Limerence Flares Up When Life Feels Empty and Sad
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- Опубліковано 23 кві 2024
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Romantic obsession with someone you can’t have is a sneaky, life-wrecking toxin - almost a drug that feels great at first and seems like if you could just have that person, your life would go from empty... to amazing. This "drug" treats pain. And the drug wears off, and next thing you know the “solution” you’ve found has just swept like a massive mudslide through everything good in your life. Can it ever be true that this one person you wanted but lost, is the missing element in your life that explains why you’ve been sad so long? Maybe, if you know the signs. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who can't stop thinking about an ex.
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Oh Anna, I don't know if you read these comments but I can't tell you how helpful your videos have been to my life. You are such a positive influence on the world. Thank you for sharing your fantastic mind.
I do read the comments. Thank you!
I agree!
Agree 100%
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I would never have known about limerence if it wasn’t for you. I am eternally grateful for your wisdom. You inspired me to start my own mental health community and it has been very successful. Thank you Anna.
There is a saying:
“Don’t believe everything you think.”
Only way you can get of this feeling is by loving yourself. I couldn’t find any other ways to fix this problem.
Exactly. I always thought that the solution to getting over an intense crush was finding a new intense crush 😅 but that doesn’t solve the actual problem, does it?
How
How indeed. You can't just will yourself to do it. I have made videos about this. It's the fruit of healing work, and of loving others along the way.
That's pretty difficult
There is a great video by the personal development school on this topic recently. They have some additional suggestions beyond self love like unmet needs and traits, which over time we can fulfill ourselves. The practice is the hard part but digging into a little more detail could help ppl on their path
I feel soooo sorry for his wife. She is a keeper, she has a mentally sick husband who lost his job and is now too disabled to work, if I understood correctly. She is his best friend, but he constantly abandons her emotionally and compared her to his ex during the whole marriage. Even if he never said anything, she probably felt it. Now she feels lost, lonely, alone and waits for him to abandon her for good. Oh lord what a sad, sad marriage is this for her. I wish the writer would consider her more and not be so egocentric about his old flame / teenage love and his own feelings.
It takes two to tango…, in my opinion: he emotionally neglected her chronically (that’s not okay and it’s a reflection off of his childhood upbringing). She attracted or found this guy and they married, this isn’t “random”.
Freud's theory of repetition compulsion suggests that individuals unconsciously repeat past traumatic experiences or patterns of behavior in an attempt to master or fix unresolved conflicts.
The end: they both need to do a lot of self-healing/awareness.
Projection?
I feel bad for his wife ! Sounds like she is on standby . Emotional affair hurts just as bad.
I think she mentions it in the video, the unhealed trauma makes the stable and healthy partner seem unattractive. I feel so bad for the wife. If the wife doesn't have a trauma past, she might not even think in that way or understand it. I know people who basically had no trauma or anything complicated in their life and were blindsided by a partner like that. To them its just not fathomable, because to a healthy person, that kind of stable, calm, and comfortable love actually feels good.
When we have past childhood trauma our nervous system seeks that feeling of fight or flight and makes us feel like that’s the normal; when it isn’t. It’s not that the feelings aren’t there, they’re just normal and not what we’re used to. ☹️
What’s helped me is remembering that the fantasy person is also flawed but you haven’t experienced their flaws. That helps break the spell of perfection you are projecting onto them
Self respect is the only way to heal.
Amen 🙂
Men and their legendary first girlfriends... first person account here... I'm sad for the wife who spent 25 years of marriage with a man who ws constantly stuck on his first love
Same. She deserved better. She deserved to be loved.
The same can be said for women. I'm sorry that you had to go through that but it's not about men. There are women out there cheating on a good husband for an ex boyfriend who had cheated on them
@@limitleskydon't bother, people who say stuff like this often deserve to think that way
She likely believed his torch would fade as he inevitably grew to love her in time.
Big mistake
Hoping and romanticizing being second runner up would lead to first place 💔 Ouch
If someone doesn't see your value today will they be able to see it tomorrow ? a year from now ? ever ?
Honestly, it’s unlikely that the people you had feelings for as a kid have anything in common with you as an adult if you lived your lives separately for any significant length of time
Feels like a drug indeed. The person I was in limerence with cut contact and it made me realize I was filling a vast emptiness inside me with her presence. There wasn’t anything real between us, it was just a bandage for my loneliness. That said I would give anything to have it again, despite my rational brain knowing how bad that would be.
