I’ve been trying to work on addressing why a situation is bothersome rather than why “their personality/habit” is bothersome. It seems to diffuse the ego reaction and also keep the anger on the problem not the person. Ex: my husband often forgets to refill the toilet paper roll. I wait to mention it until a few minutes later because when I first notice I’m going to be irritated. Then when I mention it, I say something like “ I feel frustrated when I’m using the bathroom and there is no paper to wipe with, especially since I have to wipe every time I use the bathroom.” Then, hubs is more focused on what he can do to make me happy, (replacing the tp), rather than focusing on me being mad at him and him feeling down on himself for it.
I'd love to know more about the "have sex with your partner even when you don't feel like it/are not in the mood or sick" tip, because I don't agree with it and can't see the logic behind it, so I'd love to learn more about the opposite perspective and why you guys go by this tip!
I was about to say the same thing. I’m not agreeing with that either. If I don’t feel like it or being sick I want my husband to be understanding and be patient with me until I’m feeling better .
This is something my husband and I do. Not because we ask but because we Can sense one another’s desires even if we are not outwardly showing it and therefore submit to one another physically-not because we feel like we HAVE to but because we simply want to cater to each other. To me it just feels like another way that I can show my love and appreciation for him and vise versa. For example there are times where my husbands might be extremely tired from work but he will sense that I am in need of that physical connection so he obliges, based on his own unforced decision, and submits. And vise versa there’ll be times where I may not be feeling well or am just tired as well but I can sense that he is in need of that connection so I submit to him. It’s definitely not for everybody as it takes a certain level of mutual respect and maturity to be able to deny oneself in that moment for the sake of the other person but inevitably for your sake as well because even if I started off not really In the mood for it, throughout the experience I realize I wanted the connection too. It helps bring us closer. I hope that makes sense. I’m sure somebody else who practices this with their spouse could probably explain it a bit better
I don't agree with that tip, I feel like sex stops being genuine and authentic and I'd hate for it to feel like a chore... nonetheless I'd like to hear the other side of it!
Thank you on the submissive note. Women already are told to be submissive by society, what was the point of sending in that comment. It needed to be directed at men 😭
Nope, selfish. I always feel like of everyone in the world was a little selfish, we would all choose quality over quantity all the time. And that, that's living optimally
Jared came for my throat with that part about addressing an issue without provoking a person's ego. I aspire to do that, especially since provoking the ego has proven not to be effective, but I just can't seem to do it.
Not have sex even if you're not in the mood ORRR sick!!! that's insane that a partner would even ask anyone of this... it's very telling how much one cares or not about said partner!
@@savageproductions6106 you do not know their dynami; they aren't promoting anything but saying it's something they live by in their relationship. as someone who is not always in the mood, i still encourage my partner to attempt whenever, because sometimes i CAN be put in the mood. Their situation can be similar to that, or different in it's own unique way. if it's what makes sense for them then that's all it matters.
16:04 it is surprising to hear that people can watch your videos and say you both do not have chemistry. Your connection on screen appears to be complimentary.
Divorce Attorney here and married for 20 years. The best marriage advice I have it to follow the 60/40 rule. You should plan to put in 60% of the effort, and only expect 40% effort from your partner. If both sides put in 60%, then there will always be overlap.
Jared has mentioned this quite a few times on Enjoy, the importance of putting your partner in their place without provoking his or her ego. It's something I've been living by for years and applying to all my relationships, whether it be friends, family or even in business. It's really a valuable skill to teach yourself in general. Anyway, it's Winter time in South Africa and I hate it. Seeing you beautiful people looking gorgeous and Summertime-fine is giving me mad FOMO 😭😭😭
No cap, the “marry someone from a different culture cause it forces you to communicate” is actually very challenging and communication *does not* always come easy. The cultural similarities people from similar backgrounds share is actually v taken for granted in these globalized, woke, #minorityfetished times. Don’t romanticize or fetishize interracial or intercultural relationships, remember just to keep love natural y’all, it’ll come how it comes
Thank you shannon. I genuinely appreciate this reminder. Not everything is worth making an argument about. It's not gonna kill yuh, let it go. Lolzz. Thank you both
This kinda reminds me of how I handled living with my friends as roommates. This is how we handled things, we waited till we were calm before talking about an issue. It usually helped and we would tackle the issue together, and talk about it. I think a romantic relationship is no different in that aspect
Well, I guess we don't tell everyone dear to us, everything. Some things don't need to be said or shared. We don't tell our best friends everything. We don't tell our parents everything. Our siblings etc. Those relationships aren't anymore important, just different
Honestly it doesn't affect trust if it's not secrets that will negatively affect your partner, or a secret that will affect them positively that you're keeping to yourself out if pure selfishness. You have to have the maturity to know whether your secret is going to be better kept or said aloud to your partner. Only you can know. I have things my husband doesn't know and vice versa and it honestly keeps us on our toes. It really does help us to keep a slight edge of mystery. And every so often we have those fun boozy conversations and one comes out and maybe leads to a sexy night or even a really good tear-inducing belly laugh. I love having certain things that are my secrets.
