One of the lady’s I work with recently got divorced (she had 3 or 4 kids I’m not to sure) and they decided to keep there home for there kids to always live in. Mom and dad each got there own apartments and will come back to the house when it’s there days to be with the kids. I thought this was interesting and very thoughtful on the parents behalf to always make sure there kids always feel like they have a place that doesn’t change and is there’s. Obviously this isn’t always possible but thought it was really cool.
My biggest tip as a child of divorce is to stay as civil as possible for your kids and don't talk shit about each other to the kids. My parents got divorced, never spoke to each other again and constantly talk shit about each other and it just feels like me and my brother are in the middle of it and it sucks. 15 years later and they still don't talk🤦♀ Not saying you have to be besties but I would try to be friends for the kids sake x
Same!! My parents were incredibly uncivil and it was the most embarrassing thing when they were both at school events and sports games. It would always turn into a shit show and then it would somehow be our fault if my dad brought a new girlfriend or something. Just keep the kids out of the drama😭😅
Yes, I completely agree! Respectfully, I think answering questions like this in front of children can have an impact. As a child, I could feel the energy, and it affected me on some level. It was tough to realize that even if a child can’t articulate what they’re hearing, they’re still absorbing everything.
Similar to others about not talking bad about the other to kids, but a next step further- don’t use your kids as a middle man for messages! Like “remind your dad to xyz” or “tell your dad that you have xyz” because as a child the mental load of keeping the other parent accountable for things can be a lot!
as a child of divorce since i was 2 (i'm now 24), i and everyone around me feel like my parents did a spectacular job and my advice is to NEVER talk poorly about the other parent ever. my parents have always been friendly with each other and we celebrate birthdays and events (graduation, etc) as a family even their spouses and my siblings on both sides, my mom never said no when i asked to see my dad, and my dad never took it personally when i cried about wanting to go home to mom, i always knew i had the freedom to come and go. basically i'd say try to be friendly, don't ever put them in a position where they feel like they have to walk on eggshells, let them be kids and enjoy their family freely without worries. now that i'm older my mom has expressed to me how she feels like she's had to swallow her pride and basically force herself to not hate my dad after divorce and i feel sorry that i never knew how much effort it took to just make my life feel normal but she also said she feels proud of herself and my dad and that it was so worth it and i feel so grateful to have had such a happy, normal (to me) childhood. i hope this helped, just try your best, your kids love you and you're a great mom, you're doing great!
I'm a child of divorced parents and I think it's so important to not talk badly about your partner in front of your kids (or publicly). If your goal is for them to have a happy, healthy, loving relationship with their dad, it absolutely will not happen if when they're with you, they hear you saying horrible things about him. They love you, and they trust your opinion. How you talk about him will 100% affect their relationship with him. Again that's just my advice if your goal is for your girls to still have a positive relationship with him throughout the years. If that isn't your goal, then you definitely don't need to do vacations together.
from a very very very young age i remember a lot of stuff that went on with my parents split and new partners. my tip would be to protect the children and not talk about this stuff in front of them. they are taking everything in and some people dont forget (yes even this age). they are aware of way more than u think they are
I absolutely love your videos and really appreciate how you balance vulnerability with clear boundaries - it's so inspiring! As someone who experienced being a teenager during a divorce and growing up in a dysfunctional family, I wanted to share one thought. If possible, answering these kinds of questions away from the kids might be helpful. Hearing these discussions as a child made me feel like I had to manage my parents' emotions, which was a lot to carry. Kids are so sensitive and absorb so much, even at a very young age. Of course, this is just my perspective, and I’m not sure if it’s entirely right, but I hope it helps in some way!
My parents divorced when I was 11 and I feel so fortunate that we still did things together as a family for holidays/events, and that my parents were civil and could be around each other for me and my brother’s sake
I just want to say it is also ok to marry your first boyfriend.. we were 14/15 got married at 23 and now we’re 30. Everyone has different experiences in life, no relationship is perfect 😊
From being a kid that my parents have been divorced my whole life i would say always try to do things together as a family as much as you can and never talk bad about the other parent in front of them
Having come from a broken home I know how divorce can affect children. Relationships are unique and it’s important to have grace on your self and your ex… because ultimately the health of the parents relationship, whatever that may look like, determines the value of life the children have.. sending love and wisdom your way ❤❤
As a step mom, I will say how powerful it is the moms influence on whether or not the kids will like the step mom. They can love the step mom but if they hear their mother saying negative things, making things up, speaking poorly of the dad and stepmom, it’s really doing nothing but hindering the children and causing way more strife. All of the step moms I know, are NOT trying to replace the mom, but have the opportunity to love, support, and be another person who genuinely cares for and wants what is best for the kids.
A few things I’ve learned over the years are never talk badly about the other parent(s). And never make the children feel sorry for wanting to see the other parent/ go to the other house.
I’ve been a child of divorce since I was 3, I don’t remember my parents ever being together so it’s always been very normal for me. BUT it was difficult how my life with them was so separate. They only were together if they had to be (graduation, birthday dinners, etc.) watching Alix Earle’s family is actually so healing for me. I wish my parents could have done more things together!
I met my husband at 19 and we didn’t get married until 27. Could never imagine getting married that young, there’s still so much life to experience and you grow and change so much throughout your 20s
I also married my first boyfriend. I dated him for four years and then married for 10 years. I waited 10 years to have our first baby, and we still divorced right after I had my baby. The moral of the story, never marry your first boyfriend. 😅 Date/get to know different ppl, have experiences and choose the best one for you.❤
I’m a child of divorce too. My dad messed up, and I saw my mom go through a lot because of it. It felt like we were both carrying the weight of it. She explained everything to me, and honestly, that was traumatizing. It kind of made me think that this is just how men are. So, for a big part of my life, I kept picking the wrong guys because I didn’t believe they could be any different. The explaining also made me feel like I had no worth since my dad would rather do crazy things than be there for us...
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND- no family trips together , as mean as it sounds - family vacation will eventually END , if not soon - sooner than later that won’t last so it sucks to even try it .
