Freud: "It is Necessary for the Mother to Fail"
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- Опубліковано 25 вер 2023
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“Never do anything for the person you’re caring for that they can do themselves.” This is part of what love really looks like, one of the hardest parts
This is so true and such a struggle for moms.
@@srodriguez721 I’m not a mom myself but have the highest respect and admiration for mothers, including my own. I have a hard time with this principle in my relationships and know it is even tougher when you’re a mom whose instincts are to do everything for your child.
That's insane. I can see the need for balancing being helpful and pulling back to encourage independence, but that concrete sentiment will withold a lot of interpersonal connection and strangle the relationship.
@@veddermn8 That’s a good point. I guess I see the sentiment in broader strokes, like helping and preparing someone to achieve their goals but refraining from doing the central work they need to do themselves. Letting them use and grow their muscles, so to speak.
In terms of carrying each other’s burdens and doing things to show affection, we certainly should do things for others that they can do themselves. On Saturday mornings, my husband sometimes makes and brings me a fancy coffee. I can make my own coffee, of course. But when he does it for me, it makes me feel good and gives the marriage a little boost.
The quote probably resonates with me because I am prone to the temptation of doing things for loved ones that they need to do for themselves. These are opportunities for them grow, move forward, or clear an inner obstacle.
I think a really balanced approach would be to teach kids that we all help each other. For example, I have two young kids and they're learning to do various cleaning jobs in the house right now. I don't make them do ALL the work; we all pick a chore (I make sure their chores are on par with what they can reasonably do at their respective ages) and dig in. Today I had them bring me all the bathroom trash cans so I could empty them into the big trash, and also clean their rooms and tidy the bathroom. My older child also cleans windows, mirrors, and countertops once a week while my little one dusts with the Swiffer. They both help with making beds, feeding the dog, folding laundry, and doing dishes. The goal is to integrate work early as a natural part of life and also for them to need me less and less over time. When they're on their own someday, I hope they'll have the skills and the confidence they need to be well adjusted, contented adults.
The best role model for a child is the parent who works on the self.
Tell people that you will get hyper self absorbed parents saying their number one... Sorry kid... Dropping you off at the neighbors I gotta get to yoga then class hah
When your mother is a narcissist, what they aim at more than anything , is to _destroy the child's sense of freedom_ and be eternally dependent on them.
When you say narcissist…..do you actually mean selfish? I can’t help but think you might just be talking about a very selfish person, as opposed to someone diagnosed by a professional with narcissistic personality disorder
@@JFox4587 I'm talking about an actual narcissist whose developmentally retarded, pathologically self-focused. It's rather rare to get a narcissist to go get a diagnosis because by default they avoid acknowledging flaw in themselves.
I know what you mean though. Nowadays anyone is called a narcissist who does something you don't like.
The DSM is actually (I've heard) looking to redefine NPD. People can be pathologically narcissistic without meeting the current criteria because the understanding has kind of evolved; narcissism is formed by self-hatred and the grandiose, denial-based behaviors are just symptoms for pathological self-loathing avoided by all cost, and I mean _all._
By what I didn't write in the comment; narcissist rarely consciously focus on destroying others because they don't truly understand deeply others exist independent of them. The emotional mind state if left around age of 2. The damage simply comes from not acknowledging another as a being at all, and utilizing their reactions to benefit the narcissist. Having no care or real understanding whatsoever how their actions impact others. Because there's no empathy at all, to go into anothers shoes, they are like tanks who destroy anything and everything on their way, including their own children, to project and unload their pathological self-hatred onto others away from their ego which is so fragile their whole existence just revolves around protecting it.
Narcissists utilize their kids. They don't support the child but believe the kids exist for them and not vice versa which is the normal healthy way to look at your kids. Basically making the kids responsibile for them than the other one way around.
Anyway, thank you for leaving the comment. So many call others narcissist when it's not warranted and that words is utilized in reputation destruction. It's quite a severe accusation if you've actually dealt with the crazy of narcissism. It's no joke. It's like dealing with a demon, who behaves like an infant when called out, pulling your empathy strings. It's an absolutely toxic and confusing phenomenon.
People know something about narcissism but nearly enough to be clear. It's just a way to brush off another and ignore the other side absolutely, so you can sit flawlessly on the golden throne with your angel wings blind to your own contribution to the problem. Kind of like how narcissists behave.
And then the actual abusers get a pass as everyone is labeled that way in two-way-ego battles, to re-enforce the accusers stance in the eyes of outsiders who have not seen the dynamic. So often I see when someone reacts badly to being treated badly, they are called a narcissist. Everyone has some, so called, healthy narcissism which is your defense against things going against your own interest. It's essential to question what others mean when using the word _'narcissist._ It's often nowadays just a sly weapon to discredit the person who's being mistreated. Ironic that _that_ word is being used to abuse even further.
