3 Things To Never Say To Your Toddler (And What to Say Instead)
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- Опубліковано 2 кві 2024
- The 3 common phrases we often use as parents often work in the moment, but don't always deliver the message we intend them to. While they might work in the moment, you can swap them for some alternatives that are shown to be much more effective in terms of providing support and encouragement, building your child's confidence, and fostering emotional well-being.
In this video you'll learn what these phrases are, and the alternatives you can use instead.
Please don't feel guilty or bad in any way if you do use these phrases. That's not the intent of this video at all. Using them here or there isn't going to harm your toddler's emotional development. This is simply about highlighting some alternatives that help deliver on the intent in a more effective way.
As always, I hope you find this helpful!
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Which phrase do you find yourself saying to your little one? To get the free guide - 8 Parenting Phrases to Rethink & What to Say Instead click here: brightestbeginning.com/bb_optin/8-common-parenting-phrases-to-rethink/
You could fall down and bang your head. All the time.
Can you please make a video on how to correct the consequences of Be careful being used often until the child is already 4 years old? You are perfectly right, how do we make up for that in the future? Thank you so much, you are an angel and many children will grow better because of you!
Parenting is training of the parent as much as the child if not more so.😊
So true!! 😅
Amen!
This is so true, even after 2 babies i still need training... they are all so different
I actually started doing some of the things you said just by watching my kid and seeing what works 😂 "food on the plate or in the mouth" for example, works pretty well! Also, if he starts playing around with the food and ignoring me, I ask if he is done and I can take his plate out since he is not eating. Usually works too. For leaving places, what works 90% of the time is not saying "let's go home", but enticing each step (like "let's go see if there are butterflies outside" to leave the building, and "let's get Teddy bear in the car" to enter the car. My kid is very adventurous and looking out for the next thing or activity to do, so this strategy usually works.
I do say "be careful" often, but mostly with an attached explanation. I feel like he understands if there is an explanation to why the need to be careful. Like going down the stairs would be "be careful, hold here and go slow so you won't fall"
Thanks so much for sharing!
My mum always said “be careful” and I know it made me feel anxious. I’ve given my son a lot of physical freedom, from not putting socks on him while indoors, he didn’t were any shoes until he could actually walk, and let him climb on furniture from a very young age while mats were on the floor below. Now he is 2 and a half, and it’s amazing how physically agile he is, he’s so aware of his surroundings, I almost never have to worry about him falling, because he knows his limits and what is/ isn’t safe to do. I’m so proud of him 🥰
Same with my kid. He is so confident and safe in climbing and calculating the risks. He is 2 and way ahead compared to same aged kids
I’ve been saying “be careful” so much that I joked it would be his first words. Taking these tips to heart ❤
It’s such a common thing to say when you have an adventurous toddler. 😂
Haha yes! I've been trying not to say it but it's the first thing that comes out of my mouth 😅
This is so helpful!! I'm a first time Mamma to a 15 month old & I am a nervous wreck but don't want to hinder her exploration or growth. This has been very helpful, I'm even sharing it with her Dad, Lord knows we need pointers like these
“Watch your step”: specific instruction to encourage proprioception (awareness of where her body is relative to her environment) and coordination
Yes I say “watch your feet.”
I say “pay attention to your feet”
I've been practicing my poker face when my toddler throws food. It takes an unbelievable amount of self-control to not react at all and consciously react well to other actions that are favoured. I have been trying to avoid "be careful" too. I try to explain specific dangers to her even if it may not be understood. There's danger everywhere and I have embraced it. You're absolutely right. If we want to keep our kids safe, the best thing we can do is teach them how to navigate a dangerous world themselves. This means we need to do a good job of explaining dangers to them and giving them (some) autonomy to make choices and experience consequences. Then we can be there for them, explain what happened, what they could do in the future and make them feel supported. I think that is a great way to gain their trust. Let them free and provide support as they figure stuff out. We should be mentors not police. Lol
Exactly!
