Also keep in mind he may be using that information to see what he can use against you plus if you keep trying to convince you that he's so nice and so fun y and so Carefree be careful about that
Or maybe just desperate or codependent or many other reason - if you are going to a date with this hunting for a narcisist mindset thats what you will find
But if he never talk about him self is actually worse red flag, from exp. they what to know stuff about you so they can copy paste your personality so you will like them.. Best is little about yourself, listen about the other person...around 50-50..trying to get to know each other.
This JUST happened to me 🥺 On the first date he kept trying to massage my neck and touch my hair. I had to threaten to end the date, then he just kept explaining his attempts ("but I'm just trying to massage your neck, just relax") then eventually he gave up and apologized the next day via text.
This "No test" is great for the Overt or mid range ones...when its coverts get the 'NO' they will keep quiet..mark the score card, and get on silent future revenge mode.. see the covert favourite.weapons.are.different. Overts like the sword, coverts like the cross bow n arrow or sniper rifle and malignants like a tank or bazooka..hope it relates to the impact of how it feel before death. But the actual weapons are different they are called silent treatment, induced conversation, gaslighting, double bind, etc etc.
If you want to weed them out real fast, cause an "embarassing" situation. Accidentally spill your water or accidentally trip them or bump them, knock something loud of a shelf. Most people will try to make you feel better or help you and laugh it off, but a narcissist will get angry or silent or poke fun at you so everyone knows it was your fault. They can't help it. A little embarrassment is worth not having to walk on eggshells for years with a malignant narcissist.
Thank you. That's something we all should do. You just nailed it with one way to out one. They are so obsessed with appearance and how the public sees them.
I'm not so sure about the conversation being about them.. usually I find, the narcisstist when first meeting u listens very well. Bc they're studying u
Yeah, that's called love bombing and is a whole segment of the narc experience all on its own and is to always be distinguished from the typical communication with one.
I think it depends on age and experience. I’ve met them in their 40’s after their failed marriages and relationships. Maybe they started out that way, but they learn how to adapt. I’m sure over many conversations with other lovers of all the things they did “wrong.” Then they put on the mask of the perfect partner. But it can only stay on so long. Idk why I’m starting to figure this all out when I’m 50. Better late than never! Peace to everyone watching this video. We are all here for a reason! 🙏🏻❤️
A personal sign of narcs for me is constant fallouts with friends and its never their fault. There’s always some close but short friendship which went sour and “i didnt do anything”.
Yes makes sense, it blends perfectly within the Narcs desire to get mental and emotional control of you before you can really assess their character, they know the mask will slip, and they want their hooks in before you unmask them.
I’m an empath and am a magnet for narcissists. I’m on to them and recognize the signs very fast. My most common experience is being love-bombed. The very first clue i notice is pet names like “sweetie” or “baby”. Another one I notice right away, is when they claim all their exes are crazy. Reeeeally, bro?
I think one of the big issues I've noticed is people lose confidence in their own 'gut' feelings once they have been in a narcissistic relationship or other abusive relationships, they can't work out or trust their own feelings, are they over reacting or not, that is where the danger lies, having lost faith in yourself and that's where the vulnerability and risk of becoming a victim (again) is.
My sister is a covert narcissist and she wouldn't do any of these things. Beware, covert narcissists are much harder to spot, yet so much more damaging to you.
I dated one off and on for a year. I had no idea what a cluster B was until she randomly disappeared after 5 months. I learned more while she was away than when we were together. I’m glad she’s somebody else’s problem now
I don’t even date anymore. Being alone is not really fun but it does feel good to have no perfectionist a-hole bugging me and putting immense pressure on me.
Take this time with yourselves to develop and grow, educate and think of you, the gifted person u are and what u want and diserve from a partner! And focus on this , constantly! And u will see good things happening! U may want to check out Dr. Joe Dispenza' s youtube... All the best Lauren & Nathaniel !
1. Humble brag 2. Dominate the conversation 3. Love bombing 4. Blatant lies or embellishments 5. Sense of superiority and entitlement 6. Playing the victim 7. Cold or mean-spirited (lack empathy)
I think I heard somewhere that narcissists talk about themselves, meanwhile sociopaths keep you talking about yourself to get all the info on you they can
That means the covert Narc is a.sociopath..bcoz.they do that..make u talk and they act cute and change topics when they dont answer questions posed to them.
Lookout for red flags 🚩🚩🚩. Red flags are things you note for reference if needed later, know your deal breakers, which is the boundary crossed where you have to walk away. Enough red flags can make a deal breaker. It’s worth writing your boundaries down and sticking to them like law for our own protection. Sending lots of love and strength to those of us victimised by a narcissist 💕
It’s funny that despite how many times the term “Red Flags” are used people romanticize relationships far too much, they’re not looking past the desires stirring within them, that “Fire Works” mindset dominates the thinking of most victims of Narcissists and the Narc knows it so they’ll play the soulmate role until they feel you’re far too committed to leave. My advice, Romanticize the wedding, not the interaction. Not easy, but very worthwhile.
@@unite4peace88 💯 thank you. If you have super clearly boundaries and deal breakers it sits like a self government that stops us from over romanticising, as you know your inner government could shut it down very easily. If you're serious about your boundaries you operate with logic and not emotion. I can never really stress enough how much we know truth in our gut and the cobination of it all protects us. We have to except there is evil in the world and the huge responsibility we have to take care of ourselves.
My ex-narc did these -He complained about his marriage, love bombed me, texted incessantly, and had a really high opinion of himself, but was super-nice in an over the top kind of way. My new narc signals, painfully learned: ANYTHING that's over the top and not appropriate for the situation: too charismatic, too nice, too good to be true, too loving, too talkative, too anything - and I'm out of there. It's hard for me to spot the lies - unless they slip and say the opposite later on.
So true. We went on one date and 2 days later I came down with a sinus headache due to seasonal allergies and he sent me candy balloons and flowers. Fast forward 2 months later I had SURGERY and not only did he not come to see me or call me in the hospital, I had to have my mom take me and not even a card or text. He was too busy f’n my coworker at my apartment I found out. 🤦🏻♀️
Luckily my neighbor told me and I dumped him cuz he totally lied n was complaining about how busy he was at work WHILE I WAS RECOVERING n my neighbor was like um he was at your apartment with Lisa. Jerk!
It's true. They tend to overcompensate. One guy I dated was too funny; like every other word was a joke. He was legitimately funny, but I know that excessive humor is sometimes used to cover up darker qualities. As the Bible says, "Charm is deceptive..." So I cut him off and blocked his number. Sure enough, he called me from several different numbers and sent me angry texts. This is after knowing him for just two days. But yeah, they don't handle rejection very well at all.
I enjoy my freedom a lot too, specially after dating several narc, and being aware that there are many of them. God is my protection, and I know He is watching over me, to protect me from the predators. Be carefull because they also appear to be very empathic at the beginning. God Bless. Amen🙏
They can also be very good at listening and absorb everything you say. That will be used as weapons later on in the relation. Pay attention to those who never talk about themselves.
Online dating is draining. For some reason, I attract men who tend to dominate the conversation right off the bat then wonder why they don't know anything about me lol
It's because you do not matter as a person to them, and you never will. To a narcissist, another person is only a source of energy-- meaning your energy-- to use. Because they are empty, empty, empty..and cannot be "saved" or helped or loved into wholeness. They don't think that there is anything wrong with them, either. They are literally energy vampires and are assisted by their very own gang of demons. Here's a scary truth: The narcissist has to constantly predate for supply because he is feeding (and being used by) those demons.
It’s the aloofness that shows me. Nose up in the air, laughing at their own jokes, touching you randomly, pet names after knowing them for a few hours. Way too comfortable razzing you or using inappropriate sarcasm. Talks shit about people and exes. Everything seems like they are forcing it. Disingenuous vibes.
The texting back fast enough thing is a huge red flag. There was a guy that I met in high school, we ran into each other later in life and he asked me out. I told him I wasn't emotionally available at the time but he still wanted to be friends. At the time I was working in a special needs school so I was not able to have my phone on me all the time. Long story short I walked out of work one day And my phone blew up with a million messages. Stupidly I attempted to explain that I did not have my phone on me during the work day, oh yeah that was not what he wanted to hear.... He later flipped the story claiming that he was dying of kidney disease and that's why he wanted to move quickly into a relationship... Well I looked him up years later after blocking him and he's still alive 🙄
Along with my intuition and natural gifts, I can almost immediately identify narcissists ever since being what I call being activated by one. I can identify them with minimal information and by how the victim is feeling. I want to share here that they are so common!! There are so many they're not rare, they're everywhere! And people who hang around them long enough become just like them!! Especially if in a relationship with one or have a parent that is one...
Oh I agree absolutely they're' all the same dude just with a different skin suit and clothes. What cracks me up though is how they think everything they do is so original, like nobody's ever been clever enough to pull off such sorcery and you are just a mere fool under their total mind control because they're the bees knees, how could you not. When you're woke to spotting them you'll realize just how textbook they are and how pathetic that is.
I have recently dated a guy that on the first few weeks was already showing devaluation and passive aggressive comments... Acting like he knows better of everything. I've been trying to cut him off for ages but he keeps coming back, now trying really hard to please me. Yuck.
Block him completely out of your life. He'll soon get fed up and move onto his next victim. It'll be hard for you at first because of any addiction you may have had towards him, but you'll feel better in time. 🍒
I met a man on a blind date some years ago. He immediately pulled out his cell phone (right then and there--didn't ask me anything) and gleefully called up his mother and happily told her that he was bringing me to their upcoming family reunion! Yes, I was very dumb and naive at that time--and failed to see the disordered implications behind his impulsive and childish actions. Go figure--no doubt--he turned out to be a controlling, narcissistic, hot mess of a creature!
@@leejay2418 A year and a day too long! I had absolutely no emotional boundaries and was basically conditioned to be seen and not heard--like a "trophy". But I bet you, I got a wake up call and will never be anyone's favorite lunchbox again.
I wish I had someone who explained all these things to me before I started dating. Based on all these, I realize I've dated narcissists all my life. My current husband was a lot of these on the first day. But since I didn't have a lot of experience in dating, I just thought it was normal.
Retro Barbie.. don't feel like the Lone ranger. I have been friends with a NP for over 10 years & , only last year I began to learn about her personality disorder. .We are still in touch but now I know what I'm dealing with. It helps!
One of my girl friends is probably a NP too. She would call me when she s driving, and she would hang up when she arrived her destination. And she would even tell me on my face that she s using me to kill time while driving... I distanced her right away!!
Same!! I only wish I had this information when I was a teenager and starting to date. I have been with 3 different narcissists and wasted precious yrs with these dysfunctional people. Finally I am learning to immediately look out for the red flags.
I'm so sorry to hear this! I really think we need to be more open about narcissism and how to recognize these behaviors. Seems like narcissism and dating are a common thing. But no one really talks openly about it. Inexperienced teens start dating and when the love-bombing begins they have no idea they should run the other way!
After being in relationships with 2 covert narcissists, my experience is that they are so sneaky they can be very hard to identify for several months, let alone on a first date, especially if they are intelligent.
My ex narc husband asked me questions in the beginning, but not to get to know me in a good way, but to see if I would be the “supply” that he needed. He was “sizing” me up. They’re just heartless human beings.
for me, its whenever someone thinks things are always someone else's fault (a.k.a. they are ALWAYS this perpetual victim, that they never did anything wrong)
Those were all good tips and I'll keep them in mind. You are so right about trusting your gut but people can really still surprise me. The nice young man who has done snow plowing here for a couple of years surprised me yesterday while he was doing a side job in my yard. I told him that using his machine wasn't working out because it was ripping up the ground and he threw a temper tantrum, and said he was going to walk off the job if it was "going to be like that". I held my own Irish temper and came up with some solutions so he did finish the job, but I won't hire him again for anything. When I told him he might want to consider being less reactive with customers in the future if there's a problem, he acted like he was the victim and I was at fault. There are many angry people now because we are all under a lot of pressure so be careful to get to know someone really well before you let them into your life. I've been divorced a year now and I think I'd rather get a couple more dogs and maybe some ducks instead of another man. :)
Ive been alone for 15 years now, the last narc was the last straw, I have my dog and my hobbies, and thats all I need, Im afraid to do on-line dating, too many weirdos.
