I Regret Freezing My Eggs (a 2-year reflection)
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- Опубліковано 3 лип 2024
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I share my experience and regrets about freezing my eggs two years ago while working full-time in New York City. If you are wondering "Should I freeze my eggs," I hope this video provides one perspective. Stay healthy!
Your feedback helps me improve. Please share your thoughts via comment or email: all4yoojin@gmail.com
Chapters
00:00 Intro
00:22 Why I froze my eggs in NYC at 30
01:39 Egg freezing process overview
04:12 Cost
04:34 Why I regret freezing my eggs
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#weightgain #eggfreezing #workingwomen
To those who have gone through egg freezing, is currently considering, or decided not to, I along with others would love to hear from you! What was going through your heart and mind as you thought about this? Please share as your comments not only help me but other women too!
I don't regret it. I had it done in 1998, 2 cycles, when I was 35. With the technology of the time, they had to be fertilized 1st. It was not something I had ever heard of anyone doing before, and it certainly wasn't being advertised. I just knew that I wanted to preserve my reproductive options. Money wasn't an issue, as I had recently gotten a substantial inheritance.
This wasn't about pursuing a career. More about getting my head together.
In any event, it was successful on the 1st try, and I now have 15 year old twins.
In general I think it's a good idea to keep your options open if you're in a position to do so.
As a woman over 40 I regret putting other things first than creating a family and having children.
thanks for sharing your thoughts
Why is that? And what did you prioritise over starting a family? Asking as a girl in her 20s😭
@@yourbestie702 I was trying to show the world I was an independent woman. Unfortunately this type of mentality sometimes gets you involved in bad relationships (men that don't want any commitment) also I assumed I was super fertil and I took contraceptive pills which masked endometriosis symptoms. When I finally got married with a great man didn't know I had endometriosis. It took a few years to get diagnosed... too late 😪..
@@yourbestie702 it seems YT deleted my reply. I was trying to show the world I was an independent woman. I assumed I was super fertil and birth control masked endometriosis symptoms which I found out too late.
Sorry to hear that. I want to point out that many single women in their 30s have been searching but just not found the right person. There's a common social misconception that if a woman has reached 30ish unattached, she's been putting other things first before having a family. In my case I spent my entire 20s trying to find someone, knowing I wanted a family. It's a mixed bag and I just wanted to remind wider audiences of this -- women cannot make a husband and children appear in their 20s just because they want to.
I am 34 and I froze mine 6 months ago. You are the first person I have heard say that they regret it, quite surprising. I had no weight gain, just bloating for about 7-10 days. I had no issues with muscle loss etc, I have a friend who done it one year ago. She also has no regrets or had issues with weight gain. The only hard time I had was taking the pill for a week. It didn’t make me feel good and it makes you bleed, and then your period comes straight after you stop taking it so I felt like I was bleeding for forever. Otherwise everything was fine.
Hey! Happy to hear that your egg freezing journey went well. Maybe I overate thinking that I should treat myself during the period hahaha. Sorry to hear the bleeding was rough though… I think the side effects hit differently for everyone. It’s been 3 years since freezing my eggs and my feelings toward the experience haven’t changed much. Probably won’t do it again😂
you have such an amazing way of expressing ideas, very engaging, thank you!
Thank you, Mr. Mellow! I appreciate you being open-minded and listening🙌
I will still rather do it than not. Peace of mind is priceless. 🙏🏽💖
That’s a good point, Gail! I definitely became “lazy” when it comes to dating😂 haha. Definitely feel less pressured!
You’re certainly inspiring. I came for the business school admissions tips and stayed because of your personality. Interesting how we have very different views about something, but I still can seat trough your whole talk. Good luck with the freezing! And hope NYC is treating you well 🙂
Aww thank you kindly, tay! This video was the one I was most nervous about posting and I appreciate your open mind. Best of luck with your business school application!! 🙏
@@all4yoojin I bet it was nerve wrecking. Nevertheless you did an awesome job 👏 you’re a great story teller, will keep learning from you for my future videos. Thanks 🙏 Don’t want to go back to PKU Guanghua so my targets better accept me haha
amazingly done video thank you so much! doing my 2nd ER this summer
yayy!! best of luck
Thanks so much for sharing this ❤
Thank you for the honest account. This sounds quite bad. It's time people wake up to realize that 30 is not the new 20. 30 is still 30.
You are right. 30 is not the new 20. There's a book that I really enjoyed by Meg Jay (The Defining Decade) and it resonated with me. Thank you for listening, Kerim!