It’s not really secrets. It’s withholding from complaining about aspects of your partner they can’t change. Such as not making a point about the fact you don’t like how your boyfriend laughs strange when he’s with his friends etc. That shit isn’t gonna build trust by constantly saying it - its more likely to result in frustration from both sides.
Exactly, because exposing yourself when you’re high or whatever is very much something that can affect your relationship. That’s honestly sick. Doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship or a relationship you want to be in if you feel you can’t tell your partner you flashed someone. Probably because it would be crossing a boundary? And if the advice is it’s ok to betray your partner and lie to them then I don’t want it smh
Well the thing is, selfish means being concerned with yourself with disregard for others, I've noticed people trying to change the word and flip into some self care thing. I would better express this as understanding you have to love yourself right to love anyone else in a healthy manner. Not selfish, but loving others necessitates loving yourself well.
Yeah this flipping of an already existing and useful word to describe certain situation is annoying af. Make up new words, don't mess with the old one.
The STFU filter that Shan's mentioning reminds me of the "price of admission" that Dan Savage mentions... It's such a simple concept of realizing - this is what comes with this human, and I love them, so yeah, fuck it, I need to also accept them.
The selfishness you’re describing is just believing in a compromise and balance that goes both ways. Happy wife happy life is a cop out and it’s toxic, I would never teach my son that his needs are less valuable than those of his girlfriend/wife.
Love these types of videos! Especially when you guys deal with conflict and conflict resolution which is something I struggle with coming from a family that would deal with issues with swearing, screaming and extremely childish and unnecessary behaviour then going into toxic relationships where I thought that's how it went down to now trying to be in a healthy relationship. Its hard work breaking habits formed over your lifetime and its nice to see that other people have similar experiences in that it might not be the same circumstances but that everyone does have bad habits to unlearn and re-educate oneself
Humor for sure ! My husband and I Constantly joke about BS and it definitely took off this “Edge” in the beginning of our relationship that we had. Like you guys said we were constantly poking at The ego. We would have never lasted. We put in a lot of work to have a healthy relationship today and in our marriage but big part was just joking. For myself , I don’t think a lot of women admit there wrong doing. Entering my relationship my husband he was very confident knew what he wanted and didn’t want. I was very insecure took everything so personal. Nick-picked over everything thought ever word and look he gave me ha because I was an overly anxious person in my relationship . With much growth from both of us we developed a 8 years relationship and this year marriage with healthy boundaries Love the conversation
I don’t think what Jared is talking about is actually selfish, so I agree that the better term is self full or as another comment says, independence. When I think of selfishness I think of someone who only cares for their own needs and their intent is to only progress themselves. The way Jared describes is, making sure you are self sufficient and you are reaching your full potential so that you can be the best person for your family and home. The intent is different, you want to be the best version of yourself for you AND your loved ones. Selfishness is just caring for yourself and that’s it.
WHEN will we be freed from the shackles of "submission" conversation in straight relationships? Notice how the person defined submission as "not winning an argument". How about respect each other as full people and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner? Oh I forgot only men have pride and egos, we mustn't emasculate them🙃
How are conflicts resolved, ultimately? One person gives in to the superior logic of the other. And if the man/masculine partner isn't practicing superior logic in a relationship, that relationship is DOOMED, because the feminine partner with superior logic is simply dominating her doormat simp of a partner.
The hair thing is a big pet-peeve for me too! We've been married 10 years and ugh😩. It's hard to be selful in marriage still working on it. Great points family!
