would love each other if you were, god-forbid, both blind and BROKE!!
The first choice in a partner is a black man for MOST black women. You know this so paying attention to negative people on the internet is a waste of time don't you think?
@creolelady182 well it's all about the way you define "successful black men"...a lot of BW want to call any BM making 6 or 7 figures a good man...he's making good money but that doesn't mean he's necessarily good...why is it that you never hear BW saying something like this..."we're tired of losing all of the good BM to other races...the BM that respect women...the BM that want to have wives and children...the BM that value the opinion of the women"...it's always about the cash smh
He admits that the numbers aren't there. So why is he giving advice on how to compete for a handful of men. The reality is that Black women must bring other men into the folds to increase their chances of finding a suitable husband.
@PatsBooks - Pat , BW don't have to be a crutch. BW must take control of their own relations. If you seek marriage, family, prosperity & a man who will submit to you, then jewish men are good candidates. Locate professional events where you can meet large #s of them. You need to read Sherry Argov’s book, "Why Men Love Bitches". This book dosn't apply to BM, b/c BM want women to be their servant & take anything. Which is why they have been replaced. Pat, don't let anyone steal your joy.
Sure, we should be all friends but that doesn't mean that I want to be romantically involved with any friend. Some black people want to be romantically involved with other black people. There are cultural, spiritual connections that are not repeated with other groups of people. Some black people are aware of that and therefore have a preference. So if God put black people here, some people want the black people that god put on earth. What is wrong with that?
@AveolarD - You are so funny. What is your point? If I listened to a BM, I would be somebody's "baby mama", instead of someone's wife. Don't listen to these BM telling BW to leave their fate in the BMs hands. BW must take control of their own fate. From my personal experience, BW interested in finding a quality husband to build family should seek outside the black community. Listening to Dr. Tart's advice will have you sitting by the phone. Don't waiste your time on BM.
@MsButterflyeffect01 Being a BM w/a career should NOT be your only requirements 4a mate. No matter what RACE of your husband, U will be viewed as a Black family. It takes more than love & friendship 2grow a life. A life's plan requires aggreement on# of kids & rearing, money,education,equity,commitments, household & dealing w/adversity, failure,compromise, disagreements & life's challenges. Even then there R still problems. BW R responsible 4their kids fate; so choose a suitable Mate.
@MsButterflyeffect01 Also, I am not anti-BM, I am pro-MARRIAGE & ANTI-SBFBabyMama . If telling the truth makes some BM hate me, SO WHAT. BW in healthy marriages strengthen the Black Community.B/c BW never stop supporting the community, no matter who we marry. If U want 2marry & build a healthy family, choose a man w/shared vision, & easy temperment. Don't wait 4him, go find him. Dominant Men R less flexible. Avoid the "my way or the highway" & "me 1st" men;or your future kids will suffer.
@MsButterflyeffect01 West African surnames are based on tribal customs and traditions that are patriarchal. Up until the 20th century, Women did not take husbands surname and each child was given a different surname, which may be different from that of the parents or grandparents. That dosn't change the fact that Africa is patriarchally dominant. Even Female Chiefs are challenged and threatened by male underlings. women control and dominate & control the culture & every part of society.
@MsButterflyeffect01 There is nothing awful about freedom of choice. BW should not wait around 4ANY MAN 2give them what U want. BW must PARTNER w/a mate, NOT submit 2a mate. Submission gives some1 authority 2determine your fate. Instead U must define your own fate. BW must seek out MEN who share their vision & life plan. If U want 2marry, build a family & investments b/4 40, THEN U must choose a man who ALREADY shares the same vision; 1 who wants 2battle the world 2gether NOT battle w/U.
@MsButterflyeffect01 BM make up 5% of US population - 1% n jail - 1% gay or bisexual - 1% married = 2% of the pop R eligable BM 2date. That 2% constraint is why BW R alone b/c they stick w/BM population, not b/c of Dr Tarrif's opinion. Expand your options 2the 20% of the population of non-BM, & ALL BW would be married. U have 66mill males versus 6mil BMs. BW make up 5% of US population. Don't become a SBFBabyMama, CHOOSE your hubby from the 66mill. Don't settle. U don't have too.
@tampabay904 A WOMAN is always worth the trouble regardless of race. A loud mouth, never compromising, funky attitude, 2 and 3 kid having FEMALE is not worth a dime.
