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Doing the Hard(er) Thing (and some very bad news)
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- Опубліковано 11 лют 2016
- Basically the thing that I didn't say in this video was...if I can't make myself get up an hour earlier in the morning even if that would make my life much better, how am I supposed to do all of the things that everyone says we need to do to live more morally. Especially when the number and intensity of those things we should be doing seems to constantly increase (along with the price of many of those things.)
Do we have an infinite amount of energy to intentionally make our lives a little less enjoyable for the common good, or is there a limitation there? Is that limitation only in my head? Probably, since I have a very easy life and yet still find it difficult to do relatively easy things. Yes, indeed, despite what I said in the video, there's definitely no "ice cream cake breaking point," but it is still hard to do the hard(er) thing.
Maybe there is no limit to the number of difficult things we each can do but, instead, a limit to the number of difficult things we can choose to do. Which is why taking choice out of the matter helps me do hard things much more efficiently.
THE BAD NEWS
I've talked about this a tiny bit elsewhere, but Lemon (my beautiful and ridiculous dog) is very sick. She has bone cancer and it has gotten worse fast. She's pretty uncomfortable now and every day is harder for her. She's beautiful and loving as ever, but she is in a lot of pain and it's very hard for her and us.
Thanks for all of your kind thoughts.
Greyhounds make wonderful companions and they are always in need of homes. If you would be interested in adopting a greyhound, I would highly recommend it. And if you'd like to donate to your local greyhound adoption center in Lemon's memory, we would love that. You can find local adoption centers here: www.adopt-a-greyhound.org/dire...
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"You can only do so many things you don't want to do before you accidentally eat a whole ice cream cake."
True words of wisdom.
+Kelsea Werner there is such a thing as vegan ice cream though :)
+kam B. Why would you even bring that up!
"But there's no sense over every mistake
You just keep on trying til' you run out of cake"
+Claes Henriksson but the science gets done and you make a neat gun, for the people who are still alive!
I swear old vlogbrothers videos lurk in the background until the yt recommendation gods decide my life needs this particular piece of wisdom
This is truth
This is so true
+
Yes lol
Yup, same in August '23
Hey Hank, I want to give you some loving in the vegetarianism department here. I'm vegan, and I don't think you should feel pressure to do the thing I've chosen to do. I'm gonna make a video about this very soon, going into more detail, but the bottom line is: food is complicated for a lot of people. I might feel as though I know you, but truth is I don't know you all that well. I know you've experienced depression (right?) in the past (or at the very least unhappiness and self-harm), and also that you have ulcerus colitis. Both of those things are POTENTIAL reasons for why your relationship with food COULD be complicated. (I'm referring here to how some people with depression might develop an unhealthy relationship with food, and ofc that your body specifically might not be able to handle all kinds of food). And here's the deal: That's okay.
Your mental and physical health are more important to me than veganism. Guilting people is not only a pretty uneffective method of converting people to veganism/vegetarianism, but it's also a pretty mean one. Because WE DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH PEOPLE ARE ALREADY STRUGGLING TO EAT ANYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE. Lots of people have eating disorders. Others just experience no pleasure in eating (maybe due to depression) and struggle to shove anything down their own throats. Others have fears or anxieties surrounding cooking and using the kitchen in general and end up eating microwave pizza everyday because that's the only thing they feel safe making. GUILTING THESE PEOPLE DOESN'T HELP ANIMALS. It also doesn't help the environment, and it certainly doesn't help the person we're shaming.
For people to eat anything and to be as healthy as they possibly can be is a victory. A huge one, at that. And any optional dietary exclusion on top of that should be done with caution. If being a vegan/vegetarian makes you happy, then go for it. Do not sacrifice your mental or physical health for any political cause, please. Only become a vegetarian/vegan for YOU, and cheat as much as you want to. And remember that you don't have to go all the way to make a difference. If a lot of people start cutting down on how much meat/dairy they consume (without stopping completely) that will still reduce the overall meat and dairy consumption. If you sometimes buy vegan products, then you are at least sometimes encouraging companies creating those products. Please don't feel bad about yourself.
Doing hard things isn't all that hard. Doing hard things when you have the choice not to, on the other hand, is one of the most difficult things anybody can do. Convenience kills.
americanslime dang. are you a writer? or are you an artist?
Hey Hank & Katherine-- We know the importance of dogs in the human life, and we are so so so sorry for your circumstance. We can't even imagine your heartbreak right now. Blocko and team
Thanks y'all.
slim shady WTF
You stated that you are not a parent in this video (though I know this is an older one) you have always been a parent. You have been a parent to your company and to Lemon but also to be, I have gone through some tuff stuff but no matter what y’all have been their, I have like 8 parents now. (My mom, Stepmom, Dad, Stepdad, Hank and Katherine, John and the yeti and I guess Taylor Swift)
Sending much love to you, Katherine, and Lemon. I know how much it sucks to have a loved family pet that's sick and in pain. Just know that she knows how much she is loved.
SIMON I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS
Gul Zahra Yay thank you! :D
Stop making comments and make another video, your channel is amazing!
hi Simon ! my favourite youtuber (you) watches my other favourite youtuber (vlogbrothers) !!! yaaay :)
"I have no scientific evidence for this, but sometimes I feel like you can only do so many things you don't wanna do before you just accidentally eat a whole ice cream cake." -my new favorite Hank quote
Funny thing, there is a theory called "ego depletion" that is exactly this. It's the idea self discipline is a limited resource and when we exhaust it our self control becomes... impaired. Not all social science experiments have supported this theory though.
Didn't they do a sci show or crash course on psychology? You'd think they would have come across this hypothesis before!
