T**** Claims to Have America’s #1 Song | The Real Star of the Gwyneth Paltrow Trial
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- Опубліковано 26 бер 2023
- The former president’s supporters did not protest en masse last week, but he did score big with a song featuring jailed Jan 6 rioters. Elsewhere, the nation remains glued to the drama at Gwyneth Paltrow’s civil trial in Utah.
#Colbert #Comedy #Monologue #GwynethPaltrow
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015. - Розваги
Imagine raising a child in Florida, and nudity in art is the chief concern you have.
I'M SICK OF HEARING ABOUT INVESTIGATIONS AND ISSUING SUBPOENAS. I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ISSUING ARREST WARRANTS.
You’d better stay away from watching late night talk shows, “MSM” news, and any political UA-cam channels then.
Me too.
And what Greg Bors, listen to the true msm, those with the most viewed shows, that it’s all BS?
If you’re not a bot, why are you on here? I’m not on your UA-cam channels. One of us is dumb AF and it’s not me. Cheers boss.
@@gregbors8364 Oh yeah we should follow patriot news where the messiah is the poor victim of a witch hunt right? Oh were you in January 6th sighseeing tour? Tucker loved that so much
Lower your expectations. Seriously. I'm all for it, don't get me wrong--but if something was going to happen, it would have by now.
Preach it! I don't want to see him until he's wearing those 'fashionable' bracelets, and an orange jumpsuit. I don't want to hear about it until he's been found guilty, shackled, taken to prison, and PUT IN THE PRISON GENERAL POPULATION.
Parents in Florida freaking out about a famous statue being naked while their state looks the way it does for everyone to see.
I have seen the statue of David in Florence, it’s gorgeous. The Uffzi gallery is filled with priceless paintings and statues. I didn’t even go there to see David, my goal was to see the Botticelli paintings (which were magnificent). How anyone could say that David is pornographic just shows how repressed Americans are. When violence is more acceptable to people than the human body, that is what is disgusting. The fact that they can’t see art as a way to enrich people’s lives makes me sad for their children. They need to be shamed in the public square.
And the repression makes itself manifest in other ways: such as violence; addiction; depression.
The number of people that approach Trump with tears in their eyes, you gotta wonder if he just smells like onions.
Smells like SOMETHING...🤢
Onions would be a definite upgrade for the ex-president
🧅🧄💪😪 😆😂
You should listen to Noel Casler talk about Trump’s odor
@@anitawebster9450 😭🥚☢️
🎶 It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. A beautiful day for indictments. Would you arraign? Could you detain? Won't you jail the Donald?!
Funny as hell!!!!😂😂?he'll!!!!. Thank-you I needed that 😊
I heard that ib Mr. Rogers voice. Damn you and thank you.
Magnum Opus 😅
Everyone ther is a new block party called "Arrest Trump Tuesdays!". Admission bring your girl and buy out the bar.
👏😆👏👍👍
"Those have got to be the two biggest lies he's ever told: (1) He's the most innocent man in history, and (2) He has friends." 💥😂👏
In Little Don's world no man has ever approached him without crying lol
Each iteration of Trump's famous "big man, strong man, tears pouring down his face" story just gets funnier than the last.
There was a few people in the park with tears streaming down their face after he tear gassed everybody ?
Hey!!! asshole,,, I really love what you've done to the country.
See... when you put it in context there is suddenly a possibility something like that happened.
I'd vote for 'molly' Cyrus before I voted for Donald.
😂😂😂
“A strong man came up to me, tough kind of a guy, and said: ‘I want to thank you, Mr. President, for saving our country. And he had tears coming down his eyes. Big guy. Strong guy. My cellmate, I call him" 🤣
Holy crap, I thought it was a Seth Myers schtick at first.
Good one.
That’s great. And it certainly fits. 👍😂😂😂🇺🇸
As Silicone Kim shreaks:
The Best is Yet to Come! 😅
Here's hoping.
Florida parents are offended by David? Have any of them been on the internet? Their kids have smart phones right? SMH
He probably found Molly Cyrus in his brain...