I knew all these but still did all of them. It’s so hard to shake what you faces growing up. Regulating myself is the hardest thing to do
It is so hard! Don't feel bad if you slip up now and then - the occasional one isn't going to be detrimental. We all do it :)
Me: provides toddler clear instruction
Toddler: “I hear and understand your clear instruction, but I choose to ignore it” 😂
Great tips, thank you ❤
I learned from my parents telling me and my siblings "don't that, you're going to get hurt", not to say that (or at least try to avoid saying that) to my now 2yo son. Idk how much credit my wife and I should take from this, but I can see that he's comfortable doing things most kids his age and older are afraid of, and yet he's also learning how to be cautious at the same time.
Hi Emma, thanks for the helpful tips :)
I'm a pre-school teacher and have been working with toddlers for many years. I agree on the third thing you talked about in this video. I'd like to add, that children up to a certain age respond especially to the last thing that is said. So if you say "I don't want you to throw your food", what they hear is "throw your food." So always ending the sentence on what you want them to do does the trick too :)
When it comes to Number 1: "Being careful", I disagree with you. Maybe it's a cultural thing but I found the sentence "Be careful" really helpful and working great with the kids. A sentence that really does harm and makes them scared would be something like: "Don't climb too high, otherwise you'll fall and hurt yourself" or "Don't run, you'll trip". Those sentences are like a self-fulfilling prophecy but saying your child to be careful means: "Watch out for yourself too." This way they can find out their own boundaries and see how high they would climb on their own without having you as the constant safety net. I found that children dare way more and are less careful when they trust that the adult is standing right next to them. Thinking the parent will watch over them none stop will give them a false feeling of safety and let's be honest most accidents happen because we don't get to the kids fast enough or look away just for a moment. So making sure they watch out for themselves telling them to be careful is a good thing to do! There is a quote by a German pedagogue who said: "Children develop in the expectations of their caregivers". With expecting them in a positive, caring and loving way to watch out for themselves where they can and trusting they will be safe because they take care you give them room to grow in their autonomy and self-esteem. Of course it always depends on the situation but you as the adult have the knowledge of your child's personality and the situation to judge when there is room for your kid to be without you hovering over them like a helicopter none stop.
To number 2 I like to add that anticipation is absolute key! You know as an adult when it's time to go home. You can look far enough into the future. Your kid can't. So when it's time to go, give your child a heads up and fifteen to ten minutes before you have to leave go to them and tell them: "We have to go home soon. You can swing a little more and then we'll go." You let your child play and maybe get everything ready before you go to it again and say: "We have to go now. Let's count to ten and then we're done swinging." You could also establish a certain song you sing or play on your phone when it's time to go home. Giving your child the time to anticipate and not ripping it suddenly out of their play does wonders!!! This by the way is good in any situation like having to go somewhere or needing to clean up :)
Thanks for the video!
I felt the same about, be careful, though I think it might depend most on parent's emotion, if parent says it all anxious, then child will pick up that fear, while you suggesting simply bringing their attention to a potential danger without changing their emotion. Anxious parents cannot really do that, whatever they say to the child, the child will sense it. They need to reassess the dangers for themselves first.
And I completely agree about heads ups, they help a lot. I would only add that the smaller the child the less time they need, as 15 minutes for a 2yo is like an hour, they completely forget. I start with just a minute or two, and with the kid going older it gradually increases up to 15-30 minutes.
@@lorainisrael Yes, you are right, the time you give the child to anticipate totally depends on the age. Thanks for adding that! :)
I can relate to this so much. I was ALWAYS told to be careful as a child. I was already a cautious child and I can definitely see how the effects of this on me manifested throughout my life. I've worked hard to overcome fears as an adult and work hard to not pass my fears on to my toddler.
Absolutely agree. Empower our kids to overcome challenging situations
6:57 it also helps that you tell them a little in advance instead of surprising them that we’re leaving now all of a sudden.
Nobody likes being ordered out of our desires. Same for toddler. It is indeed important to let them prepare mentally that their fun activity will stop.
Your videos are always so informative and helpful, as a mama of a toddler I so appreciate this information. Thank you!
I recently started questioning myself when I say be careful to my toddler because I know he wouldn’t know how to interpret it. I don’t want him to be too fearful of trying new things. These tips are very useful! Thank you.
So glad you found the video helpful!
I’ve done those at the playground but oddly enough if I got my son to verbally say “bye bye playground!” He was suddenly so much better with parting and didn’t have the lingering whining. It translated into parting other things too, like “bye bye cars” etc if we needed to change tasks or put away toys.
