UNHEALED EMPATHS DO THIS...

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  • Опубліковано 15 жов 2024
  • #highlysensitiveperson #awakening #healing
    UNHEALED EMPATHS DO THIS...
    Here are a few unconscious patterns we do and why we do them. I offer you a healthy alternative!
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 69

  • @11_ang_11
    @11_ang_11 Рік тому +30

    It’s so hard for me to find motivation for myself but when it’s to save or fix someone, I have so much motivation!!!!!

    • @CandacevanDell
      @CandacevanDell  Рік тому +7

      I completely understand. It means you were conditioned into “other”. It is possible there is a mother wound. I often say we had to line up with “Mother & now it’s Other”

    • @kardoyle
      @kardoyle Рік тому

      Me too but way better now

  • @jerome6572
    @jerome6572 Рік тому +1

    Candace what you said is so true!!!Jerome❤❤❤ Candace I like your teaching how to deal with this.

  • @seanrademeyer3104
    @seanrademeyer3104 Рік тому +9

    You and me have had the exact same life. God it’s been hard coming to consciousness, healing all this and cleaning the mess up it’s left in my life.

  • @Who_hack_here
    @Who_hack_here 10 місяців тому

    I find more and more peaceful. Know my boundaries stay strong. Look forward not backward. I really gratitude learn more about myself everyday. Anything not welcome and no solution, I walk away.

  • @RusticRose3117
    @RusticRose3117 Рік тому +2

    I’ve been praying for a spiritual therapist! Thank you for sharing your gifts.

  • @amberv4223
    @amberv4223 Рік тому +2

    Thank you. I've come to realise at age 40 that not only I'm a HSP but I was also abused and neglected as a child so have trauma.

  • @denniswidles9502
    @denniswidles9502 Рік тому +4

    They never learnd what love is," it's when some 1 else's happyness is more important than yours

  • @tommyapples8490
    @tommyapples8490 Рік тому

    I love your vids. Over the past 4 years I've had the most incredible synchronicities. They are honestly life changing !

  • @jenwilson4976
    @jenwilson4976 Рік тому +2

    Candance. . . This video literally explained my life, and all the questions I have not been able to figure out and had about my attraction to people I had to “fix”. I have watched hundreds of hours of UA-cam videos on all of these different topics, but this video literally made the last pieces of the puzzle fit together. Thank you from the bottom of my ❤️

  • @mnb2143
    @mnb2143 Рік тому +1

    Thank you so much!!! Very eye opening!

  • @mariomallet1824
    @mariomallet1824 Рік тому

    Thank you 💖
    So happy to have found your channel 🙃

  • @winniewinkles
    @winniewinkles Рік тому

    Totally Candace, it’s a lightbulb moment when you realise you’re going round reconstituting everyone around you so they can maybe, if you’re lucky, get your needs met. I get ‘hands off’ the second I recognize I’m doing that. Great vid.

  • @momione11
    @momione11 Рік тому +1

    Yes, I grew up with addicts and co-dependent people. Gets a special energy and wants to save them. But also see that I change. The ones I made as a kid. But have learned an expensive lesson. This is truama not love. But took a long time to understand. Becomes like an addict myself in this. To save. Be like a parent to both my parents. But had to learn the hard way. But the road became the straight road to myself. I am a co-dependent who chose either an addict or a narc. But no more. Now the focus is on me. But it's hard to change to pay attention to myself. Give me time to reprogram. Because this has been sitting since I was 7 years old. But this applies in all areas of my life. I sense the energy of other addicts or the like. So learn to go in a different direction.

    • @CandacevanDell
      @CandacevanDell  Рік тому

      I would look into the emotional imprint: it happens before age 8. This is what I teach in my inner work program. I will be releasing a video on this next week

  • @johnjohnstone9805
    @johnjohnstone9805 Рік тому +3

    Tough love A. That's what I'm learning sometimes the truth is the kindest thing we can give to others, or ourselves for that matter, but how do you know when or how much? In childhood my big brother said I was a glutton for punishment but now I'm a glutton for the truth about myself, at least as much as I currently can stand, and I'm always trying to stretch how much I can Take.