LOVE this conversation! So much good advices/suggestions. That self full meaning is wonderful. Is like self care to myself so I feel comfortable and good so I can function and share in a more focus better mood and I can get and give in an open mind ways. Keep this kind of vlogs PLEASE 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽 love you guys 🥰
I agree with EVERYTHING! The intimacy part regardless of your mood or health, of course that's a conversation for your individual spouse and that's where the consent and how the order of execution will work for y'all comes into play. I personally agree with it because being intimate with the person YOU married is more than just the act; Its stress relief, fun, comforting, trust bonding and exercise.. We've been through extreme sickness, multiple injuries, situational struggles and still got it done! Opting out of such an important part of your relationship because "you don't feel like it" or its inconvenient is silly to me. Imagine calling your boss and saying you "don't feel like working today" or "your schedule is inconvenient to your nap times", NO WAY! Your boss could replace you in an hour tops! If you deny your partner enough, would it be fair for them to want those needs fulfilled by someone else? If your married, is it not implied that YOU are the #1 person your partner will go to for ALL of their needs? That's a huge responsibility. Im just saying be ready for it.
Love this video and also the point of selffullness. I have been married for 3 months now and that is something we talked about while dating but it has been something that we are both mindfully working on now that we are living together and working from home (we live in a studio) it’s a challenge but the fact that we both know this is important gives us the confidence to know we’ll figure it out.
Wonderful video, thank you, Shan and Jared! I absolutely LOVE the tip about the "shut the eff up" filter. I've been with my partner for over three years and I've noticed that we never got overly comfortable with how we address each other, practising the use of "shutting the eff up" since the very beginning without us knowing lol. What I mean exactly is that we're really eager on being polite, gentle and respectful with how we communicate with each other, even though sometimes we do feel like saying A LOT more in our heads lol. Just hold the thought, think if it's actually something that should be said, take a deep breath and move along. It's always been incredibly important for both of us to feel respected, as neither one of us felt that way in our previous relationships and carry our own fair share of traumas with us (but who doesn't, really?). I've noticed that the few arguments that occurred were all centred around not feeling respected enough and we worked through it. I know our relationship hasn't lasted long enough as of yet for us to be the poster children for this tip but I still felt like sharing it. Because man, the relationship is as healthy as can be and we couldn't be happier
I agree with putting your partner in their place in a manner that can establish boundaries… as a woman when I’m doing too much I think it’s very effective when my man comes at me with a serious but respectful tone.. I’m like “wow 👀 okay okay yeah you right” and it even turns me on lol
The things you brought up are similar to the advice a friend of mine got from his parents. This July I think will be their 53rd anniversary. One of those pieces of advice was to pick your battles, and be respectful when it comes to things you don't think are worth fighting over. The example was religion. This is usually a big thing for people, I know. They work as a couple because they do share the same core values. That being said, Mom grew up Catholic and is a person of faith, and Dad is Agnostic. They don't get on each other about it. Mom would go to church every week. Dad would stay home. The kids got to decide what they wanted to do. They still passed on their values to the kids, and didn't feel that it was a deal breaker. Another thing is the saying don't go to bed angry is actually a toxic idea. This relates to putting your partner in their place without attacking ego I think. If they were having a fight, and they didn't seem to be getting anywhere while angry, which happened a lot because people aren't rational when they're angry, they would separate and cool off. If Dad had to sleep on the sofa in the TV room so be it. It gave them a chance to process solo. Then when they were in a more rational state of mind and had a better way to explain their feelings, they could get back together and discuss in a more productive manner.
If the norm in marriages is not stopping the divorce rate, shouldn't you be more concerned about it? I bet you neither one of you are relationship material by what you are saying. you can't even know what to expect in a marriage until after 20 years. The marriage consists of an 3 decades of romance cycles. Each is designed to perpetuate the next. Ppl who say relationships are work don't know about this. If the relationship is work then what is work that you go to live. The first is inlove, the next decade is 'love' and the last decade is 'like'. Your advice actually centers around two ppl who really do not like each other. just thought you should know. Let me help you out with the three principles of each. Her 3 are: love your husband (b4 you find him), love your children (but don't have them until after 30) and be a keeper of your house which is reflected in yoru housekeeping. In othe words, if you gave up the choo-chi' before marriage them you exercising the currse of a relationship without favor. His principles can overcome the lack of favor His is getting you both to agree on the sexual goal of morning, noon and night. it is hard to do less more with a new born. If you both exercise the principles they will manifest as sex (not decreasing) affection when it is not sex and attention when PDA may be an issue. But ya'll ain got it! you should read my book about the mystery of the secret to the woman's sexuality. It is her libido. The book is entitled "Sexual Perfection". It also tells you how long a man is supposed to last in da bed. I see you steer away from that, why? (5-60 minutes is still a minute man)
I think a better word for what Jared said about putting somebody in their place would be to set "boundaries". Because it's telling somebody that you will not stand for something and demanding respect for that
I love the sexy jeans! Are they pants or are you wearing a skirt?! Edit: They're pants! Love it! Love the whole look and you swaying in the breeze is a vibe haha
No shade, but i think Jared used a lot of words just to say “be emotionally intelligent” 😂. Everything he said at the end is literally summed up into just being aware of your emotions and communicating in a healthy way!