Coming from divorced parents, I agree with everyone’s comment about not speaking poorly of the other parent. And one thing that I love that my parents did, is that they individually always reminded me to always respect the other parent and always listen to them. Basically they never tried to belittle each other. And it’s funny bc neither of them even knew they’d both tell us to always listen to our other parent and to never lose respect for them bc at the end of the day, they’re both still our parents and if there’s one thing in this world that they still love and will forever cherish- it’s us kids. They’ll never stop loving us. And both my parents til this day have never been disrespectful towards one another when at a same family gathering or even if they were texting about whatever coparenting topics there was to discuss. If anything, both my parents became better people once they split, and both grew a better respect for each other as well. They would just never get back together! Haha
Reallyyy relating to these vids as someone who recently broke off an engagement to someone I was with over a decade since high school/first serious boyfriend. It is fun just being able to do what you want as a financially independent person! Bless the ladies that paved the way for us to be able to live by our own means 🙏🏻
As a child from divorce, where the fault was on the father's side. My mum never put her opinions or biases onto us as children. She never stopped us seeing him. She just simply listened to what we had to say and our experiences. This meant we had to make our own informed decisions about whether or not we wanted to have a relationship with him. If she had made the decision for us not to see him, then we likely would have put that on ourselves and felt a sense that there was something wrong with us. But instead we felt empowered and in control of our relationship with him, and our relationships going forward. That we have the choice. Best decision my mum made. However I appreciate situations and scenarios can be very different.
as a child of divorce (my parents divorced when i was 6), I feel so lucky that my parents kept communicating for us even when they literally hated each other lol. We still went on a couple of family holidays and my dad got sick when I was 14 and my mum was literally there without any hesitance to care for him until he passed away. Obviously this isn’t the case for everyone and she definitely didn’t have to do this but it really made the whole situation so much better for all of us and I have never felt affected by their divorce, maybe because I don’t remember them even being together (so grateful they had the choice to leave and maintain a healthy-ish relationship for us)
I promise you at this age I understood everything my parents were saying about each other and felt the energy shift in both of them and it created so much anxiety and uneasiness for me at such a young age. Please wait until they’re older to let this even come up in their little minds.
Child of divorced parents… don’t make your kids be the messenger. Communicate with your ex. Do not try to make your kids “pick a side”. I feel like this didn’t happen until I was a little older and my parents remarried. Don’t talk about your spouse. And don’t try to compete financially with your ex. Like for instance… which parent got the better birthday gift or Christmas present. It doesn’t matter. All that matters to me was to be able to see both my parents without the drama. Your kids did not ask for this. I feel like a lot of divorced parents make those mistakes unintentionally. But it’s huge because it messed with me growing up and my siblings. I will say I’m the kind of person now I know I don’t want my family like that so I know not to make those same mistakes but it messes with each child differently and some of them may go down the same rabbit hole. There’s so much more honestly. Having divorced parents is hard with so many different families too. It’s too much. But I’m so glad my mom did not stay with my dad.
9:01 love this because I did marry my first boyfriend but I made us wait because you grow and change so much between high school and your late 20s. So we got married on our 10 year anniversary because I did not want to make that leap while we were still growing and hadn’t even lived on our own (no roommates) yet. I feel like that decision was the best thing we could have done.
My parents got divorced when I was 2 years old, and I had to split my life in two, weekends with my mom and then living with my dad. the best advice I would give someone is don’t talk bad about the other parent because both parents can say bad things about each other, don’t stain the reputation of the other person regardless of what they did, yes be straightforward with them but don’t forget he acted that way or you acted a certain way inside a marriage. As much as one person has certain percentage of the blame to play in the divorce don’t forget that you played a part in the blame too. Neither of the parents is perfect and both made mistakes
As a child of divorced parents there are a few things 1. Don't talk negative about the other parent around or to the kids. 2. Don't make your opinion on your ex their opinion 3. Don't tell them your alls issues 4. Don't tell them if you get child support/ financial help / etc from the other parent 5. Meet the new significant other 6. Don't use them as leverage against the other parent 7. If you take family trips Don't create a false nerative for their gain. It can comfuse them so much Do whatever is best for you. Never let anyone tell you it's your fault.
my parents were separated from when i was 1 or 2? but knowing now as an adult that they apparently fought so much is shocking because i never witnessed it and always thought they were best friends. they did all activities together, birthdays etc.
As a child of divorced parents my biggest wish was that my mom remarried and I was able to have a “family” again. She was traumatized and never remarried but I wish she opened her heart to love again.
I’m a child of divorced parents when I was in 2nd grade and I loved that they were apart because I got 2 of everything. My brother who was almost an adult when they divorced it affected him more.
My parents divorced and there was a period where things were rocky which was really though and they quickly turned it around. My parents are such good friends. My stepdad and my dad are very close. We spend every Christmas and birthday and special occasion together and every pick up and drop off of the younger siblings they have a coffee and communicate. My parents and step parents are such team and it’s really made everything so easy and I cherish my the moments we spend as a family.
Tip for a divorced parent is if you can it would be so great to have both parents do things together still. Even if you have other significant others, if you can be amicable and get together a couple times a year my god will your children appreciate that so much when they are older. It’s easy to say what’s the real point of it, but showing up is just heroic. I have a friend who’s a child of divorce. Her parents split her schooling 4 ways, purchased her vehicle for her 4 ways, school trips 4 ways. It’s honestly somewhat of a plus if each parent can find an understanding new partner. It’s hard to find though as new partner can get jealous easily of healthy co-parenting. Second tip is don’t take it too personally if a new partner is jealous. It isn’t un-common for divorced couples to reunite and obviously people worry about that. Not saying it will happen for you, most people say they are dead set that they were never be with that person again. That being said sometimes with distance, time, and new individual experiences, growth and reflection people who swore against that person sometimes wants them back.