I know so many people who have been there, a narcisistic mom who'd masturbate next to her son in the night and let him confused and shocked and i think she wanted to live the sign or something. He suffers of schizzoaffective disorder and is father is a tyran gaslighter, his father also thinks that he can manipulate anyone and everything also reality like if he was god or a puppettier, his father was also a violent man but in society tried to cover up and this is what his kid experienced. That man is also a very abusive and obtains everything by intimidating the small clubs ones. After his son started the cure and the things were going better his tyran father started to suggest him to take away the meds and suggested him to drink, his mom is also very controlling and acys like she's his girlfriend, also she still treted him like a 2 years old baby also when he was doing nore than ok. His parents love to use his mental disease to speak to the doctors and look loving and carino, but also to have their power over their son validated by doctors.
Some parents would do anything to keep their kids next to them, also destroy them, for these type of parents it doesn't matter if their children are unhappy and wither next to them, the important is that they never laeve the nest. This is the kind of love some parents can provide despite the fact that they're old and lived their own old rotten lives, they won't allow their children to bloom and live their lives.
This is the only way some parents learn how to parent, they don't accept life and leave evident marks on them, they mark them.
My major regret is the fact that I couldn't do more to help.
@@JFox4587Narcissist, probably in the background atmosphere that all women inherited from their grandmother Eve who wanted to be like God in knowing good & bad.
GOLDEN children yes -Scapegoats they emotionally abuse constantly
I’m a Piano teacher, until I started this job I didn’t realise the effect parents had. The children who’s parents sit in on their lessons learn so much slower. Even if the parent doesn’t directly interfere, their kids constantly look to them for answers and reassurance rather than figuring out the answer for themselves.
true, but depending on age, children have different needs. A 4 year old, psychologically needs the parents' reassurance (i.e. knowing they are there for him/her when needed) more than learning music. with that knowledge, i.e with the reassurance that they can rely on their parents, kids progress to independence actually safer and more confident. Independence should be a progression and end goal of course, and some parents can prolong it way too long so much so that the kid doesn't earn the confidence he/she should, but I have also seen parents who damage their kids unintentionally - perhaps with best intensions in heart - by letting them be on their own way too early.
@@marjant4089 We don’t teach kids that young, and even if we did the waiting room for the parents is right outside the door. I’m talking about kids aged 7 and upwards who’s parents don’t give them any space to grow
@@Omfgwhtavidnot for me. When I was classically trained my mother would sleep in the comfortable chair during lessons.
Yes, there are parents who sit in and don’t appear to have a negative effect on their child’s learning. However, this is the exception not the rule.
That's a lie. Children whose mother isn't involved learn much slower. Why are you telling lies. The parent makes the music teacher uncomfortable. Teachers don't want parents around because they are insecure.
I’ve always thought that the hardest thing about being a parent is making myself a better person. No matter what you SAY, your children emulate your ACTIONS. Actions speak louder than words.
It's why I don't know if I ever will be able to become a parent. Don't get me wrong, I'm confident I will, but I'm not certain. It depends on how I do moving forward.
Helicopter parenting starts with good intentions, but this level of overprotection is how we ended up with swathes of kids that never experienced what it's like to fall and recover. You don't want your child to be so unsupervised where they could risk seriously injuring themselves, but you also don't want to cage them in bubble wrap and mollycoddle them because they'll never learn how to "leave the nest," so to speak.
in short let them get hurt in small ways so they learn to slow down naturally
and never encourage crying over embarrassment
Idk I’ve seen the opposite in small anecdotes. For example my buddy Eli is a wild man(professional tree trimmer by trade). He says he’s surprised that his kids aren’t wild and “play it safe” compared to when he was a kid getting all kinds of injuries.
But when I observe his kids I see how well they know the limits of their bodies. The way they climb trees and play wrestle, etc, it shows that their dad taught them all kinds of cool skills. So to me they’re wild and exciting but have the skills to protect themselves.
You must be childless. And hopefully there are cameras everywhere. With all the pedophilia, no wonder mom's fall asleep on the comfy chair.
@@pitfighter871mollycoddling is wrong but so is encouraging repression of feelings. It is vital children feel their feelings to understand themselves and grow into healthy adults. Holding space for feelings doesn’t encourage emotional instability, it actually creates a emotionally-together adult because they feel safe to speak up.
Participation trophies.
I think my mother needs to hear this, because I couldn’t possibly explain it this well without getting emotional and combative
The devouring mother and the bullying father...it's a wonder children make it out alive, in one piece and (for the most part) sane.
And yet , humankind has thrived on Earth.
Not all together...but we're still here. @@rainbowpandasays8851
@@rainbowpandasays8851thrive in what way? societys sciences can thrive independent of being mentally destroyed.
My mom is a helicopter parents, she means well but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. My father wasn't present as a father, she raised us alone. And like Jordan says, when people shirk their responsibilities, their burden falls onto others, and it creates unnecessary suffering.
Poor mom.
Or poor Father.