Everyone will be nice if money is involved even a malignant narcissist. But when you tell them what to do or an error that’s when they throw all there toys out of the pram
This is very very good. Two months ago I ended a toxic year long relationship . He showed every sign that was just explained. . I was very vulnerable from losing my wonderful boyfriend of 4 years just 5 months before meeting this guy. I’m 59, have grown up with a narcissistic mother and brother, then married a covert narcissist for 23 years. I thought I was healed it had been 17 years since I had been around narcissism. Well let me tell you something. The guy I just left was a narcissistic psychopath from hell. I didn’t know there were actually people like this amongst us. I am still dumbfounded by this. If I have learned anything it would be to go with that gut feeling and walk away immediately. Be careful out there
Some are getting smart to treating waitstaff well because it is so publicized, so that can be hit or miss, but you nailed it with telling them no, that is hugely crushing to them. Another is hold them to one of their love-bomb promises and see what happens. Could turn into future faking, denial they said it, or fury at having to follow through. Carefully watch facial expressions and eyes, the mask only slips for a nano second in the beginning.
@@itsjustme5030 yes that's true, and I noticed that they have drama, and some half to be the center of attention,but the covert narcissist set's back and studies you like a shark 🦈 in the water, they're the silent ones, normally they are quiet because they think everyone owes them something,they are the one's that's hard to spot, I found a good way to spot them out, they play the victim act, like everyone is out to get them or jealous of them.
Years ago I went on an online date with a very good looking man. He dominated the conversation fully. I had tried talking a few times only to be interrupted. He has so much to say. At the end of the date he walked me to my car and just started heavily kissing me unprovoked. He wanted to go down to the beach because he had a bottle of wine he wanted to share with me. I was a little fearful and passed of course. It was after midnight. I wasn’t even on the freeway when he was already sending me multiple text messages. I basically said good night to him and that was it. The next day I am at work and I was called to the front security desk where a vase of a dozen red roses awaited me. I was pissed and a little afraid. Later, he asked if I got his gift. I said thank you but I don’t like this and ended it. Yikes 🤦🏻♀️ I knew what love bombing was... oh yeah he talked shit about his ex. So many red flags.
They can also pepper you with questions and keep YOU talking about yourself, all the while “gathering” info and fuel for later and successfully avoiding divulging anything about themselves. It’s the opposite of obsession with themselves but IMO; far more harmful. It’s overt vs covert.
My ex is a narcissist and now I know. He made me feel like I was the problem. He showed all the red flags but I was too busy pitying him to notice. He lied to me numerous times. He was always in the right. We always did what he wanted and I was slowly loosing myself. I missed him even when he hurt me. He even told me I was imagining a relationship between us while telling me he loved me. Eventually he decided he had enough of me and disappeared. That's the best thing ever happened to me. I couldn't let go. I was in a loop as he was hot and cold. I felt like trash and now I have trust issues.
You're free now, congrats! Your ability to trust will return with time. If this is really impacting you still, please don't hesitate to reach out for professional help. Life's to precious and short to let some asshat suck it out of you. Namaste!
I actually prefer a man 'peacocking' and will ask questions to get more information. Then I decide if I want to see him again and reveal myself. A man who grilled me about my life would make me uncomfortable because it could mean he was looking for information to manipulate me. So use your intuition.
I still feel very toxic even after all this time. I’ve been isolated two years longer than Covid because I had to get away from 51 years of narcissistic abuse. I am the scapegoat. I do not wish to trauma dump on any new relationships so I am still working on my self and healing.. I know I’m not ready to get out there at all! But I have a lot of good days now and feel more peace without any of them in my life. The best part about it, is that there is no more crazy people screaming in my face!! I refuse to be mistaken for a narcissist. So as long as I still feel any resentment and this “need for Justice”, I’m not ready to join the human race
Not all of the signs are gonna come out on a first date or when you first meet them, sometimes it takes months or years for narcs to show their true selves.
That might be the case if you aren't their primary target when you first meet. Listen carefully, however. Most narcissists aren't smart enough to completely hide their narcissism. And NEVER take someone at face value.
It might take years to fully recognize the syndrome only if you are not aware of the traits when you meet and have no knowledge of narcissism throughout the relationship. Once you understand who these people are you really can spot them after a couple of online or in-person meetings.
@@AustraliaUnmasked1984 true in a span of a weeks and month. Love bombing is evident. Insisting to fast/quick the relationship. Overwhelming desire of meeting in person, affection, attention. I remember he told me to send him a message or greet him as soon as I wake up (manipulation/control). I know he was quite upset that I forgot to greet him. Not really guilty though because we just recently met/talk online.
Public information like this is so useful, however, it is somewhat scary. A narcissist can watch this and learn. When we get better at identifying the signs, they become more crafty. I’ve watched enough crime shows to only discover that even sociopath serial killers learned from therapists how people should/shouldn’t behave, what is acceptable/unacceptable, and it only made them better at manipulating others.
Narcs have always been good students of human behavior. Does it really matter where they get their lessons? As hard as they try though, their weakness is that they cannot completely control their tendencies. They can try, and they'll be successful with uninformed people here and there but that is why this public information is so useful and important. The more people who know about them, the better.
@@tulanzuya very true, you’re right. I do wish I had seen this before I had met the narcissist I dealt with. Maybe I would have been more keen to the initial behaviors, but also I know I wasn’t in my right mind, so I was an easy target.
@@Raaachyyyyy - It seems they are versatile in many ways. Both of mine swooped in when I had achieved something great and was on top of the world. What I had built, they were determined to destroy. With a little more practical knowledge I could have avoided allowing them to do that, but alas, these forums did not exist and I had no idea of the patterns, as they were different kinds of narcs on the surface.
This list works for overt narcs, but not for covert one, or even one's who are older with lots of practice honing their narcissistic skills. Problem is a covert Narc. will fake empathy and act like they want to know everything about you. The covert acts humble. Say no to something or disagree with the person. Also tell them something fake like you feel inferior about having say brown eyes instead of blue and how you always feel inferior around others with blue eyes...see if they begin commenting on all the people with blue eyes over time to trigger your feelings of inferiority.
Wow! There have been a lot of narcissists around me all my life. They cause quite a bit of pain. I have a few good friends who are definitely NOT narcissistic. Thank God for them! Having those friends in my life brings healing.
Now I have a list. I was sitting there knowing something was terribly off - my date checked almost every box. Love the love bomb definition. I kept saying we just met and he steam rolled right over...great video.
Went on a date he didn’t ask me one Single question about me. Make a stupid joke at my expense, drove really fast when he was taking me back home. When I told him I didn’t think we were compatible he kept calling a lot until i picked up and he convinced me for a second chance. Made plans for a second date forgot about it.The next day wanted to come to meet me to bring flowers (it was a surprise) i refused. Total mess so glad I got rid of him
Christiana I love your videos. I should have spotted my 4th narcissist (the final discard was 2 days ago) after 3 narcs before him. I am also a domestic abuse survivor. I know a lot about abusive relationships. However I wind up in them unfortunately. Your videos are so insightful and true. Very spot on! It's just like you said the love bombing started about 2-3 weeks after we began talking. We (Narc #4 and I) met on Instagram (beware you guys). I only wanted to be friends or acquaintances. We both connected as artists. I thought this would be different. Boy was I wrong!! After being love bombed for several weeks. I let myself fall in love with him. Even though there were all of these red flags. 1.Narc #4 was the wounded artist who was done wrong by everyone in his life....exes, past co workers, family members, classmates ... 2. Narc #4 Dominating the conversations or the other end of the spectrum silence. There were times when he would be completely silent to make me question if something was wrong. 3. Narc #2 had elaborate stories and was the hero in everyone. For example, he worked on a boat with Don Henley. In his story, Don Henley was a complete jerk to him. Let's see there was the story of him getting struck by lightening. He considered himself the small town celebrity because he won a book writing contest. The book made absolutely no sense and he is yet to get it published. Narc #3 would always say sorry. He said it so much that it was never sincere. It was just something he said. The other narcs showed no empathy or compassion. Run away from people who have no empathy/sympathy. I totally agree. 4. Constantly correcting things I said. They all do this. It is a way to devalue a person by making them feel uneducated. They have this need to always be right or to appear to be the smartest person. 5.A narc will take you out on a date but you will regret it. They are not kind. They don't like doing anything for anyone. They only care about themselves. They like sticking to a routine. They dont like going out. If it is something you want to do they will force their selves to go. Narcs begin controlling where you go and what you do until you are only doing what they want. I first perceived them as being cheap or frugal with spending money. The truth is that they can be very extravagant spending money when it's something they want/want to do. You may prefer to pay for yourself. They will pay the bill but they will be seething. Not all narcs are like this. It varies. Paying separate bills is okay. Just look for red flags. Both parties should want to pay. The point is that they should offer. After dating 4 narcs, I should have been able to break the cycle of meeting them. I just don't realize until it's too late. I just wanted to share my experiences. I hope it helps someone. Hopefully I recognize signs sooner. I dread online dating now. All the narcs I have met have been online. Plenty of Fish, Chemistry, Bumble, and now Instagram...All people are different. Everyone is not a narc. However proceed with caution when dating online. I am getting a lot out of watching your videos. Thank you for posting them.
If it's only one or two of them that doesn't mean they are narcissists. For example, correcting people may come naturally to people who value truth and honesty or knowledge above everything else. As long as they can take it back when they are in the wrong and do it gracefully. No matter what the signs are if the person has the ability to self-reflect, take accountability and you can communicate it to them then they are not narcissists despite having these traits. Some people who are immune to narcissists may display some narcissistic behaviour themselves but it doesn't come from the same place as those. Because we can't expect people to have NONE of the above flags in NO circumstance. Some people can be perfectly nice, empathetic but might have a past trauma where if the buttons are pushed they'll behave unpredictably. It's what happens afterwards and how pervasive these behaviours are that would matter.
Well this video is awesome I’ve experienced these signs and sadly ignored them. Breaking the cycle is the best feeling ever. Thank you for your great advice. Really important video. Thank you xo
I'll add: subtle testing of boundaries. It could be them "negging" you and disguising it as a joke, when in reality they're just slightly knocking you down; also some slight push-pull or hot and cold on the first date can happen. It's this strange feeling that while they seem so into you, you just don't know where you stand with them.
Kat Brinson That's a huge red flag and a very easy one to spot too! I also notice when people don't put their rubbish in bins etc after eating in food courts. 🙂
#3 love bombing. You aren't at all wrong about the other signs, but as someone who was in a relationship with an emotionally and physically abusive narcissist for 10 years (as well as now coparenting with him), I will say that the others were never apparent in the first couple of months. Everything you mention became blatantly clear later, but in the beginning all I can honestly look back on and say I missed was the love bombing. Too quick, too soon. That is my new red flag. True narcissists are more deceptive than that in the first few months, and especially on a first date. All signs are absolutely there in the end, but no way on a first date. If they showed their colors from the start, few people would fall into their trap.
EXACTLY!... For me it wasn't classic love bombing at first.. it was more the person supressing the Narcissism and forcing themselves to act normal.. and also mirroring me so as to seem like the perfect match.. the result of that was 3 to 4 months of a perfectly well behaved and quality person, which, was easy to fall for. Once I fell for the fake personality , then the true colors Rose to the surface. Then I spent a substantial amount of time trying to find the person I fell for thinking she was still inside somewhere... Which was the whole plan.
@@trevorforrester3142 YES, I can relate to that so much. I think you better stated what I was trying to relay... it's the mirroring thing, doing everything to give the impression they are your perfect match. I would add that the other red flags appearing so much later make me nervous about dating again. I think I distrust the ability to find the red flags early on, because some took up to 2 years to appear. I was with mine for nearly 10 years and literally learned so much more of this in the last year of our marriage. That's intimidating, because the "best"/most manipulative narcissistic sociopaths reveal things so painfully slowly and gradually. By the time you have a clear picture, you may already have a child or be so deeply invested. It's sick, I hate it. And I caution everyone, coparenting with a narcissist is the most scary and stressful thing ever. I can't escape or "gray rock" him, and my biggest fear is our son experiencing what I have. He is only 5 and knows only good from his dad, and I have never spoken negatively about him with our son, and I support their bond. But in the back of my mind I'm always scared he will hurt him. It's impossible to win, because I know it's vital my son can never think that I stood in the way of his relationship with his dad, but I am secretly dreading him experiencing first hand how his dad just will never empathize or care. And his rage... I pray that never happens
@@kelseyritter9080 It's like some Narcissist are in touch with a more realistic approach to appearing normal at first. It is as though the Narcissist has confidence that he/she can and will win you over without using the amateur and more noticeable scheme of lovebombing. Maybe because he/she is at a more advanced level of "Playing the game" at this point, and no longer take chances with getting identified with such novice behavior.. I don't know but some Narcissist definitely don't fit the mainstream behavioral description when winning a person over. NOW, once he/she has you locked in and are confident you're not going anywhere.... it is then they are less guarded, and Begin demonstrating the classic traits of Narcissism. Leaving you blown away wondering what just happened and where do I find the person I fell in love with? At this point they have you in their web and it may take years for you to see what all time new lows they can sink to, to make your life Hell.