That tip: put your partner in their place without evoking the ego! Ooh sooo necessary, & well said.
Its not even ego, its just disrespect towards the man
This is what I define as having emotional intelligence. Not talked about enough!
Don’t forget to avoid the use of the word “you” when coming forward to your partner about any concerns. This may help
How tho?? 🤣🤣
LOVE how he explained this
He does clean after shaving. But he does a shit job cleaning up lol
I’ve been trying to work on addressing why a situation is bothersome rather than why “their personality/habit” is bothersome. It seems to diffuse the ego reaction and also keep the anger on the problem not the person. Ex: my husband often forgets to refill the toilet paper roll. I wait to mention it until a few minutes later because when I first notice I’m going to be irritated. Then when I mention it, I say something like “ I feel frustrated when I’m using the bathroom and there is no paper to wipe with, especially since I have to wipe every time I use the bathroom.” Then, hubs is more focused on what he can do to make me happy, (replacing the tp), rather than focusing on me being mad at him and him feeling down on himself for it.
Wow this is really a great way to look at things & diffuse a situation. I’m gonna keep this in mind . Thank you for sharing !!
I'd love to know more about the "have sex with your partner even when you don't feel like it/are not in the mood or sick" tip, because I don't agree with it and can't see the logic behind it, so I'd love to learn more about the opposite perspective and why you guys go by this tip!
I was about to say the same thing. I’m not agreeing with that either. If I don’t feel like it or being sick I want my husband to be understanding and be patient with me until I’m feeling better .
This is something my husband and I do. Not because we ask but because we Can sense one another’s desires even if we are not outwardly showing it and therefore submit to one another physically-not because we feel like we HAVE to but because we simply want to cater to each other. To me it just feels like another way that I can show my love and appreciation for him and vise versa. For example there are times where my husbands might be extremely tired from work but he will sense that I am in need of that physical connection so he obliges, based on his own unforced decision, and submits. And vise versa there’ll be times where I may not be feeling well or am just tired as well but I can sense that he is in need of that connection so I submit to him. It’s definitely not for everybody as it takes a certain level of mutual respect and maturity to be able to deny oneself in that moment for the sake of the other person but inevitably for your sake as well because even if I started off not really In the mood for it, throughout the experience I realize I wanted the connection too. It helps bring us closer. I hope that makes sense. I’m sure somebody else who practices this with their spouse could probably explain it a bit better
But that is in no way to say that there aren’t days where we aren’t physical with one another. Sometimes that time apart is needed.
YEEESSSSS!!!! Would love for Shan and Jared to explain the logic behind that!!!
I don't agree with that tip, I feel like sex stops being genuine and authentic and I'd hate for it to feel like a chore... nonetheless I'd like to hear the other side of it!
Thank you on the submissive note. Women already are told to be submissive by society, what was the point of sending in that comment. It needed to be directed at men 😭
Period.
Good point. I didn't think of it that way.
I feel like Jared would be such an amazing cartoon character voice!
Yesss!!!! Los as well!!!
LoL that would be cool for the both of them!!
Yes! Can totally see him voice acting
Omg 🤣
Yesssss
The wind was really coming through for Shannon love it 😭😭
Loveeeeeee
Yes Jared, address the problem w/ the potential of tackling it together...rather, than attacking the person.🤗
Marriage marriage marriage!
It’s one institution we were never prepared for
And men are never prepared for unfortunately. We are only told about sex.
I fully agree with you
@@richardv9648 facts
Personally, I wonder if it's the word "selfish" being used in space of "independence"...I like "self-full"!