    • @CandacevanDell
      @CandacevanDell  Рік тому +1

      Loving unconditionally with proper boundaries Can mean loving from afar

  • @jordanwilson706
    @jordanwilson706 Рік тому

    Great video, my mother is a severe covert narc and I have realized about 4 years ago just how much she has effected my life. 33 years of unresolved trauma is finally now being unraveled. She did what is known as 'covert emotional incest' to me from a very young age which basically means she made me her little replacement husband to the point of seeing me in a sexualized way. And when I turned 27 I realized I have never been able to actually have a relationship with a woman at all and that something was 'off' with me. It's Ironic, I was a successful fitness model surrounded by beautiful women but the closer I would get and the more I would like them I would sabotage things so it could never develop into anything meaningful. Looking back I realized every time I ever had sex I didn't enjoy it, I felt anxious like I was having a panic attack of sorts, and now at 33 I can't even talk to women at all anymore let alone think about having sex at all. She targeted me because I was the sensitive child, I was the family scapegoat and turned out to be an Empath/INFJ as an adult so I can relate to what you said int the video as well. Just another example of how Narcissists destroy people...

  • @williamskris6335
    @williamskris6335 Рік тому +1

    Just found you today and you happen to be spot on!!! TY for your video!!! Spiral Up!!!

  • @kardoyle
    @kardoyle Рік тому +2

    Candace saved me guys !!!!! She got me to do a friggen U turn at 150 miles an hour ! So WORTH it ! Take her inner work class !! Just do it ! Save yourself ! She explains it all so well ! She has a gift ❤
    Who’s number 1 !?
    ME !!!!! 🤩‼️💕🙏🏻

    • @CandacevanDell
      @CandacevanDell  Рік тому

      ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️‍🩹

  • @butterflytotem
    @butterflytotem Рік тому +1

    Thank you Candance! You're really spot on! Sending you much love😃🙏💜

  • @jnl3564
    @jnl3564 Рік тому +1

    Yeah now that I've set boundaries with my partner and don't hyperfixate on their inner world, i realize why I always did it. My partner is PISSED OFF and SAD now. I feel guilty all the time, always second guessing myself. Always feeling like my boundaries are unreasonable and somehow withholding anything is abusive to my partner. I don't even want to withhold anything, i just want to feel safe to give. And I cannot find safety while my partner demands that i caretake them and ignore my own needs. The good news is that I'm slowly finding security within myself that is a relief from the outside worlds intolerance of my declarations of self.

  • @TwoFuzzyButts
    @TwoFuzzyButts Рік тому

    Beautiful Candace. I can't tell you how perfect this video is for me right now 😍

  • @Maask1000
    @Maask1000 Рік тому +5

    Namaste Candace for your wonderious wisdom. I'm highly sensitive and having a hard time letting my narc ex go, when i know it's unhealthy and i don't be having no energy to do anything that i love doing. May you speak on why empaths always in their left brain all the time, and why we always think the worst of everything and ppl.....

    • @CandacevanDell
      @CandacevanDell  Рік тому +3

      Left brain as a way to avoid the strong emotions.

  • @gregm3224
    @gregm3224 Рік тому

    Emotional Dark age...., I love that, it's so true.

  • @ayendizon3845
    @ayendizon3845 Рік тому

    Wow! Well explained. 😊🧡👍

  • @cledosliop4175
    @cledosliop4175 Рік тому

    …. I should have found your channel earlier. Yes, I am this so-called “healer type” who thought I would be fulfilled by taking care of an emotionally unavailable partner. Never done that now. I am trying to shift my focus and ability into my career development.

  • @viktorzrayko1724
    @viktorzrayko1724 Рік тому +1

    Thank you! So true!!!!!!