Right next to Abbey Normal. 😂
😂😂😂🤤🤤🤤
Or Cathy Perky
Tim Apple!
Lol good one
Ah, the classics...
R.I.P TO THE KIDS AND ADULTS WHO LOST THEIR LIVES TODAY IN NASHVILLE
It breaks my heart that this keeps happening.
But rest assured the far right will run with the fact that the shooter identified as transgender. That will be their excuse - this time.
I know, I heard. horrible. When is something going to be done about this?
@@RedDragonM1 Maybe we need protests. Big ones.
@@RedDragonM1 When america celebrates its 2,000th birthday.
But unlikely.
@@linshanhsiang sounds like the left is inciting violence.
i knew he wouldn't be arrested last Tuesday when he said he would. Since when has he ever told the truth?
He picked Tuesday for his lie because it had just the right amount of urgency to grift a few more millions from his supporters in the form of donations to his wallet.
The Orange Menace lies as freely as the rest of us breathe! It's absolutely insane, but the fact that people believe him is mind-boggling! 🤦🏼♀️
The attorney going "fan girl" is so totally honest. 😊
It's almost like hearing Seth Meyers: "a man with tears in his eyes, he said 'Sir'..."
It's been so long since I saw the source material! Totally forgot it was actually about DeSantis
It sounds like Oliver Twist!😂🥣
Big man, strong man, tears in his eyes. It was literally Trump doing Seth's impression of Trump.
@@awaredeshmukh3202 You could not have forgotten that DeSantis was the original source; this DeSantis story is a new use of "...tears in his eyes...". Trump uses that trope regularly, which is the basis of the running joke.
I have SO missed the “sir” stories…tears in my eyes…
David Pakman does those stories, on UA-cam!
So good to hear from you, life is laughless without you, Seth, and Oliver.
Morning coffee and Stephens monolugue.. great way to start the day
It’s been a rough two weeks, we’ve missed you Stephen!
Sometimes I strangle Mr. Willy and the white stuff comes out
Don't worry, he'll be gone again soon - for Easter. And then a week or two later for National Butterfly Week, or whatever. He should at least have the decency to do what Carson used to do, and Kimmel still does - get guest hosts when he's going to be gone.
@@pdoylemi people would still complain. If you have a problem with how many vacation days he gets, take it up with his agent.
🤣
@@southparkfan01
I do have a problem with it. Not a huge one, you negotiate what you can in your contract - he also makes a ton more money than I ever will. But, I think there is a little noblese oblige here. He is where he is because of his fans, and maybe leaving them in the lurch so often isn't such a good thing to do.
Colbert is only part of the product - The Late Show is the product, and the team can still put together a good show with a good guest - look at the Daily Show right now. Some fans are even suggesting that they no bother to get a permanent host because they are loving the weekly guests so much.
#DefundNRA
NRA don't need fund....they give a lot of money to the Republicans so that they help them sell more guns and that's how they make money. USA is the only country when there is a mass shooting and the "lawmakers" come out and say we need more guns or even we need teachers to carry guns to school.
Ukraine's busy doing that (Most of the NRA's funding came from Russians).
How is the bancrupty of the NRA going?
And the suits (convictions?) for financial misconduct like money laundering, using donor money for personak enrichment etc.
Then you have to defund the GOPQ who pander (for political donations) to special interests!!
YES. 👏
“Previously, on the late show” 😆 👏 👏 👏
A big tough looking iron worker from Poughkeepsie came up to me, crying like a 7 year old girl. He said 'Thank you for making things great again!' He was of course referring to the new paint in cell block D.
'Standing Flaccid' should be a new performing group.
Of course, it would be banned in Florida….
@@PC-kd7djunless you spell it Standing FLAccid 😏
Now there is a contradiction of terms if there ever was one,hehe!
That’s a great punk band name!!
@@tompatchak8706 Spot on!
Soooo….Florida. Just sums so much up!
"I am an art lover." You are a man of taste and culture.
“My friends say that.” “Number 1 song on iTunes” “Tears in his eyes”…my god. It never ends. If we survive this - the next generation is going to look back and, hell, I don’t know…
I want to see Trump with tears in his eyes, as he cries to Jack Smith, “Sir, no one has committed so many crimes as I have…the likes of which nobody’s ever seen before!”