@@kelseyritter9080 The Best way to recognize and discard one of these Narcissist before they lock you into that deceptive loop of misery is to have STRONG boundaries. Clear, upfront, defined boundaries that you are actively watching for so as to see it in real time as it unfoldes. Be hypersensitive to the behavior you will not tolerate without losing common sense. Don't be so taken by his/her charm that you miss, overlook, or blow off bad behavior. Be willing to walk away and know you deserve better.
@@trevorforrester3142This is perfectly correct..The main problem is Broken people trying to date ..note if you have gone through any form of narcissistic Abuse be sure to heal so you can be whole enough to have boundaries..
Even if it's not Narcissism.... At the very least it's clinginess for someone to need to be texting all the time one week into the relationship, and clinginess is not attractive especially if it's coupled with someone being upset if you don't respond in some predesignated time frame they have in their head. If anything attraction is built by not being so available through texting. It allows the other person to wonder about the other person. It creates positive mystery. One of the main things a person who's been involved in a Narcissistic relationship before needs to do is define boundaries that they will not compromise on.. and as soon as you see a boundary being breached.. make it known that it will not be tolerated which will demand respect. This will communicate to the other person that you don't mind walking away and you will if it continues. That said, one of the worst mistakes that can be made when making boundaries clear is to also say those boundaries exist because of this one person in your past... Just let it be seen as your boundaries in general. If you say you have boundaries because of a particular person in your past... They will say things like I'm not him or her ... Or you're comparing me to this person, which distracts from and takes all the power out if your boundaries. It needs to seem like the boundaries you have are just who you are without giving reasons why those boundaries exist. Part of your personality. This leaves no room for discussion, or changing the subject.. All they need to know is if they do it ... it's a deal breaker.. and see ya later...
The person I was dealing with was extremely clever and charming. He was overly friendly with waitstaff and never talked badly about his exes, and he could take some ownership over our issues (though nothing was his fault). When I started questioning the validity of the relationship he even used the term “self sabotaging” against me. Trust your gut first and foremost!
@@laurelmalinowski1676 Chances are if you’re reaching out and watching these types of videos, you either don’t feel heard, or seen or validated. Meaning there could at the very least, be some toxic behaviour going on. The universe shows you signs as well, pay attention. I wish you the best of luck. Move passed it with a better understanding of narcissistic traits, and with a lesson learned. ✨
Yeah I went on a date with a girl who was eager to talk about our future, how many kids we’d have etc. That scared me so I pulled back. We went on a second date (I like her alot though but my eyes were open). The next day she said “So, now that we are exclusive…” I said…hold up we never agreed to that. Had to cut her off after that.
all my recent first dates conversations are narcissistic people. Every single thing has checked from this video. Thankfully I catched them quickly and cut them off
OMG! My ex-husband did all of that! I was really naive back then, didn't know anything about narcissists. Now I know exactly what to look for. Waisted 8 years of my life with that jerk. Thank you for sharing this.
Very good information...I actually had a relationship with a NPD...he was very skilled at charming me for about 6 weeks, but at the time my self esteem was not good, and I knew nothing about narcissism. I was fortunate to get out alive after 2 years, and get into counseling where I learned I had been raised my a NPD mother, setting me up for every narcissist. Love bombing is a huge red flag. My advice is for people to get books on the subject because it is so complicated.
One of my narc exes(sadly there's more than one, sneaky covert slipped under my radar) gave off the first red flag before we even went on our first date. We met on the first day of a new job and before the group training class had started, all us new hires were waiting in the lobby just chatting and milling about. I noticed the narc right away b/c he was the tallest one in the room, like a whole head taller than even the men. Dude looked like a slightly less buff Thanos. Anyway, the manager finally came in and tried to get our attention but not everyone heard him, so he repeated himself. Before he even finished the sentence the narc all of a sudden just _bellowed_ "QUIET!!!" Of course that got everyone's attention lol. I didn't think much of it at first, but after we started dating I realized that him thinking he can just take over a situation and intimidate a whole group of people like that was a huge red flag.
I see how this is trying to help, but I believe this only helps with open narcs which are a minority. Most of narcs behave mirroring you and know exactly how to put the best show ever for you as audience. My ex narc was the kindest with the waiter, the classier with me, he listened and paid attention, he was discreet...he made me the center of his universe for months and then, the mask slipped when he lost control in a situation, and he became so aggressive I did not even understand what was going on. And then he went back to adorable, and every now and then I would see the other face. They're so difficult to figure out, if this can help please note the following, the biggest red flag we need to pay attention to is (in my humble opinion and based on my experience with the narc): If someone lacks you of respect once, step back and observe. If they lack you of respect twice, leave and go no contact. That's it, that's what you want to teach your kids too. Lack of respect is a no go. And it is narcs' give away Aquiles' heel. Looking backwards now, I realize how the first lack of respect started a pattern that I could have killed in the egg. Nothing ever changed, not with therapy, not with extra love, not with compassion or patience, or meditation or Yoga or chakra healing or Unicorns' poo ;) He set a pattern and I let him do it, he sticked his poison and by my decision of staying the poison travelled throughout my body paralyzing me completely. That's how they destroy us, little by little.
DA, You are dead on! Polished narcs don't give themselves away until after a long time (when you're hooked), and in the meantime you believe you're in a healthy relationship with a fantastic person. They are too smart and experienced to make amateur mistakes. It is the lack of respect where they will eventually show their true colors. We just have to watch for it and be ready to walk away.
@@karenrobargemacon68 Yes, unfortunately I was not born wise, what I know I do because of 3 years of insane crazy making nightmare... Another advice and learning from my experience: I feel now that being ensnared by a narc is like being absorbed by a Cult. Same patterns: first they give you infinite, unconditional love, they become the reference of pure love and best than family, then little by little they isolate you, they make you doubt of friends and family, and then at some point they suck your soul and take everything they can from you, guess at the end they drop you like an used condom ;) I was not discarded, I escaped so did not experienced the discard but I had 80/20 love/devaluation for 3 years. And it drove me crazy trying to understand how could I have failed so miserable by losing such a pure love. I wonder how shitty had I been for losing the unconditional love I was had. Felt worthless, unworthy, a failure... Then, one day you remember who you were before. You look at the narc and you realize and remember that he was not even really your type, that he is not really that good or interesting or anything. And that the insults and narc tantrums were devil-like and you draw the line, that fucking line you should have drawn the first time there was a lack of respect.
@@karenrobargemacon68 THIS is also the dynamic that the oxymoron enters in.... The one where others say "There must be something wrong or broken inside you for being in this relationship with an abusive partner".... And to that I would say YES! IF, the person was abusive from the beginning, but as you say if they were polished and you actually thought you were in a healthy relationship for 4 or 5 months before they showed their true colors.... Then it is not because there's something wrong with you. Also if you stick around longer trying to get the person back you fell in love with... That doesn't mean there's something wrong either. It means you fell in love with a fake person. A farce.... It means you had no other reason to believe otherwise. Makes me sick when people attempt to victimize the victim twice, using words like codependent loosely, and children of alcoholics... when your parents weren't alcoholics. ..
@@trevorforrester3142 there is a video in Spanish that explains domestic abuse with a great analogy, I love it. It says that if you try to boil a frog alive you will never manage if you put it into the boiling water right away, as when the frog will feel the boil it will jump and escape. Instead, you put the frog into warm water creating a great pleasant environment and then little by little, very slowly you make it warmer and warmer. The frog body temperature adapts to the warmer water until a point in which it cannot resist it anymore because it is boiling. At that point, the frog wants to escape but its legs do not respond and it is boiled alive. This image really is something, right? I think victims of narcs and cults and any abusive relationships can really relate. Very powerful analogy. So when you feel a strange warm feeling - RUN! If you were wrong about it you can always come back, but run just in case do not stay in the water.
I dated a guy who brought a framed 8x10 picture of himself as a child with him when he picked me up for our first date to show me how cute he was. Turned out to be the most narcissistic person I’ve ever met. I should have run....
The man I dated sent me a picture also when he was a child through a messaging app 😅 t’was too fast and weird. I just told him he’s cute (for real he was cute in the picture he sent). Love bombing so evident. Not only that, he also send the picture of his mom and dad 😀
@@whitecornelia12 It's crazy. I wondered later on, as we were dating, if he even knew these people?!! 😂 One of the baby pictures is a girl. I am thinking wait! You switched over?? Lol It is clearly a girl. He swears it's him. He also sent his parents wedding photo.
Wow. Never thought of it as love bombing, but it so obviously is. I just thought he was awkward and self-absorbed. He told me he loved me less than 3 weeks in. It never felt right. I went back and forth with him for years. 🙄
While someone talking about themselves a lot can be a red flag, do try to talk about yourself equally aggressively. They may simply be - hard of hearing (like my dad was), - terribly clumsy and nervous about talking to someone , or - not wanting to ask you questions you don't want to answer (and want you to volunteer what you DO want to talk about)... BUT in combination with other signs, like how they react to not getting their way, ok, it fits..
The first second I met my ex, right when we said hi how are you to each other, right away she told that she was complimented by a guy two blocks away on her way to me , and how he told her she look very nice and she's attractive.... I should have never look back after that date ended, I lost 6 years of my life with her, she was top notch abusive, racist, jealous narcissistic person, but it's never late, I just left and will start divorce process and no contact, I deserve better. NEVER EVER IGNORE RED FLAGS Mine she didn't talked about herself that much on the first date but she was love boming me from the beginning non-stop and she showed such interesting to know every details of my life from the first minutes ( but that was getting and storing data to use against me in the future and she did ) .
I had been talking to my narc for 6 weeks prior to meeting. Our first date he got really drunk(he totaled his car earlier). He kept bringing up how I changed locations, and he really wanted to eat at that restaurant. Later he told me his mom had been asking about me, and showed my picture. She commented how pretty my daughter was, he asked what she thought of me? She said she’s not your type, she looks like a lady of the night! I was shocked! Who would repeat that? But, nope ran right through that red flag!
Sounds like you dodged more than one bullet with that Momma's boy. Seriously, can't he think for himself as a grown man? He needs his mother's approval of you? I would be willing to bet that that guy will be single for a long time, if not, the rest of time. His mom doesn't want him to have anyone else.
Yes, he had that victim mentality with exes, emphasizing SHE was always to blame for the relationship ending, but NEVER him: "I stopped dating her bc she drank too much....I didn't like her bc she wanted me to wine & dine her...I ended things bc she didn't tell me she loved me...It didn't work out bc she was too independent for me." He had an attitude that his actions could never cause a past relationship to end.
Fantastic advice. My ex was such a covert narc I'd have been hard pressed to spot it on a first date but I'm seeing these red flags with my current online dating experience!
Thanks for this video.It’s unfortunately hard to see this “in the moment” but intuition is always right.... I started noticing red flags and “filed” them... felt it was weird early on to ask me certain questions and very quick to say my answers were “red flags.” Then the arguments over stupid things started happening most recently I was told “we were never dating” despite multiple dates, him bringing up marriage, kids, etc. which seemed super fast. now trying to slip away during the devaluation stage (told I’m dramatic when calling him out on inappropriate comments, he’s not willing to listen, told me I need to lose weight, etc). Want to tell him he’s a DSM axis 2 but I know it won’t be heard and only cause rage. In the end, I was the vulnerable one and I still don’t know him.... ugh! What a waste of time to say the least.
I'm not ready to date right now but when I'm ready I will refere to your video. Thank you so much for helping me see what I needed to do to get out of a very toxic relationship of 16 years.
My narcissist woman is all these things. She also wanted to know all about me too, very engaging. Covert all the way. Wish I knew five years ago what I know now.