You are not alone. There is recovery for it. I'm in the process. Stay strong🙏
Saaaaaame. We actually talked about limerence... I literally told her "I don't want to treat you like a drug, I abuse those." And then I just kept doing and saying too much after she said she didn't want to rush things and just enjoy the ride. 🥺 I keep thinking " what if I ACTUALLY managed to slow down, we'd still be involved" but I am simply a mental disaster right now I cant let anyone new into my life I just have to focus on myself and lean on my already existing support system but I have a bad habit of isolating myself. So I keep thinking about reaching out again but she deserves better than the hot mess that I am. Fuark. I need an emotional support animal, not a girlfriend LOL I cant fully accept it yet. I am jealous of the attention that I give her. I wish I gave all that attention to myself. Thanks for coming to my ted talk ❤
@@STRcircaFKRoh boy I'm in the same place as you ... Just yesterday I ended things with him, for childish reasons or not I felt so unsafe... I had to leave, but I was in deep limerence with him, and I'm so lonely... I thought maybe we could build each other but ahh I live in a fairytale...
@@wzlkk3ghlf091 it hurts so bad but a good relationship is 2 already built human beings coming together to build something else! If he was not fully built yet, you deserve better than that and if you are not fully built yet he deserves better than that! And that doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up over it!! You need TLC. Do you have a group of people you can spend time with to get out of your loneliness? Keeping busy is helpful 😊
@@STRcircaFKR that saddens me to hear haha, bit you might be just right... I told him I want to learn to love properly... He didn't seem to want to change, and nope sadly I isolated myself so much I ended with no friends, I've been trying to reconnect with one tho... Since this, I felt like dying and my desperation was so bad I had to talk to someone even if I felt bothersome
I've been dealing with limerence since I was a kid. Still dealing with it in my 30's. A crush I've had for 3 years just got engaged last week and I've been crying for 3 days straight.
Jesus dude 😢
@@rociomartinez8666 he was a regular customer of mine at the restaurant I worked at, and last year he noticed that I was losing weight and told me "you look good as hell"
My spirit is crushed
Brutal. I'm sorry. 😢
I've definitely been there before too. You're not alone.
🫂
❤
You CAN control who you love. Love, real love, isn't positive feelings towards another. It's SO much more and requires actions from you. Love is actions more than it is a feeling. If you fill your life with the correct loving actions, it will be hard for you to find time to do bad, unloving actions. And you will find that you don't have enough time to even think about the "love" you think you have somewhere else. That feeling is lust and nostalgia, not love.
People get confused because infatuation is not love. It's based on a fictional representation of the other person. Most times the reality of who that person is wakes people up but when a person has unresolved childhood trauma from neglect I'm guessing it can go on for years. And because marriage is more political and survival based, those people who have unresolved trauma and obsession never begin to form a deeper relationship with their spouse. If the spouse also prefers that the marriage be survival based, it may never reach the depth of relationship they crave either. But in the letter it sounds like his wife wants something more with him. So if they actually sat down and talked about it, they might have a fighting chance.
@olive4naito It doesn't matter what modernity says about marriage. It will always be about love, and there is nothing anyone can do to change that. Acting in the world as if we can change the reality of the human condition is hubris.
I fell into limerence when I felt trapped in my abusive marriage. Once I left I spent a few years trapped in the limerence and that person taking full advantage of it. Learning to love myself and be fully into the healing process was difficult as I went through that. Finding self love saved me or better put, I saved myself with self care and self love. It cleared the fog and that rose colored tint off of my glasses.
I heard a counselor say that she could tell something was going on in the house if the child bonded to her too quickly. I had a horrific childhood. Some peers called my home the Amityville horror house. I used to fall for people way too quickly and thought about them way too much…creating a fantasy about how happy I’d be if I were with them. You’ve just explained why. Sounds like the case with this person. I’ve been married now 30 years. We are both imperfect people, but aren’t abusive. I’ve heard the rate of divorce and dissatisfaction for a second marriage after divorce is very high. The grass always looks greener from the other side. Raising kids is hard work. We’re now making a list of adventures we’d like to have together.
