Get Ready to BIFF Your High Conflict Ex wth Bill Eddy!
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- Опубліковано 24 січ 2021
- In this very special episode, Susan Guthrie speaks with the leading high conflict divorce expert in the world, Attorney, Mediator and Therapist, Bill Eddy, who shares the fundamentals of his BIFF Method for managing communication with a high conflict ex!
Whether you are divorcing a narcissist or are embroiled in any difficult relationship, a hallmark of a high conflict case is the flood of hostile calls, emails and texts that are repeatedly sent by one or both of the parties. This barrage often flows over into social media and into conversations with others. The constant cycle of conflict is crazy-making and seemingly impossible to control but that was until Bill Eddy and his BIFF method arrived! With the release of the third book in the BIFF series, "BIFF for Co-Parent Comunication," Bill Eddy helps you to regain a sense of control and peace that will benefit both your life and that of your children. The BIFF method will help you to craft responses to the hostile communications from your ex that will defuse the conflict and remove you from the cycle. Simply put, being Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm (BIFF) is your key to freedom and there is simply no better guide out of the darkness of a high conflict relationship than Bill Eddy!
In this episode Bill shares:
The simple logic of being brief, informative, friendly and firm and why it works.
How YOU decide what kind of response you will receive from your ex.
Why you need to absolutely avoid the 3 A's.
A simple substitute for saying "I'm sorry . . ."
Why Bill says you should get Miranda Rights before you go on social media.
AND SO MUCH MORE!
This episode is absolute GOLD for anyone experiencing difficulty in communicating with a volatile ex so listen today and start taking your life back one BIFF at a time!
Get your copy of "BIFF for Co-Parents: Your Guide to Difficult Coparent Texts, Emails and Social Media Posts" here: amzn.to/3omR1bz
More about this week's very special guest: Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., Co-Founder | Chief Innovation Officer, San Diego, California is a lawyer, therapist, mediator, best-selling author, co-founder, and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP Theory) and has become an international expert on managing disputes involving high conflict personalities and personality disorders. He provides training to lawyers, judges, mediators, managers, human resource professionals, businesspersons, healthcare administrators, college administrators, homeowners’ association managers, ombudspersons, law enforcement, therapists and others. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 30 U.S. states and 10 countries.
Visit the High Conflict Institute to find out more about Bill, the Institute's wealth of resources for managing high conflict relationships and more of Bill's books! www.highconflictinstitute.com/
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SUSAN GUTHRIE, ESQ., the creator and host of The Divorce and Beyond Podcast, is nationally recognized as one of the top family law and divorce mediation attorneys in the country. She is one of the Co-Chair's of the American Bar Association's DR Section Mediation Committee and is the Founder of Divorce in a Better Way which provides a curated selection of resources and information for those facing divorce and other life changes. Susan has created a website of curated resources for those facing divorce. Find out more at www.divorceinabetterway.com.
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN LEGAL ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM
I found an irritating fact; that high conflict people often use BIFF to respond to the frustrations of their victims after provoking a reaction. You respond to their unreasonable words or behaviors, and suddenly they are calm and reasonable, but simultaneously invalidating and unaccountable. It's a master class in manipulation. The goal, however is not to stop the fight and be more cooperative, but to simply enrage you.
Which is why a BIFF response is so important.. I’m new to BIFF, but I’ve listened to how to win friends and influence people at least 8 times snd crucial conversations and both have helped. I’m so glad to have the BIFF method added to my toolbox!
Oh my goodness, BIFF just resonated with me like a Clarion bell!! Moment of clarity without a moment of doubt...thank you!
BIFF doesn’t sound so difficult after employing grey rock with a narcissist for over a year. Another new skill learned for difficult people.
Thanks Bill & Susan xx I like the practice of rewriting the hostile email as a BIFF first, then responding. Appreciate your insights & this chat! 💖 and too true re social media!
Essential communication skills! I have leaned on Bill Eddy's books, experience, knowledge, and advice for about 2 years after reading Splitting. Thanks Susan for giving him airtime!
Boy oh boy do we all need to learn this. Now more than ever! Thank you, Bill and Susan, for making this invaluable information and guidance accessible to everyone.
Thank you Josh! BIFF has truly changed lives!
thanks Susan!! I love Bill's work
Thank you Tracy! I don’t know what we would do without him!
So true
How do you respond to the coparent who emailed you with an accusation of something that didn't happen? Or what do you do when the other parent goes straight to the police to make a mountain of a mole hill, sometimes they are the violator of the court orders, yet they claim to be the party wanting orders upheld? Or the other parent is attacking in emails creating an impossible situation for in person coparenting.
"It's not about me"...except that I've been made a target by this narcissist who uses our child as a paw to get back in the family law industry.
I enjoy much of this conversation but will have to say being in many core narcissistic relationships, someone saying im sorry you feel that way is invalidating and triggering.