Hahahaha
🐑
@@clownworld6926 Baa! Baa! Gop baa!
😂😂😂
Why is it every time Trump tells a story about someone meeting him, they're always crying?
...oh, right, because they're meeting Trump.
I would've argued its because they're crazy. It's the same shit you see in cults.
They're holding in the vomit, so they involuntarily weep.
Lol that was pretty good
The stench of corruption can sometimes cause weeping?
We Need To Protest Against Him !! NOW ! what about Waco crowd !
All I want to hear is the jail cell door clinking shut on Trump. That will be music to my soul.
You just know when he uses the phrase “...with tears in his eyes,” and “sir” that it’s just not true.
Honestly it's not handcuffs that is needed for Trump, it's a straitjacket 😡
Just as well. They don't make cuffs that tiny anyway.. 🤔
And gag!
@@linda1lee2 why not haha after listening to 45 in "Oval Office" for 4 long years and 2 more years after, I can't wait to see his "Oral Orifice" going completely quiet
Both, right? (Hey!😊)
Is that gallows still available?
Parents are worried about the kids viewing great art because the subject is clothesless when it's no problem for them viewing senseless violence on TV, the net, movies, etc. It's become an embarrassment to say I live on earth.
And no one remembers that episode of The Simpsons "Marge v Itchy And Scratchy"?
This is actually a gross misconstruing of the situation in Florida. A lot of parents are getting really pedantic and reporting pornography in egregious situations to try to demonstrate how absurd some of the policies Meatball Ron have enacted are, by removing anything he and other right wingers don't like under the guise of pornography.
maybe not so much that but the gun violence they face in reality just going to school. not sure if you are aware but the rest of the world can see the "violence on tv, net, movies, etc".
And yet the Republican are more than happy to do NOTHING about school shootings and gun control,but a famous statue upsets a mere few of them
@@lenawagenfuehr53 "Won't somebody please think of the children!"
You bring so much joy to my day, Stephen! You have been missed, but I hope you had a wonderful vacation!
I clicked on this video so fast, you would think I was racing to win a million dollars 😂. Mr. Colbert, you and your brilliant team are a part of my morning routine. When you go on break, I'm so lost 😅. Glad to have you back
Very funny monologue….. especially about Gwyneth Paltrow and the skier😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
You call it spring break, Stephen. We call it a state of despair where we alternate between weeping and laughing like madmen in a horror movie! So help me, never leave us like that again! Nice to see you back, my man!
"Hernnah Menternna" had me choking on my coffee 😝
It must be horribly traumatic to find out that your parents call classical art ‘pornography’…..
Guliani doesn’t need a rat suit. Rat is his default avatar.
That’s not fair to rats.
I protest in the name of rats, mice and other vermin. They are not as bad as Guliani.
That explains his weird teeth whenevwr he screams
@@HowToChangeName I need a dentist s appointment badly but I thank God every morning for not making me look like Rudy G!
Aw.. Looks like Jan couldn't even manage the whole 6 friends.
Stephen! Yay you’re back🎉🎉🎉🎉 I’ve missed you! 😂😂😂😘❤️
The tongue liquor store joke 😂
Goopsy-Daisy: A Ski Accident of the Heart is just pure brilliance! Well done writers!!
Funny that there are more ppl cheering for his arrest than those that showed up to protest his arrest loll
That last bit with voiceover of A Few Good Men was probably the funniest thing I’ve seen in two years! Thanks for the breath-stopping laugh!
I love that one person in the audience who laughs so hard they scream 😂
Yeah that gets me every time
I was like this person is BRAYING
There’s one man and one woman laughing so hard. It cracked me up! 😂
Watch the google censor this comment triggered by the more intrusive ads!
GIGO UA-cam has become the primary vector of destroying civilization.
Congrats to the advertisers!
Been missing this show like crazy.
Stephen is always on vacation
It's been a rough two weeks Stephen, we've missed your snark! You make the insanity of modern idiocracy American life actually digestable.
MAGA nuts are known to cause indigestion.