I was 5 when my parents got divorced. I would say to keep it as positive as you can. Only say positive things about the other one and do as many things together as possible. It's sad for them no matter what but they will grow up appreciating that you made sure you were both there and made it as normal as possible for them :)
Aspyn, if you happen to see this - My degree is in Early Childhood Education. The way I was taught developmental stages, 3 year olds were not considered toddlers. Of course, every child is different. Some may develop a bit more slowly and still seem like a toddler at age 3.
my biggest tips as a daughter whose parents got divorced when I was 5 years old: - always speak positively about their other parent because not only do you want them to have a good relationship with them, but your child is half of their dad too, so when a parent speaks negatively about the other, the kids may internalize that 💕 - if possible, living in close proximity to the other parent, especially during school years, makes it so much easier for the kids to have quality time with both parents while still getting to have a normal social and school life! Mine lived over an hour apart and it made things much harder. - save some photos for your kids of happy memories of your family together before the divorce and some wedding photos. your kids will love to see that there were happy times too and they were brought into the world with people who once loved each other❤️
as a child of divorce, never bad mouth the other parent or ever put your children in the middle when it comes to communication. i’ve had some trauma being in the middle and my parents don’t even want to be in same room. especially when it comes to the future of them having kids and being around your grandchildren
okay i know everyone is saying don't talk badly, while i don't disagree i really appreciated my moms honesty around 17/18. because it made me more upset thinking if everything was fine and they were happy why would they divorce. but learning my mother's side of things taught me life lessons and made sense of the situation. it did not make me hate my dad or see him differently either.
Honestly crazy people asking some of these to me. You have to heal first before even considering those kinds of commitments with someone else it’s good you’re focusing on your well being and kids rn. Like in what headspace after a divorce/breakup do people think about being w someone else. Idk love you tho ❤you deserve the best and someone who gives you the same love and effort one day tho
As young as you still are you really had some great tips! Legally married is soooo hard to really divorce! I married my daughter’s father 11 years ago and we’ve been separated for 9 years! I attempted to file for divorce and they wanted sooooo much money and I’m so irritated to pay that! Of course I have to but time really has flew!
Truly getting legally married is like signing 30 legal documents in one. No one talks about it. For your goals you’re better off getting specific legal documents for your assets and your medical power of attorney. You’re doing so great at being a mom to those girls aspyn!
My biggest advice would be to make sure you're ALWAYS the one being the adults when it comes to holiday plans, vacation plans, not talking poorly about each other, etc. and to avoid ever forcing the kids in the middle of those decisions
My parents divorced. There's 9 of us total and my biggest advice (agreeing with most) is to never talk bad about one another. ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. It makes children feel that they have to pick sides between their parents. Not only this, but when you meet new people, don't pressure your kids into getting close with your partner. Let them take their time to get to know them. It's hard to adjust, but when you feel pressured it is way worst.
Long time silent follower here but future Q&A question. With you wanting privacy for your kids, how do you plan to do schooling for them or like yearbook pictures if they go to public schools? You helped me decide for my future kids that I want full privacy for them and just curious how you will navigate their privacy when it comes to the next stage like schooling etc. I adore you and the little ladies 🩷
I fully love and support you girl. I grew up in a broken home. My advice is never fight in front of them and yes I promise they can hear you yelling downstairs.
As a child of divorce, just try to stay on civil terms when co parenting. Having kids act as communication devices can be rough- also try to never speak negatively about the other parent around the kid (seems like a no brainer but so many parents fail at this) - it hurts the kid more than the parent.
My parents are divorced ( but should be) I would say never expect your kids to be your therapist. Always check in on them, regardless if you think you’re doing a good job coparenting or not, it’s nice to know your parent cares about your feelings with the situation and acknowledges it sucks for you. And then the obvious, don’t talk bad about the other. It forces us to pick a side or hear a one sided story.
As my parents are currently in the middle of the divorce process, I'd say (especially as your girls get older, like adults) don't compete with their dad. My parents try their best but they still slip up and complain about how much time we do or don't spend with each of them and it's so annoying.
Don't put kids in a position in which they feel like if they love both their parents, one of them gets jealous of the other parent and talks badly about them in order to pull them on your side
My biggest advice as a 3 year old who parents split on Christmas Eve and never spoke again hardly. Just enjoy your kids childhood goes so fast and they are so sweet when young and want to be with their parents. Teenage years so different. Don’t waste those years in drama.
I am a child of divorced parents but I was 18 atp. My youngest sister was 8 so I remember her crying to go to school bcs she said its always either mom or dad, picking or sending, never both and she would never experience both again. Hearing her saying that just breaks my heart even tho as an adult (technically) I was so relieved that they're divorced, literally the best thing that could happen to them. So yeah, if you could, do things together still for the sake of the kids.
my parents divorced when i was in high school but it was in the talks for a long time -ever since I was little. However, they did stay in the same house for a long time (for me and my brother) because at the time, i wasn't old enough to understand how an unhappy relationship could affect a household, i just wanted them to remain together. Looking back now, I am grateful they continued to live in the same house for me as a child but as an adult, I feel bad because I'm sure that was very difficult for them. But they still made sure we felt like a family that could get along/do things/go on family vacations despite their desire to get divorced way before it actually happened
I am getting married next year to my first real relationship and we have been together for 14 years and have 2 beautiful boys. Also I love watching all your videos and think you are doing an amazing job with how you are dealing with everything!❤❤
I think that you are a beautiful mom & person. I’ve watched you for years and am so proud of how much you’ve grown, especially when having to deal with such hard things. I am a child of divorce, and I think the things can recall damaging me were the fighting about who was going to pay what (I was a teenager and didn’t have a job) and my parents talking bad about each other or involving us in their drama. It is so saddening to not be able to get your medicine or things you need because each parent doesn’t think they should have to pay. I don’t see that being a problem in your life because you are financially stable and very generous to your kids- I can tell that. Also, the constant degrading the other parent and involving my siblings in their drama was hard- no kid should be forced to pick a side (mom or dad?) or to be given adult problems at an early age. I also grew up in Utah as a jack mormon, so that added to all the craziness as well (glad your kids won’t have to deal with that). However, I think my parent’s divorce was very necessary, and I think you did right by your children. The number one thing I wish my parents focused on more was prioritizing their kids needs rather than being prideful and prioritizing their own needs just to spite each other. I can see that you are very much prioritizing your kids, and I commend you for that. I am happy that your kids will grow up within a cordial situation (as I see you are trying to make it cordial), and that you will do your best to break the cycle with them. Being in Utah, it’s very hard because everyone gets married so quickly and early.. and like you said, I don’t think it is a good idea. I have been single my whole life, and I’m 24. LOL. But being single is fun, and I hope you continue to explore and enjoy life and be good to your kids and love yourself!