Good intentions is what they want you to think. There's no good intentions in selfishness.
she loves you so much, I'm sure. you will find yourself through your own accomplishments though. 😘
@@trucksforlife3188It's a simple trap and easy to fall into. We all wish for our children an easier life. Not always the best thing for sure.
So hard to grow up and become a happy adult when you see your own mother and father choosing to not elevate themselves and opting out of participating in the game of life.
To fail without abandonment...that is the sometimes-fine-line.
Sooner or later, the parent has to take off the training wheels and let go of the handlebars.
As for elderly people as a nurse we also have a saying “if you don’t use it, you lose it”. Meaning if you don’t let elderly people do things for themselves they eventuality lose strength, mobility, coordination etc. and then it’s very difficult for them to gain that function back.
So for example making them get up to get themselves their own lunch for example means they have to use their brain, legs, arms and use dexterity to do so. If you make them lunch everyday when they are just sitting in a chair watching tv they will eventually lose the ability to do it.
For some reason The Devouring Mothers comes off as "loving your child to death" But it should be understood as "A mother who feeds off her children for love." I am trying to coin the term Predator Parent for a mother that has a child in order to receive from that child. Covert Incest/Entanglement is destructive to boys and men especially. But we essentially mock and deride victims of serious Domestegenic pathology.
This is helpful as a mother of a 2 year old…I’m just now seeing how letting my toddler do more and more is helpful for both of us…but I still need to make sure he doesn’t get hurt and it’s hard to know what he can do by himself without him telling me/showing me he can do it…it’s such a hard thing to navigate
Right there with you. I have a two and half year old, and just recently told her dad that I’m struggling to find the balance in that!
Let him try out new things and be there to watch how it goes. If it goes wrong you will be there to help.
When my little brother went to school alone for the first time, my mother secretly followed him from a distance to check what he was doing and if he could handle the responsibility.
That's why you have two parents and the father is important
It's perfectly fine if he gets hurt, as long as its not a life endangering thing and you can show him how to pick himself up and brush himself off... 👌 It will stand to him for the rest of his life!
My brothers second child, a daughter, is insanely brave, head first everywhere, when she falls, all he has to do is call her name, get her attention and she immediately stops crying and has a big smile on her face 👌
I like the story JP once told. He was ready to throw some fists with another kid at a parking lot. Suddenly his own mother walks by, with some grocery bags in hand. She took one look at him, and then kept walking. Perhaps you don't understand that, but think of St. Mary as being a brave person.
I'm the same. I have many physical wounds, but they've all healed and made me stronger (wiser). I have no regrets for all the mistakes I've made. Being alert of getting hurt made me more vigilant. I think it helped me save my little brother from drowning in a pool when I was ~12.
The times my own mother have overreacted and done me worse is 100x. It's horrible, compared to when she was there when I needed comfort, which never happened. She only showed concern in public. In private she was cold and used my vulnerabilities to stab me in the back. Very much a devouring mother. I have a very good relationship with my family, except my mother. I don't talk to her. I know plenty more who all have devouring mothers, and none of them live anywhere near their mothers. I rarely open up to other women, because my mom is the one who taught me that showing vulnerability is a weakness. She went to psychologist, not because of herself, but because I didn't want my life to be like hers. The psychologist ended up yelling at her to leave my life alone, which I doubt is standard procedure. My life would've been a lot better if she had worked on herself, but by definition, that's not possible for a narcissist because they believe they're perfect.
Absolutely. If a childs needs change from nurturing to wise guidance and diligent observation, then a mother certainly needs her childrens father to be trustworthy and available for her to pass the children onto. We've been insulating, instructing, comforting our children for a decade, potentially more than that if we have multiple children spread out, we can't just switch it on and off. We need our childrens father to pick up the baton.
Or just to put breaks on mothers. I was a crazy mother, that I how I was raised, my parents were overprotective, I came to US from a child cult country. And this was what I knew. My husband was raised independently and he is the logical one in our family. He kept putting breaks on my mothering/smothering, I was very rebellious about it and we had a lot of fights about it. But I am grateful for him doing that and I wish I listened to him even more.
Females created the probelms....not men..
You sort it out
My mother was very overprotective of me as a child and still is to a degree. She also babied me, not letting me wash my own hair until I was a teenager.
What a great conversation !!!
Thank you Dr Peterson
If America paid its debts at 1 dollar per second, it would take 31,000 years per trillion, their admitted on-balance sheet debt is 33 trillion dollars. That excludes more than that in unfunded liabilities, public sector pensions, etc. How are they funding Ukraine! Roman Empire collapse anyone?!! Great work Jordan, many thanks.
Strength and health to you, Dr Peterson.