1:36 "making this the most inaccurate forecast since 'to death do us part'..." DAAAAYM savage. 😂👍
Thank god Colbert's back. Those were a few hard days there, without my Colbert fix.
I’m just waiting for the Perp Waddle…
your choice of duck walk imagery made me chuckle
As long as there are no ramps involved, or the Perp Shuffle would take hours.
@@SeansModelBuilds identifying the brand of TP could take months…sigh
Jerome, this made me laugh so hard. visualizing it. thanks
5:25 When T45 brings out the "He came to me, tears in his eyes and begged me -Sir!", it's hands down one of the 5, in his top lies that he sprays out...
Interviewer: "Of all the lies you've told, which one is your favorite?"
The Donald: "I never lie."
Interviewer: "Yes, that's my favorite too!"
It's always big men who cries in his presence. One would wonder why
Up next-
Florida parent seeks to ban alphabet.... "has all the dirty words in it"😊
I find comfort in knowing I didn't struggle without the show alone.
I'm convinced that Stephen and Seth collaborate to take time off at the same time, just to give us anxiety.
Haha wouldn't put it past them.
Seth can stay away as long as he likes... won't.miss him
Omg, you too? It was a rough 2weeks😂
@@lenawagenfuehr53 are you serious? Have you not heard Seth's Tucker Carlson?!!
@@lenawagenfuehr53 Seth is hilarious. You must be thinking of someone else. 😂
Wonder when reporters and hosts will get it right. #45's alleged crime IS NOT that he payed hush money to SD. Instead it's the way that money was recorded on the books in accounting (as legal fees).
Get it right, please. How hard can it be? 🙄
Thank you!!
So wouldn’t what the news be spreading misinformation or is it only when the right does it? 🤔
i heard it was also from his campaign funds.
Dummy, the specific crimes have not been announced so you also don’t know what you’re talking about.
@@Aaackermann to
Lol that museum response and lol that entitlement in the ski accident! 😆😆😆
Whew! Stephen is back! I feel normal again. 🎉😊
I think Mona Lisa got her smile after seeing David...
or maybe hearing about Florida?
🤔 Or maybe hearing about “the most innocent man in America”…?
@@jaknkeenah, she'd LOL at that 😂
When you take a well deserved break, I feel like I have a thousand miles to go with the One Ring around my neck and no Sam. But you come back on fire ! Thanks for the Sat. reminder and suggestions. It was a nice gift to celebrate the anniversary of the destruction of the One Ring in Mt. Doom. We needed that!
Aww! The LOTR reference made me tear up a little! It was adorable! Have a blessed and splendid week!
I'm surprised there are any teachers left in Florida...
Omg !!! Arrest is yet to come !!! Too funny !!!
They better not have any maps of Florida "hangin" from their classrooms. 😁
I know, right? Put away that disgusting image of a bumpy hanging thing.
🤣
I would not be surprised if some parent would complain about it.
Floridav= America's wiener
@@okkietrooy6841 if another commenter is correct in saying that parents, who are against DeSantis's attack on education, are protesting by flooding the system with pedantic reports about anything the law might apply to... I hope that they do report this clearly pornographic portrayal of the country's appendage! :D
I don't think I could survive all this craziness without Steven and Jimmy Kimble! It's late at night and I'm laughing so hard I woke the entire household!
Agreed! Jimmy Kim had been really good lately
There is a realtime video out there that shows a donkey leading 200+ sheep down a road. That's all there is you need to define TDS infected lefties
Kimble! I see what you did there. 😉😅
Stop being so Woke!
Another great funny monologue 🤣
Stephen! Let's both have our heads frozen, then thawed out and resurrected 1000s of years from now so WE CAN RULE THE WOOOORLD!!!😅😅😂😂
I’m going to be honest. That Mona Lisa joke is extra funny to me because a long standing comic, Luann just ran last week a short story line of an artist redrawing the Mona Lisa and David as David being what Mona Lisa is smiling about. I’m not sure the writer ment for last week’s storyline to be featuring David, as a lot of comic artists like to draw ahead. But it’s a funny coincidence if not
I can't unsee that now. In my head, Mona is getting progressively worse-- sweating, lip biting-- and I can't stop laughing.