My advice would be to do things together, like a family trip, go to their events together, their plays, sporting events, etc. I always said I appreciated that my parents stayed friends even though they couldn’t stay married. Both having the best interest of the kids is important, and just judging by watching you both online, I feel as though you will both do that.
as a child of divorce PLEASE don't move your children across the country. doing this put SO much distance between me and my dad. i grew up thinking he didn't want to be apart of my life. i'm now 22 and still haven't figured out our relationship.
Everyone on here saying not to talk badly about the other parent in front of the kid. My opinion on this is if your kids overhear something that’s not a direct issue it’s more upsetting when your parents talk harshly about your other parent to you.
Could you make a video on what exact legal loopholes you have to jump through to get a divorce? Nothing personal, just literally what you had to untangle. Bank accounts? House titles? I genuinely have no idea and don’t know where else to get this information in a digestible manner. I think it would be so cool if you could help inform your (probably) primarily female audience on what that looks like. Maybe it would bring you some peace with your situation to not only save your daughters from repeating your mistakes, but also thousands of others❤❤❤
Im a child of divorce and both my parents are either remarried or in long term partnerships and I have an additional half sister now. I def don't think you need to do a vacation with parker. I really appreciated my parents not talking bad about each other until all my siblings were adults did they tell us everything. My parents for 20 years would come together for each of our birthdays and only now don't do that any more but as a kid that was a big deal. And my parents continued to make parenting and discipline decisions together so that there were consistent rules and they were united in that way.
I wonder if you could do a generalized (nonspecific) Q&A with jaci or something for when your friends are going through a divorce…how to be there for them an alternatively not…etc
I’d say just don’t talk badly about each other and don’t let the houses feel like two completely underplayed homes. It’s nice feel like your parents exist in both homes
Cool-videos! My five-year relationship came to an end a month ago. The love of my life chose to leave, and I can't stop thinking about him; I love him so deeply. I've done everything I can to win him back, but nothing seems to work. I'm feeling frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my efforts to move on, I just can't shake the thoughts of him. I don’t know why I’m sharing this, (but I really miss him)
At 9:07 me who did marry my first bf/HS bf and waited 10 years 😂 I 10000% agree with that statement, my neighbor is childless & divorced twice, she said if she were to do it again, she would do it the way I did lol she was like that’s the only way people that young should do it 😂
Make sure your kids know it’s not their fault. It’s okay to cry. Don’t talk ill of each other in front of your kids, and try and maintain some sort of civil relationship.
My parents split when i was 4 . Im now 26 my advice to you is to keep your thoughts about parker as positive as possible towards them . Also really coparent and make sure the kids see you both getting along , being respectful ect . My parents put us in the middle they did not speak and it was horrible
Once again fellow mama and child of divorce here commenting from Hubby’s UA-cam account because he’s got premium. But we don’t know what happened between you and P, but I can assume because of your history, and kids together you can be civil together. Over time it will get easier to co parent, and your lucky you if can be civil because it will preserve that relationship you have with him and your daughters will see and respect that. My parents split when I was 3, things were messy, they off and off tried to get back together until I was 10. But didn’t work. They can now be civil and just be “old friends” and my parents. Nothing else. Time heals all, and it will get easier for you two. Don’t expect it to happen over night, but it will happen. It will get easier to as he dates and you date xx
Child of divorce 🙋♀️ My parents got divorced when I was 7 and my younger sister was 5, right after moving to a new house actually also. The worst thing as a child was having to move back and forth between houses. We were on a true 50/50 schedule, so at dads M/Tu moms W/Th and then alternate Friday and weekends. It was horrible and looking back now I feel like I don’t have a true “childhood home”; I never felt settled in one place. It seems like you’re already doing this for your girls, but I wish my parents had put my comfort over theirs in the divorce. Obviously everyone makes mistakes and shouldn’t suffer forever, but you owe it to the kids to do everything in your power to keep the family together even if you are not married. Then there’s the not talking badly about each other which others have mentioned, but also you ex-partners new partner should never be spoken about poorly to the children. They have to decide what their relationship to that person is on their own. You don’t have to be their best friend, but keep any animosity to yourself. Also money/child support disputes are not a child friendly subject (hopefully goes without saying but it certainly did not for my parents!) :). Anyway, it seems like you’re doing a great job for your girls. I’m 24, the oldest of 4 girls and I’ve been watching your videos since before you were married; I’ve looked up to you and seen you as a big-sister-esque figure in my life. Thank you for keeping it honest on the channel as you figure out your new normal :) u got it girly
Having got married in the church and with my first boyfriend and partner young and then with 2 kids, then divorced by the time Im 29.... Im much older now, and I recommend enjoying your life, not getting married again but having a legal document for your protection of you and your finances. I am all on board with also. I enjoy my peace and my alone time so much more now and wish I invested so much more time in my own career and income when I was your age and then I thought I needed another man as a plan, NOPE.
Please don’t talk badly about your partner in front of them. Try your hardest to not bring men around if it’s not the one! Also how cute she was brushing her eyebrows 🥹🤍
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I’m a child of divorced parents and my only advice is to not talk badly about each other in front of the kids
One of the lady’s I work with recently got divorced (she had 3 or 4 kids I’m not to sure) and they decided to keep there home for there kids to always live in. Mom and dad each got there own apartments and will come back to the house when it’s there days to be with the kids. I thought this was interesting and very thoughtful on the parents behalf to always make sure there kids always feel like they have a place that doesn’t change and is there’s. Obviously this isn’t always possible but thought it was really cool.
My biggest tip as a child of divorce is to stay as civil as possible for your kids and don't talk shit about each other to the kids. My parents got divorced, never spoke to each other again and constantly talk shit about each other and it just feels like me and my brother are in the middle of it and it sucks. 15 years later and they still don't talk🤦♀ Not saying you have to be besties but I would try to be friends for the kids sake x
Same!! My parents were incredibly uncivil and it was the most embarrassing thing when they were both at school events and sports games. It would always turn into a shit show and then it would somehow be our fault if my dad brought a new girlfriend or something. Just keep the kids out of the drama😭😅
Yes, I completely agree! Respectfully, I think answering questions like this in front of children can have an impact. As a child, I could feel the energy, and it affected me on some level. It was tough to realize that even if a child can’t articulate what they’re hearing, they’re still absorbing everything.