I had this same thought when he said that! And then I felt sad the rest of the video that Hank thought he should be able to have infinite self control and not having infinite self control made him less morally good or whatever. Even outside of the specific case of ego depletion, there is just general overwhelming evidence that using our brains takes effort and just like we cannot run an infinite number of miles because our bodies have limitations, we do not have infinite brain energy or infinite brain space to use to have complex thoughts or make complex decisions. That’s why we can be worse at brain tasks when we’re sleep-deprived or stressed or sad or thinking about others’ negative beliefs about us or the groups we belong to. Now that I think about this more, I can see how this video’s sentiment is very similar to the idea that mental illness is not “real” because it’s “all in your head” and the way to treat depression is to just have a better attitude and focus on the positive or whatever. Anyway, apologies for the long rant, esp since I’m sure Hank will never see this, ha.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed but that our power to do has increased."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Read the description, really worth it
+Brian Sotnick Thanks!
+vlogbrothers DFTBA and we pray for Lemon
Bump
+1fifaworldcuplover2 Absolutely. Hope things start looking up for you guys.
Thanks it was worth it. ❤
What I've learned in life is that willpower is finite, forcing me to focus and prioritize on choices that matter most to me.
Also, I hope you pup doesn't suffer too much. :(
Willpower definitely is finite, but motivation is not. If you can get motivation, you won't need as much willpower. There is a book called "the motivation hacker" and I found it quite useful when I was "depressed" because of not being able to do everything that I wanted to and I felt not productive enough. :)
+Noannelle Sky awesome find. Thanks for the new read!
+Noannelle Sky while I understand what you mean, the term "depression" shouldn't be thrown around haphazardly. Too many people assume that even moderate disappointment in themselves is equivalent to depression. I've known too many people who've suffered from depression, including my own father, and known many who have attempted to take their lives because of it. So, I'd prefer if we save that term for more drastic situations.
Tyler Wardle Thank you for your comment. I agree that the word "depressed" shouldn't be used lightly or as a synonym for sad, disappointed or heartbroken. However, while I understand how my comment could have made you think that, I used the word knowing its meaning full well. I overly simplified the events and circumstances during which I found this book. I just wanted to express its usefulness to people, and felt like while just saying "hey, you should read this book, it's great!" didn't do it justice, because it was one of the thing that helped during my "recovery", I also felt like I didn't want to (and it wouldn't be appropriate to) explain deeply personal things about myself randomly to a stranger on the internet. So I oversimplified and "played it down" (which is what led to you thinking I was making light of depression).
+Noannelle Sky I think your use of quotation marks is confusing and what made me originally think that you were almost making fun of the concept of depression or saying that what you went through wasn't really depression. This might just be me, but I always took quotation marks in that context to have a slight eye-roll to them, as if you're using that term ironically and you don't actually mean what you've written. You did the same thing in your second comment with "recovery" and "played it down" I don't really understand what you're trying to communicate with it.
Y'know what, you've inspired me to do the same. I've been sleeping in a lot due to having the same job, and it always makes the rest of my day feel bad, I'm upset at myself for wasting my time sleeping in more than I need to. So starting tomorrow morning, I'm going to start waking up earlier! And becoming more happy with myself!
it's been 5 years. How has waking up earlier been going for you?
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Watching this video in 2019 was weird because Hank is a parent!! Good for him
it’s extra weird cause his wife must have gotten pregnant around this time but he didn’t know it yet
@@namitaseshadri2638 literally me trying to work out if he didn’t know it yet or if this whole video crisis about making the moral choice was somewhat spurred by him learning he was going to be a parent 😂 the only reason I’d think otherwise is cause he’d probably have cut that line about parents out if that was the case.
Also, Hank missed a perfect opportunity to throw in a Shia LaBoeuf meme.
+mustardsfire22 DANGIT!!
Hahaha oh man that would have been perfect.
+vlogbrothers Next time Just Do It!!!!!
+mustardsfire22 I'm glad he missed it. Including that meme would have taken away from the message of the video not added. It is just an overplayed cliche.
+mustardsfire22 hes talking about putting his dog lemon out of the pain and suffering of brain cancer.... just do it meme just a bit misplaced, he kept things positive-ish in the video and that was a hard thing to do. Harder than just being sad and direct maybe maybe not.
I'm so sorry about Lemon, Hank.. thinking good thoughts for her and you and Katherine.
On the topic of eating meat/vegetarianism, why don't you just buy meat from local farms who treat their animals well? I'm a vegetarian, and while I personally just choose not to eat meat, I think it's great that there are small family farms who are kind and care for their animals. It's important that those who can afford more expensive meat support those businesses:]
Yes! Thank you for bringing up small farms! :D
I keep encouraging people to write their legislators to make the cruelty in our food industry illegal. Because it's all completely unnecessary. There's no need for it, so it should be outlawed. And I don't think anything short of every single American giving up meat would change that from an economic approach. Lawmakers need to take action.
Sydd Linden :D you're welcome! and I completely agree with everything you wrote!! It definitely needs to be outlawed. but that's gonna be so hard until we get the influence of money out of politics, because the meat industrial complex is so powerful://
+Aerin L My family owns a farm and we have beef cows that live long lives before we, you know, send them off to become meat (not sure how to put that nicely), and I appreciate you saying this. We treat our cows extremely well and they have an open pasture to roam how they please, and my dad is sometimes out there for hours when one is sick or hurt because he wants to help the cow get better. When one died a few years ago after being sick for a while, after my dad bought medicine and special food for her, I could see that he was genuinely sad because he wanted her to get better, because (even though he likes to be manly and not show it) he loves those cows. Heck, there was one time my dad came home almost five hours early from work to help deliver a calf because the mother was having a hard time and he wanted to save both of them.
Our family does not mistreat animals, but there are too many farms who do and it hurts to see those animals mistreated. Even if they are just for consumption or whatever, they don't deserve to be mistreated. No animal or human deserves that kind of cruelty. So thank you for saying that, from someone living on a small family farm. And I hope nothing I said will offend anyone because that was not my intention. :)
Yes, this, so much!!! Isn't there a lot of pasture land in Montana? Also, I wonder if any of them use holistic planned grazing management practices. Land managed with cattle in this way can even end up as a net carbon sink because it's so good for the grassland plants and soil ecology.