Black women just need to stop being so selfish. It's your man's relationship too, not just yours. Also it's PERFECTLY FINE if he's not perfect. No man can be perfect, so if you try to focus on what you don't like, then of course your gonna be unsuccessful with men. Let it breathe, instead of trying to put everything on life support.
@MsButterflyeffect01 Egyptian laws that prosecute men 4raping women is not giving the "power to women". The Kingdom of Kush was the only place in ancient africa that allow women to participate in gov process. However, they still practiced genital mutilation, female infanticide, unlimited polygyny, & patrilineal marriage. Worse, in todays Sudan, the Civil War is based on the same dysfunctional issues from ancient times in Kush Kingdom. The mass rapes are a function of patriarchal dominance.
@MsButterflyeffect01 I responded 2your point that Arabs came 2Kamet 7th CE. I made the point that origin of the dysfunction R patriarchal dominant practices. Then Arabs installed Sharia law making it the law of the land. Female genital mutilation, father selling daughters, poligymy, forced births R pre-Islamic tribal customs. Sudan's civil war has less 2do w/religion & everything 2o w/power mongering. Using same tribal tactics from thousands of years ago. African Congress in UN is no different.
I am just disappointed it is always the burden of the Black woman to be everything. It like we have to be the back bone and the crutch. When are we going to get what we want. Why do we always have to be a man's crutch and nursemaid. Why do the black community expect up to make men a project?
@MsButterflyeffect01 You have revealed whaot little you really know about what is happening today in the Sub Sahara. You are not an African Woman. I am done. Have a good holiday. Kwa heri.
@MsButterflyeffect01 It angers me, that you romanticize forced births. A woman doesn't decide the fate of her kids in Sudan, when her father has sold her in an arranged marriage to an older man, who uses herr for his personal domestic & sexual slave. Without adequate laws 2protect women, things will not change. The lack of education, makes it even more difficult for women to discover there options. To say a woman wants to live a life of servatude like chattel is irresponsible & troubling.
@MsButterflyeffect01 There is NO other definition of Human Rights, but the one I am referring to. Forced submission and servatude does not afford "woman's rights" but a Man's will to oppress her. Your warped view of womens rights is the dysfunction that is destroying Africa. BW in the US need 2avoid that trajectory. Oppression is something to get angry about. Without a political voice, vote & protection of ones freedoms, there is no reason to exist. B/c free will & choice is the ONLY option.
@MsButterflyeffect01 That is wrong, liar. Ancient egyptian society was based on Sharia Law. There is no such thing as "Negro-egyption society". Egyptians R a mix of Sudanese & Arab, therefore, Egyptions R Black. Ancient Egypt was called Kamet. It was NEVER a matriarchal society. Women had NO rights or education, their lives were determined by their fathers, brothers & husbands. Their value was like cattle purely domestic use for men. Sharia law gives Men ownership of the children & wives.
Thank you, doctor, for this video! My sister just turned me onto you. It's refreshing to see/hear a positive brother that speaks highly of us. One of the great things I've noticed is that you didn't throw stones at black women. So many brothers blame us for being single, and actually, many blame us for everything. We blame each other instead of talking and upholding the very ones who, for the most part, have common experiences.
God bless you, brother!
I agree with you on everything you said - from my personal experiences......
Great, empowering opinion. there is alot of points, which you touched on that are very relevant, thanks
That was really practical and godly advice. Thks for sharing, doc. God bless!
Dr. Tartt, you should create those venues of having Black men and women meet.
Hmmm, this was actually very helpful. Especially the third point. I always wonder why men don't approach me and I've asked many people their opinion. Your explaination makes a lot of sense.
Good video
Teach Dr. T., teach! OMG! you betta Teach!, that is exactly what I'm talking about. I don't do clubs, I do church ONLY! o.k. Praise God for your vids.
We need more bm like you speaking up on this issue. The women have said enough on TV.
B/c its called a preference. Some people prefer their own.
@tbursee You are exactly right. There is a difference in dating a woman who had a loving father or father figure in their upbringing and those who did not. It has nothing to do with success, education, looks or what's brought to the table. Some women raised by 2 parents try to change men raised by a single mom and it ends in disaster. The first questions women should ask is, who taught you how to be a man or a husband? A woman can raise a boy to manhood, but she can't teach him how to be a man.
I agree 100%
I'm a professional women and I must say well said. I'm a beautiful women and been single for a while, because I don't go to the clubs, and it no where to find a nice decent black man so I choose to stay by myself.
hanging out is done bro. online chat. too many weirdos out there.
well where on earth do the quality men hang out... You made great points...we work and keep busy but we do not hang out in the same places. Women go to church, most men don't do that so where would this be? We are all frustrated...but certainly the women more than the men.