I guess it even starts as babies. My daughter was doing tummy time and started rocking back and fourth, I reached out to guide her roll over but decided 'nah, she might figure it out' then next second she rolled over on her own, flopping onto her back. She stared up at me excited as I praised her. :)
In my country you get to watch a whole generation of old people who did not waste a single time of their lives to think or work on themselves, and when you see that you understand why the whole country is a disgrace, and the sad part is watching a bunch of old people who have not a single idea of what happened, everything is the fault of others, and so on...
What country is this if I may ask?
Venezuela... @@DakaloMooi_05
@@DakaloMooi_05probably the US. And I'm American...
So your country was Venezuela? Interesting take.
Still is the country i live in@@andrefilipe9042
I think it's about knowing when to let go.
I was briefly dating a 45 year-old woman who has two small children. The woman's mother is insanely controlling of her children who are all in their 40s. Her mother hates me because we started to hang out and she didn't need her mother and then suddenly it was I will never watch your children again if he is around. I am so good to her children on a daily basis I love them unconditionally and do for them let no man in their lives have ever done for them. I know her through her brother who used to be my neighbor and when he bought his new house I was offering him old furniture and things that I wasn't going to be using anymore as I was Remodeling, and he would take a photograph of it to get his mom's permission to put it in his own house and he's 40 years old. I would give the woman I was dating a Christmas card and she hides it in her bedroom from her mother. I'm never allowed to be where her mother is and I have been nothing but incredibly nice and generous to her mother for 15 years and suddenly she hates me because I was hanging out with her daughter and she couldn't control her. I've never seen anything like it in my life. That type of parenting destroys their children for life.
The mother appears to suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). They're extremely toxic. The hold they have on their children is a nightmare. Any outsider joining such a family will have hell to pay.
You should run, not walk.
@@amysimpson646 Agreed. Run. Not walk. If the daughter refuses to pull away from her mother, she is not wife material. My mother wasn't half that bad and I gave her the heave ho when she began trying to make me choose between her or my husband. I will always choose my husband.
Run like the wind!
Wow you’ve just described my mother 😢
A good therapist would not say to a client “This is what I think you should do” about something like career.
I'm curious then what should they say instead?
@@annemaveera5112 Ask them questions that help them figure out their own answers. Ask them "what if" questions or "how do you feel when" questions.
This is one of the things I teach my clients regularly: a good mother fails.
And in more general terms, a good person fails. It is only when you are aware of your failures that you can attempt to start working on yourself. The best role model for a child is the parent who works on the self.
And father?😂😂😂😂
44 1/2. 5 kids. Just figuring this out now. As a father, all you can do is lead by example. Doesn't matter a damn what comes out of your mouth. Monkey see, monkey do.
The Religion of Freud is SICK 🔥👏
I planted, Apollos watered, but Elohim was giving growth.
So neither he who plants
nor he who waters is any at all,
but our Father in Heaven who gives the increase.
And he who plants and
he who waters are one,
and each one shall receive his own reward according to his own labour.
For we are fellow workers of Elohim, you are the field of Elohim, the building of Elohim. According to the favour of Elohim which was given to me, as a wise master builder I have laid the foundation, and another builds on it. But each one should look how he builds on it. For no one is able to lay any other foundation except that which is laid, which is יהושע Messiah.
Qorintiyim Aleph (1 Corinthians) 3:6-11 TS2009
So put in that seed of thought with all your heart and delight when more is added! GOD BLESS IT!
El Shaddai for Beauty to say time and chance knitted that in on you way towards life. I hope those who have opportunities for the goodness of Heaven to cone out walk through delightful with a good endurance to move with more swiftness! 🙏 God bless you in Jesus Name sir Peterson!
Thank you for posting! Still watching just loved the intro!
The person that he is talking to is Jeff Sandefer. He was an adjunct professor at UT's business school when I was there. He was a bit of a hardass, and oddly a braggart. But, I think he has grown-up a bit since then. Jeff is now involved in private and charter schools. Jordan was interviewing him as a distringuished educator.
With my guilt about divorcing i hate when i become " that " mother. They are grown... 😪
I re-descover myself through scoping thoroughly my childhood through these thoughts and statements.
I get to understand part of my story, my behavior and myself.
i know its true wen i feel the truth before i can logically process it & this is the 6th time Dr. Peterson rrconnected my synapses
may God bless & prosper all ur people 💌
this is genius. I needed this more than anything
I’m a mother who was in a quandary. My daughter will be 18 in 8 months. If I was overburdened, it was by confusion. Not only wasit ‘not enough of this, and too much of that’, but it also changed at whim with her mood. I suffer from anxiety/depressive disorder, and have for most of my life. I realized recently that failure is the order of the day, and the writing is on the wall. So I’ve given up and decided to focus on what I want instead.
Life is full of paradoxes.
So hard being a parent with anxiety/depression and endlessly questioning yourself. Its exhausting. Especially as a single mother.
Please listen, sweet mom, your child will accuse you and blame you for everything in their life. The best advice that was given to me when I complained and said the exact same things at that age: “You are over 18; you need to stop blaming everything on your parents and take responsibility for your own life.”