Lol like you're full of yourself? Yeah that's no better than selfish 😂
Independence is not synonymous for selfish 🙄
I like self-full too!! speaks to fulfillment, and having a cup that overflows ⛲️
I like the word selfish better because it doesn’t beat around the Bush and people really are a little selfish and that’s ok haha.
Nope, selfish.
I always feel like of everyone in the world was a little selfish, we would all choose quality over quantity all the time.
And that, that's living optimally
Jared came for my throat with that part about addressing an issue without provoking a person's ego. I aspire to do that, especially since provoking the ego has proven not to be effective, but I just can't seem to do it.
Don't get frustrated if you can't seem to change that. Every change in life takes LOTS of practice and time.
Not have sex even if you're not in the mood ORRR sick!!! that's insane that a partner would even ask anyone of this... it's very telling how much one cares or not about said partner!
It’s not for everyone
Its not fully consenting either. I am shocked that they would promote it. Not having sex isn't bad!
@@savageproductions6106 you do not know their dynami; they aren't promoting anything but saying it's something they live by in their relationship. as someone who is not always in the mood, i still encourage my partner to attempt whenever, because sometimes i CAN be put in the mood. Their situation can be similar to that, or different in it's own unique way. if it's what makes sense for them then that's all it matters.
If Theyre both ok with the arrangement the consent is already there. Y'all don't make every non issue into an issue
I definitely don't agree with the even though you're sick part. That's insensitive. I'll have sex even if I'm not in the mood.
The baby really said ''lemme look like daddy''
16:04 it is surprising to hear that people can watch your videos and say you both do not have chemistry. Your connection on screen appears to be complimentary.
Anyone that says your playfulness is a sign of your incompatibility is without a doubt in a dead-end relationship.
Divorce Attorney here and married for 20 years. The best marriage advice I have it to follow the 60/40 rule.
You should plan to put in 60% of the effort, and only expect 40% effort from your partner. If both sides put in 60%, then there will always be overlap.
Jared should do voice overs for commercials or ads of any kind or something..his voice is so like soothings and his tone is always right lol
They’re such a progressive couple but they’re also so normal! I love it!
Mutual submission is important. But I actually liked that one about micromanaging
Here's my contribution: Don't major in the minor.
Good! Love how succinct it is!
You two are so cute! Such a refreshing, honest partnership. Many blessings!
Man, I love ya’ll. Watching you argue about the hair in the bathroom…😂
So relatable!
I get both sides too!
Hopefully the glasses help. As a nearsighted person, it's incredible how much you DON'T see!! 😮
Jared has mentioned this quite a few times on Enjoy, the importance of putting your partner in their place without provoking his or her ego. It's something I've been living by for years and applying to all my relationships, whether it be friends, family or even in business. It's really a valuable skill to teach yourself in general.
Anyway, it's Winter time in South Africa and I hate it. Seeing you beautiful people looking gorgeous and Summertime-fine is giving me mad FOMO 😭😭😭
SA is the pits right now!... Winter, Lockdown and the rest of the world is opening up!
No cap, the “marry someone from a different culture cause it forces you to communicate” is actually very challenging and communication *does not* always come easy. The cultural similarities people from similar backgrounds share is actually v taken for granted in these globalized, woke, #minorityfetished times. Don’t romanticize or fetishize interracial or intercultural relationships, remember just to keep love natural y’all, it’ll come how it comes
So basically Ryu is a star! lol she is so adorable and steals her scenes! Lol
Thank you shannon. I genuinely appreciate this reminder. Not everything is worth making an argument about. It's not gonna kill yuh, let it go. Lolzz. Thank you both
“Your standards remain the same, but your expectations are lower“ good thought to keep
I recently said to my husband, “when I judge you I don’t do it out loud. I do it inside and then pray.” Marriage is wild 🥰
Lol I laughed when Shan added and men can be submissive too, haha
This kinda reminds me of how I handled living with my friends as roommates. This is how we handled things, we waited till we were calm before talking about an issue. It usually helped and we would tackle the issue together, and talk about it. I think a romantic relationship is no different in that aspect
You don't have to have sex when you're not in the mood. That is a little bit abusive.
Loved the set up in this vid! It was very clean, ethereal and minimal.
The secrets one...how does that not erode trust? And who gets to decide what is a secret worth sharing?