Similar to others about not talking bad about the other to kids, but a next step further- don’t use your kids as a middle man for messages! Like “remind your dad to xyz” or “tell your dad that you have xyz” because as a child the mental load of keeping the other parent accountable for things can be a lot!
as a child of divorce since i was 2 (i'm now 24), i and everyone around me feel like my parents did a spectacular job and my advice is to NEVER talk poorly about the other parent ever. my parents have always been friendly with each other and we celebrate birthdays and events (graduation, etc) as a family even their spouses and my siblings on both sides, my mom never said no when i asked to see my dad, and my dad never took it personally when i cried about wanting to go home to mom, i always knew i had the freedom to come and go. basically i'd say try to be friendly, don't ever put them in a position where they feel like they have to walk on eggshells, let them be kids and enjoy their family freely without worries. now that i'm older my mom has expressed to me how she feels like she's had to swallow her pride and basically force herself to not hate my dad after divorce and i feel sorry that i never knew how much effort it took to just make my life feel normal but she also said she feels proud of herself and my dad and that it was so worth it and i feel so grateful to have had such a happy, normal (to me) childhood. i hope this helped, just try your best, your kids love you and you're a great mom, you're doing great!
AI really wants to get messy with that title LOL
I'm a child of divorced parents and I think it's so important to not talk badly about your partner in front of your kids (or publicly). If your goal is for them to have a happy, healthy, loving relationship with their dad, it absolutely will not happen if when they're with you, they hear you saying horrible things about him. They love you, and they trust your opinion. How you talk about him will 100% affect their relationship with him.
Again that's just my advice if your goal is for your girls to still have a positive relationship with him throughout the years. If that isn't your goal, then you definitely don't need to do vacations together.
from a very very very young age i remember a lot of stuff that went on with my parents split and new partners. my tip would be to protect the children and not talk about this stuff in front of them. they are taking everything in and some people dont forget (yes even this age). they are aware of way more than u think they are
Financial stability is really such a flex
I absolutely love your videos and really appreciate how you balance vulnerability with clear boundaries - it's so inspiring! As someone who experienced being a teenager during a divorce and growing up in a dysfunctional family, I wanted to share one thought. If possible, answering these kinds of questions away from the kids might be helpful. Hearing these discussions as a child made me feel like I had to manage my parents' emotions, which was a lot to carry. Kids are so sensitive and absorb so much, even at a very young age. Of course, this is just my perspective, and I’m not sure if it’s entirely right, but I hope it helps in some way!
My parents divorced when I was 11 and I feel so fortunate that we still did things together as a family for holidays/events, and that my parents were civil and could be around each other for me and my brother’s sake
I just want to say it is also ok to marry your first boyfriend.. we were 14/15 got married at 23 and now we’re 30. Everyone has different experiences in life, no relationship is perfect 😊
From being a kid that my parents have been divorced my whole life i would say always try to do things together as a family as much as you can and never talk bad about the other parent in front of them
My parents are divorced but they remain friends, can be in the same room, talk kindly of each other and it has been so much easier on all of us kids!
Having come from a broken home I know how divorce can affect children. Relationships are unique and it’s important to have grace on your self and your ex… because ultimately the health of the parents relationship, whatever that may look like, determines the value of life the children have.. sending love and wisdom your way ❤❤
As a step mom, I will say how powerful it is the moms influence on whether or not the kids will like the step mom. They can love the step mom but if they hear their mother saying negative things, making things up, speaking poorly of the dad and stepmom, it’s really doing nothing but hindering the children and causing way more strife. All of the step moms I know, are NOT trying to replace the mom, but have the opportunity to love, support, and be another person who genuinely cares for and wants what is best for the kids.
A few things I’ve learned over the years are never talk badly about the other parent(s). And never make the children feel sorry for wanting to see the other parent/ go to the other house.
I’ve been a child of divorce since I was 3, I don’t remember my parents ever being together so it’s always been very normal for me. BUT it was difficult how my life with them was so separate. They only were together if they had to be (graduation, birthday dinners, etc.) watching Alix Earle’s family is actually so healing for me. I wish my parents could have done more things together!
I met my husband at 19 and we didn’t get married until 27. Could never imagine getting married that young, there’s still so much life to experience and you grow and change so much throughout your 20s
I also married my first boyfriend. I dated him for four years and then married for 10 years. I waited 10 years to have our first baby, and we still divorced right after I had my baby. The moral of the story, never marry your first boyfriend. 😅 Date/get to know different ppl, have experiences and choose the best one for you.❤
I’m a child of divorce too. My dad messed up, and I saw my mom go through a lot because of it. It felt like we were both carrying the weight of it. She explained everything to me, and honestly, that was traumatizing. It kind of made me think that this is just how men are. So, for a big part of my life, I kept picking the wrong guys because I didn’t believe they could be any different. The explaining also made me feel like I had no worth since my dad would rather do crazy things than be there for us...
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND- no family trips together , as mean as it sounds - family vacation will eventually END , if not soon - sooner than later that won’t last so it sucks to even try it .
Coming from divorced parents, I agree with everyone’s comment about not speaking poorly of the other parent. And one thing that I love that my parents did, is that they individually always reminded me to always respect the other parent and always listen to them. Basically they never tried to belittle each other. And it’s funny bc neither of them even knew they’d both tell us to always listen to our other parent and to never lose respect for them bc at the end of the day, they’re both still our parents and if there’s one thing in this world that they still love and will forever cherish- it’s us kids. They’ll never stop loving us. And both my parents til this day have never been disrespectful towards one another when at a same family gathering or even if they were texting about whatever coparenting topics there was to discuss. If anything, both my parents became better people once they split, and both grew a better respect for each other as well. They would just never get back together! Haha
Reallyyy relating to these vids as someone who recently broke off an engagement to someone I was with over a decade since high school/first serious boyfriend. It is fun just being able to do what you want as a financially independent person! Bless the ladies that paved the way for us to be able to live by our own means 🙏🏻
As a child from divorce, where the fault was on the father's side. My mum never put her opinions or biases onto us as children. She never stopped us seeing him. She just simply listened to what we had to say and our experiences. This meant we had to make our own informed decisions about whether or not we wanted to have a relationship with him. If she had made the decision for us not to see him, then we likely would have put that on ourselves and felt a sense that there was something wrong with us. But instead we felt empowered and in control of our relationship with him, and our relationships going forward. That we have the choice.