@PatsBooks thank you! I think relationships are give an take, I help him and he helps me. With this description a woman have to be everything to a man, but what is he suppose to be to her?
@DRTARTT1 I agree with you 100% than you for stating this DrTartt. Some people actually believe that Most black men prefer dating nonblack women, when in fact the majority of black men date/marry black women, Only a small percentage of black men date interracially, and the media likes to exaggerate things by trying to make it seem as though black men prefer nonblack women. Most Men prefer to date the women from their own race.
@AllPro777 Good doctor, it wasn't about my blaming anyone for my singleness. I choose to be single. I agree that the every loyal sister who chooses to only date black men, narrowing it down to "dark skinned" black men limit their choices in finding a good man. I think we should take a page book from our male counterparts who've opened their eyes to other options, and they DO NOT apologize for it either. I don't know why many black women refuse to date outside their race.
am all about making a man feel like he is superman, BUT what about me?? i am a business owner, and many days as night i would like some man to make me feel like i am superwoman. are there men out there willing to do that or are we expected to be wife, bff, mother, business mogul, etc all at the same time while being hot, sexy, sophisticate and refined without any help or support?
@NatTurnerIsAlive I don't think we're "worshipping white women". Instead, it's more like we're all suffering from Battered Woman syndrome: after years of being told that you're ugly and worthless, and that white women and their blonde hair and blue eyes are beautiful, SOME of us began to immulate that. But it's not just BW who dye their hair blonde and who feel this way. Women in general are made to feel like however they look, it's unsatisfactory.
@vford43
I don't understand your disagreement. I just agreed with what you're saying in the last post. And the stuff I identified is definitely a big problem, and has been for a very long time. I've been all over this country and I know it firsthand. Light-skinned black Women are more desired, light-skinned Black Men are less desired. And too many Black Women deal with losers who won't work and can't stay out of trouble. You know plenty of them yourself.
@Janissi42
If you're single, you can't really blame it on someone else to begin with. I don't think Black Women blame themselves at all, they just approach this issue as helpless victims. That to me is the real problem. If we ignore that, we're just enabling a bad situation. No one else can make you more or less desirable but you. You have to take responsibility for you.
Since black people are not a monolithic group, we all don't agree on everything--like this topic. I have met black people who think like you on this subject.
"To be sure, it is a means of great gain, this godly devotion along with self-sufficiency.... So, having sustenance and covering, we shall be content with these things." --1 Timothy 6:6, 8. So, since every adult is supposed to have his own sustenance and covering, to say one is successful because he is educated and has a job is unreasonable.
The best fun a man will have with a woman and a woman will have with a man is with the one he and she can play with outdoors clean like a couple of kids without cares in the world. Indeed, how well a man and woman play together out of doors determines how well they work together indoors. I don't see black men looking for outdoor fun in a woman: they're looking for women they can take to dinner indoors, to a movie indoors, a nightclub indoors and into their beds indoors. I don't see black women looking for outdoor fun in a man: they're looking for a meal ticket in the first man that comes along with a job and nothing with him outdoors. And this includes black women who rightly have their own salaried jobs working for the white man. Observe, please, that the operative word in that statement is "jobs," not businesses that involve the making, building and producing of product beneficial to the life of every earthling man. What do these so-called successful black women make and build with their own hands that they can hire like-minded black men to make and build alongside for them to choose as husbands and from which every race of man can benefit? Because all I see surrounding these women are black women - I don't even see *white* women! Small wonder all they can do is gripe their inability to find black men working the same salaried jobs for white business owners.
See, these are the jokes black women didn't get: Number 1: If the only college degree a black woman can get is to manage white business owners' money, she must choose for husband the white business owner under whom she works. Is this not what white women do? If the black woman somehow manages to work above the white business owner that hired her, she's going to be at the top of the ladder by herself because no black man has risen alongside her. In that case, she must marry the white business owner that moved her up. Is this not what white women do? [Note: In the 2009 movie "The Ugly Truth," when Katherine Heigl's lead character Abby was being introduced to second lead Gerard Butler's Mike that had his own following and no shame in it, when she said to him, "I'm your producer!" he smilingly extended his hand in greeting and said: "I like a woman on top!"] Is there any black men that has ever had the confidence in himself to say that to the black woman above him while having no fear trying to get her, since from what I've seen in numerous videos here, insecure black men's sole expectation is for lesser salaried black women to pump THEM up?