Number 8 should be, they have a personalized license plate on their car. Narcissists love to be noticed and this is one of the ways that some of them get the attention that they crave. That was my "red flag" with my ex that I didn't pay attention to (my bad) and she is a case study in narcissism.
How about identifying a covert narcissist? As it is almost quite impossible to recognize any signs as they are full of attention and nice on the first date and can be for months ? It seems it is too late when we finally identify them ..
@UCr2BvNs7pmdwmxXVTsiulbw haha I don’t mean it to be creepy. I’m a girl and I love minimalist decor. She has setup such a nice backdrop for her videos but I just think about what she’s done with the rest of it. That’s all.
That request makes no sense. Her channel isn’t about home decor or minimalism so why would she film a house tour? That’s crossing a huge privacy boundary as well. I understand to compliment someone but to make a request about something like this is truly strange. You do not “need” to see her house.
@@magnolia2 Oh relax. Stephanie Lyn’s channel is about self help too and people request her makeup routine and style guides. Is that crossing a boundary? Maybe. It was a comment made in jest I’m pretty confident Christina understands I don’t “need” a home tour or even cares about this comment. Considering you’re most likely on here for self help you should find something more fulfilling to do than critiquing people’s comments.
(Even not on a date, because I personally don't go on dates) Before watching, here's what I think the signs are. Currently living with my narcissistic dad and stepmom. Also working in retail. These ae signs you'd notice being with them for a week 1. They dodge a lot of your questions. (Their inability to hear or selective hearing) 2. They make everything rocket science. - Meaning they think things that's usually easy for everyone is SO HARD. - Like for example, my dad has future faked me for 3 years about learning to drive. He thinks it takes ALL THIS LEARNING when it's simple, almost anyone can drive and he makes it rocket science for someone as smart as me to drive. 3. They ramble on and on about themselves. 4. You feel like they're entitled. 5. They mirror you. - They follow you around and they do everything you do. 6. They confuse you. - When they use word salads and say things that literally make no sense. 7. Love bombing. - Same tactic my dad used to get me into his house
Thank You for your video series I Learn so much about myself. Do I do these things to other humans I try so HARD to try and Listen NOW to what the other Person says, there Likes. What you say is very EYE opening to Look at myself.
@@rm7910 I have done some of this Before. I HATE it when people do it around me. My Past work Life. Boy it was FULL of them. Thank You for Kind comments. I Like the Video series. Just so I can Learn. When I see other People DOING it NOW. Myself won't just get MAD. that's the Response they want. I can UNDERSTAND what they are Doing.
@@melissapowell7404 my ex is with his brother in laws little sister now and guess what? She is a social worker and realionship expert! She is about to get an education of a life time and she has two kids from two different marriages already. I feel bad for her but it’s always heaven in the beginning! The problem is those kids and her being manipulated and gaslighted. It messes kids up big time! The sick stuff they do! I still can’t believe I was so stupid! I studied psychology too! He hated psychology and dropped out of therapy and had excuses for years. Maybe. He will go for her. He went for me 5 or 6 times and each one was disaster
I am getting better at stepping back from anyone that flatters me when they actually do not know me. Either gender is suspicious for acting as if we have any commitment or connection without substance.
True. False flattery makes me distrustful. Except when it's based on my actions or something superficial like what I am wearing. Basically, you know what you deserve to be complimented on and what is unwarranted or exaggerated. But cerebral narcissists are smarter than that so I prefer people who are blunt and communicative about it in situations when a conflict arrives. If you are able to resolve conflicts with someone and they are genuine about their intentions and take accountability then at least they are authentic.
Not a date but a coworker who I developed a close association with, I can't believe I missed all these warning signs - "gay best friend" after a few weeks, using the R word when describing students we worked with and then denying they said it by saying that there were no witnesses around, a real problem with being told "no", being the victim in past relationships where there was something wrong with the other person.
The funny thing is they say it's always someone else... Yet you can tell by just talking to them that there had to be more than what's being mentioned involved.
Intuition and trusting your gut are key. You need to listen to your inner self and NOT over think. Even if that person is not Cluster B, you need to walk if the chemistry is not there. Relationships and sex are easy. Exiting a bad relationship is the hard part (exhausting part). Don't waste TIME on Toxic people.
Hello Christina....hope you are well. Wanna see a "Flock of narcissists"?...get on a bus regularly...and/or enter an Old Folks Home. Great to see your channel doing so well. Keep up the good work...and thank you greatly for starting your channel. Quick funny story which happened to me recently for you to share with your subs. Whilst in a local bar enjoying a pizza on my own(thank God), the moment was ruined completely by a narcky shark who invited himself to join me at my table. Suddenly, the table was surrounded by the Manager and her two assistants who confronted my "uninvited guest" and requested he leave immediately as the night before he challenged and swore at the security dudes. The Manager(who knows me well) apologised for butting in on my meal. I told her it was "no problem" and suggested the "uninvited guest" be allowed a couple of minutes to drink his drink and leave with no fuss and leave this to me. She agreed. The best bit...the "uninvited one" turned around and said.."I'm staying"...I said.."not on my shift you're not....drink up and leave...erm...NOW...and NEVER interrupt my meal again". ...and he did. Cheeky beggar. I finished my pizza and popped to see the Manager. Turns out they had followed him on camera....GOOD STUFF.
Tricky with first dates, because people often talk a lot when they are nervous, and people on the spectrum might go off on tangents about their hobbies and interests. I think the part where it becomes a red flag is when they don't seem interested when YOU start talking about your interests. And people who are Borderline could send many texts expecting quick responses, while getting angry when there isn't a fast response. And yes, many NON narcs talk badly about exes, but no one should be bad-mouthing exes early in the stages of dating. First date, that topic is generally a big no-no. But as a therapist I'll admit I might try to get them to talk about their last relationship to get a feel for whether or not he's got some problems!
Don't give up on life and the universe I know of a great man who helped you me fix my broken hear beat relationship and everything was restored to pormal in days without delay
Mine insulted my hair at dinner. Now, I say several things to myself...1, he's portraying himself as a gentleman, but, gentlemen don't insult ladies at table, so NOT a gentleman. 2, I had FAB-U-LOUS hair (really!). 3, did he take a blow to the head recently? and then 4, possibly he needs glasses? I find out years later I am what is called Narcissistic-Immune!! He was unintentionally funny though, watching him jump through his hoops. For giggles: He also had a city-wide (San Francisco) reputation as a successful womanizer but, I found out from many of his ladies that he was impotent since he was 32! Comedy gold!
I went on one date that thought I was a brunette because I was pictured with my friend who was. The disappointment on his face and the words of "I thought you were a brunette but your a blonde. Just spoke about himself for an hour....so boring.
This reminds me of how to talk to new people. I grew up in a narcissistic home plus married to one, I have allot of these tendencies especially when nervous. I want to know more about people but when I get nervous I drone on about myself. I have a hard time with intimacy not because I don't want it I just never got it in my life. I am working on this. These are also clues to know if someone has been in a relationship with a Narcissist. I am an empath who also is very suggestive to others bad habits. I am learning, and I always kick myself for not asking questions about others, even if I want to ask, I always have a talk to myself saying ask them questions next time. I haven't dated anyone since getting a divorce. Sometimes people lack how to talk to others when their model was really bad.
You sound so much like me from years ago. Please be kind to yourself by knowing your self-worth! You are the equal of anyone in any room, no matter who they are. Setting boundaries attracts love and goodness to you and keeps out the riff-raff. Relax, and know the responsibility is not on you to impress anyone socially, especially a man, HE wants and is trying to impress YOU...let him! Then you can let him unfold as you both talk. Slow your mind down just one stop and let events unfold like a story.
In my experience, another small red flag is the "Fake Laughter". When someone laughs at things that aren't even funny. This is fake charm and the beginning of love bombing.
I believe it was Maya Angelou who said "When people show you who they are the first time, believe them."
I totally agree
Yep Anna Happen
He took off that mask after 9 years!!
One of my favorites!!
But, when a narcissist shows you who they are for the first time, it is mirroring. No?
If a man really likes you, he will want to know all about you. Talking about himself constantly is a huge red flag.
@ropey bird exactly to use it later on against u
Also keep in mind he may be using that information to see what he can use against you
plus if you keep trying to convince you that he's so nice and so fun
y and so Carefree
be careful about that
Or maybe just desperate or codependent or many other reason - if you are going to a date with this hunting for a narcisist mindset thats what you will find
But if he never talk about him self is actually worse red flag, from exp. they what to know stuff about you so they can copy paste your personality so you will like them.. Best is little about yourself, listen about the other person...around 50-50..trying to get to know each other.
Yes, A wise man once said “ Empty trucks make the most noise “.
My narc test is say "no". See how they try to bulldoze your boundary or dismiss your no.
Yes. It causes a narc wounding. They feel rejected.
This JUST happened to me 🥺 On the first date he kept trying to massage my neck and touch my hair. I had to threaten to end the date, then he just kept explaining his attempts ("but I'm just trying to massage your neck, just relax") then eventually he gave up and apologized the next day via text.
This "No test" is great for the Overt or mid range ones...when its coverts get the 'NO' they will keep quiet..mark the score card, and get on silent future revenge mode.. see the covert favourite.weapons.are.different. Overts like the sword, coverts like the cross bow n arrow or sniper rifle and malignants like a tank or bazooka..hope it relates to the impact of how it feel before death. But the actual weapons are different they are called silent treatment, induced conversation, gaslighting, double bind, etc etc.
I do that too 😅
If you want to weed them out real fast, cause an "embarassing" situation. Accidentally spill your water or accidentally trip them or bump them, knock something loud of a shelf. Most people will try to make you feel better or help you and laugh it off, but a narcissist will get angry or silent or poke fun at you so everyone knows it was your fault. They can't help it. A little embarrassment is worth not having to walk on eggshells for years with a malignant narcissist.
Thank you. That's something we all should do. You just nailed it with one way to out one. They are so obsessed with appearance and how the public sees them.
Brilliant! I fear I may be extra "clumsy" here soon as I return to the dating pool....
Oooh that's a great idea 💡
Sooo very true!!!
Awesome tip! Thank you!!!
I'm not so sure about the conversation being about them.. usually I find, the narcisstist when first meeting u listens very well. Bc they're studying u
Yeah, that's called love bombing and is a whole segment of the narc experience all on its own and is to always be distinguished from the typical communication with one.
That is usually the vulnerable 'Covert' narcissist. The typical overt narc are the ones who love bomb and brag about their accomplishments.
I think it depends on age and experience. I’ve met them in their 40’s after their failed marriages and relationships. Maybe they started out that way, but they learn how to adapt. I’m sure over many conversations with other lovers of all the things they did “wrong.” Then they put on the mask of the perfect partner. But it can only stay on so long. Idk why I’m starting to figure this all out when I’m 50. Better late than never! Peace to everyone watching this video. We are all here for a reason! 🙏🏻❤️
Mirroring as a demonic twin
Yesssss
When someone ignores your accomplishments and refuses to praise you for the good things you have done, that's definitely a narc.
Or be happy for your children!!!
A personal sign of narcs for me is constant fallouts with friends and its never their fault. There’s always some close but short friendship which went sour and “i didnt do anything”.
Online dating is the perfect hunting ground for narcissists. Tried it years ago and found it incredibly dysfunctional.
Unfortunately, this is true 😔
Yes I did match with one. Covert one.
There is hope in online dating too tho. Be hopeful.
@@DL-vibes Yes, different fate for everyone. Others found the one for them in that app.
Yes makes sense, it blends perfectly within the Narcs desire to get mental and emotional control of you before you can really assess their character, they know the mask will slip, and they want their hooks in before you unmask them.
My experience, if things annoy or disturb you about a person in the very beginning, that's usually just the tip of the iceberg!
That is very true.
Thank you Anne Bo's! You are sooo right !!
Exactly! That's your gut feeling. Must listen to it
Wise words
Omg this comment hit hard right now
I fell for the sneaky narcissist
Asked all about me
Question about everything, he listened to use against me later
That’s exactly right. Any information you give out CAN and WILL be held against you. It’s unbelievable 🤢
That's a covert trait. My Ex is a covert NPD.
me too
Amazing memory to YOUR details !!
The most dangerous. If someone uses personal stuffs against you, they're not truthworthy. Pure manipulation and devaluation. Definitely.