That’s what I do, I tell my daughter to say goodby and that’s how she parts with it.
Given them an action is very engaging for them. Also for getting to sleep, a ritual where he knows what is the next step is very useful... if he likes it!
Closing the blind, curtaim, saying good sleep to the cars on the parking lot works great.
Going to brush teeth, not so much 😂😂😂
Children need clear instructions and explanations. Great video
Yes they do😄
Maybe we need to start teaching this stuff in school? I’ve looked into parent classes (too expensive) and I feel there should be something to help.
Check with your city. There are a lot of programs that will offer classes.
Never realized what I was doing, thank you for pointing that out.
I have an idea for a future video that I'm sure alot of people would be interested in.... how to tell a child about the father they never met because he's just an adult child himself?
My grandson just turned 3 & he knows other kids have dads, & it's heartbreaking when he occasionally calls his uncle "dad" & we have to correct him.
My parents divorced when I was 1, so I have an idea of the kind of trauma he'll be dealing with, as I'm 53 now & that divorce still affects me every day.
Glad you found it helpful and thanks for the video suggestion.
Of course each case is different and anedotical reference is no proof of anything, but my experience with my son, I always told him to be careful and still do, I guess I always tell him what can happen, like you can fall and hurt yourself, but regardless he is extremely brave and is way ahead of any child his age that I have seen, hes not even three and he can climb higher than any other child his age, he can do front flips withou putting his head on the ground, he can play footbal with older children 4 and 5 years old as well as they do. So I don't know if I did it in a different way as what shes explaining on the video, but it worked for us.
I have a 4 week old and will be printing this guide out and handing it to my husband and the grand parents and any caregivers! Thank you for it!
Great idea!
Thank you Emma. This is exactly what I needed
You're so welcome!
"Not throwing food around is really hard, let me help to stop f*ing doing it"
😂😂😂😂
The struggle is real 😂
🤣
I still get nervous climbing ladders because I was told as a child to be careful because I would most certainly fall. I don't want to pass that on!
It's great that you're already aware of this.
I keep reminding my toddler to 'pay attention to what you are doing'. it seems to solve so many safety issues if they would just pay attention to what they are doing. My toddler also responds to warnings like 'you can either swing or go down the slide one more time before we go'.
Thank you so much Emma for helping me more than anyone else during my parenting journey
You are so welcome! Thank you for taking the time to leave such a lovely comment. It’s wonderful to hear that my videos have been so helpful 🙂
Excellent advice. These learning tools would help so many new parents and thier children. It would be great if they were shown at the pediatricians office while parents were waiting for their child's check up and also in hospital waiting room.
Thanks!
This is brilliant! Thanks Emma!
You're so welcome!
Thank you Emma for sharing your knowledge; your are helping parents and TEACHERS.
I´m definitely going to use your tips in the classroom.Thank you very much 🙏
You're so welcome!
I was just saying be careful today, so the timing of this is perfect 👍
Glad it was helpful!
When I do say "be careful" I always try to explain why at the same time (i.e. "be careful, it's slippery right there."). But I do need to be better at this. Some kids it affects more than others - I have one more naturally cautious child and I absolutely have to be careful not to just say that. And I hate when parents do the second one.... you're also teaching them to ignore you until you start threatening. And with food throwing... 99% of the time it's because they are done and board.... right now when my 1-year-old does this, I help him to sign "all done" and take him out of his chair.
True about boredom, when my twins start playing with food, it means they are not hungry any more, time to leave the table.
I also hate "I am leaving" threat, I still remember it vividly my mom doing it all the time, it should be classified as torcher.
This is really helpful content.
I'll say "be careful, watch your hands" or "be careful, watch your head". I'll definitely try your tips.
Oh God the throwing of food, it drives me NUTS and she knows it. It's soooooo hard to not react, but this video clarified things.
It is so hard to not react. But it should improve or reduce if you can remember to tell her what to do.
With regards to "be careful", in my opinion parents are using it so often that it stops to work. And then when you really have to alert your kid to be careful they don't react anymore to this phrase.
But what you said Emma perfectly describes my friend's daughter. My friend was constantly telling her "be careful" and tbh I find her daughter to be anxious and afraid of exploring. There are several reasons for that of course but I am sure the constant "be careful" had also a great impact on it.