Best decision my mum made. However I appreciate situations and scenarios can be very different.
as a child of divorce (my parents divorced when i was 6), I feel so lucky that my parents kept communicating for us even when they literally hated each other lol. We still went on a couple of family holidays and my dad got sick when I was 14 and my mum was literally there without any hesitance to care for him until he passed away. Obviously this isn’t the case for everyone and she definitely didn’t have to do this but it really made the whole situation so much better for all of us and I have never felt affected by their divorce, maybe because I don’t remember them even being together (so grateful they had the choice to leave and maintain a healthy-ish relationship for us)
the change to mom voice talking to us at 13:47 lololol
I promise you at this age I understood everything my parents were saying about each other and felt the energy shift in both of them and it created so much anxiety and uneasiness for me at such a young age. Please wait until they’re older to let this even come up in their little minds.
Child of divorced parents… don’t make your kids be the messenger. Communicate with your ex. Do not try to make your kids “pick a side”. I feel like this didn’t happen until I was a little older and my parents remarried. Don’t talk about your spouse. And don’t try to compete financially with your ex. Like for instance… which parent got the better birthday gift or Christmas present. It doesn’t matter. All that matters to me was to be able to see both my parents without the drama. Your kids did not ask for this. I feel like a lot of divorced parents make those mistakes unintentionally. But it’s huge because it messed with me growing up and my siblings. I will say I’m the kind of person now I know I don’t want my family like that so I know not to make those same mistakes but it messes with each child differently and some of them may go down the same rabbit hole. There’s so much more honestly. Having divorced parents is hard with so many different families too. It’s too much. But I’m so glad my mom did not stay with my dad.
9:01 love this because I did marry my first boyfriend but I made us wait because you grow and change so much between high school and your late 20s. So we got married on our 10 year anniversary because I did not want to make that leap while we were still growing and hadn’t even lived on our own (no roommates) yet. I feel like that decision was the best thing we could have done.
My parents got divorced when I was 2 years old, and I had to split my life in two, weekends with my mom and then living with my dad. the best advice I would give someone is don’t talk bad about the other parent because both parents can say bad things about each other, don’t stain the reputation of the other person regardless of what they did, yes be straightforward with them but don’t forget he acted that way or you acted a certain way inside a marriage. As much as one person has certain percentage of the blame to play in the divorce don’t forget that you played a part in the blame too. Neither of the parents is perfect and both made mistakes
12:51 the eyebrow brushing 😭💗
Could you film an updated makeup, skincare, and haircare routine video?
Ooo yes would love this!!
As a child of divorced parents there are a few things
1. Don't talk negative about the other parent around or to the kids.
2. Don't make your opinion on your ex their opinion
3. Don't tell them your alls issues
4. Don't tell them if you get child support/ financial help / etc from the other parent
5. Meet the new significant other
6. Don't use them as leverage against the other parent
7. If you take family trips Don't create a false nerative for their gain. It can comfuse them so much
Do whatever is best for you. Never let anyone tell you it's your fault.
my parents were separated from when i was 1 or 2? but knowing now as an adult that they apparently fought so much is shocking because i never witnessed it and always thought they were best friends. they did all activities together, birthdays etc.
Me sitting in my parked car drinking coffee watching you film a q&a in your parked car 🤝
As a child of divorced parents my biggest wish was that my mom remarried and I was able to have a “family” again. She was traumatized and never remarried but I wish she opened her heart to love again.
I’m a child of divorced parents when I was in 2nd grade and I loved that they were apart because I got 2 of everything. My brother who was almost an adult when they divorced it affected him more.
My parents divorced and there was a period where things were rocky which was really though and they quickly turned it around. My parents are such good friends. My stepdad and my dad are very close. We spend every Christmas and birthday and special occasion together and every pick up and drop off of the younger siblings they have a coffee and communicate. My parents and step parents are such team and it’s really made everything so easy and I cherish my the moments we spend as a family.
lmaoooo the title.
Tip for a divorced parent is if you can it would be so great to have both parents do things together still. Even if you have other significant others, if you can be amicable and get together a couple times a year my god will your children appreciate that so much when they are older. It’s easy to say what’s the real point of it, but showing up is just heroic.
I have a friend who’s a child of divorce. Her parents split her schooling 4 ways, purchased her vehicle for her 4 ways, school trips 4 ways. It’s honestly somewhat of a plus if each parent can find an understanding new partner. It’s hard to find though as new partner can get jealous easily of healthy co-parenting.
Second tip is don’t take it too personally if a new partner is jealous. It isn’t un-common for divorced couples to reunite and obviously people worry about that. Not saying it will happen for you, most people say they are dead set that they were never be with that person again. That being said sometimes with distance, time, and new individual experiences, growth and reflection people who swore against that person sometimes wants them back.
I was 5 when my parents got divorced. I would say to keep it as positive as you can. Only say positive things about the other one and do as many things together as possible. It's sad for them no matter what but they will grow up appreciating that you made sure you were both there and made it as normal as possible for them :)
Aspyn, if you happen to see this -
My degree is in Early Childhood Education. The way I was taught developmental stages, 3 year olds were not considered toddlers.
Of course, every child is different. Some may develop a bit more slowly and still seem like a toddler at age 3.
my biggest tips as a daughter whose parents got divorced when I was 5 years old:
- always speak positively about their other parent because not only do you want them to have a good relationship with them, but your child is half of their dad too, so when a parent speaks negatively about the other, the kids may internalize that 💕
- if possible, living in close proximity to the other parent, especially during school years, makes it so much easier for the kids to have quality time with both parents while still getting to have a normal social and school life! Mine lived over an hour apart and it made things much harder.