I’m an empath and am a magnet for narcissists. I’m on to them and recognize the signs very fast. My most common experience is being love-bombed. The very first clue i notice is pet names like “sweetie” or “baby”. Another one I notice right away, is when they claim all their exes are crazy. Reeeeally, bro?
I'm right there with you.
How soon do you think is too soon for pet names? Also, do you think beautiful is a pet name? As in, "Good morning beautiful".
Yes me too a magnet for narrcissist. Love bombing is the first sign. They want to lure you into bed straight away..
Immediate pet names like baby. Head for the hills !.
@@erikawilliams2837 completely a habit!!! It's so he doesn't mess up by saying the wrong name. It's not a compliment, it's sleazy and lazy
I think one of the big issues I've noticed is people lose confidence in their own 'gut' feelings once they have been in a narcissistic relationship or other abusive relationships, they can't work out or trust their own feelings, are they over reacting or not, that is where the danger lies, having lost faith in yourself and that's where the vulnerability and risk of becoming a victim (again) is.
My sister is a covert narcissist and she wouldn't do any of these things. Beware, covert narcissists are much harder to spot, yet so much more damaging to you.
100%!! I "graduated" from overt nacs to dating a covert narc because I thought he was the OPPOSITE of a narc but he was WAY WORSE.
@GG T87 that is not correct.
@@prometheuspredator7971 I hope you can help his wife get away from him, he does sound extremely dangerous.
@@christianone6611
I swore I’d never marry a narcissist like my day. My ex was Mr Perfect ..
The joke was on me lol
I dated one off and on for a year. I had no idea what a cluster B was until she randomly disappeared after 5 months. I learned more while she was away than when we were together. I’m glad she’s somebody else’s problem now
I don’t even date anymore. Being alone is not really fun but it does feel good to have no perfectionist a-hole bugging me and putting immense pressure on me.
Peace is priceless 🕊
I see your point clearly , I too have abstained from dating now as well
Take this time with yourselves to develop and grow, educate and think of you, the gifted person u are and what u want and diserve from a partner! And focus on this , constantly! And u will see good things happening! U may want to check out Dr. Joe Dispenza' s youtube...
All the best Lauren & Nathaniel !
Yep 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Lauren Harper
Sounds very quiete and lonely
1. Humble brag
2. Dominate the conversation
3. Love bombing
4. Blatant lies or embellishments
5. Sense of superiority and entitlement
6. Playing the victim
7. Cold or mean-spirited (lack empathy)
Humble brag is definitely a huge red flag that's hard to spot!
Thank you for posting the bullet points!
Embellish lies and playing the victim. Yeah, they good at that...
Wow these are all incredible!
Damn this man is like 4/7 😭😭
I think I heard somewhere that narcissists talk about themselves, meanwhile sociopaths keep you talking about yourself to get all the info on you they can
Good point.
That means the covert Narc is a.sociopath..bcoz.they do that..make u talk and they act cute and change topics when they dont answer questions posed to them.
Narcs can be sociopaths too.
Yes… scary!
Lookout for red flags 🚩🚩🚩. Red flags are things you note for reference if needed later, know your deal breakers, which is the boundary crossed where you have to walk away. Enough red flags can make a deal breaker. It’s worth writing your boundaries down and sticking to them like law for our own protection. Sending lots of love and strength to those of us victimised by a narcissist 💕
Very wise 👏 and thanks for stopping by for the premiere ❤🙏
@@CommonEgo thank you, that was great 💕
It’s funny that despite how many times the term “Red Flags” are used people romanticize relationships far too much, they’re not looking past the desires stirring within them, that “Fire Works” mindset dominates the thinking of most victims of Narcissists and the Narc knows it so they’ll play the soulmate role until they feel you’re far too committed to leave. My advice, Romanticize the wedding, not the interaction. Not easy, but very worthwhile.
@@unite4peace88 💯 thank you. If you have super clearly boundaries and deal breakers it sits like a self government that stops us from over romanticising, as you know your inner government could shut it down very easily. If you're serious about your boundaries you operate with logic and not emotion. I can never really stress enough how much we know truth in our gut and the cobination of it all protects us. We have to except there is evil in the world and the huge responsibility we have to take care of ourselves.
I agree with this.
You really don’t know they’re a narc until they devalue you.
Yes you do. Read their body language, eye contact or lack thereof, follow your gut instinct, listen for contradictions, there are signs.
My ex-narc did these -He complained about his marriage, love bombed me, texted incessantly, and had a really high opinion of himself, but was super-nice in an over the top kind of way. My new narc signals, painfully learned: ANYTHING that's over the top and not appropriate for the situation: too charismatic, too nice, too good to be true, too loving, too talkative, too anything - and I'm out of there. It's hard for me to spot the lies - unless they slip and say the opposite later on.
So true. We went on one date and 2 days later I came down with a sinus headache due to seasonal allergies and he sent me candy balloons and flowers. Fast forward 2 months later I had SURGERY and not only did he not come to see me or call me in the hospital, I had to have my mom take me and not even a card or text. He was too busy f’n my coworker at my apartment I found out. 🤦🏻♀️
Luckily my neighbor told me and I dumped him cuz he totally lied n was complaining about how busy he was at work WHILE I WAS RECOVERING n my neighbor was like um he was at your apartment with Lisa. Jerk!
It's true. They tend to overcompensate. One guy I dated was too funny; like every other word was a joke. He was legitimately funny, but I know that excessive humor is sometimes used to cover up darker qualities. As the Bible says, "Charm is deceptive..." So I cut him off and blocked his number. Sure enough, he called me from several different numbers and sent me angry texts. This is after knowing him for just two days. But yeah, they don't handle rejection very well at all.
I enjoy my freedom a lot too, specially after dating several narc, and being aware that there are many of them. God is my protection, and I know He is watching over me, to protect me from the predators. Be carefull because they also appear to be very empathic at the beginning. God Bless. Amen🙏
@Marty McFly II Thank you. Blessings. 🌻
@@prometheuspredator7971 Good for you!! We need to be carefull all the time, and pray to God and angels for protection against this predators. Hugs🌻
@@prometheuspredator7971 Same here- you speak the truth and summed it up well. Hope things are going more safely and smoothly for you. 💟
They can also be very good at listening and absorb everything you say. That will be used as weapons later on in the relation. Pay attention to those who never talk about themselves.
Not just dates. But mentors, friends, coworkers. It is scary.
Online dating is draining. For some reason, I attract men who tend to dominate the conversation right off the bat then wonder why they don't know anything about me lol
It's because you do not matter as a person to them, and you never will. To a narcissist, another person is only a source of energy-- meaning your energy-- to use. Because they are empty, empty, empty..and cannot be "saved" or helped or loved into wholeness. They don't think that there is anything wrong with them, either. They are literally energy vampires and are assisted by their very own gang of demons. Here's a scary truth: The narcissist has to constantly predate for supply because he is feeding (and being used by) those demons.
It’s the aloofness that shows me. Nose up in the air, laughing at their own jokes, touching you randomly, pet names after knowing them for a few hours. Way too comfortable razzing you or using inappropriate sarcasm. Talks shit about people and exes. Everything seems like they are forcing it. Disingenuous vibes.
Yes! They're arrogant, over-confident, they behave as if they're someone VERY important.
Why yes, you have been exposed to my toxic ex!
The pet name things weirds me out
The texting back fast enough thing is a huge red flag. There was a guy that I met in high school, we ran into each other later in life and he asked me out. I told him I wasn't emotionally available at the time but he still wanted to be friends. At the time I was working in a special needs school so I was not able to have my phone on me all the time. Long story short I walked out of work one day And my phone blew up with a million messages. Stupidly I attempted to explain that I did not have my phone on me during the work day, oh yeah that was not what he wanted to hear.... He later flipped the story claiming that he was dying of kidney disease and that's why he wanted to move quickly into a relationship... Well I looked him up years later after blocking him and he's still alive 🙄
i have to admit that is pretty creative
@@Sagefrakrobatik Saying you're dying to get into a relationship? XD
@@ARedMagicMarker yes?
@@Sagefrakrobatik lol
They always are alive! Like a cockroach hard to kill
Along with my intuition and natural gifts, I can almost immediately identify narcissists ever since being what I call being activated by one. I can identify them with minimal information and by how the victim is feeling. I want to share here that they are so common!! There are so many they're not rare, they're everywhere! And people who hang around them long enough become just like them!! Especially if in a relationship with one or have a parent that is one...
What do you mean by being activated?
@@grittygoddess Awakened, enlightened, informed, educated, experienced, empowered, illuminated, understanding, wise to.....
Exactly
Oh I agree absolutely they're' all the same dude just with a different skin suit and clothes. What cracks me up though is how they think everything they do is so original, like nobody's ever been clever enough to pull off such sorcery and you are just a mere fool under their total mind control because they're the bees knees, how could you not. When you're woke to spotting them you'll realize just how textbook they are and how pathetic that is.
I have recently dated a guy that on the first few weeks was already showing devaluation and passive aggressive comments... Acting like he knows better of everything. I've been trying to cut him off for ages but he keeps coming back, now trying really hard to please me. Yuck.
Oh no. You might want to thank him for showing his true colors so quickly 😔
Run, Alice! Run! 😄
Me too in a span of weeks.
Block him completely out of your life. He'll soon get fed up and move onto his next victim. It'll be hard for you at first because of any addiction you may have had towards him, but you'll feel better in time. 🍒
@@cherrybacon3319 nah, I don't even like him. He is annoying.
I met a man on a blind date some years ago. He immediately pulled out his cell phone (right then and there--didn't ask me anything) and gleefully called up his mother and happily told her that he was bringing me to their upcoming family reunion! Yes, I was very dumb and naive at that time--and failed to see the disordered implications behind his impulsive and childish actions. Go figure--no doubt--he turned out to be a controlling, narcissistic, hot mess of a creature!
Hi - how long did you go out with him? Glad you got away!
@@leejay2418 A year and a day too long! I had absolutely no emotional boundaries and was basically conditioned to be seen and not heard--like a "trophy". But I bet you, I got a wake up call and will never be anyone's favorite lunchbox again.
I wish I had someone who explained all these things to me before I started dating. Based on all these, I realize I've dated narcissists all my life. My current husband was a lot of these on the first day. But since I didn't have a lot of experience in dating, I just thought it was normal.
Retro Barbie.. don't feel like the Lone ranger. I have been friends with a NP for over 10 years & , only last year I began to learn about her personality disorder. .We are still in touch but now I know what I'm dealing with. It helps!
One of my girl friends is probably a NP too. She would call me when she s driving, and she would hang up when she arrived her destination. And she would even tell me on my face that she s using me to kill time while driving... I distanced her right away!!
Same!! I only wish I had this information when I was a teenager and starting to date. I have been with 3 different narcissists and wasted precious yrs with these dysfunctional people.
Finally I am learning to immediately look out for the red flags.
I'm so sorry to hear this! I really think we need to be more open about narcissism and how to recognize these behaviors. Seems like narcissism and dating are a common thing. But no one really talks openly about it. Inexperienced teens start dating and when the love-bombing begins they have no idea they should run the other way!
After being in relationships with 2 covert narcissists, my experience is that they are so sneaky they can be very hard to identify for several months, let alone on a first date, especially if they are intelligent.
This!! 🎯🎯
They are most difficult to Spot 😂
My ex narc husband asked me questions in the beginning, but not to get to know me in a good way, but to see if I would be the “supply” that he needed. He was “sizing” me up. They’re just heartless human beings.
...same here
They sure are!!! Trying to get away from one now, my husband is a religious narc, extremely covert.
Jan theinquisitive1 stay safe🙏
Human beings? That’s highly debatable.
What kind of questions?
for me, its whenever someone thinks things are always someone else's fault (a.k.a. they are ALWAYS this perpetual victim, that they never did anything wrong)
This is true. They can find fault in everyone and everything. When you walk away from them you feel like you need to shower to get the grime off.
Unless you keep on having to deal with these narcissists...they are everywhere! Dating, work, church, socially!!