I needed this video ❤
Great to hear it helped!
Thank you❤
No worries at all!
I am constantly saying be careful since he start walking, and I want my son at this moment come to reality for a moment(from his imagination or thoughts) and assess situation(simply focus his attention on potential danger. Usually I am pointing or mentioning what he need to watch out.
He is crazy adventurous (even more than I wish, as result he been in urgent care or ER already 5 times). Most of the time if it minor risk and I know he unlikely do something wrong I am letting him proceed (like with stick).
If he injured/cries later - I am calmly explain how few minutes ago Dad said be careful and mention risk - this is a moment we I believe my son learns the most.
IMO phrase itself is harmless and useful. The emotion/intonation - that what matter. If dad firmly said be careful - it won't make kid anxious.
It is painful to watch parents "leave" their children, but it is even worse to experience. My mom always did that, pretending to leave (I even ended up in a couple of dangerous situations because I was left alone), she would also tell me to leave the house in the middle of the night when I wasn't behaving. She would pretend dressing me up as if I was to be kicked out. When I grew older and these tricks no longer worked she started threatening me with an orphanage. I know now that she never meant to abandon me, all just manipulation, but I believed her as a child and it was awful. 😢
GREAT VIDEO!!! THX
Glad you liked it!
I’ve noticed my toddler (1.5) does not understand the word “wait” which is so tough. Also on another note, when my toddler is having a tantrum my trick is saying something like “will you be a good girl?” And she gets very excited because she cares very much when I tell her she’s being a good girl. Every time I say “good girl” she completely lights up and is proud of herself. So during tantrums I try to bring that up and sometimes it helps. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing though 😅 I’m a single mom and she’s my only child.
I am a grandmother now, but when my son was a toddler his pediatrician showed me how to calm a toddler temper tantrum almost immediately. The doctor showed me how to lovingly hold my son while he was thrashing/screaming because his desires were not met. I approached my son from behind softly and securely pulling him into my lap while he regained his awareness. I whispered into his ear that I was helping him remain safe until he could became calm again. I used this technique anywhere it was safe to so with my children and now grandchildren. I remember sitting on the floor in a grocery store with my almost 3 year old son as people walked around us when he suddenly asked why we had to sit on the floor and I told him I was his calm until he could calm himself down when he said “in 2 days I will be 3 so I am not going to do this anymore”! Amazingly, that was the end of his temper tantrums! This has worked for me with my grandchildren who are well past their toddler years! I hope it helps you too!
@@Stephanie-rf9xsthanks for sharing. All kids have tantrums, but my daughter is especially sensitive, compared to my sons. I wasn't sure how to help her, if I try taking her she gets worse, so I just leave her on safe surfaces and stay nearby. I will try holding her from behind as you suggested.
The problem with the "be a good girl" trick, is that inevitably there comes a moment, when she says "no, don't want to be a good girl". Having a tantrum doesn't make a child bad, they just have no tools to deal with their emotions.
@@lorainisrael , agree 100% and that is why my wise pediatrician suggested that I gently hold my young son until his strong emotional outburst past. My above technique works well; however, it does come with a few unintentional brushes for caregiver! Once my younger son came up under my chin with his head so hard it split my lip and bruised my neck! I laugh now, but at the time not so much!
That was excellent. Will be trying that on my husband!
😂
Thanks
Thank you so much!!
@@EmmaHubbard u are great!
Absolutely roaring at the stock clip of the kid playing with a laptop at 8:30
Not sure that’s what was meant by “playing with power points” but I am loving it
👀😂
Can you please do a video on sharing toys? We’re having a struggle!
I have a 6 month old and will definitely use all these tips when he's a toddler. I agree about not telling them I'm leaving you. I witnessed a mum with a toddler say this to him when I was out a few days ago and he broke down in tears as she walked away and I felt so sad for him.
It's so good you were able to watch this now. The benefit is you can get into the habit of saying these alternatives now while your little one is young, as it can take some time to get use to it.
Yes, I have an almost 6mo and was with a friend with her toddler recently and caught myself saying "be careful!" almost against my will. It will take practice to stop!
This generally makes sense. I'm curious if it's backed data or if it's more of an anecdotal set of ideas.