It didn’t help me immediately, but it began to slowly change me from a victim to victor, from a child to an adult. I messed up a lot over the next 5 years, but I realized I needed to fix it, nobody else. The biggest thing my parents did (mostly my mom), was to let me know that her love for me was unconditional and their home was always open for me to come back to. She was also a woman of great faith and prayer… I believe that protected me from hard consequences that could have come from all the major screwups I made. They weren’t perfect parents, but it has helped me realize that neither am I. It is easier to forgive our parents when we begin to realize that they had their own stuff they were dealing with, just as I do, and that we are imperfect, as is every other human that ever lived.. ❤️
I hope she reads this, because if her daughter has any sense she will come to realize this.
@@jeanne89Yes, the sooner we realize we need to stop blaming and become accountable for our own life, the better of we are. Nothing can change our past, we can forgive even if parents never admit to bad parenting, and release ourselves to a better life. To become aware of this earlier in adulthood than later is such a gift but awareness and change at any age is such a revelation.
ah ok
failure stung yes smartly, & next
Thks Doc & families everywhere 💚
I was 23 when I realised my mother had inadvertently fucked up my life. She was always a bit of a control freak, which had led to her divorce from my father years before.
When I earned my Degree or when I bought my house, it wasn't "Well done!", but instead it was "I earned that Degree..." and "I earned that house. My accomplishments led to that."
My mother has always been a successful business woman, but over the last few years, even close family members and friends have noticed maybe she's not as great as she thought she was.
She's worked on herself professionally, but not emotionally.
“The mother is all sacrificing “. Not today when sooo many have nannies.
Aghh, I had children to an over protective Mother..... she introduced sooo many issues with my son. I tried to behave like my Father did.... she behaved like a Bear protecting its cub. Ultimately she encouraged him to fail, and drop out of University. Sadly she won and ultimately stopped me being a parent and failed our marriage. If you see this developing.... if you cannot influence it.... run..... in the long term it is by far the less painful and you only have one life, don't try to fight "Mother Nature" you will not beat this instinct and you health will probably suffer, because a weakened husband it one she can rule over. Oh and pay every month for her poor behaviour in the maintenance payments. 🤨
What age is your son now? Have you a relationship with him? If he's not ''enmeshed'' he will naturally want a relationship with his father. My son now 17 was allowed to climb trees and ride his bike without a helmet. He still rejected a relationship with me at about age 14. I was still in his corner obviously, still started every day with a fresh slate, good morning!, provided him with what he needed. Always hoped things would improve over time. They proceeded to get worse before they got better. I don't know why he felt the need to distance himself quite as much as he did, but it's what he needed to do. He wants to live with my brother and my brother and I are both communicating to make sure he is ok, and that his potential is enabled. It's weird, it's like co-parenting with my brother, but I'm glad he's there for my son. My brother is a good person. You said to me on another video that I was projecting when I said my x was controlling. I wasn't projecting. It was the absolute truth. My x was toxically masculine which is different from the healthy masculine role model that I know boys need.
Mother bears actually push their cubs away after 2-3 years. They are only intensely defensive of them when they are quite small, and very dumb and vulnerable. Also, male bears, even the fathers, are quite aggressive towards cubs and regularly try to kill them, for various reasons. So they have to be protective.
“The tender and delicate woman among you, who never ventured to set the sole of her foot on the ground out of delicateness and tenderness-her eye will become evil against the husband of her bosom and her son and daughter. For in secret she will eat her afterbirth that issues from between her legs and the children she bears, for lack of anything else in the siege and stress with which your enemy will distress you within all your gates.”
Deuteronomy 28:56-57
Wtf
Yeah, I'd love to hear Peterson's excuse/rationalization for that one. I gotta remember this doozy.
Matthew 13:18-23 18 Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower. 19 When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side. 20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it; 21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended. 22 He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful. 23 But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty
He asks 8 year olds to figure out how to respond to "Do you think you'd like to try a pure democracy, or a democratic republic?" And expects them to google it and come back to him with an answer? He must be joking. (Right before end of video).
God's blessings from Bay City Michigan
As one who was devoured... how do I change?
JP continues to transcend lives one interview at a time. Thank you for this type of content 🙏
nextforty
lesson #2
as a new parent of two beautiful girls I am totally guilty in over parenting and over doing for them. and i grew up with helicopter mom and suffered so much. I should definitely slow down and give them space.
PRAISE
I'm still over present with my 2 years old son but i'm trying to let him be as much as possible.