- save some photos for your kids of happy memories of your family together before the divorce and some wedding photos. your kids will love to see that there were happy times too and they were brought into the world with people who once loved each other❤️
as a child of divorce, never bad mouth the other parent or ever put your children in the middle when it comes to communication. i’ve had some trauma being in the middle and my parents don’t even want to be in same room. especially when it comes to the future of them having kids and being around your grandchildren
Life can change for better or worse at any given moment! Stay focused!
okay i know everyone is saying don't talk badly, while i don't disagree i really appreciated my moms honesty around 17/18. because it made me more upset thinking if everything was fine and they were happy why would they divorce. but learning my mother's side of things taught me life lessons and made sense of the situation. it did not make me hate my dad or see him differently either.
So happy to see you moving on Aspyn. Keep shining! ✨
"Look at what I found" is so wholesome 🥺🥺🥺
Honestly crazy people asking some of these to me. You have to heal first before even considering those kinds of commitments with someone else it’s good you’re focusing on your well being and kids rn. Like in what headspace after a divorce/breakup do people think about being w someone else. Idk love you tho ❤you deserve the best and someone who gives you the same love and effort one day tho
As young as you still are you really had some great tips! Legally married is soooo hard to really divorce! I married my daughter’s father 11 years ago and we’ve been separated for 9 years! I attempted to file for divorce and they wanted sooooo much money and I’m so irritated to pay that! Of course I have to but time really has flew!
The perfect amount of tea! 😂❤👏
Truly getting legally married is like signing 30 legal documents in one. No one talks about it. For your goals you’re better off getting specific legal documents for your assets and your medical power of attorney. You’re doing so great at being a mom to those girls aspyn!
My biggest advice would be to make sure you're ALWAYS the one being the adults when it comes to holiday plans, vacation plans, not talking poorly about each other, etc. and to avoid ever forcing the kids in the middle of those decisions
My parents divorced. There's 9 of us total and my biggest advice (agreeing with most) is to never talk bad about one another. ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. It makes children feel that they have to pick sides between their parents. Not only this, but when you meet new people, don't pressure your kids into getting close with your partner. Let them take their time to get to know them. It's hard to adjust, but when you feel pressured it is way worst.
Child of divorce never make your kids chose a side or parent. Never talk bad about the other parent in the same home.
Long time silent follower here but future Q&A question. With you wanting privacy for your kids, how do you plan to do schooling for them or like yearbook pictures if they go to public schools? You helped me decide for my future kids that I want full privacy for them and just curious how you will navigate their privacy when it comes to the next stage like schooling etc. I adore you and the little ladies 🩷
I fully love and support you girl. I grew up in a broken home. My advice is never fight in front of them and yes I promise they can hear you yelling downstairs.
I still love vlogs at home for the UA-camrs I watch but I’ll watch anything that my favorite UA-camrs post
As a child of divorce, just try to stay on civil terms when co parenting. Having kids act as communication devices can be rough- also try to never speak negatively about the other parent around the kid (seems like a no brainer but so many parents fail at this) - it hurts the kid more than the parent.
My parents are divorced ( but should be) I would say never expect your kids to be your therapist. Always check in on them, regardless if you think you’re doing a good job coparenting or not, it’s nice to know your parent cares about your feelings with the situation and acknowledges it sucks for you. And then the obvious, don’t talk bad about the other. It forces us to pick a side or hear a one sided story.
As my parents are currently in the middle of the divorce process, I'd say (especially as your girls get older, like adults) don't compete with their dad. My parents try their best but they still slip up and complain about how much time we do or don't spend with each of them and it's so annoying.
Don't put kids in a position in which they feel like if they love both their parents, one of them gets jealous of the other parent and talks badly about them in order to pull them on your side
My biggest advice as a 3 year old who parents split on Christmas Eve and never spoke again hardly. Just enjoy your kids childhood goes so fast and they are so sweet when young and want to be with their parents. Teenage years so different. Don’t waste those years in drama.
I pray you guys are safe from the fires 🙏
I am a child of divorced parents but I was 18 atp. My youngest sister was 8 so I remember her crying to go to school bcs she said its always either mom or dad, picking or sending, never both and she would never experience both again. Hearing her saying that just breaks my heart even tho as an adult (technically) I was so relieved that they're divorced, literally the best thing that could happen to them.
So yeah, if you could, do things together still for the sake of the kids.
my parents divorced when i was in high school but it was in the talks for a long time -ever since I was little. However, they did stay in the same house for a long time (for me and my brother) because at the time, i wasn't old enough to understand how an unhappy relationship could affect a household, i just wanted them to remain together. Looking back now, I am grateful they continued to live in the same house for me as a child but as an adult, I feel bad because I'm sure that was very difficult for them. But they still made sure we felt like a family that could get along/do things/go on family vacations despite their desire to get divorced way before it actually happened
I am getting married next year to my first real relationship and we have been together for 14 years and have 2 beautiful boys. Also I love watching all your videos and think you are doing an amazing job with how you are dealing with everything!❤❤
Hahahaha already dead with the title! Love seeing more content on UA-cam again 😊
I think that you are a beautiful mom & person. I’ve watched you for years and am so proud of how much you’ve grown, especially when having to deal with such hard things.
I am a child of divorce, and I think the things can recall damaging me were the fighting about who was going to pay what (I was a teenager and didn’t have a job) and my parents talking bad about each other or involving us in their drama.
It is so saddening to not be able to get your medicine or things you need because each parent doesn’t think they should have to pay. I don’t see that being a problem in your life because you are financially stable and very generous to your kids- I can tell that.
Also, the constant degrading the other parent and involving my siblings in their drama was hard- no kid should be forced to pick a side (mom or dad?) or to be given adult problems at an early age.
I also grew up in Utah as a jack mormon, so that added to all the craziness as well (glad your kids won’t have to deal with that).
However, I think my parent’s divorce was very necessary, and I think you did right by your children.
The number one thing I wish my parents focused on more was prioritizing their kids needs rather than being prideful and prioritizing their own needs just to spite each other.
I can see that you are very much prioritizing your kids, and I commend you for that. I am happy that your kids will grow up within a cordial situation (as I see you are trying to make it cordial), and that you will do your best to break the cycle with them.
Being in Utah, it’s very hard because everyone gets married so quickly and early.. and like you said, I don’t think it is a good idea. I have been single my whole life, and I’m 24. LOL.