I do both, say be careful and explain why the “situation” is not safe.
That sounds like a good middle ground.
My 11 month old is in the throwing food stage and yes he *laughs* at my reactions. Thanks for the tip
Avoiding the "be careful" is great advice.
I don't necessarily agree with the second point on giving 100% support for the child when stopping an activity they like, we make "soft cottonwool" humans that way.
After trying supportive ways I feel like something more strict can also help them realise people won't always support them and they need to understand compromises.
There are lots of cruel people in this world, would you consider being cruel to your child as a practice, for them to learn about potential dangers? Wouldn't they be too soft without such practice? My own answer is no, I will always provide my children with emotional support (to my ability), so they can build inner sense of worth and emotional stability and then use it to withstand whatever life throws at them. Unsupportive parents do not make one stronger (at least from my experience).
Also, it sounds like for you it is either strict, or supportive, which is not the case, you can be both simultaneously. When we need to leave, I give kids a warning, as they process things slowly, and in a couple of minutes I tell them it's time. If they get upset, I support them, "yes, it's hard to leave, you WANT to play, but we HAVE TO go. And then I take them away, no further conversation. I am not angry at them even if they cry, I understand they are upset. That's it, strict but supportive. My older son now can apply the rule himself, saying: There is a want and there is a need. 😂
Our toddler is very apprehensive when trying new things and risk adverse, something I recognize from myself as a child. Do you have any advice on how to encourage him to try new experiences or take risks?
I have been an infant/toddler teacher for many years. I always say that “NO” doesn’t work. To keep food on the table, that’s exactly what I say - “ plate/food stays on the table”. It works 100% of the time. The trick is to convince parents that it works 100% of the time 😂😂!
Thanks for sharing!!
What do you suggest when they try to put their fingers in wall outlets?
@@rosermira211 at school we say “teacher touch”. It can be “mama/ dada/ grownup touch” - whatever you need it to be. Note - you won’t just say it once, it’s going to be repetitive but the child will get it.
@rosermira211 outlet covers, etc- I even carried some in the diaper bag when my kid was little for grandmas house.
My preschooler will reply "I AM!" to "be careful." That's all i need. I say, "good. I believe in you."
And her response to, "maybe I'll go by myself" is usually a calm, sincere, doubtful, "would you really?" Or "you wouldn't, really?" And i say, "nope. But we need to move on now"
One phase I use a lot when my kids are climbing is "use your hands". That way they have more points of contact and they're less likely to fall.
Non-bluff version of "bye I'm leaving": "Daddy will be right back. Just going to buy some milk..." 😅
Great video! Thank you! What about phrases like: watch you head? Or watch your step?
Glad you found the video helpful. Were you thinking of these phrases instead of "Be careful"? to encourage your toddler to consider their safety.
@@EmmaHubbardyes! I have been using such phrases since my son was 1. My goal was to encourage safety awareness without inadvertently preventing him from trying something (or making him anxious about). He caught on quickly and would duck his head whenever I say “watch your head” and continue with the action. He is now 2 and I hear him sometimes saying it to himself .. say when he’s getting toys from under the table. However, his dad and I both noticed that he’s more cautious than we expected ever since he was learning to stand/walk, so I wonder if such phrases (which I use instead of careful) are truly helpful for his development, or if their use is doing harm and exacerbating his healthy sense of caution into a potentially inhibiting one. I grew up with an anxious mama that cautioned a lot .. and much of what you said in this video resonated with my experiences as a child and I don’t want that for my son. Love your content so much!! Thank you!
It's so hard to break the "be careful" and "No! Stop!" habit. 😅 I mean I know it will be fine that I don't always remember but sometimes I'm just surprised how hard some of these old habits are to break...
It is so hard. I still catch myself saying it to my toddler.
I also thought so, but I realized throughout the Video that I usually do explain what is the reason to bei careful. And also I have to ads, niw that my second explores the world, I see that the very same words do have a very different effect on each child😅
I never said I'd leave without my child, but for my older one it worked to wave goodbye together as an infinite sign mummy wants to leave. Now my second one (26 months) usually starts crying and I never know it is for the leave or because he thinks I'd leave him. Any advice on how to handle this? Maybe also from a fellow mama? Nothing like expressing the feelings, setting a timer et cetera works and he is too heavy for me to carry him.