Number 2: When a white business owner becomes successful, meaning he's making, building and distributing product for every race of earthling man, he shamelessly lavishes all his wealth on the woman of his choice, whether she too comes from accumulated wealth or is a downright pauper. What black woman in the highest-salaried "job" working for a white business owner is going to shamelessly lavish HER salary on a man, whether he has an equally high-salaried "job" working for the white business owner or is a downright pauper? *NONE.* Of course, what this also means is that if and when she finds such black man, all his salary will go on her and all her salary will go on her, meaning she will have no intention of helping him do anything. This is why the only thing surrounding so-called successful black women that have no businesses making, building and distributing product beneficial to the life of every earthling man are black women - I don't even see *white* women!
Number 3: I repeat: The best fun a man will have with a woman and a woman will have with a man is with the one he and she can play with outdoors clean like a couple of kids without cares in the world. Indeed, how well a man and woman play together out of doors determines how well they work together indoors. Black women are raised with the belief that Prince Charming is going to appear at their doorstep bearing a glass slipper, when the only man that brings anything to your front door is your mail carrier. This mentality has derived from our black culture's over-concern with appearance. Every man is a natural creature of the outdoors, with a love of every survival and recreational sport. Find a man who's earned his wealth working indoors and never playing outdoors (i.e., writers, bankers, etc.) and you have found a man you will never see and have fun with in outdoor play. For all so-called successful, meaning high-salaried black men working for white business owners, claiming they actually exist yet are never found by the same salaried black women, as this video host has said: They are looking for them at the nightclubs that the same black men have long tired of before returning to their clean boyhood loves of outdoor sports, IF they never gave them up at all. And such black men are engaging in all those outdoor sports, including fishing, with the white women out there alongside them with the wash-and-wear hair playing sport dumb and asking: "Can you show me how to bait this hook?" and bonding with and hooking these brothers for husbands. To that end, the so-called successful black woman's polish and artificiality along with it have completely hamstrung all her efforts to find, cleanly play, have fun and bond with YOU IN YOUR TRUE HABITAT OF THE OUTDOORS because she's too busy worrying about sweating her expensive perm out or ruining her more expensive weave to be real and reeled in!
Consider the 2004 movie "Hitch" when Will Smith's lead character was paired with second lead Eva Mendes with the naturally long and flowing wash-and-wear hair. That no black actress was paired with Smith in this romantic movie written for him is apparent in scene 10 when he accidentally knocked Mendes' Sara off her ski boat and into the Hudson River, which no modern-day black actress sporting an expensive perm or a weave would have survived. In this case, all the fun in that scene would only have worked and played with a black man and a black woman had the movie been made in 1970, when she would have been sporting a natural Afro that like his would have been picked out to perfection in the next scene and dried with no sweat, IF, that is, along with him, the black woman had learned the outdoor sport of swimming!
@GetTheGrandFunkOut Great idea!!!! My problem is I don't like White men
InfoMedia Is my entire 1185-word comment telling you to like white men or why black women aren't successful finding black men; as long experienced by another black woman?
@dajewel1982 Yes there are men like that I see them around; Thing is there is no pefect man and no perfect woman, and it will not be ALL the time. I think being easying going and lay-back, understanding on unimportant matters in general helps to find your superman who makes youfeel like a superwoman!
Finally, ATL is not the place for a BW to find an adequate husband. The ratio of BW to straight BM gives BM an unfair advantage. Therefore, BM have high expectations & demands of BW that they do not have of themselves. BW tirelessly work a career, cook&clean, rear the kids, help their husband's careers, & submit to their hubbies making their BM's life easier, while BW suffers in silence. That is NOT a partnership, it is servatude. There are other options. Non-BM marry nontraditional BW.
The Black church/community is controled by BM. The patriachal structure rears BW to be diligent workers, but not hunters. Therefore, BM choose the woman they want, while BW settle for the man they get. Being loved isan't enough for us either. Just as you have standards, we do also. We have held you up for thousand of years, the 21st century BW isan't limiting ourselves to BM. We too are upgrading. We make no apologies for marrying NON-BM. BW who don't will be left behind WAITING to submit.
@vford43
That's the real problem. Let's be real, a lot of Black women have this syndrome of calling too many types of Men "corny". A lot of them cutoff the light-skinned Black man, so that cuts their pool down even more, which is funny since Brown sisters complain about being overlooked for light sisters, yet they pass on light brothers a lot. Smh.