Well, I guess we don't tell everyone dear to us, everything. Some things don't need to be said or shared. We don't tell our best friends everything. We don't tell our parents everything. Our siblings etc. Those relationships aren't anymore important, just different
Honestly it doesn't affect trust if it's not secrets that will negatively affect your partner, or a secret that will affect them positively that you're keeping to yourself out if pure selfishness. You have to have the maturity to know whether your secret is going to be better kept or said aloud to your partner. Only you can know.
I have things my husband doesn't know and vice versa and it honestly keeps us on our toes. It really does help us to keep a slight edge of mystery. And every so often we have those fun boozy conversations and one comes out and maybe leads to a sexy night or even a really good tear-inducing belly laugh. I love having certain things that are my secrets.
It’s not really secrets. It’s withholding from complaining about aspects of your partner they can’t change. Such as not making a point about the fact you don’t like how your boyfriend laughs strange when he’s with his friends etc. That shit isn’t gonna build trust by constantly saying it - its more likely to result in frustration from both sides.
Exactly, because exposing yourself when you’re high or whatever is very much something that can affect your relationship. That’s honestly sick. Doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship or a relationship you want to be in if you feel you can’t tell your partner you flashed someone. Probably because it would be crossing a boundary? And if the advice is it’s ok to betray your partner and lie to them then I don’t want it smh
@@belxial7309 ThANK YOU!
That title scared me 😬 I ship y'all so hard 👏🏽🌸💗
This is golden. Married and agree with everything 💯
I’m here for all of this
I needed this
Well the thing is, selfish means being concerned with yourself with disregard for others, I've noticed people trying to change the word and flip into some self care thing. I would better express this as understanding you have to love yourself right to love anyone else in a healthy manner. Not selfish, but loving others necessitates loving yourself well.
Yeah this flipping of an already existing and useful word to describe certain situation is annoying af. Make up new words, don't mess with the old one.
The STFU filter that Shan's mentioning reminds me of the "price of admission" that Dan Savage mentions... It's such a simple concept of realizing - this is what comes with this human, and I love them, so yeah, fuck it, I need to also accept them.
You have to WANT to make it work. THE END (check my vlogs🤷🏽♂️)
State your point without attacking the ego…
SO good!!!!!!! Thanks, Y’all.
How about advice that made your relationship way worse? That one for me was "pick your battles"
This is so true.
The selfishness you’re describing is just believing in a compromise and balance that goes both ways. Happy wife happy life is a cop out and it’s toxic, I would never teach my son that his needs are less valuable than those of his girlfriend/wife.
Babyyyyy😭
Love these types of videos! Especially when you guys deal with conflict and conflict resolution which is something I struggle with coming from a family that would deal with issues with swearing, screaming and extremely childish and unnecessary behaviour then going into toxic relationships where I thought that's how it went down to now trying to be in a healthy relationship. Its hard work breaking habits formed over your lifetime and its nice to see that other people have similar experiences in that it might not be the same circumstances but that everyone does have bad habits to unlearn and re-educate oneself
Humor for sure ! My husband and I Constantly joke about BS and it definitely took off this “Edge” in the beginning of our relationship that we had. Like you guys said we were constantly poking at The ego. We would have never lasted. We put in a lot of work to have a healthy relationship today and in our marriage but big part was just joking. For myself , I don’t think a lot of women admit there wrong doing. Entering my relationship my husband he was very confident knew what he wanted and didn’t want. I was very insecure took everything so personal. Nick-picked over everything thought ever word and look he gave me ha because I was an overly anxious person in my relationship . With much growth from both of us we developed a 8 years relationship and this year marriage with healthy boundaries
Love the conversation
That's beautiful, and you resemble Shannon 😍
@@didid.k.s.1268 thank you !!
Loved this! I feel like Jared is smarter and more insightful then I previously already thought he was! ❤️
I don’t think what Jared is talking about is actually selfish, so I agree that the better term is self full or as another comment says, independence. When I think of selfishness I think of someone who only cares for their own needs and their intent is to only progress themselves. The way Jared describes is, making sure you are self sufficient and you are reaching your full potential so that you can be the best person for your family and home. The intent is different, you want to be the best version of yourself for you AND your loved ones. Selfishness is just caring for yourself and that’s it.
I love your spirited discussions, 😂
shan you look great, radiating such beautiful vibes.
WHEN will we be freed from the shackles of "submission" conversation in straight relationships? Notice how the person defined submission as "not winning an argument". How about respect each other as full people and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner? Oh I forgot only men have pride and egos, we mustn't emasculate them🙃
How are conflicts resolved, ultimately?
