Alexithymia and Identifying Emotions in Autistic Adults
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- Опубліковано 9 лип 2024
- Alexithymia is a condition that affects many people on the spectrum. It affects our ability to label and/or communicate about the emotions we are experiencing. 😵💫
After seeing a visual representation of emotional body mapping, it helped me learn how to distinguish some of my emotions more quickly. 🗺
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📱RESOURCES 🧘🏼♀️
NPR (article): Mapping Emotions on the Body: www.npr.org/sections/health-s...
Empathy and Burnout (video): • Autistic Burnout, Peop...
Autistic Meltdown/Shutdown (video): • Thoughts Mid-Shutdown ...
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I'm Tay, a married mom of 2 who was diagnosed with Autism at 31 years old. This was after YEARS of therapy (and all of the self tests in the world!). My diagnosis has brought up questions, frustration, doubt, but most importantly, a new level of self compassion and understanding.
I'm here to share knowledge, resources, and products that empower other neurodivergents (and their loved ones) to live freely and creatively. I'm not a doctor so please speak with your healthcare providers before implementing any recommendations I make on my channel.
Females are under-diagnosed due to lack of research. Please share any videos that are helpful to you so we can spread awareness and acceptance.
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#autism #autistic #aspergers
I’ve been having a hard time naming my emotions for my whole life. I’ve always felt anxious & have been diagnosed with recurring depression & generalised anxiety disorder & have gotten treatment for it, but the treatment never seemed to help in the long run.
I always felt there was something more underlying & managed to get evaluated two years ago & got a diagnosis of inattentive ADHD (which explains a lot). Growing up, when I tried to name my emotions (& even now). When I’ve tried to
verbalise & name my emotions growing up, I often got to hear “that’s nothing to cry about” & sentences like that, which contributed to me shutting down & feel like I wasn’t allowed to express my emotions. That’s lead to that I’m struggling even more to know what Im feeling.
When you talked about delayed processing- that really resonated with me. I was like “what, is there a word for it?!”, cause that’s me every time & I’ve been feeling angry with myself for not being able to “speak up” in the moment & that Im just in a freeze response without the ability to explain myself.
This comment got really long & I hope that’s okay 🙈 Apparently I had a lot to say about this.
Not sure that I could connect an emotional state to how my body feels…except maybe the flutter I feel with anxiety.
I’ve lived long enough to learn words for various emotional states. So I can describe them cognitively. If pressed I can provide more words but the most honest answer is probably, “I don’t know.”
Big ones like anger, sadness, frustrated, and happiness are easy, but the nuances in between are lost on me. This diagram needs a meltdown graphic, which basically feels like my head is on fire.
I’ve found the most accepted social response is, “I’m tired.” This is taken at face value, commiserated, and no additional questions are asked. I can then make my escape and process later.
This is really great insight and I'm so glad you shared it.
Yes, and meltdown graphic would be super helpful. Head on fire, reddish/orange layer right underneath the skin of my arms - feeling like fire ants are crawling around everywhere and making things harder to understand.
Now that you've mentioned the "I'm tired" response... welp I guess I've gotten used to that too. People don't question that one and in this day and age, everyone is always tired so they understand.
Sometimes I frustrate my partner when I bring things up later that I'm upset about rather than addressing them in the moment, but I just don't know how I'm feeling until I have space and time to think about it by myself. We are both learning how to accept this, but it is hard. He can usually tell I'm upset before I can put any words to it.
As far as connecting to how your body feels emotionally, if you're interested I would encourage you to look into practicing mindfulness or meditation if you don't already. It is a practice that is really helping me learn how to be more in-tune with what my body is experiencing. It's definitely a practice and some days feels harder than others, but overall it is very helpful in my mental health journey.
Always good to hear from you.
@@MomontheSpectrum I've been practicing mindfulness and meditation for over 25 years now (I'm a Buddhist). I've been off my meditation and need to get that back in a daily routine. Even with that there is no real connection with the nuances of emotions to my body. I certainly have tension when angry but I don't relate to that diagram much at all. Regardless, meditating keeps me in so much more of an even keel and better able to manage day to day stress.
I like your fire ant description. During a meltdown, my head feels like all the spinning electrons are banging into all the spinning electrons of all the other atoms in my brain...as if everything is firing simultaneously. So difficult to self regulate in this state. So difficult to explain what this feels like to a NT.
@@CinkSVideo I am very curious about some things that I haven't known how to voice but you sound like an interesting person to talk with about this...
I also like to study meditation and regularly practice yoga. I'm currently reading the Tao Te Ching and feel that when I study and focus on these types of ideas that I am more steady.
Some questions that rattle around in my head that I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on if you're at all interested in sharing...
With meditation, I know it's difficult for everyone to be still, but do you think it's a different level of difficulty for people on the spectrum? Should we feel free to move and stim during meditation or is finding stillness in the midst of those urges a way to further our mindfulness?