+Aerin L Yeah... there's that. :/
#BernieSanders2016 !!! :D #FeelTheBern
Being a parent isn't hard - it's the most fun ever. I hadn't played a video game or ridden a skateboard till I had kids. I've started reading comics again. And my god - how much more awesome was it to watch Force Awakens with my two hysterically excited sons than on my own with popcorn in my beard.
+John Rogers This gives me hope that my dreams to be a father someday aren't at the expense of loving my every day experience.
+Sebastian Roundtree, parenting is definitely an enrichment of your every day life experience, as such it will force you to change the priorities of your energy household too. Imagine a additional lamp in CGP Grays "4 light bulps" analogy. So count with being to tired to do anything else but work and spending time with your kid(s), which is definitely rewarding in its own way.
+M FK mm, thank you for your insight :) Someday I will reflect on these ideas while my children are just little neonates and I'm super nervous/excited for nine months. And a happy Monday to you, my friend.
+John Rogers but its not all fun... so many parents wants to paint their family like a perfect little ball of joy.. but that is not what parenthood is... ofc you love that little ball of cuteness, and it is alot of fun.. but its not all fun. like... Bubz is a fairly new parent, and there we see perenthood in its raw form.. its joy and laughter, ooh and aahs.. but its also cying, screaming,... her son is having food tantrums and that not all fun. xD I love children I do..... but its not easy
+John Rogers Ah, parents trying to convince themselves how nice it is to have children.
Hank, Katherine - having been where you are now, I feel your pain. Seeing your pet suffer is a horrendous twist on the joys of caring for another living creature as part of your family. I'm on my 4th dog now, (first grey), and the very first night I bought her home, I realised the decision I would someday have to make for her. Lemon loves you both, I've seen it in evidence on Snapchat. When she finally has her release, that love that fills her heart will always be with her. x
So sorry to hear about Lemon. I once had a pet who got cancer and it's no less heartbreaking that when a human loved one gets it. Except you can't communicate to them that you'll be there for whatever they need, and they can't communicate to you about what it is they need. All the best, Hank (whatever that may be).
+Ami Yamato So you are saying that a human life is equal to a pet's
+ILYES I'm saying the emotional pain is just as strong. A pet is a member of the family.
+Ami Yamato I didn't know that 3d people have pets and feel emotions too, love your videos by the way
+ILYES Has inside out taught you nothing? !
+ILYES I am saying the a Human life is equal to a Pets. My Dogs lives are just as important to me, as my own, as my husbands, as my families. My dogs are my family. They deserve the same treatment as any other family member.
I'm really sorry to hear about Lemon. I hope everything ends up okay.
+Alanna R. I heard on one of the other places Hank talked about it and man oh man is it so sad. I don't want any of the pets of Nerdfighteria to leave us--and I certainly don't want them suffering! Best wishes to Hank and Katherine and Lemon.
untappedinkwell Agreed.
+Alanna R. That's right-- nerdfighteria is hoping that she will be back to her regular, derpy self very soon
Hi Hank, I'm so sorry about Lemon's circumstance. My dog of 14 years passed away just last November due to kidney failure and old age. Seeing your loved ones suffer is one of the hardest things any caring human being has to go through, and trust me when I say the pain is so worth it--because the pain you're feeling now and the pain I still feel months after losing her, is just the residual effects of the tremendous love we received. I hope Lemon feels better, and as I am sure you are already doing, just be with her.
Hank, I can totally relate, especially in this land of UA-cam where I only answer to myself. Well, myself and the comments section when I fall behind schedule, but....
I love how "accidentally eat a whole ice cream cake" is something that is considered a possibility in Hanks world. We live in a very similar world. LMAO XD
Same thought.
Not just a possibility, an inevitability.
Wtf is a ice cream cake 0_0 I live in England and we don't have cool food like you do in America, is it literally a cake mad out of ice cream or is it just another name for something we have?!
I just looked it up 0_0 I want one....
TheBoagboy You can definitely get an ice cream cake in England.
2:19 there actually IS a whole body of scientific evidence for this - almost literally: Put people in a laboratory, give them some stressful tasks where they need to control themselves in some way, then place a bowl of cookies (or ice cream) in front of them and observe the consequences.^^ (Always including a control group that didn't have the stressful tasks.) The main finding is that this kind of self-control skill works like a muscle (using it exhausts it short-term, but also makes it grow long-term). It's called ego depletion.
+Annodominovideos Very interesting! Thanks for sharing!
+Annodominovideos Thanks for stealing the words from my mouth
+Annodominovideos I was coming down here to say exactly this! The most common term I've heard is "decision fatigue", and it is totally a thing.
+Annodominovideos Yeah, I've heard of this "self-control as a muscle" theory before; it's actually a huge part of what reality TV producers rely on.
I saw an interview Penn Jillette did about his time on The Apprentice, and how the vast majority of the time, everyone was quite well-behaved, because there were cameras on them and they didn't particularly feel like looking like assholes on national TV. But the trick is pretty simple: *you never take the cameras off of the participants, and you keep them stressed.* Eventually self-control and personal restraint gets worn down, and you get far less filtered, less politically correct versions of the participants. And most of the shots on The Apprentice (and other reality shows) were from that point onwards.
+Annodominovideos Interesting, I'm gonna have to read up on this
You guys have a way of saying everything I need to hear exactly when I need to hear it. Thank you, Hank.
5 years later and this is what I wanted to say too.
Hank and John make me so happy. Their views and how strongly they feel about them is an inspiration and their caring nature and how they deal with problems always gives me a pleasant reminder of how human they are.
i feel you hank. i really feel you.