@@all4yoojin I liked it too. Your video reminded me of the book!
thanks for sharing. Very informative!
Glad you found it helpful! Stay healthy🙏
I pray you will get better, only Lord can help us !
thank you!
Super helpful!
Thank you! Good luck on your journey wherever you are.
Thanks for sharing ❤
Hope it was helpful! Thanks for stopping by 🥰
You speak my language! I'm 39yrs turning 40 in another 7-8 months. I haven't even met the right one & don't know when I will. Not willing to settle for less just for the ticking clock. Really contemplating the risks of getting my eggs frozen now vs going natural. By God's grace, I have healthy menstrual cycle & lifestyle. On one side, I do desperately want to have a legacy for my genes, on the other hand I don't want to risk my health by freezing eggs, which at this age may or may not have success either. Should I just trust in God & be positive if God blesses me with babies naturally? If not, I'll adopt. My PCP will be referring me to the fertility clinic tomorrow. Any advice?
Hi! Hope you had a great weekend and congrats on the exciting milestone. Your determination not to settle and your contemplation of both the possibilities and the risks show a strong sense of self-awareness and a deep desire for what's best for your future.
I think you already know the answer to your question :D Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all answer, and every path, including adoption, holds its own beauty and challenges.
Keep faith in yourself and your choices, knowing that whatever the outcome, you're moving forward with love and intention. Wishing you strength as you navigate this part of your journey. 💖🍀
Get a cat.
@@all4yoojin Thank you so much!
I went the other route: at 30ish, and after a decade-plus search trying to find a good match, I married someone not quite compatible. While having children was the best thing I've ever done, and I have no regrets, an unhappy relationship has taken a heavy toll. I made the right choice for me, and there is no one size fits all solution to this problem, but I think if you prioritize what is most important to you, you will make the right choice in the end without regrets. Sometimes life doesn't provide us with the ideal option, and that's one of the toughest predicaments in life.
Chapters
00:00 Intro
00:22 Why I froze my eggs in NYC at 30
01:39 Egg freezing process overview
04:12 Cost
04:34 Why I regret freezing my eggs
You seem very self reflective. You need someone similar. Write 3 of the most important things you want in a partner. I can show the math of it but more than 5 items make the search impossible because you can’t hope to meet more than 3000 or so people
Hey again Buh! I feel like I now look for only one thing in a partner haha. Until this person (is he alive?!) shows up in my life, I'll enjoy living and produce more videos hehe
@@all4yoojin that’s a really good idea actually because eventually you will attract people who will resonate with your videos
I’m considering doing this but worried about the potential long term side effects like weight gain etc. I already struggled with weight when I was younger, and generally find it hard to lose fat due to genetics (probably an endomorph). I’m never hugely overweight, but I end up being “skinny-fat”/untoned or chubby if I don’t exercise regularly. I tend to gain weight fast. You say in your video that your body had not fully recovered afterwards. It’s been a few years now. Did your body recover in the end? How long did that take, and did you have to do any specific things to help it along?
Thank u for being so honest - I didn’t realise there’s fat gain and muscle loss, if you went back - you wouldn’t have done it? I fear I’d regret it too if I do it 😢
Happy to provide one perspective. There is no turning back time so hard to say whether I wouldn't have done it. Freezing your eggs is a personal choice - I saw trust your gut. You know yourself the best. 🙏
@@all4yoojin bless you, thank you 🙏
It is an insurance policy you hope you don't have to use. Either it is due to age, illness or other circumstances when you may use this insurance policy. Better to have it than not have anything at all if things go wrong. 30s is harder for dating as people become attached or married compared to 20s when most are still single or in relationships. The clinic sounds like a dating environment for guys who can live up to the high expectations of these likely 30s career women and want a family intention.
Hahaha your last sentence cracked me up! Dating never gets easier but funny how we are wired to look for love throughout our lives. I was talking to someone who lost a loved one and rekindled an old love interest. She’s in her 70s!
how many eggs did you freeze? my first ER i got 10 mature and frozen. at 33...
it sounds like you had a successful first ER!! The number of eggs frozen can really vary from person to person due to so many factors, so it's important to remember that everyone's journey is unique. The most important thing is that you're taking steps that feel right for you and your future. I didn't share my number because I wanted everyone to treat their experience as is. Wishing you all the best on your journey!
Love your video. I’ve just done two cycles and I’m thinking of a third cycle (to improve my numbers). I also saw changes in my body. Did you regain your muscle mass and lose the fat now? And how long did it take you?