I thougt that all my love (a lot of it playfully and over presence) would help him bloom and become the most confident and happiest boy ever but I found out that he is claimimg his space and independence a little bit and realized that I needed to let him manage a little with some rules. It's like he's claimimg now the fact that he's a person. I decided to turn the house into a safe one so he wouldn't listen to too many No but just few and left him space also, despite the fact that at the nursery school they thought i was mad i decided to throw the infant chair to eat, bought him a normal one, i didn't want to tie him up cause i wasn't teaching him nothing at all. I try somehow to find my balance and this is the hardest job ever, it's hard, being there for him but at the same time not being overwhelming him, before i had the impression i was doing great but before but at this stage i had the impression that I must change and that what I was doing before it's not enough
4:52 this is what the Greek philosopher EPICURUS said against the illusion of religion.
What a great conversation
If this is what Peterson Academy is going to be like. Sign me up. 62 years old - teach me !!
Dr. shefali Tsabury has so much to say about this topic, definitely worth reading or watching on YT
the algorithm reaches the people this video needs to see
The algorithm is Jesus!?
How come no one ever talks about "The Continuum Concept" ?
Hahaha my mother was a nightmare.. didn't let a day go by without telling her kids they ruined her life and she wished we were never born.. then beat my dad with child support even tho she didn't need it... Told myself when I get away.. I will never speak to her again.. at 13 she went to jail I went to my dad's.. said maybe 5 words to her for the next 23 years until the day she died.. she was disowned by her entire family...
Millions of successful homeschool families, not to mention millions of dead homestead families that hardly saw other people would disagree with you both about the peers in middle school.
If you let your kids around kids that make deviance or one parent homes or any number of things look glamorous, you deserve what you get.
Yes, I disagreed on that modern mindset of schooling and peers.
I was homeschooled and it was miserable in high school
My husband says the biggest job of a parent is to keep their kid from associating with bad kids. Bad means different things for each child. It’s a lot of work, it takes time, and it can make your child upset with you at times, but it is well worth it.
We have to be concerned with who our kids are listening to. Their friends heavily influence them, especially in teen years when they are trying to figure out who they are. Kids will not believe you when you say that not all kids are good for them to be friends with. It’s a hard lesson, but it’s necessary.
I don’t think that’s an accurate statement as it’s far too broad. There are a lot of different ways to homeschool. Sure some people are kinda weird and do the whole Dugger my “kids are only friends with their siblings” thing but most don’t. A lot of homeschooled kids I met in college were actually more socially well adjusted and had wider friends circles then public schooled kids. Heck I was homeschooled and I’d say it was very beneficial for me to get exposed to other people. Children should be able to CHOOSE to follow their parents as role models not be forced to do so simply because they were not exposed to anything/anyone else. Sure the whole homestead family thing might have been alright in the 1800s when you’d usually be around the same group of people for most of your lives, but this is pretty unhealthy in a modern setting as it needlessly makes the child overly reliant on the family unit and unable to live on their own. Honestly I’d say it’s tribalistic which in and of itself is a system that is too collectivistic and does more harm then good.
Oedipal mother..... there is a narcissism in taking too much care of child.... especially if child succeeds..... ;; being a caregiver..... - Foster in others the ability to take care of things on their own..... Never do anything for the person you care for, that they can do for themselves.... ;;;;;;; - Oh, I know older people, who, when they were 58-60 fully functioning decided that they were not going to do certain important things (renovation of old kitchen that was too old, etc.) with the expectation that their children will do it for them, when they are old (much older old)...... that is so messed up!! - refuse to take responsibility and then push it onto their children....
Gon be crazy when JP gets that nietzche AI up and they have a conversation ong
What does that mean in English?
@@gregshirley-jeffersonboule6258 Maybe you should work on your English.
@@gregshirley-jeffersonboule6258 on God, or however you’d like to swear, I state that the Nietzche AI, a computer AI JP is designing that has all Nietzche’s writings, and in the future his speech and mannerism, will have a conversation with JP of epic proportions that I would gladly pay to hear/watch.
@@thedog5k thank you, but no need to defend me. I used slang intentionally, and knowing what gon (gonna/going to) and ong (on God/I swear to God), mean still didn’t account for the possibility he may not have known about the Nietzsche AI
What do I do then about my daughter who is 10 not fitting in despite her being a great kid, not annoying, compassionate and fair. We worked so hard to make her the best kid she could be and she surpassed that and now teaches us how to be better. But at school? She’s all alone. I am tempted to intervene because it’s starting to chip away at her. But I don’t want to over parent.
My son had the same issue with kids at school. They all turned against him. I suspect a rumor. It was a great teaching moment for me as a parent to say “hey it’s ok if you don’t have any friends, you only need one good friend, that good friend will come along”. And you know what he didn’t have friends for a few months…then one day made a new friend who’s introduced him to more new friends. It’s a beautiful lesson in surrender, empowerment and trust! Reframe it for your daughter to be an opportunity, and not that there’s something “wrong”.
@@melissasmuse Wow thank you this helped a lot. I’m glad you responded. The good thing about her is she is much stronger than I am and despite being sad at times, she brushes it off and keeps going.