When our almost 2 year old attempts to climb the stairs by himself, we just tell him to 'wait for me'.
Over time he seems to have come to think of it as a fun shared activity, to the point where he just patiently waits on the bottom step until either one of us gets there.
And even though he's like a little monkey, he hasn't climbed the stairs without supervision once.
And yes we have a baby gate. As well as a door between the living room and the stairs. On which I turned the handles by 90° so they point upwards so he can't open the door by himself. .
So saying wait for me is not our primary method of keeping him away from the stairs.
It's more of a failsafe in case both the gate and door have to be left open for a bit (for instance when carrying the shopping in). It gives us time to reach him, so we are there when he does fall.
@emmahubbard do you have any phrases for twins when leaving. Often I have them running in opposite directions.
It was not until my 2 y.o. son was able to say it that I've learned his babysitter was telling him slider is dangerous, literally. Every time I offered him to slide down, he would deny the idea. One day, he said, "No, it is dangerous . - 😮 "Why? I am here to catch you!" - "Nanny said so".
Yes, it is very convenient, to just forbid any activity when you're in charge of someone's kid. But it was definitely not what I asked for and what I'd support.
Currently our issue is 20mo feeds herself one movement then next throws another handful to the side for our dogs to eat.
"Eat your food." I say often
I try ignoring too. Allow her to throw her food on floor if she eats some every other toss.
" The dogs don't need extra food"
It's really cute when she seems to not want to eat but will try to feed us with a smile, we let her feed us and okay now you eat some.
Seems like a phase just our kid will throw half her food on the floor.
At a restaurant we now figure not to get her anything for her and just feed her the fresh hot bread since she will sit there and eat it 😊
We have an occupational therapist (delayed wasnt at 18 month milestones and early intervention reasons) come to our home once or twice a month and play group twice a month that has helped the past few months.
It's great that you have been able to access OT for your little one. If you want, the OT should be able to provide specific suggestions on how to curb the food throwing. One thing that might be worth trying is putting the dog in another room or outside during mealtimes, as feeding the dog might be a motivator to throw the food.
I never say just "be careful". Seems quite uninformative to me, so I say things like "be careful not to fall" or "be careful not to break anything/hurt anyone", but even more often I rather say "step here and grab here" or "let's use that stick to draw a sun in the dirt like this". I'm always there with my daughter anyway so guiding her seems like a natural thing to do. Besides, I like to climb and have all kinds of fun too, so sharing the fun is the way for me. :D
I live in Japan, and this happens so often here! I swear I’ve seen SO many parents that excessively use two phrases on their kids: “it’s dangerous (あぶない)” and “stop it (やめて)”. Every time I hear that I genuinely wanna tell them “stop making your child into a coward!”, though obviously I always restrain myself from actually doing it. 😅
Yes its good to let children make decisions their knowledge and judgement about self care is superior to an adult and their feelings are more important than their needs
Any advice for a 4-year old that's heard almost exclusively "Be careful" and is now struggling with the effects you mentioned?
When our toddler would keep throwing food, we would just take it away for a short while. She would typically do it whenever she was not hungry anymore anyway.
Saying “do you feel
Safe” is not a good substitute. By saying this your toddler will think “ why? Am I not safe?
After 3 broken arms , a broken wrist, a broken leg, and multiple other injuries I don't think telling them to be careful is my children's problem but could totally see this advicebeing valid for timid children. Yall might not actually walk away from you kids but I think my kids are convinced I would. Act like a crazy kids and they can go to home. How bout if you throw your food then I take the food away completely. Sounds more effective. I have 8 children. 3 are grown. Even my 19 year old makes 80 grand a year. And I got a plumber and a college graduate. Never been to the police station yet. Got another graduating this year. Already has an internship and a scholarship to be an industrial electrician. I never whooped them. Barely ever even raised my voice. But they knew the deal. Firm and fair. But these are boys. I got girls who are 9 and 10. We will see
I find explaining why something isnt safe - example ny daughter holding a charger cord - it take it off her and say this isnt safe for you to have as it could badly hurt if you put it on your mouth, it is mummas job to keep you safe.