Very true
I’m getting better at this and I’m so proud of this empaths growth
Good for you! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Those were all good tips and I'll keep them in mind. You are so right about trusting your gut but people can really still surprise me. The nice young man who has done snow plowing here for a couple of years surprised me yesterday while he was doing a side job in my yard. I told him that using his machine wasn't working out because it was ripping up the ground and he threw a temper tantrum, and said he was going to walk off the job if it was "going to be like that". I held my own Irish temper and came up with some solutions so he did finish the job, but I won't hire him again for anything. When I told him he might want to consider being less reactive with customers in the future if there's a problem, he acted like he was the victim and I was at fault. There are many angry people now because we are all under a lot of pressure so be careful to get to know someone really well before you let them into your life. I've been divorced a year now and I think I'd rather get a couple more dogs and maybe some ducks instead of another man. :)
Ive been alone for 15 years now, the last narc was the last straw, I have my dog and my hobbies, and thats all I need, Im afraid to do on-line dating, too many weirdos.
Good idea! 😍
Everyone will be nice if money is involved even a malignant narcissist. But when you tell them what to do or an error that’s when they throw all there toys out of the pram
This is very very good. Two months ago I ended a toxic year long relationship . He showed every sign that was just explained. . I was very vulnerable from losing my wonderful boyfriend of 4 years just 5 months before meeting this guy. I’m 59, have grown up with a narcissistic mother and brother, then married a covert narcissist for 23 years. I thought I was healed it had been 17 years since I had been around narcissism. Well let me tell you something. The guy I just left was a narcissistic psychopath from hell. I didn’t know there were actually people like this amongst us. I am still dumbfounded by this. If I have learned anything it would be to go with that gut feeling and walk away immediately.
Be careful out there
Listen to your intuition and see how they treat wait staff and test them with the word no 👍 up Christina,and don't let them move to fast .
👏👏👏
Good advice!
@@MiaMichelucci000 thank you, look out for all the red flags 👍
Some are getting smart to treating waitstaff well because it is so publicized, so that can be hit or miss, but you nailed it with telling them no, that is hugely crushing to them. Another is hold them to one of their love-bomb promises and see what happens. Could turn into future faking, denial they said it, or fury at having to follow through. Carefully watch facial expressions and eyes, the mask only slips for a nano second in the beginning.
@@itsjustme5030 yes that's true, and I noticed that they have drama, and some half to be the center of attention,but the covert narcissist set's back and studies you like a shark 🦈 in the water, they're the silent ones, normally they are quiet because they think everyone owes them something,they are the one's that's hard to spot, I found a good way to spot them out, they play the victim act, like everyone is out to get them or jealous of them.
Years ago I went on an online date with a very good looking man. He dominated the conversation fully. I had tried talking a few times only to be interrupted. He has so much to say. At the end of the date he walked me to my car and just started heavily kissing me unprovoked. He wanted to go down to the beach because he had a bottle of wine he wanted to share with me. I was a little fearful and passed of course. It was after midnight. I wasn’t even on the freeway when he was already sending me multiple text messages. I basically said good night to him and that was it. The next day I am at work and I was called to the front security desk where a vase of a dozen red roses awaited me. I was pissed and a little afraid. Later, he asked if I got his gift. I said thank you but I don’t like this and ended it. Yikes 🤦🏻♀️ I knew what love bombing was... oh yeah he talked shit about his ex. So many red flags.
@Mary Carroll ugly men can be charming and attractive. 😁
@mz. white Nailed it! Knowing how they operate is so incredibly beneficial. Glad to hear you are out of that marriage. 👏
Yup it is all in that intuition. That is major. I too have had too many painful life lessons from not trusting my gut. It is so huge!
I enjoy my freedom immensely,, but if I ever dated again , I can surely spot a narcissist from the get go !!
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 #Goals
They can also pepper you with questions and keep YOU talking about yourself, all the while “gathering” info and fuel for later and successfully avoiding divulging anything about themselves. It’s the opposite of obsession with themselves but IMO; far more harmful. It’s overt vs covert.
I've learned that same lesson the hard way... ALWAYS listen to your gut!! *hugs*
My ex is a narcissist and now I know. He made me feel like I was the problem. He showed all the red flags but I was too busy pitying him to notice. He lied to me numerous times. He was always in the right. We always did what he wanted and I was slowly loosing myself. I missed him even when he hurt me. He even told me I was imagining a relationship between us while telling me he loved me. Eventually he decided he had enough of me and disappeared. That's the best thing ever happened to me. I couldn't let go. I was in a loop as he was hot and cold. I felt like trash and now I have trust issues.
You're free now, congrats! Your ability to trust will return with time. If this is really impacting you still, please don't hesitate to reach out for professional help. Life's to precious and short to let some asshat suck it out of you.
Namaste!
@@annahappen7036 Thank you Anna. Namaste!
💕💙💕
Humble brag, dominates conversation, love bombing, lies/embellishments, superiority complex/entitlement attitude, playing the victim, lack of empathy
Sounds like one of my brothers, every single thing matches him, smh...
I actually prefer a man 'peacocking' and will ask questions to get more information. Then I decide if I want to see him again and reveal myself. A man who grilled me about my life would make me uncomfortable because it could mean he was looking for information to manipulate me. So use your intuition.
BIngo!
Its a dance, no? Ebb and flow.
Thank you for this video. I've been involved with 2 narcissists. I NEVER WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN. NEVER. I educate myself on this topic regularly now.
Vulnerability is higher when there is a craving for a cheerleader. Narcs study others so well so they look so valuable
I still feel very toxic even after all this time. I’ve been isolated two years longer than Covid because I had to get away from 51 years of narcissistic abuse. I am the scapegoat. I do not wish to trauma dump on any new relationships so I am still working on my self and healing.. I know I’m not ready to get out there at all! But I have a lot of good days now and feel more peace without any of them in my life. The best part about it, is that there is no more crazy people screaming in my face!! I refuse to be mistaken for a narcissist. So as long as I still feel any resentment and this “need for Justice”, I’m not ready to join the human race
Not all of the signs are gonna come out on a first date or when you first meet them, sometimes it takes months or years for narcs to show their true selves.
That might be the case if you aren't their primary target when you first meet. Listen carefully, however. Most narcissists aren't smart enough to completely hide their narcissism. And NEVER take someone at face value.
Ohh if you know the signs you can thinks back and see they had them
Usually one month if its a covert female narcissist. They cannot play charades for too long!
It might take years to fully recognize the syndrome only if you are not aware of the traits when you meet and have no knowledge of narcissism throughout the relationship. Once you understand who these people are you really can spot them after a couple of online or in-person meetings.
@@AustraliaUnmasked1984 true in a span of a weeks and month. Love bombing is evident. Insisting to fast/quick the relationship. Overwhelming desire of meeting in person, affection, attention. I remember he told me to send him a message or greet him as soon as I wake up (manipulation/control). I know he was quite upset that I forgot to greet him. Not really guilty though because we just recently met/talk online.
The entitlement complex is the epitome of a narcissist.
Public information like this is so useful, however, it is somewhat scary. A narcissist can watch this and learn. When we get better at identifying the signs, they become more crafty. I’ve watched enough crime shows to only discover that even sociopath serial killers learned from therapists how people should/shouldn’t behave, what is acceptable/unacceptable, and it only made them better at manipulating others.
They do watch and learn.
Narcs have always been good students of human behavior. Does it really matter where they get their lessons? As hard as they try though, their weakness is that they cannot completely control their tendencies. They can try, and they'll be successful with uninformed people here and there but that is why this public information is so useful and important. The more people who know about them, the better.
@@tulanzuya very true, you’re right. I do wish I had seen this before I had met the narcissist I dealt with. Maybe I would have been more keen to the initial behaviors, but also I know I wasn’t in my right mind, so I was an easy target.
@@Raaachyyyyy - It seems they are versatile in many ways. Both of mine swooped in when I had achieved something great and was on top of the world. What I had built, they were determined to destroy. With a little more practical knowledge I could have avoided allowing them to do that, but alas, these forums did not exist and I had no idea of the patterns, as they were different kinds of narcs on the surface.
This list works for overt narcs, but not for covert one, or even one's who are older with lots of practice honing their narcissistic skills. Problem is a covert Narc. will fake empathy and act like they want to know everything about you. The covert acts humble. Say no to something or disagree with the person. Also tell them something fake like you feel inferior about having say brown eyes instead of blue and how you always feel inferior around others with blue eyes...see if they begin commenting on all the people with blue eyes over time to trigger your feelings of inferiority.
This great
Wow! There have been a lot of narcissists around me all my life. They cause quite a bit of pain. I have a few good friends who are definitely NOT narcissistic. Thank God for them! Having those friends in my life brings healing.
Now I have a list. I was sitting there knowing something was terribly off - my date checked almost every box. Love the love bomb definition. I kept saying we just met and he steam rolled right over...great video.
Went on a date he didn’t ask me one Single question about me. Make a stupid joke at my expense, drove really fast when he was taking me back home. When I told him I didn’t think we were compatible he kept calling a lot until i picked up and he convinced me for a second chance. Made plans for a second date forgot about it.The next day wanted to come to meet me to bring flowers (it was a surprise) i refused. Total mess so glad I got rid of him
Christiana I love your videos. I should have spotted my 4th narcissist (the final discard was 2 days ago) after 3 narcs before him. I am also a domestic abuse survivor. I know a lot about abusive relationships. However I wind up in them unfortunately.
Your videos are so insightful and true. Very spot on!
It's just like you said the love bombing started about 2-3 weeks after we began talking. We (Narc #4 and I) met on Instagram (beware you guys). I only wanted to be friends or acquaintances. We both connected as artists. I thought this would be different. Boy was I wrong!! After being love bombed for several weeks. I let myself fall in love with him. Even though there were all of these red flags.
1.Narc #4 was the wounded artist who was done wrong by everyone in his life....exes, past co workers, family members, classmates ...
2. Narc #4 Dominating the conversations or the other end of the spectrum silence. There were times when he would be completely silent to make me question if something was wrong.
3. Narc #2 had elaborate stories and was the hero in everyone. For example, he worked on a boat with Don Henley. In his story, Don Henley was a complete jerk to him. Let's see there was the story of him getting struck by lightening. He considered himself the small town celebrity because he won a book writing contest. The book made absolutely no sense and he is yet to get it published.
Narc #3 would always say sorry. He said it so much that it was never sincere. It was just something he said. The other narcs showed no empathy or compassion. Run away from people who have no empathy/sympathy. I totally agree.
4. Constantly correcting things I said. They all do this. It is a way to devalue a person by making them feel uneducated. They have this need to always be right or to appear to be the smartest person.
5.A narc will take you out on a date but you will regret it. They are not kind. They don't like doing anything for anyone. They only care about themselves. They like sticking to a routine. They dont like going out. If it is something you want to do they will force their selves to go. Narcs begin controlling where you go and what you do until you are only doing what they want.
I first perceived them as being cheap or frugal with spending money. The truth is that they can be very extravagant spending money when it's something they want/want to do. You may prefer to pay for yourself. They will pay the bill but they will be seething.
Not all narcs are like this. It varies. Paying separate bills is okay. Just look for red flags. Both parties should want to pay. The point is that they should offer.
After dating 4 narcs, I should have been able to break the cycle of meeting them. I just don't realize until it's too late.
I just wanted to share my experiences. I hope it helps someone. Hopefully I recognize signs sooner. I dread online dating now. All the narcs I have met have been online. Plenty of Fish, Chemistry, Bumble, and now Instagram...All people are different. Everyone is not a narc. However proceed with caution when dating online.
I am getting a lot out of watching your videos. Thank you for posting them.
If it's only one or two of them that doesn't mean they are narcissists. For example, correcting people may come naturally to people who value truth and honesty or knowledge above everything else. As long as they can take it back when they are in the wrong and do it gracefully. No matter what the signs are if the person has the ability to self-reflect, take accountability and you can communicate it to them then they are not narcissists despite having these traits. Some people who are immune to narcissists may display some narcissistic behaviour themselves but it doesn't come from the same place as those. Because we can't expect people to have NONE of the above flags in NO circumstance. Some people can be perfectly nice, empathetic but might have a past trauma where if the buttons are pushed they'll behave unpredictably. It's what happens afterwards and how pervasive these behaviours are that would matter.
Well this video is awesome
I’ve experienced these signs and sadly ignored them. Breaking the cycle is the best feeling ever. Thank you for your great advice. Really important video. Thank you xo
I'll add: subtle testing of boundaries. It could be them "negging" you and disguising it as a joke, when in reality they're just slightly knocking you down; also some slight push-pull or hot and cold on the first date can happen. It's this strange feeling that while they seem so into you, you just don't know where you stand with them.
Yes so many of those “it was just a joke” moments.
If the other person is disrespectful to the waitstaff, or employees of an establishment, I have found to be a red flag.