The Wacko in Waco!
Great! Perfect!
1:30 don’t forget when he forecast a hurricane hitting Alabama. Then kept insisting he was correct, even sharpie-ing a map as “proof”
And he wanted to nuke hurricanes to stop them.🙄 (Unfortunately, you can’t make this stuff up.)
Missed you, Stephen. Glad you're back from break. Hope it was a good one for you and yours.
Ghost of David Koresh, Waco Texas.... "Wow! That's a big cult!"
You can always tell when Trump is lying. His lips are moving!
In this case, his asshole.
Amen
😂😂he said , 'am the most loyal person' this guy cheated on all three wife.
Except that’s a 100+ year old joke about politicians. It’s funny because it’s true.
Oh my God Mark that's so pithy and original. Brilliant, simply brilliant. What a great comment .
Thanks, Stephen!
You’re always the best thing on late at night.
Rock On!
I think my favorite moment was, "I'm not sure about that joke." 😂
Great monologue!
Donnie sure puts a 'K' in Waco.
Three, even.
Ooh, smart! 🥰
@@Terra_Lopez no it isn't
@@KNR90 it is apt though.
I see what you did there
Add an 'H' in there and you have the Confather's middle name .
todays laughs kept rolling... top notch stephen !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In-your-face lies. How amazing.
The optometrist's lawyer is such a Gwyneth stan 😂😅😅😂
This show is like oxygen. I need it to survive.
A local business put up a concrete statue of the Venus de Milo. Local nit wits were having fits about it. One of my friends told me she thought it was absolutely shameful. All I could think was THEN DON'T LOOK AT IT.
I can just imagine Hallmark execs scrambling to get that movie optioned!
I thought "...came up to me, tears in his eyes" was a Seth Meyers joke. T***p actually says that?!
Yes. That's where they all got it from!
“…T***p actually says that?!” Yup. Usually preceded by a description of who has the tears: “big man, strong man, very powerful…”
And not once. Not twice. It's one of his favorite. If I hear another one, I'm afraid my eyes will stuck from rolling them 👀🙄
Yes, it's one of the many tropes he uses. Another one is how he's always so taken off guard when someone calls him "sir", as if he didn't turn 18 nearly a century ago.
A lot of men approach Trump with tears in their eyes I've noticed.
I am so glad this man is back. I really miss this monologues.😅😅😅
Glad TLS is back! And, this writing team deserves an award!
Someone needs to clone this man so we don't have to miss monologues anymore.
Yes please
I'd settle for reruns even.
It’s the same monologue every day. Trump bad, rinse and repeat.
AMEN !!! !!!
@@virginiaf.5764 on utube they do hv old shows....to help w withdrawal 🖖✌️😵💫🤯😺
"So...Florida". Yup..they put the "duh" in Flo-ri-duh.
Never been happier to leave a state than when I moved out of Florida.
This is one the funniest things I've ever seen. I laughed so hard I cried for a long time.
It's poetic orange mussolini rally is held on Waco
The name was on the nose
he makes the news more palatable i miss colbert when he takes time off reality is brighter and better when he is around thank you
I cannot listen to this while drinking my morning coffee. Almost spit all over my laptop!
Wait a minute, The Simpsons already did a "Parents are Upset About Michaelangelo's David" episode!
This was a great take, didn't stop laughing from start to finish In fact had to increase the inhalors to get my breath back😂😅🤣
One week felt like one month without Stephen. It’s always so tough when he goes on break. Thanks Stephen for keeping me sane in this totally insane world.
Someone in the audience is having a hell of a time. That unique laugh made the content all the funnier!
How?
@5:14 Trump: "I´m a loyalist"...except when it comes to his two ex-wives!🤣
and his 3rd since he was banging other women while Melania was home with newborn Barron (sp?)
Three... remember he cheated on the current one...
@@lenawagenfuehr53 Oh, true. I was just mentioning the divorce angle. Thanks!
Or lawyers. Or workers. Or country.
WELCOME BACK 🥳🥳 Two weeks without you, felt like yeeeears.