+GtaHorrorFan He lives in you, Simba.
***** And I was making a lion king reference. We all have our things.
He lives in you. He lives in me.
+Jenifer Joseph BRAVO!
I am so sorry about Lemon, Hank. Having a dog that you love suffer and not being able to do much about it is heart wrenching. Lemon is such an adorable dog and I could see from your snapchats how much she means to you. I wish you strength in these difficult times
Give up all the food I loved and spend my life eating bland in enjoyable food (I hated veggies and fruits, didn't like meat that much,...) I realized that I loved cooking and, through finding people on the internet that were passionate about eating good healthy stuff, I got myself excite for cooking these new recipes! Suddenly it wasn't a sacrifice but a new fun adventure with new delicious stuff to try! As for exercising: I gave up trying to "go to the gym" like everyone does and found myself a sport that feels more like partying and having the time of my life (dance). I think that, while you can't do that with everything, you can do that with most! Also: start small! Often it takes a while for a habit to become a habit and therefore take no more effort. So for example, I'm pretty sure that in a month or so, getting up early and going on the walk won't require effort on your part. And once that happens, you can start forming your next new habit! And since you talk about vegetarians:
+Noannelle Sky if you wanted to become a vegetarian, you could start by meatless Monday: that would give you the chance to find delicious vegetarian recipes that might get you excited to eat vegetarian more often etc. :)
so yeah, IN SHORT: don't see stuff as hard or as sacrifices: change your perspective, take it slow and in small steps: you can do this! I would also recommend 2 great books: 1) The Motivation Hacker and 2) The Power of Habit. They both really helped me :)
+Noannelle Sky This is actually amazing advice. Thank you.
+Noannelle Sky yes! Completely agree. Hank what if you set it as a fun challenge, and found a new recipe to try each week? I'm sure nerd fighters would be happy to recommend some!
+Noannelle Sky
These are many great ideas. Thanks for posting these : )
I will incorporate meatless monday into my life and scale that up.
"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great."
--Jimmy Dugan, "A League of Their Own"
I am very sorry to hear the very bad news. I am also, very grateful for the video. It was wonderful and wise.
Hey Hank! I've been vegetarian for 4 years now, & I just went vegan 5 months ago..Going vegan, it was definitely harder. I wasn't sure I was ready? But my sister went for it, & after two months of watching her get on with things (& never complain!) I thought, maybe I'm not ~ready to do this thing that will change my life & challenge me to be more patient & responsible, but the best version of myself CAN do this, & I want to be THAT person, so I just went for it! & for a month I was cranky & had to learn how to cook & accept the options of food I had & make them work, or spend hungry minutes making rice when I just wanted something now! But then it started to click..I started seeing more options just by changing my perspective, I got more creative & optimistic with what I had to work with, & that clarity & humility has generously impacted all aspects of my life, has kept me thriving from a place of patience & appreciation & wisdom. We adapt & grow stronger.
Also. No one gets to live forever, but some get to live and feel loved and safe and comfortable and run around free and happy. And they get to touch others and make them happy and loved as well!
This was super inspiring to me, hearing that other people have the same internal struggle with doing things for the long(er) term that I have.
Also, I'm so terribly sorry to hear that Lemon's not doing too well. I hope she doesn't suffer, and that she's not in too much pain. I can sympathize, my cat isn't doing so well either, it's so hard to watch. I'm wishing you guys the best.
Sending you guys my love and support.
Thank you, Hank. I really, really needed this today. *hugs*
Losing a pup is always so hard, I just had a dream about mine the other night and she's been gone for 3 years now. I obviously did not know Lemon, but anytime she was in a video or a picture of her was shared it always brought me (and I am sure many others) so much joy. I am very glad she got to spend her time with such a wonderful and loving family
In regards to vegetarians, kind of, "I'm amazed by some peoples ability to do hard things all day long, forever."
going vegan or vegetarian is rarely ever a purely health or environment choice. It's usually a core principle value that has to do with the morality, which is what makes it easy. I don't have trouble sticking to it because it's a principle, and principles are important me. If you feel it's too hard than just don't bother. You probably wouldn't be happy, or not at least until mainstream food manufacturers start producing delicious packaged vegan foods. For this reason being vegan for me is the opposite of hard, I feel empowered everyday that I stay true to my values.
+DaCamponTwee exactly! because I went vegan for ethical reasons, it doesn't feel like I am restricting myself. I can imagine that people who see it as "just a diet" might have trouble sticking to it though.
+DaCamponTwee This is SUCH a good point to address. So many people now wanna go Vegetarian/Vegan because it's better for you or certain health benefits or to feel like a better person but honestly, most people do these special diets because they highly value the humane treatment of animals. Not to have better skin or be healthier, those are just extra awesome benefits. John, if it doesn't hit you at your core, don't force yourself into a lifestyle that's not natural for who you are as a person. To certain people the idea of eating meat makes them physically sick because it's against their own personal morals. We all feel differently bout these things.
I'm glad to see it's working out for you but that doesn't necessarily make sense. It's part of my moral system that education is the greatest thing a human can undergo, yet I still find it hard to get out of bed for uni everyday, and my body being fit and healthy is one of my core beliefs but I haven't properly exercised for the last year. Hanks right, there is only a certain amount of willpower we each have to do things in a day, and I'm glad it works out for you but that isn't always the case.
+DaCamponTwee You're absolutely right. I've never felt that it's hard to be a vegan, since it's the right thing to do.
The only times that are annoying to be a vegan are when you're eating out in a place where they don't even know what vegan means (or after years of being vegan, your mom still thinks it's completely OK to serve you food with dairy products when you're visiting your parents :- D) or when non-vegan people start to question your diet for no reason.
+DaCamponTwee It's great to see people standing by their values as a personal decision and feeling good about it.
I'll eat extra flesh tonight to celebrate this discovery of people behaving like people should, as a personal decision consistent with my personal values.