One person gives in to the superior logic of the other. And if the man/masculine partner isn't practicing superior logic in a relationship, that relationship is DOOMED, because the feminine partner with superior logic is simply dominating her doormat simp of a partner.
@@JeffCaplan313😂😂😂
Compromise 💖
Jared is soooo fortunate to have a women like Shann
The hair thing is a big pet-peeve for me too! We've been married 10 years and ugh😩. It's hard to be selful in marriage still working on it. Great points family!
People talk shit about your relationship?! What I’m soooooo in love with your guys’ relationship!!!!! 😍😍😍😍
LOVE this conversation! So much good advices/suggestions. That self full meaning is wonderful. Is like self care to myself so I feel comfortable and good so I can function and share in a more focus better mood and I can get and give in an open mind ways. Keep this kind of vlogs PLEASE 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽 love you guys 🥰
I love your pants. Where did you get them from Shan lol 😩😩😩
i love y’all’s love more and more with each video ❤️ always grateful for the wisdom
The rawness of your conversations with each other, I love it 😆
Self~full, not provoking ego are my take aways ❤🙌
I feel delighted when i listen to them wowwww
I agree with EVERYTHING! The intimacy part regardless of your mood or health, of course that's a conversation for your individual spouse and that's where the consent and how the order of execution will work for y'all comes into play. I personally agree with it because being intimate with the person YOU married is more than just the act; Its stress relief, fun, comforting, trust bonding and exercise.. We've been through extreme sickness, multiple injuries, situational struggles and still got it done! Opting out of such an important part of your relationship because "you don't feel like it" or its inconvenient is silly to me. Imagine calling your boss and saying you "don't feel like working today" or "your schedule is inconvenient to your nap times", NO WAY! Your boss could replace you in an hour tops! If you deny your partner enough, would it be fair for them to want those needs fulfilled by someone else? If your married, is it not implied that YOU are the #1 person your partner will go to for ALL of their needs? That's a huge responsibility. Im just saying be ready for it.
I so relate to the tiny hair thing. So annoying 😩😩
“It means a lot to me when you laugh at my jokes” 🥺♥️ I feel this! same
MAN! FUCK WHAT PPL SAY ABOUT YALL RELATIONSHIP! I Fucks with y’all and y’all relationship!!!!!🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Tip 1: separate bathrooms
Love this video and also the point of selffullness. I have been married for 3 months now and that is something we talked about while dating but it has been something that we are both mindfully working on now that we are living together and working from home (we live in a studio) it’s a challenge but the fact that we both know this is important gives us the confidence to know we’ll figure it out.
Damn, Shannon! You're tough, lol. This man gotta go outside to shave his face 🤣🤣
It prob because he just doesnt clean up. So shes like either clean, and if you contine not to clean up after yourself, shave outside 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Bro get the stubble buddy it’s a life saver and leaves no hairs at all for me!!!
I love these videos. Great quality content. Thank you!
My husband and I use humor a lot to poke at each other when we do something that maybe one of us didnt like. Lol it helps a lot!
Jared when they were arguing about his shaving is so me 😂😂
Wonderful video, thank you, Shan and Jared! I absolutely LOVE the tip about the "shut the eff up" filter.
I've been with my partner for over three years and I've noticed that we never got overly comfortable with how we address each other, practising the use of "shutting the eff up" since the very beginning without us knowing lol.
What I mean exactly is that we're really eager on being polite, gentle and respectful with how we communicate with each other, even though sometimes we do feel like saying A LOT more in our heads lol. Just hold the thought, think if it's actually something that should be said, take a deep breath and move along.
It's always been incredibly important for both of us to feel respected, as neither one of us felt that way in our previous relationships and carry our own fair share of traumas with us (but who doesn't, really?). I've noticed that the few arguments that occurred were all centred around not feeling respected enough and we worked through it.
I know our relationship hasn't lasted long enough as of yet for us to be the poster children for this tip but I still felt like sharing it. Because man, the relationship is as healthy as can be and we couldn't be happier
Living apart/together is the only way for me. Also if someone turned the heat up when I was sleep OH DAMN!!…. not a chance. 😡
I kept focusing on that cute little baby saying "Mumumum" 🥺
I agree with putting your partner in their place in a manner that can establish boundaries… as a woman when I’m doing too much I think it’s very effective when my man comes at me with a serious but respectful tone.. I’m like “wow 👀 okay okay yeah you right” and it even turns me on lol
"Living together only on weekends" I would LOVE that!!!
the hair thing...all men shave and leave hair as a souvenir for us to see
07:16 thank you so much for that cute bickering! That's a real couple!