I would like to recommend a book from 1994, " Finally Getting It Right- From addictive love to the real thing" by author Howard M. Halpern, Ph.D. He spent his career specializing and treating people with this very issue. He also wrote a first book, " How to Break Your Addiction to a Person". There are many levels of understanding, as to why we get stuck and are somehow replaying in life the painful dynamics of our childhood. This repetition compulsion has been well known in our human kind. We are driven to play it again, to finally ( we think) get it right.
Thanks for sharing
Whenever I feel lonely, I ask myself how I’ve been neglecting myself. It’s helped ease the sharper edges of seclusion in my postpartum era.
That is such a healthy approach ❤ when I feel lonely (it's rare) I make sure to spend some extra time alone with myself, to get back to baseline
It doesn't matter how bad a childhood was, but holding a woman as a backup plan for 20+ years is really devastating. I'm only sorry for the wife here. I had limerance in the past but it never really affected other people. Yes, if you are finally in a healthy relationship it scared the hell out of me. But I worked through it and my husband and me are really happy together. I wouldn't trade him for any of my bad relationships of the past, only because it feels like "home"... Finally, I have a real stable and peaceful home ❤
I am very happy for you! ❤
@@DarkroomMedia007 Thank you 😊
Beautifully said❤
You only love this "golden person" because we're so used to performing for our love.
We keep experiencing this because we look for people that keep us at arms length because it's familiar.
As Joe Dispensa has said on many occasions. We must break the pattern of being ourselves.
Now this man is treating his wife the way he's been treated. Stuck in the side lines to play second place instead of leading lady.
I've heard of people leading people on for selfish reasons, but TWO kids when he was still in love with someone else? This is really cowardly and depressing. He's basically just used that woman as a safety net.
Self love is the first step. In a past video Anna posted, "nobody is coming to save you" including those past experiences. I don't even consider the past anymore because you need to figure out why you left or drifted apart. Anytime you go back into your past, it's often a mistake. I had one situation help, we talked about some things we both had on our mind and agreed that we're both seeking the happiness of each other regardless of who we chose. But seeing her life right now, I'm really glad I didn't go forward with her because it seems like she's always chasing something new and fresh.
This is how my parent's marriage ended. My BPD mom was manic and feeling sad and she wouldn't stop obsessing over her 2nd love.
Never get quickly involved with someone who recently broke up with someone or recently widowed. They are still emotionally bond to another person. They need time to heal and sort their minds and feelings out.
That’s so true.
I separated from my ex-husband 9 months ago. I was the one leaving our 30 years old relationship.
He immediately started a new relationship to run away from the pain but it ended badly. It was with a friend of his that always treated me badly. I suffered as hell, even though I was the one ending the relationship. You don’t cut ties with someone that quickly.
I don’t want anyone now. I’m still to attached and needing to heal and love myself. I was too much dependent on my ex-husband.
He is in a frenzy. Can’t seem to stand being alone.
People deal with stuff differently.
To each their own path.
@@AnaAlmeida001I can relate to your story so perfectly! I left too, after 30 yrs meanwhile he continued a relationship which had begun before I left.
It has been almost 3 years now since I left and I just don't see myself in a relationship any time soon.Surely I'm not healed yet.
Yeah, I did that. It had already been 2 years and he had been actively dating. After 9 months I thought - he still has his wife answering calls on his answering machine 3 years later, he is still stuck.
@@nettwench I met someone not quite a year after his wife passed. When he took me to his room for some intimate time, her face was on the blanket on the bed, and her things were still on her bedside table. I had to extricate myself ❤️🩹
I find the more activities I am involved in,the less limerant I am...
You're literally my favourite UA-camr. You're videos make me feel understood. Seen!! Thank you thank you thank you.
Wow, that's so wonderful to hear. Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
The wife is truly an angel
The title of this video snatched the wig right off my head
I hope he decides to get intensive, long-term counseling with his wife, along with more discovery of what he's trying to get from the limerent fixation. And I absolutely agree with you about not dragging a committed partner through all one's private doubts and temptations. That's only necessary when we've had intensive counseling, have looked at all the options and our own agenda and how healthy it is OR isn't, and believe it's part of mutual honesty and healing.