Kat Brinson That's a huge red flag and a very easy one to spot too! I also notice when people don't put their rubbish in bins etc after eating in food courts. 🙂
#6 is a tricky one as so many people play the victim card, that it's almost have become the norm.
Yes became a norm even you are not a narcissist, people these days do that and I met a lot in my own experience.
#3 love bombing. You aren't at all wrong about the other signs, but as someone who was in a relationship with an emotionally and physically abusive narcissist for 10 years (as well as now coparenting with him), I will say that the others were never apparent in the first couple of months. Everything you mention became blatantly clear later, but in the beginning all I can honestly look back on and say I missed was the love bombing. Too quick, too soon. That is my new red flag. True narcissists are more deceptive than that in the first few months, and especially on a first date. All signs are absolutely there in the end, but no way on a first date. If they showed their colors from the start, few people would fall into their trap.
EXACTLY!... For me it wasn't classic love bombing at first.. it was more the person supressing the Narcissism and forcing themselves to act normal.. and also mirroring me so as to seem like the perfect match.. the result of that was 3 to 4 months of a perfectly well behaved and quality person, which, was easy to fall for. Once I fell for the fake personality , then the true colors Rose to the surface. Then I spent a substantial amount of time trying to find the person I fell for thinking she was still inside somewhere... Which was the whole plan.
@@trevorforrester3142 YES, I can relate to that so much. I think you better stated what I was trying to relay... it's the mirroring thing, doing everything to give the impression they are your perfect match. I would add that the other red flags appearing so much later make me nervous about dating again. I think I distrust the ability to find the red flags early on, because some took up to 2 years to appear. I was with mine for nearly 10 years and literally learned so much more of this in the last year of our marriage. That's intimidating, because the "best"/most manipulative narcissistic sociopaths reveal things so painfully slowly and gradually. By the time you have a clear picture, you may already have a child or be so deeply invested. It's sick, I hate it. And I caution everyone, coparenting with a narcissist is the most scary and stressful thing ever. I can't escape or "gray rock" him, and my biggest fear is our son experiencing what I have. He is only 5 and knows only good from his dad, and I have never spoken negatively about him with our son, and I support their bond. But in the back of my mind I'm always scared he will hurt him. It's impossible to win, because I know it's vital my son can never think that I stood in the way of his relationship with his dad, but I am secretly dreading him experiencing first hand how his dad just will never empathize or care. And his rage... I pray that never happens
@@kelseyritter9080 It's like some Narcissist are in touch with a more realistic approach to appearing normal at first. It is as though the Narcissist has confidence that he/she can and will win you over without using the amateur and more noticeable scheme of lovebombing. Maybe because he/she is at a more advanced level of "Playing the game" at this point, and no longer take chances with getting identified with such novice behavior.. I don't know but some Narcissist definitely don't fit the mainstream behavioral description when winning a person over. NOW, once he/she has you locked in and are confident you're not going anywhere.... it is then they are less guarded, and Begin demonstrating the classic traits of Narcissism. Leaving you blown away wondering what just happened and where do I find the person I fell in love with? At this point they have you in their web and it may take years for you to see what all time new lows they can sink to, to make your life Hell.
@@kelseyritter9080 The Best way to recognize and discard one of these Narcissist before they lock you into that deceptive loop of misery is to have STRONG boundaries. Clear, upfront, defined boundaries that you are actively watching for so as to see it in real time as it unfoldes. Be hypersensitive to the behavior you will not tolerate without losing common sense. Don't be so taken by his/her charm that you miss, overlook, or blow off bad behavior. Be willing to walk away and know you deserve better.
@@trevorforrester3142This is perfectly correct..The main problem is Broken people trying to date ..note if you have gone through any form of narcissistic Abuse be sure to heal so you can be whole enough to have boundaries..
Even if it's not Narcissism.... At the very least it's clinginess for someone to need to be texting all the time one week into the relationship, and clinginess is not attractive especially if it's coupled with someone being upset if you don't respond in some predesignated time frame they have in their head. If anything attraction is built by not being so available through texting. It allows the other person to wonder about the other person. It creates positive mystery. One of the main things a person who's been involved in a Narcissistic relationship before needs to do is define boundaries that they will not compromise on.. and as soon as you see a boundary being breached.. make it known that it will not be tolerated which will demand respect. This will communicate to the other person that you don't mind walking away and you will if it continues. That said, one of the worst mistakes that can be made when making boundaries clear is to also say those boundaries exist because of this one person in your past... Just let it be seen as your boundaries in general. If you say you have boundaries because of a particular person in your past... They will say things like I'm not him or her ... Or you're comparing me to this person, which distracts from and takes all the power out if your boundaries. It needs to seem like the boundaries you have are just who you are without giving reasons why those boundaries exist. Part of your personality. This leaves no room for discussion, or changing the subject.. All they need to know is if they do it ... it's a deal breaker.. and see ya later...
This is very helpful. Thank you
The person I was dealing with was extremely clever and charming. He was overly friendly with waitstaff and never talked badly about his exes, and he could take some ownership over our issues (though nothing was his fault). When I started questioning the validity of the relationship he even used the term “self sabotaging” against me. Trust your gut first and foremost!
I just experienced this! I’ve been watching these videos to determine whether he’s a narc or not.
@@laurelmalinowski1676 Chances are if you’re reaching out and watching these types of videos, you either don’t feel heard, or seen or validated. Meaning there could at the very least, be some toxic behaviour going on. The universe shows you signs as well, pay attention. I wish you the best of luck. Move passed it with a better understanding of narcissistic traits, and with a lesson learned. ✨
Yeah I went on a date with a girl who was eager to talk about our future, how many kids we’d have etc. That scared me so I pulled back. We went on a second date (I like her alot though but my eyes were open). The next day she said “So, now that we are exclusive…” I said…hold up we never agreed to that. Had to cut her off after that.
all my recent first dates conversations are narcissistic people. Every single thing has checked from this video. Thankfully I catched them quickly and cut them off
OMG! My ex-husband did all of that! I was really naive back then, didn't know anything about narcissists. Now I know exactly what to look for. Waisted 8 years of my life with that jerk. Thank you for sharing this.
I dated a complete narcissist for about a year and he displayed EVERY one of these signs before I knew what I was dealing with. 😳
💜💜💜
We probably dated the same guy- except mine was married and gay...
....gosh you managed to last a year!
Very good information...I actually had a relationship with a NPD...he was very skilled at charming me for about 6 weeks, but at the time my self esteem was not good, and I knew nothing about narcissism. I was fortunate to get out alive after 2 years, and get into counseling where I learned I had been raised my a NPD mother, setting me up for every narcissist. Love bombing is a huge red flag. My advice is for people to get books on the subject because it is so complicated.
I feel how much trouble you had. Having NPD parents makes us vulnerable as we cant set appropriate boundaries
@@rkshovon you are so right...I had a hard time figuring out I can say no, or go no contact. I didn’t think my opinion mattered.
One of my narc exes(sadly there's more than one, sneaky covert slipped under my radar) gave off the first red flag before we even went on our first date. We met on the first day of a new job and before the group training class had started, all us new hires were waiting in the lobby just chatting and milling about. I noticed the narc right away b/c he was the tallest one in the room, like a whole head taller than even the men. Dude looked like a slightly less buff Thanos. Anyway, the manager finally came in and tried to get our attention but not everyone heard him, so he repeated himself. Before he even finished the sentence the narc all of a sudden just _bellowed_ "QUIET!!!" Of course that got everyone's attention lol. I didn't think much of it at first, but after we started dating I realized that him thinking he can just take over a situation and intimidate a whole group of people like that was a huge red flag.
From my experience, a narcissist knows how to look like he is a saint in a believable way.
Absolutely. My ex husband is a prime example.
All of the above. From someone who is divorced from an NPD, this is spot on.
I see how this is trying to help, but I believe this only helps with open narcs which are a minority. Most of narcs behave mirroring you and know exactly how to put the best show ever for you as audience. My ex narc was the kindest with the waiter, the classier with me, he listened and paid attention, he was discreet...he made me the center of his universe for months and then, the mask slipped when he lost control in a situation, and he became so aggressive I did not even understand what was going on. And then he went back to adorable, and every now and then I would see the other face.
They're so difficult to figure out, if this can help please note the following, the biggest red flag we need to pay attention to is (in my humble opinion and based on my experience with the narc):
If someone lacks you of respect once, step back and observe. If they lack you of respect twice, leave and go no contact. That's it, that's what you want to teach your kids too. Lack of respect is a no go. And it is narcs' give away Aquiles' heel.
Looking backwards now, I realize how the first lack of respect started a pattern that I could have killed in the egg. Nothing ever changed, not with therapy, not with extra love, not with compassion or patience, or meditation or Yoga or chakra healing or Unicorns' poo ;) He set a pattern and I let him do it, he sticked his poison and by my decision of staying the poison travelled throughout my body paralyzing me completely. That's how they destroy us, little by little.
DA, You are dead on! Polished narcs don't give themselves away until after a long time (when you're hooked), and in the meantime you believe you're in a healthy relationship with a fantastic person. They are too smart and experienced to make amateur mistakes. It is the lack of respect where they will eventually show their true colors. We just have to watch for it and be ready to walk away.
@@karenrobargemacon68 Yes, unfortunately I was not born wise, what I know I do because of 3 years of insane crazy making nightmare...
Another advice and learning from my experience: I feel now that being ensnared by a narc is like being absorbed by a Cult. Same patterns: first they give you infinite, unconditional love, they become the reference of pure love and best than family, then little by little they isolate you, they make you doubt of friends and family, and then at some point they suck your soul and take everything they can from you, guess at the end they drop you like an used condom ;)
I was not discarded, I escaped so did not experienced the discard but I had 80/20 love/devaluation for 3 years. And it drove me crazy trying to understand how could I have failed so miserable by losing such a pure love. I wonder how shitty had I been for losing the unconditional love I was had. Felt worthless, unworthy, a failure...
Then, one day you remember who you were before. You look at the narc and you realize and remember that he was not even really your type, that he is not really that good or interesting or anything. And that the insults and narc tantrums were devil-like and you draw the line, that fucking line you should have drawn the first time there was a lack of respect.
Boom!! .. you hit it on the nail head.
@@karenrobargemacon68 THIS is also the dynamic that the oxymoron enters in.... The one where others say "There must be something wrong or broken inside you for being in this relationship with an abusive partner".... And to that I would say YES! IF, the person was abusive from the beginning, but as you say if they were polished and you actually thought you were in a healthy relationship for 4 or 5 months before they showed their true colors.... Then it is not because there's something wrong with you. Also if you stick around longer trying to get the person back you fell in love with... That doesn't mean there's something wrong either. It means you fell in love with a fake person. A farce.... It means you had no other reason to believe otherwise. Makes me sick when people attempt to victimize the victim twice, using words like codependent loosely, and children of alcoholics... when your parents weren't alcoholics. ..
@@trevorforrester3142 there is a video in Spanish that explains domestic abuse with a great analogy, I love it.
It says that if you try to boil a frog alive you will never manage if you put it into the boiling water right away, as when the frog will feel the boil it will jump and escape.
Instead, you put the frog into warm water creating a great pleasant environment and then little by little, very slowly you make it warmer and warmer. The frog body temperature adapts to the warmer water until a point in which it cannot resist it anymore because it is boiling.
At that point, the frog wants to escape but its legs do not respond and it is boiled alive.
This image really is something, right? I think victims of narcs and cults and any abusive relationships can really relate. Very powerful analogy.
So when you feel a strange warm feeling - RUN! If you were wrong about it you can always come back, but run just in case do not stay in the water.
I dated a guy who brought a framed 8x10 picture of himself as a child with him when he picked me up for our first date to show me how cute he was. Turned out to be the most narcissistic person I’ve ever met. I should have run....
The man I dated sent me a picture also when he was a child through a messaging app 😅 t’was too fast and weird. I just told him he’s cute (for real he was cute in the picture he sent). Love bombing so evident. Not only that, he also send the picture of his mom and dad 😀
Yes I received a lot of pictures right away.
@@nicolemckenzie5308 weird right? Who would do that to someone you just recently met. Our intuition is alert right away. Something is off..
@@whitecornelia12 It's crazy. I wondered later on, as we were dating, if he even knew these people?!! 😂 One of the baby pictures is a girl. I am thinking wait! You switched over?? Lol It is clearly a girl. He swears it's him. He also sent his parents wedding photo.