  • @GullerudGallery
    @GullerudGallery Рік тому +2

    You'll attract the right one or ones by being yourself. Don't focus on others.

  • @genetheroux2837
    @genetheroux2837 4 дні тому

    Thank you so much! You just explained my current situation to the T! I have to connect with! I just recently came to the realization of what you said on my own. I just cut so many narcissistic people out of my life and shit is hitting the fan. I’m a codependent empath and I was my mother’s therapist when I was a child. I’m blown away!

  • @Barungrof_Pathos_St._Mares
    @Barungrof_Pathos_St._Mares Рік тому

    You gotta make mistakes (A 2) to Surrelative cyan ( A 1)to play Cyanhang

  • @HomeFrendsten
    @HomeFrendsten Рік тому

    After being ruined by narctc people, the empaths should set boundaries and protct thmselvs

  • @ninas1718
    @ninas1718 Рік тому +4

    I've recently let go of parenting my ex and came to the conclusion that he needs to follow his own path and make his own mistakes. I've started a job where I can use my empathy to help others. But now I'm wondering what a relationship is like if I'm not trying to earn love like you're saying..💭 Or that I don't have to parent them to feel safe. If I'm getting that sort of charge at work. How or what am I like with a boyfriend?? Lol

    • @ninas1718
      @ninas1718 Рік тому +1

      Also I never thought about the way it goes back to me and my mom. That was really cool. Thank you for sharing.

    • @CandacevanDell
      @CandacevanDell  Рік тому +1

      You will feel FREE 😊and securely attached without worry that will may not approve

    • @CandacevanDell
      @CandacevanDell  Рік тому

      @@ninas1718very welcome! Mother & Other

  • @StarLababy12
    @StarLababy12 Рік тому

    Thank you

  • @user-jj8et2mo1j
    @user-jj8et2mo1j Рік тому +3

    Wow beautiful lady♥️

  • @kawstar78
    @kawstar78 Рік тому +1

    What if you’re fixing them just so you can have peace? Because if you don’t they make your life chaotic .. but then again it is even when you save them it try to please or control every moment in case it unravels into chaos? Do you leave them or do you work on yourself?

    • @CandacevanDell
      @CandacevanDell  Рік тому +1

      Both. No matter how much work you do on yourself, that will not change them. If you have an amazing immune system and drink poison, you will still get sick

    • @deanmoulton8994
      @deanmoulton8994 Рік тому

      @@CandacevanDell I like the way you got the chance to say "you may end up leaving them" without actually saying it. Wise, beautiful Candace, thank you.

  • @visakgopinath3135
    @visakgopinath3135 Рік тому

    Candace is there any connection between our place in the queue and self-esteem, isn't it a nice joke?

  • @TheCineCuts
    @TheCineCuts Рік тому

    you are doing great woo hoo!

  • @melissataliani925
    @melissataliani925 Рік тому +1

  • @Barungrof_Pathos_St._Mares
    @Barungrof_Pathos_St._Mares Рік тому

    I`m Fetchy Degrader... Respect Fetchy (A 1) or be degraded ( A 2)... Capitalism to me is anarcho realism (A 1/Cyan Black) and anarcho relativity stoopidity (A 2) but you can always take care of your health get married and respect degraded fetchy

  • @Kbcappetta377
    @Kbcappetta377 Рік тому

    You’re explaining codependents and not empaths. Its good to talk about but not just empaths, bc its a family role only.

    • @CandacevanDell
      @CandacevanDell  Рік тому

      No, I'm talking about unhealed empaths which could mean codependent or it could just mean you have the pattern of saving and fixing others. Once this tendency is healed, you will not forgo yourself for others.

  • @spudge2009
    @spudge2009 Рік тому +1

    Drinking game! everytime she touches. nose: 1 shot hair: 2 shots ear: 3 shots 😀

  • @pamelaschneider6570
    @pamelaschneider6570 Рік тому +1

    You are Brillant💫... Thank You ❤