Dr. Tarte,
Do you realize the type of abuse Black women have to endure by black males when they are out in the public? We are afraid and have to protect ourselves emotionally. If you smile all the time, it attract crazy guys.
People group themselves wherever you go and it will never stop. It is natural to feel a connection to someone who resembles you--culturally, physically and spiritually. Why is a problem that a black man prefers black women or vice versa? Do you ask white men why they have a preference for white women? Or Chinese men why they prefer Chinese women? etc. Do you sing this 'color doesn't matter' song to anyone else? Or do you feel you have to 'enlighten black people b/c we are behind'? No thanks
@MAJESTY357 Jet reports 5 couples a week. I pledeged a GBLO from a HBCU. The only Men I hate are men who use, abuse, degrade, disrespect, and sexualize Black Women. Any woman who lets a man waste her time will regret it. If BM don't put a ring on it, then seek outside the black community for a suitable mate. It's imperative BW have standards, for the sake of our children. Settling to stay with BM hurts the children in the end. Let BM hate, while you leave them in the dust.
Their 'own'? We are all eachothers own my friend. One race. But sadly some don't see us all as God's children despite our skin shade.
@DRTARTT1 What has the 'exact shade' of her skin got to do with it? Mocha? to you hold up a paint mixer sample next to her skin? And god?
Only thing that matters is if you love one another - Like If you would love each other if you were, god-forbid, both blind and BROKE!!
The first choice in a partner is a black man for MOST black women. You know this so paying attention to negative people on the internet is a waste of time don't you think?
@creolelady182 well it's all about the way you define "successful black men"...a lot of BW want to call any BM making 6 or 7 figures a good man...he's making good money but that doesn't mean he's necessarily good...why is it that you never hear BW saying something like this..."we're tired of losing all of the good BM to other races...the BM that respect women...the BM that want to have wives and children...the BM that value the opinion of the women"...it's always about the cash smh
He admits that the numbers aren't there. So why is he giving advice on how to compete for a handful of men. The reality is that Black women must bring other men into the folds to increase their chances of finding a suitable husband.
@PatsBooks - Pat , BW don't have to be a crutch. BW must take control of their own relations. If you seek marriage, family, prosperity & a man who will submit to you, then jewish men are good candidates. Locate professional events where you can meet large #s of them. You need to read Sherry Argov’s book, "Why Men Love Bitches". This book dosn't apply to BM, b/c BM want women to be their servant & take anything. Which is why they have been replaced. Pat, don't let anyone steal your joy.
Sure, we should be all friends but that doesn't mean that I want to be romantically involved with any friend. Some black people want to be romantically involved with other black people. There are cultural, spiritual connections that are not repeated with other groups of people. Some black people are aware of that and therefore have a preference. So if God put black people here, some people want the black people that god put on earth. What is wrong with that?
Why do we need black men and women together?? Interracial relationships dont exist? Its very different here in the UK
@AveolarD - You are so funny. What is your point? If I listened to a BM, I would be somebody's "baby mama", instead of someone's wife. Don't listen to these BM telling BW to leave their fate in the BMs hands. BW must take control of their own fate. From my personal experience, BW interested in finding a quality husband to build family should seek outside the black community. Listening to Dr. Tart's advice will have you sitting by the phone. Don't waiste your time on BM.
@MsButterflyeffect01 Being a BM w/a career should NOT be your only requirements 4a mate. No matter what RACE of your husband, U will be viewed as a Black family. It takes more than love & friendship 2grow a life. A life's plan requires aggreement on# of kids & rearing, money,education,equity,commitments, household & dealing w/adversity, failure,compromise, disagreements & life's challenges. Even then there R still problems. BW R responsible 4their kids fate; so choose a suitable Mate.
@MsButterflyeffect01 Also, I am not anti-BM, I am pro-MARRIAGE & ANTI-SBFBabyMama . If telling the truth makes some BM hate me, SO WHAT. BW in healthy marriages strengthen the Black Community.B/c BW never stop supporting the community, no matter who we marry. If U want 2marry & build a healthy family, choose a man w/shared vision, & easy temperment. Don't wait 4him, go find him. Dominant Men R less flexible. Avoid the "my way or the highway" & "me 1st" men;or your future kids will suffer.