You're great, bro.
I'm so sorry for lemon! My greyhound just died from skin cancer recently and knowing that he is no longer in pain is very helpful.
Oh Hank, I'm so sorry to hear about Lemon. I've followed your stories including her on snapchat and she's a lovely dog. And recently losing a dog I grew up with, I know how difficult it is watching a part of your family (even a canine part) suffer. Sending you all the positive vibes
I am very late here, but I am so sorry about Lemon, Hank and Katherine. I have had similar experiences with my own dogs, and this situation is so difficult. Sending thoughts your way, because I know in my own experience that even long after a pet is gone, you never forget them
"Sometimes I feel like you can only do so many things you don't want to do before you accidentally eat a whole ice cream cake." It's the "accidentally" that gets me. That just feels so real.
I´m so sorry about your dog, I know what you´re feeling, my family dog is very sick, she also has cancer, and it is terminal. the worst thing is seeing her suffer, and to know that my days with her are ending
+vic valverde *nerdfighter hugs*
aww thank you!
+vic valverde yup. NERDFIGHTER HUGS FOR YOU! I spent most of last year watching my childhood pets (we had a lot of cats) pass away one after the other, and it was rough stuff. Hang in there and, cheesy and stupid as it sounds, remember all of the good times you had together. It helped me.
***** thank you! am I´m sorry about your cats :( and I will remember all of the great years that me and malu (my dog) had. I´m forever thankful for our little infinity
+vic valverde Stay strong
You can only do so many things you don't want to do, before you just accidentally eat a whole ice cream cake.
'Accidentally' XD
I'm so sorry to hear about your dog Hank. I wish you and Lemon the best
I'm so sorry to hear about Lemon, trust me, I know what you're going through. We are all here to love and support through this. Sending lots of love your way ❤️
Thanks Hank! I needed this video. I've been having a hell of a time too, and knowing you get up and do person things and telling me to "jump in the cold pool..." makes actually jumping in a cold pool and doing swimmer things a heck of a lot easier.
I have an old dog with various illnesses, and I understand your heartbreak. My recipe for getting through is to try and fully feel all the joyful moments, even if they're tiny. I happy-cried over my little one really enjoying a bone at Christmas, which sounds silly but it meant the world to me. The good moments make the hard ones bearable. Sending so much love to you all xxx
I find this true a lot. "Oh, hey, I know I wanted to go work out, but why don't I check one more thing on Facebook? Or listen to one more song?" How do I fight that? I don't always, but when I do it's because I just get UP and do it. Also, reminding yourself that the sooner you do it, the sooner it will be over helps.
I guess that last bit of advice only applies to activities with a definite end. I don't have any tips on how to be a vegetarian except to look at how cultures that are primarily vegetarian prepare their food (hint: NOT bland and boiled).
+afroceltduck I basically doing that just now, haha! I'm supposed to be doing laundry, but "just one more article" and "just one more video" has burned over an hour that could have been put to more productive use.
+Cecily Dunn I find that I cannot watch vlogbrothers videos as my "just one more", because I almost *always* want to go into comments after I'm done watching.
+afroceltduck Do you listen to music while you exercise? I always have music when I run, it helps so much.
TheRiskyBrothers I do! Or podcasts. That is literally the exact thing I'm going to do as soon as I press "post comment."
Sending love to lemon !Also "opportunity cost " explained in the most hankiest way
I went through this myself last year and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I hope you and Katherine can hold each other up through this. Lemon has been such a good fur baby and you both have given her such a good life. All three of you are better for having found each other.
~Trav
You have no idea how much I needed this video. *hugs* Even through the tough times, you never forget to be awesome
I'm so sorry, Hank. Big hugs from here. I hope everything improves soon.
It can be quite overwhelming to consider the amount of things we could be doing better and our own moral failings we continuously justify. And for quite a while I've always felt overwhelmed by this, I still often do.
But I find that if you choose to focus on one thing at a time, to make whatever you're trying to do better a habit, and choose for the time that you are developing that habit (or two) to, not ignore, but delay worrying about all the other things you could be doing better , that i find helps a great deal. Do the one hard(er) thing until it is no longer hard but always remember the intent is to progress and to get to the other hard things eventually.
Also support but also participation from friends family room mates or whomever is very very helpful.
Also my sincere condolences regarding Lemon's health.
+sabah pirani I think it's also important to make sensible boundaries.
Each of us is not responsible for the whole of humanity, and it's not inherently bad or wrong to be a little selfish.
Extremism is pretty much always bad.
Sending good thoughts for your little family and your pup's comfort
Thank you so much for sharing! I struggle with getting out of bed too. except I beat myself up for it. I so admire you for getting up every morning to go on walks, even in the cold. I want to work my way up to that eventually.
I've never struggle being a veggie. Most food isn't meat and my diet actually got more varied when I stopped eating meant. maybe give it a go for a month and see how you feel?
*Struggled
+seigeengine Welcome to Nerdfighteria. In Nerdfighteria, we are made of awesome. Being made of awesome means that it is physically impossible to be mean to each other.
+ryuuseicha You're forgetting to be awesome too.
+Tobi Toes I know that was meant for hank, but great suggestion! I've always thought about becoming a vegetarian (or at least lessing how much meat I eat) but I've never gotten around to it. I'll give your idea a try! :)
+Belle Hocson Yay! Good luck :D
+seigeengine Which is why I don't understand what you're doing here if you're just here to tear everyone down.
Why are we so repulsive? Why is being genuinely excited about nerdy stuff being a "groupie"?
We found out my dog of 12 years had cystic bone cancer two days after my birthday this year. I feel so so deeply for you and your family. Nothing can replace the way you feel when a dog greets you coming home with the knowledge that they have and will always adore you endlessly.
I wish I had the proper words to make you and your family feel better.