I have been trying to let go of a man that has been disrespectful for years because of a desire to be with the unattainable super jock from. High school. We started seeing each other during covid. We graduated 1986 and started to have fun like we were teenagers. At 55 I had to stop drinking because of health issues. This video helps me. I have CPTSD. I have issues understanding why it's so hard to let go of him
We're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
~I still have a candle lit for my 5th grade boyfriend, and he isnt even alive anymore~How sad is that?!~I think it was partly just the times, and all the excitement going on in society, it was 1968-69~I do wonder, tho....☆
Back then, many of us were in love, and many were at war. And then some, couldn't tell the difference!!
This letter truly resonates with me. I grew up very lonely and emotionally neglected and I’m 46 years old I’ve had Limerence and Maladaptive daydreams all my life just realizing and facing this now. I never told anyone. It brings me comfort to know I’m not the only one. Thank You.
You’re not alone and we are all here to support you! -Frida@TeamFairy
Deeper levels of love exist that can't be reached if we become addicted to the thrills of romantic love.
Let love evolve. Allow ourselves to grow up... become mature.
We do not only "mate" only to play out the basics of material existence: reproduction; but we can reach spiritual levels through embracing inevitable change.
Ecstacy of new forms is possible... it is waiting for us, if we persevere.
I am experiencing such a situation now, at the age of 66... I am aware this may be a temporary state; I appreciate it for what it is... but I wish that we would continue to progress together on the continuum of love.
I have experienced the deepening of love... it is a process to be pursued, or rather, allowed to happen.
Perhaps my current partner will wish for the same. Perhaps not... he has not experienced that evolution before.
We shall see.
But always remember: staying stuck in former states of bliss is limiting.
This spoke to me. Thank you.
@@staciewilliams1257 ✌️❤️
so so beautiful...
I never understood why this was happening to me. Now I think it has to do with abandonment trauma from my father's death when I was seven. It was always the crush on the unavailable person, and with some people it would go on for years. It made absolutely no sense but it was like a hole I would fall into and couldn't get out of.
This already hits home. I spent most of my life in this painful mindset. Ended up in a very toxic 8 yr situatiinship, with 3 kids, a broken home, and been single since 32. I just turned the dreaded 60 and alone will be my permanent state (iI have exceeded my best by date). At least I somewhat have peace now.
This is untrue. This is a story you're telling yourself. People find love at every age, but only if they're open to it. You have no "best by" date, you are a beautiful and worthy being with so much love to give, whether it's to a romantic partner, a community, your pets, a project, or anything else you can imagine. You don't have to find romantic love to be happy, but if you want to, you can.
There is no best by date you can always find love at any age!
This is the first time I’ve disagreed with Anna. The wife deserves to know how the guy feels so she can make an independent decision herself instead of just blindly waiting on him to decide.
Agreed. Informed consent. Full disclosure. So she knows what and who she's signing up for.
💯
Once he gives up the fantasy relationship, he still has the chance to save his marriage and create a happier life. So I think he should not confess his feelings about the old girlfriend. If he and his wife worked together to have more fun and he spent time making her happy he might learn what real love is.
Limerence flares up with me every darn time I hear music that parallels with the toxic relationship 🙃
I am inspired by your advice, Anna. After listening to this letter I was very curious about what you would say. My advice, figure out how to love your loyal wife. Leave married people alone and heal your own heart, exercise your body and love yourself first and foremost. Sending good vibes your way. Sending love to your wife as this would devastate me if my partner did this to me. ❤
He might as well sent a bog bill to that therapist who said he needs closure by reconnecting with any ex!!! A bill to end addiction to pain and looping old not wanted behavior
This is me right now.
Splitting with the most amazing person I've ever met.
As for the letter, sounds a little familiar. I believed I was doing the right things, but now I see all my flaws. At times, I was my best self, but at others, I was my worst. I've had time to go over everything, and I see everything I done wrong.
It's been 7 weeks. I've sent a birthday card, wrote letters and sent them. A couple of texts. But all she wanted was time and space. I failed to give that for long enough. I struggle with that. It disorientates me. It makes me do the most silliest of things. It makes me spin out of control.
We always said that no matter what, we'll always be friends. I've now ruined that. Failing to listen to the woman I love has cost me a beautiful friendship. I take responsibility for our break up and now losing a friendship.