❤️
‘It was all my mother’s fault! 😭😭😭’
Goodness- we mom’s doing our best as we can at the time. I made plenty of mistakes (being an imperfect human) but see the true benefit being ‘self correction’ which says to the child, “I blew that one, it was Moi not you!” We all want to protect, the difference is when can we (as child focused parents) allow the child to experience life, make their own mistakes and grow forward. When our kids are adults, hopefully they are ready to fully launch as healthy individuate people. Our American society does have some intrinsic narcissism and co-dependence woven in. Perhaps Dr P chose the word ‘fail’ when actually a positive word would have been better understood and accepted. Because by not micro-managing the child, it is a huge good gift and the word ‘failure’ unfortunately obscures the point. (in my opinion as a savy, well trained psychotherapist LCSW 🙋♀️)
@@sweetesthawaiianprincess8086 Peterson is a Manchild who has yet to find enough self-awareness and maturity to take responsibility for himself. There are no perfect Humans, therefore no perfect mothers.
🔥🔥🔥
"The woman is faced with this terrible necessity of dispensing with this full-fledged maternal care incrementally, and facilitating the child's movement forward. And I think it's very useful for the woman to have her masculine side developed for this, or to have a male figure around, who's more oriented toward encouragement than, let's say, this intense maternal care."
How does this equate to "it's necessary for the mother to fail"? Why would the mother not be happy to have to do less caring for the child, being attached to it at all times? That's what I've seen - it's a relief to stop having to be at the baby's total beck and call. No one wants to wake up at all hours of the night to breastfeed rather than getting a good night's sleep. How is a man "more oriented toward encouragement" than a woman? I haven't observed this. Men are often less encouraging.
Reminds me of Pink Floyd- Mother from The Wall
And hello is your final destination
Cheese cake was Freud's favourite.
It's remarkable how much Spielberg resembles Freud!
I will NEVER use VPN because of how obnoxious that was.
Do you know what a VPN does for you?
“What?..YOU THINK I’M YOUR MOTHER?!”
- Bill Cosby
(joining the Navy)
Quick reminder that Freud was a coked out, neurotic psycho who wanted to sleep with his mother and who openly said the point of his work was to make the therapist rich. Why people take him seriously is beyond sad.
Look at advice detached from the person who said it critically.
By your reckoning Wagner's music is bad because he was anti-semitic...
@@rosemaryallen2128 haha
did you know we are still using the knowledge of fertilizer from a scientist who is a full blown Nazi
@@rosemaryallen2128 No similarities. Freud was giving advice and treatment to people on how to live their lives.
He was also on point on some things. Very wrong on others.
And wasn’t it and isn’t it stated in repetitive acts that, “you are of your fathers the devil” ?
What's spielberg doing in your thumbnail?
3:45, 4:38
That's so Freud. Blame the mother but then he was Jewish and their mothers are brutal.
My mom
“Bring the choicest firstfruits of your land into the House of Adonai your God. “Do not boil a kid in its mother’s milk.”
Exodus 23:19
...what does bronze age nonsense about goats have to do with anything...?...
Its even worse when a young man starts dating and his girlfriend replaces the mother and she becomes the helicopter girlfriend and she wants to fix his upbringing and rescues him from everything. His lack of freedom and independence in this relationship creates a codependence that destroys him and the relationship. He never learns to grow up...unless the relationship breaks....then he has a lot of sorting out to do.
stealth ads in the middle of a conversation aaaaand unsubscribed
Obnoxiously long ad. Someone ought to tell them, that being insanely annoying is no way to acquire sales…
No, it’s the biggest lie that mothers need to fail so that the child has a future. Mothers should thrive in all situations, and motherhood is never a competition. When it is, you have Freud all over, and with him Lacan the charlatan. The focus is never the mother exclusively or the child solely, but a reasonable divide instead.
Repentance = greek word for metanoia which means to change your mind, in the context of true salvific biblical repentance what it is saying is change your MIND from UNBELIEF in Christ alone as your savior (aka trusting in yourself, trusting in your law keeping, trusting in your "turning from sins") and BELIEVE in the Lord Jesus Christs finished redemptive work on the cross for remission of your sins. The gospel is the same today as it was 2000 years ago and it will never change, we are justified by GRACE alone through FAITH alone in CHRIST alone.
Amen!
Inaccurate. Repent is from Latin re- (in response) + penitire (be sorry). Metanoia is the Greek word. Repent and metanoia have nothing to do with Jesus, who wasn't even around when these words were invented.
@@kumaranvij Repent and believe the Gospel mark 1:15.
@@ITISFINISHED777 I'll never be sorry (repent) for etymological accuracy! If that damns me to hell, I guess there I'll be.
@@kumaranvij repentance isn't being sorry. Repentance in the context of biblical salvation is changing your mind from unbelief in Christ alone as your savior to belief in Christ alone as your savior. Without placing your trust that Jesus died on the cross for your sins was buried and raised from the dead there is no salvation. Faith in Gods testimony concerning his son explicitly outlined in 1st Corinthians 15:1-4 is the only way that your spirit will be redeemed, if you reject this gospel and chose to believe something else then you will spend eternity in the lake of fire and the worst part about this is the absence of the presence of God, our first love who created us. It's his yearning desire that you would come to him he paid a high price to have you back.