But being single is fun, and I hope you continue to explore and enjoy life and be good to your kids and love yourself!
My advice would be to do things together, like a family trip, go to their events together, their plays, sporting events, etc. I always said I appreciated that my parents stayed friends even though they couldn’t stay married. Both having the best interest of the kids is important, and just judging by watching you both online, I feel as though you will both do that.
I like you a lot as a person I’ve watched you since I was younger I love your character and personality you’re authentic ❤️
as a child of divorce PLEASE don't move your children across the country. doing this put SO much distance between me and my dad. i grew up thinking he didn't want to be apart of my life. i'm now 22 and still haven't figured out our relationship.
Everyone on here saying not to talk badly about the other parent in front of the kid. My opinion on this is if your kids overhear something that’s not a direct issue it’s more upsetting when your parents talk harshly about your other parent to you.
Could you make a video on what exact legal loopholes you have to jump through to get a divorce? Nothing personal, just literally what you had to untangle. Bank accounts? House titles? I genuinely have no idea and don’t know where else to get this information in a digestible manner. I think it would be so cool if you could help inform your (probably) primarily female audience on what that looks like. Maybe it would bring you some peace with your situation to not only save your daughters from repeating your mistakes, but also thousands of others❤❤❤
Im a child of divorce and both my parents are either remarried or in long term partnerships and I have an additional half sister now. I def don't think you need to do a vacation with parker. I really appreciated my parents not talking bad about each other until all my siblings were adults did they tell us everything. My parents for 20 years would come together for each of our birthdays and only now don't do that any more but as a kid that was a big deal. And my parents continued to make parenting and discipline decisions together so that there were consistent rules and they were united in that way.
I wonder if you could do a generalized (nonspecific) Q&A with jaci or something for when your friends are going through a divorce…how to be there for them an alternatively not…etc
Let your kids be happy if they’re having a holiday at their dads house even though you’re sad they aren’t there
I love being able to "see" the kids and how they are growing even with the blurry thing. She's getting so big! Her voice is so cute!!
I MISSED CLAUDIA & ASPYN TOGETHER OMGGG ❤
I’d say just don’t talk badly about each other and don’t let the houses feel like two completely underplayed homes. It’s nice feel like your parents exist in both homes
You’re doing an incredible job being a co parent. Give yourself some more credit! You’re amazing.
Cool-videos! My five-year relationship came to an end a month ago. The love of my life chose to leave, and I can't stop thinking about him; I love him so deeply. I've done everything I can to win him back, but nothing seems to work. I'm feeling frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my efforts to move on, I just can't shake the thoughts of him. I don’t know why I’m sharing this, (but I really miss him)
That was a chaotic Q&A 🥴 I didn’t hear anything you said 😆
I just see a more happy, go with the flow you and I love it!
At 9:07 me who did marry my first bf/HS bf and waited 10 years 😂 I 10000% agree with that statement, my neighbor is childless & divorced twice, she said if she were to do it again, she would do it the way I did lol she was like that’s the only way people that young should do it 😂
Make sure your kids know it’s not their fault. It’s okay to cry. Don’t talk ill of each other in front of your kids, and try and maintain some sort of civil relationship.
loooove that you're hanging out with Claudia!!
My parents split when i was 4 . Im now 26 my advice to you is to keep your thoughts about parker as positive as possible towards them . Also really coparent and make sure the kids see you both getting along , being respectful ect . My parents put us in the middle they did not speak and it was horrible
Once again fellow mama and child of divorce here commenting from Hubby’s UA-cam account because he’s got premium. But we don’t know what happened between you and P, but I can assume because of your history, and kids together you can be civil together. Over time it will get easier to co parent, and your lucky you if can be civil because it will preserve that relationship you have with him and your daughters will see and respect that. My parents split when I was 3, things were messy, they off and off tried to get back together until I was 10. But didn’t work. They can now be civil and just be “old friends” and my parents. Nothing else. Time heals all, and it will get easier for you two. Don’t expect it to happen over night, but it will happen. It will get easier to as he dates and you date xx
Child of divorce 🙋♀️
My parents got divorced when I was 7 and my younger sister was 5, right after moving to a new house actually also. The worst thing as a child was having to move back and forth between houses. We were on a true 50/50 schedule, so at dads M/Tu moms W/Th and then alternate Friday and weekends. It was horrible and looking back now I feel like I don’t have a true “childhood home”; I never felt settled in one place. It seems like you’re already doing this for your girls, but I wish my parents had put my comfort over theirs in the divorce. Obviously everyone makes mistakes and shouldn’t suffer forever, but you owe it to the kids to do everything in your power to keep the family together even if you are not married. Then there’s the not talking badly about each other which others have mentioned, but also you ex-partners new partner should never be spoken about poorly to the children. They have to decide what their relationship to that person is on their own. You don’t have to be their best friend, but keep any animosity to yourself. Also money/child support disputes are not a child friendly subject (hopefully goes without saying but it certainly did not for my parents!) :). Anyway, it seems like you’re doing a great job for your girls. I’m 24, the oldest of 4 girls and I’ve been watching your videos since before you were married; I’ve looked up to you and seen you as a big-sister-esque figure in my life. Thank you for keeping it honest on the channel as you figure out your new normal :) u got it girly
*AI really said here for the ViEwS*
Just in case you weren’t aware you actually shouldn’t mix any other products into your sunscreen 💕 it messes with the efficacy
Expert as if this is your fourth divorce 😂
Unrelated but where is your shirt from? It’s so chic and cute!
Having got married in the church and with my first boyfriend and partner young and then with 2 kids, then divorced by the time Im 29.... Im much older now, and I recommend enjoying your life, not getting married again but having a legal document for your protection of you and your finances. I am all on board with also. I enjoy my peace and my alone time so much more now and wish I invested so much more time in my own career and income when I was your age and then I thought I needed another man as a plan, NOPE.
I was so young i don't really have many memories of my parents together.
My biggest tip is… Be honest with them but keep grown up things to grown ups only. Be honest though. Like never lie for the other parent.
Please don’t talk badly about your partner in front of them. Try your hardest to not bring men around if it’s not the one!
Also how cute she was brushing her eyebrows 🥹🤍