I have an awful lot to learn.
This is the most loneliest I've felt. It's quiet where I live but this loneliness is extremely loud. I hate this feeling with a passion. I don't want to be like this anymore. This is the reason I've lost this amazing woman. I just don't want to be like this anymore. I want it to go away. And trying to explain it to people is just pointless. They just don't get it.
How do I stop feeling like this ?????
It’s not your fault. Even if she says it’s your fault it’s just an excuse or a way to avoid having to reject you-which she knows might hurt you more. But by cutting you off she is still ending the relationship-she is choosing to.
Know that God loves you more than any human could-turn to Him, and He will heal you, give you purpose and love.
This title really rang true to me.
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I agree with Anna, consider the feelings of others. 25 years committed to a person who is halfway out the door is painful. I do not think the "first love" is not worth it. She hurt you and is now married. Both of you have children amd the effect on them would be tramatic. *FRIENDS* my dear. Healing and self-repect is very important here. Hugs and love sent to you and your family.
I've been thinking a lot about limerence while reading the Goethe novel, "The Sufferings of Young Werther", which is a German epistolary novel from 1774, which took Europe by storm back in the day, even Napoleon Bonaparte was a fan and told the author he had read it seven times.
Makes me also think of "A Death in Venice." The film, your comment made me think of it. The novel was by Thomas Mann.
Eroticizing abandonment, it mixes pain with a yearning for the unattainable.
Yo, I just figured out today that I have a Fawn response. I didn't know what it meant but I've been researching it with some clinical psychologists online and I finally understand what it means and I did it today. I met this lady. She gave me a compliment on my daughter. I have been having a crush on her granddaughter. 'S. Dad and when she gave me a compliment on my daughter's hair I just went into fantasizing about opening up a braid shop for little kids so I can do this little girl's hair. Oh my gosh I feel so embarrassed but I've done this my whole life every time I like somebody and they compliment me or they get to know me. I start fantasizing about creating all these wonderful things for them....😢 Seriously got me crying.
The fact that you posted this type of vid at this specific period of my life … 🙌🏾
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
She needs to leave him. He doesn't love his wife and he's wasting her time.
“Why drag people along through our mental chaos that doesn’t really mean anything because we don’t know”
Oh boy I needed to hear that! ❤🙏
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
I really wish you came out with this in 2017 😢. My life could have been different. Literally my whole life changed in 2018 and stuck now.
But I am happy for the people who have you now and you have helped me to realize I am not crazy. Thank you.
Glad you are here now. There's always a good time to start healing. Good luck!
Nika@TeamFairy
Wow, this really came up at the right moment for me! Thank you Anna❤
Your videos are very helpful. I like the honesty of the content instead of telling people what they would be comforting, but the truth. The honesty will allow people to find a more fulfilling quality of life. Thank you for your videos.
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! We're happy that you're here. -Frida@TeamFairy
Anna, may you always be blessed and loved ❤ Thank you so much for your support and guidance. This videos help so much to understand my own patterns 🙏🏻🤲🏻❤️
Same to you!
Great video & such good advice!!
I had a very traumatic experience at my 20th High School Reunion... I will NEVER go to another class reunion again!!
I just wanted to thank you and your team for your amazing videos! I just got a degree in social work and I feel thanks to you I got a really really important and different perspective for my work that I truely believe in (cause I follow it myself...) Especially the daily practise, such a life saver really, I am so happy that I can share this with others in the future. THANK you!
Thank you for you kind words! We are happy that you are part of the community! -Frida@TeamFairy
I am so grateful to you! I have known your content almost for 5 months. The search keyword was "Al-anon and child" I think, and UA-cam just show your videos... I started watching one by one and I started to see my problems of my entire life. You helped me a lot! You are affectionate, authentic, accurate and wise. I am also progressing with your courses. Thank you so much!! Greetings from Hungary.
Thank you for being a part of our community here! Enjoy the courses! Hope they will bring you lots of benefits on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
I fantasize to keep my sanity!! .Being ill with autoimmune disease and at home 95% of the time or in bed, not sleeping and in pain! I feel strongly, that if I had not had this horrible abusive childhood, I would not have gotten this autoimmune condition! I would have made healthy choices..instead, I was just surviving, acting impulsively, being reckless! It is so unfair to suffer, like this, mentally and physically and the physical, is destroying my mental health, that i have worked so hard to get ! ! I feel like it is long enough!