Is this too much? My daughter is 2. If im not in the right headspace to say all of that i usually redirect and give her somethkng else to hold and say "this cord isnt safe for you to hold"
I will also hold off saying this until shes settled down once I've given her a cuddle and vslidated how frustrating it was that i took something away.
"please be careful near that edge, I don't want you to fall down"
I’ve introduced the stick to my Todd as soon as he was confidently walking around :)
Countless “WTF!😮?” on my guests faces, seeing the 18mo fishing toys under the fridge with a meter long stick 😂 Hilarious!
I found myself jokingly telling my husband he doesn’t have to cry and it’s all good the other day. He wasn’t crying, he was yawning which is why he had tears in his eyes from yawning. And I was like oh boy, that came way too naturally, I should absolutely not say that to my kids later 🙈
My Mom always told me to 'stop and think' before I did anything and now I struggle with analysis paralysis and struggle to be spontaneous.
What do you do if others are using these phrases or other parenting style with your kids. For example I notice my daughter vibes home repeating phrases she heard at daycare kind "be careful" and "I'm sorry" (she says sorry for things she shouldn't be sorry for, like falling or accidentally walking into an object). She's only 2 so I'm really struggling to find the appropriate level of language to describe "when" to say I'm sorry or how to be safe. Like I don't even know what words to use that she'll understand. I myself find it hard to find alternatives to be careful when she's about to do something unsafe.
If my son comes to me for help with something I know he can handle, I'll simply say, "you've got this; you know what to do. But I'm here if you need me". Sometimes, something as basic as weather-related footware can affect their confidence in the playground (boots over sneakers).
Thanks so much for sharing. This is a great reminder
I say it to my husband all the time, so I'm using these tips to help my communication with him too!
😂😂😂😂😂
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Thanks!
Emma, please, please help :). I have twins 4,5 y. o. and a 3 y.o.son. When they are together, they are unmanageable... What one starts, the rest of them do.
For example, in the morning they just don't want to go to the Pre-K and day care. They just say they don't want to go, not dressing, just lies in beds or running around and playing.
It takes so many energy to get them out, I have to dress each of them, thought they know how to do that, etc. What to do? :(
Need to leave the playground, running away, I physically can't pick them all up.
I am just tired all the time to talk and make up what nice is expecting home, it takes min 10 min to interest them.
I don't have any other choice as to leave, then they run...
What to do? :((( Thank you!!!
I don't have any advice, I have a 6 months old and 18 months old twins. So it's easier for me. Personally, I never go to a playground alone with them, alaways with one more adult. The same at home, one can manage, but it's exhausting, always better to have 2 adults, and you have 3 little kids. Don't expect too much of yourself. The kids clearly already know, that you can't really do anything when they all "collaborate". Maybe isolate them somehow to deal with one at a time? Lots of hugs to you ❤
Thank you for the support ☺️, the same to you!!!❤@@lorainisrael
I have said no so so many times that my son doesn't say dad dad anymore and calls me no no, lol
😂
Many parents just dont want to deal or cannot deal with hospital bills when something bad happens with their baby
When picking up an angry writhing toddler who’s having a tantrum because they don’t want to leave, BE CAREFUL. 😂❤
normally the playgrounds are for kids from 3 years old, is perfect indicated by the manufacturers, so the first thing for caregivers is learn to READ. there are now a non sense anxiety among parent to develop genius and aeronautic engineers between 6 and 24 months old.
Emma, my 6 months old fell off the adult cot in sleep, I don't see any injuries outside, it's 15 hours now and he is active as normal. Shud I get a MRI test . Please do let me know
It's not like they're telling their kid to F off 😂
any evidence to support this assertion that "be careful" has all of these unintended negative consequences? would love to see some studies on this, though my guess is there's no way to reliably test it.
i constantly tell my 4 year old to be careful, and honestly, she just often parrots it back to me "careful!" or "okay daddy!" with a typically cheerful tone.. definitely doesnt take it to heart with a sense of fear.. and it definitely doesnt stop her from attempting anything.. just makes her aware that danger does exist, and maybe its wise to hold on a little tighter or whatever it may be. This is obviously just anecdotal, and so can be taken with a grain of salt. But I really see no clear logical reason as to why a simple phrase could have all of the suggested negatives. My guess is the toddler, as I remember doing myself as a kid, just takes it as the parent expressing concern for them.. caring about their safety etc.. and uh mostly, they'll just ignore it
100% agree with everything else in the vid tho. Both point 2 and 3 are excellent, and are techniques I myself use regularly, having learned them from videos like this one. Very effective!