I enjoy and love how you guys debate and converse
The things you brought up are similar to the advice a friend of mine got from his parents. This July I think will be their 53rd anniversary. One of those pieces of advice was to pick your battles, and be respectful when it comes to things you don't think are worth fighting over. The example was religion. This is usually a big thing for people, I know. They work as a couple because they do share the same core values. That being said, Mom grew up Catholic and is a person of faith, and Dad is Agnostic. They don't get on each other about it. Mom would go to church every week. Dad would stay home. The kids got to decide what they wanted to do. They still passed on their values to the kids, and didn't feel that it was a deal breaker.
Another thing is the saying don't go to bed angry is actually a toxic idea. This relates to putting your partner in their place without attacking ego I think. If they were having a fight, and they didn't seem to be getting anywhere while angry, which happened a lot because people aren't rational when they're angry, they would separate and cool off. If Dad had to sleep on the sofa in the TV room so be it. It gave them a chance to process solo. Then when they were in a more rational state of mind and had a better way to explain their feelings, they could get back together and discuss in a more productive manner.
ONG “how much time they spend in the bathroom” my god I felt this in my core! sis after 30 min I’m like I miss you 🥴😂😂
"Listen up, idiots! This is the secret to marriage; better pay attention..."
Immediately starts fighting
If the norm in marriages is not stopping the divorce rate, shouldn't you be more concerned about it? I bet you neither one of you are relationship material by what you are saying. you can't even know what to expect in a marriage until after 20 years.
The marriage consists of an 3 decades of romance cycles. Each is designed to perpetuate the next. Ppl who say relationships are work don't know about this. If the relationship is work then what is work that you go to live. The first is inlove, the next decade is 'love' and the last decade is 'like'. Your advice actually centers around two ppl who really do not like each other. just thought you should know.
Let me help you out with the three principles of each. Her 3 are: love your husband (b4 you find him), love your children (but don't have them until after 30) and be a keeper of your house which is reflected in yoru housekeeping. In othe words, if you gave up the choo-chi' before marriage them you exercising the currse of a relationship without favor.
His principles can overcome the lack of favor His is getting you both to agree on the sexual goal of morning, noon and night. it is hard to do less more with a new born. If you both exercise the principles they will manifest as sex (not decreasing) affection when it is not sex and attention when PDA may be an issue. But ya'll ain got it! you should read my book about the mystery of the secret to the woman's sexuality. It is her libido.
The book is entitled "Sexual Perfection". It also tells you how long a man is supposed to last in da bed. I see you steer away from that, why? (5-60 minutes is still a minute man)
I think a better word for what Jared said about putting somebody in their place would be to set "boundaries". Because it's telling somebody that you will not stand for something and demanding respect for that
those are some moisturized LEGS, girl. What lotion do you use? You need to be in a Jergens commercial tomorrow!
I love the sexy jeans! Are they pants or are you wearing a skirt?!
Edit: They're pants! Love it! Love the whole look and you swaying in the breeze is a vibe haha
I’ve heard a lot of these before. But they somehow hit me differently today. Thanks for the great video.
Diggin Jared’s sleeve
Would love to hear y’all elaborate on having sex even if someone is sick or doesn’t want to…
You guys look soo God together 😍
Ugh the small hairs in the bathroom 😖so gross to look at. But i dont complain because my long hair is around the rest of the floor of the house 🥴
I’m getting vibes Jared is one of those dads they talk about on tik Tok that has to use the bathroom at the worst times and stays in there forever 😂
No shade, but i think Jared used a lot of words just to say “be emotionally intelligent” 😂. Everything he said at the end is literally summed up into just being aware of your emotions and communicating in a healthy way!
Hum.... Anyone feeling a pretty demeaning demeanor here????
Millenial Jada and Will. Am I wrong? 👀 😹😹😹 bye
🔥🔥🔥
You guys should look up your birth charts ASAP
Agreeable to me means being flexible not being submissive.
This could have been longer and I would have watched the entire conversation
Y’all got a dope property and such eye candy you two ;p