What to Do When You're HAVING A MELTDOWN!!
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- Опубліковано 16 жов 2024
- Some of us just stare into the middle distance, a single tear dripping down our cheek...
Some of us scream into a pillow.
Some of us punch the wall!
But regardless of how you roll, sooner or later we all have a meltdown.
A meltdown is when that beautiful spiritual house of cards you've been carefully building comes crashing down thanks to life, which has dealt you some nasty blow. I had a meltdown recently, and it taught me something important about these emotionally extreme moments.
Within a meltdown, there are scant few options. It wouldn't be a meltdown if you could just...stop having it. Nonetheless, that's Option #1 when the fit is hitting the shan inside your overheated head. You can just--stop. Take a breath, focus, and don't give in. This is the Rinzai Zen way, the samurai way. Be strong. Be clear. Be calm.
But.
What about when you can't do any of that. Well, friends, that's when you get curious. Because getting curious is about all you CAN do when you yourself are spinning out of control. A moment will come when you see yourself; this is your Buddhanature manifesting a moment of awareness or awakeness within the meltdown. Take note! It'll pass quickly, but take note. Later on this moment will be extremely valuable when you reflect on your meltdown.
As with last week, there is an overabundance of amateur filmmaking in this video which hopefully contributes, ahem, to the comic effect I try to take when it comes to this pretty serious topic of what to do when you are at your absolute worst as a human being.
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Your worst enemy (as the Tibetans say) is actually a priceless teacher since they (albeit inadvertently) help you to develop patience and forbearance - qualities that would otherwise be difficult, if not impossible to perfect.
Very difficult training though.
Very difficult not to lose it sometimes.
Thanks for the honesty.
Great point, thank you.
Very helpful and thoughtful.. great insights about how anger works; where it comes from..
I recall a nearby neighbor who would drive me bonkers. She just had the capacity, in the right amounts, to drive me completely crazy. Many an hour upon hour I'd catch myself talking to myself in feigned conversation. She seemed to be always there wanting to be very very helpful when I didn't need (or want) the help to be there in general.
When I say always I mean ..a-l-w-a-y s.. She just never quit! Meanwhile I felt very suffocated by it all. It became oppressive in a kind hearted sort of way, but very relentless.
I'd try to calm down, be nice, smile, talk to her little dog (who loved barking at me) I even sang to her and her dog somedays. I didnt want to hurt this woman's feelings, she seemed pretty fragile, yet I couldn't stand her constant neighborly ministrations.
I found myself going by her home in one direction, and not needing to look directly in at it, maybe needing to make eye contact. Then on the return trip I'd go the long way around, so I wouldnt pass her place at all.
Okay.. long story but shorter version maybe...
Many a day or evening she'd just hit the right buttons. Later (privately thankfully) I'd f'k'n' meltdown large!! Sometimes talking myself to sleep with empty gibbering chatter, only an orangutan would be able to decipher. It seemed helpless.
I knew this was so out of control I just had to let it run its course naturally - the batshit crazy way! (with little regrets) It did over a protracted period, thankfully my meltdowns were private and only me hearing my own stupid anger. I strangely kinda learned from it, as if being in conversation with a much quieter distant sobering voice.
One day she grabbed my arm from me while carrying something (I'm unsteady on my feet due to a spinal cord injury) so it simply hit the right sour note, and the fan, unfortunately I went off. Graciously as seemingly possible, it was fast and quick, although she got the message (btw.. no amount of calm talking would ever have gotten through to her in this case).
She'd try to greet me days afterward but I was way past 'hellos' at that point. Not angry but desperate for my own space. She figured it out I guess.
Others around had similar problems also. She eventually moved somewhere else.
In aftermath: despite the internal strife and shamed chagrin I felt in reaction to my own anger. I was able to learn a lot from this bellicose episode in my life. It created a soothing envelope that has given me the capacity to avoid other similar circumstances here and there. Nonetheless, to paraphrase Robert Frost (while still helping each other and working together) it supposedly seems: 'good walls make good neighbors.'
After about 6 months my psyche calmed and again behaved itself. Net result: I just don't need that freaking chattering anymore. It's pretty rare that I have any internal discourse, it seems to me that's what written journals are used for. I owe that woman a debt of thanks and pretty deep gratitude. I truly do.
Though meltdowns don't happen much anymore, I'm still human enough to let out some very choice phrasing pretty frequently, in the privacy of my own space-time continuum.. Beats massive embarrassing meltdowns too. And it allows for just being human.
So life is good.
Thanks for sharing your meltdown experience, it has helped me sort out some unneeded baggage here. Love you honesty and search for truth, love the channel too. Many thanks.
Thank you my dear friend.
It’s better to see oneself as an ordinary being no matter how much one sits. The moment I find myself “enlightened” and triumphant over vexations, I am f*cked…there is no exception to that. But, I find it useful to think of one’s masters as of higher realization. Humility is of utmost importance on this path. Master Sheng Yen advised us to practice in such a way as to see ourselves as sentient beings and others as Bodhisattvas who are there to teach us something. I think that is a great teaching that I haven’t yet mastered. 🙏
true words. thank you.