Wow. Never thought of it as love bombing, but it so obviously is. I just thought he was awkward and self-absorbed. He told me he loved me less than 3 weeks in. It never felt right. I went back and forth with him for years. 🙄
While someone talking about themselves a lot can be a red flag, do try to talk about yourself equally aggressively. They may simply be - hard of hearing (like my dad was), - terribly clumsy and nervous about talking to someone , or - not wanting to ask you questions you don't want to answer (and want you to volunteer what you DO want to talk about)... BUT in combination with other signs, like how they react to not getting their way, ok, it fits..
I prefer they talk about themselves, and I ask lots of questions, because I dont lIke talking about myself much. I would rather find out about them.
The first second I met my ex, right when we said hi how are you to each other, right away she told that she was complimented by a guy two blocks away on her way to me , and how he told her she look very nice and she's attractive....
I should have never look back after that date ended, I lost 6 years of my life with her, she was top notch abusive, racist, jealous narcissistic person, but it's never late, I just left and will start divorce process and no contact, I deserve better.
NEVER EVER IGNORE RED FLAGS
Mine she didn't talked about herself that much on the first date but she was love boming me from the beginning non-stop and she showed such interesting to know every details of my life from the first minutes ( but that was getting and storing data to use against me in the future and she did ) .
I had been talking to my narc for 6 weeks prior to meeting. Our first date he got really drunk(he totaled his car earlier). He kept bringing up how I changed locations, and he really wanted to eat at that restaurant. Later he told me his mom had been asking about me, and showed my picture. She commented how pretty my daughter was, he asked what she thought of me? She said she’s not your type, she looks like a lady of the night! I was shocked! Who would repeat that? But, nope ran right through that red flag!
Sounds like you dodged more than one bullet with that Momma's boy. Seriously, can't he think for himself as a grown man? He needs his mother's approval of you? I would be willing to bet that that guy will be single for a long time, if not, the rest of time. His mom doesn't want him to have anyone else.
Yes, he had that victim mentality with exes, emphasizing SHE was always to blame for the relationship ending, but NEVER him: "I stopped dating her bc she drank too much....I didn't like her bc she wanted me to wine & dine her...I ended things bc she didn't tell me she loved me...It didn't work out bc she was too independent for me." He had an attitude that his actions could never cause a past relationship to end.
Fantastic advice. My ex was such a covert narc I'd have been hard pressed to spot it on a first date but I'm seeing these red flags with my current online dating experience!
I just found Mental Healness channel, and wow. You guys are a wealth of knowledge and education. I wish I had found you years ago.
Thanks for this video.It’s unfortunately hard to see this “in the moment” but intuition is always right.... I started noticing red flags and “filed” them... felt it was weird early on to ask me certain questions and very quick to say my answers were “red flags.” Then the arguments over stupid things started happening most recently I was told “we were never dating” despite multiple dates, him bringing up marriage, kids, etc. which seemed super fast. now trying to slip away during the devaluation stage (told I’m dramatic when calling him out on inappropriate comments, he’s not willing to listen, told me I need to lose weight, etc). Want to tell him he’s a DSM axis 2 but I know it won’t be heard and only cause rage. In the end, I was the vulnerable one and I still don’t know him.... ugh! What a waste of time to say the least.
I'm not ready to date right now but when I'm ready I will refere to your video. Thank you so much for helping me see what I needed to do to get out of a very toxic relationship of 16 years.
My narcissist woman is all these things. She also wanted to know all about me too, very engaging. Covert all the way. Wish I knew five years ago what I know now.
Number 8 should be, they have a personalized license plate on their car. Narcissists love to be noticed and this is one of the ways that some of them get the attention that they crave. That was my "red flag" with my ex that I didn't pay attention to (my bad) and she is a case study in narcissism.
I lived with a narc for 25 years so I need to work on these things too. Thank you.
How about identifying a covert narcissist? As it is almost quite impossible to recognize any signs as they are full of attention and nice on the first date and can be for months ? It seems it is too late when we finally identify them ..
Christina I need a house tour. Your background is so minimalist and beautiful I spend time every video trying to picture the rest!!
@UCr2BvNs7pmdwmxXVTsiulbw haha I don’t mean it to be creepy. I’m a girl and I love minimalist decor. She has setup such a nice backdrop for her videos but I just think about what she’s done with the rest of it. That’s all.
@@thenightporter ya she’s def in front of a green screen
That request makes no sense. Her channel isn’t about home decor or minimalism so why would she film a house tour? That’s crossing a huge privacy boundary as well. I understand to compliment someone but to make a request about something like this is truly strange. You do not “need” to see her house.
@@magnolia2 Oh relax. Stephanie Lyn’s channel is about self help too and people request her makeup routine and style guides. Is that crossing a boundary? Maybe. It was a comment made in jest I’m pretty confident Christina understands I don’t “need” a home tour or even cares about this comment. Considering you’re most likely on here for self help you should find something more fulfilling to do than critiquing people’s comments.
For me its always is the gut feeling ... if something feels offf cause it is .
(Even not on a date, because I personally don't go on dates) Before watching, here's what I think the signs are. Currently living with my narcissistic dad and stepmom. Also working in retail. These ae signs you'd notice being with them for a week
1. They dodge a lot of your questions. (Their inability to hear or selective hearing)
2. They make everything rocket science. - Meaning they think things that's usually easy for everyone is SO HARD. - Like for example, my dad has future faked me for 3 years about learning to drive. He thinks it takes ALL THIS LEARNING when it's simple, almost anyone can drive and he makes it rocket science for someone as smart as me to drive.
3. They ramble on and on about themselves.
4. You feel like they're entitled.
5. They mirror you. - They follow you around and they do everything you do.
6. They confuse you. - When they use word salads and say things that literally make no sense.
7. Love bombing. - Same tactic my dad used to get me into his house
I hate on line dating. An dont do it very often
It's sad, but online dating has almost become a surefire way to meet at least one narcissist or sociopath 😔
Thank You for your video series
I Learn so much about myself. Do I do these things to other humans
I try so HARD to try and Listen NOW to what the other Person says, there Likes. What you say is very EYE opening to Look at myself.
You are not a NARCISIST. 🙌❤
Good on you for looking within. I am also doing the same.
@@rm7910
I have done some of this Before.
I HATE it when people do it around me. My Past work Life. Boy it was FULL of them. Thank You for Kind comments. I Like the Video series. Just so I can Learn. When I see other People DOING it NOW. Myself won't just get MAD. that's the Response they want.
I can UNDERSTAND what they are Doing.
Try spotting a COVERT Narracist are difficult good luck!!! It takes years to figure it out unless your a trained professional and even they miss it!
Took me 3 yrs to figure out my covert narcissist spouse! I’m in the process of a divorce now! I’m so thankful it wasn’t 30 yrs!!!
@@melissapowell7404 my ex is with his brother in laws little sister now and guess what? She is a social worker and realionship expert! She is about to get an education of a life time and she has two kids from two different marriages already. I feel bad for her but it’s always heaven in the beginning! The problem is those kids and her being manipulated and gaslighted. It messes kids up big time! The sick stuff they do! I still can’t believe I was so stupid! I studied psychology too! He hated psychology and dropped out of therapy and had excuses for years. Maybe. He will go for her. He went for me 5 or 6 times and each one was disaster
I am getting better at stepping back from anyone that flatters me when they actually do not know me. Either gender is suspicious for acting as if we have any commitment or connection without substance.
True. False flattery makes me distrustful. Except when it's based on my actions or something superficial like what I am wearing. Basically, you know what you deserve to be complimented on and what is unwarranted or exaggerated. But cerebral narcissists are smarter than that so I prefer people who are blunt and communicative about it in situations when a conflict arrives. If you are able to resolve conflicts with someone and they are genuine about their intentions and take accountability then at least they are authentic.
Ty yes temptation over senses for sure...
Not a date but a coworker who I developed a close association with, I can't believe I missed all these warning signs - "gay best friend" after a few weeks, using the R word when describing students we worked with and then denying they said it by saying that there were no witnesses around, a real problem with being told "no", being the victim in past relationships where there was something wrong with the other person.
The funny thing is they say it's always someone else... Yet you can tell by just talking to them that there had to be more than what's being mentioned involved.
Intuition and trusting your gut are key. You need to listen to your inner self and NOT over think.
Even if that person is not Cluster B, you need to walk if the chemistry is not there.
Relationships and sex are easy. Exiting a bad relationship is the hard part (exhausting part).
Don't waste TIME on Toxic people.
Period.
Hello Christina....hope you are well.
Wanna see a "Flock of narcissists"?...get on a bus regularly...and/or enter an Old Folks Home.
Great to see your channel doing so well.
Keep up the good work...and thank you greatly for starting your channel.
Quick funny story which happened to me recently for you to share with your subs.
Whilst in a local bar enjoying a pizza on my own(thank God), the moment was ruined completely by a narcky shark who invited himself to join me at my table. Suddenly, the table was surrounded by the Manager and her two assistants who confronted my "uninvited guest" and requested he leave immediately as the night before he challenged and swore at the security dudes.
The Manager(who knows me well) apologised for butting in on my meal. I told her it was "no problem" and suggested the "uninvited guest" be allowed a couple of minutes to drink his drink and leave with no fuss and leave this to me. She agreed.
The best bit...the "uninvited one" turned around and said.."I'm staying"...I said.."not on my shift you're not....drink up and leave...erm...NOW...and NEVER interrupt my meal again".
...and he did.
Cheeky beggar.
I finished my pizza and popped to see the Manager. Turns out they had followed him on camera....GOOD STUFF.
Thank you very well description right on! A couple great reminders there for me 😊
Tricky with first dates, because people often talk a lot when they are nervous, and people on the spectrum might go off on tangents about their hobbies and interests. I think the part where it becomes a red flag is when they don't seem interested when YOU start talking about your interests. And people who are Borderline could send many texts expecting quick responses, while getting angry when there isn't a fast response. And yes, many NON narcs talk badly about exes, but no one should be bad-mouthing exes early in the stages of dating. First date, that topic is generally a big no-no. But as a therapist I'll admit I might try to get them to talk about their last relationship to get a feel for whether or not he's got some problems!
Don't give up on life and the universe I know of a great man who helped you me fix my broken hear beat relationship and everything was restored to pormal in days without delay
Text him on WhatsApp
+(1=2=0)=.4=8=0=.8=2=2=3=4
Mine insulted my hair at dinner. Now, I say several things to myself...1, he's portraying himself as a gentleman, but, gentlemen don't insult ladies at table, so NOT a gentleman. 2, I had FAB-U-LOUS hair (really!). 3, did he take a blow to the head recently? and then 4, possibly he needs glasses? I find out years later I am what is called Narcissistic-Immune!! He was unintentionally funny though, watching him jump through his hoops. For giggles: He also had a city-wide (San Francisco) reputation as a successful womanizer but, I found out from many of his ladies that he was impotent since he was 32! Comedy gold!
I went on one date that thought I was a brunette because I was pictured with my friend who was. The disappointment on his face and the words of "I thought you were a brunette but your a blonde. Just spoke about himself for an hour....so boring.
Your comment is too funny! 😂
This reminds me of how to talk to new people. I grew up in a narcissistic home plus married to one, I have allot of these tendencies especially when nervous. I want to know more about people but when I get nervous I drone on about myself. I have a hard time with intimacy not because I don't want it I just never got it in my life. I am working on this. These are also clues to know if someone has been in a relationship with a Narcissist. I am an empath who also is very suggestive to others bad habits. I am learning, and I always kick myself for not asking questions about others, even if I want to ask, I always have a talk to myself saying ask them questions next time. I haven't dated anyone since getting a divorce. Sometimes people lack how to talk to others when their model was really bad.
You sound so much like me from years ago. Please be kind to yourself by knowing your self-worth! You are the equal of anyone in any room, no matter who they are. Setting boundaries attracts love and goodness to you and keeps out the riff-raff. Relax, and know the responsibility is not on you to impress anyone socially, especially a man, HE wants and is trying to impress YOU...let him! Then you can let him unfold as you both talk. Slow your mind down just one stop and let events unfold like a story.
Just discovered your UA-cam channel the other day- I love your channel, so helpful and educational! Thank you.
In my experience, another small red flag is the "Fake Laughter". When someone laughs at things that aren't even funny. This is fake charm and the beginning of love bombing.