❤
Hey Olga! Happy to hear the cycles are going well for you! Yes, I’d be happy to share about my plan on muscle gain and fat loss on a separate video. Stay tuned and stay healthy🥰
@@all4yoojin thank youuuuu xx
I’ve watched this a couple of times now. Thanks so much. Wonder if they gave u any skincare and supplement restrictions? Did u have to stop using retinol skin care and stop using CBD?
Hey! I'm glad you are finding this useful. For supplement restrictions, I was told no omega 3 due to bleeding. I didn't use retinol and CBD so I didn't get instructions there - I highly recommend speaking with your medical professional!
@@all4yoojin thanks so much. Really appreciate it! X
My doctor has prescribed me omega 3 as a supplement for preparation of this process.. I have doubts now
@@VardeS1990 why do u have doubts on Omega 3 supplements?
@@olga_b344 since you mentioned in your above comment that your doctor asked you to discontinue omega 3 supplant.
I am single at 35 and no eggs frozen either
I hope you know that you are not alone. Stay healthy❣ in the end, that's all that matters
I was 35 when I got mine done. It's certainly not too late. Got pregnant with my twins ten years later.
感謝您公開分享您的經驗。 你一直好有幫助。 再見. 😊
我很高興你喜歡this video！謝謝
@@all4yoojin 💖😊
Just don't worry about having kids,not everyone has to do it. And you know men also get extreme socal pressure if they can't start a family by 30
Terrible advice
wowww its so much more expensive in US vs in Canada!
Yeah! US healthcare is another beast of its own 😂I plan to compare the costs of other medical services in Korea vs the US
Do they remove all of the eggs? Or is there a percentage that get taken? What is the average amount of eggs a woman will be born with. No doubt there will be large differences in some cases.
all great questions! While I'm not an expert, I did some digging and here's what I found.
The docs don't take out all the eggs - only the mature ones and the number completely depends on the individual (including one's response to medication). Our body naturally releases one egg per menstrual cycle, so the retrieval process tries to collect multiple eggs in one cycle without depleting the ovarian reserve completely.
In terms of the average number of eggs a woman is born with: 1-2 million. Which sounds like a lot but since we can't make new eggs, the number drops every year. I heard the count could be anywhere between 200,000 and 400,000.
Throughout the reproductive years, a woman will ovulate ~300-400 eggs. The rest of the eggs to are absorbed by the body and degenerated (this process is called atresia).
@@all4yoojin I am very grateful for your answers. Many people do not know that male sperm also gets reabsorbed into the body after so many days. I heard 7 days, which, considering how active and energetic sperm cells are, this sounds somewhat reasonable, as sperm cells do not "eat" or produce waste products to sustain themselves.
The idea that a man MUST have sex to prevent a build-up of sperm is a misnomer. The seminal fluids get ejected as a sticky liquid, especially when having bowl movements, but the vital materials of the sperm itself are reabsorbed also by the host.
As an aside, do you believe that women somehow benefit from having unprotected sex, in that their bodies will absorb the sperm and use them as "nutrients", thus also creating a biological connection between the woman and the man?
I am curious to know if this is something you believe is possible, as I have heard such claims made from other women. Respectfully, thank you.
woah, I'm learning something new! Regarding your question - I think I may have shared in this video that I don't believe in sex before marriage. I haven't put more thought beyond that😂. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I'm pretty sure that it doesn't deplete your reserve at all. When you go through your natural cycle, a number of eggs begin ripening, but usually only the leading one matures fully and is released, and the rest is wastage.
I believe that in an egg retrieval cycle it's the same number of eggs, but the hormones cause all or most to become fully mature, rather than simply being lost as they would be in a regular cycle.
Hope this is helpful.
I think we're used to getting what we want when we "purchase" something. If you buy a toaster, you're definitely getting a toaster, but you can't really approach the egg freezing process the same way. Yes you are not purchasing a "guarantee" that you will be able to have children in the future but no woman is guaranteed to get pregnant even doing it the natural way. I honestly don't know too much about egg freezing so correct me if I'm wrong, but while it's not guaranteed to get a healthy fertilized embryo eventually it is a much better chance at getting that with the frozen egg than an egg you have still in your body say 5-10 years down the road. I thought the improved chances was the point of paying for egg freezing, not that you are guaranteed a child which is unfortunate honestly but that's just how it is.