It will be hard, but I hope that you're able to help Lemon, and if not: that your family will be able to grow closer as you go through this extremely difficult time.
+Kimberly-Joy Oh, and DFTBA, Hank.
+Kimberly-Joy Sorry to hear about your darling dog too. They are family! DFTBA
I'm so sad for you about Lemon :( keeping her in my thoughts.
Thanks, Hank! That really helped motivate me to do the hard (but right) thing. Or to put it another way: you lifted my spirits and made my night all at the same time!
Put Lemon down brother, it'll hurt now, but it's better for the long run...
My dog was sick, kidney failure, would throw up, wouldn't eat, was dying on the inside, I made the decision to put him down before it got worse!
I miss him, and I was sad for awhile, but when I think about him now, it makes me smile because I chose to remember the good times!
Like the silly look he'd give me everytime I opened the door!
At the end of the day, everyone is different, but I thought to myself, well... I'd want someone to do that for me!
Don't get fed up, keep your head up!
Love and support from Ontario, Canada!
Oh Hank. I'm so sorry to hear about Lemon and I will be thinking good thoughts for her and you and Katherine.
Before Cursed Child comes out, you should write another song and release it a few days before it comes out and see if you predict as much stuff as you did with Deathly Hallows!
Well, it won't be the same: I'm sure spoilers are already out there on the internet. Who knows, Hank might even see the production before the publication.
+Paul Ocone The production opens the night before the publication. If we stay off the internet on July 30th, I'm pretty sure avoiding spoilers should be pretty easy.
Hank, this is something that I really needed to hear. And I appreciate how hard it can be to find the right words or the will to express this, so thank you for doing so ❤
thanks man the description really helped get a bunch of clutter out of my head. much love.
Hank, I have been thinking a lot about the first thing that you mentioned: "do I do the thing that will make me happy right now, or the thing that will make me happier in the long term?"
You see after watching your video "the cost of fun" I have been thinking "why can't there be a number that represents how valuable one activity is over another?"
So I decided to come up with an equation, with which one can calculate a value for each activity, so that one can get a better idea of how much this activity is really worth to you by having a number instead of a vague "this will make me feel better later".
If you're interested in this, hit me up and I will send you the "paper" I wrote. I am currently starting to work with a friend of mine on an android app, that will make the calculations much easier.
Anyway, I hope things get better for you soon!
+Kaminaji That sounds really interesting - I know I'm no Hank, but I'm curious. :P Would you be publishing this somewhere?
+Zigzag Tiger If you go to tumblr and search for nykaminaji you can find everything there (I have only the one post and it's about this topic, so you won't have a hard time finding it)
Kaminaji Sounds good, I'll take a look. :)
+Kaminaji No equation is going to meaningfully quantify it as value is intrinsically subjective, and what you're discussing is highly individual.
Meanwhile, this is literally what economics is about.
+seigeengine I am not saying that this equation can tell what an activity is worth to everyone. Of course it's a highly subjective matter but that doesn't mean we cannot have a value which we can use for comparison. In my opinion it would benefit most people (it sure does help me) to have a number to compare activities instead of a feeling. Also it would help understand how important an activity is to another person based on the numbers and lastly it can be used as a motivational tool to set goals (have a value you want to reach in a specific period of time).
Honestly Hank your problem is that you are trying to accomplish moral improvement by discipline, but discipline only works externally not internally. You improve morally by allowing yourself to LOVE more, and the more you love the good things you do the stronger the desire to do them becomes, until the love is stronger than the resistance and you bloom.
That said don't be too hard on yourself. You guys are a great source of good and have even helped me out, and I'm 27 and should be a fully functioning independent adult by societal standards.
Also I am really sorry to hear about Lemon, thoughts and prayers man
What you wrote means a lot to me!
I'm sorry for the pain your family is going through. Just remember that the bad times happening right now are so small compared to all of the good times you've had in the past. I lost my own dog 2 months, 28 days, and 23 hours ago when her kidneys began to shut down. I was away at university and couldn't be with her until her last day. She was my girl so that final decision at the vet's office was mine to make. Choosing what was right over what was easy was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and it still hurts. The pain of losing a loved one doesn't get better, it doesn't decrease, and it doesn't go away; however, everything they brought into your life stays with you as well. I like to believe that those good things weigh more than all of the bad.
I've learned so much from you and your brother. I watch your video's almost everyday and often refer to you as my 'friends' because I see you two more than most of my friends. I've never commented before, but I have a dog I love very much and so I can relate to your pain and wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. I just wanted to say that knowing that the harder thing to do is that right thing, can often make it easier when it comes to that critical time to act, on anything.
To the few vegetarians who were rude to Hank, or who are rude to anyone in advocating for vegetarianism: Do not kid yourselves that you are nice people just because you care about animals.
Hank, I'm very sorry to hear this news about your dog.
I sort of have a thing for imperfect proposal stories. Especially when they come from healthy couples who can laugh at themselves while they retell them.
Not the horror stories that end in tears, but the unsexy, real life or totally stymied sort. There is something endearing about the best laid plans going awry or even the lack of a plan can be romantic. (One of my favorite couples ever got engaged in a Burger King parking lot).
Don't get me wrong, elaborate proposal stories are romantic (at least in part because of the thought and planning that goes into them), but the growing pressure to have an epic story is kind of absurd. Some of the strongest marriages I know have hilariously anti climactic proposal stories.
Can you or John do a video telling YOUR proposal story? I also think a video compilation of bad proposal stories would be awesome. :)
I think John has told his on the games with Hank channel.
+cowspottedcello yup, but it's one of the very old videos (like in 2011 or something) but you're in luck because as far as I remember it was a carefully planned one on his part that was then somewhat derailed...He's ok with it in hindsight though, so...
