I found an irritating fact; that high conflict people often use BIFF to respond to the frustrations of their victims after provoking a reaction. You respond to their unreasonable words or behaviors, and suddenly they are calm and reasonable, but simultaneously invalidating and unaccountable. It's a master class in manipulation. The goal, however is not to stop the fight and be more cooperative, but to simply enrage you.
Which is why a BIFF response is so important.. I’m new to BIFF, but I’ve listened to how to win friends and influence people at least 8 times snd crucial conversations and both have helped. I’m so glad to have the BIFF method added to my toolbox!
Thanks Bill & Susan xx I like the practice of rewriting the hostile email as a BIFF first, then responding. Appreciate your insights & this chat! 💖 and too true re social media!
Boy oh boy do we all need to learn this. Now more than ever! Thank you, Bill and Susan, for making this invaluable information and guidance accessible to everyone.
Essential communication skills! I have leaned on Bill Eddy's books, experience, knowledge, and advice for about 2 years after reading Splitting. Thanks Susan for giving him airtime!
How do you respond to the coparent who emailed you with an accusation of something that didn't happen? Or what do you do when the other parent goes straight to the police to make a mountain of a mole hill, sometimes they are the violator of the court orders, yet they claim to be the party wanting orders upheld? Or the other parent is attacking in emails creating an impossible situation for in person coparenting.
I enjoy much of this conversation but will have to say being in many core narcissistic relationships, someone saying im sorry you feel that way is invalidating and triggering.
I found an irritating fact; that high conflict people often use BIFF to respond to the frustrations of their victims after provoking a reaction. You respond to their unreasonable words or behaviors, and suddenly they are calm and reasonable, but simultaneously invalidating and unaccountable. It's a master class in manipulation. The goal, however is not to stop the fight and be more cooperative, but to simply enrage you.
Which is why a BIFF response is so important.. I’m new to BIFF, but I’ve listened to how to win friends and influence people at least 8 times snd crucial conversations and both have helped. I’m so glad to have the BIFF method added to my toolbox!
Oh my goodness, BIFF just resonated with me like a Clarion bell!! Moment of clarity without a moment of doubt...thank you!
Thanks Bill & Susan xx I like the practice of rewriting the hostile email as a BIFF first, then responding. Appreciate your insights & this chat! 💖 and too true re social media!
Boy oh boy do we all need to learn this. Now more than ever! Thank you, Bill and Susan, for making this invaluable information and guidance accessible to everyone.
Thank you Josh! BIFF has truly changed lives!
Essential communication skills! I have leaned on Bill Eddy's books, experience, knowledge, and advice for about 2 years after reading Splitting. Thanks Susan for giving him airtime!
BIFF doesn’t sound so difficult after employing grey rock with a narcissist for over a year. Another new skill learned for difficult people.
thanks Susan!! I love Bill's work
Thank you Tracy! I don’t know what we would do without him!
So true
How do you respond to the coparent who emailed you with an accusation of something that didn't happen? Or what do you do when the other parent goes straight to the police to make a mountain of a mole hill, sometimes they are the violator of the court orders, yet they claim to be the party wanting orders upheld? Or the other parent is attacking in emails creating an impossible situation for in person coparenting.
"It's not about me"...except that I've been made a target by this narcissist who uses our child as a paw to get back in the family law industry.
I enjoy much of this conversation but will have to say being in many core narcissistic relationships, someone saying im sorry you feel that way is invalidating and triggering.