I thought that was Steven Spielberg in the thumbnail
how did we go from devoring mother to democracy lol
Referring to the thumbnail of this video, I seriously thought I saw Steven Spielberg. Did anyone see the same thing??
For goodness sake, Google image(s) of Freud and you’ll find the same photo from historical archives.
@@jeannehess607 awesome thank you 😃🙏
You’re very welcome! The resemblance to Spielberg is remarkable, plus with photo technology and tricks, anyone could be fooled. @@misterbean5010
Just played a game called Dying light.
Fighting against a cult run by "the mother"
Poignant
Bruh didn't know Steven Spielberg used to be Sigmund Freud.
I wonder what sort of conversation Dr Peterson would have with the AI version of Sigmund Freud. 🤖🤔
Please wear your cowboy boots with this blazer.
I agree the VPN AD IS AWEFUL!
It’s not the mother the child must overcome but the mother complex. The mother is a weak actor but the mother complex is built into the psyche before birth. The mother must let her child break away.
It is not that the mother of mortality has failed because she had no hope of success anyway. Her part is time limited and must end in death. Eternal life is with the father and has no end; temporal life is with the mother.
That is incredibly sexist.
@@kumaranvij you have probably noticed that the natural world is variously sexist. It’s not my doing.
@@carlharmeling512 I don't think you know what the word "sexist" means, really. Sigh. The "natural world" has no intentions, and therefore cannot be sexist.
These daily wire ads are really intrusive and really unnecessary on short videos like this
Could do without the VPN ad right in the middle
Try whining more. you had to slide your finger to the right so that someone could get paid? Unreasonable
I couldn't agree more!!!
...and I do have Premium.
Just tap rapidly the right of the screen to fast-forward the pesting add.
I’m glad Dr. Peterson doesn’t have to do the ad reads. Nothing wrong with doing them, but it would just feel discordant with his particular gravitas and subject matter
0:00: 💼 Therapists should not take credit for their clients' successes or failures.
2:52: 🔒 ExpressVPN helps protect your online privacy by hiding your IP address and preventing big tech companies from tracking and selling your personal data.
5:40: 🎮 The speaker discusses the different motivational systems used in game development and the challenges faced by studios.
Recap by Tammy AI
Cringe ad.
I wonder if helicopter/ lawnmower parenting styles that are so out of control these days can be traced back to single moms.
I’m a single mom. I know other single moms and no we are not helicopter parents. My mom who wasn’t a single mom was a helicopter parent. Has nothing to do with single mothers.
@@melissasmuse I wasnt saying ALL single moms are helicopter moms. I'm sure you and your mom are great🌹 parents.
@@gld424
You actually were saying that
@@wyleecoyotee4252 no. I wasn't.
When someone makes a general statement about a group, it never means ALL people. Of course there are exceptions. Sorry if you take it personally.
The video was about moms being more likely to be over protective to the detriment of a child's development and dad's being more likely to push for a child's independence. That doesn't mean that there aren't over protective dad's and mommas who foster independence in their children. It doesn't mean that all single moms are overprotective.
If you read that statement and you take it personally and become defensive, then you are projecting your own insecurities.
@@gld424 You don't hear your own sexism?
It's a covert narcissism to think it's credible to the teacher
Whats covert narc in the vid?
If mothers and fathers understand the relationship between Christ and His Church that is embodied in the Sacrament of Matrimony.... they will be able to focus on Christ first, each other second and the children third. God prevents a hyper focus on spouse or children.
See, the love and grace of God is the thing that helps the parents grow AND do their job AND realize that the spouses and children are Gods property first, and their relation second, and that they are God's property as well
Funny how a different hierarchy changes perspective and attitude.
Funny, the first bit sounds just like the Christian conception of God: if something good happens to me, I’m supposed to thank God, but if something bad happens, I can’t blame God … it’s due to my flaws, the work of Satan, etc.
That’s not Christianity at all. That’s what I believed in the beginning of my Christian journey. Until I had my daughter who is disabled. Took me time to realize this is a fallen world and we come here to suffer. I’ve realized God’s love for me and my daughter is sufficient. I don’t need him to heal, I trust God in every aspect of my life. Even when I am saddened by the things around m and the things he’s allowed. He keeps above waters when I feel like m drowning. He gives me peace, and if I could change my daughter I wouldn’t. She taught me what it meant to be a true follower of Christ. I will follow him and love no matter what.
Please let you kid get their teeth cleaned at the dentist by themselves. We don't need you to "help". Please men, stop your wives.
The vpn ad was the most obnoxious “ad” I’ve ever experienced. The ending of this video was weird and abrupt too…