@@zenconfidential25no, thank you for the content. Love your liveliness and humor
Just found your channel via Brad Warner. This video really applies to me. Thank you!
Welcome!
Great stuff!! It's like you're commentating on my life over the last 24hrs! I feel like I've pulled myself back from the brink of at least 2 meltdowns, or 2 different openings into the same meltdown, today. I felt like I was under attack earlier, from everything and everyone!! I'm not sure whether I skilfully avoided the disaster or just naturally repressed and denied it!! Which is probably my default setting at these times. Nobody wants to see a real tantrum now, do they!!! 😂
Helpful stuff.
Thanks man!
D
Oh man, keep us posted if you have the meltdown let us know here! I'm pullin' for ya!! (To not melt down, that is.)
@@zenconfidential25 thanks dude. You will be the first to know!!!🙏
The idea of the spiritually perfected being, never gets angry, thinks bad thoughts, always virtuous and selfless etc. It makes me feel bad about my practice when I am unable to live up to the ideals of my spiritual idols (Bodhidharma, Zhaung Zi etc). Even these people had meltdowns and perhaps we should not be so hard on ourselves as practitioners of the Dharma. Thanks Jack !
I had a monk friend who was convinced that Hakuin was certifiably nuts. So.... we're in good company!! ;)
The problem with these spiritual gurus and people who lived long ago is that they don't really live in our time and not every detail in there life was documented.Even Jesus got pissed off a few times and it also wouldn't necessarily be too surprising if a man like that possibly flipped at least a couple more tables and possibly straight up punched a hole into a wall at some point.
Keep on keepin’ on.
Meltdown montages made my day - thanks!
Glad you like them!
nice video! love the sword work, and the footage of you going "ape shit" at hofburg palace is intense! lately it seems everything in my life has been in meltdown although not necessarily angry meltdown (sometimes angry) so this was a timely video for the lunar new year!
Happy Lunar New Year Meltdown to you Jeff!! ;)
Good to know even masters and gurus have meltdowns. Like volcanos, energy needs to be released. How its released is the important thing.
Very good point!
Sensei, Can you speak more about how bringing awareness to the meltdown is like planting a spy, or a seed for future use. Is it that by learning about "your enemy" the next time you encounter the meltdown you'll have more skills to deal because you are more familiar with its tactics?
Thank you!
I think what I meant was that when I am having a meltdown and I can still manifest just one moment of awareness, somehow later on, when I'm feeling better, that seed has grown very tall and very strong
Thank you.
You're welcome!
I've never tried what i am about to suggest but I can't help thinking that sudden immersion in very cold water would make one pretty present
yes, it would!
I have been practicing zazen for about 15 years. Last night i almost comitted suicide. Then i thought maybe ill just sit and breath till my legs go numb. So i sat for a long time my legs began to tingle. Then i got a text which i decided to check. It was from my mom and it said "i was just thinking of you and wanted to say I love you, sleep well sweetie ❤" i started to lose it and wept like a baby. Then i just sat back down and let this tsunami of pain and feer and sadness just slam down on me. I felt what seemed like a lifetime of suffering slam down on me. I decided to just keep sitting. After what seemed like hours, the ocean in me became tranquil again. It passed. This horrible feeling was transitory and moved on. I got up, gave my dog a big hug. And went to sleep with a smile on my face.
Hey my friend, be well. This is deep stuff, thank you for sharing it. I made a vid about suicide, if you do it you have to then come back and live through all the same stuff all over again (was the gist of it)! I'm glad you didn't do it and are here to tell us about your life and that wonderful mother. Thank you.
@@zenconfidential25 The first 2 "zen" books I read were "The History of Zen" and "Zen Confidential" . I randomly found Brad's page, and he mentioned yours. So I had to subscribe and check it out.
I have a couple questions I wanna ask you. Where is a good place to do so?
Do you know the Okinaga breath work? I only know that it was supposedly done by Ninjas (close enough to samurais?) prior missions because it turns off the amygdala.
I've never heard of that. Okinaga Breath Work sounds like a great name for a band.
I seem to have angered the algorithm again. Think I'm going to stick to domo arigato for a while.
Never anger the algorithm! It will beat us all in the end!
@@zenconfidential25 I just thought it was funny that there was a review for a video game that another UA-camr had posted and the game is about being frustrated and getting angry it is designed to elicit that response based on a whole bunch of stuff with an eye towards attempting to transcend the anger
The algorithm is not that smart yet, or else why would it always give me an advert on how to manifest abundance after every video you mention manifesting awareness 😂
Buddha is proud of you and ashamed of you at the same time. 🤣 Please stop harassing him like that
Ah, Buddha! Always breathing down my neck.
🙏😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🙏
Having a meltdown? You can also (as your soundtrack suggests) listen to the Peer Gynt Suite!
I never thought of that!