Is clearing our head of our thoughts on a different plane of skill and difficulty for people on the spectrum? I have said on here before, but I've read that in the morning, there is a brief period of stillness in the mind before thoughts take shape. I am sure that it doesn't exist for me. I wake up into a cloud of overlapping thoughts and anxiety every single day.
I guess what I'm trying to say is... in certain areas of study when it comes to mindfulness and meditation, do we need to approach it differently as someone on the spectrum? Does it function differently in our lives than it does for an allistic person?
There are many times in my study when I feel like elements of mindfulness or meditation are just out of reach for the capabilities of my brain. Maybe it is just further down the road...
Anyways... these are frequent thoughts I have and would love to hear whatever it stirs up in you if you have the time and desire to respond!
@@MomontheSpectrum This is going to be long. UA-cam comments may not be the best place for this discussion...
It is important to find stillness during meditation, but this can be achieved in a couple of ways. Before I start, let me remind you that meditation is a practice and like all things that require practice, it will take time…a lot of time…to get to where you want to be.
The most basic and best place to start with meditation is counting your breaths. This act is a form of stim. To this day, I still use this as a primary form. The goal is to count ten breaths and start back over at one. If you lose your place (and you will), start back over at one. You may never get past counting to three in some sessions, but that is okay. You are still counting your breaths. See? This is a repetitive act…following your inhale and exhale and counting to ten and then starting over again.
Some people use Mala beads. This is a strand of 108 beads. You can move them through your fingers one by one as a way of counting breaths or repeating a mantra. A mantra is repeated over and over…like a stim. These tend to be very Buddhist or Hindu in their origin, but if you look up the meaning of most common mantras they are about mindfulness, kindness, peace, and love. So…pretty universal. Sometimes I use a Mala that was a gift from my best friend (you know how we cherish objects), but most of the time I just sit and breathe in and breathe out and count to ten. I find that just 15 minutes a day will do the trick. Of course, you can meditate for longer sessions, but it isn’t necessary to reach the mindfulness that you need.
I’m not a fan of guided meditation tapes. These require multitasking, which is not typically an Autistic strength. Plus, I think they are mostly marketing to sell guided meditation tapes. All you need to do is sit and breathe. Two things you already know how to do.
Meditation is an internal state, which means that we autistic folk are well suited to this practice. I would think that the variability amongst autistic people is as wide as the variability among our population. These things are not out of reach for your brain. They are built for your brain. Most western books and such regarding mindfulness like to take something very simple and make it very complicated. Once again, this sells books. Eastern philosophy/religion texts don’t typically do this. They are very pragmatic. You will hear/read…Just Sit. Breathe.
On a more important note, western translations of mindfulness and the concept of emptying your mind are wrong. They mis-translate this because there are no western words that accurately define this state of “empty mind”. In reality, what this means is: When you meditate thoughts will naturally arise no matter how experienced you are. At first (and for many months, possibly years) your thoughts will come all at once. That’s okay. Don’t fight this. You may think about doing your grocery shopping. Okay, then work through your grocery list. Give attention to the thoughts as they arise. With practice, your thoughts will come more one at a time, and progressively will arise more slowly. Then you will get good at taking that thought looking at it from all angles and giving it a thorough examination. Really take it apart. You will find that you understand what it means, what is needed, and then you can release your attachment to it because you are done with it. At this point, the thought will naturally leave your consciousness…It leaves your mind. This leaving/emptying of the thoughts is what “Empty your Mind” means.
@@CinkSVideo just read this 🤯🥰 thank you so much for taking the time to share. I’ll respond more in depth later but your response spoke to me in a wonderful way!
Hi Tay, it's definitely me. Sometimes also my emotions are in delay. Fortunately my interactions with other people are close to zero.
Thank you for your mission, you make feel me less alone.
You are definitely not alone!!! Thanks for sharing.
@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you.
Hi Tay, new to here, new to autism. Diagnosed 5 weeks ago at 59. Realising alexithymia, interoception and proprioception are all things i relate to and need to learn more about. Also sensory processing issues. Some feedback from my perspective - in the few videos i"ve watched of yours the music is considerably louder than your speech, so i'm flying to the volume buttons on my device often to adjust. As much as i'd love to binge watch everything you have it will not be possible for me.
+++congrats on 600 subs!!!
This was very helpful, thank you.
I did not realize that when I felt empty when I did not see the love of my youth that that meant I missed her,
I did not realize when I saw my father for a short moment and felt a strong feeling (after years of no contact) that that meant that despite everything I loved him
I was a cross between a child and a teenager at 25 years old , the last moment of contact because of poverty , which stagnated my emotional and mental growth
My father was not a person for deep emotion and a narcissist, he ghosted me
Great video! Thanks for sharing that map, super interesting!
Glad it was helpful!
I didn’t know years ago that I was on the spectrum, but someone suggested I look into using a feelings chart or wheel, because I had/have difficulty with knowing how I feel at times. I’d include a picture of my copy but this is my first post and I can’t figure out how to do so. For a good year or two I would defer to my copy when I felt nervous or upset about something and read all the emotions on the list until I could find the best word for how I “really” felt and this gave me great relief in having a better understanding of feelings and of myself. Maybe it’s called an emotions chart. My first copy was given to me in a chart form and I couldn’t find it online after losing it, but I was able to find the wheel version that works just as well. I highly recommend it for folks who can’t readily explain how they’re feeling in the moment. I practiced with a close friend for quite a while and it’s been a blessing!