Lysa - you brought up a really good point (the toaster example made me chuckle haha). There are a few personal stories that I have yet to share about my egg freezing journey so I get the sentiment that this video may be missing something. You're absolutely right that egg freezing isn’t a guarantee... BUT it CAN improve chances compared to waiting. It's been 3 years since I froze my eggs and not much has changed 😂 I'm waiting for that day to say "I used my frozen eggs and here's how it went!"
Question of curiosity if you can't find the right man why don't you fertilize the eggs with an appropriate sperm donor? Because doesn't it get exponentially harder to bring a bady to term the older you get even if you're using frozen eggs.
Hey obez - good question. That thought crossed my mind too and I liked the idea of going at it first on my own. I initially thought maybe I’ll do another round with a donor but you know how people change their minds and I felt different after going through the experience. Can’t believe it’s already been 3 years since egg freezing!
Very interesting video 👍 Despite you haven't met your person yet I think it was still not a bad idea to freeze your eggs. If you can afford it - why not 🙂
Could be worse scenario: at the age over 40 you decide "I want to have a baby" (with a partner or not) - and then it is too late. Talking from my experience. Turning 40, would like to have one more child - but no, my chances are very low now. Doesn't work so far. IVF is not an option due to the prices.
Anyway, I appreciate you transparency and I think it's great that you know what is important for you, no matter what society thinks
Hey Julia! I’m glad you enjoyed the video and I hope you had great plans to celebrate your 40th! I guess I couldn’t get over the fact that something like this isn’t accessible for everyone. For instance, Korea’s birth rate is at an all time low at 0.6 but the government forbids single women from using sperm bank🙃 I do hope egg freezing and IVF become much more affordable all over the world.
I love your last point on knowing what speaks to each and every one of us. Hope you have a lovely day!
@@all4yoojin Thank you very much! In Germany women to have a Financial support from the government for IVF (50% discount) only when married and being younger than 40. Plus a lot of other conditions. Which in also very unfair. So we are going a "natural way", what else can we do 😅
That still sounds like a better deal than what we have here in the US! I wish you all the best, Julia! Hope summer is treating you well and you have plans to take your mind off from things
I guess I'm lucky. I had zero physical side effects apart from a bit of bruising from the shots at the end; and I took them for a full. 2 weeks. Emotionally other than a little bit of resentfulness that I had to do this (at the time my friends were largely married and all having babies naturally- the hormones didn't affect my emotions and no other mental health side effects. But I knew I really wanted kids and that either I would need to use them at one point and then regardless of whether it worked I wouldn't regret it or optimally I wouldn't need to use them in which case I hope to donate them to someone who does. I am in the very lucky position of being able to afford it though - about twenty thousand for 2 rounds and im considering a 3rd at 35. If I have to unfreeze and use them it will probably be another 15-45 thousand. It is definitely unaffordable for most.
DJ, yayy!! Happy to hear another woman who didn’t have side effects. I was reading through comments and saw other folks who had no major issues. I could have just overeaten😂 You have a kind soul for considering donating (fingers crossed for you that you won’t need to use them!!)
The emotional side is so real… I think it’s hard to pinpoint one word that describes how I felt about it… I’m 33 now and time definitely flies. Do you ever feel like there are so many more things us as women have to deal with in this day and age?
Regarding the cost front - you are 100000% right. It’s so costly and I was reading how the Korean government is subsidizing cost for women to freeze their eggs.
too many standards and questioning can scare love away from you
love is hard 🙃
Your day will comes
I hope so, Lo! If not, I've come to terms that life will go on
The way you asses the quality of the eggs you froze is by fertilizing them and performing a polygenic risk score on the embryos, with the results you can select for genes 🧬 correlated with academic achievement essentially ( IQ which is immensely correlated with so many positive life outcomes in the long term ), internal locus of control, height etc. [ you then would choose to carry the embryo to term or not ]
The stock you’ve got is essentially holding the future of your whole genetic lineage together with the impact you will leave and have tangibly left for the future of earth.
Not wanting to be too brash but from a biological perspective, not accomplishing reproduction as a woman is kind of insane, I know it’s hard with how things are now a days, but if you care about the ideas and beliefs you have and want them to perdure on earth for the foreseeable future then leaving your genetic lineage is your best option.
I would also remember that you very likely have a biological clock, like most people. That will one day begin to SCREAM at you and make you panic for not having had children yet. Remember also that 80% of childless women actually wanted to have children and profoundly regret not doing so.
Cope in Comments 😂