+Noelle McLaughlin I basically proposed to my fiance while we were watching TV on the couch in the nude, because California summers are hot and we were too poor to run the AC much! He had a good laugh after, with the reflection of 'how the hell are we gonna someday tell our kids this?!' ;)
Thank you for yet another wonderful and thought-provoking video, Hank. Like you, I'm seeing a beloved pet (in my case, my youngest cat Sera) through the evils of cancer, and it freakin' sucks. Please know that your family is in my thoughts.
thank you very very much for this video, Hank. you have helped me feel less like a failure for not being able to do 'ALL THE THINGS' which we are meant to. made me feel like the small amount of things i can do is good, and that i can do one or two more things at my own pace - that that's a valid choice.
Damn you instant gratification!
[Shakes fist in the air]
Only a few weeks ago my dog got lost in a park. It was 8 agonizing hours before we found her. I don't think I ever bawled so hard in the last 10 years.
A good dog is a family member. I'm very sorry for what you're experiencing right now.
This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I can completely relate to this, and have been experiencing this struggle a lot lately. I need this video.
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through I can empathize, when you got Lemon I was happy for you as I know how much a dog bring to ones life.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
I tried vegetarianism out on a whim with no set amount of time and it stuck. I promise it is a lot easier than it seems. Veganism I tried as well and found it more manageable than I expected with a lot of rewards but VERY socially awkward. That didn't stick so much.
Read the description. Hank, Katherine, Lemon - lots of love and warm and fuzzy hugs. Losing part of your family is very hard and I hope and pray that you remember all the crazy, ridiculous, fun filled times you had. Thanks for trying to do the harder things. It makes me wanna try too.
This video was exactly what I needed today. I can completely relate to pushing back aspects of everyday life I know will make me happier in the long term for "right now" reward. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in the struggle that comes with balencing life.
thank you for posting this. I find I have a similar conversation in my own mind a lot too. I'm sorry about your dog, there's really not a lot that hurts more personally than losing a pet or companion you love. I wish you and your family many minor joys every day to help you through it
Dear Hank,
I understand. Dogs to people who don't have dogs are just there. You see them, they're cute, and you go on about your day. But to a person who has dogs, they are so much more. They are a walking sense of pure emotion and wisdom. They are a child, a sibling, and a parent in one furry ball of cute. They know what's best for you, they love you even though you won't sure that big piece of steak with them, and they need you in the same way you need them. They understand the most important things in life. Dogs understand love, and help us understand it too. That is why dogs are beautiful creatures. I know that it's hard to lose a dog, to lose the love they had for you and not lose the love you have for them. I hope Lemon goes happily and peacefully. And I hope you never forget what it was like to pet her.
Hank and Katherine, I'm so sorry for your loss and grieving. losing a pet is the hardest thing. you never truly recover. But Lemon loves you, and she would hold on for you if she could. Hold onto her memory and each other. You both are in my prayers.
when time has passed, I found it cathartic to mane an obituary. or a memory box.
*make
This whole video can be summed up as the struggle between varying intrinsic and extrinsic motivators, and the relevance to the deepest personal desires in a person's essence. I like the way you took me there though. Experimenting with hardship, even something as basic as getting up early to go on walks with your spouse, can be a necessary catalyst for reflection and evaluation. I love it.
I love how you are still so cheery and peppy. Stay strong!
Hank & Katherine: Sorry to hear about Lemon. My greyhound, Mimi, had the same osteosarcoma. My deepest sympathies. You're not alone.
I am sorry, Hank. I am glad Lemon got to retire into a home that loves and cares for her as much as you and Katherine do. You seem like an amazing couple with huge hearts and I don't think Lemon could have found a better set of humans to love her and comfort her in her times of need. You decreased the world suck in your dogs life! Plus you gave her snacks and that is like 100% the best thing ever. For anyone. Ever. Snacks are good. Snacks show you care. I hope you guys are alright. :( I'd offer snacks but I really have a thing about shipping food. It's probably really gross because every time I get anything in the mail it has at least on stain on it and I have zero clue what would stain an apple but I am sure it would find a way.
I needed this video, Hank. Thank you.
My heart is breaking for y'all and for Lemon. We went through something similar with my childhood dog a couple of years ago. It seems so impossible to make the tough decision, until someday you know without any doubt that it's the right thing to do for them. But that doesn't make it any less sad. She's a lucky dog to be loved by a family like yours, and y'all are lucky to be loved by a dog like her.
This is probably not going to be a popular opinion (and it's not popular with me, either, even though it originates from me), but I've long held this sort of theory of equal problems. It is, in a nutshell, the opposite of the "how can you complain when there are people starving in Africa" argument.
I think everyone's problems are equally big to them, even if they might not be seen as equally big on a sort of distant, objective scale. Like, objectively, the fact that someone in a developing country doesn't have clean water is a MUCH bigger problem than a spoiled rich princess not getting a pony for her sweet 16 or whatever. But the thing is, the princess cares as much or more about her problem than the person who is used to dealing with not having clean water every day.
The thing is, I think human beings have limits to the extent of their emotions. Like, you can't feel worse about your own problems (past a certain point) just because they are objectively more terrible than someone else's. It's a matter of personal scale. On a 1 - 10 scale of misery, I feel something as a 9 or 10 because it's the worst thing to ever happen to me personally, not because it's the worst thing to ever happen to anyone ever. But someone who is more fortunate than I am might feel a 10 at something that I would consider a 3. Their 10 is just as intense to them, feels just as bad to them, as my 10. It doesn't actually matter that my 10 is "objectively" worse.
Thinking this way helps me to think more complexly about people. It helps me to remember that when people seem like they're too angry or too scared or too upset about something that I consider not a big deal (ie people who freak out because of gay rights, etc.), it's not necessarily because they're idiots. It's because they have a different frame of reference than I do. Just as I would hope they would be sympathetic to my problems, I need to work hard to be sympathetic to their problems, even if I don't consider them problems. I need to help them understand my perspective, rather than berate them for not sharing it.