@MsButterflyeffect01 West African surnames are based on tribal customs and traditions that are patriarchal. Up until the 20th century, Women did not take husbands surname and each child was given a different surname, which may be different from that of the parents or grandparents. That dosn't change the fact that Africa is patriarchally dominant. Even Female Chiefs are challenged and threatened by male underlings. women control and dominate & control the culture & every part of society.
@MsButterflyeffect01 There is nothing awful about freedom of choice. BW should not wait around 4ANY MAN 2give them what U want. BW must PARTNER w/a mate, NOT submit 2a mate. Submission gives some1 authority 2determine your fate. Instead U must define your own fate. BW must seek out MEN who share their vision & life plan. If U want 2marry, build a family & investments b/4 40, THEN U must choose a man who ALREADY shares the same vision; 1 who wants 2battle the world 2gether NOT battle w/U.
Enlighten black people? I am black my dear. Think the discussion just got stupid.
@MsButterflyeffect01 BM make up 5% of US population - 1% n jail - 1% gay or bisexual - 1% married = 2% of the pop R eligable BM 2date. That 2% constraint is why BW R alone b/c they stick w/BM population, not b/c of Dr Tarrif's opinion. Expand your options 2the 20% of the population of non-BM, & ALL BW would be married. U have 66mill males versus 6mil BMs. BW make up 5% of US population. Don't become a SBFBabyMama, CHOOSE your hubby from the 66mill. Don't settle. U don't have too.
@tampabay904 A WOMAN is always worth the trouble regardless of race.
A loud mouth, never compromising, funky attitude, 2 and 3 kid having FEMALE is not worth a dime.
This dude is DL
@DRTARTT1 lol. Great comment.
Black women just need to stop being so selfish. It's your man's relationship too, not just yours. Also it's PERFECTLY FINE if he's not perfect. No man can be perfect, so if you try to focus on what you don't like, then of course your gonna be unsuccessful with men. Let it breathe, instead of trying to put everything on life support.
@MsButterflyeffect01 Egyptian laws that prosecute men 4raping women is not giving the "power to women". The Kingdom of Kush was the only place in ancient africa that allow women to participate in gov process. However, they still practiced genital mutilation, female infanticide, unlimited polygyny, & patrilineal marriage. Worse, in todays Sudan, the Civil War is based on the same dysfunctional issues from ancient times in Kush Kingdom. The mass rapes are a function of patriarchal dominance.
@MsButterflyeffect01 I responded 2your point that Arabs came 2Kamet 7th CE. I made the point that origin of the dysfunction R patriarchal dominant practices. Then Arabs installed Sharia law making it the law of the land. Female genital mutilation, father selling daughters, poligymy, forced births R pre-Islamic tribal customs. Sudan's civil war has less 2do w/religion & everything 2o w/power mongering. Using same tribal tactics from thousands of years ago. African Congress in UN is no different.
I am just disappointed it is always the burden of the Black woman to be everything. It like we have to be the back bone and the crutch. When are we going to get what we want. Why do we always have to be a man's crutch and nursemaid. Why do the black community expect up to make men a project?
@MsButterflyeffect01 You have revealed whaot little you really know about what is happening today in the Sub Sahara. You are not an African Woman. I am done. Have a good holiday. Kwa heri.
@MsButterflyeffect01 It angers me, that you romanticize forced births. A woman doesn't decide the fate of her kids in Sudan, when her father has sold her in an arranged marriage to an older man, who uses herr for his personal domestic & sexual slave. Without adequate laws 2protect women, things will not change. The lack of education, makes it even more difficult for women to discover there options. To say a woman wants to live a life of servatude like chattel is irresponsible & troubling.
@MsButterflyeffect01 There is NO other definition of Human Rights, but the one I am referring to. Forced submission and servatude does not afford "woman's rights" but a Man's will to oppress her. Your warped view of womens rights is the dysfunction that is destroying Africa. BW in the US need 2avoid that trajectory. Oppression is something to get angry about. Without a political voice, vote & protection of ones freedoms, there is no reason to exist. B/c free will & choice is the ONLY option.
@MsButterflyeffect01 That is wrong, liar. Ancient egyptian society was based on Sharia Law. There is no such thing as "Negro-egyption society". Egyptians R a mix of Sudanese & Arab, therefore, Egyptions R Black. Ancient Egypt was called Kamet. It was NEVER a matriarchal society. Women had NO rights or education, their lives were determined by their fathers, brothers & husbands. Their value was like cattle purely domestic use for men. Sharia law gives Men ownership of the children & wives.