I have learned to fill my life with activities-( building model cars,driving part time for a car dealership,facilitate a Traumatic Brain Injury-( TBI ) support group....
On an unrelated note, the first thing I saw when the vid started was how black suits you! Especially with this lipstick color, it really brings out your natural colors.
Also about this person in the letter, I've learned over time that whenever I feel very confused about a relationship situation, there's a good chance I'm being manipulated somewhere in there. I feel like this man is being spotted for his emotional vulnerabilities and it fulfills someone else's urges/pattern/"need"
Very very wise…
Thank you 💕
classic grass is Greener on the other side mentality. Work things out with your wife, pretty sure the other woman won't leave a stable marriage for a married man with a lost of mental health issues
Not a country fan, but always loved this (Kenny Rogers):
"If you wanna find gold, go lookin' in the mountains;
If you wanna find silver, go diggin' in stone;
"If you wanna find Heaven, go readin' in the Bible;
If you wanna find love, go lookin' at home! "
'Nuff said!
I had a similar problem. I never got over my second GF. 20 years passed and we are finally together. And it all worked out in the end because I didn't waste my time and worked on myself, so when things got rough again at least I had the toold to deal with both our issues. I guess that as we get older, we all grow up. In the end it's all about being mature enough to understand and accept the other person.
In the long run, it doesn't really matter what you do when you are younger as long as you keep working on yourself.
Thank you Anna! ❤❤❤❤
Thank you! -Frida@TeamFairy
This hit direct
I dealt with this over a year ago... I lt hurt so bad to realize I was in love with the idea of them. I spiraled so hard.
I cut myself off from people and started focusing on myself. I'm much happier now days. I found people who actually love me for me. Sometimes you have to change yourself, it is hard, but it is worth it.
Today I just wanna say thank you
this sounds like the males who can't get over their first love. I feel sad for the wife
You mean men? Why do you have to use the term "males"? It's like when angry dudes use the term "females"
I stopped watching your videos for some time, Anna. What a perfect and fitting video for me after that break… thank you.
Welcome back!
Nika@TeamFairy
Good advice Thanks
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
❤❤❤ Thank you
Hello ! Would you be interested in talking about the show "Baby reindeer" ? It looks a lot like erotomania, mixed with limerence and other mental illnesses but I think it could be interesting.
No he needs to be open and honest so that his wife can leave because the truth is he is not the one who loves her as she deserves; he has no right to keep the fact that he wants this other woman more- no one deserves not to be in the know about this.
I recently discovered new thing called obsessive love disorder. It does sound a lot like limmerence. Is it the same?
It occurs to me, based on this vid, I'm romanticizing my life changing (magically fixed) by moving away from these people.
I miss my ex husband! He is back with his school sweetheart and doesn’t have anything to do with me anymore 😢 I feel like no one cares about me anymore 😢
POOR WIFE! In reality he’s doing exactly what his parents did do him! Abandon…
i hate how limerence stays quiet and can effect a current relationship and suffers coldness.
i thought it was a purely a personal problem, but it was a mix.
it’s so sad when you have kids and unhappiness isn’t seen as a phase. chasing happiness isn’t a healthy way of living.
sadness and depression have the same distinction of difference as happiness and contentment/joy.
what a great video.
Thank you for sharing your insight with us. Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
You look good in black!
You stated having a high moral compass is important in trauma healing but you also said you don’t think the individual should tell their current partner what has been going on. I think this is interesting, I feel like the wife deserves to know. I’m not sure I would be able to sleep at night with that much on my conscious
I wish I knew about this topic a year ago.
I've been obsessed with the same man for 12 years and we've never even met. He's my ideal of a perfect partner. He got into a serious relationship a few years ago and I can't bear to even see a picture of him with her. It's so immature but I feel so strongly about this
How do you know him if you've never met? Does he know you? Just curious.
@@meganinjastar celebrity
What therapist would say to find closure with an ex from 30 years ago??? The worst advice ever!