Likewise, this helps me to not feel as guilty for being stressed out or feeling bad about some things. Like, I work really hard, and I often feel bad for feeling tired and stressed out because I know there are people who work harder. There are nurses with crazy night shifts and teachers who work full days plus teaching prep plus after-school activities and I've got nothing on them. So why do I have a right to feel tired when they manage their insane schedules and still seem fine?
It's because it's not what I'm used to. It's because what I'm doing is outside my comfort zone, and pushing myself further than I'm used to. And in time, maybe I could become a person who is comfortable doing that sort of craziness that the nurses and the teachers manage, but it would take a lot of effort and it would be a significant change in who I am as a person. I should still respect them for it, I can still be in awe of their abilities, but I should not berate myself for not being able to match up to it.
I don't think this should be used as an excuse to be lazy or uncaring about things: I don't think we should give people who throw a tantrum over not getting a pony (or people, for instance, who eat meat?) a pass just because they've led easy lives. In fact, the opposite: I think this should be a reason for us all to try very hard to consider the contexts of others, and to remember that our personal difficulties are relative to us, and don't always match those around us. In order to have better, more effective communication, we need to try and understand those contexts and meet people halfway, or at least speak to them in their own contextual language.
+Kagedtiger (Also, Hank, I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. I hope you and Katherine are okay, and I'm sending you my best wishes.)
+Kagedtiger I really enjoyed your response. I never thought about it like that.
Kind of how we say things were so easy as a kid. An adult living a kids life would be a lot simpler. But as a kid, not so much.
+Kagedtiger I'm glad there are others with a similar perspective. If only more people would think like this.
+Kagedtiger Exactly.
I hate mornings! No one can change that about me!
+deeksha r lol same
+deeksha r To me it's the best time of the day.. Filled with opportunities and not ruined with procrastination yet...
+Kaminaji
This. After years of staying up then sleeping in, I decided to try the inverse and I've never gone back.
It just allows me to be so much more productive. Now I probably do half the work I'll do all day within the first 1/8 of the day.
+deeksha r Every now and then you owe it to yourself to stay up to see the sun rise. ;->
+holybutternutsquash I know what you mean.. I have now more or less completely switched to waking up at 5 am, no matter if I have lectures or if I'm on vacation.
I don't think one is bound to be more productive when waking up earlier, but I believe that we somehow internalized that we shouldn't be working after 7pm or so and that decreases productivity (or at least it does for me, because I just tend to work halfheartedly after a certain time)
One of the most beautiful and clever vlogbrothers videos yet. There is art in 4 minute jumpcut videos.
Wishing yourself and Katherine some strength now Hank.
Thank you so much, I really needed these words. 🙏🏻❤️
I'm so very sorry about Lemon. A year or so ago, my great grandfather moved in with my aunt. When he did that, he left his beloved Maltease Top Dog (or T.D. for short) in my family's care. He was a very old dog that Ikived a long life. I, like the animal lover I am, grew attached to him very quickly, despite him not being the friendliest of dogs. After we had him for some time, we found out that he had congestive heart failure, among many other things that come with age in that breed of dog. Since he was suffering, we decided that putting him down was the best course of action. He was constantly in pain and I believe we made the right choice.
I know how hard this is, and I am so sorry that you (and Lemon. of course) are going through this.
*lived
Alby D is totally Dumbledore's secret rap star alter-ego XD
Having a sick pet is brutal. It's such a helpless feeling seeing them in pain and not being able to fix it.
I've been through it a couple times now, but the first time was in 2007. My kitty had some sort of mystery disease that turned out to be stomach cancer but took a long time to figure that out. Months of worry and trying to get her to eat, and just wanting to spend time with her. And one thing that really helped was when I discovered your vlog. I'd sit with her while catching up on 7 months of your videos, all the while she was snuggling and purring on my lap. That time was very special to me.
Sending warm fuzzy thoughts to you, Katherine, Cameo and especially Lemon.
I really needed this video. I'm so very sorry about your dog, Hank. :'(
I hope Lemon gets better.
+Gargulex PT Hate to be the spoilsport, but she won't (according to both Hank & Katherine's twitters a couple days? ago....)
centaurie Oh no... I really loved her on the snpachats :(
Me too...She was great on the 2015 P4A livestream too! (the livestreams are archived, so you can rewatch em as much as you like!)
+Gargulex PT Yeah, unfortunately the aggressive cancer she has isn't the sort that can be treated. Hank, Katherine, and the rest of Nerfighteria just have to do our best to enjoy the time we have left with her.
You know, Hank, this video came at a time where I find it particularly useful. Thank you. It seems that recently I've been on a stint of productivity and I've been trying to adjust myself as such, but I've found much difficulty in motivation.
So sorry to hear about Lemon!!! I know what it's like to see your best doggie friend get sick (lost my childhood dog last November), but because of you and your videos I adopted a greyhound of my own! So Missy and I are sending positive thought and prayers your and Lemon's way!
Hank I signed in just to tell you this but being a vegetarian doesn't have to be between the binary yes or no. You could be a weekday vegetarian there is a beautiful Ted talk about it and then if you ever feel compelled to become a full vegetarian but like you said if you don't that's fine as well. HANK WEEKDAY VEG!!
DID YOU JUST SAY A NEW HARRY POTTER BOOK?????
Sort of. There is a Harry Potter play that is playing right now, and they are going to publish the script.
Not really, the script to the play everyone's been talking about for months is going to be distributed, but it's neither a novel nor written by JK Rowling.
Hank, I needed this video right now. Thank you for voicing the concerns I have been having recently. Also, I'm sorry to hear about your dog. *telepathic kisses and cuddles sent to Lemon*
Sorry for your hard times. My family and I were going through the same thing at the same time. As far as the hard thing, I agree, hard things are hard. Thank you for restating my favorite axiom that between hard and easy, hard is always better in a manner that I never could.