Things don't affect every person the same way. Using vague directives is mostly not as useful as more specific useful ones , like " be careful not to fall and use your hands more". Sounding warnings too often can lead to a generalised sense of anxiety - which can be very negative. There is plenty of research proving specific positive instructions are better than vague negative ones.
@@alexs7671 sure, all true. Still, none of that has any bearing on whether saying "be careful" as one of the terms you use to guide your child has any NEGATIVE outcomes.
i constantly say "be careful" to my daughter to warn her of potential danger, whilst also letting her know how to maybe do it more safely. I just think it should be clearly stated that there is no inherent problem with using that phrase, but it should not be used excusively
Can you link to the research indicating the negative impact of these phrases please
At a park one day a parent told a child ‘be careful you will fall!’ Yup the child fell as the parent interrupted their concentration.
Since Covid the amount of ‘stay safe’ I hear daily is so frustrating. I live by ‘a ship is safer in the harbour but that’s not what it is built for.’ People are supposed to take risks. Yes teach children but don’t build in unexplained fear.
Lol i let my son do stuff after he gets hurt then i say be careful lol
Your monstera at the back lacks proper lighting and I can tell it has a bad soil. You are struggling on how to properly water it, just by looking at the yellowing of the leaves.
its fake
Gosh parenting is so harrrrd
If I'm saying I'm leaving 5hey Don follow doesn't even work
But everything new IS potentially dangerous.
So that’s why you support them to do new things rather than to make them scared of doing new things.
Respectfully disagree with the perspective shared in video. It’s OK to say things to get the toddler to stop and it’s in their best interest. Everybody has their own method and there is no absolute right way.
My love and care IS conditional actually. I dont want a troublesome child who can challenge me because i cant set boundaries. So much coddling here
😮 oh dear. Setting boundaries is great, but how you do it is so important. We dont want bad behaviour, but for the right reasons ie because it helps to encourage good social bonds and personal growth. Not because mummy or daddy wont love me anymore. Your comment makes you sound like a manipulating control freak. Hoping I misunderstood.
What happened to explaining. Explain in simple terms what the danger is, if they dont understand say it a different way. If u want them to continue doing something then yeah i guess bite your lip but why are you letting them do dangerous things?
Didn’t watch the video, did you?
I disagree here. Your child doesn’t even know the phrase “be careful” beyond what they learn from you. So, this complicated relationship with safety is just not present. What your child likely thinks “be careful” means is … nothing. It is, after all, Mom or Dad expressing their fear - which the child unlikely has. What Mom or Dad is attempting to communicate is “pay attention.” Ultimately, that’s more likely what the child will eventually learn the phrase means - because that’s what it means.
So the argument you’re making is, “Children are incapable of perceiving their parents’ emotions, and certainly they don’t internalize them over time no matter how many thousands of tiny exposures and repetitions they get over time.” I have to say, that would be really, REALLY convenient. But come on, does anybody really this??
@@dco87 I didn't say that at all. Children pick up their parent's emotions better than parents pick up their child's emotions (hence why so much abuse happens). Children also internalize/integrate it into their experience of the world. What I am saying is that the child operates in emotion/feeling far more than they operate in language. So, we shouldn't put so much stock into the words a parent uses. Whether the parent operates with too much fear and passes that onto their children (so so so many parents have done this), is a different idea than what is presented here. If you followed this person's advice, you would think that if you stopped saying, "be careful," things would turn out better. And you would think that saying "be careful" is screwing up your kid. Neither is true.
@@benvoiles9166I agree, a anxious parent, will say ANY "right" words with enough anxiety to impact their child. If they happen to have a naturally more anxious child, the child will be impacted significantly over time, irrelevant of the wording. And worries about the wording isn't what helps an anxious parent, they need some self-regulation technics instead. (I personally strughle with anger as an emotion, and it's the same story, the words are not as crucial as the emotion behind them)
If our parents were thoughtful and implemented just 1% of these things, the world would be a better place and we wouldn't have the anxiety of having to learn these things all over again as new parents.