This!! It‘s even hard to connect with friends from 30 years ago, let alone an ex. They became an ex for a reason…
Wanting a partner is normal and healthy, but there is an unhealthy obsession with believing a relationship with someone else is going to solve all problems. Those of us who did not get our needs met by Mommy as kids are desperately attempting to get those needs met through another relationship. It doesn't have to be limerence. It can simply be putting finding the "one" before everything else. The everything else is you needs to be you. Your career, your security, your interests, developing your sense of self and your place in your life. We are seeking Mommy and she is not there, never was and never will be.
He needs to set his wife free. She doesn’t deserve this.
It's so wild and scary at the same time
Cuz i am in exact same situation with my leo ex
Ik he is the one, he my soulmate n he felt the same too
But he the one who left me
N went to uk
So ik we can only get back together if he comes back
N for that he will have to initiate convo with me himself
Like i am not reaching out to him anymore
So after seeing this video it got moee scarier cuz imagine u getting married n having kids with someone else but secretly internally still stuck on ur ex
For next 30yrs
Like wow
I cant
Its best until you don't get over ur ex you don't get married or have kids with someone else
I have limerence for fictional characters but having limerence for real people is bad and frankly a bit delusional. I do remember having it for a guy in high school.
I was never interested in reading romance books or manga, but now as an adult I really enjoy it. Even tho I know it's not real
There's nothing wrong with enjoying romance books and manga unless you get obsessed with these books' characters.
Nika@TeamFairy
Can you talk about isolation as a trauma response? Thank you.
Seems like Ed is still trying to chase his mom. I'm so sorry.
Pensavo di essere una persona estremamente libera e attirata dalla libertà e invece mi sono resa conto di essere profondamente dipendente dalle ossessioni. Mi sento viva solo quando sono ossessionata.
In questo momento è un uomo l'oggetto della mia ossessione erotica e leggendo un po' in giro e ascoltando le poche persone a cui ho parlato di questo, pare in effetti che io sia vittima di una patologia e che il mio desiderio sia malato.
So che questa persona difficilmente potrà amarmi come vorrei, ma come dice Siti io non posso farne a meno e non ho deciso io che sarebbe andata così. Ad ogni incontro si mescolano piacere e dolore. Uno non esiste senza l'altro in questo rapporto.
Ringrazio quest'uomo per avermi dato la possibilità di sentirmi capita, anche se questa situazione mi sta consumando.
The way we change our FEELINGS (I.e., who we love) is through our THOUGHTS and our ACTIONS. Stop DOING with that person the inappropriate things you’re doing. And stop THINKING about them in the way you are; catch yourself. Change those thoughts when they come up. It’s called “oneness”…when our actions, thoughts and feelings are ONE. It’s at-ONE-ment. Change is another definition of repentance.
❤
This letter hit home. Sadly, Im exactly the same; I was in a relationship with a woman who loved me and wanted to give me what I was longing for. Wasnt attracted to her and broke up with her. Got in a relationship with a woman, notorious maneater who of course broke my heart like I sort of expected. Now, I haven't been with anyone for a long time. I guess I lost faith in myself..
all of us at 4:17 "Whaaat?!"
He’s fictional, and I’m obsessed. But there’s no one in real life that I’m excited about, so it’s probably that, and I’m just bored, and fed up with being lonely. I’ll figure it out… I gotta meet more people.
Just me like me, the most important person alive
Anna, you look magnificent
😭😭
Thank you for including male letters too
Of course! This channel is for all genders!
Nika@TeamFairy
Will the mind remember you
When you're longing for something you don't have
lemming or limerance ?
When you think the grass is greener elsewhere to escape your reality
Good Lord, I feel sorry for this guy's wife. 🙄 Obsession. Fantasy. Drug addiction to a person. Good thing he's not violent? Heroin may have helped? Jk... Maybe sports & hobbies might be a good outlet. Like Everytime he thinks of her he should go workout or something. Go for a walk outside. Obviously he has to stay in therapy. Acceptance is crucial.
I have a question about a bf that I’ve been with for just over a year 😅 how do I write you a letter?
If you'd like to share your story and ask Anna a question, feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Nika@TeamFairy
Can you help me figure this out. I am losing my mind.
If you're interested, feel free to watch more videos of Anna about limerence. Here's the link to the videos: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/search?query=limerence
Nika@TeamFairy