So helpful, ty
You're welcome! The link to the graphic is in the description.
This is exactly what my family has been struggling with. I didn’t know it had a name.
Okay, the body map is so useful!!
I know, right?! When my psychologist shared it with me I think I stopped hearing everything else she said after that. 😂 It was like a portal opened.
Thank you!
+MomontheSpectrum *Viewing this vid 1.15 years post hoc, I've some pronunciation corrections to suggest.* Alexithümía (Hel. αλεξιθυμία), viz., lack of affective terminology, can be a standalone condition - or a co-symptom of ’üpothümía (Hel. ᾿υποθυμία), viz., insufficient affect, a major symptom of Kanner's syndrome. Per Steven E. Gutstein Ph.D. of RDIconnect®, Kanner's syndrome kills the infant instinct to seek growth, taking agency (personal and interpersonal), mediation, and relational memory with it.
Thank you for this. This is my issue.
Thank you.
Great helpful video! I am blown away by the feelings map and will be googling to find myself a copy. Sometimes I am not feeling right and I can’t pinpoint why. So I end up telling my partner, I don’t feel good today without really knowing why! It never occurred to me that I have undefined emotions! This is eye-opening! Thank you!
So glad it is helpful! I felt the same way when my psychologist shared it with me. Like a new world had opened up. The link to the map is in the description of the video! 😁
@@MomontheSpectrum Awesome! Saves me the search! Thanks😀
@@bryanmerton5153 You're welcome! Anytime I mention something in a video I try to link it in the description. 😉
This is absolutely genius
I thought so! When I saw the visual representation I feel I was forever changed! Ha! Something so simple.
Hi! I love your videos. I’ve been wondering if I have this “trait” which seems common in asd. I can realize I am having a negative emotion or a scary one but can’t really explain it or why it’s so intense because it’s so complex, it’s not just “sad” or “scared”. I believe I have alexithymia but when I hear of it it sounds as if people who have it can’t even identify between happy and sad feelings, is this true? I can clearly know if it’s a positive or negative feeling.
🔥🔥🔥🙏!
Alexithymia for my situation means that I can’t identify my emotions or identify how emotions feel in my body (unless I’ve felt them an exuberant account of times or the emotion is incredibly severe). For me it also means I can’t tell what my tone of voice is very well or what expression is on my face and what that expression means. I also find that I can identify say when I need to eat or go to the toilet but it’s a delayed response, I might not know I’m feeling that till the last minute. I also find it incredibly difficult to express how I feel whether it be verbally or physically. With time and rumination sometimes I can figure out how I felt in a past situation but I usually don’t try. The result of this is that I often don’t knots how I’m feeling unless someone tells me what they think I’m feeling based on their interpretation of my body language. I hope you can see how that can get complicated and have the possibility to put me in dangerous situations. I’m pretty good at gauging a person’s intentions but like everyone else I have off days too.
What I know for sure that I feel good or I don't feel good, I usually use one word, frustrated, when I don't feel good. Also I never in my life talked about how I feel, in my mother tongue I cannot say I am happy, it just doesnt feel natural. But when I watch a movie I see that the person is sad, or angry, or happy, or desperate...I dont really have the vocabulary for shades of emotions, only the basic ones.....now I am more conscious, but in the past I could say I was feeling good when I was not really....also instead of saying how I feel, I always prefer to describe the situation like it was good, this was funny, or I had enough I want to go etc....also my written language differs from my spoken language...
Thanks for sharing your experience here! I’m sure it will resonate with others.
I don't know what i feel but i impulsively react which in arguments isn't helpful.
I can only differentiate between certain emotion groups but each group is all kinda mixed together.
Hi Tay. I am 48 and was just diagnosed 3 months ago. Do you find it hard to make friends with other people on the spectrum? I do. I'm enjoying your videos by the way...
That is totally normal! Making friends is hard. I feel like I haven't really made new friends since college (10+ years ago) with the exception of one family we got to know through our kids, and it's taken me about 2 years to really feel comfortable enough around them to be myself. They're great people but it's just a long process for me.
For me, I LOVE interacting with people online, like this conversation. I can think through what I want to say, have plenty of time to decode responses, and plan for what I want to happen next. There are so many kind people who interact on this channel. I encourage you to join in any conversations that speak to you! I will try to post if I learn about further opportunities to help connect people on the spectrum. There might be some online conferences you could research. Happy to help you process any other thoughts in this area! You're not alone.
Do you have a patron account?
I don't currently have one but it's something I'm thinking about for the future. Thanks for asking!
@@MomontheSpectrum sure!,would love to support you!
@@T.T.M.60 That means so much to me! You made my day. Thank you.
@@MomontheSpectrum thank YOU!,I love your videos,they have been so helpful to me and to my husband.